UA-cam just recommended your video. I realized I'm trans last month (i'm 32, and close to 33), and you summarized most of my feelings about myself. From being able to only look into my eyes, to avoiding feminity despite hating masculinity. And you gave me hope that someday I'll be able to look myself in the mirror with more peace. I'm in tears right now, but not from sadness. This last month was actually the first one in which I found real meaning in life. I always loved to be alive, but now I want to feel alive. Thank you for sharing your story ♡
Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you find all the peace in the world you deserve! I just passed my 1 year mark on HRT and have legally updated my name. Life gets so so much better when you start living authentically. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Congrats on your journey and if you ever need support, there's a whole community waiting to embrace you with open arms.
I was homeschooled and grew up in a highly evangelical family. I started having gender dysphoria when I was 8 but did not have the vocabulary to describe it and was met with heavy abuse when I tried to say I didn’t feel like a girl. And puberty made it worse. I for the majority of my teen years went hyper feminine because I thought I could convince myself I was a girl. But it never worked. It was incredibly isolating and painful. I didnt find out about trans people or non binary identities until well into my 20s and I had to fight through a lot of internalized transphobia to realize I actually was trans. I didn’t feel like a boy but I knew I wasn’t a girl. I came out as non binary when I was 30. I started hrt to treat my dysphoria and have never been happier!
I love your story Ash! It really is amazing how much happier we can be when we overcome the barriers. So happy that you were able to break out of the mold this world tried to shove you into. I tried the hyper-masc vibes myself and not only did it feel so uncomfortable, I actually hated who I was trying to be. Now I'm so open and free and it's just so cathartic!
I am courage-wise a man. I meant this when I said I am a woman in a man's body. I did not talk about sex gender or sexual parts of the body. I meant that being a woman I can do what men can do. I am not a transgender. #Transgender
I agree so much. The "woke liberal" thing has really stained the view on trans individuals and the lgbtqia community. We are just people living our lives in our bodies. So many people don't understand that about this community. Im glad you had a friend who helped you on your journey and so happy for you that you figured this out about yourself. Gender is so much harder than sexuality because its so much less understood and only recently has come into light and humans fear what is new. I hope you know you for sure have a community now where you can be yourself and express your identity. So many of us have felt the way you have felt. Being in a box that society assigned to us is so difficult and never fit. When i found my spot outside the box i felt so whole for the first time in a long time. Im so happy for you tyler, keep being you!
Hi Ava, my name is Diane and my pronouns are she/they 🏳⚧ It was very heartening to hear your story. I was born in 79. My childhood was filled with daydreams of becoming a girl and I think my religious belief was connected to a sense that if I was a good gurl then maybe God would hear my prayer and fix my gender. This did not happen and puberty came and things darkened considerably. I could never imagine myself as a grown man and so thought I'd be dying young. There was no plan for suicide because it felt like I did not need one. I bombed out at the end of high school but found my way to tertiary education through a special admissions test. Once I was at uni, I gravitated towards any s-x; gender; q-theory courses that I could find. By either 2001 or 2002, I understood myself well enough to be on DIY HRT. However, my mother found out and it caused a massive argument that resulted in suspension of my transition. I tried to carry on with life but the more I tried to accomplish the more deeply I felt hurt and unable to move forward. I enrolled in a PhD and thought that would cause the breakdown that brought my issues to light.Instead of a breakdown, I became stagnant, slow and overweight. I was never going to take good care of a body that was a factory of resentment and alienation. The PhD took me eleven years to complete all up. I received commendations and an award for my PhD (in sex, gender, and representation) but the only thing I did to celebrate my success was to complete the paperwork to ensure that my work would be placed under permanent embargo and unavailable for people to read. Success hurts when you're not who people think you are. I kept trying to live for other people. I showed my parents that I was clever after all, and so the next thing was to show my longtime girlfriend that I thought she was good enough to marry. Marriage always felt like a bit of a sick joke to me but it was my gift to her, to try to insulate her from a mother who's always telling her she's not good enough. I proposed in 2019 and we planned to marry Halloween 2020. We had to delay our wedding because of the pandemic. In Nov 2020 my PhD supervisor died of brain cancer. He was a wonderful man and a prolific academic. Over the five or six years he supervised my thesis (I changed topics and institutions over the course of my PhD), he shifted from someone enthusiastic about helping me with my career into someone that wished to avoid me because he could not fathom my lack of will to move forward. When I heard that he was in palliative care, it shook my world because I had to confront that I never be able to make things right with him. I reached out to him with a loving gesture that was well received. He passed a couple of weeks after point. I don't believe in ghosts. A month after he died, my PhD supervisor visited me as an angry ball of green light. He was furious that he was dead yet so full of life, and that I was alive and living as though I was dead. So then he entered my body and looked through my eyes. He then shouted at me that I was not a man!... and then dissipated. Because of the decades of denial and repression, it took me another three years to understand the simple truth he tried to make plain. I thought he was suggesting that I was failing at being a man when he was trying to give me the green light: to make it clear that I'm not a man and that I should be myself so that I can live. It was about a year ago today that I could finally admit that I was trans and then all the pieces of my life have started to come together. I've been on HRT for about nine months. I love informed consent and I love HRT; I love my wife and our relationship has never been better. I've never had such clear senses of purpose and direction in my social and cultural actions. I love the trans friends I'm making along the way. After a lifetime of feeling like lady-eyes haplessly stuck on a masculine body, I too see myself emerge through my transition. It's a beautiful thing and I am so happy for you that this is something you get to experience. The jokers who wish to dismiss us as perverted trend-chasers are soooooo wrong that they're deeply amusing as individuals (yet frightening when they find like-minded folks that reflect their own ignorance to them). I really liked hearing your story. I thought the ending was absolutely wonderful in nailing it - we're just doing what we need to do in order to have a life we can embrace. If other people are so privileged that they cannot find the common ground of humanity to treat us with respect then it only illustrates the way that privilege is also its own impoverishment. 🏳⚧
UA-cam just recommended your video. I realized I'm trans last month (i'm 32, and close to 33), and you summarized most of my feelings about myself. From being able to only look into my eyes, to avoiding feminity despite hating masculinity. And you gave me hope that someday I'll be able to look myself in the mirror with more peace. I'm in tears right now, but not from sadness.
This last month was actually the first one in which I found real meaning in life. I always loved to be alive, but now I want to feel alive. Thank you for sharing your story ♡
Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you find all the peace in the world you deserve! I just passed my 1 year mark on HRT and have legally updated my name. Life gets so so much better when you start living authentically. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Congrats on your journey and if you ever need support, there's a whole community waiting to embrace you with open arms.
I was homeschooled and grew up in a highly evangelical family. I started having gender dysphoria when I was 8 but did not have the vocabulary to describe it and was met with heavy abuse when I tried to say I didn’t feel like a girl. And puberty made it worse. I for the majority of my teen years went hyper feminine because I thought I could convince myself I was a girl. But it never worked. It was incredibly isolating and painful. I didnt find out about trans people or non binary identities until well into my 20s and I had to fight through a lot of internalized transphobia to realize I actually was trans. I didn’t feel like a boy but I knew I wasn’t a girl. I came out as non binary when I was 30. I started hrt to treat my dysphoria and have never been happier!
I love your story Ash! It really is amazing how much happier we can be when we overcome the barriers. So happy that you were able to break out of the mold this world tried to shove you into.
I tried the hyper-masc vibes myself and not only did it feel so uncomfortable, I actually hated who I was trying to be. Now I'm so open and free and it's just so cathartic!
Thanks for sharing your story. Was very nice to listen your journey and struggles! Was very authentic/geniune! Best of luck!
Thank you so much!
Ooooo i so feel the " we will tell you how to feel and what to do". Lived that for 22 years until i figured it out.
It's ROOOOOOUGH to break out of, but so worth it!
I am courage-wise a man. I meant this when I said I am a woman in a man's body. I did not talk about sex gender or sexual parts of the body. I meant that being a woman I can do what men can do. I am not a transgender. #Transgender
I agree so much. The "woke liberal" thing has really stained the view on trans individuals and the lgbtqia community. We are just people living our lives in our bodies. So many people don't understand that about this community.
Im glad you had a friend who helped you on your journey and so happy for you that you figured this out about yourself. Gender is so much harder than sexuality because its so much less understood and only recently has come into light and humans fear what is new. I hope you know you for sure have a community now where you can be yourself and express your identity. So many of us have felt the way you have felt. Being in a box that society assigned to us is so difficult and never fit. When i found my spot outside the box i felt so whole for the first time in a long time. Im so happy for you tyler, keep being you!
Transgender is a lie.
Men that call themselves trans women are still men.
Women that call themselves trans men are still women.
Hi Ava, my name is Diane and my pronouns are she/they 🏳⚧ It was very heartening to hear your story. I was born in 79. My childhood was filled with daydreams of becoming a girl and I think my religious belief was connected to a sense that if I was a good gurl then maybe God would hear my prayer and fix my gender.
This did not happen and puberty came and things darkened considerably. I could never imagine myself as a grown man and so thought I'd be dying young. There was no plan for suicide because it felt like I did not need one. I bombed out at the end of high school but found my way to tertiary education through a special admissions test.
Once I was at uni, I gravitated towards any s-x; gender; q-theory courses that I could find. By either 2001 or 2002, I understood myself well enough to be on DIY HRT. However, my mother found out and it caused a massive argument that resulted in suspension of my transition.
I tried to carry on with life but the more I tried to accomplish the more deeply I felt hurt and unable to move forward. I enrolled in a PhD and thought that would cause the breakdown that brought my issues to light.Instead of a breakdown, I became stagnant, slow and overweight. I was never going to take good care of a body that was a factory of resentment and alienation.
The PhD took me eleven years to complete all up. I received commendations and an award for my PhD (in sex, gender, and representation) but the only thing I did to celebrate my success was to complete the paperwork to ensure that my work would be placed under permanent embargo and unavailable for people to read. Success hurts when you're not who people think you are.
I kept trying to live for other people. I showed my parents that I was clever after all, and so the next thing was to show my longtime girlfriend that I thought she was good enough to marry. Marriage always felt like a bit of a sick joke to me but it was my gift to her, to try to insulate her from a mother who's always telling her she's not good enough. I proposed in 2019 and we planned to marry Halloween 2020.
We had to delay our wedding because of the pandemic. In Nov 2020 my PhD supervisor died of brain cancer. He was a wonderful man and a prolific academic. Over the five or six years he supervised my thesis (I changed topics and institutions over the course of my PhD), he shifted from someone enthusiastic about helping me with my career into someone that wished to avoid me because he could not fathom my lack of will to move forward. When I heard that he was in palliative care, it shook my world because I had to confront that I never be able to make things right with him. I reached out to him with a loving gesture that was well received. He passed a couple of weeks after point.
I don't believe in ghosts. A month after he died, my PhD supervisor visited me as an angry ball of green light. He was furious that he was dead yet so full of life, and that I was alive and living as though I was dead. So then he entered my body and looked through my eyes. He then shouted at me that I was not a man!... and then dissipated.
Because of the decades of denial and repression, it took me another three years to understand the simple truth he tried to make plain. I thought he was suggesting that I was failing at being a man when he was trying to give me the green light: to make it clear that I'm not a man and that I should be myself so that I can live.
It was about a year ago today that I could finally admit that I was trans and then all the pieces of my life have started to come together. I've been on HRT for about nine months. I love informed consent and I love HRT; I love my wife and our relationship has never been better. I've never had such clear senses of purpose and direction in my social and cultural actions. I love the trans friends I'm making along the way.
After a lifetime of feeling like lady-eyes haplessly stuck on a masculine body, I too see myself emerge through my transition. It's a beautiful thing and I am so happy for you that this is something you get to experience.
The jokers who wish to dismiss us as perverted trend-chasers are soooooo wrong that they're deeply amusing as individuals (yet frightening when they find like-minded folks that reflect their own ignorance to them).
I really liked hearing your story. I thought the ending was absolutely wonderful in nailing it - we're just doing what we need to do in order to have a life we can embrace. If other people are so privileged that they cannot find the common ground of humanity to treat us with respect then it only illustrates the way that privilege is also its own impoverishment.
🏳⚧