Don’t Argue or Fight With a Narcissist… Do This Instead (#1 Narcissism Expert)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 13 гру 2024
- Order my new book, The Let Them Theory 👉 bit.ly/let-them 👈 It will forever change the way you think about relationships, control, and personal power. It all begins with two simple words: Let Them. 🔥
-
Do you want to know how to deal with difficult people?
What about if that difficult person in your life is a parent, boss, ex, child, or partner?
Today, renowned psychologist and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula is here to give you the tricks you need to master to live a more peaceful life.
This episode is your masterclass on how to identify and heal from toxic people.
Dr. Ramani will teach you how to not only deal with people who are disrespectful, passive aggressive, and can’t control their emotions, but also how to heal from the damage that they can cause you.
She will show you how you can stay in your power and purpose no matter who you have to deal with in your life.
You’ll learn how you can keep your goals, priorities, and happiness front and center, no matter what is happening around you.
Dr. Ramani's website: doctor-ramani.com
Follow Dr. Ramani on Instagram: / doctorramani
For more resources, including links to Dr. Ramani’s book, website, and social media platforms, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-174
Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: / themelrobbinspodcast
00:02:48: You know that difficult person in your life; let’s talk about it.
00:04:19: How to set healthy boundaries with the people in your life.
00:05:57: Are narcissists born or are they made?
00:09:04: This conversation on narcissism is unlike anything you have ever heard.
00:11:37: Do not make this one mistake in your relationships.
00:12:55: If you are in a toxic relationship, I want you to hear this.
00:13:40: What narcissist supply is and how to avoid filling it.
00:14:42: Do you feel the need to impress your parents, even as an adult?
00:16:32: Stop trying to change the difficult people in your life.
00:20:04: Why radical acceptance is your first step towards healing.
00:21:17: Your biggest barrier to healing is this (it’s not what you think).
00:25:07: Why do people stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships?
00:26:37: We need to normalize grief in these specific situations.
00:28:28: Is “closure” really the thing that we need when we end a relationship?
00:32:49: Dr. Ramani wants you to avoid this one type of relationship.
00:34:40: The surprising function of rumination.
00:38:07: What it looks like to be a survivor of narcissistic abuse.
00:41:36: Watch out for the patterns in narcissistic relationships.
00:46:50: What the “ick list” is and how it can help you overcome narcissistic abuse.
00:48:49: Anybody can change; a narcissistic person won’t.
00:51:34: What the 12-month cleanse is and why it is essential for healing.
00:56:07: What if you cannot cut the narcissistic person out of your life?
1:02:15: How to identify if you were a scapegoat for your parents.
1:04:35: Are you a truth-teller or a truth-seer?
1:11:55: How to handle co-parenting with a narcissist?
1:20:37: How you can forgive yourself for being in an unhealthy relationship
-
Catch full episodes of The Mel Robbins Podcast here on UA-cam bit.ly/tmrp_pl... 📺
Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast while you're on-the-go! link.chtbl.com... 🎧 Available wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday (to start your week) and Thursday (to get you through it).
-
Subscribe to the channel here: www.youtube.co...
-
Follow me here:
Instagram: / melrobbins
TikTok: / melrobbins
Facebook: / melrobbins
Website: melrobbins.com
-
Sign up for my newsletter written to YOU at: www.melrobbins...
-
Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!
High 5 Habit: amzn.to/3fMvfPQ
The 5 Second Rule: amzn.to/3372Rl9
#lifeadvice #selfdevelopment #habits
"Rumination without a solution is depression." TRUTH.
Ruminating on abuses ...... suffering depression and anxiety.....given a negative view of the world
Rumination ->insomnia -> depression -> AHA
What a great quote! Sums it up so clearly!
I relate to the "injustice" part.
🥺😪
The PTSD that comes with the narcissistic encounter is huge.
And even psychiatrists dont understand it
Yessss! PTSD is no fun! I'm so happy the source of my misery is gone. I'm grateful for these videos. Now the healing begins...
Totally
And will NEVER go away! Good times
Absolutely correct
What I Love is when the narcissist calls you the narcissist when you start putting yourself first.
Me: Why are you saying all these hurtful things to me?
Them: Stop pretending & the victim mindset. You're behaving like a narcissist!
💯. My H is doing this to me now. I am finally done with his BS. Keeps calling me the narc and selfish.
@daynenes The Narcissist will always spin it so that it's NEVER their fault, it's aways your fault. Narcissists think they're right 💯 percent of the time
I would have loved for the Dr to speak more on this. For years I thought I was really ill when he told me this until it actually made me ill. So glad I found the strength to leave.
😮😮 yep. Crazy making, they are so good at twisting everything
I grieved the loss of a relationship, the loss of a marriage, the loss of a dream, the loss of love, for a time a loss of myself, the loss of my childhood, the loss of a second family (my in-law family). None of these things can I change but now I look at what I gained. My self, my self esteem, my confidence, my ability to laugh again, to care for others without giving myself away, the ability and right to make boundaries, the right to be loved just cause I am enough, I gained loving life again, and most of all I found God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit who walked beside me all the way. Amen. I became strong and you can too. 🙏
Your comments resonate with me.I am healing, but I am learning to love myself, set boundaries, and grieve the loss of some significant relationships. I am 71 and feel hope that in spite of my losses, I can find meaning, joy and hope again, with my losses, so thank you so much
@@beverleybrangman2191 thank you for your kind caring words. I am 74. Sometimes it takes a lifetime, but there is still life. Stay strong. Have faith. ❤️
@marcamp5450 💯 percent AGREE, Word for Word, it's as if you were writing my feelings and life's journey. With only one exception, my belief and faith in God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ have never been stronger. I've been a believer my entire life. God has been my compass 🧭, my protective guardian angel 😇 throughout my entire life. Even when I didn't know I needed protection.
@@DiH-xy5pm now it’s my turn to say you wrote my story! I didn’t find God on that journey. I’ve always had Him too. From the time I was little. Every one of my steps was ordered by Him. He was leading me and protecting me. 🎚️🙏
❤1q1¹@@DiH-xy5pm
Been married to a difficult person for almost 18yrs. And now i have developed the art of being unbothered.
😂
me to 54 years i found his weakness and use it to get a break and some love boming till he flips back.
Me too. That should be a topic. Altho my being unbothered has toxic boss slamming doors and trying harder to get me fired. It's funny cuz I've been there 3 yrs and he 1 month so tasks he is angry over are regular tasks all the stores do. Some are in the policy book. I know he wont say sorry. Today he'll be a bosshole over something new. And I physically worked my bum off the past 2 days. I know I wont get a thanks for doing all of that. It sucks that I have to be on the lookout for a set up. Log out of the computer each x I step away, etc
Me too, you learn to detach yourself. I think the term is “dissonance”. Your spirit is diminished. It’s like your inner light is dimmed.
27 here and yes unbothered 😊
I am surrounded by narcissistic family and I have worked so hard to survive. It’s been taking a toll on my health at this point and it’s a situation that is impossible to get out of. Part of the situation is that I am a caregiver. I am so manipulated. Breadcrumbs and love bombing surround me. Ugh. I am now 73 and it took me this long to realize “it’s not me”!
I am sending you 🫶🏻 because I fully understand! Just know it will get better, keep doing YOU and keep your boundaries strong! I know how hard it is, but I’m on the other side of it after nearly 60 years. Know that it’s NOT YOU! This book is wonderful - I got the audio version and just play it constantly when I need that boost of sanity!
I get it but thanks to Mel Robbin’s and my desire to live life better for ME and my children…. I am walking into my second stage of life : with boundaries for the narcissistic person … I am proud of ME 🎉🎉
Thank you all for your help and support. It’s been quite a journey to stay strong through this.
🙏Caregiving isn't exactly easy without all that. Try to give yourself space when needed. Even if it to go sit on a porch with a lemonade. Lift small weights for health and to keep focus on yourself. You are not alone.
Right there with you! When they want something it’s all love bombing, after they get it, it’s back to the abuse.
“Any person can change. The narcissist won’t change.”
They are how they are by a lifetime of refusal to grow.
A refusal to accept their own errors, responsibility for problems fruits into a refusal to apologize / improve. It propagates a pattern of self-superiority and indignation toward others who don't play their delusion - causing them 'problems' (challenging their inflexible, highly controlled pretend world).
They develop a short fuse toward the uncooperative (those who don't reinforce / cooperate with their narrative). Such people are trials to their patience; someone will be punished for their offenses.
They are always more special than you.
To keep up the growing house of cards they have built, they must operate in delusion they are superior and do not forgive the lowlings they tolerate.
No, no!
Any exposure of their dysfunction, requests for change are added to their growing list of unforgivable behaviors that must be eliminated - manipulated away, projected, gas-lit or punished.
*This is why it will never get better. The longest underlying patterns that built their fragile system are inflexibility and failure to take responsibility - both of which are essential for change *.
I repeated this as she said it! 😮
💥 truth bomb!!
I laughed out loud😂 a great line!
Their common symptom is emptiness in terms of soul, brain, heart, guts. No nothing. Make them happy, they won’t, make them suffer they won’t.
I’m an 82 year old with experience of being on the receiving end of narcissistic behavior. Even at this late stage I shall find this helpful. So, thank you.
I am 25 and feel like I've wasted years self sabotaging due to being on the receiving end of this. Do you have any advice? And also! Very impressed by you, and I hope your life gets lighter knowing it has never been your fault this whole time
A lot of them genuinely enjoy baiting you into an argument, JUST to undermine your response... And that alone is enough for them to feed off of for the night.
Yeppers, been there too many times
That's called "Narcissistic Baiting"
I can't believe how many narcs we meet during our daily life- at home, work, relatives. Exhausting!
To be clear, there *is* no co-parenting with a narcissist. There is solo parenting while the second parent abuses you aaaand the children. It’s sickening.
So sadly true, I'm still living it. Thanks for sharing
True! Everything is about the narc and for the narc- that’s not parenting in the best interest of the children
💯
Agreed
👉❤When it comes to narcissists- they are one of the big reasons He is stepping in right now!🔥💪♥ He is coming to avenge!
👉Innocent go first- all the children of the world will disappear first then the adult believers.🥰 Jesus is coming back to pick up all those who accepted His free gift of His death for their sins. Yes, after 2 000 years He is coming back with promised salvation!🙌♥🥳
As He speaks through the prophets He is sickened by the world: lies, abuse amd manipulations.
Before He comes we will see Alaska's back to back earthquakes 7.6 and 7.3, we will also see Germany and Russia exchanging missiles. Jesus spoke of it all through his prophets! 🙌❤😊
Jesus removes His believers and then Apocalypse starts, do not be left for that! 🥹❤You can still call out to Him when kids are gone! Make sure you make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤He loves you like crazy! He sees you, ♥
😍
When my parents both died years ago, I was put in charge of the estate and my sister turned into a vindictive, manipulative person to get more control over assets. After years of smear campaigns against me and flying monkeys, I finally said that was it! I went no contact about 7 years ago, and my life has never been better. I live within a calm bubble, no drama, no fighting. She sends a flying monkey once in a while and I don’t respond and they just wither away. It’s beautiful. And, it can be done and life can be better again. ❤
Good for you 😊❤
Amen
I hear you I take comfort in reading this I’ve done the same thank- you
Very recognicable happened in our family.😒
Amen!!
What gets me is how they set out to destroy you for not allowing them to manipulate and abuse you and standing your 'ground' trying to protect your own healthy boundaries
Indeed, that narcissist tried to run me off the road with his car when I finally said no- most terrifying experience of my life. Believe it or not stayed with him another year. The best revenge was I cut him off and never responded to his messages again. I still get the odd pathetic attempt at communication 20 years later. 😂
You're 💯 right! Both my Narcissistic Mother and Malignant Narcissist Husband have done this to me. Going so far as to talk with my siblings, all older brothers, about me and give them their diagnosis of my mental state of mind. Trying to get each of my brothers to agree with them as if they were building a case against me. Slandering my name too. Everything they are saying about me is 💯 percent fabricated lies!! They've both proven themselves to be habitual liars!! They've even worked on this campaign against me together throughout my marriage of 42 years with my husband. My decision to cut off all communications with both my Mother and my Husband is in part because of this situation. But mostly because I have accepted the truth. And the truth is, I'll never be able to change them into the people I want them to be for me. They'll NEVER apologize for their mistakes or the abuse I've suffered throughout my life from both of them. Severing all ties to them both wasn't easy, it was very heartbreakingly hard. I was necessary for me and my health. The boundaries I have set for myself will never be allowed to be broken.
@lisabournelis1867 This is exactly what I'm trying to avoid happening to myself. My anxiety level is highest when I'm driving in the city we both live in. I'm constantly looking around me at the other vehicles to see if he's driving near me. If I do see a truck like his, I change direction or turn off the road to avoid him at all costs. Now is my most dangerous time, I've been told by a friend that's a retired police officer. Because he's lost all control of me. He knows I know who and what he is, there's no hiding from it now. And he knows I'm never coming back to him.
Can you discuss how to deal with a narcissistic child. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. It's very informative.
I've been single since 1984 at 40 years of age. I'm still single. I like being my own self doing what I want to do when I want to do it without having a cater to anyone else. I hrought my two children up , no help from him or anyone, none of his family helped. Did it alone with just their help the children, now they're adults . Im 80 years of age and I'm happy.
Good for you. After leaving my husband now ex. I'm so happy. The thought of being with a man. I get nauseous. There's no way I'm going to let myself down..These people who claim their marriage is so great!😂 I don't believe it. Bc I see her alone alot. But at a getogether with food and alcohol. There he is dedicated to her. This tells me he's a narcissist and she's in denial. Wake up bc one day he might kill you if he doesn't believe in divorce,BS. He's dangerous to your mental health and your children's. If you don't get out for yourself, get out for them. When your safe, explain to them you couldn't take your dad's bad behavior. Or ask them why do you think I left? They will tell you. If my mom would have asked me I would have told her. But to learn later, mother was the narcissist and that's probably why dad didn't leave bc she already had life insurance on us.😢
Nothing feeds the ego of a narcissist like being in a cult of calling people narcissists
@@thomasmadhatter274what do you mean? Are you implying that this discussion and the commentary is a cult of people looking to label people as narcissists are narcissists themselves?
@@thomasmadhatter274are you implying the doctor and the people commenting are narcissists?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤❤❤
“Potential is worthless until it is realised.” “I deserve better than the worse thing I can tolerate.”
Repeat it often, every day.
Rumination without a solution is depression just changed my whole world
Mind blown
Mine, too!🎉 Explains everything!🎉😮❤
Yes. I've been trying so hard to understand the intrusive thoughts about the narcissistic ex of a 20 year marriage and now his new victim....that he got married to within months of our divorce. I knew that it had to do with the lack of justice, but I couldn't quite figure out that my problem solving personality brain was trying to get the answer to something that does not exist in reality. Thank you, Jesus, for help and healing through this community of online teachers.
I’m guilty of of it
Mine too‼️‼️❤️🩹🙏🏼
Divorced after 40 years of worsening behavior. I look back and felt Ashamed it went on so long. It happens gradually until it is normal for you. I decided I did not want or deserve 20 more years of this. It is never too late to become healthier. Thank you for what you teach Dr. Ramani.
Exactly , you get so used to it you think it’s normal yes yes yes
The Same for me..... decades of abuse and I thought I was the problem. Dr Ramani has opened my eyes and I'm now planning my escape. It's hard to start over at my age but I found that being angry has pushed me to do what I never thought I could. Thank you Dr Ramani and Mel.
Proud of you. Your story and life experiences is helping others do the same as you. It’s never too late-you have the courage and strength. Bravo and blessings to you!🙏🏽♥️💯🫶🏽🎉🎉
Took me 17 years- wish I’d done it sooner too. Life is so much better without dysfunctional people in it.
You are not alone, we all do! We wonder would life could have been like if only we were empathetic to ourselves and self-ish in our favor
Thank you for this podcast. I've been married for 42 years to my husband, who is a Malignant Narcissist. And thanks to Doctor Ramni's educational videos, I now know I was raised by a Narcissist Mother. Our two Adult sons intervened on my behalf about 18 months ago and moved me out of our marital home for my safety. Our two Adult sons are fully supportive of me. Without them and their unwavering support, I would not have the strength to move forward with my life. Our marriage was over decades earlier, it's only a legal issue now. The relationship had reached a very toxic and dangerous level. I feared for my safety and couldn’t sleep in my son's old bedroom without the fear of my husband killing me while I slept. I'm living with my youngest son now, while the Divorce is in process. During the first year, I was living with my oldest son. I had a devastating experience with my oldest son. Realized that his personality was exactly like his father's. So I had to move out 1 week before Christmas 2023. I was homeless and slept in my car with my old dog. The next morning, I had to take my dog back to my marital home, to live with my husband. Because I wasn't allowed to keep my dog where would be living with my youngest son. And I started a new job that same morning. That night sleeping in my car, was one of the lowest points in my life. Reality hit home for me, knowing that I would not have a relationship with my firstborn son, possibly ever again. That hurts more than the loss of my 42 years of marriage to my husband. Mentally I'm in a much better place now. Still healing old deep wounds from my husband and my mother. Cutting my Husband, Mother, and son out of my life wasn't easy, but necessary for me. Please pray for me as I complete this journey. I am determined to finish this Divorce in 2024 and start my life over again at 61 years old and be happy. I know my happiness begins within myself. And with God's guidance maybe I'll find love with a man that isn't a Narcissist.
I'm still married to mine, but I'm grateful I'm not in fear of my life here, I've just come to realize he's not ever going to change, I'm grieving but I will overcome it, I am finally seeing and that is a blessing ❤!!!
You will become much stronger.
you are so strong and courageous - be well
Forgive me for saying, but get yourself healthy first before hoping for a man. ThInk of all your most positive traits and talents and love yourself for them, or you'll just attract another N. My prayers for your well being. Congratulations for the new job, but sorry about your dog.
Divorcing a N can be the most dangerous time, because they hate losing AND BECOME DANGEROUS. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS DEMANDS TO TALK OR LET HIM COME AROUND YOU IN ANY WAY. Too many women are killed by N's, because we think they've changed. If you need to negotiate the divorce, do so with your lawyer present.❤
Stay strong my dear❤
Thinking that everyone thinks the same as you is the biggest mistake. You are so right . Never make that mistake again.
"Won't change is the magic word to end a relationship with a person who feels fine with hurting you!!!
My favorite one is when a difficult person blames you for not stopping them from being destructive.
My exact situation.
This 💯%
1 year. I took 12 years to find myself. No dating at all. Now I say, if God wants a man he will bring him to me. I will be 70 in 2 months. How I survive is bring JOY to others ❤
I am not sure my ex was a N, but I am on my 14th year healing and in my case I dont see anyone coming to my life. I am 55. I have come to embrace my singleness.
I can totally get you. Been single for 13 years not dated anyone in past 13 years. I have the same view if god wants me to meet someone god will make it happen because what is met for me won’t pass me by!!! I’m 47 and sometimes do get depressed due to loneliness but I push myself.
That is beautiful! Blessings to you...
🙏🌍🕊🕊
I am 61 and that's exactly what I've told myself, family and friends. God will have to bring the right man to me.
My thinking is being in or not in a relationship is a decision. I decided to make healing a priority...that took 10 years before I felt like my discernment was back in tact and I was no longer worn out from loving. When I made the decision to allow love in again, I started going out and putting myself in situations where it could happen. Didn't settle for another narcissist. And eventually, love found me. 4 years and engaged now to a beautiful soul. All this to say, I was allowing, not looking. But I did have to be brave and put myself out there. God made me pull in my hand and dip a toe before I was gifted with my ❤. Good luck to you all!
Part of radical acceptance is to go no contact if you have that option- no contact if it’s an option is also crucial to self healing
Yep
It's amazing and healing
Part of the truth is, you come to the realization so much was STOLEN from you, things wouldn't have changed even if you had known how to deal with it, & you'll never get justice. You're left with all this resentment inside, yet you still have to/need to build & live your own good life without falling back into your defensiveness, anger, grief, & hopelessness. That's A LOT to deal with, & the reason we will always need help.
I agree.
After years of continuing contact with my mother, last year I realised a heap of truths and how I just can't heal wounds that keep getting torn bigger and having dirt rubbed in them...
I went no contact.
At first it hurt and was hard. I kept wanting to tell her. Lots of anger rose up. I struggled so much...
But with time, it eased and I started feeling more good stuff and less bad stuff. I still have fleeting moments of pain, sadness, anger, resentment, etc, but they are less intense and more manageable.
Agree. Exactly 1 year NC with my BPD mother. Every time I have doubts , I remind myself not to open that door again . She won’t change & I have to keep moving forward & be mindful of how far I’ve come .
Now, I’m in the process of going NC with my narcissistic in laws . “ You have to see it for what it is .” So true. I’m done making excuses for these people. I’m very aware now of how a person makes me feel when I’m around them. It’s very empowering to just simply listen to your body . When my father in-law walks into the room , the entire vibration changes. The air gets sucked out of the room and it’s instantly awkward & uncomfortable. NC sends the message like nothing else can.
👉❤When it comes to narcissists- they are one of the big reasons He is stepping in right now!🔥💪♥ He is coming to avenge!
👉Innocent go first- all the children of the world will disappear first then the adult believers.🥰 Jesus is coming back to pick up all those who accepted His free gift of His death for their sins. Yes, after 2 000 years He is coming back with promised salvation!🙌♥🥳
As He speaks through the prophets He is sickened by the world: lies, abuse amd manipulations.
Before He comes we will see Alaska's back to back earthquakes 7.6 and 7.3, we will also see Germany and Russia exchanging missiles. Jesus spoke of it all through his prophets! 🙌❤😊
Jesus removes His believers and then Apocalypse starts, do not be left for that! 🥹❤You can still call out to Him when kids are gone! Make sure you make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤He loves you like crazy! He sees you, ♥
😍
I went through all the trauma that she's talking about from my first husband after our divorce and he got a girlfriend right away and brought her to our kids' soccer game. I was so confused and hurt that I was in a haze. I couldn't even think clear. But, now 14 years later, my ex cannot keep a girlfriend, he's an alcoholic and now our kids (whom him alienated from me in their teens) are close with me and can't stand him. So, you have to keep going with your healing and in the end, you will come out ahead. I also turned to my faith to overcome my lack of self-worth. Jesus gives you unconditional and perfect love, you just have to accept it.
Brilliant. Her sense of humor is savage! "People will say I only drink this special tea sourced tea from a mountain top in Nepal where only virgin goats go for the first time.. Be as discerning when it comes to who you allow into your life."
This interview is saving lives.
Saving lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who CAN leave. I’m an adult child of a narcissistic mother & father who is the codependent. I became physically disabled at 20. Therefore wasn’t able to get married. So- I literally would be homeless without them; unless I find some old, disgusting man that I don’t want to touch to marry, because- while I’m still good looking & actually younger looking than I am; I know that I can’t physically keep up w someone my age. People say $ doesn’t buy you happiness- but it literally buys you freedom & options. If I had $ - I could & would walk away in a second. 😢
It is a life saving interview indeed;thanks a lot .
As a survivor of childhood trauma from a toxic, narcissistic mother this woman has changed my life! Today marks 8 months since I went no contact and finally started the healing process at 46 years old! Thank you Dr.Ramani!
🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜
I am happy for you ❤
I am 60 and live with my narcissistic mother who was abandoned by her abusive husband (my father). I am the lost child and the unmarried middle daughter. Need I say more? I am here writing this with a smile on my face and thanking god for all the clarity that this podcast gave me. Life is good ❣️
Good job! 🎉❤
All the best ❤
it’s 14 months for me, sending lots of love 🩷🙏
The loss of hope after years of hoping and trying to make the relationship work is the heartbreak. Giving up hope is one of the hardest things. Especially after years.
It takes time , in time you’ll see it’s worth it
You're giving up a comforting delusion. The delusion kept you going through the worst and it causes grief for you to let it go. Allow yourself to grieve.
I'm not saying this judgementally because I went through the same thing and that's how I learned about the comforting delusion.
It's not a case of giving up hope it's a matter of realizing they will not change,get out.
@angelaratzay9034 completely! Realising there was never even any hope in the first place. It's letting go of the very idea of hope having existed. And that is so so difficult.
I am 76 and grew up in a happy family. In more recent years I find myself surrounded with friends and acquaintances with narcissistic tendencies. I tend to say little, ease away, dump and run. All of them seem to be successful people, then start shouting and treating me like I am the idiot. I have my mind still intact, my license to drive, sight and hearing, vast experiences and success in 3 quite unrelated fields, and am still spry. First moment of signs of narcissism and I am gone. I must say most of these people confessed early to bad childhoods but they had got over it.
No they had not! And I don't need them in my life.
Beautiful to hear, thanks for sharing!!
good when they're only friends
❤ please 🙏 keep strong 💪.... honestly only Pandemic is a NARC PANDEMIC even though I know its the time told about 1000s of years ago, life always has nasty things in store for you.
My ex-husband covert Narc has my children they want nothing to do with me. After my divorce I met my ex-boyfriend he was the one that realized my ex-husband was a Narc. He used to give me lines to defend myself against my venomous ex-husband.
During the years of divorce (×2 i tried again) my ex-husband turned my own blood family again me.
Over the years my relationship healed with my blood family but the Narc ex-husbands influence over them still stays today.
My blood family history
Younger sister left family years ago. My older blood sister mother and father are one little gang who defend each others sins. Im the black sheep in the family.
I'm just saying. CAN I WAKE ⏰ UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
And let me guess: None of those who said they had bad childhoods thought they ever needed therapy, and probably say derogatory things about therapy, don't they?
I have a rule I pick and choose my battles. I know sometimes people accidentally hurt you and don't mean to. If someone is intentionally trying to hurt me then I'm gone.
The rumination is the worst! The constant made up fights you have in your head with them is exhausting. The things you wish you should've said but couldn't think of in the moment and missing out on the satisfaction of saying it to their face. This podcast was made for me. ❤ Thank you!
And in dreams.😢
My daughter just entirely twisted my effort to go no contact.
And if SHE FAILS, it’s MY FAULT.
My new plan is to GO NO CONTACT.
No guilt, no remorse. There’s a resin I haven’t liked her since she was 4.
At four, she absolutely became “ DADDY’S little girl. “
Guess who the narc in my word is?
A thirty-year marriage to a cruel narcissist nearly broke me, but Dr. Ramani has saved my sanity. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! ❤
Yep and still hard to get a decent therapist who knows a little bit about the subject
Actually YOU saved your sanity by choosing to take steps that worked.
Try having a narcissist Mom, previous, for 18 years. Im amazed I survived. Its only by the grace of God.
I love Dr. Ramani.
I’m right there with you!❤️🩹🙏🏼🌸‼️
I’m 30 minutes in and it sums up everything, I mean everything I feel and experienced after an 18 year marriage ended. Literally crying. I’m not a crier
I hope you feel better now. Sometimes we need a good cry. All the best.
I am so sorry you feel this way! And I really wish your situation change; but meanwhile, I would advise you what's helped me a lot- two exercises to complete. Really puts things in order.
1) the name of that exercise is 60/40.
That means you have to write the things that you do daily, just list your actions, during the day, or in the evening. And every action you shall evaluate: was that something for YOU or for other people
Your goal is to come to a result that you have 60 percent of the actions for you in a day.
I know you have loads to do and probably struggle with energy lack, so I want to assure you, no matter what is the duration of your actions. That can be whatever you like really. 10 minutes with a cup of coffee over a short lecture; a calm half an hour walk in the woods just nearby; listening to a favourite song; a short visit to a friendly neighbour for a chat- just Anything, but that shall be something you do for YOU amongst many things you do as a caregiver; I want to assure you this DOES make a HUGE change, my dear friend!
2) 8 spheres.
This exercise is supposed to encourage one to give their life an evaluation. It is needed to specify, what does one generally have in their life?
An example of spheres list
Health
Original family relationships
Personal relationships ( if there's any)
Friends
Work and finances
Hobbies
Personal development
Spiritual life
But off course everyone's list may be different.
What is crucial in our life is that when we get into unhealthy relationships we may defocus from all the other spheres of our life but relationships, and obviously the "building" of our life falls down in that case. What we're supposed to do to recover is to rebuild the walls that have fallen apart.
So, what is helping, is to re-evaluate all these spheres weekly, giving them marks from 1 to 10;
In that case you may see where to put more energy into and fell finally alright EVEN if you can't change your situation at the moment. I can't change mine now but it is a different world I'm living in now thanks to these exercises.❤
@@КатяДородных I love this! yes thank you so much! I have been doing many things you’ve listed. It’s amazing once one truly tries to simplify life, how one just gets joy in just hearing the birds in the morning or a conversation in line at the store with a stranger. My spiritual life has been essential. I have been much more active in faith. I try to exercise daily. I am living cheaply which has allowed me to save money. I engage with only close friends. I’ve dated a little, but kept at a distance and not given my heart. My kids are my primary focus. Without the clutter of tension and constant criticism while at home in my previous life, have gotten closer to my kids. I try to see them most days of the week. Because she has a very active social life, there is zero problems thankfully. She needs me to watch them. It has been a process but feels like coming out of a tunnel and the light has been shining much more. This is the best upload I have seen regarding ending a relationship with a narcissist. I’ve sent this to all my friends (both men and women) who are in the same situation.
Have a blessed day! Thank you!
Now that your eyes are opened, take time to heal. Really accept the part about Hunters seeking trophies, but lions are seeking a relationship. Meditate on our different needs, and accept it without blaming anyone...May you feel God's grace. Grace...for you and for the entire human race.
The 'ah-hah' moment is very powerful - emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. It is very heavy to face, but also freeing. Take time to heal, to pray, to forgive and to get healthier so you can move forward in better patterns instead of familiar ones.
Ladies, when you put your head down to sleep, I hope you get that “warm all over” feeling knowing you have brought so many others, so much peace and knowledge. On behalf of me and all the others, thank you.😊
I didn't recognise or understand what was going on for 57 years. I'm the scapegoat who had only relationships with narcs. I went no contact 3 years ago and have grieved. Now I'm focused on me, healing, and helping other women through volunteering. Thank you ladies for putting this information out there. 🦋
9:38 hunter vs lion
13:14 it’s not you
13:40 14:33 parents
16:33 supply
17:06 later effect parenting
18:53 signs
19:57 healing
22:35 not aware or care
25:19 hope lifted
26:13 grief
28:31 apology
29:01 lack of justice
29:56 public humiliation
31:00 no closure
31:34 they have to be them
34:12 ruminations
36:34 people don’t get it
40:56 unhopeful therapy
42:14 ick list
43:23 euphoric recall
50:23 what changes
52:05 lose selves
56:28 grief if you stay
58:44 parent grief
1:00:39 narc family
1:01:39 scapegoat
1:05:17 socially perceptive
1:06:15 anger
1:08:39 when narc person dies
1:10:36 dynamics don’t end
1:11:56 system infected
1:15:44 not unscathed
1:18:45 grief tools
1:20:40 rumination tools
1:22:41 tools to protect
1:23:11 had I been seen
1:27:00 it’s not you
1:27:57 transformed
1:09:26
I am 70 years old. It is just in the last 5 years that I have recognized and been able to label narcissism as a significant force in my life. My father is a malignant narcissist. My sister is a classic grandiose narcissist. My ex husband (who I was married to for 35 years) is a covert narcissist. This is without a doubt the most helpful, thorough and impactful podcast I have ever watched on how to DEAL with narcissism once you have identified it. Thank you Mel and Dr Ramani…I can’t even imagine the number of people this will help! Thank you❤
This interview is GOLD for people struggling to get out of a narcissistic relationship, or to stay out of a narcissistic relationship they ended. GRIEF. Yes!
Your comment is so on point!!!
I absolutely agreed. - l find out this video unexpectedly. I never understand about narcissistic relationships- l become mental well being breakdown. Until come to the end - l lost my job - my relationship breakdown- l moved a long way to different country but now everything that I wish I can establish my life and career here all gone... l cried every night ask the same question every night what I did wrong - l put up with hope that he will changed until now, l am a person who have to walk out from this relationship- The red flag for me that I overlooked in my beginning of the relationship is - in first 3 months I caught him watched porn videos more than 2 times. I asked him kindly - but the answer that I received from him is - he upset and react to me saying - l didn't do anything wrong then he point to me and blamed on me that - l accuse him cheating -- while I say nothing , I never yell - never shout I ask him with soft and calmly. But he turn to me and makes me a fault person. But, l overlooked that I forgive him and blaming myself it's my fault. And it's become to me that I am fault I created a problem and he never say apologize or sorry. Thank you for this video 🙏🏽
Absolutely agree!
I did a 2 year cleanse inadvertently knowing I needed a break and it worked!!
I do not want to be out of the relationship with my daughter and my 8 and 4 yr old grandchildren. I deal with my daughter to at least have access to my tortured grandchildren who are living the life I lived as a child of a vicious narcissistic mother.
"Rumination, without solutions, is depression" That explains everything!!
I'm listening to the conclusion and im crying. Crying not out of sadness but out of pride. The situation still hurts. It caused me permanent significant damage, but I'm a survivor. I'm happily married with two adult children - both beautiful, smart and multitalented. Im a successful professional as well. And i want to share a lot of my knowledge, to spread light and positivity wherever I go. I dont want to carry the darkness with me. I want to be like a butterfly - delicately out of its cocoon.
Thank you so much for this podcast! God bless you!❤
Go you!!
When Dr. Ramani spoke on the child's experience, i filled with tears because I felt understood.
My narcissistic sister was even too much for the lawyer mediating the estate my parents left. I haven’t spoken to her for over 12 years. My life is so calm now‼️
Sorry for your loss. She does not deserve your love. I hope she’s enjoying the riches she has because karma is a thing. You are speaking my language.
Happy to be away from my sister, her husband and their children. It was horrible. As was my childhood
I deeply wish that I could have what you have.💔😢
My daughter, 38 years old, passed away 8 months ago due to cancer. Her narcissistic husband took a toll on her health. Even when she was in pain and suffering, it was all about him. I know because I was taking care of her and was a witness. 😢
Sorry for your loss. I saw this with my mom and dad. Dad did not like mom getting the limelight when she was dying of cancer. She never focused on her because he was the king.
I'm sorry for your loss.
That must have been very hard on you.
That truly is a tough situation, and I feel for you. If you can, try to loose any sense of blame that you may have for him. The only person who that will effect is you. Hold on to the good memories that you shared with your daughter. Sending love.
I'm so sorry for your loss. When my mom was dying of cancer, she had to hide her pain around my dad because it would upset him. I also remember seeing him with his head in his hands at the kitchen table sobbing, while she was still alive mind you. He wasn't crying for what she was going through. He was crying for himself. He was in love with someone 6 months after my mom died.
Them being continually rewarded by their disgusting behavior and the continued reality and injustice that your life was invalidated and wasted by this perpetrator is a fertile ground for intense grief with no end in sight
💯
I have learned, let go and let GOD. They may get away with it down here, but won't stand a chance when they meet the maker. I think that's what gets everyone so angry at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle along with every politician in DC no matter the political party. People, in general are getting fed up with it all. The more people are starting to wake up from this sleep, the better off we can all heal. This is a good vs evil fight we are in right now and it has nothing to do with politics. Satan is a Narcasist. Social media is a big reason why we are seeing a whole generation of naracists. They have to have constant validation of who they are.
Just the first 25 minutes of this has had me crying uncontrollably. This has been my life for the last thirty plus years. I have turned myself inside out trying to please my husband in the exact ways described. I have been treated as a lesser person and not equal. The hope there is real, overwhelming and confusing.
In the last year I have come to know more about narcissistic behavior. This podcast is truly a blessing to me. If I can stop crying I look forward to learning how to get out of this cycle. It is very crippling and lonely especially when people around us think he is this amazing man who would never do any wrong. I have separated and look forward to a healthy positive future. Thank you for sharing this so very much!!
Onwards and upwards in your new happier life!😀👏🏻👏🏻❤
The Narcissist is a empty vessel. They have to fill themselves with your pain, and they won't stop. Love to all & thx Mel !
I had a so called “friend” that was a narcissist. She put me down constantly, found fault with anything I enjoyed, and rallied people against me. I went no contact and felt like I could breathe again
This is literally my life story. Sigh.
I have had couple of "friendships" like this, and eventually walked away. I set myself a standard now where I check how I feel after spending time with a person. If I come away feeling crushed or bad about myself, I choose not to spend time in future with them.
I had a "friend" like that too. It took me two years to work through the effects of her. Now I realize I kept repeating the pattern until I was able to heal and love myself.
@@Eekyellie I wish someone taught me to do this 10 years ago.
Took me 25 years to realise what was going on
My dad was on the lower end of the spectrum and mom was on the high end. I was the oldest daughter golden child as a kid. The parents fought constantly and I had to pull them apart and protect the younger kids. I came out as gay as an adult and immediately became the scapegoat. My mom was super enmeshed and didn’t want a gay daughter. As an adult I was a combination of many roles. I was scapegoat, truth teller, peacemaker and rescuer. Parents divorced when ai was 34, finally and narc mom pulled all the kids on her side and I was the only one who became close to dad and he apologized to me for everything, including not protecting me. Dad was terminally ill and I moved out of state to care for him and we got really tight. The overt narc sister and covert narc brother didn’t even come to his funeral. Now my siblings have nothing to do with me. I am now going NC with mom and all the siblings. I just have my stepmom and myself. My stepmom is the mom I always wanted but never had.
Your step mom sounds wonderful. ❤
I’m so glad you found each other…. You deserve it!
YES!! I've just come to realize my narcissistic husband is NEVER going to change, there's no more hope - and that is very freeing, I have to grieve the death of my dream's of his changing and I will get over it 💔
1. Get rid of the hope out your mind. Hope for a behavior change hope for an apology. Lack closure. Some awareness they did you wrong. Lack of injustice . They will never change 2. Grief- Build Narrative sense of future. Barriers to healing unfairly play out in the world.
Mel, as a fellow “adhd-er” who processes slower than average, I truly appreciate how you graciously ask your guests to repeat something that you deem as profound. You are raw, real and put yourself out there, but your care/concern for your listeners is what makes you stand out. Thank you ! -from “one of your many friends :) “
You also grieve that family or relationship you wish you had. The one you try to reconcile your heart with. That was very healing for me.
I’m stuck in this right now I can’t help but feel that it isn’t fair that I don’t have the family :(
It’s been almost 3 years and I’m still not ready to let another man into my life. I never imagined that another human being could love you just to later break you. And then try to turn anyone that will listen against you…saying she broke my heart. Nobody will ever be able to comprehend what we went through if you haven’t been involved with a narcissist. Plain evil.
I am in the exact same position. I hope that you will be ready one day.😊
As an adult child of parental narcissistic abuse, I'm trying to learn how to decondition myself from being hyper-attuned to everyone around me, people pleasing, obligatory selflessness, etc. I've been no contact for a few years now, but I'm finding that the programming is still there and it is really difficult to shake because it's second nature. I have gotten way better at setting and maintaining boundaries, but in times of stress and conflict, I find that I revert back to the same fawning responses. I can see myself doing it, and I'm horrified that it's still my reflex, but I can't stop it beforehand. It still feels so excruciatingly uncomfortable to demand to be seen, heard, respected, and appreciated. Choosing myself still feels like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. This deprogramming is taking much longer than I had anticipated.
I totally understand! Go with your gut feeling and don't settle for anything less than you truly deserve 🎉❤
Stick to your beliefs and don't settle for anything less
I have a parallel experience because, even though I'm not a people-pleaser, I am reactive to bullying and I'm trying to find a way not to get my buttons pushed. I can see myself doing it and it exasperates me but I can't stop.
Wow you totally just described what I too am going through....sigh
i resonate with you so much, iam just like that. Itis so hard and overwhelming sometimes realising that the programming is still there.and like you said i also try to maitain boundaries but at hardtimes i go back to the same responces and feelings. However, you and everyone who commented are not alone and not theonly one feeling this way. we have to never stop trying and hoping and believing that sometime we are going to make it and leave all these behind and get to a point of feeling peace, calm, non-reactive to anyone, believe firmly in ourselves and not getting down for other people's feelings and needs.
You know I cut off my narcissistic ex after listening to this. Thank You, you saved my life. I couldn’t identify that he was a narcissist.
Dr. Ramani is a gift to humanity ! Her Clarity coupled with her Compassion as well as her ability to articulate the intricate details of toxic and natural assisting relationships. My personal belief is Dr. Ramani is literally Saving quite possibly MILLIONS of Lives and Sanity !
Yes, stop thinking that they will change, it takes so much energy and puts living your life on hold. They do not want to change.
“Presuming that everyone in your life has the same self awareness or intention. . . Thinking that the people in your life, are other lions, and yet they are viewing you very differently”. Wow! So well said! It takes a long time to learn that truth. At least for me it did.
It made me realise why i was underconfident, feel worthless, my opinion didnot matter etc. etc., thanks for doing this
All I can say is I can't stop crying. This spoke to me in such a way that my life will never ever be the same. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
I was the neglected child in a narcissistic family structure. I have spent my whole life grieving the life that could have been. This has given me a new way to frame things. Thank you ❤
She is spot on. Especially about why people stay in the relationship. You know it’s not healthy but there are no other options.
Your healing is the other option.
It's the injustice that gets me.
I completely agree. No consequences!
There will be justice for all of us on judgment day. Some will be rewarded while others condemned. Thank you, Jesus.
The betrayal is even worse!
@@lizbluesky8671 @lizbluesky8671 I thought Jesus preached forgiveness.
Definitely ‘release’ her. No need to do anything or to like her posts or follow her. Grief, there’s grief.
She is so right:
Birthdays without them
Holidays with drama
Loss of self
Lack of touch
Lack of bonding
Giving everything and getting taken apart.
"Discernment". Building yourself back up. Finding your authenticity again.
Thank you. I've lost 2 children and 3 grandchildren, and at 80 years old, I now realize I may never get them back. It is very painful but now
I believe I can begin to heal.
Sadly had to go no contact with my Mom for the last 4 years of her life. Her funeral is on friday. Im going but its sad i can only be in her company when shes dead. Thats how toxic she was. The children of narcissist need to protect themselves emotionally.
I hear you. ❤ I understand you. I „know” what you went through…even if I donot know the details.
You have a right to feel how you felt. Good thing - now you are free to live your best life.
Please be good to yourself. You deserve the best in life after being a child of that kind of person.
I hope you healed completly 💚
This is my entire lived experience and my two older kids are modeling their dad’s narcissism and they’re blaming me. They’ve chosen him. Healing for more than a year. Have to let them go. With all due respect, I’ve received no help from therapists who didn’t point out the very obvious characteristics I shared, never led me to a book or even an article. It’s all been through social media that I found people like you guided my healing
How old are your kids? I decided to stay for the kids (we separated and he hugely alienated them…so I allowed him back-with boundaries). One on one the kids are okay but when we’re all together I’m the scapegoat and it’s painful. I also have a stepdaughter that I raised that has aligned herself with his agenda. Do you see signs your kids miss you?
SELF-RESPECT is CORE HAPPINESS STABILITY. Saying, conveying the word
NO, NO, NO. Final answer. Safety is FIRST. ❤😊
Yep !! No is so empowering 😊
I’m a survivor… Any and everyone who is around me w/a toxic and controlling personality is rebuked immediately. The 1st 🚩 flag to me indicates they’re a narcissist. They tell on themselves by their character and what they say. I’m a good person and will not tolerate their manipulating BS. They are exhausting and annoying and it interrupts my peace. 😊💕. Thank you Dr. Ramani
What if - just as a supposition - rebuking them leads them to rage?
What if - just as a supposition - that rebuking the narcissist leads them to rage?
@@susanmercurio1060 1) do what is best for you. I have experienced the rage and that’s when it’s time to review/meditate on how you will get out the situation. 2). Move and Stay silent until you are secure w/what you have to do for you. 3) it’s all about you/selflove. Know your worth and have faith in God…. Give it to the Lord.🙏🏾😊💕
Run people run😢😢😢 they never change. They always point the vingers to others for their faults... unending fights.....no, no, no...so sorry for people in this miserable situation....
I have done the 12-month cleanse. To anyone balking at it, PLEASE hear me: it's worth it.
Dr. Ramini is so spot on about everything. You lose yourself. It takes time to find yourself again. Discernment takes time!
Dr Ramani’s affirmation of survivors is gold. 400 lb backpack uphill. 💪🏻 The race is a gift. Thank you, Dr Ramani.🎁
Yes, realizing and understanding that the other person will not change their behavior is liberating bc then you can start to move forward :))
Also, when you gain distance and have very limited interactions with the narcissist, it can seem like they are not so bad BUT once you spend more time with them, you realize they are the same old a-holes they have always been. Don’t let distance create amnesia.
That was how I got roped in time and time again! It’s a cycle and they just repeat the love bomb/devaluation phase all over.
This is what I'm going through now I still love my narcissist and I know he will never change and I have been enjoying my life away from him but whatever I see him I start to cry because I know he won't change and all I want is to love him but everytime I try again it comes back sooner each time now I'm getting ready to move away so I won't allow myself to go back
Stop that please. I wasted 49 years. Do not do that. Please.
I did not try or think he will change. I was just trying to keep the other members of my family. But they called me crazy. They are evils! Run away please.
@@gowiththeflow0088 yes. It’s hard because it may not only mean losing the narc but also members of the family. I’ve been through that and with a narc siblings, I lost connections to nieces and friends. Over all it turned out to be a good thing but at first it was tough and unfair.
The rumination is the thing that I can't get rid of. I just can't trust anyone again because I keep worrying that everyone is a narcissist.
I struggled for years with a narc parent; it came to a boiling point when they were visiting us for a few weeks, and one day I had a deep discussion with God - I told him he needed to give me a way of surviving that relationship. He told me "Treat her as a stranger". At first, I balked at that; but he repeated it. Then I realised He was right: I can still honour a stranger, I can still care what a stranger says or thinks or feels, but I don't expect it in return - after all, they're a stranger - why should they care about me or my feelings or my thoughts? It took the knife out of my back, and ever since, I've been able to honour and even respect my mother without the knife twisting my emotions...
Love this! It makes total sense and thanks for sharing. God is always right.
Running away from my family home and from my narcissistic father (I didn't know about it yet).
After a few years, I met my husband who turned out to be a demon 100 times worse - a legion of demons from which I was trying to escape by leaving my family home. Today I am learning to protect our daughter, proving to my family and friends that I am not an elephant.
I have the impression that we live in the era of narcissists, I don't know if it's a side effect of being with them, but I see them absolutely everywhere🙈...
You're right, they're everywhere 🎉
Boundaries , therapy, NC, stand up for yourself, make friends with empaths, thrive on your dreams, confront them head-on, cut people who add no value out of your life, forget about having expectations of
A meal out
A holiday
A heart to heart talk
A new something you'd like to buy
No birthday/anniversary celebrations.
Don't EVER expect them to apologize.
Don't argue with a fool.
Create a life apart from them even though it's in the same house.
You are seeing them everywhere because they are everywhere
@@beverleyuntiedt1777I see them everywhere too and I started to wonder if it was me lol. I dunno what is going on.
It’s true. America is not a nationality, it’s a condition. People are tribal by nature. America is an individualistic society.
The hope.
It’s becoming clearer now.
One of the coolest duo think-tanks with therapists!!! Praise to both of those ladies!! ❤
The fact that I am listening to this means they still have absolute control...but not for long..
Thank you ladies for the awesome power you are enabling people to take back 💕
The last 3 minutes of this video truly made me cry. Dr. Ramani sharing her insight based on personal experience touched me deeply.She truly is extraordinary.
"Anybody can change, the narcissist won't." Powerful statement. That struck me! Also the talk about the injustice of it and the impact that has on the survivor. Thank you for this episode. It was so helpful. Loved the 60 cups of tea story too! I really enjoy listening to your podcast Mel! Thank you!
Oh Wow...that fills in alot of blanks. I learned in my 50's that I couldn't fix the problems...but realizing they're not my problems was the light bulb moment.
"What we lose in these relationships is OURSELF." Truer words were never spoken. Narcissists destroy one's Self, it is their motivation to build themselves up. Growing up with narcissistic parents who enforced the Bad Child/Golden Child ethic, I raged as the bad child. In my 60's, when my golden child sister said', "well you were always bad', I replied without thinking, "I wasn't bad, I was literally fighting for my SELF." It had taken that many years to understand why I had been so angry as a child.
Righteous anger?
Radical ACCEPTANCE doesn’t make it hurt any less but being authentic and a free breath with faith and baby steps turns my inner light max capacity ❤❤❤
It’s not you! Thank thank thank you soul sister Dr Ramani for saving my life❤
Wow, 5 days ago, after 65 years, I finally understood that I am a lifelong sutvivor of covert narcissist personality style abuse by an older sibling. A lifetime of devaluing, gaslighting, and smear campaigns. This video has completely let me radically accept and give up on all hope that this relationship is ever going to change. Thank you so much for making this inspiring video. 💗
I realised some years ago that I am attracted more to narcissistic people than those who are kinder and respectful to me. It helped me change my outlook. This is a great podcast and everyone must listen to it.
Just listened to this on my walk and couldn't stop listening until it was over - this BLEW MY MIND! I am in the process of divorcing after 27 years of marriage. My "soon to be" ex-husband was extremely narcissistic throughout our marriage, and also has terrible addiction issues. So much of the information in this episode resonated with my situation. My children and I have been healing together and luckily, for me, they have not sided with the narcissist. We are closer than ever and have become a tight unit, lifting each other up, helping each other when needed and are trudging through the process hand-in-hand. As soon as the episode was over, I forwarded it to my kids. Parts of this episode brought tears to my eyes, thinking about the effect his behavior had on all of us, but most of all on my children. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this information...this episode has truly had a profound impact on me.
Radical Acceptance and no hope is life changing! It finally makes sense! I’m going to be free from this snare that’s been plaguing me all my life! I’m so grateful for this whole video!! Thank you!
These types of people don't change, they just exchange you for another and you will be the person who is forever changed because of them.
But if you’re determined you ‘can’ heal and be successful in your own right by loving yourself ❤
This is so true. The moment you stopped hoping & faced the reality & accepted the fact that the narcissistic people in your life will never change, then that's the only time you can start healing. I followed Dr. Ramani's advice of no contact with the narcissists & it transformed my life into peace, fulfilment & happiness. Life is so beautiful without the narcissists. I just wished narcissism & its dynamics was thoroughly taught in highschool & college and made it a curriculum in schools to help millions of people avoid heartaches, disappointment, misery & trauma inflicted by narcissists.
I understand that no-contact with narcissists is not always an option to some or most people but I was so fortunate that I'm in a position that I can easily & happily exist without the narcissists who are the worst kind of low-quality individuals.
I was part of a classic narcissistic family system. Was married into a similar system and thankful that it ended in a divorce rather quick.
The impact led me into consistent narcissistic relationships, be it friends, workplaces even a therapist.
It was only till i built financial freedom and moved out and worked intensively on healing myself that life started getting better. I still struggle with boundaries. And everything Dr Ramani says helped me realise that its not me.
I am still working on healing myself, and my biggest strength is my resilience...
Interesting how we attract them , or is it they seek us out ?
@@angelathornbury3750I believe they seek us out
I'm currently working on financial freedom...and it's hard. I went from the most profitable time of my life finishing my degree and internships to COVID times and isolation, had a kid and had the worst past 4 years...my brain feels like it's stuck. Every time I make a resume or try to apply for a job a cycle of imposter syndrome mixed with heavy belittling and manipulation happens 😖. The time is getting shorter between and I know I'm on to something... but financial independence is the key. So why can't I get further? 😩
"The deathbed confession." 💥 "Rumination without solution is depression."
The best years of my life are pretty much summed up in these two sentences. My radical acceptance of these two statements has been nothing but GRACE. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO NEVER LOOK BACK AND KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOU! YOU'RE WORTHY OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE. YOU ARE LOVE THAT'S WHY THEY CHOOSE YOU.
15:59 - This is spot on! One of the most helpful books I’ve ever read is called “Man’s search for meaning”. This book is exactly what I felt growing up in narcissistic environment trying to always do the BEST to find affection and/or emotional support somehow. It was up to ME to change and adapt - boy did I have to adapt growing up in 20+ homes by age 16! Ty for this interview. You ladies are absolutely awesome!
“When you combine ANGER and Guilt and empathy into a blender, IT IS one of the most difficult 2 swallow smoothies u are ever going 2 taste in your life! 🙌🏽 💯 Beautifully put Dr. Ramani 😊this video has been incredibly eye opening and is the best evidence I need 2 move forward while my children are still younger. 🙏
Very insightful.
I disagree when you said we are not our kid's life coaches.
Who are their coaches?
The school?
Psychologists?
The government?
Yes, we ARE our kids life coaches. That is our Biblical responsibility
Nevermind about biblical responsibility. Its about doing the best we can by our children. However, society has a role and responsibility to its young people, to support and provide safe parameters to flourish
Biblical and christian values are our responsibility to teach our children. You are right. There is nobody else, that cares for your kids.
Every single nail just got hammered on the head for me! Loss of hope… no justice… dealing with the grief ugh ugh
Radical Acceptance saved my life!
I learned about Radical Acceptance a year & half ago!
This podcast was so informative and helpful! Thank you!!
I started watching this thinking that my mother was a narcissist, but as I watched, I realized my father definitely was. As I continue to watch, I realized I was also right about my mom. This has been quite eye-opening.
Dump the hope for change! Dump the doubt that there's any way you were wrong or not enough! The feeling that if you show them you can do better.. Dump that too! Just work on being your absolute best! ❤ Good luck! For me too!! I need it! 🙏