If You're Watching This, Thermonuclear War Hasn't Wiped Out Humanity

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  • Опубліковано 25 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,3 тис.

  • @andrewharding5173
    @andrewharding5173 7 років тому +279

    I love how whenever Stephen uses an invisible prop in a bit he always puts it away off screen, it's adorable

    • @Darebakable
      @Darebakable 7 років тому +29

      Andrew Harding I'm so glad someone else noticed this! I always watch out for it in his monologues.

    • @bondjames8225
      @bondjames8225 7 років тому +32

      Thats a sign of a trained actor lol. Improv 101, always maintain continuity.

    • @alexthomas6602
      @alexthomas6602 6 років тому +19

      And john battese makes a low tune for putting things to the right and high to the left

    • @LittleKodomo
      @LittleKodomo 6 років тому +4

      *Takes Giant Elephant*
      *Smashes piano using said elephant*

    • @FalcoNat
      @FalcoNat 6 років тому +3

      The Steak *Puts Giant Elephant away off-screen*
      *Cleans up piano and puts all the pieces away with said elephant*

  • @nicholasrandall3507
    @nicholasrandall3507 7 років тому +948

    "Vault-Tec. A brighter future, underground."

  • @abbybarron8328
    @abbybarron8328 7 років тому +1052

    I live in the south so I know alot of people who support Trump so watching Colbert heals my soul

    • @wantsome480
      @wantsome480 7 років тому +19

      I'm in Michigan and I only know 2 Republicans. I know more gun owners then conservatives.

    • @cl9925
      @cl9925 7 років тому +8

      Oh, poor you. How could you cope?

    • @clovergreens6858
      @clovergreens6858 7 років тому +10

      Oh honey! I'm so sorry!
      (Hugs!)

    • @REDD4317
      @REDD4317 7 років тому +1

      Abby Barron Its not you its us, we should probably break up and you need to move out... Sore loser

    • @ambernestorgregory2287
      @ambernestorgregory2287 7 років тому +8

      Yes. It's like therapy! Same here Abby!

  • @boyanghu8730
    @boyanghu8730 7 років тому +78

    "but the march didnt make Trump release his taxes, much like the Women's march didn't make him release his women".....GOLD, MR. COLBERT, GOLD

  • @erkperc
    @erkperc 7 років тому +315

    Stephen is the only thing tethering me to sanity right now

    • @RAFMnBgaming
      @RAFMnBgaming 7 років тому +10

      I find sellotape is a pretty good psychological tether. it really does fix anything.

    • @Chunkboi
      @Chunkboi 7 років тому +6

      HASEnoncorperated Duct tape works better.

    • @Dwight511
      @Dwight511 7 років тому +1

      Then you're really fucking stupid.

    • @Illiteratechimp
      @Illiteratechimp 7 років тому

      Daniel Pogosyan
      Non sequitur

    • @erkperc
      @erkperc 7 років тому +4

      Well the FIRST two comments were good.

  • @suebarrow5973
    @suebarrow5973 7 років тому +116

    'If the queen hears the sound of tic tacs in the golden coach run for it ...' hilarious rotflmao. This man is on fire

    • @seanperone449
      @seanperone449 7 років тому +2

      Sue Barrow I didn't understand that joke. Is it a reference to something?

    • @mikeb.379
      @mikeb.379 7 років тому +2

      The Billy Bush tape

    • @JSythe
      @JSythe 7 років тому +6

      Sean Perone when trump said, "Grab them by the pussy." After he mentioned tic tacs.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +2

      Sue Barrow - yeah...and that's not a mental image I'm going to get rid of in a hurry. :/ Stuff of nightmares.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +1

      Sean Perone - TicTacs are used to freshen your breath - sleazy aid for a sex pest.

  • @headphoneactivist
    @headphoneactivist 7 років тому +186

    "are they a sponsor ? Sure, why not".

  • @heathmccasland
    @heathmccasland 7 років тому +2691

    Watching Colbert is so much cheaper than therapy.

    • @nigelharvey640
      @nigelharvey640 7 років тому +63

      Watching Colbert is so much more reliable than watching the actual news

    • @stgodless
      @stgodless 7 років тому +36

      reading the comments is much better than suicide :)

    • @yidel229
      @yidel229 7 років тому +2

      Heath McCasland are you still sad that trump won ?

    • @WhoIsElKabong
      @WhoIsElKabong 7 років тому +30

      joe a you're still in denial electing him wad a good idea?

    • @theexotic2983
      @theexotic2983 7 років тому +11

      Heath McCasland you joke but I hope you're okay 😊

  • @silentwhisp4r670
    @silentwhisp4r670 7 років тому +684

    Clearly The Donald confused Kim Jong Un with Psy who is a Gentleman.

    • @CNWhatImSaiyan
      @CNWhatImSaiyan 7 років тому +39

      I hear he got it from his Daddy

    • @1234klipper
      @1234klipper 7 років тому +2

      HA! Love it!

    • @a2falcone
      @a2falcone 7 років тому +9

      Haha! But he actually confused Kim Jong Un with Kim Jong Il. He then started talking about what the "gentleman" did during Clinton's administration.

    • @gamer7916
      @gamer7916 7 років тому +23

      He's not a Gentlemen. He's a Mother Father Gentlemen!!! *does Psy dance and harasses women*

    • @judlester9640
      @judlester9640 7 років тому

      CN What I'm Saiyan? N

  • @allenmartin9375
    @allenmartin9375 7 років тому +37

    As a veteran I find it offensive for Mr. Pence to wear a uniform which he doesn't deserve to wear.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +2

      al mar - quite so. And thank you for serving sir. Much respect from the UK. ;)

    • @royalspin
      @royalspin 7 років тому +3

      And what about Trump doing the same thing ? He dodged the draft 5 times I believe or was it only 4 ? They all disgust me .A bunch of blood thirsty war mongers who've never served or had to take a life but casually decide the fate of our people and those who's lands we're sent into take for the oil companies . This game has gotten old .

    • @mellow_mallow
      @mellow_mallow 7 років тому

      Allen Martin 👍

  • @titi53221
    @titi53221 7 років тому +18

    The "UHK"
    Genius 😂😂😂

  • @LabMatt
    @LabMatt 7 років тому +1485

    "The election is over!" says the guy who keeps talking about how much better he is than Hillary Clinton.

    • @tyrionlannister467
      @tyrionlannister467 7 років тому +2

      Lab Matt Hillary still a bad ombré who wanted to outlaw weed and profit off of it

    • @contentedbuddha
      @contentedbuddha 7 років тому +43

      Lab Matt The election is over, Trump is president, he is responsible and should be held responsible for all actions of his government. He should be compared to what the other candidates had planned and to other governments around the world.
      That's how it works, whoever is president.

    • @Zzyzzyzzs
      @Zzyzzyzzs 7 років тому +89

      "The election is over, people shouldn't be rallying!", says the guy who's held a dozen rallies since the election ended.

    • @Kereea
      @Kereea 7 років тому +41

      And the guy who's already running his reelection campaign so he can keep doing rallies and fundraising since those are the parts he actually likes instead of, you know, running the damn country.

    • @Barrobroadcastmaster
      @Barrobroadcastmaster 7 років тому

      Proof?

  • @AngryKittens
    @AngryKittens 7 років тому +319

    Yup. He's going to war with a guy he doesn't even know the name of. Just like how he thought his cruise missiles were going to "Iraq", not Syria.

    • @phoebe5843
      @phoebe5843 7 років тому +18

      Angreh Kittunz he's got dementia !

    • @Amigo21189
      @Amigo21189 7 років тому +5

      He's not experiencing dementia. Well, he might be, but this gaffe isn't a sign of it. He doesn't know because he's not in control. He's a fucking empty suit. A chew toy for the real powers-that-be to toss to ignorant Americans while they sell weapons to their own country with which to bomb the fuck out of the Middle East. At retail markup!

    • @phoebe5843
      @phoebe5843 7 років тому +1

      Angreh Kittunz that's even worse !

    • @daphnelegge4488
      @daphnelegge4488 7 років тому

      Phoebe Guquib
      .

  • @stillyas85
    @stillyas85 7 років тому +111

    Colbert is brutal and this is not even a cable show.

  • @DeterminedDIYer
    @DeterminedDIYer 7 років тому +186

    I love how he always brings up winning the election but says the tax thing is in the past.

    • @Gottenhimfella
      @Gottenhimfella 6 років тому +5

      Indeed. When he says, by way of dismissing the tax marchers, "The election is over", he's effectively saying "I only promised to release my taxes in order to win the election".
      Once his promises deliver the desired result, he feels no compunction about admitting they were made dishonestly, to get him whatever he wanted at that moment in time.
      Never underestimate the unlimited supply of suckers because they're literally born by the minute.

  • @PhillipTimothy
    @PhillipTimothy 7 років тому +1282

    Who else feels like Colbert is helping you get through the next 4 years?

    • @kyokyoniizukyo7171
      @kyokyoniizukyo7171 7 років тому +3

      ha, snowflancK!

    • @candidorodriguez85
      @candidorodriguez85 7 років тому +14

      Phillip Timothy hell this show helped me cope since December.

    • @mavendeo
      @mavendeo 7 років тому +7

      Kyononnon 'why did Gmail screw me over?'
      What the hell is a "snowflancK"?

    • @Ou8y2k2
      @Ou8y2k2 7 років тому +12

      Colbert and SNL. They're like heroin for thinkers.

    • @OhCrap247
      @OhCrap247 7 років тому +3

      Or just 4 short moments before the war breaks out

  • @camelsheit_on_the_walls446
    @camelsheit_on_the_walls446 7 років тому +161

    Lately I'm feeling as if I am part of an experiment gone completely awry: Humankind .

    • @allanthompson2497
      @allanthompson2497 7 років тому +4

      42

    • @saradanhoff6539
      @saradanhoff6539 7 років тому +4

      Don't worry, they're going to stop giving Deepmind LSD soon.

    • @davidhollenshead4892
      @davidhollenshead4892 7 років тому +7

      Actually we just fell into an alternative universe, one which logic & basic human empathy don't exist.

    • @camelsheit_on_the_walls446
      @camelsheit_on_the_walls446 7 років тому +7

      David Hollenshead Hmm.. something like that. Personally, from back when David Bowie's passing tore a hole in the fabric of reality, things have just felt more wrong/surreal than ever before.

    • @camdenfair493
      @camdenfair493 7 років тому +6

      It's like we're in Fallout and this is our vaults experiment.

  • @therepublicofdiarrhea7792
    @therepublicofdiarrhea7792 7 років тому +1325

    Trump's hair always looks like it just experienced thermonuclear war.

    • @Shu-ig5fi
      @Shu-ig5fi 7 років тому +1

      ^^^

    • @op2265
      @op2265 7 років тому +1

      I find your name offensive, mind if you change it?

    • @mavendeo
      @mavendeo 7 років тому +6

      FlameSight
      Probably not.

    • @Kuckerkarlson
      @Kuckerkarlson 7 років тому +10

      FlameSight god loves porn man get over it

    • @MrBloodbunny
      @MrBloodbunny 7 років тому +2

      XD too funny :)

  • @joeblack4436
    @joeblack4436 7 років тому +45

    "doesn't want to telegraph was his thinking"
    ???
    What?
    He tweets 24/7 exactly what he's thinking.

  • @Drivertilldeath
    @Drivertilldeath 7 років тому +7

    Full monolog without it being cut up thanks for this :), good times!

  • @tilaNmanx
    @tilaNmanx 7 років тому +199

    Also thanks for the full monologue again ♥😊

    • @user-yk7km5yh5z
      @user-yk7km5yh5z 7 років тому +19

      sshhh! don't remind them! they probably forgot about this after the break!

  • @emmanuelchalwe6289
    @emmanuelchalwe6289 7 років тому +4

    These monologues kick so much ass!!!!

  • @jerryto803
    @jerryto803 7 років тому +2122

    "The Election is over", says the guy who holds campaign rallies AFTER becoming President.

    • @joey6249
      @joey6249 7 років тому +51

      Jerry To
      Dude.. he still holds freaking rallies.... unbelievable.

    • @camelsheit_on_the_walls446
      @camelsheit_on_the_walls446 7 років тому +67

      Well, he needs to feed his empty ego with trumpfan energy every so often, he's that creepy kind of a vampire.

    • @dsmithers944
      @dsmithers944 7 років тому +6

      Loser democrats.

    • @titaniumburst1606
      @titaniumburst1606 7 років тому

      Jerry To every president does that

    • @joey6249
      @joey6249 7 років тому +42

      Hahaha, yeah. The democrats lost when the republicans voted and sold away ALL of our data to isp providers. Holy fuck, watching tom cotton get ravaged by his constituents didn't give me the image of democrats losing.
      Hahaha it's like they think their party is some kind of a sports team and there's a scorekeeper/referee.. wake the fuck up

  • @brendanrobertson123
    @brendanrobertson123 7 років тому +6

    the best late night cable talk show by far. I hope CBS keeps Colbert for decades.

  • @TheCNYMike
    @TheCNYMike 7 місяців тому +3

    And rewatching on UA-cam 7 years later.

  • @teosweekin
    @teosweekin 7 років тому +471

    Finally, a good 12mins vid after a week without Colbert. Waited too long for this.

  • @iyayan_
    @iyayan_ 7 років тому +41

    Barack and Michelle Obama, Bruce Springsteen, Oprah Winfrey, and Tom Hanks got on a boat together...there's no punchline, you just wish you were there.

    • @imisstoronto3121
      @imisstoronto3121 7 років тому +4

      sounds like a party I'd give a major body part to be invited to!!

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +3

      imiss toronto - Tom Hanks for President!!

    • @13lack13ird
      @13lack13ird 7 років тому

      imiss toronto nice username

  • @alicesrabbit7126
    @alicesrabbit7126 7 років тому +1304

    like my mother always said...it's only funny until there's a fucking mushroom cloud. :S

    • @theywalkinguptoyouand4060
      @theywalkinguptoyouand4060 7 років тому +1

      Queenie Isn't Here doubt it

    • @polyorchid528
      @polyorchid528 7 років тому +2

      Which holocaust? There have been a few but you follow the the Jewish rhetoric, otherwise you'd define which holocaust you mean. Well done sucker.

    • @BreedofDMC6669
      @BreedofDMC6669 7 років тому +4

      Queenie Isn't Here Hehehehehehe "Fall Out".

    • @NocturnalNick
      @NocturnalNick 7 років тому +1

      He's sayin Queenie is brainwashed by ze Jews

    • @RKroese
      @RKroese 7 років тому +9

      I understand. I'm saying he doesn't know what he is talking about. There has only been one Hebrew 'burnt sacrifice'. Maybe he means 'Incensum', you know... Catholic burning to death of protestants?
      Anyway, Jews are not the problem. Ignorance is the problem.
      And ignorance literally knows no bounds.

  • @Mila-Nova
    @Mila-Nova 7 років тому +40

    I hate when he takes 1 week breaks. I need his rants and comedy to keep sane😂

  • @MarxistKnight
    @MarxistKnight 7 років тому +20

    I'd rant about how hypocritical it is for Trump to complain about people going on about his tax returns after how much he went on about Obama releasing his birth certificate, but he knows what he's doing, he just doesn't care.

  • @Mexicanbeatle15
    @Mexicanbeatle15 7 років тому +50

    I love you Stephen. pls dont leave me again

  • @seir323
    @seir323 7 років тому +14

    Wait, the Obama's were on a yacht with Oprah, Tom Hanks, and Bruce Springsteen?
    That sounds like it could be either the most epic strategy meeting, or a weirdly chill dinner party among people there usually is no chill around. WEIRD

  • @kennethnash598
    @kennethnash598 7 років тому +87

    The Queen has more time in military than Trump

  • @audreysaid2235
    @audreysaid2235 7 років тому +16

    Stephen is so adorable! I could not stop smiling! ~ so thankful for this youtube channel rn ~

  • @wizdom774
    @wizdom774 7 років тому +4

    Thank you Stephen. Thank you for helping me get through this. Hopefully I'll find time to be in your audience soon. And, thanks to your crew...I don't know you but I love you

  • @ethanworner864
    @ethanworner864 7 років тому +14

    One of the best monologues in quite a while.

  • @mahatmarfigo
    @mahatmarfigo 7 років тому +319

    Christ, this world is lost. I'll just sit here with a beer and wait for this whole thing to blow over.

    • @ItsFishyTricks
      @ItsFishyTricks 7 років тому +37

      More like blow up!

    • @kyokyoniizukyo7171
      @kyokyoniizukyo7171 7 років тому +5

      enjoy, the fireworks are such enjoyable sights...wait, your not referring to fourth of July?

    • @NotoriusBenjamin
      @NotoriusBenjamin 7 років тому

      ItsFishyTricks k

    • @Kuckerkarlson
      @Kuckerkarlson 7 років тому +6

      Mr. Figo stock up on that beer buddy your going to be there for a long time

    • @jamesbonq
      @jamesbonq 7 років тому +2

      The armada is still near Australia. It was fake news, apparently.

  • @AlwaysANemesis
    @AlwaysANemesis 7 років тому +42

    You know, I didn't think I'd miss Obama? But I seriously want that guy back at this point.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +7

      Hoopdy - don't we all honey.

    • @Lowkeylie
      @Lowkeylie 4 роки тому

      Hell, at this point I’d settle for Bush.

    • @iherixxon
      @iherixxon 4 роки тому

      it’s alr we have his vp

  • @rettwoods
    @rettwoods 7 років тому +27

    Oh my God. "Dictator-tot" got me so good.

  • @rampage8724
    @rampage8724 7 років тому +16

    As a time traveling hipster from the year 3000, I can confirm that while I am watching this video, humanity has been wiped out by thermonuclear war.

    • @kt-zn4yu
      @kt-zn4yu 6 років тому +2

      Rampage i’m not sure why, but i have the feeling you’re lying 🤔

  • @sparkpaul
    @sparkpaul 7 років тому +22

    Stephen Colbert is awesome!

  • @nobodyknows6040
    @nobodyknows6040 7 років тому +917

    It's 2017 and we still censor out middle fingers. What are we, 12 years old or something?

    • @dishantmishra3940
      @dishantmishra3940 7 років тому +62

      Sophia N that's called sarcasm mate.

    • @kettle2293
      @kettle2293 7 років тому +6

      Nobody Knows And after 11pm!

    • @taregunner7872
      @taregunner7872 7 років тому +21

      That's because Americans are bigotted prudes. In Europe for instance, censoring is by far not as rigorous because nobody makes a big deal out of it if there is some obscenity.

    • @PrisonKilljoy
      @PrisonKilljoy 7 років тому +21

      Sophia N I think s/he's referring to the Janet Jackson Super Bowl debacle. #nipplegate

    • @mushnoodle
      @mushnoodle 7 років тому +30

      somehow it looks even more offensive with the censor lol

  • @xoxoCo2001
    @xoxoCo2001 7 років тому +4

    I've actually been only watching stephens monologues all day long and I've never laughed so hard so often, that man is such a savage, holy fuck- best day ever!

  • @Shnecko
    @Shnecko 7 років тому +73

    I'd rather be in a Vault Tec bunker with an ice-cold Nuka-Cola®.

    • @anthonyseboe4646
      @anthonyseboe4646 7 років тому +5

      If I whent shopping for vaults, Would I be a vault hunter?

    • @mellow_mallow
      @mellow_mallow 7 років тому

      Chris hope you enjoy the white noise and Gary.

    • @puellamagi1232
      @puellamagi1232 6 років тому

      Are you sure about that? We all know about the crazy experiments....

  • @JimiJah
    @JimiJah 7 років тому

    @4:23 - priceless moment...
    Thank You!!!!!
    Lots of Love, from Lisbon, Portugal !

  • @kjamison5951
    @kjamison5951 7 років тому +81

    Mike Pence: "I feel the need, the need for … asking my wife if I can finish this movie quote."

  • @LightningGlass
    @LightningGlass 7 років тому +1248

    I think Trump calls him this gentleman because he's confusing him with PSY.

    • @BlackBTX
      @BlackBTX 7 років тому +37

      Seems legit. Just about now he confused Australia with North Korea and sent the aircraft carrier to the wrong continent.

    • @egazer7165
      @egazer7165 7 років тому +1

      BlackBTX
      Seriously?
      like for realms now?

    • @BlackBTX
      @BlackBTX 7 років тому +8

      for all realms in between Korea and Australia, yes :P

    • @crush7877
      @crush7877 7 років тому +5

      Thank you so much for your racist joke - ♡ South Korean

    • @BlackBTX
      @BlackBTX 7 років тому +28

      Well it's not actually a racist joke.
      First of all Trump is a rather racist guy who confuses everything and everyone and doesn't even know that Belgium is not a city - so he might actually seriously confuse Kim Jong Un and PSY.
      Second - PSY is Korean, right? No matter if you like it or not, North and South Korea are populated by people of the same race. It's just that one of the two countries has the misfortune of being ruled by a crazy leader. But all are the same race. Just like Steven Colbert and Donald Trump.
      Hence it is not racist. You're welcome.

  • @nathannuk3319
    @nathannuk3319 7 років тому +124

    I saw almost all his videos even know am not even AMERICAN

    • @alvinyu2424
      @alvinyu2424 6 років тому +2

      Same I'm Hongkongese

    • @Violinist265
      @Violinist265 6 років тому +2

      Same here🙋‍♀️

    • @AlphoxHD
      @AlphoxHD 6 років тому +2

      *though

    • @ChrisSeahorse
      @ChrisSeahorse 6 років тому +3

      Stephen Colbert's humour transcends nationality and appeals to anyone who appreciates good humour and cares about the state of this planet.

    • @Violinist265
      @Violinist265 6 років тому +2

      @@ChrisSeahorse
      Exactly 👍🏻🤜🏻🤛🏻

  • @gregorcollins
    @gregorcollins 7 років тому +37

    The writing on this show, especially in these political diatribes, is unmatched anywhere on tv.

  • @ImDemonAlchemist
    @ImDemonAlchemist 7 років тому +3

    I love Stephen's comedy style. That bunker tag line joke was wonderfully delivered.

  • @yaraa9351
    @yaraa9351 7 років тому +21

    The 'CBS will kill me for doing this' is the best running joke on the show

  • @flyingninjafish1558
    @flyingninjafish1558 7 років тому +176

    With the way things are going all that time playing fallout will have played off.

    • @jeremygeller9145
      @jeremygeller9145 7 років тому +4

      Only problem is most of us are going to be dead ghouls or maybe the enclave is already a thing so we will have to see

    • @flyingninjafish1558
      @flyingninjafish1558 7 років тому +1

      Actually a lot of people will already have plans and supplies ready in case of nuclear war, so I think it's safe to say we will survive for at least a few decades after the bombs drop.

    • @perpetualpolymath5961
      @perpetualpolymath5961 7 років тому +2

      Cannot wait!!! I wanna be a ghoul.

    • @jamlaminnswordhand5402
      @jamlaminnswordhand5402 7 років тому +5

      Does it count if I already live in Vegas?

    • @Yonkage
      @Yonkage 7 років тому +6

      I really don't want to join the NCR, but seeing where I live, I probably don't have a choice.
      I am collecting bobby pins, though. Can never have enough of those.

  • @davidvilela4347
    @davidvilela4347 7 років тому +718

    We're fucked

    • @davidvilela4347
      @davidvilela4347 7 років тому +54

      Congratulations America

    • @suebarrow5973
      @suebarrow5973 7 років тому +23

      David Vilela yeah you've really done it this time.

    • @rmtrainer7
      @rmtrainer7 7 років тому +16

      We're so very fucked

    • @ImTheJoker4u
      @ImTheJoker4u 7 років тому +11

      We're so fucked. Shit out of luck. Hardwired to self destruct. - Metallica "Hardwired". I think they knew this shit was coming!!

    • @davidtimmer596
      @davidtimmer596 7 років тому +9

      Yeah, we're really doomed. If World War 3 happens, which is very likely with the North Korea provocation, I'm not fighting and moving out of America.

  • @SchMasHed
    @SchMasHed 7 років тому +9

    "Michelle plagiarized Milania for once" - I fucking lost it.

  • @soulcalx
    @soulcalx 7 років тому +16

    Colbert i missed you so much i watch you while i have tea its the best lol

  • @chipahoy3530
    @chipahoy3530 7 років тому +57

    Colbert, the King of Savage.

  • @kjamison5951
    @kjamison5951 7 років тому +29

    Time to start running those 'Duck and cover' movies again…

    • @PrisonKilljoy
      @PrisonKilljoy 7 років тому +8

      OMG...I need to buy a flimsy school desk or else I'm doomed!

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +3

      PrisonKilljoy - yeah. Wonder if IKEA will be stocking flat pack nuclear bunkers anytime soon?!?

  • @lornaginetteharrison414
    @lornaginetteharrison414 7 років тому +27

    Keep your tiny hands off our Queen, Mr. Trump! DO NOT get frisky with Her Majesty in a "golden carriage"!

    • @lornaginetteharrison414
      @lornaginetteharrison414 7 років тому +8

      BTW, Queen Elizabeth II would TOTALLY kick Donald Trump's ass.
      Seriously - that woman fights dirty!

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +4

      Lorna Ginette Harrison - yeah. Who knows what the old girl keeps in that big black handbag. She'd probably be packing a couple of bricks for the occasion. And a Taser gun, just in case. I'd also advise a tin of mace, ma'am.

    • @tombouric
      @tombouric 7 років тому +1

      +Judi O'Regan
      If I were her, I'd just settle with a mace.

    • @ammaleslie509
      @ammaleslie509 2 роки тому +1

      @@lornaginetteharrison414 I would definitely take QE2 in that fight. That woman knows how to handle horses and fix jeeps... I think she can probably handle herself against the likes of trump.

  • @ShinobiNintendo
    @ShinobiNintendo 7 років тому +26

    He tweets "The election is over!" yet he still brags about his "historic" win 5 months ago.

  • @justinlewis7575
    @justinlewis7575 7 років тому +6

    I love Steven Colbert! Keeps me smiling through these weird times....

  • @musicadeamor
    @musicadeamor 7 років тому +4

    Thanks for the laughs! you are amazing!

  • @reachtrita
    @reachtrita 7 років тому +6

    Love, love, love this show!! Colbert and his team are awesome!

  • @OhCrap247
    @OhCrap247 7 років тому +61

    I know we like to joke around about trump having nuclear codes and button on the finger stuff but shit is getting real fast and real soon. This not gonna end well for anyone

    • @Thumbsupurbum
      @Thumbsupurbum 7 років тому +12

      Well, the cockroaches that inherit the scorched earth will probably be alright.

    • @JPk5563
      @JPk5563 7 років тому +6

      we are joking and having fun but boy oh boy. I am scared shitless

    • @allegramontes8360
      @allegramontes8360 7 років тому

      Flintstoned lmfaoooo😂 *high five*

  • @ItsWithakayLee
    @ItsWithakayLee 7 років тому +4

    Stephen is the best, needed this show back in my life

  • @eduardoendaracorrea196
    @eduardoendaracorrea196 7 років тому +30

    Mike pence looks like a top gun back up actor

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +5

      eduardo endara - I thought he looks more like he should be standing in a shop window as a mannequin wearing a suit.

    • @kathleenrobertson67
      @kathleenrobertson67 7 років тому +3

      eduardo endara i was thinking more alongthelines of Hannibal from the
      A Team..

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому

      Kathleen Robertson - nah. Not action-man enough.

  • @Shot0fJack
    @Shot0fJack 7 років тому +11

    I just love the fact that the Obamas are hanging out with Oprah, Tom Hanks, and Bruce Springsteen lol good people in good company. Also I too miss Joe 😔

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому

      Jack McDerment - yeah. Sun, surf, a great cocktail and even better company. The greatest in fact. All they need is Morgan Freeman - clever, witty, laconic and laid back; Samuel L Jackson - seriously smart and funny dude; Billy Connolly - funniest dude on the planet; Stephen Fry - an urbane, witty delight; Helen Mirren - gifted; sassy, sexy and simply doesn't give a shit; Judi Dench - smart, warm, funny and very giggly, especially when Billy's around; Ellen DeGeneres - clever, empathic, funny and courageous, and Taylor Kitsch - warm, intelligent, laid back, with a typically bone dry, razor sharp, sarcastic Canadian wit, and his gorgeousness wouldn't hurt either.
      Doesn't get much better than that. Now that is a party I would kill to get an invite for.

  • @Onus6688
    @Onus6688 7 років тому +3

    Steven is keeping me from giving up on humans. Please never stop doing this show... x.x

  • @devenderhai
    @devenderhai 7 років тому +11

    Stephen has best monologue of all late night hosts ....!!!

  • @Outamyhead
    @Outamyhead 7 років тому +2

    "...But you're in a bunker lined in lead". Fixed the bunker slogan.

  • @cheryljohnson6542
    @cheryljohnson6542 7 років тому +2

    Dear Steven...You're hilarious...Thank you so much for you & your show's unbeatable talent. Your writers are brilliant & your delivery is excellent. :) Don't know what rational thinking US citizens could have done to endure & survive laughingly what's happening.

  • @Argumemnon
    @Argumemnon 7 років тому +114

    "The election is over"? Then why do you spend most of your time bragging about the election?

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +43

      Argumemnon - that's all he has left.

  • @ChrisBrengel
    @ChrisBrengel 7 років тому +57

    "'Trump is more impulsive and unpredictable than Kim Jong Un.' Well then Russia, you should have thought of that before you elected him!" LOL!

  • @tonyagordon6998
    @tonyagordon6998 7 років тому +11

    I love Stephen Colbert :)

  • @Gymnopediea
    @Gymnopediea 7 років тому +1

    Sometimes I just marvel at the charm of Stephen Colbert's delivery. So good. Like crazy on fleek. :P

  • @clovergreens6858
    @clovergreens6858 7 років тому +2

    Stephen Colbert, I love you.
    I love you so much, it hurts.

  • @coryryder9070
    @coryryder9070 7 років тому +10

    there was one rally atleast where trump said " punch them in the face and he would pay for legal fees"

  • @rumaysahshafi9949
    @rumaysahshafi9949 7 років тому +90

    You know how we joked about Trump becoming president? Then it happened?
    Then we joked about how it would bring about World War 3? Well, hahahahaha, haha, *cries tears of panic and turns shed into nuclear shelter* it's happening.
    I live in Jolly Old England and we've got a prison cell in Azkaban with Trump's name on it if he EVER tries to invade Narnia. Just saying.

    • @RaseckoII
      @RaseckoII 7 років тому +8

      Rumaysah Shafi 😂😂😁😀😅😅😅🤔😐😓😭😭🌎🔫💀

    • @jdevaughn42
      @jdevaughn42 7 років тому +13

      Rumaysah Shafi the Dementers kiss would not be effective... trump has no soul

  • @jaspreetpooni423
    @jaspreetpooni423 7 років тому +8

    Stephen looks so good ☺️

  • @SANCTIOND
    @SANCTIOND 7 років тому +1

    I don't know about anybody else, but i think the idea of a "Strategic Likability Reserve" is needed and pretty accurate XD

  • @szopaful
    @szopaful 7 років тому +1

    Colbert is savage. I love it.

  • @queenartly3323
    @queenartly3323 7 років тому +41

    Has anyone noticed that Obama and Michelle are still out of the country? I think they are trying to tell us something lol.

  • @wolv0223
    @wolv0223 7 років тому +4

    Colbert: "That's guy's in charge of the U S A."
    Me: "Ha! I feel bad for whatever city he suckered into cheering for him at that rally."
    Colbert: "Now that was in Louisville, last year"
    Me: "Ah god damn it! Louisville, my home town! You're supposed to be the good part of Ky!"

  • @lillililli1726
    @lillililli1726 7 років тому +3

    love you Stephen 👏👏👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌

  • @JMoore4020
    @JMoore4020 7 років тому +2

    Stephen Colbert is awesome

  • @toasega
    @toasega 7 років тому +4

    "If you're watching this, Thermonuclear War hasn't wiped out humanity."
    Pity.

  • @terryschilling5320
    @terryschilling5320 7 років тому +27

    Colbert does the best Trump impression by far, it's hilarious!

    • @kaitlync5110
      @kaitlync5110 7 років тому +2

      Terry Schilling yeah! Trevor Noah's is pretty good too tbh.

  • @Kaervek87
    @Kaervek87 7 років тому +3

    Just in case shit goes down, I love you all.

  • @global.american
    @global.american 7 років тому +7

    can we start a petition to counter the UK's that petitions to ban him from coming back into the country after visiting the UK?

    • @margueritejohnson6407
      @margueritejohnson6407 7 років тому

      Jenna M NO NO NO. If he comes, it'll be a working visit. No Queen, no address to Parliament and no gold carriage. This much is decided. Also, I hope, nobody in the streets. And we don't want him. Don't care where he goes afterwards, but he's not staying here a minute longer than planned. Sorry

    • @royalspin
      @royalspin 7 років тому

      Well you know accidents do happen .. However I'd much rather see him squirming under the hot lights being impeached and see the rest of his phoney christian clowns get the boot .

  • @maggiemonroe7299
    @maggiemonroe7299 7 років тому +1

    So funny, so true. It's really never been easier, but Colbert is a master of his craft-m

  • @MiCKi914
    @MiCKi914 7 років тому +2

    "Ohh! Immune to lawsuits! I finally know why he ran for president!" Oh jeez...you must be right, Stephen...

  • @Louise91
    @Louise91 7 років тому +14

    top gun halloween costume lolol

  • @lozman67
    @lozman67 7 років тому +61

    If Trump does come to Britain, we plan to give him his wish for lots of gold. In the manner of Prince Viserys in Game of Thrones.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +5

      lozman67 - oh now, that so would be worth resurrecting Khal Drogo just for that purpose. ;)

    • @flyinspirals
      @flyinspirals 7 років тому +4

      lozman67 We will be eternally grateful.

    • @ducovanderwoude6971
      @ducovanderwoude6971 7 років тому +3

      lozman67 wel, he is into golden showers

    • @MySerpentine
      @MySerpentine 6 років тому

      Crassus

    • @Lowkeylie
      @Lowkeylie 4 роки тому

      Planning on decorating him in the same manner as he decorates one of his tacky buildings?

  • @brettcoelho5680
    @brettcoelho5680 7 років тому +1

    Thank God for you Stephen, after my children, you are my reason to live

  • @Toomuchlaffing
    @Toomuchlaffing 7 років тому +1

    "Oh no. Your majesty if you hear the sound of tic tacs just open the door and roll out." LOLOL

  • @bujin1977
    @bujin1977 7 років тому +33

    Yep. 1.8 million people signed that petition (including me). After 10,000 signatures, the government will respond. After 100,000 signatures it's considered for debate in parliament. And what happened as a result of those 1.8 million signatures? Our disgusting prime minister said "f*ck you all" (I may be paraphrasing slightly).
    And now we're going to have a general election when there's no opposition party, so we're going to be stuck with her for a long time to come.
    I wish we had a Stephen Colbert over here to take the edge off the disaster.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +2

      bujin1977 - me too mate. She has to kiss Trump's arse anyway. After Brexit, she's gonna need all the trade she can get.

    • @presidentwoodrow
      @presidentwoodrow 7 років тому +1

      +Judi O'Regan i would say wait for 9th June but yeah beardy couldn't run a bath let alone an election campaign

    • @vathek5958
      @vathek5958 7 років тому +1

      Technically at 100,000 it goes before the Back Bench Business Committee, but this was the first petition to be denied a debate (and the largest ever) so yeah, basically. Oh well, at least I get to vote once before fucking off to uni in Europe.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +1

      presidentwoodrow - true. Bit of a damp squib really, isn't he. I wouldn't trust him to lead us in a chorus of Koom Bya, let alone lead our country.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому

      Vathek - haha! Godspeed mate!!

  • @susanw9111
    @susanw9111 7 років тому +4

    Hasn't wiped out humanity *yet

  • @AkashKumar-iq8wg
    @AkashKumar-iq8wg 7 років тому +10

    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: This war season die laughing

  • @SiskinOnUTube
    @SiskinOnUTube 7 років тому +2

    At least after signing the petition, I get some recognition on the Stephen Colbert Show. The UK government (Theresa "unelected" May) didn't even blink.

    • @judioregan4210
      @judioregan4210 7 років тому +1

      Siskin's Bits and Bobs - yeah. Same goes for me.

  • @seetjhe
    @seetjhe 7 років тому +1

    One of the best opening monologue! #colbertnation !!

  • @Who-Dunnit
    @Who-Dunnit 7 років тому +27

    "This gentleman".....he forgot his name, 100%. Kim Jong errr....errrr.....