Oh my gosh. This finally explains something that happened to me in 5th grade. I heard a classmate of mine talking. She had a strong stutter, and I had never heard her speak before. I was sitting in my seat, sort of talking to myself with a stutter, almost like I irresistibly had to “try on” that way of speaking. Unfortunately I was overheard by others including the teacher, who I idolized at the time. In front of the whole class, my teacher angrily shamed me for mocking the other student. I was really scarred by the incident and internalized that shame for a really long time, thinking I must be a horrible person. But I had never intended for her to hear me or feel bad - I just had no self-awareness about my effect on others in the class. Ugh.
That misunderstanding sucks. It's okay now though, they probably don't remember. Technically you could contact them and apologize and explain the situation if it's still possible for peace of mind.
Oh wow! Me too. It was my attempted understanding what they were going through, not making fun of them, but nobody understood that and I was always getting scolded if not worse by mean teachers rather than have them explain to me privately why I shouldn't do that because it might hurt their feelings
One thing I do that honestly confuses me is that, in addition to mirroring other people's vocal mannerisms/accents/etc, I even find myself mirroring people's texting habits - word choice, degree of formality, use of particular emojis, that sort of thing. I always figured I did this as my mind's way of trying to "fit in" as best as possible, which checks out since I spent so much of my childhood defending against being socially cut to pieces.
I especially relate with the choices of emoji! I'm not even aware of my brain picking up the emoji from the other person, so usually only after I've already chosen my emoji, I'll notice that oops, it was the exactly same one as the other person used. Sometimes that's not a bad thing, but sometimes I change it so that I don't seem just like a copycat.
I definitely mimic others' texting or Discord messaging habits (amount & types of abbreviations, emoji choices, etc). It also might extend somewhat beyond just informal communication as well. In a peer-review session in a college English class, one member of my group said my essay sounded like a Harry Potter book 😆 At least it seems like most people don't view similar text as mocking them.
I do this so much when I am in new social situations/environments! Recently I have had to write emails to people I had never communicated before and I automatically "corrected" my style/formality level... and it already has gotten me in trouble. Turns out some people are formal and expect you to answer informally so they feel comfortable and not doing so is considered rude... and some uni profs or administratives can talk to me informally but I should always respond formally regardless but when should happen what I still don't know, because some of those people (who I would consider figures of authority) are the ones that have gotten offended with me :(
Omg I do this! Texting or emailing a British friend, I use her spelling and language usage. "Colourise" or "took a decision" instead of US colorize and made a decision.
It's not only with our speech that we do this, we mimic behavior patterns of NT people as well. I've wondered if it's something we learn to do as a way of trying to 'normalize' ourselves, or fit into a particular circumstance or group of people. Maybe our brains think if we act like them then we won't stand out as different. A form of masking, perhaps. It's probably a tactic we learn when very young as we become aware of our differences. I've caught myself adopting the tone or behavior of people I'm working or socializing with around our common interests. Too often, I still end up coming across as awkward.
It's normal for humans to imitate others behaviours in Order to learn and connect. For us the difference is Just that we can't make it our own Like Others do after a while, because we work differently to an extent. So to that extent it stays a foreign behaviour that we imitate.
I used to listen to the adults talking with my mom. I often went unnoticed. I think this led to me seeming older/smarter when talking to other adults. I could also seem to mix in with older people wirhout being called out immediately as the young person. I even had some older ladies laugh and tell me a phrase I used was so old even they rarely use it anymorw and thought it was cute that i had .
Bullying? Yes yes yes and yes! I experienced so much. I moved to a different state after 9th grade and my school experience changed *drastically*. At first I figured it was mostly bc the people there were just much nicer, and that may be true (or not), but I later realized that that *did* change was my mask. It was a fresh start and I was no longer surrounded by people who knew me my whole life and all the ways in which I was "weird" or whatever. So I worked myself overtime trying to be a social butterfly. I was friendly to everybody and (almost) everybody was super friendly back to me. I absolutely wrecked my poor nervous system (and GI tract...) but I was suddenly really well-liked and popular. Everybody knew me and was happy to see me. ... But I had no friends. I had a friend group, kind of. But I almost never did anything with them outside of school and when I did I felt just ridiculously anxious. I *wanted* a friend, maybe two, but I never found one in all those people. I think one reason for that is actually because the worst bullying I experienced previously came from people I had considered friends, people who I would invite over to play and hang out or go to their house. It was terrible.
So sorry you went through that. I was physically bullied when I started school, until one time when I was being held down by multiple people I lost it and fought back viciously, with my teeth. After that it never happened again, instead I was left alone, very isolated, which for me was preferable. By the time I left that school I had learned masking, and things went better in the new school, I even made a couple of friends, though like you we hardly ever did anything outside of school. I went to one of their houses twice because he wanted someone to play chess with, but it wasn't a comfortable experience, and once they asked me to come out with them as a group, but so far as I could tell they were just hanging around the streets and didn't have anything interesting they wanted to do so I never went again. That was it. In school I developed a persona that was a barrier against verbal bullying from my peers, and I was a big lad so physical bullying only happened on rare occasions. My PE teacher would verbally bully me every lesson, though, until I found a way to get out of PE. "The best years of your life", hah!
I'm definitely with you there with the whole "having a friend group, but not really". It really does suck, especially if there's group projects or a particularly crowded lunch table and you're the one that has to be left out. I hope you've managed to find your people now. I'm starting to meet my own, and they're much more solid friendships than anything from school. And, even if you haven't met yours yet, you've got your whole life to meet more people and to connect over passions and interests ^ ^ you've got this!
Linguistic convergence is a bit of a double edged sword. Yes, it can get you into trouble for sure. Or as in my case, get a big laugh when I suddenly turn to speak to someone in the room with an unnatural accent and realize I'm doing it. However, as a person that moved all over the place, it's really handy for making a first impression and fitting in as mentioned late in the video, and it really helps with sounding fluent in other languages.
I just learned that I do this! I'm a homebody and don't like to travel, but I went to Tennessee recently (as a native Californian) and could not stop trying to mimic their accents. My family was so embarrassed but it was soooooo satisfying!!
It's not that we're making fun of them. It's our ability to mimic like a voice acting savant like how a musical savant is able to play a song they only heard once. I do it because I like how they sound and aspire to be a voice actor. I'm not perfect in some accents, but some comes naturally to me because of my upbringing and what media I consumed.
I do this in my head- if watch a movie with an accent or read a book with a certain dialectic rhythm, my "inner" voice will take on that accent or cadence- my masking is too strong for me to do it outloud, but I am NEVER not talking in my head (which is why it's so hard NOT to start saying some of it outloud...) Okay, so it counts if it's in your head? One more brick in the diagnostic wall, haha... If I build it high enough on my own, maybe I can get someone else (who has authority to officially diagnose) to notice...
If i ever watch a show in a different accent, i usually end up thinking in that accent unconsciously for a good while until i’m no longer interacting with that piece of media lmao… i also lived in a very multi-cultural area as a kid, and i’d just end up talking in an indian english accent, or a arabic english accent or whatever other type i was interacting with at the time and I always wondered why i did and how to stop doing it lmao
For a couple of years in graduate school I imitated a certain historian I considered very authoritative. I ended up sort of stuck in that voice, which was NOT my voice. I broke out of it by writing a paper in a funny ranting style. I warned the teacher before I handed in the paper, including the reason I was doing it. He gave me an A on the paper, but said that the ranting style was terrible and I needed to chuck it. The method worked though. It helped me adopt a more natural voice.
I do this somewhat. I've noticed that after reading Jane Austen and the like, I suddenly become very wordy and have a tendency to formulate my sentences in the way that is common of that time period's writing. Or I'll adopt an accent (usually only in my head) after hearing/seeing it a lot on a television show or something. I also subconsciously mirror people in other ways. When I was a teenager, I had a friend who was kind of a jerk. And my other friends pointed out that the more I hung out with her, the more of a jerk I behaved, and they didn't like that. So I stopped hanging out with the jerk friend, because I didn't want to lose my other friends. I was never intentionally being a jerk, though. I just unconsciously mimic the behavior of others.
Wow. This explains why I am good at an accent ONLY when I’m talking with someone, or in a group, such as singing in a choir. I have a VERY hard time, however, when acting, if I’m supposed to be speaking in an accent different from those around me. Then I can’t maintain it. Interesting! EDIT: Yes, bullied a lot in school, growing up in the 60’s and 70’s. Diagnosed ADHD at 49 (62 now), I also have a lot of Autistic Traits.
0:11, twenty-two years ago, decades before I knew about my AuDHD, I went to visit my spouse’s family, in Montana. The Eastern Montana accent is similar to that stereotypical Fargo accent. During that week, I began speaking with their accent. I was so angry with myself, and couldn’t understand why I was such a fraud, because I’m the opposite of a fraud. It just made no sense, because I have a southern accent(I think). Now, I understand.
I LOVE that I have this trait. I come from both the west coast and Appalachia. .. so I can switch between both and understand everything. It also helped me to self learn 3 other languages. Spanish especially… I am so good at mimicking that most native speakers think I am as well ❤️💯
This hits home for sure. Growing up (mostly 7th grade on), I never wanted to fit in with any one group (if one group got rid of me I wanted a fallback). So I tried to be "friends' with everyone, this led to me knowing lots of people but not being very close to any, so I learned to pick up on any unique "lingo" of the different groups.
I could never figure out how to actually get close to anybody in any group, so I had a lot of friend groups that I could move between, but no actual friends.
@@NitFlickwick yes, a lot of friend groups... I made micro-groups, I "categorized" my friends by their interests...I had a "music" friend and a "car" friend... ectand a friend to ward off bullies... Really he was a huge bully himself...
@@utespick I had the industrial music group, the synthpop music group, the skate/ska music group, the skateboarding group, the weird kids group, the theater group, and the smart kids group. There were a good number of intersections between them, but each group had its own acceptable behaviors, and I wasn’t always great at picking the correct behavior for the correct group (I might talk too much skateboarding in the theater group because there were one or two skateboarders beside me in there). It was so much effort to keep track of. By the time I hit college, I just gave up on social stuff. I had a friend group of dormies the first year, but, after that, I was basically on my own. The only one I was actually close to (who was almost certainly also undiagnosed autistic in an abusive family) was unable to continue coping. I wonder if things would have been different if we had known. I never had another friend group, though I had a small handful of friends (one at a time), and they would include me in group stuff. I’m curious about your username. Are you a fan of Australian vehicles, a North American native people, a university affiliated with those people, or something else?
Neurodivergent soul here, I totally do this. I tend to warn people I do this. I say 'can I just warn you, if I start sounding like you,I promise Im not mocking you. Its just a thing that happens by reflex, not by choice.' Mostly its helped, and minimises some of the conflict. Mine is mirroring accents, and mannerisms. Didn't know abot my neurodivergence then. so much of what you have said was the same 4 me
Once, my friend/housemate (who was born in England but lived in my hometown, a medium-size city in a flyover state) invited her niece to visit us from England. We all got along great, and during her visit the three of us flew to the coast and for a weekend in San Francisco. During the trip, I started picking up their speech patterns without noticing it until, all at once, I was startled to realize I was speaking with a Scouse accent like theirs. Fortunately, my travel companions didn't seem to notice it at all, and it seemed friendly and fun so I didn't make any effort to stop. The trouble came when we returned home, and my new accent didn't seem to abate any. One evening our friends came to visit, and I realized they would definitely notice, and I asked one friend privately about it. "Did you notice I picked up their accent?" I asked. "Oh, yes, we noticed," he said. "Does it seem pretentious?" I asked. "A little," he said, not unkindly. That was all it took: Instantly I was back to talking like myself again.
It's so hard to not do this, even more so when you notice it then try to stop. I love how you can present an important topic and deliver it with a quirky cool comedic flair. Your videos are so fun to watch!
Plenty of bullying, didn’t get to me too much. It did enough to be upsetting. I remember parents of Sunday school kids I was in class with were always talking crap about me, shaming me and my mother, just generally being condescending. Adults bullying a child. Incredible.
Sure when I was in my twenties, I had a close friend from NZ . I had no idea I was talking with a NZ accent until a doctor asked me how long I had been in Australia. I was quite taken back and said that I’m an Australian, but he looked quite confused and said but you have a strong NZ accent?
Crazy thing that more and more behaviors of mine turn out to be part of autism. I have been seeking answeres for them for years and years… almost all of my weird things relates to autism. So uplifting to know that I am not wrong just different by default.
Same same! I am finally starting to appreciate my weirdness, I have hated myself and thought I was broken for most of my life. But we are actually pretty damn awesome, it's the world that's broken...
I tend to converge with people a lot. I pick words, movements ,behaviours. I even notice my laugh changing depending on who is my strongest influence. It surely has something to do with my mother punishing me when I said no growing up. I still struggle with boundaries . Convergence can help in small doses. But I have definitely noticed that if I do this too much I put myself in danger as well. It makes it easier to go over one's boundaries or not even notice them im the first place if you pick up too much stuff from other people and loose yourself. For example I always got rejected and bullied by other girls (for example in third grade the queen bee forbid anyone who would listen to her to talk to me, so for a year almost no one talked to me at school) until I started to copy them. An average teenage girl crushes on people a lot. So to keep up I felt like I had to, too. I put myself under emotional pressure to develop emotionally and sexually like other people even though I was just slower. I ended up getting raped because I didn't have anyone teaching me about staying safe, being allowed to say no and putting myself in environments and situations that were overwhelming for me. That trauma played a big part in eventually shaking me out of the mask I had started to become after I went through the phase were it got even worse due to the trauma.
What the ND doctor says: I haven't felt safe during any school years. I used to get to school in the nick of time, so I hadn't time to wait in the schoolyard and getting picked on. I learned to get in good graces with the influential benign ones so I could survive the compulsory morning and afternoon breaks where we had to go outside in the schoolyard. This was elementary school. I am ADHD enough not to blend in or be silent and Autistic enough to stick out. In the first year of high school I got into a fight (after someone beat me with a hockeystick for some imagined wrong) and I won. It got me the image of someone not to mess with and I was never bullied or afraid of it since. But I was still very afraid in our town which was built like a project, with lots of dark corners and fly overs. I could handle myself being brainy, witty and sharp. But really not equiped to the finer workings of social interactions. Making 'friends' was ok, having real friendship with connection was not so easy (oversharing, rejection sensitivity, depression). I found out that people think me odd, and I tend to rub people the wrong way. Whenever I get into conversations with people who have seen me but never talked with me I get told quite often: oh, but you are a really nice person, in a tone of voice that indicates that they thought I was not. I met with bullies at work, in social circles and recently at my GP's office. I deal with it with snide remarks, sarcasm and non tolerance. So let them think I am delicate, not like a flower, but like the volatile. My youth has had many a trauma, so I am hyper vigilant as well. Had a dx ADHD when I was 42 yo and found out since that I am autistic as well (59 yo now). UA-cam has been a great tool for providing so much information and ND people sharing their quirks, which made me understand myself so much better. Having ADHD and Autism makes me a walking barrel of inconsistency but finding my tribe online makes me feel so validated.
I once got pulled over at a checkstop, when the cop asked if I'd been drinking, I said "Je ne parle pas l'anglais monsieur." (I didn't speak French either). Not only did the cop's voice change but his posture too. His head went back, he stood rigidly straight (almost at attention) and loudly and slowly said, "Move Alooooong". Funniest shit ever.
While talking with anyone whose accent differs from my plain Northeast USA almost-non-accent, I catch myself mirroring their accent. I internally roll my eyes at myself and internally ask my brain why it keeps doing that to my voice while also getting mildly anxious over the possibility that they might think I'm mocking them or making fun of their accent. When I finally figured out that I'm Autistic and took a deep dive into my new Special Interest, I learned that this Linguistic Convergence is a Neurodivergent Thing. Frequently, during those accent-shifting conversations, a foreigner who is by now accustomed to listening to the "local" accent will say to me, "You're not from 'roun here, are you? Where are you from?" I usually explain that learning French as a second language in school and a little bit of Spanish later in life helped me to adapt and sound more natural with other languages and accents. Plus, I enunciate, which is uncommon these days, so some people ask if I'm British. 😂 Nah, I'm from New England, not Old England. And then I'll 'converge' through about 4 or 5 different semi-local accents within a couple sentences to describe the radius of linguistic influence I grew up listening to. On the subset of converging when speaking with elderly people, I generally start with my own regular voice and let them inform me whether I'm too quiet. Sometimes, i automatically adjust to a deeper pitch which helps me remember to increase volume at the same time. 🤓❤️🩹🤗
I would never let it come out when talking to actual people, but I talk to myself in solitude A LOT, so when I was watching Doctor Who during the 11th Dr’s era with Amy Pond, I started self talking in Amy’s accent for a good while. I also tend to lightly mimic other people’s affects and dialects sometimes.
neuro divergence can get you felonies pretty easy, especially in an environment where you cannot in any way defend yourself ✌️💚. ill be 46, never realized how on the spectrum i was until about 5 years ago. i was told by a child psychologist when i was 12 or 13 that things would get more difficult with age, it definitely is lol
Entertaining and informative video, thank you! I've done this several times, unconsciously. Either I've noticed it right after saying it, or someone notes my "accent", or I've realized it years later.
Wow, what a fantastic topic. Yes, I have experienced this linguistic convergence issue quite a bit, including being on the receiving end of that slowwww talk from someone that I thought would know better.
I live in North Carolina now, but I'm originally from South Jersey. All of my relatives are from North Carolina, too. I absolutely hate being forced to call a shopping cart a buggy. I totally understand all their sayings but they make no effort to try to understand me. I find myself sounding a little like them at times, and I hate it. Wow, I really wish I had someone on my side and advocate for me when I was in the hospital at the beginning of this year. I kept telling the nurses and doctors that I'm autistic but they totally didn't care whatsoever. I use to have a therapist who was trained in autism and I kept wishing she was there to explain my problems to the doctors and nurses. She moved away two years ago and now I have nobody that understands me. I have a really, really bad phobia about medical stuff and needles that makes me violently sick, I kept telling that to everyone in the hospital but nobody seemed to care. I have a new therapist now that knows nothing about autism. I have to explain some of my traits to her, she has no clue. It's difficult to find a therapist with autism experience if you don't have the best health insurance or a hand full of one hundred dollar bills.
Autism creates enough internal struggles on its own. Having to interact with disinterested or uninformed neurotypicals can be rather distressing. We each have our own unique palette 🎨 of traits across the spectrum, which makes it frustrating when they try to fit us into their limited "cookie cutter" perspective on Autism. I do hope you can find someone who understands well enough to help advocate and communicate your individual needs. ❤️🩹🤓
On the spectrum here, went to a conference my husband was speaking at down in Atlanta, we're from Madison Wisconsin. There were folks from Texas, Louisana, including a Cajun, one from Florida, both Carolinas, Virginia, Tennessee as well as Georgians. I could recognize and remember each after hearing their accent. When I went home I ran a Childcare Network, getting calls from anxious parents looking for family daycare providers. I found that if I used a Southern accent, if calmed folks down, and I could get the info of their needs to better give then referrals who could meet their needs. On the other hand, after traveling north into upper peninsula of Michigan, when I got my husband to stop so I could ask directions, talking like a native, with "you know hey" was helpful, but drove him crazy that I mirrored so well. Btw I also am ambidextrous and had no problem driving in England, whilst he ended up on rotary land off roadway trying to exit London when he hit an 8way rotary and freaked. Quickly switched seats, and did most of the driving there. Hehe. But yeah the mirroring comes quite easily, fortunately the folks at the conference were very nice and amazed I could ID where folks were from based on hearing their accent.
Thank god I was able to easily explain away this trait as something non-native speakers like me just naturally do. I must sound quite insufferable after binging a season of Outlander (but in a live conversation I start doing it in less than 10 minutes).
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@JamesFJohnson I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
Haha- sometimes I figure out why a breakup happened a year later... re language. I "catch" ticks. Perhaps it's something to do with that. Also I'm willing to bet that our tendency to call a spade a spade combines with accent mimicry to make us seem super racist. My boarder was Nigerian. Whenever discussing what she said, I'd use her accent, I reckon it's the verbal equivalent of black face. She liked it when I mimicked her, other people were less understanding.
I wouldn't call it verbal blaceface because blackface is done with intention. Personally I've noticed that people don't mind imitation if you do it in a way they feel respected and seen. The person whose opinion matters is the one who is affected, so if she didn't mind then maybe you did nothing wrong.
I have ADHD, and I can do this, although I try to notice it and not do it in front of people...EXCEPT...there's a very good use for this trait: learning foreign languages! French people tell me I speak without an accent; that's the one I've studied longest.
I so enjoyed the editing on this video. Clever enough to keep my attention, I wish more instructional materials were designed like this. And I can attest that the phenomenon is real. Thanks.
I always wondered why I subconsciously and uncontrollably mimicked my peers during conversation, down to the nuanced tones and inflections. I also always thought I'd struggled with cognitive dissonance, but now after some reading, internal dissonance fits the bill much better.
I have had ADHD my whole life but I just got my diagnosis last week. No lie-I’m 51 in two weeks. I have always loved languages and accents and in my teens, I would adopt certain accents for a day or so, just for fun. I would make people so mad! My favorite English accent is either Welsh or Northern English as found in Manchester (Brummie). I’m from Southern California. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do this anymore. I have an extra complication in my diagnosis called Social Pragmatic Communication Disorder. I guess I’m just rude when i speak. Thank you for explaining this. :)
I have a couple of observations about linguistic convergence: (1) I suspect that it's natural for everyone, because it's an unconscious way to make sure we're "on the same page" when communicating. Indeed, when my wife was a missionary in Scotland, she met someone who loudly refused to "soften" his Scottish accent for others -- but she noticed, as the conversation went on, he *naturally* softened it in the conversation, to better match the American-ish accents of the young women he was talking to (accents that undoubtedly had been converging to Scottish over the several months they'd been in Scotland up to that point). (2) I'm not 100% sure that expectation is the *sole* reason to explain how accents move towards matching the sounds. If you can pick up that "aye" is being pronounced "ah", and you're asked "what is this tiny coin?" it's only natural to pronounce it "dahm"!
I do this a lot! I get very distressed when my mother (who has a rural accent) is home and some friend (talking in a completely different way) comes over... worlds collide! I get so damn nervous, I avoid talking at all.
I think some of it is accents that are different than one's own can be difficult to understand. It is sort of like having an accent translator in your head that switches on to ease in communication. When it is turned on, my speech follows the same route as what I'm expecting to hear. It has less to do with fitting in or outwardly projecting than it does struggling to sort out someone's accent in real time.
I Do it more than I probably realize, yet I'm cognizant of it at times and 'Try' to stop. Since I was very young I was always good at imitating many different accents, actors etc. So it's been going on for a long time. I've always known I had ADHD but only over the last year or so have come to realize-(Self-diagnosed)I'm a high masking autistic adult as well. It's incredible to find resources and community here. It's quite a relief to realize that I'm NOT a disaster and my life has turned out the way it has due to my neurodiversity. I'm still full of gratitude to have made it this far(57) and FINALLY know what has always been going on.
@ScottRyan-Akhi23: me too, just turned 59 and so feeling seen now. What the doctor says in the video about medical professionals reacting to ND in a way they do because they think autistic = retarded, is exactly what happened to me when I came out to some. It is why I don't seek an official dx for Autisme. I did get one for ADHD when I was in my forties.
This reminds me so much of my childhood- my mother (originally from NY raised in Florida) and I had moved to a TINY town in the Appalachian mountains in Virginia, where our accents made us stand out (in addition to our undiagnosed AUDHD). They really just couldn’t figure us out. My mother made an enemy of our neighbors because they introduced us to their dog Bear, and my mother said “Buyer! That’s such an unusual name for a dog”! And continued to call this dog buyer completely misunderstanding the accent, and completely missing that they may have been insulted by this. It really confused them because in all other ways my mom is a genuinely kind individual. I remember people calling us “outsiders”, but several years later when I moved back to Charlotte, I remember still feeling that way. I tried everything to assimilate- I even had everyone call me by a more “normal” name, I was sure that would help- I have an unusual name. Anyone else surprised it didn’t? I also recently realized I do this when I was talking to my son’s girlfriend who has a minor speech “thing”, just kind of an unusual pattern of speech, and made note of it. Thanks for explaining it! I hate it when I realize I’m doing it!!
The Dr having flashbacks to being bullied in school when the other guy fakes being asleep to avoid answering if he was bullied. That was painful to watch 😂
Hi everyone I think my favorite is going to Canada, Then asking a boot Something. I've had The people at the visitor center Just busting up laughing. as I was growing up ,not knowing I was autistic I set up CB radio. It was awesome I was talking to all different people in different voices And accents. I'm 60 now and just recently diagnosed. It really helps having Access to this material. Excellent video guys.
IDK if this was supposed to be hilarious, but the interaction between the two sent me. I haven’t laughed this much in a while. I need another video of these two together. I stopped caring about what was being said🤣
Brother, you’re explaining so much to me that I have had no words for years to say I haven’t been able to explain this to woman for years, she pointed out that I unconsciously mimic people and I know I sometimes do it intentionally, but she’ll say even after watching a movies and shows you will exhibit mimicry I know I score extremely high on Cat-Q test. This is so understandable, relatable, and completely factually true
I did this once in an interview before i was diagnosed with ASD1 ( female, dx at 27). I got the job and felt like I had to keep doing it to mask. It of course ended poorly. People trying to find sneaky ways to get me to "tell them where I'm from" that turned into bullying and me quitting. As a kid, i got bullied indirectly a lot in the form of malicious rumors. I was probably not even made aware of the full extent of it. The most crushing part as an adult is the ostracization and infantilization. To the average person my traits would probably make me seem bougie and or ditzy.
I definitely do this, both consciously and subconsciously, and it helps that I know my voice can easily be tuned for multiple accents. I don't worry about it too much.
When I had chronic laryngitis and lost my voice for several weeks, people wouldn't stop whispering at me. I felt like I was on a spy mission whenever I spoke to anyone in the office.
Teacher of mine once couldn't talk at all due to a sore throat. When I tried conveying something to him, I forgot I could just speak out loud and tried explaining it non-verbally. Awkward stuff.
I generally copy other people's accents and possibly any sounds they make, like clearing their throat or whatever. I do this without intention, it just happens. I never talk slower or louder based on how they look, only if I come to know that I should do that. I don't think I felt like getting bullied as a child but I'm not sure if that actually happened. Maybe I just didn't understand it happened? Or just didn't care? I was mostly hanging out with the minority groups in school, and often played alone when not in school. I don't have a clear memory anymore after some 3 decades.
Linguistic convergence is an important tool in the mask building toolbox. I use it whenever I feel it’s necessary. Especially if I’m in an unknown or stressful environment. How much I use and for how long depends on the results. When I was young it was spontaneous which led to several embarrassing situations and conflicts. I couldn’t read the room. For the most part I control it and build a proper mask for any group, person or occasion. I don’t know who I am anymore but I’ve survived 60+ years without being bullied or socially isolated. I may be a rare case so I am not recommending anyone to adopt my method. I am glad to hear you say not to completely drop masks. This trend to “be yourself” and let everyone know you’re disabled and a minority class can only end in tears and a higher su!cide rate in my opinion. Do only what you’re comfortable with. Be safe out there amongst the normies.
I only really remember one time that I adopted someone's accent, I was 19 and I had met a lady from Minnesota, and when I went home to visit my mom and brothers months later, I had a Minnesota accents. I didn't pick up anyone' accent, and I didn't even hear it in myself until my brother pointed it out. I did, however, nanny for 2 different families around 20-24 years back, a live-in nanny. Each time, I ended up just about becoming the mothers of those children. They were my best friends, probably because I lived with them and only really saw them. I never thought I was acting like them, but I remember when my mom would call, and she would always think I was the lady of the house, at each house, she could not tell me apart over the phone even though to my ears I sounded completely different from those ladies. Years apart, completely different personalities. I don't know if the ladies could tell, either, I think they just thought we had a lot in common. But looking back, I think I adapted to them specifically so it was easier for me to live in their homes. And now that I'm thinking about it, the same thing happened to me when I worked overnights at Walmart a long time ago, I pretty much became the female version of the male coworker in my department. It's actually uncanny to think about, and a little disturbing to know I'm capable of completely re-forming myself to match someone else just for acceptance. I had completely forgotten about that until you brought it up in this video. I don't remember consciously doing it, either. I wonder how other people saw me, back then?
Years before I suspected I might be audhd, I struggled with this, and now I have a name for it. Thank you! I once caught myself mimicking the accent of a filipino friend of mine. We had been talking quickly for hours, and I only noticed what I was doing when it was getting harder for me to speak. I apologized and explained that was just something weird I did and we laughed it off and I forced my voice back to normal. He said it was so gradual of a change that he didn't notice until I pointed it out. My parents don't have much of an accent to speak of, and on my normal setting, I sound like that (think boring white people lol) but I now work with someone with a very strong, deep-woods southern accent (berenstain bears) and when I come home, it takes a while to spit that out. So weird looks, yes. It does cause some confusion, and it can be annoying to me sometimes and probably to others, too, if I didn't actively fight against it. Also, I live in Loxley, Alabama. I've heard, soda, pop, soda pop, coke, cola, or co-cola. 😆 I guess we're in a weird versatile spot.
I did this many times while in people facing jobs, primarily in retail and restaurant jobs. I remember warping and changing like a chameleon whenever I had a customer asking me questions. This one time, I changed my accent to Spanish-like, even though I didnt speak any Spanish at all, just to try to adapt and comfort my customer. I thought he was looking for the food item PEPPERS. I took him to show him canned PEPPERS but it took a bit longer for me to figure out that he meant PAMPERS, the baby diapers. I somehow attempted to copy his version of PAMPERS and I pronounced it POMPERS and that allowed us to finally understand what he wanted. I totally see this as a survival skill. I only recently got my Autism DX last year but I understand how had it not been for those skills, I'd probably been fired along time ago for being totally useless to the job and the people who needed help finding things.
I remember a high school kid that was from the Netherlands who I was at a Super Bowl party with. We were talking for a while before the game and I started picking up his accent. I remember my friends looking at me like "wtf are you doing, weirdo?"
I know I definitely will start talking with an British accent from hearing it on youtube videos. But it seems random, like only when I stop listening or concentrating on it and go preoccupy myself with something else, like making a sandwich. I'll start naming off ingredients that I get out of the fridge or something, with a British accent. I think I'll do other accents that I might've been listening to as well. Also, it seems like since learning and going down the autism rabbit hole, a lot of content creators that post about autism have British, Australian, and New Zealand accents. I'm guessing they have a culture that is more supportive of it than here, in America. I don't think I was bullied a whole lot. I think (or I used to think) that I was mostly invisible, but as I interacted more and more through my formative years, it seemed more like I was not being listened to (considered) or just ignored (instead of thinking I was mostly invisible). That could be considered a kind of bullying. Now that I understand that I am autistic, it seems that I am not got the key of charisma and a tendency to avoid small talk, as is required by most people to "prime" an interaction. Then there is the matter of my having a mostly flat affect and not making natural eye contact that makes it seem like I am disinterested. Much for me to sort out.
i didn't know this was an adhd or autistic trait. I've always done it. i am also really into learning languages and have been since i was 5. i always figured those two traits were linked. also i think that matching someone's accent facilitates communication, as long as they don't think you're mocking them.
I do this all the time. I think for me, it is kind of an echolalia thing. I like the way accents feel, so I always replicate them. I throw out weird accents like all the time. "BAD DONKEYYY!"
My kid has to coach me whenever I get a Welsh customer service rep on the phone. Newcastle, Essex and Liverpool are others, but Welsh is my worst 😅 it's just so lovely, it's so hard not to mirror😅
When working as a call center rep, I was constantly misidentified by the person on the other end of the call. They always assumed I was whatever they were. They were not shy in bad mouthing the people with differnt ethnic accents who worked in the same office. I also got the most commendations from the customers after ward. I was petson they spoke to when orders were wrong and needed correcting. So they were already angry and frustrated by the time I got em. I guess I got the voices right cuz my boss told me they said they liked the way I talked compared to those other folks. We were a diverse crew so I never knew which other folk they specifically had issue with, but apparently I never sounded like "them" , but my coworkers never said I sounded different either.
I got a LITTLE bit of bullying from others, but by far most of my bullying came from my own mother from a very young age. She was an army brat through the 50s and 60s, raised in a very religious and conformist Methodist/Salvation Army family, and became either a clinical narcissist or BPD. That translated into a complete lack of patience for my alternate timeline for developing this or that skill or whether I even cared to learn something-certainly whether it was some social convention I thought it was foolish or illogical, of which there are MANY in her childhood milieu. So she basically tortured me at times, thought throwing me in the pool would make me learn to swim (literally and metaphorically), made fun of my body and how I used it (e.g. walk like a girl). So when TWICE my teachers approached her to have me skip a grade (2nd and 8th), she said I was too immature and declined. I'm 55 and still fume about it, honestly. How my mother treated me upset other people, which resulted in invitations and exceptions to rules, so that I could have the opportunity to experience a healthier environment and spend time on vacation from my home life. If not for them, I would be a very different person, if I even survived. My father commit suic… when I was ten, so I was set against that as an option; BUT, had I not people who demonstrated life could be different, who knows.
I get it. We are trying to demonstrate a safe space for each other's neuro-divergence. But why would you not only show what looks like feigned disinterest to the point of falling asleep at 16:26, but then call back to it at 17:03? At the risk of triggering someone by using the word triggered about being triggered, I'll say that my firing mechanism was engaged and I felt some feels, not the least of which was shame, guilt and sadness. I realize that folks with ADD/ADHD (myself included) can be a little "look squirrel!" and oftentimes are impatient with long narratives, needing a more streamlined or bullet point style of dialogue. But those of us who also have Autism, and especially those whose comorbidities include C/PTSD may have a few things going on in the old brain pan that cause a bit of scattershot, rambling discourse, especially if you are a primarily visual thinker. And if this is you, I bet you have been ridiculed enough already without having to see someone fall asleep while someone with Autism holds forth on his story and it's importance to the topic of discussion? But giving the benefit of the doubt, I will assume it was to (hopefully, humourously) point out that we can be tolerant, gracious and understanding of our ADD/ADHD friends when they are (unconsciously) rude, while we are (unconsciously) tedious. But for the very literal of us out there, I think your massive comic subtlety missed an opportunity to teach a very good lesson about circumspection while you were talking about 'obsessively observing other people' and 'picking up on the mannerisms of others' while obliviously stuck in a track like a loquacious locomotive. Or was that the point, and the joke is on me? It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last... Perhaps I am projecting. I guess this is an opportunity for me to see where the other three fingers are pointing, I suppose. If that's the case. I take it all back; well done, and thanks for the therapy! (BTW, at this point I considered deleting all of this, but I figured if someone can learn something from my folly, I'll just leave it up)
@FriendlyFare I felt exactly the same. I haven't seen any other of their video's, so I don't know if they do this all the time, but it was really putting me off. It triggered all kinds of rejection for me.
@@Pouquiloury Huh. I really thought that maybe I was overthinking it, but I guess when I consider it, both things can be true: That 1) my (and your) feelings are valid and shouldn't be dismissed, and 2) I can also be projecting, because I see aspects of both behaviours reflected back at me and I have unresolved issues to address. Either way, I think it is especially prudent when dealing with neuro-divergent folks to heed the sage words of renowned Ad Exec David Ogilvy: "use humor at your own risk" :P
I always try to guess the region, dialect, etc.; usually because it's more interesting than the conversation. I don't mimic (but I sure can), instead, people become a study of types and logistical information about what lead someone to where they are now, why their behavior is such, and so on. I can't turn that facility off, but no one knows unless I mention it.
I’ve done this my whole life… And I also use the accent/voice of whatever person I’m quoting when I quote them. And this has definitely been taken the wrong way by people, where they think I’m mocking them. I understand it now, but for *many* years I couldn’t understand why people would think that, when all I was doing was repeating back exactly what I had heard.
Oh this is a thing, huh... That explains a few things. I'm swedish so my accent in english floats all over the place, usually ending up vaguely mid-atlantic. But... I spend 10 minutes online gaming with an American, and my vowels change, my Rs change, and I'll use terms like "dumbass." Spend ten minutes gaming with a brit, my vowels change again, and I'm likely to substitute "dumbass" for "plank." It happens really fast too, in minutes. I've noticed taking on American, Scottish, English, Irish, Australian, South African... Always worried someone is gonna notice and think I'm being a douche bag. And yea. Lots of bullying. 8 years if it.
omgosh... More Ashton please. he's a great counterforce to all the "pie hole" stuff on the other end. His presence actually helps me pay more close attention, tbh. 🤭😘😘 Thanks for this video 🤠
This is a 13th Warrior leason, and it's as old as time. We listen to be understood. And that could be a carryover. What we call aspie today could have been as prevalent at the fall of the bronze age - the complcent pushing the natural disasters, and the wise few screaming internally, desperate to be understood.
Can be as subtle as copied intonation or hand gestures. Language, we have some difficulties with, so we are always (re)learning even our mother tongue and trying to catch up, imho.
I do this when around people in close conversation. but ONE day, I casually asked another shopper about the veggies he was standing near . Ive often confused people at first instance who think Im some sort of foreigner or exchange student. This guy, started asking me about where i was from , and where Ive lived. I confessed that people think i have a strange "accent" and he corrected me. His interest in me was because of my ( in his words) "Distinct Lack of Accent"! He was a linguist or something, and he could tell where people were from based on how they speak. Apparently , he couldnt place me , and it was so jarring that he decided to keep the conversation going to figure me out. I guess I start out as vanilla and become as spicy as my speaking partner.
I was raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In my 30s, I had the opportunity to vacation in London and Liverpool (because, you know, Beatles). Once in a shop, a woman raised a finger after a few sentences of conversation. "Let me guess! I love to guess...You're from Sweden?" I hated to disappoint her, but told her I was from Minnesota. BUT - there are many people there of Scandinavian descent, so maybe a 'Minnesota accent' incorporates a lot of Swedish pronunciation. I'm one of those people who will yak with ANYone who will, anywhere. I've read that those of us who do, live longer. 76 now. We'll just see about that.
Yes I was bullied. Fortunately, my parents took it seriously and when the bullying didn't stop at the school despite of efforts, they had me change the school. It was a much better school, and the bullying stopped almost completely. The next time I was bullied was in the army (we have a conscription army), but it wasn't as bad - fortunately so, as you basically live there with those bullying you - and as I already was an adult, I had learned already to deal with it better.
Bullied by my 5 years older sister my whole life, and then when I had my own opinions and self expression as a teen bullied by my mom sometimes, and my dad is super condescending of everything then calls himself a "realist." In school I was only bullied by two gris in the schoolbus when ate toast while waiting for the bus and had jam on my cheeks they made fun of me saying I had chickenpox in like grade 1, I held a grudge against them for years but I dont care anymore they had family problems. Oh and now I'm all grown up and made the choice to date someone who bullys be but he apologized yesterday and admitted to himself he's the problem and said hes changed now... I dont believe him yet but we'll see. And before him i dated someone who the people around me said was snappy or rude with me but I never noticed that about her so idk, we broke up and are just bffs now like before we dated. Idk i only stayed in school until grade 9 but there were definetly certain kids I grew up with at school that threw me dirty looks every time they looked at me I was like "what did i do wrong? Whats her problem?" I'd just give them the same look back. Id say its easy for me to make friends, but only when i put myself out there being trusting. What i didn in school usually, was look for someone familiar and bacsically become their follower do everything they do and join what they join. Perc of tha tho ibwould never have though to join band! There's nothing like the feeling of getting an encore after 3 year of hard work practicing! Although, im dyslex and never learned to read the notes so memorized the musica nd used the sheets as a giude and for reading the pauses and Forte or pianissamo(loud or quiet notes)
Oh but I did get my ged, and then went to college for Precision Machinist. It was a really great experience, and relatively inexpensive program because it was just 8 months long and at a trade school. It was tough but I did it despite my learning dissibilites and mental health. I didn't quit, because I'd rather fail then quit, it really hurt when my machine shop teacher told me I should quit before it's too late to get my money back because he felt I was falling behind and implied I was not smart enough. Later when I graduated and told him in an email I would be pursuing a different career path and won't be a machinist, he said "I’m very sorry to hear this _______, as I really think you would have done well in machining. The care and attention to detail that you put on your work is way above average for someone starting out. I also received a message from (ojt supervisor) and he was pleased with what he saw from you in the first 2 days. I’m pretty sure there would have been a job there for you. You can drop by any time, and I have your micrometer here for you."
I enjoyed milling machine, and wasn't scared of it though I was afraid of aluminum on the lathe and afraid I would attach the dogs wrong and hurt myself or someone. I also don't want to be in a noisy smelly industrial building with minimal natural lighting for 50 years, I feel I was meant to do more and something meaningful that gets me excited for planning on and logistics of and let's me problem solve like my own businesses eventually.
I like machining and it really itches my perfectionism, and is very task oriented and minimally need to interact with others, but it's more of something I'll do as a hobby when I'm older and become successful in business and am able to have a yard shop for hobby. I have dreams that my father probably doesn't believe I'm capable of, but I know I was meant to create and problem solve. If nobody believes in me but a few, that is more than Naruto had.
I don't know for sure if I do this, but I think so. Definitly I adapt on with who I am. Like I speak Berlin slang living here and switch back into northern german (not really Platt) if talking to people there or visiting it. Same with spanish (my dad was latino). And every "language" or art of talking has different appearance on me, like appear intellectual, youth, mom, etc. I have even different posture. Same with my bad english 😂
Linguistic divergence ! The main suspicious thing I wanted to know what was happening to be. From posh words and entonation and dressing up as expected by posh people… and I could migrate to the very other slang “poor “ neighbourhood to feel better and accepted because I have white skin and ( I’ve been told ) my accent doesn’t fit with people in my own country. “You live overseas?” What a mess!! Thank you very so very much . A Spanglish ND ( neuro divergent)!
yes, this definitely helps with masking autism, masking often helps avoid bullying but loses or blurries our fragile sense of self in a world of others not like us. i also stim this way..i just love to try and speak with these differing sounds rolling from my tongue or in my mouth. its a compliment in the highest degree but can be thought offensive, too. Sensory inputs like these or any others (or suppressing them) is so linked to diagnosis or mis-dx, i believe. And many neurotypical psychiatrists and psychologists still belittle abd talk down to people in the diagnostic assessment process which is very exhausting and demands our vulnerability and to show all of these things weve spent years trying to hide and erase, even if they give us joy and regulate us. I am an autistic mom. My brother was dx'd PDD-nos as a child in 70s. My late-20s son just went thru a govt paid assessment process (unlikely to get that again) and the psychologists, who clearly do not support autism self diagnosis and work in an autism program for Type 2 and 3 and not so much Type 1 , were 100% determined NOT to diagnose him with autism, repeatedly saying its not just social struggles (meanwhile he has prev. diagnosed auditory processing disorder, anxiety disorder, OCD, and sensory sensitivity was in his reports from mental health as early as 9 yoa. He has muted his stims due to constant bullying but he bounces his legs and twirls or touches his hair a lot at home. He infodumps all the time. My interview as his autistic mom was undermined because i am autistic!!! in the end, they gave him a dx of developmental disability which barrs his access to autism supports! i think many psychologists and psychiatrists just hate us/people 😢
About masking, it's situation and person specific. And my safety plan in a situation is to 1, speak as little as possible but make sure to keep the softest smile possible, 2, keep the conversation superficial and very close to the reason you're with the person in that moment, and 3, ask them about themselves inside that superficial and narrow topic bubble. Let them talk about themselves, you'll get an idea of how much masking you'll need or want to do with them going forward. Remember: They aren't your best friend. Save your special interests for the special people in your life, unless you're at a special interest conference. They aren’t entitled to know all about you even if they're pushy, and you don't need to fawn on them just to make them like you.😢 They're NOT in charge of your behavior, even if they're the boss or elder. There are always limits to what the typicals control in a situation...you don't need to defer to them just because you're divergent.
I highly appreciate the opportunity to connect with others who can relate to similar experiences. I value any insights on adapting and integrating into social environments without compromising our authenticity, especially considering our vulnerability to encountering challenging individuals. Your guidance has significantly positively impacted my life. Thank you! Remember everyone : Yield NOT capitulate
I am curious if vocabulary is included with linguistic convergence. I'm a mechatronics engineer and I talk about it with passion and I always want the person to understand what I'm saying. I have found neurotypical people wont ask what a word means and I don't understand why. So, I change my terminology and I end up offending someone. What I have learned to do is ask someone what they do for work. I can typically get a good Idea of their knowledge, but it often does not work.
When I was finally (at age 70, or so) diagnosed with ADHD, and began reading about it on the net, I had an epiphany that was like the proverbial veil lifting. SO much of my life was explained by that research. "Bill does not pay attention", or "does not apply himself", was written on most of my report cards. I could read at a high school level when I was about 6 years old. BUT I maintained about a 'C' average. While teachers were talking to the class, I'd be drawing dinosaurs. I flunked out of my first year (only year) of college. I failed even the courses in which I was truly interested. I'd cram the books just before final tests, but was totally lost when the exams were given. In work environments, I could NOT multitask. EVER. I told that to my last boss, and her response was "Yes you can!" I was so used to being shunned and ridiculed by jr. high that I wasn't able to recognize that, now and then, some kids were trying to befriend me. We were poor, and most of our clothes were bought at thrift stores. I remember very well when one boy said "Like your pants!" They were a hound's tooth pattern. I rolled my eyes and said, 'Right.' He said, "No, I mean it, man!" Later, I ran into him at a HS reunion, and he treated me like an old friend. I missed out on SO much, being lost in my own thoughts most of my youth.
Being bullied was the order of the day for me, until, in 7th grade, we moved from the 'burbs into Minneapolis proper. Then I actually was able to mingle with others, between classes. Still, I was so used to being treated as the sickly (asthmatic) weeb that I never let anyone get closer than a few words now and then.
Code switching i do it so well people think im from where they are. "Where you from?" 😂 i just realized the only habit i have is linguistic convergence. 😮 all kinda bullying more in person 😪 😢
Oh my gosh. This finally explains something that happened to me in 5th grade. I heard a classmate of mine talking. She had a strong stutter, and I had never heard her speak before. I was sitting in my seat, sort of talking to myself with a stutter, almost like I irresistibly had to “try on” that way of speaking. Unfortunately I was overheard by others including the teacher, who I idolized at the time. In front of the whole class, my teacher angrily shamed me for mocking the other student. I was really scarred by the incident and internalized that shame for a really long time, thinking I must be a horrible person. But I had never intended for her to hear me or feel bad - I just had no self-awareness about my effect on others in the class. Ugh.
That misunderstanding sucks. It's okay now though, they probably don't remember. Technically you could contact them and apologize and explain the situation if it's still possible for peace of mind.
Omg! I had a similar experience and it haunts me to this day! I still feel so horrible about it!
There's an echolalia processing aspect, I think.
Oh wow! Me too. It was my attempted understanding what they were going through, not making fun of them, but nobody understood that and I was always getting scolded if not worse by mean teachers rather than have them explain to me privately why I shouldn't do that because it might hurt their feelings
I’ve had similar experiences. We aren’t good at explaining ourselves. I’m sorry that happened to you.
One thing I do that honestly confuses me is that, in addition to mirroring other people's vocal mannerisms/accents/etc, I even find myself mirroring people's texting habits - word choice, degree of formality, use of particular emojis, that sort of thing. I always figured I did this as my mind's way of trying to "fit in" as best as possible, which checks out since I spent so much of my childhood defending against being socially cut to pieces.
I especially relate with the choices of emoji! I'm not even aware of my brain picking up the emoji from the other person, so usually only after I've already chosen my emoji, I'll notice that oops, it was the exactly same one as the other person used. Sometimes that's not a bad thing, but sometimes I change it so that I don't seem just like a copycat.
I definitely mimic others' texting or Discord messaging habits (amount & types of abbreviations, emoji choices, etc). It also might extend somewhat beyond just informal communication as well. In a peer-review session in a college English class, one member of my group said my essay sounded like a Harry Potter book 😆
At least it seems like most people don't view similar text as mocking them.
I do this so much when I am in new social situations/environments! Recently I have had to write emails to people I had never communicated before and I automatically "corrected" my style/formality level... and it already has gotten me in trouble. Turns out some people are formal and expect you to answer informally so they feel comfortable and not doing so is considered rude... and some uni profs or administratives can talk to me informally but I should always respond formally regardless but when should happen what I still don't know, because some of those people (who I would consider figures of authority) are the ones that have gotten offended with me :(
Omg I do this! Texting or emailing a British friend, I use her spelling and language usage. "Colourise" or "took a decision" instead of US colorize and made a decision.
We try desperately to relate, don't we😮😅❤
It's not only with our speech that we do this, we mimic behavior patterns of NT people as well. I've wondered if it's something we learn to do as a way of trying to 'normalize' ourselves, or fit into a particular circumstance or group of people. Maybe our brains think if we act like them then we won't stand out as different. A form of masking, perhaps. It's probably a tactic we learn when very young as we become aware of our differences. I've caught myself adopting the tone or behavior of people I'm working or socializing with around our common interests. Too often, I still end up coming across as awkward.
Same! I have to catch myself doing it. Definitely think it's the automatic reflex of masking we've been doing since little
It's normal for humans to imitate others behaviours in Order to learn and connect. For us the difference is Just that we can't make it our own Like Others do after a while, because we work differently to an extent. So to that extent it stays a foreign behaviour that we imitate.
Mimicry is normal human behavior
Exactly! Accommodate nt special needs, taught to mirror for acceptance, compliance with fear, and other safety attempts, NOT some autistic neuroblip
I used to listen to the adults talking with my mom. I often went unnoticed. I think this led to me seeming older/smarter when talking to other adults.
I could also seem to mix in with older people wirhout being called out immediately as the young person. I even had some older ladies laugh and tell me a phrase I used was so old even they rarely use it anymorw and thought it was cute that i had .
Dear God, I’ve done the accent mirroring and was clueless until friends pointed it out. Glad to know why.
Bullying? Yes yes yes and yes! I experienced so much. I moved to a different state after 9th grade and my school experience changed *drastically*. At first I figured it was mostly bc the people there were just much nicer, and that may be true (or not), but I later realized that that *did* change was my mask. It was a fresh start and I was no longer surrounded by people who knew me my whole life and all the ways in which I was "weird" or whatever. So I worked myself overtime trying to be a social butterfly. I was friendly to everybody and (almost) everybody was super friendly back to me. I absolutely wrecked my poor nervous system (and GI tract...) but I was suddenly really well-liked and popular. Everybody knew me and was happy to see me.
... But I had no friends. I had a friend group, kind of. But I almost never did anything with them outside of school and when I did I felt just ridiculously anxious. I *wanted* a friend, maybe two, but I never found one in all those people.
I think one reason for that is actually because the worst bullying I experienced previously came from people I had considered friends, people who I would invite over to play and hang out or go to their house. It was terrible.
So sorry you went through that. I was physically bullied when I started school, until one time when I was being held down by multiple people I lost it and fought back viciously, with my teeth. After that it never happened again, instead I was left alone, very isolated, which for me was preferable. By the time I left that school I had learned masking, and things went better in the new school, I even made a couple of friends, though like you we hardly ever did anything outside of school. I went to one of their houses twice because he wanted someone to play chess with, but it wasn't a comfortable experience, and once they asked me to come out with them as a group, but so far as I could tell they were just hanging around the streets and didn't have anything interesting they wanted to do so I never went again. That was it. In school I developed a persona that was a barrier against verbal bullying from my peers, and I was a big lad so physical bullying only happened on rare occasions. My PE teacher would verbally bully me every lesson, though, until I found a way to get out of PE. "The best years of your life", hah!
I'm definitely with you there with the whole "having a friend group, but not really". It really does suck, especially if there's group projects or a particularly crowded lunch table and you're the one that has to be left out. I hope you've managed to find your people now. I'm starting to meet my own, and they're much more solid friendships than anything from school. And, even if you haven't met yours yet, you've got your whole life to meet more people and to connect over passions and interests ^ ^ you've got this!
Linguistic convergence is a bit of a double edged sword. Yes, it can get you into trouble for sure. Or as in my case, get a big laugh when I suddenly turn to speak to someone in the room with an unnatural accent and realize I'm doing it. However, as a person that moved all over the place, it's really handy for making a first impression and fitting in as mentioned late in the video, and it really helps with sounding fluent in other languages.
Real, I accidentally catfish people so much when speaking second languages and my accent can shift over the course of a conversation
I just learned that I do this! I'm a homebody and don't like to travel, but I went to Tennessee recently (as a native Californian) and could not stop trying to mimic their accents. My family was so embarrassed but it was soooooo satisfying!!
It's not that we're making fun of them. It's our ability to mimic like a voice acting savant like how a musical savant is able to play a song they only heard once.
I do it because I like how they sound and aspire to be a voice actor. I'm not perfect in some accents, but some comes naturally to me because of my upbringing and what media I consumed.
Sometimes my inner voice even sounds like someone else that i just accidentally mirror in a way or another
LOL that's cute :)
I've definitely noticed that my internal monologue talks differently depending upon the way in which I'm thinking.
I do this in my head- if watch a movie with an accent or read a book with a certain dialectic rhythm, my "inner" voice will take on that accent or cadence- my masking is too strong for me to do it outloud, but I am NEVER not talking in my head (which is why it's so hard NOT to start saying some of it outloud...)
Okay, so it counts if it's in your head?
One more brick in the diagnostic wall, haha...
If I build it high enough on my own, maybe I can get someone else (who has authority to officially diagnose) to notice...
If i ever watch a show in a different accent, i usually end up thinking in that accent unconsciously for a good while until i’m no longer interacting with that piece of media lmao… i also lived in a very multi-cultural area as a kid, and i’d just end up talking in an indian english accent, or a arabic english accent or whatever other type i was interacting with at the time and I always wondered why i did and how to stop doing it lmao
For a couple of years in graduate school I imitated a certain historian I considered very authoritative. I ended up sort of stuck in that voice, which was NOT my voice. I broke out of it by writing a paper in a funny ranting style. I warned the teacher before I handed in the paper, including the reason I was doing it. He gave me an A on the paper, but said that the ranting style was terrible and I needed to chuck it. The method worked though. It helped me adopt a more natural voice.
I do this somewhat. I've noticed that after reading Jane Austen and the like, I suddenly become very wordy and have a tendency to formulate my sentences in the way that is common of that time period's writing. Or I'll adopt an accent (usually only in my head) after hearing/seeing it a lot on a television show or something.
I also subconsciously mirror people in other ways. When I was a teenager, I had a friend who was kind of a jerk. And my other friends pointed out that the more I hung out with her, the more of a jerk I behaved, and they didn't like that. So I stopped hanging out with the jerk friend, because I didn't want to lose my other friends. I was never intentionally being a jerk, though. I just unconsciously mimic the behavior of others.
Wow. This explains why I am good at an accent ONLY when I’m talking with someone, or in a group, such as singing in a choir. I have a VERY hard time, however, when acting, if I’m supposed to be speaking in an accent different from those around me. Then I can’t maintain it. Interesting!
EDIT: Yes, bullied a lot in school, growing up in the 60’s and 70’s. Diagnosed ADHD at 49 (62 now), I also have a lot of Autistic Traits.
Same here, except diagnosed as Aspie at 53. 62 now.
0:11, twenty-two years ago, decades before I knew about my AuDHD, I went to visit my spouse’s family, in Montana. The Eastern Montana accent is similar to that stereotypical Fargo accent. During that week, I began speaking with their accent. I was so angry with myself, and couldn’t understand why I was such a fraud, because I’m the opposite of a fraud. It just made no sense, because I have a southern accent(I think). Now, I understand.
I LOVE that I have this trait. I come from both the west coast and Appalachia. .. so I can switch between both and understand everything. It also helped me to self learn 3 other languages. Spanish especially… I am so good at mimicking that most native speakers think I am as well ❤️💯
This hits home for sure. Growing up (mostly 7th grade on), I never wanted to fit in with any one group (if one group got rid of me I wanted a fallback). So I tried to be "friends' with everyone, this led to me knowing lots of people but not being very close to any, so I learned to pick up on any unique "lingo" of the different groups.
Exact same here
@@captainkirk4271 hahaha, exactly! I dont know if you are a video gamer... I'm playing No Man's Sky currently so that term fits perfectly right now...
I could never figure out how to actually get close to anybody in any group, so I had a lot of friend groups that I could move between, but no actual friends.
@@NitFlickwick yes, a lot of friend groups... I made micro-groups, I "categorized" my friends by their interests...I had a "music" friend and a "car" friend... ectand a friend to ward off bullies... Really he was a huge bully himself...
@@utespick I had the industrial music group, the synthpop music group, the skate/ska music group, the skateboarding group, the weird kids group, the theater group, and the smart kids group. There were a good number of intersections between them, but each group had its own acceptable behaviors, and I wasn’t always great at picking the correct behavior for the correct group (I might talk too much skateboarding in the theater group because there were one or two skateboarders beside me in there).
It was so much effort to keep track of. By the time I hit college, I just gave up on social stuff. I had a friend group of dormies the first year, but, after that, I was basically on my own. The only one I was actually close to (who was almost certainly also undiagnosed autistic in an abusive family) was unable to continue coping. I wonder if things would have been different if we had known.
I never had another friend group, though I had a small handful of friends (one at a time), and they would include me in group stuff.
I’m curious about your username. Are you a fan of Australian vehicles, a North American native people, a university affiliated with those people, or something else?
Neurodivergent soul here, I totally do this. I tend to warn people I do this. I say 'can I just warn you, if I start sounding like you,I promise Im not mocking you. Its just a thing that happens by reflex, not by choice.' Mostly its helped, and minimises some of the conflict. Mine is mirroring accents, and mannerisms. Didn't know abot my neurodivergence then. so much of what you have said was the same 4 me
Me too
Same!!!
Once, my friend/housemate (who was born in England but lived in my hometown, a medium-size city in a flyover state) invited her niece to visit us from England. We all got along great, and during her visit the three of us flew to the coast and for a weekend in San Francisco. During the trip, I started picking up their speech patterns without noticing it until, all at once, I was startled to realize I was speaking with a Scouse accent like theirs. Fortunately, my travel companions didn't seem to notice it at all, and it seemed friendly and fun so I didn't make any effort to stop. The trouble came when we returned home, and my new accent didn't seem to abate any. One evening our friends came to visit, and I realized they would definitely notice, and I asked one friend privately about it. "Did you notice I picked up their accent?" I asked. "Oh, yes, we noticed," he said. "Does it seem pretentious?" I asked. "A little," he said, not unkindly. That was all it took: Instantly I was back to talking like myself again.
It's so hard to not do this, even more so when you notice it then try to stop. I love how you can present an important topic and deliver it with a quirky cool comedic flair. Your videos are so fun to watch!
Plenty of bullying, didn’t get to me too much. It did enough to be upsetting. I remember parents of Sunday school kids I was in class with were always talking crap about me, shaming me and my mother, just generally being condescending. Adults bullying a child. Incredible.
Sure when I was in my twenties, I had a close friend from NZ . I had no idea I was talking with a NZ accent until a doctor asked me how long I had been in Australia. I was quite taken back and said that I’m an Australian, but he looked quite confused and said but you have a strong NZ accent?
Crazy thing that more and more behaviors of mine turn out to be part of autism. I have been seeking answeres for them for years and years… almost all of my weird things relates to autism. So uplifting to know that I am not wrong just different by default.
Same. I finally feel like I'm not just broken, as the world tried to say I was. It's the tism.
Same same!
I am finally starting to appreciate my weirdness, I have hated myself and thought I was broken for most of my life.
But we are actually pretty damn awesome, it's the world that's broken...
I tend to converge with people a lot. I pick words, movements ,behaviours. I even notice my laugh changing depending on who is my strongest influence. It surely has something to do with my mother punishing me when I said no growing up. I still struggle with boundaries .
Convergence can help in small doses. But I have definitely noticed that if I do this too much I put myself in danger as well. It makes it easier to go over one's boundaries or not even notice them im the first place if you pick up too much stuff from other people and loose yourself. For example I always got rejected and bullied by other girls (for example in third grade the queen bee forbid anyone who would listen to her to talk to me, so for a year almost no one talked to me at school) until I started to copy them. An average teenage girl crushes on people a lot. So to keep up I felt like I had to, too. I put myself under emotional pressure to develop emotionally and sexually like other people even though I was just slower. I ended up getting raped because I didn't have anyone teaching me about staying safe, being allowed to say no and putting myself in environments and situations that were overwhelming for me. That trauma played a big part in eventually shaking me out of the mask I had started to become after I went through the phase were it got even worse due to the trauma.
What the ND doctor says: I haven't felt safe during any school years. I used to get to school in the nick of time, so I hadn't time to wait in the schoolyard and getting picked on. I learned to get in good graces with the influential benign ones so I could survive the compulsory morning and afternoon breaks where we had to go outside in the schoolyard. This was elementary school. I am ADHD enough not to blend in or be silent and Autistic enough to stick out. In the first year of high school I got into a fight (after someone beat me with a hockeystick for some imagined wrong) and I won. It got me the image of someone not to mess with and I was never bullied or afraid of it since. But I was still very afraid in our town which was built like a project, with lots of dark corners and fly overs. I could handle myself being brainy, witty and sharp. But really not equiped to the finer workings of social interactions. Making 'friends' was ok, having real friendship with connection was not so easy (oversharing, rejection sensitivity, depression). I found out that people think me odd, and I tend to rub people the wrong way. Whenever I get into conversations with people who have seen me but never talked with me I get told quite often: oh, but you are a really nice person, in a tone of voice that indicates that they thought I was not.
I met with bullies at work, in social circles and recently at my GP's office. I deal with it with snide remarks, sarcasm and non tolerance. So let them think I am delicate, not like a flower, but like the volatile. My youth has had many a trauma, so I am hyper vigilant as well.
Had a dx ADHD when I was 42 yo and found out since that I am autistic as well (59 yo now). UA-cam has been a great tool for providing so much information and ND people sharing their quirks, which made me understand myself so much better. Having ADHD and Autism makes me a walking barrel of inconsistency but finding my tribe online makes me feel so validated.
I once got pulled over at a checkstop, when the cop asked if I'd been drinking, I said "Je ne parle pas l'anglais monsieur." (I didn't speak French either). Not only did the cop's voice change but his posture too. His head went back, he stood rigidly straight (almost at attention) and loudly and slowly said, "Move Alooooong". Funniest shit ever.
While talking with anyone whose accent differs from my plain Northeast USA almost-non-accent, I catch myself mirroring their accent. I internally roll my eyes at myself and internally ask my brain why it keeps doing that to my voice while also getting mildly anxious over the possibility that they might think I'm mocking them or making fun of their accent.
When I finally figured out that I'm Autistic and took a deep dive into my new Special Interest, I learned that this Linguistic Convergence is a Neurodivergent Thing.
Frequently, during those accent-shifting conversations, a foreigner who is by now accustomed to listening to the "local" accent will say to me, "You're not from 'roun here, are you? Where are you from?" I usually explain that learning French as a second language in school and a little bit of Spanish later in life helped me to adapt and sound more natural with other languages and accents. Plus, I enunciate, which is uncommon these days, so some people ask if I'm British. 😂 Nah, I'm from New England, not Old England. And then I'll 'converge' through about 4 or 5 different semi-local accents within a couple sentences to describe the radius of linguistic influence I grew up listening to.
On the subset of converging when speaking with elderly people, I generally start with my own regular voice and let them inform me whether I'm too quiet. Sometimes, i automatically adjust to a deeper pitch which helps me remember to increase volume at the same time.
🤓❤️🩹🤗
I would never let it come out when talking to actual people, but I talk to myself in solitude A LOT, so when I was watching Doctor Who during the 11th Dr’s era with Amy Pond, I started self talking in Amy’s accent for a good while. I also tend to lightly mimic other people’s affects and dialects sometimes.
neuro divergence can get you felonies pretty easy, especially in an environment where you cannot in any way defend yourself ✌️💚.
ill be 46, never realized how on the spectrum i was until about 5 years ago. i was told by a child psychologist when i was 12 or 13 that things would get more difficult with age, it definitely is lol
This is so important and needs to be talked about more.
Entertaining and informative video, thank you!
I've done this several times, unconsciously. Either I've noticed it right after saying it, or someone notes my "accent", or I've realized it years later.
Wow, what a fantastic topic. Yes, I have experienced this linguistic convergence issue quite a bit, including being on the receiving end of that slowwww talk from someone that I thought would know better.
I live in North Carolina now, but I'm originally from South Jersey. All of my relatives are from North Carolina, too. I absolutely hate being forced to call a shopping cart a buggy. I totally understand all their sayings but they make no effort to try to understand me. I find myself sounding a little like them at times, and I hate it. Wow, I really wish I had someone on my side and advocate for me when I was in the hospital at the beginning of this year. I kept telling the nurses and doctors that I'm autistic but they totally didn't care whatsoever. I use to have a therapist who was trained in autism and I kept wishing she was there to explain my problems to the doctors and nurses. She moved away two years ago and now I have nobody that understands me. I have a really, really bad phobia about medical stuff and needles that makes me violently sick, I kept telling that to everyone in the hospital but nobody seemed to care. I have a new therapist now that knows nothing about autism. I have to explain some of my traits to her, she has no clue. It's difficult to find a therapist with autism experience if you don't have the best health insurance or a hand full of one hundred dollar bills.
Autism creates enough internal struggles on its own. Having to interact with disinterested or uninformed neurotypicals can be rather distressing. We each have our own unique palette 🎨 of traits across the spectrum, which makes it frustrating when they try to fit us into their limited "cookie cutter" perspective on Autism.
I do hope you can find someone who understands well enough to help advocate and communicate your individual needs.
❤️🩹🤓
Maybe just eating meat would help you avoid Drs and needles. I haven't seen a DR in a decade
Dude! I totally do that! I had no idea that was an autistic thing.
❤word
On the spectrum here, went to a conference my husband was speaking at down in Atlanta, we're from Madison Wisconsin. There were folks from Texas, Louisana, including a Cajun, one from Florida, both Carolinas, Virginia, Tennessee as well as Georgians. I could recognize and remember each after hearing their accent. When I went home I ran a Childcare Network, getting calls from anxious parents looking for family daycare providers. I found that if I used a Southern accent, if calmed folks down, and I could get the info of their needs to better give then referrals who could meet their needs.
On the other hand, after traveling north into upper peninsula of Michigan, when I got my husband to stop so I could ask directions, talking like a native, with "you know hey" was helpful, but drove him crazy that I mirrored so well.
Btw I also am ambidextrous and had no problem driving in England, whilst he ended up on rotary land off roadway trying to exit London when he hit an 8way rotary and freaked. Quickly switched seats, and did most of the driving there. Hehe.
But yeah the mirroring comes quite easily, fortunately the folks at the conference were very nice and amazed I could ID where folks were from based on hearing their accent.
That's a crazy ability. I can't even identify my own accent.
Thank god I was able to easily explain away this trait as something non-native speakers like me just naturally do. I must sound quite insufferable after binging a season of Outlander (but in a live conversation I start doing it in less than 10 minutes).
i love this conversation, and you're both so charming and wholesome, what a treat
Nicely done. 😊
After moving west, it sounded funny to hear "pop" (sweet carbonated beverage) being called "soda" .
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
@@JamesFJohnson
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@Rogerseegren271Does he deliver to various locations?
Haha- sometimes I figure out why a breakup happened a year later... re language. I "catch" ticks. Perhaps it's something to do with that. Also I'm willing to bet that our tendency to call a spade a spade combines with accent mimicry to make us seem super racist. My boarder was Nigerian. Whenever discussing what she said, I'd use her accent, I reckon it's the verbal equivalent of black face. She liked it when I mimicked her, other people were less understanding.
I wouldn't call it verbal blaceface because blackface is done with intention. Personally I've noticed that people don't mind imitation if you do it in a way they feel respected and seen. The person whose opinion matters is the one who is affected, so if she didn't mind then maybe you did nothing wrong.
@@kaedatiger I don't believe I did anything wrong, I just know what it sounds like. It's very hard to explain Away
@@drfill9210 I think I understand what you mean. Sometimes people get offended at things they don't look that deeply into.
I have ADHD, and I can do this, although I try to notice it and not do it in front of people...EXCEPT...there's a very good use for this trait: learning foreign languages! French people tell me I speak without an accent; that's the one I've studied longest.
I do it when speaking with non native speakers never realized what I was doing
I always learn new things from the ND doctor, thank you!
I so enjoyed the editing on this video. Clever enough to keep my attention, I wish more instructional materials were designed like this. And I can attest that the phenomenon is real. Thanks.
I always wondered why I subconsciously and uncontrollably mimicked my peers during conversation, down to the nuanced tones and inflections. I also always thought I'd struggled with cognitive dissonance, but now after some reading, internal dissonance fits the bill much better.
I have had ADHD my whole life but I just got my diagnosis last week. No lie-I’m 51 in two weeks. I have always loved languages and accents and in my teens, I would adopt certain accents for a day or so, just for fun. I would make people so mad! My favorite English accent is either Welsh or Northern English as found in Manchester (Brummie). I’m from Southern California. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do this anymore. I have an extra complication in my diagnosis called Social Pragmatic Communication Disorder. I guess I’m just rude when i speak. Thank you for explaining this. :)
I call it when my brain switches channels. I swear I can't control when it happens and for how long it just spontaneously does.
I have a couple of observations about linguistic convergence:
(1) I suspect that it's natural for everyone, because it's an unconscious way to make sure we're "on the same page" when communicating. Indeed, when my wife was a missionary in Scotland, she met someone who loudly refused to "soften" his Scottish accent for others -- but she noticed, as the conversation went on, he *naturally* softened it in the conversation, to better match the American-ish accents of the young women he was talking to (accents that undoubtedly had been converging to Scottish over the several months they'd been in Scotland up to that point).
(2) I'm not 100% sure that expectation is the *sole* reason to explain how accents move towards matching the sounds. If you can pick up that "aye" is being pronounced "ah", and you're asked "what is this tiny coin?" it's only natural to pronounce it "dahm"!
I do this a lot! I get very distressed when my mother (who has a rural accent) is home and some friend (talking in a completely different way) comes over... worlds collide! I get so damn nervous, I avoid talking at all.
This is Brilliant! Thanks so much for making this!
My base accent is like this. It’s so muddled from picking up different accents that I’m always asked where I’m from.
I think some of it is accents that are different than one's own can be difficult to understand. It is sort of like having an accent translator in your head that switches on to ease in communication. When it is turned on, my speech follows the same route as what I'm expecting to hear. It has less to do with fitting in or outwardly projecting than it does struggling to sort out someone's accent in real time.
I Do it more than I probably realize, yet I'm cognizant of it at times and 'Try' to stop. Since I was very young I was always good at imitating many different accents, actors etc. So it's been going on for a long time. I've always known I had ADHD but only over the last year or so have come to realize-(Self-diagnosed)I'm a high masking autistic adult as well. It's incredible to find resources and community here. It's quite a relief to realize that I'm NOT a disaster and my life has turned out the way it has due to my neurodiversity. I'm still full of gratitude to have made it this far(57) and FINALLY know what has always been going on.
@ScottRyan-Akhi23: me too, just turned 59 and so feeling seen now. What the doctor says in the video about medical professionals reacting to ND in a way they do because they think autistic = retarded, is exactly what happened to me when I came out to some. It is why I don't seek an official dx for Autisme. I did get one for ADHD when I was in my forties.
This reminds me so much of my childhood- my mother (originally from NY raised in Florida) and I had moved to a TINY town in the Appalachian mountains in Virginia, where our accents made us stand out (in addition to our undiagnosed AUDHD). They really just couldn’t figure us out. My mother made an enemy of our neighbors because they introduced us to their dog Bear, and my mother said “Buyer! That’s such an unusual name for a dog”! And continued to call this dog buyer completely misunderstanding the accent, and completely missing that they may have been insulted by this. It really confused them because in all other ways my mom is a genuinely kind individual. I remember people calling us “outsiders”, but several years later when I moved back to Charlotte, I remember still feeling that way. I tried everything to assimilate- I even had everyone call me by a more “normal” name, I was sure that would help- I have an unusual name. Anyone else surprised it didn’t? I also recently realized I do this when I was talking to my son’s girlfriend who has a minor speech “thing”, just kind of an unusual pattern of speech, and made note of it. Thanks for explaining it! I hate it when I realize I’m doing it!!
The Dr having flashbacks to being bullied in school when the other guy fakes being asleep to avoid answering if he was bullied. That was painful to watch 😂
Hi everyone I think my favorite is going to Canada, Then asking a boot Something. I've had The people at the visitor center Just busting up laughing.
as I was growing up ,not knowing I was autistic I set up CB radio. It was awesome I was talking to all different people in different voices And accents.
I'm 60 now and just recently diagnosed. It really helps having Access to this material. Excellent video guys.
IDK if this was supposed to be hilarious, but the interaction between the two sent me. I haven’t laughed this much in a while. I need another video of these two together. I stopped caring about what was being said🤣
Brother, you’re explaining so much to me that I have had no words for years to say I haven’t been able to explain this to woman for years, she pointed out that I unconsciously mimic people and I know I sometimes do it intentionally, but she’ll say even after watching a movies and shows you will exhibit mimicry I know I score extremely high on Cat-Q test.
This is so understandable, relatable, and completely factually true
I did this once in an interview before i was diagnosed with ASD1 ( female, dx at 27). I got the job and felt like I had to keep doing it to mask. It of course ended poorly. People trying to find sneaky ways to get me to "tell them where I'm from" that turned into bullying and me quitting.
As a kid, i got bullied indirectly a lot in the form of malicious rumors. I was probably not even made aware of the full extent of it. The most crushing part as an adult is the ostracization and infantilization. To the average person my traits would probably make me seem bougie and or ditzy.
I definitely do this, both consciously and subconsciously, and it helps that I know my voice can easily be tuned for multiple accents. I don't worry about it too much.
19:11 "ill take a burger and a fries and a coke" 'what kind of coke?' Pepsi" that sentence gave me whiplash
Someone had a sore throat and were whispering and I couldn't stop whispering to them. She probably thought I was making fun of her
When I had chronic laryngitis and lost my voice for several weeks, people wouldn't stop whispering at me. I felt like I was on a spy mission whenever I spoke to anyone in the office.
Teacher of mine once couldn't talk at all due to a sore throat. When I tried conveying something to him, I forgot I could just speak out loud and tried explaining it non-verbally. Awkward stuff.
I generally copy other people's accents and possibly any sounds they make, like clearing their throat or whatever. I do this without intention, it just happens. I never talk slower or louder based on how they look, only if I come to know that I should do that.
I don't think I felt like getting bullied as a child but I'm not sure if that actually happened. Maybe I just didn't understand it happened? Or just didn't care? I was mostly hanging out with the minority groups in school, and often played alone when not in school. I don't have a clear memory anymore after some 3 decades.
Some people need that slow talk to help me process and understand things because I am lower functioning.
Linguistic convergence is an important tool in the mask building toolbox. I use it whenever I feel it’s necessary. Especially if I’m in an unknown or stressful environment. How much I use and for how long depends on the results. When I was young it was spontaneous which led to several embarrassing situations and conflicts. I couldn’t read the room. For the most part I control it and build a proper mask for any group, person or occasion. I don’t know who I am anymore but I’ve survived 60+ years without being bullied or socially isolated. I may be a rare case so I am not recommending anyone to adopt my method. I am glad to hear you say not to completely drop masks. This trend to “be yourself” and let everyone know you’re disabled and a minority class can only end in tears and a higher su!cide rate in my opinion. Do only what you’re comfortable with. Be safe out there amongst the normies.
I didn't know this was a ND thing, makes sense though. When I travel this happens quite often.
I only really remember one time that I adopted someone's accent, I was 19 and I had met a lady from Minnesota, and when I went home to visit my mom and brothers months later, I had a Minnesota accents. I didn't pick up anyone' accent, and I didn't even hear it in myself until my brother pointed it out.
I did, however, nanny for 2 different families around 20-24 years back, a live-in nanny. Each time, I ended up just about becoming the mothers of those children. They were my best friends, probably because I lived with them and only really saw them. I never thought I was acting like them, but I remember when my mom would call, and she would always think I was the lady of the house, at each house, she could not tell me apart over the phone even though to my ears I sounded completely different from those ladies. Years apart, completely different personalities. I don't know if the ladies could tell, either, I think they just thought we had a lot in common. But looking back, I think I adapted to them specifically so it was easier for me to live in their homes. And now that I'm thinking about it, the same thing happened to me when I worked overnights at Walmart a long time ago, I pretty much became the female version of the male coworker in my department.
It's actually uncanny to think about, and a little disturbing to know I'm capable of completely re-forming myself to match someone else just for acceptance. I had completely forgotten about that until you brought it up in this video. I don't remember consciously doing it, either. I wonder how other people saw me, back then?
Years before I suspected I might be audhd, I struggled with this, and now I have a name for it. Thank you!
I once caught myself mimicking the accent of a filipino friend of mine. We had been talking quickly for hours, and I only noticed what I was doing when it was getting harder for me to speak. I apologized and explained that was just something weird I did and we laughed it off and I forced my voice back to normal. He said it was so gradual of a change that he didn't notice until I pointed it out.
My parents don't have much of an accent to speak of, and on my normal setting, I sound like that (think boring white people lol) but I now work with someone with a very strong, deep-woods southern accent (berenstain bears) and when I come home, it takes a while to spit that out. So weird looks, yes. It does cause some confusion, and it can be annoying to me sometimes and probably to others, too, if I didn't actively fight against it.
Also, I live in Loxley, Alabama. I've heard, soda, pop, soda pop, coke, cola, or co-cola. 😆 I guess we're in a weird versatile spot.
I did this many times while in people facing jobs, primarily in retail and restaurant jobs. I remember warping and changing like a chameleon whenever I had a customer asking me questions. This one time, I changed my accent to Spanish-like, even though I didnt speak any Spanish at all, just to try to adapt and comfort my customer. I thought he was looking for the food item PEPPERS. I took him to show him canned PEPPERS but it took a bit longer for me to figure out that he meant PAMPERS, the baby diapers. I somehow attempted to copy his version of PAMPERS and I pronounced it POMPERS and that allowed us to finally understand what he wanted. I totally see this as a survival skill. I only recently got my Autism DX last year but I understand how had it not been for those skills, I'd probably been fired along time ago for being totally useless to the job and the people who needed help finding things.
I remember a high school kid that was from the Netherlands who I was at a Super Bowl party with. We were talking for a while before the game and I started picking up his accent. I remember my friends looking at me like "wtf are you doing, weirdo?"
It just jumped in my face now... NEuRoDivergent... huh... never noticed it before :3
I know I definitely will start talking with an British accent from hearing it on youtube videos. But it seems random, like only when I stop listening or concentrating on it and go preoccupy myself with something else, like making a sandwich. I'll start naming off ingredients that I get out of the fridge or something, with a British accent. I think I'll do other accents that I might've been listening to as well.
Also, it seems like since learning and going down the autism rabbit hole, a lot of content creators that post about autism have British, Australian, and New Zealand accents. I'm guessing they have a culture that is more supportive of it than here, in America.
I don't think I was bullied a whole lot. I think (or I used to think) that I was mostly invisible, but as I interacted more and more through my formative years, it seemed more like I was not being listened to (considered) or just ignored (instead of thinking I was mostly invisible). That could be considered a kind of bullying. Now that I understand that I am autistic, it seems that I am not got the key of charisma and a tendency to avoid small talk, as is required by most people to "prime" an interaction. Then there is the matter of my having a mostly flat affect and not making natural eye contact that makes it seem like I am disinterested. Much for me to sort out.
i didn't know this was an adhd or autistic trait. I've always done it. i am also really into learning languages and have been since i was 5. i always figured those two traits were linked. also i think that matching someone's accent facilitates communication, as long as they don't think you're mocking them.
i grew up in a neighborhood full of international college students and their families. i always figured that affected my language interest too.
I do this all the time. I think for me, it is kind of an echolalia thing. I like the way accents feel, so I always replicate them. I throw out weird accents like all the time. "BAD DONKEYYY!"
My kid has to coach me whenever I get a Welsh customer service rep on the phone. Newcastle, Essex and Liverpool are others, but Welsh is my worst 😅 it's just so lovely, it's so hard not to mirror😅
This reminds me of that episode of Friends. When Ross changed his accent during a class he was teaching 😂😂
I had issues with this, as a long distance company customer service rep. Really had to watch it.
When working as a call center rep, I was constantly misidentified by the person on the other end of the call. They always assumed I was whatever they were. They were not shy in bad mouthing the people with differnt ethnic accents who worked in the same office. I also got the most commendations from the customers after ward. I was petson they spoke to when orders were wrong and needed correcting. So they were already angry and frustrated by the time I got em. I guess I got the voices right cuz my boss told me they said they liked the way I talked compared to those other folks. We were a diverse crew so I never knew which other folk they specifically had issue with, but apparently I never sounded like "them" , but my coworkers never said I sounded different either.
I got a LITTLE bit of bullying from others, but by far most of my bullying came from my own mother from a very young age. She was an army brat through the 50s and 60s, raised in a very religious and conformist Methodist/Salvation Army family, and became either a clinical narcissist or BPD. That translated into a complete lack of patience for my alternate timeline for developing this or that skill or whether I even cared to learn something-certainly whether it was some social convention I thought it was foolish or illogical, of which there are MANY in her childhood milieu. So she basically tortured me at times, thought throwing me in the pool would make me learn to swim (literally and metaphorically), made fun of my body and how I used it (e.g. walk like a girl). So when TWICE my teachers approached her to have me skip a grade (2nd and 8th), she said I was too immature and declined. I'm 55 and still fume about it, honestly.
How my mother treated me upset other people, which resulted in invitations and exceptions to rules, so that I could have the opportunity to experience a healthier environment and spend time on vacation from my home life. If not for them, I would be a very different person, if I even survived. My father commit suic… when I was ten, so I was set against that as an option; BUT, had I not people who demonstrated life could be different, who knows.
We live in a wonderful time it's amazing you can go online and realize that you're not alone and you're not as crazy as you thought you were
I get it. We are trying to demonstrate a safe space for each other's neuro-divergence. But why would you not only show what looks like feigned disinterest to the point of falling asleep at 16:26, but then call back to it at 17:03? At the risk of triggering someone by using the word triggered about being triggered, I'll say that my firing mechanism was engaged and I felt some feels, not the least of which was shame, guilt and sadness. I realize that folks with ADD/ADHD (myself included) can be a little "look squirrel!" and oftentimes are impatient with long narratives, needing a more streamlined or bullet point style of dialogue. But those of us who also have Autism, and especially those whose comorbidities include C/PTSD may have a few things going on in the old brain pan that cause a bit of scattershot, rambling discourse, especially if you are a primarily visual thinker. And if this is you, I bet you have been ridiculed enough already without having to see someone fall asleep while someone with Autism holds forth on his story and it's importance to the topic of discussion? But giving the benefit of the doubt, I will assume it was to (hopefully, humourously) point out that we can be tolerant, gracious and understanding of our ADD/ADHD friends when they are (unconsciously) rude, while we are (unconsciously) tedious. But for the very literal of us out there, I think your massive comic subtlety missed an opportunity to teach a very good lesson about circumspection while you were talking about 'obsessively observing other people' and 'picking up on the mannerisms of others' while obliviously stuck in a track like a loquacious locomotive. Or was that the point, and the joke is on me? It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last... Perhaps I am projecting. I guess this is an opportunity for me to see where the other three fingers are pointing, I suppose. If that's the case. I take it all back; well done, and thanks for the therapy! (BTW, at this point I considered deleting all of this, but I figured if someone can learn something from my folly, I'll just leave it up)
@FriendlyFare I felt exactly the same. I haven't seen any other of their video's, so I don't know if they do this all the time, but it was really putting me off. It triggered all kinds of rejection for me.
@@Pouquiloury Huh. I really thought that maybe I was overthinking it, but I guess when I consider it, both things can be true: That 1) my (and your) feelings are valid and shouldn't be dismissed, and 2) I can also be projecting, because I see aspects of both behaviours reflected back at me and I have unresolved issues to address. Either way, I think it is especially prudent when dealing with neuro-divergent folks to heed the sage words of renowned Ad Exec David Ogilvy: "use humor at your own risk" :P
I always try to guess the region, dialect, etc.; usually because it's more interesting than the conversation. I don't mimic (but I sure can), instead, people become a study of types and logistical information about what lead someone to where they are now, why their behavior is such, and so on. I can't turn that facility off, but no one knows unless I mention it.
I’ve done this my whole life… And I also use the accent/voice of whatever person I’m quoting when I quote them. And this has definitely been taken the wrong way by people, where they think I’m mocking them. I understand it now, but for *many* years I couldn’t understand why people would think that, when all I was doing was repeating back exactly what I had heard.
Oh this is a thing, huh... That explains a few things. I'm swedish so my accent in english floats all over the place, usually ending up vaguely mid-atlantic. But... I spend 10 minutes online gaming with an American, and my vowels change, my Rs change, and I'll use terms like "dumbass." Spend ten minutes gaming with a brit, my vowels change again, and I'm likely to substitute "dumbass" for "plank." It happens really fast too, in minutes. I've noticed taking on American, Scottish, English, Irish, Australian, South African... Always worried someone is gonna notice and think I'm being a douche bag.
And yea. Lots of bullying. 8 years if it.
omgosh... More Ashton please. he's a great counterforce to all the "pie hole" stuff on the other end. His presence actually helps me pay more close attention, tbh. 🤭😘😘 Thanks for this video 🤠
“That sounded dirty, didn’t it.”
*shakes head*
😂
This is a 13th Warrior leason, and it's as old as time. We listen to be understood. And that could be a carryover. What we call aspie today could have been as prevalent at the fall of the bronze age - the complcent pushing the natural disasters, and the wise few screaming internally, desperate to be understood.
Can be as subtle as copied intonation or hand gestures. Language, we have some difficulties with, so we are always (re)learning even our mother tongue and trying to catch up, imho.
Omg! Absorption of accent..my whole family does this. It's embarrassing at times!!
I do this when around people in close conversation. but ONE day, I casually asked another shopper about the veggies he was standing near . Ive often confused people at first instance who think Im some sort of foreigner or exchange student. This guy, started asking me about where i was from , and where Ive lived. I confessed that people think i have a strange "accent" and he corrected me. His interest in me was because of my ( in his words) "Distinct Lack of Accent"! He was a linguist or something, and he could tell where people were from based on how they speak. Apparently , he couldnt place me , and it was so jarring that he decided to keep the conversation going to figure me out.
I guess I start out as vanilla and become as spicy as my speaking partner.
I was raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In my 30s, I had the opportunity to vacation in London and Liverpool (because, you know, Beatles). Once in a shop, a woman raised a finger after a few sentences of conversation. "Let me guess! I love to guess...You're from Sweden?" I hated to disappoint her, but told her I was from Minnesota. BUT - there are many people there of Scandinavian descent, so maybe a 'Minnesota accent' incorporates a lot of Swedish pronunciation. I'm one of those people who will yak with ANYone who will, anywhere. I've read that those of us who do, live longer. 76 now. We'll just see about that.
I tend to do this lots, and it's quite a bad habit, but i've learned to stop doing this.
Yes! It was weird. And embarrassing.
I had a British family think I was making fun of them. I wasn’t at all. I thought their accent delightful.
Yes I was bullied. Fortunately, my parents took it seriously and when the bullying didn't stop at the school despite of efforts, they had me change the school. It was a much better school, and the bullying stopped almost completely. The next time I was bullied was in the army (we have a conscription army), but it wasn't as bad - fortunately so, as you basically live there with those bullying you - and as I already was an adult, I had learned already to deal with it better.
omg yessssss i noticed this with picking up ways of talking. it's like a mimic but unintentional
Bullied by my 5 years older sister my whole life, and then when I had my own opinions and self expression as a teen bullied by my mom sometimes, and my dad is super condescending of everything then calls himself a "realist." In school I was only bullied by two gris in the schoolbus when ate toast while waiting for the bus and had jam on my cheeks they made fun of me saying I had chickenpox in like grade 1, I held a grudge against them for years but I dont care anymore they had family problems. Oh and now I'm all grown up and made the choice to date someone who bullys be but he apologized yesterday and admitted to himself he's the problem and said hes changed now... I dont believe him yet but we'll see. And before him i dated someone who the people around me said was snappy or rude with me but I never noticed that about her so idk, we broke up and are just bffs now like before we dated. Idk i only stayed in school until grade 9 but there were definetly certain kids I grew up with at school that threw me dirty looks every time they looked at me I was like "what did i do wrong? Whats her problem?" I'd just give them the same look back.
Id say its easy for me to make friends, but only when i put myself out there being trusting. What i didn in school usually, was look for someone familiar and bacsically become their follower do everything they do and join what they join. Perc of tha tho ibwould never have though to join band! There's nothing like the feeling of getting an encore after 3 year of hard work practicing! Although, im dyslex and never learned to read the notes so memorized the musica nd used the sheets as a giude and for reading the pauses and Forte or pianissamo(loud or quiet notes)
Oh but I did get my ged, and then went to college for Precision Machinist. It was a really great experience, and relatively inexpensive program because it was just 8 months long and at a trade school. It was tough but I did it despite my learning dissibilites and mental health. I didn't quit, because I'd rather fail then quit, it really hurt when my machine shop teacher told me I should quit before it's too late to get my money back because he felt I was falling behind and implied I was not smart enough. Later when I graduated and told him in an email I would be pursuing a different career path and won't be a machinist, he said
"I’m very sorry to hear this _______, as I really think you would have done well in machining. The care and attention to detail that you put on your work is way above average for someone starting out. I also received a message from (ojt supervisor) and he was pleased with what he saw from you in the first 2 days. I’m pretty sure there would have been a job there for you. You can drop by any time, and I have your micrometer here for you."
I enjoyed milling machine, and wasn't scared of it though I was afraid of aluminum on the lathe and afraid I would attach the dogs wrong and hurt myself or someone. I also don't want to be in a noisy smelly industrial building with minimal natural lighting for 50 years, I feel I was meant to do more and something meaningful that gets me excited for planning on and logistics of and let's me problem solve like my own businesses eventually.
I like machining and it really itches my perfectionism, and is very task oriented and minimally need to interact with others, but it's more of something I'll do as a hobby when I'm older and become successful in business and am able to have a yard shop for hobby. I have dreams that my father probably doesn't believe I'm capable of, but I know I was meant to create and problem solve. If nobody believes in me but a few, that is more than Naruto had.
I don't know for sure if I do this, but I think so.
Definitly I adapt on with who I am.
Like I speak Berlin slang living here and switch back into northern german (not really Platt) if talking to people there or visiting it.
Same with spanish (my dad was latino). And every "language" or art of talking has different appearance on me, like appear intellectual, youth, mom, etc.
I have even different posture.
Same with my bad english 😂
Linguistic divergence ! The main suspicious thing I wanted to know what was happening to be. From posh words and entonation and dressing up as expected by posh people… and I could migrate to the very other slang “poor “ neighbourhood to feel better and accepted because I have white skin and ( I’ve been told ) my accent doesn’t fit with people in my own country. “You live overseas?” What a mess!! Thank you very so very much . A Spanglish ND ( neuro divergent)!
yes, this definitely helps with masking autism, masking often helps avoid bullying but loses or blurries our fragile sense of self in a world of others not like us. i also stim this way..i just love to try and speak with these differing sounds rolling from my tongue or in my mouth. its a compliment in the highest degree but can be thought offensive, too. Sensory inputs like these or any others (or suppressing them) is so linked to diagnosis or mis-dx, i believe.
And many neurotypical psychiatrists and psychologists still belittle abd talk down to people in the diagnostic assessment process which is very exhausting and demands our vulnerability and to show all of these things weve spent years trying to hide and erase, even if they give us joy and regulate us.
I am an autistic mom. My brother was dx'd PDD-nos as a child in 70s. My late-20s son just went thru a govt paid assessment process (unlikely to get that again) and the psychologists, who clearly do not support autism self diagnosis and work in an autism program for Type 2 and 3 and not so much Type 1 , were 100% determined NOT to diagnose him with autism, repeatedly saying its not just social struggles (meanwhile he has prev. diagnosed auditory processing disorder, anxiety disorder, OCD, and sensory sensitivity was in his reports from mental health as early as 9 yoa. He has muted his stims due to constant bullying but he bounces his legs and twirls or touches his hair a lot at home. He infodumps all the time. My interview as his autistic mom was undermined because i am autistic!!! in the end, they gave him a dx of developmental disability which barrs his access to autism supports! i think many psychologists and psychiatrists just hate us/people 😢
About masking, it's situation and person specific. And my safety plan in a situation is to 1, speak as little as possible but make sure to keep the softest smile possible, 2, keep the conversation superficial and very close to the reason you're with the person in that moment, and 3, ask them about themselves inside that superficial and narrow topic bubble. Let them talk about themselves, you'll get an idea of how much masking you'll need or want to do with them going forward. Remember:
They aren't your best friend.
Save your special interests for the special people in your life, unless you're at a special interest conference.
They aren’t entitled to know all about you even if they're pushy, and you don't need to fawn on them just to make them like you.😢
They're NOT in charge of your behavior, even if they're the boss or elder. There are always limits to what the typicals control in a situation...you don't need to defer to them just because you're divergent.
I highly appreciate the opportunity to connect with others who can relate to similar experiences. I value any insights on adapting and integrating into social environments without compromising our authenticity, especially considering our vulnerability to encountering challenging individuals. Your guidance has significantly positively impacted my life. Thank you!
Remember everyone :
Yield NOT capitulate
@@weaviejeebies Hopefully, I sent this correctly
I am curious if vocabulary is included with linguistic convergence. I'm a mechatronics engineer and I talk about it with passion and I always want the person to understand what I'm saying. I have found neurotypical people wont ask what a word means and I don't understand why. So, I change my terminology and I end up offending someone. What I have learned to do is ask someone what they do for work. I can typically get a good Idea of their knowledge, but it often does not work.
When I was finally (at age 70, or so) diagnosed with ADHD, and began reading about it on the net, I had an epiphany that was like the proverbial veil lifting. SO much of my life was explained by that research. "Bill does not pay attention", or "does not apply himself", was written on most of my report cards. I could read at a high school level when I was about 6 years old. BUT I maintained about a 'C' average. While teachers were talking to the class, I'd be drawing dinosaurs. I flunked out of my first year (only year) of college. I failed even the courses in which I was truly interested. I'd cram the books just before final tests, but was totally lost when the exams were given. In work environments, I could NOT multitask. EVER. I told that to my last boss, and her response was "Yes you can!"
I was so used to being shunned and ridiculed by jr. high that I wasn't able to recognize that, now and then, some kids were trying to befriend me. We were poor, and most of our clothes were bought at thrift stores. I remember very well when one boy said "Like your pants!" They were a hound's tooth pattern. I rolled my eyes and said, 'Right.' He said, "No, I mean it, man!" Later, I ran into him at a HS reunion, and he treated me like an old friend. I missed out on SO much, being lost in my own thoughts most of my youth.
Being bullied was the order of the day for me, until, in 7th grade, we moved from the 'burbs into Minneapolis proper. Then I actually was able to mingle with others, between classes. Still, I was so used to being treated as the sickly (asthmatic) weeb that I never let anyone get closer than a few words now and then.
Yep, grade school and middle school was an endless nightmare.
Code switching i do it so well people think im from where they are. "Where you from?" 😂 i just realized the only habit i have is linguistic convergence. 😮 all kinda bullying more in person 😪 😢
When you started talking about "buggies" you linguistically took on a southern "i" pronunciation. Fascinating
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