Long-term risks of helicopter parenting
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- Опубліковано 15 лип 2015
- During her time as a Stanford University dean, Julie Lythcott-Haims saw a deluge of book-smart students who didn't have the skills to live independently. Lythcott-Haims joins “CBS This Morning” to discuss her new book, "How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success."
The problem with these parents is that when kids turn 18 they still may not see you as an adult.
I know right? I’m 20 and my parents treat me like a teen still
My advice to anyone is to get away from them, as far away as possible. Suffer through not knowing exactly what to do or how to be "successful." Do it while your'e young. You have the ability to be self sufficient no matter what you have been led to believe
My ex was 33, had to leave him because I couldn’t stand the relationship with his mother.
Toxic mothers are notorious for doing this.
My problem was the opposite. Had a helicopter mom who wouldn't let me do ANYTHING for myself. Wouldn't let me have a boyfriend or even hang out with a guy until I was 16, wouldn't teach me how to drive or let me get a permit for fear that I'd go places and do things she didn't want me to, wouldn't let me hang out with girls if she didn't like their moms. Never taught me anything about the fundamentals of life. Then as soon as I turned 18 the switch was flipped and all of a sudden I was expected to magically be a mature adult who knew how to do everything. Lol.
My grandparents were helicopter parents I'm almost 40 and I still have trouble living as an adult. I believe this has caused me to be overweight, depression, anxiety, and other health issues I shouldn't have at my age.
You are not alone, and God wants you to ask him for help.
All you helicopter parents out there, you are crippling your kids by doing what you are doing. Let them work things out themselves and be independent. It makes me sad to think that they are taught to seek help for even the most basic tasks. It doesn’t matter if they are the most book smart. Keep this in mind
My parents are helicopter parents.When I was a child i thought I was the best.After 20's i ended up having no friends,no girlfriend, no hope ,no motivation.
I'm sorry. I ask God for help when I feel lonely, that helps me.
@@Christisrisen1324 then god helped you? The feeling is just temperory..
Truth is truth nothing can't change it.
@@tradingchannelmalayalam6900 God has helped me
Same here. Seems like my life is a failure and I always look to suicide just to get away from parents. Sometimes it feels like I was cursed. And stuck in a situation I can’t seem to get out of. Every attempt fails. Can’t seem to keep a job nor find the right job. Lost friends. And just feel like there is nothing left for me to do other then to wait for death to come. Also my mother is an extreme hoarder.
I'm legit crying while watching this. How do I reverse the effects of helicopter parents at 25?
are you the parent or child?
This person is 25, if he or she has a kid, that kid clearly hasn't experienced enough of life to have suffered long term effects of helicopter parenting.
Nothing makes you mature more than being a caregiver for someone who cannot help themselves like a child or someone elderly! You could volunteer.
Lmao im going to therapy and looking for a second job to get away
I'm still trying to figure this out at 26.
I always hate it when some parents hold their kids back from growing as people. Being a good parent is even better.
Totally, totally agree. There are kids out there who end up getting this sense of entitlement because their parents did everything for them. Then these parents wonder why their 30 year old is still living with them. They created this piece of work. The real world doesn't want to deal with these kids. They have businesses to run, and they don't have time to babysit an adult. I wonder if many of these kids end up homeless because of what their parents did. The sad thing is, the government supports this kind of parenting, and we end up with helpless adults on welfare.
***** Then in the end the parents complain!
+Maria Elana You got it backwards. It's not government who supports this kind of parenting, it's capitalism.
chris Isn't capitalism a "form" of government? Parents want government control over everything. Even to the point of using detergent pods because a parent doesnt have the sense to put them out of the reach of small children.
Maria Elana
Capitalism is not a form of government, it's an economic system that is based on private ownership of the means of production.
Marie with an E imagine having this while also having a parent that tells u ur wrong for being entitled when THERE THE REASON u dk anything
All I could hear is: "Babyboomer parents are silly."
I feel like I have to make my aunt and uncle watch this. They’re doing this to my cousins. Now one of them has depression. Both the kids are 19 and 17 and they’re not even allowed to turn on the stove.
I'm sorry about that. I went through a similar situation. Since I have been asking God for help, my confidence has improved.
2018 parents: “helicopter parenting is bad!”
Also 2018 parents: “yes, I still breastfeed my 6 year old.”
My aunt and uncle were mad at their son, because he and his wife had a 5 year old still in diapers....the boy went to kindergarten in diapers...yikes.
@@shannon2748 I was like that too I still wore diapers till I was like nine or ten
And velcro shoes
My friend told me a story about when his dad went to Popeyes. The guy there was a teenager. He goes in and orders. He forgets to give him his drink. He informs them that they forgot and he stared at him, terrified, all because he was confronted. The manager had to come out to give him his drink because the other worker was like paralyzed with fear.
I had a similar experience when I bought some gummy bears at a convienence store. I paid with a 10 and got the amount of change I would've if I were to pay with a 5. The lady freaked out and apologized over and over and even offered me a discount. I told her to chill out. It was really funny.
A girl told me that if people get mad at her she breaks down and cries.
All three probably were caused by overprotective parents.
Ein Walroß when ever somebody is mad at me, or critizes me, no matter how nice they are, I cry. I have no idea why, it's just an instinct, and it's soooo annoying
Ein Walroß I agree. Overprotection is the mental neglect that nobody cares about. Overprotection is on the same spectrum as neglect.
Jo I think overbearing is child abuse. Nobody wants to admit it because parents do it out of love. Well if that’s love then it’s very corrupt. I think a guardian mindset is way better than let paranoia get to your head. Guardians expect but give in return. Overprotective parents give nothing in return and they ruin childhoods.
@@julialetourneau7310 wow I used to do that even in high school... it got to the point where because my parents believed that I was emotionally stunted they kept protecting me more which made me more emotionally stunted so they would keep doing it even more every time I cry, when I got angry or anything other than what medication I took to keep me at, I will get violently angry and hurt myself in confusion (high-functioning recovering autistic straight A student with obsessive-compulsive tendencies and afraid of almost every single thing that I've never seen before and also afraid of everything they told me to be scared of, crossing the street, not washing hands, talking to strangers, talking to girls, using the phone, the internet, etcetera)
My mother is guilty of doing this.
I'm dealing with this at 25. I was born premature and have a few disabilities including AUTISM and TOURETTE'S and as i grew up my entire family. Aunts uncles grandparents mom they all did everything for me and now my mom just expects me to do everything for myself but when I'm with her. I revert back to the person who had everything handled for them like i can't even talk to her and she hates it because i can talk to a stranger but not with my mom. It's like I'm split into 2 different people one is confident and very bright and the other feels hopeless and like a baby unable to do anything for himself. All while having this expectation of being a self sufficient adult.shoved down my throat all the time
I'm sorry. I struggled with low confidence because my parents did alot of things for me. But since I have been asking God for help, my confidence has improved.
Yeah...it sucks.
@@admech590 how is your experience with this if you are going through it
@@tonywalker1954 shit...I belive my only hope now is joining the police. Anything loosely militant to burn away my mother complex. If I'm going to be dependent on something, itd be best if it was something constructive like the law (even if I'll be a tool for the corrupt South African police force).
I got a participation ribbon once in middle school. I'm a real winner.
Bob Smith yes you are! And you like turtles too!
I’m 31 my parents still try to helicopter me but at 25 I joined the navy to get out. Know I live alone different state my parents still try to helicopter me. So I just let them open all my mail from the VA. Recently I met up with a childhood friend 36 now he still lives with his parents and 24/7 on call from his mom she tells him when to be home who to be friends with. His mom went as far as to call my parents up and saying I’m wasting my life because I got tattoos and I’m a criminal
How are you both in the Navy and a criminal in their eyes?
I suffered with this, and I am still healing from it. Since I have been asking God for help, my confidence has been improving.
Wow! That sounds so crazy. In my family, my mom is the calm and chill one. My dad is difficult, to put it as nicely as possible. I just mostly keep my mouth shut around him, etc.
Hlo, sir . I suffer this. Can I talk with you?
Haha you got lucky. I lived in Singapore when i was in my 20s i was conscripted into the army. I wanted to signed up to be a professional soldier and got shot down brutally by my parents. Mom especially.
I am also in my 30s now. You know what my parents said recently? That they gave up on their student reunion trip because she was terrified i will be martial courted if i dont show up to military on time when i was in my 20s. They treat it as i will get executed if i am tardy in the military.
In my 30s they still think of me as a kid. That even bleed into my ex fiancee cheating and looking down on me.
It hurts so much more because you know it comes from a place of love and affection.
i am a 23 y.o but my parents still treat me like a baby. When i go hang out with my friends or go on a date with my bf my dad always text me where are u? What you doing? Don't do this don't do that blablabla, kind of annoying. I feel like i am in control, they don't give me a freedom to choose whatever it makes me happy
Well, at least they give me a lesson to not treat my children like a robot in the future. I will let my children to do whatever they happy as long as it save
Sorry my bad english, japanese here hehe
Japan is praised by disciplinarians for "obedient kids" but they fail to look at the psychological damage done.
But then again, adults have never had any ounce of respect dor children as human beings anyway.
I suffered from this, and I am still healing from it. Since I have been asking God for help, my confidence has improved.
I'm 20 and my mom won't allow me to walk around the neighborhood or go to the library for 8 hours.
OMG, the look on the dude's face at 3:20!!! If you wanted to see what facial expression means "shut up, dammit" there it is
I was looking at the same thing dying laughing. I had to scroll to see if anybody else noticed it!!!! Too funny!!
He dropped that pen like "damn shut up"
I grew up in Portugal in the 90's and early 00's and I'd walk to school (about a mile) and back every day by myself, sometimes with kids from my neighbourhood since I was like 9 (And before that, I'd take the bus by myself when my school was farther away). My parents only drove me to school if it was raining a lot or they were passing by the school on their way somewhere. I was always given the freedom to do whatever as long as I didn't get in trouble and I never did, probably bc it wasn't cool to "break the rules" if the rules were never that strict, to begin with.
I’ve let my kids be kids and they have grown into healthy, happy teenagers. They get amazing grades and don’t use substances. Maybe I just got lucky but I let them manage their own homework, their own bedtimes and make their own choices from about puberty on. I give them guidance, love and plenty of acceptance and affection. We are close
CPS has made parents afraid to be anything other than fearful parents. Now don't get me wrong....CPS is a valuable protection for children who are suffering real abuse and neglect. But CPS has stepped over the boundaries from real abuse and neglect and are now causing abuse and neglect of a far worse kind. Children are so overprotected and forced to be dependent that they can't function as adults on their own. And while CPS is out there investigating the parents who are trying to raise their children to be independent a great many actually abused and neglected children fall through the cracks because there just aren't enough CPS workers to keep up with it all. This is a problem that is getting worse. A snowball effect. The Japanese trust their kids to travel miles on trains, walk to and from somewhere alone, and they have far surpassed us in technology and in their young adults and their work ethics. We have to do something or we will be facing extreme problems in the years ahead.
But the Japanese also tell their kids who to marry, tell them to give them money every month, etc.
This is so true and disheartening at the same time. I knew of a helicopter parents that went as far as paying a local news agency a hefty price to broadcast their child at the high school. They both have uploaded and paid news agencies to have their children plastered on the internet for their academic and sports achievements.
This destroys children and sometimes they turn out to be addicts and so clueless to the real world it dangerously affects them. And steals away their childhood
I've once seen a report about two German ladies who wrote a book on helicopter parents and in the book they had gathered lots of -partially cringeworthy examples of overparenting, like before a class trip the parents would visit the farm or hostel where they would go few weeks before, so their child is already acquainted with the place or before moving house they would still spend another nice in the empty old place, so kids can mentally let go, let alone all the extra traffic caused in front of schools cause parents drop their kids to school (If they could they would drive right outside the classroom to make sure they manage the way from the car to the classroom safely). However I have seen another video of a Canadian father who also made a good and valid point that stateside and in Canada the city zoning layout mostly separates schools and shops from residential areas, so it makes it hard to not depend on a car, which then ads to the need to drive kids to school or wherever, cause all is so far away, thus more cars, more traffic, more danger of traffic which then ends in a circle and that point is to be taken into consideration too. What I find weird tho' is that I've seen in reports in the US that people can often not let their kids even play in the front garden, without some overcareful neighbour reporting them for allegedly 'neglecting their supervision 'duties'. And the world hasn't necessarily gone more dangerous in terms, just in times of social media it gets publicised a thousandfold, reposted and re-shared so the danger may be perceived as greater than it is in real.
thank u for this and going to get the book
Wish I found out about this book when it came out.
I wish my parents read that book before reasoning me and my siblings
In my opinion protection is like sex or any other physical affection. It’s only appreciated if you need protection. If you don’t need it and it’s forced down your throat anyway then it creates depression,you feel violated,disrespected and unhappy. Be a guardian not a protector. Protectors are selfish and expect you to give into their demands but a guardian gives up their time and flexibility to look after you. An overprotective idiot would tell you that you can’t go there but a guardian will say you can go but only if I can pick you up and drive you home. There is a difference between caring and catering to shush your own paranoia.
I grew up with helicopter grandparents. Now at 28 how do I reverse it?
and schools to at 18 is an adult need to know what they want to do with there life but still has to ask to go pee
Yes yes yes !
This is me. Now, my daughter has narcissistic personality disorder 😢
The genius speaks
it's not about the parents but about the American environment it's different from other Countries, in America parents deal with extreme anxiety due to the way the Country is wired
I can't believe it but I'm guilty of this. My son is choosing colleges and asks me where I might be okay with moving😔
Really I was scared out of going to college because my mom threatened to move in with me wherever I went, plus college is where young people only go to do drugs, have sex and join cults....
So why would I want to go there?
My parents did this to me, but I forgive them because no parent is perfect. Since I have been asking God for help, my confidence has improved.
@@PACKERMAN2077 Hopefully, your mom didn't go on job interviews with you. I've actually heard of some parents doing this....it's crazy.
@@shannon2748 yes she did actually and when I spoke and carried myself like an adult she was floored and surprised and thought I was going to still require someone to advocate and speak for me in public and to adults.
I think that is what cost me the job actually because they were looking for someone less qualified than me, the position was for one with more severe disabilities.
Great report. The destructiveness of helicopter leadership also holds true for government. Stay far away from helicopter politicians! 👍🏻🇺🇲
To me, the reason why overprotection is pretty bad is because of age expectancy and ageism.
Fear is the path to the dark side.
Curious about helicopter parenting? In our UA-cam video, we explore how it can influence kids' independence. Watch now and let's chat about finding the right balance. What's your take?
Nothing but trouble with Vinted
1. I never had "Helicopter parents". And 2. The reason why I still live with my parents is I have Aspergers Syndrome.
I am the same as well, and I believe my mother is a helicopter parent. I wanted to be young and free, but because she keeps comparing me to the successful kids and limiting many opportunities to being social and independent just for my academics, it made me hate being young as a result. However, she keeps telling me that being young and in college are the "best four years of your life". That's a complete lie. I'm going to be a junior and I despise college life. I thought once I became a college student, I can finally have some independence, but it's like the same thing that's happening in high school: wake up, get dressed, go to school, do homework, and go home. Nothing happened and nothing changes. That's what my young life became, and I doubt that it'll change in the future...
You can have Aspergers and live independently
Do you really have it or did they force you to live as if you do?