People Pleasing Has Cost Me Thousands ( Can't Do It Any More)
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- Опубліковано 4 лют 2024
- People Pleasing Has Cost Me Thousands ( Can't Do It Any More)
My daily Short videos will be about saving money, making money, personal growth, goal setting, weight loss, health, cooking baking , shopping, meal plans, organizing, cleaning, and more.
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Dawn Hunt
2177 Buckingham Road
Number274
Richardson, TX 75081
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Every time I turn around at work, there's one of my coworkers soliciting their kids' fundraising junk, $5 candy bars that taste like wax, popcorn that's stale etc. a gallon of gas in my area (CA) is still well over $5. I find myself resenting them for even asking me when they are well aware that I'm a single mom on a tight budget. I need to stop feeling guilty and say sorry but no😒
Don’t feel bad about saying no. Many years ago, I started saying no to other people selling fundraiser stuff. Also, back in my day, there was always a “house party” going on, like Tupperware, etc. I just would tell the person, that it’s nothing personal but I just can’t afford it anymore. I didn’t lose any friends over it. They all understood.
A personal policy of not supporting any of those expenses at work will save you a lot of angst.
When asked just say, No thanks. Offer no reason, no is enough.
Whenever I couldn’t I would just simply say “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t right now, but I would like to if I could “. That’s it. I don’t tell them why and give reasons why. And nobody has ever treated me differently because of it. My kids have sold candy and things thru school and I would just put the sheet up at my work and if people wanted to they could. If not, no big deal.
@@silentnot4812 I never let my children be involved with organizations that expected the kids to do fundraising. And it isn't even the kids, it's usually the parents that have to do it. We stopped buying Girl Scout cookies years ago.
I just say that it's not in my budget. And don't feel guilty, be proud of how you handled it. 👍🏽
I said "no" to babysitting when I found out her 3rd child was on the way. I had done it FOR YEARS every other weekend with the first two even when I was working full time. My son passed away recently and in my grief, I have had to change everything. I'm no longer buying clothes, diapers, and necessities for the grands. Their moms have to figure it out. They are in their 30's. I'm on SS and things are getting really really tight. Like you said, I have to think about MY 4 walls. There is no one left that will, but me.
I am so very sorry to hear about your son.
OMG!!! Dawn. THANK YOU, you are talking to me! I, like you, made a list of all the gifts, birthdays, Christmas, showers, etc, I gave over $2,000 in cash, where I could have given $15, I've given $25. to a 10 year old's birthday for 2 years!!! At that time, I had $$25,000 in Home Equity Loan to pay off!!! Thank God I finally came to my senses and STOPPED! Now I am happy to say, I have $1,900.00 balance on my Home Equity and I will NEVER get in that situation again. Yes, it was death by a thousand cuts. And the sad story is when I would mail a $50 check to my nieces and nephews, I wouldn't even get a thank you card nor a call, yet I repeated it the next year!! Speaking of INSANITY!💗
Absolutely understand!
I appreciate your response. My story is the same! I am getting less generous. I only sent 2 Christmas cards..Previously I sent a book of stamps to many people as a Christmas gift. ..not this year. I sent flowers $69 a pop..not anymore.
My home equity loan is at $15,000. ..Actually the constant conversations about inflation gives the perfect excuse for" no gift giving" Everyone gets it these days...really I should've stopped gift giving way before covid 19
Hello there if the relatives don't thankyou for the gift I would not send it again as it's money better spent getting your own bills paid
Great comment
We all got a shock at work last Friday when the COO announced that they are closing the doors at our work location in my town ( they offered us jobs in the city 50 minutes away but I believe only 1 person is going) so we are all sad that our doors are closing by April first, our meeting is Wednesday to discuss our severance package for each one of us, although I can draw my social security and my moderate pension at 66 and in good health I was looking forward to working there for a few more years, my twin nieces birthday is next week, usually I take both of them and their immediate families to a nice steak house and I pick up the tab, I believe I’m going to invite them for a nice home cooked meal instead this year as with my current situation I don’t feel comfortable spending that amount of money this year. I need to ( as you say) take care of my own 4 walls.
I am sorry to hear about your job. I think you are right.
I've done this with family, I dressed one of my niece's in full school uniform, I've bought a tv, hired a car to pick up one from hundreds of miles away also paid for a taxi for him and his wife from a different county and also paid for half their wedding. I've been used by nearly all of my seven siblings and now only one of them speak to me because I had to start saying no when I got my house and couldn't afford to do it any more!
I'm sorry they've treated you this way. 🦋
I am glad you put your foot down.
I say no.end of discussion.
It's like when you're plush, everyone is your best friend.but once you don't have it, everyone forgets you.
Amen.
So true! Even with kids!
Yes. My dad had a saying....Eaten food is soon forgotten. @@carolynm9798
Yup, the Givers and the Takers. I stopped gradually over 50 years to see who uses me or sees me as a friend. I was worried of what they would think of me. Now I don't care anymore.
Great video Dawn, I notice as I grow older this happens more and more. Girl Scout cookies were $.50 a box when I was a Girl Scout. Now their ridiculously priced. My granddaughter offered to help me sweep and vacuum my covered patio of dog hair. She is 11 years old. She said her "fee" was $25.00 an hour. I about flipped. I had thought of giving her something, maybe $10.00. I asked her Dad and he confirmed she should get $25.00 an hour. YIKES. What makes this funny is I have always bought all her school and summer clothes.....no "fee" from me, that's for sure. You may think I'm cheap but for $25.00 an hour I'll do it myself using my walker a little at a time. When all my stepchildren NEVER thanked me for their birthday and Christmas gifts sent states away....after 12 years...I stopped. I think good manners are needed, my mother would always have us write a thank you card. Financially I just can't swing it anymore, with groceries and insurance, gas and electric rates skyrocketing I need to be aware of how I use my money. Going out to eat is overwhelming. The prices have nearly doubled. I am just going to have to scale back ...big time. How long ago was it that you helped your disabled grandparents just out of the goodness of your heart? My sons were never paid for such things. It's a whole new world out there. Let's teach our kids to be giving humans. Thanks Dawn, I give a lot but with these rough times I must think where I choose to give my money to. God Bless us all. 💕 From Debbie and Dexter-Dog my sweet tiny rescued Chihuahua companion 🐶 living a quiet crafty life in southern California 🐕.🐣🌵🤓🐰💌🥰🏠🙋🧑🦽✝️👍🙏🐾🤔
That would be the end of school clothes from me! I don't know what's worse, her telling you her fee is $25 an hour or her father agreeing with her. It would've broken my heart if my grandchildren and children had said that to me. I am so sorry. 🦋
Wow. I would like 25 dollars an hour
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMomLOL
@@3TXSistersYes, this made me kind of sad. What happened to being grateful? The school clothes! And charging $25 to sweep dog hair... sounds overly entitled to me.
Wow, you are a kind person! I also have found and kids and grandkids to be not grateful for much of anything. My kids and grandkids live far better than me, so I have cut back to sending them only $50 for birthdays and Xmas-besides you are correct, there are no thank-you's not even a quick text? I feel like good manners and respect are gone.
Me, too. When I only hear from people when they want something, I have gotten more direct. "Why do I only hear from you when you want something?" They just laugh. They know what they are doing. Do we know what we are doing, and why we give too much? It is time to figure these things out. We have trained them that we will say "Yes," even though if we need them, we have learned they will be "too busy," etc. We change change what we do and how we feel about it. It won't be comfortable, but it will help us grow and learn to be better about setting boundaries and allowing people to save themselves. Best wishes to all of us who have a history of giving too often, and giving too much.
@bria2596 👍
So true!
We stopped buying adults gifts for birthdays , Christmas ect a few years back , give gifts to kids until they are 18 only . We always bring a plate of food or such if we are invited to someone’s house ,
Hmmm, I think our government needs to watch this video. We need to take care of our own before giving our money to and supporting those outside the family.
😄😄😄
Dawn, I am the same this year. I’ve explained it and I trust my friends, kids, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will understand. Everyone I know is “decluttering.” I’m trying to get me friends to meet in a park instead of restaurants, too. Somebody has to say it.
It sounds as though you've offered a nice way to get together to let them know you cherish their friendship, not the gifts. 😊
We started a game nite at our house and rotate once a month at friends’ homes. So much cheaper than eating out and we have lots of fun !
Love that!
Wonderful idea
I get what your saying!!! My daughter and I were talking about this last year. I always would give or buy things for my sister, her kids etc. AND my brother. That stopped near the end of last year. This may not sound right but I got to thinking that NEVER was anything given to me- exchanging gifts were never a 'fair' exchange. AND they all make more money than me!!! I too need to take care of my needs and bills etc. because I'm pretty sure nobody would help me if that happened. So IM also doing it for a favor to them all- they dont have to feel guilty when they dont help me lol
I so agree
I understand as a single woman. It’s unfair buying for a family of three or four people and just little me getting one gift. Harsh to think of but others are rich (really rich) and I’m barely getting by. Even if I put the parents gift together the two kids need separate gifts. And they have expensive tastes.
This is why I also stay off FB. too much drama and too much begging from people I never hear from unless they want something. Grrrrrrr
Dawn, your gift to your friend was very generous--cash! I support you. Yes, people pleasing has cost me money. Im buying a friend's car that I dont Need. Im a widow living in a state where gas costs $$$, and i have to pay to PARK it. I am at retirement age but still gotta work to make it here. Also, this friend needed $500 for a medical emergency for her son last April. I Zelled it to her immediately & did not hear from her again until she asked me to buy her vehicle. She has a partner to help her out; I am alone. I appreciate everything shes done for me after the death of my husband, but i am not wealthy. I have needs that are going to cost $$, so i needed this talk. Thank you, Dawn.
You are being taken!
@@dorawedlock3969 👍
You need to talk to your "friend." If you don't need the car, ask her to find someone else to buy it. If you can afford to lose the $500 you gave her, consider it a gift, but don't give her another cent. You may mention that when you talk about the car. You're not a doormat, quit letting her take advantage. Good luck!
I loaned a relative quite a lot of money, but didn't get it back, and she never brought it up, even though she made good money. I finally had to write her a letter, telling her nicely that I needed the money back. Only then did she give it back to me. Sometimes you just have to ask. They don't have an issue with asking to borrow it, so you shouldn't have an issue with asking for it back. "Oh, hey, just a reminder about (the money). I need to purchase something and that money would help me a ton."
You are so kind
Wow, giving a friend a check for $50+ AND picking up the tab for lunch when celebrating both birthdays, in exchange for a bottle or two of lotions and her driving to the restaurant (how far is the restaurant), yeah I’m not surprised she was disappointed.
I’d stop picking up the tab too, have hubby drop you off and pick you up, and each pay for your own lunch.
Imagine expected someone to buy lunch because they drive in the car with you.
If it’s a long drive - find somewhere closer to eat.
It’s about the company, not the restaurant.
I now make a donation to the project "whatever" the grandkids are selling for direct, whether it be class, scouts, etc. I keep it to $5.00.
Yes, take care of your four walls first.
I understand big time!! My own sister would give me crappy (like the friend gave you) stuff I don't need for my birthday or something she was given she didn't want. I gave here nice gifts for her birthday So, I told her I don"t want to give gifts anymore.
I so relate
Good on u!
In the past the more money I've had, the more "people pleasing" has cost me. Now that I simply don't have it I have to say no. I have no choice. 🐈⬛️ Sacramento, California USA 🇺🇸
My sister always says she is the most happiest when she has no money. People can't expect to "borrow" money from her.
I had a Friend that passed away a year ago, and when she was here on this earth she babysat her Grandkids and great grandkids. Insted of the Mom paying her they brought her food. She never complained, however passed away with a lot of debt. Thanks for the video Dawn Have A Beautiful Day ❤
That does sound tough
I don't know about your friend's situation, but I do know that sometimes people don't realize how much someone does and how lucky they are. Sometimes people don't realize the value of a babysitter or the value of someone giving you rides or the value of other nice things people do for you. Or even the value of a baby shower. I never want to be unappreciative ever again.
@minimalismbyan659 I agree! I stopped watching a UA-cam channel because she was watching her grandchildren all day, and they spent the night one night over the weekend. Then, the parents decided she could homeschool the kids. The channel creator is on a very limited income. I think her son buys some groceries for the kids; however, they pay nothing for taking care of the children. I know it's none of my business. I quit watching because I felt her son was taking advantage and it irritated me so much. ❤
OMG I have a friend who does the same thing. She misses out on everything our group of retired ladies do. Then she complains. Watching a grandchild once in a while is ok, but you need a life too!
We always split the bill for lunch. One friend always asks for separate checks. I don’t mind at all.
Money Mom ❤what a coincidence you talking about this I learnt a valuable lesson this morning I gave a very expensive gift to someone out of pity because they are poor and will never be able to afford it and they had no appreciation for it after a while people who we help or give gifts to because we love them think it's our duty or our job well no more thank you very much I'll treat myself
Good for you!
This is exactly what I was thinking. I have decided I'm not going to be anyone's back up plan. My pastor said" your lack of planning is not an emergency for me". Obviously real need is a different story and if I can help, I always will. But, being used is entirely a different story
2 years ago I paid off what was supposed to be? My sister's last credit card and now here it is. She has ten new credit cards and I promise you . I'm not giving her a nickel because these were wants not needs
@@Joce123 Good for you! Stick to your guns
@@Joce123 read this somewhere if you are a giver know your limits because the takers don't have any
I found a good policy for me when going out to lunch with a friend, is saying," Let's go out to lunch, dutch treat." That way they are aware they are paying for their own meal and I am paying for mine. It alleviates the situation of "who's paying." If you find they start making "excuses" for not going to lunch with you... maybe they were looking for a "free lunch" instead of spending quality time with you. If it's a "birthday lunch for them," then I usually pay as birthday's only come once a year.
I have spent lots of money buying things I don’t even want to support friends who are selling things
I'm a people pleaser too. I have 9 grandchildren and I would be wore out from babysitting if it weren't for my husband. He tells them no that they can pay for a babysitter if they want to run around. I helped out many years but only for emergencies now.
Good for you!
Your hubby sounds great
I’ve actually saved more money since I retired by not having to buy things or pitch in on gifts at work! I too have plenty of what I call do dads or trinkets etc. If you lean someone money just consider it a gift to them so you don’t get mad when they don’t pay you back. Consider it a donation instead. You will feel better. My friends and family exchange food items as gifts.
I totally agree, gifting the money eliminates a lot of negative emotions, as long as it is a reasonable amount for you to give. The gifts of food are always appreciated because I am the only baker in my family!
I liked it when you said “our 4 walls” never heard that before. Ty. I like your no nonsense way of thinking and budgeting.
Thank you
Oh girl, you are preaching to the choir! I completely agree with you!
👍
Thank you love
When my friends join companies to sell Tupperware or essential oils or things like that, I tell them I hope it works out for them AND it isn’t a product I’m interested in. That way they know up front I’m not going to purchase or have a party for them without them even asking.
Yes it has and I have started figuring how to cut back I will say the only thing I decided that I was going to continue to splurge a little on is granddaughter she’s 15 and the only one I have I guess part of it is when my wife passed away a year ago she said please take care of the granddaughter I said ok so I splurge a little
Good for you for honoring your wife's wishes!
I used to give the 2 bucks for the food bank at the grocery store- then I learned the store charges a fee for administration instead of donation of that time used. It feels weird when they ask about it at the end of the transaction. I say no and I don’t even say “we donate directly” any longer- no reason to feel guilt, I know what we do.
I remember a time when going to the grocery store nobody asked for a donation for whatever! Today it seems the norm!
WoW, I truly appreciate your writing this. When I know someone who is going through something and I can help with groceries. I personally buy stuff that is on special/sale thar I would purchase for my own family. Might go through my own pantry and make a small bag every so many days. Tell them that I just got a little too much, and give that to them. I don't want people to feel that I feel pity, but that they are blessing me and helping me to take those things.
I really wish stores would stop asking for donations. It's really, really annoying.
It is a hard conversation. I like to be generous but at what cost to me? I have had to cut back too
I prefer to just get together w/o the gifts. It's too hard to guess what someone else would like anyway. Happy Birthday early. :)
Absolutely!
Thank you love
Sometimes it's hard to find balance. I want to buy cookies, etc from people/fundraisers to an extent. I never want to never buy anything. I want to be generous, at least to an extent. I realize my needs need to be taken care of first.
I've worked with people who never contributed, never gave in baby showers or birthdays. But they sure enjoyed their own baby showers and birthday parties. They thought they should eat for free at the barbecues. I never want to be like them. Yes, I need to be frugal and take care of my own household and my own bills first.
I totally understand
I agree, but that’s a whole different discussion! My ex was like that. It was so humiliating.
You're right, it's so difficult to balance. I wish there were a way to discourage contributing to fundraisers at work. I would contribute to a baby or a bridal shower unless I couldn't afford it. Ugh, it's hard to draw the line!
@@3TXSistersMaybe saying that as a rule you don't contribute to fundraisers, but you will to a co-workers birthday, etc. I even stopped going to birthday lunches, and gave a greeting card (.99), and a coffee gift card ($5). Much cheaper than spending $15-20 or more on a group lunch, when you have to pay for yours and contribute to the birthday recipient.
I think there honestly has to be a balance … I’ve cut out alot of things I used to spend money on but at the same time where does being frugal end ? I’m not giving to this friend … I may change providers to save money .. well that’s great but keep in mind switching providers insn’t always worth it. There’s an old expression … “ you get what you pay for “ I’m all for saving money and cutting expenses but where does it end !?? Does on live … breathe and eat worrying about how much they have saved !? And at what point would you feel you had enough ! Love the videos Dawn … but sometimes they can be depressing … how about more about how u have saved money and how that’s really helped your family !?? Would like to see those !💕💕 keep up the great work Dawn ! God bless!❤️❤️❤️
Dawn, always have the HVAC system checked out twice a year.
Just to make sure everything is working well.any repairs get done fast.
Don't wait until the middle of a Texas heatwave to service the air conditioning.
Or wait until the heater is beyond repair to fix
We have ours checked in May and November. Start of each high-use season.
Yes, I do
I should take a screenshot of Dawn and then print that and tape it to the dash of my car to remind me to be budget conscious!! Love the timely videos
😆😆😆
Thank you
I agree, but it's hard when you think that person may hold resentment toward you after you refuse to buy what their kid is selling or whatever it is.
Let them resent you.
They don't pay your bills.
They don't house you.
Your finances are your responsibility,nobody else's.
I do understand
I agree
@@rochellethundercloud346 👍
YES, thank you!@@rochellethundercloud346
Sometimes it’s necessary to say no. 👍
I will never buy any body's kid's fundraising stuff again. I did that once with someone I worked with. They were happy to cash my check but I never received any of yhe products.
I would have contacted whatever organization sponsored the fundraiser to let them know you didn't receive your products. This is another unfortunate situation dealing with fundraising. Parents have been criminally charged for doing such things.
Dawn.... YES this is me. I find it so hard to say no. Especially to adult children and friends. I love to give but sometimes we need to save or pay things off😮
I hear you
Seems LIKE you are in a crushing everything😮 groceries and bills and emergencies.
I agree!
Thankyou for this talk - it was really something I needed to hear!
I have not pleased others with regards to money in a very long time. But I do miss out on a lot of social gatherings with family, friends, coworkers. I do what I can with no cost or making a meal. Way different housing expenses and wildly different incomes with 1 person vs. 2 with good incomes. I literally make multiple uncomfortable sacrifices daily (cold home, 2 pants, long sketchy transit rides) that I don't see anyone in my circle doing. Occasionally I get family concern but they are traveling, eating out, buying electronics and living a basic good life within their means with paid off homes and relatively low expenses.
The part about insurance resonated with me. I’ve had the same company for years, and they’ve served me well, but their rates have really gone up! I researched with another high quality company, and with auto, home, and an umbrella policy I’ll be saving almost $1000 a year, or about 40%! I wish I’d done that a year or two ago, but my current company’s rates weren’t bad until recently.
I totally agree, and they dont have to be family, and friends.
Well said. A lot of people needed to hear that. This also extends to cash charitable contributions and church offerings/contributions above and beyond your tithe.
My husband says this all the time, I need to do this also🙏 I need to be strong.
Winter heater is 15 years old, it’s not really unexpected because you know it can’t last much longer, but it definitely is unplanned and that’s always hard to bite. Ours went out a couple years ago.
I have commented on this before but I have definitely pared down on the gifts for everyone. I had to get ok with it as I felt bad not giving as expensive gifts.
I so understand
Yes, saying no can be hard, especially at holiday time. But, with the economy the way it is, it is imperative that we do.
The power of no is very powerful, but we’re afraid to use it.
I put up a gate on my front porch to keep the dogs contained. A wonderful side effect i discovered it discourages soliciting. I now try to keep it closed all the time.
Wow! I wouldn’t even give kids money the same as their birthday. I take a couple friends out to fast food in return when it is their birthday. We always pay our own when out with friends and they appreciate it to.
Spot on! I was just thinking about people who always have their hand out for something, school fund raisers, etc. I’m retired now so I have to give a lot of thought on where every penny is going. Getting hit up for other people’s kids and grandkids has gotten so old! These people couldn’t give a flying flip what MY grandkids are doing! Last year a co-worker sent a group text wanting to exchange 0:38 Christmas gifts and it was already 1 week before Christmas. I had just had surgery and I had all my shopping done already. She was a little upset by my speaking frankly with her but you sometimes you have to
Good for you for speaking! No reason to add to the strain!
I was invited to a coworker's "grandma shower." Her daughter-in-law was having a baby and lived 1,000 miles away. I had never met the daughter-in-law or the son. I asked what a grandma shower was and she said it was for when they visited she would have stuff at her house for the baby. I declined the invitation.
@@desertfish6239 Hmmmm🤔 - never heard of that before - I would decline also.
I can totally relate and need to remember “no” is a sentence. I’ve gotten sucked into an MLMs and was guilted each time I tried to get out. I finally got out when the person who signed me up left. I was also buying stuff to support coworkers’ & friends’ kids. I could go on and on. Like you, I can’t do it anymore. Thanks for posting this, makes me feel less alone in this arena!
Yes, none of them are paying your bills.
I totally relate
For sure
Your right dawn the house urgent things come first we all fritter to much away we need to think about all these small things that add up to a lot
Being comfortable with your car insurance, home insurance, credit card, car mechanic, lawn maintenance, hairdresser, grocery store, etc. can cost you thousands each year if you do not look for cheaper options. My home insurance for four houses was charging me over $2,000 extra a year because I didn't know enough to ask him if I could drop anything off of it. Turns out, my oh-so-friendly insurance guy that I had been with a long time was able to do what I asked, and that was "cut to the bone." I was SO mad that he had plugged me in for extra stuff I didn't need, and it put me in a terrible situation financially. Shortly thereafter he lost his license for a number of years, so he must have been doing something really bad. I was not the one who complained though. He got his license back after a very long time and sent me a letter asking me to come back. I refused. The time spent shopping around, no matter how likeable or close your agency/mechanic is, can save you a ton of money.
So true!
You are so right
Every penny saved eventually adds up to making a big difference. We made the decision recently that any COLA raise we see in our Social Security checks go to savings, and any "suprise" money that comes our way is saved. It's been a painless way for us to boost our savings as we are also looking at a HVAC system replacement in the very near future. Thanks for your encouragement and ideas for all of us to become financially wiser.
Thank you
Someone had to say this! Thank you!
My pleasure!
Gift expectations have gotten way out of hand. Thank you for making this video.
Glad you enjoyed it!
We have the opposite problem. We stopped gifting several years ago and have been trying to convince family to stop giving us gifts as well. We are seniors who live a minimalist lifestyle and avoid accumulated clutter and useless/unwanted items. Recently we were gifted "disc golf" cages by a well meaning family member. We gave it back. It's been a hard sell (and we've had to be very blunt in some cases) but I think they are finally getting the point and are giving gift cards instead (even though we don't want that either). Jeesh!
Good advice!😢🎉 I live wholly on SS. Isn’t easy. One becomes used to doing without!
Every day I stay home, I save money.
When I get my mail and see envelopes that are requesting a donation....in the trash it goes unopened.
What gets me, are organizations that years ago, I donated to and then requested email to be removed, thinking that was done.
Poof....five years later like a gopher popping out of a hole, there's email requesting money. In the trash can too.
I agree completely, great job!
Agree 💯
You are doing the right thing gifts are out. We are done as well.
I agree
When i first moved to italy, I wanted to prove other 'ex pats' that I was special, I spent too much money and then... everybody disappeared, cause the money wasn't going to do it.
Do you like Italy?
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom I've been here for almost thirty five years, raised my two kids, married forty two years... it's home for us, yeah I do like it. I think a different economic here, no car for example and I've never had a dryer... I like your channel!
A friend of mine was dx covid flu B. I had him pictured so ill he couldn't get out and should not. I sent him an Amazon grocery bill $27. Next day he was at Kroger for his landlord, standing at Girl Scout table wanting cookies...a lady bought for him. The following day he went to a play. Say whut?
Good points but I wouldn’t give up on doing some or all of the things you mentioned that you enjoy doing until giving the budget a hard re-vamp and seeing what things look like. Itemizing each category can make the difference. How long is an appliance or anything expected to last? A refrigerator repairman told me 45 (yes 45!) years ago that refrigerators were only made to last 5-7 years .. ughh!!! Therefore budgeting for a new one took in a totally different light. It came out of the ‘emergency’ or ‘savings’ budget and had its’ own budget. It made it easier to figure out how much to budget for everything. Budgeting for repairs and replacements for appliances, auto, furniture, carpeting .. and emergencies (tire puncture vs eventual tire wear out and replacement) can all go into a basic budget plan. Sometimes you have more than you think to work with, at least after catching up with a practical budget plan.
It is difficult to cut back on your giving. I know some of the gifts we give are the only ones they receive. You're right, though, we need to take care of ourselves first. We're juggling right now as we have a big expense coming up at the end of the month. I'm grateful we have the means to juggle. I'm looking forward to seeing your video about budgeting for the heating system for your home. Love to all, Linda 💕
I would give you and your hubby a home cooked meal
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom Best Gift Ever!!!
When I care about only receives a gift from me, I am going to continue if at all possible. I am super frugal 98% of the time. There are so many deals put there - incredible deals if you look. If I can give joy to someone who would feel forgotten at Christmas or on their birthday, you better believe that is money well spent.🎁
@@davisholman8149 I agree!
Grand children's fundraisers .....so expensive, 😢
We had a surprise hospital bill recently. We stopped Secret Santa and other co-worker gift exchanges. We found several free activities in our city such as concerts and museums that we enjoy. We have a couple charities we contribute to but all others are a firm "no."
I am sorry about your hospital bill.
Great video as usual. You are right. Everyone is buckling down. Things are tight for everyone with this lousy economy. You have to take care of your own needs first. My two sisters are fighting over money. One of my sisters asked my other sister to borrow $250. My sister told her...after I pay my bills I will see what I have left. Well..my other sister got mad. They haven't spoken in over a month. My sister thinks my other sister is has money. She really doesn't. My dad use to say...Money is the root of all evil.
Wow. That sounds tough
THE LOVE OF MONEY, IS AT THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!
Sounds like you are on top of it. Keep up the great decisions!❤
Thank you
I agree. We cut back on small gifts for birthdays of friends and people in 2 groups I being to lost year. Just cards now. Cut out some friends at Christmas that had to be mailed. They were not happy as they love shopping. The gifts were nice but many times I have them given them away as they weren't useful to me. When my part- time job ends in May our income will drop so we must adjust our budget.
Good for you!
Thanks for sharing!!
Great video & timing thank you Dawn! I've been far too generous for too long. I have skipped giving 2 birthday gifts 🎁 out already this year. I feel bad, but as someone living alone on Disability in Australia, I have to focus on out of control rising medical expenses as well as rising costs across every other area. I figure practice will strengthen my stamina, the more gifts I cut - to people who aren't close friends 💯
I agree
When people try to involve me in buying things , or getting involved in what is clearly multi level marketing. I say, "Oh, thank you for thinking of me, but that's not on my agenda." This phrase is polite (and confusing) but it keeps me from getting hounded. We are sensible in gift giving and feel no need to impress anyone. I'll offer to go to the grocery for a friend or neighbor who is sick. Giving my full attention when needed means more than any gift.
I love this
We’ve had to cut back on gifts and giving cash
We will have 3 family members that have each had their cars totaled by deer hits. 1 bought a new car financed. 2nd borrowed a car from Dad to drive because going to nursing school full time, she decided she can't afford a car payment. 3rd ones decided no more new cars, buying a car with the insurance check and not a penny over! We will all be tightening our budgets and no hard feelings among us.
I am sorry that happened
I've cut people from my life due to the only time I heard from them was they needed something. One messaged me on Jan 31 and I answer it. That door is shut and I don't want to open it.
I am so sorry
I used to be a people pleaser in my younger years, but I grew out of that. Thankfully!
My mother always used to say you take care of your own family first .. and my parents were very generous once they knew their children and family’s needs were met and then some then what they decided to do financially and with their time after that came truly from their hearts ❤️
I go grocery shopping every other week on a Friday, and then that Sunday my daughter and I go out for chinese, and we do a little bit more shopping, what I need to do is take a little bit of that shopping money and save it for Sunday because I keep spending a little bit extra and I don't want to spend on Sunday because I would not change every other Sunday for anything in the world to have time with my daughter.
Time spent with your daughter is precious!
@@3TXSisters yes it is.
Hi Dawn 👋,
Back in the day, and I used to be a,people person. I've used to get friends that I haven't seen in a long time. And, when they would stop by and visit. And, they would want to borrow money, every time. And, also went for people would ask for donations.
One day, and I had to put my foot down,and I stopped loaning people money and I couldn't afford to donate them any more money. Every once in a while, and I will receive a letter in the mail asking if I could donate what ever I could afford. Those are the letters that I throw in FILE,13,the trash. And, for the friends that I used to loan money to, I don't even see them anymore.
I told them, what do you think 🤔 I am, a,ATM MACHINE?
AND, THAT'S HOW I PUT IN,ENDTOLOANING,OTHER PEOPLE MONEY 💰 🤑. 5:39
Was it ever returned? A loan is repaid.
Love it
Thank you my lovely for this video, I SM working on it , much luv 🙏😘
You are so welcome
Ooooh Dawn! Boy I wished you lived here in Florida! We could gab over a cup of coffee or tea and swap people pleasing stories! I think people with a dominant generosity gene (and I have it) may think they are making deposits in an emotional bank account…and that may be true--but it doesn’t translate financially.
I would bring food too
I am retired now so, thankfully, I’m saving a lot of money that I used to spend driving to work and going out to lunch. Now, I occasionally will meet friends, family and former co-workers for lunch and we all go Dutch. This can still add up, however, so I have to check and make sure I’m averaging a certain amount of my budget per month and make up for any overage.
Home insurance companies may offer reasonable policies for home systems that can help with repairs or replacements. I have one with State Farm. It’s such a bummer when those things happen…but Dawn, your budget back to balanced in no time!
I didn't know that, thanks for the information!
No I don't people please....But I do apply the Bible principle found in Philippians 2:4 As you look out not only for yr own interests but also for the interest of others....
Now there is a balance as to who u look after their interests...But keeping a balanced view or yrself is vital to monitoring yr own self.
So I agree with you Dawn it can't get out of hand so to speak....There has to be a balance between yr self and others....So keeping yrself in the loop so to speak is vital to staying on top of yr finances as well as helping others as well. But there has to be a balance...😊😊
You are so wise
@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom it's not me who is wise but it is the Father Jehovah God who is wise...I take no credit for that. All praise goes to Him as Psalm 150:1-6....
I had to quit speaking to my sister because over the past 10 yrs l've given her around $10,000. When l retired l told her l couldn't help her anymore. She got mad at me because she said l was being selfish, because she knew l had to be making more on Social security than her. I told her it was non of her business what my income was and hung up on her. 😢
I am so sorry that happened.
Please don't get me started to wedding invites with close family, and Expected Amounts to give them!
Not to mention costs of something to wear etc...
OMG! ✋😳🤑😣
Oh wow
When we recently got our car insurance bill we were shocked at the increase in price. We live in California. The insurance companies are citing all the disasters as a reason to raise rates. We considered shopping around but decided to check with our agent first. We made an appointment and sat down face to face. Our agent was able to suggest some changes that still provided security but shaved off a significant amount of money. I didn't really want to change companies as I've experienced in the past that it achieves only short-term savings. And I certainly don't want to be at risk of losing insurance all together. This wasn't really related to people pleasing other than I do tend to be a very loyal customer. But I hope I can do that in a reasonable manner.
Barbaracarr17, I just did the same thing with my insurance agent when I got my auto and homeowner insurance bill and thought I was going to faint. I also live in California and I'm glad I was able to have my auto insurance deductibles adjusted in order to save a couple hundred per year. Homeowners insurance I would not skimp on that as I want to be covered as much as possible. I was happy that he was able to work with me for now anyway.
I live in Kentucky and they are spreading the increase here too to cover all the disasters nationwide. I’m suspicious on how much is to cover the disasters and how much is to increase profits but they’re just blaming on the disasters.
I agree
I had decided that 2024 will be the year I do more for others, versus doing the same things over and over for people who don't need nor appreciate it. It is better to save your gift money for charities versus family who expect, but don't need.
Love this
I just gave some One some money. supposed to pay me back the next day. She's two days late.Its not just the money. It's the promise. She has it. ( She's family) I will probably get it tomorrow. Also my sister owes me $500.00 since August . Starting last month she's giving me $25.00 Walmart card .She got a big chunk of money in September..
@MarieLalonde-xz8mb I finally figured out that if they can't get money from me for all their many "emergencies" that seem to crop up monthly, that they will find another way to get money for them. I say "Let them find another way" now, since my money doesn't grow on trees, (Like my dad used to tell us when we were kids lol).
I would talk to my sister and ask why she hasn't been able to repay you. Work it out for her to give you cash as that's what she received. Don't loan money you can't afford to lose.
@@Sheryl777 That's true!
@@3TXSisters ❤
@@3TXSisters 👍
I also told my friends last year that I no longer wanted to exchange birthday or Christmas gifts anymore. While I appreciated my friends thoughtfulness, to be frank I didn’t need and would not necessarily use the gifts they gave me. I got to the point where I felt guilty, we consume and waste so much in our society. I think of all of the time, resources and energy that go into making products and for me to continue to receive them and not use them is just wasteful. I felt like I had an obligation to stop this and to let my friends know I no longer wanted to exchange gifts. The conversations were not easy however, I feel so much better knowing I am not contributing to being wasteful and saving money as well. Edit, I should add, I explained that instead of exchanging gifts, let’s share a meal together, whether going out to eat or cooking at home. What’s important is spending time together.
I agree
TY for this, so much needed video ❤ are you Aries?
Yes I am! How did you know?
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom you have very positive aries energy : )
If you really are a "People-Pleaser" you're the ....."Last of the Mohicans." It's dog eat dog eat cat out there...
👍👍👍
Too bad the woman who was babysitting her grandkids couldn't get her children to pay her something for it, even if it wasn't a lot. If it were me, I'd want the grandmother watching my kids rather than having to put them in daycare, which is probably going to cost a lot more than just paying the grandmother to do it.
My son's grandparents would have been insulted if I had suggested giving them money for babysitting.
@@kims1941 I understand that some grandparents may feel that way, but I think in many cases it would be nice to offer.
@@Sheryl777 My stern German M-I-L would have yelled at me
@@kims1941 😐 Uh oh...well I can see why you wouldn't offer to give her money for babysitting then lol. You knew how she felt about that before even trying to offer. And if she felt that way, then I understand.