The Numbness I've Known

Lyrics:
I used to bleed on canvas, colors raw and true
A reflection of the fire that burned inside my soul
But life got in the way, and I had to make a move
Traded in my passion for a life that's whole
I'm reaching for a ghost, a feeling I once knew
I'm desperate to be alive, to feel the pulse again
Trying to revive the flame, but it's flickering through
But it's hard to find my way, when the heart's in pain
Now I'm numb, just a hollow shell
Art's become a chore, the spark's gone cold
I'm searching for a way to break this spell
To feel again, to let my heart unfold
That's when I met him, a stranger with a deal
Offering emotions on loan, a temporary feel
I took the risk, and for a moment, I was free
But with each borrowed high, a memory came with me
I'm chasing the highs, but the lows are real
I'm trying to find my balance, but it's hard to stand
I'm losing myself, in the way I feel
When the emotions I borrow, take control of my hand
Now I'm lost, in the lives of others' pain
Their traumas, their fears, their loves, their shame
I'm chasing the rush, but it's a double-edged game
To feel again, but at what cost, what's the aim?
I see the world through different eyes
A patchwork quilt of strangers' lives
Their joys, their sorrows, their darkest nights
I'm a vessel, a conduit, but at what price?
I'm trying to find my way, through the noise and the pain
I'm reaching for a hand, to help me through the night
I'm searching for a light, to guide me through the shame
To find my own heart, and shine with all my light
Now I'm torn, between the numb and the pain
To feel again, but to lose myself in the game
I'm searching for a way to break this chain
To find my own heart, to love again, to be sane
I'm still searching, still trying to find
A way to balance the heart and the mind without losing myself
To feel again, what I don't feel anymore
In the empathy trade, where emotions are wealth.