My childhood Trauma and Why I became Hikikomori
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- This time, I have Talked about my childhood trauma and why I became the "Hikikomori" in my childhood. Hiroshi Yamazoe
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Hello. my name is Hiroshi Yamazoe. I'm Japanese born in 1984.
In the past, I had been a "HIKIKOMORI"(Social withdrawal) for the About 10 years, but now I have recovered a little.
I love traveling abroad. The traveling abroad has changed my "HIKIKOMORI" life. I have visited Western Europe, Asian countries and Russia. I will continue to travel abroad in the my future.
and I'm currently studying English. I struggle with it, but I can understand a little English.
I'm seeking friends from all over the world.Thanks!
Hiroshi Yamazoe
Website: hiroshiyamazoe...
Twitter: / hiroshiyamazoe
Facebook: / hiroshi.yamazoe.509
Instagram: / yama00ci
#Hikikomori #Trauma #bullying
"Art of Silence - by Uniq" is under a Creative Commons license (Creative Commons - International Recognition 4.0 - CC BY 4.0)
Composer: Whitesand (Martynas Lau)
Year: 2018
Title: Melody Of My Dreams
• Inspiring Emotional Mu...
When politeness is valued over kindness this is the kind of people you get as a society.
A pretty facade on the outside but rotten inside.
Hi Hiroshi, first I would like to applaud you for doing this. I know it is a big problem in Japan, and I have been watching this, but people do not understand how painful it is to have suffered that trauma. It stole your childhood from you. I had trauma at home and at school that harmed me. People would say “don’t think about it anymore, or just be strong, you have to get yourself out of it” these words were not helpful to me. What hurt me the most was that there was no one there to defend me or stand up for me. I felt I was not worth standing up for, I was unworthy and that the world was a terrible, dangerous place. Hiroshi, I think the pain will be there a long time but you will get better at dealing with it. Children cannot be expected to be strong enough to speak up for themselves so forgive yourself for that. It was no failure in you, as it was not a failure in me. Good luck and continue healing and traveling. Look carefully and you will learn to see kindness more often and will gain strength from that. We can all use some strength, some days more than others. Keep up your good work. You are a good man.
Hiroshi, you are a wonderful human being for sharing these stories. It takes a lot of courage to open up after such horrendous experiences. This planet needs people like you. Living in today's sick society as a sensitive and broken person can be very challenging and feel impossible sometimes. I've been living on my own (I guess as a hikikomori) for a very long time now. I don't see anyone, not even my parents. I've been depressed when I was younger but have come to accept a lot of things because most things in life you just can't change. What helped me personally is meditation, walking outside with my dog and some therapy here and there (even though it's pretty hard to find good therapists). I feel that people who avoid a sick society are much wiser than those who try to adapt to it, even though it makes them a slave to the system. I wanna let you know that I see your struggling and you're not alone in this 💖
Hello. Thank you for your very nice comment. I also live alone for a long time. I have survived by non-regular work. I think it's difficult to make money and live independently, but I think it's not impossible. So I will never give up! And that's right. I think meditation and dog walking are very good for mental health. I live in an apartment with a small room for single living, so I can't have a dog, but I enjoy walking alone. Walking outside or exercising will make you feel better. and indeed.We are not alone! Your comment found out that I'm not alone. It was very great. Thank you. and stay positive and healthy!
Thank you for sharing. My life was changed by the love of Jesus Christ and the Bible. “すべて重荷を負うて苦労している者は、わたしのもとにきなさい。あなたがたを休ませてあげよう。 わたしは柔和で心のへりくだった者であるから、わたしのくびきを負うて、わたしに学びなさい。そうすれば、あなたがたの魂に休みが与えられるであろう。 わたしのくびきは負いやすく、わたしの荷は軽いからである」。”
マタイによる福音書 11:28-30 口語訳 we were created by God to be in a love relationship with God and others. His love, grace and forgiveness is what we need. I pray you can know Him and have hope. If you want to read a Bible I can send you one.
@@julieichikawa2110 not the place dude
I was bullied too and didn't ever talk to my parents if it wasn't necessary, I spent a lot of time alone. I never quit school, I learned a profession and I'm almost finished studying mechanical engineering now. I have a normal job next to studying but in my free time, I am mostly a Hikikomori. But I don't watch pointless anime and play games all day, I watch UA-cam and I've learnt lots of different things. I'm just waiting for my "spring", where all the seeds within myself can bloom and reveal my potential. All the best to you too Hirosi!
You're such a nice guy.
My bullies' are hiding now.
They are scared of what I'm capable of doing now.
Yes, I intend to repay them in kind.
I love you so much. You’re a great human being
I am a 19 year old girl with C-PTSD, ADD, social anxiety and high functioning depression. I have recently discovered your channel and I feel so inspired by you. I have never been comfortable in this world and still struggle...I have never experienced a friendship or a relationship and I feel like I never will...I try my hardest with being present and enjoying life with what I got. And I say to myself that we are all alone at the end of the day and it's okay. You can still enjoy life by yourself...yet my body craves after being held and my mind craves for someone to talk to. I have isolated myself for over 5 years now, only talking and hanging out with my family...which I'm now starting to feel like I'm becoming more distant to as well...I'm living in this limbo with wanting to be completely alone and being with others. I know that many people like being alone, that's normal and then when they feel like being with others they can just pick up their phone and call someone. It's like the balance that makes us human disappear when something becomes to much or to little. Yet I have this strong urge to be alone and live in my own world. Because then I won't get more hurt then I already am...I'm wasting my life with not living it how I want to. I have stopped asking myself what I want, because it's never clear and it freaks me out. I have no say in anything...I'm always contradicting myself. It's almost like it's worse to almost be ''normal'' then being completely on the other side of it. I wish I knew me, I do in some areas but I feel like a fraud...I guess it's my childhood trauma who speaks in me and not me. I read somewhere recently that your trauma caused by your parent isn't your trauma it's theirs. It made me realise that I will no longer carry this trauma in me that isn't mine. I have told myself that it's now or never, when I become 20 I'm going to live my life as I want to, I have a lot of working with myself before I will be able to comeback to myself, the one that was not shaped by my parents the one that I'm. I will no longer not live this one life that I got. This will be the hardest thing that I will ever have to do and the most important, because if I don't I will die before I'm ment to die. And I'm not okay with that. Thank you for being you and sharing your story, I hope you know how bright your soul shines! Thank you.
Hello. Thanks for your comment!
I'm so glad you watched the video.
And thank you for sharing your story. I think you're dealing with something very deep and complicated things. And your thoughts are very specific. I think it's an amazing to be able to describe your own mind in such way.
And I think You're right, it seems to be common for parental trauma to be passed on to children. But I think people can be free from the negative influence of my parents someday. People leave their parents little by little. Whether it's bad parents or good parents. For me, I am feeling so liberated by being away from my parents.
You have been isolated for 5 years. I was isolated for longer, about 10 years. And You are very young and you have a very long future. I think that if you take forward little by little and step by step, then your future will be bright little by little. And after a long period of time, then I think you've got a very bright life that more than you can imagine right now.
I wish you to take your own life back and live it to shine.🙂
Take Care & Stay Safe. best wishes,
HirosiYamazoe Thank you for responding to my comment, and thank you for your wise words. I really do hope I will be able to live my life how I want to one day...never stop doing what you do, you are so needed in this world. Thank you.✨
Same my childhood was full of bullying by family and school everyday , ur english is really nice .
Thanks for the comment! I think you have hard time in childhood too.
I think the damage that people got when it was a child is tend to be serious trauma. I hope that you have recovered from it.
and thank. but my english skill is not enough. so i am studying english. english gives me lots of things to me. :) new friends, new knowledge, ...etc
so i will continue to study english!
and take care and stay healthy! -hiroshi
@@HirosiYamazoe i have not recovered i m thinking to just end my life
@@user-og9nl5mt1b please don't say that. If you alive, There is always hope. I think there are many ways to recover from trauma.
I also wanted to die when I was in my teens to twenties. But it has changed now.
Take care of yourself brother
We didn't go though the same kind of events in our childhood, but I also have childhood trauma that made me now suffer with various personality disorders and depression. It is so hard for people like us, who believed in people, to regain trust in society after so many bad things happened to us. Sadly, bad people earn high positions in the society all the time, even though in their personal life they are extremely bad, hurtful people. Even though that is true, what is also true is that there are amazing people around the world, that will not hurt you and that will love you for who you are, you just have to look for them in places you never imagined you'll travel to. Fly all over the world and discover all its wonders. You have no idea how strong you are to overcome all these hardships. Might seem like nothing to you, but trust me, you are one amazing, strong, perseverent human being and you should be so proud of yourself.
You seem like a good person Hiroshi. Here in Brazil people have a special despise towards different people, as I have ASD I will probably become a hikkikomori next year so I can avoid the pain that is socializing for me.
I hope you find true happiness and porpouse in life. Best regards.
You are an inspiration and a very interesting person. You have so much to give the world. I hope you come to the United States and see the vast beauty of our country. You deserve a wonderful life and you are making it happen. I am so glad I found your channel!
It angers me how those bullies grow up to have a seemingly good life, however I don't know what happens behind the scenes so I can't say that for sure. I just hope you find that inner peace Hiroshi, I think you very well deserve it. I support your endeavours and wish you the best. Just remember that there are many societies in the world that behave just like the one you despise, but I'm sure you'll find one that you'd be satisfied with. Take care Hiroshi, you're doing so well 💕
I feel this guy. I've been mugged so many times. It must be something with my face. I'm not going out again and I'll be empty handed and armed to teeth when I do.
がんばれ！ありがとう！
Thank you for sharing you pains ,i hope that life will only get better for and those like. This is so powerfull.your courage is humbling .🙏🏽💯❤️
Stay strong! So glad that you made this video!
For me bullying startes when I was 11 it continues until I was 16
I am sorry :( watched this twice.
Your very clever and It will happen bro🤘🤘❤❤❤
Amazing video.
Congratulations on overcoming your trauma. I know it was a very hard and long process...
I pray you'll live the rest of your life as a happy man, and I know that you're working for it. Do your best!
thanks. I doing my best. and I will continue it.😊
Dear Hiroshi Sen - I believe it is very much therapeutic for you in this way to speak out your childhood trauma and I am sure it is never easy to do so. You said those 'good people' who bullied you all became public officials having a good social status and this makes you crazy. I think we all have done something really bad in life, and we all learn from our mistakes. These seemingly con-men probably have learned their lessons - after all it happened when they were still a kid. Allow yourself to forgive everyone - including yourself - to make your transition to get over this childhood trauma quickly. Count the blessings and allow the past to pass. Many blessings to you!
I'm so sorry people treated you horribly. You don't deserve it. No one deserves to be bullied. You are a strong person, and I'm cheering for you to continue to become even stronger and happier.
Maybe one day you can move to another country, and still travel around, if that would make you happier. I wish you well ❤
Hello i m french and i had a same bad expérience during childhood, something is différents after you find the power and the faith . Thank you share that you re couragess keep go on
I think you're doing a great job, making these videos.
I felt really sad after hearing your story. I can understand what you've felt.
Life is cruel and unjust. I went through the same thing you experienced in school and college. I was considered weird and bullied and ridiculed and insulted by peers and elders alike.
As a result, I began to repress my feelings and this led me to develop schizoid personality disorder by adulthood. I didn't graduate from college and was a hikikomori for six years. I was completely averse to people and avoided them.
I kept intense rage and anger and hatred in my heart too. I fantasized about tracking down those who wronged me and doing brutal things to them. But now I no longer feel anger, because I have just gotten over them and I have left justice to the hands of God.
Stay strong! Like you, I'm trying to immigrate to America too. There is no life for me in India. I hate this country and this evil diabolical society.
Thank you for speaking up on this. You are very brave and I hope you can make people realize that this is too common.
Yo! Just wanted to say that you have a lot of courage! Being a hikkomori, (asocial) and speaking out even in a camera and exposing yourself to the world takes a lot of courage.
I don't know if being a hikikomori is a good or a bad thing, if you want to socialize or not.. It doesn't matter. As long you are pursuing your happiness, whatever that may be :)
I understand about your bullies... I think you are right though.. they are pretending.. But aren't we all pretending? Often i say i am doing okay or feeling good. But am i? I can also say that i am not doing good, but people don't know how to handle that :)
What i have learned in the years, everybody is shy, or feeling 'weird', not understood and etc. Feeling alone, even when surrounded by friends.. Everybody... some people just hide it better then others. We are all weird and strange, i take a lot of comfort out of this thought. I hope you 2. Greetings from Amsterdam! :)
I'm sure you've heard this a million times already, but the courage you must have to be able to share such a personal story with the world is very impressive. Great job! I hope you're finding what makes you happy.
If you ever need any help with translation, I'd be genuinely happy to help
You are too good for them , you’re safe don’t ever ever feel you’re missing out because you’re not, you have your wonderful own company
Stay strong. Keep giving us Inspiration man. World needs people like u.
Hey Hiroshi, I had similar experience in much later stage of my life and the bad feeling still remain, and I understand how you feel. I remind myself this “forgive others = mercy myself” when that disturbing feeling surface. Thanks for sharing your story. Ganbatte~!
Thank you for sharing your terrible trauma - I think you are extremely brave. What these people who bullied do not realise is that one cannot EVER get away with such treatment of another human being. Sooner or later they will all have to pay the price of their actions and experience their karma in full. May you continue to progress in happiness and know you have friends all around the world.
Thank you for your comment.
It took a long time to recover from it, but I'm fine now.
Overseas friends around the world have restored me.
They have given me a lot of happiness. I am very grateful to them.
I want to continue to travel all over the world and make friends all over the world.
And I will continue to share my feelings on UA-cam.
I would be grateful if my videos could help people in some way for who have been bullied or Hikikomoris around the world.
I am very sorry that happened to you. Please know there are many people that are not bullies and don't like violence. Best to you and hope you are doing well now!!
Good job Hiroshi! Adults and children can be so disgusting, bullies. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Can you please tell us their names?
I admire your courage, keep going. Use your experience for helping and being an example for people like you and make them feel better and stronger
I am so sorry for what you went through. You are so brave to share your story. Thanks for doing this. As a person recovering from depression and suicidal ideation, I want you to remember you are not alone and there is hope; you can and you will fight this. Never give up. **Hugs** 😘
Great video, you are strong 🤗
I understand what you had to experience bcause it happen to me too. Even though I am not from Japan but I still did that hikikomori.. but it is okay as long as I am safe and always continue to create achievement or success to myself even just living in room.
Hello. Thanks for the comment.🙂 Yes. people can make achievement or success in just own room. because these days, we have the internet. You can make big progress from your room.
@@HirosiYamazoe thank you sir 😁😁.. right now I am doing online bussiness while listening to birds chirping. Hikikomori is good for me rather than working at office 24hrs. I am fine.💪
ganbatte ne yamazoe san!
arigatou!😊
I really feel you there guy. I had traumas too. My ex slammed my ankle into a radiator and it hurt to walk for over a year. It was hard to ride my bike which was my hobby so I had to quit. It still acts up sometimes. She also threw me out a window, hurting my back. The violence was hard. So I think sometimes being a hikikomori, is not so bad. After what I’ve seen in my society, I’m not interested in interacting beyond the necessities like buying eggs.
Thank you for your comment.
You also had a terrible experience. I am so sorry.
I think when people have such a terrible experience, it might be a good idea to become Hikikomori. It is a strategy to escape the crisis and survive. I've had a terrible past, It took a very long time to recover from it, but I'm fine now. I hope you are doing fine also.
Even setting out to overcome this trauma of yours makes you a greater man then any of those who hurt you. Next to them you should think of yourself as a giant.
Hey Hiroshi you look like a beautiful person and those who did that to you are horrible ones. I believe that you can overcome it now that you are an adult, it has a lot of merit to accept the trauma and wanting to beat it so you are very far already! Keep working on you english youtube and making friends! Wish you the best! Regards from Spain!!
Hiroshi san, I am so sorry this happened to you and am really glad you're doing better now :) Would you say this type of bullying is very common in Japan? My favorite movie is called All about Lily Chou-Chou by Shunji Iwai and it shows first hand how bad bullying in Japan can be. I was also bullied constantly as a kid so I know how much it hurts. It's not easy to open up about these things but it's really important. Wishing you all the best :)
"What makes me crazy is that those who were bullying me are living in this society as 'good people'."
This statement hits me hard.
While not as bad as Mr Yamazoe, I can relate deeply to his experiences. In my childhood, there were classmates who treated me like a complete pariah when adults weren't looking (and as a scapegoat when they were looking), and then turn around the act like my 'friend' while asking for the answers to my homework or to help them study for another test. And every time I tried refusing or standing up for myself, they'd make a big fuss, tell others how mean and terrible I supposedly was for not being a good friend to them. Half the time I'd get disciplined by teachers and adults who were supposed to be there to supports me. The only time of peace I ever had was in the library or in the bathroom (and I'd usually eat my meals in the bathroom just so I wouldn't have to deal with the everyday terrors of my supposed friends).
Highschool was a bit better, but to this day I think my constant bouts of depression and aggression originate from this time in my life. My parents couldn't understand. I was nothing but a walking mess of rage, impotency, and hurt. And I was only 9 or 10 years old. My only respite was books, video games, and anime. I pretty much gave up on life and thinking, operating on a sort of mental autopilot to emotionally get through life.
Nowadays I like to think of myself as doing better than before, even if I still feel my bad days. Although my parents couldn't understand, they will deeply supportive and I'm eternally grateful for that. But that sort of only make me more guilty of the way I turned out, and even now I'm trying to be better.
But no matter what I do, there's still a part of me where the angry child lives on. An insane dark rage that is forever lingering the darkest pit of my mind.
And when I see all those people who treated me like dirt go on to have successful careers and happy lives, while I'm still unable to pull myself up from my own hell, I begin to understand the mindset of people who want to watch the world burn, if only briefly. I don't truly wish harm on them anymore, but I can't help feeling a sort of resentment rising up in me if I dwell on it for too long. It's like there's no justice in this world. Most days felt (and sometimes still feel) like the world was better off without me, and I was better off without the world.
But the worst part about it is that I feel like I can't really blame anyone but myself. It's supposed to be my fault for not standing up for myself, for not fitting into society, for not be successful because I didn't try hard enough at x, y , or z.
I believe I've made this comment too long already so I'll keep the ending brief: Thank you Mr. Yamazoe, for having the courage to come out about your trauma. Although my words are here later than most, I hope you live well and your future is on a brighter path. Although I don't see any hope for myself, I'll try to live what's left of my life in quiet decency. Even if I'm somewhat broken, I can still try to be a decent person in an indecent world.
I hope you get better soon :)
Thanks!
I wish you much luck and respect you very much for having the courage to actively change your situation for the better and move on.
Too many people sit around hoping for someone to save them or for things to magically get better, but this never happens.
Thank goodness you're moving on
Best wishes from New York City!
I understand bullying. I was also bullied terribly when I was younger. The violence that you experienced was much harsher than the beat downs I got when I was little....but when you are a child - how to measure pain? It all feels the same doesn't it? The difference is that my bullies have actually apologized as adults. I'm sorry that your bullies have not recognized the horrible things they did to you. Please believe me when I tell you that there are still GOOD people in the world who are worth knowing and who will be GOOD friends to you. I have noted you on Facebook and I hope that I become your friend too. :) Stay strong Hiroshi.
Hello. Thanks for the comments! I believe that bullying is a universal problem. I think people all over the world are suffering from the trauma of bullying. I hope that my video will give them some inspiration. And thanks for the friend request in Facebook. I'm glad. I'll check out Facebook later.🙂
Hi, I feel you very much. Going everywhere alone too! :)
thanks for sharing ur story. as for my reason is i just feel like left out and didn't fit the society. it's never been comfortable to blend in. it makes me nervous to meet n interact w people
Hello Hiroshi, trauma is only the perception of an event, not the event itself. You can anytime change the perception, your feelings about an event, concentrate on this. The event remains unchanged. But the event remained in the past. And you live in the present. So no matter how bad it was, you are disconnected from the event.
Hiroshi, You say that it bothers you that your tormentors from the past are living idealistic and comfortable lives, but focusing on that bother its self will also keep you from moving on in life. trauma and mistreatment harms a person, but so does the resulting resentment. Things have unfolded as they had in the past, and now every moment you have in the present is a moment to try something different from your past, don't let resentment stop you.
👍
You can build one bullet gun
P.s. i'm a goodguy and real too
You should have gone to the kyokushin dojo and become strong. You would have sorted the bullies out fast