For me, I’m a high libido asexual. This is how I like to describe it. Libido is the feeling you have, orientation is who (if) that feeling is directed at, and desire is why (if) you want to do it. I have a high libido, but it’s not really directed at anyone.
@ I definitely have romantic attraction towards others. Personally, I’m panromantic, but I’m usually more drawn to feminine people in a romantic and aesthetic sense. I also do engage is solo stuff.
Yes absolutely, and I’m a bit disappointed that they didn’t bring this up. Non-libidoist aces definitely exist but being asexual does not at all mean that you can’t have a sex drive (libido) or get aroused. This is one of the big misconceptions about asexuality that needs to be corrected.
How seen I feel by this episode, as a biromantic demisexual person 🥹 the "broken" rhetoric particularly hit home for me. In regards to low libido vs asexuality: I once heard libido is a feeling, like an "itch" that can be scratched, though not necessarily partnered. Sexual attraction is an outward feeling that involves more than one person. This distinction clarified a lot for me, as you can be an asexual person with a high libido (or anywhere on any of those spectrums)
I'm 23 and have never been intimate with anyone, been in a relationship, kissed or even had a crush. So yeah I've considered both ace and aro. Loving the ep
Asexual and aromatic aren’t microlabels just because they aren’t well known. The definition of a microlabel is a label that describes a subcategory of another broader identity or label. Typically a microlabel cannot stand on its own as it implies that one is also a part of the umbrella term that is falls under. For example apothisexual is a microlabel since it describes an asexual who is sex repulsed i.e. it is a subcategory of asexuals and all apothisexuals are inherently also asexual. Whether or not something is a microlabel has contrary to the name nothing to do with how well known or popular the label is or how many are identifying with it. Microlabels can be really well known and non-microlabels can be so small that only a single person identifies with it (a so called pocket label). I guess you could maybe argue that all queer identities are microlabels under the label “queer” but that is not how you usually use the term. Edit: after posting this reply I realized that I had miss read the comment and they weren’t actually saying that ace and aro are microlabels but I’m not deleting the reply as it might still educate someone.
Thank you for including asexuality in your slice of the queer community! As an aroace, I get so excited when I hear queer allo folks talk about asexuality and even more so when they acknowledge aromanticism. It goes a long way in helping us feel included so we feel comfortable as identifying as a part of the LGBTQ community. So often we're missing that community aspect
Thank you for this!!! I always love how Ace Dad always exudes acceptance (no gate-keeping). I've shed happy tears watching their videos. I identify as queer, who is an hypersensitive autist - so although the idea of sex is appealing, in reality my five senses usually can't handle the real thing.
I’m a bit disappointed that they didn’t bring up the fact that sexual attraction and libido are two different things and that being asexual isn’t the same as having a low libido. Some asexuals do have a very low libidos and for those people it can be hard to know if their lack of sexual attraction is just caused by their low libido or if they’re really asexual, but for a lot of us, me included, this is not an issue at all since we have average or high libidos but still no sexual attraction.
Also a high libido asexual (or greysexual idk?) and aromantic here. I don't really feel any strong desire to involve another person. It's true that I COULD probably be aroused were I ever to be in a sexual scenario. However the solo experience is enough. And even still, any arousal would be more from the idea of being sexual instead of actually the person themselves. The reality would probably not be very appealing.
Hi ! I'm ace too (and also biromantic). I describe my asexuality as not looking at people in a 'sexual' way but still having the ability to be drawn to them in other ways ... Sexual desires toward them, is the last thing that comes to mind. I'm very turned on by the idea of sex, though (through fantasies, fictional characters or scenarios etc ...) which is why it was so hard to realize I'm Ace for a while.
@@shannymesse4634what you described was agosexuality (not sure how to spell it). There’s also a video about it on the channel if u want to learn more about it
@@SweetSkies478 Hi 👋🏾 ☺️☺️ ! Thanks for the info ! I've realized I'm aegosexual just 2 weeks ago, so thanks for confirming my realization... I'm still amazed by the fact there's a label that fits so well 🥹🥹. After years of thinking I was 'broken', 'too picky' or 'weird', I can finally be myself.
Incredible episode! So happy to have this crossover!! If Cody comes on the podcast again, could you dig a bit deeper into their agender identity? And how to navigate it in a super gendered world. Thanks QC x
I love Ace Dad, had a call with them and they were so kind and helpful to my complicated and confusing situation I was in about coming out to my partner.
@QueerCollective I'd be bisexual/biromantic so I wanted to get a better understanding outside of my own sexuality, I saw bi aroace in his status before though so I'm wondering if you could do an episode about gay/lesbian aroace's, thanking you for the work that you do!
I’m asexual and demiromantic so I often use aroace. I also get gatekept a LOT from the aroace and aromantic communities because I’m demiromantic-aka…not “aro” not “aro enough.” Describing asexuality is “just wanting companionship.” Describing demiromanticism is “just having a good head on my shoulders.” Looking for How The Hell To Survive Romantic Attraction As Asexual/Demiromantic is…literally…Give Out and ignore consent within myself, Be Open/Polyamorous, or Never Try because…respecting myself is “neglecting a poor poor partner.” I am. Fed up. I can and choose to remain friends with the person I’m in love with. I also came out as asexual to try and explain WHY I choose friendship over feeling “driven” for romantic relationships in general ‘cause others wouldn’t just leave us alone and I took the fall for the harassment they put the other person through. I also finally was open about y’know liking them romantically but STILL choosing friendship until the day THEY choose to explore changing the status quo because others picked up on things and I Could NOT go through That again. They…have every indication that they like me back. Which. If they ever feel like their circumstances are More Stable to try dating…I’ve been as transparent as I can be. Including wearing fucking asexual and demiromantic pins on my backpack that I take literally everywhere. If they decide they really do want to give it a go and then wind up hurt and dissappointed I went above and beyond trying to make SURE they knew what I am Because I am beyond sick of taking blame from people. I’m even still friends ‘cause after so much shit they refused to let me take blame, and have validated me ever since-let’s see if that remains the case when our hearts and their family’s expectations would be on the line, though. Because I tried. Far more than I probably should have. But why can’t I have romantic love the rare moment I do actually feel and find it. I’m tired of being kept out of my own community, kept from resources, told to make myself small.
Thanks so much for this conversation! 17:31 I can’t relate to that either. Never have. I thought it might be related to traumatic experiences with purity culture, and it still might be, but it’s nice to know that there are others out there who feel this way without that kind of baggage. Additionally, demisexual (if I’m understanding it correctly) provides context for why I would be unable to engage in intimacy within a relationship where that trust bond has eroded, or at the very least has flatlined. You’ve given me so much to think about. grateful to you all.
Loved this episode. Suggestion, please bring exclusively Aro people next, because there's a difference between Aro and Ace plus the wonderful guest is Ace themselves, this made the interview overwhelmingly about Asexual experiences. Aromantic experiences are very misunderstood and people don't even think/know it exists. You are such wonderful hosts and you ask interesting questions. I hope your platform continues to grow because you deserve more.
For me, I’m a high libido asexual. This is how I like to describe it. Libido is the feeling you have, orientation is who (if) that feeling is directed at, and desire is why (if) you want to do it. I have a high libido, but it’s not really directed at anyone.
@@Reed5016 interesting! Do you mainly satisfy this through solo pleasure? Do you have romantic attraction to others? Thanks for sharing
@ I definitely have romantic attraction towards others. Personally, I’m panromantic, but I’m usually more drawn to feminine people in a romantic and aesthetic sense. I also do engage is solo stuff.
This. I experience this too.
Yeah same
Yes absolutely, and I’m a bit disappointed that they didn’t bring this up. Non-libidoist aces definitely exist but being asexual does not at all mean that you can’t have a sex drive (libido) or get aroused. This is one of the big misconceptions about asexuality that needs to be corrected.
How seen I feel by this episode, as a biromantic demisexual person 🥹 the "broken" rhetoric particularly hit home for me. In regards to low libido vs asexuality: I once heard libido is a feeling, like an "itch" that can be scratched, though not necessarily partnered. Sexual attraction is an outward feeling that involves more than one person. This distinction clarified a lot for me, as you can be an asexual person with a high libido (or anywhere on any of those spectrums)
Thank you for sharing and so glad you enjoyed the episode
I'm 23 and have never been intimate with anyone, been in a relationship, kissed or even had a crush. So yeah I've considered both ace and aro. Loving the ep
Glad we can help you feel seen ❤
Haha same. I'm on 25 years now.
I am with you all on the term "queer." I'm not straight, and ace/aro and micro labels is more than some people can handle.
💗🫶
Asexual and aromatic aren’t microlabels just because they aren’t well known. The definition of a microlabel is a label that describes a subcategory of another broader identity or label. Typically a microlabel cannot stand on its own as it implies that one is also a part of the umbrella term that is falls under. For example apothisexual is a microlabel since it describes an asexual who is sex repulsed i.e. it is a subcategory of asexuals and all apothisexuals are inherently also asexual. Whether or not something is a microlabel has contrary to the name nothing to do with how well known or popular the label is or how many are identifying with it. Microlabels can be really well known and non-microlabels can be so small that only a single person identifies with it (a so called pocket label). I guess you could maybe argue that all queer identities are microlabels under the label “queer” but that is not how you usually use the term.
Edit: after posting this reply I realized that I had miss read the comment and they weren’t actually saying that ace and aro are microlabels but I’m not deleting the reply as it might still educate someone.
Thank you for including asexuality in your slice of the queer community! As an aroace, I get so excited when I hear queer allo folks talk about asexuality and even more so when they acknowledge aromanticism. It goes a long way in helping us feel included so we feel comfortable as identifying as a part of the LGBTQ community. So often we're missing that community aspect
Yay! We’re so glad we were able to have this episode 💕
Thank you for this!!! I always love how Ace Dad always exudes acceptance (no gate-keeping). I've shed happy tears watching their videos. I identify as queer, who is an hypersensitive autist - so although the idea of sex is appealing, in reality my five senses usually can't handle the real thing.
They are the best ❤ warmest most welcoming human ever. Literally the Ace Dad ahaha
I’m a bit disappointed that they didn’t bring up the fact that sexual attraction and libido are two different things and that being asexual isn’t the same as having a low libido. Some asexuals do have a very low libidos and for those people it can be hard to know if their lack of sexual attraction is just caused by their low libido or if they’re really asexual, but for a lot of us, me included, this is not an issue at all since we have average or high libidos but still no sexual attraction.
Cody really helped me in my early ace journey. Im super thankfull to them and all the work that they do
Also a high libido asexual (or greysexual idk?) and aromantic here.
I don't really feel any strong desire to involve another person.
It's true that I COULD probably be aroused were I ever to be in a sexual scenario. However the solo experience is enough.
And even still, any arousal would be more from the idea of being sexual instead of actually the person themselves. The reality would probably not be very appealing.
Hi ! I'm ace too (and also biromantic). I describe my asexuality as not looking at people in a 'sexual' way but still having the ability to be drawn to them in other ways ... Sexual desires toward them, is the last thing that comes to mind. I'm very turned on by the idea of sex, though (through fantasies, fictional characters or scenarios etc ...) which is why it was so hard to realize I'm Ace for a while.
Thank you for sharing your experience 💕
@@shannymesse4634what you described was agosexuality (not sure how to spell it). There’s also a video about it on the channel if u want to learn more about it
@@SweetSkies478 Hi 👋🏾 ☺️☺️ ! Thanks for the info ! I've realized I'm aegosexual just 2 weeks ago, so thanks for confirming my realization... I'm still amazed by the fact there's a label that fits so well 🥹🥹. After years of thinking I was 'broken', 'too picky' or 'weird', I can finally be myself.
Incredible episode! So happy to have this crossover!! If Cody comes on the podcast again, could you dig a bit deeper into their agender identity? And how to navigate it in a super gendered world. Thanks QC x
An interesting topic idea 💡
I love Ace Dad, had a call with them and they were so kind and helpful to my complicated and confusing situation I was in about coming out to my partner.
They’re truly so sweet and knowledgeable
Best friend's aroace so I'm watching this in part for himm 🙏nice job covering the topic guys!
Aw I’m sure he will appreciate you learning more about his identity. That’s really sweet of you.
@QueerCollective I'd be bisexual/biromantic so I wanted to get a better understanding outside of my own sexuality, I saw bi aroace in his status before though so I'm wondering if you could do an episode about gay/lesbian aroace's, thanking you for the work that you do!
I recommend the ace couple podcast to anyone looking for more ace-centered content!
I’m asexual and demiromantic so I often use aroace. I also get gatekept a LOT from the aroace and aromantic communities because I’m demiromantic-aka…not “aro” not “aro enough.” Describing asexuality is “just wanting companionship.” Describing demiromanticism is “just having a good head on my shoulders.” Looking for How The Hell To Survive Romantic Attraction As Asexual/Demiromantic is…literally…Give Out and ignore consent within myself, Be Open/Polyamorous, or Never Try because…respecting myself is “neglecting a poor poor partner.”
I am. Fed up.
I can and choose to remain friends with the person I’m in love with. I also came out as asexual to try and explain WHY I choose friendship over feeling “driven” for romantic relationships in general ‘cause others wouldn’t just leave us alone and I took the fall for the harassment they put the other person through. I also finally was open about y’know liking them romantically but STILL choosing friendship until the day THEY choose to explore changing the status quo because others picked up on things and I Could NOT go through That again.
They…have every indication that they like me back. Which. If they ever feel like their circumstances are More Stable to try dating…I’ve been as transparent as I can be. Including wearing fucking asexual and demiromantic pins on my backpack that I take literally everywhere. If they decide they really do want to give it a go and then wind up hurt and dissappointed I went above and beyond trying to make SURE they knew what I am
Because I am beyond sick of taking blame from people.
I’m even still friends ‘cause after so much shit they refused to let me take blame, and have validated me ever since-let’s see if that remains the case when our hearts and their family’s expectations would be on the line, though.
Because I tried. Far more than I probably should have.
But why can’t I have romantic love the rare moment I do actually feel and find it. I’m tired of being kept out of my own community, kept from resources, told to make myself small.
Always love to see Cody! Their books and workshops are super helpful in my journey
Great to hear!
Thanks so much for this conversation! 17:31 I can’t relate to that either. Never have. I thought it might be related to traumatic experiences with purity culture, and it still might be, but it’s nice to know that there are others out there who feel this way without that kind of baggage. Additionally, demisexual (if I’m understanding it correctly) provides context for why I would be unable to engage in intimacy within a relationship where that trust bond has eroded, or at the very least has flatlined. You’ve given me so much to think about. grateful to you all.
This episode was very educational and much needed!!! (thank you queer collective & acedadadvice)!!
Glad it was helpful 💕
great ep y’all. loved cody’s way of thinking
Thank you 🙏🏼
Cody!!! So glad to see you! Great podcast everyone!!
Thank you 💕
Loved this episode. Suggestion, please bring exclusively Aro people next, because there's a difference between Aro and Ace plus the wonderful guest is Ace themselves, this made the interview overwhelmingly about Asexual experiences. Aromantic experiences are very misunderstood and people don't even think/know it exists.
You are such wonderful hosts and you ask interesting questions. I hope your platform continues to grow because you deserve more.
Any suggestions on guest?
@@QueerCollective I think Khadija Mbowe has been expressing being aro recently. Could try hitting them up?
Got to love ace dad. 🥰
Thank you so much for this episode. Interesting, informative. And of great help for me, because I learned a thing or two about myself.
So glad it was helpful!
Great episode!
Thank you 💕
Wonderful
Thank you 😊
1:00 I want you to want me, I just don't want you to want me to want you. 😆
And well yeah…
you should interview people who are Autoheterosexual next, it explains my sexuality
Interesting!
It's interesting, I see a lot of aroace people, and a lot of asexual people, but I hardly ever see someone who's just aromantic.
Hi I'm aroallo, heterosexual aromantic to be specific
Aromantic = smells male?
Most men feel romantic attraction, that's not the same as disinterest in romance.