1881 Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
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- Опубліковано 28 лип 2024
- Show 1881 ACU Sunday Series. Dr. John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
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• Dr. John Townsend | Bo...
Best Selling Author Dr. John Townsend shares from his best selling "Boundaries" series at Gateway Church in Southlake,Texas. Published on Mar 25, 2015
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
by Henry Cloud, John Townsend
Overview of the Book
This New York Times bestselling and award-winning book helps readers set healthy boundaries in order to be the loving people God created, and now offers a whole new chapter.
Are you in control of your life?
Christians often focus so much on being loving and giving that they forget their own limits and limitations. Have you ever found yourself wondering: Can I set limits and still be a loving person? How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? Why do I feel guilty when I consider setting boundaries?
In this Gold Medallion Award-winning book and New York Times bestseller, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend give you biblically based answers to these and other tough questions, and show you how to set healthy boundaries with your parents, spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and even with yourself. This updated and expanded edition specifically addresses boundaries in the digital age, online dating, single parenting, and the workplace.
Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Unpacking ten laws of boundaries, Drs. Cloud and Townsend show you how to bring new health to your relationships. You’ll discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individual God created you to be.
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Just turned 50 years old. It’s time to learn how to set boundaries! Long overdue, thank you! ❤️
😊😊😊
One of the most influential books I have ever read. Never met a person who didn’t need to read this.
The first book I utilised to help me develop assertiveness, being comfortable with assertiveness techniques, and gradually helping me to regain a sense of self-worth which narcissistic parents and subsequently being a 'people-pleaser' had damaged, was "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". This book is also very helpful for those who tend to 'people-please' and need to become assertive with others. Wishing all those who need support becoming assertive all the very best. Thanks for uploading this audiobook!
🤯
I know That Book ! I'll have to find it again ...
Proverbs 19:19 If you rescue an angry man you will only have to rescue him again.
Amennn
Teaching people to close is very unhealth
Amen 🙏🙏🙏
I'm at an age where I feel the need for boundaries more than ever and I find this podcast very interesting!
Have just read this after about two years of narcissistic friendships in the church (paperback) version of this (major highlighting time!) and plan on re-reading this on holiday next week. God is teaching me that its okay to have firm boundaries, especially when you're an empathic person that narcs seem to 'sense' somehow.
O wow. Gonna get that book
This was an eye opening message. Listening and implementing is going to be the key for me. I lived my life for years without boundaries. Thank you!
Important Notes:
Guard
1) Values
2) Thoughts- take every negative thought captive.
3) Feelings - not listening to our gut or valuing our feelings.
4) Passion
5) Weaknesses
6)Origin/history
7) Strength
It’s not being selfish, it’s being a STEWARD! Boundaries are important. Practice saying no for the service of “good” in exchange for the service of best. A Need is not a CALL. Having boundaries confronts the problem.
Obstacles include fear of people leaving you, guilt, not enough people to vent to ( be careful what you say though) and conflict avoidance behavior ( which teaches others to get mad at you to get what they want because you will avoid conflict. Also know as a people pleaser).
Christians are supposed to speak the truth in love. Iron sharpens iron, hurt is not the same as harm. Remember saying no to the “good” in order to have the best.
People who don’t know how to say no are voluntary liars ( oof, that hurt and I had to let that sink in). Monitor your lies.
Use the word no everyday. Who are you giving the power to? Do you have the energy to? Are they unable or unwilling? Is it from a cheerful heart?
thanks
Thank you for taking the time to write it out
Thanks.
Thank you 😊
This is great! I have been through domestic violence so have an inbuilt fear of conflict or putting boundaries in..especially around relationships with the opposite sex.. and what is acceptable treatment. This teaching and your books has really helped me to embrace my value and worth and preventing people trying to exhert control over me 🙏🏽❤️
I heard this last year and tried hard to implement most of the suggestions. In the process I even had to completely remove some very abusive people from my life. As I workked down the list I finally arrived to this almost INCONCEIVABLE idea just few years ago: I SHOULD NOT FIX WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BROKEN.
But even reaching this landmark did not completely solve some other issues with few members of my enlarged family. Until I finally understood I had to tune my VALUES. I did not have to change them; I simply had to bend them slightly with those few very difficult individuals. I am glad to hear just now that VALUES were also mentioned in this show; I just did not pick that up last year.
Last thing I TOTALY agree on is that my only boundary is my SKIN. If my skin does not hurt, then I am fine with anyone around. As soon as it hurts (and I am an INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE SKIN), then I take actions.
I bought this book at a thrift store,it’s a great book.I still own the book.This book really helped me.:)
SO ENCOURAGING AND LIFE CHANGING.
My doctor HIGHLY HIGHLY recommended this book and app to me. Now I'll recommend same. What a ginormous blessing!!
I dont tell everyone how im really doing or all thats going on cause everyone doesnt really care to know. Its not cause i want to lie. Not everyone needs to know all my business.
So because the other person LIEDS you makevit ok to lie to them right back ? Think about it this way... If they lie when they ask how are things in your life going, then hold them accountable by telling them or better yet make it all up and go on and on and on about all the things going on making them regret asking lol.
I think in this instance he is talking about your Team. If someone asks though feel free to tell them the truth, we don't have to go into our life stories or even specifics. I'm ok. I'm coping. I'm not having the best day. It's not wrong or a lie to speak positively and not go into the depths of despair. We can be honest and real and still keep it positive. Manifest.
I hope you are blessed with people who you can trust and feel safe with. I wish you love and friends.
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SUGGESTION: since this was a recommended book to me, I bought it and I blv this was a book that changed my lifes direction....BUY the book esp if you love hard copies. highlight, bold, notes, etc. Once is NOT enough. THis is to implement directly.
This book changed my life, thank you Dr. Cloud!
What a blessing this message is 🤗. This resonates to me in so many levels. Thank you for putting this together. ❤️
FYI, the audiobook is 11 hours
Amazing video. I literally wrote down a ton of notes and had a ton of insights! As I had horrible boundaries at work. It lead to a burnout..
Can you share those notes with me to my email? I’ve been listening to this at work today and didn’t get a chance , amazing audio!
Not everyone has 3-7 people that they can pour everything out on. There are a lot of people that don't like to be vulnerable and open, or deep. My adult kids are really finding this.
I think his point was to FIND 3-7 people you can talk to anytime about anything and they will still love you and give you truth.
That is exactly why I don't have 3 to 7 people who I can talk to, and trust them with what I talk to them about and it's because my trust has been broken by the bad people and the narcissist I was with for 5 years.
I definitely needed this! I’ve learned so much!
My Mom gave me this book in the early 80s. I was in an abusive marriage and had some manipulative family members. This book helped me to learn and to work my way out.
Now, is there a book on how to quickly recognize a narcissist from a genuinely kind person. I have learned a good rule, look at who a person is friends with and if they have fruit in their life.
Still I have been fooled.
@traciebecker6669 I have the same issue as far as not being able to tell who a narcissist is compared to someone who isn't but then again as it is, I also have a very big problem with spotting who the bad people until it is too late as well and I really hope I will start being able to spot the bad people so I can have the better people in my life from now on!
Thank you for sharing such a great message. I had to listen to it again and again to absorb as much as I could. The verse on 1:12:21 is Proverbs 19:19 instead of Provebs 17:17, just in case you want to check out the verse.
This was a great discussion!💯 I am so blessed and challenged by the thoughts expressed.🙌🏽 Thank you God for this message! 🙏🏽
thank u so much im saying no
This is an excellent book 👍!
I’m not afraid of saying no because I don’t want to hurt someone, I’m afraid of saying no because when I do, I’m criticized, judged, guilt-tripped, and put down when I do.
And when I try to give advice and explain why people block or avoid her, she acts like a 13-year-old and says “everyone hates me, I feel like my life is meaningless” and then she blasts everyone with texts about how horrible everyone is to her.
And when I tell her I don’t want to talk about certain things, she gets offensive and says she should just be a robot without any opinions. And since she’s had 10 years of useless counseling, she says she is the way she is because the counseling, but she’s always been like that.
Even more of a reason to have extra strong boundaries with this person and consequences when they try to break them. Sometimes that might be nc.
Grateful for this presentation. I need to set boundaries and find boundary loving people.
Thank you!
Thank you
I'm praying for you. I can relate to some of that. So sorry
Thank you so much!
SUMMARY
1. Monitor the lies u are telling
2. Say no everyday for 90days
3. Take the power back + live the life God wants u to
4. When people ask for something......
(a) Is this something they could provide for themselves?
(b) Do I have the resource/time/energy/excess/bandwith?
(c) How am I feeling? Cheerful or resentful
(d) What is the fruit of my giving?
- gratitude or ingratitude + dependency
After 90days your neural pathways will change and u will either implement this new system of boundaries or completely forget it.
You're welcome ⬆️😀👍💜🙏
Monitor the lies?
Thanks for this summary.
Thanks so much ❤️💯
My Opinion. Ty for sharing and u are 💯 percent on target 🎯.
Thank you❤
Correction: it's not in proverbs 17:17
quote is actually in Proverbs 19:19
if you rescue an angry man you will have to do it again & again
Such a great video, thanks for sharing!
1 Values
2 Thoughts
3 Feelings/Emotions
4 Passions
5 Sins/Weakness
6
7 Strenghts
1 fear loss relationship
2 Fear anger
3 Fear guilt
Can't say No Your lier
Use the word no everyday.
Find who you give power to.
Ask if this something you can't provide for self?
Do I have resource?
How feeling?
What is the furit?
Gratuitied and automny
Ingradtutied and Dependiey
Re-Do it.
Two kinds knowing
1 Content
2 Exterince and relationship
Art of saying No!
Tell the truth in love with one another.
Great talk ! Thank you very much
Thank you! :)
I'm Seventy years old ... WHERE Exactly do you get ALL These
" Friends " that KNOW EVERYTHING about you ??????????????
I don't have / KNOW ANYBODY like THAT ............
Praise GOD for you ,
I Guess .........
I read the book years ago. There's some good advice. But when you're in a situation where you're living with / taking care of someone for health reasons who cannot care for themselves, and either they or others in the household don't respect your boundaries, there's nothing you can do.
Try to teach them to respect your boundaries. It is hard, but it is a process. Deprive of your attention. Like, okey, you do what you must. But if your boundaries are not respected, you dont talk to that person for a day. Then again and just follow the rules you set. And slowly train the people around you to respect your rules and boundaries. I got this idea from my coach, that is how she does it with friends and family! Good luck 🙏
@@nailamovsumzade8702
There are situations where the other person/people will not cooperate, no matter what you do or say. And no, I can't leave. This is a major, ongoing health crisis situation. They can't afford outside help. They REFUSE outside help anyway! I work only part time. I can neither afford to pay for help, nor can I live elsewhere. I am trapped.
@@Yesica1993 Have a look at the 2 series on here called Who's Pushing Your Buttons? and Resistances to Boundaries by Drs Townsend & Cloud. You do not have to put up with abuse, and make sure you're not being held hostage to the health situation. Whether they are refusing outside help is not your responsibility.
@@andreagalley5422
I'll check those out. Thanks.
Impressive teaching. Not a common topic, specially how many teachers encourage giving and unconditional loyalty to to the priesthood
Empty calorie ppl EVERYWHERE. I’m DONE AFTER THIS LECTURE.
Good stuff.
David vented to God! The Bible does not say he vented to others. Of course, we need friends we can be honest with though.
Interesting so maybe God and like a journal is the best source to vent to?
Remember Jonathan, King Saul's son? David definitely had some "venting" conversations with Jonathan.
@@judithcoleman3108 Interesting that David vented to the son of the king, who was actively seeking to kill him. Instead of being afraid of Jonathan, they were knit together as friends.
An enemy a friend in the same household!
@@genj6630 to me that’s the way to go. Of course, I believe that at some point I will meet the right people to trust in, but I’ll not tell them everything like I can be honest with God.
What if it's my pregnant daughter whose ex boyfriend is physically verbally abusive to her and she doesn't want to get a restraining order on him she's irresponsible and verbally rude to me who has 30 day to move out of her place and I try to talk to her about how can I help her and she flips out and doesn't want to hear me because I can't afford to buy all the food , I have a 1 bedroom she used to live here with me I gave her the bedroom while I sleep in the living room but she was rude to me then she 21 years old now and I don't want to see anything bad to happen to her, my sister was 22 when she was murdered 30 years ago...please pray for us for God's direction , I did let her know I understand how hard it is my exhusband her father is not in her life I was a single mom
This book will help you with this situation. As hard as it will be you have to set boundaries and trust God. I will be praying for you and your family. I've read it 3 times and it has helped me with something similar. I have shared this book more than any book I've ever read. I have the ebook and workbook and dont mind sharing it if you would like it. Next to the bible this is the best book I've ever read...
@@tilliabritt2495 wow wow in Jesus name thank you I would definitely want the ework book...your a blessing if God did it for you I believe he'll do something for me
@@normabarros3124 send me a message and I will send it to you. God is an intentional God. It was not an accident that we were on the same video post at the same time.
@@tilliabritt2495 amen...yes
Tillia Britt please can I get these materials too ? They'll be a huge blessing at this stage in my life
Dam I didn't know they made UA-cam Videos in 1881... cool
It was show # of the church services. See notes.
مانى فاهمة ولا كلمة ممكن رابط الكتاب بالعربي
It does saying something about people leaving their families for the sake of Jesus.
is their any online link for free download
The audio book is on Amazon and you can have free trial for a month
it is proverbs 19:19- not proverbs 17:17. great sermon though.
Is this the book read work for word or summarized???
Man I have such a hard time sticking to my word and doing what I'm posed to do, I'm hurting in my soul because I feel like I told this abusive man my whole life story, he throws everything in my face I hate it. I been scared because I have no friends now, I let him tare me down , wen I first met him I was 152lbs I'm now 89lbs he calls me weak nd not a woman , he calls me dirty and a snake and that I have mental issues, and he thinks he has a right to grab push or hit me wen I say too much, I hate this so much I don't want to lose my mind nd do something crazy to him. I told him about my pass abuse and hurt and he said to me " that's what u get no wonder y they beat u or talked about u" nd he says he's the only one that loves me, that cares about me, because I have bad pain so much pain I scream nd cry all night , he gets mad because it wakes him up to rub my back or help me, he gets rough nd slaps my back over nd over or rubs way too hard and starts yelling at me, telling me no body knows wat to do for u, u know ur going to have this pain so get over it, smh I dont even know if there's a such thing as real human love ...because I thought he loved me :( I'm so ugly nd dumb I feel like I wasted too much time in this toxic co dependent relationship , how do u start over without feeln like u did something wrong? This hurts so much I need someone to talk to. I'm tierd of going threw this and being tricked back into this toxic relationship.,.
Dear Simply Me! That is so difficult and damaging Do not let anyone define you! Let God define you. God loves you or else He would not have sent Jesus on such an errand to redeem you! He wants to spend eternity with you! See John 14:1-3! Please do not stay with someone who continually abuse you--at least until he changes if he does. Please get help! I will be praying for you this week! Please see a doctor for you weight loss. It could be stress or a medical problem. This is life and death for you! You are valuable!!! Treat yourself according to precious person you are. Walk away from the ill, nasty assessment of a narcissist man!
@@lizhall2961 thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and yes I Love God and I will follow his word and guard my heart , I know I need to move on I just need to heal this broken heart.
Praying for God to reveal his goodness to you in your dark times. Remember that He always walks alongside us in our journey. He will never leave you or foresake you. May His healing hands heal your physical and emotional pain.
@@xeexiong4149 thank u so much God bless u
@Simply Me
When I read your post it brought pain, sorrow to my soul, I'm so sorry you have to endure through all of that. I understand because a couple years ago I was in your same situation. The only difference was I had a new born son...I was so determined to stick out for the sake of my son, but there came a time that I realized if I stayed I was going to die and my son needed his mom. So I took some small belongings and ran away...I was in a whole nother state, I had no friends, no family, no money, I had nothing...verly knew about God, so I found myself homeless with a newborn baby. I was able to go into a womans shelter that night I fell to ground with my face to the floor and I cried out to God, I remember asking Him if He was real to make Himself known & if He did I would go where He wants me to go!....Glory be to God I had no idea during that time in my life I had prayed a prayer! Oh God answered my prayers & the rest is history. God is my everything & first in my life, my son is healthy, & I am now married to a wonderful man of God that loves me like Christ loves the church... I say all of this to tell you this: I don't know what your relationship is with God but I pray that you seek His help above anything else. The same God that pulled me out from my despair & turmoil will pull you out as well 🙌 Keep reaching out to him. I pray that God grants you his Peace & Courage to take the necessary steps to move into your destiny God has called you to. In Jesus mighty name Amen
Please how can I find video of the process group
Is this exactly like the book?
I think the book is more compact, but very recommendedable! I love this audio though bc it has got more examples, which makes it easier for me to understand.
I think the book is more compact, but very recommendedable! I love this audio though bc it has got more examples, which makes it easier for me to understand.
What?
Jesus is watching you kills me 🤣🤣
This is excellent!
Yes burgle is a word.🤣😂🤣
That first story... Wtf?
The joke actually ends: “Sic em Jesus!”
This is not the book! If I want serment ill search for one liar
WAHAHAHA THEY CALLED IT BOUNDARY, BOUNDRY OF WHAT LIES 😂 YAKUG ZERO 😂 THEY KNOW THEY MADE A SONG FOR IT 😂
Thank you