Just broke off my engagement to someone who cheated, lied, and in the end physically assaulted me. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, it’s crazy how you can love someone so much that you will make excuses for anything. Videos like this help. I wouldn’t wish this type of thing on anyone but it’s good to know I’m not alone. Stay strong everyone
Hi, stranger here. I just wanted to say I find you to be really brave and strong and I truly wish absolute happiness and healing your way. It’s an awful, scary and u fair situation to be in but you stood up for yourself and put yourself first and that’s something to be very proud of. Congratulations on the new chapter in life and I wish you many more great ones ahead
Deep in the caverns of your past lies the reason you gave this person so many chances. Repeating the same familial dynamic, one where you were cornered (subconsciously) into giving second chances simply due to necessity within the family unit with your father, mother or siblings. The illusion of the second chances we gave them in childhood was nothing more than their coercion of us and our response was based in need for survival and in denial of their cruelty solely to sustain the family unit and our own self preservation. We had to deny the abuse because we had nowhere else to go so our little minds had to make sense of it through second chances, forgiveness or blaming ourselves. It takes decades to understand this. That’s where it all started for you likely. You’re a strong and beautiful soul and you honored yourself by breaking free; you should be proud of yourself and your strength!
It's crazy how you think you know the person so well and how closely connected you are to them, and then suddenly awaken to this 'place' of no contact and total distance with them and realize how little you actually knew that person.
Well said your home becomes this unidentifiable place, where the memories seem blurry, you can't see the person in front of you he becomes a stranger, and inside of you a fight breaks in where the past image of that person is losing to the new discovery that you found, and you're rooting for the losing side, untill you give in. My ex didn't cheat on me but the image i had for her slowly chattered and i tried to pick up the pieces, but i kept cutting myself, untill i let go, the wounds hurt and they still hurt but i felt relieved, it's a weird feeling. And the things is my image of myself also broke with her. But this is what doctor peterson described, through the shattered pieces of my ego i found myself again, the pieces that fell from myself fell for a reason, and i saw what needs to be kept and what needs to be replaced, or improved and i started building myself up.
@@omarosman7084 this is so well said. I couldn’t quite describe what I’ve been going through until I read your comment. Rooting for the past image of a person is dead on. You figure they were like that before- they’ll be able to be the same again. But exhausting every way, trying everything because you feel you owe it to em…. Well, Im just now learning to let go. Man oh man- Thank you so much. And Im so sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope you are well.
it's not really about that some will take the consequences(and pain) because they still believe to know about love. It's about getting your mindset straight and let the will go
And the point flew right over your head. Life isnt black and white like that. A close friend of mine had an affair but "grew up" when he brought it to the light.
True... I am the one she cheated on with - but I didn't know either - she said it was over with the other guy. I was with her (so I thought) for years. Now he has to deal with the endless doubt in his relationship.... esp since she still tries to see me and tell me I am her dream man. (oh my - poor guy)
Coming back from a betrayal is too difficult. You’re better off starting over and finding someone new that you can have a clean start with. Or else, you’re always expecting and waiting for the next betrayal. Youll begin over analyzing every little thing that person does and question their intentions. It piles up and tears you down till you can’t function as a proud confident man/woman. You fall into a deep dark depression and it’ll only get worst from there. Don’t be scared to start over. It’s much less painful than the alternative.
Totally agree. I got cheated on 1 week after my wedding. Turns out she was still in love with her ex. Caught them talking and messing around throughout my so called 5 year marriage. Ended up divorcing and I’m on the deep end of things. 3 years after divorced and still trying to recover. Depressed/ anxiety/ name it!!! It’s best to start fresh and right from the beginning with your partner. No point of second chances if once trust is broken no going back, period!!!
Woman here. It happens to us too my friend. The road to recovery is long, tough and not for the faint of heart. But it can be achieved. It's all mental, you must re-write the story in your mind as to what happened. Sometimes you'll tell yourself it was you... remember the story we sometimes tell ourselves isn't always true. Rewrite the story and become a better you.
It finally hits home all those movies where the woman says "I can't trust you again". How can you ever look at the person the same once they've betrayed you?
@@YTSparty reason i walked away. Everything he said looked like a lie. It did not matter anymore what he said. That is not what i want for myself in life.
This betrayal just happened to me about 2 hours ago. I’m so thankful for Dr. Peterson, this video & so many others that he’s done. My world is shattered & I have to convince my brain& heart that being alone is better than being deceived.
The trauma bond is one of the most difficult situations to break away from. People who come from dysfunctional families are bound to repeat it in personal relationships. We always seek out people who are familiar to us, it's instinctual, and the patterns are recreated throughout life. Until we learn how to resolve these wounds, we will continue to repeat these processes.
I can’t be with someone who never could take one bit of accountability and then decided to devalue me and our trust .... and cheated. It broke me but I am glad I found out. He will never look at himself unfortunately. It’s sad. I really loved him
I have a hard time believing women leave men because of cheating. Surely, they leave lower status men for cheating, but they tacitly allow an open relationship on his side because they think "he's too good for me to own to myself". And probably because they doubt they can do any better. So they endure this "abuse" while still idolizing the abuser as a godly figure. It's the lower status men that get the most flack for cheating.
As young boy, I was given mononucleosis by a girlfriend and then told that she got it from cheating on me (intercorse with a HS freshmen acquaintance), I told her to never speak me again. Finding this out in the midst of being terribly sick, it threw me into a depression that actually prolonged my illness. The mind can do wild things, one day I finally just came to the acceptance. I realized that I truly had no part in her lack of soul, ethics, morals, values and so on.... I didn't do anything to deserve it, I was the above and beyond captain save a hoe, helping her with family, friends, and drama in school that all surrounded her which ironically had a lot to do with "you slut!" type of stuff... Surpriiiise they were all right. A year or so later her friend called me and managed to convince me that my ex wanted to apologize and "learned some lessons" HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAA and being the absolute fucking loser I was at the time, just happy to have someone interested in me I guess - I allowed communication to start up again. 15~ years later, divorced after several other affairs she had. Absolute child abuse by her, selfish, narcissistic and solopsistic behaviour all of which the courts give absolutely no fucks about even while offering to let me have full custody through it all - only to flip on a dime because I refuse to give her a chance at a relationship "I'm going to make you regret leaving me and hate yourself, you will never see the girls". My entire life has become a fight to gather lost time and fight an uphill battle. At the end of the day, I chose a demon, I allowed them in my life, I didn't stop the abuse in its tracks, I chose to return, I believed the more sacrifice and concessions I made the more respect or love I could attain. This is an absolute falsehood. If someone is willing to show you the utmost levels of disrespect, threaten the relationship for petty nonsense especially early on then what will come of things when real life hits you. A bad car accident, house burns down, a child passes away. If you are the fucking weak and lack respect early in the game, its unlikely to get better. As much as I talked about this crap as a fucking 14 year old and thought the other person agreed. Most cunts now adays are absolute masters at the masquerade and facade. It doesn't matter if the person cheats or not. The moment they entertain the potential, send texts or make plans then it has already been done. The intention means more to me than the action. Understanding this on the night I packed up with my daughters and left, it was the most incredible amount of relief I have ever experienced. Instead of going into that same depression like the first time around, I was asleep within moments while smiling and holding my daughters. Having your pride, dignity and self respect in tact on the way out of an abusive relationship makes it a hell of a lot easier. Why hold on to memories that were based on a lie, one way projection of love and in no way something special no matter how much it meant to you. It's like giving the robber credit for saying good morning to everyone on the way in to rob the bank... The more you hold on and pine away about "fond" memories the harder it will be for you to avoid abusive people in the future and you especially risk allowing that person back into your life. Move on, don't look back, absolutely cut contact, hobbies, goals, healthy friends... Over 10 years monk now, I'm more content every day that I haven't even attempted to date since. Peace of mind and sovereignty are far too valuable to me now. The slightest flashbacks of the exhaustion are immediate reassurance, hell even just looking around EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. NOOOO THANKS.
Women aren't like investments. You can invest everything. When she leaves, she won't bat an eye. Many great men have been ruined by jezebels. You're not alone my friend.
So sorry for what happened and thanks a lot for sharing. I was just thinking about giving my relationship with my ex gf another chance, thinking that it didn't matter that she was so overly friendly with so many other dudes, that she had so many guy friends that kept texting and dm'ing her asking her to hang out or go on activities together. Despite the fact that I was working, she would go on activities or at the beach with just other men. Not a single other woman with them. She didn't "get along" with other women, as they cause a lot of drama and are jealous of her. Not to mention her self absorbed and narcissistic behavior that lead her to never acknowledge the time, attention and resources you devote to her. Your comment just saved me and has forced me to stop justifying what simply isn't proper behavior for a grown woman. The funny thing is that, she feels depressed because noone sees her seriously and noone wants a permanent relationship with her. I wonder why. No matter how fun, amazing or beautiful a person may be, it is not worth putting up with so much crap for them.
@@GutsDovakjin This is probably my first comment ever on yt, but the stuff with the guy friends and other women being just dramatic, sounds just like my situation. I always had a bad feeling and anxiety with my ex having so many guy friends and telling me how amazing they are.. I just thought I was overly jealous and should be ok with that.. Your comment helped me realise something. Thank you. Btw, no longer being with my ex and never getting back. I ended the relationship because I felt like shit in it, this is one of those reasons I see now that I didnt want to see back then.
I dated one of the most verbally and mentally abusive women I think I’ve ever dated. We were about to get married in May when I found out she had been lying about alot of shit. Lied about why she didn’t have her kids. Lied about her love for me. Used attention as a bargaining chip. My father told me I dodged a bullet by not having kids with her and though I was upset with the comment at the time I now actually feel sorry for the next guy that has to put up with her bullshit attitude and lies. I’ve since took back the wedding ring got a refund and with that money I just bought a German short hair pointer that will never lie to me. Can’t remember being this happy in a long time, and although I wish I had a special someone I know she’s out there but I think for now I’m just gonna give all my attention to my career and dog until someone comes along that isn’t a sociopath from hell. As a side note I think the words narcissist and sociopath have been butchered. Everyone watches a UA-cam vid and then thinks they are are psychiatrist. Everyone has levels of narcissism but to be a true sociopath in my opinion is when said person knows how and why they manipulate people to get what they want and have 0 empathy. My advice is if they have 0 empathy or fucks to give when your having a bad day run for your life and never look back fuck those kinds of people. You ain’t a fucking fraction, another person doesn’t make you whole or not whole. Own that you picked the wrong person, better yourself and surroundings and never accept that kind of a person into your life ever again without heavily vetting that they aren’t just a leech out of some Doom game.
watch out for toxic positivity as well also known as false enthusiasm this is tricky some people get bullied for having a bad day cuz they are causing harm if they share any worry or sadness
You should have just made a bunch of p o r n videos with her. Tell them you love them and use them as much as you can for your own benefit. Once you find someone their replacement, pull the rug out and dump them. That’s what I do. I have a whole google cloud full of videos from this one chic. From 25-27 years old I have her doing things I could spank to for the next 50 years.
Had an ex like that who got back in touch with me 7 years after breakup. Karma seemed to have paid her a visit and also she hadn't changed at all, only convinced herself that she had.
At some point most people realize that they have been betrayed by their own fairytale illusions. The price any 2 people pay for choosing to be together is very significant. I don't regret my past relationships but none seemed tenable on the long term. Although I am not proud of my lack of relationship success , I am all the more committed to being the best friend, sister etc that I can. Limiting drama and moving forward with a positive attitude. I hope this leads to a better future.
My ex-gf of 7 years decided to leave me and found a new partner 2/3 months after the initial break up. I've begged and prayed her to stay, I lost my dignity, I've done so many stupid things to make her stay. Then, I've began healing and having realized that my ex and the contact, I kept with them, was slowing the process by heavy amount, I've stopped any contact with them. Not much after that, they've called me to blame me that I am the one, who threw this relationship of 7 years away... And that I was the one who didn't want for us to be friends or keep in contact... All I have to say to this person if I ever meet them again is only one "Thank you". I am forever grateful that you've exposed yourself as the person who you really are. And that you've exposed my strengths to myself, which I never knew I had.
Betrayal is a big one. I’ve had many relationships fall apart, but I’ve never had a partner who lied straight to my face and deceived me. These videos help as well as talking and feeling all the feels. I wish everyone could always be honest with themselves and each other. Sending everyone loving kindness 🤗
Every word Jordan speaks is the truth. My wife betrayed me, I stayed with her for the sake of our children, but our relationship became malevolent due to my burning resentment . But here is the odd thing, she died of cancer many years ago, and I miss her every day . Perhaps her abusive nature conditioned me to that. Man, life is complicated
nobody is inherently truly malevolent to their core. and i doubt she betrayed your trust with the intent to make you suffer, even if that was indeed the outcome. everyone has their own process in life for coming to realize who they are and who they want to be, and sometimes that involves a lot of ugliness. it's just a part of who we are. we are here to discover who we are and how we want to live and we're going to make a lot of mistakes and be disappointed in ourselves and in others because none of us are perfect, that's just how it is. but ultimately i don't believe anyone is beyond redemption.
@@env0x I'd argue some people are truly and inherently malevolent by processes of their brain chemistry. There's no reasoning or redemption of a psychopath, you just run away. I know good is inside all of us and sometimes 'good' people do horrible things. Difference being, they have empathy and a conscience. They can change by witnessing the suffering they caused to the ones they love, and even for themselves. Some people just lack that capacity. As a machine, they are already broken and malfunctioning and there's no fixing no matter how they could try to convince they had an epiphany and changed ... More often than not it's just another manipulation tactic to get you to lower your guard so they can strike again. Also, death doesn't automatically absolve what you did in life necessarily. Otherwise we would be talking about forgiveness towards Hitler and the Nazis. Everybody dies, it's just a natural process. Even rotten people. Good riddance for them.
@@cassius573 to say that people are machines is to say their actions are products of a machine. How can actions of a machine be good or bad? The good/bad of an action is only determined by intent. To imply intent is to imply that they are not the actions of a machine, so which is it? A machine can be programmed with the intent to do evil, so is it the fault of that machine that it is evil? Or the programmer's? What if the programmer was programmed to design an evil machine? Since humans are basically machines that can be born broken, what fault is it of the broken machine that they were born that way?
I have never done anything but I am looked at, judged, as if I had. It hurts to be in a relationship that just starts falling apart like a whirlwind of despair over something that has never happened.
I want revenge, I wish she would suffer, I wish I have never met her, it is so unfair that someone can be so terrible and they can get away without consequences, it makes you go crazy
I can totally relate to that. I’ve been in that exact place for the last 6 month. It’s freaking hard, this I know for sure, but you must push through and it gets better after a while. Find something that fulfills you, that keeps you busy - physically and mentally. Work on yourself and improve your current version. This way your emotional state will stabilize and your self esteem will come back. And I wanted revenge and her to suffer just as badly, too. But then, our actions are not better than theirs. I believe in karma and i know that there will someday be adequate consequences. I trust in this.
@@florianrohdan2685 I am keeping busy and tbh, ever since she left, I have evolved my career a lot, and there is more to come, lets hope we get our revenge one day
I felt this exact same way for a long time too. But let's change our perspective a bit here... Do you think that this person will not suffer tragedies at some point in their life? Do you think they are going to go on living happily ever after forever? Statistically speaking, the latter is way less probable. This person in your life planted a seed that they will have to sow later. You may not be able to see it this year, or even the next but their actions will inevitably make their future less fortunate. Of course, by the time it happens, you won't care anymore. You will eventually find yourself the more fortunate one. Pain and anger can blind you of this.
A place is a place in time. I relate to this part. I was sick with covid for a weak, and after I went to see my girlfriend who told me we should take a break. It was so unexpected and everything has changed so suddenly. After a week we broke up. It does seem my memories are not valid as I am not ever sure who I was dating for the past 2 years. It also erased the future which we were planning. There was no cheating, yet it feels like a betrayal. Probably for the best but so hard to process such change.
I was in that place for years. Forty years with my mom and ten years with my husband. I don't know how to deal with my betrayal. My body kept the score and I physically shutdown. I could not walk and was bedridden for a year. Betrayal will eventually get you physically. I could handle the mental state of betrayal but betrayal will physically shut your body off and say no more your done.
Wow some speech👏 I found out my whole 18 yr relationship was with a psychopath who lead a double life! Wow that one hurt it broke me mentally I still find it hard to believe. I have a lovely daughter to this evil thing. I was atheist but that shock of all the lies n memories shattered & any future dreams changed me.
So sorry :( I believe it is called a “moral injury” when you are so shocked by the lack of morals in someone you trusted. It’s horrible what you’ve gone through. I relate unfortunately. I found God in it all, but wow, what a shock - that someone can say they love you and one day you realise they are not who you think they are and you don’t actually know them at all.
That’s what it means to have a seared conscience. Science has all these explanations of parts that are screwed up in psychopaths’ brains. Some of it may be true. The thing is, The Law of God says otherwise: that when you burden your conscience and choose evil over good enough times you basically tie Gods hands and give your soul over to evil entities. They have a slew of these personality disorders on the rise but the reality has more to do with a sickness in the soul, basically a moral decline and a conscious turning away from truth.
Wow Jordan !!! You are an amazingly brilliant human being . I say this on facts .I am living this scenario right now and you have walked me through all the feelings stages and events and boy I will not stay in the dark .I am coming out with my head up facing the light before me .Thank you JP.
This is so spot on! He explains exactly what i felt after i found out about my husband cheating for years. I was left completely destroyed and even after 2 years i havent been able to feel like myself and i dont i will ever be.
Yes. I agree 💯. I'm so sick of the term toxic and narcissistic. To me it seems like the person using these terms is choosing to take no responsibility at all. There are abusive people out there, but a lot of the people who have been labeled toxic are actually just in a failing relationship that was actually doomed from the start.
5 years of being called useless and not important, being talking about behind my back, going into 100k debt behind my back, manipulative, controlling, no accountability, blaming me for everything, telling me how I’m never am enough and dismissive and then crying victim all in the end and leaving me with nothing….I rather die than go back to him, In my head, he got hit by a car and he is dead. I pray no other woman get involved with him.
"To progress psychologically, you must let go, sacrifice time and again in the face of successive obstacles. You must abandoned those things that and often those people who, are impeding your progress despite the fact that you may have held them very close to your heart. When you are wrong, when you have missed the mark, when you have sinned because that is the meaning of sin, you must let the part of you that is wrong and aiming improperly died. Then, you must allow the new spirit manifesting itself within to spring to life."
My ex wife woke up one day after 25 year's together...and said she was leaving....she said she was going through something.....after a few months..I realized she was going through her second husband..me. In the end after a year of trying to get her to come back home....I divorced her....she told me she just fell outta love...... while I did not....I had to go...move away from her and the heart ache....I felt like I lost a very big part of myself....it's been 15 year's ago.....we do not talk...I still feel the same way.....she is often on my mind,,,,I have allowed her to stop my progress.....I blame myself for that mistake.....only myself....
My best friend/ fiance left me. She left and had no compassion whatsoever. I gave so much love to her and her daughter. They were everything to me. Right when I need her the most and was dealing with the most stress I ever have ; she leaves and hasn't looked back. From my best friend to an angry stranger. We said we loved one another and you knew I had no one to turn to. I miss her
It's gunna be okay. Jus lost 2 kids and a wonderful girlfriend. Move on and change and live for them if you love them. Love is never a garrantee to be loved back. Ya find someone else and that love fades. You will get through this bro! I have faith in you...
My ex-wife would constantly find fault. No matter how much I did, it was always: "It's nice but....." and follow with some reason that invalidated my efforts completely. Then, the accusations of infidelity. Ten minutes late home from work and, "Been to see your mistress?" I thought she was joking at first, she was not. We divorced in 1994. Last year, my son went to visit her with his wife. The house was a mess, for which my ex apologised, and then went on to explain why it was my fault. She never did remarry. She got a lot of interest from men who were clearly more perceptive than me. They never hung around for long. Here's the rub: I did remarry. She was on my side, and in the early years, I had to rid my paranoia around her. She was just too damn pleasant. Always interested in the things I did, always encouraging and dismissive of my faults. I reciprocated and she would glow. The toxicity of the earlier relationship had spilt over and could easily have ruined the second.
"She was just too damn pleasant" Jordan is talking about it too, try to find it, it has to be some balance, some tension. Maybe she is too insecure, try to talk to her.
I'm here because of the relationship between my father, my sister and I. I now understand that I've made the right decision to cut them out of my life.
This is an amalgamation of at least 3-4 videos so what is the conclusion of the matter? What do you do when you’re betrayed by your partner? Take them back? Never.
People cheat for a lot of reasons other than the fact that they don't love you. It can be their own pain, their own longings, "what ifs", their introduction to sexuality, romance, an erotic space. Though it's awful to be cheated on, been there, and even crossed boundaries myself, rest assured that you shouldn't blame yourself.
well, fortunately for me, my ex is far too narcissistic to take me back and blames EVERY issue that we had of 17 years completly on me. and after 6 1/2 years of heartbreak, i’m glad that it’s the way that it is… Gentlemen, please PLEASE don’t ever do it. she’s NOT worth it… save yourselves the headache
I just agreed to meet my ex for sushi on Monday. Just 90 minutes ago we got off the phone. Then I come home from the gym and open UA-cam to find this video at the very top of my feed. Is this a sign?
How can I learn self love when… I put in so much effort (losing myself in the process) putting him first in everything… and then every one of his bad habits he changed for the new girl he cheated on me for because she’s pretty and younger who didn’t even have to put in any effort. I feel so lonely and worthless.
Learn what makes you valuable :) our effort in relationships isn’t it. It’s who we are, and not pushing anything here, but you are valuable to the creator and He loves you. God wants to give you a purpose and to see you flourish. Digging into that is the only form of “self love” that will make a lasting impact - I can say from experience of trying a million other things. Also, self love is just taking the effort you would have placed onto them, and placing that effort on yourself. Exercise, develop healthy habits and make yourself what you wished you could help your ex achieve. It’s just a redirection of energy and it takes work, just like a relationship. You got this :)
You only see the outside of their relationship. There is no way to know if he’s really changed - I’m sure she’s not broadcasting his faults or if he has changed, if it will actually stick.
I'm not in the habit of picking up trash. If it's Iver it's iver for a reason and it just saves the both of you alot of time and pain to not try that again.
I've learned this the hard way, took 13 years to show their true face, and it was trash sadly. Took only 1 year the next time Hard lessons which allows you to spot those red flags in the first 2-3 talks now.
@@optimum2008 When she talks about her ex/still sees him, tells everything about her (often depraved) sexual life, says she has a complicated relationship with her father, talks the talk but does not walk the walk, always finds excuses not to see you, etc
Once they betray you, they will always betray you. The worst of this situation after a reconciliation, is that the betrayed becomes another person, a monster in my case. I don't like this person, i don't know this person i became. That is a life of hell! You question everything, you don't trust, you don't believe a word. You constantly suspicious. Its better not to reconcile but move on. A hard thing to do, but for your own sanity, the best decision.
Yep! I'll never take her back. Not because I want her to suffer because of her whimsical ways. But, because I love myself and no longer wish to suffer.
Not to long ago I met a lady and we had the most incredibly romantic time. I thought we were going to be together forever. Then about a week later right out of the blue, she leaves me a john deer letter. So I called her up and she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something, I mean I don't know I really wasn't paying attention. But the thing that hurt the most is I think she was seeing another guy.....I never did find out who.
So when your loved one or family member betrays your trust your ego dies? I always wondered if I had gone through an ego death as it sounds so grand in spiritual circles. Hah, I have so many situations where it have happened 😁 Now I know what type of feeling it refers to. When nothing seems real anymore. No wonder then that I am quite philosophical about the nature of reality and our experience of it.
i got cheated on a whole LIFE!!! 3 years then i got pregnant , he always said that he would love me to be the mother of his child....all he had to say , literally ALL was ABORTION. I was broken , severe depression ,i did not have the child and it affected me so deeply, he stuck around for 9 month NEVER UNDERSTOOD MY PAIN , not helping me , just doing as if i should forget , i was broken and he silent .Finally the day came where" our "baby was supposed to be born and i pleadet not to let me alone , to take me at the ocean SOMETHING but--------he throw a rock instead, he did not care , i was not his priority that day , gave me leftovers...2 month have gione by...i blocked him everywhere, he never apologized , never had any effort shown, cold blooded narcisst. i wish my baby was alive and not him
I was on a relationship with this girl, we had such chemistry in love and sex but everything went downhill. I was with her when she needed me, but I needed her the most, she disappeared, and suddenly other things were more important. Insecure is how I felt, she tried to make me feel guilty like If I did something wrong that wanting to be with her, Fixed her car and she didn't came to see me, still it was my fault not wanting to talk things like adults. Played with me making me think we would try and do things better but immaturely deleted me from every platform and left alone. Which is fine, I now feel stronger, hurts still but I will be better, I am better. I lost faith in love, and I shouldn't but all of this is a process. Good to y'all going through this. Stay focus, and God bless you.
I still love her, she was nothing but supportive and amazing, but I feel like I’ve been ignoring a part of me that needs to be alone in order to focus and become a person I am proud of It’s so easy to be complacent and sit in loving cuddles, I’m just terrified of waking up one day when I’m older and resenting her and myself for not being my best Initially it was mutual but now that it’s been a little while I think she’s becoming angry with me based on our couple interactions I want to go back to her but in my heart I know what I have to do… who’d ever think being without someone you love was the right thing? I dont know maybe I’m shooting myself in the foot, but I’m gonna go with my gut on this one I’m 24, it’s kinda now or never
I had this situation too, I chose to have a break, she moved on over the course of months and just when I thought we could work it out I found she had started dating a guy who is more emotionally giving than me. I've fallen into a dark dark depression and I regret ever doubting the relationship, I love her so much I can't even function anymore knowing I can't have her back, I'm 29 and I feel like my life is over
@@joshuabrown9398 shit bro life’s not easy, it’s complicated, but as cliche as it is the dark times that make us stronger, keep your head up and focus on yourself, you deserve it
@@joshuabrown9398 I'm in the same boat, brother. You just wanted to go back to the moments you fcked up and do the right thing. but those were the past. You are now better, more matured, emotionally. For you to achieve this higher state, you had to sacrificed her love. The only thing you can do is to come clean with yourself. Wipe all the flaws, learn all the lesson you can obtain from that relationship. and eventually, let it go. For better or worse, I'd hate to be in my ex's shoes if she has to put up with the old me. Hence, I'm grateful that we broke up, and I get to be a better person that would actually know how to treasure a relationship.
@@GriffonksxEX very true but what hurts me most is that with my new knowledge I feel like I could be the perfect partner for her. Its sad to let go of 6 years of memories, over a fifth of my life together. I know its common to look back with Rose tinted glasses but I just miss her so badly.
After my recent brake up with somebody I have relized that other side from begining was not interested to resolve problems in relationship.So strange that I have warned her that I did not want to put my 90% of effort and her 10% even if my fault was very little.I stretched the hands overcome situations you would have in relationship but other side was cold as ice. You discover the "monster" you have been with after the brake up.As Jordan said, sometimes you must sucrifice time and connection with loved one you have been with even if this is painful.
The best advice I ever got is when you are the only one keeping the relationship together ( you are calling, texting, initiating intimacy, sacrificing, compromising etc.) stop & see if it does not crumble. If your partner does not pick up the slack you know its time to let the relationship crumble.
I still love my ex fiancée but i can never go back and i never will. It is a painful cross to bare. Something that will always be in the back of my mind for the rest of my days. His toxicity will never change because he doesnt want to stop his addiction. I waited 10 years for him to stop.
Here and elsewhere, JP says that "Life is complicated". People can achieve a good deal of simplification by simply not sinning. And by avoiding those, who are prone to sin. Yes, they need redemption, but the boy-meets-girl context is the worst place to reform someone.
the funniest thing I've ever read. My 17y old son, watching his best friend suffer after the breakup, said "if that's what LOVE does to people I don't want it ever". I know you're just joking :)
I am 36 I’ve known this woman since my early 20’s never dated until now I’ve known she has had drug and alcohol issues idk why but I figured I could change her over time it’s been a roller coaster ride for sure she had no relationship with her parents I should have stepped way back on that one caused a ton of arguments from the beginning, she has no respect for what man and women really are she ended up breaking up with me due to my issues I’ve had with her since the beginning, she wanted a 3 month break, I really wanted to gain her trust back and spend my life with her, we got back together and got married and moved out of state together, I thought we could get a fresh slate, we started having small issues then she got a new job that she didn’t tell me about, flipped my schedule upside down, she had her parents over for the fourth and we had a big discussion, at least the truth got out, she wants total control over me, but why she knows I won’t handle that, she has now moved out in an apartment in town, sounds like she wants an annulment to act like it never happened, I think a divorce is more fitting I was in this for the long haul, to figure things out, I’m just so shocked how a woman can just bail on me and everything I’ve done for her, I guess all the red flags at the beginning I really didn’t let bother me my fault,
The lecture was tremendously awakening for them in denial of toxic relationship (s), and affirmation for truth seekers. Dysfunctional relationships damage many innocent people, some never find balance in life which can be hard to live in this falling world where Satan is the god of the second heaven (Ephesians 2:1-10; 2nd Corinthians 4:1-6). For the redeemed and ambassadors of Jesus Christ, our mission bring hope to the hopeless through profound understanding what meaningful relationship is and its fulfilling affects it should have in our lives. Agape love never hurt anyone but His purpose is to bring of goodness and blessings through relationship with Jesus Christ, share His abundance of life with others (Ephesians 5:9; John 16:13). Shalom 💗!
Small town girl here---none of my friends' parents ever divorced, so I thought all marriages were like on TV---she packs his lunch, he goes off to work, they have kids & they are a happy family. I'm miserable after 50.years with a narcissist. I made him leave several real times
Let him come back everytime. I really was naive, so embarrassed. He slowed down only because of illness & age. Now that I can see, I was ready to leave. Now that he needs some help, I can't just go---Im too soft in that way, but very resentful about wasted years.. I'm just biding my time---he's even jealous that I might have happiness after he passes away. I needed to tell someone a long time ago. I understand everything now, Dr. Peterson. Thank you. I'm a R.N , & know a little about the burdens you must feel from helping so many. (The 1st time I heard you, you were talking about women, & I laughed, thinking you were just another woman hater like my husband. Then you got to the point of your lecture, & I've been hooked ever since. I listen to you with tears in my eyes. I WAS naive---you said, "You don't know what you don't know!!!" When I started learning, I hated my personality, yet couldn't bust out of here. I'd have to disappear, cause he has stalked me the times I thought I was free. Not that I dated (God, who would want another one??). He just wanted to see who came & went---Im sure that was boring !! Don't ever give up---you mean everything !!!
I normally agree with J. Peterson but isn't marriage and earthly construct for mutual survival? And shouldn't all human fragility ideally be dealt without dissollusion for the betterment of character and self control; even if not exclusively, when such a promise is given: Ideally anyway?
I’m not going to lie, I got with my ex after being apart for 10 plus year’s, the start was beautiful, but then it went to shit. Glad we aren’t together anymore.
He's right you go to a dark place a place you have never been what was and what will be is all new . And all you think about is will it ever be the same not for them but for yourself. You may forgive but you will never forget .
6:07 onwards really is more important than it seemed in my first listen. Here's a transcription. Read it attentively: This means that none of us should identify in the most fundamental sense with what we currently know and presume. Means as well that we should all come to understand that, so that we do not remain confused about who we are. This means that it is never sufficient to be conservative or to identify with the past or to become ideologically or dogmatically committed, or to remain stubbornly anachronistic and unchanged. The environment transforms headlong around us, and we all must run as fast as we can - as Alice's Red Queen well knew - just to stay in the same place. It is not sufficient either to abandon tradition and structure entirely in a headlong and irresponsible rush towards the anomalous and revolutionary. Structure is insufficient, but it is still necessary. And the ethical requirement for respecting and maintaining it is still of paramount import. We each must as well similarly avoid falling prey to the temptation of identifying with the chaotic depressing anxiety-ridden and nihilism-inducing state of affairs engendered by the terrible confrontation with the genuinely unknown. Even when thrust into the underworld by the dread events of our life we must not characterize ourselves as permanent inhabitants of that dark and dread place, lest we lose hope, despair and seek revenge. To progress, psychologically, you must let go - sacrifice - time and again, in the face of successive obstacles. You must abandon those things that - and often those people who - are impeding your progress, despite the fact that you may have held them very close to your heart. When you're wrong, when you've missed the mark, when you've sinned - because that is the meaning of sin - you must let the part of you that is wrong and aiming improperly die. Then, you must allow the new spirit manifesting itself within to spring to life.
The woman I once married isn’t my X anything. Because in essence I am still holding on , by calling her MY . X . Although she was a fantastic teacher. Because she put the knife in and twisted it . Since then other people have put the knife in but no one has ever twisted it again. Lesson learned. To day no one has the power to put the knife in because I know have a proactive armor. It’s called Self Love. Thanks Jordan glad you’re back.
Things like cancer can blow all this high school stuff like cheating out of the water. Petty stuff in the scheme of things. I think if you''ve been married a long time, established a family with kids and so forth, and the cheater made an isolated mistake, is making a good faith effort to change and keeps their word not to cheat, you shouldn't flush the whole thing down the toilet.
My childhood crush ( way back in the 90s) and I were together for the last 2 years. She's a highly intelligent person, hands down a 10/10 in all areas you can see or hear or feel from her- but therein, I think, lies the issue. She's an avoidant type who is constantly running, who just so happens to be incredibly busy and stressed as a mother. I'm the anxious type, who just so happens to be a combat vet with PTSD and betrayal trauma. She thinks that I'll get tired of it and leave, or she thinks I'll stay no matter what and become a beta orbiter or something. Not sure yet. What I do know is that, being literally the "love of my life" (carried a crush across the world from 1999 until today) I will always remember Our time, and I will never truly love again. I hope we walk back into alignment, but I need to focus on whats in my power- my life without her. I've never felt so exposed as to be rejected by my past for the things that happened since, rejected by my present because of her past, or ruined a beautiful future because of our past. It may have been better to have limited our reunion to a coffee.our past. It may have been better to have limited our reunion to a coffee.
My high school sweetheart whom we'd had a less than year old son, knew that cheating was a deal breaker. We were engaged to be married, I had just lost my mother to cancer 3mos after our son was born and the coward dipped out and cheated with a woman he worked with. Deal breaker, heart broken, I let him go. What a coward...he's repeated this pattern 4 times and 2 more children later! I feel I took care ee of myself going through that knowing myself that I would not be able to EVER forgive ghim of that. It was established firmly that I was incapable of forgiving him of that and there was no going back. It took a huge toll on my mental health and self worth and still keep this close in starting new relationships to mindfully NOT have this experience interfere with build new intimate relationships. Hard stuff....
I think assuming the other person is capable of following this written path and somewhat in stone timeline is where we naively and understandingly go wrong. Even the other person may not know where they’re headed and how to get there ( marriage family healthy years behind them with a relationship) but the thing to do is to be so healthy mentally that you do not excuse these red flags and you aren’t afraid to say you might have another soul Mate that’s okay too. It’s okay to let people go bc you thought they’d work on themselves too. But first, before you quit or even begin in any relationship do the work on yourself. Don’t wait til your 40s get the help as soon as one relationship goes sour. Go as soon as you’re feeling like something is off in the relationship go even if you think it’s them. Bc you’ll have the guidance to leave and see clearly even if it ends up being them and you’ll have support and be strong enough to let it all go if you have to .
I like Jordan a lot and he is a large inspiration to me however I feel a great many of his solutions and advice can get reduced to behaviour change or control and don't focus enough on the minds ability to be at peace regardless of the social or cultural experiences we go through. There is great strength in placing the desire to love someone and forgive (not pardon but simply watch without judgement) above a physical symbol of union. That said - I do not disagree that profound life lessons and growth and wisdom can come from within these defined structures such as marriage, career choice, goals etc. He certainly engenders serious contemplation.
The person may have had a very good reason for leaving! I would suggest couples and family counseling before making a decision. Someone close to me had an emotional breakdown, abandoned the home and cheated while abusing substances. She came to her senses, and now 40 years later, they have a good marriage.
Just broke off my engagement to someone who cheated, lied, and in the end physically assaulted me. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, it’s crazy how you can love someone so much that you will make excuses for anything. Videos like this help. I wouldn’t wish this type of thing on anyone but it’s good to know I’m not alone. Stay strong everyone
I've just found out after being together for 32 years and two grown up children.
You should look up Aaron doughty on UA-cam. Great videos for getting through something like that.
Hi, stranger here.
I just wanted to say I find you to be really brave and strong and I truly wish absolute happiness and healing your way.
It’s an awful, scary and u fair situation to be in but you stood up for yourself and put yourself first and that’s something to be very proud of.
Congratulations on the new chapter in life and I wish you many more great ones ahead
Hug yourself and look to tomorrow. You’re a hero! Imagine if you got any deeper with that person.
Deep in the caverns of your past lies the reason you gave this person so many chances. Repeating the same familial dynamic, one where you were cornered (subconsciously) into giving second chances simply due to necessity within the family unit with your father, mother or siblings. The illusion of the second chances we gave them in childhood was nothing more than their coercion of us and our response was based in need for survival and in denial of their cruelty solely to sustain the family unit and our own self preservation. We had to deny the abuse because we had nowhere else to go so our little minds had to make sense of it through second chances, forgiveness or blaming ourselves. It takes decades to understand this. That’s where it all started for you likely. You’re a strong and beautiful soul and you honored yourself by breaking free; you should be proud of yourself and your strength!
It's crazy how you think you know the person so well and how closely connected you are to them, and then suddenly awaken to this 'place' of no contact and total distance with them and realize how little you actually knew that person.
well said
Well said your home becomes this unidentifiable place, where the memories seem blurry, you can't see the person in front of you he becomes a stranger, and inside of you a fight breaks in where the past image of that person is losing to the new discovery that you found, and you're rooting for the losing side, untill you give in. My ex didn't cheat on me but the image i had for her slowly chattered and i tried to pick up the pieces, but i kept cutting myself, untill i let go, the wounds hurt and they still hurt but i felt relieved, it's a weird feeling. And the things is my image of myself also broke with her. But this is what doctor peterson described, through the shattered pieces of my ego i found myself again, the pieces that fell from myself fell for a reason, and i saw what needs to be kept and what needs to be replaced, or improved and i started building myself up.
@@omarosman7084 this is so well said. I couldn’t quite describe what I’ve been going through until I read your comment. Rooting for the past image of a person is dead on. You figure they were like that before- they’ll be able to be the same again. But exhausting every way, trying everything because you feel you owe it to em…. Well, Im just now learning to let go. Man oh man- Thank you so much. And Im so sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope you are well.
This is so hurtful
Absolutely! It’s where I am now
I believe that those, who are even unable to say "I'm sorry" are not allowed a second chance.
Whole lotta words for "if you take them back, they know there's no consequences and they're free to do it again".
it's not really about that some will take the consequences(and pain) because they still believe to know about love. It's about getting your mindset straight and let the will go
And they will. Because their dirt
And the point flew right over your head. Life isnt black and white like that. A close friend of mine had an affair but "grew up" when he brought it to the light.
True... I am the one she cheated on with - but I didn't know either - she said it was over with the other guy. I was with her (so I thought) for years.
Now he has to deal with the endless doubt in his relationship.... esp since she still tries to see me and tell me I am her dream man. (oh my - poor guy)
If she cheats and betrays … there is no going back or taking her back
Coming back from a betrayal is too difficult. You’re better off starting over and finding someone new that you can have a clean start with. Or else, you’re always expecting and waiting for the next betrayal. Youll begin over analyzing every little thing that person does and question their intentions. It piles up and tears you down till you can’t function as a proud confident man/woman. You fall into a deep dark depression and it’ll only get worst from there.
Don’t be scared to start over. It’s much less painful than the alternative.
Facts
Totally agree. I got cheated on 1 week after my wedding. Turns out she was still in love with her ex. Caught them talking and messing around throughout my so called 5 year marriage. Ended up divorcing and I’m on the deep end of things. 3 years after divorced and still trying to recover. Depressed/ anxiety/ name it!!! It’s best to start fresh and right from the beginning with your partner. No point of second chances if once trust is broken no going back, period!!!
This.
JUST MOVE ON!!
Well describe! Its just goes deeper of shithole
Pointless to sacrifice your self worth for someone who betrayed your trust etc
As a man divorced after my wife cheated, I can confirm the truth the doctor speaks here... The blindfold once removed cannot be adequately returned...
Well said brother.
Woman here. It happens to us too my friend. The road to recovery is long, tough and not for the faint of heart. But it can be achieved. It's all mental, you must re-write the story in your mind as to what happened. Sometimes you'll tell yourself it was you... remember the story we sometimes tell ourselves isn't always true. Rewrite the story and become a better you.
@@ncoast9111 also a good way of looking at things
It finally hits home all those movies where the woman says "I can't trust you again". How can you ever look at the person the same once they've betrayed you?
@@YTSparty reason i walked away. Everything he said looked like a lie. It did not matter anymore what he said. That is not what i want for myself in life.
This betrayal just happened to me about 2 hours ago. I’m so thankful for Dr. Peterson, this video & so many others that he’s done. My world is shattered & I have to convince my brain& heart that being alone is better than being deceived.
The trauma bond is one of the most difficult situations to break away from. People who come from dysfunctional families are bound to repeat it in personal relationships. We always seek out people who are familiar to us, it's instinctual, and the patterns are recreated throughout life. Until we learn how to resolve these wounds, we will continue to repeat these processes.
I can’t be with someone who never could take one bit of accountability and then decided to devalue me and our trust .... and cheated. It broke me but I am glad I found out. He will never look at himself unfortunately. It’s sad. I really loved him
Perhaps you should try looking for the people you normally wouldn't give a second thought to.
@@nousernamesworking lmao
@@nousernamesworking interesting statement
I have a hard time believing women leave men because of cheating. Surely, they leave lower status men for cheating, but they tacitly allow an open relationship on his side because they think "he's too good for me to own to myself". And probably because they doubt they can do any better. So they endure this "abuse" while still idolizing the abuser as a godly figure. It's the lower status men that get the most flack for cheating.
No, you loved his facade.
As young boy, I was given mononucleosis by a girlfriend and then told that she got it from cheating on me (intercorse with a HS freshmen acquaintance), I told her to never speak me again. Finding this out in the midst of being terribly sick, it threw me into a depression that actually prolonged my illness. The mind can do wild things, one day I finally just came to the acceptance. I realized that I truly had no part in her lack of soul, ethics, morals, values and so on.... I didn't do anything to deserve it, I was the above and beyond captain save a hoe, helping her with family, friends, and drama in school that all surrounded her which ironically had a lot to do with "you slut!" type of stuff... Surpriiiise they were all right.
A year or so later her friend called me and managed to convince me that my ex wanted to apologize and "learned some lessons" HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAA and being the absolute fucking loser I was at the time, just happy to have someone interested in me I guess - I allowed communication to start up again.
15~ years later, divorced after several other affairs she had. Absolute child abuse by her, selfish, narcissistic and solopsistic behaviour all of which the courts give absolutely no fucks about even while offering to let me have full custody through it all - only to flip on a dime because I refuse to give her a chance at a relationship "I'm going to make you regret leaving me and hate yourself, you will never see the girls". My entire life has become a fight to gather lost time and fight an uphill battle. At the end of the day, I chose a demon, I allowed them in my life, I didn't stop the abuse in its tracks, I chose to return, I believed the more sacrifice and concessions I made the more respect or love I could attain. This is an absolute falsehood. If someone is willing to show you the utmost levels of disrespect, threaten the relationship for petty nonsense especially early on then what will come of things when real life hits you. A bad car accident, house burns down, a child passes away. If you are the fucking weak and lack respect early in the game, its unlikely to get better. As much as I talked about this crap as a fucking 14 year old and thought the other person agreed. Most cunts now adays are absolute masters at the masquerade and facade.
It doesn't matter if the person cheats or not. The moment they entertain the potential, send texts or make plans then it has already been done. The intention means more to me than the action. Understanding this on the night I packed up with my daughters and left, it was the most incredible amount of relief I have ever experienced. Instead of going into that same depression like the first time around, I was asleep within moments while smiling and holding my daughters. Having your pride, dignity and self respect in tact on the way out of an abusive relationship makes it a hell of a lot easier.
Why hold on to memories that were based on a lie, one way projection of love and in no way something special no matter how much it meant to you. It's like giving the robber credit for saying good morning to everyone on the way in to rob the bank... The more you hold on and pine away about "fond" memories the harder it will be for you to avoid abusive people in the future and you especially risk allowing that person back into your life.
Move on, don't look back, absolutely cut contact, hobbies, goals, healthy friends...
Over 10 years monk now, I'm more content every day that I haven't even attempted to date since. Peace of mind and sovereignty are far too valuable to me now. The slightest flashbacks of the exhaustion are immediate reassurance, hell even just looking around EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. NOOOO THANKS.
Women aren't like investments. You can invest everything. When she leaves, she won't bat an eye. Many great men have been ruined by jezebels. You're not alone my friend.
So sorry for what happened and thanks a lot for sharing. I was just thinking about giving my relationship with my ex gf another chance, thinking that it didn't matter that she was so overly friendly with so many other dudes, that she had so many guy friends that kept texting and dm'ing her asking her to hang out or go on activities together. Despite the fact that I was working, she would go on activities or at the beach with just other men. Not a single other woman with them. She didn't "get along" with other women, as they cause a lot of drama and are jealous of her.
Not to mention her self absorbed and narcissistic behavior that lead her to never acknowledge the time, attention and resources you devote to her.
Your comment just saved me and has forced me to stop justifying what simply isn't proper behavior for a grown woman. The funny thing is that, she feels depressed because noone sees her seriously and noone wants a permanent relationship with her. I wonder why. No matter how fun, amazing or beautiful a person may be, it is not worth putting up with so much crap for them.
You sound like a good person, you would probably be really happy with another decent person.
"Captain Save a Hoe"😆
@@GutsDovakjin This is probably my first comment ever on yt, but the stuff with the guy friends and other women being just dramatic, sounds just like my situation. I always had a bad feeling and anxiety with my ex having so many guy friends and telling me how amazing they are.. I just thought I was overly jealous and should be ok with that.. Your comment helped me realise something. Thank you. Btw, no longer being with my ex and never getting back. I ended the relationship because I felt like shit in it, this is one of those reasons I see now that I didnt want to see back then.
The acting in the stock footage is underrated. Some hidden gems there.
😂😂😂
Yes hidden gems! In another Peterson video someone was slicing an avocado in the worst way humanly possible. It was truly remarkable.
@@cooperryan6703 lololol
Everything that ever happened is underrated
naw
Some people are good at destroying others. It's our job to take it slow and be responsible. Best thing is to be alone.
I dated one of the most verbally and mentally abusive women I think I’ve ever dated. We were about to get married in May when I found out she had been lying about alot of shit. Lied about why she didn’t have her kids. Lied about her love for me. Used attention as a bargaining chip. My father told me I dodged a bullet by not having kids with her and though I was upset with the comment at the time I now actually feel sorry for the next guy that has to put up with her bullshit attitude and lies. I’ve since took back the wedding ring got a refund and with that money I just bought a German short hair pointer that will never lie to me. Can’t remember being this happy in a long time, and although I wish I had a special someone I know she’s out there but I think for now I’m just gonna give all my attention to my career and dog until someone comes along that isn’t a sociopath from hell. As a side note I think the words narcissist and sociopath have been butchered. Everyone watches a UA-cam vid and then thinks they are are psychiatrist. Everyone has levels of narcissism but to be a true sociopath in my opinion is when said person knows how and why they manipulate people to get what they want and have 0 empathy. My advice is if they have 0 empathy or fucks to give when your having a bad day run for your life and never look back fuck those kinds of people. You ain’t a fucking fraction, another person doesn’t make you whole or not whole. Own that you picked the wrong person, better yourself and surroundings and never accept that kind of a person into your life ever again without heavily vetting that they aren’t just a leech out of some Doom game.
watch out for toxic positivity as well also known as false enthusiasm
this is tricky
some people get bullied for having a bad day cuz they are causing harm if they share any worry or sadness
Nicely said!
You should have just made a bunch of p o r n videos with her. Tell them you love them and use them as much as you can for your own benefit. Once you find someone their replacement, pull the rug out and dump them. That’s what I do. I have a whole google cloud full of videos from this one chic. From 25-27 years old I have her doing things I could spank to for the next 50 years.
Had an ex like that who got back in touch with me 7 years after breakup.
Karma seemed to have paid her a visit and also she hadn't changed at all, only convinced herself that she had.
@@johnholmes6741 i get the feeling you speak from the heart and your one of the real ones
At some point most people realize that they have been betrayed by their own fairytale illusions.
The price any 2 people pay for choosing to be together is very significant.
I don't regret my past relationships but none seemed tenable on the long term.
Although I am not proud of my lack of relationship success , I am all the more committed to being the best friend, sister etc that I can. Limiting drama and moving forward with a positive attitude.
I hope this leads to a better future.
My ex-gf of 7 years decided to leave me and found a new partner 2/3 months after the initial break up. I've begged and prayed her to stay, I lost my dignity, I've done so many stupid things to make her stay. Then, I've began healing and having realized that my ex and the contact, I kept with them, was slowing the process by heavy amount, I've stopped any contact with them. Not much after that, they've called me to blame me that I am the one, who threw this relationship of 7 years away... And that I was the one who didn't want for us to be friends or keep in contact...
All I have to say to this person if I ever meet them again is only one "Thank you". I am forever grateful that you've exposed yourself as the person who you really are. And that you've exposed my strengths to myself, which I never knew I had.
Exposed who they are that’s a great way of looking at it
It's the same as going back to a job where you quit unamicably. Never go back to a job where you parted ways unfavorably.
Betrayal is a big one. I’ve had many relationships fall apart, but I’ve never had a partner who lied straight to my face and deceived me. These videos help as well as talking and feeling all the feels. I wish everyone could always be honest with themselves and each other. Sending everyone loving kindness 🤗
This is why you NEVER put all your eggs in one basket...EVER. Love yourself more than anyone or they will destroy you.
*"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." - Frederick Douglass*
*"If there is no class struggle, there is no progress." - Karl Marx*
Or without conflict there is no refining; The definition of the meaning of life.
You have to break some eggs to make an omelet.
@@YTSparty lol. And you've got to have a sence of humour.
Every word Jordan speaks is the truth. My wife betrayed me, I stayed with her for the sake of our children, but our relationship became malevolent due to my burning resentment . But here is the odd thing, she died of cancer many years ago, and I miss her every day . Perhaps her abusive nature conditioned me to that. Man, life is complicated
nobody is inherently truly malevolent to their core. and i doubt she betrayed your trust with the intent to make you suffer, even if that was indeed the outcome. everyone has their own process in life for coming to realize who they are and who they want to be, and sometimes that involves a lot of ugliness. it's just a part of who we are. we are here to discover who we are and how we want to live and we're going to make a lot of mistakes and be disappointed in ourselves and in others because none of us are perfect, that's just how it is. but ultimately i don't believe anyone is beyond redemption.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
@@env0x love this
@@env0x I'd argue some people are truly and inherently malevolent by processes of their brain chemistry. There's no reasoning or redemption of a psychopath, you just run away. I know good is inside all of us and sometimes 'good' people do horrible things. Difference being, they have empathy and a conscience. They can change by witnessing the suffering they caused to the ones they love, and even for themselves. Some people just lack that capacity. As a machine, they are already broken and malfunctioning and there's no fixing no matter how they could try to convince they had an epiphany and changed ... More often than not it's just another manipulation tactic to get you to lower your guard so they can strike again.
Also, death doesn't automatically absolve what you did in life necessarily. Otherwise we would be talking about forgiveness towards Hitler and the Nazis. Everybody dies, it's just a natural process. Even rotten people. Good riddance for them.
@@cassius573 to say that people are machines is to say their actions are products of a machine. How can actions of a machine be good or bad? The good/bad of an action is only determined by intent. To imply intent is to imply that they are not the actions of a machine, so which is it? A machine can be programmed with the intent to do evil, so is it the fault of that machine that it is evil? Or the programmer's? What if the programmer was programmed to design an evil machine? Since humans are basically machines that can be born broken, what fault is it of the broken machine that they were born that way?
I have never done anything but I am looked at, judged, as if I had. It hurts to be in a relationship that just starts falling apart like a whirlwind of despair over something that has never happened.
"A place isn't just a place, right?" - How didn't I think about this?! Brilliant.
I want revenge, I wish she would suffer, I wish I have never met her, it is so unfair that someone can be so terrible and they can get away without consequences, it makes you go crazy
Can confirm, the unfair ness drives you crazy
I can totally relate to that. I’ve been in that exact place for the last 6 month. It’s freaking hard, this I know for sure, but you must push through and it gets better after a while. Find something that fulfills you, that keeps you busy - physically and mentally. Work on yourself and improve your current version. This way your emotional state will stabilize and your self esteem will come back. And I wanted revenge and her to suffer just as badly, too. But then, our actions are not better than theirs. I believe in karma and i know that there will someday be adequate consequences. I trust in this.
@@florianrohdan2685 I am keeping busy and tbh, ever since she left, I have evolved my career a lot, and there is more to come, lets hope we get our revenge one day
I hear 👂 ya
I felt this exact same way for a long time too. But let's change our perspective a bit here... Do you think that this person will not suffer tragedies at some point in their life? Do you think they are going to go on living happily ever after forever? Statistically speaking, the latter is way less probable. This person in your life planted a seed that they will have to sow later. You may not be able to see it this year, or even the next but their actions will inevitably make their future less fortunate. Of course, by the time it happens, you won't care anymore. You will eventually find yourself the more fortunate one. Pain and anger can blind you of this.
A place is a place in time. I relate to this part. I was sick with covid for a weak, and after I went to see my girlfriend who told me we should take a break. It was so unexpected and everything has changed so suddenly. After a week we broke up. It does seem my memories are not valid as I am not ever sure who I was dating for the past 2 years. It also erased the future which we were planning. There was no cheating, yet it feels like a betrayal. Probably for the best but so hard to process such change.
Narcissists tend to abandon their partners when they get sick.
So sorry for you, friend. May God helps you.
Trust the process. Life is something more than being in relationship. Everything gonna be alright :*
Definitely for the best ... trust that.
going through kinda the same. we just moved together and she suddenly left.
keep on going :)
I was in that place for years. Forty years with my mom and ten years with my husband. I don't know how to deal with my betrayal. My body kept the score and I physically shutdown. I could not walk and was bedridden for a year. Betrayal will eventually get you physically. I could handle the mental state of betrayal but betrayal will physically shut your body off and say no more your done.
I lost my future to that... it's 4 years now...i still think of her every day and can't understand why i can't move on even if i want to
Wow some speech👏 I found out my whole 18 yr relationship was with a psychopath who lead a double life! Wow that one hurt it broke me mentally I still find it hard to believe. I have a lovely daughter to this evil thing. I was atheist but that shock of all the lies n memories shattered & any future dreams changed me.
So sorry :( I believe it is called a “moral injury” when you are so shocked by the lack of morals in someone you trusted. It’s horrible what you’ve gone through. I relate unfortunately. I found God in it all, but wow, what a shock - that someone can say they love you and one day you realise they are not who you think they are and you don’t actually know them at all.
Will J what did she do that was evil
That’s what it means to have a seared conscience. Science has all these explanations of parts that are screwed up in psychopaths’ brains. Some of it may be true. The thing is, The Law of God says otherwise: that when you burden your conscience and choose evil over good enough times you basically tie Gods hands and give your soul over to evil entities. They have a slew of these personality disorders on the rise but the reality has more to do with a sickness in the soul, basically a moral decline and a conscious turning away from truth.
Wow Jordan !!! You are an amazingly brilliant human being . I say this on facts .I am living this scenario right now and you have walked me through all the feelings stages and events and boy I will not stay in the dark .I am coming out with my head up facing the light before me .Thank you JP.
PUT SELF FIRST...THOSE WHO ARE MEANT TO BE, REMAIN ! LIVE WITH LOVE AND TRUTH !
And take no shit off anyone! Sorry, you forgot that bit.
@@col2959 AGREED !
This is so spot on! He explains exactly what i felt after i found out about my husband cheating for years. I was left completely destroyed and even after 2 years i havent been able to feel like myself and i dont i will ever be.
woah those last few sentences were an absolute banger
Always 2 sides to a story. To call somebody Toxic is a cope out. Be specific.
Yes. I agree 💯. I'm so sick of the term toxic and narcissistic. To me it seems like the person using these terms is choosing to take no responsibility at all.
There are abusive people out there, but a lot of the people who have been labeled toxic are actually just in a failing relationship that was actually doomed from the start.
@@RhiWildeupgrade why would someone be in a relationship that was ‘doomed’ from the start? Theirs a big cop out right there.
@@col2959 exactly!
5 years of being called useless and not important, being talking about behind my back, going into 100k debt behind my back, manipulative, controlling, no accountability, blaming me for everything, telling me how I’m never am enough and dismissive and then crying victim all in the end and leaving me with nothing….I rather die than go back to him, In my head, he got hit by a car and he is dead. I pray no other woman get involved with him.
"To progress psychologically, you must let go, sacrifice time and again in the face of successive obstacles. You must abandoned those things that and often those people who, are impeding your progress despite the fact that you may have held them very close to your heart. When you are wrong, when you have missed the mark, when you have sinned because that is the meaning of sin, you must let the part of you that is wrong and aiming improperly died. Then, you must allow the new spirit manifesting itself within to spring to life."
My ex wife woke up one day after 25 year's together...and said she was leaving....she said she was going through something.....after a few months..I realized she was going through her second husband..me.
In the end after a year of trying to get her to come back home....I divorced her....she told me she just fell outta love...... while I did not....I had to go...move away from her and the heart ache....I felt like I lost a very big part of myself....it's been 15 year's ago.....we do not talk...I still feel the same way.....she is often on my mind,,,,I have allowed her to stop my progress.....I blame myself for that mistake.....only myself....
My best friend/ fiance left me. She left and had no compassion whatsoever. I gave so much love to her and her daughter. They were everything to me. Right when I need her the most and was dealing with the most stress I ever have ; she leaves and hasn't looked back. From my best friend to an angry stranger. We said we loved one another and you knew I had no one to turn to.
I miss her
It's gunna be okay. Jus lost 2 kids and a wonderful girlfriend. Move on and change and live for them if you love them. Love is never a garrantee to be loved back. Ya find someone else and that love fades. You will get through this bro! I have faith in you...
Stay strong Chris. You aren't alone.
@@bobbie2150 thank you my friend
Trust does not come in a refillable cup!
I know ego death... "self" feels pretty indifferent about everything.
0:00 - 1:04
So well articulated about what happens when someone is double crossed by a loved one
My ex-wife would constantly find fault. No matter how much I did, it was always: "It's nice but....." and follow with some reason that invalidated my efforts completely. Then, the accusations of infidelity. Ten minutes late home from work and, "Been to see your mistress?" I thought she was joking at first, she was not.
We divorced in 1994. Last year, my son went to visit her with his wife. The house was a mess, for which my ex apologised, and then went on to explain why it was my fault.
She never did remarry. She got a lot of interest from men who were clearly more perceptive than me. They never hung around for long.
Here's the rub: I did remarry. She was on my side, and in the early years, I had to rid my paranoia around her. She was just too damn pleasant. Always interested in the things I did, always encouraging and dismissive of my faults. I reciprocated and she would glow.
The toxicity of the earlier relationship had spilt over and could easily have ruined the second.
"She was just too damn pleasant" Jordan is talking about it too, try to find it, it has to be some balance, some tension. Maybe she is too insecure, try to talk to her.
I'm here because of the relationship between my father, my sister and I. I now understand that I've made the right decision to cut them out of my life.
There is reality.
And there's what you think.
This is an amalgamation of at least 3-4 videos so what is the conclusion of the matter? What do you do when you’re betrayed by your partner? Take them back? Never.
People cheat for a lot of reasons other than the fact that they don't love you.
It can be their own pain, their own longings, "what ifs", their introduction to sexuality, romance, an erotic space.
Though it's awful to be cheated on, been there, and even crossed boundaries myself, rest assured that you shouldn't blame yourself.
well, fortunately for me, my ex is far too narcissistic to take me back and blames EVERY issue that we had of 17 years completly on me. and after 6 1/2 years of heartbreak, i’m glad that it’s the way that it is… Gentlemen, please PLEASE don’t ever do it. she’s NOT worth it… save yourselves the headache
That was enlightening and eloquent Thank you
I just agreed to meet my ex for sushi on Monday. Just 90 minutes ago we got off the phone. Then I come home from the gym and open UA-cam to find this video at the very top of my feed. Is this a sign?
I dunno was it?
@@anraproyalty5847 yupp
@@TheZeedler good man! Glad to hear it...
Details!
the thumbnail is everything
How can I learn self love when… I put in so much effort (losing myself in the process) putting him first in everything… and then every one of his bad habits he changed for the new girl he cheated on me for because she’s pretty and younger who didn’t even have to put in any effort. I feel so lonely and worthless.
Learn what makes you valuable :) our effort in relationships isn’t it. It’s who we are, and not pushing anything here, but you are valuable to the creator and He loves you. God wants to give you a purpose and to see you flourish. Digging into that is the only form of “self love” that will make a lasting impact - I can say from experience of trying a million other things. Also, self love is just taking the effort you would have placed onto them, and placing that effort on yourself. Exercise, develop healthy habits and make yourself what you wished you could help your ex achieve. It’s just a redirection of energy and it takes work, just like a relationship. You got this :)
You feel worthless because a cheater didn’t value you? You need to rethink that.
You only see the outside of their relationship. There is no way to know if he’s really changed - I’m sure she’s not broadcasting his faults or if he has changed, if it will actually stick.
Dr. Ramani on youtube!
I'm not in the habit of picking up trash. If it's Iver it's iver for a reason and it just saves the both of you alot of time and pain to not try that again.
I've learned this the hard way, took 13 years to show their true face, and it was trash sadly.
Took only 1 year the next time
Hard lessons which allows you to spot those red flags in the first 2-3 talks now.
What sort of red flags can you give an example?
@@optimum2008 When she talks about her ex/still sees him, tells everything about her (often depraved) sexual life, says she has a complicated relationship with her father, talks the talk but does not walk the walk, always finds excuses not to see you, etc
@@optimum2008 research "love bombing"
@@optimum2008 Dirsrespect.
Once they betray you, they will always betray you. The worst of this situation after a reconciliation, is that the betrayed becomes another person, a monster in my case. I don't like this person, i don't know this person i became. That is a life of hell! You question everything, you don't trust, you don't believe a word. You constantly suspicious. Its better not to reconcile but move on. A hard thing to do, but for your own sanity, the best decision.
Love this.
Yep! I'll never take her back. Not because I want her to suffer because of her whimsical ways. But, because I love myself and no longer wish to suffer.
This Man is te greatest life has offered to make the world realize what life is like
Not to long ago I met a lady and we had the most incredibly romantic time. I thought we were going to be together forever. Then about a week later right out of the blue, she leaves me a john deer letter. So I called her up and she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something, I mean I don't know I really wasn't paying attention. But the thing that hurt the most is I think she was seeing another guy.....I never did find out who.
This seems comedic
So when your loved one or family member betrays your trust your ego dies? I always wondered if I had gone through an ego death as it sounds so grand in spiritual circles. Hah, I have so many situations where it have happened 😁 Now I know what type of feeling it refers to. When nothing seems real anymore. No wonder then that I am quite philosophical about the nature of reality and our experience of it.
I listen to jp and i find myself doing pushups ( I'm not joking )
This is very helpful.
Are there any links to the podcasts/speeches/interview that these separate audio clips are from?
i got cheated on a whole LIFE!!! 3 years then i got pregnant , he always said that he would love me to be the mother of his child....all he had to say , literally ALL was ABORTION. I was broken , severe depression ,i did not have the child and it affected me so deeply, he stuck around for 9 month NEVER UNDERSTOOD MY PAIN , not helping me , just doing as if i should forget , i was broken and he silent .Finally the day came where" our "baby was supposed to be born and i pleadet not to let me alone , to take me at the ocean SOMETHING but--------he throw a rock instead, he did not care , i was not his priority that day , gave me leftovers...2 month have gione by...i blocked him everywhere, he never apologized , never had any effort shown, cold blooded narcisst. i wish my baby was alive and not him
Wow I loved this! 😍
I was on a relationship with this girl, we had such chemistry in love and sex but everything went downhill. I was with her when she needed me, but I needed her the most, she disappeared, and suddenly other things were more important. Insecure is how I felt, she tried to make me feel guilty like If I did something wrong that wanting to be with her, Fixed her car and she didn't came to see me, still it was my fault not wanting to talk things like adults. Played with me making me think we would try and do things better but immaturely deleted me from every platform and left alone. Which is fine, I now feel stronger, hurts still but I will be better, I am better. I lost faith in love, and I shouldn't but all of this is a process. Good to y'all going through this. Stay focus, and God bless you.
I still love her, she was nothing but supportive and amazing, but I feel like I’ve been ignoring a part of me that needs to be alone in order to focus and become a person I am proud of
It’s so easy to be complacent and sit in loving cuddles, I’m just terrified of waking up one day when I’m older and resenting her and myself for not being my best
Initially it was mutual but now that it’s been a little while I think she’s becoming angry with me based on our couple interactions
I want to go back to her but in my heart I know what I have to do… who’d ever think being without someone you love was the right thing?
I dont know maybe I’m shooting myself in the foot, but I’m gonna go with my gut on this one
I’m 24, it’s kinda now or never
I had this situation too, I chose to have a break, she moved on over the course of months and just when I thought we could work it out I found she had started dating a guy who is more emotionally giving than me.
I've fallen into a dark dark depression and I regret ever doubting the relationship, I love her so much I can't even function anymore knowing I can't have her back, I'm 29 and I feel like my life is over
@@joshuabrown9398 shit bro life’s not easy, it’s complicated, but as cliche as it is the dark times that make us stronger, keep your head up and focus on yourself, you deserve it
@@Tyro_ she made my life bearable
@@joshuabrown9398
I'm in the same boat, brother. You just wanted to go back to the moments you fcked up and do the right thing.
but those were the past. You are now better, more matured, emotionally.
For you to achieve this higher state, you had to sacrificed her love.
The only thing you can do is to come clean with yourself. Wipe all the flaws, learn all the lesson you can obtain from that relationship.
and eventually, let it go.
For better or worse, I'd hate to be in my ex's shoes if she has to put up with the old me. Hence, I'm grateful that we broke up, and I get to be a better person that would actually know how to treasure a relationship.
@@GriffonksxEX very true but what hurts me most is that with my new knowledge I feel like I could be the perfect partner for her. Its sad to let go of 6 years of memories, over a fifth of my life together.
I know its common to look back with Rose tinted glasses but I just miss her so badly.
My ex. Thanks god I managed to leave. I finally healed my pattern. Investing in myself now.
Never ever take them back. Ever. You deserve a better life.
After my recent brake up with somebody I have relized that other side from begining was not interested to resolve problems in relationship.So strange that I have warned her that I did not want to put my 90% of effort and her 10% even if my fault was very little.I stretched the hands overcome situations you would have in relationship but other side was cold as ice.
You discover the "monster" you have been with after the brake up.As Jordan said, sometimes you must sucrifice time and connection with loved one you have been with even if this is painful.
The best advice I ever got is when you are the only one keeping the relationship together ( you are calling, texting, initiating intimacy, sacrificing, compromising etc.) stop & see if it does not crumble. If your partner does not pick up the slack you know its time to let the relationship crumble.
I still love my ex fiancée but i can never go back and i never will. It is a painful cross to bare. Something that will always be in the back of my mind for the rest of my days. His toxicity will never change because he doesnt want to stop his addiction. I waited 10 years for him to stop.
Here and elsewhere, JP says that "Life is complicated". People can achieve a good deal of simplification by simply not sinning. And by avoiding those, who are prone to sin. Yes, they need redemption, but the boy-meets-girl context is the worst place to reform someone.
@Vera Sounds like witchcraft ... another life-complicating sin.
I'm extraordinarily ugly so have never had opportunity to experience any of this.
Theres someone out there who will think you are extraordinarily beautiful. All Gods creations are even if they dont know it.
the funniest thing I've ever read. My 17y old son, watching his best friend suffer after the breakup, said "if that's what LOVE does to people I don't want it ever". I know you're just joking :)
I am 36 I’ve known this woman since my early 20’s never dated until now I’ve known she has had drug and alcohol issues idk why but I figured I could change her over time it’s been a roller coaster ride for sure she had no relationship with her parents I should have stepped way back on that one caused a ton of arguments from the beginning, she has no respect for what man and women really are she ended up breaking up with me due to my issues I’ve had with her since the beginning, she wanted a 3 month break, I really wanted to gain her trust back and spend my life with her, we got back together and got married and moved out of state together, I thought we could get a fresh slate, we started having small issues then she got a new job that she didn’t tell me about, flipped my schedule upside down, she had her parents over for the fourth and we had a big discussion, at least the truth got out, she wants total control over me, but why she knows I won’t handle that, she has now moved out in an apartment in town, sounds like she wants an annulment to act like it never happened, I think a divorce is more fitting I was in this for the long haul, to figure things out, I’m just so shocked how a woman can just bail on me and everything I’ve done for her, I guess all the red flags at the beginning I really didn’t let bother me my fault,
Im on 2 in a half years now still havent trusted anyone
The lecture was tremendously awakening for them in denial of toxic relationship (s), and affirmation for truth seekers. Dysfunctional relationships damage many innocent people, some never find balance in life which can be hard to live in this falling world where Satan is the god of the second heaven (Ephesians 2:1-10; 2nd Corinthians 4:1-6).
For the redeemed and ambassadors of Jesus Christ, our mission bring hope to the hopeless through profound understanding what meaningful relationship is and its fulfilling affects it should have in our lives. Agape love never hurt anyone but His purpose is to bring of goodness and blessings through relationship with Jesus Christ, share His abundance of life with others (Ephesians 5:9; John 16:13).
Shalom 💗!
Ive never seen anyone......get away with anything.....ever
Lol you don't know many people do you
@@forwardrecording1445 I wouldn't know ...5 countries, 48 states, and I've lived in all of them. Never.
Small town girl here---none of my friends' parents ever divorced, so I thought all marriages were like on TV---she packs his lunch, he goes off to work, they have kids & they are a happy family. I'm miserable after 50.years with a narcissist. I made him leave several real times
Let him come back everytime. I really was naive, so embarrassed. He slowed down only because of illness & age. Now that I can see, I was ready to leave. Now that he needs some help, I can't just go---Im too soft in that way, but very resentful about wasted years.. I'm just biding my time---he's even jealous that I might have happiness after he passes away. I needed to tell someone a long time ago. I understand everything now, Dr. Peterson. Thank you. I'm a R.N , & know a little about the burdens you must feel from helping so many. (The 1st time I heard you, you were talking about women, & I laughed, thinking you were just another woman hater like my husband. Then you got to the point of your lecture, & I've been hooked ever since. I listen to you with tears in my eyes. I WAS naive---you said, "You don't know what you don't know!!!" When I started learning, I hated my personality, yet couldn't bust out of here. I'd have to disappear, cause he has stalked me the times I thought I was free. Not that I dated (God, who would want another one??). He just wanted to see who came & went---Im sure that was boring !! Don't ever give up---you mean everything !!!
Sorry to read about your troubles Deborah.
Small towns are full of secrets and betrayal and contentment. No ody talks about it
I normally agree with J. Peterson but isn't marriage and earthly construct for mutual survival? And shouldn't all human fragility ideally be dealt without dissollusion for the betterment of character and self control; even if not exclusively, when such a promise is given: Ideally anyway?
What are those quotes at the end of the video?
I’m not going to lie, I got with my ex after being apart for 10 plus year’s, the start was beautiful, but then it went to shit.
Glad we aren’t together anymore.
He's right you go to a dark place a place you have never been what was and what will be is all new . And all you think about is will it ever be the same not for them but for yourself. You may forgive but you will never forget .
What if we’ve both changed after years of self realization?
6:07 onwards really is more important than it seemed in my first listen. Here's a transcription. Read it attentively:
This means that none of us should identify in the most fundamental sense with what we currently know and presume. Means as well that we should all come to understand that, so that we do not remain confused about who we are. This means that it is never sufficient to be conservative or to identify with the past or to become ideologically or dogmatically committed, or to remain stubbornly anachronistic and unchanged.
The environment transforms headlong around us, and we all must run as fast as we can - as Alice's Red Queen well knew - just to stay in the same place. It is not sufficient either to abandon tradition and structure entirely in a headlong and irresponsible rush towards the anomalous and revolutionary.
Structure is insufficient, but it is still necessary. And the ethical requirement for respecting and maintaining it is still of paramount
import.
We each must as well similarly avoid falling prey to the temptation of identifying with the chaotic depressing anxiety-ridden and nihilism-inducing state of affairs engendered by the terrible confrontation with the genuinely unknown. Even when thrust into the underworld by the dread events of our life we must not characterize ourselves as permanent inhabitants of that dark and dread place, lest we lose hope, despair and seek revenge.
To progress, psychologically, you must let go - sacrifice - time and again, in the face of successive obstacles. You must abandon those things that - and often those people who - are impeding your progress, despite the fact that you may have held them very close to your heart.
When you're wrong, when you've missed the mark, when you've sinned - because that is the meaning of sin - you must let the part of you that is wrong and aiming improperly die. Then, you must allow the new spirit manifesting itself within to spring to life.
The woman I once married isn’t my X anything. Because in essence I am still holding on , by calling her MY . X . Although she was a fantastic teacher. Because she put the knife in and twisted it . Since then other people have put the knife in but no one has ever twisted it again. Lesson learned. To day no one has the power to put the knife in because I know have a proactive armor. It’s called Self Love. Thanks Jordan glad you’re back.
Things like cancer can blow all this high school stuff like cheating out of the water. Petty stuff in the scheme of things. I think if you''ve been married a long time, established a family with kids and so forth, and the cheater made an isolated mistake, is making a good faith effort to change and keeps their word not to cheat, you shouldn't flush the whole thing down the toilet.
Trust is like virginity. Once it’s broken, you can’t get it back! Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing.
My childhood crush ( way back in the 90s) and I were together for the last 2 years. She's a highly intelligent person, hands down a 10/10 in all areas you can see or hear or feel from her- but therein, I think, lies the issue. She's an avoidant type who is constantly running, who just so happens to be incredibly busy and stressed as a mother. I'm the anxious type, who just so happens to be a combat vet with PTSD and betrayal trauma. She thinks that I'll get tired of it and leave, or she thinks I'll stay no matter what and become a beta orbiter or something. Not sure yet. What I do know is that, being literally the "love of my life" (carried a crush across the world from 1999 until today) I will always remember Our time, and I will never truly love again. I hope we walk back into alignment, but I need to focus on whats in my power- my life without her. I've never felt so exposed as to be rejected by my past for the things that happened since, rejected by my present because of her past, or ruined a beautiful future because of our past. It may have been better to have limited our reunion to a coffee.our past. It may have been better to have limited our reunion to a coffee.
If this doesn’t talk about my whole existence, I don’t know whatever does.
Right....mine had to die in a head on collision for me to leave her alone.
You should have posted this 9 months ago. Would have saved me some problems LOL
My high school sweetheart whom we'd had a less than year old son, knew that cheating was a deal breaker. We were engaged to be married, I had just lost my mother to cancer 3mos after our son was born and the coward dipped out and cheated with a woman he worked with. Deal breaker, heart broken, I let him go. What a coward...he's repeated this pattern 4 times and 2 more children later! I feel I took care ee of myself going through that knowing myself that I would not be able to EVER forgive ghim of that. It was established firmly that I was incapable of forgiving him of that and there was no going back. It took a huge toll on my mental health and self worth and still keep this close in starting new relationships to mindfully NOT have this experience interfere with build new intimate relationships. Hard stuff....
Taking your ex back is the same thing as taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on
LOL, I can move on from this!
Getting a new gf is like taking a shower, and putting on dirty underwear you found in the street.
@@mpetrison3799 😂😂😂😂👌
Dating is like trying on underwear and not buying. Other men already tried on that underwear and put it back.
Ex sent me a catfished photo of his "son" and ran away when I questioned him.
Wow first 30 seconds have me mind blown
I think assuming the other person is capable of following this written path and somewhat in stone timeline is where we naively and understandingly go wrong. Even the other person may not know where they’re headed and how to get there ( marriage family healthy years behind them with a relationship) but the thing to do is to be so healthy mentally that you do not excuse these red flags and you aren’t afraid to say you might have another soul Mate that’s okay too. It’s okay to let people go bc you thought they’d work on themselves too. But first, before you quit or even begin in any relationship do the work on yourself. Don’t wait til your 40s get the help as soon as one relationship goes sour. Go as soon as you’re feeling like something is off in the relationship go even if you think it’s them. Bc you’ll have the guidance to leave and see clearly even if it ends up being them and you’ll have support and be strong enough to let it all go if you have to .
God forbid no.
Never
i had a discerning throught today The only thing certin is nothin is certin
This does not apply to all scenarios. . People ho through shit in cycles in life.not all is by the book.use your discernment dont get caught in hate
I like Jordan a lot and he is a large inspiration to me however I feel a great many of his solutions and advice can get reduced to behaviour change or control and don't focus enough on the minds ability to be at peace regardless of the social or cultural experiences we go through. There is great strength in placing the desire to love someone and forgive (not pardon but simply watch without judgement) above a physical symbol of union. That said - I do not disagree that profound life lessons and growth and wisdom can come from within these defined structures such as marriage, career choice, goals etc.
He certainly engenders serious contemplation.
Thank you father for healing my broken heart 🙏 #Doctoruroko 🙏 🥰❤️💝🥰🥰🥰
The person may have had a very good reason for leaving! I would suggest couples and family counseling before making a decision. Someone close to me had an emotional breakdown, abandoned the home and cheated while abusing substances. She came to her senses, and now 40 years later, they have a good marriage.
The photo 😂😂😂