“My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me” | Dr. Renu Kishore x Bonobology
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
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Imagine this. You’ve just gotten married and you realize that your husband prioritizes his family over you. It’s a tough situation to be in but remember that there is always a way out.
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A great relationship advice is to give each other space. If you feel that your husband is too attached to this family, talk it out with him. There is no merit in feeling bad about sitting with your feelings and not doing anything about them. There is a big chance that you both are facing a severe case of miscommunication.
Toxic family members are prevalent everywhere. Knowing how to deal with them without letting it affect the relationship you two share is maturity. Marriage advice that really works wonders is to learn to compartmentalize your relationship better. No matter how hectic your day looks like, make it an unchangeable habit to prioritize time with your partner.
If you’re looking for ways on how to heal a relationship, keep watching ahead. Bonobology is a relationship platform. We offer counseling services by our certified experts. If you’re going through this, feel free to book a session with us. We’re rooting for you and your happy, imperfect love.
Get your husband to stop taking you for granted with the help of our cousellor. Find out more: www.bonobology.com/online-therapy/
The problem is not husband giving priority to his family.. the problem is their too much interference in every matter of husband and wife and supportive their son.
Problem is the wife' s mom who always manipulated her on phone and works as poison in married life breaking er husband's family
Omg you are absolutely right
@@AneeshMishra-pc4vpwell statistics show major divorce are because of husband family
Yes same problem
@@AneeshMishra-pc4vpsame thing done by his parents too
Please do not marry a girl if you are already married to your mother.
That line 🔥
You see money with them and you will run after those boys who were already married to their mother by birth.
True
@@smita4631👍🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍
And really really dont marry a girl if u already married your father and also a great servant
Marry a man who loves and respects his family but never marry a "MUMMAS BOY" I'm married to a MUMMAS BOY and I know wht I go through everyday 😔
You might be Daddys princess
@@Zombielovesicecream I wish I was but probably it's my bad luck that I lost my dad whn I was just 11 yrs old... I so crave for my dad's love
And now I crave for my husband's love
Same here
Same here dear i just see why ur caste guys r total mummas boy
Same here ...living in a hell
The thinking of the entire family is that they are having a servent free of cost as she is getting food and shelter.
It’s always the mom’s fault. She should teach her son to put his wife first, the same way her husband should do to her.
As a son, i will always put my family first.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 Don't get married.
@@hemangshrivastava9561Just don't get married please... Spare a woman's life . Let her find someone who values her. She is also a daughter brought up with the same love and affection that you got from your family
@@greeshmapillai4048 Those females who value & care for their family should also not get married to spare man's life.
Being wife doesn't mean she is above or superior than mother in law.
If wife cared for husband then she would not led husband to leaves his parents in first place. Wife can leave in your bad time but parents will never leave you. I have very much clear my priorities in life. Please get your husband to live in your house for 2 years, when he will fights with your mother in your house so then give this lecture.
@@hemangshrivastava9561such a shame 😂😂😂😂
The wife you brought to your house to take care of your parents, children and relation.
She left her house and chose you & your parents.
And you’re saying that you will choose your family rather than her?
Shameeeeeeeee bro shameeee
Such guys should live with his parents. Not to choose marriage. Adjustments should come from both sides not always from wife.
I am genuinely sorry if you are going through this yourself but that’s not entirely true.
Most men don’t choose marriage, they ask for the woman’s hand in marriage, making it the woman’s burden to know who she’s marrying before she says ‘yes’.
Amongst all the social hierarchies I’ve had exposure to, in every country, Dr.Kishore’s advice is correct.
Yes very true
It’s not about totally avoiding parents but in every aspect getting family is not good sometimes there are times wer only both shud b the priority
After marriage wife adjust with husband and husband family... Then husband also look and give love to wife .. but now a days many women want there family and only husband..but they don't want husband's family... This is not good . And every body says wife doing everything, truth is after marriage all men's are sacrificing the happiness coz of wife , wife is always doing fighting with all.
@@srinivasrocks........7571 you are 100% correct. Women today are too selfish and materialistic. I divorced my wife, she created so many problems for me, our son, my family and even her own family. She even had extra marital affair. Most.of them are like this today, full of big ego. Best to not get married at all.
A wife is supposed to leave her parents as she has married a man but a man can continue to be with his parents ..... why this discrimination .... in today's era..... when both are earning. If a women is supposed to prioritize her married life over parents a man should be asked to do the same. A woman cannot be made the scape goat always.... no double standards.... have some shame
Its women fault to leave their poor mother father. As a son his first priority should be his mother father. Same for women also. Those who leave parents for wife are careless and worst human being.
When both husband and wife are earning good n husband ask wife go along with his family. Constantly reminding wife that he loves his family more than anyone including wife and wife can not see her parents or can not spend her earned money on them as she is married n her parents doesn't have any right on her post wedding. How to go along with this type of man??
Han toh shadi mat karo......
@@hemangshrivastava9561 100% True
Ghrjamai le aao fr!! Shadi ke baad ladki vida hoke aati hai ladka vida nhi hota
No.. Wife should be priority after marriage. Definitely give attention to parents but not as same as wife. And parents should stay away from Son‘s marriage. If they can't then keep son for youraelf, don't get married. Ladies, stop being ’pick me‘ chicks and fight for your rights. Don't hesitate to leave Momma's boys.
😢😢😢😢😢
Any women don’t approve will regret and setting themselves up for being used as doormats.
What if it was your Mother and your Brothers wife want to get seperated and live in different house?
Is it Right Or Wrong?
@@basanthembrom7762 yes..they have their own life. My parents won’t be bugging them out of selfishness. And my in laws never done that either.
@@Cat-es9rq
Actually Parents are Like God for Son or Daughter I don't think anyone should have more value than Parents.
Nowdays people's want privacy and enjoy their Life alone because old people's are burden.
Even after marriage peopels are ready to go on vacation with their collegues but not with old family members. Who gave their whole life without enjoying or having Privacy.
But there are also people's who don't care of Privacy Or anything else above their Parents.
Even Having Million wives Love is not near to a parents.
If you are married to anyone who is more inclined towards you than it is good or find someone with those qualities.
But after getting married no one has the Right to make his mom secondary for her son.
I want a similar video for husbands. Always wife has to be the understanding one. Even when she is already alone and traumatised in a new house.
So you want your family first for you but not for him.
@@KadershaN-ou2sj haha that’s your assumption not mine. Would love you to quote where I said that.
I agree. Yes the wife should try to be understanding but she can be as understanding as she wants, if the husband still continues to be like this and doesn't help her, doesn't make an extra effort for her because he knows that for her her whole life changed and she needs to have someone who makes her feel welcome and appreciated, then it's not gonna work. Both of them have to fight together. Feeling left out when you life with another family, feeling like you are for your husband only something for freetime, then that's too much to carry on your shoulders.
If you show love and respect for his parents . I can’t imagine he not be doing same with your parents but you need to start first as you are moving in to their home . If after you showing love and affection he is not doing same then there is problem with him.
@@shre7891 After marriage a woman's world is her husband and children a family loving woman will be love to live like that. That's what we get married for to having family life where woman do her duties and man do his duties for woman her husband comes first then her parents. The sacrifices and give up woman have to do for herself. Why you get traumatized? You have your husband for yourself and you love him. It's women's nature and role to be a caring towards her husband and children. Women who is sincere in her marriage life will take this advice and implement.
If your husband does like that, then you also choose your family and leave him for a few years lets c If he changes, otherwise divorce him and live independently happy
Best 🔥
When your family is also that much cultural that they don't want a divorcee daughter
@@whatsappstatus9295 stay alone
Ok divorce him and if you are so capable then go to court and sign divorce papers but don't take half of his property and his hard earned money and live freely
If you are not earning then you simply married him for money and if you want to leave him because you don't want to live with his parents..... Leave him without taking his property, money alimony etc live on your own.
This video is asking the girl to understand and adjust in a way and not really providing any relationship advice except seeking help of things don't work out. You need to understand that most girls would be calm and understanding in the beginning and not resort to nagging or negatively expressing her feelings. What one needs to know is how to deal with that kind of neglect from the husband's family and how to deal with being sidelined. How should a girl manage to create her acceptance in the family? And most importantly, what are the responsibilities of the husband and his family towards her?
Its always girls needs to understand, manage and sacrifice. Because she is the outsider na.. if she will not manage she has no where to go. And thats why these kind of advices given by everyone. She can’t even take stand for herself . The day she opens her mouth against the disrespect, she became bad DIL and a bad wife as well.
All the advice is so bad
Precisely why ill never marry anyone.
F#ck all that bs.
I'd rather stay at home and do myself right..
No one cares about your well-being but you. DIL role is nothing but bullsh#t. You're worth more than a doormat honey.
Ditch that sh#t asap!
@@binitakumari7434 If a woman priorities her husband over her parents and she is really loving and affectionate towards her husband then of course that women will forgive and adjust and sacrifice her side because she loves him so much.
@@binitakumari7434ur words r 100% true. I used to shut ma mouth watever happens until then I was gud wife and dil. I have started talking now I'm devil very bad charactered person
It’s just 9 months for my marriage …facing the same problem. They are like a big gang just keep plotting against me all the time.. 😢 ..I agree that parents are our elders and we must respect them . But what if it’s they are only stupid and immature, yes elders also are Immature and misguide , get jealous. I’m such case I do feel that start taking care of yourself and stand up for yourself whatever the results might be
Leave him.
I was once in your position dead and gave up my life three times and still they were inconsiderate. Before its too late if you have little self worth in your life get out of this conditioning and start and live for yourself once and for all!!! I did same and I am surviving growing up my daughter alone and damn proud of it. Duniya gai bhad meh!!
@@hopeshavewings wow I really appreciate you. Bravo
@@hopeshavewings super
I do agree with you
Elders r sometimes jealous and act immature
negative vote for this reason:
adaptation goes both ways. my husband made me pay everything alone, invited his family to come live with us, they started scapegoating me and he became more and more abusive.
Ohhhh....ABSOLUTELY NOT. They'll all need to learn at that point and indeed adjust AND adapt as well because as I see it, if I have to be the one paying for EVERYTHING (?), then I'm the one holding the cards and have the most say. They can feel and say as they like whether they agree to it or not. If I'm put in a position to "wear the pants" they'll have no choice but to live by MY rules...to hell with the husband. His abuse is his way of trying to relinquish some kind of control or show his authority/manhood. But... you can't live without my income so...
Exactly. Partner tried to do the same to me.
Hell no. I’m not enabling his entire family when they don’t want to help themselves.
They just be insane. What the hell do I get out of the marriage except to be an abused cash cow who can’t even be comfortable in her own home.
Never will I sign myself up for such a life of hell.
When family involves tragedy between married couple starts
Nowadays men are become dependent on women. They forget they are men.. Women are hardworking and better off.than them . I get no time or help from my husband inspite of being financially independant and supportive of his debts earlier. His unmarried 50 year old sister is his main concern.
Makes no difference if I talk calmly. I'm just ignored and always asked 'what is your problem'. I explain the same thing every single time, and then I'm degraded and insulted... Again, always the same
It's my story, sister... I can totally relate with you...
@@PRIYANKASHARMA-wm3lp thank you Priyanka ♥️ praying for you 🙏
@@martidiamond7109 thankyou sis... Feeling scared and alone at the moment... Otherwise I am a fighter... But l am really tired now...
Me too the same...
Same here from last 3 years.. he always said same old story.... Just want me to change my lifestyle work , city, hobbies, dressing, way of talk behaviour thinking even compares with other woman's always. I should accept whatever he n his family wants.. but he can't take stand for me or support me when I need him. Even took phychologist help. He blamed me I took him to phychologist to make him mad.. every time when m fed up I came back to my parents house n stay away from him n everytime he took me with fake promises n after we reached his home problem is same again...now what to do..? Not even giving divorce..even I also love him but can't bear this anymore.. I feel like I lost myself with him..
My husband has no responsibility towards me as I m an independent women. There is absolutely nothing that he does for me. But his pathetic insecure mother ensures that she creates so much drama that my husband cannot spare even a moment of love and gives attention to his attention hungry mother. I feel sorry and sad about my husband. He cannot enjoy even one moment of peace with his legal wife .
Get out of the relationship.She sounds like a narcissist.
Same here
Exactly my situation.
Same condition with me ..
Same with me if someone found solution please tell me
I think the mediator solution may be husband can buy or rent a house that might nearby from his place where his parents are living to avoid conflicts. So they can make a rule that once in a month wife and husband can visit parents house and also husband’s In-laws. This will keep husband and wife happy 😊😊
I my case, his parents are allowing but he still doesn't want to move out of his home with me. He doesn't see any worth in it.
If parents are old or have health issues then real problem starts . Once a month only works when they are healthy.
My husband slapped me for her mother after she abused me for resting due to 3 month pregnancy. I never told him to give me priorty I just told him to treat me equally. But his anger is on another level he always said everything is done by her mother and I do nothing . When I got pregnent I told him now I will have someone who will me mine and really care for me. But they just tortured me mentally and physically. I just left him because these things never change .
As son his fist priority should be mother/father. no other people. Period.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 so its ok to beat wife for a mother?
@@hemangshrivastava9561yes sistors of such men should be treated the same way by their husbands as they treat their wives then we will see the reactions 😝
So u divorced him or not?
U did the right thing
Women starts adjusting even before their marriage,they turn guests in the house they were born.
Isn't this a attachment?
The guy literally gets to live with his parents and siblings,he should be more caring, understanding and polite towards his wife who left her house and parents just to live with her husband.
Although she sacrificed,she didn't ask to husband to sacrifice as well.
All a woman asks for is attention,love,care from her husband.
It's a wife who is going to be beside a man for lifetime,it willn't be the parents.
They should prioritise accordingly.
Also wife in our culture is referred to as ardhangini.
So a ardhangini should be always given much priority over one's parents accordingly.
There are faults of women too in many cases.
But in most cases, it's the fault of man .
The main problem is that a man doesn't think of wife as primary family but a wife does. A wife's world is her husband. But a husband’s world is his parents and siblings , wife is like a relative.
And if a husband tries to do anything for wife,he is not ideal in front of wife.
Another wild thing is that it is completely okay and acceptable if mother in law is disrespecting wife everyday. But if a wife complaints about the Mil's disrespect ,that is disrespectful.
Yes...so true
I m going through this and depressed 😢and also I am in my high risk pregnancy he knows that stress is very harmful for me and my developing baby.....yet he makes me cry every single time...I don't know what to do...I have suicidal thoughts but all alone no body is there for me....even I can't share with my parents because he is good in others view but with me he only get angry....and always make me villain....and yeah his family is the main problem but who cares😢
@@shantabanjade8847sounds like you and I living same life
Adjusting and understanding, being calm, waiting for change.. all these words are only for a girl.. 😅 how ridiculous.. Even if husband wants to care for me, be with me, support me in my daily activities, take me out, he is always a step aback because his parents feel insecure that he has turned towards wife 🙄.
So, accept it or not, when living with in-laws one or the other problems definitely come. May it be freedom issues, privacy, money, mamas boy , restrictions with clothes , working or parents. I suggest that, we girls take a long time to chose a dress , but we don’t take time to analyse if a boy or fiancée’s family suits your thoughts. Also, we don’t understand what we want from marriage. If you want to live in a joint family then chose such. If you dream to be independent and no nagging then chose a boy who is living far from his parents. You discuss with the boy whether will he let you do your important things in your life as they are or he wants to change. Never ever ignore the hints and marry whether it’s love or arranged marriage. It’s not about neglecting his parents or yours parents, you do take care of them. But it’s about making life supportive to let you be how you want to be in future. That’s all.
First of all we girls are emotional and husband blames wife for being stingy and nagging crying for everything. Add to that, living in a negative environment affects our mental health very much. Be smart and chose a correct life partner.
Very well explained. Currently facing similar issues and red flags in my life.
My marriage is fixed but my husband wants me to understand and adjust and says be flexible for remote work also even when I specifically wants to go to office and work.
He says me ziddi, bcoz of choosing work for office over Remote.
He also buyed joint property with his siblings.
@@BhiwoIsFeelings did you talk about these things before marriage
If you are seeing red flags please don’t go ahead. From my experience I am telling you husband like this never change. Life is too short to waste on such loosers.
I m facing the same..I got married and now I m repenting like anything..they don't change. They don't love you. Leave him now. Otherwise it is v difficult post marriage
Such guys marry for one reason and one reason alone. They want a free maid who will take care of him and his parents when they are old. Better stay single girls!!!!
And free sex too
What I hate about these videos is that they tell you there is no solution to your problems just shut your mouth and accept whatever wrong situation you're living.
You have a narcissist person in your entourage ? Do nothing just try to avoid upsetting them even more and don't seek revenge.
Your husband takes his family's opinions on life changing matters for your kids and family ? Just accept that understand his social condition and don't blame him.
What the hell is that ??? Why do we have to shut up l, be submissive and just accept ???
Its not about submissive.Its about respecting and priotising parents over anything, which everyone should do.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 who's talking about parents here ?
Whats more sad?... this toxic advice is from an Indian Psycologist 😅
@@hemangshrivastava9561Lets start by living with the girls parents then shall we?
You are a joke@@hemangshrivastava9561
1 year after marriage, my husband cannot afford to go on honeymoon but can afford his extended family to come to spend time with us, takes care of them financially so much so they don't spend a penny. Takes care of their short detour around the city. And still these so called family talks bullshit behind his back, but they talk so highly of him in front of him , give him that much needed ego boost, so he ignores his non fussy wife who don't know how to sugarcoat her words. People will advice speak to your husband in calm manner, I did I got nothing except I am jealous of his family bond.
PS both my in laws are dead. And my 2 sister in laws are married but keeps their nose in other people businesses including ours.
Omg I totally understand they are vultures just looking for anything he has to offer and it affects your relationship
Yep, same here. Always moaned about spending money on us (nothing special, just a chain restaurant meal every 2-3 weeks!) even though I’m financially independent and took care of my own bills. Also, I paid half towards saving for our future and holidays. But he got the honeymoon as my parents paid for the wedding. Was such a big deal. Yet he will give his parents money for bills and dates when they’re both working and healthy. And he’ll pay happily for his brother’s wedding bills, family funerals etc. Usually he’s the only one doing it. We’re divorcing. His parents are thrilled, they get to keep their golden hen.
@@MK.19. I totally feel you, I still can’t comprehend why people like my husband expects me to support his sisters families because their own husbands are jobless from past 20 years and they don’t want to work bcz they r habitual of living on meagre allowance and my husband pocket money. They do not have any major health issues and are in late 40’s. I on the other hand is working 11 hrs daily plus taking care of my household expenses equally and sometimes paying full for the sake of saving an argument that I am well off and his family is not. Whenever I try to talk to him about setting boundaries on expenses that are not ours he gets upset but will not change. My honeymoon is still pending but his sisters family function expenditure were compensated. They seem to enjoy life more than us.
@@apoorvagupta742 sorry u are going through a similar thing. It’s so sad because we both love each other but he won’t ever admit anyone in his family are wrong or causing problems between us. Instead, he would rather find flaws in us and HE’S still the one choosing to divorce. Really hurts that the husband discards u rather than put his foot down and tell his family to accept us as a pair or he will take a step back.
You all are correct but you know 1 thing that when 1 girl comes to the family she is not only have relationship with husband but with every member so when because of the quarrel; they take divorce as the only mean to accept the challenges so other members get affected horribly too. My sister in law has the same issue I tried so hard to calm her down that it’s very difficult to change 1 person the way he’s been 25+ years so I did everything to help her but she got stuck I always felt her like my own sister and now she’s leaving us. And we cannot do anything she’s only Upto 1 thing either leave your parents or take divorce! I wish you guys learnt something from my experience because of this decision i feel very lonely and hurt; I never thought that my sister would ever leave me.
Whatever you are saying is right but i have done it all .... Nothing works .. if husband have the right to spend time with his parents then why there is a strict restriction on wife meeting her own parents ... Instead of understanding they try to control on how i have to breath too ?? What should we do in such cases
Exactly.. same problem with me too.. in my 3yrs marriage he didn't even invite my parents of family for once at his home.. bt when I wanted to visit my home he n his parents tell me this is not good thing. After marriage girls should forget about her home n family, in their culture n social girl visit once in 2 3 months or year. In their culture n society daughter in law's don't go outside, don't work, don't dress western clothes, don't use social media, don't talk about their abusive fight or even man can brings other wife.. if man can live his life why can't woman...?
@@fusiondots7199 exactly the only way to get out of this Is... Take your stand and fight against all this .. do what u like ...forget that u can ever make them happy
Same for me. I am heart-broken
Men are assholes that's why
Act as if you are running according to your husband... But do whatever u feel like to do... Make sure to show that u are toh completely under ur husband....
And the funny fact is :my husbund asked me to live with his parents even when he is abroad
so where are u now
Thats what happening to me now..if he got holidays one day , he will take us to his own village for more than traveling in bike..he want my daughter to take leave for a week and spend time with them but myself need to take laptop and work there itself ...I have a restless life , very depressed on such behaviour ...his mother speaks badly , acting infront of her husband that I am not doing anything
What do you expect him to do then? To make you stay in the neighbours house...
@@sivarajasekaran4932
She is not your daughter firstly... The daughter belongs to both of you..
Actually this is a family problem. When a wife doesnt get affection from her husband for example she is expected to do all the housechores, take care of the children and her in laws..she turns to her son for affection. So the son becomes substitute for her husband, gets all the attention and love that she suppose to get from her husband. And the vicious cycle continue when this men marry a women and gets a son.. that women will do the same. So all the fathers out there, be an adult and show your son how to be a human and all the mothers, dont be a a** to your daughter in law.
Terrible advice given by this lady to the wife. Indian parents need to understand that their son is now an adult and should completely stop interfering in his life once he is married. Sadly in most cases the husband never protects or stands up for his wife in the family,
As as son my priority will always my parents. If have problem the she should accept husband to live in her house for 2 years then lecture this bullshit.
@@hemangshrivastava9561A woman who will marry you will be the unluckiest woman. Never ever spoil a woman's life.
@@raginitiwari8833he will love to spoil a woman's life
Where did you really see?
@@raginitiwari8833
What are you doing then? You can spoil a man's life?
Ur advice is bulls hit, if husband has already chosen his parents, he just fullfilling his role as a son,, he has already resigned as a husband.
Same women will be jealous when her son priortizes her wife instaed of his family
@@xylo5063 I dont think you know Indians very well
Be understanding, kind and calm. It is HER family and HER FAMILY which is her parents and her siblings have also a lot of love to share. Just keep calm and endure their ignorance towards you.
Psycology aunty should say this to men and she will receive the things she never asked for.
Mumma's boys should not go into marriage if the person cannot give rights to the girl he marry he shouldn't ruin someone's life..... my husband has abandoned me just because of his mother and sister
I was living with husband and his parents after my marriage... In my case I need to get approval..even one day before..just to go somewhere or my house... My in laws are the one who decide everything... My husband had no role... Evn if he is okay with any of my need, they will say that it's unnecessary... They he will just node his head... This was the situation I was in for the last 2 yrs... They will question me, harass me , shout at me .but my husband will remain completely silent bcz he was scared that if he says something they may think that after marriage he has changed a lot.. he is obeying his wife's orders.. so he remained obedient... Mental harassment reached its peak and I left for my home with my baby...
Good decision sister..stay strong...
Good decision ❤
My bf is same what should I do should I leave him
Yes
@@hritikatiwari3970 dnt think too much .. just escape...
None of these are effective.. even if you give them all the freedom they need then also they will fall on one side only. what's disappointing is the video starts with patriarchal society and ends giving same advice 🙄
she is part of the same society, probably a mother in law too, teaching women yet again how they are supposed to be at husband's house.
Problem is cat fight between two women, not patriarchy
Yes exactly such guys who choose and give more priority to his family shoulnot marry. They are basically destroying the girl life because she has also left her parents if the guy cannot take care of the wife then he needed to marry
You are a baby to take care ,y U bitches behave like you don't have any responsibility ,first go outside and earn and see
His family ? Y his family is not your family ? Before marriage you and you and your family check about his ancestors Property you want his ancestors Property but you don't even think his family is now your family ,begger shame on U ,
Or else do one thing kick out your parents from your house and than U bring your husband from his parents to your house then there is no problem now ,you go earn let your husband look houseold chores ,take care of him ,than he will leave his parents
Women ☕☕
What do mean by he can't take care?? What's your role than after marriage to put blames on husband ?
What about us?? We left our home, parents ,family and shifted his house?
Auntie will never talk about this. She herself is MIL😁 and God knows how is her DIL.
Sometimes I feel it's true that girls don't have a "real home"
If a man can't change himself loving this way to his parents,then why he can imagine that a women can
Please do hit a dislike on this video
wo kehte hain na "NAARI HI NAARI KI DUSHMAN HOTI HAI" this lady proved it better today
I chose my partner over my sisters and brother in law ( my parents expired when I was 17) she taunted me Jo apni bheno ka na hua vo Mera kya hoga ...then I thought of building good bonding with the family I had ...I started to visit my sister's house ..I was 27 yrs old ...then my sister taunted me that the only reason I was visiting them for the sake of my partner and to prove her ....I knew that I lacked social skills and I tried to improve and taking their taunt as learning that they might be right ...but things got fkd up and so messed up ......now I know that people who meant to stay they will stay ...yes relation needs daily feeding ...but never feed and water unworthy people ...
I don't even know why I'm watching it while my man never let me down in front of others, even his family.
Unfortunately, such painful behavior has been from my own family. Somebody please suggest me some tips.
What about wife....what if she starts sharing things with her family....why she needs to be calm all the time
It seems many videos are telling the woman to do so much for the husband but the does the husband deserve this if he is abusive and is in willing to talk ?😢
definetly deserve it. why nobody lecture when wife is abusive?
What about girl and her family. If she spents money and time with her family and siblings. Society is very biased.
Indian society
In a patriarchal society....A wife is expected to leave her parent's and family to live with her husband... But if the husband doesn't even spare enough time for his wife who left her family for him and he priorities his family over her.
What an injustice.
My husband is Indian and I really try to underhand his side of the family. My parents treat our daughter like she’s their daughter. They love her so much and show it by the huge amount of time they spend with her. My husbands Indian mother is very distant in my opinion. She only calls about twice a year and never invites us come visit or comes to visit us.
My daughter who is now 4 says she doesn’t like her and wants to hang up the few times she calls. To me it’s a no Brainer. No time spent - no effort = rejection. My husband and family on his side of the family thinks she’s impolite for not wanting to talk to her grandmother anymore.
what ethnicity are you?
Marriage is union of 2 souls, both husband and wife should contribute to make it better and should make self improvement,practice forgiveness,peace of mind instead of holding grudges.Also both husband and wife should take care of in laws from both sides and all in laws should be treated with respect.Gone are those days when daughter in law used to tolerate emotional neglect and harassment of husband and his parents.Pre marriage and post marriage counseling should be opted for such emotional troubles.If all of these steps fail either it is better to cancel the wedding or opt for divorce
My husband celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary with his parents and siblings . Guess I wasn't worth it . Anyway it's hilarious thinking of it now
My husband celebrated my birthday with his parents 😢 that to it was crap . Felt like I never want to celebrate my birthdays
@@meghanasugandachar5851 I feel you...sorry to hear that..🥺
@@meghanasugandachar5851 why are you backbiting your husband??? His life with you in his old age will be terrible for him god grace he take men towards him early...
My husband didn't even care about our 1st anniversary 😢
@@demaaspire Why you're exposing your husband's mistake? Don't you love him?
Exactly true agr aise mummta boy ho toh Saadi krke dusri ki life mt waste krni cahiye admiyo ko
We r not asking to leave their parents. Just iam asking my husband to treat me as a member in his family and his life partner. But hubby will never ever understand. Moms will not stop injecting them. Instead they can inject saying that ur wife is also like a woman like me so u have to understand her and should give her importance too.
This was one-sided advice to where the woman once again is asked to acquiesce to a her husband's family. The intensity of some these cultural, ancestral soul ties are damaging.
She’s brainwashed herself lol I couldn’t continue
She may have a son and daughter in law.
Sons's first prority should be his mother/father.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 Son's priority to his mother and father only when he is not married. But once married, his priority is to his wife. Hindu has wrong teaching, that is why there are so many divorces in India and so many problems with In-laws. The Bible says, a man shall leave his parents and be bonded to his wife. Once a son is grown up, he should cut the apron's string and not still be a mama's boy. A son who always stick to parents cannot grow up and take responsibiities. Once he is married, he is responsible for his wife well-being. He should provide for her, protect her and take good care of her. Husband and wife are one flesh.
Genesis 2:23 And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of man she was taken.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 pls don't marry,ever.
Ma'am I want to come out of this marriage and earn money and take care of my kids... But my dad married me at 19 and I could not complete my btech also.. Both my parents and inlaws don't want me to. Study.. My husband and mil are too much.. There hate comments are unbearable.. I am. Scared to leave this marraigw thinking I am not give better life to them.... I am just totally blank.. Everyday I convince myself that one day my kids will grow and they will fall. Weak... But to wait so long bearing all these seems like impossible..
Its good to give advice but when it comes to reality is very different.
It’s depend on the situation but plz do not trust your own family tht much tht u will destroy your married life I am tellin for both husband and wife .. ,
This video does not give a permanent solution. Wife adjust to every thing in their in-laws house but husband should also do the least for the girls parents like visit them once in a year and once a month check how girls parents are. They take things for granted. How much and how long can a wife understands husband's situation and continue to adjust.
Sorry to say but this was just that old Desi advice in the form of sofisticated english and nothing else that how a woman should do this ans that.
This video is not providing any solution, infact asking the woman to change for her husband and his family. I had enough with toxic mil and husband, who doesn't believe anything or anyone outside the radius of his family, who only love him for his salary...bitter truth..... however, now i will focus on myself and not care about those toxic people bcs my God has spared my life after a painful miscarriage ❤❤❤ Radhey Radhey ❤
Both sides will be wrong sometimes, husband should give equal importance to both mother snd wife. For ex when he buys a saree to his mom he should buy one for wife also, but few men when they spend so much for their family they wont feel anything, but when it comes to his wife and children he spends it by making a bad face, even though his wife is working woman and support ed his family financially, emotionally, he always puts his mother first.
What about the wife she left her parents and family for him 😅
She should sacrifice cuz she left her house nah that's what she wanted those who don't want we remain single n working hard n feed myself I'm almost 60 now..
Why wife needs to recognize when actually a new family can take up being inviting to the person coming to stay with them.
Why is that our society expects women to leave their parents house and stay with man's family, why the society doesnot apply it to men too.
Its ok for men to be uncomfortable in thri inlaws house but a woman should adjust and pretend completely comfortable
Husband can also leave his home there is no rules like only Girls have to leave the house.
@@basanthembrom7762 Neither husband should leave his house nor wife should leave her house. Parents should be priority for man and women.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 why not husband and wife live separate for few years, build a house and then have both set of parents in that house all of them can live together
@@ankanaghosh5163 ok ye thik hai
Not helpful at all!
@lalita lalita u r right
@lalita lalita pm leaving his wife, ruining her life..
And also supreme court ruling saying A HINDU SON CAN NOT LEAVE HIS PARENTS . WILL LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS.. SO SC GRANTED DIVORCE TO HUSBAND WIFE. Bcz wife wanted to live separately.
I mean wth!!
Bt hindu man also cant divorce his wife bcz 7 janm at the time of feras.
I will say blame him and his family... get a job and a place to stay, take your children with you and don't let the husband or his family keep any contact with you if possible.... i know most women can't afford it, but still try... and when your children grow up a little, let the husband and his parents decide how to tell the child that they treated their mother...
Sadly, I am facing the same issue. I don't understand what's is the main issue. How to deal with it! I have tried everything to keep our life peaceful. We had lost our child recently and we both are drained. I am not emotionally stable now to bear all this.
Actions speak louder than words and I am in a abusive relationship and I know I can't change him but I feel he is aware of his problem and if he truely loves me then it would show through his actions towards me And I'm not talking about sex😢
Never saw any Mother in Law talking shit about her daughter in law even if the DIL is toxic but seeing many DILs talking shit about the MIL and SIL as a trend!! ......pr duniya gol hai bhaisahab ...aaj akad logi klko whi milega jo karam kre h
Something different to read 😢
Many mother in laws don't know to use the phones!
Everyone has different circumstances in their life can’t put it on everyone
My thoughts on this video is you sound like a mother-in-law telling her daughter-in-law to talk calmly to her son and understand him.. and the other solution to see a therapist and have couple counselling sounds like business marketing for the therapist & counsellor.. u didnt give us any solutions
Everyone will give suggestions to girls be clam try to change him and some more but i don't understand y this people will not say anything to boys male dominated society..........here in this video also being women she also suggesting to be clam itself....so funny
Becaus eonly mother in law understand mother in law pain.
One should get married after that person has the maturity, emotional and financial security to get married..
Parents should stay out of the marriage of two adults.
Let them live their life.
Nothing works in my case too. He feels it's my own problem. Really disappointing.
Time may heal everything but how long do I need to wait for it
Leave him he doesn't deserve you
@@divyaappu9181 don't wait dear it will just get worse
Hai.
Divya.
Same thing happened to me , he directly says that is ur problem, my childwood is worsen , and now he is trying to getting mental trauma all the day .
@@sri8820 leave that's what I did it's peaceful
Very helpful thank you. I'm in this situation. My brother in-laws wife is also in this situation. Mum in law, in trying to help, gets into her son's marriages too much. I have learned too though that I need to set up boundaries. I did try to be understanding, but it became very frustrating. She began to treat me like the daughter she never had. People even thought I was her daughter. I neglected my own family, consequently. Now, I am back relating to my Mum. I'm sorry I didn't sooner. I caused a lot of hurt. My siblings distanced themselves. They didn't like the new person I was becoming, because I was being integrated into my husband's family. I'm pushing back now. I actually get on better, but there's still a lot to do. My husband does everything she says, often behind my back, because he knows I wouldn't like it. Especially, the unreasonable stuff. I'm worried he's going to burn himself out. He's stretched. I'm trying to point out that he is a husband and Father. His children need him. They are his responsibility, not his brother. Also, he needs to attend to me. We need time together. A wise friend once said, and I wish I'd listened. " The man who thinks he's head of the house, is either stupid or has a very clever wife." Clever wives, enable their husband to be the head. It's not natural, because the children relate to the Mum. If the husband feels like he's head, he begins to break the link to his own Mum, in a healthy way. Yes, she deserves his love, but not to be at her beck and call.
My husband is physco with his family and sisters and materialist money lover only
Madam with due respect to your degree, I dont want to tell u bad words but your advise is not a doctor advise it is 100% showcasing the fact that you are talking to your Daughter in Law. Bechari ko psychiatrist k pass jane ko kehte ho par khud ke bete ko 2 thappad jade hote to baat yaha tak nahi pahochti. Rayta aap sasu na felaye, aur saaf bahu kare aur aakhir me wo he adjust kare, aur kar na sake to pagal???? Apne bete ko bolo na, k wo apne dimag ka ilaj karvaye????????
My mother-in-law said to my husband that this is yours he’s supposed to have everything and his wife not supposed to have nothing. I do not agree with that. I find it disgusting that his mother does not put me as human being. I am sick of it and that is why my marriage is not working great with my husband, this is how I feel I don’t know what to say and I don’t know what to do and I told them
System should change, men should stay in in-laws place, permanently, 😂. We will see whom women will support, their parents or her husband.
You have beaten up someone black and blue; you want to give the rod back to that person and expect them to plant rose plants with it?... 😂.
If you change the system, men will have no where to run while the rod is doing its job.
You men know it so dont have balls to change the system. You are all comfortable hiding behind the patriarchy.
Yes provided son in law does all house hold chores alone , earn good salary and look after his in laws with respect , forget his parents...then girls ll think whom to support..try it ..its super easy brother
All what modern in daughter in laws are doing in house, we will be doing the same.
@@yoginagowda7410you yused objects never do that. Women who are doing all house work are not working outside the house.
@@user_7934 yr mother and sisters might be used objects ..not all women are characterless lik yr family members...Bastard....looks lik u r born to slut and pimp..
Because of this kind of advice women are suffering
In Holy Law, the man is required to Love his wife, the wife is not required to do so of her husband
If a man loves his wife, he should respect her and want her happiness
A wife is not happy if she is always last on his list
A wife needs the attention from her husband to know that she is loved by him
She will not feel loved if she is his last or seldom thought . . .
I am watching this video now as I am married now, it's not about the blame to the husband it's all about the upbringing style of that person, we are staying in patriarchal society and here we all have to listen to your husband all the time, there is less co-operation between spouses, if any guy helps his wife after marriage that guy is considered to be wife's maid but society never understood that in a journey of husband wife relationship both have to do equally...
We the girls used to hear "He can't do that work, you have to do it", to me any work is not at all gender biased A woman can do hundreds of work why a man can't do the same work. How many days and years have to adjust with these people? How many days do we have to listen that you are born to adjust ?
We don’t adjust - we stand up for our rights and throw this patriarchy nonsense out of the window!!
@@EnchantedRealm888nice joke 😂
So you want a husband stay at home and do household chores so you can do nothing and be a feminist woman but how will provide? When feminism rise the logic dies. Women do work while men do his responsibility don't you have a capacity to think this simple scenario? Equality how sharing each others responsibility remember men are men and women are women. There is a difference between men and women...
@@EnchantedRealm888 exactly Enough of this patriarchal mindset...
Well... the husband is indeed entitled to have a relationship with his parents. I guess that would mean I'll also need to enhance my relationship with my family too. Next, if I voice my concerns and opinions and my husband doesn't want to acknowledge it, I'll cater to myself then whether my husband agrees to it or not. Lastly, if that means having them over more frequently to where they are visiting/staying in our home for weeks or months on end, I better come up with another job, extra working hours, a hobby or all the above to ensure that I get home later rather than sooner. If I'm diligent enough, I could probably afford to even get a second home/condo that's in MY NAME ALONE that I could retreat to when they are in the house. Otherwise, I'll ignore all of them, including my husband, yet be cordial at the same time.
My husband is Jewish and I am Puerto Rican. My mother-in-law told me that I’m not supposed to have nothing and no nothing. I told my husband that he does not care. I told him that I sent her to hell and I do not like her. I don’t care how they feel, this is how I feel
My husband thinks he's going to give his parents his entire check once a month. I will not have it. He can go back to India.
Very wrong video...if in laws are toxic what to do?Then also she should adjust
then she should leave the house. simple
Bcz she is someone's mother in law
Therefore its better not to marry if one knows she wont be able to tolerate this social conditioning. Or if she will feel left behind. Or if parents don't like her... Its better not to go into such troubles..
The best solutions as before our elders use to accept each other and now todays generation has more ego than acceptance it's like only me me me me...
@@kotaktejas08 If you dont have an ego then soceity will kill you.
If a girl remain unmarried till 30. Society taunt her n insulted her for not getting married.
@@sonujain2348 So being strong independent women she fight the society. she should ignore society taunts and focus on her career.
@@hemangshrivastava9561 .Bro I m an ENGINEER n LECTURER in reputeted institute. Also preparing for MPPSC. Crack assistant manager interview 3 times but not selected in final list. All my Frnds n younger cousin ki bhi shadi ho gai unke bacche bhi h. I m only unmarried person in my extended family so relative taunt me SHADI KAB KAROGE AGE NIKAL GAI TO SHADI kon karega 30 K BAD tumko BACCHE NHI HONGE. carrier banane k liye TUMNE JAWANI BERBAD kar li. Tum pagal ho gai ho. Tumhari cousins ko dekho vo kitne KHUSH h SHADI k bad .Tum Akeli pad jaogi. I m going through process of finding patner but still I cant find suitable partner. Jab tak koi Sahi partner na mile tab tak society k TANE sun k lagta h HIMALAY bhag jau
Why do only women have to understand all the times?
What if after facing disrespect from his parents, he still chooses them instead of fixing things for her. Nobody is asking him to abandon his parents, but at least one conversation about how everyone needs to respect his wife is not much to ask for.
An Indian woman always understands and supports the husband with his duties towards his family.. that's our cultural conditioning.. but that doesn't give anyone any right to disrespect her or purposefully try to create problems between the couple. And if that is happening, the husband should put the foot down and have a talk with his family as a husband rather than as a son or brother.!
My husband doesn’t give me monthly allowance or else. He wants to eat what made in house even though I dont like that much. I was working women before my marriage. My parents pampers me most. I used to eat a lot from outside food. I used to buy or give things alot. It was arranged marriage by my parents. Bt I dont know they dont give any allowance to their sons. I need to ask for the Money every time I wanted . I hate to ask for the money . They dont like if I spend any money even my husband too. I’m thinking to start my job again so i dont need to ask anyone for anything . I felt like I’m trapped here. Rn I’m not working bcz I want to relax a bit . I was working for too long . But they kept asking me to do a job. My husband always yells at me that I’m not a good wife I’m not supporting his parents decision . I can’t adjust myself . I told my family nd friends they said they can’t do anything about it. I tried so hard already. I do whatever they want to do. I wear Wtever they want me see into.I dont know what to do.
Ma’m please help me
This is my story my husband also never gave me any monthly allowance. I also left my job for marriage to get little bit relax. My husband and his family literally tourcher me to get job again. They used to taunt me every time. My family said find job things will get better. I got job n now they all just want is my money . My husband wants my salary to be in his account so he can give that to his parents n siblings( they already married). My family not supporting me for divorce. I will advise you get job and divorce him otherwise they will haunt you for your money trust me this is only beginning. Don’t waste life with this man like me.
I felt so sorry for u… why do we women always suffer like this. But please take stand for urself…I think u r very sweet heart. Please find ur happiness. Nd Leave this mess too. Ik sometimes u cant do that. Bt maybe give urself a chance. Take a legal action or spoke to someone who can talk things out for u.
Nd Thank you for ur reply … i was gonna looking for a job bt i dont think so my family also understand about other things(divorce). My brother is trying to helping me out rn. He is trying to talk with my husband. I hope it works. @@SK-df9kl
@@yaathatone.1019it's been a month. How are you now? Did you leave him?
We talk about it. He started understanding my feelings and my struggle. He is taking care of me. He also gives me allowance now. If I don’t like what made at home, he takes me outside to eat something more I like. He donen’t want to disrespect his parents. I thought I was the victim, but actually he also don’t get that much money from his parents. That’s why he started his business so he can take care of me. Also, I talked to my parents. Their suggestion is that I should give him another chance because he's already doing a lot for me. hope I'm doing the right thing to do.@@adri-kaa1590
@@SK-df9klare u still living with yr husband..?
And wat abt toxic in- laws ,feeding husband with wrongs...
Bas yeh wala mindset kabhi aane mat dena.... Family over me..... Baki dekh lenge...wife sabse important part hoti hain family mein...
wife is important but not above than parents, whom they born him. No responsible son will do that cowardly thing by putting wife over his family. Wife will leave him in his low time but mother will never him.
@@hemangshrivastava9561Fuck off you idiot. Then after marriage I will love my mom over my husband.
Tu apni mayya k saath stuck hai isliye itna hate faila raha wife k against. Tu budhape tak single hi rahega@@hemangshrivastava9561
You can never change my husband who is married to his parents...he will never love me or my children and use me as money machine
Mam, husbands parents and sister were so insecure about him, that they plotted situations to make me appear villan in my husbands life, and it's headed towards divorce, where again I am understood as villan. They took him away from me forever, please tell me should I still go and live with him and his family, knowing the fact that things and he and they won't change, please advise. Thanks in advance.
You need to understand that you need a husband and not someones son or brother. If your husband still favours his family over your emotional well being you might as well leave him to his family for life......... if you cannot sustain financially then be patient untill you get a job or some money where you can live by yourself without burdening anyone else.
You should not go.. but if you choose to go then u should stand up for yourself..there won't be anyone with u
What kind of rubbish advice is this??? When the woman is already feeling low by getting all the backlashes from the in laws on top of it the husband is insulting, and you are giving advicing to tone down the behaviour. This is like telling to loose your self respect to prevent an already broken marriage. Women have to be able to empower themseleves and leave peacefully from a toxic relationship while they can
Main video start after 2:20
Even if communicating politely still never want to understand.. ends up with wife's adjustment only..
What wife even bring to the table nothing not a single thing if you say household works she doesn’t have to do if there is a maid she do job if she wants to and if a guy don’t no girl will marry him it’s facts my brother has a high job a rich family and his gf didn’t have any job Her father was a security guard and her mother was the toilet cleaner disgusted job it was clearly right my brother left her because of her status was a beggar
What if the men is in this condition I mean in his in laws home and his wife give her priorities to her parents.... he'll not wait for a second and his ego advices him to go back.....
One of the most shitiest advice I ever heard , so she is alone , traumatized, sideline , ignored by husband , yet the great sacrifice should come from wife wah aunty wah .......
My husband once had beaten me for his mother when i asked him to spend some time with me.Itni zor se maara ki mera sir poore do din dard karta raha tab se saara bhoot uter gya🤣
My boyfriend's little sister comes over too much, and wants to go everywhere with us, vacations everything , gets money and weed from him and won't find her own friends, now she doesn't work very much and is here even more, he can't say no to her, it pisses me off to no end🤬
Wow Subhanallah there are people like you who still around and speak the Truth with justification May Allah increase your tribe.
There is a flaw in our marriage system not within human beings.
This is a fact and everyone should understand it..
Not everyone ‘should’, everyone needs to, but yes I agree.
Husband should prioritise his wife and wife should prioritise her husband. That is a healthy relationship. It doesnt mean that u should not respect and take care of ur parents. Wife also have parents and sibling. She leave everyone for her husband. Why cant the husband do the same. She is not a slave. She should not be abused physically or mentally in the house of her husband. She should be provided food and clothing. Yaar , she is a human being. She also need love.
Men should boycott marriage. Marriage has become now a most profitable business for women.
Men 💩
@@whatever4350 Women ☕☕☕☕
Karma....enjoy
@@yoginagowda7410 Wait for the day when marriage will be completely abolished from India. We men don't need women. We can spend a happy life without women. The days isn't far when all men will boycott marriage and will start going to red light areas to have s*x. From that day only illegitimate children will be born all over the country.
Yea, so true, it lost its assence.