0:33 &&Stop overapologizing 0:45 &&Stop undervaluing yourself & what you say/do 0:58 **Get comfortable saying NO 1:10 think back to the old convo you had 1:32 &&you'll be walked all over 1:48 everytime he is new to something 2:15 **Say what u want to say respectfully 2:34 &&Kept saying 'So Sorry' 3:05 STOP, stop overapologizing 3:41 **Say 'Thank you', say words of gratitude 4:28 **I appreciate you for.. 5:28 &&Downplaying Undervaluing your words 6:35 Trying to sound less harsh 6:55 **Remove them or Build on to that 7:35 Say NO, No need to overexplain 8:05 &&Dont say 'Because' or overadd 9:30 **Catch yourself, "I'm not sorry, I'm John" 10:25&& "I could be wrong but" 11:05 **Speak on behalf of Yourself.. YOUR CLIENT YOu 11:50 **I need to know whats going on this convo 12:30 The more confident you feel, the more assertive you sound. **Say what you mean, Mean what you say
@@SharonMeliusTransform-18-sw8udI'm bad about justifying my no, and I've noticed when I do give an excuse for why I'm saying no, ppl will often eliminate my excuse. For insurance, if I say, "I can't, I have to finish painting my living room this weekend" they'll respond with "c'mon do this for me and I'll help you finish painting, I promise". And you know they're gonna come up with an excuse when it's time to pay up.
So refreshing to hear/see a handsome young man who is kind, intelligent, humble, generous with his time, loyal to his family, balanced, grounded, honest, clean, easy going, motivated, healthy, grateful, fit, respectful, assertive, polite, understanding, consistent, encouraging, funny, and probably many other qualities. Thank you for sharing all that you are with people at a time when it is needed the most. I’m sure you’re making your parents very proud.
@mountainwmn70 right! A dream son in law. 😃. But seriously, I wish I’d have come across these sooner, however no time like the present to be grateful for Jefferson’s much useful video’s. 👍
Hahahaha my dad uses that one!! Also if you ever say it sorry to him he responds with hi sorry I'm Greg nice to meet ya! Same with I'm hungry lol 🤣 ❤ thanks I need this pep talk I'm walking into a real abuse of power situation tomorrow again at the court house and the stakes are the most high, my beautiful babies safety and security and I have been under horrible attacks this year and non stop these weeks leading up to it with malicious slander and sabotage of every degree to keepe from having anything I need to be able to get anything done. And not even a safe device to use to research or communicate with an attorney or anything else! I do have detailed incident reports with photo and video and also receipts and screenshots of the hacking and bank fraud and proof of the slander and bribery and perjury but no attorney and I'm hoping for an extension tomorrow! So my focus in on getting myself to a calm peaceful place and making sure I express the truth in the most direct and easily consumed and respectful way! A refresh in assertiveness for someone like me who is naturally humble and mild mannered and respectful of other peoples space and boundaries to a almost fault lol very comfortable with apologizing and learning from my mistakes makes for a open ticket for people to try and use it against me lol especially after spending all my time with a toddler, this is a really great thing lol
I used to be the "I'm sorry" guy. One day, I heard someone tell me they were "broke, not poor," leading me to believe being poor is a frame of mind. Later in life, I decided being sorry is also a frame of mind. It's okay to apologize. Never be sorry.
With women especially, "just" can be our downfall. Can I just talk to you for a second, I just wanted to ask, It's just feel like, .... remove the "just" it's doing nothing for you. I think it falls into downplaying... I am so happy you're here JF!
Coming from someone who is lives in Canada, I do not know why we always say sorry for everything we do. I am so grateful I came across your channel because I had trouble with people pleasing, not knowing how to say no, cutting people out of my life, the list goes on. This content has been so helpful to me. Thank you. ❤🇨🇦
I looooooove this! My goodness, I love it! I'm a British woman born in Canada so saying "sorry" is very much ingrained for me. I will for sure be saying to myself, "I'm not Sorry, I'm Alison". Thank you so much Jefferson, and wishing you continued success. 🙌🙌🙌
I use your advise with my 3 teens it truly helps me set boundaries & parent better. I always say I’M SORRY & I hate it ugh! I’m a people pleaser I need to stop it & get thicker skin & you’re helping me!!
Topic suggestion: how to bring your experience into a conversation without saying “in my experience”, or “in my past role”. I sometime feel like I need to convince people that I know what I’m talking about when I feel pushback or disagreement, or feel like I need some added credibility.
Love your content, Jefferson. Thank you for your great advice. Can you give any tips for disengaging from a gossipy conversation without seeming sanctimonious?
I believe I do this too. I will say "sorry to bother you, don't want to bother you..." What I am really doing is stating my worst fear right out loud. That I am a bother, insignificant, not worthy. I do it in an effort to belay that fear & am fishing for reassurance from the other person to build me up. Kinda needy. You're teaching me to claim it or assert it (my worth) right up front as if it's already so & not grovel for it. Thanks 😊
Thank You, Jefferson for your podcast. I am very direct but not very tactful., most of the time. Your videos have helped me to soften my communication style. Keep up the great job!
Because I was a very used Dorrmat since childhood I also tend to be Over assertive, forward,blunt. It's so new for me and I realize now I too need to learn how to be in the middle
This is life changing... To add to the Client's Advocate scenario, we need to shed the old tired sounding persona and breathe in the transformation -"I need to be heard. I need to be seen." Got it, coach!
I love these videos. I grew up in a very toxic and dysfunctional family where any show of assertiveness, by a child no less, was met with awful consequences. Needless to say it took me so long to find my own voice, let alone an assertive one at that. These vids have been a great addition to my personal growth and healing. Thank you. 😊
Hello Jefferson, It's Erica, from Spain and it's about my 1º comment on the internet, but I can not avoid it. You are amazing, and I've learned pretty much, in only one day, with you. Thank you for sharing such sweetness and knowledge.
Thank you Jefferson. I applied your technique today, leading with “Thank you for your patience…” and it was well received. Your talk struck a nerve and I got teary listening to you because it’s true. This is the area where I need the most career coaching. I am a paralegal and I work with a bunch of sharp tongued attorneys and executives, so it is important that I develop a reputation of being assertive. I’m 3 months on a new job and I have been way too apologetic…not too late to change the tone.
THANK YOU!!! You are awesome. Due to trauma, I get all jumbled in my head and I don't say what I mean at times. Your videos are really helping. Keep them coming!!!
I imagine somewhere in your life.Without the internet , you will be spreading the word along with a positive message. Thank you for your research and practice skills. You have shared
I am so glad I found you on here, Jefferson. You are brilliant! You're words really hit the spot and the way you talk and get your message across is so calming,warm and charming too 😊
OMG Thank you! I needed this video. I have all of these problems at work. I can't say 'no' to the bosses, colleagues. I work hard, over apologise, and use ' I might be wrong, but...' to sound more polite. In the end the post I've been promised to be promoted on was offered already twice to other employees and I'm still nowhere. No matter how much work I do, how polite and skillful I am. My mistake is that I'm trying to please everyone and always help, over explaining myself to others. I think I've learned the lesson the hard way.
Thank you so much for these motivating tutorials. You are making all communication opportunities more authentic and helping reduce stress for those of us who are not use to dealing with bullies.
hi Jefferson thank you for all your help. It’s really help me in communicating with my friends and being brave and trying you ways to communicate which is fun too.
Wow!!! The NO is a sentence is a game changer for me, I do notice that when I tend to explain why I can’t do something the person on the other side loses respect instantly.
A friend I work with recommended you to me. I am a new Work Group Leader, and work with people of all ages, and Everyone has an opinion on how things should be done. It's challenging but also fun for me to learn the most positive way to communicate. Thank you so much. ~ Randa Fox
Assertiveness is a timely skill I need. I just moved from contract to full-time and my work involves inspiring co-workers to make fundamental changes. Thank you!
Jefferson I admire your effort and dedication to doing this for people. Informative, valuable advices, and amazing energy coming from you. Thank you for the value you bring to people and for the way you do it! You’re very good at it, keep going!
Thank you for this very informative video/podcast. I've recently discovered your YT channel and have been binge watching your videos. I am on a journey to rebuild my confidence and assertiveness. To be completely honest, I have never been very assertive. However, some situations have occurred that have opened my eyes to the fact that I need to change how I interact with the world and be my biggest advocate. No one is going to fight for you harder than you, and I need to learn to do that in a way that calls for respect. I'm going to listen to your podcast and sign up for your newsletter. I have a lot to learn from you!
We definitely do say I'm sorry ALOT in Canada! 😂 I even find myself saying sorry to furniture when I stub my toe. When I ask my Google Mini a question, and get an answer, I say Thank-you! She actually answers me by saying you're very welcome as usual! Super polite country for the most part. 😊
You are so right about finding your own voice . It took me many years and someone very special coming into my life . She helped me to truly realize I needed to step up and have a voice about my feelings and how I like things to go. To speak up about myself and what I like and dislike and to have a voice .
Thank you for taking the time to make these. These are excellent tips. I have some of these bad ticks you were speaking about today and I also hope to overcome them. Thank you for taking the time to be an encouragement.
Can I add more on this: I appreciate when people say sorry and show their humility. They come across as polite and easygoing, which makes them approachable. However, it's interesting to observe that these same individuals often emerge as the most assertive in challenging situations, demonstrating their perseverance and resilience. On the other hand, those who consistently display assertiveness and overconfidence can sometimes be off-putting. Their unwavering assertive stance doesn't always lead to the right outcomes, and it can leave others feeling that they are unforgiving and difficult to relate to.
Hi Jefferson -- thank you for all your communications--the sound of your voice is a highlight of the day and the words you say are always helpful and enlightening. Annie Shiffer
1. Gratitude instead of apologies (thank you for patience, i'd appreciate your presence) -Reminding myself I am not sorry I am Bushra 2. No downplaying own comments instead reframe as adding to conversation (build on, take further) - Imagining I am attorney for myself- I need to feel understood before ending 3. NO period-no adding buts to NO
These concepts are so easy to understand and use. I learned a habit from my family of denigrating and trying to look smart when someone is angry or hypocritical and, uh, that doesn't work! Thank you for helping me find a better way. 😊😊😊
"Thank you for waiting for me." All of these things have been a struggle for me most of my life. It's getting better though. Jefferson, I just found your channel recently and love your advice!
Yes J you are helping people be brave in their responses & the taking things personally is such angst. Thank u for all the personal advice! Especially helpful for those who care for dementia clients. 🌈
Oh my word, as a Southern woman who was raised to apologize for every thing…I think this may be the most helpful 13 minutes ever. I didn’t know how to be kind without making excuses or apologize for stupid stuff that is beyond my control and not my fault, Starting with Thank you, is something I feel comfortable with. So, thank you for this video 😊
Thank you Jefferson! I really enjoy and learn so much from your short videos. Right to the point and so helpful. I will share this with my son, so that he can improve his communication skills as well. Blessings to you and your family :)
This all what I need at my workplace, everyday dealings n different scenarios with tenants coming from different countries, cultures, natures, from my higher managers, visitors, housekeeping and security support
New subscriber here. I’m a man in my mid-30s. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by communication in all forms in every kind of relationship. If possible, can you please do a video on how to respond during the times where needing to think on your feet is important. Whenever I’ve tried, I either get too nervous and can’t think clearly enough to respond in a timely fashion, or I’ll sometimes think of a response after the conversation is over. Please keep up the phenomenal work on this channel. (I’ve signed up for your emails. I’m also going to subscribe to your podcast.) Your work is needed and appreciated!!
Omg🤦🏽♀️ I do all of these. I appreciate realizing that I’m not sounding less harsh. And that “ No” is a complete sentence. Love the dad joke. Going to use this to help me remember to stop apologizing for everything. Thank you!
As always your r advice is spont on. No, is a complete sentence no need to add explanations excuses, etc. I used to apologize a lot fo for being late. For asking a question , for stating an idea or whatever. With your advice i am trying to reduce these phrases that thaf do nof add confidence or assertiveness to my conversation.
Some good advice from a friend one time and it pertains to a lot of what he saying here. Don’t ever be somebody’s victim hold your head high you are who you are, and respect that.
You have a gift. It is so informative, life changing and kind in the manner in which it is delivered to others. I look forward to the changing of lives this adventure will take others and yourself. Thank you for sharing your diamonds with us.
Thank you very much, Jefferson. I enjoy watching what you have to say and I learn every time you have topic or tip. I have issues with apologizing of being an inconvenience when my Director boss is in her office. Thank you very much for giving me some extra tips on how I should feel and how I should see myself as the client, as a person, as a value. I’ve been following you for baby a year and I’m going back and re-watching some of your videos. I appreciate your content and I appreciate the little soundbites that you give that are very easy to put into practice.Thank you.
Thank you for these short tips. More than that :though!Putting into practice what you said helped me a lot in feeling more confident about myself and my thoughts and in relation to others as well. You are great!
I had to chuckle when you replied to Daniel with, "Sorry." and "I may be wrong." I know you didn't use those in exactly the way's you were cautioning us earlier not to use them, but it made me smile, anyway.
I’m enjoying your new podcast! Do you think women apologize for their existence more than men? I’ve always felt that I was holding up the waiting line or standing in someone’s way until a man told me my existence was important. Your advice is helping so many people! Thank you!!
I heard all that you said while thinking why do we need to hear your lesson and who says those statements that make us problems in our communication. My thought is: we weren't brought up to say what we want or need. The "I" was put down, ignored or negated on regular basis. So now we need to learn how to validate ourselves. It took a while to accumulate those programmes, I hope it will take much less time to replace them with new more affective communication. Thank you.
Another circumstance when people will say “I could be wrong but...” is when they are not 100% confident that they are correct or they have a fear that they’ll be proven wrong. An issue I find during conversations is when someone is constantly ending their thoughts or opinions with “if that makes sense...” it make me want to ask if they normally go around saying things that don’t make sense? Is it generally your habit to not make sense? Because why would you say something if you honestly did not believe it made sense? Great video.
I avoid overused expressions and cliches. This way it gives me the opportunity to say exactly what I need to say in the moment and say something for that exact instance and situation, but never in a roundabout way either. This process of not using cliches helps me form my own clear thoughts that sound honest and real. And one big one is saying I'm sorry. I never say I'm sorry because I am not sorry. Whoever started this business of saying I'm sorry was incorrect. Saying I'm sorry or anything similar is equal to devaluing yourself as a person and and deflating your message to not being as important. I also see saying I'm sorry as a form of disrespecting ourselves.
I'm learning to use my assertive voice but it's way too assertive bordering mean. Trying to be gentle with myself in the process. I do feel woman's hormones play a huge part in the tone of our voices. Working on it. Thank you Jefferson
How can I sign up for your emails?
Jeffersonfisher.com
0:33 &&Stop overapologizing
0:45 &&Stop undervaluing yourself & what you say/do
0:58 **Get comfortable saying NO
1:10 think back to the old convo you had
1:32 &&you'll be walked all over
1:48 everytime he is new to something
2:15 **Say what u want to say respectfully
2:34 &&Kept saying 'So Sorry'
3:05 STOP, stop overapologizing
3:41 **Say 'Thank you', say words of gratitude
4:28 **I appreciate you for..
5:28 &&Downplaying Undervaluing your words
6:35 Trying to sound less harsh
6:55 **Remove them or Build on to that
7:35 Say NO, No need to overexplain
8:05 &&Dont say 'Because' or overadd
9:30 **Catch yourself, "I'm not sorry, I'm John"
10:25&& "I could be wrong but"
11:05 **Speak on behalf of Yourself.. YOUR CLIENT YOu
11:50 **I need to know whats going on this convo
12:30 The more confident you feel, the more assertive you sound. **Say what you mean, Mean what you say
no is a complete sentence: the best advice this week!
@@SharonMeliusTransform-18-sw8udI'm bad about justifying my no, and I've noticed when I do give an excuse for why I'm saying no, ppl will often eliminate my excuse. For insurance, if I say, "I can't, I have to finish painting my living room this weekend" they'll respond with "c'mon do this for me and I'll help you finish painting, I promise". And you know they're gonna come up with an excuse when it's time to pay up.
1:00 @@jeffersonfisher
“No is a complete sentence”.❤
So refreshing to hear/see a handsome young man who is kind, intelligent, humble, generous with his time, loyal to his family, balanced, grounded, honest, clean, easy going, motivated, healthy, grateful, fit, respectful, assertive, polite, understanding, consistent, encouraging, funny, and probably many other qualities. Thank you for sharing all that you are with people at a time when it is needed the most. I’m sure you’re making your parents very proud.
@mountainwmn70 right! A dream son in law. 😃. But seriously, I wish I’d have come across these sooner, however no time like the present to be grateful for Jefferson’s much useful video’s. 👍
He definitely is good looking. Adds to people running to this video and watching.
The Halo Effect. 🧠
I thought you were describing Donald Trump!!! Especially “intelligent, humble”. God bless all that is America❤
@@davidmcnicol5322 Trump is nothing of what you just described 😅!
I think the comment was super to be ironic
Thank you for dishing out courage everyday for those of us who, even at 70, are finding their voice🌻
Still learning at 78!!!
Go girl! ❤️
Instead of saying “sorry I shot your leg, try: thank you for taking the pain!”
Sending you love and light❤
Your car must be a monster in social events after hearing all that advice
Hahahaha my dad uses that one!! Also if you ever say it sorry to him he responds with hi sorry I'm Greg nice to meet ya! Same with I'm hungry lol 🤣 ❤ thanks I need this pep talk I'm walking into a real abuse of power situation tomorrow again at the court house and the stakes are the most high, my beautiful babies safety and security and I have been under horrible attacks this year and non stop these weeks leading up to it with malicious slander and sabotage of every degree to keepe from having anything I need to be able to get anything done. And not even a safe device to use to research or communicate with an attorney or anything else! I do have detailed incident reports with photo and video and also receipts and screenshots of the hacking and bank fraud and proof of the slander and bribery and perjury but no attorney and I'm hoping for an extension tomorrow! So my focus in on getting myself to a calm peaceful place and making sure I express the truth in the most direct and easily consumed and respectful way! A refresh in assertiveness for someone like me who is naturally humble and mild mannered and respectful of other peoples space and boundaries to a almost fault lol very comfortable with apologizing and learning from my mistakes makes for a open ticket for people to try and use it against me lol especially after spending all my time with a toddler, this is a really great thing lol
😂
😅😅
Haha!!
Hilarious 😂
I used to be the "I'm sorry" guy. One day, I heard someone tell me they were "broke, not poor," leading me to believe being poor is a frame of mind. Later in life, I decided being sorry is also a frame of mind. It's okay to apologize. Never be sorry.
Love this
With women especially, "just" can be our downfall. Can I just talk to you for a second, I just wanted to ask, It's just feel like, .... remove the "just" it's doing nothing for you. I think it falls into downplaying... I am so happy you're here JF!
Holy smokes that’s brilliant
Also a manipulation
In between our im sorry s
@@jackdeniston6150 that’s what they’re best at lol
Spot on!
I'm a mental health counselor and your information is very helpful! You are a very skilled communicator!
Topic suggestion. Managing emotions when they run high. Our own and responding
Coming from someone who is lives in Canada, I do not know why we always say sorry for everything we do. I am so grateful I came across your channel because I had trouble with people pleasing, not knowing how to say no, cutting people out of my life, the list goes on. This content has been so helpful to me. Thank you. ❤🇨🇦
I looooooove this! My goodness, I love it! I'm a British woman born in Canada so saying "sorry" is very much ingrained for me. I will for sure be saying to myself, "I'm not Sorry, I'm Alison". Thank you so much Jefferson, and wishing you continued success. 🙌🙌🙌
I have ptsd, it's so hard speaking to others, and hard to speak to people who think they can bully me. Your words have helped me so much, thank you
You are my new morning go to. I so appreciate you.
Meee tooo
I use your advise with my 3 teens it truly helps me set boundaries & parent better. I always say I’M SORRY & I hate it ugh! I’m a people pleaser I need to stop it & get thicker skin & you’re helping me!!
Topic suggestion: how to bring your experience into a conversation without saying “in my experience”, or “in my past role”. I sometime feel like I need to convince people that I know what I’m talking about when I feel pushback or disagreement, or feel like I need some added credibility.
Thank you, Jefferson! I get a lot of value from your quick, condensed, power-loaded videos!
Me too
Love your content, Jefferson. Thank you for your great advice. Can you give any tips for disengaging from a gossipy conversation without seeming sanctimonious?
Great suggestion!
I'd like to hear that one too
God tells us in His Word our no should be no and our yes should be yes. Thank you for your sharing this wisdom.
I believe I do this too. I will say "sorry to bother you, don't want to bother you..." What I am really doing is stating my worst fear right out loud. That I am a bother, insignificant, not worthy. I do it in an effort to belay that fear & am fishing for reassurance from the other person to build me up. Kinda needy. You're teaching me to claim it or assert it (my worth) right up front as if it's already so & not grovel for it. Thanks 😊
Thank You, Jefferson for your podcast. I am very direct but not very tactful., most of the time. Your videos have helped me to soften my communication style. Keep up the great job!
Because I was a very used Dorrmat since childhood I also tend to be Over assertive, forward,blunt.
It's so new for me and I realize now I too need to learn how to be in the middle
Thank you for helping me find my voice again in a world that loves doormats. I appreciate you so much ❤️
Happy to help!
I get it, i was raised in a misogynistic environment .
Thank you so much!
This is life changing... To add to the Client's Advocate scenario, we need to shed the old tired sounding persona and breathe in the transformation -"I need to be heard. I need to be seen."
Got it, coach!
I love these videos.
I grew up in a very toxic and dysfunctional family where any show of assertiveness, by a child no less, was met with awful consequences.
Needless to say it took me so long to find my own voice, let alone an assertive one at that.
These vids have been a great addition to my personal growth and healing. Thank you. 😊
Hello Jefferson, It's Erica, from Spain and it's about my 1º comment on the internet, but I can not avoid it. You are amazing, and I've learned pretty much, in only one day, with you. Thank you for sharing such sweetness and knowledge.
I like the phrase..."I'm not sorry...I'm "...love this ❤
❤❤me too ✋️
Topic discussion: how to deal with people who deliberately derail discussions/conversations.
Btw- Love your work!
Your videos are the most on point ones for business and personal guidance
Thank you Jefferson. I applied your technique today, leading with “Thank you for your patience…” and it was well received. Your talk struck a nerve and I got teary listening to you because it’s true. This is the area where I need the most career coaching. I am a paralegal and I work with a bunch of sharp tongued attorneys and executives, so it is important that I develop a reputation of being assertive. I’m 3 months on a new job and I have been way too apologetic…not too late to change the tone.
THANK YOU!!! You are awesome. Due to trauma, I get all jumbled in my head and I don't say what I mean at times. Your videos are really helping. Keep them coming!!!
Thank you Jefferson! I’m Canadian and I will need lots of practice to stop apologizing constantly but you make complete sense.
New Yorkers apologize often too. People might not know this.
Your thoughts are practically impactful and connected to reality - Keep empowering others through your words of wisdom.
I imagine somewhere in your life.Without the internet , you will be spreading the word along with a positive message. Thank you for your research and practice skills. You have shared
I am so glad I found you on here, Jefferson. You are brilliant! You're words really hit the spot and the way you talk and get your message across is so calming,warm and charming too 😊
I love watching this guy. Literally a wealth of knowledge. Would you make a video on how to argue with someone who won’t listen at all?
OMG
Thank you! I needed this video. I have all of these problems at work. I can't say 'no' to the bosses, colleagues. I work hard, over apologise, and use ' I might be wrong, but...' to sound more polite. In the end the post I've been promised to be promoted on was offered already twice to other employees and I'm still nowhere. No matter how much work I do, how polite and skillful I am. My mistake is that I'm trying to please everyone and always help, over explaining myself to others.
I think I've learned the lesson the hard way.
I was brought up to apologize for my existence (I feel). This is helpful information.
Follow the holistic psychologist
Me too, I’m trying to learn to stop apologizing for my existence. And apologizing to my adult children when they criticize me.
Me three. Holy shit, did that hit a nerve.
Me four.
Thank you so much for these motivating tutorials. You are making all communication opportunities more authentic and helping reduce stress for those of us who are not use to dealing with bullies.
YOU ARE WONDERFUL! Thanks so much for all of your videos!
hi Jefferson thank you for all your help. It’s really help me in communicating with my friends and being brave and trying you ways to communicate which is fun too.
You are the greatest in the world. Love your advice and your eyes show that you're a genuine human. It's refreshing.
I appreciate so much your videos; they are a wonderful gift. I hope you are blessed because of your generosity in giving advice for free.
Wow!!! The NO is a sentence is a game changer for me, I do notice that when I tend to explain why I can’t do something the person on the other side loses respect instantly.
A friend I work with recommended you to me. I am a new Work Group Leader, and work with people of all ages, and Everyone has an opinion on how things should be done. It's challenging but also fun for me to learn the most positive way to communicate. Thank you so much. ~ Randa Fox
Started listening to you on the way to work just to help get me in a positive frame of mind. Even if the subject doesn’t apply that day.
Wow! This was so powerful. Filled in the gaps for me in places where I’ve been struggling to communicate. Thank you! 🙏🏼
Your content has been consistently great, and now the mic quality too is amazing, Jefferson!
Thank you Jefferson for the phrase, "Thank you for your patience." For me, it has worked 100% of the time.
Assertiveness is a timely skill I need. I just moved from contract to full-time and my work involves inspiring co-workers to make fundamental changes. Thank you!
Jefferson I admire your effort and dedication to doing this for people. Informative, valuable advices, and amazing energy coming from you. Thank you for the value you bring to people and for the way you do it! You’re very good at it, keep going!
I am new here in the US, first hand exposure to the culture. Your videos are helping me so much. Thanks
Thank you for this very informative video/podcast. I've recently discovered your YT channel and have been binge watching your videos. I am on a journey to rebuild my confidence and assertiveness. To be completely honest, I have never been very assertive. However, some situations have occurred that have opened my eyes to the fact that I need to change how I interact with the world and be my biggest advocate. No one is going to fight for you harder than you, and I need to learn to do that in a way that calls for respect. I'm going to listen to your podcast and sign up for your newsletter. I have a lot to learn from you!
We definitely do say I'm sorry ALOT in Canada! 😂 I even find myself saying sorry to furniture when I stub my toe. When I ask my Google Mini a question, and get an answer, I say Thank-you! She actually answers me by saying you're very welcome as usual! Super polite country for the most part. 😊
You are so right about finding your own voice . It took me many years and someone very special coming into my life . She helped me to truly realize I needed to step up and have a voice about my feelings and how I like things to go. To speak up about myself and what I like and dislike and to have a voice .
Thank you for taking the time to make these. These are excellent tips. I have some of these bad ticks you were speaking about today and I also hope to overcome them.
Thank you for taking the time to be an encouragement.
You are so welcome!
Can I add more on this:
I appreciate when people say sorry and show their humility. They come across as polite and easygoing, which makes them approachable. However, it's interesting to observe that these same individuals often emerge as the most assertive in challenging situations, demonstrating their perseverance and resilience. On the other hand, those who consistently display assertiveness and overconfidence can sometimes be off-putting. Their unwavering assertive stance doesn't always lead to the right outcomes, and it can leave others feeling that they are unforgiving and difficult to relate to.
Hi Jefferson -- thank you for all your communications--the sound of your voice is a highlight of the day and the words you say are always helpful and enlightening. Annie Shiffer
I feel SO LUCKY for having found your podcast and UA-cam channel. Thank you for being you! ☺
You’re awesome!! You are one being who caught almost all God’s blessings!! All the best, Atty! Wish you had a branch in NY! 🙏👏🩷
Although i know alot of assertive communuication theres MORE TO learn & be comfortable with !!
😮😮😃 THANK YOU !!!🎉🎉
Learnings- No Over apologizing, No Undermining own opinions, and being comfortable with saying NO
1. Gratitude instead of apologies (thank you for patience, i'd appreciate your presence)
-Reminding myself I am not sorry I am Bushra
2. No downplaying own comments instead reframe as adding to conversation (build on, take further)
- Imagining I am attorney for myself- I need to feel understood before ending
3. NO period-no adding buts to NO
These concepts are so easy to understand and use. I learned a habit from my family of denigrating and trying to look smart when someone is angry or hypocritical and, uh, that doesn't work! Thank you for helping me find a better way. 😊😊😊
I absolutely love your videos ! I am a chronic over apoloigizer. I've been checking myself though . Awareness is the first step !
I so appreciate your teaching! Thankyou!
"Thank you for waiting for me." All of these things have been a struggle for me most of my life. It's getting better though. Jefferson, I just found your channel recently and love your advice!
Yes J you are helping people be brave in their responses & the taking things personally is such angst. Thank u for all the personal advice! Especially helpful for those who care for dementia clients. 🌈
Oh my word, as a Southern woman who was raised to apologize for every thing…I think this may be the most helpful 13 minutes ever. I didn’t know how to be kind without making excuses or apologize for stupid stuff that is beyond my control and not my fault, Starting with Thank you, is something I feel comfortable with. So, thank you for this video 😊
You are most welcome, Amy.
Jefferson, thank you so much. These videos are so helpful! I really appreciate this one in particular.
Jefferson really knows so hear and listen to him.
You’re fantastic! Love your conversations and self motivating videos. Keep it up please!!!!🙏🏽
Thank you Jefferson! I really enjoy and learn so much from your short videos. Right to the point and so helpful. I will share this with my son, so that he can improve his communication skills as well. Blessings to you and your family :)
I really love your short videos and I'm here to learn more. I love the most "I'm not sorry I'm ..." part 👍🏻
This all what I need at my workplace, everyday dealings n different scenarios with tenants coming from different countries, cultures, natures, from my higher managers, visitors, housekeeping and security support
Thanks for the wise counsel. It was so helpful and came to one struggling
Glad it was helpful!
Ooh! Apologizing for my existence and inconvenience! So good!
New subscriber here. I’m a man in my mid-30s. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by communication in all forms in every kind of relationship. If possible, can you please do a video on how to respond during the times where needing to think on your feet is important. Whenever I’ve tried, I either get too nervous and can’t think clearly enough to respond in a timely fashion, or I’ll sometimes think of a response after the conversation is over. Please keep up the phenomenal work on this channel. (I’ve signed up for your emails. I’m also going to subscribe to your podcast.) Your work is needed and appreciated!!
I say that I’m sorry constantly, so thank you!
Omg🤦🏽♀️ I do all of these.
I appreciate realizing that I’m not sounding less harsh. And that “ No” is a complete sentence. Love the dad joke. Going to use this to help me remember to stop apologizing for everything. Thank you!
Brilliant i am so glad i heard this today thank you!🎉
Hi, Im a caregiver and your videos’s content are helping me to improve communication skills .
Thank you for sharing your knowledge!!
You are so welcome!
As always your r advice is spont on. No, is a complete sentence no need to add explanations excuses, etc.
I used to apologize a lot fo for being late. For asking a question , for stating an idea or whatever. With your advice i am trying to reduce these phrases that thaf do nof add confidence or assertiveness to my conversation.
Topic Suggestion: How to set boundaries
Thanks for the suggestion!
Follow up video: how to *maintain* those boundaries when those around us resent them
Google Dr. Becky Kennedy on the Huberman podcast. She has great advice for setting boundaries.
Some good advice from a friend one time and it pertains to a lot of what he saying here. Don’t ever be somebody’s victim hold your head high you are who you are, and respect that.
You have a gift. It is so informative, life changing and kind in the manner in which it is delivered to others. I look forward to the changing of lives this adventure will take others and yourself. Thank you for sharing your diamonds with us.
Great tips! It's so important to learn new ways to assert yourself.
Thank you I appreciate all this information. Grateful
Love it, thanks for sharing! Rating = 10!
Thank you. I wish I listened to this episode earlier.
Your advices are just brilliant! All of them, with no exception. Where is this wisdom coming from?
Thank you very much, Jefferson. I enjoy watching what you have to say and I learn every time you have topic or tip. I have issues with apologizing of being an inconvenience when my Director boss is in her office. Thank you very much for giving me some extra tips on how I should feel and how I should see myself as the client, as a person, as a value. I’ve been following you for baby a year and I’m going back and re-watching some of your videos. I appreciate your content and I appreciate the little soundbites that you give that are very easy to put into practice.Thank you.
I learned this late in life. This is a gem. Thank you. Sharing with my family members and friends.
Thank you for these short tips. More than that :though!Putting into practice what you said helped me a lot in feeling more confident about myself and my thoughts and in relation to others as well. You are great!
Absolutely love all of your videos and excited for this podcast! You always share amazing info!
You're the best!
I had to chuckle when you replied to Daniel with, "Sorry." and "I may be wrong." I know you didn't use those in exactly the way's you were cautioning us earlier not to use them, but it made me smile, anyway.
I've forgotten how many times I've listened to this one 💜💜
I’m enjoying your new podcast! Do you think women apologize for their existence more than men? I’ve always felt that I was holding up the waiting line or standing in someone’s way until a man told me my existence was important. Your advice is helping so many people! Thank you!!
Your suggestion are great 😃 thank you 😊
I heard all that you said while thinking why do we need to hear your lesson and who says those statements that make us problems in our communication.
My thought is: we weren't brought up to say what we want or need. The "I" was put down, ignored or negated on regular basis.
So now we need to learn how to validate ourselves.
It took a while to accumulate those programmes, I hope it will take much less time to replace them with new more affective communication.
Thank you.
Another circumstance when people will say “I could be wrong but...” is when they are not 100% confident that they are correct or they have a fear that they’ll be proven wrong.
An issue I find during conversations is when someone is constantly ending their thoughts or opinions with “if that makes sense...” it make me want to ask if they normally go around saying things that don’t make sense? Is it generally your habit to not make sense? Because why would you say something if you honestly did not believe it made sense?
Great video.
I avoid overused expressions and cliches. This way it gives me the opportunity to say exactly what I need to say in the moment and say something for that exact instance and situation, but never in a roundabout way either. This process of not using cliches helps me form my own clear thoughts that sound honest and real. And one big one is saying I'm sorry. I never say I'm sorry because I am not sorry. Whoever started this business of saying I'm sorry was incorrect. Saying I'm sorry or anything similar is equal to devaluing yourself as a person and and deflating your message to not being as important. I also see saying I'm sorry as a form of disrespecting ourselves.
I'm learning to use my assertive voice but it's way too assertive bordering mean. Trying to be gentle with myself in the process. I do feel woman's hormones play a huge part in the tone of our voices. Working on it. Thank you Jefferson