I don't understand how people can get upset with this when those are probably the people with stacks and stacks of garbage fan fiction they think tells the story better 😅
there were definitely parts when i felt like i was having a stroke reading it. but there were also parts that you couldn't make sense of where i was like "oh yeah. i write like that". so now i gotta go apply these editing tips to my work brb
Hey, small town person here who has seen a lot of small town schools, I can confirm that there is no way a school with that few students would have multiple blocks. Maybe multiple parking lots, but not multiple blocks.
I loved twilight as a teen, now I can't read it because of the writing. My writer brain kicks in and starts throwing fits about the editorial issues. XD
@@ro-fz1jt Audio books are fine, though I'm picky about the voice over artist. I love some artists, and others I would rather read the book myself than listen to them. Also, I could read it as a teen because I wasn't yet a writer and didn't yet understand the writting issues with the book. I've since grown.
How on earth did this book get published?! I mean, L'Engle, the author of A Wrinkle in Time, got 26 rejections. I wonder if Meyer ever received even one.
Editing is so much fun when it's not your own writing lbr. I do have a suggestion for "toiletries to the bathroom" line -- "After placing my folded clothes into the old pine dresser, I took my toiletries bag to the bathroom." Communal is probably repetitive too, considering she already mentioned not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her dad. Definitely keep up with this series! It's a good reminder to not get wordy with my own writing.
I actually like the idea of keeping the "communal" part in. I like the reminder that she is so not over this shared bathroom thing, and it adds a bit attitude/personality to the sentence (in my opinion). That said, there is a lot of repetition. And SO MUCH DESCRIPTION about things we don't care to know.
@@ro-fz1jt xd. you didn't write a single book, did you? 'Original' writers also write multiple different versions of a story. But they only publish one. which they find the best one (NOT perfect BUT best among the others.)Does that mean to you that the published version is the one that really happened? And it's unchangeable? What if the author changed his mind? .... ?? You're comment is straight up irritating. And in this case, this novel is simply poorly edited. So editing just makes it more enjoyable to read. And if Hannah changes anything in the plot, i'm looking forwart to that^^.
So far, I feel like there's a lot of tell than show. Also, the author really dragged out the night before school and the morning of. It could've been 5-6 pages maximum if the excessive description would have been removed. Like you said, we get it - the house is old, Charlie is traditional, and he isn't over the past or Bella's mum. Update: wait that was only the first 11 pages of the first chapter?? That felt longer rip
Okay, this was legitimately EVERYTHING I thought while reading. Meyer's writing comes off as very flow-of-thought, and, if she did have an editor, seems like maybe she requested her tone be preserved. I only mention it because the flow is consistent...but so WEIRD. I loved the changes and am excited to watch more of your videos to help me along my writing journey!
I am so glad I can finally look at someone editing/critiquing twilight without feeling personally offended. I've also been a lot of work on my codependency issues, so that's probably why.
Great work Hannah! I'm an editor/writer too, and I agree with your changes. You have good instincts and I like the way you think. To anyone criticising Hannah, you need to stay in your swimlane. Hannah knows what she's doing and Meyer doesn't. Twilight is an extremely amateurish affair. I learned a lot about writing and storytelling from Twilight because it's SO BADLY WRITTEN it showed me everything NOT to do.
okay so... i took out my dusty old copy of Twilight because I honestly loved it when I read it and could not believe that all these mistakes had been made, and I was right (at least, for some of it). for example, the "it had been belonged to me" is actually "it had belonged to me" in the book's original text (at least the copy I have)
Speaking of em dashes (which shouldn't have spaces before and after them afaik), you can type one by holding the alt key and typing 0150 on the numpad (0151 for en dash).
you right! I've no idea if the book is printed like that? there are so many formatting issues. it might just be where I downloaded the chapter from though. or I can be like "e + - + - + e + space + backspace + left arrow + backspace + backspace + 'center alignment'" yanno? (I don't have a numpad lmao)
I now understand why this book disgruntles readers. Also, I (still) cannot wait to read your next flash fiction collection, and I am glad you posted another link to donate to Black Lives Matter!
There is so much I could change alone, going by the stimulus here, and what I remember from the first episode. We get it Bella - you don't get along with your mum
It is not just you, the sentences are awkward. English is my first language I grew up in the Midwest. Love this series. I'm not a writer. I'm not a fanfiction writer. I'm an academic. I teach health care providers. So I'm probably not even your demographic audience. But I enjoy watching you edit edit this so much. I've subscribed. I'm a fan. Love your work.
See I like twilight somewhat but I always knew it did not have the best writing. So seeing you do this I think is funny, informative, and just all around hilarious. So thank you!!
I think the issue with the sentence "It was just still drizzling still" is the tense choice. It's past continuous. It started to rain, and it is raining. "Still" doesn't need to be added as a modifier, because the tense implied that the action (rain) started in the past and is continuing in the present. That is just me though.
Yeah, I agree with you. Still can be used as a signal word if you didn’t know the tense (e.g. tense/grammar exercises). Still after drizzling can also be perceived as a modifier of drizzling, so an adverb. Which is probably why it sounded so odd in this case.
They said it that way because they wanted to and just because it's still drizzleng doesn't mean it rained for days it could of just started raining not Long before they said Drizzle.
Yeah usually if I'm writing something like the line "already I looked sallower" it's because I'm writing a more formal voice. Proooobably not a teenager in modern times. Also I opened up one of my docutments looking for an example to point to of my use of it but I got distracted and started editing a bit of what I had and now I might start writing it more so....task failed successfully?
Once ur done with Twilight.. what's next? Harry Potter? Hunger Games? Red Queen? Divergent? Honestly, it's fun to see u editing this. Makes me look back at my book before I publish it. I wonder, do u recommend any how to write books? Or think of writing your own? That would be amazing. Also, continue the Editing Twilight series!
How are you that good at editing? 🙀 like, literally, did you study it at university or just a skill you developed over time. You know so much its insane 🤩
Oh my gosh, I am so glad I wasn't the only one who found unisex raincoats weird. I read Twilight for the first time back in March, and I was perplexed when that sentence came up. Bella puts on a coat later in the book, and every time she wrote "coat" or "raincoat" I found myself thinking, "Was it unisex?" I don't understand why she didn't just follow two students inside.
I feel like a lot of these changes work, but I have to say there's a few times where it feels like any emotional connection got removed by the edits. One instance that stands out is the lines about the bedroom, because in the original version I could picture her growing up in the room and the way the layout changed as she got older, whereas after you made your edits, it felt to me as if it was saying the crib had been there the whole time, and the switch only happened because she was moving back. It comes off as more disorienting, in my opinion. Since you asked: I didn't think the more unusual word orders like "It was just drizzling still" were that strange. I talk like that sometimes. I dunno, just my thoughts.
My husband and I really enjoy this serious. It’s super fun and we like learning proper editing from your comments! We love what you’re doing, please ignore the hate and continue.
Having never read/seen twilight, I get now why Edward is sparkly (the one thing I know about this series). Bella's world is just so grey... and old.... and grey, still (lol) It makes sense she'd fall in love with a sparkly, shiny dude.
i am just very curious about this lit semester that is teaching Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer and Falkner all in the same class. How... are these classes structured?
I think the sentences that seem off were because she wanted Bella to seem like she fit in with the Vampires more than the humans and that's how they speak because they're old and formal but it is confusing to read, anyway I can't wait for more of this series
This is so funny to me cause I used to write like this and I thought it was the best writing ever cause it sounded just like Stephenie Meyer. So melodramatic so edgy 😂
it can be tricky balancing the narrator tendency to rumble and repeat words, and the changes and editor would make. at points, in pt 1, it felt like bella was getting proactive and her wording snappy, and I was like "oh no, this is not twilight"
@@HannahLeeKidder Yes! This show is absolutely brilliant, and will go down as one of the most complex and intricate woven narratives of our time. Watching this show is like seeing a jigsaw. But it is a german show and the dubbed English audio is very bad. Watching the original German version with English subtitles is a much better experience. If you are willing to try it, you will get a masterpiece about a little town with three things: the knottiness about familie trees, a teeny-tiny bit of timetravilling and the most complicated lovestory of all times.
I'm from the UK, so I may have misunderstood this part, but I always thought she meant there were 200-odd kids *in her year*, not in the whole school. Maybe that context helps explain the traffic, etc?
I am self publishing for the first time, so I’ve got a long road ahead of me. I’d like to have an editor as proficient as you someday. Question, how do you use the semicolon? I’ve use them in my writing,
God it's been years and I might be thinking of a different book but I believe, this book at least, was initially edited by a family member(a sister-in-law?) so that might explain a lot of the basic editing mistakes
Hi Hannah. I don't know if you could do this or not but first off you really cool. Not now but in the future like next year I'm going to publish 4 stories maybe 5. If I share like the first chapter of each I don't care if you downright don't like them. that ok as well but just see if their are things I can change, things I should keep or just whole scenes i should take out? *huge virtual hug and don't worry. I'm not a kid. I'm 19 but still not confident in my writing. You keep up the awesomeness in your writing n stay cheerfull.
Hi, question not related to twilight: pros and cons of submitting short stories to publications that don’t pay? Is it worth it just to be able to say “I’ve been published” or does it just prevent me from submitting that work to other paid opportunities in the future?
I noticed while you were editing that there were sentences with a comma before and. If that's what I need to do then that's fine. Example Tina was an exceptional cook and everyone appreciated it. Or Tina was an exceptional cook, and everyone appreciated it. I'm editing our book and I wanted to know is it necessary to have a comma before and?
i read twilight as a kid and loved it but so many of these scenes sound exhausting to read now. my town has about 730 or so people period, i don't know if she's been on the campus of a small town school and it's almost disappointing how she went with this completely out of touch version of what it'd look like when the real version is frankly pretty weird and interesting. loses a lot of character by making it so generic. also, i remember that breaking dawn had her refer to it as a toiletry bag. sticks out to me just because i didn't know what that word meant. the chapter was mostly about her being nervous to fuck her boyfriend the first time though so... not much of a victory
@@HannahLeeKidder i gotta imagine she drove through a small town once but never actually met someone from one. youd never catch a small town kid be like this. KILLS ME bella's supposed to be all big city. she should be acting the opposite gfsdgsdgds
i feel like the only one who actually really likes the prose in twilight. am i insane? there are definitely some issues, particularly how much stephanie overuses hyphens and semicolons, but the actual atmosphere i REALLY enjoy. the prose can be really telly, but... i like it? i feel like it sets up a certain vibe and it keeps me immersed. the gloomy vibe feels like part of bella's character so i don't mind it. and i am not attracted to EITHER of the love interests so i don't have edward or jacob bias here lol. maybe my nostalgia for cliche, ya style writing like the stories i read online as a kid is blinding me. i find it comforting and familiar so it doesn't require much energy to consume. bella is a basic white girl who's clumsy and doesn't fit in and i love that for her.
Now I can remember clearly why I stopped reading this book after about 2 chapters. It doesn’t feel like a story. It feels like lists of things stacked on top of each other for 300 pages. I was around 10 y/o back then and even then I was like “This is… so annoying and boring” T.T
Please definitely continue this... I'm sort of in love with it. It's completely validating how I felt about this book. Bella is just straight-up phoney. I wanted to say she's disingenuous but that would require her to know she's a phoney. She's all self-sacrificing, but thinks about herself so damn much.
Yeah, so there are different styles! Some styles do a space always, some do a space on each side, some put a space between each dot. Some punctuate them (like a period after it), some don't. The style I use is no space if it's just a pause in the sentence. But there is a space after if it's a trail off sentence, then a new sentence begins.
Why does Bella talk like a college professor? "...identifying him as..." unless she is well read or intelligent, I don't know any teen, that I've grown up with, who talks like Swan. Heck, I was a book worm when I was a teen, and I talked normally .
I remember talking like Bella around one of my friends as a teen. She was casual and used a lot of slang, so I tried to sound like a textbook just to annoy her. But besides that I’ve never run into a teen talking this. It’s kinda weird.
IDK, i feel like its partly because it would be difficult to write like a teen thinks, or to include that information in a different way- but Meyer should have taken that into account while writing. as a teen, that would be how i naturally write, or at least how i choose to introduce information and then am forced to continue on from.
Um not every one talks the same that's why have you ever Thought of that and you don't know that's how she's talking just because you seen the Movies and um authors do Write their Cherectors to be a Specific way
I will inform you. I don't think the uses of "still" and "only" are a regional thing, I don't know a single person in the western half of these states that does this.
I feel like a lot of the weak verbiage and general tone could be written off as characterization of Bella. But also. She’s supposed to be really smart and well read, not to mention she’s kind of hotheaded and generally over emotional. You’d think she’d at least write less passively. It just comes off as wishy washy and melodramatic EDIT: missing word
I love twilight but I like your editing of it better probably because you did what her editors were supposed to do like it's not really meyers fault but it is the editors like those people shouldn't have that job lmao
for sure! in the later chapters, there's a lot I really like in it when you kinda scrape off the unnecessary bits that should have been caught in editing
Wanna read the edited chapters? view.flodesk.com/pages/60a6b2262c1a4117de4b7602
In this episode: Can Hannah read? A lesson in gaslighting your editor.
I'm like truly honestly doubting my own literacy
About to turn this from a 500-page book into a 150-page book.
snip snip
God, just the tiniest change and it suddenly feels like an actual book I may read. Love this series lol!
wait until I turn Jacob into a lesbian
@@HannahLeeKidder I have never been more excited for anything in my life
@@HannahLeeKidder lol
I don't understand how people can get upset about you editing Twilight ... this is just pure gold!
Haha I'm sure it's mostly teens who are attached to the book. I'm not actually bothered. Just don't wanna hurt their feelings.
I don't understand how people can get upset with this when those are probably the people with stacks and stacks of garbage fan fiction they think tells the story better 😅
there were definitely parts when i felt like i was having a stroke reading it. but there were also parts that you couldn't make sense of where i was like "oh yeah. i write like that". so now i gotta go apply these editing tips to my work brb
;aweglija;welfj DIGVI.
You really know what a stroke feels like
Hey, small town person here who has seen a lot of small town schools, I can confirm that there is no way a school with that few students would have multiple blocks. Maybe multiple parking lots, but not multiple blocks.
it's ridiculous! does each student get their own classroom??
Please make this a series and then upload the finished draft. Pretty please!?
I'm on it
I loved twilight as a teen, now I can't read it because of the writing. My writer brain kicks in and starts throwing fits about the editorial issues. XD
HAHA so you can't Listen to Audio Books
Then how were you able to read it then the Writing is still the same
@@ro-fz1jt Audio books are fine, though I'm picky about the voice over artist. I love some artists, and others I would rather read the book myself than listen to them.
Also, I could read it as a teen because I wasn't yet a writer and didn't yet understand the writting issues with the book. I've since grown.
I was concerned you just gave up after the first part so yaaay it continues
Oh, we're strapped in for this ride, dude
What continues
Is it me or does Twilight sound like a Wattpad book?
it sure do
unfortunately, yes...
How on earth did this book get published?! I mean, L'Engle, the author of A Wrinkle in Time, got 26 rejections. I wonder if Meyer ever received even one.
It came out before Wattpad so it can't sound Like it and don't read it if you' don't like it or are just going to complain about it
@@jge8144 that's not your business
"Was it written like this?"
Yes, Hannah, I'm afraid that it was...
Editing is so much fun when it's not your own writing lbr. I do have a suggestion for "toiletries to the bathroom" line -- "After placing my folded clothes into the old pine dresser, I took my toiletries bag to the bathroom." Communal is probably repetitive too, considering she already mentioned not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her dad.
Definitely keep up with this series! It's a good reminder to not get wordy with my own writing.
I actually like the idea of keeping the "communal" part in. I like the reminder that she is so not over this shared bathroom thing, and it adds a bit attitude/personality to the sentence (in my opinion). That said, there is a lot of repetition. And SO MUCH DESCRIPTION about things we don't care to know.
Editing sucks you are ruining someone else's hard work time and effort that they put into iwritting and adding stuff that didn't happen.
@@ro-fz1jt xd. you didn't write a single book, did you? 'Original' writers also write multiple different versions of a story. But they only publish one. which they find the best one (NOT perfect BUT best among the others.)Does that mean to you that the published version is the one that really happened? And it's unchangeable? What if the author changed his mind? .... ?? You're comment is straight up irritating.
And in this case, this novel is simply poorly edited. So editing just makes it more enjoyable to read. And if Hannah changes anything in the plot, i'm looking forwart to that^^.
So far, I feel like there's a lot of tell than show. Also, the author really dragged out the night before school and the morning of. It could've been 5-6 pages maximum if the excessive description would have been removed. Like you said, we get it - the house is old, Charlie is traditional, and he isn't over the past or Bella's mum.
Update: wait that was only the first 11 pages of the first chapter?? That felt longer rip
IT'S SO LONG??? THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS......
@@HannahLeeKidder Good luck with the rest of the 19 pages!
Um people who get back with their exes OBVISLY aren't over each other
Or their past
Okay, this was legitimately EVERYTHING I thought while reading.
Meyer's writing comes off as very flow-of-thought, and, if she did have an editor, seems like maybe she requested her tone be preserved. I only mention it because the flow is consistent...but so WEIRD.
I loved the changes and am excited to watch more of your videos to help me along my writing journey!
"no one was going to bite me"
Okay, I laughed
The “No one was gonna bite me” line almost made up for the many areas of concern. ALMOST.
"No one is gonna bite me" ok, this one is smart! x)
Ugh, sometimes I want a character to be like: "Yay, moving!"
I am so glad I can finally look at someone editing/critiquing twilight without feeling personally offended. I've also been a lot of work on my codependency issues, so that's probably why.
Great work Hannah! I'm an editor/writer too, and I agree with your changes. You have good instincts and I like the way you think. To anyone criticising Hannah, you need to stay in your swimlane. Hannah knows what she's doing and Meyer doesn't. Twilight is an extremely amateurish affair. I learned a lot about writing and storytelling from Twilight because it's SO BADLY WRITTEN it showed me everything NOT to do.
When she says, "hey buddy", to the butterfly. That is so me. I even says hi to ants or fly.
okay so... i took out my dusty old copy of Twilight because I honestly loved it when I read it and could not believe that all these mistakes had been made, and I was right (at least, for some of it). for example, the "it had been belonged to me" is actually "it had belonged to me" in the book's original text (at least the copy I have)
I'm from Utah and no, we don't talk like that lol.
“Show don’t tell” just kinda goes out the window in this book, doesn’t it? 😅😂 Really loving this editing series!
Speaking of em dashes (which shouldn't have spaces before and after them afaik), you can type one by holding the alt key and typing 0150 on the numpad (0151 for en dash).
you right! I've no idea if the book is printed like that? there are so many formatting issues. it might just be where I downloaded the chapter from though.
or I can be like "e + - + - + e + space + backspace + left arrow + backspace + backspace + 'center alignment'" yanno? (I don't have a numpad lmao)
@@HannahLeeKidder trying to parse what "e+-+-+e+space+backspace + left arrow + backspace + backspace + 'center alignment'" meant took me too long LOL
I now understand why this book disgruntles readers. Also, I (still) cannot wait to read your next flash fiction collection, and I am glad you posted another link to donate to Black Lives Matter!
I'm announcing a release date and doing a cover reveal live stream REALLY soon!!
Hannah Lee Kidder - Writer Awesome! :) I can't wait to read it!
There is so much I could change alone, going by the stimulus here, and what I remember from the first episode. We get it Bella - you don't get along with your mum
Watching u edit this makes me remember how hard and frustrating it was to read twilight AS A MIDDLE SCHOOLER
It is not just you, the sentences are awkward. English is my first language I grew up in the Midwest. Love this series. I'm not a writer. I'm not a fanfiction writer. I'm an academic. I teach health care providers. So I'm probably not even your demographic audience. But I enjoy watching you edit edit this so much. I've subscribed. I'm a fan. Love your work.
See I like twilight somewhat but I always knew it did not have the best writing. So seeing you do this I think is funny, informative, and just all around hilarious. So thank you!!
I love this so much. I love seeing how someone edits and how a little change can improve a sentence so much.
I think the issue with the sentence "It was just still drizzling still" is the tense choice. It's past continuous. It started to rain, and it is raining. "Still" doesn't need to be added as a modifier, because the tense implied that the action (rain) started in the past and is continuing in the present.
That is just me though.
Yeah, I agree with you. Still can be used as a signal word if you didn’t know the tense (e.g. tense/grammar exercises). Still after drizzling can also be perceived as a modifier of drizzling, so an adverb. Which is probably why it sounded so odd in this case.
They said it that way because they wanted to and just because it's still drizzleng doesn't mean it rained for days it could of just started raining not Long before they said Drizzle.
Sorry I'll get back to you and rewrite my reply differently I'm just rereading the book
Yeah usually if I'm writing something like the line "already I looked sallower" it's because I'm writing a more formal voice. Proooobably not a teenager in modern times.
Also I opened up one of my docutments looking for an example to point to of my use of it but I got distracted and started editing a bit of what I had and now I might start writing it more so....task failed successfully?
Okay I am so happy for you that you have a fancy refrigerator!!!!
your supportive comments are always in a fully separate category than other people's supportive comments. u just get me
@@HannahLeeKidder Haha! I know the joys of moving to a place with a better fridge. People take good fridges for granted.
Once ur done with Twilight.. what's next? Harry Potter? Hunger Games? Red Queen? Divergent?
Honestly, it's fun to see u editing this. Makes me look back at my book before I publish it. I wonder, do u recommend any how to write books? Or think of writing your own? That would be amazing. Also, continue the Editing Twilight series!
I have just started binge-watching this series. And I love it. I'm learning a lot as English is not my first language. Also you're really pretty!!!
How are you that good at editing? 🙀 like, literally, did you study it at university or just a skill you developed over time. You know so much its insane 🤩
Thanks for saying that! I do manuscript critiques, write, and teach writing for a living, so I've had some practice is all. :)
Oh my gosh, I am so glad I wasn't the only one who found unisex raincoats weird. I read Twilight for the first time back in March, and I was perplexed when that sentence came up. Bella puts on a coat later in the book, and every time she wrote "coat" or "raincoat" I found myself thinking, "Was it unisex?" I don't understand why she didn't just follow two students inside.
I could honestly watch you edit this entire book
Same
I feel like a lot of these changes work, but I have to say there's a few times where it feels like any emotional connection got removed by the edits. One instance that stands out is the lines about the bedroom, because in the original version I could picture her growing up in the room and the way the layout changed as she got older, whereas after you made your edits, it felt to me as if it was saying the crib had been there the whole time, and the switch only happened because she was moving back. It comes off as more disorienting, in my opinion.
Since you asked: I didn't think the more unusual word orders like "It was just drizzling still" were that strange. I talk like that sometimes.
I dunno, just my thoughts.
My husband and I really enjoy this serious. It’s super fun and we like learning proper editing from your comments! We love what you’re doing, please ignore the hate and continue.
i love it! This is really helping me understand what mistakes not to make in my own writing
Also, congrats on the successful move! That's so exciting!
Having never read/seen twilight, I get now why Edward is sparkly (the one thing I know about this series). Bella's world is just so grey... and old.... and grey, still (lol) It makes sense she'd fall in love with a sparkly, shiny dude.
Awesome idea for a series and great edits! Love your commentary too
And now it has!
and a much better one that the book deserved^^
i am just very curious about this lit semester that is teaching Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer and Falkner all in the same class. How... are these classes structured?
I think the sentences that seem off were because she wanted Bella to seem like she fit in with the Vampires more than the humans and that's how they speak because they're old and formal but it is confusing to read, anyway I can't wait for more of this series
I LOVE your editing videos! please never stop
This is so funny to me cause I used to write like this and I thought it was the best writing ever cause it sounded just like Stephenie Meyer. So melodramatic so edgy 😂
I learn so much from these videos
it can be tricky balancing the narrator tendency to rumble and repeat words, and the changes and editor would make. at points, in pt 1, it felt like bella was getting proactive and her wording snappy, and I was like "oh no, this is not twilight"
These are my favourite vids on youtube rn
Yay! Another one. I need your editing powers. :/
i have one trick and it's: cut
These are really helpful (and fun). Thanks!
Slightly off topic:
When it comes to the art of story writing, what is your opinion about the Netflix series "Dark"?
Haven't seen it! Do you recommend?
@@HannahLeeKidder Yes! This show is absolutely brilliant, and will go down as one of the most complex and intricate woven narratives of our time. Watching this show is like seeing a jigsaw.
But it is a german show and the dubbed English audio is very bad. Watching the original German version with English subtitles is a much better experience.
If you are willing to try it, you will get a masterpiece about a little town with three things: the knottiness about familie trees, a teeny-tiny bit of timetravilling and the most complicated lovestory of all times.
I'm from the UK, so I may have misunderstood this part, but I always thought she meant there were 200-odd kids *in her year*, not in the whole school. Maybe that context helps explain the traffic, etc?
Also, thanks, I'm paranoid about emdashes and semicolons, now.
*sobs over my laptop while editing*
I feel like if you were twilight editor you would make whole book 3 pages lol.
New house, who dis?
I'm so excited to have all my furniture in place n do a house tour on Hindsight AHHH
I am self publishing for the first time, so I’ve got a long road ahead of me. I’d like to have an editor as proficient as you someday. Question, how do you use the semicolon? I’ve use them in my writing,
God it's been years and I might be thinking of a different book but I believe, this book at least, was initially edited by a family member(a sister-in-law?) so that might explain a lot of the basic editing mistakes
Jesus, how was that book ever published?
I'd love to know the secret
I enjoyed lossing our minds together Hannah
the parent trap line made me choke
I can't wait for the next episode. I wonder, will the gangly boy knife Bella?!
“And fewer pediphilic themes” 😂
Hi Hannah. I don't know if you could do this or not but first off you really cool. Not now but in the future like next year I'm going to publish 4 stories maybe 5. If I share like the first chapter of each I don't care if you downright don't like them. that ok as well but just see if their are things I can change, things I should keep or just whole scenes i should take out? *huge virtual hug and don't worry. I'm not a kid. I'm 19 but still not confident in my writing. You keep up the awesomeness in your writing n stay cheerfull.
Hi, question not related to twilight: pros and cons of submitting short stories to publications that don’t pay? Is it worth it just to be able to say “I’ve been published” or does it just prevent me from submitting that work to other paid opportunities in the future?
The payment you'll get for a publication is not enough to worry about tbh. Find publications you like. every now and then you'll get fifty bucks lol
Loving this~~~
she was listening to decode by paramore
I noticed while you were editing that there were sentences with a comma before and. If that's what I need to do then that's fine.
Example
Tina was an exceptional cook and everyone appreciated it.
Or
Tina was an exceptional cook, and everyone appreciated it.
I'm editing our book and I wanted to know is it necessary to have a comma before and?
For independent clauses, yep!
i read twilight as a kid and loved it but so many of these scenes sound exhausting to read now. my town has about 730 or so people period, i don't know if she's been on the campus of a small town school and it's almost disappointing how she went with this completely out of touch version of what it'd look like when the real version is frankly pretty weird and interesting. loses a lot of character by making it so generic.
also, i remember that breaking dawn had her refer to it as a toiletry bag. sticks out to me just because i didn't know what that word meant. the chapter was mostly about her being nervous to fuck her boyfriend the first time though so... not much of a victory
haha the "everything is off of the highway" thing lined up, then she's like Large Sprawling Campus and it's like "hole up"
@@HannahLeeKidder i gotta imagine she drove through a small town once but never actually met someone from one. youd never catch a small town kid be like this. KILLS ME bella's supposed to be all big city. she should be acting the opposite gfsdgsdgds
i feel like the only one who actually really likes the prose in twilight. am i insane? there are definitely some issues, particularly how much stephanie overuses hyphens and semicolons, but the actual atmosphere i REALLY enjoy. the prose can be really telly, but... i like it? i feel like it sets up a certain vibe and it keeps me immersed. the gloomy vibe feels like part of bella's character so i don't mind it. and i am not attracted to EITHER of the love interests so i don't have edward or jacob bias here lol. maybe my nostalgia for cliche, ya style writing like the stories i read online as a kid is blinding me. i find it comforting and familiar so it doesn't require much energy to consume. bella is a basic white girl who's clumsy and doesn't fit in and i love that for her.
It's one of the most famous book series, so I have an inkling you're not the only one
Now I can remember clearly why I stopped reading this book after about 2 chapters. It doesn’t feel like a story. It feels like lists of things stacked on top of each other for 300 pages. I was around 10 y/o back then and even then I was like “This is… so annoying and boring” T.T
Please definitely continue this... I'm sort of in love with it.
It's completely validating how I felt about this book. Bella is just straight-up phoney. I wanted to say she's disingenuous but that would require her to know she's a phoney. She's all self-sacrificing, but thinks about herself so damn much.
Bella sounds like she has a massive depression
I C O N I C
T H A N K Y O U
I definitely thought there was supposed to be a space after an ellipses? Have I just been wrong this whole time?
Yeah, so there are different styles! Some styles do a space always, some do a space on each side, some put a space between each dot. Some punctuate them (like a period after it), some don't.
The style I use is no space if it's just a pause in the sentence. But there is a space after if it's a trail off sentence, then a new sentence begins.
Gees... hard to believe this was published.
As soon as the ADD moment with the butterfly happened, I had to hit subscribe haha. Maybe its because I also........sorry, what were you saying?
This book is 1000 years long
Why does Bella talk like a college professor? "...identifying him as..." unless she is well read or intelligent, I don't know any teen, that I've grown up with, who talks like Swan. Heck, I was a book worm when I was a teen, and I talked normally .
yyyyeah, lotta voice issues in it, I find
I remember talking like Bella around one of my friends as a teen. She was casual and used a lot of slang, so I tried to sound like a textbook just to annoy her. But besides that I’ve never run into a teen talking this. It’s kinda weird.
IDK, i feel like its partly because it would be difficult to write like a teen thinks, or to include that information in a different way- but Meyer should have taken that into account while writing. as a teen, that would be how i naturally write, or at least how i choose to introduce information and then am forced to continue on from.
Um not every one talks the same that's why have you ever Thought of that and you don't know that's how she's talking just because you seen the Movies and um authors do Write their Cherectors to be a Specific way
@@aileencrain6558 because you've not been around every teen so you didn't my know that there's a teen out there that Talks like that. There are.
What’s so bad about semi-colons? (If used correctly)
You can "correctly" use semicolons to where a book is literally one sentence. Just lazy and clinical imo
You should read "The Wheel of Time" if you haven't yet.
I will inform you. I don't think the uses of "still" and "only" are a regional thing, I don't know a single person in the western half of these states that does this.
haha not the use of the words, just the??? weird ass order? like it's wordy, but also wordy in a bizarre way
@@HannahLeeKidder that's what I was referring to Hannah. the weird ass order was
Tell me why it wasn’t until this video that I realized Bella was short for Isabella.
please publish your thesis
I'll have to find it. That would be peak content
I thought I was dumb!
Now I just know her writing--it least in this one is weird.
You should publish it your way.
I am so mad but I love you so much
I know this movie next part.
I feel like a lot of the weak verbiage and general tone could be written off as characterization of Bella. But also. She’s supposed to be really smart and well read, not to mention she’s kind of hotheaded and generally over emotional. You’d think she’d at least write less passively. It just comes off as wishy washy and melodramatic
EDIT: missing word
Yeah, you nailed it
either way, "it was impossible not to realize" is a fucking MESS.
There were plenty of errors but I come from that culture and I can attest that her turns of phrase are common. 😅 guilty of writing similarly.
I love twilight but I like your editing of it better probably because you did what her editors were supposed to do like it's not really meyers fault but it is the editors like those people shouldn't have that job lmao
for sure! in the later chapters, there's a lot I really like in it when you kinda scrape off the unnecessary bits that should have been caught in editing
👍
There was so much padding to get that word count. We didn't need every single step of B's day, it's so boring.
The book already has an editor
What's their number I just wanna talk