how to deal with a bully boss at work 1⃣ of 5⃣ Episode 1 of 5
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In this free online communication training video about how to deal with a bully boss at work, communication coach Dan O'Connor walks you through five power plays that you can use immediately to change the way an out-of-control boss treats you. You cannot "change" your boss, but you CAN change the way he treats YOU.
#bullyboss #difficultpeople #professionaldevelopment
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I'm so going to watch this series. The way I finally dealt with my bully boss was the last time she screamed at me I said " i am no longer taking your abuse and you have my 4 weeks notice." I told her everything she was doing to us was wrong. All my co-workers praised me for it cause I was the only one who had courage enough to fibally say sonething. My boss kept asking me to stay longer cause she kept sitting on hiring someone. After 8 weeks I finally left and I've never felt more free and never looked back. I'll still watch this series later just in case I ever run into another bully bliss again.
This is so true... behaviour falls to the lowest level tolerated and WE set that bar... if u miss when u lowered it, it’s near impossible to regain that ground back in the same workplace... u can stop people from taking a boundary... but u can’t make em give it back later... if they’re the type to encroach, they ain’t the type to relinquish.
Learn from my mistakes. 😔
Incivil Service, we all learn from our mistakes, so don't feel alone. When I was teaching high school--MANY MANY YEARS AGO--I always advised new teachers to remember that you can always loosen up, but you can't tighten up--so feel free to start out strict--and loosen a little later. Same principle that you're talking about with office boundaries, right?
How to respond to a micromanaging boss please
Shop for a good supervisor
Ask him does he have something to do other then micro wave your brain....f.bosses like that and hr.dont help.DONT BOTHER.ignore them.thats what I do.
“Here, do it yourself, you don’t need me. Good by!” And walk
Good supervisor is everything. Im shopping for a good bosses
Thank you man. I’m in a difficult situation with a toxic work environment.
Stay tuned, and also search my channel for help.
me too
Hey Dan, yesterday I responded to my boss " don't be putting words in my mouth" in front of our group, when he announced that I didn't want to partner up with another coworker, when I said no such thing. He just wanted to get the coworker upset and cause friction in front of everyone. He backed off and didn't say anything else. Was that an appropriate response and was I using the left side of my brain?
This is 110% accurate. They should show this in schools.
I just realized that your channel has become a go-to for me whenever I become aware of a need to develop a new social skill. Thank you for all you do!
You are welcome, Barker Bike Pirate, and I hope you stick around for more videos.
Dear Don, i am 45Y old and one of things i wish in my life is to have discovered you 20Y earlier. Thank you for changing my life! You are a Great Master. Best Regards from Palestine
Many thanks, Rame. 45 is a spring chicken! Hopefully you and I both have many years left in which to change the global dialogue one conversation at a time. Best regards from Guadalajara, MX and Fargo, ND!
@@TheWizardOfWords thanks again Don for the nice words. i will keep up the spirit
Don't disagree with most of what you're saying. But, actually, my cell phone has been my best friend during these meetings with the low-level dumb f*** supervisor I have to deal with. I've already recorded and captured several instances of him and his boss breaking rules (and potentially employment law). Just saving it for a rainy day. And yes, it's legal in my state.
I am proud of you.
Your expertise is my confidence builder.. You will never know how much you do for us
Thank you Dan.I havn't listened to you in a while but I now am facing a bully boss and looking for advice.I know I have to leave my job but don't want to be fired.I need to hang on for a bit longer until I retire.You help boost my confidence.I really appreciate you!❤
What I did was I asked my boss for a meeting with her and her boss. My boss deserves to hear everything I have to say.
This worked. She said, "If you want to go that route, that's up to you, but I won't be there. She eventually said I'll setup meeting but she never did.
You have to either see a behavior change in her, or push the meeting.
HR is for the company not employees unfortunately 😕 in my experiences.
This series is empowering, thanks Dan for your insights
The part from 1:47 - hilarious and so true, having worked in the HR 😂 spot on Dan...
Watching this after my boss called me into a meeting to talk about my quarterly self-review and he turned it into a feedback session for me, rather than him. Oh and HR were there as well as my head of department. Surprise!
This happened to me today. I cannot maintain a poker face. I am so mad that he called me out as incompetent which is not true. I wanted to resign right on the spot.
I have been struggling with how I should respond to my low-level manager in an appropriate way and you have provided me with some insight! Thank You!
Happy to help!
Hey Dan would you mind increasing the sound quality a bit? Like turning down the background music a little when you speak? Hard to understand your amazing content at some parts.
Otherwise: great videos. Love them all. 😊
Thank you Flotte! I just got some new equipment. Of course, I'm terrible at using it, but in my most recent vids, check them out when you can and let me know if it's better--I can't tell much because after listening to myself for so long, it all sounds like the same torture. But I trust your judgement and appreciate the feedback!
I just wanted to say thank you, sincerely. Your video Really helped me out today. I feel so much less stress and more prepared for my next approach at communicating with my boss.
Glad I could help!
Love the Wizard of Oz poster in the background!
Dear Mr. O'Connor, I enjoy your presentations so very much!! You inspire me and many other people. Thank you, Mrs. C
Mrs. C thank you so much and please keep liking and sharing these videos. :)
You beamed through the screen as if you where here - IRL in front of me! Wow, first time I experienced that. Great content, I now feel encouraged to meet the boss in our next meeting 👏🏼
Welcome aboard, Charlotte :)
Hello, Can someone help me with this? I subscribed, it says the other videos in this series is available after subscribing, but I can't find #'s 3, 4, & 5 in the playlist or via search. Thanks for your time.
I have this boss that is driving me crazy! He is now being so crazy about me being sick. I told him it may be Covid and now these people at work, just wow. He called me dumb and got written up for it, but now he’s running with this. I went to hr again. My next step is ada and osha. You should not just play these mind games with bad bosses.. call osha, call an attorney, see your real options. You should absolutely let them fire you!! Because the law protects you from this type of crap! Be strong, have a spine! Dont you tell your kids to stand up to bullies??!! I’m sorry, I’m not staying quiet and I’m not going to let anyone disrespect me. Period. There should be more of us out there. Talk to union, if you have one, if not pay for a lawyer to tell you your rights.. not a big deal, it costs less than your committee in your head thinks.. instead of letting them beat you up, call an attorney pay 200 bucks.. get it done and see your rights! I guarantee that will be your best option.
You went to HR "again"?
Mr. O'Connor with Portuguese National Soccer team jacket! Great channel! I have learned a lot! Thank you/obrigado! Much love and respect from Portugal!
Hi Rita! Much love and respect back at you--from Mexico and Fargo, ND. Happy you like my jacket! It's one of my favorites. :)
Thanks Wizard. Do you take sessions
Yes. Please write jean@danoconnortraining.com
Yes. Write jean@danoconnortraining.com
Great point in how to take a stand and particularly *millennials bringing in a co-worker* 😂 oh man.🎯🙈
I 💯 get it, but like you mentioned, the respect is already low (if they're being a bully), so it just lowers it MORE.
Great point.👌
I like your suggestions on how to respond. You mention coaching , where can i find more info in it ?
In the description
My manager is trying to orchestrate the poor performance with these bi-weekly meetings. I told her, I'm will to take this ride. I'm not going to crumble.
What if your boss is the HR manager, any advice on that?
Why would that make a difference, EM?
I work for myself, but I come here for life skills. Thank you Brother Dan 🫶🏼
You are very welcome.
Wish I had this in 2010 - 2012 ... I remember one time he F’d up and I was fixing the F Up and he started having a go at me like normal I turned around and said “ don’t get down my throat I am just trying to help” shut him down like a little bitch ... was probably the only day I went home happy at that job.
This is a very good piece of advice.
:)
This is classic And Ty ❤ Nov 2,2023🎉
Very powerful Dan. Seeds of regret.
I need your assistance. I am dealing with this situation right now, and I need guidance as soon as possible
Please give me a feedback on this statement from my Supervisor> “You did really well yesterday, you got a lot done, you smashed it but I need you to clock of at 6pm not 6:30pm, otherwise I will get into trouble from the higher up management”
I would clock in/out at 6:00 as my supervisor suggested. I'm not sure I see the issue, JC.
@@TheWizardOfWords expectations to get a lot more work done but finish earlier, it’s kinda like asking for 2 hour’s massage but they only want to pay for 1 hour, I’m a truck driver and their are some things out of my control, e.g traffic etc
I’m a boomer and having a problem with an incompetent Millennial much younger manager. He has a strange way of doing things and expects with little communication what he’s asking of me. Oh and we both speak English fluently and that’s not the issue. And I’m a very young thinking boomer and usually can relate with millennials and even gen z. It’s this one mffkr!
Have you sat down and had a talk with him?
Thank you!! ❤
Reframing with the mindset that their emotional volatility is absolutely not of your prerogative to manage as an unofficial and on-the-spot therapist can be much more helpful. Being quite ok with them being angry if you're standing up for your own deeper integrity, being as reasonable and authentic as possible. Headbutts aside, merely wishing them well (in your mind) and walking to give them time to think about how their behavior is unacceptable in your presence can sometimes do a lot of justice. Sure they might throw a fit, let em. Longer it goes, more they are revealing about... who "they" are and perhaps they're lack of a healthy supportive therapeutic social circle to deal with this "personal" problem they are leveraging onto others.
I went off on my boss yesterday. Felt liberating. He will not be speaking down to me again.
Hopefully you did it without demeaning yourself or your boss.
@@TheWizardOfWordsToo late. I yelled and told him to "make it make sense" and instructed him to "fire me if he wants" because I'd hit my breaking point. He just apologized.
I don't see anything wrong with that. OK, so you were frustrated and yelled--big deal. You didn't resort to name-calling or saying anything that was beneath yourself. Good for you.
If I stand up for myself, my boss retaliates. How do you deal with bosses like that?
Are you using the methods I recommend, Lu Bu??
My boss is legit bullying and harassing me for taking a sick day.
In this one case I do not agere. Its a kind of passive aggresive behaviour. Just keep your chin up and explain your point of view at given matter. Then have a Word with your boss, honest. HR are not always your enemy. If your Company faill to Help you, change job.
Great video so far...but the editting is distracting.
Hey Dan! Do you provide personal sessions for communication advice?
I'm going to quit my job and work at a coffee shop, but the application asks for my previous employer and contact number. I need her to write well of me so I can get the job. But after I get the job and quit my current one, I want to write my boss a letter, _finally_ standing up to her for her toxic behavior. Is it risky? Can she just contact the coffee shop and tell them what I wrote to her? She needs to hear how she made me feel weak and stupid and undermined.
See my answer on another video. DON'T DO IT. DON'T WRITE THAT LETTER.
Yes I’m not going to let myself down anymore
❤ this is so good
I really liked your video. I'm going through this situation RIGHT NOW!!! Are there any other videos you could recommend me watching in conjunction with this one??
Check out channel playlists; there are plenty more. If you become a channel member, I'm happy to answer your question with more specificity.
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin
I‘ve said similar things such as: That is a great way to motivate your team, when clearly he just said something toxic or threw a tantrum about nonsense.
:). :). Yes, toxicity and negativity are GREAT motivators. They motivate people to leave.
What is it called when there is 1 manager in charge of 1 subordinate? Seems like I remember this being an example of being a bad environment….
Emily--why?
@@TheWizardOfWords because im in this situation. Very toxic manager, i am the punching bag
One-on-one wouldn't necessarily be a bad environment, but it obviously is in your case and I hope my videos can help you handle this person.
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
I know this video is two years old now, but what do you suggest we do if every time we stand up for ourselves and call our boss out in the ways you've suggested, they gaslight us and say "you're blowing it out of proportion" or straight up say "that never happened"? Because that is what has happened to me and I've given up even trying now. Also, my boss will catch me off guard and pull me aside to have these little one-on-ones where he will reprimand me for ridiculous things like complaining about a tech issue in front of a new staff member or my work not being up to standard when he changes the goal posts on a daily basis. He will then try and play the "good guy" and say he wants to support me when it is clear from his behaviour all he wants to do is undermine me.
I'm not certain why the age of the video is an issue, B. Some of these videos were filmed TWENTY years ago :). My advice has expanded in the last 20 years, but it hasn't changed substantially, and certainly hasn't changed in the last two years. If your boss is doing precisely what you say--QUIT.
@@TheWizardOfWords I only mention the age of the video as you may not be responding to comments on older videos. Anyway, I unfortunately need the income and whilst I am actively looking for employment elsewhere, there’s very little in my field at the moment.
I apologize for the misunderstanding, B. I try to answer all questions on all videos, even if I just do it with an emoji :) :). Since you cannot quit, and you've tried talking to your boss, I'd recommend gray-rocking him, which means to be as invisible as possible, not drawing his attention and not reacting to him. That is your only defense until you can leave him in the dust.
Omg I should have seen this sooner lmfaooo you're too good! 💖
You're here now, Liz, and I hope you stick around for more videos. Please like and share at will!
I really like YOU'RE LETTING ME DOWN AND HERE'S WHY.
People who have a bullying boss, especially male chauvinist will try to get some answer searching some suggestions and when you make such a hilarious video PPL who wants to have fun may watch not the hurt ones
I needed this. Thank you!
You're welcome, Fi, and I hope you're working on those language skills.
You’re funny , I like that.
Wowwww love this
The truth is the power. 😊
Loved your closing ❤️
It sounds like you're saying HR is pointless?
I'm saying that to rely on HR is generally a losing proposition unless. your complaint might result in a lawsuit for the company. THEN HR (the members of which work for the company) will listen.
@@TheWizardOfWords I see. I was recommended to talk to the boss privately first one on one to resolve issues, but if they still won't listen then to go to HR or someone who has authority over that person.
Companies expect you to resolve most issues on your own. If the issue is with your boss, I think the suggestion to talk to him is a good one. If the issue involves standard personal relationships with other employees, I would hope you could handle that on your own. Going to HR or over the head of your boss? It had better be a legal issue, not an interpersonal one. Otherwise, I would go to HR or over the head of my boss with my bags packed and resume polished.
@@TheWizardOfWords so the boss can treat people whatever way they want basically. Thats so sad, especially when there's a clause in the contract agreement stating that we the employees must be civil with each other or it can be cause for termination. I guess it doesn't mean upper management then? They are exempt from this rule? What a world, I'm just in chock that after metoo, this is still going on. But thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. Maybe it's better to work at a smaller company where bad behavior is harder to get away with, because everyone is watching them etc.
It’s in the name You are a Human resource hun …..
What if your manager always bring someone in to meeting with you or CC their peer on your email correspondence.
I would ask my manager why he/she is doing this.
@@TheWizardOfWords well, it all started after we meet with an HR rep. I think they want to cover themselves.
Great message
So, can we have a personal session with you please.
Come to the daily live at 5:00 PM CST
Start at 4:00. Not bad!
Nice :) Wise Thank you for perfectly sane life coaching. Ur amazingly sane information is rare and therefore precious. Thank you thank you thank you 🤍
Thanks 0 0. I try to keep it real and relevant. The day I can't do that, I'll hang it up.
@@TheWizardOfWords Nononono~ first of all that won't happen if anything happens you'll just step up to a higher rung is all. Befitting ur tall stature. There's no not knowing true wisdom once you know it. Ur a very rich man Dan Dan Dan~~ Love it!! 🤍
The boss harassed me and his lapdog and his abc list he had ready for me was about “ work ethics “ and “RH “ are that you said… and oh I had a list about him sexual harassment, bullying , the works now I know it’s never going to be the same …….
Im in a tough situation. Im a convicted felon from 10 years ago. I have been at the same job for 8 years and my boss extremely abusive. I make a decent living and have a wife and kids. I cant just up and quit because it is very difficult to find a good job. I feel helpless
What is your boss doing that you see as abusive?
@TheWizardOfWords Well offered me a PTO package of $1000 a week for vacation time. I signed the offer and took my 1st week vacation. It wasnt in my pay so i called him and he said the company cant afford to pay me PTO so he reneged on the deal. He will have no problem calling me on my cellphone since i am a traveling salesman and screaming about not making a sale. With plenty of F bombs and F yous. Tip of the iceberg. The attitude and disrespect is outrageous.
You seem well meaning but all of those phrases would get me fired or targeted by a bully boss or manager. I've tried sticking up for myself in similar ways before and found myself harassed out of my job. Especially if there's any hint of sarcasm; that enrages them.
Sarcasm enrages anyone. Context and delivery is everything.
Agreed. If that boss is already a narcissistic bully she will bully you even more if you dare speak up to her.
@rejectwokeness1314 Once I reported an out of control supervisor for inappropriately raging at me in the privacy of her office where no one could hear or witness it. She began body slamming me in the hallways (acting like it was an accident though it never occurred until I made a complaint to HR) then found myself a victim of literal violence. No one believed me and she got the whole staff against me. I was even their best accounting clerk on her whole team. I ended up in the emergency room from the stress and agony she and the company caused me. Nearly had a heart attack. Then got fired for no reason other than I stood up for myself.
@@TheWizardOfWords If an employer or coworkers are screaming at you and using profanity and even assaulting you, I think sarcasm is a mild response. I've had to get a restraining order once against a bosses daughter who threatened to punch me in the face.
Oh you are faaaabulous!
My boss attempted to beat me twice already I don't see why I should go there still? To see him actually do it??Hell nah I don't want to go there anymore
Feeling language my Vice President does this.
Need 1 on 1 coaching
Oh my gosh, I love you. Your videos just get better. But also can you come to work with me for maybe one day. Is there a slot for that 🥴
Sure, just get one of my audios, and I can be in your ear all day. danoconnortraining.com Go to the store and you can bring me to work with you. :) Or download the flashcards and I'll ride along in your attache case.
The only problem with this is what if they give you a bad reference later when you want to leave?
Oh wait...well I guess you can say on your application not to contact current employer...so I guess the only time it would hurt you is later on
@thebeigesheep6132
I think it's illegal to give a bad reference, at least from where I live.
I work as a public school and have a heavy workload between building maintenance bus driving custodial assistance (which shouldn’t be a thing they need) and maintaining the entire athletic complex by myself. Almost the entire district brass has developed a habit or hobby of pushing their responsibilities on everyone below them and that’s how I’ve come to have so much on my plate. My boss is one to push things off on me a lot and then chastise me or even write me up (usually every October for some reason) regardless of how well I do my work. I’m currently looking to change schools but it’s difficult to not just stay quiet when he does his thing. Micromanaging is his biggest problem with everyone as he has mostly no idea what he’s doing. Not sure if I’m asking for advice but it did feel good blowing out the lines here and after this video I feel a bit more prepared for his buffoonery.
Happy to help, Big Guy!
Lmao this is gold
Hey buddy you are the best⚡⚡💕
Thanks Iron Man!
Without the helmet.
So i did everything you ever said, intuitively, without watching these videos, and i was hoping to find a way to shut this person forever but it seems there is no way
What is your boss doing that you find unacceptable?
My caregiver is a toxic, abusive person ,If I say anything, she goes bezerk, wont talk sense , just narcissistic not sure how to calm her down
Whoever pays her should replace her immediately with a kind, compassionate, efficient caregiver who knows how to treat those for whom she is caring.
Bring your cellphone & discreet record the conversation
And then??
My last 12 years in radio. A nightmare.
What were you doing in radio, Fred???
@@TheWizardOfWords Announcer, middle management, production. A bit of everything. Media companies are a nightmare.
Sucks when your HR is in the company’s back pocket.
All HR people are paid by the company, so that is where their loyalties lie. AI try to teach people how to handle themselves in the workplace because generally HR or their boss will not be stopping by to assist with general difficult people or bullying problems.
@@TheWizardOfWords That’s true and in my case they won’t even venture into where we work and get things done so they can get their precious numbers. HR the higher ups pretend to care, in the beginning.
Not good advice. You need to involve HR.
Maura, if you're talking abuse, I would agree that HR should be involved. For everyday problem solving, when dealing with a bully-boss--learn to deal with it, spotlight it, handle it--yes. But if you bring every instance of bullying to HR, you might find yourself living in HR and accomplishing nothing. It's always a plus if you can handle your own problems; it's the stuff of future management.
👍
If I said that I would get fired...
If your boss is truly a bully, maybe you shouldn't be working for him/her?
I wanted to get straight advise not all your theatrics
I'll see to it that you get a full refund.
too much editing , uneccessary
Noted
So much drama
😃🤣🤣
I need you
JC basted 🤣😂😆😅