Pretty nuts that was the final verdict. The whole “making her illness about you” angle made no sense. As if stepping up to raise a son is selfish in any way.
@@theshadow3286raising who? The 18 year old man? They’re right mother never reached out there’s a lot at stake here and for a kid who’s already practically an adult. The juice is not worth the squeeze at this point. If the kid was younger I’d understand but his time to step up was long ago
@@Amorr_Fatii_ agree that he’s super late on stepping up. And you’re right, raising is the wrong word now that the guy is 18. But the point still stands that if you think you’re the father you step in, especially considering the mom is dying and the son might be on his own. I don’t see how reaching out to the mother is selfish more than it is necessary.
@@theshadow3286might be more selfish just cause it’d complicate their lives more than give answers or closure really Only relieve the guy of his guilt I feel like
My dad reached out to me when I was 18, he left when I was 3. Really meant a lot and now we have a great relationship. He should definitely do the right thing and at least see if the kid is his.
@@bigmac4325 to be honest, I only knew my mom’s perspective growing up, and his perspective ended up making a lot of sense to me. And either way, stuff happens and you shouldn’t live your life with all that resentment imo
@@AgitpropPsyopyeah like either way he has the chance to maybe give the kid some closure. even if it just ends up being the confirmation that his dad is a pos
You gotta step up. You know its yours. Supporting an 18 year old through the death of his mother and being there for him emotionally and probably financially isn't like adopting a 2 year old.
Fiancé said she didn't want kids but this isn't her kid and he's hardly a kid anymore. It's not like she has to raise him so she might be chill about it but he has to say something.
If she's cf, she might be really pissed about it. It could really go either way. It depends how much support that kid needs. How much of a relationship he wants, and if he is a pain in the ass or not. Cause if he's a dick, a cf person is likely gonna be out so fast if she has to deal with it on the regular. Lol
In case the caller is reading comments, I was the kid (really grandkid) in a similar situation: air force unknown father. I just figured out who my grandpa was through a DNA test and he died before I could meet him. I never reached out because I didn't know how to. I think at a minimum you take those DNA tests like ancestry and 23&me and allow the possibility that they find you if they want to.
yea i had the same idea while listening...but considering this guy.... he might have busted a lot back then lol, he might find himself half a dozen kids lol
His mom's a (possibly) reformed ho (No hate, RIP) there's no way this kid had a stable life. If he defied the odds and was a particularly bright child, the only thing he could possibly do for him at this point is give him cash. Money to pay for school, money to pay for bills, etc. Don't fuck up this kid's life by being a life raft to cling to, because he'll make stupid decisions in an effort to get close to his only remaining parent when he obviously doesn't give a fuck about him (No judgement, it is what it is. )
He’s gonna stalk this kid for the rest of his life if he doesn’t do anything about it. This one seems obvious. Maybe let the Mum get over her cancer first.
All of us fatherless adults, are like please reach out. It sucks never knowing, or feeling like you are unwanted. Even if he as a support system, that never ever replaces your dad. I say tell your wife your situation, and then yall decide how to proceed. I don’t know many women who would be mad about some shit that happened 18 years ago, and you having a kid that might or might not be yours isn’t really on you. It’s kinda on the lady who never said anything. And she’s dying, so no drama for your actual wife.
agree on reaching out, my dad was fatherless and he never got over it. but hard disagree on the second part. a CF woman would absolutely have every right to hate this. I did have the secret kid bomb dropped on me once and I left. CF means no kids, period. I hope he ended up telling the fiancé his lie before he finally made a decision so she could decide to live with it or not.
@@nillabeany lol that is true. Especially with the location. Oof. I always forget red heads are rare cause they say they are but I legit know so many natural red heads. XD
He's not even friends with her on Facebook, so it's entirely possible she just doesn't have his contact info or something. He can just send her a friend request on FB tbh and let her take it from there.
That’s what rubs me the wrong way. This dude basically saw this kid grow up, knew he likely was the dad the whole time, and never reached out. How many struggles did that mother go through without any help from this guy? He was a coward for 17 years.
In truth, there is about to be an underage kid maybe going to college or entering life with no dad, and soon, no mom. If he thinks the kid is his, I think it would be admirable to reach out and probably the right thing to do. Sounds like poor decision making all around but just because you don't have genetic tests or legal custody yet, doesn't absolve him of the reality that the kid could be his.
Dawg, the caller should at least attempt some kind of contact and see how it’s received, otherwise this is gonna weigh on him. It seems like it has already been weighing on him and that’s why he’s been lurking. The peace of mind he would get from attempting contact seems worth it.
It always surprises me how much dudes who had a father take for granted how much we who didn't need it. Even if it's a bad example. It's still something. Not knowing who one of your parents "are" is a constant insecurity.
Took me awhile to understand why people thought like this. I had to lie to people at school about being adopted because they would freak out when I told them but it never bothered me lol. My parent loved me and gave me everything I needed to succeed in life (middle class upbringing) and I just didn't question the matter beyond that. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever care to find out about my biological parents.
If anything, it'll fuck him up more, so he better be prepared to make it up to him. If he's not coming at him with steady financial support through college/trade school, don't bother reaching out. If this kid managed to not end up in prison or a dropout, he doesn't need you to be a success.
@@angelorobledo1536 She did not keep him out, she said she didn't want to bother and he went along with it. He could've said, "I'll pay for my test". He could've gone to court to force the issue if he had wanted. Instead he did absolutely nothing.
@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079 If a man wants to show up for his kids he can. This dude just didn't want to "ruin his life" for the sake of that woman and baby boy. He's scum for watching them through the years and never reaching out in my book, but now he's even more scum if he enters that boy's life for anything other than to hand him a wad of cash and fuck off. He doesn't deserve to have a relationship with the kid.
yeah that's the point. It's an indirect way of finding out that gives the son tools to find out on his own later if he wants. Very tactful solution I commend OP
@@aaaa-fq1ue The only association he has with this kid is that he had sex with his mom. If 23 and me determines they're related that's a pretty much an open and shut case.
So the kid needs to spend $100 on a test to find out and then track down his dad when his dad has his mom’s Facebook and knows his name? Stav’s degen opinion shouldn’t be taken seriously lol
Met my dad for the first time when I was 16. One of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I have a wonderful relationship with him now. I never hated him, I just didn’t know him, didn’t know why he left. Would my life been a lot easier with him in it? Yes but not everyone is taught to hate. I never was angry. I got sick of people telling me I should be pissed about it. I grew into my own man, but his influence in my late teen years really helped shape me, I’m 35 now. It was wonderful to see our similarities in personality and interests despite never meeting. Knowing him gave me peace. Reach out. Don’t wait. Step up. If it’s rough at first it will settle later. Don’t just give up.
Imagine if the mother is a stavvys world fan lmao. Just listening casually to a new episode and then pieces start lining up and the details hit too close to home. That would be wild
I wonder how many times that's happened. Stavvy has a wide audience, and even if she doesn't listen to the podcast, someone she might know probably does. That would be interesting if he got a call from that friend like "Hey Stavvy, I was listening to a call, and I'm pretty sure I know the Mom and kid. What do I do?".
I think you reach out to the dying mother and offer condolences, say you always remember her as a beautiful person. Dont mention anything about the kid, but rather your memories, and send a heartfelt message. From my experience single mothers always have strong intuition on who the dad is (in these uncertain situations), and if she feels it is you amd wants to invite you back in, then her reply will probably confirm what youre looking for
It's crazy how similar this, at least a specific part/angle of it, is to an experience I actually lived through. My grandfather had this illegitimate child, which came from the time he was in the army and fooling around with this girl, which strangely enough, he told several of us grandkids about the "crazy woman who whored around the barracks and eventually we got her a bus ticket just to get her out of our hair when she started accusing us of knocking her up" And it never occurred to ANY of us grandkids, that our grandmother didn't ever hear of this story. Even more wild.. That child he conceived, when he died, he left EVERYTHING he could to that kid that he'd never even fucking met. Left us with nothing. The family that he'd lived every single hour of every day with for, well, fuck, the entirety of my life, like 45+ yrs of my grandmother's, and he signed papers to make that happen basically right next to her. If she'd just glanced over, she would've realized what he was planning to do the entire time. Extra fucked up, because the entire time he was with my grandmother, he'd constantly tell her she shouldn't work and how everything will be taken care of etc etc.. and if she hadn't, we'd literally be fucking on the street with nowhere to go right now.
Eldis got it right I think. That man needs to reach out and get clarity because it definitely feels like he was considering doing so for years and now with the woman dying he probably feels an immense urgency but is too scared to do anything about it. If it's this important to him then he'll fuck up his and other's people's lives by not doing anything about it just as he might when barging in. At least when barging in he's got a coin flip chance that it does work out to something positive in the long-term while if he keeps sitting on his hands and shuts his mouth it'll not resolve the issue for him personally. Man up dude, find out and if it's your kid give them the chance to make a decision on what they want. By the way, strong start to a marriage that you didn't tell your partner you might have a kid somewhere. Best of luck to that caller, I just hope that the poor fatherless teenager with a dying mother has the support and help they'll need.
This seems like a lot of overthinking. I know the whole bit is advice but it's all "maybe this, maybe that." Who gives a fuck if he messes up someone's life. He has a kid and he should be there for them. Men step up, even if it blows up in their face. I'd much rather live with some embarrassment and cringe than the regret of not getting to know my child.
Coming to this from the perspective of a father and also a son who was abandoned by a father, I think the move is to send her a friend request and send her a message that says “I’m really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I don’t want to take up any of your time or energy right now, but I’ve always wondered if I contributed any DNA to your son and I’m putting the offer out there to do a paternity test at any future point if you or he desires. I have my own life now, but I would be happy to support my son if he was ever in need of it. I wish you the best.” But you have to clear it with the fiancé first. Without her blessing, it’s a no-go, unless the kid contacts you.
17 years? The kid absolutely has a right to know. It has a lot to do with roots, genes, identity. You can't just withhold that from an adult(ish) person.
No one has a right to anything, if you were born in a tribe 20k years ago your whole tribe would be your family cause every man nut in every woman. Only things you make yourself believe matter, matter to you. Get over it. #DeadbeatGang
This is a comedic podcast but suggesting he dosnt reach out is so fucked. At the end of the day it could give her great closure if she knows someone step up to give care for her son
@@hydro9652calling into STAVVY for advice is like asking the military recruiter what career you should take up after school. YOU KNOW what direction it’s going in
I think starting with the Mom by simply reaching out to say, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I've thought about you from time to time over the years. I recently creeped on you through Facebook and saw that you were in a really difficult place. I wish there was a way to make such a dire circumstance easier to bear. Knowing that things must seem so inescapable, I would at least like to wish you well and hope you're able to attain the best state of mind that is possible for the incomprehensible challenges you must be faced with. I was really saddened and troubled by the unnecessary cruelty that fate can bestow on us. I really hope you're able to find some solace or peace, given the circumstances." Something to this effect could at least open a door to gaining some insight about how she may feel about him, what her son might be like, and whether this guy should make one mention of any of it to his fiance. I think he needs a lot more concrete intel before blowing everyone's world up. Reaching out to a dying woman (who he cared enough about to not forget) and offer some condolences will never be a bad move.
Is stepping up to your responsibility ever the wrong move? As long as it has been, there is no possible way avoiding responsibility is better than stepping up. He is 17, not 30. Give him a father as much as that’s going to cost or discomfort you. STEP UP DON’T BE WEAK
It should NOT be about the woman or the man! It's about the kid and he should absolutely reach out to her and give them the option to have a relationship or not. Maybe they have wanted to reach out to this man but haven't because they were afraid of rejection. He needs to do the right thing and tell the woman that this has been eating him up and wants to be there if they want that and if they don't he will respect that too!!!
Is it me or is it insane to call in to a comedy podcast about this before you even bring it up with the person you are planning on spending the rest of your life with?
#1 the guy should have reached out years ago #2 I hope he did reached out. Better late than never #3 Doing it after is a terrible suggestion. Because the kid might have questions that only his mother can answer and your robbing him of that.
Both he and the kid deserve to know. He's almost 18. He can reach out once he's of age and see if he wants a test. And he better tell his fiancé immediately!
Describing it as treating yourself 😂 Btw, my dad has black hair. Having a red headed kid isn't out of the realm of possibility. But this dude should tell his fiance about the situation and tell her he never knew if it was his but he's concerned about not helping with his responsibility and he wants to ask for a DNA test to know one way or the other. He'll look responsible, but if this girl is cf it could go either way. I'm cf and I can't guarantee I wouldn't leave. Lol I would probably at least put the wedding on hold. He should see about just sending money to a family member of the mother, that is willing to take care of him if he is the father. He obviously didn't want any responsibility of it, but is feeling guilty and concerned because he thought the kid had his mom so he'd be fine. But doesn't want his kid to struggle so hard in life that he has no family or someone to take care of him. I would feel that way too if I was a man and the woman I knocked up was dying. Plus he made a child. It's his responsibility to make sure he has what he needs to survive. Even if he doesn't want to extend any physical support. You could offer financial support and if they say no move on. Definitely not offering anything they don't want. It's not like he has to adopt the kid just because he does a paternity test.
Is that really true? I think you can probably only do that if he knew it was his kid. That wouldn't make sense that you can just surprise a dude who technically didn't know he had a kid with thousands of dollars in back support.
@@sjbsavageink when a child is born, names are put on a birth certificate. EVEN if the man isnt the father he becomes financially responsible for that child. Even if the mom says nothing to the child and paid for everything and wants nothing from the father, IT IS THE CHILD to whom the responsibility is.
@@nameunavailable1330not true, the mother gets a choice if she is unmarried of if she writes a name or not. The father is not liable until paternity is proven. So if the mother didn’t reach out, he can “legally” (still a piece of shit move) say he just found out and wants to do a paternity test. If he “just found out” he was the father, he wouldn’t be liable since he wasn’t avoiding it in the eyes of the court in the first place
Caller needs to reach out to the mom. "Hello. I wanted to reach out and let you know that I am here. I would like to take a DNA test. If I am proven to be the bio dad, I will take all direction from you and the child. I just want to offer my support if it is needed."
100% reach out with a soft touch. Stav said that it’s selfish of the caller to make it about him. But for all we know, the mother is stalking him on Facebook, wishing that she had the courage to reach out, sees that he is engaged and doesn’t want to make it about her. The mother might be thinking that his upcoming wedding is bad timing to reach out. At the very very least, do 23&me
If the caller is reading the comments I think that this will bother you forever if you don't reach out. Also if your fiance truly loves you she should love everything that comes with you
Almost this exact thing happened to us. It's not easy and most marriages would not survive this. But as his father, there is only one thing you can do. I already have a daughter, and found out I had a son that was 18 out of the blue. He was not doing great with his mom. It's not going to be easy, but I love him as much as my daughter pretty much from the first time I saw him. There's nothing you can do, he's your kid. We took him in immediately, and he's been living with my family for years. My daughter absolutely adores him, my wife is a bit more down to earth but they get along. Most marriages would not survive this, but that's ok I think. Your sons wellbeing should be more important, and a good wife will understand and do the right thing. I hope you read this and figure it out, the kid needs you.
Lots of variables here as always, but if i were to give my suggestions it would be: 1. Talk to your fiance. If she shuts it down and youre unwilling to give up the relationship with her, you have your answer. 2. If after 1, youre still on board, reach out via text/email to the mom, putting the ball entirely in her court as to whether she wants to bring you into her son's life. If she refuses, there is your answer. 3. If youre not going to be a POSITIVE influence in his life, youre not needed. The right thing to do here is communicate with the women who are invloved in this, and be involved to the level they require. 4. If everyone says no, then walk away. Years later can reach out to him directly, but then know it is 100% for you.
@tarsiere7308 Yeah because you fucked dead beats with no job this guy has stuff to lose. You go to jail if you don't pay child support and if you have a job, it's Automatically taken out of your check.
I practically knew nothing about my dad, you could probably count how many words we'd exchanged until I was 17 years old. I went through some pretty insane, bordering on traumatic shit.. And he was the only sane and responsible person around I could talk to really. And it's been a trip since then, to realize just how much we have in common. Like, shit that may actually be evidence of nature over nurture. Some things are trivial, or at least up to random chance, like our taste in women, or food preferences as well as dislikes, political and spiritual beliefs etc.. But it's not like your parent's favorite color is going to determine yours obviously. But on the other hand, there's a lot of sort of things like speaking mannerisms or personality quirks we share, as well as my grandfather on that side/his father, despite the fact neither of them were ever around for me to pick up and imitate that, yet it occurred naturally anyway, completely independently. I have no explanation for that other than it being something on some kind of genetic level that manifested. Also just to throw my two cents out there, I put a LOT of stock into one of the things one of the guys said.. About, eventually that kid is going to wonder and want to know. Even if it's for the worst, still, at least then he'd know. I think even a sort of bad answer/result is preferable to a complete unknown, and letting your mind endlessly wander, since you're going to consider those worst case scenario possibilities, anyway. It's the same thing as closure for families who've had missing relatives and whatnot for years, they're still relieved to hear "Oh, it's official. We found their bones. They're dead, they were murdered." opposed to wondering if they're alive somewhere out there and suffering, or questioning why etc.
imagine never meeting your dad because he called into a comedy podcast and these guys said its not worth it
Pretty nuts that was the final verdict. The whole “making her illness about you” angle made no sense. As if stepping up to raise a son is selfish in any way.
😂😂😂
@@theshadow3286raising who? The 18 year old man? They’re right mother never reached out there’s a lot at stake here and for a kid who’s already practically an adult. The juice is not worth the squeeze at this point. If the kid was younger I’d understand but his time to step up was long ago
@@Amorr_Fatii_ agree that he’s super late on stepping up. And you’re right, raising is the wrong word now that the guy is 18.
But the point still stands that if you think you’re the father you step in, especially considering the mom is dying and the son might be on his own. I don’t see how reaching out to the mother is selfish more than it is necessary.
@@theshadow3286might be more selfish just cause it’d complicate their lives more than give answers or closure really
Only relieve the guy of his guilt I feel like
Dude is ready to be a father soon as there are no child support payments lmao
Children can sue their parents for back child support
Exactly
@@nameunavailable1330 you are correct
@@nameunavailable1330 with great power comes great responsibility
@@nameunavailable1330only from the point of filing.
Someone send this clip to every 17 year old redhead dude in Colorado Springs
😂😂😂😂
That "bad for morale around the barracks" comment explaining why she didn't get a paternity test was hilarious
Stavvy pretending like he isn't related to the caller is the best
goated
That was indeed a crazy call. Eldis should keep the numbers of people who call in and ring them back in a few months for follow-ups.
For surrre
i mean he probably has their numbers. theyve gotta do live follow ups
Indeed👍Follow ups would make good content
My dad reached out to me when I was 18, he left when I was 3. Really meant a lot and now we have a great relationship. He should definitely do the right thing and at least see if the kid is his.
whyd u forgive him?
@@bigmac4325 to be honest, I only knew my mom’s perspective growing up, and his perspective ended up making a lot of sense to me. And either way, stuff happens and you shouldn’t live your life with all that resentment imo
@@AgitpropPsyopyeah like either way he has the chance to maybe give the kid some closure. even if it just ends up being the confirmation that his dad is a pos
@@AgitpropPsyop how much do you hate your mom now?
@@W.J.M. none? She was trying to protect her kids. Such a weird question lol
Third idea: the man, woman and child come onto the pod and Stavy does a Springer-esque paternity test reveal.
Eldous could be Steve Wilkos.
You gotta step up. You know its yours. Supporting an 18 year old through the death of his mother and being there for him emotionally and probably financially isn't like adopting a 2 year old.
Fiancé said she didn't want kids but this isn't her kid and he's hardly a kid anymore. It's not like she has to raise him so she might be chill about it but he has to say something.
If she's cf, she might be really pissed about it. It could really go either way. It depends how much support that kid needs. How much of a relationship he wants, and if he is a pain in the ass or not. Cause if he's a dick, a cf person is likely gonna be out so fast if she has to deal with it on the regular. Lol
@@miledebecause theres 0 responsibility or support expected from the parents of a teenager. stfu
@@sjbsavageinkdoes cf mean corn farts?
@@sjbsavageinkwhat does CF mean?
@@timolean5846child free, reddit term for people who don't want kids
In case the caller is reading comments, I was the kid (really grandkid) in a similar situation: air force unknown father. I just figured out who my grandpa was through a DNA test and he died before I could meet him. I never reached out because I didn't know how to. I think at a minimum you take those DNA tests like ancestry and 23&me and allow the possibility that they find you if they want to.
This is really the only option I would consider
thats a good idea at a minimum
yea i had the same idea while listening...but considering this guy.... he might have busted a lot back then lol, he might find himself half a dozen kids lol
I think that's a good idea, especially with his fiance not wanting kids or knowing, he could just say he had no idea if it happens
I was 20 minutes into this clip before I noticed there's a dog chilling on the couch
I watched the whole clip and didn't realize until I read your comment 😂
My man was cozy af up in there
Tongue sticking out and everything. Dog living the life
I didn’t realize it until I read this comment 23 minutes in 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
14 min in until I read your comment and checked 😂👍🏾
I read the title as a 17 yr old and not 17 yrs ago and thought this was a very different phone call
lol me, too
Same boat hahaha
Me too lol.
either way we fuckin. either wayyy
We all did 😂
Bold to assume the kid is headed for college.
His mom's a (possibly) reformed ho (No hate, RIP) there's no way this kid had a stable life. If he defied the odds and was a particularly bright child, the only thing he could possibly do for him at this point is give him cash. Money to pay for school, money to pay for bills, etc. Don't fuck up this kid's life by being a life raft to cling to, because he'll make stupid decisions in an effort to get close to his only remaining parent when he obviously doesn't give a fuck about him (No judgement, it is what it is. )
Ol' Smokey the barracks lizard definitely did not build a college fund
Public school exists and is very affordable @@timmccarthy9917
Can’t the kid get some kind of G.I. Benefits from the dad? I’m unsure how that works was never enlisted or became a barrack brat
@@awesomebeast7509what dad?
Knowing that I'll never get closure on this is ruining my life.
I am devastated.
Fr, can someone update me if there’s ever a part 2? lmao
He’s gonna stalk this kid for the rest of his life if he doesn’t do anything about it. This one seems obvious. Maybe let the Mum get over her cancer first.
All of us fatherless adults, are like please reach out. It sucks never knowing, or feeling like you are unwanted. Even if he as a support system, that never ever replaces your dad. I say tell your wife your situation, and then yall decide how to proceed.
I don’t know many women who would be mad about some shit that happened 18 years ago, and you having a kid that might or might not be yours isn’t really on you. It’s kinda on the lady who never said anything. And she’s dying, so no drama for your actual wife.
Dude ik and of course Stav’s degenerate ass she’s it as a “get out of jail free card” 😂
This is the best take
agree on reaching out, my dad was fatherless and he never got over it. but hard disagree on the second part. a CF woman would absolutely have every right to hate this. I did have the secret kid bomb dropped on me once and I left. CF means no kids, period. I hope he ended up telling the fiancé his lie before he finally made a decision so she could decide to live with it or not.
My man included way too much detail. Reddit’s going to find this kid.
There's probably a ton of knocked up single mom's near military bases though XD even at a specific base.
@@sjbsavageink 17 year old kid with flaming red hair and a mom dying of cancer would certainly help narrow that down tho lol.
@@nillabeany lol that is true. Especially with the location. Oof. I always forget red heads are rare cause they say they are but I legit know so many natural red heads. XD
@@nillabeanyand the TYPE too. Holy shit
He's not even friends with her on Facebook, so it's entirely possible she just doesn't have his contact info or something. He can just send her a friend request on FB tbh and let her take it from there.
That’s what rubs me the wrong way. This dude basically saw this kid grow up, knew he likely was the dad the whole time, and never reached out. How many struggles did that mother go through without any help from this guy? He was a coward for 17 years.
Literally just a "hey"
In truth, there is about to be an underage kid maybe going to college or entering life with no dad, and soon, no mom. If he thinks the kid is his, I think it would be admirable to reach out and probably the right thing to do. Sounds like poor decision making all around but just because you don't have genetic tests or legal custody yet, doesn't absolve him of the reality that the kid could be his.
Exactly. Gotta man up
Dawg, the caller should at least attempt some kind of contact and see how it’s received, otherwise this is gonna weigh on him. It seems like it has already been weighing on him and that’s why he’s been lurking. The peace of mind he would get from attempting contact seems worth it.
It always surprises me how much dudes who had a father take for granted how much we who didn't need it. Even if it's a bad example. It's still something. Not knowing who one of your parents "are" is a constant insecurity.
I mean what did you expect. Stavs is admittedly a total degen
Took me awhile to understand why people thought like this. I had to lie to people at school about being adopted because they would freak out when I told them but it never bothered me lol. My parent loved me and gave me everything I needed to succeed in life (middle class upbringing) and I just didn't question the matter beyond that. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever care to find out about my biological parents.
"Hey honey, you said you want kids but dont want to go through the trouble? I found one, AND he's already 17 years old!"
In theory they could actually never have a kid, he’s about to be 18
I was dying when the caller brought out the cliffnotes on the previous call
this dumbbasss is going to have to deal with the kid saying, 'why didn't you do this before?'
If anything, it'll fuck him up more, so he better be prepared to make it up to him. If he's not coming at him with steady financial support through college/trade school, don't bother reaching out. If this kid managed to not end up in prison or a dropout, he doesn't need you to be a success.
Cause the mom kept him out. Very easy answer if you paid attention to the details of the story
@@angelorobledo1536 She did not keep him out, she said she didn't want to bother and he went along with it. He could've said, "I'll pay for my test". He could've gone to court to force the issue if he had wanted. Instead he did absolutely nothing.
@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079I agree when you nut in somebody you CREATE a child. Negating that because no one hit you up is pathetic
@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079 If a man wants to show up for his kids he can. This dude just didn't want to "ruin his life" for the sake of that woman and baby boy. He's scum for watching them through the years and never reaching out in my book, but now he's even more scum if he enters that boy's life for anything other than to hand him a wad of cash and fuck off. He doesn't deserve to have a relationship with the kid.
Do a '23 & Me' or whatever. If the kid wants to know, he can know. If he wants to reach out, he can reach out.
Yes goy give us your dna
That’s not a paternity test
yeah that's the point. It's an indirect way of finding out that gives the son tools to find out on his own later if he wants. Very tactful solution I commend OP
@@aaaa-fq1ue The only association he has with this kid is that he had sex with his mom. If 23 and me determines they're related that's a pretty much an open and shut case.
So the kid needs to spend $100 on a test to find out and then track down his dad when his dad has his mom’s Facebook and knows his name? Stav’s degen opinion shouldn’t be taken seriously lol
Met my dad for the first time when I was 16. One of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I have a wonderful relationship with him now. I never hated him, I just didn’t know him, didn’t know why he left. Would my life been a lot easier with him in it? Yes but not everyone is taught to hate. I never was angry. I got sick of people telling me I should be pissed about it. I grew into my own man, but his influence in my late teen years really helped shape me, I’m 35 now. It was wonderful to see our similarities in personality and interests despite never meeting. Knowing him gave me peace. Reach out. Don’t wait. Step up. If it’s rough at first it will settle later. Don’t just give up.
I love how at the beginning of his voice mail you can immediately tell he's driving by the indicator noise
A. You have to tell your fiance.
B. Talk to the Mom about it WITH your fiance.
Then as a group decide if it's ok to talk to the kid.
No, no, no…….this makes way too much sense to actually happen
Imagine if the mother is a stavvys world fan lmao. Just listening casually to a new episode and then pieces start lining up and the details hit too close to home. That would be wild
I wonder how many times that's happened. Stavvy has a wide audience, and even if she doesn't listen to the podcast, someone she might know probably does. That would be interesting if he got a call from that friend like "Hey Stavvy, I was listening to a call, and I'm pretty sure I know the Mom and kid. What do I do?".
The kid is 17 so imagine if he's listening
I think you reach out to the dying mother and offer condolences, say you always remember her as a beautiful person. Dont mention anything about the kid, but rather your memories, and send a heartfelt message. From my experience single mothers always have strong intuition on who the dad is (in these uncertain situations), and if she feels it is you amd wants to invite you back in, then her reply will probably confirm what youre looking for
🤣🤣🤣 hey stranger, i remember how you slept with the whole barracks. What a beautiful moment. Good luck with cancer. Wtf.
It's crazy how similar this, at least a specific part/angle of it, is to an experience I actually lived through. My grandfather had this illegitimate child, which came from the time he was in the army and fooling around with this girl, which strangely enough, he told several of us grandkids about the "crazy woman who whored around the barracks and eventually we got her a bus ticket just to get her out of our hair when she started accusing us of knocking her up"
And it never occurred to ANY of us grandkids, that our grandmother didn't ever hear of this story. Even more wild.. That child he conceived, when he died, he left EVERYTHING he could to that kid that he'd never even fucking met. Left us with nothing. The family that he'd lived every single hour of every day with for, well, fuck, the entirety of my life, like 45+ yrs of my grandmother's, and he signed papers to make that happen basically right next to her. If she'd just glanced over, she would've realized what he was planning to do the entire time.
Extra fucked up, because the entire time he was with my grandmother, he'd constantly tell her she shouldn't work and how everything will be taken care of etc etc.. and if she hadn't, we'd literally be fucking on the street with nowhere to go right now.
Eldis got it right I think. That man needs to reach out and get clarity because it definitely feels like he was considering doing so for years and now with the woman dying he probably feels an immense urgency but is too scared to do anything about it.
If it's this important to him then he'll fuck up his and other's people's lives by not doing anything about it just as he might when barging in. At least when barging in he's got a coin flip chance that it does work out to something positive in the long-term while if he keeps sitting on his hands and shuts his mouth it'll not resolve the issue for him personally.
Man up dude, find out and if it's your kid give them the chance to make a decision on what they want.
By the way, strong start to a marriage that you didn't tell your partner you might have a kid somewhere.
Best of luck to that caller, I just hope that the poor fatherless teenager with a dying mother has the support and help they'll need.
This seems like a lot of overthinking. I know the whole bit is advice but it's all "maybe this, maybe that." Who gives a fuck if he messes up someone's life. He has a kid and he should be there for them. Men step up, even if it blows up in their face. I'd much rather live with some embarrassment and cringe than the regret of not getting to know my child.
Coming to this from the perspective of a father and also a son who was abandoned by a father, I think the move is to send her a friend request and send her a message that says “I’m really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I don’t want to take up any of your time or energy right now, but I’ve always wondered if I contributed any DNA to your son and I’m putting the offer out there to do a paternity test at any future point if you or he desires. I have my own life now, but I would be happy to support my son if he was ever in need of it. I wish you the best.” But you have to clear it with the fiancé first. Without her blessing, it’s a no-go, unless the kid contacts you.
17 years? The kid absolutely has a right to know. It has a lot to do with roots, genes, identity. You can't just withhold that from an adult(ish) person.
DNA test would tell you all of the kids roots, he wouldn't need his dad's test to know any of that info
No one has a right to anything, if you were born in a tribe 20k years ago your whole tribe would be your family cause every man nut in every woman. Only things you make yourself believe matter, matter to you. Get over it. #DeadbeatGang
Eldis took a gamble on the 2 part call, AND IT PAID OFF.
Can’t wait for the next 2 parter
Imagine you’re this kids friend and you’re listening to this pod right now. And then THAT guy calls in
ian catching strays in a video without him in it is CRAZY LOL
That was a god-tier subtle insult
You’ve never listened to cumtown
“There’s no right or wrong here” is crazy
I heard this one while at work, I couldn’t help but gasp as his story kept escalating.
Talk to the mom before she dies?? Obviously
This is a comedic podcast but suggesting he dosnt reach out is so fucked. At the end of the day it could give her great closure if she knows someone step up to give care for her son
@@hydro9652calling into STAVVY for advice is like asking the military recruiter what career you should take up after school. YOU KNOW what direction it’s going in
Absolutely, hilarious, he waited coincidentally. Just exactly eighteen years before reaching out lnfao that "kid" is full grown lmfao!
I think starting with the Mom by simply reaching out to say,
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I've thought about you from time to time over the years. I recently creeped on you through Facebook and saw that you were in a really difficult place. I wish there was a way to make such a dire circumstance easier to bear. Knowing that things must seem so inescapable, I would at least like to wish you well and hope you're able to attain the best state of mind that is possible for the incomprehensible challenges you must be faced with. I was really saddened and troubled by the unnecessary cruelty that fate can bestow on us. I really hope you're able to find some solace or peace, given the circumstances."
Something to this effect could at least open a door to gaining some insight about how she may feel about him, what her son might be like, and whether this guy should make one mention of any of it to his fiance.
I think he needs a lot more concrete intel before blowing everyone's world up.
Reaching out to a dying woman (who he cared enough about to not forget) and offer some condolences will never be a bad move.
Is stepping up to your responsibility ever the wrong move? As long as it has been, there is no possible way avoiding responsibility is better than stepping up. He is 17, not 30. Give him a father as much as that’s going to cost or discomfort you. STEP UP DON’T BE WEAK
It should NOT be about the woman or the man! It's about the kid and he should absolutely reach out to her and give them the option to have a relationship or not. Maybe they have wanted to reach out to this man but haven't because they were afraid of rejection. He needs to do the right thing and tell the woman that this has been eating him up and wants to be there if they want that and if they don't he will respect that too!!!
Is it me or is it insane to call in to a comedy podcast about this before you even bring it up with the person you are planning on spending the rest of your life with?
Imagine dudes fiancé finding out through this
“Hey my fiance was stationed in colorado springs 17 years ago and he is a redhead… wait…”
@@cryingbball “wait… im about to get married to a guy dude with fire red hair who was stationed in Colorado springs 17 years ago…”
#1 the guy should have reached out years ago
#2 I hope he did reached out. Better late than never
#3 Doing it after is a terrible suggestion. Because the kid might have questions that only his mother can answer and your robbing him of that.
This guy is like a roller coaster of emotions
"Was it your birthday?" Apparently it was somebody else's birthday too, and not your cat's. 😂
Both he and the kid deserve to know. He's almost 18. He can reach out once he's of age and see if he wants a test. And he better tell his fiancé immediately!
lmfao imagine the kid being a fan and listening to this
Describing it as treating yourself 😂
Btw, my dad has black hair. Having a red headed kid isn't out of the realm of possibility.
But this dude should tell his fiance about the situation and tell her he never knew if it was his but he's concerned about not helping with his responsibility and he wants to ask for a DNA test to know one way or the other. He'll look responsible, but if this girl is cf it could go either way. I'm cf and I can't guarantee I wouldn't leave. Lol I would probably at least put the wedding on hold. He should see about just sending money to a family member of the mother, that is willing to take care of him if he is the father.
He obviously didn't want any responsibility of it, but is feeling guilty and concerned because he thought the kid had his mom so he'd be fine. But doesn't want his kid to struggle so hard in life that he has no family or someone to take care of him. I would feel that way too if I was a man and the woman I knocked up was dying. Plus he made a child. It's his responsibility to make sure he has what he needs to survive. Even if he doesn't want to extend any physical support. You could offer financial support and if they say no move on. Definitely not offering anything they don't want. It's not like he has to adopt the kid just because he does a paternity test.
2:35, damn..... the USO has really changed their tactics for boosting morale 😂😂
wild take fellas
“It’s definitely yours”, Sam’s emotions..
"Was it your birthday??" Hahahahaha
I really hope the other 4 dudes hear this
this one has to go up there with Lease Girl from Stavvy Solves Your Problems another two parter banger
I would love to hear the advice stavy gives once he has a kid bet his advice would be different
The thoughtfulness with witch stavi said "1 in 6" as eldis was saying he should reach out... Funniest moment of the clip.
13:06 Eldis pronounces “paternity” as “p’turndy”
I think he should be responsible. The only problem is that once that kid finds out he can sue his dad for back child support.
Is that really true? I think you can probably only do that if he knew it was his kid. That wouldn't make sense that you can just surprise a dude who technically didn't know he had a kid with thousands of dollars in back support.
@@sjbsavageink when a child is born, names are put on a birth certificate. EVEN if the man isnt the father he becomes financially responsible for that child. Even if the mom says nothing to the child and paid for everything and wants nothing from the father, IT IS THE CHILD to whom the responsibility is.
@@nameunavailable1330not true, the mother gets a choice if she is unmarried of if she writes a name or not. The father is not liable until paternity is proven. So if the mother didn’t reach out, he can “legally” (still a piece of shit move) say he just found out and wants to do a paternity test. If he “just found out” he was the father, he wouldn’t be liable since he wasn’t avoiding it in the eyes of the court in the first place
"and some redheaded bastard pops out"
If the kid was like 5 or 10 or whatever, I'd say reach out. That's an adult human being. You're never gonna be his dad.
Caller needs to reach out to the mom. "Hello. I wanted to reach out and let you know that I am here. I would like to take a DNA test. If I am proven to be the bio dad, I will take all direction from you and the child. I just want to offer my support if it is needed."
Tell him to pause when you talk .. this shits pretty juicy and missing the details 😂
I knew also knew a guy that would always bust inside. He would call it “bagging and tagging” them.
This kinda just sounds like the plot of Forrest Gump
The “one more for the road” has me fucking dead lmao
You send the friend request and stop there. Put the ball in her court. 👌🏽
100% reach out with a soft touch. Stav said that it’s selfish of the caller to make it about him. But for all we know, the mother is stalking him on Facebook, wishing that she had the courage to reach out, sees that he is engaged and doesn’t want to make it about her. The mother might be thinking that his upcoming wedding is bad timing to reach out.
At the very very least, do 23&me
And also, why would the kid possibly be mad at this guy? It’s not like this is a guy who knew he had a kid and chose to be absent
Nah this is the craziest call in the history of the show and I’ve heard them all
If the caller is reading the comments I think that this will bother you forever if you don't reach out. Also if your fiance truly loves you she should love everything that comes with you
Hooow the fuck do all these callers sound so similar?
It’s all one guy
There’s an archetype of people who listen I guess?
0:55 "Fully busted inside"
_greek noise_ oxx
I love that Stavvy and MSSP let The producers talk not a lot of Pods do that
This one is a hard watch
Almost this exact thing happened to us. It's not easy and most marriages would not survive this. But as his father, there is only one thing you can do. I already have a daughter, and found out I had a son that was 18 out of the blue. He was not doing great with his mom.
It's not going to be easy, but I love him as much as my daughter pretty much from the first time I saw him. There's nothing you can do, he's your kid.
We took him in immediately, and he's been living with my family for years. My daughter absolutely adores him, my wife is a bit more down to earth but they get along.
Most marriages would not survive this, but that's ok I think. Your sons wellbeing should be more important, and a good wife will understand and do the right thing.
I hope you read this and figure it out, the kid needs you.
Not gonna lie you gotta respect a guy that cares this much. Although I’d prob would of talked to her sooner 😂😂😂😂
Bro he does NOT care 😂 it’s been EIGHTEEN YEARS
Is that Moby?
Dawg probably was just feeling good that night 😂😂
“some redheaded bastard pops out of a cake” 😂
Listening to this on the full episode was hilarious because Eldis pulled out 2 absolute stinkers for phone calls before this
Stav is going to have a bumblebee tuna moment one day with those short shorts lol.
Holy shit this guy just kept coming out of left field 😂
Imagine the kid is like 18 years old and he listens to Stavvy
This is why I didn't send in that 23andMe spit cup.
Same here
So you guys can run out on your kids? 😂
Watch the kid be watching this 🤯
We need a live call, I think he should reach out to the mom and just ask because he’ll never get closure, she might not even have his info
Do I just let the situation go 😂 obviously that’s not workin pal
Lots of variables here as always, but if i were to give my suggestions it would be:
1. Talk to your fiance. If she shuts it down and youre unwilling to give up the relationship with her, you have your answer.
2. If after 1, youre still on board, reach out via text/email to the mom, putting the ball entirely in her court as to whether she wants to bring you into her son's life. If she refuses, there is your answer.
3. If youre not going to be a POSITIVE influence in his life, youre not needed. The right thing to do here is communicate with the women who are invloved in this, and be involved to the level they require.
4. If everyone says no, then walk away. Years later can reach out to him directly, but then know it is 100% for you.
wish he wouldnt talk over the calls as much. other than that i love the vids!
Reaching out will get him slapped with 18 years of back child support
they rarely actually have to pay it though. I'm owed over 200 g's and haven't got a dime. the system is still pretty favorable to deadbeats.
@tarsiere7308 Yeah because you fucked dead beats with no job this guy has stuff to lose. You go to jail if you don't pay child support and if you have a job, it's Automatically taken out of your check.
Not always. My dad came back and didn’t have to pay shit
The fact that he waited this long to tell his fiancee who doesn't want kids is crazy. He's gotta tell her imo. It's super unfair to her.
Morril:
“My dog Manerva is sleeping.”
I practically knew nothing about my dad, you could probably count how many words we'd exchanged until I was 17 years old. I went through some pretty insane, bordering on traumatic shit.. And he was the only sane and responsible person around I could talk to really. And it's been a trip since then, to realize just how much we have in common. Like, shit that may actually be evidence of nature over nurture. Some things are trivial, or at least up to random chance, like our taste in women, or food preferences as well as dislikes, political and spiritual beliefs etc.. But it's not like your parent's favorite color is going to determine yours obviously.
But on the other hand, there's a lot of sort of things like speaking mannerisms or personality quirks we share, as well as my grandfather on that side/his father, despite the fact neither of them were ever around for me to pick up and imitate that, yet it occurred naturally anyway, completely independently. I have no explanation for that other than it being something on some kind of genetic level that manifested.
Also just to throw my two cents out there, I put a LOT of stock into one of the things one of the guys said.. About, eventually that kid is going to wonder and want to know. Even if it's for the worst, still, at least then he'd know.
I think even a sort of bad answer/result is preferable to a complete unknown, and letting your mind endlessly wander, since you're going to consider those worst case scenario possibilities, anyway. It's the same thing as closure for families who've had missing relatives and whatnot for years, they're still relieved to hear "Oh, it's official. We found their bones. They're dead, they were murdered." opposed to wondering if they're alive somewhere out there and suffering, or questioning why etc.
Can this get a sad guitar riff?
This is like the Dr.John Delaney show on drugs 😂