I feel like I'm on the edge of... something. I don't even remember why or how this "path" started anymore. I don't know who or what is doing it. While I'm writing this I'm holding back tears but I don't know why or how that's happening either. I know I'm grateful for the ride and that includes you.
Riddle me this… I had just completed a 10 day Goenka retreat. Prior to that, I had finished two 20 day retreats which were emotionally deep, but nothing mystical. The 10 day was rather boring compared to many previous. No emotional clearing, no pain, no pleasure… nothing. Upon my return, I began my regular daily sits. I began reading Angelo’s book Awaken. Over the course of of a couple of weeks I began to notice a subtle buzzing at my perineum. I put my awareness there and began having a very pleasant samadhi, which began to occur regularly with every sit. One day the buzzing became less subtle. An energy arose up my spine. Then suddenly in my minds eye, I began to see a whirling smoky mist. My attention began to lock onto this and I could not divert it. At the same time I began to feel the sense of self deteriorating away. And I began to merge with this whirling vision. An overwhelming terror swept over me. And the reflex to live overtook me. Briefly I had a sense and witness of no self, but I could not remain in that space but for 4-5 seconds. Afterwards, I felt overwhelming bliss and a constant feeling of full body orgasm. It was almost unbearable. I couldn’t sleep because the more I relaxed I became, the more pleasure I felt. Every time I sat to meditate, I would feel more and more orgasmic pleasure all over my body. No matter what did I was beaming in pleasure. I also felt deeply anchored in the present moment, but at the same time it was accompanied with the sense of feeling untethered, which gave me a little bit of anxiety. I reached out to a meditation teacher known for her expertise with jhanas. Huge mistake. I felt misunderstood, judged and even violated. The bliss disappeared immediately. I felt like I should have tried to have more patience with my experience and that ultimately I was my own best teacher. That was my takeaway from the experience at least. I have never had anything similar happen since and have generally been unmotivated to sit or practice self inquiry. However, since that brief experience of no self I gained all kinds of knowledge and insight into all things no self, anatta, truth and the ultimate nature of reality. However, despite these insights, I feel nothing special about my current state of awareness. I still get mired in the ego, self and forget these insights. I’ve never known what to do with all that and I guess I’m still processing it to some degree. Incubating I tell myself. I feel less inclined these days to strive for anything special and feel like all of this is just a process by which I have no control over really. I feel less inclined to try to do anything regarding Awakening and prefer at least for now to let the process unfold on its own. I don’t know if this is good or bad or the right thing to do, but it is just what it is. I hope this message is helpful to someone in someway. I think this can be a tremendously challenging endeavor. You’re not alone. With love to you.
Recognize that the programs running in your mind are creating it. You don't have to buy in. Let it run without an audience, we can train our attention to be more disciplined. Each person only has so much willpower to work with each day. Check the ways yours is being sapped.
It probably doesn’t help to hear it, but the unknown is always there whether they’re suffering appearing or not. I hope I’m not miss directing you but something that has helped me at times is noticing that the suffering is happening as sensations and thoughts, but there’s always a space around them. When I’m in the middle of them, they can feel like they fill up the whole space of attention, but I will often notice no, there’s space around those things and then actually it turns out that they occupy a very small volume of the space. And there’s also something that that’s aware of it. I don’t know if I have the definitions right but for now it’s helping me to think of the space around thoughts and sensations plus the awareness of that as the unknown. That’s all I have to go on at this point.
thanks angelo. these videos have been helping me alot (i think). im approaching first awakening and im feeling very disoriented and also suffering the mind not wanting to let go of free will. trying not to look forward to the future and just accept what is
When it was seen “I” was not creating the thoughts everything collapsed. Space, time, boundaries it all went. Turning towards the senses and turning towards this realization really helps clarify living truth. ❤ 🙏 😊
Intense long standing suffering shattered the ego in me. It burnt away so much of mind identification as I reluctantly at first, then welcoming this destruction of “me”. In this now, mind lost its identity as an entity. It has become a tool. Like a drill or hammer that I need for a specific purpose then return it to the tool box. Angelo, much gratitude for helping us ❤
Hi Angelo, I’m hoping you could answer this potentially on your next viewer questions video. Adyashanti talks about awakening in three ‘places’: the head, heart, and gut. I came across this recently, and it cleared up a lot for me. Because waking up to this spacious awareness is freeing, but I still feel separate to life, like there’s an intimacy missing. When I dropped into the body/heart, everything was great for a few days. What you talked about in your last retreat that I saw on Frank Yang’s videos - people’s feelings filling the room, intimacy, etc. all great. But after that I’ve been the closest I’ve ever been in my life to being depressed. Everyday, sort of constant feelings of severe loneliness, guilt, rejection, just general sadness. I think when most people bring things like this up they’re looking for advice on how to escape those feelings. I’m not looking for that, but I just want to know if it’s par the course - because it’s hard to believe all these feelings can come up just from dropping into the body more often. Thank you
We go in and out of doubt for a while. It is very par for the course. Sometimes the inner voices/thoughts of doubt and despair want to be heard and held closer. The initial movement can be painful/intense but I find things shift very fast once opening up to all kinds of thoughts. Journalling all kinds of binary thoughts seemed to have helped me feel and see through the hidden narratives quite quickly at times. You're doing great!
Angelo your compassion is palpable 🙏♥. Every word resonated, especially 'not understanding how people seem to be alright and happy with how things are'. Never could understand , but I found a way. Even became quite successful at it, but always knew I would have to turn around at some point, as it was just maya, untruth. I know there is another side. I somehow remember it. How to let go and serve the family; an institution I am attached to. Their happiness and serving them has been my salvation up to now? I'm going to trust in the unfolding.
Hey Angelo, I I have read your book and I stop by here from time to time, generally your paintings arent a good fit, however, recently I have been listening to John Wheeler and in particular the series of interviews done by Charlie Hayes, in the Part 4 interview, John points, without ambiguity to beingness, super clear, and watching this video, now, of yours has worked seamlessly with Johns pointing, clarifying further. Thank you.
Feels like the worst separation is a kind of separation between me and myself. Feels like self-consciousness and doubt at a radical level. So inherently uncomfortable
Hi AD great video dude although I feel like a woodpecker with out a beak , I will at some point break though and all the pain will be worth it ❤❤…. I pray
When I was younger, I would have dreams and wake up from them with a feeling of "immediacy". Not really sure how to put this, but it felt like right now, all the time. For the longest time, I had no idea what this was so I set it aside and went about my life. Face palm...
There is a sense of being able to sort of disconnect from thoughts while fully aware of the senses. There is no labeling, no sense of a subject relating to objects, and no sense of knowing anything. It's kind of similar to what I call being "spaced out", but at the same time not the same because focus is not "gone" in thought, but rather fully aware of no thing with "focus" being relaxed and open, if that makes any sense. 😅😅 I can still do stuff, but that would sort of be secondary. Is this what you are talking about when you say engaging the unknown?
I knew as a child like I know how to breathe. That I was magnetic. And magic was in me and I could affect all things and beings around me. I only started to remember the mind blowing feeling of awe at being a life. I have one. This is my uniqe experience that no one else can feel.. I remember feeling that it was like sand slipping through my fingers as I was still getting the gist... my through chest and solar plexis as I know it now. 12:2712:28
I know that this mind body complex is constantly checking itself automatically - making sure it is going towards the "comfortable, safe zone", using whatever means to get to that neutral place of okayness/safeness. So very aware of this play back & forth - exhausting, repetitive, habitual, automatic reaction!!! 😢 An incessant loop...
I get into a space where I lose my sense of self, and there is this vast sense of timeless beauty with no past or future, just the NOW, yet I get pulled back into my thoughts and egos illusion a short time after. I feel this happening more and more but not a continuous paradigm I long to be in. Any advice or just keep going focusing on ‘no past and no future?’….. Btw, love you and your amazing spiritual guidance from our conditioning ego beyond to our consciousness for humanity!! 🙏🥰💖💕
“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know.”😂
Can you say something about the nature of addiction and how to work with it in the shadow space? Edit: Am I shown as a member? I'm actually supporting you for 5/month but my comment isn't shown in members area for me
It’s like riding around a city or place looking for something. You see things that look like it might be it so you stop and get involved. You see signs that you’re “on the right track” and at times you know what you’re looking for (or you think you do). As you go it starts to get less clear what you’re looking for, less defined. At some point you realize the unknown is the riding, and everything else is also the riding.
It's actually neither because it doesn't exist in this Maya of language which is another aspect of trying to know and define. And I do get it that in attempting to communicate this created language is all we currently have.
Thanks for the breakdown! Could you help me with something unrelated: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How should I go about transferring them to Binance?
Curious if anyone who has gone through the awakening process has experienced spontaneously smelling DMT for a few moments, or if that might be an incredibly vivid memory of a smell that I'm experiencing. I've possibly noticed it with a few other smells. In the moment it seems very real. I think. I wonder if it might be a memory, especially because these smells seem to go away completely after just a few moments. Wondering if anyone has any pointers at the characteristics that might help distinguish a memory experience that is fleeing from an actual fleeting sensation.
By unknown you mean „this“ as in the answer to the question of „what is seeing/hearing/smelling?“, correct? My mind is rather arrogant about it saying „this is not unknown“. Making up an explanation, that „you may have convinced yourself that it is unknown but it really isn’t“ the issue is I believe in that thought even though I haven’t found a me that is a believer of thoughts. It still feels like there is. Maybe this will take some more time to clarify? But then again apparently time is just another belief? Why does this feel so disappointing? Did I have too high expectations regarding awakening? But then again a thought in your voice appears saying I am wrong and whatever i am assuming about awakening that is not it Whoever made this story of me up (if there is a one lol) really likes to troll a lot
Are you willing to drop all your seeking for answers to your minds endless questions? What happens if you simply relax into the direct experience of sensations arising without attaching to the endless thoughts? Your mind will Never get what the direct experience of being in this vast unknowable presence is. And know that there was over 50 years of seeking here. Everything you're trying to understand or know can drop in an instant if you can relax and simply be with whatever is arising without trying, or doing, or believing anything your mind tries to know or understand. Even "This" is just another concept.
I’m curious why you consistently emphasize pathos in all of your videos. It seems that some insights can only be gained through a particular experience, which is understandable, I get it. However, not being able to perceive those insights doesn’t reflect anything specific about me. It could simply be a Mendelian trait or a physical ability that some individuals possess. This doesn’t imply any superiority of that perspective either; to my knowledge, it might just be a conditioned way of viewing things.I still don’t fully understand what you’re talking about, but that doesn’t mean I consider it nonsense. It’s simply your experience, which I find interesting-that’s all.
I feel like I'm on the edge of... something. I don't even remember why or how this "path" started anymore. I don't know who or what is doing it. While I'm writing this I'm holding back tears but I don't know why or how that's happening either. I know I'm grateful for the ride and that includes you.
Riddle me this…
I had just completed a 10 day Goenka retreat. Prior to that, I had finished two 20 day retreats which were emotionally deep, but nothing mystical. The 10 day was rather boring compared to many previous. No emotional clearing, no pain, no pleasure… nothing. Upon my return, I began my regular daily sits. I began reading Angelo’s book Awaken. Over the course of of a couple of weeks I began to notice a subtle buzzing at my perineum. I put my awareness there and began having a very pleasant samadhi, which began to occur regularly with every sit. One day the buzzing became less subtle. An energy arose up my spine. Then suddenly in my minds eye, I began to see a whirling smoky mist. My attention began to lock onto this and I could not divert it. At the same time I began to feel the sense of self deteriorating away. And I began to merge with this whirling vision. An overwhelming terror swept over me. And the reflex to live overtook me. Briefly I had a sense and witness of no self, but I could not remain in that space but for 4-5 seconds. Afterwards, I felt overwhelming bliss and a constant feeling of full body orgasm. It was almost unbearable. I couldn’t sleep because the more I relaxed I became, the more pleasure I felt. Every time I sat to meditate, I would feel more and more orgasmic pleasure all over my body. No matter what did I was beaming in pleasure. I also felt deeply anchored in the present moment, but at the same time it was accompanied with the sense of feeling untethered, which gave me a little bit of anxiety. I reached out to a meditation teacher known for her expertise with jhanas. Huge mistake. I felt misunderstood, judged and even violated. The bliss disappeared immediately. I felt like I should have tried to have more patience with my experience and that ultimately I was my own best teacher. That was my takeaway from the experience at least. I have never had anything similar happen since and have generally been unmotivated to sit or practice self inquiry. However, since that brief experience of no self I gained all kinds of knowledge and insight into all things no self, anatta, truth and the ultimate nature of reality. However, despite these insights, I feel nothing special about my current state of awareness. I still get mired in the ego, self and forget these insights. I’ve never known what to do with all that and I guess I’m still processing it to some degree. Incubating I tell myself. I feel less inclined these days to strive for anything special and feel like all of this is just a process by which I have no control over really. I feel less inclined to try to do anything regarding Awakening and prefer at least for now to let the process unfold on its own. I don’t know if this is good or bad or the right thing to do, but it is just what it is. I hope this message is helpful to someone in someway. I think this can be a tremendously challenging endeavor. You’re not alone. With love to you.
❤
Beautiful I read all of this
I am so tired of the suffering, that I now crave the unknown.
Recognize that the programs running in your mind are creating it. You don't have to buy in. Let it run without an audience, we can train our attention to be more disciplined. Each person only has so much willpower to work with each day. Check the ways yours is being sapped.
❤right there with ya
It probably doesn’t help to hear it, but the unknown is always there whether they’re suffering appearing or not. I hope I’m not miss directing you but something that has helped me at times is noticing that the suffering is happening as sensations and thoughts, but there’s always a space around them. When I’m in the middle of them, they can feel like they fill up the whole space of attention, but I will often notice no, there’s space around those things and then actually it turns out that they occupy a very small volume of the space. And there’s also something that that’s aware of it. I don’t know if I have the definitions right but for now it’s helping me to think of the space around thoughts and sensations plus the awareness of that as the unknown. That’s all I have to go on at this point.
@@PaigeSquared put your attention on what if not the thoughts and accompanying sensations? Thank you.
If you let go of the tiredness and the craving, next to everything that then might come up, you will be welcomed by the unknown.
thanks angelo. these videos have been helping me alot (i think). im approaching first awakening and im feeling very disoriented and also suffering the mind not wanting to let go of free will. trying not to look forward to the future and just accept what is
When it was seen “I” was not creating the thoughts everything collapsed. Space, time, boundaries it all went. Turning towards the senses and turning towards this realization really helps clarify living truth. ❤ 🙏 😊
lol is that an angelo emoji??
@ lol yes 😂
Intense long standing suffering shattered the ego in me. It burnt away so much of mind identification as I reluctantly at first, then welcoming this destruction of “me”. In this now, mind lost its identity as an entity. It has become a tool. Like a drill or hammer that I need for a specific purpose then return it to the tool box. Angelo, much gratitude for helping us ❤
Angelo you have shut off my mind and opened my heart and tear ducts more times than I can count. I know something is finally slowly shifting ❤
Oh man when you said a couple of people might let go watching this I got f***** close it felt like😂
This shit takes way to long to land but it’s slowly becoming something alive and real idk how to describe it
Great video Angelo! Thanks for your work and compassion! ❤
Hi Angelo, I’m hoping you could answer this potentially on your next viewer questions video. Adyashanti talks about awakening in three ‘places’: the head, heart, and gut. I came across this recently, and it cleared up a lot for me. Because waking up to this spacious awareness is freeing, but I still feel separate to life, like there’s an intimacy missing. When I dropped into the body/heart, everything was great for a few days. What you talked about in your last retreat that I saw on Frank Yang’s videos - people’s feelings filling the room, intimacy, etc. all great. But after that I’ve been the closest I’ve ever been in my life to being depressed. Everyday, sort of constant feelings of severe loneliness, guilt, rejection, just general sadness. I think when most people bring things like this up they’re looking for advice on how to escape those feelings. I’m not looking for that, but I just want to know if it’s par the course - because it’s hard to believe all these feelings can come up just from dropping into the body more often. Thank you
Its your body trying to bring you back to your hormonal baseline. So its 100% normal
We go in and out of doubt for a while. It is very par for the course. Sometimes the inner voices/thoughts of doubt and despair want to be heard and held closer. The initial movement can be painful/intense but I find things shift very fast once opening up to all kinds of thoughts. Journalling all kinds of binary thoughts seemed to have helped me feel and see through the hidden narratives quite quickly at times. You're doing great!
Yes this resonates and I’m so grateful. Thank you for the ongoing invitation. Penetrates ever deeper and is my true prayer. 🙏🏻
Also wanted to observe the relaxed casual way you deliver these messages that hit so damned hard. 😂. The certainty is so clear.
This message is timely for me as these past few days I keep realizing that I don’t know anything about anything.
"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing"
- Socrates
I sense the truth. I believe in the '"drop". The nebula of thoughts make the acceptance difficult.
“The nebula of thoughts make the acceptance difficult” -> does it?
This lands totally, or I should say helps the letting go of the constant energy-attention mind Thank You!
Wonderful 🎉
Angelo your compassion is palpable 🙏♥. Every word resonated, especially 'not understanding how people seem to be alright and happy with how things are'. Never could understand , but I found a way. Even became quite successful at it, but always knew I would have to turn around at some point, as it was just maya, untruth.
I know there is another side. I somehow remember it. How to let go and serve the family; an institution I am attached to. Their happiness and serving them has been my salvation up to now? I'm going to trust in the unfolding.
:) this one eye window fills me with wonder whenever i remember that "I have no face"
Between you and Lisa Cairn’s today it’s a wonder I can string words together 😂
Thank you, Angelo ❤️
Gratitude Angelo for this one that resonate for me 🙏
Hey Angelo, I I have read your book and I stop by here from time to time, generally your paintings arent a good fit, however, recently I have been listening to John Wheeler and in particular the series of interviews done by Charlie Hayes, in the Part 4 interview, John points, without ambiguity to beingness, super clear, and watching this video, now, of yours has worked seamlessly with Johns pointing, clarifying further. Thank you.
I like how Francis Lucille puts it. "The moment you know what you are, you are cooked." 😅
7:02 noumenal knowledge vs. phenomenal
Feels like the worst separation is a kind of separation between me and myself. Feels like self-consciousness and doubt at a radical level. So inherently uncomfortable
Very good
' not the way mind wants familiarity'👌❤ 🤓
this is encouraging. thank you.
Hi AD great video dude although I feel like a woodpecker with out a beak , I will at some point break though and all the pain will be worth it ❤❤…. I pray
Oh, it lands.
Thank you 🙏 ❤
Thanks
When I was younger, I would have dreams and wake up from them with a feeling of "immediacy". Not really sure how to put this, but it felt like right now, all the time. For the longest time, I had no idea what this was so I set it aside and went about my life.
Face palm...
There is a sense of being able to sort of disconnect from thoughts while fully aware of the senses. There is no labeling, no sense of a subject relating to objects, and no sense of knowing anything. It's kind of similar to what I call being "spaced out", but at the same time not the same because focus is not "gone" in thought, but rather fully aware of no thing with "focus" being relaxed and open, if that makes any sense. 😅😅 I can still do stuff, but that would sort of be secondary.
Is this what you are talking about when you say engaging the unknown?
Preaching the gospel 🤘
That thumbnail is definitely when Jack O'Neil visits the Asgard in Stargate SG-1 :-)
I knew as a child like I know how to breathe. That I was magnetic. And magic was in me and I could affect all things and beings around me. I only started to remember the mind blowing feeling of awe at being a life. I have one. This is my uniqe experience that no one else can feel.. I remember feeling that it was like sand slipping through my fingers as I was still getting the gist... my through chest and solar plexis as I know it now. 12:27 12:28
It lands. 🙏🙏
I know that this mind body complex is constantly checking itself automatically - making sure it is going towards the "comfortable, safe zone", using whatever means to get to that neutral place of okayness/safeness. So very aware of this play back & forth - exhausting, repetitive, habitual, automatic reaction!!! 😢 An incessant loop...
I get into a space where I lose my sense of self, and there is this vast sense of timeless beauty with no past or future, just the NOW, yet I get pulled back into my thoughts and egos illusion a short time after. I feel this happening more and more but not a continuous paradigm I long to be in. Any advice or just keep going focusing on ‘no past and no future?’…..
Btw, love you and your amazing spiritual guidance from our conditioning ego beyond to our consciousness for humanity!! 🙏🥰💖💕
THE UNKNOWN, yo ween. Thanks For The Words Dude. Video Games. Xbox. Yo ween. I AM. WAH
“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know.”😂
Can you say something about the nature of addiction and how to work with it in the shadow space?
Edit: Am I shown as a member? I'm actually supporting you for 5/month but my comment isn't shown in members area for me
I see you in members 👍🏼
@renko9067 Ty :)
The unknown is a verb, not a noun. 😊
It’s like riding around a city or place looking for something. You see things that look like it might be it so you stop and get involved. You see signs that you’re “on the right track” and at times you know what you’re looking for (or you think you do). As you go it starts to get less clear what you’re looking for, less defined. At some point you realize the unknown is the riding, and everything else is also the riding.
It's actually neither because it doesn't exist in this Maya of language which is another aspect of trying to know and define. And I do get it that in attempting to communicate this created language is all we currently have.
Thanks for the breakdown! Could you help me with something unrelated: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How should I go about transferring them to Binance?
there's a finality to it.
also is it weird that "feel it in my bones" by tiesto is now playing?
🔥🔥🔥
I like✔️
Curious if anyone who has gone through the awakening process has experienced spontaneously smelling DMT for a few moments, or if that might be an incredibly vivid memory of a smell that I'm experiencing. I've possibly noticed it with a few other smells. In the moment it seems very real. I think. I wonder if it might be a memory, especially because these smells seem to go away completely after just a few moments. Wondering if anyone has any pointers at the characteristics that might help distinguish a memory experience that is fleeing from an actual fleeting sensation.
"To speak is to tell a lie, to remain silent is to be a coward."
According to whom? Am I a liar or a coward?
By unknown you mean „this“ as in the answer to the question of „what is seeing/hearing/smelling?“, correct? My mind is rather arrogant about it saying „this is not unknown“. Making up an explanation, that „you may have convinced yourself that it is unknown but it really isn’t“ the issue is I believe in that thought even though I haven’t found a me that is a believer of thoughts. It still feels like there is.
Maybe this will take some more time to clarify? But then again apparently time is just another belief?
Why does this feel so disappointing? Did I have too high expectations regarding awakening? But then again a thought in your voice appears saying I am wrong and whatever i am assuming about awakening that is not it
Whoever made this story of me up (if there is a one lol) really likes to troll a lot
Perhaps the mind cannot grasp what the unknown is.❤
Are you willing to drop all your seeking for answers to your minds endless questions? What happens if you simply relax into the direct experience of sensations arising without attaching to the endless thoughts? Your mind will Never get what the direct experience of being in this vast unknowable presence is. And know that there was over 50 years of seeking here. Everything you're trying to understand or know can drop in an instant if you can relax and simply be with whatever is arising without trying, or doing, or believing anything your mind tries to know or understand. Even "This" is just another concept.
❤
Whats the saying, the map isn't the territory
❤🙏
I’m curious why you consistently emphasize pathos in all of your videos. It seems that some insights can only be gained through a particular experience, which is understandable, I get it. However, not being able to perceive those insights doesn’t reflect anything specific about me. It could simply be a Mendelian trait or a physical ability that some individuals possess. This doesn’t imply any superiority of that perspective either; to my knowledge, it might just be a conditioned way of viewing things.I still don’t fully understand what you’re talking about, but that doesn’t mean I consider it nonsense. It’s simply your experience, which I find interesting-that’s all.
♾️ ❤❤❤ + 🙏🙏🙏 ♾️
Thank you so much for all your content, and the love for humanity and nonduality. See you in 2025. Thank you so much Angelo. ❤🎉🙏🫶
❤
❤❤❤
❤