double heavy is a crime

it’s what i’ve tried running lately. not too bad!!
maaannnn fuck thiiissssss. i’m so bored lol i miss school already. it’s so lonely. i don’t do anything. i slept so late today. guess i have to change my depression pills reminders to later in the day. i dropped one today and idk where it went. so fuck me!!!! i hate myself.
that’s why i hate summer lol people think it’s all, “freedom!! hangout with friends!! do everything you can think of!!!” but it’s the opposite for me. every year i stay locked in my room and sad. i want to hangout with people and go out, but i can’t. i mean i can. but no one asks me usually
and yes yes you can ask others first, right!?! nope. i get scared. even if i’ve known them for years, i get scared. i need people to basically force me. in a healthy, kind, and good intention way.
similarly, it reminds me. people would always tell me, you can come if you want. like thanks! i probably won’t go because it seems like you didn’t want me to go in the first place and you’re just saying it because you feel like you have to. i want you to come! i want you to go with me! we’re going to do something and you’re going! T_T it’s easier for me that way.
then i actually feel like they want me there lol then i feel special for once. like wow! people enjoy being around me and they want ME to go with them? no way ;0 aahhhh pathetic.
melina, grow up. please. no one is going to do that for you lmao uugghhhhh i hate everything. i’m so bored. oh well. i may take a nap again even though i just woke up almost two hours ago. nothing really grabs my attention anymore :( help meeeeeee
just kidding. but not. help.
FUCK
i’m okay :)