It’s like your the gym sauna , bath house , park gay and it’s all about the physical until you slow down or sober up and realize your are alone ….. everyone will touch the freak in thr dark , but won’t walk down the street with thr same person …. Sometime one has to choose ..!!!!!
This is so true. I brought a dude home from a bath house once while living in ATL. During the night of some serious sex I asked him when did he realize he was attracted to men? He said he currently had a girlfriend 😮 Then in attempt to be discreet he walked across the street away from me while I was trying to walk him to the train station. Both of us are masculine. So I was shocked.
There are NO guarantees. A damn shame grown men can’t state who has been making them happy/currently makes them happy. We would all do this for a “friend” but funny why not on who u shoving or getting shoved by is beyond me. Thank u Jai for keeping it 100% n steering to the topics at hand
I don’t understand why in today’s time we still think having a ring validates a relationship and makes it less likely to break up. It’s just simply not true.
@@prekcopi don’t understand the second half of your comment, but for the first: A relationship does not magically morph and change into something more valuable just because of a ring. So if it’s valuable enough to transition it into a marriage then it was valuable before the marriage. He says a relationship is not something he shares out in the open until it produces a ring. To me that says the relationship is not valuable to him if it’s not a marriage. But how do you get to a marriage without recognizing the value already present? So for this reason a ring does not validate an existing relationship. It’s just not true. It accentuates it but it does not make it more or less valid to be propped up. And marriage doesn’t make that relationship so ironclad that it can’t end. The same way an unmarried relationship would.
The ring doesn't...but the documents that support the life y'all build or can build together is the important part. Adopting, death, medical, benefits, credit, homeownership etc.....its very important...marriage should be treated as a business but with the care and respect each person has for the other. Hope this helps
@@ReddoubleD Yes but all of these things can be arranged without a marriage for the most part - except adoption and medical in certain jurisdictions. And besides that, a relationship does not have to have a marriage to be valid for the two people in it. My take on these types of discussions is 'live and let live." What works for one doesn't work for the other and what's right for one isn't right for the other - and I'm a married man saying this - but I have many single friends and cohabitating couple friends who are very content in their arrangements, and I would never look at them and tell them my relationship is validated more than theirs just because I went to the courthouse with my husband.
@@JayTWrites and I agree with you. And I wouldn't say they are more valid. I do say you're not entitled to certain things. And marriage isn't the only way . Find what works.
This is an amazing conversation & great episode !! While I definitely must say Sex isn’t the end all be all in relationships but I feel like it definitely keeps the relationship going. Sex/Intimacy is important & I’m a firm believer in what you won’t do with your partner or if he isn’t getting his needs met he’ll gladly/happily go somewhere else & get his needs fulfilled. Also Open Communication really helps & goes a long way.
Anyone can be with anyone as long as what’s desired is made clear & both parties are clear on what they like. I think we focus a little too much on Top and Bottom in our community when most claim one position & feel they have to stick to what they think they should be doing per that title & explore all other things outside of it in the dark. Be honest about what you want & it’ll fall in line with connecting with the right person.
Yeah, I don’t think most people think like the host. But I do think most gay men, to their detriment, put too much emphasis on sex, which then kills relationships.
The sex frequency will dwindle after the first two years of dating, especially if you’re the bottom that works a full time job, cooking the majority of the meals, taking care of your man, and then have to prep for sex everyday. That will eventually play hard on the bottoms mental and physical stability especially when the top wants it all the time because now the bottom will feel as if they have to give it everyday or almost everyday because they may feel like their partner may cheat. I also DON’T BELIEVE in open relationships because that’s not a thing. You are either committed to one person or not. Why be in an open relationship???? Just be single and mess with whoever you want
Yes, let’s make it clear that there is an issue with toxic masculinity when it comes to not trying certain things because we have way too many messages in this society telling us ONLY Black people are that messed up. You can find many of the same prohibitions with some Latin groups, Muslim Arab groups, etc..
So if you think the top of an orgasm or while you’re high out your mind, is your moment of clarity ….. you need some heal and soul searching real bad ..!!
@@dearblackgaymenQuestion : 😢 How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck and him dance stroking him We've been together a year and a half off and on
Sexual Compatibility? I've been a bottom in all my relationships, although I'm Verse or I guess I can claim it. If I'm not in a relationship I'm Verse-and for some reason I cant see myself being in a relationship with a bottom. I been through my top phase as well but It didn't seem to fit who I am. Im wondering why the exes and my current boyfriend want to TOP me only. My current relationship we both verse, we been together a year and a half and yet again I've been the bottom 96% of the time. I can't see why it's like that. Do you?
Maybe you’re simply gifted with the 🍑. You could just have an absolutely amazing backside. I don’t know cuz I’ve never met you, but if everybody you’ve dated wants to be inside you, then you must be cozy. The better question is are you fulfilled?
@@dearblackgaymen I mean I am fulfilled. I do like topping here and there and I did have my ERA>but it just turned back to me being VERSE-or Bottom. The other thing which I heard from the men who TOP me is that they said I just LAY there and don't show no energy or for my current BF is that I act like I dont have a man when I'm in HEAT during sex,, like I dont ENOY IT! That did hurt my feelings honestly. My name is Shaka by the way OH and I've been watching your channel for a little awhile now. I love the Monique drip lol.
😢😮 question: How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck
@@shakawalker9921 so, first things first: your feelings matter, period. If you felt something, and you matter to this person, then your feelings will matter to him as well. Second, if something is truly yours (absolutely and truly), it cannot be taken. Because if somebody CAN take it, it’s theirs to begin with.
@@dearblackgaymen I feel like he's manipulating me. Now he says he apologize and then he said he wants too cut the day short BECAUSE I have an attitude and negative vibe. But when he doesn't speak too me I don't be wanting too cut anything off.
@@dearblackgaymen @saysotv23 2nd he has some homeless guy staying with him in another room. The gag is I've been homeless for years in los angeles and I had too retreat to live with moms. 3rd he won't let me stay with him. He didn't feel me in on a story about why..but he said it was a friend of a friend or something like that for the homeless guy.I haven't met him yet. He's coming back soon today. Bru all this is too much and depressing me. I can't even eat since yesterday. I can't even finish my plate.
I'm absolutely loving Dr. Jonathan Lassiter! This episode has been incredibly enlightening, and I've learned so much from it.
It’s like your the gym sauna , bath house , park gay and it’s all about the physical until you slow down or sober up and realize your are alone ….. everyone will touch the freak in thr dark , but won’t walk down the street with thr same person …. Sometime one has to choose ..!!!!!
This is so true. I brought a dude home from a bath house once while living in ATL. During the night of some serious sex I asked him when did he realize he was attracted to men? He said he currently had a girlfriend 😮 Then in attempt to be discreet he walked across the street away from me while I was trying to walk him to the train station. Both of us are masculine. So I was shocked.
This is why I say I'm not people's dating type. They definitely don't have a problem fxcking me. 🤷🏿♂️
There are NO guarantees. A damn shame grown men can’t state who has been making them happy/currently makes them happy. We would all do this for a “friend” but funny why not on who u shoving or getting shoved by is beyond me. Thank u Jai for keeping it 100% n steering to the topics at hand
I don’t understand why in today’s time we still think having a ring validates a relationship and makes it less likely to break up. It’s just simply not true.
What about it’s not true for you , but others think that way Ana have experienced the correlation between the two …??
@@prekcopi don’t understand the second half of your comment, but for the first: A relationship does not magically morph and change into something more valuable just because of a ring. So if it’s valuable enough to transition it into a marriage then it was valuable before the marriage. He says a relationship is not something he shares out in the open until it produces a ring. To me that says the relationship is not valuable to him if it’s not a marriage. But how do you get to a marriage without recognizing the value already present? So for this reason a ring does not validate an existing relationship. It’s just not true. It accentuates it but it does not make it more or less valid to be propped up. And marriage doesn’t make that relationship so ironclad that it can’t end. The same way an unmarried relationship would.
The ring doesn't...but the documents that support the life y'all build or can build together is the important part. Adopting, death, medical, benefits, credit, homeownership etc.....its very important...marriage should be treated as a business but with the care and respect each person has for the other. Hope this helps
@@ReddoubleD Yes but all of these things can be arranged without a marriage for the most part - except adoption and medical in certain jurisdictions. And besides that, a relationship does not have to have a marriage to be valid for the two people in it. My take on these types of discussions is 'live and let live." What works for one doesn't work for the other and what's right for one isn't right for the other - and I'm a married man saying this - but I have many single friends and cohabitating couple friends who are very content in their arrangements, and I would never look at them and tell them my relationship is validated more than theirs just because I went to the courthouse with my husband.
@@JayTWrites and I agree with you. And I wouldn't say they are more valid. I do say you're not entitled to certain things. And marriage isn't the only way . Find what works.
This is an amazing conversation & great episode !! While I definitely must say Sex isn’t the end all be all in relationships but I feel like it definitely keeps the relationship going. Sex/Intimacy is important & I’m a firm believer in what you won’t do with your partner or if he isn’t getting his needs met he’ll gladly/happily go somewhere else & get his needs fulfilled. Also Open Communication really helps & goes a long way.
What an excellent conversation with the Doc!! Thanks for this. I think every gay/queer Black man should watch this episode ❤
This is a great episode! Had this conversation with my therapist not too long ago!
Anyone can be with anyone as long as what’s desired is made clear & both parties are clear on what they like. I think we focus a little too much on Top and Bottom in our community when most claim one position & feel they have to stick to what they think they should be doing per that title & explore all other things outside of it in the dark. Be honest about what you want & it’ll fall in line with connecting with the right person.
Yeah, I don’t think most people think like the host. But I do think most gay men, to their detriment, put too much emphasis on sex, which then kills relationships.
The sex frequency will dwindle after the first two years of dating, especially if you’re the bottom that works a full time job, cooking the majority of the meals, taking care of your man, and then have to prep for sex everyday. That will eventually play hard on the bottoms mental and physical stability especially when the top wants it all the time because now the bottom will feel as if they have to give it everyday or almost everyday because they may feel like their partner may cheat.
I also DON’T BELIEVE in open relationships because that’s not a thing. You are either committed to one person or not. Why be in an open relationship???? Just be single and mess with whoever you want
Yes, let’s make it clear that there is an issue with toxic masculinity when it comes to not trying certain things because we have way too many messages in this society telling us ONLY Black people are that messed up. You can find many of the same prohibitions with some Latin groups, Muslim Arab groups, etc..
It’s unnatural and should be prohibited/unlawful/illegal.
@@lynnz-rj2dl gay animals literally proves homosexuality IS natural. You're just talking out of your imagination.
So if you think the top of an orgasm or while you’re high out your mind, is your moment of clarity ….. you need some heal and soul searching real bad ..!!
I think of kinky boots the movie as you guys discuss masculinity
You need to know the difference between ejaculation and orgasm
What happen to you on Apple podcast, the app?
What do you mean?
@@dearblackgaymenQuestion : 😢
How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck and him dance stroking him
We've been together a year and a half off and on
Sexual Compatibility? I've been a bottom in all my relationships, although I'm Verse or I guess I can claim it. If I'm not in a relationship I'm Verse-and for some reason I cant see myself being in a relationship with a bottom. I been through my top phase as well but It didn't seem to fit who I am. Im wondering why the exes and my current boyfriend want to TOP me only. My current relationship we both verse, we been together a year and a half and yet again I've been the bottom 96% of the time. I can't see why it's like that. Do you?
Maybe you’re simply gifted with the 🍑. You could just have an absolutely amazing backside. I don’t know cuz I’ve never met you, but if everybody you’ve dated wants to be inside you, then you must be cozy.
The better question is are you fulfilled?
@@dearblackgaymen I mean I am fulfilled. I do like topping here and there and I did have my ERA>but it just turned back to me being VERSE-or Bottom. The other thing which I heard from the men who TOP me is that they said I just LAY there and don't show no energy or for my current BF is that I act like I dont have a man when I'm in HEAT during sex,, like I dont ENOY IT!
That did hurt my feelings honestly.
My name is Shaka by the way OH and I've been watching your channel for a little awhile now. I love the Monique drip lol.
@@dearblackgaymen or because it’s an unclean spirit seeking refuge.
@Jai …. You should change your name , gentlemen does not describe you at all …!
Oop. The obsession with sex is wild. What happens when that fades out as you age (it will) What will you have after that? ED and overly loose rectum
21:27 Do it then LOL
😢😮 question: How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck
What was your immediate gut reaction?
@@dearblackgaymen like someone was taking something thats mine
@@shakawalker9921 so, first things first: your feelings matter, period. If you felt something, and you matter to this person, then your feelings will matter to him as well.
Second, if something is truly yours (absolutely and truly), it cannot be taken. Because if somebody CAN take it, it’s theirs to begin with.
@@dearblackgaymen I feel like he's manipulating me. Now he says he apologize and then he said he wants too cut the day short BECAUSE I have an attitude and negative vibe. But when he doesn't speak too me I don't be wanting too cut anything off.
@@dearblackgaymen @saysotv23 2nd he has some homeless guy staying with him in another room. The gag is I've been homeless for years in los angeles and I had too retreat to live with moms. 3rd he won't let me stay with him. He didn't feel me in on a story about why..but he said it was a friend of a friend or something like that for the homeless guy.I haven't met him yet. He's coming back soon today. Bru all this is too much and depressing me. I can't even eat since yesterday. I can't even finish my plate.
Please dial it back with the odd topics.... please cover up as not to turn off potential viewers....no need try spoil hard.
Whew chyle, I’m sorry but OR podcast is tired. Be prepared for questions as guests. Cringe. Tighten up.