I completely agree! I found some other sources first, and it wasn't that they weren't helpful, but i think they were for a different audience. Or... they weren't helpful for me at least. I'm sooo glad I found Dr Z :) you are a gift and a blessing. thank you thank you thank you!
When I hatched a month before turning 39, I cried for two solid days. It was like a whisper that became a shout, and then I couldn't pretend I didn't hear it anymore. My whole life flashed before my eyes with a new understanding. I did show signs, but I buried it. I thought I was a liar. I needed to hear this today. I am almost two years into transition, and sometimes I wonder, "Am I sure? Did I catch The Trans from living in a liberal city?" Then I remember how devastated I was to learn the difference between boys and girls and being told I was stuck as a girl, like it or not.
What I like most about your channel is you don't sugarcoat or mythologize the trans community or vilify it. You have given me a clearer idea of what to expect and not. Thank you
Thank you. It is important to me to maintain objectivity, honesty, and not cheerlead anyone into fantasy. The more reality you have at your hands, the better off you will be.
I loved how you said "big pizza pie of identity" 🍕 and how gender identity and expression can be 2 separate parts of identity. I'm turning 27, but I'm just now realizing my gender.
When I think back to the thought of 'dysphoria' through my life I always ignored, it was almost overwhelmingly always social. I just never felt like a 'girl' in the gym class crowd of girls. When we changed out in the locker room, I always shied away, not out of shame of my body, but because I somehow felt like I was different from them even in this capacity even in spite of having all the same physical parts? Puberty was rough on me because I lost my entire group of friends I'd grown up with. I was always a very emotionally masculine type of presence, whatever that may mean, and always kind of stuck out or felt completely out of place. Friends sought my advice because it was so "level-headed", "logical" (not that women can't be logical; this was the term reflected back to me when I asked). I used to do things very naturally like lead with my chest and the more femme I dressed, the more agitated I became. Over time I felt the need to dress for myself and not necessarily to be read as sexy to anyone in particular or attract a mate. I started putting my own internal happiness first and deprioritized my need for validation through cis romantic partnership (I have attachment wounds; This was a pretty key shift in my thinking that unleashed this identity questioning) which just totally crumbled my self-imposed gender performance (and sexuality) I'd been trying so frustratingly hard to do for so long. I carried a lot of toxic masculinity while still identifying as a woman but questioning it as well. I would say "but I'm not a man because I don't like XYZ" etc. It wasn't until I started examining and actually rejecting my own inner toxic masculinity and bias that I said, "well wait... this positive, healthy masculinity - I really, really resonate with that. To be masculine doesn't mean that I have to be _this toxic type of male_ I've seen represented so often as the peak of 'manliness' in society or media. I can be a man who empathizes with women's experiences, who emotes, who is sensitive to others". Its sad how painfully obvious this is to me now (ie: men can, do and should have feelings), but was something I had to de-program inside of myself for a long time because I used it as a big barrier to realizing and accepting my masculine side. That was a very 'aha' moment for me. Otherwise, I'm sure that I had more signs but the memories have been lost.
OMG! I want to hug you right now. I spent many years in the Army, most of it in the Infantry. I have been in many conflicts, but it wasn't till after Desert Storm when I was about to ship home that I started to have these feelings. I couldn't sleep at night with all these other men thinking I was sick. I'm in transition now and belong to a support group, but none of them had that expirence. You have explained so much. Thank you
Lisa I know that feeling. I'm in my mid-30s now and just starting. Not thinking about it until later (late teens, then suppressed) was a definite reason I put off looking at things. Most of the stories I had read had people know as a young child which wasn't me, until I chatted with other trans women and things started clicking into place
@Lisa Fullmer thank you for keeping all of us safe. It is very common to overcompensate to a very very strong masculine presentation, activities, career, etc., in order to not let GD come to the surface. Often this is unconscious and at times can actually be your unconscious protecting you as in, you weren't ready at the time. I wish you all the best.
I am a copy of you Lisa... I was Armor, airborne, martial artist, military historian, strategist, held a very dangerous job after the Army, tough guy.... all to hide and compensate. For 60 years I dreamed of being female... I would wake up crying because I had to leave the dream... but the day I decided to transition my dreams stopped. We have done the right thing... we became who we are... all my love... juli
When I was about 10 I remember thinking that something seemed off about me, at the time I figured that I was born with both gender body parts because I was 10 and it was the early 90's people didn't talk about gender openly. I can look back on life events over 40 years and go "OOOOH that was dysphoria!"
Yes, thats a common experience, not to be able to make sense of earlier memories until one finally contortions gender dysphoria. Than, suddenly many memories make sense.
I'm nonbinary and born in 1980, growing up I was aware of only the most sensationalized presentation of trans people, and diverse gender identities was a totally unknown concept to me. I have hope for today's young folks that someone like me will have the opportunity to be aware of their own gender identity much earlier in life than I was able to.
@@ticketforepic4429 I never liked my patchy beard, I tried to groom it down some, (most of us have worn out a few trimmers/ kits) My first pre-step to feminizing was to zero down only, I stopped doing 3 on goat, .5 sides etc Recently if i use my trimmers only on 0-.5-1.0 settings for - removal next after I finish 70 hours errands/ work I wax at a 1/4 inch, it's very feminizing, I only have 3 months in and still learning
I'm now 29 and right now I am reconsidering many things about my past. I came from a rural area raised in a time that you were strange for even liking videogames, not to say feeling like the other gender or nb, and only now I am realizing the subconscious repression I had. Now I am starting to understand things like for example I don't like to speak not because I am shy but because I am not comfortable with my voice, or socializing for my body, and finally I decided to make an appointment to my psychologist. And these videos help so much. Thank you
@Billy-Dean I am transitioning, this month will be a year, and I go gradually taking steps which I am comfortable, in general, I feel I'm living my life now and better.
I resonate with this SO hard, I am sorry you had to struggle like that too, its so much harder to deal with these kind of issues of low self esteem or self hate and axiety when you are unaware of why you even feel that way. the one upside obviously being is that the inverse is at least partly true and now that you have started to realise whats behind those feelings and worries they become a lot easier to manage and deal with properly. Hope the psychologist is able to help and things start going smoother. (love the PFP by the way :D )
I can convince myself to feel unhappy on purpose pretty well. Been doing that all my life. But I can't convince myself to feel happy on purpose. That is something I have never, ever, been able to accomplish. Gender euphoria and the sense of joy and satisfaction it brings, especially when it comes at such a high cost, is simply impossible for me to have engineered on my own. I literally never felt anything like it in my life prior to starting to transition. How could I consciously or unconsciously know how to manufacture such a thing if I have no pre-existing framework to use? So it can only be real. And if it's real, then so is my transgender identity.
God I felt this. I'm not sure I've ever felt this thing people call "happiness", that is until I accepted who I am and experienced gender euphoria for the first time. Went to sleep with a smile on my face, and the next day at work I didn't even need coffee to help me get through the day and was generally in a really good mood. I haven't been able to recreate that day but my mental health has been a lot better just through self acceptance.
@Mika Rose thanks for sharing. I gotta say, and this is only my opinion, if you are ABLE to confide yourself to be unhappy, your brain is fully capable of doing reverse too.
@@DRZPHD Yes, I can see your point and perhaps I worded it poorly. My main intention was to highlight the difference in experience, which I admit is hard if not impossible to objectively qualify or quantify. Internal monologuing and critical reinforcement of certain thoughts or feelings have never been the primary reason _why_ I experience gender dysphoria but they are undeniably a crucial element in _how_ I experience it. And, even before I recognized and acknowledged that I was feeling it myself, I could still understand how other people could. That's not the case with gender euphoria. From the first moment I ever felt it, it has always been completely unexpected, unencouraged, unbidden, and unrationalized. That, to me at least, proves that it is honest.
I'm 43, I've known that deep inside I am female since I was around 7 or 8. I've been fighting myself my whole life over this feeling. I was born male and scared to come out because of my cultural background. I've been married to a woman for 20 years and we have teenage children. I'm so scared and have even contemplated suicide because although I love my wife and kids I'm not truly happy. I've been hiding in this male body and want to break out so badly but am so afraid of the ramifications. I've always wanted to transition from mtf but was scared to do so and now I feel trapped.
I am a Generation Xer, it was impossible to have an opportunity to express any feminine anything, except via my hair through being into 1980s Rock and Metal music.
I needed this video. I have been patiently waiting for it since last week. I have periods of doubt about whether I am transgender and if I am just making this up. Your explanation brought me a lot of clarify and helped kick that doubt to the curb. Thank you!
I'm 30 now and these kind of feelings became apparent for me around the age of 15, I still believe my mind is playing tricks on me. I can go weeks or even months not thinking about it and feeling okay as a guy, I feel like I just made it all up trough some perversion or weird jealousy towards women. But when I get excluded from something only women get to participate in, or when someone affirms my masculinity it feels like a brick just suddenly drops in my stomach. I get scared easily, so being a tall and fit guy makes me feel save in a sense that I can easily protect myself, but I have never liked my own physique and tend to avoid mirrors when I take of my clothes... I go trough periods in which I'm sure I'm not trans and try to become more manly only to follow that up with a period of confusion, identity crisis, jealousy towards women and trying to escape those feelings trough alcohol (which then only makes it worse).
I patiently waited for this video for a week (when you released the one for younger ages) and I will be forever grateful for this video. Really brings a peace of mind tbh. Thank you so much for this Dr Z.
In the past year my world has been so unstable after separating from my ex wife, I was homeless, dealt with multiple extended lengths of unemployment (still unemployed), and finally coming out to myself as transgender a few months ago. My current partner is incredibly supportive but unfortunately access to healthcare and hormones are financially beyond my reach. Your content has helped affirm that I am valid, not alone in my struggle, and capable of moving towards a better personal future, and I simply wanted to thank you for the work that you do in our community.
I first learned about genderqueer when I was 22 and claimed the title at that time but then kept it on stand by for at least a few years just to see if I'd feel the same way and here we are xD
I had my realization that I'm transgender at the grand old age of 52. Looking back over my life some things make sense now in a way they didn't before. I often liken my life to the movie Sixth Sense. Not because I see dead people (I don't), but because the plot twist at the end of that film changes everything and on a second viewing of that movie you pick up on things you missed first time round that actually telegraph the ending. Well, my life is like that. I cruised through my life oblivious. So I've had my plot twist and I'm looking back on events in my life with an air of 'how did I miss that?' Thank you for sharing this video. At least I can be confident this is not some mid-life crisis. It feels too real, anyway.
I needed this, although I can recall certain things from my childhood like a stubborn refusal to adhere to gender stereotypes and playing with whatever toys I wanted because to me, toys were toys and a considerable desire to partake in activities that my female friends were doing because they looked fun, I still sometimes wonder to myself if I’m just making a mountain out of a mole hill and drawing parallels where none need exist, it’s infuriating. It all seems so clear in hindsight and yet my mind seems insistent on questioning everything.
I needed this today. I'm 31 with a wife and 2 kids and in the past year this has all surfaced seemingly out of nowhere and I ask myself every day if I'm just trying to fit in to communities or if i'm making it up. A transfem friend of mine says "no 30 year old person just decides this one day out of nowhere". I'm so scared by it all and possible implications, but these thoughts and feelings that I've tried to run away from or bury or was just straight up not aware of are...they're my every day, every moment reality now. Thank you for this video and all your work Dr. Z.
Thanks for sharing and yes, no person at 30 years old just decided to transition. Not in my experience. I encourage you to watch tomorrow interview with Aydin, who is another professional specializing in this field and I ask him the same question.
Wow! What an AFFIRMING video for those of us in this age range! I watched the related 18-25 video first. I can see why I wasn't sure back then. However, at 48, I was sure of my trans identity before I found you, Dr. Z. Yet I still need support. As always, you deliver. Thank you!
I've been struggling with this for a pretty pretty long time now. When I was a kid I used to like to try out some feminine clothes, in my adolescence I always tried to be mistaken for a girl in my photos. Later on i did all I could to seem as masculine as I could because I was afraid of the feminine side, plus my girlfriend at the time loved that lumber sexual style and all my friends look super manly, si I thought I should look like that as well. It took me a lil bit while to get out of that state of mind. Then I was actually convinced that I was transgender, then I was afraid of it again and tried to not think about it at all never again, but I never dressed as manly again, I just keep hiding behind baggy clothes and hoodies and ripped black jeans. Two years ago I accepted that I wasn't the gender that was assigned to me at birth, I've never felt comfortable with the male stereotypes, tropes, usual looks, attitudes, etc. I began to accept myself as non-binary, getting out of that male idea. But there's still this itch in my mind, like I would like to look more feminine, have some more feminine aspects in my body, and well more ideas about it, like all the contrary to my male experience in life... I recently bought some clothes and make up and I felt confident, and I told my best friend about, and she was super supportive and told me that I looked beautiful and extremely confident. I wasn't even hiding my face, and I felt that too when I took the photos, and I felt weird when I took everything off. But still I'm afraid and unsure, and damnit, it's been way too long being afraid and unsure about this... Just my experience that I wanted to share if anyone ever reads it
I have OCD and imposter syndrome. When Dr. Z told us that after age 28, (I'm 48), it's very unlikely that somebody would simply fabricate a desire to transition or recognize an alternate gender within themselves, I started crying. It was so relieving to know that I'm not just being imaginative. Thank you Dr. Z.
I fall in the category of the older generation pre internet transgender. In the answer to your question I had the reverse thinking I tried to convince myself I wasn't transgendered. I spent most of my adult life trying to contain my dysphoria but as you say it always worked but up to the surface and becomes front and center. It finally broke me two years back at the age of 55 and I had to address it. I'm currently on HRT, finished laser hair removal, doing electrolysis to kill the grays and finally starting to learn make up and slowly adding clothing for my correct gender. I'm moving at a pace that is great for me and I can tell you a lot of my health conditions have gone away. I know my dysphoria was part of the cause of my cluster headaches along with bad stress. All of that has gone away and I feel the best I ever felt since starting my journey and staying the path for the last year and a half. Dr. Z have you done a video about the long term effects of suppressing dysphoria? I know for me it made me hold back career wise and on relationships because I didn't want to be in the spotlight or hurt others and go through transition. I knew I was transgendered at a very young age and even as a young adult after a failed attempt to transition at the age of 27 I knew that sometime in the future my dysphoria would get to a point where I had to do something and being someone who doesn't drink, smoke or engage in recreational drug use it's really take a toll on the mind as you have no outlet to shift the focus from dysphoria. As always great topic in this week's video!
Thanks for sharing your experience. The reverse thinking is also common and I will do a video on that as well. Great topic suggestion and I did do a blog post sightly touching on it. drzphd.com/transgender/nonbinary/the-most-dangerous-way-in-which-gender-dysphoria-affects-your-life
@@spunts144 My guess would be that it’s stress related, when you are going through a lot of stress your body can react physically, causing headaches, nausea, gastro intestinal problems etc.
You sound just like my life but I get drugs unfortunately made the dysphoria even worse I guess I'm at 6 months now I got a good doctor in a good therapist
@@spunts144 I started having cluster headaches back in 2017 the became so bad that I had a MRI and saw two specialists in Japan. They couldn't determine the causes and felt it may be the weather changes and stress. when I returned to the states I suffered all winter 2018 the next year they came in the fall and I was able to knock them out breathing pure oxygen from a tank it worked well until my aunt passed away and I couldn't get a doctor to prescribe oxygen to me she used to get extra tanks and she let me used them when needed. When they came I had the sharp pain like someone was stabbing my left eye from the inside, my eyes watered and lights would cause pain so I sat in the dark for 20 to 30 minutes until they went away. I started HRT in March 2019 since then I haven't had any cluster headaches. I've had normal ones but no clusters and while my first two doctors had me on different levels of HRT they only thing different was HRT. I believe it was the stress that caused them I had been in Japan since 2010 and while it's a great place to live the stress of adjusting to a new country, supporting a family and doing freelance work was overwhelming. You add in dysphoria and your open for health issues. I had always been able to over come my dysphoria but it Japan it become overwhelming I wanted to start transition but felt trapped. Sorry for the long post I know everyone is different when it comes to cluster headaches this is my experience with them. Hope this clears things up!
Dr Z, thank you for being here. Even in this day, finding a supportive, informed therapist is not easy. I never felt right, but never associated it with my gender. I was very poorly adjusted as a man and felt inadequate. There were 3 occasions when i questioned myself, and each time i deliberately repressed myself. this time i experienced such relief and pleasure from expressing my real gender that i could never go back. "Your mind can't convince you that you're something that you're not." 100% agree.
This was very affirming. Especially the part about us having much life experience and being "very well rounded" individuals made me feel very seen. I think some of us tend to think bad about ourselves for realizing late or transitioning late in life. But we have done other things in the meantime...things that where meaningful in themselves and that, on top of that, can even help us in our later-in-life transition. Thank you!
I'm 58 now and I first heard of the idea of transitioning in the early 70's on a Medical Center. The 2 part episode with Robert Reed (Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch).They do the gender revial at the end and I couldn't get out of my head for 50 some odd years... Now I just obsessively shop for heels in my free time
Hello Dr. Z. Thank you for your video. I am 65, had top surgery 7 months ago, have been on T 18 months now. I am non-binary transmasculine. It was about a 10 year research into understanding my dysphoria, and feelings and "knowings" that I had since very young, but there were no words, no representations of anyone LGBTQ then, coming from a small rural community. I was a "tomboy". I did repress my natural tendencies on and off, but once I started to see some people in the media come out, like Chaz Bono, it triggered in me a profound need to figure this out. It was also confusing as I don't identify as a binary male, and being somewhere "in the middle" is still difficult out in the world, but I am glad that I have transitioned, and I feel and love my body and myself now.
I could not have said it better. I don’t remember giving you an interview where you were taking notes so that you could make this video. It is amazing how well you have described my personal experience. It is comforting to know that I have not totally lost my mind and become fixated on some kind of elaborate delusional fantasy. It’s very reassuring.
Thank you. Realisations at 39. Hearing this means so much to me right now. Your descriptions were so spot on, I got chills. I'm so happy to hear that my last 3 months of Laser hair reduction & electrolysis haven't been due to some passing whimsy.
Got to say this is really helpful, I'm in my early 30s and everything you just described is everything I have felt to the t. For so long I have had this cloud over my head and understood something was off with me and 90% of the time I had the face you make after eating lemons & when people repeatedly said I should be happy because Everything is "good" I just started pretending to be happy. I don't know how many times people asked me "why do you look so sad" & I would have no response I just didn't know why at the time. Well I know now and looking back at what I can remember it's so obvious now, but anyway thanks for the video it's good to know.
I appreciate this explanation. I was struggling a bit with my internal dialogue and self doubt mid transition. You've given me confidence and my conviction is more solidified. I can't help but feel a pang of morbid dread now, tho. Yikes. Talking to my family is going to be scary
This was very helpful to hear. My egg cracked a month or two ago… and I can’t stop fighting off these feelings of conviction that I am transgender. I can’t help but imagine a scenario where I am just tricking myself into believing this, and that is very scary… even with a lifetime of evidence that indicates that I may be transgender.
Thank you Dr. Z, I really needed this today. I am 36 and have recently started transitioning. I always had a disconnect to my perceived self that later in life revealed itself to be dysphoria all along. Moving to a more accepting part of the country as well as talking with people more free with their gender and expression was a catalyst for me contextualizing the feelings I had always had. Thank you for this video, it helps greatly.
I have been struggling with this. I 'woke up' about a year ago to the possibility that I am trans and have been battling with denial since. It took about 6 months for me to have an epiphany that made me realise that this is real and i am definitely trans. In that moment i had, what i am going to call, my first encounter with what I understand to be dysphoria and the desperate sadness and longing I felt brought me instantly to tears. I am currently progressing through a social transition atm, I have come out to most people I know and still I have doubts but a lot less denial. That day of my epiphany reminds me that this is real even if i dont have the painful dysphoria normally associated with trans people. I do, however, get euphoric when i do something towards my feminisation. I love presenting as female and I am way happier than I used to be. But its like I feel guilty I dont have painful dysphoria and that makes me question what I am doing. I feel that maybe it will prevent me from getting onto HRT (in that the psychologists report wont recognise me for treatment because I am not being driven by dysphoria). I dont know how I would feel about that, I wonder if that episode of desperation and longing would visit again even if it knew I could still dress and present as i am currently doing and that I will never lock HER away again. Thanks for your content, I dread to think how much of a mess i'd still be in if not for your wizdom
Thank you. 34 years old and recently had a lifetime of subtle hints come crashing down as an epiphany. Been wrestling with it and trying to excuse it as insignificant, but I can't keep it buried much longer. I just put myself on a wait list to see a therapist specializing in gender. I can't tell if my racing heart is excitement or terror, but oh well I'm doing this!
You bring a clearing light into the fog, and help me comprehend the shapes out there, barely visible. Your gift of clarity is a valuable service and heartening explanation, and I thank you sincerely for your generosity.
Ive had such a hard time trying to describe this exact thing to my spouse. You’ve done such a fantastic job, I’m going to send her this video. Thank you Dr.Z (I am 48 FYI) Your work here has been such a blessing for me!
Fuck, i have goosebumps and a shiver watching this video... maybe not something i wanted to admit to myself, but what i have felt my whole life is actually coming to the forefront in my early 40s. I think i need to see a therapist and discuss this with them.
I’m 46 and yes, I’ve had this feeling even though I came to the realisation that I am transgender when I was around 19. Since there is a two year waiting list to get to the first appointment here in Sweden I’ve had a lot of time to process this. When I decided to get some help I was afraid that it was just in my imagination. I think that is because it’s nothing I want to go through... but at the same time it the only thing I want. I don’t want to do it because it will turn my and my family’s life upside down. I do know that everything will be better though, once everything has settled... but there will be a 34 years of hell. In Sweden you have to social transition for a year before you can begin medical treatment... not fun when you’re older. I think that you doubt it because of the life that you have built up might be shattered. I have realised that it will probably happen if I don’t do it ( or it might even end ) and my biggest chance to keep my loved ones is to go through it. Keep up the great work.
Everything you said in this video I have experienced as far as life goes. I'm so thankful that I found your videos. Hi Dr. Z, I am a transgender woman and turned 50 a few months ago. Up to then I was so scared of being caught for fear of rejection and abandonment from my parents especially my father. So I hid my true self for 50 years. And I'm proud to say now there is no more hiding my true self. I began hormone therapy 3 weeks ago today. And I am proud to say that I have never been happier than I am right now.
Thank you for this information, Dr. Z! I'm 74, and my life has been one of questioning my Transgender identity, even though I have made many choices over the past 50 years that confirm that fact: long hair, double-pierced ears, hair removal, feminine role in BDSM scenarios, and especially using topical phyto-estrogen serums for breast growth (I'm almost a Tanner 4!). Too many dresses to count. One thing I have realized is that my identity offers a framework for understanding my childhood experiences. Your videos are a great comfort to me! Thank you again!
I am 56, and throughout my childhood, I remember thinking periodically that I wasn’t female. Back then, one was either female or male, that was it. But I remember not feeling like I was male either, so I felt very stuck in my female body - unhappily so. I wound up with an eating disorder in my teens and twenties, had a lot of dissociation, binge drank, and was diagnosed bipolar by age 29. Later the thoughts that my sexuality was not quite right would resurface here and there, and I struggled through failed relationships. I was diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and autism in my 50’s. Recently I met two people who called themselves nonbinary. Thanks to the internet, I looked that up, and I learned a WHOLE lot about modern sexuality. I had no idea there were trans men or nonbinary people who got Top surgery. What I realized is that there are dimensions to sexuality that there were no words for when I was a child or growing up. As soon as I decided that I am at least nonbinary, maybe trans, and that I absolutely need top surgery, I felt so elated. I have been researching HRT. I came out - to myself. And I made an appointment at the trans clinic to look into HRT. But now I cannot shake the overwhelming certainty that my mind created all these thoughts of my being trans or non binary. My mind is telling me I am making everything up, and none of it is real. I don’t know if it’s fear or denial or what. But I don’t know how to shake the feeling that everything is a lie.
Oh my god Dr Z. The last several months I’ve had that nagging thought of “did I make this up” I did not have all those childhood revelations that I often see mentioned. Yes I am in that older group,and from a strict Catholic family too. Things started to change after I retired at 64 & my father had passed away. I saw a mtf transgendered therapist for 5 months in 2019 who told me I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I was shocked, & my ex-wife/friend even more so. That September iI started hormone therapy under a Dr who sees many trans patients. Had my ears pierced, boxed up 90% of my male cloths, which was exhilarating! I had learned makeup application before so I started going out as Michelle all the time and was Always called ma’am or miss. I was stunned. Nothing I had done ever created the slightest doubt that what I was doing might be wrong. Moving forward seemed the only natural thing to do and I felt free & happy & so many positive feelings that I hardly ever had before. I have just turned 69 years old & started my hormones 22 months ago.I also had 12 weeks of voice feminization therapy by a hospital therapist that specializes in voice problems. .My therapist seemed correct. I’m currently looking into several surgeries & fighting “analysis paralysis “.I have watched probably 75% of your videos & they are all good. Succinct , informative, credible, perfect. This one I watched tonight couldn’t have come at a better time for me! I finally have an answer to that doubting question I’ve had. You are the “go to” source for trans questions & information. People ask me about transitioning & transgendered issues. I refer them to your You Tube site. I agree with a commenter stating you should be the first stop for trans people & those with questions. THANK YOU for all you do for us.
Thank you so much for this video! It made me feel better about myself. The questions you mentioned are exactly some of the questions I ask myself often. Am I doing this because of a midlife crisis, for excitement, for attention, for love, or something else? It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I might be trans. After that realization, i started remembering my childhood where I had a few incidents of dressing as the other gender. Those are the memories I had completely forgotten or buried. Thank you again for posting this video. I just found out about your channel today and will keep watching your content!
Thank! You! So! Much! ❤ It's been difficult to have this realization later in life, especially when so much of the narrative about how trans people know themselves involves a long awareness of either gender identity or dysphoria. I felt like I just woke up one day knowing I was trans, but then looking back could see how gender and dysphoria had played a large role for me. I do question whether I was interpreting things to fit a trans narrative because I didn't know sooner, but hadn't even learned about gender identity concepts to recognize it as an explanation for what I was facing. Thanks again!!
I had a similar experience. Last year I became convinced that I was probably transgender. I had not consciously struggled with it in the way so many have described. The realization formed somewhat quickly and then memories from 50 years ago began to surface one by one until I could see a pattern that was always there and that had strongly affected my personal and professional life. I knew with absolute certainty, but being a skeptic, still had to examine my conclusion as dispassionately as I could. It was hard to believe that I could have hidden my true identity from myself for so long. It seemed so improbable. So I read everything I could on the subject, avoiding social media and going to more professional sources. Everything just confirmed what I had already concluded. It was so obvious. Dr. Z was an early help with her video, The One Question To Ask To Determine If You’re Trans. The question? Do you want to be like a woman or be a woman? That was a no brainer for me and compelled me to look deeper. So I started reading biographies about and by trans women. Their stories were mine. It was as if they had written about me. Over the months I have had many questions and my perspective continues to evolve. Every time I hesitate and question whether I should just give up the whole idea, I ask myself if I could ever be happy going back to the person I once pretended to be. The answer is always no. I know I have finally found my way home. I had for too long been an actor on a stage; now I can finally just be me. I have found peace and a sense of completeness. It has been enervating and life affirming. The future looks so much brighter.
Thank you so much! I'm 31 and only started questioning 9 months ago. I thought I must be making up the gender euphoria I felt while experimenting because it never came up before. I finally accepted myself as nonbinary and have been happier the past 6 days than I have been in at least 2 years. I came out to my sister yesterday and we talked for over an hour and I feel so content now. This was exactly what I needed. :)
Dr Z, what you say is so true! I came out at 53 years of age. There was no sudden, snap decision. It had been growing in my subconscious all of my life. When it finally came out, it was the most joyful and horrifying experience of my life. I finally got to be me!
I'm watching this for the second time now and chuckled at the idea that yeah, it really would be kind of weird if me wanting to transition was just something I convinced myself of. I mean I'm not even changing my hair to something that I would really like, since it'd require a bit of styling each day and therefore feels like _too much of an effort_ - and still, at the same time, here I am right in the middle of a process of telling everyone in my life that I'm trans, gradually changing my presentation, striving towards medical transition (and mentally preparing to the many aspects that come with it), wanting to get an actual surgery and so on. I still feel some doubt but perhaps, like, 1% of the time?
This was so helpful for me as a 32 year old who only started questioning my gender identity specifically at 31. I've been working on this with my therapist but I've saved this for some extra affirmation if those doubts pop up again.
This video was amazing and very helpful, thank you! I’m 30 and realized I was transgender 6 months ago. I had to come out to myself first before I could come out to others. I was wondering why it took me so long to realize I’m trans, but everything you said makes sense, and I’ve thought of those reasons already. Growing up before UA-cam and Instagram, not having the language for it, and suppressing it for whatever reason...maybe for acceptance, safety, or fear of the unknown. Glad I finally realized and accepted it, and I’m excited to move forward with my medical transition! Love your videos. Thank you
I'll be 53 in less than 2 weeks from the date of this reply; I came to the realization/came out as Transgender June 8, 2021. Over the last few months, I've realized, remembering feelings and urges, that this has probably been building since ~1980. So, yeah: The urge to come out has been there; I just didn't have the vocabulary, self-assurance, self-awareness and overall confidence to clearly state to others, especially my folks as a pre-teen/teenager what I was feeling. Back then, I was just a socially awkward, introverted, nerdy geek with little interest in any type of real social interaction. (It didn't help that I didn't live really close to any of my classmates once I got out of 6th grade.)
Thank you for this video. I am 33 years old, for the past 3 years I have been talking to a psycologist because of a severe depression (I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, sometimes it is just easier to live with). I am only now realising that I don't identify as male, but I still don't know what it means. I see that there was a reason why I always reacted when someone called me by my biological gender (amab), not strongly, more like "Oh, oh yeah that's right.". Why I have never felt comfortable in the chaning rooms, why I dressed up in my mothers clothes and pretended to have long hair with a hoodie tied like a pony tail, so I would look good dancing in front of the mirror. All of these things and more that I look back at and ask myself how on earth could I not see what was going on. But it is like you say in your video, I never knew that this existed until I was an adult and already had so many cooping mechanisms going. My brain is like a broken record right now, I try to figure out what is going on and my brain is telling me that nothing is going on, stop making more stuff up, you have enough as it is. This video really helped me with that part, I feel more free to explore without guilt. I will for sure watch this video again when I am doubting myself to much.
Thank you, for saying this.. I've realised I'm trans exactly at 28, so this feels like it's made for me. When you said that it may came up before and I didn't recognize it for what it was, I started crying. Once in my past, when I was 18, I was questioning my gender, after we left my abusive father and I had a bit more freedom and I was in love with my friend. But I convinced myself that I only wanted to be a man so I could be with her, because being a lesbian was unacceptable for me. Then I repressed it for many years and tried to accept my femininity and was really miserable, those were the worst years of my life, I was actively suicidal and then developed depression and severe anxiety which got me into therapy. Recently I started finally healing and this part of me could finally come to the forefront. Yes, it was impossible before with my family. So, what you say makes sense to me..
I have indeed felt very wary of my thoughts and feelings. As a child I seem to remember coming out to my parents but ending up closeted. Much more recently I went to a trans group meeting for a person close to me. I made a special effort to come across as womanly so they wouldn't suspect me of being trans myself. However the group leader eventually seemed to see right through me and they were very kind and understanding about it. It would be awful if I were actually deluded in some way.
This is spot on and I am saving it in case anyone I know needs to see it for their own personal gender understanding or for loved ones who want to understand. It might seem crazy, it has to me at times, that you can have an epiphany and just realize something so big, but honestly its like, "how can you find the answer if you didn't even know the question you were asking?" Thinking of it that way has made it easier for me to understand and to recognize all the hints that was there for years but not recognized, even being as involved in the LGBT community that I have been.
Being in my mid sixties, and just recently realizing that I am indeed transgender has come as a most welcome and amazing surprise. I have been asking myself this over the past few months, am I making this up, and you are right. The more I express my femininity and take concrete steps towards transitioning, a deep sense of liberation, serenity and joyfulness inhabits me. Thank you for putting this doubt in perspective and bringing more clarity and peace of mind to my journey. Blessings to you, Dr. Z
As is ALMOST always true - whatever I'm going through you create a new video. Yesterday I received word that my waiver for public newspaper notice for my request for name/gender change with my county court per Ohio law was granted. I live in a very conservative area and feared for my family's safety. With the waiver I will go to court and records sealed so public not allowed to view my request. Now that that obstacle has been hurdled, a bit of self-doubt entered me - but as you state being older (68) and having a lifetime of struggle - I needed your re-assurance that it wasn't in my mind. THANK YOU.
This video is beyond helpful. I haven’t been able to fully admit that I’m trans because it’s a scary thought. From my upbringing, like many, we were raised with open and or internalized homophobia and transphobia. As a child, this has always been here. Back then, it was easier to find a distraction to not think about it. Also, the vocabulary to express or describe what was going on wasn’t there. I’ve acknowledged and I’m slowly admitting it to myself but accepting and embracing is one day at a time. Sooner or later, we can’t keep lying. A good lie has some truth in it but a bad lie will fail sooner or later. Thanks for the help and knowledge Dr. Z!!!
Currently there are no "gender therapists" who won't affirm you. Maybe the thought is scary because it leads to a path of biological self destruction? Maybe you should listen to your own internal intuition that is preventing you from making this devastating mistake?
I'm in my 50's and I always knew that I was different but really didn't know what it was. I grew up in a very sheltered home so I was not aware of this. But over time I have grew both mentally and emotionally into my real self. FTM , I'm still waiting for top surgery but it will happen. Thank you for what you are doing.
I was never in a place to protect myself and stand up for myself and take up the space needed to come out until now. I had to unpack so much trauma and do so much therapy to learn how to identify how I feel and how to validate how I feel and listen to myself. I made myself small and people pleased and managed other peoples emotions to stay safe, never listening to how I really felt. Now I know how to feel my feelings, I know how to validate and the importance of my own feelings, and I can set boundaries around it. I needed to know all those things before I could transition. This realization has happened when it needed to happen. I really appreciate everything you said in this video. Thank you so much again for your work!
I'm 53 today and this is the story of my life. I was army 13 years to make me a man. I kept marrying the same type of woman feeling I was waiting for something. I was outed at my job and had to see human resources about it. I lost my 1st marriage because she found out that I was dressing to feel normal. I have been thrown out of many churches for trying to deal with the fact I'm trans and I can't stop it from happening. I've finally just given in and begun transition. Even the idea of transition gives me much relief and peace. I am beginning gender therapy as soon as I can.
I started cuestioning really hard four months after my 28 birthday when my girlfriend and I broke up after six years of relationship. Started therapy and then just all the evidence came up In front of my eyes. Later that year, I finally came out as trans woman. Now I'm 29 and soon I'm gonna start HRT. Thanks Dr for all your videos.
I grew up as a very sheltered small town rural life where it took a church community to raise a child. That said I didn't start exploring my own feelings about who I was, because I knew I was different from anyone else, until I left the area to go to college. There I met my first relationship that lasted for almost 11 years, and the reason she left was that I was everything she wanted in a partner except what was between my legs wasn't attached. So fast-forward 30 some years and I finally took the steps to get HRT, Top surgery and a full clean out of the nasty parts that caused me so much littoral pain, stress, anxiety and was starting to affect my health. I was so along the masculine line to begin with that people would misgender me a good portion of the time before HRT, but now all I can say is the confirmation of that first dose was what a drug addiction must feel like. I introduced myself to my now wife as an old school stone butch because that was the only category I could find that I fit into. Through all of the chaos my job is so accepting and diverse that my medical needs have been fully covered for the transition but my stress and anxiety lie in once the mask comes down and I don't shave are my coworkers going to be ok because that first time telling my family put me in the pedifile/rapist category with my father and me telling my mother when I was getting married that if I were to tell them what was going on with me all those years ago that I would have been thrown out of the house or walked into a bus because they didn't want to understand. So I tell myself that in the long run it's not about living my life to impress others it's about living life to impress myself. The rest is water under the bridge.
I've been knowingly repressing my dysphoria for about a decade at this point, and have only recently fully accepted this and coming to terms with myself. That being said, I've still been skirting on the edge of action. Doubting everything, annoyed and scared at all that I'll need to do feel more myself. Honestly it's terrifying, but I'm still looking into that fear and seeing comfort at the far end. This was a nice video to come across, and has helped quite a bit, thank you.
I’m 28 and non-binary. Over the past 2 years I have fully socially transitioned and things are a lot better for me. I still get so worried like once every few months that I’m making a mistake and am going to ruin my life- like my husband will leave me or I will hate my body even more after top surgery. There is only evidence to the contrary of those however. I think a lot of it comes from the online discourse like 5-10 years ago on “transtrenders” and the idea that if you don’t fit this specific narrative, you aren’t binary, and all this other stuff you are doing things “for attention” or some other reason. Shit lives rent free in my head. Long story short- I need to save this video 😂 inside myself I know what is right for me but I just have so many memories where other people were telling me that was wrong. My therapist has been 10/10 help but he isn’t like a specialist by any means so this is good ❤️
Thank you for this. While I'm still pre-transition and am so certain of my identity, I still rarely have those moments of "is this something I've fooled myself into?" And it absolutely resonated with me when you spoke about dysphoria coming up in the past and it just not been recognised as that before. If I had the language and knowledge that I do now, I'd have begun my transition when I was a teenager, when I began tying things tightly around my waist to train it into a more feminine shape because I didn't like that it was growing into a more masculine shape.
Thanks for the video Dr. as it is always a push for me to continue in my transition. What is stopping me a lot is seeing me with lipstick and seeing my face at 50 and my mind wants to see a woman of 20. And since it is not like that, and I stop. As for 50 years I have gotten up every day and I manage to look good as a man, now as a woman I do not see it that way, and reality stops me a lot and it hurts me even more. I really need to understand that I will see myself as a woman of 50, and I don't like it and it depresses me.
Thanks once again Dr Z! This is exactly where I am. My gender seems to change but I can say that even though I am 66, physically male, I feel very feminine. I was on the verge of taking hormones when the pandemic hit and I stopped everything about transitioning. My dysphoria went into submission and now I am just comfortable enough to think I don't need to transition. I couldn't afford a medical transition anyway. If I could pull the proverbial switch and be cis female I would do it in a heartbeat but for many reasons I must remain trapped as male. I don't like it. It is because my dysphoria is satisfied by wearing some feminine things that I question being trans and wonder if my mind is deceiving me. The reality is that I can't stand body hair and I wear women's clothing that doesn't give away that I am wearing women's clothing. Some times I get questioning glances bur mostly no one knows. I take the short somewhat silly online tests and they always point me towards being trans female or gender fluid. Anyway I am telling you this because I respect your work and you wanted a comment. Thanks again.
A few weeks ago it started crystalizing that a lot of the gender confusion, frustration, and envy I had HAD a name. It had been a group of people that I was already fighting to defend in my own spaces, maybe subconsciously I wanted those spaces to be safe down the road for myself. My mind was fighting to convince myself that I was NOT transgender. Its still does this constantly (hence why I am here). Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "why me? why cant I just continue to ignore this." But a few things help ground me: cis people don't think about this 24/7 and have it cause them so much lost self confidence in such a short amount of time; and cis people wouldn't be making as list of people close to them and reflecting (through tears sometimes) about how they would react to me coming out to them. I'm starting to make my way though the list 🥲 (slowly)
Thank you. I kind of needed this. I know I'm a little late finding this video, but I've had quite a year! I figured out that I was bisexual. Started to question my gender a few months afterwards, because I for some reason used being bisexual as an excuse to try traditionally feminine things. Clothes, makeup, nail polish(god I love nail polish). And loved all of it. And started to realize I was happy when I saw myself as feminine in the mirror, seeing a girl for just a second. After what felt like a lot of introspection and experimentation, but I guess not really compared to most people, I finally landed on a non-binary identity that felt right. But there is still the doubts that I am doing this just to feel a sense of belonging, since my identical twin is genderfluid and half my friends are transgender of some sort. All of this at the age of 32. I mean I shouldn't be so doubtful. If I can suppress being bisexual for most my life, why couldn't I do the same thing for gender? But the voice in the back of my brain whispering that I am faking it still remains. At this point, I'm kind of waiting a year to see if these feelings still remain before I do anything big.
I'm glad this video helped. Most of what she states is medically unsound or completely wrong. Ignore that voice for now. Explore and feel free. When you reach the point where you want to make *permanent changes* then you need to explore that voice.
Did you know that your expertise and logic being the first line of communication to the masses and then introducing legislation for trans folks could’ve saved lives and a lot of pain and suffering for all sides involved in our nation. Instead the masses got “ we identify and feel this way - and we are now in your bathrooms and locker rooms so deal with it “ ..I have been for myself searching for a while for answers until recently by accident found you - questions and issues I thought only I had - it’s like you’re in my life and know specific things I need to help me walk forward. I’ve been stuck for months - Thank you for being visible and really good at your job ! Dane
You are so so right, Dr Z.. Im a child of the 80s, like Lisa Fullner., I too, was in the military, to compensate and find myself. I had to keep myself incognito due to oppressive and discriminating times in the 90s and 2000s and it still is today, much less so due to the internet and social media, but still there is discrimination. The battle for acceptance is upward, like it is for racism. You speak my truth, Dr Z.
Great video as ever DrZ, I really appreciate them and you are amazing - thank you. I had realised this sometime ago when I came out at 44 after being in a major battle of denial and self destructive behaviour for 40 years, now at 48 transition has cost me a lot and all except 1 or 2 are gone from my previous life but it has probably saved my life, the mental benefits alone have changed me totally from the person I use to be and now I'm getting to know what happy and content feels like.
Dr Z. I have only recently found your channel and I think you are fantastic! I am a 48yr old (soon to accept) mtf transgendered person. I thank you for stating that you simply do not wake up one day and say to yourself "I am going to become female" or "I feel like a female inside". I have struggled with my gender identity all my life but thought it was transvestism or fetitshism. I am now divorced and live alone (which saddens me of course) but I feel such a sense of relief that I can now at least be myself 'some' of the time.....I am worried however that there is still too much of a masculine essence in me to truly be transgendered....but the more I watch your videos an absorb your sagely advice...the closer I get to accepting my truth. I could never transition due to my 6"1 stature and bald head haha, but thank you so much. Please don't stop making your videos. They are invaluable to people like me. Andy from Australia
I am 66 have been struggling with this exact issue for a few years. At 64, I first became aware that I felt uncomfortable with my gender. It seemed to come from nowhere and I began to wonder if I could be transgender. I have no recall of having wondered about my gender earlier in life but I have never felt comfortable with myself. I have wondered if I just talked myself in believing I was transgender. This video was comforting. At first, I did not experience or did not recognize gender dysphoria. I did have moments of gender euphoria when I began experiment. I can see I had dysphoria for a lot longer and understand what I am feeling better.
I needed to see this this morning! I’m 44 and started feeling gender dysphoria 2 years ago. After a relapse and meeting with a therapist I realized I used to escape this established identity. I have my first appointment on the 20th of June to start my process. Thank you for your videos!
Everything you’ve said resonates so much with me. When I was younger I remember feeling like I was a girl in a boys body. My parents would get so mad at me bc I didn’t speak with a deeper voice or they would get mad when I wanted to play with Barbie’s and play dress up with my sisters. Now that I’m 28 i decided to start doing “drag” & it just triggered all these memories. And I can’t escape the feeling that I might be transgender and just never got to explore that part of my identity because I was forced to not be myself.
Thanks for the video! Sometimes one just needs a trigger moment to realise, what has been hidden all the time. For me it was more than three years ago when I was at a cross dressing "service" and someone there just plainly asked me, if I have thought about taking hormones. This casual question removed so many layers of self-denial and I was deeply confused for some time. Now, I am more than two years on HRT (MtF) and kind of sorry, that I did not have this realisation when I was younger.
Hi I fully agree with the comment below - you should be the first person people (18+ of course, :-)) questioning their gender should speak with. I wish you had been around in the 80s and 90s but a lot of things were different then. Re this video, I was waiting for it with interest as I am turning 51 soon. Ever since I seriously started to deal with my dysphoria a little while back, the doubts were there that my brain is trying to convince me that I am transgender despite somewhere deep inside I knew it for a long time. Even the coming out to my spouse, the counseling with my psychiatrist, the sessions in the local self help group, my doctor and endocrinologist, and all the affirming steps that felt so right, have not stopped my doubts in that it is all in my brain. At some point even my wife threw this at me. While I now know that it is not my brain trying to convince me, your video ultimately supports me (and I guess many others in similar circumstances) in my decisions regarding my journey. Thank you so much for sharing your vast experience and expertise.
Thank you Dr. Z! Your videos are always very insightful. This video has helped resolve a nagging question that replays over and over in my mind constantly. This video makes perfect sense, especially when I stop an look back over the few memories I do have from my youth and latent memories and realizations of my youth that have slowly been resurfacing.
34 years old. I've always known I was different. I've always been afraid until some recent stressful times to look at my feelings and needs honestly. Alot of my "doubt" is fear. I'm afraid of being visible. I'm afraid of being treated badly. I'm afraid of losing what few friends I have left. I am afraid of limiting my advancement in my chosen career field. I'm afraid of never being able to see myself as the woman I crave being. I'm afraid of change. I'm very very afraid.
This is actually mind blowing, it really makes me think about it. Lately Ive been thinking about being transgender, and this made me reflect a lot about it and feel much more at ease with it, instead of just digging it deeper again. Thank you for these videos.
I recently turned 29 and have been exploring this a lot lately. I cried a little when I thought "what if I'm not trans mindset enough and I couldn't get hormone therapy if I wanted it?" And it hit me in that moment that I'm not just convincing myself. That was last night and this video is making me feel so much more comfortable with how I feel. I'm less scared that I'm just fooling myself as I experiment.
I'm 29, so I'm right at the edge of the two videos. I fight with self doubt alot, but this video makes me feel so much more valid. The make up and acrylic nails are helping too though lol
I almost started crying in the middle. I feel this, and this is like the main question I'm asking myself. Like "is this real". I'm 29. I've felt this way for years, sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker, and I've always ignored it. But now I can't really ignore it. The thoughts are so loud.
So I have been fighting dysphoria for years, when I was 18 I tried to get NHS help and they said my dysphoria was a symptom of my anxiety. It also didn’t help that non binary didn’t really exist then. At 35 I am finally on HRT after 2 years of counselling and talking to try and come to terms with it (I tried to tell myself that it was in my head, that I wasn’t really trans, that I was just a pervert) trying to avoid hormones. Now I am on them, I am happier, I still have concerns, but I don’t want to stop taking them.
Hi, I am. 55 year old Transgender woman and from the age of 5 I knew I wanted yo become a girl. Family, religion and society stopped me from transitioning because being in a Latino Culture prevented me from expressing my gender identity myself. I have been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for 2 and Half years. I am ready fir bottom surgery and breast augmentation. I already had Facial Feminization Surgery. Thank you, I love your videos Dr Z. ❤🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🎀🦋🦄
This is so helpful... In my case, it wasn't me thinking that I was making it up, it was my family accusing me of being confused, or having a midlife crisis, or... They made me have doubts. This is reassuring.
This is so true. I decided I need to relieve gender dysphoria. Regardless the path I just had to become the me I wanted to be. Stop the pain and cycles of repetition downs and more downs, and more downs and out feelings. I am becoming so much happier but anxiety still while being open and honest. I love being transgender when dysphoria is not lurking around the corner. Thanks doc z, very helpful. I am trying to get the strength to live open and free as gender fluid.
Im 29. This, and a lot of your other videos are extremely helpful, so thank you. Looking back I can see some of the times that expression really came forward as a child. I was bullied pretty constantly all the way up through the beginning of highschool until I started hyperfeminizing. It's hard to swallow, but i can tell accepting myself is the start to alleviating anxieties that have been around all along. Its rough, but life is too short to fit in a box for other people.
I am almost 67, and commented on another video about almost the same topic.Growing up around young teen girls, being a cross dresser for over 40 years, and losing 3 marriages, the feelings are just too strong now. I believe, yes I can be under the transgender umbrella 😍.
❤ Guess I'm trans then. Think I might be gender fluid? 54 years old and I thought it was a sick kink of mine. Always lived with guilt, and suppressed it for too long. I'm now out to my wife and am attending a trans venue this month for the first time as Louisa. Crossdressing has always been a partly sexual act for me, and something that I've rarely done. I used masturbation to cope with my anxiety, almost as a way of making the urges subside so I could get on with my male persona. My previous job was all encompassing and affected so much of my life. Now I have a better work life relationship, and have always wanted to address my guilt and find out who I really am. Thank you for al you do Dr z.
I honestly wish that you would be the first person people find when they look up the term "transgender".
Thank you so much for your videos. 💜
Ahhh thank you.
I completely agree! I found some other sources first, and it wasn't that they weren't helpful, but i think they were for a different audience. Or... they weren't helpful for me at least. I'm sooo glad I found Dr Z :) you are a gift and a blessing. thank you thank you thank you!
You can't know how much I needed this video right now.
Glad to hear it was helpful.
Same here, these videos are always spot on 💗
Same
Agreed! I have therapy in an hr and this is something I have thought about. Dr.Z is amazing!
When I hatched a month before turning 39, I cried for two solid days. It was like a whisper that became a shout, and then I couldn't pretend I didn't hear it anymore. My whole life flashed before my eyes with a new understanding. I did show signs, but I buried it. I thought I was a liar.
I needed to hear this today. I am almost two years into transition, and sometimes I wonder, "Am I sure? Did I catch The Trans from living in a liberal city?"
Then I remember how devastated I was to learn the difference between boys and girls and being told I was stuck as a girl, like it or not.
What I like most about your channel is you don't sugarcoat or mythologize the trans community or vilify it. You have given me a clearer idea of what to expect and not. Thank you
Thank you. It is important to me to maintain objectivity, honesty, and not cheerlead anyone into fantasy. The more reality you have at your hands, the better off you will be.
I loved how you said "big pizza pie of identity" 🍕 and how gender identity and expression can be 2 separate parts of identity. I'm turning 27, but I'm just now realizing my gender.
Than keep in mind it is bigger than just trans identity. Be open and inquisitive to various possibilities.
When I think back to the thought of 'dysphoria' through my life I always ignored, it was almost overwhelmingly always social. I just never felt like a 'girl' in the gym class crowd of girls. When we changed out in the locker room, I always shied away, not out of shame of my body, but because I somehow felt like I was different from them even in this capacity even in spite of having all the same physical parts? Puberty was rough on me because I lost my entire group of friends I'd grown up with. I was always a very emotionally masculine type of presence, whatever that may mean, and always kind of stuck out or felt completely out of place. Friends sought my advice because it was so "level-headed", "logical" (not that women can't be logical; this was the term reflected back to me when I asked). I used to do things very naturally like lead with my chest and the more femme I dressed, the more agitated I became. Over time I felt the need to dress for myself and not necessarily to be read as sexy to anyone in particular or attract a mate. I started putting my own internal happiness first and deprioritized my need for validation through cis romantic partnership (I have attachment wounds; This was a pretty key shift in my thinking that unleashed this identity questioning) which just totally crumbled my self-imposed gender performance (and sexuality) I'd been trying so frustratingly hard to do for so long.
I carried a lot of toxic masculinity while still identifying as a woman but questioning it as well. I would say "but I'm not a man because I don't like XYZ" etc. It wasn't until I started examining and actually rejecting my own inner toxic masculinity and bias that I said, "well wait... this positive, healthy masculinity - I really, really resonate with that. To be masculine doesn't mean that I have to be _this toxic type of male_ I've seen represented so often as the peak of 'manliness' in society or media. I can be a man who empathizes with women's experiences, who emotes, who is sensitive to others". Its sad how painfully obvious this is to me now (ie: men can, do and should have feelings), but was something I had to de-program inside of myself for a long time because I used it as a big barrier to realizing and accepting my masculine side. That was a very 'aha' moment for me. Otherwise, I'm sure that I had more signs but the memories have been lost.
Thanks for sharing.
Your story really rang true for me. Thank you for sharing this!
OMG! I want to hug you right now. I spent many years in the Army, most of it in the Infantry. I have been in many conflicts, but it wasn't till after Desert Storm when I was about to ship home that I started to have these feelings. I couldn't sleep at night with all these other men thinking I was sick. I'm in transition now and belong to a support group, but none of them had that expirence. You have explained so much. Thank you
Lisa I know that feeling. I'm in my mid-30s now and just starting. Not thinking about it until later (late teens, then suppressed) was a definite reason I put off looking at things. Most of the stories I had read had people know as a young child which wasn't me, until I chatted with other trans women and things started clicking into place
Thank you for your service ,to go through this while going through that.omg you are beyond words a true hero.
@Lisa Fullmer thank you for keeping all of us safe. It is very common to overcompensate to a very very strong masculine presentation, activities, career, etc., in order to not let GD come to the surface. Often this is unconscious and at times can actually be your unconscious protecting you as in, you weren't ready at the time. I wish you all the best.
I am a copy of you Lisa... I was Armor, airborne, martial artist, military historian, strategist, held a very dangerous job after the Army, tough guy.... all to hide and compensate. For 60 years I dreamed of being female... I would wake up crying because I had to leave the dream... but the day I decided to transition my dreams stopped. We have done the right thing... we became who we are... all my love... juli
@@julimcbrayer5302 my love back
When I was about 10 I remember thinking that something seemed off about me, at the time I figured that I was born with both gender body parts because I was 10 and it was the early 90's people didn't talk about gender openly. I can look back on life events over 40 years and go "OOOOH that was dysphoria!"
Yes, thats a common experience, not to be able to make sense of earlier memories until one finally contortions gender dysphoria. Than, suddenly many memories make sense.
I relate to this.
Yep, I had the same thoughts as a young person, around 3 or 4. I was pretty sure I had both boy and girl parts. Interesting...
I'm nonbinary and born in 1980, growing up I was aware of only the most sensationalized presentation of trans people, and diverse gender identities was a totally unknown concept to me. I have hope for today's young folks that someone like me will have the opportunity to be aware of their own gender identity much earlier in life than I was able to.
Thanks for sharing and yes, younger today are fortunate in many ways.
I’m 41 am feel horrible an confused about my gender identity. It feels like a tug a war inside my own body
Welcome to the club! Everyone has two wolves battling within them. One of mine loves their beard and the other wants a full face of makeup.
@@ticketforepic4429 I never liked my patchy beard,
I tried to groom it down some, (most of us have worn out a few trimmers/ kits)
My first pre-step to feminizing was to zero down only,
I stopped doing 3 on goat, .5 sides etc
Recently if i use my trimmers only on 0-.5-1.0 settings for - removal next after I finish 70 hours errands/ work
I wax at a 1/4 inch, it's very feminizing, I only have 3 months in and still learning
"60, 70, and 80's" Ok, I don't feel so bad being in my early 40's then and transitioning.
I'm now 29 and right now I am reconsidering many things about my past. I came from a rural area raised in a time that you were strange for even liking videogames, not to say feeling like the other gender or nb, and only now I am realizing the subconscious repression I had.
Now I am starting to understand things like for example I don't like to speak not because I am shy but because I am not comfortable with my voice, or socializing for my body, and finally I decided to make an appointment to my psychologist. And these videos help so much. Thank you
Glad to hear they are helpful and I wish you the best.
You sound like me lol. I’m in the same exact boat. Although you are are braver that me Bc you made an appt to talk about it
@Billy-Dean I am transitioning, this month will be a year, and I go gradually taking steps which I am comfortable, in general, I feel I'm living my life now and better.
I resonate with this SO hard, I am sorry you had to struggle like that too, its so much harder to deal with these kind of issues of low self esteem or self hate and axiety when you are unaware of why you even feel that way. the one upside obviously being is that the inverse is at least partly true and now that you have started to realise whats behind those feelings and worries they become a lot easier to manage and deal with properly. Hope the psychologist is able to help and things start going smoother. (love the PFP by the way :D )
I can convince myself to feel unhappy on purpose pretty well. Been doing that all my life. But I can't convince myself to feel happy on purpose. That is something I have never, ever, been able to accomplish. Gender euphoria and the sense of joy and satisfaction it brings, especially when it comes at such a high cost, is simply impossible for me to have engineered on my own. I literally never felt anything like it in my life prior to starting to transition. How could I consciously or unconsciously know how to manufacture such a thing if I have no pre-existing framework to use?
So it can only be real. And if it's real, then so is my transgender identity.
God I felt this. I'm not sure I've ever felt this thing people call "happiness", that is until I accepted who I am and experienced gender euphoria for the first time. Went to sleep with a smile on my face, and the next day at work I didn't even need coffee to help me get through the day and was generally in a really good mood. I haven't been able to recreate that day but my mental health has been a lot better just through self acceptance.
@Mika Rose thanks for sharing. I gotta say, and this is only my opinion, if you are ABLE to confide yourself to be unhappy, your brain is fully capable of doing reverse too.
@@DRZPHD Yes, I can see your point and perhaps I worded it poorly. My main intention was to highlight the difference in experience, which I admit is hard if not impossible to objectively qualify or quantify.
Internal monologuing and critical reinforcement of certain thoughts or feelings have never been the primary reason _why_ I experience gender dysphoria but they are undeniably a crucial element in _how_ I experience it. And, even before I recognized and acknowledged that I was feeling it myself, I could still understand how other people could.
That's not the case with gender euphoria. From the first moment I ever felt it, it has always been completely unexpected, unencouraged, unbidden, and unrationalized. That, to me at least, proves that it is honest.
I'm 43, I've known that deep inside I am female since I was around 7 or 8. I've been fighting myself my whole life over this feeling. I was born male and scared to come out because of my cultural background. I've been married to a woman for 20 years and we have teenage children. I'm so scared and have even contemplated suicide because although I love my wife and kids I'm not truly happy. I've been hiding in this male body and want to break out so badly but am so afraid of the ramifications. I've always wanted to transition from mtf but was scared to do so and now I feel trapped.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I am a Generation Xer, it was impossible to have an opportunity to express any feminine anything, except via my hair through being into 1980s Rock and Metal music.
Thanks for sharing.
I needed this video. I have been patiently waiting for it since last week. I have periods of doubt about whether I am transgender and if I am just making this up. Your explanation brought me a lot of clarify and helped kick that doubt to the curb. Thank you!
Glad to hear it was helpful and thanks for your patience.
I'm 30 now and these kind of feelings became apparent for me around the age of 15, I still believe my mind is playing tricks on me. I can go weeks or even months not thinking about it and feeling okay as a guy, I feel like I just made it all up trough some perversion or weird jealousy towards women. But when I get excluded from something only women get to participate in, or when someone affirms my masculinity it feels like a brick just suddenly drops in my stomach. I get scared easily, so being a tall and fit guy makes me feel save in a sense that I can easily protect myself, but I have never liked my own physique and tend to avoid mirrors when I take of my clothes... I go trough periods in which I'm sure I'm not trans and try to become more manly only to follow that up with a period of confusion, identity crisis, jealousy towards women and trying to escape those feelings trough alcohol (which then only makes it worse).
Thanks for sharing.
Same here sans the alcohol.
I patiently waited for this video for a week (when you released the one for younger ages) and I will be forever grateful for this video. Really brings a peace of mind tbh. Thank you so much for this Dr Z.
You are most welcome. Thanks for your patience.
In the past year my world has been so unstable after separating from my ex wife, I was homeless, dealt with multiple extended lengths of unemployment (still unemployed), and finally coming out to myself as transgender a few months ago. My current partner is incredibly supportive but unfortunately access to healthcare and hormones are financially beyond my reach.
Your content has helped affirm that I am valid, not alone in my struggle, and capable of moving towards a better personal future, and I simply wanted to thank you for the work that you do in our community.
Thank you so much! I am glad my content can reach out to you.
I first learned about genderqueer when I was 22 and claimed the title at that time but then kept it on stand by for at least a few years just to see if I'd feel the same way and here we are xD
Thanks for sharing.
I had my realization that I'm transgender at the grand old age of 52. Looking back over my life some things make sense now in a way they didn't before. I often liken my life to the movie Sixth Sense. Not because I see dead people (I don't), but because the plot twist at the end of that film changes everything and on a second viewing of that movie you pick up on things you missed first time round that actually telegraph the ending. Well, my life is like that. I cruised through my life oblivious. So I've had my plot twist and I'm looking back on events in my life with an air of 'how did I miss that?'
Thank you for sharing this video. At least I can be confident this is not some mid-life crisis. It feels too real, anyway.
Thanks for sharing and yes, I have yet to meet high functioning adult who has mid life crisis manifest in this matter.
I needed this, although I can recall certain things from my childhood like a stubborn refusal to adhere to gender stereotypes and playing with whatever toys I wanted because to me, toys were toys and a considerable desire to partake in activities that my female friends were doing because they looked fun, I still sometimes wonder to myself if I’m just making a mountain out of a mole hill and drawing parallels where none need exist, it’s infuriating. It all seems so clear in hindsight and yet my mind seems insistent on questioning everything.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad the video was helpful.
I needed this today. I'm 31 with a wife and 2 kids and in the past year this has all surfaced seemingly out of nowhere and I ask myself every day if I'm just trying to fit in to communities or if i'm making it up. A transfem friend of mine says "no 30 year old person just decides this one day out of nowhere". I'm so scared by it all and possible implications, but these thoughts and feelings that I've tried to run away from or bury or was just straight up not aware of are...they're my every day, every moment reality now. Thank you for this video and all your work Dr. Z.
Thanks for sharing and yes, no person at 30 years old just decided to transition. Not in my experience. I encourage you to watch tomorrow interview with Aydin, who is another professional specializing in this field and I ask him the same question.
Wow! What an AFFIRMING video for those of us in this age range! I watched the related 18-25 video first. I can see why I wasn't sure back then. However, at 48, I was sure of my trans identity before I found you, Dr. Z. Yet I still need support. As always, you deliver. Thank you!
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
I've been struggling with this for a pretty pretty long time now. When I was a kid I used to like to try out some feminine clothes, in my adolescence I always tried to be mistaken for a girl in my photos. Later on i did all I could to seem as masculine as I could because I was afraid of the feminine side, plus my girlfriend at the time loved that lumber sexual style and all my friends look super manly, si I thought I should look like that as well. It took me a lil bit while to get out of that state of mind. Then I was actually convinced that I was transgender, then I was afraid of it again and tried to not think about it at all never again, but I never dressed as manly again, I just keep hiding behind baggy clothes and hoodies and ripped black jeans. Two years ago I accepted that I wasn't the gender that was assigned to me at birth, I've never felt comfortable with the male stereotypes, tropes, usual looks, attitudes, etc. I began to accept myself as non-binary, getting out of that male idea. But there's still this itch in my mind, like I would like to look more feminine, have some more feminine aspects in my body, and well more ideas about it, like all the contrary to my male experience in life... I recently bought some clothes and make up and I felt confident, and I told my best friend about, and she was super supportive and told me that I looked beautiful and extremely confident. I wasn't even hiding my face, and I felt that too when I took the photos, and I felt weird when I took everything off. But still I'm afraid and unsure, and damnit, it's been way too long being afraid and unsure about this... Just my experience that I wanted to share if anyone ever reads it
I have OCD and imposter syndrome. When Dr. Z told us that after age 28, (I'm 48), it's very unlikely that somebody would simply fabricate a desire to transition or recognize an alternate gender within themselves, I started crying. It was so relieving to know that I'm not just being imaginative. Thank you Dr. Z.
You are most welcome.
Hi Dr. Z, I'm gender fluid/transfeminine at this point ... I'm in support groups ... life is definitely getting interesting. Thanks again!
I fall in the category of the older generation pre internet transgender. In the answer to your question I had the reverse thinking I tried to convince myself I wasn't transgendered. I spent most of my adult life trying to contain my dysphoria but as you say it always worked but up to the surface and becomes front and center. It finally broke me two years back at the age of 55 and I had to address it. I'm currently on HRT, finished laser hair removal, doing electrolysis to kill the grays and finally starting to learn make up and slowly adding clothing for my correct gender. I'm moving at a pace that is great for me and I can tell you a lot of my health conditions have gone away. I know my dysphoria was part of the cause of my cluster headaches along with bad stress. All of that has gone away and I feel the best I ever felt since starting my journey and staying the path for the last year and a half.
Dr. Z have you done a video about the long term effects of suppressing dysphoria? I know for me it made me hold back career wise and on relationships because I didn't want to be in the spotlight or hurt others and go through transition. I knew I was transgendered at a very young age and even as a young adult after a failed attempt to transition at the age of 27 I knew that sometime in the future my dysphoria would get to a point where I had to do something and being someone who doesn't drink, smoke or engage in recreational drug use it's really take a toll on the mind as you have no outlet to shift the focus from dysphoria. As always great topic in this week's video!
Wait a sec. Cluster headaches? How is that associated?
Thanks for sharing your experience. The reverse thinking is also common and I will do a video on that as well. Great topic suggestion and I did do a blog post sightly touching on it. drzphd.com/transgender/nonbinary/the-most-dangerous-way-in-which-gender-dysphoria-affects-your-life
@@spunts144 My guess would be that it’s stress related, when you are going through a lot of stress your body can react physically, causing headaches, nausea, gastro intestinal problems etc.
You sound just like my life but I get drugs unfortunately made the dysphoria even worse I guess I'm at 6 months now I got a good doctor in a good therapist
@@spunts144 I started having cluster headaches back in 2017 the became so bad that I had a MRI and saw two specialists in Japan. They couldn't determine the causes and felt it may be the weather changes and stress. when I returned to the states I suffered all winter 2018 the next year they came in the fall and I was able to knock them out breathing pure oxygen from a tank it worked well until my aunt passed away and I couldn't get a doctor to prescribe oxygen to me she used to get extra tanks and she let me used them when needed. When they came I had the sharp pain like someone was stabbing my left eye from the inside, my eyes watered and lights would cause pain so I sat in the dark for 20 to 30 minutes until they went away. I started HRT in March 2019 since then I haven't had any cluster headaches. I've had normal ones but no clusters and while my first two doctors had me on different levels of HRT they only thing different was HRT. I believe it was the stress that caused them I had been in Japan since 2010 and while it's a great place to live the stress of adjusting to a new country, supporting a family and doing freelance work was overwhelming. You add in dysphoria and your open for health issues. I had always been able to over come my dysphoria but it Japan it become overwhelming I wanted to start transition but felt trapped. Sorry for the long post I know everyone is different when it comes to cluster headaches this is my experience with them. Hope this clears things up!
Dr Z, thank you for being here. Even in this day, finding a supportive, informed therapist is not easy. I never felt right, but never associated it with my gender. I was very poorly adjusted as a man and felt inadequate. There were 3 occasions when i questioned myself, and each time i deliberately repressed myself. this time i experienced such relief and pleasure from expressing my real gender that i could never go back. "Your mind can't convince you that you're something that you're not." 100% agree.
This was very affirming. Especially the part about us having much life experience and being "very well rounded" individuals made me feel very seen. I think some of us tend to think bad about ourselves for realizing late or transitioning late in life. But we have done other things in the meantime...things that where meaningful in themselves and that, on top of that, can even help us in our later-in-life transition.
Thank you!
Ohhh yes! Most of you have gone through so much of life, there is no way a mind that robust comes up with this.
I'm 58 now and I first heard of the idea of transitioning in the early 70's on a Medical Center. The 2 part episode with Robert Reed (Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch).They do the gender revial at the end and I couldn't get out of my head for 50 some odd years... Now I just obsessively shop for heels in my free time
Thanks for sharing.
Hello Dr. Z. Thank you for your video. I am 65, had top surgery 7 months ago, have been on T 18 months now. I am non-binary transmasculine. It was about a 10 year research into understanding my dysphoria, and feelings and "knowings" that I had since very young, but there were no words, no representations of anyone LGBTQ then, coming from a small rural community. I was a "tomboy". I did repress my natural tendencies on and off, but once I started to see some people in the media come out, like Chaz Bono, it triggered in me a profound need to figure this out. It was also confusing as I don't identify as a binary male, and being somewhere "in the middle" is still difficult out in the world, but I am glad that I have transitioned, and I feel and love my body and myself now.
Thanks for sharing. SO glad to hear you are feeling more in touch with yourself.
I could not have said it better. I don’t remember giving you an interview where you were taking notes so that you could make this video. It is amazing how well you have described my personal experience. It is comforting to know that I have not totally lost my mind and become fixated on some kind of elaborate delusional fantasy. It’s very reassuring.
Hahahah thanks! I am glad it resonated so deeply.
Thank you. Realisations at 39. Hearing this means so much to me right now. Your descriptions were so spot on, I got chills. I'm so happy to hear that my last 3 months of Laser hair reduction & electrolysis haven't been due to some passing whimsy.
Thanks for sharing.
Got to say this is really helpful, I'm in my early 30s and everything you just described is everything I have felt to the t.
For so long I have had this cloud over my head and understood something was off with me and 90% of the time I had the face you make after eating lemons & when people repeatedly said I should be happy because Everything is "good" I just started pretending to be happy.
I don't know how many times people asked me "why do you look so sad" & I would have no response I just didn't know why at the time.
Well I know now and looking back at what I can remember it's so obvious now, but anyway thanks for the video it's good to know.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad it was helpful.
I appreciate this explanation. I was struggling a bit with my internal dialogue and self doubt mid transition. You've given me confidence and my conviction is more solidified. I can't help but feel a pang of morbid dread now, tho. Yikes. Talking to my family is going to be scary
Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear about morbid dread.
This was very helpful to hear. My egg cracked a month or two ago… and I can’t stop fighting off these feelings of conviction that I am transgender. I can’t help but imagine a scenario where I am just tricking myself into believing this, and that is very scary… even with a lifetime of evidence that indicates that I may be transgender.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad it was helpful.
Thank you Dr. Z, I really needed this today. I am 36 and have recently started transitioning. I always had a disconnect to my perceived self that later in life revealed itself to be dysphoria all along. Moving to a more accepting part of the country as well as talking with people more free with their gender and expression was a catalyst for me contextualizing the feelings I had always had. Thank you for this video, it helps greatly.
Thanks for sharing.
Oh, I have been thinking about this for weeks now! I keep asking myself "Am I going crazy?"
Thank you so much for this video!
I have been struggling with this. I 'woke up' about a year ago to the possibility that I am trans and have been battling with denial since. It took about 6 months for me to have an epiphany that made me realise that this is real and i am definitely trans. In that moment i had, what i am going to call, my first encounter with what I understand to be dysphoria and the desperate sadness and longing I felt brought me instantly to tears. I am currently progressing through a social transition atm, I have come out to most people I know and still I have doubts but a lot less denial. That day of my epiphany reminds me that this is real even if i dont have the painful dysphoria normally associated with trans people. I do, however, get euphoric when i do something towards my feminisation. I love presenting as female and I am way happier than I used to be. But its like I feel guilty I dont have painful dysphoria and that makes me question what I am doing. I feel that maybe it will prevent me from getting onto HRT (in that the psychologists report wont recognise me for treatment because I am not being driven by dysphoria). I dont know how I would feel about that, I wonder if that episode of desperation and longing would visit again even if it knew I could still dress and present as i am currently doing and that I will never lock HER away again.
Thanks for your content, I dread to think how much of a mess i'd still be in if not for your wizdom
Thank you. 34 years old and recently had a lifetime of subtle hints come crashing down as an epiphany. Been wrestling with it and trying to excuse it as insignificant, but I can't keep it buried much longer. I just put myself on a wait list to see a therapist specializing in gender.
I can't tell if my racing heart is excitement or terror, but oh well I'm doing this!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you well.
You bring a clearing light into the fog, and help me comprehend the shapes out there, barely visible. Your gift of clarity is a valuable service and heartening explanation, and I thank you sincerely for your generosity.
Thank you so much.
Ive had such a hard time trying to describe this exact thing to my spouse. You’ve done such a fantastic job, I’m going to send her this video. Thank you Dr.Z (I am 48 FYI) Your work here has been such a blessing for me!
Glad to hear it was helpful.
Fuck, i have goosebumps and a shiver watching this video... maybe not something i wanted to admit to myself, but what i have felt my whole life is actually coming to the forefront in my early 40s. I think i need to see a therapist and discuss this with them.
Wishing you all the best.
I’m 46 and yes, I’ve had this feeling even though I came to the realisation that I am transgender when I was around 19. Since there is a two year waiting list to get to the first appointment here in Sweden I’ve had a lot of time to process this. When I decided to get some help I was afraid that it was just in my imagination. I think that is because it’s nothing I want to go through... but at the same time it the only thing I want. I don’t want to do it because it will turn my and my family’s life upside down. I do know that everything will be better though, once everything has settled... but there will be a 34 years of hell. In Sweden you have to social transition for a year before you can begin medical treatment... not fun when you’re older. I think that you doubt it because of the life that you have built up might be shattered. I have realised that it will probably happen if I don’t do it ( or it might even end ) and my biggest chance to keep my loved ones is to go through it. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Everything you said in this video I have experienced as far as life goes. I'm so thankful that I found your videos. Hi Dr. Z, I am a transgender woman and turned 50 a few months ago. Up to then I was so scared of being caught for fear of rejection and abandonment from my parents especially my father. So I hid my true self for 50 years. And I'm proud to say now there is no more hiding my true self. I began hormone therapy 3 weeks ago today. And I am proud to say that I have never been happier than I am right now.
Thank you for this information, Dr. Z! I'm 74, and my life has been one of questioning my Transgender identity, even though I have made many choices over the past 50 years that confirm that fact: long hair, double-pierced ears, hair removal, feminine role in BDSM scenarios, and especially using topical phyto-estrogen serums for breast growth (I'm almost a Tanner 4!). Too many dresses to count. One thing I have realized is that my identity offers a framework for understanding my childhood experiences. Your videos are a great comfort to me! Thank you again!
Thanks for sharing and I am glad the content is helpful.
I am 56, and throughout my childhood, I remember thinking periodically that I wasn’t female. Back then, one was either female or male, that was it. But I remember not feeling like I was male either, so I felt very stuck in my female body - unhappily so. I wound up with an eating disorder in my teens and twenties, had a lot of dissociation, binge drank, and was diagnosed bipolar by age 29. Later the thoughts that my sexuality was not quite right would resurface here and there, and I struggled through failed relationships. I was diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and autism in my 50’s. Recently I met two people who called themselves nonbinary. Thanks to the internet, I looked that up, and I learned a WHOLE lot about modern sexuality. I had no idea there were trans men or nonbinary people who got Top surgery. What I realized is that there are dimensions to sexuality that there were no words for when I was a child or growing up.
As soon as I decided that I am at least nonbinary, maybe trans, and that I absolutely need top surgery, I felt so elated. I have been researching HRT. I came out - to myself. And I made an appointment at the trans clinic to look into HRT.
But now I cannot shake the overwhelming certainty that my mind created all these thoughts of my being trans or non binary. My mind is telling me I am making everything up, and none of it is real. I don’t know if it’s fear or denial or what. But I don’t know how to shake the feeling that everything is a lie.
Oh my god Dr Z. The last several months I’ve had that nagging thought of “did I make this up” I did not have all those childhood revelations that I often see mentioned. Yes I am in that older group,and from a strict Catholic family too. Things started to change after I retired at 64 & my father had passed away. I saw a mtf transgendered therapist for 5 months in 2019 who told me I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I was shocked, & my ex-wife/friend even more so. That September iI started hormone therapy under a Dr who sees many trans patients. Had my ears pierced, boxed up 90% of my male cloths, which was exhilarating! I had learned makeup application before so I started going out as Michelle all the time and was Always called ma’am or miss. I was stunned. Nothing I had done ever created the slightest doubt that what I was doing might be wrong. Moving forward seemed the only natural thing to do and I felt free & happy & so many positive feelings that I hardly ever had before. I have just turned 69 years old & started my hormones 22 months ago.I also had 12 weeks of voice feminization therapy by a hospital therapist that specializes in voice problems.
.My therapist seemed correct. I’m currently looking into several surgeries & fighting “analysis paralysis “.I have watched probably 75% of your videos & they are all good. Succinct , informative, credible, perfect. This one I watched tonight couldn’t have come at a better time for me! I finally have an answer to that doubting question I’ve had.
You are the “go to” source for trans questions & information. People ask me about transitioning & transgendered issues. I refer them to your You Tube site. I agree with a commenter stating you should be the first stop for trans people & those with questions. THANK YOU for all you do for us.
Thank you so much and I am glad the content is helpful.
Thank you so much for this video! It made me feel better about myself. The questions you mentioned are exactly some of the questions I ask myself often. Am I doing this because of a midlife crisis, for excitement, for attention, for love, or something else? It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I might be trans. After that realization, i started remembering my childhood where I had a few incidents of dressing as the other gender. Those are the memories I had completely forgotten or buried. Thank you again for posting this video. I just found out about your channel today and will keep watching your content!
Thank you for sharing and I am glad to hear video is helpful.
Thank! You! So! Much! ❤ It's been difficult to have this realization later in life, especially when so much of the narrative about how trans people know themselves involves a long awareness of either gender identity or dysphoria. I felt like I just woke up one day knowing I was trans, but then looking back could see how gender and dysphoria had played a large role for me. I do question whether I was interpreting things to fit a trans narrative because I didn't know sooner, but hadn't even learned about gender identity concepts to recognize it as an explanation for what I was facing. Thanks again!!
Thanks for sharing. Fitting trans narrative tends to be more common with younger individuals in my experience than older.
I had a similar experience. Last year I became convinced that I was probably transgender. I had not consciously struggled with it in the way so many have described. The realization formed somewhat quickly and then memories from 50 years ago began to surface one by one until I could see a pattern that was always there and that had strongly affected my personal and professional life. I knew with absolute certainty, but being a skeptic, still had to examine my conclusion as dispassionately as I could. It was hard to believe that I could have hidden my true identity from myself for so long. It seemed so improbable. So I read everything I could on the subject, avoiding social media and going to more professional sources. Everything just confirmed what I had already concluded. It was so obvious. Dr. Z was an early help with her video, The One Question To Ask To Determine If You’re Trans. The question? Do you want to be like a woman or be a woman? That was a no brainer for me and compelled me to look deeper. So I started reading biographies about and by trans women. Their stories were mine. It was as if they had written about me. Over the months I have had many questions and my perspective continues to evolve. Every time I hesitate and question whether I should just give up the whole idea, I ask myself if I could ever be happy going back to the person I once pretended to be. The answer is always no. I know I have finally found my way home. I had for too long been an actor on a stage; now I can finally just be me. I have found peace and a sense of completeness. It has been enervating and life affirming. The future looks so much brighter.
Thank you so much! I'm 31 and only started questioning 9 months ago. I thought I must be making up the gender euphoria I felt while experimenting because it never came up before. I finally accepted myself as nonbinary and have been happier the past 6 days than I have been in at least 2 years. I came out to my sister yesterday and we talked for over an hour and I feel so content now. This was exactly what I needed. :)
Glad to hear it was helpful.
Dr Z, what you say is so true! I came out at 53 years of age. There was no sudden, snap decision. It had been growing in my subconscious all of my life. When it finally came out, it was the most joyful and horrifying experience of my life.
I finally got to be me!
So glad to hear and I wish you all the best.
I'm watching this for the second time now and chuckled at the idea that yeah, it really would be kind of weird if me wanting to transition was just something I convinced myself of. I mean I'm not even changing my hair to something that I would really like, since it'd require a bit of styling each day and therefore feels like _too much of an effort_ - and still, at the same time, here I am right in the middle of a process of telling everyone in my life that I'm trans, gradually changing my presentation, striving towards medical transition (and mentally preparing to the many aspects that come with it), wanting to get an actual surgery and so on.
I still feel some doubt but perhaps, like, 1% of the time?
This was so helpful for me as a 32 year old who only started questioning my gender identity specifically at 31. I've been working on this with my therapist but I've saved this for some extra affirmation if those doubts pop up again.
Glad to hear it was helpful.
This video was amazing and very helpful, thank you! I’m 30 and realized I was transgender 6 months ago. I had to come out to myself first before I could come out to others. I was wondering why it took me so long to realize I’m trans, but everything you said makes sense, and I’ve thought of those reasons already. Growing up before UA-cam and Instagram, not having the language for it, and suppressing it for whatever reason...maybe for acceptance, safety, or fear of the unknown. Glad I finally realized and accepted it, and I’m excited to move forward with my medical transition! Love your videos. Thank you
Thanks for sharing and I am glad it was helpful.
Thank you Dr. Z I am a 55 year old transwoman of colour and I have never felt more strongly of anything in my life. Take care b safe❤️
Thanks for sharing!
I'll be 53 in less than 2 weeks from the date of this reply; I came to the realization/came out as Transgender June 8, 2021. Over the last few months, I've realized, remembering feelings and urges, that this has probably been building since ~1980. So, yeah: The urge to come out has been there; I just didn't have the vocabulary, self-assurance, self-awareness and overall confidence to clearly state to others, especially my folks as a pre-teen/teenager what I was feeling. Back then, I was just a socially awkward, introverted, nerdy geek with little interest in any type of real social interaction. (It didn't help that I didn't live really close to any of my classmates once I got out of 6th grade.)
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for this video. I am 33 years old, for the past 3 years I have been talking to a psycologist because of a severe depression (I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, sometimes it is just easier to live with). I am only now realising that I don't identify as male, but I still don't know what it means. I see that there was a reason why I always reacted when someone called me by my biological gender (amab), not strongly, more like "Oh, oh yeah that's right.". Why I have never felt comfortable in the chaning rooms, why I dressed up in my mothers clothes and pretended to have long hair with a hoodie tied like a pony tail, so I would look good dancing in front of the mirror. All of these things and more that I look back at and ask myself how on earth could I not see what was going on. But it is like you say in your video, I never knew that this existed until I was an adult and already had so many cooping mechanisms going. My brain is like a broken record right now, I try to figure out what is going on and my brain is telling me that nothing is going on, stop making more stuff up, you have enough as it is. This video really helped me with that part, I feel more free to explore without guilt. I will for sure watch this video again when I am doubting myself to much.
Glad to hear it was helpful.
Thank you, for saying this.. I've realised I'm trans exactly at 28, so this feels like it's made for me. When you said that it may came up before and I didn't recognize it for what it was, I started crying. Once in my past, when I was 18, I was questioning my gender, after we left my abusive father and I had a bit more freedom and I was in love with my friend. But I convinced myself that I only wanted to be a man so I could be with her, because being a lesbian was unacceptable for me. Then I repressed it for many years and tried to accept my femininity and was really miserable, those were the worst years of my life, I was actively suicidal and then developed depression and severe anxiety which got me into therapy. Recently I started finally healing and this part of me could finally come to the forefront. Yes, it was impossible before with my family. So, what you say makes sense to me..
So glad you started to take care of yourself!
I have indeed felt very wary of my thoughts and feelings. As a child I seem to remember coming out to my parents but ending up closeted. Much more recently I went to a trans group meeting for a person close to me. I made a special effort to come across as womanly so they wouldn't suspect me of being trans myself. However the group leader eventually seemed to see right through me and they were very kind and understanding about it. It would be awful if I were actually deluded in some way.
Thanks for sharing.
This is spot on and I am saving it in case anyone I know needs to see it for their own personal gender understanding or for loved ones who want to understand.
It might seem crazy, it has to me at times, that you can have an epiphany and just realize something so big, but honestly its like, "how can you find the answer if you didn't even know the question you were asking?" Thinking of it that way has made it easier for me to understand and to recognize all the hints that was there for years but not recognized, even being as involved in the LGBT community that I have been.
Thanks for sharing.
Being in my mid sixties, and just recently realizing that I am indeed transgender has come as a most welcome and amazing surprise. I have been asking myself this over the past few months, am I making this up, and you are right. The more I express my femininity and take concrete steps towards transitioning, a deep sense of liberation, serenity and joyfulness inhabits me. Thank you for putting this doubt in perspective and bringing more clarity and peace of mind to my journey. Blessings to you, Dr. Z
So glad to help.
As is ALMOST always true - whatever I'm going through you create a new video. Yesterday I received word that my waiver for public newspaper notice for my request for name/gender change with my county court per Ohio law was granted. I live in a very conservative area and feared for my family's safety. With the waiver I will go to court and records sealed so public not allowed to view my request. Now that that obstacle has been hurdled, a bit of self-doubt entered me - but as you state being older (68) and having a lifetime of struggle - I needed your re-assurance that it wasn't in my mind. THANK YOU.
Hey congrats on the name change! Thats a big one!
This video is beyond helpful. I haven’t been able to fully admit that I’m trans because it’s a scary thought. From my upbringing, like many, we were raised with open and or internalized homophobia and transphobia. As a child, this has always been here. Back then, it was easier to find a distraction to not think about it. Also, the vocabulary to express or describe what was going on wasn’t there. I’ve acknowledged and I’m slowly admitting it to myself but accepting and embracing is one day at a time. Sooner or later, we can’t keep lying. A good lie has some truth in it but a bad lie will fail sooner or later. Thanks for the help and knowledge Dr. Z!!!
Glad it was helpful.
Currently there are no "gender therapists" who won't affirm you.
Maybe the thought is scary because it leads to a path of biological self destruction? Maybe you should listen to your own internal intuition that is preventing you from making this devastating mistake?
I'm in my 50's and I always knew that I was different but really didn't know what it was. I grew up in a very sheltered home so I was not aware of this. But over time I have grew both mentally and emotionally into my real self. FTM , I'm still waiting for top surgery but it will happen. Thank you for what you are doing.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you can get top surgery soon.
I was never in a place to protect myself and stand up for myself and take up the space needed to come out until now. I had to unpack so much trauma and do so much therapy to learn how to identify how I feel and how to validate how I feel and listen to myself. I made myself small and people pleased and managed other peoples emotions to stay safe, never listening to how I really felt. Now I know how to feel my feelings, I know how to validate and the importance of my own feelings, and I can set boundaries around it. I needed to know all those things before I could transition. This realization has happened when it needed to happen. I really appreciate everything you said in this video. Thank you so much again for your work!
I'm 53 today and this is the story of my life. I was army 13 years to make me a man. I kept marrying the same type of woman feeling I was waiting for something. I was outed at my job and had to see human resources about it. I lost my 1st marriage because she found out that I was dressing to feel normal. I have been thrown out of many churches for trying to deal with the fact I'm trans and I can't stop it from happening. I've finally just given in and begun transition. Even the idea of transition gives me much relief and peace. I am beginning gender therapy as soon as I can.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I started cuestioning really hard four months after my 28 birthday when my girlfriend and I broke up after six years of relationship. Started therapy and then just all the evidence came up In front of my eyes. Later that year, I finally came out as trans woman. Now I'm 29 and soon I'm gonna start HRT. Thanks Dr for all your videos.
Thanks for sharing and all the best to you!
I grew up as a very sheltered small town rural life where it took a church community to raise a child. That said I didn't start exploring my own feelings about who I was, because I knew I was different from anyone else, until I left the area to go to college. There I met my first relationship that lasted for almost 11 years, and the reason she left was that I was everything she wanted in a partner except what was between my legs wasn't attached. So fast-forward 30 some years and I finally took the steps to get HRT, Top surgery and a full clean out of the nasty parts that caused me so much littoral pain, stress, anxiety and was starting to affect my health. I was so along the masculine line to begin with that people would misgender me a good portion of the time before HRT, but now all I can say is the confirmation of that first dose was what a drug addiction must feel like. I introduced myself to my now wife as an old school stone butch because that was the only category I could find that I fit into. Through all of the chaos my job is so accepting and diverse that my medical needs have been fully covered for the transition but my stress and anxiety lie in once the mask comes down and I don't shave are my coworkers going to be ok because that first time telling my family put me in the pedifile/rapist category with my father and me telling my mother when I was getting married that if I were to tell them what was going on with me all those years ago that I would have been thrown out of the house or walked into a bus because they didn't want to understand. So I tell myself that in the long run it's not about living my life to impress others it's about living life to impress myself. The rest is water under the bridge.
Thanks for sharing and I agree, its about impressing yourself.
I've been knowingly repressing my dysphoria for about a decade at this point, and have only recently fully accepted this and coming to terms with myself.
That being said, I've still been skirting on the edge of action. Doubting everything, annoyed and scared at all that I'll need to do feel more myself. Honestly it's terrifying, but I'm still looking into that fear and seeing comfort at the far end.
This was a nice video to come across, and has helped quite a bit, thank you.
Glad it was helpful and I wish you all the best.
I’m 28 and non-binary. Over the past 2 years I have fully socially transitioned and things are a lot better for me. I still get so worried like once every few months that I’m making a mistake and am going to ruin my life- like my husband will leave me or I will hate my body even more after top surgery. There is only evidence to the contrary of those however. I think a lot of it comes from the online discourse like 5-10 years ago on “transtrenders” and the idea that if you don’t fit this specific narrative, you aren’t binary, and all this other stuff you are doing things “for attention” or some other reason. Shit lives rent free in my head.
Long story short- I need to save this video 😂 inside myself I know what is right for me but I just have so many memories where other people were telling me that was wrong. My therapist has been 10/10 help but he isn’t like a specialist by any means so this is good ❤️
Thanks for sharing and yes, shit does live in our heads.
Thank you for this. While I'm still pre-transition and am so certain of my identity, I still rarely have those moments of "is this something I've fooled myself into?" And it absolutely resonated with me when you spoke about dysphoria coming up in the past and it just not been recognised as that before. If I had the language and knowledge that I do now, I'd have begun my transition when I was a teenager, when I began tying things tightly around my waist to train it into a more feminine shape because I didn't like that it was growing into a more masculine shape.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the video Dr. as it is always a push for me to continue in my transition. What is stopping me a lot is seeing me with lipstick and seeing my face at 50 and my mind wants to see a woman of 20. And since it is not like that, and I stop. As for 50 years I have gotten up every day and I manage to look good as a man, now as a woman I do not see it that way, and reality stops me a lot and it hurts me even more. I really need to understand that I will see myself as a woman of 50, and I don't like it and it depresses me.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks once again Dr Z! This is exactly where I am. My gender seems to change but I can say that even though I am 66, physically male, I feel very feminine. I was on the verge of taking hormones when the pandemic hit and I stopped everything about transitioning. My dysphoria went into submission and now I am just comfortable enough to think I don't need to transition. I couldn't afford a medical transition anyway. If I could pull the proverbial switch and be cis female I would do it in a heartbeat but for many reasons I must remain trapped as male. I don't like it. It is because my dysphoria is satisfied by wearing some feminine things that I question being trans and wonder if my mind is deceiving me. The reality is that I can't stand body hair and I wear women's clothing that doesn't give away that I am wearing women's clothing. Some times I get questioning glances bur mostly no one knows. I take the short somewhat silly online tests and they always point me towards being trans female or gender fluid. Anyway I am telling you this because I respect your work and you wanted a comment. Thanks again.
Thanks for sharing.
A few weeks ago it started crystalizing that a lot of the gender confusion, frustration, and envy I had HAD a name. It had been a group of people that I was already fighting to defend in my own spaces, maybe subconsciously I wanted those spaces to be safe down the road for myself. My mind was fighting to convince myself that I was NOT transgender. Its still does this constantly (hence why I am here).
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "why me? why cant I just continue to ignore this." But a few things help ground me: cis people don't think about this 24/7 and have it cause them so much lost self confidence in such a short amount of time; and cis people wouldn't be making as list of people close to them and reflecting (through tears sometimes) about how they would react to me coming out to them. I'm starting to make my way though the list 🥲 (slowly)
Thank you. I kind of needed this. I know I'm a little late finding this video, but I've had quite a year! I figured out that I was bisexual. Started to question my gender a few months afterwards, because I for some reason used being bisexual as an excuse to try traditionally feminine things. Clothes, makeup, nail polish(god I love nail polish). And loved all of it. And started to realize I was happy when I saw myself as feminine in the mirror, seeing a girl for just a second. After what felt like a lot of introspection and experimentation, but I guess not really compared to most people, I finally landed on a non-binary identity that felt right. But there is still the doubts that I am doing this just to feel a sense of belonging, since my identical twin is genderfluid and half my friends are transgender of some sort. All of this at the age of 32. I mean I shouldn't be so doubtful. If I can suppress being bisexual for most my life, why couldn't I do the same thing for gender? But the voice in the back of my brain whispering that I am faking it still remains. At this point, I'm kind of waiting a year to see if these feelings still remain before I do anything big.
I'm glad this video helped. Most of what she states is medically unsound or completely wrong.
Ignore that voice for now. Explore and feel free. When you reach the point where you want to make *permanent changes* then you need to explore that voice.
Did you know that your expertise and logic being the first line of communication to the masses and then introducing legislation for trans folks could’ve saved lives and a lot of pain and suffering for all sides involved in our nation. Instead the masses got “ we identify and feel this way - and we are now in your bathrooms and locker rooms so deal with it “ ..I have been for myself searching for a while for answers until recently by accident found you - questions and issues I thought only I had - it’s like you’re in my life and know specific things I need to help me walk forward. I’ve been stuck for months - Thank you for being visible and really good at your job !
Dane
Thank you so much! Mean a lot to me.
You are so so right, Dr Z.. Im a child of the 80s, like Lisa Fullner., I too, was in the military, to compensate and find myself. I had to keep myself incognito due to oppressive and discriminating times in the 90s and 2000s and it still is today, much less so due to the internet and social media, but still there is discrimination. The battle for acceptance is upward, like it is for racism. You speak my truth, Dr Z.
Thanks for sharing. Glad it resonated.
Great video as ever DrZ, I really appreciate them and you are amazing - thank you. I had realised this sometime ago when I came out at 44 after being in a major battle of denial and self destructive behaviour for 40 years, now at 48 transition has cost me a lot and all except 1 or 2 are gone from my previous life but it has probably saved my life, the mental benefits alone have changed me totally from the person I use to be and now I'm getting to know what happy and content feels like.
So glad to hear!!! I wish you all the best.
This is so beautiful! I'm glad you put yourself first and experienced healing.
Dr Z. I have only recently found your channel and I think you are fantastic! I am a 48yr old (soon to accept) mtf transgendered person. I thank you for stating that you simply do not wake up one day and say to yourself "I am going to become female" or "I feel like a female inside". I have struggled with my gender identity all my life but thought it was transvestism or fetitshism. I am now divorced and live alone (which saddens me of course) but I feel such a sense of relief that I can now at least be myself 'some' of the time.....I am worried however that there is still too much of a masculine essence in me to truly be transgendered....but the more I watch your videos an absorb your sagely advice...the closer I get to accepting my truth. I could never transition due to my 6"1 stature and bald head haha, but thank you so much. Please don't stop making your videos. They are invaluable to people like me. Andy from Australia
Hi Andy and thanks for sharing. I wish you all the best and hope the content continues to support you in your growth.
I am 66 have been struggling with this exact issue for a few years. At 64, I first became aware that I felt uncomfortable with my gender. It seemed to come from nowhere and I began to wonder if I could be transgender. I have no recall of having wondered about my gender earlier in life but I have never felt comfortable with myself. I have wondered if I just talked myself in believing I was transgender. This video was comforting.
At first, I did not experience or did not recognize gender dysphoria. I did have moments of gender euphoria when I began experiment. I can see I had dysphoria for a lot longer and understand what I am feeling better.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad the video was helpful.
I needed to see this this morning! I’m 44 and started feeling gender dysphoria 2 years ago. After a relapse and meeting with a therapist I realized I used to escape this established identity. I have my first appointment on the 20th of June to start my process. Thank you for your videos!
Glad it was helpful and I wish you all the best.
Everything you’ve said resonates so much with me. When I was younger I remember feeling like I was a girl in a boys body. My parents would get so mad at me bc I didn’t speak with a deeper voice or they would get mad when I wanted to play with Barbie’s and play dress up with my sisters. Now that I’m 28 i decided to start doing “drag” & it just triggered all these memories. And I can’t escape the feeling that I might be transgender and just never got to explore that part of my identity because I was forced to not be myself.
Thank you for sharing.
@@DRZPHD tyvm for making these videos
Thanks for the video! Sometimes one just needs a trigger moment to realise, what has been hidden all the time. For me it was more than three years ago when I was at a cross dressing "service" and someone there just plainly asked me, if I have thought about taking hormones. This casual question removed so many layers of self-denial and I was deeply confused for some time. Now, I am more than two years on HRT (MtF) and kind of sorry, that I did not have this realisation when I was younger.
Thanks for sharing and I agree, the triggers can come upon us suddenly, brining a deep seated sense of Self to the surface.
Hi I fully agree with the comment below - you should be the first person people (18+ of course, :-)) questioning their gender should speak with. I wish you had been around in the 80s and 90s but a lot of things were different then. Re this video, I was waiting for it with interest as I am turning 51 soon. Ever since I seriously started to deal with my dysphoria a little while back, the doubts were there that my brain is trying to convince me that I am transgender despite somewhere deep inside I knew it for a long time. Even the coming out to my spouse, the counseling with my psychiatrist, the sessions in the local self help group, my doctor and endocrinologist, and all the affirming steps that felt so right, have not stopped my doubts in that it is all in my brain. At some point even my wife threw this at me. While I now know that it is not my brain trying to convince me, your video ultimately supports me (and I guess many others in similar circumstances) in my decisions regarding my journey. Thank you so much for sharing your vast experience and expertise.
Thanks for sharing. What matters the most is feeling affirmed in your body, and hence gender expression.
Thank you Dr. Z! Your videos are always very insightful. This video has helped resolve a nagging question that replays over and over in my mind constantly. This video makes perfect sense, especially when I stop an look back over the few memories I do have from my youth and latent memories and realizations of my youth that have slowly been resurfacing.
Glad to hear it was helpful.
34 years old. I've always known I was different. I've always been afraid until some recent stressful times to look at my feelings and needs honestly. Alot of my "doubt" is fear. I'm afraid of being visible. I'm afraid of being treated badly. I'm afraid of losing what few friends I have left. I am afraid of limiting my advancement in my chosen career field. I'm afraid of never being able to see myself as the woman I crave being. I'm afraid of change. I'm very very afraid.
I am sorry to hear of your fears. It helps if you are able to work with a therapist in your area.
This is actually mind blowing, it really makes me think about it. Lately Ive been thinking about being transgender, and this made me reflect a lot about it and feel much more at ease with it, instead of just digging it deeper again. Thank you for these videos.
Yes take your time. Our minds can become quite obsessive too.
I recently turned 29 and have been exploring this a lot lately. I cried a little when I thought "what if I'm not trans mindset enough and I couldn't get hormone therapy if I wanted it?" And it hit me in that moment that I'm not just convincing myself. That was last night and this video is making me feel so much more comfortable with how I feel. I'm less scared that I'm just fooling myself as I experiment.
Wishing you all the best.
I cried by the end of this video. I am 32, going on 33 and just discovering I'm trans. Even my trans-non-binary mother was having her doubts at first.
I'm 29, so I'm right at the edge of the two videos. I fight with self doubt alot, but this video makes me feel so much more valid. The make up and acrylic nails are helping too though lol
Thanks for sharing.
I almost started crying in the middle. I feel this, and this is like the main question I'm asking myself. Like "is this real". I'm 29. I've felt this way for years, sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker, and I've always ignored it. But now I can't really ignore it. The thoughts are so loud.
Ohhh. I would recommend watching my video on how to know 100% you are trans and can your mind make dysphoria up.
@@DRZPHD okay, I will go watch it. Thank you!
So I have been fighting dysphoria for years, when I was 18 I tried to get NHS help and they said my dysphoria was a symptom of my anxiety. It also didn’t help that non binary didn’t really exist then. At 35 I am finally on HRT after 2 years of counselling and talking to try and come to terms with it (I tried to tell myself that it was in my head, that I wasn’t really trans, that I was just a pervert) trying to avoid hormones. Now I am on them, I am happier, I still have concerns, but I don’t want to stop taking them.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Hi, I am. 55 year old Transgender woman and from the age of 5 I knew I wanted yo become a girl. Family, religion and society stopped me from transitioning because being in a Latino Culture prevented me from expressing my gender identity myself. I have been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for 2 and Half years. I am ready fir bottom surgery and breast augmentation. I already had Facial Feminization Surgery. Thank you, I love your videos Dr Z. ❤🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🎀🦋🦄
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
This is so helpful... In my case, it wasn't me thinking that I was making it up, it was my family accusing me of being confused, or having a midlife crisis, or... They made me have doubts. This is reassuring.
Thanks for sharing.
This is so true. I decided I need to relieve gender dysphoria. Regardless the path I just had to become the me I wanted to be. Stop the pain and cycles of repetition downs and more downs, and more downs and out feelings. I am becoming so much happier but anxiety still while being open and honest. I love being transgender when dysphoria is not lurking around the corner. Thanks doc z, very helpful. I am trying to get the strength to live open and free as gender fluid.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you well.
Im 29. This, and a lot of your other videos are extremely helpful, so thank you. Looking back I can see some of the times that expression really came forward as a child. I was bullied pretty constantly all the way up through the beginning of highschool until I started hyperfeminizing. It's hard to swallow, but i can tell accepting myself is the start to alleviating anxieties that have been around all along. Its rough, but life is too short to fit in a box for other people.
Thanks for sharing and glad to hear content is helpful.
Thank you so much! I am 42, and this video also helped me a lot.
I am almost 67, and commented on another video about almost the same topic.Growing up around young teen girls, being a cross dresser for over 40 years, and losing 3 marriages, the feelings are just too strong now. I believe, yes I can be under the transgender umbrella 😍.
Thanks for sharing.
❤ Guess I'm trans then. Think I might be gender fluid? 54 years old and I thought it was a sick kink of mine. Always lived with guilt, and suppressed it for too long. I'm now out to my wife and am attending a trans venue this month for the first time as Louisa. Crossdressing has always been a partly sexual act for me, and something that I've rarely done. I used masturbation to cope with my anxiety, almost as a way of making the urges subside so I could get on with my male persona. My previous job was all encompassing and affected so much of my life. Now I have a better work life relationship, and have always wanted to address my guilt and find out who I really am. Thank you for al you do Dr z.
I am 25 but I definitely feel like this video describes me much much better than the 18-28 video.