I hate PE too, I have stretch marks on my thighs, and the shorts are too short to cover them up :(. I also hate changing because I have very big thighs and a big chest, so it doesn't help with dysorphia. Although you really help me from a day to day basis and helped me with my identity. Stay storing Kovu, we all love you💕💕!
You're one of the most attractive people who I've ever encountered. My gosh I wish people at my school were as attractive and kind and lovely as you are. Kovu is such a wonderful name I love it so much. I really hope that you feel better soon. If making these videos makes you feel better, keep making them. (the rest of this is just going to be really random) Your eyes are so amazing! How do you keep your skin so clear? Your hair looks awesome! Your smile is really really great and amazing and lovely ok I've rambled on long enough lolokbye
This may sounds really weird but this video really helped. I've been feeling really bad lately and to know that I can relate to some of the feelings you explain really gives me the motivation I need. I've never been good at sharing my emotions and I tend to bottle everything up. I'm not good at opening up and talking to people and I end up distancing myself from others which leads to a lot of friends leaving which has been really hard on me. Unrelated note i'm really scared to start P.E. in a few weeks, i'm a weak person and I'm afraid of a lot of things which turns me into a laughing stalk in P.E. classes. I just i don't like my body and who it makes me. I get extremely dysphoric during school and P.E. just gives me so much anxiety. (Just to say it's okay that this turned into a rant, it's okay to vent) Well I just want to thank you because you've helped me a lot. I've really struggled at taking things one at a time and I tend to overthink things a lot. I just have a lot of appreciation for you and ah. So Thank You.
You nearly have 20k! Thank you for answering my questions and being so cute in today's stream. I'm glad I heard that you feel better. I love you and now I'll enjoy your video. 💙💚💛💜 Elsker deg~
yes, other people do feel that way, actually, I do as well. And don't feel bad about "ranting" why try to keep everything bottled up when you have, now, almost 20k people willing to listen to you and help you. So, you can "rant" all you want. And I actually like these types of videos, NOT MEANING THAT I LIKE WHEN YOU'RE SAD! I DON'T MEAN THAT PLEASE DON'T THINK I DO!, I mean like the... not very etched out, sort of raw videos where you talk about what's on your mind. And I'm going to tweet you something later tonight probably so I apologize in advance for that... idk I feel annoying... but I'm glad you're doing better, as in like the first half of the video's content, and I'm sorry about PE. (you could move to South Carolina {US} so you only have to take PE once in high school.... im totally joking. our school system is horrible.) but, please have a good rest of the night and tomorrow and be nice to yourself. treat yourself like you treat others because you treat everyone so nicely when you have no obligation to and i think that that would be good for you :) sorry these are always so long....
You are incredible Kovu, so wise. Such a beautiful person, never forget that man.... You're amazing. My heart goes out to you dude, I've been where you are. Stay strong.
you're not the only one who feels like this and I don't want you to feel alone. I also have scoliosis (mines super minor tho, not noticeable I just have constant neck and back pain) and gym is hell in general. I don't have the problem of not being able to do sports but I understand changing in the locker rooms (no one knows I'm a closet trans so its super uncomfortable.) also ik how it is to have ur thoughts spiral out of control very quickly like that. I have also struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression. For me to say I understand you is arrogant but I do want you to know you aren't the only one out there with those problems, lighten up on yourself, you're a beautiful person
hey, kovu, don't worry about venting! we're here to listen to you! also, i can relate to the p.e. feels. to be honest, i'd love to be able to play sports, but i can't. we always play games like basketball and volleyball in class. i'm very slow and a bit clumsy, and other kids don't want to let me play with them because i am a bad player. the teacher gives me bad marks because i don't play, and i'd love to play, but i'm always afraid and unconfident. and i also have to change in the girls' locker room (there really is no such option as to come out or do anything about it) and this gives me so many bad emotions. when i go out of the room, i feel like everyone's staring at me
I'm really glad to hear you speak about how you're feeling because I feel similarly to how you do about ranting and comparing myself to others or having very high standards for myself. I often don't want to share because I don't want to bother other people or sour their moods, but also at the same time if I don't I sort of quarantine myself to prevent them from being affected. However, that usually only ends with me feeling worse and being alone and vulnerable to myself, if that makes sense. Also I strive to acheive the best I can in all things, but when I don't acheive what I want I end up feeling very dissapointed in myself and inadequate. The ridiculous thing is that I know I'm doing alright, but if I don't acheive my goals unfortunately my perception of my self worth drops drastically.
Hey Kovu, I have a horrible genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and I really understand what you're going through in terms of your relationship with P.E. Its a condition that affects the connective tissue in my body and causes almost all my major joints to dislocate on a daily basis, gives me extreme, chronic pain making it hard for me to walk and makes me extremely clumsy. I am unable to wear a binder for longer than half an hour or so without one of my ribs dislocating. Since collagen (connective tissue) also exists in the skin, EDS has caused enormous amounts of unpreventable stretch marks all along my legs, just as a normal consequence of growing rather than rapid weight gain. Thankfully I no longer have to do P.E. in school but while I did I alsays felt so inadequate for being unable to do all the activties to the same standard as all my other classmates. Make sure you look forward into a time where you no longer have to do P.E at school, thats what really helped me.
I understand you and I relate, I often feel like I just disappoint everybody and I often feel like I can't do anything. I often feel like i'm not good enough and my motivation easily disappears. I bottle everything up and break down when nobody sees or hears me. Thank you for being honest Kovu because I and a lot of people wants to know how you're doing and it helps us knowing that we're not alone. Please stay safe, drink and do not hurt yourself Kovu because you are worth so much more than you can ever imagine.
There's a few things I keep wanting to say, but it's mostly depressing junk about myself😞 when all I really want to do is cheer you up.😝 I don't think piling my issues on top of yours will help you,😫 so I'll just say that I really and truly love your videos😍 and think you are an amazing and beautiful person😎 who tries, maybe a little too hard, to do good things all the time.😇 (and mostly succeeds) You have every reason to be proud and happy😄 not just of who you will surely become, but also the person you are at this very moment.❤
I love you so so so much Kovu and it's totally fine (well I think it's great) to make negative videos because we love you anyway and it is reality. I really hope you feel better, love you
I used to hate PE too. I was self conscious about all types of crap. I tried to sprain my ankle perposefully to get out of it. When I couldn't, I asked my friends to kick it just to get a bruise so it would "look" sprained. Gosh I was desperate haha. Anyway, if I can say one thing, which I'm sure you've heard often, is that all these hardships won't last forever. When you're a teenager you feel so bad about literally everything in your life and it feels so crippling and you think it will never end, but in a few years when it's all over you will look back and realise how short lived it was. And especially, you'll be glad it's over. Keep yourself alive because the 80 good years you will have are worth going through the 2-3 bad ones you have left. Also, odds are that someone thinks the way you walk is cute ;) trust me, no one notices your flaws as much as you do yourself. so give yourself a break, breathe, pet a cat, take a walk, climb a tree, and good luck.
kovu, i completely understand. Low self esteem is terrible. I love you so much, and you're so handsome!!! everyone is allowed to breakdown every now and then, and i feel so privileged that you feel comfortable enough to vent to us. Thank you so much for being honest. Keep being the manly man that you are!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
don't apologize for being human! it is ok to vent! it helps get things out and allows us to grow! chin up! Definitely talk to your PE teacher...with a medical condition I am almost positive they will give ya a different set of activities so you can make the grade! you are an incredible person with a wonderful outlook! be you! never surrender! never give up!...I am 32 and still inspired by your journey! keep kicking ass!
I found you channel recently and I fell in love with your personality. Like you, I am also an ftm transguy and I understand 99.9% of what you're going through. My advice to you is just to keep your head up and be who you want to be. I'm not out to my parents or school teachers, but you're younger than me, so you've already gotten farther. So good luck with your misadventures of Kovu and keep up the great work.
Hey Kovu I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way. When I was in middle and high school I had such huge anxieties about going to PE. I was terrified of my PE teacher and felt very dysphoric and self conscious about my body. especially around other girls in the locker room. I would always suck it up too. eventually I couldn't live with the crippling anxiety and mental health problems that were made worse by going to PE. Long story short I got the rest of my high school PE classes waived by a combination of other sports activities like joining the school badminton team, extracurricular physical activities outside of school, and a letter from my doctor. I just wanted to say that watching you talk openly about this kind of anxiety and stress means a lot to me as a fellow human being. You are an awesome person.
Alexey DeShazo Khan Me too. I had my first panic attack in years during high school pe & I had to go to the doctor and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder :/
the same spiraling thing happens to me and dysphoria is the worst you are amazing this video wasn't that bad btw made me have a think anyway thank you you are one of the best people I know and your videos always make me smile so thank you
Aloha Love the hair color for you! Stay Strong and thanks for getting real with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and when im up im up when im down im down and often its hard to control my emotions especially in public on a bad day. I usually end up yelling at random people. Then i later feel terrible. Shoots. Well No worries. You can let your friends in PE know you had a difficult day, they im sure can relate and accept you for you. And omg i for the most part i hated PE and i suck at sports and always dodged the ball and our uniform was so ugly lol! I especially hated changing in the locker room! I think there should be separate changing stalls with private showers too. Everyone has their insecurities and its good that you shared it. A vulnerable moment most are too afraid to share takes precedence over pride. And i always look forward to your great affirmations at the end of your videos. But i also like to hear when my friends are having a difficult day and sharing it with me rather than not sharing it. As an emotional person that is what i prefer. And i care about their feelings and want to help them feel better. We can eat icecream and cry together. Or laugh and dance in crazy outfits. Stay cool. Sending Love, Light, and Smiles Your way! Sincerely Jewels*
Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings and insecurities. It is truly a step in the healing process. You have strength that you may not actually believe but I see a courageous wolf in you. Much love from Canada Kovu.
You are so brave ♡ Keep going, you can do everything! I just recently discovered you, and I already am a massive fan of you. You helped me a lot during the last month because I'm kinda in the "figuring out who I am" stage...😉 Thank you💙 Love Nina
My back is messed up too. One of my horse riding instructors doesn't understand that I can't straighten my back, but she doesn't think it is possible to have scoliosis in the lower back. It is HORRIBLE!!!! I am with you. I have to do yoga to try to correct it, and have a stronger core.
It's okay Kovu. It's good to rant I don't have many of those problems So I don't know how hard it actually is. But don't push yourself too hard to try everyday your best, especially in PE. Maybe try to talk to your coaches. I would say Try to figure out where you are comfortable enough in pe but don't try too hard. Idk if that made any sense
Hey I only found your channel about a week ago but I really enjoy your videos. You have helped me and so many people through stuff that may be going on in their lives, and I don't know about them but I really appreciate that. Stay safe and stay awesome!!
I wish you didn't have to be so scared of PE, etc. When someone is angry it is bc they are scared, so it is understandable how you would feel so mad at everyone. Don't feel guilty about being you, because you are so, so loved. I wish you knew that you are perfect in the way you are supposed to be, and that I love you, and you CAN do this. Kovu, you are so strong. You don't suck and I think that bc whatever you do is perfect because you are a person with a solid silver shiny heart♡ I love you.
oooh Kovu :( give yourself a break PLEASE!! but I know we can't 'control' anxiety that much... just changing our thoughts, taking a deep breath etc... I noticed u can't stop touching ur lips while u talk, just idk... yeah maybe talking with ur PE teachers and so... and of course, expressing ur feelings, don't keep them to yourself. love you, always.
I'm extremely insecure aswell, I am always on the verge of tears in PE aswell. I have torn ligaments in my knee, and a broken tail bone at the moment because I was in a serious car crash a couple months ago. I also look at the girls and think I'm more like that even though I don't want to. anxiety gets in the way a lot to. I also have social anxiety and if I'm being totally honest, I haven't really talked to anyone around my age face-to-face most of this holidays and where I live the holidays are 6 weeks long. plus my depression has been on and off and i feel like people always treat me like a 5 year old, like when they look at me and ask if I'm ok or how I'm feeling in that tone, it sort of makes me feel weak. your videos have really helped me the past year and I'm so greatful. I hope today was just a one off for you and you start to feel good again. I really love these rant videos because i can relate to a lot of what you talk about. don't get me wrong, I love all of your videos. you really do help a lot of people and I'm so proud of how far you've come. I really appreciate you telling us the truth aswell. by the way, you look nice in this video and I like seeing you smile:) anyway sorry this was so long. I love you, have a good day.
Aww sweetheart, I know PE is hard for others, I fear balls too but like from trauma in the past with balls, just swim over here and you can lay in bed and I'll feed you and I have wifi so idk what this was just I love you okay
I hate PE too. It gives me so much anxiety and i practically have an anxiety attack everyday in/before PE. I hate changing and I change in the bathroom every time. Everyone else wears like T' shirts and shorts and I have to wear full yoga pants or leggings because NO SHITTING WAY I'M WEARING SHORTS but then that just brings out my stupid curves. I hate my back because I have scoliosis to and its really hard when people always tell me to stand up strait or stop hunching over but I can't. I don't play any sports and i'm pretty sure EVERYONE at school at least plays one if not more. They always ask me why and I either have to lie and say i'm to busy or just tell them the truth and they usually laugh at me. I think sports and PE is one of my biggest weaknesses but I think we all have to remember the good things about are selves too. Sorry for this huge rant. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and your videos. You made me think about myself differently and let me know that I'm not alone with a lot of things so thank you Kovu.
Hai Kovu, I am a ftm trans and I have the same back problem. I also have strange cracking/popping in my knees. But tbh u r my inspiration. btw my name is Toby🌸
Oh hunny PE was very hard for me I have really bad knee problems in both knees I have ankle problems where it will just give out and kids laugh at me. Yes in college you have to take a PE class. Yesterday during class I just broke down. Some kids were making fun of me because I look very feminine but I'm not a girl I'm a boy. I got my period yesterday and I'm just so depressed. Your a great kid. You helped me with my project. Kids are cruel I get told to "grow a pair". Don't be afraid to vent. I vent on UA-cam all the time. I also have scholiosis (think I spelled that wrong) fortunately in college when you have a phys ed class you can come in what you will wear for your class or change in the bathroom. Keep being you and stay Strong
I kinda fell you (with the crooked back and low self confidence) my back tends to bend real bad, I mean, real bad, so every single person i know have told me, straight up!, don't bend your back looks awful! gosh, Mari, ITS SO SIMPLE! well, for my it isn't, when I try to stand with a straight back it really hurts, but nobody understands. So I'm really self conscious about that aspect of myself, BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, your not the only one that feels that way, AND YOU HAVE INSPIRED MULTIPLE TIMES, A LOT OF THEM TO KEEP GOING, I ALSO WANTED TO SAY YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME, AND YOU DONT SUCK AT MAKING VIDEOS, YOU DO THE MOST WONDERFUL VIDEOS OF ALL, at least i think that. PSD: Can i make fanart of you? I would love to.(sorry for my bad english) HI! from Colombia
Mariana Piraquive Of course you can, that's an honour haha :3 And thank you so much. It helps knowing people can relate. I hope you have a wonderful day !
I have the same shirt as you! I know the feel with PE like I'm so bad and insecure about my body and doing sport with people watching me gives me so much fucking anxious. Sports scare me tbh,
I can relate when you said about how if you have one bad thought they seem to spiral into a multitude of bad thoughts because Evan tho mine have nothing todo with Pe I am severely dyslexic and can Bearly read or spell and people always made fun of me for it all trough out my life and I would always make a joke about it coz there wasn't much else I could do. So then my mind think if you can't read how will you ever get a job and so on and so forth
I can relate to the Gym class issue. Me and my friend used to write notes excusing each other out of Gym all the time, got caught a few times. I hated Gym for different reasons. I was terrible at sports, especially gymnastics, but being short I was "supposed" to be great at it. The teachers used to mock me all the time and would quite often say things like "Today's lesson is so easy even Ryan can do it!" and "If Ryan can do this, you definitely can!" to other kids. Nobody ever picked me as a partner in anything, because I was so bad at sport and obviously, that makes you feel crappy. I eventually walked out of my gym class in eighth grade and didn't go back. In 9th grade, I refused to do Gym at all, in my new school, because I was so scared of being judged again. Gym class is totally unfair, the teachers all favor the athletes and kids that are on all the sport teams, as do the other kids and the kids who dislike gym class for various reasons ranging from health issues like you, to just being terrible at sport end up dreading every lesson. I personally believe that gym class should be optional.
Im right here man, I know exactly what you mean...my PE starts after the summer break...and I dont know what to do....Im panicing and having meltdowns and, please if you need to express yourself, contact me! or just post on here, we are here cuz we care about you!
I hear ya about PE I hated it. I also didn't like my body & also have the back thing I also have a bad knee I always failed & skipped PE lol. Also I made fun of myself when others picked on me. it's good it'll make you stronger & it won't bother you any more Well it worked 4 me. Yes go 2 ya PE teacher talk 2 them see if they can help you also see ya Dr Maybe he can wright you a exemption note. Not everyone is great at sports don't let that get you down. Have that breakdown keeping it in isn't healthy Be strong & let it out talk with ya friends help them understand TRUE friends with stay & help you through it & understand. Trust them. Hate seeing you tare yourself apart like that. 😢 There are help hotlines you could call 4 help. look up other FTM UA-cam guys ask them 4 guidance & wisdom they've been through it. If they can make it out on top so can you. FIGHT I know you can surpass anything. Ya a strong smart guy who matters in this crazy world. You got this I have faith in you 💙 Sorry 4 rambling Hahaha 😂
Ok so my PE teachers keep splitting us up by gender (boys and girls) but they all know I'm a girl so I have to go with the girls even though I know I'm s boy does anybody (Kovu) know what I can or should do.
I had similar problems, especially bad health, that lead to me being shit and not being able to do pe, so i had my mum talk to my teachers (I don't do talking really) and I was allowed to drop it. I have twisted bones in my legs and they cause me to walk weird and trip and it's shitty and I used to get bullied and shit but I laugh it of and pretend it doesn't matter. It sucks.
Well I have scoliosis as well and I wear a back brace that kind of "corrects" my spine. So maybe talk to an osteologist and see if you can get one. Just heads up though it comes like right under the breastline and can make binding super comfortable
I don't know what to say, but I really, really wish to support you!!! I remember, in the first year, after i moved to the US, I hated gym, so hard and so bad, because it was the only place in school where I had to express my physical appearance, and there was nothing so wrong with me, but it felt so bad, the year has passed and I from now, almost don't care for what might other people think of me, still have to be better in it. And I don't know if it is available for you, I god dressed in the bathroom, it doesn't really make things better, at least you don't see a bunch of naked girls, grabbed in one place. And about Ash, that's painful, but no one of your subscribers want to lose you too!
This lets me feel even more sympathetic with you! At your age I totally disliked PE. I was good in the other subjects at school, but quite terrible at PE and in particular I HATED balls. This also had a bit to do with gender stuff (especially males often like balls, and I didn't feel so much that way). Try to find your way to defend youself from that kind of feelings! Mine was: "Balls are for idiots". A bit extreme, I admit, and not 100% wise maybe. Ok, it's not completely true, there are also people who both like balls and are quite smart. Not so many maybe... haha. :) At least, in my school context, this wasn't that important - and yet, it is, regarding the way the typical males are "constructed". Maybe also "typical" trans-males. Ok, don't be typical! Be yourself! Improve your skills if you wish, don't give a **** if you find out it's a better defence strategy. Be yourself: smart, witty, a bit nerdish maybe, soft-boy and how you wish. I'm sure there are and will be more people appreciating you (like the 20000 subscribers here!). But do everything you can for your health, like your back etc. (for example swimming, physiotherapies - if useful...). Take care! Stay with us! You're awesome!!! ❤️
emanueledes7 Thank you so so much! I seriously appreciate that a lot :D I used to do physiotherapies for three years because of my knees that dislocate (it varied from 1-3 times a week), and god I hated that. I always felt so embarrassed 😅 But perhaps I could find somewhere to swim without gender making things complicated 🤔
Ok, I also had physiotherapy for scoliosis (when I was younger than you). It's not fun in general. As for swimming, I understand it can be a bit problematic, or worse, if you have disphoria. See if there is some swimming pool which is not much crowded, or with people not of your age, or where you feel better than in other ones - if swimming really helps for your health. Choose the kind of swimming clothing which is the more comfortable, or the less uncomfortable to you. Or, are there any kind of shoes or foot implants which can also help? (I know, it doesn't sound fun at all, but one should evaluate the "pros and cons", depending on the situation). So, try to do the best you can for your health, also depending on what is needed. And also, if I may add another advice: you are still so very, very young. You have time to better understand who and how you want to be, and if you want to change your body with operations and hormones, and to what extent. You are still so young!
I have brittle bones and no matter how much I love sport and I'm not that bad at it , I always feel awful about myself when there is like trampolining or something that I cannot do it's bloody awful
Congrats on nearly 20k!! WOAH! You're such a cool, down to eartg seeming guy and I hope to be able to meet and or talk to you someday as I feel we'd be friends?!
Okay. I really do adore and admire you, but I got nervous (would be actually triggered if I wasn't in a good place, but please don't worry about that) when you were looking around for wood after saying knock on wood, and ended up knocking gently on your head instead, because yeah. That's exactly how my main anxiety/OCD manifested, and it was really horrible. Anyway. Yeah. My anxiety and misery in PE was stroooooong in high school....anyway. I'm sorry you have to go through that stuff.
Aloha and Mahalo! You can vent and rant to me anytime! Im a great listener and i gave a big heart and genuinely care about you. Im very new to your channel as of this week, april 2018. And i really enjoy listening to you. I know this video is from one year ago so i have lots of catching up to do. Stay wonderful and have a great week! Sincerely your new friend Jewels*
One thing that helps me when I'm the the state of mind of being suicidal I ask myself one thing "Would I rather die a female to other people, or live long enough to be seen as a male?"
I get it. I hate pie I get bullied a lot at school. And I aren't tin and I have curves. I an a dancer but oh well life is life and it makes us stronger
I hate PE too, I have stretch marks on my thighs, and the shorts are too short to cover them up :(. I also hate changing because I have very big thighs and a big chest, so it doesn't help with dysorphia. Although you really help me from a day to day basis and helped me with my identity. Stay storing Kovu, we all love you💕💕!
Kovu you're the manliest man ever, please take care my love! I'm feeling blue these days as well.
You mean the world to me please hold on
Hey I recently found your channel and you're pretty cool. I'm a closeted non-binary person and your channel has really helped me.
Ryanrossis Cheesewhiz same 😂
Ryanrossis Cheesewhiz no but I've got cheese whiz
Hoshii Cosplay kneel daddy
You're one of the most attractive people who I've ever encountered. My gosh I wish people at my school were as attractive and kind and lovely as you are. Kovu is such a wonderful name I love it so much. I really hope that you feel better soon. If making these videos makes you feel better, keep making them. (the rest of this is just going to be really random) Your eyes are so amazing! How do you keep your skin so clear? Your hair looks awesome! Your smile is really really great and amazing and lovely ok I've rambled on long enough lolokbye
O no it's Me oh my gosh thank you so much, that really made me smile :D
Omg it seems like 3 weeks ago you had just hit 10000. good for you man!
Thanks for created this channel dude :)
This may sounds really weird but this video really helped. I've been feeling really bad lately and to know that I can relate to some of the feelings you explain really gives me the motivation I need. I've never been good at sharing my emotions and I tend to bottle everything up. I'm not good at opening up and talking to people and I end up distancing myself from others which leads to a lot of friends leaving which has been really hard on me. Unrelated note i'm really scared to start P.E. in a few weeks, i'm a weak person and I'm afraid of a lot of things which turns me into a laughing stalk in P.E. classes. I just i don't like my body and who it makes me. I get extremely dysphoric during school and P.E. just gives me so much anxiety.
(Just to say it's okay that this turned into a rant, it's okay to vent)
Well I just want to thank you because you've helped me a lot. I've really struggled at taking things one at a time and I tend to overthink things a lot. I just have a lot of appreciation for you and ah.
So Thank You.
Kitchen Sink I hope everything goes well❤️ Thank you for watching. It makes me feel less lonely too
Kovu i love u and plz stay safe cause i love u and care about u
You nearly have 20k!
Thank you for answering my questions and being so cute in today's stream. I'm glad I heard that you feel better. I love you and now I'll enjoy your video. 💙💚💛💜
Elsker deg~
yes, other people do feel that way, actually, I do as well. And don't feel bad about "ranting" why try to keep everything bottled up when you have, now, almost 20k people willing to listen to you and help you. So, you can "rant" all you want. And I actually like these types of videos, NOT MEANING THAT I LIKE WHEN YOU'RE SAD! I DON'T MEAN THAT PLEASE DON'T THINK I DO!, I mean like the... not very etched out, sort of raw videos where you talk about what's on your mind. And I'm going to tweet you something later tonight probably so I apologize in advance for that... idk I feel annoying... but I'm glad you're doing better, as in like the first half of the video's content, and I'm sorry about PE. (you could move to South Carolina {US} so you only have to take PE once in high school.... im totally joking. our school system is horrible.) but, please have a good rest of the night and tomorrow and be nice to yourself. treat yourself like you treat others because you treat everyone so nicely when you have no obligation to and i think that that would be good for you :) sorry these are always so long....
Angel Alice Thank you so much! I actually also really appreciate them being long
+Kovu is a unicorn you're welcome. and okay, that good. :) and I haven't been able to type out the Twitter thing yet because I'm drowning in homework.
You are incredible Kovu, so wise. Such a beautiful person, never forget that man.... You're amazing. My heart goes out to you dude, I've been where you are. Stay strong.
Chris Lozer thank you! Stay strong :)
you're not the only one who feels like this and I don't want you to feel alone. I also have scoliosis (mines super minor tho, not noticeable I just have constant neck and back pain) and gym is hell in general. I don't have the problem of not being able to do sports but I understand changing in the locker rooms (no one knows I'm a closet trans so its super uncomfortable.) also ik how it is to have ur thoughts spiral out of control very quickly like that. I have also struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression. For me to say I understand you is arrogant but I do want you to know you aren't the only one out there with those problems, lighten up on yourself, you're a beautiful person
im bored Thank you so much
hey, kovu, don't worry about venting! we're here to listen to you! also, i can relate to the p.e. feels. to be honest, i'd love to be able to play sports, but i can't. we always play games like basketball and volleyball in class. i'm very slow and a bit clumsy, and other kids don't want to let me play with them because i am a bad player. the teacher gives me bad marks because i don't play, and i'd love to play, but i'm always afraid and unconfident. and i also have to change in the girls' locker room (there really is no such option as to come out or do anything about it) and this gives me so many bad emotions. when i go out of the room, i feel like everyone's staring at me
kirill finstad I know the feeling ):
The whole PE rant basically sums up my life
I'm really glad to hear you speak about how you're feeling because I feel similarly to how you do about ranting and comparing myself to others or having very high standards for myself. I often don't want to share because I don't want to bother other people or sour their moods, but also at the same time if I don't I sort of quarantine myself to prevent them from being affected. However, that usually only ends with me feeling worse and being alone and vulnerable to myself, if that makes sense. Also I strive to acheive the best I can in all things, but when I don't acheive what I want I end up feeling very dissapointed in myself and inadequate. The ridiculous thing is that I know I'm doing alright, but if I don't acheive my goals unfortunately my perception of my self worth drops drastically.
Hey Kovu, I have a horrible genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and I really understand what you're going through in terms of your relationship with P.E. Its a condition that affects the connective tissue in my body and causes almost all my major joints to dislocate on a daily basis, gives me extreme, chronic pain making it hard for me to walk and makes me extremely clumsy. I am unable to wear a binder for longer than half an hour or so without one of my ribs dislocating. Since collagen (connective tissue) also exists in the skin, EDS has caused enormous amounts of unpreventable stretch marks all along my legs, just as a normal consequence of growing rather than rapid weight gain. Thankfully I no longer have to do P.E. in school but while I did I alsays felt so inadequate for being unable to do all the activties to the same standard as all my other classmates. Make sure you look forward into a time where you no longer have to do P.E at school, thats what really helped me.
i love you kovu, remember that i'm always here
Jaszemarshmallow •-• stay strong and happy, love!
I understand you and I relate, I often feel like I just disappoint everybody and I often feel like I can't do anything. I often feel like i'm not good enough and my motivation easily disappears. I bottle everything up and break down when nobody sees or hears me. Thank you for being honest Kovu because I and a lot of people wants to know how you're doing and it helps us knowing that we're not alone. Please stay safe, drink and do not hurt yourself Kovu because you are worth so much more than you can ever imagine.
Thank you. I honestly feel so much better now!😅and less alone... 😳❤
There's a few things I keep wanting to say, but it's mostly depressing junk about myself😞 when all I really want to do is cheer you up.😝 I don't think piling my issues on top of yours will help you,😫 so I'll just say that I really and truly love your videos😍 and think you are an amazing and beautiful person😎 who tries, maybe a little too hard, to do good things all the time.😇 (and mostly succeeds) You have every reason to be proud and happy😄 not just of who you will surely become, but also the person you are at this very moment.❤
I love you so so so much Kovu and it's totally fine (well I think it's great) to make negative videos because we love you anyway and it is reality. I really hope you feel better, love you
I used to hate PE too. I was self conscious about all types of crap. I tried to sprain my ankle perposefully to get out of it. When I couldn't, I asked my friends to kick it just to get a bruise so it would "look" sprained. Gosh I was desperate haha. Anyway, if I can say one thing, which I'm sure you've heard often, is that all these hardships won't last forever. When you're a teenager you feel so bad about literally everything in your life and it feels so crippling and you think it will never end, but in a few years when it's all over you will look back and realise how short lived it was. And especially, you'll be glad it's over. Keep yourself alive because the 80 good years you will have are worth going through the 2-3 bad ones you have left. Also, odds are that someone thinks the way you walk is cute ;) trust me, no one notices your flaws as much as you do yourself. so give yourself a break, breathe, pet a cat, take a walk, climb a tree, and good luck.
Stay strong Kovu! We all love you and support you! Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are not alone!
Kovuuu you are a wonderful person and deserve hugs. i really hope gym gets better..
kovu, i completely understand. Low self esteem is terrible. I love you so much, and you're so handsome!!! everyone is allowed to breakdown every now and then, and i feel so privileged that you feel comfortable enough to vent to us. Thank you so much for being honest. Keep being the manly man that you are!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
Don't worry about ranting Kovu! Rant all you want, we all understand how that feels. At least I do ;p Stay strong💥 *Sends virtual hugs and cookies ❤️🍪
don't apologize for being human! it is ok to vent! it helps get things out and allows us to grow! chin up! Definitely talk to your PE teacher...with a medical condition I am almost positive they will give ya a different set of activities so you can make the grade! you are an incredible person with a wonderful outlook! be you! never surrender! never give up!...I am 32 and still inspired by your journey! keep kicking ass!
I found you channel recently and I fell in love with your personality. Like you, I am also an ftm transguy and I understand 99.9% of what you're going through. My advice to you is just to keep your head up and be who you want to be. I'm not out to my parents or school teachers, but you're younger than me, so you've already gotten farther. So good luck with your misadventures of Kovu and keep up the great work.
Hey Kovu I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way. When I was in middle and high school I had such huge anxieties about going to PE. I was terrified of my PE teacher and felt very dysphoric and self conscious about my body. especially around other girls in the locker room. I would always suck it up too. eventually I couldn't live with the crippling anxiety and mental health problems that were made worse by going to PE. Long story short I got the rest of my high school PE classes waived by a combination of other sports activities like joining the school badminton team, extracurricular physical activities outside of school, and a letter from my doctor. I just wanted to say that watching you talk openly about this kind of anxiety and stress means a lot to me as a fellow human being. You are an awesome person.
Alexey DeShazo Khan Me too. I had my first panic attack in years during high school pe & I had to go to the doctor and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder :/
I love your vent/rant videos. They help me calm down a lot.
~August
We all support you and love you! You should never feel bad about venting
the same spiraling thing happens to me and dysphoria is the worst you are amazing this video wasn't that bad btw made me have a think anyway thank you you are one of the best people I know and your videos always make me smile so thank you
Aloha Love the hair color for you! Stay Strong and thanks for getting real with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and when im up im up when im down im down and often its hard to control my emotions especially in public on a bad day. I usually end up yelling at random people. Then i later feel terrible. Shoots. Well No worries. You can let your friends in PE know you had a difficult day, they im sure can relate and accept you for you. And omg i for the most part i hated PE and i suck at sports and always dodged the ball and our uniform was so ugly lol! I especially hated changing in the locker room! I think there should be separate changing stalls with private showers too. Everyone has their insecurities and its good that you shared it. A vulnerable moment most are too afraid to share takes precedence over pride. And i always look forward to your great affirmations at the end of your videos. But i also like to hear when my friends are having a difficult day and sharing it with me rather than not sharing it. As an emotional person that is what i prefer. And i care about their feelings and want to help them feel better. We can eat icecream and cry together. Or laugh and dance in crazy outfits. Stay cool. Sending Love, Light, and Smiles Your way! Sincerely Jewels*
Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings and insecurities. It is truly a step in the healing process. You have strength that you may not actually believe but I see a courageous wolf in you. Much love from Canada Kovu.
You are so brave ♡
Keep going, you can do everything! I just recently discovered you, and I already am a massive fan of you. You helped me a lot during the last month because I'm kinda in the "figuring out who I am" stage...😉
Thank you💙
Love Nina
*Hugging* I compleatly understand
My back is messed up too. One of my horse riding instructors doesn't understand that I can't straighten my back, but she doesn't think it is possible to have scoliosis in the lower back. It is HORRIBLE!!!! I am with you. I have to do yoga to try to correct it, and have a stronger core.
It's okay Kovu. It's good to rant
I don't have many of those problems
So I don't know how hard it actually is.
But don't push yourself too hard to try everyday your best, especially in PE.
Maybe try to talk to your coaches. I would say Try to figure out where you are comfortable enough in pe but don't try too hard. Idk if that made any sense
Hey I only found your channel about a week ago but I really enjoy your videos. You have helped me and so many people through stuff that may be going on in their lives, and I don't know about them but I really appreciate that. Stay safe and stay awesome!!
hi Kovu :D I found your channel the other night when I was feeling really dysphoric and it helped a lot, thank you so much x
I wish you didn't have to be so scared of PE, etc. When someone is angry it is bc they are scared, so it is understandable how you would feel so mad at everyone. Don't feel guilty about being you, because you are so, so loved. I wish you knew that you are perfect in the way you are supposed to be, and that I love you, and you CAN do this. Kovu, you are so strong. You don't suck and I think that bc whatever you do is perfect because you are a person with a solid silver shiny heart♡ I love you.
you're my new favorite person because LGB(T) trans fam and the mcr shirt ....lit af...I'll stop now...I wuv you
I found this channel this week, you have such a lovely calm voice! ^-^
oooh Kovu :( give yourself a break PLEASE!! but I know we can't 'control' anxiety that much... just changing our thoughts, taking a deep breath etc... I noticed u can't stop touching ur lips while u talk, just idk... yeah maybe talking with ur PE teachers and so... and of course, expressing ur feelings, don't keep them to yourself. love you, always.
I'm extremely insecure aswell, I am always on the verge of tears in PE aswell. I have torn ligaments in my knee, and a broken tail bone at the moment because I was in a serious car crash a couple months ago. I also look at the girls and think I'm more like that even though I don't want to. anxiety gets in the way a lot to. I also have social anxiety and if I'm being totally honest, I haven't really talked to anyone around my age face-to-face most of this holidays and where I live the holidays are 6 weeks long. plus my depression has been on and off and i feel like people always treat me like a 5 year old, like when they look at me and ask if I'm ok or how I'm feeling in that tone, it sort of makes me feel weak. your videos have really helped me the past year and I'm so greatful. I hope today was just a one off for you and you start to feel good again. I really love these rant videos because i can relate to a lot of what you talk about. don't get me wrong, I love all of your videos. you really do help a lot of people and I'm so proud of how far you've come. I really appreciate you telling us the truth aswell. by the way, you look nice in this video and I like seeing you smile:) anyway sorry this was so long. I love you, have a good day.
Aww sweetheart, I know PE is hard for others, I fear balls too but like from trauma in the past with balls, just swim over here and you can lay in bed and I'll feed you and I have wifi so idk what this was just
I love you okay
Mary Handley I love you, let's do that
Kovu is a unicorn damn that's sad I want to cuddle and feed you...
I hate PE too. It gives me so much anxiety and i practically have an anxiety attack everyday in/before PE. I hate changing and I change in the bathroom every time. Everyone else wears like T' shirts and shorts and I have to wear full yoga pants or leggings because NO SHITTING WAY I'M WEARING SHORTS but then that just brings out my stupid curves. I hate my back because I have scoliosis to and its really hard when people always tell me to stand up strait or stop hunching over but I can't. I don't play any sports and i'm pretty sure EVERYONE at school at least plays one if not more. They always ask me why and I either have to lie and say i'm to busy or just tell them the truth and they usually laugh at me. I think sports and PE is one of my biggest weaknesses but I think we all have to remember the good things about are selves too. Sorry for this huge rant.
I just wanted to let you know that I love you and your videos. You made me think about myself differently and let me know that I'm not alone with a lot of things so thank you Kovu.
TheAmazingAnna what you described is basically me omg. And thank YOU! You make me feel less alone, too
Hai Kovu, I am a ftm trans and I have the same back problem. I also have strange cracking/popping in my knees. But tbh u r my inspiration. btw my name is Toby🌸
Oh hunny PE was very hard for me I have really bad knee problems in both knees I have ankle problems where it will just give out and kids laugh at me. Yes in college you have to take a PE class. Yesterday during class I just broke down. Some kids were making fun of me because I look very feminine but I'm not a girl I'm a boy. I got my period yesterday and I'm just so depressed. Your a great kid. You helped me with my project. Kids are cruel I get told to "grow a pair". Don't be afraid to vent. I vent on UA-cam all the time. I also have scholiosis (think I spelled that wrong) fortunately in college when you have a phys ed class you can come in what you will wear for your class or change in the bathroom. Keep being you and stay Strong
I kinda fell you (with the crooked back and low self confidence) my back tends to bend real bad, I mean, real bad, so every single person i know have told me, straight up!, don't bend your back looks awful! gosh, Mari, ITS SO SIMPLE! well, for my it isn't, when I try to stand with a straight back it really hurts, but nobody understands. So I'm really self conscious about that aspect of myself, BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, your not the only one that feels that way, AND YOU HAVE INSPIRED MULTIPLE TIMES, A LOT OF THEM TO KEEP GOING, I ALSO WANTED TO SAY YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME, AND YOU DONT SUCK AT MAKING VIDEOS, YOU DO THE MOST WONDERFUL VIDEOS OF ALL, at least i think that.
PSD: Can i make fanart of you? I would love to.(sorry for my bad english)
HI! from Colombia
Mariana Piraquive Of course you can, that's an honour haha :3 And thank you so much. It helps knowing people can relate. I hope you have a wonderful day !
I have the same shirt as you! I know the feel with PE like I'm so bad and insecure about my body and doing sport with people watching me gives me so much fucking anxious. Sports scare me tbh,
I can relate when you said about how if you have one bad thought they seem to spiral into a multitude of bad thoughts because Evan tho mine have nothing todo with Pe I am severely dyslexic and can Bearly read or spell and people always made fun of me for it all trough out my life and I would always make a joke about it coz there wasn't much else I could do. So then my mind think if you can't read how will you ever get a job and so on and so forth
I can relate to the Gym class issue. Me and my friend used to write notes excusing each other out of Gym all the time, got caught a few times. I hated Gym for different reasons. I was terrible at sports, especially gymnastics, but being short I was "supposed" to be great at it. The teachers used to mock me all the time and would quite often say things like "Today's lesson is so easy even Ryan can do it!" and "If Ryan can do this, you definitely can!" to other kids. Nobody ever picked me as a partner in anything, because I was so bad at sport and obviously, that makes you feel crappy. I eventually walked out of my gym class in eighth grade and didn't go back. In 9th grade, I refused to do Gym at all, in my new school, because I was so scared of being judged again.
Gym class is totally unfair, the teachers all favor the athletes and kids that are on all the sport teams, as do the other kids and the kids who dislike gym class for various reasons ranging from health issues like you, to just being terrible at sport end up dreading every lesson. I personally believe that gym class should be optional.
Im right here man, I know exactly what you mean...my PE starts after the summer break...and I dont know what to do....Im panicing and having meltdowns and, please if you need to express yourself, contact me! or just post on here, we are here cuz we care about you!
I was here from 8000 subs and you have helpt me so much , i Love that your Chanel is growing becus then you help so many pepol just like me❤️❤️❤️🦄
You're such a soft boy aw I wanna give you a hug
Can't get ya out of my head after this video came out. :/ Hoping all is ok 💙 😘
why don't you do a livestream q and a
(I watched this instead of getting ready for school lol I'm gonna be late)
Hannah Drake. Literally same but you know at least I have my priorities: Kovu, then school
Dude, I can relate to everything you said in this (except I'm non binary)
❤❤ tysm for uploading this it really helped
I hear ya about PE I hated it. I also didn't like my body & also have the back thing I also have a bad knee I always failed & skipped PE lol. Also I made fun of myself when others picked on me. it's good it'll make you stronger & it won't bother you any more Well it worked 4 me. Yes go 2 ya PE teacher talk 2 them see if they can help you also see ya Dr Maybe he can wright you a exemption note. Not everyone is great at sports don't let that get you down. Have that breakdown keeping it in isn't healthy Be strong & let it out talk with ya friends help them understand TRUE friends with stay & help you through it & understand. Trust them. Hate seeing you tare yourself apart like that. 😢 There are help hotlines you could call 4 help. look up other FTM UA-cam guys ask them 4 guidance & wisdom they've been through it. If they can make it out on top so can you. FIGHT I know you can surpass anything. Ya a strong smart guy who matters in this crazy world. You got this I have faith in you 💙 Sorry 4 rambling Hahaha 😂
I had scoliosis too, i had the surgery 5 years ago where they drill the rods to your spine😁
Ok so my PE teachers keep splitting us up by gender (boys and girls) but they all know I'm a girl so I have to go with the girls even though I know I'm s boy does anybody (Kovu) know what I can or should do.
I want Friends RIGHT?!!!!!! IT SUCKS. Our pe teacher makes all the boys do pushups and my agender self just awkwardly stands there
I had similar problems, especially bad health, that lead to me being shit and not being able to do pe, so i had my mum talk to my teachers (I don't do talking really) and I was allowed to drop it. I have twisted bones in my legs and they cause me to walk weird and trip and it's shitty and I used to get bullied and shit but I laugh it of and pretend it doesn't matter. It sucks.
Well I have scoliosis as well and I wear a back brace that kind of "corrects" my spine. So maybe talk to an osteologist and see if you can get one. Just heads up though it comes like right under the breastline and can make binding super comfortable
I don't know what to say, but I really, really wish to support you!!! I remember, in the first year, after i moved to the US, I hated gym, so hard and so bad, because it was the only place in school where I had to express my physical appearance, and there was nothing so wrong with me, but it felt so bad, the year has passed and I from now, almost don't care for what might other people think of me, still have to be better in it. And I don't know if it is available for you, I god dressed in the bathroom, it doesn't really make things better, at least you don't see a bunch of naked girls, grabbed in one place. And about Ash, that's painful, but no one of your subscribers want to lose you too!
You're so cute! ^o^ please stay happy your smile is amazing 💕
please could you do a how to pass video? much love x
god i just wanna give you a bear hug and talk to you for hours on end😢❤️
you have helped me so much thank you❤also I'm genderfluid so it's kinda hard for me right now but thank you so much❤💜💙💚💛
Aw! I want to hug you! 💙
I appriciate you and this video, yah fabulous superman! ;)
This lets me feel even more sympathetic with you! At your age I totally disliked PE. I was good in the other subjects at school, but quite terrible at PE and in particular I HATED balls. This also had a bit to do with gender stuff (especially males often like balls, and I didn't feel so much that way). Try to find your way to defend youself from that kind of feelings! Mine was: "Balls are for idiots". A bit extreme, I admit, and not 100% wise maybe. Ok, it's not completely true, there are also people who both like balls and are quite smart. Not so many maybe... haha. :) At least, in my school context, this wasn't that important - and yet, it is, regarding the way the typical males are "constructed". Maybe also "typical" trans-males. Ok, don't be typical! Be yourself! Improve your skills if you wish, don't give a **** if you find out it's a better defence strategy. Be yourself: smart, witty, a bit nerdish maybe, soft-boy and how you wish. I'm sure there are and will be more people appreciating you (like the 20000 subscribers here!). But do everything you can for your health, like your back etc. (for example swimming, physiotherapies - if useful...). Take care! Stay with us! You're awesome!!! ❤️
emanueledes7 Thank you so so much! I seriously appreciate that a lot :D I used to do physiotherapies for three years because of my knees that dislocate (it varied from 1-3 times a week), and god I hated that. I always felt so embarrassed 😅 But perhaps I could find somewhere to swim without gender making things complicated 🤔
Ok, I also had physiotherapy for scoliosis (when I was younger than
you). It's not fun in general. As for swimming, I understand it can be a bit problematic, or worse, if you have disphoria. See if there is some swimming pool which is not much crowded, or with people not of your age, or where you feel better than in other ones - if swimming really helps for your health. Choose the kind of swimming clothing which is the more comfortable, or the less uncomfortable to you. Or, are there any kind of shoes or foot implants which can also help? (I know, it doesn't sound fun at all, but one should evaluate the "pros and cons", depending on the situation). So, try to do the best you can for your health, also depending on what is needed. And also, if I may add another advice: you are still so very, very young. You have time to better understand who and how you want to be, and if you want to change your body with operations and hormones, and to what extent. You are still so young!
I have brittle bones and no matter how much I love sport and I'm not that bad at it , I always feel awful about myself when there is like trampolining or something that I cannot do it's bloody awful
Congrats on nearly 20k!! WOAH! You're such a cool, down to eartg seeming guy and I hope to be able to meet and or talk to you someday as I feel we'd be friends?!
Danne W thank you so much! I hope so too :D
Are you on T yet? You're amazing! Stay strong
Okay. I really do adore and admire you, but I got nervous (would be actually triggered if I wasn't in a good place, but please don't worry about that) when you were looking around for wood after saying knock on wood, and ended up knocking gently on your head instead, because yeah. That's exactly how my main anxiety/OCD manifested, and it was really horrible. Anyway. Yeah. My anxiety and misery in PE was stroooooong in high school....anyway. I'm sorry you have to go through that stuff.
But yeah. That PE thing. I was so similar. So similar. Also bullying and teasing stuff. And yeah. I can almost never finish a project anymore either
you've gained a lot of subs damnnnn
vent all you want you dont need to apologize
feel hugged, ok?
The worst grade I got was in PE too
though I guess it wasn't too bad as it was a C
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Kovu, there is this app called Vent. I think you should check it out. You can vent to people and you seem like you might need it
WHERE ARE YOU IN NORWAY IMMA COME GIVE YOU HUGS AND COOKIES
Love your videos ❤
Aloha and Mahalo! You can vent and rant to me anytime! Im a great listener and i gave a big heart and genuinely care about you. Im very new to your channel as of this week, april 2018. And i really enjoy listening to you. I know this video is from one year ago so i have lots of catching up to do. Stay wonderful and have a great week! Sincerely your new friend Jewels*
It's okay to vent ❤️
great video!!! next, can you do the pros and come of being transgender?
Me too 😍
omfg the whole time i watched your videos i believed you were british because your english is so good omg i was so wrong rddoigvjroůngvrjdk
One thing that helps me when I'm the the state of mind of being suicidal I ask myself one thing "Would I rather die a female to other people, or live long enough to be seen as a male?"
* hugs * (if you want one)
You were in the same shirt in ur instagram livestream lol :)
I'm terrified of PE too.
I love how there are 0 hate comments on this video. I am so happy that the transphobes have gone the hell away. At least for this video.
i know how you feel, im the exact same way in PE. lol
❤️
I get it. I hate pie I get bullied a lot at school. And I aren't tin and I have curves. I an a dancer but oh well life is life and it makes us stronger
I love you❤️
we are wearing the same shirt
💙❤🤴🏼