Why doctors laugh about death
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Full article: www.idealmedic...
Why do doctors laugh about death?
Kobe Bryant’s widow said she didn’t know first responders would refer to her deceased loved ones as “gumbo” or “hamburger meat.”
“It’s Taco Tuesday at The Baja California Bar & Grill, two days after the helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant. Talk at the bar turns to the crash. LA County Sheriff’s Deputy takes out his phone. Graphic photos of Kobe Bryant’s remains. . . He has pictures of all the dead bodies. . . .Deputies laughed and found the photos amusing.” (ABC News)
First responders are not laughing because burnt bodies are funny. First responders are traumatized-and laughter releases tension-and endorphins, natural pain killers.
Most people don’t know what mangled bodies look like (and they don’t want to know). For first responders it’s just another day at work. Either laugh or cry. Dark humor is our #1 coping method. Alcohol is #2. Both legal at happy hour.
Most first responders (& doctors) have PTSD. If we admit our pain, we may be punished. A physician I know sought counseling after the death of a child, her patient. Counselor turned her into the medical board. They sentenced her to five years of monitoring. For her normal human grief.
Most guys aren’t gonna spill their guts after a helicopter crash to a psychiatrist-and risk getting labeled for life-when they can get free mental health care with the neighborhood bartender.
Sharing crime photos at cocktail hour is, of course, terrible. An onlooker said, “I can’t believe I just looked at Kobe’s burned up body and now I’m about to eat.” Most people wouldn’t be able to eat. As a physician child of physician parents, I learned to eat during gruesome conversations. At dinner, my parents discussed autopsies and described plane crash victims-charred bodies burned beyond recognition-as “crispy critters.”
Dead burned people can look like barbecue. We use food descriptions because, well, the flesh of mammals looks the same. And we’ve got to process these tragedies somehow-and some of us do it over dinner. Others bury their pain. Like the fire captain with trauma so extreme he can’t recall being at the helicopter crash. Trauma amnesia is REAL. I blocked out entire portions of my life that resurfaced last year while writing my memoir. I somehow “forgot” that I did child abuse autopsies the summer after my first year in college. Yep, blocked that out for three decades.
So rather than vilify first responders for laughing at death, consider this: Trauma laughter may be-involuntary. The wife of a physician told me: “When my ex-husband was in med school, his lab partner and friend drove out into a field one day and shot himself in the head. We found out on Halloween. My husband started to laugh; the strangest hiccupping sound I ever heard came out of his mouth. He never laughed any other way after that . . . He struggled with alcoholism, depression, and suicidal thoughts . . . “
I speak about doctor suicides at medical conferences-and doctors laugh when I’m on stage-talking about suicide. I know I’m quirky, yet I don’t think they’re laughing at me, they’re laughing about suicide. I record my speeches and I’ve counted up to three laughs per minute. . . So I googled “How many laughs per minute do I need to be a comic?” Four to six. Since I’m one laugh short of going pro, I took standup classes in NYC to learn how comedy works.
“Humor is what happens when we’re told the truth quicker and more directly than we’re used to.”
Doctors aren’t comfortable with doctor suicide-it’s little too close to home-so laughter helps us dissociate a bit. Plus laughing together creates community-shared intimacy-which we really need amid the incomprehensible suffering we witness.
On point. And the stress, not only of dealing with death, but also with all of the traumas and responsibilities of dealing with illness, is also the reason for "locker room" humor and teasing. The general public does not understand the burden, nor the role that hunor can play in coping.
And vilification of first responders in news media regarding Kobe Bryant case really misses some of the underlying mental health issues that drive some of our maladaptive behavior. No excuse for passing around photos of dead bodies. I guarantee they were not laughing because they thought the tragedy was funny. My take on the bar scene is that many people go to bars and speak to bartenders to process a stressful event. And passing photos amongst themselves at the awards banquet (or even on their personal phones--BAD idea) was probably an act of peer support amid the nightmare of the event. No excuses. Again, just contemplating the underlying emotional scene at play.
Everyone who works in tragedy does this, my ptsd from being a victims advocate forced me to leave the career I studied 8 years for ( double major)
Sad. What are you doing now?
Hard to dentangle from sadistic oppressive narcissistic people in medicine who enjoy others torture for pleasure.
I think the majority of us in medicine enter with noble intentions and with unhealed childhood trauma (the decision to go to med school to help others is often because we are hurting -- see more on "Did your wounded child choose your career?" www.idealmedicalcare.org/did-your-wounded-child-choose-your-career/) SO . . . with all the vicarious trauma past and present from a career that pretty much beats the crap out of our humanity, some people crack and can't take it anymore and start acting in less-than-ideal ways . . . it's complex. . . I find it best to dig deep into the WHY so we can prevent injuring those who have such humanitarian intentions when they start this health care journey . . .
Judge much? I pray you aren't judged as harshly as you judge others.
@@maryduhon9769 actually i pray i am because there are racists and psychopaths and sadistic people. there are people who actively aim down. then there are oppressed people who are less malicious but still easily insecure and abusive and gossiping - and i believe the admin and you may be addressing them, and that may have individual context differences in amount style but the first portion of evil people finding great hiding spots in medicine is what i was addressing. im not torturing anyone and while all good in me is from god to not self oppress, thats not same as oppress others and def not as make a sport of trying to murder patients and employees, which is the population of racists in medicine i have 100% met and know are in plenty!!!!!
I get people need to cope with "what comes with the job", but have respect. The job may have numbed them or whatever, but have empathy to the ones that are not viewing things on a daily basis.
Have empathy for people who work in it everyday, you can't imagine it so you can't judge it. What about 1st responders? Friends and family experience it once and move on. When they are done with one horrific scene they top it off with another right away. Empathy works 8n more than one direction. It's not about numb. It's because you aren't numb that you have to find a way to cope. Dark humor is less destructive