I am 42 and i know that if i turned around and talked to my father how my mother parented me he would get angry and yell ate and tell me that it was always my fault and that i was disparaging someone who is now no longer with us. I will never open up to my older family members about what i experienced from my mother. As an adult, who also happens to be ADHD and that was hidden from me until i went into college (no IEP, no therapy, no open discussions about my emotions, or my difficulties in keeping focused on the things that i need to do) definitely shaped my development. Now with my eldest being ADHD i try very hard everyday not to fall into the same patterns. I fall a lot, and make mistakes too, and now i know what i need to do to stop this cycle. Wish i had started researching this aspect much sooner, yet another mistake.
If I can make a suggestion I would delete the last sentence of what you wrote. That’s your father‘s voice that’s a complete lie. You got to the information as soon as you were able to. When you grow up with a father who’s telling you not to deal with your stuff how could you have gotten to the solutions any sooner? It’s an absolute miracle that you even went searching for the solutions at all. We are always doing the best we can with the information we have at the time as we know better we can do better. We always discover the answers at the exact right time not a moment too soon and not a moment too late. Don’t ever let your father and his Shane based voice talk to you like that again. At least that’s my suggestion but I will allow you to choose what works best for you
@@kennyweiss Okay, I have read and reread your response several times and I'm sure I will eventually figure out what you mean by your first, second and third sentence. Opening up to my family has never ended well, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many different ways I try to approach it. I think this has to do with what you meant by the phrase "that's your father's voice that's a complete lie," and why that inherently means I should delete my last sentence. Looking for clarification so I can think this through more clearly. I also think I'm misunderstanding it due to the lack of inflection (written, not spoken). I think reading and rereading is also being problematic for my brain........lol......And thank you because even though I'm still a bit in the dark of the meaning, your advice caught me by surprise, I was not expecting that (because I watched your video about advice-giving.........😉..........shhhh, it will be our little secret) 🤫
I think what he meant about the last sentence being " your father's voice and a lie" is that you have internalized how your father (and mother) spoke to you and are using that against yourself rather than tapping into your own higher self which has love, compassion and understanding for you and what you went through. As someone who is working through my childhood trauma, I internalized the voices of my caregivers too, which was pointed out by my therapist and I have worked hard to re-program that voice, so that it is mine and I can be free from the fears holding me back. We learn when we are ready and I also want to acknowledge what you said about being 42 and learning. I have been going through the grief process of having lived all of my life in survival mode and feeling like I missed out. I have had to forgive myself over and over and acknowledge each time that I was doing my best at the time. All the love and light to you on your healing journey ✨️
Thankyou 🙏 this is a great insight into trauma. I been struggling to identify my childhood traumas and feel guilt to put any blame on the way I was raised. How you are explaining it, is just how I've been starting to imagine it...Thank you
I wish i knew sooner.. my oldest is 8 in 2 weeks and have a 6.5 year old plus 11 months baby. ive messed up quite few things with the two oldest kids... is there a way of compensate for those 7 years? i am a very honest person and encourage my kids to always listen to themselves first. working on myself first then kids will get good example?... 🤔
Luv your boyish charm! I bet your kids adore you! Would you do a vid on how we enable the narcissist in our relationships with them. In hindsight every time my ex threw a raging tantrum at me I ran out and bought him a prezzy, $750 chainsaw, new clothes, snow machine….am I nuts!
Ant time I wanted to confront my mother, she’d say “oh, you’re just like your father… on a pity party”. I got shut down every single time. One night I was so distraught, I sat beside a railroad track, thinking that I’d jump out at the next train. What stopped me? My father was an engineer and had told me how devastated other engineers have been with people committing suicide on their watch. I went home feeling like a failure. I couldn’t even end my life.
@@kennyweiss I have an absolutely pathetic collection of life trauma. However, I am on a wonderful journey of healing. Received your book yesterday and the first assignment I gave myself was to journal the best day of my life and to take those feelings with me throughout the day. It’s been a wonderfully happy and productive day!
Hi Kenny Thank you for your work. It’s taking me on a journey. I’ve read two of Pia Melody’s books and yours is next. I’ve been paying attention to Gabor Mate’s teaching. I now acknowledge there was a lot of trauma in my childhood. High ace result. Can you give some advice on holding people accountable without blame…. How do we effectively do this without it becoming confrontational. Thank you 🙏
What a great question. What you are really wanting to now about is both boundaries and codependence recovery. Unfortunately that is not a short answer. I have several masterclasses dedicated to those processes. If you are interested in learning those skills, you can achieve that here. thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
That’s exactly right. Perfectly said that means you are present in your life and wanting change. Learning about the worst day cycle does feel like you are being personally attacked. That’s because it’s confronting your denial and self deception. It’s chipping away at exposing the false persona that we all had to develop in childhood to survive. You’re starting to get into truth and reality that many of your thoughts feelings and beliefs are not your own. They are false and adaptations we create to survive what we experienced in childhood. You are at the very beginning stages of reclaiming your authentic self. Keep going, don’t stop, you will survive this and you will come out on the other side so much more powerful and aware. I am incredibly excited for you🎉🎉
Thanks you are filling in all the blanks
I am 42 and i know that if i turned around and talked to my father how my mother parented me he would get angry and yell ate and tell me that it was always my fault and that i was disparaging someone who is now no longer with us. I will never open up to my older family members about what i experienced from my mother. As an adult, who also happens to be ADHD and that was hidden from me until i went into college (no IEP, no therapy, no open discussions about my emotions, or my difficulties in keeping focused on the things that i need to do) definitely shaped my development. Now with my eldest being ADHD i try very hard everyday not to fall into the same patterns. I fall a lot, and make mistakes too, and now i know what i need to do to stop this cycle. Wish i had started researching this aspect much sooner, yet another mistake.
If I can make a suggestion I would delete the last sentence of what you wrote. That’s your father‘s voice that’s a complete lie. You got to the information as soon as you were able to. When you grow up with a father who’s telling you not to deal with your stuff how could you have gotten to the solutions any sooner? It’s an absolute miracle that you even went searching for the solutions at all. We are always doing the best we can with the information we have at the time as we know better we can do better. We always discover the answers at the exact right time not a moment too soon and not a moment too late. Don’t ever let your father and his Shane based voice talk to you like that again. At least that’s my suggestion but I will allow you to choose what works best for you
@@kennyweiss Okay, I have read and reread your response several times and I'm sure I will eventually figure out what you mean by your first, second and third sentence. Opening up to my family has never ended well, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many different ways I try to approach it. I think this has to do with what you meant by the phrase "that's your father's voice that's a complete lie," and why that inherently means I should delete my last sentence. Looking for clarification so I can think this through more clearly. I also think I'm misunderstanding it due to the lack of inflection (written, not spoken). I think reading and rereading is also being problematic for my brain........lol......And thank you because even though I'm still a bit in the dark of the meaning, your advice caught me by surprise, I was not expecting that (because I watched your video about advice-giving.........😉..........shhhh, it will be our little secret) 🤫
I think what he meant about the last sentence being " your father's voice and a lie" is that you have internalized how your father (and mother) spoke to you and are using that against yourself rather than tapping into your own higher self which has love, compassion and understanding for you and what you went through. As someone who is working through my childhood trauma, I internalized the voices of my caregivers too, which was pointed out by my therapist and I have worked hard to re-program that voice, so that it is mine and I can be free from the fears holding me back. We learn when we are ready and I also want to acknowledge what you said about being 42 and learning. I have been going through the grief process of having lived all of my life in survival mode and feeling like I missed out. I have had to forgive myself over and over and acknowledge each time that I was doing my best at the time. All the love and light to you on your healing journey ✨️
Thankyou 🙏 this is a great insight into trauma. I been struggling to identify my childhood traumas and feel guilt to put any blame on the way I was raised. How you are explaining it, is just how I've been starting to imagine it...Thank you
I am listening thank you thank you thank you! Namaste!!
You’re welcome
I wish i knew sooner.. my oldest is 8 in 2 weeks and have a 6.5 year old plus 11 months baby. ive messed up quite few things with the two oldest kids... is there a way of compensate for those 7 years? i am a very honest person and encourage my kids to always listen to themselves first. working on myself first then kids will get good example?... 🤔
Luv your boyish charm! I bet your kids adore you! Would you do a vid on how we enable the narcissist in our relationships with them. In hindsight every time my ex threw a raging tantrum at me I ran out and bought him a prezzy, $750 chainsaw, new clothes, snow machine….am I nuts!
This is so exact.. its scary.. help me Jesus.
Ant time I wanted to confront my mother, she’d say “oh, you’re just like your father… on a pity party”. I got shut down every single time. One night I was so distraught, I sat beside a railroad track, thinking that I’d jump out at the next train. What stopped me? My father was an engineer and had told me how devastated other engineers have been with people committing suicide on their watch. I went home feeling like a failure. I couldn’t even end my life.
My goodness. Talk about the quintessential double bind. That is so sad
@@kennyweiss I have an absolutely pathetic collection of life trauma. However, I am on a wonderful journey of healing. Received your book yesterday and the first assignment I gave myself was to journal the best day of my life and to take those feelings with me throughout the day. It’s been a wonderfully happy and productive day!
@@donnao8950 I love that you are having a happy and productive day! ;-)
Thanks
Flippin heck,Kenny.
You dropped a truth bomb in this clip.❣
Hi Kenny
Thank you for your work. It’s taking me on a journey. I’ve read two of Pia Melody’s books and yours is next. I’ve been paying attention to Gabor Mate’s teaching. I now acknowledge there was a lot of trauma in my childhood. High ace result. Can you give some advice on holding people accountable without blame…. How do we effectively do this without it becoming confrontational. Thank you 🙏
What a great question. What you are really wanting to now about is both boundaries and codependence recovery. Unfortunately that is not a short answer. I have several masterclasses dedicated to those processes. If you are interested in learning those skills, you can achieve that here. thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
It feels like an assault, to my brain.
That’s exactly right. Perfectly said that means you are present in your life and wanting change. Learning about the worst day cycle does feel like you are being personally attacked.
That’s because it’s confronting your denial and self deception. It’s chipping away at exposing the false persona that we all had to develop in childhood to survive.
You’re starting to get into truth and reality that many of your thoughts feelings and beliefs are not your own. They are false and adaptations we create to survive what we experienced in childhood.
You are at the very beginning stages of reclaiming your authentic self.
Keep going, don’t stop, you will survive this and you will come out on the other side so much more powerful and aware. I am incredibly excited for you🎉🎉