I'm going to use my wife's name as an example. I call Letoya "Toya". I've called her that ever since we started dating. She does not like it when I spell her name Toya when referring to her. She feels that it teaches others call her "Toya". I don't see what wrong with others calling her Toya, but she DOES. It could be a respect thing or whatever... It does not matter. She doesn't like it and every time I do it, she mentions it. So, I stop spelling her name without the" Le"... That is a boundary of which she will not let go of. Is she controlling me? No! I literally used "Toya" several times, but to honor my wife's wishes I restrain MYSELF from doing that on a regular, hence why I think Tiffany says it's a boundary and not control. My wife can't prevent me from using "Toya" no more then I can prevent her from letting me know she does NOT like it. I can continue ignoring her boundary and she will keep reminding me of that boundary. Now, let's say I decide I don't care what she feels about it. I'm going to use "Toya" no matter how many times she tells me she doesn't like it. What other boundaries am I ignoring because I feel she is trying to "control" me with boundaries? Welp, I think that is insanely OUT of control. I can't honor my wife by adding 2 letters??? That is absurd. If my wife likes to go to the club and she ignores my wishes for her not to, she is telling me she is not in this relationship to build but to benefit, which is cool "IF" I accept it, but to go along with a person who has shown she is not going to budge on what is causing me pain is immature, insecure and unloving to "myself". I don't care if my wife goes to the club or not. However, I DO care who she is going with and why. I don't allow her to go with just anybody. (Yes! I Control that!) and she has the same authority over me. (The husband's/wifes body no longer belongs to themselves) there's plenty of reasons for this. I know my spouses blindspots and she knows mine. I may have a drinking problem or a wondering eye or naive or gullible or whatever. It doesn't always have to be for attention, but safety. Marriage in of itself is controlling. We BOTH decided to cut all other options off by vowing to each other. There's just certain things I am no longer allowed to do without consulting with my spouse and to ignore that open doors to easily avoidable problems. If someone you're interested in sees YOUR boundaries as controlling, then control YOUR feet and walk away, cuz trust and believe that person has a boundary called "You Can't CONTROL Me!" and I will respect that boundary by leaving. 😊
@27:18 Completely agree with Tif on this. I see where you are coming from, I do... however, to say the everybody NEEDS strangers validation is far fetch. I need validation from my wife and ONLY my wife. No other woman matters because that woman's values may not mesh with mine, my body type, height, too muscular, not muscular enough... etc can all be disqualification. I had a woman tell me that I'm too cute. I didn't even know that was a thing until I heard it. On the flip side, it does stroke egos to receive a compliment or two, but to NEED validation? Gotta disagree with that.
This is by far the best comment/ advice we have ever gotten across all social media platforms thank you so much for taking the time to articulate your thoughts and opinion on our video. After I re-watching the video we posted multiple times I have came to the conclusion and 💯 percent agree with my wife there is a difference between boundary and control. Her thoughts views and opinions wasn’t understood by me at the time but now I truly understand what she was saying again thank you so much for the comment. Much love peace
I agree with Lamont... people can go to the club for many reasons, it can be a celebration, someone who loves to dance, seeking attention etc.. Limiting to people only seek attention isn't necessarily everyone's circumstance. When it pertains to the topic of control. If someone knew their partner loves going to the club, and they don't. It will causes problems if the partner who decides not to go tells their partner not to go. They should make the decision to leave based on different stages of life. But if the partner doesn't want to breakup they would have to work through some of their insecurities. The control comes into play when the person decides they would rather keep their partner home with them instead of going out. This will cause resentment along with the partner becoming dishonest. Great topic and podcast!!!
I'm going to use my wife's name as an example.
I call Letoya "Toya". I've called her that ever since we started dating. She does not like it when I spell her name Toya when referring to her. She feels that it teaches others call her "Toya".
I don't see what wrong with others calling her Toya, but she DOES. It could be a respect thing or whatever... It does not matter. She doesn't like it and every time I do it, she mentions it. So, I stop spelling her name without the" Le"... That is a boundary of which she will not let go of.
Is she controlling me? No! I literally used "Toya" several times, but to honor my wife's wishes I restrain MYSELF from doing that on a regular, hence why I think Tiffany says it's a boundary and not control.
My wife can't prevent me from using "Toya" no more then I can prevent her from letting me know she does NOT like it. I can continue ignoring her boundary and she will keep reminding me of that boundary.
Now, let's say I decide I don't care what she feels about it. I'm going to use "Toya" no matter how many times she tells me she doesn't like it. What other boundaries am I ignoring because I feel she is trying to "control" me with boundaries? Welp, I think that is insanely OUT of control. I can't honor my wife by adding 2 letters??? That is absurd.
If my wife likes to go to the club and she ignores my wishes for her not to, she is telling me she is not in this relationship to build but to benefit, which is cool "IF" I accept it, but to go along with a person who has shown she is not going to budge on what is causing me pain is immature, insecure and unloving to "myself".
I don't care if my wife goes to the club or not. However, I DO care who she is going with and why. I don't allow her to go with just anybody. (Yes! I Control that!) and she has the same authority over me. (The husband's/wifes body no longer belongs to themselves) there's plenty of reasons for this.
I know my spouses blindspots and she knows mine. I may have a drinking problem or a wondering eye or naive or gullible or whatever. It doesn't always have to be for attention, but safety.
Marriage in of itself is controlling. We BOTH decided to cut all other options off by vowing to each other. There's just certain things I am no longer allowed to do without consulting with my spouse and to ignore that open doors to easily avoidable problems.
If someone you're interested in sees YOUR boundaries as controlling, then control YOUR feet and walk away, cuz trust and believe that person has a boundary called "You Can't CONTROL Me!" and I will respect that boundary by leaving. 😊
@27:18 Completely agree with Tif on this. I see where you are coming from, I do... however, to say the everybody NEEDS strangers validation is far fetch.
I need validation from my wife and ONLY my wife. No other woman matters because that woman's values may not mesh with mine, my body type, height, too muscular, not muscular enough... etc can all be disqualification. I had a woman tell me that I'm too cute. I didn't even know that was a thing until I heard it.
On the flip side, it does stroke egos to receive a compliment or two, but to NEED validation? Gotta disagree with that.
Great topic 🗣️
This is by far the best comment/ advice we have ever gotten across all social media platforms thank you so much for taking the time to articulate your thoughts and opinion on our video. After I re-watching the video we posted multiple times I have came to the conclusion and 💯 percent agree with my wife there is a difference between boundary and control. Her thoughts views and opinions wasn’t understood by me at the time but now I truly understand what she was saying again thank you so much for the comment. Much love peace
🤭🤭🤭
I agree with Lamont... people can go to the club for many reasons, it can be a celebration, someone who loves to dance, seeking attention etc.. Limiting to people only seek attention isn't necessarily everyone's circumstance.
When it pertains to the topic of control. If someone knew their partner loves going to the club, and they don't. It will causes problems if the partner who decides not to go tells their partner not to go. They should make the decision to leave based on different stages of life. But if the partner doesn't want to breakup they would have to work through some of their insecurities.
The control comes into play when the person decides they would rather keep their partner home with them instead of going out. This will cause resentment along with the partner becoming dishonest.
Great topic and podcast!!!
Thanks for the comment and I understand your position in this debate thanks again
I agree with Tiffany
I feel like her view on this topic is a lil biased she seems very male centered