"It's not your role to decide which feelings of hers are right and which ones are wrong. If she says you hurt her, you dont get to decide if you didn't." I wish my husband understood this.
Can you tell your wife I am thankful that she is on board with your guys' relationship being cited as examples? You're doing a great job and I appreciate the vulnerability and the work you two have obviously done to get here.
I'm not even married. I started watching your videos because of the humor ... then because of the lessons. But this is one of the most powerful Christian witnesses I've ever heard. Well done!
The more videos I watch about fixing your marriage the more I realize it’s over. When your husband has been cheating on you even before you got married and still continues to hurt you you have to accept one person can’t fix it and if the other one isn’t willing it hurts like hell. Cuz I love my husband but he doesn’t seem to love me.
I'm sorry for your pain. He doesn't love himself. And by you enabling him, you don't love yourself. People can change BUT the only way is to take space, reset, love yourself and let him the space to do the same for himself. So sorry again
I have destroyed my wife with words over 6 years. She has just told me she’s done. I didn’t even know it was as bad as it is until now. I’m hoping I can save us, thank you for the help.
I understand this scenario because after years of praying & growing within myself, I said to my husband it's too much to go on & he tried the same thing with a shock of surprise. That lasted for 2 mths. Now back to the drawing board. So now I'm living how Jimmy explained, hopeless & lonely.
If my husband listened to this he would have heard the part about what the woman does wrong and not hear what part the man does. It is always my fault. He is never to blame.
@@FoxSleeping Yes some women do, but it is hard to take accountability when the person treating you like crap informs you that you did nothing to deserve it, but continues to treat you bad. Stop assuming you know what you are talking about. That makes you worse than him.
I feel so hurt by this video, at this point of my marriage I have been burnt out trying to serve, trying to reflect the example of Love thru God's words. I have continuously read my word, studied my husbands actions and try to serve him in the ways I think he wants to be loved because he won't express himself, I have carried so much of the load for so long and now I feel like the burden of being that 1 person who can change the state of a marriage again, falls back on me. It feels like I have been working so hard on this marriage for so long that even now when I search out for more learning I'm only running into the advice that "1 person can save a marriage". I don't know how much more of his burdens I can shoulder anymore without letting it change my core values & who I am as a person.
Desha-Ann... I so hear you. I learned how much of an enabler I have been in a codependent relationship. I had to step back, focus on me , STOP doing some of the bad habits Jimmy mentioned ....as I have traditionally been the pursuer (recovering from childhood feelings of invisibility) while he has been the avoidant (physical, verbal childhood trauma). Self care includes checking my own negative contribution. And when he asks what's wrong, I have to be honest...I am working on myself. It can feel like rejection...for both of us...but when in negative, I believe it is necessary to meet at 0 before moving along to positive. Good luck. Keep learning. Keep execercising new skills. Keep leaning in, but not over, from your side of the street. 😘
@@marygrowe9831 oh Mary, your words couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for sharing your insight, it will go so far in my walk. Lean in, but not over. 💜 I love that!! I'm praying for you, sister.
I know you commented mos ago, but please know that the *only* time 1 person can save a marriage is if it's the person who was killing it, & they want to relent and fix it. If you're Christian, pls remember that even Jesus was betrayed and rejected. He served people hand over fist, and they still literally crucified Him. You are not more powerful than He. Remember Matt 18. W/out being too lengthy, there are dozens of Scriptures about parting ways w toxic people & their toxic behavior. Please consider reading The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick, and Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend; followed up by The Life Saving Divorce by Gretchen Baskerville. Christian or Secular, I strongly recommend Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans, & Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Terry Real's books (also secular) are pretty solid, too, but won't work if you're the only person trying to save the marriage. Much love!
I feel same. I'm tired. I can't try anymore. I cant research anymore ways to "fix" this. I can't carry anymore. Marriage can't be a one way street. I can't make him love me. At some point I have to admit this is over simply because we're incompatible.
I feel your pain. I did the work, he made empty promises. I learned that marriages generally work out when both partners equally value each other or the husband values the wife more but never when the wife values the husband more. God told men to love and women to submit to that love. You cannot submit to something that is not there and expect success.
When he says “If she says that you hurt her, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t” that hit hard… You bring so much truth in your videos. Thank you for sharing this with us and for keeping God in the center of your marriage.
I have watched almost all of your videos over the last month. I'm so crushed that my marriage is actually coming to an end this time. It took me a long time, but over the last few years, I have learned a lot about the work on both sides through therapy, reading, and online resources. My wife has never been able to stay with me in doing the work. I am so devastated. Seven different therapists over 7 years (hers, mine, and ours,) and not one was able to see it and call it out like you do.
I'm so sorry Portia. That's heartbreaking for you I know. It's so hard. But I'm so proud of you for doing the work to learn about relationships and what love requires from all of us. It's just so hard when our partner just can't reciprocate those efforts. 🙁
Jimmy gets it because he lived it and loved Emily so much that he educated himself and FOUGHT to save her, his marriage because she's his world! Every woman should be made to feel she's their whole world. Every man should feel like he's her world.
Hey Jimmy . Thank you for unloading the real truth on all of us. I want to memorize it and live it. My marriage has died. She said love isn’t enough. I like you made mistakes and have unresolved childhood issues that came up and cause me to lose focus but not faith in Creator. So I’m shown my faith wasn’t enough either. Please forgive us all Creator! We did not want to break our promise to you!!! 😢Please help us get through this! I wish this video had of come out 6 months ago. God and myself maybe could have saved the love of my life. I continue to learn and to dig for the truth that will help us in all things. So we can follow his lead instead of ours. But we don’t know what we don’t know . As a mechanic I can’t fix what I don’t know how to fix. Thanks for more tools and guidance. Maybe God will send another after I fix myself😢😢
Im sorry to hear this. Please know that God can fix anything and though therapy is great and necessary… did you surrender to God and seek him first. God is the final say and can do the impossible. I’m a living witness
So many women are told by their husbands that they are not allowed to share anything honestly and should just keep trying harder at being silent and meet his "needs" to win their husband :-'(
Yeah, a lot of the times I feel like what he “needs” as for me to just make him feel good and never have a bad day and never have any emotions or feelings that are negative about our relationship or life or how he is acting. And don’t forget, reminding myself “how good I have it” or “I have a good husband and just don’t know it”
I'd like to express my appreciation for the zeal you put in your videos and content helping couples heal/save their relationships. It takes a lot of courage to humble oneself the way you have, being willing to share your personal life so that we can learn from your journey to save your marriage. That's commendable! Thank you.
The way you interweave the scriptures into this video added so much truth and authenticity to it - thanks for the share - you pointed to the perfect model in Jesus and his word. A blessing! Thank you
All the counselors I've seen & even a psychologist just do CBT & say "What do you think you should do"? I wish I would find someone willing to "work with me" on issues & how to address it.
How to stay in a miserable marriage is a choice too. I stay 35 years in an abusive marriage. My husband was intelligent, well educated, attentive to our home and children and a hard worker. However, he had a personality disorder which led him to control others through manipulation and physical, emotional, financial abuse and for me, sexual punishment. I learned to endure his abuse, cover up his behaviors and serve him and our family. When the children became independent adults, i was finally free to escape my abuser. I have gone no contact and had four years of trauma counseling for PTSD. Staying wasn't easy. I did it though and now I am finally safe and free.
One person can free their conscience by knowing they did all they could. I fought. I did my best. I worked on ME. So I can with a clean conscience say I did all I could. But in the end that was not enough. And I am okay with that. I can plant the seeds… but if they don’t grow - the seeds aren’t the problem. It’s the soil.
There comes a point when the blow ups day after day or week after week get too much, even getting blindsided with blow ups. If my marriage doesn't survive I'm never getting married again and I'm almost 50
There is some very very good advice to be found here. I’ve been selfless for over 10 years in this relationship and my heart is absolutely trashed to the point it’s beginning to overflow to all other areas of my life. I only want to be loved and respected too. I’m subscribing to this channel so I can learn to be a better person. I hope one day God will see my hurt and loneliness and connect me with a good woman who put’s Jesus first in her life. I’m so lonely I could cry. Thank you for trying brother, I love you. Sound advice but it can only work in a relationship where BOTH people have at least the smallest amount of love for one another. A basic respect. You cannot build a house without a foundation
Hello from the other side :) I'm in the same boat as you but as the wife in the situation! I just wanted to say i get it. It's HARD. I don't have any other advice but i can relate I've been trying to work on myself to see why I've been in people pleasing mode, trying to show my whole personality, trying to be more open and honest, trying to be less of a martyr etc. Which was really hard But so, so satisfying But it's backfiring xD I'm honestly past my threshold and have no energy left to give. This video is so great but like you've said, we feel like we've been doing it already and we've also been carrying our spouses and doing work for them. Us being here is doing work for them 😅🥲. At the same time i feel like sharing it with them will not go over well either and so i feel stuck You deserve the love you're putting in returned. You need to believe you are worthy of better too. The only way left to go is living out loving ourselves more, hoping for that last spark that could be a catalyst for a better treatment I hope in your case, it won't backfire like with me I wish you all the best 💖🙏 know you aren't alone!
I’m sorry to hear the pain you have gone through in marriage. Please know that God can truly do the impossible.. I’m a living witness. God can change the heart and mind of your spouse while you can’t. If you still desire your marriage please seek God on it and if he says stay then please surrender to his perfect Will. In the meantime please get therapy preferably Christian therapy. I pray all the best!
Why is it that I never thought of the idea to learn about how to have healthy relationships - because I was prideful! At 50 yrs old, I’m learning - better late than never! Thanks for this.
"Marriages die in the conversations that never happened". It is so true. But sometimes wrongly paired up marriages are born in conversations that never happen before the marriage, too. Not every marriage is meant to work and keep both the partners happy. Some are just not meant to be.
This video may have saved my Marriage. We keep having the same arguments and I got to the point of giving up. I plan on having a last attempt talk with him and I have been stressed about what to say. I sent him this video I hope it helps as an icebreaker. I’ve come to the point that of things don’t change and for real I’m going to leave him it’s not worth having the same discussion over and over with no change. I’m worth more than that. Hopefully he will listen to your words since he dosent mine.
Wow- I can’t believe you wrote exactly where I’m at. I reached to my husband yesterday- a he let version he WILL NOT go to counseling stop asking. I cried and woke up crying and searching divorce yesterday. We had a anniversary of 25 yrs and truth I truly didn’t want to celebrate. Jimmy vid popped up this morning and I’ve watched 2 hrs worth and have cried so much. I’m thankful for all that’s here but in the end , even after I attempt to put into practice what is advised there no guarantee that he’ll change for us. That’s scares me b/c then I need to move forward. So as I pray for me I’ll pray for you as well. 😔
@beautifulangel32 🤣🤣 I totally get you sister. This is exactly what my husband will say. I did the mistake of sending one of Jimmy's vid and he said that Jimmy's a gay . I mean really
Thank you so much Jimmy. My husband and I have been struggling for years in our marriage. I feel so lost and don’t know how to reach his heart. Hearing you speak about Jesus has touched my heart and I will pray and keep strong in my faith of his Love. Thank you. ❤
Surrender to God and pray daily that he change the heart and mind of your spouse.. he can do what we can’t. Seek therapy in the meantime individual and if possible marital. I pray all the best!
I just wanted to thank you for showing that there is hope and that change can be seen and can heal hearts. Up until last night I was feeling completely alone and lost, the way you present yourself and are so real makes it a lot easier to see where I am failing my wife. I’m still struggling to implement the first steps and put away from my pride and ego but for the first time I can really relate to what someone is saying, and not just stating that I should just listen and do this or that, thank you for the encouragement and showing me that is can happen!
Chris this is an amazing comment! I can’t thank you enough for the compliment and your humility is inspiring! Please let me know how I can help you in the journey in any way I can :)
@@JimmyonRelationships I really mean it, there is a real need for men like you!! I am literally just a baby in this all, I haven’t put enough actual work in and have just been lying to myself telling myself that I have made progress and have been finding tools and that’s just not the case. I am failing my wife daily and haven’t stepped into the leader that god wants me to be. It’s all very uncomfortable scary and at times feels hopeless, your videos and the way you conduct yourself and communicate gives me great hope and a new look on what is really possible.
I’m not exactly sure where to start or what the one thing I should pick for this week to commit to I tend to second guess everything and end up doing nothing.
Jimmy, I praise the Most High for what he’s done in you so that you can help the body of Messiah heal their marriages! This is right on time for SO MANY including my own marriage. I’m praying for a way to share your content with my husband. He’s come A LONG way.... he had fallen into depression & used alcohol for 15 years while abusing me both mentally &! physically. I hung on & ended up fasting & praying for his healing & for the man I loved to return to me. God has been doing a great work in him & he’s been walking alcohol free (with no desire for it) for 5 years. I suffer from PTSD now on account of what I’ve been through, but I sincerely believe that if we had a few more tools & direction we could regain the relationship we began with (which was truly an awesome one that many friends were jealous of.... which is why I held on for so long). Thank you SO MUCH for doing the learning necessary to help others heal! 💕🙌💕
@@chrisriley8081 Check out more of his videos until it becomes clear. Take notes. Pray God would open your understanding. It's wonderful that you are opening up like this! I know this is 6 months ago and I hope you have been able to make progress.
My husband left me after 33 years of marriage for a woman half his age. I wish I had access to your videos so much sooner. You are so on point with the things you say. You have a way of summarizing all the pitfalls and trouble spots and how to handle them unlike any other counselor I have encountered. You cut to the chase to expetite healing and repair. My first marriage is done and I have no plans for future legal entanglements but I do desire a successful couples relationship. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. It is so needed and so important. I appreciate your efforts so very much. God bless you and your wife.
I used to think a broken heart was just a saying. But I can attest that when your heart breaks you literally, physically feel it in your chest. You can feel it breaking. And though you don’t physically die from it, something inside you dies so you can at least pretend to go on living.
I'm on my last straw and about to leave my partner that I have 2 kids with and we were together for 10 years. I stayed 5 of them being extremely miserable I just think love isn't enough. We’re in the bitter avoidant stage and I emotionally shut down I'm not gonna try anymore it take two people to want a relationship to work. The man refuses to go to therapy and gaslights me saying I'm the issue. I feel bad for our kids he's extremely selfish but being honest I'm not in love with him anymore. I care about him but All of that love I once had turned to resentment.
I ruined my relationship for 5 years without truly understanding how. After watching countless videos ive figured out what ive done and am now working hard to fix myself and the relationship. Amazingly my fiancee is willing to keep with me.
This is so good ❤ wish I was taught this before 😢I’m going through a divorce now, my husband constantly rejects me, the kinder I am to him, the more mean he becomes. I’m feeling so lonely and emotionally drained in this marriage and if you are reading this, I would appreciate a bit of support as I really need it during this period of my life.
Be kind towards your ex because that's who you are, not because you expect him to treat you better because of it. Don't give him the power to disappoint you. Be happy in your choices about how to act and let go of the responsibility for how he does.
We are at the bottom. This is the best video that I have watched! I love how you love God and put him first in marriages. I am learning so much of how I ruined my marriage, but I am not giving up! I am learning to take ownership of the parts that I have done wrong. I keep praying to God that he let's him see the changes.
Yes God can heal even when we have in large part caused the devastation in our marriage. Taking ownership is imperative to healing journey and so is individual and marital counseling. I pray Gods healing in your marriage and forgiveness of yourself. We grow in love not shame and guilt. Blessings and peace!
Jimmy, my marriage is very much in turmoil right now. I am very likely not your denomination of Christian (Roman Catholic here), however, EVERYTHING you have said regarding marriage, love, and God's beautiful gift to us as well as God himself ABSOLUTELY resonates with me. The underlying understanding of God's precious gift of Marriage is all the same. I am the "neglected wife". My husband (Byzantine Catholic) has finally hit a point where he is open to different ideas. Our recent marriage counseling session has shown me that he realizes there is work to be done. But not the toilsome type of work, the joyful, celebratory type of work that keeps a marriage alive and special and the best gift God has given humans. Thank you.
Have 100% from me, with my flesh, blood and Spirit: 1. intimacy and 2. friendship and 3. closeness and 4. connection and 5. emotional safety and 6. trust
And I went deeper into the video and found 6 points that I need to work upon. 1. Intimacy- Well decorated bedroom, perfume, dim lit, quality bedtime, every single night-Exploring new idea. (Activities that both partners enjoy, reintroducing physical closeness.) 2. Connection- Authentic bonding, making space for other in heart, resolving grief & sadness issues 100% with all the new knowledge on trauma release. (Demonstrating empathy, validating feelings) 3. Closeness- Removing all barriers that lies between 2 persons, transparency and authentic love, that both become garment (libaas) for each other, express affection, express gratitude 4. Trust- Keep promises, Open and honest communication, active listening, commitment to change, consistent action over time, Re-establishing Shared Goals and Values, being patient with the trust building process. 5. Friendship- Regular date nights, a walk, shared hobbies, daily feeling checks, cheerleader for each other, encourage growth, be playful, share humor, respect each other’s individuality, Express gratitude for friendship, 6. Emotional Safety- having therapy for unresolved trauma. Forgiveness and letting go, Celebrating Small Wins, encourage and praise each other’s positive sides
I just discovered you this morning, and watched several of your shorts and your videos before this one, and I had no idea you were Christian, but I am so glad to hear that you are because I’ve been listening and I have been in an emotional, abusive relationship with my husband And have been looking for exactly this information that you have shared. Thank you God for speaking through Jimmy. I am trusting that I will have the boldness to share this video with my husband, we both have a lot of work to do.
He’s abusive so HE has a lot of work to do. The work that you have to do is get into therapy and learn to live yourself. If your husband is being abusive then he is dishonoring you and the covenant he made before God. His prayers are stifled because he mistreats you. I’m sorry you are in such a position. No one deserves to be abused.
Thank you for putting this into Words so thoughtfully. I have been working in Gottman theory by myself for our marriage for the past 15 months, basicly alone. We are on a verge. I have tried in vein to speak this into existence with my husband, who is stuck in past family of orgin trama which has bleed into our relationship. You have so plainly and simply explained this. May God bless your efforts. You are right on track and correct in so many ways. Well done.
I'm so proud of the work you're doing. I know how lonely that can feel when you're the only one prioritizing the things that your relationship needs to thrive =(
Thank you for putting SO much out here!! It just zings me. You put into words so many things I have been experiencing! Thank you! My husband and I are in the process of restoring.
Greetings. I've only recently come across your videos and I thank God for that. I'm Roman Catholic and happily married for 25 years, by God's grace. I prayed and asked God for "a husband like St. Joseph was to Mary!". I also asked God to make His choice for me as clear as possible and He did ... I 100% believe that God is the best Dating site with 100% success rate, because he knows everybody's business! I believe that God is able to and WANTS to find the best fit for you ... despite your physical or emotional brokenness! BUT you have to listen to Him and be guided by Him. God will definitely warn you about what is Not good for you and open you eyes to what is good. Remember... God will NEVER break His rules about marriage, as is written in the Bible. Trust in Him. Listen to His voice.
SPOT ON! I love your message Jimmy! You have a way of talking that makes it relatable and understanding. I watch you and share with my husband, and he even likes you! Thank you. I appreciate what your saying and working through problems instead of walking away from marriage.
I absolutely love you Jimmy and your walk with God. You are without a doubt living in your anointing and obedience. I’m a living testimony not once but twice. I pray Gods blessings for you and your family.
Youre right jimmy. Made me cry listening to this. I did leave. I stopped trying to communicate and left because i figured it was pointless. He probably didnt understand. But i felt so alone and i feel like it should have been common sense to spend time with his wife. But all he wanted to do was play video games. We were married 17 years. I probably Could have explained better how i felt. I probably was accusatory.
Jimmy, thank you so much for this video! ❤ The last question though ... What if you've been the only one for years? How about a decade? What if your partner just doesn't care or wants to put any work in because you'll carry it anyways? What if they look elsewhere the moment you try to establish equilibrium? I understand what you're trying to say, really i do But I'm _tired_
Am glad i came across this beautiful video. I pray it saves my friends marriage. While i learn more on the ingredients to a successful marriage. Thank you m
I've been following you for a while, and I've learned a lot from the videos I've watched so far...BUT THIS ONE...I can't THANK YOU enough for this one!!! This information and advice from a Biblical perspective is invaluable!
Thankful for your video. I was a pastor for over 20 years. Married for 24 years and 2 months ago my wife told me it’s over. I thought I was a great husband. Never cheated. Never abused. But I did lose myself. After I left ministry I went through a terrible depression and I stopped trying to move on with my life. I got lazy, emotionally disconnected, and I took my wife for granted. I wasn’t loving her HER way. I was doing things my way and I destroyed her confidence and attraction to me. The crazy thing is I didn’t know what I was doing. This situation has me CRUSHED. I could fix these issues now I actually know what I’ve done, but I fear it’s too late unless God intervenes and she’s let me know she isn’t open to that at all.
Thank you for posting this. I’m a Christian and became Christian long after I got married. The issue is my unbelieving husband has been lying to me, gaslighting me and cheating on me. He has a porn addiction and messages sex workers online. He claims he’s never slept with any of them, but he lies straight to my face so much and so easily that I don’t believe him. I don’t trust him. We’ve been through this for years and each time he sees me go through the pain, he says he will change, but he never does. I’m at my breaking point and I have been wanting to heal and fix our marriage because I love him and I believe anyone can change if they want to, but I feel like my husband just gives me lip service and pretends to be repentant because he never actually changes and always goes back to continue the deeply hurtful actions when he thinks I won’t find out. I just want to know what to do here. I feel like leaving him is something God wouldn’t approve of, but at the same time I just can’t do this anymore. I have been wishing I would just die so I don’t have to do this anymore. Do you have any Christian advice for my situation?
Honestly, God never endorses staying in an abusive situation, which is what this sounds like. Connect with counselling help, make a plan, then leave if that's what it takes to be safe and whole. God bless you - Wishing you all the best for a healed whole future.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit goes before a fall I think you should write a book, if you haven't already You're the best, Jimmy! God bless you!
Watching your videos today give me the courage that I might be right and it's time to walk away after 9 years of marriage 5 years asking for communication many times after asking if he wanted to fight for us or not now 24 hrs later no answer back I guess this is it other wise he would try
I asked my husband to leave a week ago. I can't put our kids through one more fight. I was already alone. Now at least the wounds are not continuing to be picked at. I love him and want the best for him..but I can't be dismissed one more time. I can't have the boundaries crossed one more time.
I am so sorry for the state of affairs in your current marriage and that your children were affected. Maybe separation is best at this point; however it doesn’t have to be the end unless God has told you so. Sometimes God can’t heal us in the same house. Sometimes God has to take us through individual healing journeys and wilderness seasons. If you desire your marriage then please seek individual therapy and marital therapy and therapy for the children. Working on ourselves is very important within a marriage and outside of a marriage. I pray the best for your family
My husband was still in Buddhism..The Holy Spirit took me out of it..He didn’t understand the need for individual counseling so I went again on my own for 2 1/2 years..God showed me so much..He was stonewalling and was being passive aggressive and just wouldn’t talk about anything and mean anything..I understood trauma brain yet he didn’t seem to… then he wanted to go marriage counseling.. yet the glimmer of hope was shorty lived after all 3 times he just kept saying we don’t have anything in common. He said my honesty scares him. …I left him make a decision if he wanted to continue. He chose not to and wanted to leave. We left each other in peace and I told him I would pray for him…..He didn’t know God and the miracle God works in a heart if we can humble…It just wasn’t his time..God is in charge
Being the spouse 100% always trying to put the bandaid on is exhausting and not sustainable. Totally draining. Sometimes you are on the backburner one too many times. Have to stop being an option to those you made a priority.
I have not sat in on any of your videos. I did not know you're a true believer. I'm a bigger fan of yours now. So thankful you are so bold to bring up serving and selflessly loving one another as God designed it for us.
You have great wisdom and communicate in a thorough yet concise manner. Most of all, your message is universally relevant and applicable. Amazing! Thanks.
Thanks! This material is helping me better understand my role in my marriage and it’s current condition, while also validating my feelings and concerns. Greatly appreciate your content and how it’s delivered. 🥰 I’ve shred it with my hubby and hope he listens 😊
So grateful for your sharing! Your videos are such a blessing. I see and feel your sincerity, humbleness and vulnerability to try and share not only your experiences views and love, but also your passion for sharing God’s love which is the ultimate example. Thank you. I don’t know where my marriage will end up but I know that my heavenly Father loves me, is by my side and working on it.
You rock because you rely on the rock I wish that we could speak to you in person. I think it would really help us but I believe God directed me to your channel today and I’m thankful for that. I agree and love everything that you said and I’m going to present this video to my husband tonight and see if we can find some hope listening to you together. Thank you so much God bless you.❤
Wife has been losing love for the last 3 months roughly, I've noticed the difference in our relationship and became quite attached and wanting to fix whatever is the problem, but inadvertently made the problem worse and drove her further away. Now we're on a week break (currently day 2) so she can see her life without me, see what that might look like and whether it's something she wants to pursue. Hopefully we can fix it, I really don't want to be divorced for my 30th birthday. Wish us luck guys, and thanks Jimmy for all the inspirational and insightful vids you make, keep on going and stay safe!
By far, this is the best video of yours I have watched. I hope your wife is proud of the work you have and are putting into your marriage. Your audience/fans definitely appreciate the equal sided approach and transparency. Thank you so much
Oh yes, brother... I can feel your loving heart for the world' s relationships so much...reminds me of a song: ..." how can we have peace in the middle east, when there' s none at home." This work is worth it all the way!! Thank you so much, for these loving insights, dear Jimmy❤
Thank you! There’s so much truth here that people need to hear! I share your videos often. If I had learned these things 20 years ago, my marriage would not have ended!
I first saw your shorts and thought they were informative and funny and moved on to the longer videos and podcasts. I’m so thankful to you and your wife for sharing your experiences with us so we can all grow and learn. Your advice is so valuable and the examples are relatable and I appreciate everything that you’re doing to help others. Being Catholic, I appreciate the religious help as well. This is definitely one of my favorite videos you’ve ever made. Each one is packed with so much information that I have to listen to it multiple times so it sinks in. Please tell your wife how much I like her plants in the background. Wish I could see a plant tour. She has a green thumb, for sure!
This was so beautiful! God IS the author of marriage and source of love. His love for us knows no boundaries, spares no effort, goes all out, without manipulating or imposing on our freedom. I feel bad that I can’t make it be enough 😢. Holy Spirit, please change my heart. 🙏🏼😔💔
He must have gained strength and insight from the Bible, so he’s sharing in the hope that it helps others. If you don’t like it and/or don’t see the value, don’t listen, move on, easy. 😊
Thank you for saying such. Sadly, wirh the way he's presented this video, many men can be turned off. Hence, why there are more comments from ladies than men. Need to always present a balanced view or else you alienate one of the sexes.
Just found you today and I want to thank you so much for sharing the wisdom you've gained through trials. It's definitely a blessing. Currently going to therapy alone because I am trying. I know God is able to turn it around but I must do my part as well. I appreciate your content. God bless you and your ministry.
Berry, I'm so proud of the work you're putting in. That's not always easy, so great work getting a jump on doing your part. I'm so sorry it's been a difficult road, but there is absolutely hope. I hope counseling helps both of you, keep me updated and I'm here if you need me.
@@JimmyonRelationships Thanks. It sucks when you feel like you're the only one willing to do the hard work, But I'm willing to do it because I love Him. We've been together for 17 years so you can already imagine how much of a challenge it is to adjust to new ways.
My hub and I went to counseling separately because of an automatic protection order that lasted 7 months during which time we became legally separated. He hurt me what ended in me needing spine surgery. He desperately wants to get back together but I cannot do it. And he found out through therapy that he has anger, depression and intimacy issues. How would I even begin to deal with any of that again? He says he’s working on it, but he can’t prove it unless we’re together and that scares me to death. But he keeps pressuring me and saying that he’ll just file the motion for divorce because he thinks I’m over him and he wants to move on (he’s 67, I’m 62). The main reason I stay with the legal separation is because 1. Of our marriage and 2. Because he holds the medical insurance for me. Some people will say that that’s incredibly shallow for me to stay legally separated, and at the same time legally married for insurance purposes, but I honestly don’t feel I should be a ward of the state.
I’m sorry to hear that. I pray you seek Gods clarity first for your make any major decisions. God can change anyone but only he can. Please seek therapy for your healing.. it is imperative. I wish you all the best
My husband cheated. Among other things that are equally if not worse. I don’t want my marriage to work. I want him to leave me alone and never talk to me again. Because I am too weak to pull the trigger. I don’t trust him and I know that his “good” behavior right now is just the cycle restarting itself. Pretty soon I’ll be in the traumatic end of it where he is being horrible. Please pray that God strengthens me so that I can file divorce and that I can fully learn to trust and rely on God.
@@arieskauhi thank you for that. I think I understand what he wants out of marriage. I made vows that day to God and my husband. But Ive been mistreated , abused in every sense and lied to for years. I’ve prayed and endured and forgiven so much. But I’m getting tired. If anything I’m grateful for what has happened..I have turned to my faith and Jesus more than I would have otherwise. Suffering has brought me closer to God. I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the resilience this has made in me.
I love your videos I came across your videos and they have been helping me. Thank you so much and may God continue to bless your marriage as well. Love you brother.
We learn to love ourselves by internalizing how love was expressed toward us. Unless we internalize a healthy model of love, by beholding and experiencing it with our caregivers, we cannot love ourselves well. God seeks to bring us under His wings, and give us the experiences with and example of His love that we can then internalize, and love Him with in return. Only then can we value ourselves as He values us, and share that abundance with loved ones in a healthy way......
Just a quick huge, thank you for one, being bold and including the indisputable truth of God and his promises for his children and for marriage. Again, I pray that God will continue to bless your marriage and your ministry, and that men will have the courage to be men. Meaning, that they will take responsibility for their actions and not blame everybody but themselves for their actions.
Nothing I do will ever be good enough. My apologies were always picked apart and not accepted. I’m the furthest thing from perfect but I was vulnerable and that was not valued. I gave up and focused on Proverbs 18:10. I surrendered to God. I’m not in a rush to find another person and I am not afraid if my destiny is to stay alone for many years or the rest of my life.
Thank you for these wonderful video messages. Please know that your message appeals to more than Christians. Many people value the same things, even if the details of the beliefs are different.
Hey Jimmy I just made a comment down in the comments . I hope you find it. I didn’t realize when I wrote it this video is a year old. Thanks again for your gift to us all and to make the Creator smile.
I was shocked when our marriage therapist talked about "check-ins". Nobody told me relationships were this much work. Wish I had known that ahead of time.
Thanks for sharing. All marriages go through ups and downs, highs and lows. A good movie about marriage is “Four Seasons” with Carol Burnett and Alan Alda.
"It's not your role to decide which feelings of hers are right and which ones are wrong. If she says you hurt her, you dont get to decide if you didn't." I wish my husband understood this.
Me too and then hear how I dont care about his when I am constantly asking how he is doing and asking for his opinion/perspective!
Same!
"Oh... well I guess I don't think about that. I guess that kind of stuff doesn't bother me..."
Is what I've been told. 😢
TY for sharing your experience and knowledge
I wish my husband understands this point
Can you tell your wife I am thankful that she is on board with your guys' relationship being cited as examples? You're doing a great job and I appreciate the vulnerability and the work you two have obviously done to get here.
Thankful 🙏 even if it only helps me
Even God got a divorce..Bible quote
Get born again and get a born again pastor to help u.
Great compliment! I agree. Well spoken. Love this guy. He's working so hard for the rest of us. Amen!🙏
I'm not even married. I started watching your videos because of the humor ... then because of the lessons. But this is one of the most powerful Christian witnesses I've ever heard. Well done!
@todd😊 u might need it in the future
Agreed
Just don’t do it! Do what we say not what we did
I have been married, and I'm now taking the lessons for the next relationship. I'd like to do better next time.
The more videos I watch about fixing your marriage the more I realize it’s over. When your husband has been cheating on you even before you got married and still continues to hurt you you have to accept one person can’t fix it and if the other one isn’t willing it hurts like hell. Cuz I love my husband but he doesn’t seem to love me.
Because I use my real name, can’t share what I want to. Do want to say I am so sorry for the pain you experience. Sending great love. 💜🥰🤗
I’m in the same boat. I’m sorry.
I think he does love u , its prob his problem bur he shdnt be hurting you
@ jensborn, im sorry ur being hurt. He prob has a problem and is hurting u...
I'm sorry for your pain. He doesn't love himself. And by you enabling him, you don't love yourself. People can change BUT the only way is to take space, reset, love yourself and let him the space to do the same for himself. So sorry again
I have destroyed my wife with words over 6 years. She has just told me she’s done. I didn’t even know it was as bad as it is until now. I’m hoping I can save us, thank you for the help.
I understand this scenario because after years of praying & growing within myself, I said to my husband it's too much to go on & he tried the same thing with a shock of surprise. That lasted for 2 mths. Now back to the drawing board. So now I'm living how Jimmy explained, hopeless & lonely.
I hope you’re able to fix it
Best wishes for your marriage
Have things gotten better you and your marriage?
🙏🙏
If my husband listened to this he would have heard the part about what the woman does wrong and not hear what part the man does. It is always my fault. He is never to blame.
Same here!! I'm always to blame and I'm the one who needs healing!!
Be sure to research covert narcissism.
Ugh, stop blaming him. Work on your marriage and stop going to UA-cam to trash him.
@@LA-hx8gj oh look another one just like him.
@@FoxSleeping Yes some women do, but it is hard to take accountability when the person treating you like crap informs you that you did nothing to deserve it, but continues to treat you bad. Stop assuming you know what you are talking about. That makes you worse than him.
I feel so hurt by this video, at this point of my marriage I have been burnt out trying to serve, trying to reflect the example of Love thru God's words. I have continuously read my word, studied my husbands actions and try to serve him in the ways I think he wants to be loved because he won't express himself, I have carried so much of the load for so long and now I feel like the burden of being that 1 person who can change the state of a marriage again, falls back on me. It feels like I have been working so hard on this marriage for so long that even now when I search out for more learning I'm only running into the advice that "1 person can save a marriage". I don't know how much more of his burdens I can shoulder anymore without letting it change my core values & who I am as a person.
Desha-Ann...
I so hear you. I learned how much of an enabler I have been in a codependent relationship. I had to step back, focus on me , STOP doing some of the bad habits Jimmy mentioned ....as I have traditionally been the pursuer (recovering from childhood feelings of invisibility) while he has been the avoidant (physical, verbal childhood trauma).
Self care includes checking my own negative contribution.
And when he asks what's wrong, I have to be honest...I am working on myself.
It can feel like rejection...for both of us...but when in negative, I believe it is necessary to meet at 0 before moving along to positive.
Good luck. Keep learning. Keep execercising new skills. Keep leaning in, but not over, from your side of the street.
😘
@@marygrowe9831 oh Mary, your words couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for sharing your insight, it will go so far in my walk. Lean in, but not over. 💜 I love that!! I'm praying for you, sister.
I know you commented mos ago, but please know that the *only* time 1 person can save a marriage is if it's the person who was killing it, & they want to relent and fix it. If you're Christian, pls remember that even Jesus was betrayed and rejected. He served people hand over fist, and they still literally crucified Him. You are not more powerful than He. Remember Matt 18. W/out being too lengthy, there are dozens of Scriptures about parting ways w toxic people & their toxic behavior. Please consider reading The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick, and Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend; followed up by The Life Saving Divorce by Gretchen Baskerville. Christian or Secular, I strongly recommend Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans, & Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.
Terry Real's books (also secular) are pretty solid, too, but won't work if you're the only person trying to save the marriage. Much love!
I feel same. I'm tired. I can't try anymore. I cant research anymore ways to "fix" this. I can't carry anymore. Marriage can't be a one way street. I can't make him love me. At some point I have to admit this is over simply because we're incompatible.
I feel your pain. I did the work, he made empty promises. I learned that marriages generally work out when both partners equally value each other or the husband values the wife more but never when the wife values the husband more. God told men to love and women to submit to that love. You cannot submit to something that is not there and expect success.
When he says “If she says that you hurt her, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t” that hit hard… You bring so much truth in your videos. Thank you for sharing this with us and for keeping God in the center of your marriage.
I have watched almost all of your videos over the last month. I'm so crushed that my marriage is actually coming to an end this time. It took me a long time, but over the last few years, I have learned a lot about the work on both sides through therapy, reading, and online resources. My wife has never been able to stay with me in doing the work. I am so devastated. Seven different therapists over 7 years (hers, mine, and ours,) and not one was able to see it and call it out like you do.
I'm so sorry Portia. That's heartbreaking for you I know. It's so hard. But I'm so proud of you for doing the work to learn about relationships and what love requires from all of us. It's just so hard when our partner just can't reciprocate those efforts. 🙁
Jimmy gets it because he lived it and loved Emily so much that he educated himself and FOUGHT to save her, his marriage because she's his world! Every woman should be made to feel she's their whole world. Every man should feel like he's her world.
Hey Jimmy . Thank you for unloading the real truth on all of us. I want to memorize it and live it. My marriage has died. She said love isn’t enough. I like you made mistakes and have unresolved childhood issues that came up and cause me to lose focus but not faith in Creator. So I’m shown my faith wasn’t enough either. Please forgive us all Creator! We did not want to break our promise to you!!! 😢Please help us get through this! I wish this video had of come out 6 months ago. God and myself maybe could have saved the love of my life. I continue to learn and to dig for the truth that will help us in all things. So we can follow his lead instead of ours. But we don’t know what we don’t know . As a mechanic I can’t fix what I don’t know how to fix. Thanks for more tools and guidance. Maybe God will send another after I fix myself😢😢
@@Thunderroad8517
God said He Hates Divorce as most do too, but He also said He got one. God is divorced, scripture says.
Im sorry to hear this. Please know that God can fix anything and though therapy is great and necessary… did you surrender to God and seek him first. God is the final say and can do the impossible. I’m a living witness
So many women are told by their husbands that they are not allowed to share anything honestly and should just keep trying harder at being silent and meet his "needs" to win their husband :-'(
Yeah, a lot of the times I feel like what he “needs” as for me to just make him feel good and never have a bad day and never have any emotions or feelings that are negative about our relationship or life or how he is acting.
And don’t forget, reminding myself “how good I have it” or “I have a good husband and just don’t know it”
A false & destructive perspective
I'd like to express my appreciation for the zeal you put in your videos and content helping couples heal/save their relationships. It takes a lot of courage to humble oneself the way you have, being willing to share your personal life so that we can learn from your journey to save your marriage. That's commendable! Thank you.
This means a lot Viviana. Thank you for taking the time to express this =)
The way you interweave the scriptures into this video added so much truth and authenticity to it - thanks for the share - you pointed to the perfect model in Jesus and his word. A blessing! Thank you
Thank you for this Hugh!
Mi
All the counselors I've seen & even a psychologist just do CBT & say "What do you think you should do"? I wish I would find someone willing to "work with me" on issues & how to address it.
😢
How to stay in a miserable marriage is a choice too. I stay 35 years in an abusive marriage. My husband was intelligent, well educated, attentive to our home and children and a hard worker. However, he had a personality disorder which led him to control others through manipulation and physical, emotional, financial abuse and for me, sexual punishment. I learned to endure his abuse, cover up his behaviors and serve him and our family. When the children became independent adults, i was finally free to escape my abuser. I have gone no contact and had four years of trauma counseling for PTSD. Staying wasn't easy. I did it though and now I am finally safe and free.
One person can free their conscience by knowing they did all they could. I fought. I did my best. I worked on ME. So I can with a clean conscience say I did all I could.
But in the end that was not enough. And I am okay with that. I can plant the seeds… but if they don’t grow - the seeds aren’t the problem. It’s the soil.
That's so true Amber, I'm so sorry for how alone you felt in that whole process
There comes a point when the blow ups day after day or week after week get too much, even getting blindsided with blow ups. If my marriage doesn't survive I'm never getting married again and I'm almost 50
There is some very very good advice to be found here. I’ve been selfless for over 10 years in this relationship and my heart is absolutely trashed to the point it’s beginning to overflow to all other areas of my life. I only want to be loved and respected too. I’m subscribing to this channel so I can learn to be a better person. I hope one day God will see my hurt and loneliness and connect me with a good woman who put’s Jesus first in her life. I’m so lonely I could cry. Thank you for trying brother, I love you. Sound advice but it can only work in a relationship where BOTH people have at least the smallest amount of love for one another. A basic respect. You cannot build a house without a foundation
Hello from the other side :)
I'm in the same boat as you but as the wife in the situation!
I just wanted to say i get it. It's HARD. I don't have any other advice but i can relate
I've been trying to work on myself to see why I've been in people pleasing mode, trying to show my whole personality, trying to be more open and honest, trying to be less of a martyr etc. Which was really hard
But so, so satisfying
But it's backfiring xD
I'm honestly past my threshold and have no energy left to give. This video is so great but like you've said, we feel like we've been doing it already and we've also been carrying our spouses and doing work for them. Us being here is doing work for them 😅🥲.
At the same time i feel like sharing it with them will not go over well either and so i feel stuck
You deserve the love you're putting in returned. You need to believe you are worthy of better too. The only way left to go is living out loving ourselves more, hoping for that last spark that could be a catalyst for a better treatment
I hope in your case, it won't backfire like with me
I wish you all the best 💖🙏 know you aren't alone!
I’m sorry to hear the pain you have gone through in marriage. Please know that God can truly do the impossible.. I’m a living witness. God can change the heart and mind of your spouse while you can’t. If you still desire your marriage please seek God on it and if he says stay then please surrender to his perfect Will. In the meantime please get therapy preferably Christian therapy. I pray all the best!
Why is it that I never thought of the idea to learn about how to have healthy relationships - because I was prideful! At 50 yrs old, I’m learning - better late than never! Thanks for this.
"Marriages die in the conversations that never happened". It is so true.
But sometimes wrongly paired up marriages are born in conversations that never happen before the marriage, too.
Not every marriage is meant to work and keep both the partners happy. Some are just not meant to be.
This video may have saved my Marriage. We keep having the same arguments and I got to the point of giving up. I plan on having a last attempt talk with him and I have been stressed about what to say. I sent him this video I hope it helps as an icebreaker. I’ve come to the point that of things don’t change and for real I’m going to leave him it’s not worth having the same discussion over and over with no change. I’m worth more than that. Hopefully he will listen to your words since he dosent mine.
Wow- I can’t believe you wrote exactly where I’m at. I reached to my husband yesterday- a he let version he WILL NOT go to counseling stop asking. I cried and woke up crying and searching divorce yesterday. We had a anniversary of 25 yrs and truth I truly didn’t want to celebrate. Jimmy vid popped up this morning and I’ve watched 2 hrs worth and have cried so much. I’m thankful for all that’s here but in the end , even after I attempt to put into practice what is advised there no guarantee that he’ll change for us. That’s scares me b/c then I need to move forward. So as I pray for me I’ll pray for you as well. 😔
Same just sent to my husband literally seconds ago I heard him downstairs say whatcrap is she sending me now
I recommend also sending the one he does with the two plants as well as his video on stonewalling, if it applies. Good luck everyone, wish me luck
I’m sorry to hear this. Have you tried surrendering to God and have you tried individual and marriage therapy?
@beautifulangel32 🤣🤣 I totally get you sister. This is exactly what my husband will say. I did the mistake of sending one of Jimmy's vid and he said that Jimmy's a gay . I mean really
Thank you so much Jimmy. My husband and I have been struggling for years in our marriage. I feel so lost and don’t know how to reach his heart. Hearing you speak about Jesus has touched my heart and I will pray and keep strong in my faith of his Love. Thank you. ❤
Surrender to God and pray daily that he change the heart and mind of your spouse.. he can do what we can’t. Seek therapy in the meantime individual and if possible marital. I pray all the best!
I just wanted to thank you for showing that there is hope and that change can be seen and can heal hearts. Up until last night I was feeling completely alone and lost, the way you present yourself and are so real makes it a lot easier to see where I am failing my wife. I’m still struggling to implement the first steps and put away from my pride and ego but for the first time I can really relate to what someone is saying, and not just stating that I should just listen and do this or that, thank you for the encouragement and showing me that is can happen!
Chris this is an amazing comment! I can’t thank you enough for the compliment and your humility is inspiring! Please let me know how I can help you in the journey in any way I can :)
@@JimmyonRelationships I really mean it, there is a real need for men like you!! I am literally just a baby in this all, I haven’t put enough actual work in and have just been lying to myself telling myself that I have made progress and have been finding tools and that’s just not the case. I am failing my wife daily and haven’t stepped into the leader that god wants me to be. It’s all very uncomfortable scary and at times feels hopeless, your videos and the way you conduct yourself and communicate gives me great hope and a new look on what is really possible.
I’m not exactly sure where to start or what the one thing I should pick for this week to commit to I tend to second guess everything and end up doing nothing.
Jimmy, I praise the Most High for what he’s done in you so that you can help the body of Messiah heal their marriages! This is right on time for SO MANY including my own marriage. I’m praying for a way to share your content with my husband. He’s come A LONG way.... he had fallen into depression & used alcohol for 15 years while abusing me both mentally &! physically. I hung on & ended up fasting & praying for his healing & for the man I loved to return to me. God has been doing a great work in him & he’s been walking alcohol free (with no desire for it) for 5 years. I suffer from PTSD now on account of what I’ve been through, but I sincerely believe that if we had a few more tools & direction we could regain the relationship we began with (which was truly an awesome one that many friends were jealous of.... which is why I held on for so long). Thank you SO MUCH for doing the learning necessary to help others heal! 💕🙌💕
@@chrisriley8081 Check out more of his videos until it becomes clear. Take notes. Pray God would open your understanding. It's wonderful that you are opening up like this! I know this is 6 months ago and I hope you have been able to make progress.
I had no idea this guy was a Christian- I’m glad I finally started listening. ❤🙏🏽
My husband left me after 33 years of marriage for a woman half his age. I wish I had access to your videos so much sooner. You are so on point with the things you say. You have a way of summarizing all the pitfalls and trouble spots and how to handle them unlike any other counselor I have encountered. You cut to the chase to expetite healing and repair. My first marriage is done and I have no plans for future legal entanglements but I do desire a successful couples relationship. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. It is so needed and so important. I appreciate your efforts so very much. God bless you and your wife.
I used to think a broken heart was just a saying. But I can attest that when your heart breaks you literally, physically feel it in your chest. You can feel it breaking. And though you don’t physically die from it, something inside you dies so you can at least pretend to go on living.
I'm on my last straw and about to leave my partner that I have 2 kids with and we were together for 10 years. I stayed 5 of them being extremely miserable I just think love isn't enough. We’re in the bitter avoidant stage and I emotionally shut down I'm not gonna try anymore it take two people to want a relationship to work. The man refuses to go to therapy and gaslights me saying I'm the issue. I feel bad for our kids he's extremely selfish but being honest I'm not in love with him anymore. I care about him but All of that love I once had turned to resentment.
I ruined my relationship for 5 years without truly understanding how. After watching countless videos ive figured out what ive done and am now working hard to fix myself and the relationship. Amazingly my fiancee is willing to keep with me.
This is so good ❤ wish I was taught this before 😢I’m going through a divorce now, my husband constantly rejects me, the kinder I am to him, the more mean he becomes. I’m feeling so lonely and emotionally drained in this marriage and if you are reading this, I would appreciate a bit of support as I really need it during this period of my life.
Victoria 🙌✨
Be kind towards your ex because that's who you are, not because you expect him to treat you better because of it. Don't give him the power to disappoint you. Be happy in your choices about how to act and let go of the responsibility for how he does.
We are at the bottom. This is the best video that I have watched! I love how you love God and put him first in marriages. I am learning so much of how I ruined my marriage, but I am not giving up! I am learning to take ownership of the parts that I have done wrong. I keep praying to God that he let's him see the changes.
Yes God can heal even when we have in large part caused the devastation in our marriage. Taking ownership is imperative to healing journey and so is individual and marital counseling. I pray Gods healing in your marriage and forgiveness of yourself. We grow in love not shame and guilt. Blessings and peace!
I luv this man's talent and intelligence.....
You might not be counselors but I learn so much from you thank you.
Jimmy, my marriage is very much in turmoil right now. I am very likely not your denomination of Christian (Roman Catholic here), however, EVERYTHING you have said regarding marriage, love, and God's beautiful gift to us as well as God himself ABSOLUTELY resonates with me. The underlying understanding of God's precious gift of Marriage is all the same. I am the "neglected wife". My husband (Byzantine Catholic) has finally hit a point where he is open to different ideas. Our recent marriage counseling session has shown me that he realizes there is work to be done. But not the toilsome type of work, the joyful, celebratory type of work that keeps a marriage alive and special and the best gift God has given humans. Thank you.
Have 100% from me, with my flesh, blood and Spirit:
1. intimacy and
2. friendship and
3. closeness and
4. connection and
5. emotional safety and
6. trust
And I went deeper into the video and found 6 points that I need to work upon.
1. Intimacy- Well decorated bedroom, perfume, dim lit, quality bedtime, every single night-Exploring new idea. (Activities that both partners enjoy, reintroducing physical closeness.)
2. Connection- Authentic bonding, making space for other in heart, resolving grief & sadness issues 100% with all the new knowledge on trauma release. (Demonstrating empathy, validating feelings)
3. Closeness- Removing all barriers that lies between 2 persons, transparency and authentic love, that both become garment (libaas) for each other, express affection, express gratitude
4. Trust- Keep promises, Open and honest communication, active listening, commitment to change, consistent action over time, Re-establishing Shared Goals and Values, being patient with the trust building process.
5. Friendship- Regular date nights, a walk, shared hobbies, daily feeling checks, cheerleader for each other, encourage growth, be playful, share humor, respect each other’s individuality, Express gratitude for friendship,
6. Emotional Safety- having therapy for unresolved trauma. Forgiveness and letting go, Celebrating Small Wins, encourage and praise each other’s positive sides
I just discovered you this morning, and watched several of your shorts and your videos before this one, and I had no idea you were Christian, but I am so glad to hear that you are because I’ve been listening and I have been in an emotional, abusive relationship with my husband And have been looking for exactly this information that you have shared. Thank you God for speaking through Jimmy. I am trusting that I will have the boldness to share this video with my husband, we both have a lot of work to do.
He’s abusive so HE has a lot of work to do. The work that you have to do is get into therapy and learn to live yourself. If your husband is being abusive then he is dishonoring you and the covenant he made before God. His prayers are stifled because he mistreats you. I’m sorry you are in such a position. No one deserves to be abused.
Thank you for putting this into
Words so thoughtfully. I have been working in Gottman theory by myself for our marriage for the past 15 months, basicly alone. We are on a verge. I have tried in vein to speak this into existence with my husband, who is stuck in past family of orgin trama which has bleed into our relationship. You have so plainly and simply explained this. May God bless your efforts. You are right on track and correct in so many ways. Well done.
I'm so proud of the work you're doing. I know how lonely that can feel when you're the only one prioritizing the things that your relationship needs to thrive =(
Amen. Generational trauma is so important and true. Unfortunately either you learn from the experience or you repeat it.
Thank you for putting SO much out here!! It just zings me. You put into words so many things I have been experiencing! Thank you! My husband and I are in the process of restoring.
I cannot Express how GRATEFUL I am for what you do. It's priceless. This is SO VERY important to hear. Thank you
Hands down, the BEST video I’ve heard from you yet, Jimmy! Thank you for your obedience in this mission. God bless you mightily.
This is so kind of you!
Greetings.
I've only recently come across your videos and I thank God for that. I'm Roman Catholic and happily married for 25 years, by God's grace.
I prayed and asked God for "a husband like St. Joseph was to Mary!". I also asked God to make His choice for me as clear as possible and He did ...
I 100% believe that God is the best Dating site with 100% success rate, because he knows everybody's business!
I believe that God is able to and WANTS to find the best fit for you ... despite your physical or emotional brokenness!
BUT you have to listen to Him and be guided by Him. God will definitely warn you about what is Not good for you and open you eyes to what is good.
Remember... God will NEVER break His rules about marriage, as is written in the Bible. Trust in Him. Listen to His voice.
That was a masterpiece in marriage.
SPOT ON! I love your message Jimmy! You have a way of talking that makes it relatable and understanding. I watch you and share with my husband, and he even likes you! Thank you. I appreciate what your saying and working through problems instead of walking away from marriage.
I absolutely love you Jimmy and your walk with God. You are without a doubt living in your anointing and obedience. I’m a living testimony not once but twice. I pray Gods blessings for you and your family.
Youre right jimmy. Made me cry listening to this. I did leave. I stopped trying to communicate and left because i figured it was pointless.
He probably didnt understand. But i felt so alone and i feel like it should have been common sense to spend time with his wife. But all he wanted to do was play video games. We were married 17 years. I probably Could have explained better how i felt. I probably was accusatory.
Jimmy, thank you so much for this video! ❤
The last question though ...
What if you've been the only one for years? How about a decade?
What if your partner just doesn't care or wants to put any work in because you'll carry it anyways?
What if they look elsewhere the moment you try to establish equilibrium?
I understand what you're trying to say, really i do
But I'm _tired_
You are asking the same questions I have..
SO many gems in this one!
Thank you!
Listening to the calm manner in which you speak, Jimmy, sooths my soul to heal and change. 🙌✝️💚
I told my husband that his voice is calming. I probably wouldn't listen to entire videos if the voice weren't so relaxed.
Am glad i came across this beautiful video. I pray it saves my friends marriage. While i learn more on the ingredients to a successful marriage. Thank you m
I've been following you for a while, and I've learned a lot from the videos I've watched so far...BUT THIS ONE...I can't THANK YOU enough for this one!!! This information and advice from a Biblical perspective is invaluable!
Fantastic job! One thing I'd love for you to discuss is mother enmeshed men, their traits, and how to heal marriages because their effect.
Thankful for your video. I was a pastor for over 20 years. Married for 24 years and 2 months ago my wife told me it’s over. I thought I was a great husband. Never cheated. Never abused. But I did lose myself. After I left ministry I went through a terrible depression and I stopped trying to move on with my life. I got lazy, emotionally disconnected, and I took my wife for granted. I wasn’t loving her HER way. I was doing things my way and I destroyed her confidence and attraction to me. The crazy thing is I didn’t know what I was doing. This situation has me CRUSHED. I could fix these issues now I actually know what I’ve done, but I fear it’s too late unless God intervenes and she’s let me know she isn’t open to that at all.
Thank you for posting this.
I’m a Christian and became Christian long after I got married. The issue is my unbelieving husband has been lying to me, gaslighting me and cheating on me. He has a porn addiction and messages sex workers online. He claims he’s never slept with any of them, but he lies straight to my face so much and so easily that I don’t believe him. I don’t trust him. We’ve been through this for years and each time he sees me go through the pain, he says he will change, but he never does. I’m at my breaking point and I have been wanting to heal and fix our marriage because I love him and I believe anyone can change if they want to, but I feel like my husband just gives me lip service and pretends to be repentant because he never actually changes and always goes back to continue the deeply hurtful actions when he thinks I won’t find out.
I just want to know what to do here.
I feel like leaving him is something God wouldn’t approve of, but at the same time I just can’t do this anymore. I have been wishing I would just die so I don’t have to do this anymore. Do you have any Christian advice for my situation?
Honestly, God never endorses staying in an abusive situation, which is what this sounds like. Connect with counselling help, make a plan, then leave if that's what it takes to be safe and whole. God bless you - Wishing you all the best for a healed whole future.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit goes before a fall
I think you should write a book, if you haven't already
You're the best, Jimmy! God bless you!
Watching your videos today give me the courage that I might be right and it's time to walk away after 9 years of marriage 5 years asking for communication many times after asking if he wanted to fight for us or not now 24 hrs later no answer back I guess this is it other wise he would try
I asked my husband to leave a week ago. I can't put our kids through one more fight. I was already alone. Now at least the wounds are not continuing to be picked at. I love him and want the best for him..but I can't be dismissed one more time. I can't have the boundaries crossed one more time.
I am so sorry for the state of affairs in your current marriage and that your children were affected. Maybe separation is best at this point; however it doesn’t have to be the end unless God has told you so. Sometimes God can’t heal us in the same house. Sometimes God has to take us through individual healing journeys and wilderness seasons. If you desire your marriage then please seek individual therapy and marital therapy and therapy for the children. Working on ourselves is very important within a marriage and outside of a marriage. I pray the best for your family
My husband was still in Buddhism..The Holy Spirit took me out of it..He didn’t understand the need for individual counseling so I went again on my own for 2 1/2 years..God showed me so much..He was stonewalling and was being passive aggressive and just wouldn’t talk about anything and mean anything..I understood trauma brain yet he didn’t seem to…
then he wanted to go marriage counseling.. yet the glimmer of hope was shorty lived after all 3 times he just kept saying we don’t have anything in common. He said my honesty scares him. …I left him make a decision if he wanted to continue. He chose not to and wanted to leave. We left each other in peace and I told him I would pray for him…..He didn’t know God and the miracle God works in a heart if we can humble…It just wasn’t his time..God is in charge
I started watching the videos because of your humor & right on thoughts & how people really talk in their marraiages. Ty
Being the spouse 100% always trying to put the bandaid on is exhausting and not sustainable. Totally draining. Sometimes you are on the backburner one too many times. Have to stop being an option to those you made a priority.
Keep these coming….I’m loving your perspective, it speaks to my soul.
Eileen this means the world to me!
I have not sat in on any of your videos. I did not know you're a true believer. I'm a bigger fan of yours now. So thankful you are so bold to bring up serving and selflessly loving one another as God designed it for us.
Thank you, this is one of the most practical talks on marriage and the respective responsibilities of each spouse to make a successful marriage.👌
You have great wisdom and communicate in a thorough yet concise manner. Most of all, your message is universally relevant and applicable. Amazing! Thanks.
Thanks! This material is helping me better understand my role in my marriage and it’s current condition, while also validating my feelings and concerns. Greatly appreciate your content and how it’s delivered. 🥰 I’ve shred it with my hubby and hope he listens 😊
So grateful for your sharing! Your videos are such a blessing. I see and feel your sincerity, humbleness and vulnerability to try and share not only your experiences views and love, but also your passion for sharing God’s love which is the ultimate example. Thank you. I don’t know where my marriage will end up but I know that my heavenly Father loves me, is by my side and working on it.
You rock because you rely on the rock I wish that we could speak to you in person. I think it would really help us but I believe God directed me to your channel today and I’m thankful for that.
I agree and love everything that you said and I’m going to present this video to my husband tonight and see if we can find some hope listening to you together. Thank you so much God bless you.❤
Very much broken and hopeless in regards to my marriage 😢
Have you tried surrendering to God and individual and marriage therapy?
Wife has been losing love for the last 3 months roughly, I've noticed the difference in our relationship and became quite attached and wanting to fix whatever is the problem, but inadvertently made the problem worse and drove her further away. Now we're on a week break (currently day 2) so she can see her life without me, see what that might look like and whether it's something she wants to pursue. Hopefully we can fix it, I really don't want to be divorced for my 30th birthday. Wish us luck guys, and thanks Jimmy for all the inspirational and insightful vids you make, keep on going and stay safe!
By far, this is the best video of yours I have watched. I hope your wife is proud of the work you have and are putting into your marriage. Your audience/fans definitely appreciate the equal sided approach and transparency. Thank you so much
Thank you for sharing your message and story. Everything you say resonates with me deeply, often moving me to tears.
Oh yes, brother... I can feel your loving heart for the world' s relationships so much...reminds me of a song: ..." how can we have peace in the middle east, when there' s none at home." This work is worth it all the way!! Thank you so much, for these loving insights, dear Jimmy❤
Thank you! There’s so much truth here that people need to hear! I share your videos often. If I had learned these things 20 years ago, my marriage would not have ended!
Thank you for these kind words Tracey, they mean a lot to me! :)
Thank you Jimmy for making this video, great insight. God bless you.
I first saw your shorts and thought they were informative and funny and moved on to the longer videos and podcasts. I’m so thankful to you and your wife for sharing your experiences with us so we can all grow and learn. Your advice is so valuable and the examples are relatable and I appreciate everything that you’re doing to help others. Being Catholic, I appreciate the religious help as well. This is definitely one of my favorite videos you’ve ever made. Each one is packed with so much information that I have to listen to it multiple times so it sinks in. Please tell your wife how much I like her plants in the background. Wish I could see a plant tour. She has a green thumb, for sure!
This was so beautiful! God IS the author of marriage and source of love. His love for us knows no boundaries, spares no effort, goes all out, without manipulating or imposing on our freedom. I feel bad that I can’t make it be enough 😢. Holy Spirit, please change my heart. 🙏🏼😔💔
He must have gained strength and insight from the Bible, so he’s sharing in the hope that it helps others. If you don’t like it and/or don’t see the value, don’t listen, move on, easy. 😊
Oh, thank you for bringing up God. Thank you for setting Him as an example. What a great work you do on this Earth for so many ❤
The biggest question is how did the focus in you change? What happened to make you see your responsibility in the problem and change direction??
It isn’t always him being arrogant or wanting to spend time away, etc. Take all this and apply it to him/her whichever way it flows.
Thank you for saying such. Sadly, wirh the way he's presented this video, many men can be turned off. Hence, why there are more comments from ladies than men.
Need to always present a balanced view or else you alienate one of the sexes.
Thank you Jesus, for 12 years of unanswered prayers and a broken heart. From now on I’ll do it on my own thanks
Just found you today and I want to thank you so much for sharing the wisdom you've gained through trials. It's definitely a blessing. Currently going to therapy alone because I am trying. I know God is able to turn it around but I must do my part as well. I appreciate your content. God bless you and your ministry.
Berry, I'm so proud of the work you're putting in. That's not always easy, so great work getting a jump on doing your part. I'm so sorry it's been a difficult road, but there is absolutely hope. I hope counseling helps both of you, keep me updated and I'm here if you need me.
@@JimmyonRelationships Thanks. It sucks when you feel like you're the only one willing to do the hard work, But I'm willing to do it because I love Him. We've been together for 17 years so you can already imagine how much of a challenge it is to adjust to new ways.
@@BerryCrafty I'm sure that's extremely difficult. I wish I could help somehow. Praying for healing for you Berry.
My hub and I went to counseling separately because of an automatic protection order that lasted 7 months during which time we became legally separated. He hurt me what ended in me needing spine surgery. He desperately wants to get back together but I cannot do it. And he found out through therapy that he has anger, depression and intimacy issues. How would I even begin to deal with any of that again? He says he’s working on it, but he can’t prove it unless we’re together and that scares me to death. But he keeps pressuring me and saying that he’ll just file the motion for divorce because he thinks I’m over him and he wants to move on (he’s 67, I’m 62). The main reason I stay with the legal separation is because 1. Of our marriage and 2. Because he holds the medical insurance for me.
Some people will say that that’s incredibly shallow for me to stay legally separated, and at the same time legally married for insurance purposes, but I honestly don’t feel I should be a ward of the state.
I sent this video to my wife I hope she sees a difference 😢
I love your videos and your insight… I listen to every word intently. Thank you for sharing and caring.
Got rejected 10,000 times so i gave up. Just keep away to prevent the fighting and blaming. It just hurts so incredibly bad i can't try anymore
I’m sorry to hear that. I pray you seek Gods clarity first for your make any major decisions. God can change anyone but only he can. Please seek therapy for your healing.. it is imperative. I wish you all the best
God bless you and your family I’m thankful for helping us all to heal through the difficult times.
Aloha from Hawaii, TYSVM for so much goodness & being real. May God bless you & your loved ones!
Spot on. I’ve really blown it in this dept. Prayers for relationship repair please.
It can be done. You must surrender to God and seek therapy
My husband cheated. Among other things that are equally if not worse. I don’t want my marriage to work. I want him to leave me alone and never talk to me again. Because I am too weak to pull the trigger. I don’t trust him and I know that his “good” behavior right now is just the cycle restarting itself. Pretty soon I’ll be in the traumatic end of it where he is being horrible. Please pray that God strengthens me so that I can file divorce and that I can fully learn to trust and rely on God.
I pray that you read God's word and that the holy spirit gives you an understanding of what he wants out of marriage.
@@arieskauhi thank you for that. I think I understand what he wants out of marriage.
I made vows that day to God and my husband. But Ive been mistreated , abused in every sense and lied to for years. I’ve prayed and endured and forgiven so much. But I’m getting tired. If anything I’m grateful for what has happened..I have turned to my faith and Jesus more than I would have otherwise. Suffering has brought me closer to God. I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the resilience this has made in me.
Don't stay after cheating. It can get better but it never gets good. It won't ever be as good as a relationship that isn't with a cheater.
I love your videos I came across your videos and they have been helping me. Thank you so much and may God continue to bless your marriage as well. Love you brother.
Thank you so much for this video!! 🙏🏽I REALLY needed this!
And Amen!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
We learn to love ourselves by internalizing how love was expressed toward us.
Unless we internalize a healthy model of love, by beholding and experiencing it with our caregivers, we cannot love ourselves well.
God seeks to bring us under His wings, and give us the experiences with and example of His love that we can then internalize, and love Him with in return.
Only then can we value ourselves as He values us, and share that abundance with loved ones in a healthy way......
Love this!!
Life-changing message, thank youuuu!
You're so kind!
Absolutely AMAZING words and 100% spot on. Thanks for putting out great content and making a difference.
Just a quick huge, thank you for one, being bold and including the indisputable truth of God and his promises for his children and for marriage. Again, I pray that God will continue to bless your marriage and your ministry, and that men will have the courage to be men. Meaning, that they will take responsibility for their actions and not blame everybody but themselves for their actions.
Nothing I do will ever be good enough. My apologies were always picked apart and not accepted. I’m the furthest thing from perfect but I was vulnerable and that was not valued. I gave up and focused on Proverbs 18:10. I surrendered to God. I’m not in a rush to find another person and I am not afraid if my destiny is to stay alone for many years or the rest of my life.
Thank you for these wonderful video messages. Please know that your message appeals to more than Christians. Many people value the same things, even if the details of the beliefs are different.
So much, beautiful statements here! Fantastic video. Dude you’re doing a great thing here and you have a beautiful delivery style!
You all are God sent!
Hey Jimmy I just made a comment down in the comments . I hope you find it. I didn’t realize when I wrote it this video is a year old. Thanks again for your gift to us all and to make the Creator smile.
I was shocked when our marriage therapist talked about "check-ins". Nobody told me relationships were this much work. Wish I had known that ahead of time.
Thanks for sharing. All marriages go through ups and downs, highs and lows. A good movie about marriage is “Four Seasons” with Carol Burnett and Alan Alda.
Beautifully said!!
I watch this weekly. Thank you for this.