Look at the bright side everyone here, if they have done this and you have parted ways, take it as a blessing. 1. Know for a fact the next person they lay their relationship ideals on will not be you, they will end up very lonely in the end . 2. You now know the red flags to look out for . 3. You will eventually have peace of mind and freedom. 4. If you have moved on to a better relationship, good. If you are by yourself think of the adventures that lie ahead in life no matter how late. Please use your time preciously rather than dwelling on the past. Time is like running water , it never returns, use your time wisely rather than wasting it on them. P.s. just came out of this type of relationship
Thanks for the thoughts. I just left a relationship with a borderline wife after 22 years and i am really struggling to move on. She gave me a feeling of insufficiency making me think that i wasn't enough. We eventually divorced and i am living with my two kids now. It's really painful and i hope i can move on
@@mahdigoodarzi2754hey bro, I know it’s hard. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your story really resonates with me. I just got blindsided by my NPD gf of almost 5 years. Thought we’d be married and lived together for a year and a half. Had 3 cats together. Once she left, I found out she’d cheated on me with the pizza guy next to her work. Insanely painful. I did everything for this girl. I supported her financially for 5 years. I sacrificed and made tons of compromises. I tried to meet her needs, I just wanted to show her how much she was loved. She started to be hot and cold, started accusing me of cheating. Constant criticism with some very passionate and amazing moments sprinkled in. When she left and took the cats 3 weeks ago, it felt like my world shattered. When I found out she slept with the pizza guy, my brain felt like it was bleeding. The worst part is that I still love her so deeply. I bonded with her more than I’ve bonded with anyone in my entire life. The fact that she could just throw that away is still inconceivable to me. Everyday is like a haze. I go around looking for her in everything. There’s still strands of her hair here at our apartment.. which I’m left completely alone at. They really have a way of separating you from everyone you were once so close to. It’s so torturous. But just know you’re not alone. I see this is recent for you, same here. Stay strong man, thank God for your kids. Don’t give up. What’s been my only solace is research. Trying to understand how this could have happened. I trusted her more than anyone, I loved her so deeply, I believed she felt the same. It’s a cruel, cruel thing. The only way out is understanding.
@@mahdigoodarzi2754its very long time, most probably you are contaminated of her brain. Wacth A.J. Mahari videos as well. I am also trying to move on. It hurts a lot. We need to clear our minds from them..
That last comment is so absolutely true! They treat us so bad (maybe due to ego, maybe self-sabotage), then when we pull away because we have no desire for intimacy while enduring their abuse, they go and cheat to have their “needs fulfilled”. Then they blame us for being a bad partner and that’s why they cheated… absolutely horrible behavior. And so extremely difficult to grapple with and recover from…
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Very good video. It's also worth saying that at the point where they cheat and are found out, instead of accepting responsibility and at least making an attempt to repair the damage, they tend to completely disassociate from the partner. This is where a complete ghosting of the partner can occur. It's a shame based reaction - they know what they've done, and is like a child trying to make something "go away" by just closing it's eyes - in other words "if I shut my eyes, I can't see it and it's not happening". That's the way my marriage ended three years ago, and I have quite literally NEVER seen my ex-wife again. You also tend to find that it's habitual. I found out after the event that she had done it before to other partners. Your only responsibility is to yourself in a situation like this.
@@Leo-yv6hl Honesty would have been a good start. If she didn't want to be married to me, then honour us both and try to be an adult about it. Instead, I was literally thrown out on to the street amid a slew of allegations to the police which were all proved to be false, but nevertheless served to give her an immediate cloak of victimhood to hide behind. She had moved the man she had been cheating on me with into what had been my home, and into my bed, within 3 weeks of my removal. I went absolute no contact immediately for my own safety and protection, as I consider her an existential threat to the wellbeing of both myself and my family. She continues to repeat the same claims and to persecute me in a disrespectful, vindictive and spiteful way to this day, FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AFTER WE SEPARATED - horrible emails and social media comments from fake accounts, and smear emails to other people denigrating my character. I may not be perfect, but I have never reacted or responded. Trash often takes itself out...
My disgusting ex probably cheated on my countless times. All I did was show her love. She traumatised, humiliated and betrayed me in ways that were sickening. And she indeed started a relationship with someone whilst we were still together. She was a vile demon.
Idgaf their reasons. They’re still POS’s. Glad we no longer are together. I also find out recently, it was with more than one. She also got married with someone else the same year we got engaged. What a fkn waste of time, love, and emotional energy that was. So much pain I had to endure. If you are in a relationship with one or suspect are in one, LEAVE!
@sirrantsalott I got counseling to deal with it. Before getting in another relationship I surrounded myself with friends who’d keep it real for me in case I was nutty infatuated and missed the signs. It came in handy.
Yup. Those temporary splits are when they start cheating. We werent talking for 2 days whilst still together, when we started back talking she tried to gaslight me and swore up and down we had broken up. These are evil people.
My girlfriend kept telling me that she was checking up on her ex on social media and I told her to either stop telling me or just stop doing it because it feels like betrayal. In response she said i was just insecure and pathetic and she ghosted me. This is classic gaslighting tactics right? Is this a giant red flag that she's already cheating?
Yes, if your partner has exes, or flings, hanging around on their social media; if they're still getting text messages and DMs from these types, it's NOT OK. I explained this to my partner and she literally told me that she's not going to stop talking to or seeing her "friends".... Fast-forward....... to getting into a fight and "breaking up" or whatever. She's talking to, hanging out with, or having a guy over her place. She tell me, "I only talk to these guys or see them when we aren't together" "I never cheat, we aren't together." Yea, by a day or two, maybe a week.... I dealt with this BS for over 5 years. It was up and down, hard. Stressed and traumatized me severely. When I met her my beard was dark brown. It's now white. She and her kids sucked the life out of me.
I’this is false 99 percent of borderlines do in fact cheat all the time , they flirt which is cheating , they talk to the opposite sex strangers take their phone numbers and never tell you , they mentally cheat , and they physically cheat , all these are cheating …..don’t sugar coat borderline it is well documented say they will cheat eventually and they are pathological liars, because they do not live in reality..when one does not love in reality he or she is capable of doing any unspeakable act ,…
This is EXACTLY what happened to me and it hurt me so much. I had a hole in my soul for a very long time. I loved this person too. 💔 The worst part about it all was it felt planned and intentional. Even the lack of accountability and reasoning given behind the behavior was very halfhearted. Whoever I was with was extremely cruel. It was in their cards to sabotage the entire f*cking thing…
Addicted to dating apps? Wow she sounds like a horrific girlfriend. I’m sure she did things you enjoyed because that’s why you would be with her obviously, but being addicted to dating apps is something an awful girlfriend would do. Consider yourself blessed to no longer be with that because it allows you to at least have dignity knowing you didn’t just let her walk all over you and completely invalidate who you are as a man.
@@noneya703i would have left in the beginning, but the intense non stop stress ruined both my mental and physical health. I was going downhill fast. When she left i began to recover. The word toxic in toxic relationship is really a toxic episode.
@@ZoeMcGuinness-dg2zhI found this out about my ex and she flipped it on me. Blame shifting to the max! She’s pregnant as well which has screwed me up inside even more.
My bpd ex pulled this. Completely blindsided me. Accused me of cheating then disappeared no closure or anything. Ran off with the guy only to come back months later aplogizing..She continued to apologize for a year straight and still tries to contact me asking to talk. i hope the karma continues to eat at her. This is an outright evil thing to do and there are no excuses for it.
thank you for explaining this aspect of why the insecure partner cheats, it ensures them some sense of protection against being cheated on, by cheating first, this is something i never knew of before watching your video, what amazes me is the cheater is the first one accuse their partner of cheating, usually obsessively without any proof or indications, furthermore, long after breakup, in the event you are still communicating with them, they tend to only focus on that make believe infidelity they accused you of while in the relationship with you and display abnormal fits of jealousy that you have moved on and seeing someone new, regardless if it's true or not. it's as if they still see you as their property.
Not necessarily. I accused him of cheating because he was cheating. I’ve never cheated on a partner and never would. I obsessively tried to catch him because I could tell he was lying. I even made a fake Tinder profile to search for him. Found him and he matched with me while he was supposedly at work. It was messed up, and that was only the tip of the iceberg. Every suspicion I had was true. So no, being the first one to make an accusation does not mean guilt at all. It could simply mean someone has enough information and intuition to make an educated guess.
My question is, why did she cheat on me with her cheating ex that she knows that doesn't value her? I just proposed and had an engagement party with our families, then less than a month later she was lying and cheating.
@psychinsights Thank you. I have learned a lot lately due to this abhorrent situation. I care deeply for her wellbeing, but can't be the one to help her. It sucks, because she's not a well person.
@Artistguy86 Definitely look up self trashing. People with unhealed BPD or NPD expect to be tricked/abused, etc. because they’re disregulated. The more you attempt to show unconditional love, the more severely (in your case she) she will suspect you’re setting her up. You may have been cheated so bad nobody believes she’d do it unprovoked and people may suspect you of hiding what you did to provoke her. You may think she’s the only one who knows the truth. You may miss the connection you think you had, but let me assure you, sadly, it’s an illusion. You’re neither the first nor the last to fall for her like that. Until she gets healing she’s a bull in a china shop and the best way to love her is with prayer and from a distance. If you have mutual female friends, maybe reach out to one about BPD. If it’s BOD and not NPD there’s a chance she can be self aware and get counseling but you’ve got to accept that even in the off chance she does have a breakthrough, and the real her comes out, it will be different from the person you fell in love with. If she’s NPD, it’s almost 99.99% chance she’s lost and will self-trash either by dating guys who will cheat on her/dump her, or gentlemen on whom she’ll cheat/dump. She may even cheat on you openly and repeatedly until he dumps her because the catharsis of being dumped is more satisfying than the comfort of being loved. Again, as a disregulated person, being loved is uncomfortable for her. Especially if you want future children, consider their needs and find a woman who’ll be a good mother for them and cherish her. Let this one go, for your future children’s sake.
I met this girl that had borderline, I was led on but after doing more research I had to accept and take it as a blessing in disguise. She lied about being a virgin (which doesn’t matter to me) but I found out she had an ex of 3 years that she cheated on. She doesn’t work, does drugs, drinks, talks constantly about self harm. Even as friends it was stressful.
damn, glad i'm not alone in this situation. I was seeing this girl for about two months, she seemed pretty insecure but I didn't want to make any assumptions. she would always accuse me of cheating or seeing someone else every time I left the house for work, or to go visit friends. I began becoming suspicious after that, because I had a bad feeling that she was projecting what she was doing onto me. One day, she wanted to look through my phone, so I said "that's fine, let me look through yours." she was sexting and sending nudes to like 6 different guys on snapchat, and because I wasn't guilty of anything, she didn't find what she wanted. when questioned why she would choose to cheat, she mentioned that "they're not real people" and "I was disassociating so it wasn't actually me", along with "all guys are sneaky so you probably just deleted everything". glad everything is over now.
This video explains EXACTLY what I've been dealing with for 9 years. Few things make a person feel smaller than everyone in town hearing HER side of the story and then having to deal with the clean-up with the truth of her 8+ affairs after she uprooted her daughter from all she's ever known to a place across the country to start over fresh in a place that doesn't know who she is or what she's capable of.
After almost 6 months of actually the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, my BPD boyfriend cheated on me. When he was waiting for me, being my best friend while I was with another disrespectful guy, he didn't sleep with anybody. We had ups and downs he never treated me badly and if he did even a little bit we would talk it through. And all of a sudden this happens. He told me yesterday that it happened a week ago and that he wanted to keep silent but he can't. I love him and I know that he loves me in his problematic way but I also know I deserve better. I was there for him through everything and he was there for me also. This is very hard but I guess I am to blame too.
Thank u you much. I’ve seen so much information that matches what I went thru since she cheated and discarded me but your last point was exactly what I experienced which I think has caused the most pain and psychological damage. Our sex was out of this world until her rage fits left me confused and unable to perform. even though she would seemingly forget and transform back into a doll, I was left confused and ultimately emasculated. In my current loneliness there is a lot of sexual confusion but I feel validated knowing I didn’t do anything wrong. She complains now I left her hanging sexually the same way you described it, but it was her violence that sabotaged everything. I would’ve had to been a real psycho to perform with the way she treated me . I miss the beginning so much, it was playful, adventurous, dream like. Alas
When I found out my ex fiance was using dating apps and hooking up with random men, I tried to leave and she begged me to stayed. I decided to forgive and work on our relationship. We talked to her dad (he’s a pastor) and he told me it was my fault because I wasn’t “leading right”.. of course I believed him even though this was her second engagement where she cheated. I ended up going to my pastor for godly counsel and he opened my eyes to there was a deeper problem going on and this was NOT your fault. He reassured me to not let her or her dad manipulate me. Now as I look back, I see how messed up that is. They were a true, down to the bone, put on an act in public, true definition of a narcissistic family dynamic. I lost so much money from wedding planning, but I could care less cause I’d rather lose that than my dream of raising my children in a good God fearing, Christian home.
Yikes, there is no excuse for cheating, it must have been tough to deal with that rotten ideology of her father. May you have happier and more peaceful times.
Im a pastors son, if I had done this, my father would have called it out so fast. There’s no excuse for cheating. It is the most self centered, heartless act. The damage it causes the betrayed one is insurmountable. Im so sorry you’ve gone through this. I was blindsided by my BPD ex gf 3 weeks ago. Completely shattered my heart. Still trying to understand how or why she would have sex with another man when we were so incredibly bonded. I really felt we were soul mates. But really, mostly everything was a lie that she constructed to get whatever she wanted. Very hard pill to swallow. Maybe I’ll never recover, but I’m trying.
Today my now as of today ex girlfriend needed “space” (after she hurt me for the millionth time drinking, something I tried to stop her doing) so I left for the night to go back to my mum’s house from what was our house. Anyways, I end up realising she’s topped replying to me and I begging to worry and have a bad feeling, so I go to the house and ring the doorbell only for all the doors to be locked and to hear her quickly open the back door so that she can sneak someone out. I go out in the garden and lo and behold what a surprise I’ve been cheated on. She then deliberately tries to take lots of paracetamol in order to take the attention of what she’s done. My mum and I rushed her to A&E and she threw up on me in the car. No thank you, no closure, no nothing. Now it’s all over. What a stressful day.
My ex same thing with the drinking, she cheated on me as well, while drunk and in psychosis, had the audacity to tell me "we were broken up" no we weren't, she just disappeared and went on a drink binge and done these things. It's not right how they justify their actions, it's always an excuse of some kind. Ironically she got upset with me for allowing a drunk woman to sleep on my spare bed while looking after my friends kids when they had a 21st party. This was the same night she chose to have unprotected sex with a neighbor and yet is upset with me for helping out a young lady from getting into trouble. To top it off her mother scolded me for being upset about her daughter being a cheat.
@@DiabolikalRA I’m sorry to hear that bro, but it’s nice to know someone else has been through it and understands. Since I wrote this comment I have almost completely gotten over it the best I can, have enjoyed company of other women etc. etc. but I think the scars will always be there. I’m 23 in October and this is definitely a wake up call to ease off until I find someone who’s right for me, because someone who’s a BPD narcissist will never be right for anyone, not even themselves. I hope you’re doing well
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Please reply 🙏🏻🙏🏻 What all you did in therapy... I followed what you said for a week ..its better... but what actually was asked and what is going on in there... Please tell that also sir. Because just sometimes my mind just pictures that act of cheating and BOOM
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. Found out she was cheating on me with an ex of hers after talking to him for less than a week. I was devastated but it helps me with the fact that she has
@@psychinsightsa mental illness. I'm still completely done with her but knowing this I realized that she will never be faithful. Why try? Now I understand that she has this and I don't want to be in a relationship with her or anyone else with these types of "issues"
Positively brilliant. Josh. Spot on. This is such critical information for anyone trying you understand and help a beautiful soul challenged by BPD. Shalom.
Currently going through all of this shit. She cheated but she's down right angry at me and i feel she is punishing me. Even using my past mistakes to justify her cheating( I never cheated). She put a whole wall up after telling me she wanted to try to work it out.. it's confusing
Is this similar to the narcissist or insecure person creating the impression of cheating? Especially with friends of the partner? How can one tell if they are just acting to hurt their partner vs actually cheating while just not caring if they know? Is this common? I’ve met so many others who either identified this pattern before leaving or have identified it once the point was raised, that it feels like this may be a common behavior. But I still don’t understand why!
Yes good points you raise, it is the same thing, impression of cheating and actually cheating is for the same reasons mentioned in this video & it causes havoc in relationships. - Josh
The difficulty i had during my partners recovery from bpd was that this symptom doesnt resolve until the reconnection is established, at the apex of the recovery process which involves the shift to a secure attachment style.
Hi.. My girlfriend told me last night she has been diagnosed with BPD. I had been in a previous relationship with someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder so when I saw the same pattern of staring at other men provocatively while i am out with her I called her out on in and she of course flat out denied it and started gaslighting me,,. Anyway as i mentioned she has now revealed that she has been in therapy for 10yrs for BPD - Can you tell me if they ever resolve this issue as im sure she is cheating and ive already broke up with her twice but she is still lingering,... Being honest with me has given me some hope that she might be ok one day !
@@tomkerriskdunne4077 there's no fixed pattern - I discussed with my partners therapist about why treatment had failed, and presented my own theory on how to find a way around to his, which happened to work. I came up with an effective home treatment for her neurological disorder, and after this, therapy became effective. It all depends on what is stopping the treatment, in her case CBT/ DBT, from working. By the way, I seldom got anywhere by confronting my partner, or presenting her with details about her symptoms. Those types of symptoms persist right until the final phase of the therapy. Best of luck in your relationship. The fact that she is being open shows that some part of the treatment has been effective at any rate.
@@tomkerriskdunne4077the problem is sometimes they make you think they're being honest but really they're just telling you what you want to hear. Can't say that's your case but it was definitely my case. She was genuine and truthful till I found out it was all lies
@@tomkerriskdunne4077I only have experience with untreated BPD which is impossible to have a healthy relationship with. For someone who is treated it may be possible according to the literature. But I would keep in mind, I don't think you can completely mitigate the condition, the fact that she is going to therapy doesn't necessarily mean that it is working or she is doing the appropriate therapy. Also your woman looking at other men is something that can happen even without BPD.
I dealt with number 3 king. The teauma and disresoect and her ex caused me ti not be intimate. Then she cheated with ab older man from a 12 step alcohol recovery program i put her in. All i wanted to do was get hwr sober, and in the end she stuck it in my heart , then blamed me. I tried to tell her a few weeks ago that i was traumatised from her drinking days, thats when she snapped and pre emptively cheated 2 werks later. She invited this man out for a walk and then he invited her over. She soent 18 hours at his house. She blocked me and aaid she had her brothers birthday dinner . We were meant to see a movie. She had covid and i didnt see her for a week. Crazy
@@Ojj2002 thanks bro I've gone no contact since she cheated blocked her on everything it's been 8nweeks it's hard to never talk to her again but it's over
@@Ojj2002 thanks brother. 😊 I wish you a good life brother. Yeah it was self disrespect and setting boundaries that she constantly broke. When a chick doesn't respect and honour it is a turn off and caused chaos.
When I first dated this girl with bpd she told me she had bpd didn’t think anything of it looked into a lil first year of being with her then she started acting funny with me I started accusing her of cheating because I felt she was acting really unusual but she never owned up to it do people with bpd usually deny they cheat just to cover it up?
@@robg2789when I confronted her cheating, she blamed me and said she didn’t even care about my feelings. She still lied about the actual physical cheating. She downplayed it as just a kiss. I found out from the guy she cheated with that they had sex. So yes, in my case, she denied it and had a very elaborate story on what really (lie) happened according to her.
I'm recently suffering through this and going through the comment section I can see I'm not the only one... Can you guide me some tips I can overcome this?....
I’m the one she cheated on. For 5 years I did everything for her. I always had hope that she’d look at me with those loving eyes and tell me how much she loved me and how amazing I was like the early days. It never happened. The longer we were together, the more demands she had. The more she nagged me for not being what she deserved. Eventually I found out she was love bombing 5 new guys, strangers. Within the first few sentences of contact she was already telling them things she once told me. Absolutely insane dude. I’m over here supporting her and being her best friend in every way. She’s getting cheap validation from complete strangers. She eventually had a wild 18 hour night with the pizza guy next to her work. Got super drunk, had sex with him and crashed her car. I never found out about it until 7 months later (3 weeks ago now) when she blindsided me and packed up all her stuff and took our cats with no real explanation.
My wife got removed from our apartment mere hours ago after i confronted her sneaking condoms away and buying condoms secretly to hide those in her purse. The reciet was her mistake . She attacked me with our son in her arms, hit and kicked me, scratched and pulled when i took her phone. Totally flipped. I fled to the bedroom and during the struggle where she continued to beat me her phone broke and she dropped our son. I picked him up, yelled at her and she flipped even more and continued her abuse until i dialed emergency services on my phone. Only then she stopped and stumbled back realizing what she did, breaking down
I went through a similar situation a couple of weeks ago. I had to call the police, and she took my passport away since I was traveling the very next day. I ended up in an ambulance that took me to the hospital to get two stitches in my head caused by the injuries she made to me with her mobile.
I have BPD me and him were both sexually very active tried to have a threesome and communication wasn't there on my part and come to find out after we did the deed him Included my partner didn't want to a threesome with that specific person and I failed to ask him before hand along with failing to takedown my adult content account on Twitter after he did for his. He says it was a miscommunication but to me it's cheating and it's disgusting. I've become celibate and take anti depressants to kill all arousal which I think is the best course of action if you have urges to cheat or have cheated. Our relationship has been amazing since even though we are celibate.
My wife and I currently have 2 kids, she is pregnant with our 3rd, she has cheated two times in the past and now just cheated again majorly. She went on the seeking website to find a sugar daddy and started an affair with multiple individuals on this scum of the earth site, she said things that validate it was more than just for money and I could tell that it was for pleasure and it was making her feel good, all of this going on while im over here starting my business which is making incredible growth, giving her confidence daily by telling her how much i love her and how amazing she looks and doing everything i can to insure are future is bright yet i get shitted on completley i just dont understand it and on top of it she wont just say shes sorry and tell me she loves me more than anything like how i tel her she jsut continues with yelling at me fighting back when i say how hurt i am about these fucking things man i fucking hate this and the fact we have 2 children with another one coming just ads to the fucking pain
Your business is growing? So like, it's not supporting your family yet but you figure it will soon? Have you always been the breadwinner between you? Has she ever had to do it? Especially when she has little babies or is pregnant?
I’m so sorry bro, sounds like the same heartless hand I was dealt. We didn’t have kids together but still I cannot fathom why she would seek intimacy outside our relationship. We had an amazing sex life and I always reassured her. The same I’m sure you did for your girl.
My borderline gf had a hidden Snapchat account. Constantly, sent nudes to guys and girls for validation. Had sex with at least 10 different people during our relationship. She was very open about the cheating. But denied when confronted or stayed anti social while blaming me. I’m just happy to get away before the STI’s. I’m just glad; I didn’t get her pregnant. Lesson learned. 😅
It was a huge shock when I learned my BPD gf was talking to 5 other guys. Acting like they were all about to start a relationship. I found out myself she had sex with at least one guy, maybe more. But never got to confront her because she blindsided me and left our home with a few of her things and our cats. That was 3 weeks ago. What do you mean that she was open about the cheating? Yet you say she denied it? Mine had a whole story fabricated when I asked her about the other guys she was “leading on” (I was still in denial). She blamed me for everything and didn’t take any accountability. No apologizing whatsoever. She even told me “even if I did cheat, I don’t care about your feelings anyway”
Look at the bright side everyone here, if they have done this and you have parted ways, take it as a blessing.
1. Know for a fact the next person they lay their relationship ideals on will not be you, they will end up very lonely in the end .
2. You now know the red flags to look out for .
3. You will eventually have peace of mind and freedom.
4. If you have moved on to a better relationship, good. If you are by yourself think of the adventures that lie ahead in life no matter how late.
Please use your time preciously rather than dwelling on the past.
Time is like running water , it never returns, use your time wisely rather than wasting it on them.
P.s. just came out of this type of relationship
Great points!
Wise advice, many thanks!
Thanks for the thoughts. I just left a relationship with a borderline wife after 22 years and i am really struggling to move on. She gave me a feeling of insufficiency making me think that i wasn't enough. We eventually divorced and i am living with my two kids now. It's really painful and i hope i can move on
@@mahdigoodarzi2754hey bro, I know it’s hard. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your story really resonates with me. I just got blindsided by my NPD gf of almost 5 years. Thought we’d be married and lived together for a year and a half. Had 3 cats together. Once she left, I found out she’d cheated on me with the pizza guy next to her work. Insanely painful. I did everything for this girl. I supported her financially for 5 years. I sacrificed and made tons of compromises. I tried to meet her needs, I just wanted to show her how much she was loved. She started to be hot and cold, started accusing me of cheating. Constant criticism with some very passionate and amazing moments sprinkled in. When she left and took the cats 3 weeks ago, it felt like my world shattered. When I found out she slept with the pizza guy, my brain felt like it was bleeding. The worst part is that I still love her so deeply. I bonded with her more than I’ve bonded with anyone in my entire life. The fact that she could just throw that away is still inconceivable to me. Everyday is like a haze. I go around looking for her in everything. There’s still strands of her hair here at our apartment.. which I’m left completely alone at. They really have a way of separating you from everyone you were once so close to. It’s so torturous. But just know you’re not alone. I see this is recent for you, same here. Stay strong man, thank God for your kids. Don’t give up. What’s been my only solace is research. Trying to understand how this could have happened. I trusted her more than anyone, I loved her so deeply, I believed she felt the same. It’s a cruel, cruel thing. The only way out is understanding.
@@mahdigoodarzi2754its very long time, most probably you are contaminated of her brain. Wacth A.J. Mahari videos as well. I am also trying to move on. It hurts a lot. We need to clear our minds from them..
That last comment is so absolutely true! They treat us so bad (maybe due to ego, maybe self-sabotage), then when we pull away because we have no desire for intimacy while enduring their abuse, they go and cheat to have their “needs fulfilled”. Then they blame us for being a bad partner and that’s why they cheated… absolutely horrible behavior. And so extremely difficult to grapple with and recover from…
THIS! THIS. 100%
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Proud of you! Stay strong!
Yeah, all most partners of narcissists need is the truth to (hurt) then strengthen them to do better! 😅
Very good video. It's also worth saying that at the point where they cheat and are found out, instead of accepting responsibility and at least making an attempt to repair the damage, they tend to completely disassociate from the partner.
This is where a complete ghosting of the partner can occur.
It's a shame based reaction - they know what they've done, and is like a child trying to make something "go away" by just closing it's eyes - in other words "if I shut my eyes, I can't see it and it's not happening". That's the way my marriage ended three years ago, and I have quite literally NEVER seen my ex-wife again. You also tend to find that it's habitual. I found out after the event that she had done it before to other partners.
Your only responsibility is to yourself in a situation like this.
Right on Stuart! Great points you make! Thank you.
theres a lot of projection. Later on, I started to feel like a pair of favorite shoes they trashed then decided they didnt like them anymore.
What actions would you prefer you ex partner had done?
@@Leo-yv6hl Honesty would have been a good start. If she didn't want to be married to me, then honour us both and try to be an adult about it. Instead, I was literally thrown out on to the street amid a slew of allegations to the police which were all proved to be false, but nevertheless served to give her an immediate cloak of victimhood to hide behind. She had moved the man she had been cheating on me with into what had been my home, and into my bed, within 3 weeks of my removal.
I went absolute no contact immediately for my own safety and protection, as I consider her an existential threat to the wellbeing of both myself and my family. She continues to repeat the same claims and to persecute me in a disrespectful, vindictive and spiteful way to this day, FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AFTER WE SEPARATED - horrible emails and social media comments from fake accounts, and smear emails to other people denigrating my character. I may not be perfect, but I have never reacted or responded.
Trash often takes itself out...
My disgusting ex probably cheated on my countless times. All I did was show her love.
She traumatised, humiliated and betrayed me in ways that were sickening. And she indeed started a relationship with someone whilst we were still together.
She was a vile demon.
Idgaf their reasons. They’re still POS’s. Glad we no longer are together. I also find out recently, it was with more than one. She also got married with someone else the same year we got engaged. What a fkn waste of time, love, and emotional energy that was. So much pain I had to endure. If you are in a relationship with one or suspect are in one, LEAVE!
@sirrantsalott
I got counseling to deal with it. Before getting in another relationship I surrounded myself with friends who’d keep it real for me in case I was nutty infatuated and missed the signs.
It came in handy.
My ex with BPD messaged her ex of 5 years 2 hours after we temporarily split up telling him I had controlled her and she wanted to see him. Dangerous.
Yikes!! Red flags right there. 🚩 sorry that you went through that. - Josh
Yup. Those temporary splits are when they start cheating. We werent talking for 2 days whilst still together, when we started back talking she tried to gaslight me and swore up and down we had broken up. These are evil people.
Exact same thing happened to me 🤯
My girlfriend kept telling me that she was checking up on her ex on social media and I told her to either stop telling me or just stop doing it because it feels like betrayal. In response she said i was just insecure and pathetic and she ghosted me. This is classic gaslighting tactics right? Is this a giant red flag that she's already cheating?
Yes and Yes.
Mine did the same. I asked him to.stop communicating with her because I felt betrayed. He lied and never broke contact. They lie about everything.
Yes, if your partner has exes, or flings, hanging around on their social media; if they're still getting text messages and DMs from these types, it's NOT OK.
I explained this to my partner and she literally told me that she's not going to stop talking to or seeing her "friends"....
Fast-forward....... to getting into a fight and "breaking up" or whatever. She's talking to, hanging out with, or having a guy over her place.
She tell me, "I only talk to these guys or see them when we aren't together"
"I never cheat, we aren't together."
Yea, by a day or two, maybe a week....
I dealt with this BS for over 5 years. It was up and down, hard. Stressed and traumatized me severely. When I met her my beard was dark brown. It's now white.
She and her kids sucked the life out of me.
I’this is false 99 percent of borderlines do in fact cheat all the time , they flirt which is cheating , they talk to the opposite sex strangers take their phone numbers and never tell you , they mentally cheat , and they physically cheat , all these are cheating …..don’t sugar coat borderline it is well documented say they will cheat eventually and they are pathological liars, because they do not live in reality..when one does not love in reality he or she is capable of doing any unspeakable act ,…
Obviously.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me and it hurt me so much. I had a hole in my soul for a very long time. I loved this person too. 💔 The worst part about it all was it felt planned and intentional. Even the lack of accountability and reasoning given behind the behavior was very halfhearted. Whoever I was with was extremely cruel. It was in their cards to sabotage the entire f*cking thing…
Totally heart breaking!
My bpd ex was addicted to dating apps. Ruined the entire relationship.
It destroyed my trust in her. I was left co fused and emotionally damaged.
Addicted to dating apps? Wow she sounds like a horrific girlfriend. I’m sure she did things you enjoyed because that’s why you would be with her obviously, but being addicted to dating apps is something an awful girlfriend would do. Consider yourself blessed to no longer be with that because it allows you to at least have dignity knowing you didn’t just let her walk all over you and completely invalidate who you are as a man.
Same here, just found out my bpd ex boyfriend was on dating apps the whole last year of our relationship 😔
@@noneya703i would have left in the beginning, but the intense non stop stress ruined both my mental and physical health.
I was going downhill fast. When she left i began to recover.
The word toxic in toxic relationship is really a toxic episode.
@@ZoeMcGuinness-dg2zhI found this out about my ex and she flipped it on me. Blame shifting to the max! She’s pregnant as well which has screwed me up inside even more.
My bpd ex pulled this. Completely blindsided me. Accused me of cheating then disappeared no closure or anything. Ran off with the guy only to come back months later aplogizing..She continued to apologize for a year straight and still tries to contact me asking to talk. i hope the karma continues to eat at her. This is an outright evil thing to do and there are no excuses for it.
Right on! There is absolutely no excuse for cheating.
They do it at work.
Yup. That is my ex. He hops coworker to coworker 🤢
The preemptive cheating turned into a love affair, and unfortunately the BS got discarded 😑
thank you for explaining this aspect of why the insecure partner cheats, it ensures them some sense of protection against being cheated on, by cheating first, this is something i never knew of before watching your video, what amazes me is the cheater is the first one accuse their partner of cheating, usually obsessively without any proof or indications, furthermore, long after breakup, in the event you are still communicating with them, they tend to only focus on that make believe infidelity they accused you of while in the relationship with you and display abnormal fits of jealousy that you have moved on and seeing someone new, regardless if it's true or not. it's as if they still see you as their property.
Yes right on!
Not necessarily. I accused him of cheating because he was cheating. I’ve never cheated on a partner and never would. I obsessively tried to catch him because I could tell he was lying. I even made a fake Tinder profile to search for him. Found him and he matched with me while he was supposedly at work. It was messed up, and that was only the tip of the iceberg. Every suspicion I had was true. So no, being the first one to make an accusation does not mean guilt at all. It could simply mean someone has enough information and intuition to make an educated guess.
My question is, why did she cheat on me with her cheating ex that she knows that doesn't value her? I just proposed and had an engagement party with our families, then less than a month later she was lying and cheating.
Great question! Sabotaging good things and self trashing validates her inner child. - Josh
@psychinsights Thank you. I have learned a lot lately due to this abhorrent situation. I care deeply for her wellbeing, but can't be the one to help her. It sucks, because she's not a well person.
@Artistguy86
Definitely look up self trashing. People with unhealed BPD or NPD expect to be tricked/abused, etc. because they’re disregulated. The more you attempt to show unconditional love, the more severely (in your case she) she will suspect you’re setting her up.
You may have been cheated so bad nobody believes she’d do it unprovoked and people may suspect you of hiding what you did to provoke her. You may think she’s the only one who knows the truth. You may miss the connection you think you had, but let me assure you, sadly, it’s an illusion. You’re neither the first nor the last to fall for her like that.
Until she gets healing she’s a bull in a china shop and the best way to love her is with prayer and from a distance. If you have mutual female friends, maybe reach out to one about BPD. If it’s BOD and not NPD there’s a chance she can be self aware and get counseling but you’ve got to accept that even in the off chance she does have a breakthrough, and the real her comes out, it will be different from the person you fell in love with.
If she’s NPD, it’s almost 99.99% chance she’s lost and will self-trash either by dating guys who will cheat on her/dump her, or gentlemen on whom she’ll cheat/dump. She may even cheat on you openly and repeatedly until he dumps her because the catharsis of being dumped is more satisfying than the comfort of being loved. Again, as a disregulated person, being loved is uncomfortable for her.
Especially if you want future children, consider their needs and find a woman who’ll be a good mother for them and cherish her. Let this one go, for your future children’s sake.
I met this girl that had borderline, I was led on but after doing more research I had to accept and take it as a blessing in disguise. She lied about being a virgin (which doesn’t matter to me) but I found out she had an ex of 3 years that she cheated on. She doesn’t work, does drugs, drinks, talks constantly about self harm. Even as friends it was stressful.
Thank you for sharing.
It sounds like you found out before you got in too deep. I just felt like a deer in headlights
damn, glad i'm not alone in this situation. I was seeing this girl for about two months, she seemed pretty insecure but I didn't want to make any assumptions. she would always accuse me of cheating or seeing someone else every time I left the house for work, or to go visit friends. I began becoming suspicious after that, because I had a bad feeling that she was projecting what she was doing onto me. One day, she wanted to look through my phone, so I said "that's fine, let me look through yours." she was sexting and sending nudes to like 6 different guys on snapchat, and because I wasn't guilty of anything, she didn't find what she wanted. when questioned why she would choose to cheat, she mentioned that "they're not real people" and "I was disassociating so it wasn't actually me", along with "all guys are sneaky so you probably just deleted everything". glad everything is over now.
Oh my god. I’m going through all of this right now. Amazing. Thank you.
I'm glad that the content was relateable, sorry to hear that you are going through it. - Josh
This video explains EXACTLY what I've been dealing with for 9 years. Few things make a person feel smaller than everyone in town hearing HER side of the story and then having to deal with the clean-up with the truth of her 8+ affairs after she uprooted her daughter from all she's ever known to a place across the country to start over fresh in a place that doesn't know who she is or what she's capable of.
After almost 6 months of actually the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, my BPD boyfriend cheated on me. When he was waiting for me, being my best friend while I was with another disrespectful guy, he didn't sleep with anybody. We had ups and downs he never treated me badly and if he did even a little bit we would talk it through. And all of a sudden this happens. He told me yesterday that it happened a week ago and that he wanted to keep silent but he can't. I love him and I know that he loves me in his problematic way but I also know I deserve better. I was there for him through everything and he was there for me also. This is very hard but I guess I am to blame too.
Thank u you much. I’ve seen so much information that matches what I went thru since she cheated and discarded me but your last point was exactly what I experienced which I think has caused the most pain and psychological damage. Our sex was out of this world until her rage fits left me confused and unable to perform. even though she would seemingly forget and transform back into a doll, I was left confused and ultimately emasculated. In my current loneliness there is a lot of sexual confusion but I feel validated knowing I didn’t do anything wrong. She complains now I left her hanging sexually the same way you described it, but it was her violence that sabotaged everything. I would’ve had to been a real psycho to perform with the way she treated me . I miss the beginning so much, it was playful, adventurous, dream like. Alas
Thank you for your clear insight. This is a very valuable video for those of us who are going through this situation.
Glad it was informative & helpful! - Josh
When I found out my ex fiance was using dating apps and hooking up with random men, I tried to leave and she begged me to stayed. I decided to forgive and work on our relationship. We talked to her dad (he’s a pastor) and he told me it was my fault because I wasn’t “leading right”.. of course I believed him even though this was her second engagement where she cheated.
I ended up going to my pastor for godly counsel and he opened my eyes to there was a deeper problem going on and this was NOT your fault. He reassured me to not let her or her dad manipulate me.
Now as I look back, I see how messed up that is. They were a true, down to the bone, put on an act in public, true definition of a narcissistic family dynamic. I lost so much money from wedding planning, but I could care less cause I’d rather lose that than my dream of raising my children in a good God fearing, Christian home.
Yikes, there is no excuse for cheating, it must have been tough to deal with that rotten ideology of her father. May you have happier and more peaceful times.
Im a pastors son, if I had done this, my father would have called it out so fast. There’s no excuse for cheating. It is the most self centered, heartless act. The damage it causes the betrayed one is insurmountable. Im so sorry you’ve gone through this. I was blindsided by my BPD ex gf 3 weeks ago. Completely shattered my heart. Still trying to understand how or why she would have sex with another man when we were so incredibly bonded. I really felt we were soul mates. But really, mostly everything was a lie that she constructed to get whatever she wanted. Very hard pill to swallow. Maybe I’ll never recover, but I’m trying.
Today my now as of today ex girlfriend needed “space” (after she hurt me for the millionth time drinking, something I tried to stop her doing) so I left for the night to go back to my mum’s house from what was our house. Anyways, I end up realising she’s topped replying to me and I begging to worry and have a bad feeling, so I go to the house and ring the doorbell only for all the doors to be locked and to hear her quickly open the back door so that she can sneak someone out. I go out in the garden and lo and behold what a surprise I’ve been cheated on. She then deliberately tries to take lots of paracetamol in order to take the attention of what she’s done. My mum and I rushed her to A&E and she threw up on me in the car. No thank you, no closure, no nothing. Now it’s all over. What a stressful day.
My ex same thing with the drinking, she cheated on me as well, while drunk and in psychosis, had the audacity to tell me "we were broken up" no we weren't, she just disappeared and went on a drink binge and done these things. It's not right how they justify their actions, it's always an excuse of some kind. Ironically she got upset with me for allowing a drunk woman to sleep on my spare bed while looking after my friends kids when they had a 21st party.
This was the same night she chose to have unprotected sex with a neighbor and yet is upset with me for helping out a young lady from getting into trouble.
To top it off her mother scolded me for being upset about her daughter being a cheat.
@@DiabolikalRA I’m sorry to hear that bro, but it’s nice to know someone else has been through it and understands. Since I wrote this comment I have almost completely gotten over it the best I can, have enjoyed company of other women etc. etc. but I think the scars will always be there. I’m 23 in October and this is definitely a wake up call to ease off until I find someone who’s right for me, because someone who’s a BPD narcissist will never be right for anyone, not even themselves. I hope you’re doing well
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Please reply 🙏🏻🙏🏻
What all you did in therapy... I followed what you said for a week ..its better... but what actually was asked and what is going on in there... Please tell that also sir. Because just sometimes my mind just pictures that act of cheating and BOOM
I wonder if they will get their karma. Doesn’t seem fair what she did to me
Yes, either in this world or the next world they pay for their betrayal.
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. Found out she was cheating on me with an ex of hers after talking to him for less than a week. I was devastated but it helps me with the fact that she has
@@psychinsightsa mental illness. I'm still completely done with her but knowing this I realized that she will never be faithful. Why try? Now I understand that she has this and I don't want to be in a relationship with her or anyone else with these types of "issues"
Being who they are is already karma enough. They are not ok, they create one train wreck after another.
Positively brilliant. Josh. Spot on.
This is such critical information for anyone trying you understand and help a beautiful soul challenged by BPD. Shalom.
Thank you Barry, much appreciated! - Josh
Currently going through all of this shit. She cheated but she's down right angry at me and i feel she is punishing me. Even using my past mistakes to justify her cheating( I never cheated). She put a whole wall up after telling me she wanted to try to work it out.. it's confusing
Is this similar to the narcissist or insecure person creating the impression of cheating? Especially with friends of the partner? How can one tell if they are just acting to hurt their partner vs actually cheating while just not caring if they know?
Is this common? I’ve met so many others who either identified this pattern before leaving or have identified it once the point was raised, that it feels like this may be a common behavior. But I still don’t understand why!
Yes good points you raise, it is the same thing, impression of cheating and actually cheating is for the same reasons mentioned in this video & it causes havoc in relationships. - Josh
The difficulty i had during my partners recovery from bpd was that this symptom doesnt resolve until the reconnection is established, at the apex of the recovery process which involves the shift to a secure attachment style.
Hi.. My girlfriend told me last night she has been diagnosed with BPD. I had been in a previous relationship with someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder so when I saw the same pattern of staring at other men provocatively while i am out with her I called her out on in and she of course flat out denied it and started gaslighting me,,. Anyway as i mentioned she has now revealed that she has been in therapy for 10yrs for BPD - Can you tell me if they ever resolve this issue as im sure she is cheating and ive already broke up with her twice but she is still lingering,... Being honest with me has given me some hope that she might be ok one day !
@@tomkerriskdunne4077 there's no fixed pattern - I discussed with my partners therapist about why treatment had failed, and presented my own theory on how to find a way around to his, which happened to work. I came up with an effective home treatment for her neurological disorder, and after this, therapy became effective. It all depends on what is stopping the treatment, in her case CBT/ DBT, from working.
By the way, I seldom got anywhere by confronting my partner, or presenting her with details about her symptoms. Those types of symptoms persist right until the final phase of the therapy.
Best of luck in your relationship.
The fact that she is being open shows that some part of the treatment has been effective at any rate.
@@tomkerriskdunne4077the problem is sometimes they make you think they're being honest but really they're just telling you what you want to hear. Can't say that's your case but it was definitely my case. She was genuine and truthful till I found out it was all lies
@@tomkerriskdunne4077I only have experience with untreated BPD which is impossible to have a healthy relationship with. For someone who is treated it may be possible according to the literature. But I would keep in mind, I don't think you can completely mitigate the condition, the fact that she is going to therapy doesn't necessarily mean that it is working or she is doing the appropriate therapy. Also your woman looking at other men is something that can happen even without BPD.
@@SenSakura-dj6bq legit, most women in the West are for the streets these days
Thanks! That helps a lot
I dealt with number 3 king.
The teauma and disresoect and her ex caused me ti not be intimate. Then she cheated with ab older man from a 12 step alcohol recovery program i put her in. All i wanted to do was get hwr sober, and in the end she stuck it in my heart , then blamed me.
I tried to tell her a few weeks ago that i was traumatised from her drinking days, thats when she snapped and pre emptively cheated 2 werks later. She invited this man out for a walk and then he invited her over. She soent 18 hours at his house. She blocked me and aaid she had her brothers birthday dinner . We were meant to see a movie. She had covid and i didnt see her for a week. Crazy
its over finish this relationship dude
@@Ojj2002 thanks bro I've gone no contact since she cheated blocked her on everything it's been 8nweeks it's hard to never talk to her again but it's over
@@qotda bro its a lesson, never disrespect yourself, first class loneliness over second class relationships
@@Ojj2002 thanks brother. 😊 I wish you a good life brother. Yeah it was self disrespect and setting boundaries that she constantly broke. When a chick doesn't respect and honour it is a turn off and caused chaos.
@@qotda absolutely!
When I first dated this girl with bpd she told me she had bpd didn’t think anything of it looked into a lil first year of being with her then she started acting funny with me I started accusing her of cheating because I felt she was acting really unusual but she never owned up to it do people with bpd usually deny they cheat just to cover it up?
Sometimes they cover it up, sometimes they want you to find out...
@@psychinsights but let’s say I do find out how do they react do they not take accountability for it?
@@robg2789when I confronted her cheating, she blamed me and said she didn’t even care about my feelings. She still lied about the actual physical cheating. She downplayed it as just a kiss. I found out from the guy she cheated with that they had sex. So yes, in my case, she denied it and had a very elaborate story on what really (lie) happened according to her.
This is so damn accurate to my situation its scary!!!
I'm recently suffering through this and going through the comment section I can see I'm not the only one...
Can you guide me some tips I can overcome this?....
You can make a session here to work through overcoming this experience. www.staygold.world/
Who are the right people to reach out to??
Someone who has real experience & a successful track record in helping people with this.
I’m the person that she cheat with and I found out that meanwhile she was love bombing me she got a boyfriend.(long distance relationship)
I’m the one she cheated on. For 5 years I did everything for her. I always had hope that she’d look at me with those loving eyes and tell me how much she loved me and how amazing I was like the early days. It never happened. The longer we were together, the more demands she had. The more she nagged me for not being what she deserved. Eventually I found out she was love bombing 5 new guys, strangers. Within the first few sentences of contact she was already telling them things she once told me. Absolutely insane dude. I’m over here supporting her and being her best friend in every way. She’s getting cheap validation from complete strangers. She eventually had a wild 18 hour night with the pizza guy next to her work. Got super drunk, had sex with him and crashed her car. I never found out about it until 7 months later (3 weeks ago now) when she blindsided me and packed up all her stuff and took our cats with no real explanation.
My wife got removed from our apartment mere hours ago after i confronted her sneaking condoms away and buying condoms secretly to hide those in her purse. The reciet was her mistake . She attacked me with our son in her arms, hit and kicked me, scratched and pulled when i took her phone. Totally flipped. I fled to the bedroom and during the struggle where she continued to beat me her phone broke and she dropped our son. I picked him up, yelled at her and she flipped even more and continued her abuse until i dialed emergency services on my phone. Only then she stopped and stumbled back realizing what she did, breaking down
Sorry to hear that this happened.
I went through a similar situation a couple of weeks ago. I had to call the police, and she took my passport away since I was traveling the very next day. I ended up in an ambulance that took me to the hospital to get two stitches in my head caused by the injuries she made to me with her mobile.
BPD or not, it doesn’t help the partner who has to deal with their shitty behavior
If your with a narc you WILL get cheated on
I have BPD me and him were both sexually very active tried to have a threesome and communication wasn't there on my part and come to find out after we did the deed him Included my partner didn't want to a threesome with that specific person and I failed to ask him before hand along with failing to takedown my adult content account on Twitter after he did for his. He says it was a miscommunication but to me it's cheating and it's disgusting.
I've become celibate and take anti depressants to kill all arousal which I think is the best course of action if you have urges to cheat or have cheated. Our relationship has been amazing since even though we are celibate.
My wife and I currently have 2 kids, she is pregnant with our 3rd, she has cheated two times in the past and now just cheated again majorly. She went on the seeking website to find a sugar daddy and started an affair with multiple individuals on this scum of the earth site, she said things that validate it was more than just for money and I could tell that it was for pleasure and it was making her feel good, all of this going on while im over here starting my business which is making incredible growth, giving her confidence daily by telling her how much i love her and how amazing she looks and doing everything i can to insure are future is bright yet i get shitted on completley i just dont understand it and on top of it she wont just say shes sorry and tell me she loves me more than anything like how i tel her she jsut continues with yelling at me fighting back when i say how hurt i am about these fucking things man i fucking hate this and the fact we have 2 children with another one coming just ads to the fucking pain
Your business is growing? So like, it's not supporting your family yet but you figure it will soon?
Have you always been the breadwinner between you? Has she ever had to do it? Especially when she has little babies or is pregnant?
I’m so sorry bro, sounds like the same heartless hand I was dealt. We didn’t have kids together but still I cannot fathom why she would seek intimacy outside our relationship. We had an amazing sex life and I always reassured her. The same I’m sure you did for your girl.
My borderline gf had a hidden Snapchat account. Constantly, sent nudes to guys and girls for validation. Had sex with at least 10 different people during our relationship. She was very open about the cheating. But denied when confronted or stayed anti social while blaming me. I’m just happy to get away before the STI’s. I’m just glad; I didn’t get her pregnant. Lesson learned. 😅
Thank you for sharing your difficult experience. Good on you for taking your lessons forward. - Josh
It was a huge shock when I learned my BPD gf was talking to 5 other guys. Acting like they were all about to start a relationship. I found out myself she had sex with at least one guy, maybe more. But never got to confront her because she blindsided me and left our home with a few of her things and our cats. That was 3 weeks ago. What do you mean that she was open about the cheating? Yet you say she denied it? Mine had a whole story fabricated when I asked her about the other guys she was “leading on” (I was still in denial). She blamed me for everything and didn’t take any accountability. No apologizing whatsoever. She even told me “even if I did cheat, I don’t care about your feelings anyway”
Same exact scenario here, friend!
I had the same experience.
Omg he’s so handsome 😍 who agrees? 😅
My ex is a narcissistic no really he cheated on me with a girl who looks like him & im a borderline so…yeah that went well