"We are going to meet the ugliest woman alive" A laughed out loud, but then I remember that Lizzie Velásquez was several times presented as the ugliest woman on earth in real tv, so that's just sad.
@@AJ69238 Even with no rare disease, it's not ugly people's fault if they're ugly. They were just born this way. The fact that it's not their fault doesn't change the other fact: they're ugly indeed.
Bridles of Hope changed my life after my wife mysteriously disappeared and my car was then carjacked the next week and driven into a lake with the kids still in their car seats. These miniature horses have completely alleviated the guilt... er... unbearable grief and sadness.
@@yasinomidi7525 well therapy animals are usually allowed in the passenger areas and chinese officials regularly travel with goddamn pandas so it stands to reason that they could be in passenger areas
"It's never going to be the same again Don, you're just going to have to accept that." I clicked on this video thinking it couldn't be as sad or strange as it sounded. It was even more so.
You've clearly never lost someone. He wasn't being ungrateful, it's just that in his current state nothing could really seem good anymore. It messes you up real bad. I once knew someone who had just lost their husband and wouldn't even let me auction off his stuff. Sort of a grief-based delusional state.
Id call it more kafkaesque. Being brought onto a TV show to talk about your dead family and then being forced to care for 3 horses while everyone shows indifference
@@_Pike actually I thought about this an I kind agree like love-craftian preyed on your own imagination to think of the most terrifying horrid creature, so much more effective than just like words or whatever. Then kafka asked the audience if they could do the opposite the line for this complaint desk has been moving forward for a year and is now on the celling in relation to where I started. But don't make a fuss or you'll bee put all the way back. But no a thesaurus would not give you those words as interchangeable and there was no like spelling mistakes so what is calling 12 an insult? Because I font agree with you? About the like style of the video? A pretty objective thing?
This was so emotional to watch. The heartfelt generosity of so many organizations rallying to the cause to help this man out and to help out so many others in distress as well. Please, tell Laura I love her.
I also still have a place for her in my heart. She was once my fiancee, loving Laura the pony. But duties of compassion took precedence and my betrothed galloped to the stable doors of Bridles of Hope, so that people like Don could be comforted during his darkest hours. It was better that way, for I could not afford a wedding ring for her tender hoof. Still, if I can just also ask that you tell Laura I love her too, and for her not to cry, as my love for her will never die. And perhaps, just perhaps, once in a while, when Laura and Don are visiting a chapel, or when Laura wakes up each morning, she might say a little prayer for me.
I love the " Oats " Vibe. Which is similar to Black Mirror, but with the Uneasynes inducing surreal Elements. Having a Derek or a Don really sets a Point to relate, which tempts to further examine the absurdity. Having their Sanity vanish abrubtly also leaves one drowning in surreal Vibes. Basically interdimensional TV with a WAY better Scrypt. I was 11 when the show came out, so it really feels like finding Internet Gold. Thank you for entertaining me
“And a little later, how to get out of debt by masturbating on a stage!” People with an exhibitionism kink and student loans: WHERE’S THE LINK OP WHERE’S THE GODDAMN LINK
Exactly, that’s the real story here. With rising interest rates my parents are in a lot of debt. Dad masturbates all the time (I made the mistake of opening his browser). Anyway, I’m forwarding him this video and even suggesting he get mom to try as well. They could do a beautiful maturbatory duet at their church. I’ve never felt so positive about their future. Thanks Onion!
"how to get out of debt by masturbating on a stage" Once again, Onion with the completely accurate prediction.. their time machine space station wasn't a joke!
This one gives me hope for my own service animal rehabilitation charity. In hopes to comfort those battling alcoholism I have started the world's first Rhinoceros service animal program, I am calling it "Rhino's for Winos."
@@rockets4kids many people have measured frozen lakes for curvature and found none which is impossible if the earth is a globe. it's empirical evidence and there's no belief required unlike the religious and theoretical globe model
The healing has begun.
It has indeed
A five year-old comment with 1.4 thousand upvotes, and only one (well, now two) comments?
Unpossible.
@@fds7476 three
It truly has
five
Don is a normal person from our universe who ended up trapped in the alternate reality where The Onion exists.
That's the only way I can make sense of this
He's gonna get along well with that Korean sociologist and that spelling bee kid
It's like Frank Grimes getting a job at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.
@@senny-and the Hispanic immigrant that’s from outer space
Alternative?
The miracles don't stop there, Don!
BUT WAIT!! ... There's more! 😃
That "Horses Live Up to 35 Years" graphic was pefectly timed and almost killed me. Well done, whoever!
Enjoy your first like in 9 years
lmao
This is like a fever dream you get trapped in
Yeah he is the only sane person here and its actually really unsettling
But do you like being healed?
At 30 inches "Kevin" is the same height as his namesake. I'm dying lol
Not dying as much as Kevin did
30 inches ;)
"We are going to meet the ugliest woman alive" A laughed out loud, but then I remember that Lizzie Velásquez was several times presented as the ugliest woman on earth in real tv, so that's just sad.
To be fair, despite her good heart, Lizzie does look like shit.
@@manthe3711 maybe, but it's not right to publicly ostracize her like that. She has a rare genetic disease that is in no way her fault.
@@AJ69238 Even with no rare disease, it's not ugly people's fault if they're ugly. They were just born this way. The fact that it's not their fault doesn't change the other fact: they're ugly indeed.
It should be Lizzo instead
Manthe Hahahaha I gotta see this LMFAO
"We've named her after your beautiful wife!"
ROFL, some pretty funny very dark stuff here
You commented this 11 years ago
@@decaying_meat You commented this 2 weeks ago
you commented this 5 months ago
@@masonruiz361 you commented this 1 month ago
@@YashRaj-zs1oo
You commented this 2 weeks ago.
The headline 'Dead Wife And Kids Replaced By Miniature Horses' in itself is already amazing.
_"Don't say that in front of your Laura, you're hurting her feelings..."_
- That's some top level f*cked up gaslighting right there.
Dan was the most coherent person on the onion
His sanity is terrifying when contrasted when contrasted with the world around him
“We’ve named her after your beautiful wife Laura”
Just fucking brutal lol
This has got to be one of the Onion's funniest.
0:53 "Man peddling easy answers quickly elevated to position of influence" lol
Sad but true 😢
Quite prescient
Plot twist: the horses are actually his family reincarnated
No his family never died they were always horses hiding human suits
😂
"Your hurting her feelings don"
Epstein said the same on his island when trump visited
Bridles of Hope changed my life after my wife mysteriously disappeared and my car was then carjacked the next week and driven into a lake with the kids still in their car seats.
These miniature horses have completely alleviated the guilt... er... unbearable grief and sadness.
Most early 2000s comment I've ever read
@@Megastar54most early 2020s comment I’ve ever read
@@liamferguson4145 most last month's comment I've ever read
this is the most comment@@johnsm7th
It's 2019 and those mini horses are allowed on passenger planes .
The Onion has always been ahead of the curve ball ..
Or we are just very behind it.
@Robert Griffin III probably in the cargo bay with the other animals like medium-large dogs
@@yasinomidi7525 well therapy animals are usually allowed in the passenger areas and chinese officials regularly travel with goddamn pandas so it stands to reason that they could be in passenger areas
I wonder how they reconcile the weight of the horse with your allocated baggage allowance...?
I get the idea Nolan Ryan worked for them
What do you get when the horse dies?
A miniature jockey
Two more horses
A noose
a mini mini horse
BojanglesFries what do you get when that dies
Jim Haggarty: “The nightmare of losing one’s entire family is almost unimaginable to most of us.”
He still has no idea.
And replacing family with animals
1:40
- That's right, we named her after your beautiful wife.
- What?!
His facial expression is priceless.
"It's never going to be the same again Don, you're just going to have to accept that."
I clicked on this video thinking it couldn't be as sad or strange as it sounded. It was even more so.
Last I heard. Kevin has been able to adapt naturally with the new family. They are even expecting a new family member later this month.
I am wearing a shirt with Venom on it
News ticker at the bottom:
"Lobster brutally ripped apart".
The Onion writers are utterly spectacular. masterwork satire. can't believe my eyes
We’re….*were* utterly spectacular. They’ve self muzzled because actual quality satire is being suppressed.
@@jt4369 well at least we still have this treasure trove, maybe it will inspire future writers
Watch Porkin’ Across America.
That’s their finest masterpiece.
already did. best amphetamine night show binge this year@@ruidadgmailcanada8508
"encourage abstinence with incest-only education." Oh man, that was funny...
Some people are so ungrateful. Glad he came around. What a wonderful thing that organization is doing.
You've clearly never lost someone. He wasn't being ungrateful, it's just that in his current state nothing could really seem good anymore. It messes you up real bad. I once knew someone who had just lost their husband and wouldn't even let me auction off his stuff. Sort of a grief-based delusional state.
@@castonyoung7514my friend, it's satire
" I don't even know what's going on anymore" i couldn't stop laughing 😂 😅😂
Great scroll at the bottom: My favorite: "Pat Robertson attributes Great Weather to Heterosexuals...."
"75% of Americans favor blacjack-based pensions" lol, that was quite unexpected & original
I just love old Onion videos
awwww this ponies are so cute
Guillem Vilanova mini horse not a pony
@@seanfast6628 they're close enough
Thats his wife you're lusting after
Ponies? Are you seeing double? 😮
I f*cking died when they named the horse after his wife XD
What a great way to dispose of unwanted miniature horses
This is just Gold
Look at those soft eyes. What a beautiful horse.
I love how it's as if they guy's entire grip on reality just crashes and burns around him.
OF COURSE IT'S REAL, THE ONION IS AS REAL AS BATMAN
Lovecraftian.
Copy.
РУССКИЕ ВПЕРЁД
Id call it more kafkaesque. Being brought onto a TV show to talk about your dead family and then being forced to care for 3 horses while everyone shows indifference
Deadland Placebo You’re about 12 and you have a thesaurus
@@_Pike actually I thought about this an I kind agree like love-craftian preyed on your own imagination to think of the most terrifying horrid creature, so much more effective than just like words or whatever. Then kafka asked the audience if they could do the opposite the line for this complaint desk has been moving forward for a year and is now on the celling in relation to where I started. But don't make a fuss or you'll bee put all the way back. But no a thesaurus would not give you those words as interchangeable and there was no like spelling mistakes so what is calling 12 an insult? Because I font agree with you? About the like style of the video? A pretty objective thing?
"Ann Coulter in surgery to have elbows removed from her face" lol
I think that Today Now is the best thing ever created, the hosts are hilarious!
Did he recently get on his airplane with this emotional support animal.
This was so emotional to watch. The heartfelt generosity of so many organizations rallying to the cause to help this man out and to help out so many others in distress as well.
Please, tell Laura I love her.
He's the ultimate Brony xD
"lobster brutally ripped apart"
Can i please see that segment coming up " a little later" mentioned @ the start...
RIP lil' Sebastian!
You have to read the little news bar. Shit is hilarious. "Lobster ripped apart" 😂
This is fucking perfect. I can’t stop rewatching The Onion videos.
Damn I need one of them horses! So cute!
The scrolling banners on onion videos are amazing on their own, take some time out just to read them!.
I also still have a place for her in my heart. She was once my fiancee, loving Laura the pony. But duties of compassion took precedence and my betrothed galloped to the stable doors of Bridles of Hope, so that people like Don could be comforted during his darkest hours. It was better that way, for I could not afford a wedding ring for her tender hoof.
Still, if I can just also ask that you tell Laura I love her too, and for her not to cry, as my love for her will never die.
And perhaps, just perhaps, once in a while, when Laura and Don are visiting a chapel, or when Laura wakes up each morning, she might say a little prayer for me.
I love the " Oats " Vibe. Which is similar to Black Mirror, but with the Uneasynes inducing surreal Elements. Having a Derek or a Don really sets a Point to relate, which tempts to further examine the absurdity. Having their Sanity vanish abrubtly also leaves one drowning in surreal Vibes. Basically interdimensional TV with a WAY better Scrypt. I was 11 when the show came out, so it really feels like finding Internet Gold. Thank you for entertaining me
At 30 inches "Kevin" is the same height as his namesake lmao awesome.
"The healing has begun "❤
"...and the miracles don't stop there either Don."
"The healing....has begun."
Too much 😂😂😂😂!
wow that stay tuned story made me laugh out loud haha
“And a little later, how to get out of debt by masturbating on a stage!”
People with an exhibitionism kink and student loans: WHERE’S THE LINK OP
WHERE’S THE GODDAMN LINK
Exactly, that’s the real story here. With rising interest rates my parents are in a lot of debt. Dad masturbates all the time (I made the mistake of opening his browser). Anyway, I’m forwarding him this video and even suggesting he get mom to try as well. They could do a beautiful maturbatory duet at their church. I’ve never felt so positive about their future. Thanks Onion!
What I want that list!
lol very funny dark humor. I want one of those little horses...
I wish the best for Don and Laura.
These horses, your horses wife and horse children are your life now. You need to accept that. The healing has begun.
By the way. Did you hear he owns a Prius?
The fact the horse is named "Laura" makes this feel even more like Twin Peaks
i can feel the love in their eyes
“75% of Americans favor black-jack related pensions” is too good
So kind, very holesome 😃😃😔
I always amazed by the actor and actress on Onion News. They are very natural. So natural that one may think they are for real.
The grieving actor is brilliant.
The ticker headlines are just brilliant.
this tiny horse is so cute! ponny! aww
"Man Peddling easy answers quickly elevated to position of influence" entertaining and informative.
At this point The Onion has less fake news than most news networks
The subtext for this one are a riot!!
ann coulter in surgery to have elbows removed from her face. LMAO
We all need horses living in our apartments
Oh my goodness I love the ONION. Really awesome video! XD
I have to watch these twice. Once for the video, once for the ticker.
"how to get out of debt by masturbating on a stage"
Once again, Onion with the completely accurate prediction.. their time machine space station wasn't a joke!
Today now never stops being funny as hell
Friendship is magic!
0:10 top ten foreshadowing moments in anime
This is the best one in a while
Friendship is magic
I just saw the female anchor in an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia! She’s great!
Don will love his family 🥰
This one gives me hope for my own service animal rehabilitation charity. In hopes to comfort those battling alcoholism I have started the world's first Rhinoceros service animal program, I am calling it "Rhino's for Winos."
Haha I would love to be in the room where they come up with these skits
i love onions but they always make me cry...
Definitely one of their more evil episodes
Why?
cant wait to see whose on that list
"Ann Coulter in surgery to have elbows removed from her face."
"Pat Robertson attributes pleasant weather to heterosexuals."
"Ann Coulter in surgery to have elbows removed from her face."
xD!
The "news" at the bottom is hilarious
...The scrolling headlines at the bottom are my favorite.
I saw this title on CNN "News Anchor Reports Husband's' Death" and I thought it was the Onion:)
this is probably the most normal segment i’ve seen of The Onion
hahahaha the last line got me so good
Dan seems kind of ungrateful...what a jerk.
Man peddling easy answers quickly elevated to position of influence
And the miracles don't stop there, Don!
This video really makes me want a miniture horse
darn, now I'm never going to get out of debt.
hi rockets4kids, have you become a flat earther yet?
@@flat-earther Please tell me more about your wonderful religion!
@@rockets4kids many people have measured frozen lakes for curvature and found none which is impossible if the earth is a globe. it's empirical evidence and there's no belief required unlike the religious and theoretical globe model
@@flat-eartherhave you taken into account the size of the earth compared to the size of the lake measured?
@@apr2031 see the experiment by groutaone, of course