This made me cry and deeply felt that “I came from a broken family, im not going to facilitate brokenness in my family”. Subhanallah even if we dont get it or cant comprehend it at first, theres always a beautiful hikmah behind Allah’s laws. I love the fact that you said you dont care about anything not your husband or kids when you stand in front of Allah. You truly want to be the best version of yourself to please Allah. I truly see that sister, you are such a beautiful soul. May Allah you make you better than what I think of you, and make you the people of Jannah where you are honoured to see Allah’s face. May Allah protect and bless your whole family immensely. Love you for the sake of Allah my dear sister in Islam💗💗💗
You strike me as the most mature, strong minded and internally stoic out of your beautiful family. I really admire and respect your emotional strength.
May Allah reward you in the next life cause polygamy doesn’t seem easy at all. So many of us Muslim women can not see ourselves in a marriage that practices polygamy but that’s amazing you stayed for the sake of Allah. It takes a strong woman to do this.
As much as I want to find a reason to hate on your poly lifestyle and thumbs down this video I can't. This was so honest and on point it literally humbled me to the point where my heart is full.
OUTSTANDING!!! Thank you for your transparency and truth. You are a blessing to so many sisters. I am new shahada. May Allah continue to bless and encourage you to continue this important work.
Thank you for your honesty sis.. I was faced with the potential of my ex husband taking on an extra wife and it crushed me! Ironically enough that marriage did not work out and I am now actually married again and came in as a second wife and am 100% ok with polygony.. the 1st wife experience is a different experience for sure... But watching your families videos helped me realize it could be beautiful ..May allah continue to guide and bless you and your family
Hey did your husband tell you from the beginning he wanted to marry again or did you find out after it happened? And when you got married again to new husband did he tell his first wife before you married and she knew what everything was from the beginning or what?
Sister you are so strong. May allah bless me with the same strength as you! My husband wants a second wife, i am currently really struggling on the jealousy side of it. Im 28 years old revert, my husband was born muslim and 2 wives is something he has always wanted and something he told me before we married. I agreed to it due to the fact i felt i could trust him due to this. May allah help me with my jealousy 🤲🏼 i try to find positive videos on a man with 2 wives amd really struggle to find this..
Jazak'Allah Khair... Well NEEDED. Your pure Honesty will help so many understand themselves and help them to move on, move forward. May Allah swt help all those sisters getting through those trying days and find peace, understanding, themselves, joy, and continuous patience each day that Allah swt allows us to experience, learn from, and continue on in this. Alhamdulillah, I'm not ALONE ❤✊🏾 JAZAK'ALLAH KHAIR/THANK YOU may Allah swt grant you many days of wisdom, acknowledge, peace, and sabr on your journey of polygyny. Insha'Allah Ameen.
As salamu alaikum Sis Fatima! Masha'allah! You have hit on so many of the root issues that all of us face, not just in marriage, but in life! I'm well over 60... Lolol and have been married 40 years, Alhamdulillah, and was in pologamy for years. My understanding of myself, husband, marriage, everything has changed so often over the years. Being honest and willing to grow and understand each other is the key, as you said! I am from a Christian background, and almost all of the men had situations outside of their marriages, some lasted for lifetimes, with children etc! These things were kept quiet usually, and not many divorces happened because of it! We have "artificial" expectations about life, relationships etc that have been manufactured in Hollywood and spoon fed to us from the cradle, of course we are struggling when our lives don't turn out the way we thought! We don't decide about life or death, but we have been given choices about how we live our lives... Choose kindness and love and tolerance and you will always win and prosper! Embrace reality, even though, at times it's difficult... Know that Allah has a plan and with patience and good behavior, you can reap the harvest of wisdom from all situations! Love your self... And as you are a proof, you can rise like a Phoenix, more beautiful and extraordinary! Peace to all!
Thank you for this and I respect your honesty. What I have never understood is what is the reasoning behind why a man will not tell his wife beforehand that he plans to take another wife (i.e. during the courting phase)? I have heard before that it is not "required" for a husband to tell his wife, however, I feel there is a "moral courtesy" that should be involved. For me, that is more of the feeling of betrayal than the actual 2nd marriage. How did you re-establish trust with your husband after that? I would like to know more about this, perhaps from you and your husband. So, an answer to these questions (perhaps another video?) will help me to understand better. Thank you so much!!!
I was taken aback too. I didn’t know it went down like that. I also imagine you’d want to be clear about your second marriage but I’ve never even been married once, so I don’t really know a thing about it
Subhan'Allah, I could listen to you all day. Such an intelligent woman, who had human feelings but worked on it and made sure it worked for her and everyone she loved. Jazakillah khayra sis for opening up and speaking so beautifully and truthfully. Allah bless you and your family in every manner Ameen x
Allahumma ameen wa iyyaki, I appreciate the duas and it's an honor to share and help others along their journeys. Being authentic is the only way I know how to help and it's indeed a blessing.
May Allah swt bless you and your whole family immensely. I NEVER have commented on any UA-cam video but the way you speak and your imaan comes off so powerfully that it’s truly moving. I aspire to have that strength and mindset that you have, especially with the situations you’ve been in. Will keep you in my duas, you are helping so many women. Not just with Polygyny, but with their faith. It’s like you were meant to go through all these episodes in your life in order to share the real gift Allah has given you. Allahu Alam ❤️❤️
Hi, I just discovered your channel, amazing conversations, however I can't help feeling bad for what you went through when he chose to have a second wife. It's obvious that you chose the option that was best for you and your children...the divorce would've been hard on you more than him, etc. Most Muslim women in your position would probably choose to stay as well, but I'm sure it wasn't the happiest moment of your life. It's nice to see that you passed through it and you didn't let it break you, all the best, love
I dealing with this now. I'm so broken I actually don't no what or how to feel. My kids are what keep me going. But evertime we talk about. He always brings up "well if you can't handle it I think it would be better if you just leave" or "if I'm the problem (meaning he's the problem) then I should just leave". I see it that he new this was going to hurt but yet still listen to his parents and married a second time for there sake. Then why is he taking it out on me like I was the one that has caused all this hurt. I have told him multiple times that I don't want to leave that I want to work it out. But I don't have answers and neither does he.
Consider our Polygamy Roadmap ebook or joining our community for deeper educational resources and also connecting with others who have been in similar situations, both men and women.
Your amazingly strong and I fully support you all. I think this is something many many people do not want to accept. It’s being done either way and you guys are doing it to correct way.
Assalamo alaykom sister, I'm a Muslimah revert to Islam. Love your strength I wouldn't have reacted the way you did. May Allah give you Jannah Al Firdaus, may He allow us to meet in Jannah would love to hang out in Jannah with you! Your sister Nusaybah.
You are such an incredibly beautiful spirit. Love your truth, it takes strong people to be transparent and honor their decision without being concerned about what people think.
I felt this so much…. Can a man truly be monogamous my partner has told me he feels this is the best way and now I can see his heart and I feel this truly is him and I don’t want to leave so I’m Trying to find understanding and you are bringing it to me
I am not Musl,I am from the US I never ever imagined this life style however since being in another country my mind have changed meaning in the US couples stand in the church eçt. Say vowels but the majority do not keep them most end up cheating so I have really thought a whole lot on this, in my mindset I said is it better to cheat and be dishonest of enter into a relationship being honest .I have come to the conclusion I would rather be in a polygamist marriage so to the Most High be the Glory!
Asalaam Alaikum sister, I am muslimah and I’m dealing with my husband expressing his intention to marry a second wife and I’m shattered. I’m not sure how to even tackle this. I can’t imagine my husband reproducing, having sex and being intimate with another woman when there are parts of are marriage that need to be fulfilled. I’m not able to tell him not to marry a second wife. I have been married and divorced before so I do not think I can handle going through a divorce with 4 children. Subanallah, I’m not sure if I can handle this situation without compromising my mental health. I stayed up all night crying and researching polygamy and there are so many reports of the instability of polygamy in Islam and the children from these blended families have not reported in my opinion healthy relationship with their father because of all the misplaced feelings they picked up from their unhappy mothers feeling unseen and unheard for long periods of time.
Do you think if your husband was transparent from the get go and allowed you the option of divorce if you did not accept ? Could you have been spared the hurt and drama if your husband would have told you he will be polygamist and have other wives from day 1 before you had children and family? Would you have married him if you knew everything from day 1?
That's a good question however it assumes that men don't evolve. He was 19 yrs old when we married and few men at that age are thinking realistically of marriage, let alone polygyny and have a hard enough time earning an income. I have always had the option of divorce but the question is whether that made sense or is beneficial for me because of my feelings? Does that serve me or the family at all? It's easier said than done and when that's the first option exercised, it seems rather immature. Hurt and pain is a part of life and I've been through worse than polygyny, but being able to weigh the pros and cons is a sign of discernment and maturity. Sometimes we prefer things which are bad for us and dislike things which are good for us, we're just feeble humans trying to thrive the short time we're here.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi So you think it would have been better if you know from Day 1 that a man will have multiple women and you will never be the only one in life? And do you think a woman could never feel betrayed or cheated or lied too if she know straight up what its going to be in the life from day 1? Or do you think its best that someone makes a change and do it and then tell you later after it happens and then expect you to be cool with it?
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi We all evolve differently. My husband was 22 when we got married (18 when we got together), it's been almost 2 decades. IMO this kind of switch up (evolution) would be a betrayal to our family. *FULL DISCLOSURE* We are not Muslim. I don't even know why I'm here. These videos were recommended randomly. I watched one... And haven't been able to stop watching them lol. I'm really intrigued. Thank you for sharing such GREAT content.
We know you aren't Muslim, you've noted it several times. However you would be confused to think polygyny is a 'Muslim thing'. We used to be Christians by the way and even attended Christian schools. Polygyny is Scriptural and has been practiced before the final revelation i.e. Quran & Islam. You'd be hard pressed to find a Prophet who didn't have multiple wives, whether Abraham, Moses, Jacob, and it's said that Solomon had 700 wives. Many of our students are non-Muslim. The topic of polygyny is simply about marriage and is open to everyone and we share best practices that aren't restricted to people whether they are married or single or non-Muslim. Funny thing is that in Christianity, the man similar to Islam, chooses his wife i.e. proposes and starts his family. In both, she is to be his support and also obey him in righteousness. It's funny because in Christian vows, it says, "I take thee (groom) to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth." He is then to be considered to be the leader of the family and make the ultimate decision as to what's best for it moving forward. Choosing polygyny is the man exercising his decision making while expanding his family. To paint is as a betrayal to the family that he chose to form is weird and also takes power from him as the man and rests it elsewhere. It may not be easy, but saying it's a betrayal is a bit much and more of an internal emotional challenge. We've seen how this society in particular dismisses all scriptures in this modern society which has proven to be on a path of confusion... because somehow it no longer knows what a man or woman actually is. Either way, we're pro-morals, so monogamy or polygyny is fine when practiced in a healthy way. However we're tired of people throwing shots at polygyny as though it's less than, a form or legal cheating, immoral, oppresive, or any other negative adjective. Many times the emotionally immature responses are a reflection or projection of a person's own insecurities while understanding that men and women are not the same. Thank you for the dialog and sorry for such a long response.
Well, as you chose closeness, on the other hand I would choose distance. My children can meet hers on a neutral ground perhaps with my husband's family. I feel that the only intersection here are the children and what he shares with me is monogamy but what he has with the other lady to me is polygamy, I mean he married. I admire how you put in the work and had a beautiful attitude about it. Being from a polygamous family, I would definitely choose distance and independence. As we are two different families. Thanks for this beautiful insight but already certain that it can work in certain spaces but not all spaces
I am not polygamy and in a 18 yr monogamous marriage. I am not Muslim either but I hope I can still comment. We are a family that doesn't follow non foundation traditions but rather follow what we want. We don't play by society rules or judgments. In find you and your family inspiring and thankful I came across your post. It seems more often than other ESPECIALLY American live for what others think, could think and may think about their marriage rather than the two people who are married worried about only what the two of them want. So often parents, morals, religion (not faith), society, and even family wants, beliefs, disappointments, expectations and judgements overpowers our own goals and path on life that it could cause us to stay with the wrong person our of guilt rather than love. Then there is the living to other people's definition of love rather than discovering and defining to for ourselves. Last would be the inability to understand, accept, and allow change. Married need to grow from the individuals who are changing themselves. He used to do this, she used to love that, he doesn't like this, she never wanted that before are changes. Its ok that your love isn't the same as it was when you started because that means there has been no growth. Cheating requires the ownership of each individual's action ,attraction to someone else ,affection, or sexual connection with someone other than your spouse. When ownership is taken, blames is asked away and the ability for honesty and understanding can now enter. I can only imagine the truth, honesty, vulnerable, resolve insecurities, and amount of true love that is requires to keep your blessed family together. If love is real, guided, and true then it is said love conquer all. Despite judgment, attempts to suppress, and they hypocrite who may treat you like an outcast, love is the resolution for hate.
I completely understand you. You are a winner. If your husband is still giving you everything you need. Then you have to question your reasoning for divorce. As for your Co wife. She found everything she needed in a husband. It just happened to be your husband. I understand both sides and I think with maturity and internal value and work. It was easy to remove ego and become more understanding. The needs and wants at 19 is different at 35. He went with the second woman because he didn't want to leave you and to some great deal he is still loyal. Says alot about his character. Your a very smart woman. 👌
wait, i saw your husband's video and he stresses strongly about cheating but it sounds like he cheated on you and married someone. He broke your trust. That's unfair.
@Teresa Jones It seems like you are trying to cause drama where it is not warranted. It's ok if you do not understand something but it seems as though you have it figured out. Do you know that you can get married to a person without "cheating" on the other? There are rules in Islam that we follow greatly because we must answer for the things we do especially when it comes to marriage. You have commented on another video of ours with your assumptions. As you may be unfamiliar with our story, journey as well as the process of marriage in Islam it may be best that you refrain from leaving your assumptions and accusations throughout. It becomes clear then of what that type of mindset can bring and it usually brings out the internal issues or bitterness of one who thinks they have it all figured out instead of one who wants to try to understand. We are in year 11 and counting in polygyny and though it was not a "cake walk" as nothing ever is, it's a journey that has produced a wonderful family, loving relationships and a team that is driven to help others in their journey to relationship mastery. So we are not looking for those who are hell bent on choosing sides, pointing out what they think should or should not have happened and the like. We are providing information for those who want enlightenment, encouragement and empowerment and if that's not what you are here for then you can take it somewhere else.
You were okay and all of the sudden your husband brought another woman and then now you are the one facing the issue to be answerable later on to God as you said. But that was not your fault, he is the one who brought problem for you and at the end still you are the one who will be answerable? Ok let say you stay so you won't be answerable later on but you are broken and hurt. That's unfair.
Sis I love and respect you and wish you and your family nothing but the absolute best. I truly hope you are happy. But this sounds like another narrative of a woman and her whole family having to compromise themselves and their feelings for the preference of a man. I hope it ended up working out for everyone nonetheless
You are likely new here and this vid was made almost one year ago. I understand how you may get that, especially since that's the common victim narrative pushed by so many. Things are very well, far more than I could have imagined and I am so grateful. Prayerfully you're well also.
I’m Muslim and I have to say Ma’sha’Allah, I think that it takes a lot of courage to accept it. If it wasn’t haram I wouldn’t have a problem with my potential husband cheating on me with random women every once in a while. What hurts me is that in Islam, the men marry women so it’s literally in your face, it’s not an adventure, the idea of sharing my man with other women all the time for the rest of my life kills me inside and probably I’ll never get married because it would be too much for me…
May Allah guide you to accept His infinite wisdom and overcome the insecurity you currently have sister. There is wisdom in everything that Allah allows and marriage is half of our deen, the benefits and rewards far outweigh the risks especially when you are intentional about fulfillment and obedience to Allah. barakAllahu feek
No offence sis the family was broken the moment he married out your children will feel this and it will effect how they see you both my dad has 3 wives and 14 children we all hate his guts and my siblings from the other women don’t see their mom the same for being glorified side chicks tbh I wish you the best though you have a great heart much love sis
Definitely offense taken by the way you matter of factly and so nonchalantly equated whatever dysfunction YOUR family has to ours, the disrespect. Clearly you haven't followed our channel long enough to know how we operate. Our children range from 25 to 3 yrs old and we ain't ya'll. Our adult children and little ones will be meeting as an entire family tomorrow like we do every week and we move as a unit and intentionally invest in our family's growth. God willing, after Ramadan we'll be filming our children having an unscripted roundtable discussion about polygyny and how it's affected their lives whether positive or negative or a mix. Don't be so presumptuous to think you got it figured out for US or anyone else's family as though polygynous marriages are some sort of monolith. Marriages and relationships work and don't work, what makes the biggest difference is the people being willing to do the work. Peace.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi i hope y'all children expose you and i hope you are not hypocrites enough to delete or cut off some of their statments.
You should calm down and consider being more concerned sbout your own life and circumstances. Feel free to watch the vids our children put together since you are so concerned, our children also edit and upload all of our vids. Sad to see see vehement hatred and ill will by complete strangers, but it is the world we live in. Consider therapy or seeking mental help from professionals in your area.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi i'll for sure consider therapy with people like you causing me distress with their ignorance and filth. Oh how easy it's to accuse others of mental illness but i can do the same to you And your family and discredit your lifestyle right off the bat ! You are exposing your dirty laundry to the world and expect people to agree with it regardless. The ignorance and the audacity !
My Sister, you love yourself and an inspiration in Truth of Life. Thank You & May You continue to be a Representative of Allaha's Love & Truth. You are earning your seat of righteousness.
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatoh Sister. MashaAllah, you are walking your talk and walking tall, my sister in Islam. I know it wasn't easy at first and isn't always easy now. Your jealousy is normal. Holding back from that jealousy is your strength. We are created this way, as much as our husbands are created desiring more than one wife. Their jealousy is proportionate to their need of our chastity, and our jealousy is proportionate to our fear of loosing our family security and the love and attention of our man. Only since Christianity have women believed in the formula one husband, one wife. That was Paul's poison. And what you saw growing up is a direct stunting of that need in men. If they had been taught polygyny is the way of all the Prophets of God, and is man's natural proclivity, maybe they wouldn't have been shameful to their other women and children. Those women and children could have held their heads up in dignity and had full support and access to their man/father, too. I can imagine being the initial wife is much harder than being the second or third. Much more painful. Any other wife already made the decision to share him before the nikah. They knew what they were getting into and they never felt betrayed. They never felt their world was fundamentally threatened by you. I know this because I was second. I married someone who's wife knew about me before I knew he was looking at me that way. It was very hard for her, much more hard than it was for me. But we worked together, and we eventually decided to live together because we each lived in adjacent apartments in the same house, each very sparse and low grade. We cooked together anyway, (well, I cut vegetables and washed dishes while she taught me to cook Pakistani food). So we agreed to ask him to get us a bigger home together for the same cost. We were both jealous of the situation, and sometimes of each other's qualities, but we always honored each other's rights. Each of us fulfilled different roles for our husband. She was more patient, more respectful, and more dependant on him, and she shared his culture, his family, and his language, and she could feed him well his preferred food. I could give him children, teach him my culture, my language, our laws, navigate our medical system, and get her diagnosis pinpointed, and help him take care of her as she declined, (she was suffering from Multiple Schlerosis), and I could help BOTH of them to face that illness. Allah ordained this need in men. He created them this way. Man needs a tribe to lead, not a boss. Women need a chieftan, not a partner. I love you fee sabilillah, sister, and I admire you greatly for coming to terms with your husband's needs. May your husband's wives and progeny be forever beloved to each other in Jennatul Firdous. And may Allah keep you all patient with each other until then, ameen, ameen, ameen.
This made me cry and deeply felt that “I came from a broken family, im not going to facilitate brokenness in my family”. Subhanallah even if we dont get it or cant comprehend it at first, theres always a beautiful hikmah behind Allah’s laws. I love the fact that you said you dont care about anything not your husband or kids when you stand in front of Allah. You truly want to be the best version of yourself to please Allah. I truly see that sister, you are such a beautiful soul. May Allah you make you better than what I think of you, and make you the people of Jannah where you are honoured to see Allah’s face. May Allah protect and bless your whole family immensely. Love you for the sake of Allah my dear sister in Islam💗💗💗
Ameen, indeed
Aamin....u hit deep...accountability to Allah.
You strike me as the most mature, strong minded and internally stoic out of your beautiful family. I really admire and respect your emotional strength.
May Allah reward you in the next life cause polygamy doesn’t seem easy at all. So many of us Muslim women can not see ourselves in a marriage that practices polygamy but that’s amazing you stayed for the sake of Allah. It takes a strong woman to do this.
I believe it takes a strong woman to stay and or leave. Both are tough decisions and takes alot to do
@@originaleverythingelseisca5977 i didn’t ask you 😳
Very strong, amazing woman indeed mashallah. I couldn't see myself staying.
You are so rude 😄@@rosettanasr1186
As much as I want to find a reason to hate on your poly lifestyle and thumbs down this video I can't. This was so honest and on point it literally humbled me to the point where my heart is full.
This.Content.Keeps.Getting.Better.And.Better!! Wow sister Fatimah! Just wow. Definitely anticipating part two. You really cut through here🙏🏾
Beautiful soul! Your husband should be proud to have you as a Queen!
OUTSTANDING!!!
Thank you for your transparency and truth. You are a blessing to so many sisters. I am new shahada.
May Allah continue to bless and encourage you to continue this important work.
Thank you for your honesty sis.. I was faced with the potential of my ex husband taking on an extra wife and it crushed me! Ironically enough that marriage did not work out and I am now actually married again and came in as a second wife and am 100% ok with polygony.. the 1st wife experience is a different experience for sure... But watching your families videos helped me realize it could be beautiful ..May allah continue to guide and bless you and your family
Hey did your husband tell you from the beginning he wanted to marry again or did you find out after it happened? And when you got married again to new husband did he tell his first wife before you married and she knew what everything was from the beginning or what?
Amin in shaa Allah
Great topic, and an important one to address.
I am not a muslim but your words touched my heart deeply. You have so much wisdom.
Brasileira?
This video came right in time. Thank you 🙏🏾
I couldn't imagine I'm so sorry! I'm glad that you and your family are good now. This is such a different dynamic and so interesting to me.
Sister you are so strong.
May allah bless me with the same strength as you! My husband wants a second wife, i am currently really struggling on the jealousy side of it. Im 28 years old revert, my husband was born muslim and 2 wives is something he has always wanted and something he told me before we married. I agreed to it due to the fact i felt i could trust him due to this. May allah help me with my jealousy 🤲🏼 i try to find positive videos on a man with 2 wives amd really struggle to find this..
Jazak'Allah Khair... Well NEEDED. Your pure Honesty will help so many understand themselves and help them to move on, move forward. May Allah swt help all those sisters getting through those trying days and find peace, understanding, themselves, joy, and continuous patience each day that Allah swt allows us to experience, learn from, and continue on in this. Alhamdulillah, I'm not ALONE ❤✊🏾
JAZAK'ALLAH KHAIR/THANK YOU may Allah swt grant you many days of wisdom, acknowledge, peace, and sabr on your journey of polygyny. Insha'Allah Ameen.
Thank you for sharing your story.
As salamu alaikum Sis Fatima!
Masha'allah! You have hit on so many of the root issues that all of us face, not just in marriage, but in life!
I'm well over 60... Lolol and have been married 40 years, Alhamdulillah, and was in pologamy for years. My understanding of myself, husband, marriage, everything has changed so often over the years. Being honest and willing to grow and understand each other is the key, as you said! I am from a Christian background, and almost all of the men had situations outside of their marriages, some lasted for lifetimes, with children etc! These things were kept quiet usually, and not many divorces happened because of it!
We have "artificial" expectations about life, relationships etc that have been manufactured in Hollywood and spoon fed to us from the cradle, of course we are struggling when our lives don't turn out the way we thought! We don't decide about life or death, but we have been given choices about how we live our lives... Choose kindness and love and tolerance and you will always win and prosper! Embrace reality, even though, at times it's difficult... Know that Allah has a plan and with patience and good behavior, you can reap the harvest of wisdom from all situations!
Love your self... And as you are a proof, you can rise like a Phoenix, more beautiful and extraordinary!
Peace to all!
This was very powerful. Thank you for sharing your personal journey and experiences
Thank you for this real talk sister ♡ got me crying :)
Thank you for this and I respect your honesty. What I have never understood is what is the reasoning behind why a man will not tell his wife beforehand that he plans to take another wife (i.e. during the courting phase)? I have heard before that it is not "required" for a husband to tell his wife, however, I feel there is a "moral courtesy" that should be involved. For me, that is more of the feeling of betrayal than the actual 2nd marriage. How did you re-establish trust with your husband after that? I would like to know more about this, perhaps from you and your husband. So, an answer to these questions (perhaps another video?) will help me to understand better. Thank you so much!!!
I was taken aback too. I didn’t know it went down like that. I also imagine you’d want to be clear about your second marriage but I’ve never even been married once, so I don’t really know a thing about it
I love this, wonderful topic
Subhan'Allah, I could listen to you all day.
Such an intelligent woman, who had human feelings but worked on it and made sure it worked for her and everyone she loved.
Jazakillah khayra sis for opening up and speaking so beautifully and truthfully.
Allah bless you and your family in every manner Ameen x
Allahumma ameen wa iyyaki,
I appreciate the duas and it's an honor to share and help others along their journeys. Being authentic is the only way I know how to help and it's indeed a blessing.
💝 good information
May Allah swt bless you and your whole family immensely. I NEVER have commented on any UA-cam video but the way you speak and your imaan comes off so powerfully that it’s truly moving. I aspire to have that strength and mindset that you have, especially with the situations you’ve been in. Will keep you in my duas, you are helping so many women. Not just with Polygyny, but with their faith. It’s like you were meant to go through all these episodes in your life in order to share the real gift Allah has given you. Allahu Alam ❤️❤️
Jazakillahu khayran for sharing!!!
Hi, I just discovered your channel, amazing conversations, however I can't help feeling bad for what you went through when he chose to have a second wife. It's obvious that you chose the option that was best for you and your children...the divorce would've been hard on you more than him, etc. Most Muslim women in your position would probably choose to stay as well, but I'm sure it wasn't the happiest moment of your life. It's nice to see that you passed through it and you didn't let it break you, all the best, love
I dealing with this now. I'm so broken I actually don't no what or how to feel. My kids are what keep me going. But evertime we talk about. He always brings up "well if you can't handle it I think it would be better if you just leave" or "if I'm the problem (meaning he's the problem) then I should just leave".
I see it that he new this was going to hurt but yet still listen to his parents and married a second time for there sake.
Then why is he taking it out on me like I was the one that has caused all this hurt.
I have told him multiple times that I don't want to leave that I want to work it out. But I don't have answers and neither does he.
Consider our Polygamy Roadmap ebook or joining our community for deeper educational resources and also connecting with others who have been in similar situations, both men and women.
How to I get my hands on your ebook because I woul love to read. And I also don't no anyone else that has or is going through this
PolygamyRoadmap.com is where you can get both, one for men and one for women. Oprcommunity.com is our private non-social media community sis.
It takes a lot of courage to do this sister fatima.God bless you with nothing less than Jannatul Firdose.
Alhamdulillah!!! This is awesome.
Your amazingly strong and I fully support you all. I think this is something many many people do not want to accept. It’s being done either way and you guys are doing it to correct way.
Assalamo alaykom sister, I'm a Muslimah revert to Islam. Love your strength I wouldn't have reacted the way you did. May Allah give you Jannah Al Firdaus, may He allow us to meet in Jannah would love to hang out in Jannah with you!
Your sister Nusaybah.
You are such an incredibly beautiful spirit. Love your truth, it takes strong people to be transparent and honor their decision without being concerned about what people think.
It took time to get here but you are indeed correct
May Allah ta'ala really bless you sister for sharing your experience. May ALLAH ta'ala really elevate your rank and protect and ease your marriage!
Thank you for the video. I have respect for you all and thank you for not doing the Intro .
jazakillahu khairaa everything you said is haqq. May Allah taaalaa bless you and your family and give my family and your family al jannatul firdous 🌹
I felt this so much…. Can a man truly be monogamous my partner has told me he feels this is the best way and now I can see his heart and I feel this truly is him and I don’t want to leave so I’m
Trying to find understanding and you are bringing it to me
I am not Musl,I am from the US I never ever imagined this life style however since being in another country my mind have changed meaning in the US couples stand in the church eçt. Say vowels but the majority do not keep them most end up cheating so I have really thought a whole lot on this, in my mindset I said is it better to cheat and be dishonest of enter into a relationship being honest .I have come to the conclusion I would rather be in a polygamist marriage so to the Most High be the Glory!
Mashaallah I truly admire your honesty coach Fatima ❤ may Allah grant you jannah:)
May Allah reward you for your honesty and may Allah grant your family tawfiq, Ameen!
Asalam Alikum my dear sister I really full joy this message maa shaa Allah.
Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So far nobody came for you. All comments appreciate and admire your honesty.
Asalaam Alaikum sister, I am muslimah and I’m dealing with my husband expressing his intention to marry a second wife and I’m shattered. I’m not sure how to even tackle this. I can’t imagine my husband reproducing, having sex and being intimate with another woman when there are parts of are marriage that need to be fulfilled. I’m not able to tell him not to marry a second wife. I have been married and divorced before so I do not think I can handle going through a divorce with 4 children. Subanallah, I’m not sure if I can handle this situation without compromising my mental health. I stayed up all night crying and researching polygamy and there are so many reports of the instability of polygamy in Islam and the children from these blended families have not reported in my opinion healthy relationship with their father because of all the misplaced feelings they picked up from their unhappy mothers feeling unseen and unheard for long periods of time.
May Allah make it easy for you,Ameen
Omg 😭😭😭 may Allah reward you beautiful sister
You’re a jewel 💎
We plan and ALLAH IS THE BEST OF PLANNERS 😊😊🙂
Excellent! I couldnt gave articulated this better myself! Allahu Akbar
Do you think if your husband was transparent from the get go and allowed you the option of divorce if you did not accept ? Could you have been spared the hurt and drama if your husband would have told you he will be polygamist and have other wives from day 1 before you had children and family? Would you have married him if you knew everything from day 1?
That's a good question however it assumes that men don't evolve. He was 19 yrs old when we married and few men at that age are thinking realistically of marriage, let alone polygyny and have a hard enough time earning an income.
I have always had the option of divorce but the question is whether that made sense or is beneficial for me because of my feelings? Does that serve me or the family at all? It's easier said than done and when that's the first option exercised, it seems rather immature.
Hurt and pain is a part of life and I've been through worse than polygyny, but being able to weigh the pros and cons is a sign of discernment and maturity.
Sometimes we prefer things which are bad for us and dislike things which are good for us, we're just feeble humans trying to thrive the short time we're here.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi So you think it would have been better if you know from Day 1 that a man will have multiple women and you will never be the only one in life? And do you think a woman could never feel betrayed or cheated or lied too if she know straight up what its going to be in the life from day 1? Or do you think its best that someone makes a change and do it and then tell you later after it happens and then expect you to be cool with it?
You may want to consider watching the videos where we discuss best practices and answer via video what you're asking if you want a thorough response.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi We all evolve differently. My husband was 22 when we got married (18 when we got together), it's been almost 2 decades. IMO this kind of switch up (evolution) would be a betrayal to our family.
*FULL DISCLOSURE* We are not Muslim. I don't even know why I'm here. These videos were recommended randomly. I watched one... And haven't been able to stop watching them lol. I'm really intrigued. Thank you for sharing such GREAT content.
We know you aren't Muslim, you've noted it several times. However you would be confused to think polygyny is a 'Muslim thing'. We used to be Christians by the way and even attended Christian schools. Polygyny is Scriptural and has been practiced before the final revelation i.e. Quran & Islam.
You'd be hard pressed to find a Prophet who didn't have multiple wives, whether Abraham, Moses, Jacob, and it's said that Solomon had 700 wives.
Many of our students are non-Muslim. The topic of polygyny is simply about marriage and is open to everyone and we share best practices that aren't restricted to people whether they are married or single or non-Muslim.
Funny thing is that in Christianity, the man similar to Islam, chooses his wife i.e. proposes and starts his family. In both, she is to be his support and also obey him in righteousness.
It's funny because in Christian vows, it says, "I take thee (groom) to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
He is then to be considered to be the leader of the family and make the ultimate decision as to what's best for it moving forward. Choosing polygyny is the man exercising his decision making while expanding his family. To paint is as a betrayal to the family that he chose to form is weird and also takes power from him as the man and rests it elsewhere.
It may not be easy, but saying it's a betrayal is a bit much and more of an internal emotional challenge. We've seen how this society in particular dismisses all scriptures in this modern society which has proven to be on a path of confusion... because somehow it no longer knows what a man or woman actually is.
Either way, we're pro-morals, so monogamy or polygyny is fine when practiced in a healthy way. However we're tired of people throwing shots at polygyny as though it's less than, a form or legal cheating, immoral, oppresive, or any other negative adjective.
Many times the emotionally immature responses are a reflection or projection of a person's own insecurities while understanding that men and women are not the same.
Thank you for the dialog and sorry for such a long response.
What it about the kids. I don't hear their some oppion from their side.
Well, as you chose closeness, on the other hand I would choose distance. My children can meet hers on a neutral ground perhaps with my husband's family. I feel that the only intersection here are the children and what he shares with me is monogamy but what he has with the other lady to me is polygamy, I mean he married. I admire how you put in the work and had a beautiful attitude about it. Being from a polygamous family, I would definitely choose distance and independence. As we are two different families. Thanks for this beautiful insight but already certain that it can work in certain spaces but not all spaces
I suffering my husband marrying second wife please help me with duas
@@umujamal it's very complicated walia
Has it gotten any better you?
Alhamdullilah 🕊
🎯💯
Man?? Did you just say 15 years in he decided to practice??, I’m sorry that happened to you.
Ma'Sha'Allah
I love you so much for the sake of Allah sister
And your hijab is very beautiful
Do you have hijab tutorials?
I am not polygamy and in a 18 yr monogamous marriage. I am not Muslim either but I hope I can still comment. We are a family that doesn't follow non foundation traditions but rather follow what we want. We don't play by society rules or judgments. In find you and your family inspiring and thankful I came across your post. It seems more often than other ESPECIALLY American live for what others think, could think and may think about their marriage rather than the two people who are married worried about only what the two of them want. So often parents, morals, religion (not faith), society, and even family wants, beliefs, disappointments, expectations and judgements overpowers our own goals and path on life that it could cause us to stay with the wrong person our of guilt rather than love. Then there is the living to other people's definition of love rather than discovering and defining to for ourselves. Last would be the inability to understand, accept, and allow change. Married need to grow from the individuals who are changing themselves. He used to do this, she used to love that, he doesn't like this, she never wanted that before are changes. Its ok that your love isn't the same as it was when you started because that means there has been no growth. Cheating requires the ownership of each individual's action ,attraction to someone else ,affection, or sexual connection with someone other than your spouse. When ownership is taken, blames is asked away and the ability for honesty and understanding can now enter. I can only imagine the truth, honesty, vulnerable, resolve insecurities, and amount of true love that is requires to keep your blessed family together. If love is real, guided, and true then it is said love conquer all. Despite judgment, attempts to suppress, and they hypocrite who may treat you like an outcast, love is the resolution for hate.
Well said.
Maa Sha Allah sister indeed, you are really blessed. We have to please Allah and put out desires aside.
I completely understand you. You are a winner. If your husband is still giving you everything you need. Then you have to question your reasoning for divorce. As for your Co wife. She found everything she needed in a husband. It just happened to be your husband. I understand both sides and I think with maturity and internal value and work. It was easy to remove ego and become more understanding. The needs and wants at 19 is different at 35. He went with the second woman because he didn't want to leave you and to some great deal he is still loyal. Says alot about his character. Your a very smart woman. 👌
🙇🏾♂️🙏🏾
Wow this 👏. Was with a wife for 33yrs and because I wanted another wife we are no longer together. This made me cry
Why did you want another
@@thetraveldynasty7915 as hard as it is for women to accept a marriage , it's that hard for a man not to want . We are designed like that .
@@abduldenn6049 was wanting a second marriage because of “your biology” worth losing your marriage over? have you married again ?
@@Stephanie-rf2qp my god given right is worth it . I follow the creator not the creation .
Nope
Want a next one bad but I don’t think my wife would let that happen
She doesn’t need to let it happen. She doesn’t have control over that. It’s not her decision to make. That’s a decision a man has to make in his own.
Amen
wait, i saw your husband's video and he stresses strongly about cheating but it sounds like he cheated on you and married someone. He broke your trust. That's unfair.
@Teresa Jones It seems like you are trying to cause drama where it is not warranted. It's ok if you do not understand something but it seems as though you have it figured out. Do you know that you can get married to a person without "cheating" on the other? There are rules in Islam that we follow greatly because we must answer for the things we do especially when it comes to marriage.
You have commented on another video of ours with your assumptions. As you may be unfamiliar with our story, journey as well as the process of marriage in Islam it may be best that you refrain from leaving your assumptions and accusations throughout. It becomes clear then of what that type of mindset can bring and it usually brings out the internal issues or bitterness of one who thinks they have it all figured out instead of one who wants to try to understand.
We are in year 11 and counting in polygyny and though it was not a "cake walk" as nothing ever is, it's a journey that has produced a wonderful family, loving relationships and a team that is driven to help others in their journey to relationship mastery. So we are not looking for those who are hell bent on choosing sides, pointing out what they think should or should not have happened and the like. We are providing information for those who want enlightenment, encouragement and empowerment and if that's not what you are here for then you can take it somewhere else.
May Allah bless u sister
Alhamdulillah Allah Akbar
It's very common in the middle east
You were okay and all of the sudden your husband brought another woman and then now you are the one facing the issue to be answerable later on to God as you said. But that was not your fault, he is the one who brought problem for you and at the end still you are the one who will be answerable? Ok let say you stay so you won't be answerable later on but you are broken and hurt. That's unfair.
Sis I love and respect you and wish you and your family nothing but the absolute best. I truly hope you are happy. But this sounds like another narrative of a woman and her whole family having to compromise themselves and their feelings for the preference of a man. I hope it ended up working out for everyone nonetheless
You are likely new here and this vid was made almost one year ago. I understand how you may get that, especially since that's the common victim narrative pushed by so many. Things are very well, far more than I could have imagined and I am so grateful. Prayerfully you're well also.
I’m Muslim and I have to say Ma’sha’Allah, I think that it takes a lot of courage to accept it. If it wasn’t haram I wouldn’t have a problem with my potential husband cheating on me with random women every once in a while. What hurts me is that in Islam, the men marry women so it’s literally in your face, it’s not an adventure, the idea of sharing my man with other women all the time for the rest of my life kills me inside and probably I’ll never get married because it would be too much for me…
May Allah guide you to accept His infinite wisdom and overcome the insecurity you currently have sister. There is wisdom in everything that Allah allows and marriage is half of our deen, the benefits and rewards far outweigh the risks especially when you are intentional about fulfillment and obedience to Allah. barakAllahu feek
No offence sis the family was broken the moment he married out your children will feel this and it will effect how they see you both my dad has 3 wives and 14 children we all hate his guts and my siblings from the other women don’t see their mom the same for being glorified side chicks tbh I wish you the best though you have a great heart much love sis
Definitely offense taken by the way you matter of factly and so nonchalantly equated whatever dysfunction YOUR family has to ours, the disrespect.
Clearly you haven't followed our channel long enough to know how we operate. Our children range from 25 to 3 yrs old and we ain't ya'll.
Our adult children and little ones will be meeting as an entire family tomorrow like we do every week and we move as a unit and intentionally invest in our family's growth.
God willing, after Ramadan we'll be filming our children having an unscripted roundtable discussion about polygyny and how it's affected their lives whether positive or negative or a mix.
Don't be so presumptuous to think you got it figured out for US or anyone else's family as though polygynous marriages are some sort of monolith.
Marriages and relationships work and don't work, what makes the biggest difference is the people being willing to do the work. Peace.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi i hope y'all children expose you and i hope you are not hypocrites enough to delete or cut off some of their statments.
You should calm down and consider being more concerned sbout your own life and circumstances.
Feel free to watch the vids our children put together since you are so concerned, our children also edit and upload all of our vids.
Sad to see see vehement hatred and ill will by complete strangers, but it is the world we live in. Consider therapy or seeking mental help from professionals in your area.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi i'll for sure consider therapy with people like you causing me distress with their ignorance and filth.
Oh how easy it's to accuse others of mental illness but i can do the same to you And your family and discredit your lifestyle right off the bat !
You are exposing your dirty laundry to the world and expect people to agree with it regardless.
The ignorance and the audacity !
Good luck and Peace ✌🏾
My Sister, you love yourself and an inspiration in Truth of Life. Thank You & May You continue to be a Representative of Allaha's Love & Truth. You are earning your seat of righteousness.
😕
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatoh Sister.
MashaAllah, you are walking your talk and walking tall, my sister in Islam. I know it wasn't easy at first and isn't always easy now.
Your jealousy is normal. Holding back from that jealousy is your strength. We are created this way, as much as our husbands are created desiring more than one wife. Their jealousy is proportionate to their need of our chastity, and our jealousy is proportionate to our fear of loosing our family security and the love and attention of our man.
Only since Christianity have women believed in the formula one husband, one wife. That was Paul's poison.
And what you saw growing up is a direct stunting of that need in men. If they had been taught polygyny is the way of all the Prophets of God, and is man's natural proclivity, maybe they wouldn't have been shameful to their other women and children. Those women and children could have held their heads up in dignity and had full support and access to their man/father, too.
I can imagine being the initial wife is much harder than being the second or third. Much more painful. Any other wife already made the decision to share him before the nikah. They knew what they were getting into and they never felt betrayed. They never felt their world was fundamentally threatened by you.
I know this because I was second. I married someone who's wife knew about me before I knew he was looking at me that way. It was very hard for her, much more hard than it was for me.
But we worked together, and we eventually decided to live together because we each lived in adjacent apartments in the same house, each very sparse and low grade. We cooked together anyway, (well, I cut vegetables and washed dishes while she taught me to cook Pakistani food). So we agreed to ask him to get us a bigger home together for the same cost.
We were both jealous of the situation, and sometimes of each other's qualities, but we always honored each other's rights.
Each of us fulfilled different roles for our husband.
She was more patient, more respectful, and more dependant on him, and she shared his culture, his family, and his language, and she could feed him well his preferred food.
I could give him children, teach him my culture, my language, our laws, navigate our medical system, and get her diagnosis pinpointed, and help him take care of her as she declined, (she was suffering from Multiple Schlerosis), and I could help BOTH of them to face that illness.
Allah ordained this need in men. He created them this way. Man needs a tribe to lead, not a boss. Women need a chieftan, not a partner.
I love you fee sabilillah, sister, and I admire you greatly for coming to terms with your husband's needs.
May your husband's wives and progeny be forever beloved to each other in Jennatul Firdous. And may Allah keep you all patient with each other until then, ameen, ameen, ameen.