Therapist Reacts to Love Is Blind: After The Altar Pt. 3 | Really, SK?!
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- What's Anya Screen, friends?
Today, I am going to be breaking down what we saw in the final installment of love is blind season three after the altar. This episode showed us the first conversation between Zay and Cole after their wedding. And it also shows SK's second proposal. This has been a difficult season, and I'm glad to bring it to a close. What was the most memorable moment of this season for you?
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The fact that they cast Bartiste in Perfect Match tells me it's completely unserious.
It's honestly surprisingly substantive. It seems like there were several genuine relationships. Prob the most "successful" of the Lacheyverse dating shows
And Bartise's true colours really shine....
My first thought exactly! 🙄
@@moses9647 I'll take your word for it 😂
Im watching it and honestly that show is not for love. These reality stars may find it, but I find the show pitching itself as the place to find TRUE LOVE is insane. The way they make contestants basically battle and focus on the game is too much so everyone is worried about the wrong thing and get so stressed out they make rash decisions, cry a lot, get played, play others, uh-uh I can't.
@@moses9647 spoiler alert but none of the couples are together anymore 😅 I definitely think they were all there for clout
A key moment is Cole saying he was confused about what Zay said at the wedding and Zay saying, “I don’t think it was confusing” (defensive, invalidating). Then she goes on to demonstrate how she says contradictory and confusing statements. Like yelling, “I’M NOT ANGRY!!!” at your partner.
She didn't even let him finish what he was saying before interrupting. Absolutely zero effort on her part at any time to understand where he partner was coming from.
@@jakes3799 she haven't changed one bit and I feel less and less sorry for her.
@esikazemese I never felt sorry for either of them, but starting to feel bad for Cole.
The fact that Zay said she’s do it 1000 times over again contradicts everything she said to Cole, why do it again if he was so terrible? Think before you speak Zay…thank goodness it’s over 😭
It’s like she doesn’t want to admit it was a mistake because she still wants to come out of the situation being the winner who just was matched with a shitty dude…I dunno. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes while she was doing her little schpeel…it’s just very condescending as she tends to be, like she wants to say it was an awesome experience but belittle him at the same time ?
Friend: Who is Zanab?
Me: 😬…how much time you got?
I was confused too like what?
Exactly!!! 😒
@Stephanie Graulich - I think she said that he was “..a 1000 percent bad to me”.
That’s whole convo with Cole and Zay left me with headache cause Zay kept contradicting herself over and over and Cole is just as confused as I am and he even apologizes and she still holds it against him even though he literally didn’t do much wrong at all.. she made a mountain out of a mole hill
Honestly, I hope Cole heals, gets therapy and finds an amazing healthy relationship.
Same. I really like him. My fav for sure!
@@Rosalynn78 If Zay wasn't so horrible, would you really like him? He seems like a good guy, but there's definitely a lot for him to work on.
@@jakes3799 Yes
@@jclyntoledo Well, as I said, he does seem like a decent guy, so maybe I didn't ask the right question. Because who doesn't like a good guy? But you don't see some problems there? You can't tell me you weren't cringing watching that conversation with Alexa's stepmother.
Yes! With a girl that’s FUN and doesn’t have so many insecurities or a stick up her butt the whole time. Gosh, I don’t know how he put up with her for so long. I would have eye rolled my way out of that relationship within days if I were him.
It seemed to me that Zay was still trying to bait him into reassuring her insecurities during that conversation. He was simply asking valid questions about how confusing and contradicting her statements about their relationship were and pointing out how she blatantly disregarded the conversations and agreements they had prior to the wedding. She dismisses him and starts saying “you never liked the way I looked, you never liked me as a person, etc” trying to see if he’d disagree and validate her ego. You can see him just kind of shut down afterwards, because she’s completely misconstruing the issue at hand, which is that her feelings were never communicated to him. Instead she starts making these blanket statements about how HE feels about her based off of her assumptions.
I’m getting second hand EXHAUSTION I sweaaaar.
If he never liked her as a person, he had damn good reason. It's amazing that she seemed to think that she was ready to date after this conversation. She has no clue how far she is from that point.
SPOT on!! People like that will drive you crazy and make you literally ill.
Why does everyone on this show always say 1000%?🤣
NGL Both my husband and I found Zay super full of herself and accusing Cole of A LOT OF CRAP. I feel like she was picking on everything he said, taking it out of context, and using it against him. Sure, him asking are you bipolar was not cool... but to be fair... I don't ever feel like she liked him from the beginning. She thought she was above him. I HATED her attitude. She already went in with "I'm above you because of XYZ". I felt so freaking bad because EVERYONE attacked him in the tell all because of it and even brought in strain in after the alter. It wasn't fair.
Listen... I AM NOT an easy woman to love. There are times where my husband says "Hey.. I'm not saying that.. I'm saying this"... because of my own insecurities. But I don't think Cole was ever abusive BASED on what we saw. It was def her own perception and way of thinking.
Zanab did again what she was doing during the relationship, she was interrupting and not interested in what Cole is trying to express (like when he said tht he wish she would be more sweet, and she just said "i am sweet"). I think that he realised that conversation with her is pointless that why he just finished it, a bit awkwardly and left. She was just there to monolog.
You should watch Love is Blind Japan! The couples in the season seemed to really be really in it for the love and not the clout, I really loved that season ❤
YES PLEASE!!! There’s a lot to unpack there that seem like actual problems couples face, I would love to hear your input on it!!
YESSSS it was so good! It felt so much more genuine!
Brennon and Alexa are a rare case of the show being successful. Alexa has said several times that her prejudices would have made it unlikely that she would have talked with Brennon long enough to fall for him if they had initially met face to face. I found it interesting to see how Brennon fulfils a need for Alexa that her father or friends did not seem to initially appreciate. It was something expressed every time Alexa's tears came with her lower lip trembling. They were the only couple on the show that consistently laughed together with sympathetic eyes. I think that was a big giveaway.
Zanab just wants to win, that whole conversation was like she'd figured out at home, beforehand what points she wanted to make and that she was going in there to win.
I was already over it when she said "well do you remember any of the POSITIVE things I said?" Because it just seemed like she realized her going off and having her moment of spotlight at the wedding made her seem like an asshole, then in a passive-aggressive tone she tries to back-pedal by saying that it "wasn't all bad" while at the same time shifting the blame onto him for - idk, giving her bad PR (??) even though everyone else also saw that rant at the wedding and not only him.
I didn't like how Zanab handled the whole situation. You can feel hurt without hurting the other person. I'm finding a lot of people struggle with communicating effectively. Giving examples/details of how the other person's actions made you feel a certain way by using "I statements" is really helpful.
I agree ❤
I watched the whole season of Perfect Match and it’s pure entertainment, don’t watch it if you’re hoping to see people actually find love because none of the couples are still together today. 🤷🏻♀️
Ps most of them I don’t think are looking for a long lasting relationships … it seems most of them are looking to “win”
Oh, wow! Even Joey and Kariselle??
i think you wouldn’t LOVE perfect match since it doesn’t seem the most genuine but there are some interesting approaches to relationships and what people take into consideration when it comes to choosing a potential partner, some toxic repetitive patrons, there’s people from love is blind as well, like bartise 💀, you might like ines she’s one of the most committed people on the show. it’d be a great take on how to avoid certain scenarios imo. loved this video btw!!
I love Ines ❤😊
I love Dom and Ines ❤
Been watching all your Love Is Blind videos. It's nice to have someone say everything I'm thinking..lol. And they were way harsh on Cole at the follow up..., especially when we see Kwame and Micha get such a pass.
Your eye rolls give me life 😂😂😂
If you need another show to watch, the Japanese version of Love is Blind is so genuine! They really communicate with each other well, and seem to be really trying to find love.
I feel like some people cheat simply to feed their ego. Like, there is no explanation, they simply feel overwhelmed with a moment of attention they get and just act on it to feed their ego. And with one action they end up ruining something beautiful. Truly the worst thing.
perfect match was really interesting half of them were playing around but the other half wanted real love and seeing those people clash was interesting
Thank you for seeing the same things I noticed🙏 All my feeds seem to show Cole is awful. I just see mainly as unaware of others. But Zay just needs so much help!!! I just can’t with that lady. Horrible. I hope she gains insight into how badly she needs to work through her issues.
Love your take on love is blind and transparency as a therapist. I loved hearing about transference, and little tid bits from the therapists point of view and how they work/ think with clients. So fascinating to me! I’d love to be a therapist in a different life. There’s a book called your brain on love by Stan tatkin and I’d LOVE if you broke it down or parts of it in videos.
I just finished the Perfect Match and thought of you! I would love to see you do a react series of this! I got so into this show I started screaming at the tv 😂
Same! Bartender is at it again! I kindly request Netflix remove this man from their universe.
😂sammmmeee
For my sanity I didn’t watch the show lmao
@@Zeeeeeeeex He is the ABSOLUTE worst. I cant stand his ass lmao
@@picassojulien899 that's a good thing though! I wish I had that mindset 😂
Cole must be a great catch because the patience he practices my God
Sooooo from how Zay told it Cole was horrendous to her but if she could go back she would still choose him to go on this journey with?
18:18 😑😒 "Ya'll be eating this stuff up." That cracked me up. lol
Think u can skip the perfect match. Its a gimmick show but what u can do is check out love is blind Japan. Its pretty genuine and i loved it
Perfect Match isn’t worth watching. It is so clearly people on there for clout, the love thing isn’t even an after thought. Honestly you could react to Succession, but that might be difficult since it’s so long but those dynamics are SO interesting. Specifically the character to Tom.
To some degree you can say this about LIB too
@@Momo-po5tn no shit
@@GG-kn2se 🙃
I waited for you to review these videos! Your take is so interesting coming from a licensed therapists! I have been loving your videos lately and really been getting into physiology and counseling because of your videos so thank you! I can't wait to watch your reaction to Raven's interview on the Viall Files!
I am *so* late to this conversation, but I’m really happy to hear your interpretation of Zay/Cole. When I was originally watching it, I felt so awful for Cole and almost a bit gaslit myself 😅like wtf is she actually saying other than a word salad to make you feel bad about yourself???
Have you reacted to the Ultimatum yet? It’s all about couples considering marriage or breaking up. I would LOVE your insight on their dynamics
Even though I’m enjoying Perfect Match for the drama, don’t waste your time! I’m 5 episodes in and the matches are definitely not “perfecting”.
I think the experiment is much like dating sites, successful if there are two compatible and truly open and willing partners. That’s going to be a rarity in the scale we see on the shows.
Do not waste your time with Perfect Match! “Performative” is the perfect word for it!
I feel so sad for Raven, because in her interview you can tell that she went through a major guilt-trip process, being like "I should have seen this coming" or "there were signs I didn't see", and I mean...Girl, we were ALL floored. Had it been Colleen or Nancy, or even Alexa, but this man...He fooled the entire world.
The love languages have been expanded on, there's 18 of them now! I don't know if teasing is included in those 18 but I can say that teasing is my love language. I feel loved and cared about when my partners tease me and I only tease the people I really care about (if they like being teased, not all people do)
The
basic idea of LisB is good.
But it would need another structure ; Like professional screening of the
participants, by a therapist like Steph who also could support the couples if needed.
Then they could grow from the experience and not be retraumatized.
It could become
a great educational show, where we, the viewers could learn what it takes to have good relationships.
love all your videos so much!!!
Thank you!!!
Zeynep REALLY needs a good therapist and she's SO unfair, making this guy living through this on camera. This actually makes her evil, it does.
I think the gift Brennon gave Alexa was all her idea, the moment seemed staged to me 🤣
Perfect match was a joke but I would LOVE your opinion on The Ultimatum: Queer Love! Maybe not whether the ultimatum is justified but just advice and insight on the relationship dynamics because they are actually deep (and sometimes toxic) enough to talk about.
Am I the only one that gets it when Zayneb says you were 1000 percent bad to me but not a bad person. I didn’t get a lot of stuff she said but to me that did make sense.
She’s saying he’s not a killer but a bad boyfriend
Can’t stand her 😵💫😒
Yes, she just ended up talking in extremes probably because its difficult to explain where her role begins and his ends in their strained relationship
Because that was her reminding Cole of "all the good things she said."
The whole conversation is a rollercoaster. But right at the beginning, he says "sorry"-then "I was confused by the altar situation"- aaand then Zay jumps in and I honestly cannot condense her train of thought. But it's at 1:30 in the video.
I just realised I'm more in touch with my facial expressions when I'm watching your videos 😂😂😂 like I catch myself mkn faces
The perfect match is strictly a game of what couple can become the most popular
Lmaoo I’d stay away from it if I were you, you hit the nail right on the head, Perfect Match is ridiculous 😂😂 I enjoyed the video though🫶🏾 I don’t even wanna talk about the contents of after the alter👎🏾
I love your advice about needing space rather than speaking from a reactionary space
This makes me so upset and sorry for Cole. And everyone even people I talk to think believe Zanab and I’m like we’re we watching the same show!?
I love you!! Your videos are so great & I love the faces you make
as long as couples are truly (seemingly) finding love & getting married with fervor, i think the show is still a success. once that ends or declines successively, its a wrap.
I really wanted to see Cole stick up for himself. *sigh*
If Zanab isn't just manipulative I think she's also just a high context communicator. I'm just gonna give a brief definition of it here because I know a lot of people who don't know what that means: Basically, a low context person is someone who says what they mean word for word; whereas a high context communicator will indicate what they mean with their body language or their tone of voice.
As a South Asian person, I'm pretty high context. I'm aware that Zanab grew up with a white step mom and just one of her parents was South Asian. However I do feel like she picked up some high context communication from her Pakistani parent. High context communication is common in my culture. I feel like it could've rubbed off on her too.
I normally don't like Zanab and I do think she gaslit Cole sometimes, and that Cole in general theoretically has ADHD. However I do understand what she meant by "positive" when she said that she thinks he was a bad person to her, but not that he's a bad person. I don't think she meant "positive" exactly, just that he shouldn't have to beat himself up too much for the relationship not working out and that there's hope of him being with someone else.
As for her saying that she would've picked him if she did this experiment all over again, she seemed spiritual in this sense; like she believes that she was meant to be with him to learn a lesson. In fact she could believe that they're twin flames. Do what you will with this information. I just see her being spiritual in this regard. Of course I don't want to mansplain you about therapy and about client's behavior once they go to therapy. As someone who knows of people going to therapy though, they've spoken to me about their enlightenment and about just having a new perspective on things. I do think that they also like spirituality for their "renewed mindset."
That's my two cents of levelling with Zanab in that scene.
If she was inconsistent to how she viewed him before though and if she's just making things up, then everyone's free to respond to me her other flaws in this scene.
I think when she said she would do it all over again she truly meant she would be the martyr again lol. I think she loved to come out of this feeling like she really had her moment to shine and put Cole in his place. Admitting that she wouldn’t have wanted to do it again with him would be making her feel too vulnerable like people may assume he hurt her beyond repair and she regrets them meeting. She’s too braggadocios to say that.
Good points! Before and sometimes now I am that high context person since im super emotional.
Am i the only one who notices the same cups in every episode in EVERY season?
These shows that act like they give people relationship tools for success aren’t actually successful because first and foremost they’re interested in content. Forcing people to perform while they’re supposed to be sharing their authentic selves is antithetical to premise so of course I don’t want to see your reaction to Perfect Match though I’m still curious of your thoughts on the Parent Test.
Addicted to this series nbd
I'm just waiting for the season 4 reaction now 😅
I can relate to Zay in some small sense. I have an ex and I would say he was bad to me but isnt a bad person, he would say the same. But we learned from our relationship and grew to be better people. We had so many conversations to unpack why we were unhealthy and chose to work on that as individuals. Zay is all the unhealthy emotions but with zero motivation to learn or grow. She can’t see her part in it. Zero self awareness. Cole is trying to process and she is stuck in the cycle.
I have no idea why all these people around her seem totally clueless to who she is.
You nailed it on your video about them- the confidence was never there in the first place.
Ahhhh the Perfect Match was everything you mentioned.. that would be just 🥴 … Clout chasers, very few were there for Love like literally 2-4ppl, and most were Not gonna work out! Up to you to watch it… but eye would like to hear your perspectives on the individuals/ couples that eye could’ve missed. Please do you though if it feels right do soul if not don’t do the video.
Butttttt this Video/ all of them eye 💯% agree on your points! Eye am also egar to watch your video on the interview w Raven! 🥵 eye watched and heard everything and would definitely love to hear your Take on it! Also Thank you for this video and all others your provide! 🫶🏽🤞🏽
I feel so bad for Colleen. Matt has so many red flags. I hope she’s safe. 😔
Cole and Zanab have a trauma-bond relationship. (And so does Matt and Colleen, and Nancy and Bartise)
Zanab is a covert narcissist. Her insecurities and low self esteem twists everything he says, even if it has no malicious intent or is not personal. Her narcissism comes out because deep down she thinks she’s more special/innocent/a good person than Cole, so she feels justified to be manipulative and cruel. While Cole may be immature, he’s also pretty empathetic- and that’s what ends up being his problem. The same can be said for Nancy with Bartise because Bartise is also a narcissist, but his narcissism is more overt.
Being empathetic isn’t a bad thing, but it’s fuel for narcissists because empathy allows victims to see the “good” in them and excuse their abusive or hurtful behavior. Cole has nothing to apologize for, if anything, Zanab should be the one apologizing for not bringing up her feelings and setting boundaries for what triggers her wounds. But her narcissism and insecurities get in the way and she genuinely believes he’s intentionally trying to hurt her. She doesn’t *want* a healthy relationship; she wants control and someone to project her issues on because she had a traumatic past. It’s an unwinnable relationship to be with a narcissist, especially a covert narcissist- you can’t even consider it a relationship at that point either.
I hope Cole can accept the reality that the person Cole was talking to in the pods doesn’t exist. Zanab wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt him or deceive him in the pods, but that was her attempt to feel good enough to be loved- which is what a narcissist does at the initial “honeymoon” stage of a relationship.
Goes nobody wanted Steph to watch The Perfect Match bad enough lmaoo
10:29 SK genuinely fooled me, I thought he was a good guy, just to learn that he's doing what Cole is being actively portrayed as a villain for.
You look so stunning today! 😍
Aw thank you ♥️
While I would love for you to react to Perfect Match, you honestly will hate it. Nothing serious about that show at all and the gets worse the more it goes on. But a new season of Love is Blind is coming so I'd love to see a reaction to that. There's eventually supposed to be a season 2 of "The Ultimatum" and I'd love your take on that series. Thanks for another great video
It’s incredible to think this was BEFORE the reunion where Zay just ripped him apart.
Thank you for reassuring me that Zainab was not a victim in all this. I thought I was the only one who saw through her.
Zenab is trying to make herself look like a good person but still villainizing but saying in a way we're she can switch it and say no I said he was a good person.
It’s gotta be about attraction only.
She thought he didn’t find her attractive, so that’s why he was bad to her… his comments don’t affirm her. But he isn’t a bad person because if he found a woman he was attracted to then these issues wouldn’t exist.
OMG IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU REACT TO THE PODCAST SJDBEUD
If she admitted that she would not choose him again, it would probably equal admitting that she made a mistake. In some childhoods, making a mistake results in being pushed away (or feeling rejected) and maybe that is the reason she insist that she would make the same choice again.
Yes, pls give us your opinion on Perfect Match ❤ I loved the show!
perfect match would not be a perfect match for you
That show match is a joke😅. I did watch everything just hoping it would get better😩. Sis save your time doing better things. PS I love your videos and I’m very grateful that you make them. I can’t wait to watch more.❤
I think that change days is a great reality for you to comment on,
Can’t wait to see your reaction to ravens interviewwwww
If you ever have the time, watch Love is Blind Japan. The cultural differences between the two shows are incredibly fascinating. I felt in the Japanese spin-off, they were all legitimately trying. Not saying that the American couples were not trying their hardest, but something about the Japan version felt so different and so real. I was rooting for every couple but also understood why some went their separate ways even though it was devastating. I felt like the couples communicated extremely well, especially after the pods. I would be interested to hear your thoughts!
I saw Bartise and Shane were in Perfect Match so I’m definitely not watching. I think it would be a waste of your time, too, because it’s always about CLOUT.
As you mentioned, I think watching blatant displays of ingenuity and poor communication in the name of entertainment are so obnoxious. Hence why season 1 of LIB can never be “duplicated”.
I don't know if this is a successful experiment. It doesn't appear to be with the outcomes. 😔
I think it’s so weird and dangerous that there is no intervention when one of the contestants is clearly being abused, even if only verbally, by their partner. I know I shouldn’t say this is happening with Zay and Cole and Collen and Matt but they really should bring in a counselor when there are massive blowups. I’m glad Cole is single and I genuinely hope Collen and Matt’s marriage is as good as they say it is because Matt’s behavior during the season was terrifying. Also in these after the alter episodes the fact that Nancy points out that Matt chooses not to get his dog neutered so Collen feels comfortable moving in is strange and Raven spoke on their huge arguments says so much
I need you to do the bachelor/bachelorette
Could you do Love is Blind: Japan?
Do you think that SK's family history with his father having multiple wives could have impacted the way he treated Raven/cheated as he had multiple relationships on the go?
I like to watch your videos and I agree on your opinion about the show and the people. I'm a German business psychologist and and like to watch reality TV. But I have more and more issues with these shows.
In Germany we have shows like "The perfect match" as well and we call them for a good reason "trash TV". Everything there is just a show and some fame seeking people (famous because of their participation in other shows) hopping from show to show. They want the fame on instagram, that's all.
The worst show is probably "Temptation Island" where 4 real life couples live apart from each other for 14 days in separate villas with 10 paid opposite sex "seducers". It is supposed to be a fidelity experiment. In the last season those "couples" got a lot of accusation of not really been together before the show... very faky and no fun to watch anymore.
I wonder how much of just a show "Love is blind" is, because I really routed for a people.
For most of the show, I thought Cole was not very emotionally intelligent. I still think that. But, Zay makes him seem like the Albert Einstein of EQ.
Yeah nah, I’d def be upset if my fiancé pulled up with a “gift” and I open that shit & it’s a ONESIE?????!! FOR A BABY? pissed. Lmao.
I would love to get your opinion on the movie Wolf Children and going over the relationships and growth of the characters.
I know this is so random, but you remind me so much of Nicole briana white 😭
Love your eye makeup ❤
Gosh I love watching your videos! I think you are so spot on with your assessments and I love your sense of humor. Don’t waste your time with that other show. I don’t think it fits your criteria. I hear there’s going to be a new bachelorette sho tho! 😉
“very obviously”??
Yes please watch perfect match
Zay was saying that he didn’t like her enough to continue dating. Not that thinking she had a bad attitude was abusive.
That’s still inappropriate for her to be telling him how he felt, though. Once again, she is projecting her distorted funhouse view of the situation on to him instead of speaking for herself only. He probably did tell her that her attitude sucked (which is arguably true) and that she is raising her voice/being loud/whatever the case may be. Only in her warped mind could these relatively minor and entirely fixable complaints be interpreted as “you didn’t like me as a person.” It’s like she expects only praise and adulation from her partner and any acknowledgment of her being less than perfect amounts to them hating her. We have all complained to our partners when they’re annoying us, so I guess in her mind we must all dislike each other. The irony is she hated Cole from the moment she convinced herself he was giving her the silent treatment and from that point on, she nitpicked and complained about his every move. He couldn’t breathe without her complaining that he was sucking up too much air. But that goes against her victimization narrative so it’s easier to just project on to him than take any accountability herself.
I take space in conflict, I do communicate it though.
Watch Love is Blind Japan!! It seemed way more genuine than the American one!
She mentioned a viall files reaction but i can't find it. Does anyone have the link?
Hi! It’ll be out soon!
as much as i’d love to see what you have to say about the perfect match, you can most definitely tell that a majority of the people are not there for genuine love. that’s something that bothered me a lot when i was watching so i could only imagine how you’d feel about it haha
Can you do perfect match ? Specifically dom and Francesca behaviors
Ughh I wouldn’t watch perfect match. I’d rather you watch a different show & review it. Love your videos!!!
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You should react to Temptation Island!!
"We all know there are 5 love languages and annoying people is not one of them." 🤣🤣🤣
ilyyyy I think it'd be fun to see your commentary on certain people in Perfect Match but honestly it's not worth watching for relationship development. The only solid couples worth analyzing are Kariselle+Joey and Shayne+Chloe, and then Ines as a person is really emotionally interesting, beautiful, and fun to watch~! Franchesca is fun to watch because she's gorgeous and obviously not genuinely romantically interested in anybody on the show and has very messy relationships with everyone she dates. But there's definitely lots of scheming and clout chasing and bad relationships.
As for Raven and SK- I haven’t seen anyone mention that SK comes from a polygamous family-- do you think that colors his views on what is “permissible” within a relationship? Although he came in saying that wasn’t a view/choice of his- his actions show that he MAY be a polygamist. If that’s the case, that is what he should lead with when engaging with a new partner.