The reason why I knew this would fail was it had nothing new to bring to the table. Right after I saw the trailer in theaters a trailer for "mafia mamma" played and it was the exact same idea and premise. The machine is as cliche as you can be in cinema, viral or not.
DUDE…I’m so sick of Davidson. People don’t realize he roasted everyone back in the day in the NY scene. Now he plays victim every chance he gets cuz he’s in LA..
The best part about the clip of Bert proclaiming a comedian is better than a normal person is another comedian laughing in his face and telling him how stupid and insane he sounds
american comedy is like pop music these days... it hasnt been great for decades. whats considered great is good/mediocre, chappelle is a great skit writer and generally decent stand up but everyone calls him one of the greats, he's ok. american has pop comedy, its the loudest, not the greatest, nowhere close
I laughed out loud when I was on a flight two weeks ago, and the gentleman next to me started watching The Machine. About 5 minutes later, I look over and he changed movies lmao.
Dude, that machine story has been around way longer than 2016. The first time I heard it was at the height of the myspace era. Bert has veen riding this one joke for well over 15 years.
I saw him live a few years back. He ended with the machine story, and of course a bunch of drunk fans were screaming for it. It's just so tired to me. Everyone has that one friend who never stops telling the same story from "back in the day" but Bert found out how to make a career out of it (sadly). It made me start seeing how below average he really is.
it's also at the most worthy of generating a chuckle. That routine has NEVER been that funny. I'm trying to figure out why he thought it would sell as a movie...
And pretty sure its mostly fake and/or wildly embellished. Most his stuff stinks of exaggeration. Hes the type of guy who blacks out at a dive bar by himself, and the next day, tells people Pearl Jam showed up and things got crazy.
@@ieatstheinternet Yea, I question the mentality of anyone who hears his story as anything but one big elaborate fantasy of “I wish this would’ve happened so it’d make me seem funny and cool” He’s a tryhard that reeks of that _I peaked in high school_ energy, is stuck in the 2000s, and can’t bring forth any new material despite the numerous opportunities presented before him - opportunities so many other comedians won’t ever have that he just pisses away. That’s not doing what he needs to do … that’s just being a dumbass.
It would have been better if Bert had done a movie about his family life, maybe a movie that addresses his drinking problems and the mask of party guy identity that he has and how it's affected his personal life. Instead they recycled his most famous bit at the worst time when everyone is tired of hearing it and has Bert fatigue.
After reading his book, it was pretty clear that he's lived his whole life skating by on the accomplishments of other people. What sony seems to have missed completely is that 2 Bears 1 Cave is only really popular because of Tom Segura, who is excellent. Bert actively makes that podcast worse and the best episodes are the ones where it's Tom and someone else - the other highlight moments are when Tom deservedly calls Bert out to his face.
@@FraulienNationalisthe’s the worst popular comedian I can think of, I’ve watched 20+ podcasts he’s been in and it’s like he doesn’t understand how to be funny. Gives me odd vibes
@@Berry47867 I'm not too familiar with him other than his constant lying. There is a saying that goes "if they don't emote with their eyes, they're crazy." That's the vibe I get from Tom. Like sociopathic feelings.
@@fishingbob8374 If using girls to make fake moans for a gaming-chair is a win-win, then I would prefer Grandma's Boy... I'd be pleased to see Rob Zombie or Chad Kroeger helming a video-game themed show.
As a person who used to love Bert Kreischer, he used to be somewhat down to earth and used to bring up his faults. I think fame has gotten to his head and he’s been saying “I’ve gotten better” without actually making any improvements. He went from “party bro learning to be a dad” to “alcoholic man makes donkey noises and squeals on stage for 2 hours and makes $5 million off of it.”
@@moneysqueeze7164I did too. Same with fat Tom. Never Schaub. But for a few years I consumed a lot of their shit. Then around COVID or just before I ditched them. Now it’s wild how they’re literally destroying their legacy because they lack self awareness. Their careers should be taught as a lesson what not to do regarding marketing themselves for longevity.
I saw DVDs pop up at the Walmart i work at and i had zero idea it even existed. Knowing that it was a big budget nightmare is def the funniest part of the movie.
The thing many people don't realize is that this movie was filmed the summer of 2021, and was unofficially set to release in early 2022 to a modest marketing campaign. Early in the year tends to be the dead season for movies, so that may have been smart for a movie like The Machine. This was also at a time when 2 Bears 1 Cave was still a very likable podcast and was still riding off of its pandemic era prime. However, this was also when Russia invaded Ukraine. If Bert is to be taken at his word, Sony/Legendary wanted to delay the release because they were afraid a Russia-centric movie was going to be a bad look. Again, if Bert is to be taken at his word. For the next year, when pressed about the release date on podcasts, Bert just said "I don't know." When Sony was ready to put an official release date on the movie, this was when 2 Bears 1 Cave was beginning to lose steam, before it became the decrepit podcast it has turned into throughout this year (I say this as a former die-hard 2B1C fan). I didn't buy the "leaking" the podcast on Joe Rogan or at one of his shows for a second. They played it up like Bert wasn't legally allowed to do that. That had Sony marketing written all over it. Pretending to "leak" a trailer without permission to come off as edgy is such a 2023 thing to do.
Yea.. That's why the movie flopped, not because it was bad but because it came out at the wrong time.. 🙄 That's the mentality/excuse to blame partly for why we have horrible movies.
I remember when I was 17 my friends tried to introduce me to beet, got a few chuckles, but overall I just didn’t get it, then at 19 I started drinking and doing drugs regularly, I also started watching bert kreicher regularly, not a coincidence. Now I’m 23, sober, and haven’t watched a kreicher special in years. So if you’re wondering why the movie flopped, it’s because you guys just aren’t drunk enough to enjoy it plain and simple
I remember a joke he told about buying out all the remaining raffle tickets at a school function for his daughters because the ticket seller had only managed to sell 4 tickets before him. He basically was a huge asshole whenever they called his ticket numbers (which was often) and, when he prepared to get up for the last prize of the night, they called a number he didn't have and all the angry parents started making fun of him. His wife won the last prize. It was kind of funny.
Because he’s a narcissist he can’t go 30 seconds without talking about himself even if someone else is talking about something that has nothing to do with him
Bert Kreischer's laugh could literally be used as torture. Imagine being locked in a room with nothing, but Bert shrieking like a banshee on laughing gas. This isn't a joke. I would definitely tell whoever, whatever I thought they wanted to hear to end the pain.
@@ralphwiggum1982 He's okay at telling jokes (often in an inadvertent manner). His laugh is 99% annoying. There's a tiny part of me that finds it endearing and funny despite it sounding like nails on chalkboards.
Iva and Jovan Savić were hands-down the absolute best part of the entire film. Two side characters completely stole the spotlight from the protagonist to the point where you forget who the film is about. That's either the result of largely unbalanced acting talent or neglectful writing, or both.
I think it would have been interesting to break down the plot real quick, so we can get a taste of the shittyness. Like telling me about Bert’s laugh is one thing, playing it for me makes me want to chug 12 beers, puke them up, dip my hands in it, and slap myself. Food for thought, love the channel 🍻
@@micahwest2793I respectfully disagree. It felt like a masturbatory project for Bert. There are frequent attempts at self awareness that are never resolved or commented on again by the end of the film. Ultimately that hurts the overall self awareness of the narrative, because the whole movie is supposed to be about Bert healing his family relationships, but the arcs aren’t satisfying for any of his family members least of all his fake dad. It was also strange, seeing as the beginning of the movie is about how distant he’s become from his wife and daughters, that they barely get screen time and it’s all about Bert not liking his dad who is genuinely a good person. I find it hard to laugh with someone that is actively being shitty and getting rewarded for it the whole movie. it isn’t even being played as a joke, he just get everything he wants and he wrote himself to not be an alcoholic. You can like the movie, I’m just saying this movie doesn’t do well under scrutiny.
@@probablypragmatic6893There's an assumption that the people who say that anybody who do not like Amy Schumer are misogynists are feminists, when in reality they're way more likely to be trolls.
I went to the “live stream” first show, which was just a live stream with Bert before the movie and it was a disaster. Bert wanted to play flip cup for some reason and we watched him fail to flip a cup for like 5 minutes and then Tom showed up and he started crying. He then talked to Mark Hamill and you could tell Mark knew the movie was going to flop but he was still trying to be supportive. Tbh the movie was better than I thought it was going to be. I think people had no faith in Bert and they waited too long to make it, it probably would have performed better on 2016
@@fredred5037there's some great joe episodes still coming out, like he does fight companions still with Eddie bravo, Bryan callen and Brenda schaub and they're pretty good. Some good old school episodes like the new tim dillon, alex jones or sam tripoli episodes. Some great ones with fighters, one with Sean strickland is a scary podcast, Sean is like yeah i handed my dad the gun to off himself and few seconds after I wouldn't mind killing a person in the cage😂
Great Video, good pacing and just about the perfect length a well done job, in my own thoughts, someone who cares only about themselves and is always putting the story above the truth, this is what ends up happening. Honesty and Humility are important people remember that stuff about a preformer.
This is exactly it. Yes I find his laugh annoying, but I wouldn't care about it if he didn't laugh that way at literally the most mundane observation. Other comedian: so this amusing thing happened to me once. Bert: EEEEEEEEEEEEE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 !!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️
Really lmao for me it was having scientists and interesting people on for like 2 hours one time whereas he had dangerous lunatics like Alex Jones on for 5 hours tens if not over a hundred times
Segura now too unfortunately. When Tom was coming up , it felt like a second coming of louis ck, now he's an annoying rude. He has ghost gum/turkey tom potential is what I'm saying. It feels like Kreisher is pulling down everyone who has any contact with him
99.999% of the time when people online say "dude this should be a movie" or "somebody make this a show" the story or concept should definitely *not* be that. I still have not seen that 0.001%....
Theres so many drug addicts that hang out around the laundry mat near my work that are so much funnier than Bert that do the exact same thing. It is crazy bert isnt one of them. We tell stories about these drug addicts all the time and have favorite ones, they have way more believable stories than Bert. One of them comes off super normal and then starts talking about how he talks to god through a specific tree outside the laundry mat. The fact that tree preacher isnt famous and bert is, is fucking insane. (I am not making fun if these people or anything they all have legitimate struggles and are legitimately funny and cool when they arent out of their minds high or having an episode)
I actually went to a Kreischer stand-up show several months ago (which was honestly a good time, by the way) and near the end of the show, he brought up how The Machine was doing well on Netflix when it was added there. Having now watched this video, that Netflix shoutout now rubs a very different way.
How could Sony possibly think anyone would give a shit about this movie, let alone think they could make $ on it. I don’t know a single person who saw this or even knows it’s a movie
Rule of thumb for movie box office numbers: It's often assumed a studio will spend as much as the films budget solely on marketing so Sony most likely lost somewhere around 30 million.
Bert in a nutshell Bert - “I’ve got a story just like yours but only better!” You - “I haven’t even told my story yet…” Bert - “oh I know but mines way cooler!”
Man, I wish I had the job of the guy who greenlit this movie. That guy works for one of the biggest studios in the world, doesn't even bother to google how Bert's popularity is doing, and still somehow has a job after giving the idea of a "The Machine" movie the thumbs up. That's crazy to me.
Usually Hollywood doesn’t give a shit about flops as long as they have an Avengers or other mega blockbuster to bring in billions of dollars to cover all the bombs they put out. Id love a job where you could be wrong 90% of the time and it’s part of the job and accepted
@@southerndiscomfort171tbh I don’t even think those movies bring in that much when it comes to the box office. Superhero movie budgets are so expensive even before marketing costs come in. It seems the real money come from merchandising rights and streaming after official release
in all fairness in 2016 when the deal was inked Bert was fairly popular and the movie may have done well. whoever decided to sit on it, spend massive on the marketing, and spend massive on the actors/production, and then release it are the geniuses we should be holding accountable.
@@PogeyMane i don‘t know how real it is. i think he showed some pictures from his russia trip. I am not a big fan of the story either, but the video where he tells the story has 50 million views. so why don‘t make a movie based on the already insanely popular story instead of making up a completely new story?
He lost them WAY more than 10 million when you account for marketing, marketing costs are usually similar to production so a good rule of thumb is to double that figure, but I'm going to assume a little more than 20 million was spent on marketing, but being safer with the figures and falling back onto the rule of thumb, he may have lost Sony somewhere in the ballpark of 30 million
"Star-studded cast" is just a bit of an overstatement when after the second most famous person listed (Mark Hamill), all you've got is a UFC fighter and a bunch of people whose combined starring roles can be listed on the head of a pin with room to spare.
I picture a currently fictional reality where Bert realizes Shane Gillis is the better version of Bert (fun party guy who drinks a lot), but because Shane is just better Bert murders him out of Jealousy. Real Selena Quintanilla situation…
To be honest we weren't even aware of this movie in Europe. They didn't market it at all here. I don't know if Sony really believed in it so much to begin with.
I liked Bert’s bits where he talked about his kids shenanigans, since they were light hearted and believable. But even as someone who heard the machine joke ONCE, it wasn’t funny enough to make a whole movie based from it 😭 just shrugging the movie off seems to be what every one does (rightfully so)
Stav is an alternate version of Bert kreischer operating at an optimal level. He's even fatter, has a superior and more infectious laugh, is more carefree, takes himself less seriously, parties harder, and is funnier. Stav was mostly a laugh track on cumtown but I like knowing when to laugh and he had his share of really good jokes (although not by weight). He has good crowd work too. Great stage presence. Everyone including the stage is aware of his presence.
@@cm9241 Close enough. He has that East Coast "tell it like it is" attitude. He's also lived in NYC for a while and has been greatly influenced by the city.
Many moons ago I saw an advertisement for the machine. In the ad it didn't show bert at all, I watched it twice, it cut to his stand up joke, but then never showed him in the movie. And I never went to see it cause I genuinely didn't think he was even in the movie.
This is one of those movies that will always be pushed on us because of the actor’s ancestry and connections and not because they have an iota of talent or ability.
Basically anything that Rogan peddles become popular regardless of their talent (*cough* Hans Kim). He's the ultimate nepotism man, which is why he has tons of sycophantic "yes men" around him who dare not criticize his boring standup routines. Rogan has helped dozens of comics (and other people especially scientists like Andrew Hubberman or Rhonda Patrick) to become well-known and much wealthier.
I used to be neutral to Burt, didn’t like or hate him, now after 3-4 years of listening to him, I can def say I hate him almost as much as Brendan Schaub.
I feel so bad for Mark Hamill for being associated with this film. I know he's having a bit of a live-action comeback right now, but still, dude should learn to say no to scripts.
Like any "next big thing", it fizzles out rather quickly..... especially now that social media is a 24/7 thing....making opinions change much quicker than ever before
I'm not a person who watches Bert in anything really and only know about him from my brother. However, who on Earth thought the right idea was to make a completely separate story? Why would you not just make the story come to life and retell it visually with comedy in there? Like, Imagine your entire career is based off this wild story that nearly everybody knows at this point and get a movie deal only to think...So this completely separate, barely related complete work of fiction (Not that the original is all that real) that people don't know anything about because it's never been told in any way. That just seems like such a terrible decision. If I were a fan or even how I'm not a fan currently, the only reason I would go to watch this movie would be to get a visual, recreation of that story.
*They greatly overestimated his popularity. The machine bit was all over the web maybe 10 years ago. That woulda been the time to make a movie. Seems like an odd choice to say the least.*
This movie is the equivalent of frat dudes hosting a party that has a 10-1 ratio of guys vs girls constantly drowning out the iPod dock by yelling “WOOO!” every so often
Use code GHOSTGUM50 to get 50% off your first Factor box at bit.ly/3Q4Tszf
1
You were stuttering pretty bad at the end of the ad bro
The reason why I knew this would fail was it had nothing new to bring to the table. Right after I saw the trailer in theaters a trailer for "mafia mamma" played and it was the exact same idea and premise. The machine is as cliche as you can be in cinema, viral or not.
Because he sucks
Because he sucks
Bert Kreischer rides that "Machine" bit harder than Pete Davidson rides that "My dad died on 9/11" bit
And that's a pretty hard ride.
DUDE…I’m so sick of Davidson. People don’t realize he roasted everyone back in the day in the NY scene. Now he plays victim every chance he gets cuz he’s in LA..
Too soon
@@TheGoonSquadd ikr pete davidson used to be pretty funny. snl ruined him
@@blaacksugar7714I see what you did there.
I love how stav just laughed at him and basically said chill the fu©k out you're not a marine.
Did you notice how Bert tried desperately to power past that, to keep telling his story?! Lol
@@tj-8422 yeah Bert is something else lol
He always did have that thousand Island and stare
forget about this drunk, Stav is up next babyyyy
you love it because you're gay. not like nick mullen
The best part about the clip of Bert proclaiming a comedian is better than a normal person is another comedian laughing in his face and telling him how stupid and insane he sounds
supremely satisfying
He's just repeating the annoying Rogan circle jerk of how special comedians are. It's nice to see anyone call them out on that nonsense.
american comedy is like pop music these days... it hasnt been great for decades. whats considered great is good/mediocre, chappelle is a great skit writer and generally decent stand up but everyone calls him one of the greats, he's ok.
american has pop comedy, its the loudest, not the greatest, nowhere close
I love when Tom Segura said to Bert "congratulations on the release of the movie and i hope it is the last fu*king time we have to hear this story"
Coming from the guy who hates poor people with a passion, that's saying a lot.
I laughed out loud when I was on a flight two weeks ago, and the gentleman next to me started watching The Machine. About 5 minutes later, I look over and he changed movies lmao.
Brutal
LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The mcqueef
dudes got taste.
Dude, that machine story has been around way longer than 2016. The first time I heard it was at the height of the myspace era. Bert has veen riding this one joke for well over 15 years.
Thank God someone else said this. I thought I was going crazy. I heard him tell this story over a decade ago on a local radio station.
Hell, I swear theres a video version thats older by Burt himself
I saw him live a few years back. He ended with the machine story, and of course a bunch of drunk fans were screaming for it. It's just so tired to me. Everyone has that one friend who never stops telling the same story from "back in the day" but Bert found out how to make a career out of it (sadly). It made me start seeing how below average he really is.
I think he first told the story to Rogan around 2009, and he performed it live the same year or close to it.
it's also at the most worthy of generating a chuckle. That routine has NEVER been that funny. I'm trying to figure out why he thought it would sell as a movie...
Dude literally told one good story 7 years ago and has made tens of millions off it. Can’t say I blame him. He did what he had to do
And pretty sure its mostly fake and/or wildly embellished. Most his stuff stinks of exaggeration. Hes the type of guy who blacks out at a dive bar by himself, and the next day, tells people Pearl Jam showed up and things got crazy.
@@ieatstheinternet Yea, I question the mentality of anyone who hears his story as anything but one big elaborate fantasy of “I wish this would’ve happened so it’d make me seem funny and cool”
He’s a tryhard that reeks of that _I peaked in high school_ energy, is stuck in the 2000s, and can’t bring forth any new material despite the numerous opportunities presented before him - opportunities so many other comedians won’t ever have that he just pisses away.
That’s not doing what he needs to do … that’s just being a dumbass.
He hasn’t made that much money compared to Elon Musk…
@@TenTabswell no shit genius. Who could’ve guessed
It wasn't good. It was never good. I think that's what people are realizing. They didn't like bert. You were just in hs. That's it.
Who the hell is Bert Kreischer
Touch grass 🌱
It would have been better if Bert had done a movie about his family life, maybe a movie that addresses his drinking problems and the mask of party guy identity that he has and how it's affected his personal life. Instead they recycled his most famous bit at the worst time when everyone is tired of hearing it and has Bert fatigue.
that sounds cool
That sounds more like a documentary than a movie.
@@HotShotLionnot really, think 8 mile for example
Harvey Keitel as Bert Kreischer in "Thr Machine".
That sounds incredibly depressing and annoying as hell.
Any time Bert Kreischer does something that flops the world gets to smile a little bit more.
I don't typically get pleasure from anyone failing at anything other than bort. Bort krichnerk
@kitten-whisperer why do people dislike him?
@@Evan-cv2wshis act is annoying, for me at least. That fake “laughing” is like nails on a chalkboard. And why does he have to take his shirt off?
He was ...hence comedian of some kind ppl watch to cringe laugh
I don’t really know anything about him, why do people not like him
The better question is "How did Burt make it in stand up, and for this long?"
The fact that this movie failed gives me a glimmer of hope for society.
After reading his book, it was pretty clear that he's lived his whole life skating by on the accomplishments of other people. What sony seems to have missed completely is that 2 Bears 1 Cave is only really popular because of Tom Segura, who is excellent. Bert actively makes that podcast worse and the best episodes are the ones where it's Tom and someone else - the other highlight moments are when Tom deservedly calls Bert out to his face.
As much as I hate Tom. At least he's funny.
and I mean Segura is mid at best
@@FraulienNationalisthe’s the worst popular comedian I can think of, I’ve watched 20+ podcasts he’s been in and it’s like he doesn’t understand how to be funny. Gives me odd vibes
@@Berry47867 I'm not too familiar with him other than his constant lying. There is a saying that goes "if they don't emote with their eyes, they're crazy." That's the vibe I get from Tom. Like sociopathic feelings.
I'm glad someone in the comments said it. The only reason Bert is famous is because of Tom.
Bert and his laugh are a skid mark on the face of comedy today.
Remember that time he started a video-game themed show on Spike…!?
@@fernie-fernandez seriously? Hahaha I’ll have to look that up. I’m sure it’s awful.
@@fishingbob8374 If using girls to make fake moans for a gaming-chair is a win-win, then I would prefer Grandma's Boy...
I'd be pleased to see Rob Zombie or Chad Kroeger helming a video-game themed show.
There is no comedy today.
Maybe the real machine was the friends we made along the way…
SCUMBAG STEVE!
What friends? I only have soloq
XD
Friends? These people won’t leave me alone
Nice 😂
Anytime you feel pathetic in this world just remember there’s a hand full of people who respected Kreischer enough to go see his fable film.
Bert’s movie losing $10M is the funniest thing he’s ever done.
As a person who used to love Bert Kreischer, he used to be somewhat down to earth and used to bring up his faults. I think fame has gotten to his head and he’s been saying “I’ve gotten better” without actually making any improvements. He went from “party bro learning to be a dad” to “alcoholic man makes donkey noises and squeals on stage for 2 hours and makes $5 million off of it.”
You genuinely thought he was funny?!?!
@@fishjohn014 it’s shocking, really.
all while shirtless..
At least you realized your mistake for thinking Bet was funny, Most people who think he's funny still think that sadly.
@@moneysqueeze7164I did too. Same with fat Tom. Never Schaub. But for a few years I consumed a lot of their shit. Then around COVID or just before I ditched them. Now it’s wild how they’re literally destroying their legacy because they lack self awareness. Their careers should be taught as a lesson what not to do regarding marketing themselves for longevity.
Completely forgot this movie existed, until I walked into the living room to see my Dad watching it
jokes on you i have NEVER heard of this movie at all
What did he think of it?
@@SpaceForce635Fell asleep after 10 min as all dads do.
@@avengedlol6698Imagine watching Bros., No Hard Feelings, & Sound of Freedom.
New & Original films…
@@avengedlol6698😂. Go hug your dad
Why his movie flopped: he tried to ride his entire career off 1 bit and tried to hang an entire movie on that same bit
I saw DVDs pop up at the Walmart i work at and i had zero idea it even existed. Knowing that it was a big budget nightmare is def the funniest part of the movie.
Was it in the discount bin? 😂
Walmart still sells dvds?
@@goldenfiberwheat238 yup!
i watched it at my friends house and still asked if he could get a refund
"Somehow got Mark Hamill." You can probably pay that guy in tictacs.
Why would you assume that lol
Hey tictacs are delicious...
@@kylejohnson8447he’s in all kind of random-ass movies, good and bad
Honestly. Mark Hamill picks his roles like he's trying to 100% Hollywood
Mark Hamil isn't always in the best movies and TV shows, but he's been in a lot of good ones
The thing many people don't realize is that this movie was filmed the summer of 2021, and was unofficially set to release in early 2022 to a modest marketing campaign. Early in the year tends to be the dead season for movies, so that may have been smart for a movie like The Machine. This was also at a time when 2 Bears 1 Cave was still a very likable podcast and was still riding off of its pandemic era prime. However, this was also when Russia invaded Ukraine. If Bert is to be taken at his word, Sony/Legendary wanted to delay the release because they were afraid a Russia-centric movie was going to be a bad look. Again, if Bert is to be taken at his word. For the next year, when pressed about the release date on podcasts, Bert just said "I don't know." When Sony was ready to put an official release date on the movie, this was when 2 Bears 1 Cave was beginning to lose steam, before it became the decrepit podcast it has turned into throughout this year (I say this as a former die-hard 2B1C fan). I didn't buy the "leaking" the podcast on Joe Rogan or at one of his shows for a second. They played it up like Bert wasn't legally allowed to do that. That had Sony marketing written all over it. Pretending to "leak" a trailer without permission to come off as edgy is such a 2023 thing to do.
Yea.. That's why the movie flopped, not because it was bad but because it came out at the wrong time.. 🙄
That's the mentality/excuse to blame partly for why we have horrible movies.
Imagine being a 2 Bears 1 Cave fan sincerely 😂😂😂 what a moron
Keep them excuses coming 😂
I remember when I was 17 my friends tried to introduce me to beet, got a few chuckles, but overall I just didn’t get it, then at 19 I started drinking and doing drugs regularly, I also started watching bert kreicher regularly, not a coincidence. Now I’m 23, sober, and haven’t watched a kreicher special in years. So if you’re wondering why the movie flopped, it’s because you guys just aren’t drunk enough to enjoy it plain and simple
I remember a joke he told about buying out all the remaining raffle tickets at a school function for his daughters because the ticket seller had only managed to sell 4 tickets before him. He basically was a huge asshole whenever they called his ticket numbers (which was often) and, when he prepared to get up for the last prize of the night, they called a number he didn't have and all the angry parents started making fun of him. His wife won the last prize. It was kind of funny.
Because he’s a narcissist he can’t go 30 seconds without talking about himself even if someone else is talking about something that has nothing to do with him
@@JM-wt5wn Like I said. It was "kind" of funny.
@@JM-wt5wn I don’t think he’s a narcissist but he’s an egomaniac! He’s not evil, he doesn’t gaslight. He just has to be THE center of attention
@@garymorrison8638 Why not both? He's clearly a narcissist AND an egomaniac
Bert Kreischer's laugh could literally be used as torture. Imagine being locked in a room with nothing, but Bert shrieking like a banshee on laughing gas.
This isn't a joke. I would definitely tell whoever, whatever I thought they wanted to hear to end the pain.
His laugh literally sounds like a squeeling pig
It's a good sound to play loudly on loop to get a bar to clear out during closing time.
Not sure what’s worse Burt’s jokes or his terrible laugh
@@ralphwiggum1982 He's okay at telling jokes (often in an inadvertent manner). His laugh is 99% annoying. There's a tiny part of me that finds it endearing and funny despite it sounding like nails on chalkboards.
@@ralphwiggum1982 Wait... Bert tells "jokes" too?
Iva and Jovan Savić were hands-down the absolute best part of the entire film. Two side characters completely stole the spotlight from the protagonist to the point where you forget who the film is about. That's either the result of largely unbalanced acting talent or neglectful writing, or both.
there’s no way you said that Ari is the only one that doesn’t enable. Literally gave Bert molly in his own house with his kids unknowingly.
I can't believe his 20 year old lie of a joke didn't translate to massive box office success.
😂😂😂
I think it would have been interesting to break down the plot real quick, so we can get a taste of the shittyness. Like telling me about Bert’s laugh is one thing, playing it for me makes me want to chug 12 beers, puke them up, dip my hands in it, and slap myself.
Food for thought, love the channel 🍻
The plots booty save your brain wrinkles for something more productive like drinking mercury
This is so funny😂
The movie was actually pretty good one of the better comedies I've seen in a long time.
Jimmy Carr's, and Stav's, self laugh track me do that for me.
It's a crappy Schick and like Man-Buns I'll be happy when it's over.
@@micahwest2793I respectfully disagree. It felt like a masturbatory project for Bert. There are frequent attempts at self awareness that are never resolved or commented on again by the end of the film. Ultimately that hurts the overall self awareness of the narrative, because the whole movie is supposed to be about Bert healing his family relationships, but the arcs aren’t satisfying for any of his family members least of all his fake dad. It was also strange, seeing as the beginning of the movie is about how distant he’s become from his wife and daughters, that they barely get screen time and it’s all about Bert not liking his dad who is genuinely a good person. I find it hard to laugh with someone that is actively being shitty and getting rewarded for it the whole movie. it isn’t even being played as a joke, he just get everything he wants and he wrote himself to not be an alcoholic. You can like the movie, I’m just saying this movie doesn’t do well under scrutiny.
Feminists: "If Amy Schumer was a man, I bet that you'd find him funny."
Me: "If Amy Schumer was a man, she'd be Burt Kreischer."
tbf no one likes either
What feminists are into Amy Schumer lmao
@@probablypragmatic6893There's an assumption that the people who say that anybody who do not like Amy Schumer are misogynists are feminists, when in reality they're way more likely to be trolls.
I went to the “live stream” first show, which was just a live stream with Bert before the movie and it was a disaster. Bert wanted to play flip cup for some reason and we watched him fail to flip a cup for like 5 minutes and then Tom showed up and he started crying. He then talked to Mark Hamill and you could tell Mark knew the movie was going to flop but he was still trying to be supportive.
Tbh the movie was better than I thought it was going to be. I think people had no faith in Bert and they waited too long to make it, it probably would have performed better on 2016
I forgot about it completely. I remember seeing the ads and people just saying "its fake, never happened" then i forgot about it completely
I never knew this movie even existed, I’m quite proud of myself. Shows how much I’ve checked out of modern movies and Hollywood in general.
I’m glad I was too stubborn to ever get a Spotify account. I’ve checked out of the Roganverse completely since the move.
@@fredred5037there's some great joe episodes still coming out, like he does fight companions still with Eddie bravo, Bryan callen and Brenda schaub and they're pretty good. Some good old school episodes like the new tim dillon, alex jones or sam tripoli episodes. Some great ones with fighters, one with Sean strickland is a scary podcast, Sean is like yeah i handed my dad the gun to off himself and few seconds after I wouldn't mind killing a person in the cage😂
Ever have interest in Canadian films…!?
Rob Zombie, Len Wiseman, & Sebastian Gutierrez are my back-up choices.
No I think it’s the lack of money put into marketing. Tbh is it a surprise if something flopped if literally nobody knew about it
@@dazednotconfused1503people knew about it. the awkward fat guy at work who cant stop talking about DnD loved this movie.
Great Video, good pacing and just about the perfect length a well done job, in my own thoughts, someone who cares only about themselves and is always putting the story above the truth, this is what ends up happening. Honesty and Humility are important people remember that stuff about a preformer.
Bert lost me with the insistence on laughing at literally everything at max “look at how funny I think this is” volumes.
This is exactly it. Yes I find his laugh annoying, but I wouldn't care about it if he didn't laugh that way at literally the most mundane observation.
Other comedian: so this amusing thing happened to me once.
Bert: EEEEEEEEEEEEE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 !!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️
I was actually a Rogan fan a few years ago and Burt's appearances were so grating it was what led me to listen to other podcasts
He is awful like nails on a chalkboard
Rogans chimp fetish was enough
Really lmao for me it was having scientists and interesting people on for like 2 hours one time whereas he had dangerous lunatics like Alex Jones on for 5 hours tens if not over a hundred times
Segura now too unfortunately. When Tom was coming up , it felt like a second coming of louis ck, now he's an annoying rude. He has ghost gum/turkey tom potential is what I'm saying. It feels like Kreisher is pulling down everyone who has any contact with him
@@melochin8237couldn’t said it better my friend…
There is a moment I felt bad for Bert because he does seem like he really cared about this movie but then I heard him brag about being rich.
They all brag about being rich. It's gross. The worst thing to happen to stamd up comedy is when it became mainstream. Assholes with money.
99.999% of the time when people online say "dude this should be a movie" or "somebody make this a show" the story or concept should definitely *not* be that.
I still have not seen that 0.001%....
Theres so many drug addicts that hang out around the laundry mat near my work that are so much funnier than Bert that do the exact same thing. It is crazy bert isnt one of them. We tell stories about these drug addicts all the time and have favorite ones, they have way more believable stories than Bert. One of them comes off super normal and then starts talking about how he talks to god through a specific tree outside the laundry mat. The fact that tree preacher isnt famous and bert is, is fucking insane. (I am not making fun if these people or anything they all have legitimate struggles and are legitimately funny and cool when they arent out of their minds high or having an episode)
No matter how hard you try to get people to like you, you’ll eventually just push people away from you.🐱
The fact that he has to try to make people like him shows how messed up he is. If people don't like you when you're being yourself you must be a turd
“If you’re a friend to everyone then you’re an enemy to yourself.” - Mike Tyson
I just got a 5 minute unskipable ad this video better be worth it
I actually went to a Kreischer stand-up show several months ago (which was honestly a good time, by the way) and near the end of the show, he brought up how The Machine was doing well on Netflix when it was added there.
Having now watched this video, that Netflix shoutout now rubs a very different way.
$10M loss is actually not that bad especially for Sony these days
8:35 the fact that Bert didn’t understand why that so hilariously vain is so telling. You can tell Stavros wanted to lay into him so much more.
Bert lacks self-awareness. He's blinded by his MASSIVE ego. It's hilarious that Ari the drink spiker-whom his family despises-- is Bert's only friend.
You know stav thinks he's a fugging shmuck lol
How could Sony possibly think anyone would give a shit about this movie, let alone think they could make $ on it. I don’t know a single person who saw this or even knows it’s a movie
Rule of thumb for movie box office numbers: It's often assumed a studio will spend as much as the films budget solely on marketing so Sony most likely lost somewhere around 30 million.
Bort finally getting a taste of humble pie.
I would absolutely love if everyone collectively started calling him "bort"
“Are you taking to me”
“NO! I also have a son called bort”
@@theghostofsabertache9049Nice!
The only kind of pie he isn't constantly jamming into his bloated face
If you ask Bert the movie was a success. The guy is 100% delusional.
Bert in a nutshell
Bert - “I’ve got a story just like yours but only better!”
You - “I haven’t even told my story yet…”
Bert - “oh I know but mines way cooler!”
I also have a fat alcoholic friend who neglects his wife and children... and friends.
He never made me laugh. His fake laughter is just...
I enjoyed the Factor commercial in the video being interrupted by another ad
The Drinker: “You see, it’s funny because he took his shirt off”.
maybe the real machine was the money we lost along the way…
😂😂😂😂
Man, I wish I had the job of the guy who greenlit this movie.
That guy works for one of the biggest studios in the world, doesn't even bother to google how Bert's popularity is doing, and still somehow has a job after giving the idea of a "The Machine" movie the thumbs up.
That's crazy to me.
Usually Hollywood doesn’t give a shit about flops as long as they have an Avengers or other mega blockbuster to bring in billions of dollars to cover all the bombs they put out. Id love a job where you could be wrong 90% of the time and it’s part of the job and accepted
@@southerndiscomfort171tbh I don’t even think those movies bring in that much when it comes to the box office. Superhero movie budgets are so expensive even before marketing costs come in. It seems the real money come from merchandising rights and streaming after official release
in all fairness in 2016 when the deal was inked Bert was fairly popular and the movie may have done well. whoever decided to sit on it, spend massive on the marketing, and spend massive on the actors/production, and then release it are the geniuses we should be holding accountable.
Idk why you picked closer as the backing track but I dig it
I get why Sony put so much faith in Bert.
Apparently Van Wilder is based off of Bert's life and they launched Ryan Renolds career.
It's sad that Brody Stevens is gone, yet The Machine is still around.
Hell, Brody unalived himself for this very reason. Brody wondering why guys like him are getting breaks.
It didn’t just hurt his ego though, studios will think twice before casting him in lead roles after this
Whoever cast him in this first place is a mental deficient
Bert aside, i love the editing for this video! Youve earned a sub
5:20 “this video is sponsored by…”
*Throws factor onto table
“UA-cam premium is ad free UA-cam”
„the machine“ story isn‘t that bad, why didn‘t they just make a movie out of it? because bert couldn‘t play himself?
Right?! It would’ve been way funnier if Bert played a middle aged man as his college age self.
@@Exar_Kun or just cast someone else?
Because the story isn't funny and it's completely made up
@@PogeyMane i don‘t know how real it is. i think he showed some pictures from his russia trip. I am not a big fan of the story either, but the video where he tells the story has 50 million views. so why don‘t make a movie based on the already insanely popular story instead of making up a completely new story?
@@Exar_KunA middle aged man playing his college self is what Bert is doing IRL lol
He lost them WAY more than 10 million when you account for marketing, marketing costs are usually similar to production so a good rule of thumb is to double that figure, but I'm going to assume a little more than 20 million was spent on marketing, but being safer with the figures and falling back onto the rule of thumb, he may have lost Sony somewhere in the ballpark of 30 million
How could you even think this would revive anything
"Star-studded cast" is just a bit of an overstatement when after the second most famous person listed (Mark Hamill), all you've got is a UFC fighter and a bunch of people whose combined starring roles can be listed on the head of a pin with room to spare.
I picture a currently fictional reality where Bert realizes Shane Gillis is the better version of Bert (fun party guy who drinks a lot), but because Shane is just better Bert murders him out of Jealousy.
Real Selena Quintanilla situation…
One his best jokes is "*forced squeal laugh* MY DAUGHTERS (insert something that for sure didn't happen)"
they didnt realize how many people know and dislike bert but hes so oblivious to it all he pulls off being liked lol
never frozen meal, pulls out frozen tv dinner
If this was supposed to be such a big hit, how come I never heard of it until now?
I bet its because your not a joe rogan fan or a frat boy from florida
To be honest we weren't even aware of this movie in Europe. They didn't market it at all here. I don't know if Sony really believed in it so much to begin with.
I actually kind of remember the run off to that, and thinking it was just a rehash of his "The Machine" stand up special, honestly.
I liked Bert’s bits where he talked about his kids shenanigans, since they were light hearted and believable. But even as someone who heard the machine joke ONCE, it wasn’t funny enough to make a whole movie based from it 😭 just shrugging the movie off seems to be what every one does (rightfully so)
Stav is an alternate version of Bert kreischer operating at an optimal level. He's even fatter, has a superior and more infectious laugh, is more carefree, takes himself less seriously, parties harder, and is funnier.
Stav was mostly a laugh track on cumtown but I like knowing when to laugh and he had his share of really good jokes (although not by weight). He has good crowd work too. Great stage presence. Everyone including the stage is aware of his presence.
Stavros is the New York version of Florida Man Bert. Stav has a harder no nonsense edge.
Stav actually contributed to a lot of jokes. Bert actively makes every situation he's in more annoying.
@@jzen1455he's from Baltimore
@@cm9241 Close enough. He has that East Coast "tell it like it is" attitude. He's also lived in NYC for a while and has been greatly influenced by the city.
Ngl I think Stav has some of the best bits in cumtown
kinda wierd how theres like 3 comedians as of right now that ghost is talking about that are vilified by their respected communities
Many moons ago I saw an advertisement for the machine. In the ad it didn't show bert at all, I watched it twice, it cut to his stand up joke, but then never showed him in the movie. And I never went to see it cause I genuinely didn't think he was even in the movie.
that Scaring The Hoes reference at the end was so on point
This is one of those movies that will always be pushed on us because of the actor’s ancestry and connections and not because they have an iota of talent or ability.
Basically anything that Rogan peddles become popular regardless of their talent (*cough* Hans Kim). He's the ultimate nepotism man, which is why he has tons of sycophantic "yes men" around him who dare not criticize his boring standup routines. Rogan has helped dozens of comics (and other people especially scientists like Andrew Hubberman or Rhonda Patrick) to become well-known and much wealthier.
First I'm hearing of this guy Bert's existence. I plan to forget he exists over the next 12 hours.
Ever tried to remember Chris Klein…!?
I didn't know this movie existed.
I used to be neutral to Burt, didn’t like or hate him, now after 3-4 years of listening to him, I can def say I hate him almost as much as Brendan Schaub.
Who woulda guessed a lame story Bert told 10000000 times over would be box office poison?
Me
I honestly didn’t think it was all that bad I watched it with a grain of salt and when you’re not expecting much it really can’t disappoint lmao
Exactly how I viewed it. It wasn’t great by any means but it was entertaining at least lol
Look at him, how anyone saw him and thought yeah that’s my movie star is beyond me
I had no idea this movie existed
I feel so bad for Mark Hamill for being associated with this film. I know he's having a bit of a live-action comeback right now, but still, dude should learn to say no to scripts.
At this point his legacy is sorted he just needs the legacy bag for his family. Can't hurt him if no one sees it
@@BulkernatorKerb True. Hope his finances aren't that bad. Hate to see another Bruce Willis situation.
Lol, Mark??? I feel bad Bert had to be associated with Hamill in this film. They are both pretty scummy.
He’s never been good at that and I assume most of the money he makes is from Star Wars merch.
Imagine if Hamill starred in a Rob Zombie/Paul WS Anderson film…
To be fair, Burts movie making a 10mil loss is probably the funniest thing hes ever done.
If Bert can get married then I definitely can. He's an inspiration
Like any "next big thing", it fizzles out rather quickly..... especially now that social media is a 24/7 thing....making opinions change much quicker than ever before
Crazy, I had no idea The Machine even came out
Fresh, never frozen meals.
Ghost Gum freezes them anyway
Oh yea
it was clear that this movie was a gimmick from the moment it was announced. im surprised that anyone thought it was going to be good
I was actually kinda excited to see it, then I forgot about it. Still have yet to see it
I have literally never heard of this movie until this video. Glad I somehow escaped it's marketing. Now to enjoy it:s aftermath via your video.
I'm not a person who watches Bert in anything really and only know about him from my brother. However, who on Earth thought the right idea was to make a completely separate story? Why would you not just make the story come to life and retell it visually with comedy in there? Like, Imagine your entire career is based off this wild story that nearly everybody knows at this point and get a movie deal only to think...So this completely separate, barely related complete work of fiction (Not that the original is all that real) that people don't know anything about because it's never been told in any way. That just seems like such a terrible decision. If I were a fan or even how I'm not a fan currently, the only reason I would go to watch this movie would be to get a visual, recreation of that story.
It's an utter baffling choice
I mean... Seinfeld???
How long did it take Factor to ask for their advertising $$$ back?
5:35 literally on my 40th rewatch of the Sopranos, also super busy..
1:24 Thought my internet went out
*They greatly overestimated his popularity. The machine bit was all over the web maybe 10 years ago. That woulda been the time to make a movie. Seems like an odd choice to say the least.*
This movie is the definition of a “Nothing Burger.” you spend your time eating it, yet there’s no flavor, texture, filler or even timing.
This movie is the equivalent of frat dudes hosting a party that has a 10-1 ratio of guys vs girls constantly drowning out the iPod dock by yelling “WOOO!” every so often