. I love dogs too. My ex tolerated them. I'm convinced he is a covert narcissist. And I wonder if just tolerating animals instead of loving them is a sign of narcissism. Then it would be easier to identify the narcissists and separate them from the decent friend/partner prospects. I fear getting involved with another narcissistic person but as time goes by, I would love to find someone sane to share my life with.
One thing i've learned dealing with narcissist people. Is they hate to feel inferior to you, everything is a competition with them. They hate to see you progress or succeed in anything that doesn't involve them. They love to take credit for your wins but never your losses even though they played a big part in that. I had a narc tell me i wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for her helping me. That she was going to make me lose everything before she left. 2 years later she saw her plan didn't pan out and I'm doing even better after her and it infuriates her to know this. Despite all that she did and didn't do, my life is going according to Gods design for me. Hers, a never ending cycle of chaos , old supplies, shame, drug addiction and a empty void in her soul. Me knowing I was her biggest supporter and gave everything I had, for her to treat me like trash and now feeling the ripple affects of that decision. It's my victory!!!
Spot on Jim ! Covert is scary like walking on eggs but the will find a reason to scream in your face. I’m 60 and divorced, hard to divorce him. I’m waiting to sell the house for the money to move a thousand miles away. It’s been a year he tried to buy me out with equity loan plays games blames , blames staff even got kicked out of our bank branch. They sent him a letter. I took him to court for contempt, the judge not happy , my friend came with me for support, he hated that she’s the enemy now. I suffer brain fog , he calls me names. The court gave me control over realtors, I can go back to court if after 3 realtors he can’t agree on. I feel trapped, he takes most of my disability check it leaves me little, he’s reason I’m disabled. I was a nurse , supported us when he had five jobs a year , never his fault. These people kill you slowly, take your confidence, assertiveness and decision making list goes on. Don’t waste a day it’s hard but don’t give up people. Peace
Thank you, Jim. 🙏 Mom was a narcissist, exactly as you described. Sister is a sociopath worse than I could have imagined. Thank you for being a part of my world. ☮️
I've been living like this for many years, he says he's not a narcissist?? He was raised by a malignant and a lesser narc, he was a scapegoat. He's adopted his step fathers behavior and used it against me.
Thanks so much for this video! I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I am a professor and am very independent. He couldn't stand that. I am now free of him and feel like my happy self again. But I still struggle to belief that there are such truly cruel people out there and seem to just want to destroy everything you have build.
It’s the romantic triangulation that she constantly setup with me. Putting me in threatening situations with men she’d encouraged and needing to see my obvious discomfort that totally killed the relationship. Breaking up with me before celebrating my first Birthday and one year anniversary was coercive when i refused an unreasonable request was the final straw along with being deliberately kicked hard by her while i was asleep. Pushing on occasions had now turned into a violent kick all of it she denied, but when questioned further i was told not to tell my family about so obviously she knew what she had done. I wasn’t going to hang around for her violence to become worse.
I don't think my brothers quite understand that our mother is NPD, because depicting the narcissist as entirely negative doesn't tell the whole story. My brother said our mother fed and clothed us, we had material wealth and extravagant birthday parties Mom placed herself on a pedestal and had a knack for getting others to adore her; she carried herself with regal grace. The silver lining in all of this is that my brothers, influenced by these experiences, are remarkably devoted husbands to their wives.
You have a lovely clear and calm way of explaining things that fosters understanding. Your descriptions match my father and a former friend who is still a neighbour to a T. Thank you for the work that you do.
That's not always true about them not wanting the person to work sometimes it's the total opposite they want the person to work for them and they reap the benefits of the person working for them and taking care of them and they don't spend any of their money. .. . Looks like you'll be supporting this person for so long and then finally you'll pay for them to go to trade school and get into the union and then they get out the union and they make their first you know $1,200 a week and then you ask for rent money and they don't want to give it to you they don't even want to help or give you anything
Hi, just to want to say narcissism is unacceptable but what's worse is an autistic narcissistic. Both my parents are both issues. Do you talk about autism and narcissism?
Financial abuse I experienced from my Sociopathic wife was lying about her income. She would say she made 100k selling Mary Kay. I spend 1000’s of hours as a retired business owner watching our daughter for a business that netted -$3000 per year. I paid for all the baby sitters as well. She would put her joke ass business expenses on the 2nd cc I provided, then it was always a huge argument each month regarding our agreement to pay me back.
I have been completely discouraged and have given up trying to fix the relationship through communication. As the scapegoat, I have encountered all the forms of abuse from overt and covert narcissists. I have seen them ignore someone acting sick in their car and angry at me for going over to the person to see if they are alright. They didn't lift a finger or show any empathy at all for the person who seemed in distress from physical illness. They have spoken against me, I know this because of how people they know treat me when I haven't ever been around them except in the presence of the narcissist.These things have happened on a regular basis, kind people never do these things. These people have judged me for things they are doing and I am not. I have seen the entire group of people mad at me because of the rage the narcissist exhibited when I did nothing wrong except disagree with them innocently and mildly.
The narcissist wins when they make their target crazy. Then everyone sees what a martyr they are, especially because a crazy person is too scary to even talk to. Set and match. A National Merit Scholar our first date was a chess match. Obviously I was oblivious and I never thought I would end up without friends and family. And it was a shock because he was such a good person.
What is the best way to respond/react to an ex-narc spouse/family member after long term no contact, in the event that you run into them in public or they show up at your door. This would be a great video topic.
The content here is good. However, at the beginning but the earpopping ,eye distracting, scratchy sounds and distorting visuals were bad. They made my nerves ramp up and hurt my tinnitus. Something calming and smooth works best.
My 73 year old covert narcissist mother will literally argue with my disabled 4 year old. It sounds just like two 4 year olds arguing. It's the most absurd thing I've ever seen.
I have given myself a break from going to these sites because the more I learned the more heartbroken I was. I have learned how my emotions were formed and I realize I have to stick to my boundaries and let go of even thinking it will be better and l have had to let go of family members to protect myself. My last step involves a will that I am not getting the funds that were left to me. I feel like my memories of that person is bring tarnished in this process. I have to find a way to separate those two things. Generations of narcs in my family
I was raised by narcissistic parents in chaos, so I became a fixer or cover that up and pretend it didn’t happen. It messed me up and so I married a narcissist. I couldn’t understand how my husband could treat his children so badly. The rage and walking on eggshells was constant from him. I eventually went grey rock ( not knowing what that was) He threatened me with divorce, I agreed. He was telling me what to do and when- divorce doesn’t work that way. I took my power back. He committed suicide 2 weeks after I went no contact.
Spot on! Explained my childhood and marriage. I’m 72 divorced. I spent years in therapy with therapists that either did not know about narcissism or did not UNDERSTAND narcissism. What a nightmare it was living with a narcissist parent and then husband. In fact I still nightmares I expect I always will.
It was also a nightmare to be in marriage counseling with the soft spoken covert narcissist. Counselors usually were charmed by his humble demeanor and “helplessness.” Especially, females. 😢 one male, told me: you have to protect yourself, but I cannot tell you how. 😮I went to public library and checked out book on marital rape. Took my pillow and went to sleep in the basement. He called his mama and told her, I abandoned him. His narcissistic mama called me with the threats. I am an immigrant without any family of my own. It hurts to re-visit those years. I am 74. Would like to leave, but feel trapped by his financial tricks and my poor health. Exhausted. Best wishes for all on the path of healing. It takes courage to heal. ❤
Wow great summary. Addictions are big too. Mine was into alcohol, sex and she even got into gambling. Gambling caught me by surprise but she lied about it
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This I Never Knew Evilness Like This Ever Existed I Was Involved With An Overt Malignant Narcissist. This Person Has Destroyed My Life My Self Esteem And Self Worth.I’m Struggling To Detach Disconnect From This Person .Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
You know, i wasn't a 100% sure but this video opened my eyes on the fact that my grandma really is narcissistic. Two months ago, third times, she waited for me to be completely isolated from the rest of the family, and she started to insult me out of nowhere, to tell me that i was nothing, useless, and a fat cow. First time, i just kept telling her to stop disrespecting me, second time i just couldn't react the same way, i raised my voice at her and told her to stop disrespecting. Again. Since i was so mad, she got scared and played the victim to my grandfather while i was shaking upstares (when he came to understand what was going on i just answered "i'm going to kill her", i was out of control). He blamed me for this behaviour and i'm still upset about it because even tho i shouldn't have reacted this way, it was a way for me to ask for help, i was completely lost and overwhelmed. I stopped having real meals for a few days, started locking myself in my bedroom, because i didn't want to face them, too anxious to confront my grandmother. I was called selfish and childish for this behavior, but honestly i couldn't do otherwise at the moment. She did it a third time and then it was the final straw, i told her she was completely mad since she kept telling me that i was mentally ill and that i should go see a psychiatrist. ANd when i faced her for the last time in a family dinner, she tried to put them against me by playing the victim, i lost control again, and bursted of anger and told her to tell everyone what she tells me everytime we're alone. She was speechless honestly, i was really satisfied, then she came to me in the garden and told me she wasn't in competition with me and tried to play the victim again. I'm not telling you all of this in order to get pity, i want to share a part of my own life to possibly make a few people realise that maybe someone from their own close circle is abusing them. And as an empath, i used to find reasons to keep my eyes closed on her behavior, but i'm done with it and all of you need to get fcking boundaries because nobody is going to save you if this isn't yourself or at least by also asking for help. I'm a french seventeen, soon eighteen years old, and i've been emotionnaly abused for as much as i'm alive. Without people like you, Jim Brillon, i wouldn't have realised it and would've been drawning in binge eating disorder and depression for even longer than i could ever imagine. Thank you.
I am sorry you got hurt. I feel angry at your grandma. You are correct she is emotionally abusive. Be smarter than she is and don’t let her control your emotions. Do gray rocking ( not reacting) of look her straight in the eyes snd say: I AM BEAUTIFUL!!! I have a whole life ahead of me and I have a right to comfort myself the way it works for me now. She is very provocative and she is NOT acting the way grandma should! Where is your UNcondititional love grandmother !? Asked her. Avoid cussing her out, because she will used it to make you look bad. Love yourself the way you are right now. This will be your best defense. Congratulations for educating yourself on the subject of narcissism. Your life will get better! Much love from this grandmother of 15 years old and 10 years old. I adore my granddaughters. And they know it. They are my heartbeats 💓 much love to you too❤
Since discovering narcissism I never cease to be amazed how there seems to be no half-measures - my wife does ALL of these things. There is no way that anyone MIGHT be a narcissist…..they will most definitively show up as DEFINITELY a narcissist
Mine told me not to accept the job offer, then accused me of not contributing to our marriage as a stay at home mother of an infant snd toddler. He was accessible as a father only on weekend, bc M-F he was at work snd in the evening in school for 5&1/2 years. Gradually, he inslaved me ( an immigrant in his country) with the assistance of his large family, mostly his mother. I searched for help but nobody, nobody made a beep about covert passive - aggressive, emotionally immature, narcissist. The total feeling of abandonment was bone crushing. I think I survived via cognitive dissonance, although I never heard this term in marriage counseling. I know what is the meaning of it now😢thank you, Jim. I particularly appreciate your comment about financial abuse. ❤
The Narc rage is terrifying to be around.They can poison a conversation in a number of ways.I was dong "emergency psychiatric " as it is called in CA in a hospital ER.A middle aged man was brought in by the police, out of control.He had been caught beating his wife ,and he had a managerial level job and was afraid people would find out.He wanted to see the "head of the hospital"( typical Narc.)and was furious that the person had gone home for the day(It was 8 p.m.)I have had patients threaten me in the past, or even throw furniture, but this man really scared me, even though he was in handcuffs and police were present.
It's when you feel sick all the time around them, and placating and pleasing them to avoid Conflict, but there's always conflict..and you are never good enough, it's sickening, dreading and terrifying,misery and dread with every good moment, m ake sure you play it down.
There is alot of muck with people..the list of things just goes on and on..its very over whelming on top of going thru it all..why was these people made? All just so crazy🥲
Everything you're describing on this resonates with Everything I've experienced with my narcissistic father and narcissistic cult like family of aunts and one of my uncles.
OMG JIM!!!! It's like you followed me around every day and wrote down all the ways my ex-husband treated me. It took 10 yrs of therapy to undo a lot of the damage. I remember telling my therapist early on "I think I assumed since he was intellectually very smart that he had emotional intelligence, but he's emotionally immature and bereft.
Jim, you truly are a Godsend! Thank you! I know gray rock and no contact are options, but how do we cope when our sons marry a covert narcissist and she controls him and the access to our grandchildren??!! It has been a DEVASTATING year!!!!
Love Anyone who speaks up about these often very covert & pernicious Abuses. I'm now 62 & only woke up to this in my family= Exactly how covert it is. With me being one of 4 siblings we all had our roles & then we start to wake up; when she's in a care home & see just how very far apart we have grown thru so many years of it. I now have my own new family in my Church: sure it's not perfect but I can create my own new life apart from this all which was pure Demonic & as part of it; there was no escaping until I became a believer in Christ. Up till then I just barely existed as a " less than creature" as she wanted me to be. It's been very hard carving out my new & True identity but as a believer It finally led me to God & Jesus. So I'm not a lover now but have gained thru all they tried to do to me.
My ex narc and I went out and after getting home I realize my wallet was missing. I received a notification that someone attempted to use “a” card. After about 3 months my wallet was returned in the mailbox with all my cards and ID. I now believe that my ex Mark took my wallet.
This is such a spot on description of how my ex husband has been acting, and still acts toward our daughter 😢 The saddest part is that I didn’t correct him, when I asked him to tell his family that our daughter and I were moving out; and he wrote to them, that we weren’t that good at cooperating and had decided that we moved out, at he would stay in the house. I knew he didn’t want to lose face; and I didn’t want to escalate the situation, so I didn’t correct him. He only found out that we were moving out 2 days before, because I didn’t have the stomach to wait 2 more days, to take our savings for the down payment for an apartment😢 It has been almost a year, he still retains the settlement and still acts entitled toward our daughter and me, and she is not doing well; and NON of his family members has contacted our daughter (she’s 16) and asked how she is doing.😢
No they will tell you everything fine then say other people that you gaveca slew of problems. These ”flying monkey” will then avt very bad with you. This will generates an enormous amount of confusion for you. This gaslightingnis very disturbing to deal with.
This is why I dont like to make friends with people.
@@HarryBarker-yp1xv Me too! 👍🙂
Same.
. I love dogs too. My ex tolerated them. I'm convinced he is a covert narcissist. And I wonder if just tolerating animals instead of loving them is a sign of narcissism. Then it would be easier to identify the narcissists and separate them from the decent friend/partner prospects. I fear getting involved with another narcissistic person but as time goes by, I would love to find someone sane to share my life with.
@@susanharris3552 💐Susan. 💛🙂
Yep. Get a dog. They are loyal, loving and fun!
Immature, but worse, they're emotionally sadistic 😈
Yes. Mine narc volunteered about himself: I have a predatory instinct. Sure thing he has. 😢
They are insecure, too!
One thing i've learned dealing with narcissist people.
Is they hate to feel inferior to you, everything is a competition with them.
They hate to see you progress or succeed in anything that doesn't involve them.
They love to take credit for your wins but never your losses even though they played a big part in that.
I had a narc tell me i wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for her helping me. That she was going to make me lose everything before she left.
2 years later she saw her plan didn't pan out and I'm doing even better after her and it infuriates her to know this.
Despite all that she did and didn't do, my life is going according to Gods design for me. Hers, a never ending cycle of chaos , old supplies, shame, drug addiction and a empty void in her soul.
Me knowing I was her biggest supporter and gave everything I had, for her to treat me like trash and now feeling the ripple affects of that decision. It's my victory!!!
You said it as it is, well explained!
Spot on Jim ! Covert is scary like walking on eggs but the will find a reason to scream in your face. I’m 60 and divorced, hard to divorce him. I’m waiting to sell the house for the money to move a thousand miles away. It’s been a year he tried to buy me out with equity loan plays games blames , blames staff even got kicked out of our bank branch. They sent him a letter. I took him to court for contempt, the judge not happy , my friend came with me for support, he hated that she’s the enemy now. I suffer brain fog , he calls me names.
The court gave me control over realtors, I can go back to court if after 3 realtors he can’t agree on. I feel trapped, he takes most of my disability check it leaves me little, he’s reason I’m disabled. I was a nurse , supported us when he had five jobs a year , never his fault. These people kill you slowly, take your confidence, assertiveness and decision making list goes on.
Don’t waste a day it’s hard but don’t give up people. Peace
@@HarryBarker-yp1xv
Thank you , looks like it sold today 🎉. Your well wishes meant a lot.
Every accusation is a confession, every projection is just more of the same.
It's a self-control game . They will badger you until they get everything, including your sanity . You talk about evil.
It is evil
Thank you, Jim. 🙏 Mom was a narcissist, exactly as you described. Sister is a sociopath worse than I could have imagined. Thank you for being a part of my world. ☮️
I've been living like this for many years, he says he's not a narcissist?? He was raised by a malignant and a lesser narc, he was a scapegoat. He's adopted his step fathers behavior and used it against me.
Thanks so much for this video! I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I am a professor and am very independent. He couldn't stand that. I am now free of him and feel like my happy self again. But I still struggle to belief that there are such truly cruel people out there and seem to just want to destroy everything you have build.
It’s the romantic triangulation that she constantly setup with me. Putting me in threatening situations with men she’d encouraged and needing to see my obvious discomfort that totally killed the relationship. Breaking up with me before celebrating my first Birthday and one year anniversary was coercive when i refused an unreasonable request was the final straw along with being deliberately kicked hard by her while i was asleep. Pushing on occasions had now turned into a violent kick all of it she denied, but when questioned further i was told not to tell my family about so obviously she knew what she had done. I wasn’t going to hang around for her violence to become worse.
You explained that so well and with true empathy. I am an empath and it is painful at times being interspective
He is an excellent educator!!! I wish he was my therapist!
I don't think my brothers quite understand that our mother is NPD, because depicting the narcissist as entirely negative doesn't tell the whole story.
My brother said our mother fed and clothed us, we had material wealth and extravagant birthday parties
Mom placed herself on a pedestal and had a knack for getting others to adore her; she carried herself with regal grace. The silver lining in all of this is that my brothers, influenced by these experiences, are remarkably devoted husbands to their wives.
This video is absolutely fantastic one of the best videos well explained good details and makes lots of sense I'm assuming it's a mental illness?
So funny that the Narc. description fits Biden.and his Party.He has tendencies described here.
You have a lovely clear and calm way of explaining things that fosters understanding. Your descriptions match my father and a former friend who is still a neighbour to a T. Thank you for the work that you do.
Pretty bizarre gaslighting
Narcopaths. Shapeshifters AND CHAMELEONS. Stay educated AND Dedicated. in due time..❤
That's not always true about them not wanting the person to work sometimes it's the total opposite they want the person to work for them and they reap the benefits of the person working for them and taking care of them and they don't spend any of their money. .. . Looks like you'll be supporting this person for so long and then finally you'll pay for them to go to trade school and get into the union and then they get out the union and they make their first you know $1,200 a week and then you ask for rent money and they don't want to give it to you they don't even want to help or give you anything
Yup. The exploitation can be financial as well as emotional.
Hi, just to want to say narcissism is unacceptable but what's worse is an autistic narcissistic. Both my parents are both issues.
Do you talk about autism and narcissism?
The ol double whammy
Financial abuse I experienced from my Sociopathic wife was lying about her income. She would say she made 100k selling Mary Kay. I spend 1000’s of hours as a retired business owner watching our daughter for a business that netted -$3000 per year. I paid for all the baby sitters as well. She would put her joke ass business expenses on the 2nd cc I provided, then it was always a huge argument each month regarding our agreement to pay me back.
I have been completely discouraged and have given up trying to fix the relationship through communication. As the scapegoat, I have encountered all the forms of abuse from overt and covert narcissists. I have seen them ignore someone acting sick in their car and angry at me for going over to the person to see if they are alright. They didn't lift a finger or show any empathy at all for the person who seemed in distress from physical illness. They have spoken against me, I know this because of how people they know treat me when I haven't ever been around them except in the presence of the narcissist.These things have happened on a regular basis, kind people never do these things. These people have judged me for things they are doing and I am not. I have seen the entire group of people mad at me because of the rage the narcissist exhibited when I did nothing wrong except disagree with them innocently and mildly.
Well done video! Thks
The narcissist wins when they make their target crazy. Then everyone sees what a martyr they are, especially because a crazy person is too scary to even talk to. Set and match. A National Merit Scholar our first date was a chess match. Obviously I was oblivious and I never thought I would end up without friends and family. And it was a shock because he was such a good person.
Great video so helpful. You are spot on
Im isolated
What is the best way to respond/react to an ex-narc spouse/family member after long term no contact, in the event that you run into them in public or they show up at your door. This would be a great video topic.
A female covert malignant narcissist cheats on their partner or despite being a malignant narcisist they may not cheat?
The content here is good. However, at the beginning but the earpopping ,eye distracting, scratchy sounds and distorting visuals were bad. They made my nerves ramp up and hurt my tinnitus. Something calming and smooth works best.
That is ex tremel y immature
I would encourage you to not participate in harassment or gaslighting or a vulnerable person. Scaring women makes you look unprofessional.
My 73 year old covert narcissist mother will literally argue with my disabled 4 year old. It sounds just like two 4 year olds arguing. It's the most absurd thing I've ever seen.
My 8 years old granddaughter pointed to me that her grandpa is old, but he is NOT an adult!
Holy smokes. Sounds about right.
I am 56 and maybe the last 10 years…just figuring this nuttiness out. It is 100% bananas.
I have given myself a break from going to these sites because the more I learned the more heartbroken I was. I have learned how my emotions were formed and I realize I have to stick to my boundaries and let go of even thinking it will be better and l have had to let go of family members to protect myself. My last step involves a will that I am not getting the funds that were left to me. I feel like my memories of that person is bring tarnished in this process. I have to find a way to separate those two things. Generations of narcs in my family
73 year old covert narcissist mother will literally argue with my disabled 4 year old > dont let your mother do that to your child.. it is abuse..
It is two 4 year olds!! But your daughter is more mature.
NO CONTACT
It was NEVER YOUR FAULT
Peace
I was raised by narcissistic parents in chaos, so I became a fixer or cover that up and pretend it didn’t happen. It messed me up and so I married a narcissist. I couldn’t understand how my husband could treat his children so badly. The rage and walking on eggshells was constant from him. I eventually went grey rock ( not knowing what that was) He threatened me with divorce, I agreed. He was telling me what to do and when- divorce doesn’t work that way. I took my power back. He committed suicide 2 weeks after I went no contact.
I'm glad you got out in time 🙌🏼
tammygress909 I'm happy You broke free, and gained Your identity back
Thank God you weren't around when he did that or you may not be here right now
Truly a blessing. I'm glad you are still here and hopefully safe!
Spot on! Explained my childhood and marriage. I’m 72 divorced. I spent years in therapy with therapists that either did not know about narcissism or did not UNDERSTAND narcissism. What a nightmare it was living with a narcissist parent and then husband. In fact I still nightmares I expect I always will.
It was also a nightmare to be in marriage counseling with the soft spoken covert narcissist. Counselors usually were charmed by his humble demeanor and “helplessness.” Especially, females. 😢 one male, told me: you have to protect yourself, but I cannot tell you how. 😮I went to public library and checked out book on marital rape. Took my pillow and went to sleep in the basement. He called his mama and told her, I abandoned him. His narcissistic mama called me with the threats. I am an immigrant without any family of my own. It hurts to re-visit those years. I am 74. Would like to leave, but feel trapped by his financial tricks and my poor health. Exhausted. Best wishes for all on the path of healing. It takes courage to heal. ❤
Exactly the same in my life
I always learn a lot of valuable facts from your short and long videos. Many thanks,mr Brillion.❤
Wow great summary. Addictions are big too. Mine was into alcohol, sex and she even got into gambling. Gambling caught me by surprise but she lied about it
6:00 I just had this happen. The guy moved on to someone 30 years younger. Best thing to ever happen to me! No more!
Generational
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This
I Never Knew Evilness Like This Ever Existed I Was Involved With An Overt Malignant Narcissist.
This Person Has Destroyed My Life My Self Esteem And Self Worth.I’m Struggling To
Detach Disconnect From This Person .Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
It is indeed very brutal and a very serious threat to your well-being and safety. I hope you found a safe place and support to help you.
Thank You So Very Much
I’m Struggling To Block Delete My Abuser
Clear, concise & useful information. Thanks, Jim
You know, i wasn't a 100% sure but this video opened my eyes on the fact that my grandma really is narcissistic. Two months ago, third times, she waited for me to be completely isolated from the rest of the family, and she started to insult me out of nowhere, to tell me that i was nothing, useless, and a fat cow. First time, i just kept telling her to stop disrespecting me, second time i just couldn't react the same way, i raised my voice at her and told her to stop disrespecting. Again. Since i was so mad, she got scared and played the victim to my grandfather while i was shaking upstares (when he came to understand what was going on i just answered "i'm going to kill her", i was out of control).
He blamed me for this behaviour and i'm still upset about it because even tho i shouldn't have reacted this way, it was a way for me to ask for help, i was completely lost and overwhelmed.
I stopped having real meals for a few days, started locking myself in my bedroom, because i didn't want to face them, too anxious to confront my grandmother.
I was called selfish and childish for this behavior, but honestly i couldn't do otherwise at the moment.
She did it a third time and then it was the final straw, i told her she was completely mad since she kept telling me that i was mentally ill and that i should go see a psychiatrist.
ANd when i faced her for the last time in a family dinner, she tried to put them against me by playing the victim, i lost control again, and bursted of anger and told her to tell everyone what she tells me everytime we're alone.
She was speechless honestly, i was really satisfied, then she came to me in the garden and told me she wasn't in competition with me and tried to play the victim again.
I'm not telling you all of this in order to get pity, i want to share a part of my own life to possibly make a few people realise that maybe someone from their own close circle is abusing them.
And as an empath, i used to find reasons to keep my eyes closed on her behavior, but i'm done with it and all of you need to get fcking boundaries because nobody is going to save you if this isn't yourself or at least by also asking for help.
I'm a french seventeen, soon eighteen years old, and i've been emotionnaly abused for as much as i'm alive.
Without people like you, Jim Brillon, i wouldn't have realised it and would've been drawning in binge eating disorder and depression for even longer than i could ever imagine.
Thank you.
I am sorry you got hurt. I feel angry at your grandma. You are correct she is emotionally abusive. Be smarter than she is and don’t let her control your emotions. Do gray rocking ( not reacting) of look her straight in the eyes snd say: I AM BEAUTIFUL!!! I have a whole life ahead of me and I have a right to comfort myself the way it works for me now. She is very provocative and she is NOT acting the way grandma should! Where is your UNcondititional love grandmother !? Asked her. Avoid cussing her out, because she will used it to make you look bad. Love yourself the way you are right now. This will be your best defense. Congratulations for educating yourself on the subject of narcissism. Your life will get better! Much love from this grandmother of 15 years old and 10 years old. I adore my granddaughters. And they know it. They are my heartbeats 💓 much love to you too❤
Thank you very much, i really appreciate that ! Much love to you and your granddaughters, they are really lucky to have you
Don’t worry about them, they hate you, don’t hate yourself too
Fantastic & all tragically true
Very informative and helpful. Thank you.
12 years married to this Evil monster. He recently discarded for the secretary from his work, "hes happier than ever" his words😂
Since discovering narcissism I never cease to be amazed how there seems to be no half-measures - my wife does ALL of these things. There is no way that anyone MIGHT be a narcissist…..they will most definitively show up as DEFINITELY a narcissist
Very accurate information!
This is the best explanation of narcissists I have seen.
He is excellent!!!
Mine told me not to accept the job offer, then accused me of not contributing to our marriage as a stay at home mother of an infant snd toddler. He was accessible as a father only on weekend, bc M-F he was at work snd in the evening in school for 5&1/2 years. Gradually, he inslaved me ( an immigrant in his country) with the assistance of his large family, mostly his mother. I searched for help but nobody, nobody made a beep about covert passive - aggressive, emotionally immature, narcissist. The total feeling of abandonment was bone crushing. I think I survived via cognitive dissonance, although I never heard this term in marriage counseling. I know what is the meaning of it now😢thank you, Jim. I particularly appreciate your comment about financial abuse. ❤
The Narc rage is terrifying to be around.They can poison a conversation in a number of ways.I was dong "emergency psychiatric " as it is called in CA in a hospital ER.A middle aged man was brought in by the police, out of control.He had been caught beating his wife ,and he had a managerial level job and was afraid people would find out.He wanted to see the "head of the hospital"( typical Narc.)and was furious that the person had gone home for the day(It was 8 p.m.)I have had patients threaten me in the past, or even throw furniture, but this man really scared me, even though he was in handcuffs and police were present.
It's when you feel sick all the time around them, and placating and pleasing them to avoid Conflict, but there's always conflict..and you are never good enough, it's sickening, dreading and terrifying,misery and dread with every good moment, m ake sure you play it down.
There is alot of muck with people..the list of things just goes on and on..its very over whelming on top of going thru it all..why was these people made? All just so crazy🥲
Everything you're describing on this resonates with Everything I've experienced with my narcissistic father and narcissistic cult like family of aunts and one of my uncles.
This is my father and he trained my siblings well to follow in his footsteps. So freaking sad!
OMG JIM!!!! It's like you followed me around every day and wrote down all the ways my ex-husband treated me. It took 10 yrs of therapy to undo a lot of the damage. I remember telling my therapist early on "I think I assumed since he was intellectually very smart that he had emotional intelligence, but he's emotionally immature and bereft.
Jim, you truly are a Godsend! Thank you! I know gray rock and no contact are options, but how do we cope when our sons marry a covert narcissist and she controls him and the access to our grandchildren??!! It has been a DEVASTATING year!!!!
Love Anyone who speaks up about these often very covert & pernicious Abuses.
I'm now 62 & only woke up to this in my family= Exactly how covert it is.
With me being one of 4 siblings we all had our roles
& then we start to wake up; when she's in a care home & see just how very far apart we have grown thru so many years of it.
I now have my own new family in my Church: sure it's not perfect but I can create my own new life apart from this all which was pure Demonic & as part of it; there was no escaping until I became a believer in Christ. Up till then I just barely existed as a " less than creature" as she wanted me to be.
It's been very hard carving out my new & True identity but as a believer
It finally led me to God & Jesus.
So I'm not a lover now but have gained thru all they tried to do to me.
My ex narc and I went out and after getting home I realize my wallet was missing. I received a notification that someone attempted to use “a” card. After about 3 months my wallet was returned in the mailbox with all my cards and ID. I now believe that my ex Mark took my wallet.
People argue evil: it’s intelligent and smart shear idiocy the intelligence is futile
This is such a spot on description of how my ex husband has been acting, and still acts toward our daughter 😢
The saddest part is that I didn’t correct him, when I asked him to tell his family that our daughter and I were moving out; and he wrote to them, that we weren’t that good at cooperating and had decided that we moved out, at he would stay in the house. I knew he didn’t want to lose face; and I didn’t want to escalate the situation, so I didn’t correct him.
He only found out that we were moving out 2 days before, because I didn’t have the stomach to wait 2 more days, to take our savings for the down payment for an apartment😢
It has been almost a year, he still retains the settlement and still acts entitled toward our daughter and me, and she is not doing well; and NON of his family members has contacted our daughter (she’s 16) and asked how she is doing.😢
Doc, I disagree. Ain’t nothing passive about abusing someone. It covert. Abuse is an active action, correct?
No they will tell you everything fine then say other people that you gaveca slew of problems. These ”flying monkey” will then avt very bad with you. This will generates an enormous amount of confusion for you. This gaslightingnis very disturbing to deal with.
sound like about trump. INDEED,..