I watch them when I think I need a reminder of their tactics because it’s easy to be side swiped by them. I have too many in my life to not be on my guard and I was wondering about if it was doing damage. Because of the life long abuse it’s made it incredibly difficult to achieve closeness and friends.
I just go back to certain ones for a quick recap Last topic i searched was what is their weaknesses Now i strike em blow after blow covertly Only when the narc tries it again Which they will ofcourse
Things I've learned from Richard and Sam Vaknin: 1. Narcissism is a trauma-based condition 2. You cannot help them, one can only help oneself 3. The opposite of narcissist is not "empath" 4. Projective Identification is an interactive phenomenon 5. You can identify a toxic relationship without having to diagnose a personality disorder 6. Listening to music is much more therapeutic than watching narcissism content
@@reallythere I can relate to that, and went through a similar stage myself. Hyper-vigilance and the inability to relax and let your guard down. Caused by unrelenting threat, stress and trauma I think. Are you able to sleep?
@@Jen.K I can sleep, I need to be familiar with all the ambient noise of my home. I wake up to any anormalities. I don't sleep very deeply. It's caused me to be low energy, gain weight, won't exercise and can't concentrate etc
Yes. I did not understand what happened to me. And so I started watching your videos. It made sense, I got it, and I started to forgive myself that I had something like that happen to me. That I let it happen. I am thankful for your videos because I could not have understood it on my own. I don’t need your help any lpnger but I mean it in the best possible way. I can take it for here. But thank you.. so much.
This. It became like an obsession because I was so traumatized I was terrified of going through some things again. I’m feeling better now thank God and I’m learning and honestly it’s helped me to try and not look at as much as I was to help get some things out of my head too ❤
I came from the future to inform Richard is still making money by making content to the "hugging box machine". Sometimes Richard incorporates people he admires and it ends up being those hypocritical videos in which he is the smart one "out of the matrix" and we are a bunch of masturbating weaklings.
I actually find it's been massively helpful to watch loads of videos about narcissism. Lots of it is irrelevant, but sometimes snippets spark a sudden epiphany, "maybe that's why my dad behaved as he did..." I have traced a lineage of narcissistic /covert narcissistic behaviour back through three generations of my family system. I understand now where these behaviours come from. It all makes sense now. And the more I learn, the more I can be calm, hold on to my emotional state and stop doing the underperforming, poor boundaried, fawning behaviours that held those dynamics in place. And relationships have improved. Family members I thought were toxic and had cut out, I now realise I can handle. They aren't fully toxic, because their behaviour is not pervasive and permanent. I've moved from "I'm a loser and it's all my fault," through the stage of "it's not me, my family are all toxic" and reached the stage of "they're not necessarily all bad, I just need to behave differently and have better boundaries." So don't tell us, Richard, not to watch videos about narcissism! Videos about narcissism have changed my life, and we don't necessarily get stuck in the victim stage. (Only being silly, I know you weren't saying that!)
I stopped watching narcissism videos long time ago but will not stop watching YOUR videos as they are pure intellectual and spiritual pleasure whatever you talk about. Thank you for feeding my spirit, inspiring my mind, making me think and question everything...all over again.
I'm an average person who found herself smack dab in an abusive, horrifying, relationship. In an effort to make sense of it I watched videos about NPD. I was not capable of seeing anything negative about myself at that time, and if I'd come across a video like this one, would have rejected it. It took several months of watching various videos for me to grow strong enough to see and accept that some of those horrifying traits reflected not only my abuser, but myself. Those videos are needed. But, only as a doorway to self discovery. They are simply the first layer. Much like baby food. At that time I couldn't have in any shape or form handled the nice big juicy steak of the real truth. So, I can say I am grateful for both kinds, and would really appreciate more videos that focus on the next step. Healing. Easy to understand, DETAILED, lol, steps we can take right out of a toxic situation. Ways we can successfully interact with others as we BEGIN to heal and learn new coping skills so as to keep collateral damage to a minimum.
I completely get that. Pureed steak, on a teaspoon would have been too much. For the first few years after I escaped my x, I never asked myself why I put up with it. I wasn't ready. I had to understand what had happened first before I could ask myself why I put up with what happened. ROme was not built in a day.
Yes, perfectly said! The real healing (at least for me) has been uncomfortable at times, but seeing our own past patterns gives us the opportunity to decide our future. After the initial unease of self-examination, the real work begins, and it’s empowering.
That's why I like your videos. Some of the narcissism channels seem to only teach you about victimhood, rather than encouraging you to also strengthen yourself to face a complex world. Your videos give room for self love and also that tough love kick in the ass to step our game up. It's up to us to face the world as it is -- not as we wish it was.
@@emp9413 Agreed. "Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." I don't want to sit around and be a victim, I want to strengthen myself and be willing to swing my sword if needed. And yah if he moves on there's still plenty of content.
@@emp9413 😂😂 I mean, come on, a nice shiny sword looks good in battle. I will say this -- I agree with his sentiment but I do also think directly after a difficult relationship or event these videos can validate our experiences especially after gaslighting. But at some point we gotta get back in the game and not use the past as an excuse.
US is right! A whole community used to be here to help raise a child build a barn, be good neighbors, help others in person. This is a small part of that picture, as it is all virtual and has glitches still. We evolve together still. 💘
For me, Richard, you were always VERY CLEAR, saying that codependency is like a coin that has two sides and I didn't feel you stroke my ego pointing it ( like oh, my God, so... I am a victim and he is the narcissist!!, oh, thank you, I am not the bad one!!)) . From all your videos I understood I have a responsabilty to work on myself, my wounds, my past, my life dynamics, life path etc... I think you did the best, presenting things like this! You helped me A LOT!! In the beginning I was obsessed with your channel because I felt validated for the first time in my life ( second time when I read Pete Walker's book about CPTSD and realised I wasn't crazy, oh, I wept for days... ). But then I started to do the work, Iearning to stop emotional flashbacks ( from your free!! course) and even I still have things to do, I am much better!! So, I am not ''obssesed'' any more, I am wilingly coming here to watch what you have to say about things because I trust you and you are so witty with words and ideas. Please don't you worry about anything, you did it right!! You were kind, gentle, funny but also honest and proficient!! ( I have two disclaimers here: first, sorry for the bad english, it is not my language and second, more important, when I watched for the first time a video, in 2016 I was almost dying in pain, I don't want to trigger people so I will not describe how bad I was but, here, ''dying'' is not a metaphor. I am saying this only for people to know that no matter how emotionally disregulated I was, I didn't felt for one second that you dismissed or mocked or minimized my pain or, on the opposite, that you put the codependency on a pedestal to make it like a medal of honour!!). This channel is GOLD, Richard!! Thank you!!
YES! Extremely well said! The dying inside resonated with me deeply. There is no other way to describe it. Validation is essential in clearing that fog. Feeling there is something on the other side of all if that torment and pain that eats you whole. Thank you for your eloquent depiction of this experience. While I suppose it was somewhat triggering I believe it was a good thing. Helping to remind me just hiw far I have come. How far we have come😃 and that there are people out there that are also learning to walk again this time on their own two feet in the direction they choose. We can be there to cheer each other on without getting in the way and I think that is a spectacular thing and continues to be helpful as I am still learning how to differentiate the good from the bad. So thank you for the reminder of the direction I need to be heading and why the effort in getting there is essential to avoid returning to that pain. With every bit of heartache there lies a gem of truth. Pick it up. Place it in your crown and hold your head up high. Your true strength lies not in your ability to get thru life, but in your ability to stand tall and excel despite the weight on your shoulders. Knowledge is brought thru success of experience, good or bad it is the most certain way to gain first hand knowledge. Dont ever stop reaching out for those new experiences. No matter what happens its only you who can determine the out come. Live and learn is the path to success and inner happiness. Nothing else can get you there .It all begins within you.
This is one of the BEST videos I have seen on UA-cam! Your openness and honesty are a rare quality in this “community”! I am so glad that I decided not to focus on my ex-husband’s personality but instead to travel within myself to deal and heal my own inner traumas so that I could become a healthy person! I am so glad that you made a conscious decision to speak the TRUTH! Thank you!!!
The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn’t make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what MY response was to that toxicity. I no longer watch narc content now I’ve “diagnosed my life” but am now focusing on the fortress emotional literacy content as I’ve identified for the first time in my 39 year old life that I have the power to change my future. To me this content is invaluable, as a stay at home mum that can’t afford face to face psychotherapy:-) This content is hugely empowering for me. It’s given me hope for agency and sovereignty. I understand why you’ve needed to create this video though. Ownership is gold.
Thank you: "The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn't make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what my response was to that toxicity."
I gave the narc only one stab at me, one, when I figured it out with the help of a professional I was gone and NEVER looked back. Doormat no...warrior yes
Exactly Rich needs to continue his content to continue to help those that need to see reality of narcissism! I stopped watching when I learned enough but Don’t stop Rich
"Narcissist" seems to be the word du jour to describe anyone you have a conflict with or anyone with a personality that clashes with yours. It is simply thrown around far too casually, and there is a big difference between narcissistic behavior (which anyone can exhibit at their worst) and an actual disorder.
Yes!!!! Bingo! I’ve watched 100’s of hours of narcissist videos! I’ve taken notes! Saved the good ones to rewatch if needed! Bought the courses. I’ve done this off and on for 5 long years. Learning has been almost like an obsession. Recently however, I’ve had a recurring thought that my time would be better spent actually LIVING! Time to forget about the narcissistic idiot and live my life! This is so affirming. 🙌
Hi Richard, I first came across your videos about a year ago and thought this bloke makes a lot of sense - don’t stop making them. I also think they help people.
"He's gaslighting us," hahahaha...Thank you so much for your serious message encased in humor. It's true we can become more self-righteous by watching these videos for too long. Just after abuse, I think it's necessary because we've been blamed for everything that happened in an abusive relationship, but if we swing too far the other way where we see ourselves as blameless for anything, we are in that same narcissistic sandbox without knowing it. It's a slippery slope into victimhood and it's not a place in which we're meant to live. It's a place where we regain our sanity, ditch the shame that has been poured into us and evolve beyond a victim mindset as we grow in understanding - returning to compassion and love with an acceptance of our dark side as being part of our complete humanity.
I think if you come away from these teachings self righteous, then....maybe you were self righteous anyway? Not a bad thing if you are right, but if it's a horrible and snotty attitude that one provides their information or even just carries themselves with, then I think that wants looking at.
"I don't like what Bob said to me so lets make sure he can never speak again to anyone ever." That's how Narcissists think, they want to cut out our tongues for asking questions or catching them in their lies.
Hi Richard ! Don't worry about your content .... I listened to you constantly for at least 2 years .. But about 5 years ago... It takes time but we can bust out of this tunnel and do really well over time ! I've been walking in the light for a few years and life is much better when you can side step people with no capacity to love .... You did help me a lot... I am making 3 times the money and lost 25 pounds . Buying a place in the country and have few but very loving friends..... Thank you
Sht not me man. Thats what helped me find out WHY this person I was with for 13 years did what they did. The random flip of persona, the infentile voice, actions etc. 40 years old yet emotionally and mentally stuck at 2 or maybe 10 if I'm lucky. It's morbid to think I've slept with them for 13 years and they're that age...
You've made a huge difference in my life, and in the lives of Many. I Moved forward, still listening, learning. I've pretty muched let that dialogue (monologue?) go, it gives bad people too much information, now that I see that things cannot be repaired, really. It was wrong to expect goodness where there was none. No matter how much I speak, it is too late to make the past less oainful. Accepting loss, & making a future with my frustrated, imperfect self. It's less of a burden for those whom I love. But you make it possible for people like us to grow. I just feel brave now. The world needs that. Only leave it if it is too draining, In that case, there are fields to be tended nearby that are less treacherous. As you've always said, The assholes don't deserve anymore energy. You are Sanity in an insane world. Thank you, Rest 🌌
You have been posing the following questions for us to ask ourselves for some time “what is good, what is evil, how do I want to live my life?” Even though I feel stuck in my life situation by asking myself those questions for the last 4 or 5 months I have come to realize that my life is separate from the situation. Full responsibility. ❤️ Thanks for giving me back my sanity.
The longer I live the more I see narcissists in every family, every government, every school, every marriage, every church. But now I can identify and make better decisions and that is all because of the content you shared. Thank you
Richard, I love your content. I have used your channel for insidious purposes, you've helped me defeat someone with narcissistic traits, I beat them at their own game. Perhaps now you can create content on how we can reclaim our compassion, help us repair ourselves. Keep up the wonderful work.
no one can just end any addiction until you REPLACE it with a new addiction. I would rather maintain my new addiction to narc videos than relapse back into narc addiction.
I m 45 and I left my narc family 5 years ago, Im happy that you make these videos because it really helped me to realize whats been going on my whole life. Its really painful from time to time, but I feel so free! My father is a alcoholic and he tried to destroy my marriage, and my reputation but my hubby kicked his arse! And I dont miss my mothers negativity and drama on every big events or holidays. She tried to destroy my relationship between me and my kids, shes literally like the stepmother in the Disney movies!
I agree on all of your points. However like you said, people will misconstrue absolutely anything you say. Don't do it for them. Do it for the people who don't. You have helped me tremendously. I was going through a very confusing part of my life and at my lowest, when I was searching for answers, it was your video out of a thousand that gave me an answer. I'm not trying to pat your back. You worded something in a way that I understood. Others have too, but you answered my toughest question. And you know what, since then, I have played the blame game. Not verbally, but in my head. Oh, now it makes sense, it was so and so. Then the more I've researched and watched these videos, I thought, maybe it was this person. I know now, it was everyone. It was me, it was her, it was him. It was everyone in the world and nobody. I do suspect strongly that it was a certain individual but this is my life. I'm a seperate human being and my problems are mine, not somebody else's. And they're human too. Sociopaths, narcissists, all of them. Just as human as me with their own problems created by them and the way they were raised. Imperfect, just like me. That said, I understand where you're coming from and I'm happy you question the ramifications. I'm happy you take your audience into consideration and how they may use the information you give. I love watching people that are actively trying to be unbiased, even though it's impossible to do all of the time. Thank you for your content and thank you for helping me, and helping me understand. At least now, I can understand that my "enemies" are just as human as I am, and I should not hate them. I could have easily been them. I understand their struggle better thanks to you, and thanks to you, I now understand that I can place a boundary to tell them not to cross and still love them as a human being, just as imperfect as myself.
Thank you for not doing what you need to do to grow this channel. I have appreciated all that you have put out there about Narcissism. Your videos were where I learned about Narcissism and what was happening in my relationships. But don't you think everything that is needed about Narcissism is already out there? This is just the first tiny little step. Then I had to look at me and that was a whole "can of worms". This is the hard part but also the freedom part. This is all self work. This is what takes the time and effort but this is where all the amazing things I have been searching for is at.. This message from you today is so important
Critical Thinking is the umbrella over all the subjects you discuss: narcissism, psychology, philosophy, emotional literacy, sociology, etc. The critical examination of one's own thinking is the most powerful tool in the toolbox.
Bottom line is that it's narcissistic to think you have the psychological expertise to diagnose randoms. Also, most us us raised by narcissists, are more prone to narcissism ourselves, it took me a few years to accept I had fallen victim to something called "repetition compulsion", where you repeat the abusive patterns of behaviour done to you by your parents with others. Everyone does it, most people become their parents and its their responsibility to shed bad habits in adulthood.
Have gained enormous insight into the dysfunctional marriage i have struggled through for over 20years starting watching posts after the end of the marriage to try to understand my mental and emotional state realised the narsasisitic behaviour i had fell victim to and how I allowed myself to be controlled now realise in many ways i was complicit in allowing th control to continue for so long hard to admit in some ways i was responsible fot not ending things sooner moving forward into the future i now understand that my path is to build a better me i do believe that there comes a time when you have learned enough to come to terms with your own situation we all have narcissistic traits some far more than others thank you for the help thanks for widening my view to see the larger reality keep speaking to the truth even when it's hard for outhers to hear
I'm on the same page. There's several therapists on here who do nothing but cover narcissism. I read the comments and everyone thinks they can diagnose their friends and family. People use these videos to weaponize their own suspicions and then confront someone else without any education.
I understand .. however it doesn’t take a doctorate or even a masters degree to check off the list ( 5 or more) to Put two and two together. There’s common sense and experience.. to know the difference ..
I know what you mean, but for the people who are actually dealing with it, these videos are a life saver - You’ll know if you know a narcissist it’s something you almost wouldn’t understand unless you’ve experienced it
Well I think its not about diagnosing people but to share experiences that you're not alone in it.. Ive experienced it with my ex and ex MIL; they were most likely narcisists.. but I never confronted them because that's not my "duty".. what helped me the most was to read that what had happened to me was real and I wasnt the only one.. because I have had some people around me think I exaggerated what had happened.. and they dont think that kind of abuse is real.. while in the comments of these video's, there is understanding, because we've all been through the same thing.. and that's important to know.. all the gaslighting and lying makes you really question your sanity at times.. so for me it's reassuring to know that it wasnt me (only a little as a codependent person) but mostly my ex his narcisistic behaviour..because who would treat people like sh*t when they say they love you...
These videos are all part of the process of healing and going through understanding what happened to you. Once you've gone through it and it is a living hell, you will move on. It's a cathartic thing to do, like watching a sad film. As for misinterpreting things you watch, there was study done on how children misinterpret what is being shown on 'Sesame Street', I think we take what we want from them. What you have done Richard is 'connect the dots' to help us understand what those with NPD do to others. However, we need people to talk to about what we've learned and test to see if it's right. Learning about our own personality and how we interact with others is crucial, once we're more mindful, we'll learn about our own role in what happened to us. It's hard work.
Your "hard truths" have been so helpful to me. I appreciate the education, i needed it to even understand what was happening. After your announcement that you are not here to "Pat us on the bottom" I made a choice to give my self a goal to "heal". I personally don't want a community online, I want to move on as a healthy happy member of my family. Thanks for helping me do that.
I am in a horrible custody battle/circus and honestly your videos have helped me immensely. I think I have a good perspective about these videos and I don’t take them so seriously that I ignore my own misgivings or blame our situation solely on my ex and his behaviours. I definitely relate and find a lot of the material very insightful but in no way do I agree that watching videos on this subject is going to significantly improve my own life. I don’t want to think of myself as a victim and keep my own progress stumped because I’m focused on blaming the other person. Your videos do help me heal from past abuse and assist me to make sense of many behaviours and actions of my ex. For the sake of my child I am arming myself with knowledge and understanding to protect myself and prevent making the same mistakes. When it comes to coparenting (or more accurately counter parenting) watching your videos is priceless so I thank you.
I dig your channel. It's great for those trained and working in mental health. I am definitely using your material to help look at the shadow aspects of my own narcissistic tendencies and learning skills to defend myself/space from other narcissists. Ty🙏🏼 your style is perfect*
You have long been telling us to learn, work on our issues and move out of the past and into now. Thanks for how helpful your videos have been to me personally. I like listening to other subjects too and some thoughtful and lol moments with you and Pierre. Not obsessed anymore 😄 occasionally I listen to Vaknin whose videos help me see my own accountability. Understanding the abusive toxic relationship does not let me off the hook. I allowed it. Stopped it. Choosing happy 👍🏻
Very good reminder Richard. Touched on many of my own thoughts, however, I do think there still seems to be a limited awareness of this phenomenon in society. as a whole. Victims get re-traumatized until they find this information and the reason they gobble it up is because validation is a. salve for those deep. wounds. There are several channels being run. by. narcissists who I believe think they are victims, but the majority are victims who thought of sharing what they learned as a way of turning all their pain to some good. In recent years what I see as the biggest shift are quality channels run. by licensed. psychologists who really understand what happens. because the lack of professional help is the primary reason there was a space for lay people to help one another. There is a point when it is all just too much. Getting the information is one thing, but that is a temporary process and then it is about healing and moving on, and also, there will be no healing and growth if victims don't focus on their own responsibility for what happened to them and what they need to change within themselves.
Thank you for caring about random people, and encouraging them to better themselves! And THANK YOU for sticking true to yourself instead of worrying about collecting followers. Your videos have helped me to grow emotionally and even pause in my every day life to say “Whoa. Wtf are you doing/thinking/saying right now?” Your best content forces us to look within ourselves and to grow. Would also love to hear more about alchemy. Best to you, Richie, “the weirdo with the dodgy haircut”. 😅
Well I for one have learned a shit ton from your videos. You and Dr. Ramini have helped me tremendously and I’m very grateful for your honesty and integrity. Many blessings and much love 🌟❤️🌟
Hi Richard 🤗 Warning this is long 💕 but please read.. I want you to know that I found your channel about 4 years ago 🤔 And at that time I was desperately searching for answers about what I was living through... You were the one who provided the clearest answer and made the light bulb go on for me! I thank you from the depths of my soul because I was losing my soul with a covert narcissist. I had gotten so lost being in a marriage with a covert narcissist that I no longer trusted myself, my intuition, up was down and vice versa and I was spinning out of control trying to understand the crazy I was living. Being armed with the insight you provided me the last 4 years, gave me the ability to identify the behaviors so I was aware as it was happening so I didnt get sucked into the tornado of confusing and frustrating emotions I used to have and could protect my mind and heart. Also helped me address how his behaviors were affecting me,, the changes I didnt like during that relationship in myself to either retaliate or protect myself were not who I wanted to be so I slowly had to fix the mess this created in myself (Which I couldnt do If I didnt understand the behaviours and in turn understand why I reacted certain ways) After much thought and observation, I found myself again and was finally strong enough to leave my covert narcissist husband with full faith in my decision. I hope you continue to offer the relaxed and informative commentary in your one-on-one fashion that was so helpful to me and I'm sure will help others! I am located in the US and I have no idea how I found you, or what I possibly searched that brought me to your UA-cam channel, but I'm very thankful! I can't even tell you how amazing it felt to finally feel validated, have some understanding, some answers after being dismissed and mind-f'd daily and being told I was crazy for every thought or emotion i had for several years. I needed to have someone tell me what I was seeing was real because there wasn't a bruise I could point to or any solid proof there was abuse and you need to go, but there was so much abuse.. and I needed to understand what he had been doing... And once I truly learned the depth of my covert narcissists abuse it was worse than cheating or a bruise and took me a very long time to untangle myself. But you helped me do it. Please continue to help others 💕 And thanks again
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I figure anger, blame and rage can be useful, even necessary, to leave bad relationships and set boundaries. And after you have gotten out, then you need to take responsibility. However, one should not take responsibility when being under attack. Like mouthing off some drunk while out on town, you say and do what you need to get out, even if you need to beat him up. After you get home, you want to take responsibility for engaging people you should not engage and change behaviour.
I think I'm learning how to protect myself from getting into a toxic relationship. What to watch for and how to respond. I am learning where my weaknesses are and what I fall for. I am far from perfect, I never will be. I want to grow as a person get stronger. Your videos have helped me a lot. I want to be able to speak with out fear. Thanks for your help so far.
Richard don't sweat it! You help people by educating them on Narcissism! Your awesome! Don't forget that! You can't help what Narc's do after they listen to your advice. Or, if certain individuals with a personality disorder go overboard with their behavior from what they have learned online. It's not right, but again you can't stop it. And, you are certainly not to blame for it. I thank God, that I found your UA-cam channel.
Too right arthurcurry! The confusion and insecurity that long-term narcissistic abuse causes really does lead us into a tremendously vulnerable place where we are no longer sure of what is our own reality. We need someone to shine the light and help us believe in ourselves again, guiding us with solid information regarding our plight. I am still struggling with the concept that my male narcissist partner has never cared for me but all the evidence shows that to be the truth. I have just got to get that stuck in my head and act accordingly! HE NEVER EVER CARED FOR ME! HE JUST SAW A TOP CLASS SUPPLY SOURCE! Everything else has been a consequence of our conflicting interpretations of a sentimental relationship!!!
I do get it and ty. I was starting to question it myself believe it or not. In my pain in a toxic relationship at the end of mine years, I wanted to feel better and these channels helped do that. I watch less and less as it's a year tomorrow and healing is happening. But every now and then, I tune in to feel better when I'm missing him and feeling his pain of my blackout, to give me the reasons to continue the blackout. Thru watching, I have seen my narc ways of course blaming it on it rubbing off. Glad to know in small ways we all possess a lil of that. I'm just gonna focus on praying and leaving it with God. Ty for your honesty, it's actually a relief to me!❤️
I really love your recent BPD video as I think it got people to rethink some people labelled narcissists. You done it in a really compassionate way. I am enjoying your recent videos
Richard is telling the TRUTH. This Conversation is everything that I’ve come to understand. The part that I played in dysfunctional relationships throughout my life. This realization cracked the door to my healing journey from childhood trauma. I have to be brave and goal oriented on my path to freedom. My healing is on me and know one else. Thank You Thanks for this discussion. Most mental health professionals don’t even get this concept. I can stay a victim or victor. The ball is in my court.
I stopped watching videos on narcissism a while ago. Just seen this pop up in my subscription box. I’ve not watched this video either 😂😂but I’m sure great and good luck everyone on their journey to living a less narc free life.
Richard, victims will be victims.... your teaching is about responsibility and results.. it's unlike anything else I've seen on you tube... you are effective.... you turn me/us to healing and steps to take. Please don't stop.
Wishing you a happy new year free from fear, full of courage; abounding in compassion and absent of contempt; vacant of abuse and overflowing with loving-kindness in each and every relationship that you allow in your life.
Thank you Richard. This video actually closed a loop for me. I have been following you for 3-4 years. You have helped me make sense and get out of a very emotionally destructive relationship and to regain my authenticity, boundaries and self-worth. The name Spartan life coach appealed to my sense of humor, though I do believe that it captures something essential about life and self development. Keep up the good work!
I am so grateful to you and your channel. Your videos have had the opposite effect from that which you are speaking about. I feel much less of a victim and now feel empowered enough to leave my narc once and for all. I am now working on me. You have given me the tools in which to work out my own issues with no blame, in an non-judgemental way. Thank you!
Thank you. As someone who found the narcissism side of youtube because I actually am the victim of an emotionless, hyperintelligent, narcissist mother who still controls my father and my family in an iron grip.... I have tried telling people this forever, and they keep telling me that I'm blaming victims and pretending like "everybody can just get over it, like you did". I never got over anything, I still have a messed up relationship to other people, because I never learned how to build healthy ones as a child. My sense of self is still blurry and unstable, and my self worth gets reduced to zero on a regular basis whenever I see my mom. But that doesn't keep me from living an active life where I move on and take responsibility for my own behaviour and actions, caring for other people AND BEING HYPERSENSITIVE MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME. Noise cancelling headphones were invented ages ago, they do greater wonders to living life than repetitive youtube videos, trust me...
I started watching Narcissism videos about five years ago. That's because I grew up in a narcissistic home (both parents narcs) and I wanted to learn more about the subject and to see if my experiences and trauma resonated with what I was being told. I wanted to learn about it properly, so consulted a variety of You Tube on-line gurus. When I felt I knew enough on the subject, I soon realised that it is a subject that can suck you in and easily generate a hyper-vigilent, even paranoic state. Suddenly, anyone remotely, intermittently toxic was possibly narcissistic -quite forgetting that most of us display narc traits intermittently and that does not make someone a narc anymore than it makes us one. What was key, some said, but frequently omitted by others I consulted on YT vids, was that to make someone narcissistic they had to display fewer than five traits all of the time (narc) or more than five all of the time to the point that they seriously impaired their own lives along with those around them (NPD). Not some traits (or all) every now and then - but basically they were OK most of the time. I also realised that there were too many self styled gurus populating YT on the subject and that had nothing new to say, were jumping on a bandwagon and regurgitating the DSM list of traits but providing no new insights or developments that marked them out from what I had seen already. Others threw in a lot of mystical mumbo jumbo and what I would consider to be other nonsense about quantum therapies and other such c**p to generate a buck and a therapy course. I also grew increasingly annoyed with those psychiatric and psychotherapeutic professionals, with letters after their name, who should know better than to use terms loosely and imprecisely such terms such as 'your truth' and 'my truth' when discussing a client's experiences (or our own). As a legal practitioner, there is no such thing as your and my truth. Only 'the' truth. We should not forget the importance of reality and facts and evidence. It seems that some do and every experience is relative. How they can differentiate those with Cluster B (the bad) from those from Cluster A (mad) when using such nonsense phrases is beyond me! You could never get away with using such terminologies as these in a courtroom. They have no place on therapists' couches either. Facts aren't experiences/perceptions or opinions. That is why they are facts. I still watch these narc guru videos occasionally, just too see if there are any new developments on the topic, but I am inclined now to trust my instincts and avoid toxic people when their manifest actions and words make me feel uncomfortable / de-valued and diminished. I won't then sit at home and watch wall to wall videos on whether this person, that person or the other person might be sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic, dark triad and construct a amateur's diagnostic personality profile on them, etc. Does it really matter? The only time I delve deeper into those diagnostic subjects further is when it touches on topic areas I'd studied at uni' becuase of a long held interest on the subject of Criminology. Ultimately, anyone that consistently and routinely mkaes you feel less than a worthwhile and valuable person is not someone to get close to or if you already are close to one, to distance yourself from as best you can. As it is, I distanced and then became estranged from my two narc parents long before I'd even heard of the term 'no contact' that is frequently used in in the Cluster B topic lexicon. To others, these videos are a first and important step to provide insight into a state of confusion that drags them down just as much as the abuse they'd suffered. But, like all good things, the law of diminished returns can set in and too much of a good thing can become just as destructive. I agree that music is a great therapeutic tool. My favourite go to music when I am feeling down is something soothing like Einaudi, Clannad.
We have to take responsibility if nothing else but if our ignorance. Life is two things a Journeys and Lessons. We survived and healing day by day. God Bless us all.
I am listening this video right now and ı did listen only the first 15 mins yet. I want to tell very clearly and totally honest, I understand your point very well. But I need to tell that as a 48 years old female who did leave all my Life with Cptsd and npd. I can not afford private sessions at the very moment. I did afford lots of sessions before and they helped and supported my healing in my own tempo very much. Now my sources to heal are Sam Vaknin’s videos, your videos and Pete Walker’s Cptsd from surviving to thriving and a few other sources that I do understand the true clean deep information about the subject. I can understand how complicated is cptsd and how it differs in every humanbeing. But I want you to know clearly that your videos are helping my true healing in a very efficient and positive way and as a human being my gratefullness is very big. I am feeling sad that ı will not reach to responsible true help. Please know that your videos helped and supported my healing completely in a positive and constructive way and this is priceless. I understand and ı respect your decision and choice. Only I am sad because ı am losing one of my true sources for my healing. And your way made it so much more fun and much more easier to accept and face really heavy feelings and pain. It is a loss for me personally that ı will not reach this valuable help anymore. With all my regards, thank you for the videos you shared with all the truth bravely 🙏
If You really want to look forward to videos (as free) and with good intentions to know narc. behavior You have some more people to listen to: Dr Ramani or Rebecca Zung or Jess Stanley or Anti Narc (swedish) or Klara Leger (swedish).
I lost my only brother 2 years ago. I have never thought that when someone like Tolle says let go the past and live in the present, that means "get over or forget about my loss". Actually, being in the present has helped me and continues to help with the grieving process. I'm sorry that that was her perception. We never forget our loss, especially children, but living in the present helps getting up and living, which our loved ones would want. Much respect Mr. Grannon.
I felt like I was a failure as a human being after four relationships with varying degrees of narcissism. I didn’t start healing until I consumed as much of your content as I could. As well as Lise Lablanc’s channel. It wasn’t until I STOPPED, that the individuation finally started. Thank you for giving us a space to learn that not everything was our fault.
I watched several people and until just now ,I get it...I see what you speak of, I just broke a pattern and this just helped me in the beginning, when I couldn't breathe..yes your content is very important..it just clicked for me....Thank you
@@ehami1730 wow, crazy ...this was the very last video I watched about this subject and I am living proof that you are absolutely 💯 percent correct! Look we all fall down and those who do not are narcissist, the simply difintintion is we have allowed people to continue to use and abuse one another in the name of love, okay well that is simply bs...when we admit our own behavior and forgive ourselves the rest of it becomes less . I heard you in this video and I knew when I watched it 10 months ago that owning my part ..I actually became his version of me and I screamed with my heart and realized that my experience of this situation was not his ..our pain is ours to bare and ours to change .I just want to say thank you..I am breathing agian and I do not believe anymore ,I just know.......faith in God is faith in yourself! Makes perfect since ! I like the way you think ..I love unconditionally and just experienced how difficult that is ,but it is...I care about my integrity and loyalty to myself ! Truly..it just flooded and clicked...
Thank you Richard. I concur. I do think energetically we are seeking to find our "lightworker" vibe in the MOST positive & non-obsessive way... it is so easy to venture down rabbit holes to the ongoing surrender of ascension....an ongoing paradox i struggle with too... to ascend, yet face EGO death.... honour our warrior moments (and boy do i know we all do!!)... The time now is to hear, heal & ascend... be strong in your message & power in it.... I SERIOUSLY respect hearing this message from a divine masculine perspective....it is inspiring me to get out with my own passion and spiritual message.... echoes dissipate and allow one to re-think, re-hear and embrace the new. Bless to you and so it is Healing hapoens.- dont doubt your passion. Transcend the BS agenda 🇨🇦🌬🙏💞u matter
you are the first person I've heard admit that this happens A LOT! It doesn't just hurt the one who takes the info as gospel, but everyone around them. Thank you for sharing this. People these days believe anything they hear and don't take responsibility for anything... the blame game.
Wow Richard....this is truly what I needed (Not wanted) to hear. I have never come across your posts in the 8 years (yes, 8) in which I have been educating myself to understand my life with my wasband of 42 years. I have been asking myself.... with all of this knowledge why do I feel like crap, I should be enlightened enough to really get it, to put all the pieces together and now be whole...what the heck??? You just gave me the what the heck answer....I left myself out of the equation! Yes my husband was a cover narcissist, yes he was controlling and manipulative etc, etc. My part was not seeking help and not doing the hard work of thinking like an adult (and not only a victim) and found my path to freedom. Thank you so very much for opening my eyes to reality. I must shoulder some of the blame and I can also forgive myself as well as find a measure of forgiveness for the narcissist.
You attract what you focus on. Focus on making your life better instead, that will be your foundation, self worth, money, passion. Everything comes naturally when u invest in yourself.
Im so glad someone finally said this. I caught on to this awhile ago. A great book to start healing is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. It is sooooo helpful.For example Someone with a Flight type will consume to no end and do nothing else. It’s so important to heal than watch a bunch of videos. They are helpful but important to not fall in that trap and I feel some youtubers try to suck you into that consuming trap. Remember it’s important to live your best life!!!
You make some REALLY IMPORTANT POINTS. And something to think about. In today’s age of technology what CAN be trusted? What can be manipulated? I get it.
Thank you for this. Not sure what is going on in the "community" that caused you to focus on this one, but I think I understand. My summary: Once you get over the initial shock and educate yourself on toxic relationships, it is your (ie my) responsibility to heal, take action to do better next time and not verbally attack others who are on a different level of healing, or on a different path (we are not to judge)? Thanks for taking your time and energy to share.
I don't remember which video it was exactly, but around 3-4 months ago, I realized that I was just victimizing myself and used all sorts of youtube videos as a blue-pill IV drip. Your method of tough love helped me to realize that I couldn't keep doing this to myself. It's okay to be hurt, and cry. But only for so long. So I decided hey, the other person fucked up, but I fucked up too, and I need to learn and take action for myself. I'm really glad I did because life has got a lot better for me. I feel more in-charge, and if things don't go my way, I'm okay with it because I understand that it's not about me. It honestly starts with taking responsibility, and getting real on how I need to show up for myself instead of acting like a whiny child. I still enjoy checking out your videos from time to time because it helps me with my understanding of emotional language. But this entire narcissism trend on youtube/twitter is just a mess and it's part of a greater problem on the internet where hurt individuals think it's okay to keep projecting their pain on to people who did nothing to them. Be it cancel culture, or operating in us vs them attacks. I feel like it's just a means to keep engaging in that trauma-cycle because there can be no victim without a perpetrator. And I think this is a scary concept for a lot of people to come to terms with. People can only hurt you once, but a lot of times we create a concept of a monster to keep re-triggering ourselves. So much so that the person that said/did that hurtful thing is long gone, but we remain stuck hurting ourselves because we become too dependent on the concept of a perpetrator to remain in a victim-status. And I think that's what helped me to move on. I was responsible for hurting and giving up on myself, and I don't intend to do that ever again.
I agree richard these videos are keeping us in the trauma !!!you are the only one who has helped people saying this!!! Im not going to watch another i married a malignant narcissist pure hell decades later still ill. So stop watching all videos . I hope people listen to you. Thank you richard 😊
Man, you touched on something here that has bothered me since I first was looking into this subject. (I had been accused of being something I didnt even slightly understand, and to be frank I doubt they did either) After watching some of these videos from other creators and following some rsbbit holes on reddit, I came to doubt myself to an extreme degree. It almost destroyed me. Luckily, there were some people around me that were able to help me see the worth I could no longer see in myself. I actually only found your channel because of the "3 things people get wrong about codependency" video and loved your style. I try to get opinions from a lot of different view points and as we differ in world view, ie: I'm an american, libertarian conservative leaning type dude, while I assume you would be a more lib lefty type out of England kind of bloke. That means I should listen to someone like you more than someone more to my own ilk. At least, in that vein with every video I might come to understand your viewpoint more. Just my pov on all this, and yea UA-cam wants to be Netflix....so expect demonetization, banning, censorship and fact checking to become even more of the norm than it already is. You are a good guy from what I can tell, that truly wants to help people. So I hope you are able to avoid the metaphorical axe for as long as possible. Thanks for all you do, Signed, A Random Person Online
Yes. Truth. Truth first. So long as your aim is truthfulness, you can't take responsibility for what some people do with it in their own heads. More and more people are choosing to allow Truth to cut through and disrupt the patterns of thought and behavior we've been binding ourselves and others with.
i am married to a covert narc & realized a while back i was watching to many videos as i know i am responsible for my choices but occasionally i still watch yours to help me feel validated & to learn about these monsters thank you for your videos. faith
There are videos that are vindictive towards narcissists and these I ignore, yours are more informative than nasty. I have learnt a lot from your videos and feel compassion now instead of confusion. I am more concerned with my own misgivings now, than that of the narcissist. I need to heal and love me now, so thanks for that. You da man!
I needed this, I was dying in that black hole. When you can't go outside for fear that everyone is gonna take advantage of you.. It's a problem. I definitely have an obsessive personality, or an addictive personality and THAT'S probably why... I get stuck in situations that aren't necessary or useful or helpful, or take in substances (like UA-cam) that make me feel something God forbid I'm bored. I'm not healthy, very few people have won that lottery and I'm glad they exist so we have something to look at. Eating this food daily now that I'm unemployed and have no hobbies... Has caused me so much tremendous anxiety, ok it gave me new goggles to view relationships which is good.. If u know what's bad then u can notice what's good. Even in yourself. But it's too much. And there's sooooo many channels now that are getting into the trend, and UA-cam feeds you what you want to watch because they want u to stay in the app (like all apps).. It's a lot 😁 your body needs a break.
I like this a lot. I believe these videos saved me at one point But I have long moved on now. On to learning how to be the best version of my beautiful self. I was hurt for such a long time in bad relationships, I thought I was a victim for years and then realized I allowed this to go on in my life. Now that I’ve taken responsibility I have power in my life!
I'm a new viewer. This caught my eye because I thought it was about narcissists that make videos! I have watched many videos on spirituality, and started contemplating why? I realized, for me anyway, and most likely others, that it's "spiritual satisfaction", or, "spiritual distraction". Finding someone that agrees with you. Even watching this I find myself agreeing with you which makes me feel good! Lol. To me, it's all a distraction, a procrastination, from doing the work of looking at ourselves. Lastly, I don't want to take away from great content where I have gained information and clarity. Thanks for putting yourself and your message out there. 💙
I get what you wanted to say. Hope your videos stay, as they helped me understand my relationship. I was so confused about what was going on. So unhappy, but at the same time feeling guilty and unsure if I was the bad person he made me believe I was. Yes, I have narcissistic parts, too, yes, I can be egotistic at times, but, I have the right to leave him without feeling guilty. What you do with your videos is help people get clear about what is going on in their lifes and give them tools to help themselves. Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻
Yes, very useful video! I stopped watching your videos and other videos about narcissism because I found myself so focused on trying to understand my ex who has very high narcissistic/sociopathic traits, that I couldn't move on and let go. (Not sure if i have moved on yet) At the beginning I consumed your videos to learn and understand what had happened in my past relationship and what was happening with myself. There was so much confusion due to gaslighting and dysfunctional behavior I just needed to understand and make sense of it all. Once I got it, I kept watching videos on this subject just to feel validated that I was a victim and I wasn't the insane one. After that point I kept looking up videos on the subject and then it became an emotional masturbation! Then it became an addiction! The addiction to suffering. Now I try not to watch videos on this subject anymore cause it does feed an addiction to suffering. But i do like your style of sharing your knowledge. Thank you for all your free content that you provide in your videos, its great to have the information.🙏🏾 wish you a great 2021
Really excellent video thank you. You're videos to me are a toolkit to deal with someone at the point of interaction, NOT a way to diagnose the other person or shirk my responsibilty. I can't imagine watching your channel once I've saved my deposit to move... For what? You're videos encouraged me to speak to my doctor and make a mental health appointment so I can figure out why I don't have these tools to deal with people who will always exist, and have always existed. Your videos have helped me reach out in the real world :)
My son is in a relationship with a Covert Narcisist....we cannot get through to him and he sees her as the love of his life right now. We are having to let him go for the moment as it is giving us sleepless nights and anguish. She is toxic.
These videos are really helpful in order to understand that these types of people do exist and also in the process it helped me to discover my own traits that are dysfunctional. So I became aware of my behaviour and what kind of human being I am. So thank you Richard for such a great and honest video.
Funny the title of this video. I kinda burned out on it as a pretty sad state of affairs. Everyone has narcissism on a healthy level. But the disorder end if it is like a black hole where you start feeling surrounded by "narcs". Language is imperfect and everyone perceives things differently. It is becoming a little dangerous for us to think to "diagnose" people without the proper education(if there is one). But it is invaluable on a human level to accept that some people may never be happy and will prevent anyone in their regular vicinity from being happy, and to be willing to part or restrict access to someone from being a negative influence in our lives. Or even destroy us, intentionally or not. Your information is very helpful and Thank You for your works!!!
Totally how I found him. After a month of binging narcissist vids, I suddenly realized that all sounded like me and came to his "how to heal narcissism". And of course it explained how you can't have narcissism without codependency which I already knew I exhibited, pretty bad. I only watch narcissism vids when the title sounds like another terrible behavior I need to know I'm doing. I can't even imagine my life right now without having realized all this. The countless relationships I've destroyed...🥺.. healing narcissism through CPTSD understanding is the most legit therapy I've found thus far. Super duper grateful for this guy!!!!🙏✌
Richard, I found you in 2015. I would fall asleep to the sound of your voice, at one point, you helped me stay sane. I was 10 months into a 2 1/2 year relationship with a diagnoised cluster-b. Then, two years later, I met a fearful-avoidant Italian cultured man, and had another round of crap. These days, I do not watch any of your Narcissist videos. I only clicked on this, because your blue eyes are really poppin in this video.
Thank you so much for this video, very enlightening. When I first started watching narcissism videos I wondered, and asked, if it's possible that I was somewhat narcissistic as well. I was told that I can't be since I'm even asking the question. Definitely think I have some narcissistic tendencies. Complete lack of boundaries, last relationship was a disaster... I was a doormat. I did initiate no contact after the fourth discard. It was the only way I could reclaim some self respect. I've learned a lot and definitely take responsibility for my part.
Thanks a loooooot for this!! This is extremely important for people like me, that are after these contents for so many months (and are getting free from many sick stuff) But with time.. this back-fireing phenomena is SO TRUE. This blamless seeking and the no-motivation of going and doing stuff in life and expressing the living becouse we are now thinking that everything is so hard and that it feels like there is so little faith in humanity and stuff. It's not that we need to pretend that nothing happened and try to get back to where we were before all this info came to us, but it's about that we must surpass it, to see it like... a hardcore level that life is, but still being exited to play it instead of keeping watching videos that confirms that our life is in hardcore mode and therefor we'll stop doing stuff. I hope that makes sense... I don't care how bad it is, it still could be worse, I recognize that for many people the case is indeed worse then mine... and we still have a lot that we can be grateful for, and there is a lot that we can do here in the world, and simply a lot we can do for us too. So, in a sense it's really nice to keep informed about all this, it sure helps sustain our hard decisions, but in other sense, we should be aware of our victim mentality while getting informed about these stuff. Don't watch it to confirm your misersble, but watch it to help you see your way out to do your stuff!!
Love this! Take responsibility and clean up your own stuff physically, mentally and emotionally. Learn who you are, what you expect and create boundaries. Move forward into the New Year and live life and we can't do that staying on UA-cam that comes from living.
People naturally use categorization in mental schema. Pathologization, when used by the laymen, is a form of self protection, distancing from engagement. Not healthy in over use, but a form of mental/emotional self-protection, when healing. The point being: at some time, you have to lower the weapons.. but only when you have learned to differentiate between when they are needed, and when they are a hindrance. Professionals know the difference, through training, but often feel threatened by those with training who offer these tools to the general public, free of charge. Can't have an "informed public" who know how to protect & heal themselves, now can we? That wouldn't be very good for "repeat business" (generational trauma) & professionals profit margins! 😉 "You know you're over the target, by how much flak gets fired at you!" Keep Fighting, Richard! ✊
My narcissistic abuse came from my dad. I watch these videos because I'm 37 and still functioning like a kid trying to appease a scary, violent man who acted like a narcissist for most of my childhood and went to jail for it. I don't want to act like a victim anymore, but my brain's survival is centered on appeasing narcissistic behavior. So I watch these videos to de-brainwash myself... It's sort of working. It's even repairing my relationship with my parents somehow. I'm setting better boundaries and hoping we someday get help for all of us. HOWEVER...I've come across people in this "community" who try to tell me that just because they had an ex romantic partner once who acted like a narcissist, they're an expert on the subject. I was told there's no hope for my family, and that my dad never really loved me "because narcissists are incapable of loving anyone!!!!" This individual who told me that owns a narcissism expert channel! He has no credentials as a counselor, he's just some divorcee, but his followers act like he's Jesus because they all hate their exes and he validates that hate. What the heck?!! My dad may be a messed up person, but he does love me. He just needs help. Meanwhile some bozo in an echo chamber of jilted lovers is going to tell me about my own family? Screw off
This is such an interesting video. I started down the narcissism rabbit hole a couple weeks ago maybe. I read traits and thought it sounded like my dad. After one video I was very concerned that I was too narcissistic myself. And the whole time I knew that narcissism is a spectrum that we all lie on somewhere. I thought back to times where I was very narcissistic without knowing, and I actively worked hard to stop having the victim mindset, and question my sense of entitlement, in order to *like* the adult person I was becoming. It's funny hearing that when you're the child of a narcissist you truly are "powerless" in that case, but once you're an adult you need to unlearn a LOT. Because of my upbringing I had a mega victim complex. I had a rough one but I'm working every day so that I don't carry that into every social interaction I'm in. This video is a reminder to keep myself in check and there's still so much to learn and unlearn.
I stopped watching Narcissism videos when I felt there was nothing more to learn.
There is always more to learn, about any subject.
Same. Once you recognize the signs your only response should be to get out of the situation as quickly as you can.
I watch them when I think I need a reminder of their tactics because it’s easy to be side swiped by them. I have too many in my life to not be on my guard and I was wondering about if it was doing damage. Because of the life long abuse it’s made it incredibly difficult to achieve closeness and friends.
@@AngelKrystalStar analysis paralysis
I just go back to certain ones for a quick recap
Last topic i searched was what is their weaknesses
Now i strike em blow after blow covertly
Only when the narc tries it again
Which they will ofcourse
Things I've learned from Richard and Sam Vaknin:
1. Narcissism is a trauma-based condition
2. You cannot help them, one can only help oneself
3. The opposite of narcissist is not "empath"
4. Projective Identification is an interactive phenomenon
5. You can identify a toxic relationship without having to diagnose a personality disorder
6. Listening to music is much more therapeutic than watching narcissism content
That last point is important music therapy works as well or better than talk therapy
Spot on
@@hansonel I find music hard to listen to, it is like noise when I wish to hear the environment for anormalities.
@@reallythere I can relate to that, and went through a similar stage myself. Hyper-vigilance and the inability to relax and let your guard down. Caused by unrelenting threat, stress and trauma I think. Are you able to sleep?
@@Jen.K I can sleep, I need to be familiar with all the ambient noise of my home. I wake up to any anormalities. I don't sleep very deeply. It's caused me to be low energy, gain weight, won't exercise and can't concentrate etc
Many of us are just trying to figure out what the hell happened because we definitely don’t want it to happen again!
I think we'll know when we've had enough.
It happened close the door and live 💜
Yes. I did not understand what happened to me. And so I started watching your videos. It made sense, I got it, and I started to forgive myself that I had something like that happen to me. That I let it happen. I am thankful for your videos because I could not have understood it on my own. I don’t need your help any lpnger but I mean it in the best possible way. I can take it for here. But thank you.. so much.
This. It became like an obsession because I was so traumatized I was terrified of going through some things again. I’m feeling better now thank God and I’m learning and honestly it’s helped me to try and not look at as much as I was to help get some things out of my head too ❤
I came from the future to inform Richard is still making money by making content to the "hugging box machine". Sometimes Richard incorporates people he admires and it ends up being those hypocritical videos in which he is the smart one "out of the matrix" and we are a bunch of masturbating weaklings.
I actually find it's been massively helpful to watch loads of videos about narcissism. Lots of it is irrelevant, but sometimes snippets spark a sudden epiphany, "maybe that's why my dad behaved as he did..." I have traced a lineage of narcissistic /covert narcissistic behaviour back through three generations of my family system. I understand now where these behaviours come from. It all makes sense now. And the more I learn, the more I can be calm, hold on to my emotional state and stop doing the underperforming, poor boundaried, fawning behaviours that held those dynamics in place. And relationships have improved. Family members I thought were toxic and had cut out, I now realise I can handle. They aren't fully toxic, because their behaviour is not pervasive and permanent. I've moved from "I'm a loser and it's all my fault," through the stage of "it's not me, my family are all toxic" and reached the stage of "they're not necessarily all bad, I just need to behave differently and have better boundaries." So don't tell us, Richard, not to watch videos about narcissism! Videos about narcissism have changed my life, and we don't necessarily get stuck in the victim stage. (Only being silly, I know you weren't saying that!)
I stopped watching narcissism videos long time ago but will not stop watching YOUR videos as they are pure intellectual and spiritual pleasure whatever you talk about. Thank you for feeding my spirit, inspiring my mind, making me think and question everything...all over again.
How long have you been watching them?
I'm an average person who found herself smack dab in an abusive, horrifying, relationship. In an effort to make sense of it I watched videos about NPD. I was not capable of seeing anything negative about myself at that time, and if I'd come across a video like this one, would have rejected it. It took several months of watching various videos for me to grow strong enough to see and accept that some of those horrifying traits reflected not only my abuser, but myself. Those videos are needed. But, only as a doorway to self discovery. They are simply the first layer. Much like baby food. At that time I couldn't have in any shape or form handled the nice big juicy steak of the real truth. So, I can say I am grateful for both kinds, and would really appreciate more videos that focus on the next step. Healing. Easy to understand, DETAILED, lol, steps we can take right out of a toxic situation. Ways we can successfully interact with others as we BEGIN to heal and learn new coping skills so as to keep collateral damage to a minimum.
I completely get that. Pureed steak, on a teaspoon would have been too much. For the first few years after I escaped my x, I never asked myself why I put up with it. I wasn't ready. I had to understand what had happened first before I could ask myself why I put up with what happened. ROme was not built in a day.
Agreed!
Yes, perfectly said! The real healing (at least for me) has been uncomfortable at times, but seeing our own past patterns gives us the opportunity to decide our future. After the initial unease of self-examination, the real work begins, and it’s empowering.
Amy Vaknin are you married to Sam Vaknin??
@@susanhoward189 *WAS married lol
That's why I like your videos. Some of the narcissism channels seem to only teach you about victimhood, rather than encouraging you to also strengthen yourself to face a complex world. Your videos give room for self love and also that tough love kick in the ass to step our game up. It's up to us to face the world as it is -- not as we wish it was.
@@emp9413 Agreed. "Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war." I don't want to sit around and be a victim, I want to strengthen myself and be willing to swing my sword if needed. And yah if he moves on there's still plenty of content.
@@emp9413 😂😂 I mean, come on, a nice shiny sword looks good in battle.
I will say this -- I agree with his sentiment but I do also think directly after a difficult relationship or event these videos can validate our experiences especially after gaslighting. But at some point we gotta get back in the game and not use the past as an excuse.
@@emp9413 To you too! An actual positive interaction in the UA-cam comment section... Amazing😂
👍
US is right! A whole community used to be here to help raise a child build a barn, be good neighbors, help others in person. This is a small part of that picture, as it is all virtual and has glitches still. We evolve together still. 💘
For me, Richard, you were always VERY CLEAR, saying that codependency is like a coin that has two sides and I didn't feel you stroke my ego pointing it ( like oh, my God, so... I am a victim and he is the narcissist!!, oh, thank you, I am not the bad one!!)) . From all your videos I understood I have a responsabilty to work on myself, my wounds, my past, my life dynamics, life path etc... I think you did the best, presenting things like this! You helped me A LOT!! In the beginning I was obsessed with your channel because I felt validated for the first time in my life ( second time when I read Pete Walker's book about CPTSD and realised I wasn't crazy, oh, I wept for days... ). But then I started to do the work, Iearning to stop emotional flashbacks ( from your free!! course) and even I still have things to do, I am much better!! So, I am not ''obssesed'' any more, I am wilingly coming here to watch what you have to say about things because I trust you and you are so witty with words and ideas. Please don't you worry about anything, you did it right!! You were kind, gentle, funny but also honest and proficient!! ( I have two disclaimers here: first, sorry for the bad english, it is not my language and second, more important, when I watched for the first time a video, in 2016 I was almost dying in pain, I don't want to trigger people so I will not describe how bad I was but, here, ''dying'' is not a metaphor. I am saying this only for people to know that no matter how emotionally disregulated I was, I didn't felt for one second that you dismissed or mocked or minimized my pain or, on the opposite, that you put the codependency on a pedestal to make it like a medal of honour!!). This channel is GOLD, Richard!! Thank you!!
Beautifully said 👋👋👋
@Kerrie Daly Thank you very much!! 😊
Exactly!
Couldn't agree with you more..validation was EVERYTHING and now I have to work on my dysregulation and health problems.
YES! Extremely well said! The dying inside resonated with me deeply. There is no other way to describe it. Validation is essential in clearing that fog. Feeling there is something on the other side of all if that torment and pain that eats you whole. Thank you for your eloquent depiction of this experience. While I suppose it was somewhat triggering I believe it was a good thing. Helping to remind me just hiw far I have come. How far we have come😃 and that there are people out there that are also learning to walk again this time on their own two feet in the direction they choose. We can be there to cheer each other on without getting in the way and I think that is a spectacular thing and continues to be helpful as I am still learning how to differentiate the good from the bad. So thank you for the reminder of the direction I need to be heading and why the effort in getting there is essential to avoid returning to that pain.
With every bit of heartache there lies a gem of truth. Pick it up. Place it in your crown and hold your head up high. Your true strength lies not in your ability to get thru life, but in your ability to stand tall and excel despite the weight on your shoulders. Knowledge is brought thru success of experience, good or bad it is the most certain way to gain first hand knowledge. Dont ever stop reaching out for those new experiences. No matter what happens its only you who can determine the out come. Live and learn is the path to success and inner happiness. Nothing else can get you there .It all begins within you.
This is one of the BEST videos I have seen on UA-cam! Your openness and honesty are a rare quality in this “community”! I am so glad that I decided not to focus on my ex-husband’s personality but instead to travel within myself to deal and heal my own inner traumas so that I could become a healthy person! I am so glad that you made a conscious decision to speak the TRUTH! Thank you!!!
The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn’t make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what MY response was to that toxicity. I no longer watch narc content now I’ve “diagnosed my life” but am now focusing on the fortress emotional literacy content as I’ve identified for the first time in my 39 year old life that I have the power to change my future. To me this content is invaluable, as a stay at home mum that can’t afford face to face psychotherapy:-) This content is hugely empowering for me. It’s given me hope for agency and sovereignty. I understand why you’ve needed to create this video though. Ownership is gold.
Thank you: "The reason I needed to see content on narcissism is because I couldn't make head nor tail of what was happening to me - and what my response was to that toxicity."
“If you’re tired of being a doormat, get off the floor.”
I don't know which of the two responses to LOL😁 at. Maybe both.
I gave the narc only one stab at me, one, when I figured it out with the help of a professional I was gone and NEVER looked back. Doormat no...warrior yes
Submission simplified😂
Love this!!!!!!
Point well taken.
Bro, A few years back I watched you all day every day....until I didn't need to anymore. Keep fighting the good fight. Peace.
Exactly Rich needs to continue his content to continue to help those that need to see reality of narcissism! I stopped watching when I learned enough but Don’t stop Rich
"Narcissist" seems to be the word du jour to describe anyone you have a conflict with or anyone with a personality that clashes with yours. It is simply thrown around far too casually, and there is a big difference between narcissistic behavior (which anyone can exhibit at their worst) and an actual disorder.
Yes!!!! Bingo! I’ve watched 100’s of hours of narcissist videos! I’ve taken notes! Saved the good ones to rewatch if needed! Bought the courses. I’ve done this off and on for 5 long years. Learning has been almost like an obsession. Recently however, I’ve had a recurring thought that my time would be better spent actually LIVING! Time to forget about the narcissistic idiot and live my life! This is so affirming. 🙌
Agreed, and I think the investment you made was invaluable in order to take your next steps in living.
Hi Richard, I first came across your videos about a year ago and thought this bloke makes a lot of sense - don’t stop making them. I also think they help people.
"He's gaslighting us," hahahaha...Thank you so much for your serious message encased in humor. It's true we can become more self-righteous by watching these videos for too long. Just after abuse, I think it's necessary because we've been blamed for everything that happened in an abusive relationship, but if we swing too far the other way where we see ourselves as blameless for anything, we are in that same narcissistic sandbox without knowing it. It's a slippery slope into victimhood and it's not a place in which we're meant to live. It's a place where we regain our sanity, ditch the shame that has been poured into us and evolve beyond a victim mindset as we grow in understanding - returning to compassion and love with an acceptance of our dark side as being part of our complete humanity.
I think if you come away from these teachings self righteous, then....maybe you were self righteous anyway? Not a bad thing if you are right, but if it's a horrible and snotty attitude that one provides their information or even just carries themselves with, then I think that wants looking at.
"I don't like what Bob said to me so lets make sure he can never speak again to anyone ever." That's how Narcissists think, they want to cut out our tongues for asking questions or catching them in their lies.
Hi Richard ! Don't worry about your content .... I listened to you constantly for at least 2 years .. But about 5 years ago... It takes time but we can bust out of this tunnel and do really well over time ! I've been walking in the light for a few years and life is much better when you can side step people with no capacity to love .... You did help me a lot... I am making 3 times the money and lost 25 pounds . Buying a place in the country and have few but very loving friends..... Thank you
This is true I find the more I watch them the worse I feel
yes I don't want to focus on all the evil.....its always gonna be there.....
Same I don't watch that bs I can't relate
Sht not me man. Thats what helped me find out WHY this person I was with for 13 years did what they did. The random flip of persona, the infentile voice, actions etc. 40 years old yet emotionally and mentally stuck at 2 or maybe 10 if I'm lucky.
It's morbid to think I've slept with them for 13 years and they're that age...
they can be addictive and can keep you in a rumination loop.
It’s because you are understanding how much you’ve been abused.
You've made a huge difference in my life, and in the lives of Many. I Moved forward, still listening, learning. I've pretty muched let that dialogue (monologue?) go, it gives bad people too much information, now that I see that things cannot be repaired, really. It was wrong to expect goodness where there was none. No matter how much I speak, it is too late to make the past less oainful. Accepting loss, & making a future with my frustrated, imperfect self. It's less of a burden for those whom I love. But you make it possible for people like us to grow. I just feel brave now. The world needs that. Only leave it if it is too draining, In that case, there are fields to be tended nearby that are less treacherous. As you've always said, The assholes don't deserve anymore energy. You are Sanity in an insane world. Thank you, Rest 🌌
Very true 💖
@@gd8839 🌻🌻
@@emp9413 🌻🌻
You have been posing the following questions for us to ask ourselves for some time “what is good, what is evil, how do I want to live my life?” Even though I feel stuck in my life situation by asking myself those questions for the last 4 or 5 months I have come to realize that my life is separate from the situation. Full responsibility. ❤️ Thanks for giving me back my sanity.
The longer I live the more I see narcissists in every family, every government, every school, every marriage, every church.
But now I can identify and make better decisions and that is all because of the content you shared.
Thank you
Richard, I love your content. I have used your channel for insidious purposes, you've helped me defeat someone with narcissistic traits, I beat them at their own game. Perhaps now you can create content on how we can reclaim our compassion, help us repair ourselves. Keep up the wonderful work.
Well done x
no one can just end any addiction until you REPLACE it with a new addiction. I would rather maintain my new addiction to narc videos than relapse back into narc addiction.
😭😩😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I don't think this is true.
Set yourself free friend, you can make the choice to stop
@@kevinmathewson4272 if you ever go to an AA meeting, you will see that everybody is either smoking or eating sweets
😅
I m 45 and I left my narc family 5 years ago, Im happy that you make these videos because it really helped me to realize whats been going on my whole life. Its really painful from time to time, but I feel so free! My father is a alcoholic and he tried to destroy my marriage, and my reputation
but my hubby kicked his arse! And I dont miss my mothers negativity and drama on every big events or holidays. She tried to destroy my relationship between me and my kids, shes literally like the stepmother in the Disney movies!
I agree on all of your points. However like you said, people will misconstrue absolutely anything you say. Don't do it for them. Do it for the people who don't.
You have helped me tremendously. I was going through a very confusing part of my life and at my lowest, when I was searching for answers, it was your video out of a thousand that gave me an answer. I'm not trying to pat your back. You worded something in a way that I understood. Others have too, but you answered my toughest question. And you know what, since then, I have played the blame game. Not verbally, but in my head. Oh, now it makes sense, it was so and so. Then the more I've researched and watched these videos, I thought, maybe it was this person. I know now, it was everyone. It was me, it was her, it was him. It was everyone in the world and nobody. I do suspect strongly that it was a certain individual but this is my life. I'm a seperate human being and my problems are mine, not somebody else's. And they're human too. Sociopaths, narcissists, all of them. Just as human as me with their own problems created by them and the way they were raised. Imperfect, just like me.
That said, I understand where you're coming from and I'm happy you question the ramifications. I'm happy you take your audience into consideration and how they may use the information you give. I love watching people that are actively trying to be unbiased, even though it's impossible to do all of the time. Thank you for your content and thank you for helping me, and helping me understand. At least now, I can understand that my "enemies" are just as human as I am, and I should not hate them. I could have easily been them. I understand their struggle better thanks to you, and thanks to you, I now understand that I can place a boundary to tell them not to cross and still love them as a human being, just as imperfect as myself.
Thank you for not doing what you need to do to grow this channel. I have appreciated all that you have put out there about Narcissism. Your videos were where I learned about Narcissism and what was happening in my relationships. But don't you think everything that is needed about Narcissism is already out there? This is just the first tiny little step. Then I had to look at me and that was a whole "can of worms". This is the hard part but also the freedom part. This is all self work. This is what takes the time and effort but this is where all the amazing things I have been searching for is at.. This message from you today is so important
Critical Thinking is the umbrella over all the subjects you discuss: narcissism, psychology, philosophy, emotional literacy, sociology, etc. The critical examination of one's own thinking is the most powerful tool in the toolbox.
Bottom line is that it's narcissistic to think you have the psychological expertise to diagnose randoms. Also, most us us raised by narcissists, are more prone to narcissism ourselves, it took me a few years to accept I had fallen victim to something called "repetition compulsion", where you repeat the abusive patterns of behaviour done to you by your parents with others. Everyone does it, most people become their parents and its their responsibility to shed bad habits in adulthood.
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld some of them sound deranged pathological especially the christian nutcases.
Have gained enormous insight into the dysfunctional marriage i have struggled through for over 20years starting watching posts after the end of the marriage to try to understand my mental and emotional state realised the narsasisitic behaviour i had fell victim to and how I allowed myself to be controlled now realise in many ways i was complicit in allowing th control to continue for so long hard to admit in some ways i was responsible fot not ending things sooner moving forward into the future i now understand that my path is to build a better me i do believe that there comes a time when you have learned enough to come to terms with your own situation we all have narcissistic traits some far more than others thank you for the help thanks for widening my view to see the larger reality keep speaking to the truth even when it's hard for outhers to hear
I'm on the same page. There's several therapists on here who do nothing but cover narcissism. I read the comments and everyone thinks they can diagnose their friends and family. People use these videos to weaponize their own suspicions and then confront someone else without any education.
I understand .. however it doesn’t take a doctorate or even a masters degree to check off the list ( 5 or more) to
Put two and two together. There’s common sense and experience.. to know the difference ..
We all appreciate doctors .. I work with them.. but I also know .. they don’t and can’t know everything
I know what you mean, but for the people who are actually dealing with it, these videos are a life saver - You’ll know if you know a narcissist it’s something you almost wouldn’t understand unless you’ve experienced it
Well I think its not about diagnosing people but to share experiences that you're not alone in it.. Ive experienced it with my ex and ex MIL; they were most likely narcisists.. but I never confronted them because that's not my "duty".. what helped me the most was to read that what had happened to me was real and I wasnt the only one.. because I have had some people around me think I exaggerated what had happened.. and they dont think that kind of abuse is real.. while in the comments of these video's, there is understanding, because we've all been through the same thing.. and that's important to know.. all the gaslighting and lying makes you really question your sanity at times.. so for me it's reassuring to know that it wasnt me (only a little as a codependent person) but mostly my ex his narcisistic behaviour..because who would treat people like sh*t when they say they love you...
These videos are all part of the process of healing and going through understanding what happened to you. Once you've gone through it and it is a living hell, you will move on. It's a cathartic thing to do, like watching a sad film. As for misinterpreting things you watch, there was study done on how children misinterpret what is being shown on 'Sesame Street', I think we take what we want from them. What you have done Richard is 'connect the dots' to help us understand what those with NPD do to others. However, we need people to talk to about what we've learned and test to see if it's right. Learning about our own personality and how we interact with others is crucial, once we're more mindful, we'll learn about our own role in what happened to us. It's hard work.
Your "hard truths" have been so helpful to me. I appreciate the education, i needed it to even understand what was happening. After your announcement that you are not here to "Pat us on the bottom" I made a choice to give my self a goal to "heal". I personally don't want a community online, I want to move on as a healthy happy member of my family. Thanks for helping me do that.
I love your direct way of speaking. It all comes down to being / becoming self honest seeing our own narc traits isn't it. Thank you for sharing.
I am in a horrible custody battle/circus and honestly your videos have helped me immensely. I think I have a good perspective about these videos and I don’t take them so seriously that I ignore my own misgivings or blame our situation solely on my ex and his behaviours. I definitely relate and find a lot of the material very insightful but in no way do I agree that watching videos on this subject is going to significantly improve my own life. I don’t want to think of myself as a victim and keep my own progress stumped because I’m focused on blaming the other person. Your videos do help me heal from past abuse and assist me to make sense of many behaviours and actions of my ex. For the sake of my child I am arming myself with knowledge and understanding to protect myself and prevent making the same mistakes. When it comes to coparenting (or more accurately counter parenting) watching your videos is priceless so I thank you.
I dig your channel. It's great for those trained and working in mental health. I am definitely using your material to help look at the shadow aspects of my own narcissistic tendencies and learning skills to defend myself/space from other narcissists. Ty🙏🏼 your style is perfect*
You have long been telling us to learn, work on our issues and move out of the past and into now. Thanks for how helpful your videos have been to me personally. I like listening to other subjects too and some thoughtful and lol moments with you and Pierre. Not obsessed anymore 😄 occasionally I listen to Vaknin whose videos help me see my own accountability. Understanding the abusive toxic relationship does not let me off the hook. I allowed it. Stopped it. Choosing happy 👍🏻
Carol Bearce, you got a lovely smile 😊
Very good reminder Richard. Touched on many of my own thoughts, however, I do think there still seems to be a limited awareness of this phenomenon in society. as a whole. Victims get re-traumatized until they find this information and the reason they gobble it up is because validation is a. salve for those deep. wounds. There are several channels being run. by. narcissists who I believe think they are victims, but the majority are victims who thought of sharing what they learned as a way of turning all their pain to some good. In recent years what I see as the biggest shift are quality channels run. by licensed. psychologists who really understand what happens. because the lack of professional help is the primary reason there was a space for lay people to help one another. There is a point when it is all just too much. Getting the information is one thing, but that is a temporary process and then it is about healing and moving on, and also, there will be no healing and growth if victims don't focus on their own responsibility for what happened to them and what they need to change within themselves.
Thank you for caring about random people, and encouraging them to better themselves! And THANK YOU for sticking true to yourself instead of worrying about collecting followers. Your videos have helped me to grow emotionally and even pause in my every day life to say “Whoa. Wtf are you doing/thinking/saying right now?” Your best content forces us to look within ourselves and to grow. Would also love to hear more about alchemy. Best to you, Richie, “the weirdo with the dodgy haircut”. 😅
Nina Lallement,you got a lovely smile 😊
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you!!
Well I for one have learned a shit ton from your videos. You and Dr. Ramini have helped me tremendously and I’m very grateful for your honesty and integrity. Many blessings and much love 🌟❤️🌟
Hi Richard 🤗
Warning this is long 💕 but please read..
I want you to know that I found your channel about 4 years ago 🤔 And at that time I was desperately searching for answers about what I was living through... You were the one who provided the clearest answer and made the light bulb go on for me! I thank you from the depths of my soul because I was losing my soul with a covert narcissist. I had gotten so lost being in a marriage with a covert narcissist that I no longer trusted myself, my intuition, up was down and vice versa and I was spinning out of control trying to understand the crazy I was living. Being armed with the insight you provided me the last 4 years, gave me the ability to identify the behaviors so I was aware as it was happening so I didnt get sucked into the tornado of confusing and frustrating emotions I used to have and could protect my mind and heart. Also helped me address how his behaviors were affecting me,, the changes I didnt like during that relationship in myself to either retaliate or protect myself were not who I wanted to be so I slowly had to fix the mess this created in myself (Which I couldnt do If I didnt understand the behaviours and in turn understand why I reacted certain ways) After much thought and observation, I found myself again and was finally strong enough to leave my covert narcissist husband with full faith in my decision. I hope you continue to offer the relaxed and informative commentary in your one-on-one fashion that was so helpful to me and I'm sure will help others! I am located in the US and I have no idea how I found you, or what I possibly searched that brought me to your UA-cam channel, but I'm very thankful! I can't even tell you how amazing it felt to finally feel validated, have some understanding, some answers after being dismissed and mind-f'd daily and being told I was crazy for every thought or emotion i had for several years. I needed to have someone tell me what I was seeing was real because there wasn't a bruise I could point to or any solid proof there was abuse and you need to go, but there was so much abuse.. and I needed to understand what he had been doing... And once I truly learned the depth of my covert narcissists abuse it was worse than cheating or a bruise and took me a very long time to untangle myself.
But you helped me do it.
Please continue to help others 💕
And thanks again
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I figure anger, blame and rage can be useful, even necessary, to leave bad relationships and set boundaries. And after you have gotten out, then you need to take responsibility. However, one should not take responsibility when being under attack. Like mouthing off some drunk while out on town, you say and do what you need to get out, even if you need to beat him up. After you get home, you want to take responsibility for engaging people you should not engage and change behaviour.
I think I'm learning how to protect myself from getting into a toxic relationship. What to watch for and how to respond. I am learning where my weaknesses are and what I fall for. I am far from perfect, I never will be. I want to grow as a person get stronger. Your videos have helped me a lot. I want to be able to speak with out fear.
Thanks for your help so far.
Richard don't sweat it! You help people by educating them on Narcissism! Your awesome! Don't forget that! You can't help what Narc's do after they listen to your advice. Or, if certain individuals with a personality disorder go overboard with their behavior from what they have learned online. It's not right, but again you can't stop it. And, you are certainly not to blame for it. I thank God, that I found your UA-cam channel.
Too right arthurcurry! The confusion and insecurity that long-term narcissistic abuse causes really does lead us into a tremendously vulnerable place where we are no longer sure of what is our own reality. We need someone to shine the light and help us believe in ourselves again, guiding us with solid information regarding our plight. I am still struggling with the concept that my male narcissist partner has never cared for me but all the evidence shows that to be the truth. I have just got to get that stuck in my head and act accordingly! HE NEVER EVER CARED FOR ME! HE JUST SAW A TOP CLASS SUPPLY SOURCE! Everything else has been a consequence of our conflicting interpretations of a sentimental relationship!!!
I do get it and ty. I was starting to question it myself believe it or not. In my pain in a toxic relationship at the end of mine years, I wanted to feel better and these channels helped do that. I watch less and less as it's a year tomorrow and healing is happening. But every now and then, I tune in to feel better when I'm missing him and feeling his pain of my blackout, to give me the reasons to continue the blackout. Thru watching, I have seen my narc ways of course blaming it on it rubbing off. Glad to know in small ways we all possess a lil of that. I'm just gonna focus on praying and leaving it with God. Ty for your honesty, it's actually a relief to me!❤️
I really love your recent BPD video as I think it got people to rethink some people labelled narcissists. You done it in a really compassionate way. I am enjoying your recent videos
Richard is telling the TRUTH. This Conversation is everything that I’ve come to understand. The part that I played in dysfunctional relationships throughout my life. This realization cracked the door to my healing journey from childhood trauma. I have to be brave and goal oriented on my path to freedom. My healing is on me and know one else.
Thank You
Thanks for this discussion. Most mental health professionals don’t even get this concept.
I can stay a victim or victor. The ball is in my court.
I stopped watching videos on narcissism a while ago. Just seen this pop up in my subscription box. I’ve not watched this video either 😂😂but I’m sure great and good luck everyone on their journey to living a less narc free life.
Richard, victims will be victims.... your teaching is about responsibility and results.. it's unlike anything else I've seen on you tube... you are effective.... you turn me/us to healing and steps to take. Please don't stop.
Wishing you a happy new year free from fear, full of courage; abounding in compassion and absent of contempt; vacant of abuse and overflowing with loving-kindness in each and every relationship that you allow in your life.
Thank you Richard. This video actually closed a loop for me. I have been following you for 3-4 years. You have helped me make sense and get out of a very emotionally destructive relationship and to regain my authenticity, boundaries and self-worth. The name Spartan life coach appealed to my sense of humor, though I do believe that it captures something essential about life and self development. Keep up the good work!
Mirja Yli -Erkkila,God ❤is your strength
GOLD... absolute GOLD Richard🔥
I am so grateful to you and your channel. Your videos have had the opposite effect from that which you are speaking about. I feel much less of a victim and now feel empowered enough to leave my narc once and for all. I am now working on me. You have given me the tools in which to work out my own issues with no blame, in an non-judgemental way. Thank you!
Thank you. As someone who found the narcissism side of youtube because I actually am the victim of an emotionless, hyperintelligent, narcissist mother who still controls my father and my family in an iron grip.... I have tried telling people this forever, and they keep telling me that I'm blaming victims and pretending like "everybody can just get over it, like you did". I never got over anything, I still have a messed up relationship to other people, because I never learned how to build healthy ones as a child. My sense of self is still blurry and unstable, and my self worth gets reduced to zero on a regular basis whenever I see my mom.
But that doesn't keep me from living an active life where I move on and take responsibility for my own behaviour and actions, caring for other people AND BEING HYPERSENSITIVE MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME. Noise cancelling headphones were invented ages ago, they do greater wonders to living life than repetitive youtube videos, trust me...
I started watching Narcissism videos about five years ago. That's because I grew up in a narcissistic home (both parents narcs) and I wanted to learn more about the subject and to see if my experiences and trauma resonated with what I was being told. I wanted to learn about it properly, so consulted a variety of You Tube on-line gurus. When I felt I knew enough on the subject, I soon realised that it is a subject that can suck you in and easily generate a hyper-vigilent, even paranoic state. Suddenly, anyone remotely, intermittently toxic was possibly narcissistic -quite forgetting that most of us display narc traits intermittently and that does not make someone a narc anymore than it makes us one. What was key, some said, but frequently omitted by others I consulted on YT vids, was that to make someone narcissistic they had to display fewer than five traits all of the time (narc) or more than five all of the time to the point that they seriously impaired their own lives along with those around them (NPD). Not some traits (or all) every now and then - but basically they were OK most of the time. I also realised that there were too many self styled gurus populating YT on the subject and that had nothing new to say, were jumping on a bandwagon and regurgitating the DSM list of traits but providing no new insights or developments that marked them out from what I had seen already. Others threw in a lot of mystical mumbo jumbo and what I would consider to be other nonsense about quantum therapies and other such c**p to generate a buck and a therapy course. I also grew increasingly annoyed with those psychiatric and psychotherapeutic professionals, with letters after their name, who should know better than to use terms loosely and imprecisely such terms such as 'your truth' and 'my truth' when discussing a client's experiences (or our own). As a legal practitioner, there is no such thing as your and my truth. Only 'the' truth. We should not forget the importance of reality and facts and evidence. It seems that some do and every experience is relative. How they can differentiate those with Cluster B (the bad) from those from Cluster A (mad) when using such nonsense phrases is beyond me! You could never get away with using such terminologies as these in a courtroom. They have no place on therapists' couches either. Facts aren't experiences/perceptions or opinions. That is why they are facts.
I still watch these narc guru videos occasionally, just too see if there are any new developments on the topic, but I am inclined now to trust my instincts and avoid toxic people when their manifest actions and words make me feel uncomfortable / de-valued and diminished. I won't then sit at home and watch wall to wall videos on whether this person, that person or the other person might be sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic, dark triad and construct a amateur's diagnostic personality profile on them, etc. Does it really matter? The only time I delve deeper into those diagnostic subjects further is when it touches on topic areas I'd studied at uni' becuase of a long held interest on the subject of Criminology.
Ultimately, anyone that consistently and routinely mkaes you feel less than a worthwhile and valuable person is not someone to get close to or if you already are close to one, to distance yourself from as best you can. As it is, I distanced and then became estranged from my two narc parents long before I'd even heard of the term 'no contact' that is frequently used in in the Cluster B topic lexicon. To others, these videos are a first and important step to provide insight into a state of confusion that drags them down just as much as the abuse they'd suffered. But, like all good things, the law of diminished returns can set in and too much of a good thing can become just as destructive.
I agree that music is a great therapeutic tool. My favourite go to music when I am feeling down is something soothing like Einaudi, Clannad.
We have to take responsibility if nothing else but if our ignorance. Life is two things a Journeys and Lessons. We survived and healing day by day. God Bless us all.
Could not agree more with what you are saying. Stay committed to the truth, not popularity or validation
Bless you.. Simply and clearly.. Thank you for whom you are! 🙏✨✨✨🤗🤗🤗💕💕💕
Stefania mirri, you must be a kind being 💓🤙
I am listening this video right now and ı did listen only the first 15 mins yet. I want to tell very clearly and totally honest, I understand your point very well. But I need to tell that as a 48 years old female who did leave all my Life with Cptsd and npd. I can not afford private sessions at the very moment. I did afford lots of sessions before and they helped and supported my healing in my own tempo very much. Now my sources to heal are Sam Vaknin’s videos, your videos and Pete Walker’s Cptsd from surviving to thriving and a few other sources that I do understand the true clean deep information about the subject. I can understand how complicated is cptsd and how it differs in every humanbeing. But I want you to know clearly that your videos are helping my true healing in a very efficient and positive way and as a human being my gratefullness is very big. I am feeling sad that ı will not reach to responsible true help. Please know that your videos helped and supported my healing completely in a positive and constructive way and this is priceless. I understand and ı respect your decision and choice. Only I am sad because ı am losing one of my true sources for my healing. And your way made it so much more fun and much more easier to accept and face really heavy feelings and pain. It is a loss for me personally that ı will not reach this valuable help anymore. With all my regards, thank you for the videos you shared with all the truth bravely 🙏
If You really want to look forward to videos (as free) and with good intentions to know narc. behavior You have some more people to listen to: Dr Ramani or Rebecca Zung or Jess Stanley or Anti Narc (swedish) or Klara Leger (swedish).
I lost my only brother 2 years ago. I have never thought that when someone like Tolle says let go the past and live in the present, that means "get over or forget about my loss". Actually, being in the present has helped me and continues to help with the grieving process. I'm sorry that that was her perception. We never forget our loss, especially children, but living in the present helps getting up and living, which our loved ones would want. Much respect Mr. Grannon.
Jeanette Cordova,You deserves better 🙏🙏🙏
I felt like I was a failure as a human being after four relationships with varying degrees of narcissism. I didn’t start healing until I consumed as much of your content as I could. As well as Lise Lablanc’s channel. It wasn’t until I STOPPED, that the individuation finally started. Thank you for giving us a space to learn that not everything was our fault.
I watched several people and until just now ,I get it...I see what you speak of, I just broke a pattern and this just helped me in the beginning, when I couldn't breathe..yes your content is very important..it just clicked for me....Thank you
❤"when I. Couldn't breathe"
@@ehami1730 wow, crazy ...this was the very last video I watched about this subject and I am living proof that you are absolutely 💯 percent correct! Look we all fall down and those who do not are narcissist, the simply difintintion is we have allowed people to continue to use and abuse one another in the name of love, okay well that is simply bs...when we admit our own behavior and forgive ourselves the rest of it becomes less . I heard you in this video and I knew when I watched it 10 months ago that owning my part ..I actually became his version of me and I screamed with my heart and realized that my experience of this situation was not his ..our pain is ours to bare and ours to change .I just want to say thank you..I am breathing agian and I do not believe anymore ,I just know.......faith in God is faith in yourself! Makes perfect since ! I like the way you think ..I love unconditionally and just experienced how difficult that is ,but it is...I care about my integrity and loyalty to myself ! Truly..it just flooded and clicked...
Thank you Richard. I concur. I do think energetically we are seeking to find our "lightworker" vibe in the MOST positive & non-obsessive way... it is so easy to venture down rabbit holes to the ongoing surrender of ascension....an ongoing paradox i struggle with too... to ascend, yet face EGO death.... honour our warrior moments (and boy do i know we all do!!)...
The time now is to hear, heal & ascend... be strong in your message & power in it....
I SERIOUSLY respect hearing this message from a divine masculine perspective....it is inspiring me to get out with my own passion and spiritual message.... echoes dissipate and allow one to re-think, re-hear and embrace the new. Bless to you and so it is
Healing hapoens.- dont doubt your passion. Transcend the BS agenda 🇨🇦🌬🙏💞u matter
you are the first person I've heard admit that this happens A LOT! It doesn't just hurt the one who takes the info as gospel, but everyone around them. Thank you for sharing this. People these days believe anything they hear and don't take responsibility for anything... the blame game.
I've a lot more respect for you man... 👍🏾👍🏾
Love and blessings Richard...
Wow Richard....this is truly what I needed (Not wanted) to hear. I have never come across your posts in the 8 years (yes, 8) in which I have been educating myself to understand my life with my wasband of 42 years. I have been asking myself.... with all of this knowledge why do I feel like crap, I should be enlightened enough to really get it, to put all the pieces together and now be whole...what the heck??? You just gave me the what the heck answer....I left myself out of the equation! Yes my husband was a cover narcissist, yes he was controlling and manipulative etc, etc. My part was not seeking help and not doing the hard work of thinking like an adult (and not only a victim) and found my path to freedom. Thank you so very much for opening my eyes to reality. I must shoulder some of the blame and I can also forgive myself as well as find a measure of forgiveness for the narcissist.
You attract what you focus on. Focus on making your life better instead, that will be your foundation, self worth, money, passion. Everything comes naturally when u invest in yourself.
Excellent point, there comes a time when medicine can become poison.
Richard subliminally just went
BOOM!! Mike drop 🎤
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Im so glad someone finally said this. I caught on to this awhile ago. A great book to start healing is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. It is sooooo helpful.For example Someone with a Flight type will consume to no end and do nothing else. It’s so important to heal than watch a bunch of videos. They are helpful but important to not fall in that trap and I feel some youtubers try to suck you into that consuming trap. Remember it’s important to live your best life!!!
You make some REALLY IMPORTANT POINTS. And something to think about. In today’s age of technology what CAN be trusted? What can be manipulated? I get it.
Thank you for this. Not sure what is going on in the "community" that caused you to focus on this one, but I think I understand. My summary: Once you get over the initial shock and educate yourself on toxic relationships, it is your (ie my) responsibility to heal, take action to do better next time and not verbally attack others who are on a different level of healing, or on a different path (we are not to judge)? Thanks for taking your time and energy to share.
I don't remember which video it was exactly, but around 3-4 months ago, I realized that I was just victimizing myself and used all sorts of youtube videos as a blue-pill IV drip. Your method of tough love helped me to realize that I couldn't keep doing this to myself. It's okay to be hurt, and cry. But only for so long. So I decided hey, the other person fucked up, but I fucked up too, and I need to learn and take action for myself. I'm really glad I did because life has got a lot better for me. I feel more in-charge, and if things don't go my way, I'm okay with it because I understand that it's not about me. It honestly starts with taking responsibility, and getting real on how I need to show up for myself instead of acting like a whiny child.
I still enjoy checking out your videos from time to time because it helps me with my understanding of emotional language. But this entire narcissism trend on youtube/twitter is just a mess and it's part of a greater problem on the internet where hurt individuals think it's okay to keep projecting their pain on to people who did nothing to them. Be it cancel culture, or operating in us vs them attacks. I feel like it's just a means to keep engaging in that trauma-cycle because there can be no victim without a perpetrator. And I think this is a scary concept for a lot of people to come to terms with. People can only hurt you once, but a lot of times we create a concept of a monster to keep re-triggering ourselves. So much so that the person that said/did that hurtful thing is long gone, but we remain stuck hurting ourselves because we become too dependent on the concept of a perpetrator to remain in a victim-status.
And I think that's what helped me to move on. I was responsible for hurting and giving up on myself, and I don't intend to do that ever again.
I agree richard these videos are keeping us in the trauma !!!you are the only one who has helped people saying this!!! Im not going to watch another i married a malignant narcissist pure hell decades later still ill. So stop watching all videos . I hope people listen to you.
Thank you richard 😊
Man, you touched on something here that has bothered me since I first was looking into this subject.
(I had been accused of being something I didnt even slightly understand, and to be frank I doubt they did either)
After watching some of these videos from other creators and following some rsbbit holes on reddit, I came to doubt myself to an extreme degree. It almost destroyed me.
Luckily, there were some people around me that were able to help me see the worth I could no longer see in myself.
I actually only found your channel because of the "3 things people get wrong about codependency" video and loved your style.
I try to get opinions from a lot of different view points and as we differ in world view, ie: I'm an american, libertarian conservative leaning type dude, while I assume you would be a more lib lefty type out of England kind of bloke. That means I should listen to someone like you more than someone more to my own ilk. At least, in that vein with every video I might come to understand your viewpoint more.
Just my pov on all this, and yea UA-cam wants to be Netflix....so expect demonetization, banning, censorship and fact checking to become even more of the norm than it already is.
You are a good guy from what I can tell, that truly wants to help people. So I hope you are able to avoid the metaphorical axe for as long as possible.
Thanks for all you do,
Signed, A Random Person Online
Nice signature 😉🥂☮
@@happyone9479 it can get hilarious in livechats with it to be honest, good icebreaker to say the least.
Yes. Truth. Truth first. So long as your aim is truthfulness, you can't take responsibility for what some people do with it in their own heads. More and more people are choosing to allow Truth to cut through and disrupt the patterns of thought and behavior we've been binding ourselves and others with.
i am married to a covert narc & realized a while back i was watching to many videos as i know i am responsible for my choices but occasionally i still watch yours to help me feel validated & to learn about these monsters thank you for your videos. faith
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Contact him for help 👇👇...
➕2349067041821♻️♻️🎦🚻你好，親愛的現在...
This is seriously solid advice. It’s so easy to become obsessed and what a great way to ruminate on on it all.
There are videos that are vindictive towards narcissists and these I ignore, yours are more informative than nasty. I have learnt a lot from your videos and feel compassion now instead of confusion. I am more concerned with my own misgivings now, than that of the narcissist. I need to heal and love me now, so thanks for that. You da man!
We were hurt, then we needed healing, and now we need to move on. ✊🏽🙏🏾
I needed this, I was dying in that black hole. When you can't go outside for fear that everyone is gonna take advantage of you.. It's a problem. I definitely have an obsessive personality, or an addictive personality and THAT'S probably why... I get stuck in situations that aren't necessary or useful or helpful, or take in substances (like UA-cam) that make me feel something God forbid I'm bored. I'm not healthy, very few people have won that lottery and I'm glad they exist so we have something to look at. Eating this food daily now that I'm unemployed and have no hobbies... Has caused me so much tremendous anxiety, ok it gave me new goggles to view relationships which is good.. If u know what's bad then u can notice what's good. Even in yourself. But it's too much. And there's sooooo many channels now that are getting into the trend, and UA-cam feeds you what you want to watch because they want u to stay in the app (like all apps).. It's a lot 😁 your body needs a break.
I like this a lot.
I believe these videos saved me at one point
But I have long moved on now. On to learning how to be the best version of my beautiful self. I was hurt for such a long time in bad relationships, I thought I was a victim for years and then realized I allowed this to go on in my life. Now that I’ve taken responsibility I have power in my life!
I would like to officially replace the label Covert Narcissism with Corrosive Narcissism . Far far more apt description.
👏👏👏
I'm a new viewer. This caught my eye because I thought it was about narcissists that make videos! I have watched many videos on spirituality, and started contemplating why? I realized, for me anyway, and most likely others, that it's "spiritual satisfaction", or, "spiritual distraction". Finding someone that agrees with you. Even watching this I find myself agreeing with you which makes me feel good! Lol. To me, it's all a distraction, a procrastination, from doing the work of looking at ourselves. Lastly, I don't want to take away from great content where I have gained information and clarity. Thanks for putting yourself and your message out there. 💙
KY True,Hope you are not with a narcissist!!
I get what you wanted to say. Hope your videos stay, as they helped me understand my relationship. I was so confused about what was going on. So unhappy, but at the same time feeling guilty and unsure if I was the bad person he made me believe I was. Yes, I have narcissistic parts, too, yes, I can be egotistic at times, but, I have the right to leave him without feeling guilty. What you do with your videos is help people get clear about what is going on in their lifes and give them tools to help themselves. Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻
Yes, very useful video! I stopped watching your videos and other videos about narcissism because I found myself so focused on trying to understand my ex who has very high narcissistic/sociopathic traits, that I couldn't move on and let go. (Not sure if i have moved on yet)
At the beginning I consumed your videos to learn and understand what had happened in my past relationship and what was happening with myself. There was so much confusion due to gaslighting and dysfunctional behavior I just needed to understand and make sense of it all. Once I got it, I kept watching videos on this subject just to feel validated that I was a victim and I wasn't the insane one. After that point I kept looking up videos on the subject and then it became an emotional masturbation! Then it became an addiction! The addiction to suffering. Now I try not to watch videos on this subject anymore cause it does feed an addiction to suffering. But i do like your style of sharing your knowledge. Thank you for all your free content that you provide in your videos, its great to have the information.🙏🏾 wish you a great 2021
Really excellent video thank you. You're videos to me are a toolkit to deal with someone at the point of interaction, NOT a way to diagnose the other person or shirk my responsibilty. I can't imagine watching your channel once I've saved my deposit to move... For what?
You're videos encouraged me to speak to my doctor and make a mental health appointment so I can figure out why I don't have these tools to deal with people who will always exist, and have always existed.
Your videos have helped me reach out in the real world :)
My son is in a relationship with a Covert Narcisist....we cannot get through to him and he sees her as the love of his life right now. We are having to let him go for the moment as it is giving us sleepless nights and anguish. She is toxic.
These videos are really helpful in order to understand that these types of people do exist and also in the process it helped me to discover my own traits that are dysfunctional. So I became aware of my behaviour and what kind of human being I am. So thank you Richard for such a great and honest video.
Funny the title of this video. I kinda burned out on it as a pretty sad state of affairs. Everyone has narcissism on a healthy level. But the disorder end if it is like a black hole where you start feeling surrounded by "narcs". Language is imperfect and everyone perceives things differently. It is becoming a little dangerous for us to think to "diagnose" people without the proper education(if there is one). But it is invaluable on a human level to accept that some people may never be happy and will prevent anyone in their regular vicinity from being happy, and to be willing to part or restrict access to someone from being a negative influence in our lives. Or even destroy us, intentionally or not. Your information is very helpful and Thank You for your works!!!
Stop watching narcissist videos.....while watching a narcissist video telling you not to look at narcissist videos ..... My head hurts
Totally how I found him. After a month of binging narcissist vids, I suddenly realized that all sounded like me and came to his "how to heal narcissism". And of course it explained how you can't have narcissism without codependency which I already knew I exhibited, pretty bad. I only watch narcissism vids when the title sounds like another terrible behavior I need to know I'm doing. I can't even imagine my life right now without having realized all this. The countless relationships I've destroyed...🥺.. healing narcissism through CPTSD understanding is the most legit therapy I've found thus far. Super duper grateful for this guy!!!!🙏✌
Richard, I found you in 2015. I would fall asleep to the sound of your voice, at one point, you helped me stay sane. I was 10 months into a 2 1/2 year relationship with a diagnoised cluster-b. Then, two years later, I met a fearful-avoidant Italian cultured man, and had another round of crap. These days, I do not watch any of your Narcissist videos. I only clicked on this, because your blue eyes are really poppin in this video.
Thank you so much for this video, very enlightening. When I first started watching narcissism videos I wondered, and asked, if it's possible that I was somewhat narcissistic as well. I was told that I can't be since I'm even asking the question. Definitely think I have some narcissistic tendencies. Complete lack of boundaries, last relationship was a disaster... I was a doormat. I did initiate no contact after the fourth discard. It was the only way I could reclaim some self respect. I've learned a lot and definitely take responsibility for my part.
Thanks a loooooot for this!! This is extremely important for people like me, that are after these contents for so many months (and are getting free from many sick stuff)
But with time.. this back-fireing phenomena is SO TRUE. This blamless seeking and the no-motivation of going and doing stuff in life and expressing the living becouse we are now thinking that everything is so hard and that it feels like there is so little faith in humanity and stuff.
It's not that we need to pretend that nothing happened and try to get back to where we were before all this info came to us, but it's about that we must surpass it, to see it like... a hardcore level that life is, but still being exited to play it instead of keeping watching videos that confirms that our life is in hardcore mode and therefor we'll stop doing stuff. I hope that makes sense...
I don't care how bad it is, it still could be worse, I recognize that for many people the case is indeed worse then mine... and we still have a lot that we can be grateful for, and there is a lot that we can do here in the world, and simply a lot we can do for us too.
So, in a sense it's really nice to keep informed about all this, it sure helps sustain our hard decisions, but in other sense, we should be aware of our victim mentality while getting informed about these stuff.
Don't watch it to confirm your misersble, but watch it to help you see your way out to do your stuff!!
Love this! Take responsibility and clean up your own stuff physically, mentally and emotionally. Learn who you are, what you expect and create boundaries. Move forward into the New Year and live life and we can't do that staying on UA-cam that comes from living.
The need to pathologize is the pathology.
The need to superficially comment is a commentary on superficiality.
@@mellern1 The need to reply to perceived superficiality exposes the replier as an asshole.
People naturally use categorization in mental schema. Pathologization, when used by the laymen, is a form of self protection, distancing from engagement. Not healthy in over use, but a form of mental/emotional self-protection, when healing. The point being: at some time, you have to lower the weapons.. but only when you have learned to differentiate between when they are needed, and when they are a hindrance. Professionals know the difference, through training, but often feel threatened by those with training who offer these tools to the general public, free of charge.
Can't have an "informed public" who know how to protect & heal themselves, now can we? That wouldn't be very good for "repeat business" (generational trauma) & professionals profit margins! 😉
"You know you're over the target, by how much flak gets fired at you!"
Keep Fighting, Richard! ✊
@@funkymunky Touche!!
Without these videos though some of us wouldn’t understand what’s going on and have the strength to really walk away and heal
My narcissistic abuse came from my dad. I watch these videos because I'm 37 and still functioning like a kid trying to appease a scary, violent man who acted like a narcissist for most of my childhood and went to jail for it. I don't want to act like a victim anymore, but my brain's survival is centered on appeasing narcissistic behavior. So I watch these videos to de-brainwash myself... It's sort of working. It's even repairing my relationship with my parents somehow. I'm setting better boundaries and hoping we someday get help for all of us.
HOWEVER...I've come across people in this "community" who try to tell me that just because they had an ex romantic partner once who acted like a narcissist, they're an expert on the subject. I was told there's no hope for my family, and that my dad never really loved me "because narcissists are incapable of loving anyone!!!!"
This individual who told me that owns a narcissism expert channel! He has no credentials as a counselor, he's just some divorcee, but his followers act like he's Jesus because they all hate their exes and he validates that hate.
What the heck?!! My dad may be a messed up person, but he does love me. He just needs help. Meanwhile some bozo in an echo chamber of jilted lovers is going to tell me about my own family? Screw off
This is such an interesting video. I started down the narcissism rabbit hole a couple weeks ago maybe. I read traits and thought it sounded like my dad. After one video I was very concerned that I was too narcissistic myself. And the whole time I knew that narcissism is a spectrum that we all lie on somewhere. I thought back to times where I was very narcissistic without knowing, and I actively worked hard to stop having the victim mindset, and question my sense of entitlement, in order to *like* the adult person I was becoming.
It's funny hearing that when you're the child of a narcissist you truly are "powerless" in that case, but once you're an adult you need to unlearn a LOT. Because of my upbringing I had a mega victim complex. I had a rough one but I'm working every day so that I don't carry that into every social interaction I'm in. This video is a reminder to keep myself in check and there's still so much to learn and unlearn.