To all the lost sheep who found this, i sincerely hope that one day you will escape this nevernding spiral of nothingness fueled by loneliness, and that u won’t end it, before u find that special something, that will help you break through. I wish I could say I love you, but I know it means nothing through the screen. You are alone on this road, but that doesn’t have to mean it’ll be like that forever. I wish all the best for you all.
Well said Brother, well said. As Dark as life can be, and with tough challenges that you find yourself face to face with, I just say……. “Never Give Up”
Yeah, kinda make my mind with it , but sometimes it's all feels pretty grim. Hope you doing well, sry i'm a little drunk. New shit storm has begun, and i want to tell somebody, that i am alive.
@@smolmidget724 Never had any social media, because i don't have anyone to chat with me. Now i don't have much time, working as a paramedic on ambulance. Thanks man, for your reply, i really appreciate it, makes me feel like i have friends. Maybe you'll meet me somewhere on UA-cam again. Have a nice life and healthy sleeping schedule.
I don't have this video saved in a playlist. I don't have this video liked. I don't even have this video tucked away in my watch later. Yet whenever I need it it always comes to me. A melancholic melody to soothe my troubled mind.
Being isolated from pretty much everyone is such a double sided blade. On one hand, you have no one to spill your inner turmoil out to, years upon years of pain and sorrow. But on the other hand you don’t have to worry about the risk of anyone judging or hurting you. You can just be your self in peace.
I've just gotten out of high-school and I've never really had friends honestly, now it's really starting to kick in how lonely I am now and how much more lonely I'm gonna be when I move out. It's bittersweet though, on one hand I can do whatever I want for me, but on the other I won't get to do something for someone else.
Yeah, exactly. I miss somebody to just take all the nonsense I have to get out of myself but in the end it's just easier to live that way, where nobody will ever hurt me more that myself. Maybe I'm a coward not wanting to embrace new people, give them a chance and get out of my comfort zone but well... It's not great to be alone but it's better than with the last people I wanted to open to.
I've come to believe that it's better to be open to judgement than to isolate and not be able to experience the potential of mutual love and respect. What's the fun of being yourself when ya got no one else to share the fun with?
@@haemmer who gives a fuck what anyone else sees, you see you. i see me. i care what I think. i care what I look like. the thing is, needing others for self validity is weakness. be yourself, even if only you are left to appreciate it.
I've always felt lonely and it's weird because I have so many people who live and care about me. I just feel so disconnected from everyone. I feel like I don't belong in this world. I even feel lonely on the internet which is even weirder because everyone i know has found a group or a friend they have on the internet, I haven't found someone yet or will. I've tried making friends, I've made one friends in my whole life I'm almost 20 and it makes me feel more disconnected in a world that is so connected by the internet. It's nice coming across this song it's so serene makes me feel at ease.
Kind of the same for me, there's people that care for me, i could go an act like i can be myself around them and be genuinelly happy, but no. I feel all the same, same place, diferent worlds. They just can't get me so i don't stay. Still, i know it's hard but not imposible.
I think the amount of connections has led to oddballs to be even more alone, I'm not very good at socializing so trying to talk even online doesn't work anymore. It's really depressing to watch groups of friends on UA-cam or whatever having the time of their life and feeling somewhat "envious" I just hope I'll have something like that soon too yknow?
Wait, people actually consider the internet a place where friend groups thrive? I have no idea what deep web hideout they are hanging out at cause MAN the internet is the loneliest place besides an empty room! There are literally only two interactions with online people I’ve seen: 1. Being completely ignored, or 2. Silently being agreed with. Here’s hoping we can all find that special group we can connect and thrive in…
On the 'net nowadays, you have to put on a constant charade it feels like, and just constantly agree with whatever is hip. It's hard to be genuine and make friends. I lived most of my teen hood pretending to be friends with people just because they seemed nice and shared my hobbies and convincing myself that I was just bad at dealing with others which I why I felt like I was pushing myself, but in the end I felt more lonely then I ever did before. Maybe there are good online interactions, but for me at least, it all feels so hollow, even with someone you can agree with.
I was often told "don't romanticize with the solitude" back in the day, but now i am just wondering how am i supposed not to when solitude is my only compagnon. It's interesting to me because the same people who told me this are not here anymore... I feel like people don't understand what it feels like to be lonely, it's painfull to see that nobody will ever remember you if you have to dissappear because in the end you are just like a little puddle of water in the side-walk, i am not scared of being forgotten i am way past that point, seeking validation and attention from people tired me. I have lost the energy to do that, creating a facade that people would accept and love was tiresome, trying to understand people was tiresome, making them accept me was tiresome. I do not wish to end it, in fact i am scared of death even if i have nothing to lose by doing so, i still find enjoyment from life... But i am unsure if mine is enjoyable, i do not know what i should seek or what i am seeking to achieve, i do not know where i am heading and what path i was choosing... I don't know myself because of the facade i put in front of the others i slowly forgot who i really was i don't know who i am and i can't remember how i was like, for now the only thing i know for sure is when i am not using this facade of myself become an empty shell waiting to play the role others want me to play... Eeh, i typed a lot i am happy to have freed my thoughts.
Today marks the 3 years of my best friend, my soulmate's death. She was one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. We talked every day for hours, she'd call me, I'd call her and we'd talk for hours. She suddenly passed away. It's like if someone took a piece of my heart and shattered it to pieces. 3 years and it still hurts. I've never felt so alone. But I'm happy. I'm happy that I knew her, I'm happy that we made so many memories, studying from 9th grade and working 4 years together. Please, tell your loved ones how much you love them. I wish I would've told her that morning how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Debbie, I know you won't read this, but I loved you, I still love you, and will always love you. You were my best friend and my soulmate. I'll see you on the other side one of these days.
the thing that most haunts me right now is that i can perfectly visualize the next 10 years of my future; just a rotten cardboard box of a routine that keeps on making me chug pills to forget my essence. even if it seems stupid, i really miss the uncertainty.
I heard this song a month before I watched Serial Experiments Lain. I use it to help me fall asleep. Knowing when this song played, who the person is on this image, and seeing everyone's comments--it all makes sense now. The fact that people who were randomly recommended this video and probably don't know what a Lain is and still end up feeling what Lain does... the show and composers are incredible for that. The show, the song, the comments section--it's all about loneliness and emptiness, with a sliver of hope. "Let's all love Lain!"
Been putting off watching Lain for years. Reading your comment finally gave me the push. Definitely didn't disappoint. The moment that this song kicks in... Damn, right in the feels
@@atlaslee8681 Wow, I'm glad to have been the cause of that. The show genuinely changed me as a person. It's also not for everyone, but I'm at least glad that there's so many that like it. And yeah, that scene crushed me. It's one of my favorite scenes in the show though, so cold.
This song to me feels very nostalgic yet different at the same time. It’s melancholic and eerie but soothing to listen to. It’s as if I have traveled back in time. It’s hard to describe, like my body is here in the present yet, my mind drifts off to the past. And I am engulfed in comforted chills listening to this. It’s something else
This song reminds me of the few calm moments of my childhood , the ones i can't remember . Unfortunately the traumas and screamings of my parents are the only part i vaguely remember . God i wish i could have a normal childhood .
I stumbled upon this at nearly 6 am in the morning. I don't like going to sleep at all because I feel like I'm wasting my time, and yet on the other side, I sleep too much because that way I can avoid and run away from the fact that I'm letting time pass me by and I have to see the people I know leave me behind. I'm scared about everything. Scared about the future, scared that the people I love don't truly love me, and scared that I'll forever be a person who runs away from commitment and stays alone forever. That's why I wanted to end my own life, so I don't have to deal with and face living. God, I'm crying as I'm listening to this. It makes me feel guilty to feel better that there are people just like me if not worse. But at the same time, I'm comforted that there are people like me. Suffering, alone. Suffering alone. But we're not genuinely alone, are we? Not really. Good night everyone, or good morning. It'll get better one day, and I hope it gets better one day personally for me, before I lose faith and disappear in the darkness.
Don't give up brother. I'm just like you and everyone here it seems. I found my self pretending to be a cool person and a responsible adult but in reality I just want to to lie down and disappear. It's really exhausting to pretend everyday to be ok and in my country people tend to be very happy and excited about everything. I feel like an alien next to those people, like im killing their mood. But they really care about me! This destroys me inside and i feel guilty to sometimes tell what REALLY goes in my mind. Never had this conversation with anyone in my life. But after all those years what can i tell about my experience is... Never give up! I know this sounds cliche but it's the absolute true. We are the resistance! As you can tell, I'm not very good with words but i beg you. Please do not disappear in the darkness.
I relate too much about people leaving me behind as time moves on to move on with their lives. I’m already seeing my friends in real life drift apart and no longer chat a lot like we usually do. Being afraid of growing up isn’t helping when I see people online talking about how they miss the good old days with little responsibilities in their childhood which amplifies that fear.
All these comments make me feel a lot less alone, seeing other people share their experiences make me realize it's not just me, what a beautiful track. Bringing people together, allowing people to share their stories. I struggle not to impulsively end my life everyday, but things like this soothe all my worries for just a little
It would all end anyhow. Which is why even though its lonely, I wander around and come across people even if its brief its an experience so I will wander until I can
I was lonely by the most part of my life, i've tried a lot to make realationships work but it never worked out. All girls that i met maked me feel even worse. Until this girl appear on my life, she was literally me, we became friends, expend a year building a relationship. The void almost feel like having a way out, i was happy, happier than ever. Until a day her only friends except of me, bullied the shit out of her, all along they were just using her. She was not feeling good, she doesn't have anyone except for me in the time, whe lived on different towns so i wasn't always there physically for her. One day, she dind't asnwer my calls or messages, i've tried to go to her city but couldn't find anyone who could take me there, on the next day my dad would take me there, but the most terryfying thing i could imagine happened. If you ever had someone who you love, do the best you can for them. Next month will make a year since she died, i'm alone again.
I'm so sorry man. Nothing can ever take the place of losing somebody from this physical world. I hope you have been taking the time for yourself to repair and focus on doing what you need to stay happy. Things won't be bad forever, and your existence is something that cannot be mimicked.
I'm really sorry to hear that, man. It must be a battle for you to get through every day. Do me a favour and treat yourself well, alright? I'm sure that's what she would've wanted aswell.
There's a special place in hell for fake friends like that man, I'm sorry for everyone involved. Don't know how much it means, but I feel for you and really hope you get a new light in your life
@@Junkyard_Shaman Pretty true. It was truly by accident for me though, seeing as it lined up with a video I was watching. Still, consider myself lucky.
At first I was unsettled and uncomfortable, but the more I listened The more I can even sleep through this type of music. Really comforting in a melancholic way.
I love music that tells feelings with out lyrics. The empty sound of the music and the calming melody combine so well to recreate the feeling of loneliness. I love songs like this for that exact reason.
I graduated this year. I cut all ties with everyone from high school. I'm incredible loney right now. I only socialize at work. My phone has no notifications, I have no one to talk to. Its peaceful, but im starting to get bored of it. I want to have good freinds. I want to go out and explore the life. Yet I am scared to go out. The fear of being judged gets to me. This is my first time truly being lonely and I dont know whether I like it or not.
I’m almost in the same boat, but what makes me go out is the idea of being alone. I can’t stand it. I love my friends, but I still feel lonely at times. It’s a scary thing, but just know there’s many just like you, and we can help
I hope things will go better with time... I'm in a similar situation for 2 years now. I don't even know how to describe this weird feeling i feel now for being alone that longer. take care ♥
I've felt this way my entire life. I was born to an abusive single mother and abusive siblings. I knew from as young as 3 that I was unwanted. But I could never properly express or identify those feelings at that age. All I knew is that my mother would frequently beat me with whatever she physically could at her disposal, burn and mark me with her cigarettes, and tell my siblings to abuse me the way she had been doing until I was about 4 years old. For no other reason than that she disliked me, if I had to guess, it is because she did not know who my real father was and had been stuck with me, whereas my siblings know both their parents. There is an uncountable list of abuses that woman inflicted on me that I could go on about that I would rather not speak of. I remember when I was 4, the grandmother of my 'father' (fake dad who ended up signing the birth certificate with my mother as a favor I guess.) came to visit my mothers home. - I remember her standing in the hallway of my old home, then next thing I know, I remember being on a plane heading to a new home with my grandmother, who I called 'Mom' from that point onward. She did what she could to provide for me and keep me safe, but even then 4 year old me still knew that I was just an 'outsider' in the family. I looked different than them, and never really felt connected to any of them. Anyone who wasn't my grandmother or her immediate children or grandchildren in the family seemingly ignored me, or did not want to be bothered. Growing up and making friends, building social circles and skills was very difficult for me. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which did not help things. I had been made fun of in school, for the diagnosis, and because of my abusive background. I managed as best as I could during my younger years however, and managed to make a few childhood friends whom I've unfortunately long lost contact with. My 'Mom' was a very strict woman the entire time I lived with them, I wasn't allowed to leave the house or do anything on my own. There were multiple moments growing up where I wished I could hang out with a friend, or be invited to some event or gathering, but couldn't because she would not let me. - To cope with the severe lack of socialization without knowing it, I ended up spending a lot of time on the internet. Gaming, roleplay forums, etc. I lived like this until around 11 years ago when my 'Mom' became severely sick with cancer. I remember being with them at work and they told me they weren't feeling well. Day after day, I watched as they progressively grew more sick and eventually became bedridden and needing Hospice services. The entire family would come out to check on her often, and I remember them side-eyeing me like I was just a burden on the family. 'Who is this child and why are we wasting money on him when we can save more and get better treatment' for my 'Mom' is the vibe I consistently got from them. One of her sisters even screamed that they should just send me back to my original mother, in front of my grandmother. I was 13 or so at the time. That would end up happening as my grandmothers daughter would ultimately end up convincing them to put me in the care of the state, leaving me under the care of CPS until a new home could be found for me. - During this time I would find out that my 'Father' (my grandmother's son) wasn't actually my Dad and things started to rapidly make a lot more sense. Being in the care of the state was horrible, the staff members disregarded me and my peers, had files on each of us and knew why and under what circumstances we were there, and would frequently tease and make fun of us for being in the situation we were in. I ended up spending 8 months in that place before a home was found for me. I would end up with a typical 'in it for the money' foster parent who provided the bare minimum in exchange for paychecks from the state. They would frequently put me down, tell me I was never going to make it in life or do anything, and have on multiple occasions outright shown they do not love nor care for me. - Even worse, I was expected to do the opposite for them. They would never remember my birthdays, but would chastize and berate me if I did not mention theirs. I was supposed to give them cards and gifts on Mothers Day because I am her 'son' and that's what son's do for their mothers. Year after year, I would get nothing but the bare minimum until I aged out of the foster care system at 21 years old, that was 4 years ago. But honestly, where does someone go after all of that? I had no immediate family, or friends (or really anyone I could truly trust) to turn to after aging out. My caseworker convinced my FP to allow me to rent one of their rooms as a tenant until I can afford to move out on my own, and that is where I have been for the last 4 years. I am now 25 years old and in the same position I was in when I was 13. Up until now, I have largely left out my reactions to the above experiences. Throughout all of that time with my grandmother and foster parent I felt empty, unwanted, alone, disconnected from my peers and feeling as though I am more of a nuisance than anything. And despite feeling those things, I have repeatedly managed to pull myself up from uncountable bouts of depression and anxiety, attend prestigious technical programs, and do the very absolute best I can do to get a job as early as possible and save money so I can move out on my own and have a truly safe space for myself. I have chosen IT as a career path and have been working since I turned 19 after graduating from a technical program. I managed to work on myself and develop my social skills and make friends (mainly online). It is still lonely however, not having physical company to talk too. I am more or less isolated inside of my room once I get home otherwise I am berated by my FP or her son for no reason other than they wanted to take out their anger on me, or I made a minor mistake (like forgetting a water bottle of mine in the living room.) I have been attempting to save 10k so I can afford to move to another state, rent an apartment, and find a job closer to where the majority of my online friends and some old family friends are and start life over and work on myself. But that is a goal I have been attempting to reach for 4 years now, and I have been set back multiple times along the way. This comment isn't supposed to be hopeful or anything, I am honestly not sure what it is supposed to be really. Recently I came to the realization that my current living circumstances are unsustainable, and that sooner or later, my foster parent will force me out onto the streets in some way before I can reach my goal, leaving me truly alone and on my own. Today, some time after I got home from work my former FP banged on my door and hurled insults at me for ....leaving a hallway light on that I had turned on 15 or so seconds earlier to find something in the dark before I could return to turn the light back off. I am normally a very quiet and patient person, but today I had enough and asked them: "What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated the way you're treating me now?" Without missing a beat she goes: "You were born." I thought I had been entirely desensitized to a sociopathic level to insults and the world around me. But that comment hurt me severely. I didn't let it show and played it off with humor and sarcasm. She tells me to do a favor for them, I do it because I'm a massive push over I guess, and go back to my room. And I've never felt lower in my life than I do at this point, and at the same time I don't feel anything at all. I have always kept myself going by telling myself that if I work really hard, things will work out for me. I have passed multiple technical certifications in preparation for my field and future career ahead of me in IT. But honestly, I don't think I want to continue anymore. Feeling lonely is hard, and a completely valid feeling. Feeling lonely, and knowing you're completely alone except for a few intangible friends while receiving constant reminders of that loneliness, is even worse. Meanwhile, one small error or mistake sets me significantly while the world is seemingly getting worse around me. I can't afford to rent near me and get away from this trauma immediately as an example. And what makes me even more sad, is that I have watched most of my friends live seemingly normal, fulfilling lives over the years. I know no one is perfect, and that everyone typically shows 'the best' version of themselves toward others, or only the 'good' parts that they want to be seen. So I do not feel like I am comparing myself to those moments. But I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never reach my goal, and all of the people I've connected with now over the past few gears will eventually move on with their lives, families, and current or found loved ones without me and forget about me. And I hate that feeling the most. All I have ever wanted was to be normal and feel wanted and included. Loved and cherished. Valued and considered. At every moment I am denied these things, and putting my life in my own hands seems impossible at this point. I feel like I am nearly finished here, what I mean by that needs no clarification if you have been reading this far. I feel like I need to get my affairs in order and apologize and leave a message explaining how I have always felt to the people I do feel connected to. So they can understand why. Even though that sounds like an extremely selfish and inconsiderate thing for me to do. I'm not afraid. But I am terrified of missing out on a lot of cool things and potential experiences with my friends. I am afraid that I will miss out on seeing some really cool people I've met over the years continue to develop and be amazing people with amazing skills.
Hey buddy, im glad you shared your story. When i was reading it, it almost felt like a book story about a tragedy. Probably because it is one. But do you ever thought about taking therapy? If its actually possible for you (i dont know where you live). especially since you addressed depression and anxiety yourself. Would be cool to get an answer back, also a virtual hug from me, please dont give up 💙
@@Longerade Thank you for taking the time to read through all of it. I really appreciate it. - I've considered therapy, and have taken it a few times. Some sessions have helped me gain insight, others not so much. If I ever find my way out of my situation, I will likely start going again to fully heal. I don't think it would help much now given that all of my current problems and anxiety mostly come from at home, paying for it would also make it take longer for me to save enough to move out. As for me giving up, that will not happen. I was feeling pretty low when I wrote that comment after my FP told me I shouldn't have been born. It was a bit of a shock but I think I managed to recover from it, though I'll always remember it of course. You can hammer a nail into a fence, then use the other end of the hammer to remove the nail from the fence. You can even patch up the hole the nail made into the fence after removing the nail, however the 'scar' from the nail will always remain. That being said, I think I'm going to make it just fine. I've made a lot of good progress this year alone, passing tests, losing a significant amount of weight after years struggling keeping a proper diet, and now I am actively learning how to use 3D software at home by myself. Which is what I originally wanted to do instead of my current job. It takes an incredible amount of willpower each day to do what I know is the right thing, but I can see the effects of my positive progress everywhere I look around or stare at a mirror now too. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not deserve to feel this way, I have done nothing to deserve it. I think and feel and my thoughts and wellbeing are just as valid as any other human beings. I think I'm going to remain consistent with my positive progress this time. I am going to make it and make things better for myself, because I've already put in so much positive effort into reaching that goal already. I simply /choose/ not to give up. Thank you for replying and sharing your concerns, again, they are very much appreciated.
@@xeph5613 Honestly its so hard for me to know what to say. The way you've been treated in your life is so shameful. I'm really sorry to hear about it. At least I want to point you in the direction of the hope I've found in my life, through times of loneliness and rejection. I know that Jesus loves you. You mentioned that when you hammer a nail through a fence, it creates a permanent hole. Even after the nail is taken back out, it leaves a "nail scar" in the wood. Jesus loved you so much that He chose to go to the cross for you. He wanted to bring you back home... to make you part of his family forever. God loves and wants you so much. He wants to make _you_ His adopted child. The reason I know this is true is because of the nail scars. Not only in the wood, but in Jesus's hands and feet. Even today, Jesus still has those scars. They're eternal reminders of how much He loves you... and how far He was willing to go to save you. I really hope that you will get to know Jesus and his incredible love for you. It can heal decades worth of scars.
This track makes me remember when my teacher forced me to sit in class by myself for two whole years not allowing me to talk to anyone. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t social back then but I only had two real friends at that time everyone else didn’t really notice me. I felt so alone because not even my parents supported me in that situation (I later found out it was their fault in the first place, long story short, they’ve angered my teacher once and she let it out on me then). But when I got in middle school I was so happy to get out of that place. But my grades weren’t exactly good and only got worse. The stress of socialising with a teacher in class, I couldn’t handle it after what happened with my previous one. I managed to get friends and they were truly great but….I didn’t manage to stay on that school. I withdrew myself from everyone. Didn’t speak or message anyone about anything, because nobody really asked I was often asked how are you and I would reply with normal. At my new school I found one friend (we are still good friends but don’t talk with each other for months, we are kinda the same though) however that school was really bad and that’s where my depression began. I didn’t wanna believe it, I told myself I was just sad I’ll be over it soon, I wasn’t, I never was, I turned to suicide multiple times, it failed each time maybe because I desperately cling to life in the end, I hate it. I recently finished middle school and got into high school, I found great friends,have good teachers and I’m doing somewhat okay with my grades. But sometimes… I still feel so alone, I was ready to kill myself again and end it at a happy note for me, but I wanted to see more, I wanted to know what other good things and sadly bad life might have to offer me. And here I am sitting by myself during summer vacation falling deeper and deeper into depression again, because I am all by myself since all my friends went somewhere or have other friends to hang out with. But I don’t blame them they send me snaps and everything but it kinda just makes me feel more lonely. For anyone who actually spent their time reading my little story, thank you. I’m sorry if I wasted your time, but I felt the need to let people know. Maybe someone can sympathise with it and feel a bit more at ease.
don't worry. breathe. listen to the music. maybe go outside, or open a window for some fresh air. you'll be loved. this is a small part of your life. find what you love, meditate ten minutes a day, stay hydrated. the pain passes. all pain passes. since everything is temporary, except death. you can wait for eternal rest, make the most of life! you can learn to enjoy only your own company. on this journey you are alone, but that isn't a bad thing. take it slow. you have all the time in the world. Lain loves you
@@user-ev8xh3wk9s cried reading your comment man, thanks. it's so hard to cry for me now, but sometimes you just feel like you have to you know ? even a single tear is good enough.
I loved reading your story and I definitely related at parts. Like when you talk about your friends having other friends to hang out with and slipping farther into depression. Ouch yeah that hurts like a mother fucker. Anyways, I just wanted to say something because you made me feel seen and less lonely. I wanted to do the same for you. Thank you and hope things start to look up for you
@@Vinicius0000 Sim , e se por acaso estiver procurando a músics original como eu tava procurando , saiba que ela faz parte de um anime chamado experiments lain. O nome é experiments lain - hitori bocchi 1. Tem o hitori bocchi 2 tbm , na mesma vibe dessa primeira
it's weird because it's the exact time i was under trauma inducing school harrasement, but all in all i do remember it as a "calmer" time. The world itself felt better. Pre 2008. even up to the beta of minecraft and it's old janky site.
Finding this feels so soothing. All my life I've felt so cut off from everyone; even when I'm with people, I can't shake some feeling that I am lesser, or that I am worthless. My anxiety controls everything I do and I can barely function; eating, sleeping, going outside, looking after myself, it all feels impossible. I've tried really hard to get better, but I relapse constantly. It feels like I am cursed to always seek improvement, but fail along the way. I'm going through a bad time right now and this track is comforting.
There is nothing wrong with you. The fact that we all experience this means we’re human; there’s nothing more human than empathy and being able to turn around and lift someone else out of a bad spot. We all fall at times. All of us. It’s not about who falls the hardest or who takes the longest to get back up. Not if someone is always waiting to help someone to their feet. I love you guys. Keep trying. I promise I’ll be rooting for you in my corner of the world.
i've been feeling the same way for a while, it's curious how it works, sometimes we are sorrounded by people but still feel lonely, my anxiety always gets the worst of me to the point that sometimes makes me paranoic or anything that people says or do affects me, i barely sleep 4 hours a day, no job, no fking future...i feel so desperated that im writing this on fking youtube comments...i really hope that your life gets better in any way bro/sis...we all deserve to be happy, i refuse to believe that we come to this world with just bad luck, shitty parents, brothers, bullies around us...it's not what life should be about. i dont know you, and i hope this words doesn't sound so cringy but...i love you and i appreciate you just the way you are, i bet you're awesome (sometimes we need to hear this) and...im proud of you. all my hugs and love goes to you and anyone who read this
There was a UA-camr called yamimash I used to watch everyday when I was little from about 2011-2015. He played a game called bloody Mary, one of those old style JRPG type games you could find on what I believe was called RPG maker. Part of the soundtrack to bloody Mary was this but it wasn't this slow. I had gone back multiple times over the years to find his video and be united with this peaceful, lullaby sounding harmony. I listened to this for about 10 seconds before I was left in a state of paralysis when I came to the realisation at what I had stumbled upon. I have not cried in God knows how many years but today I shed a tear out of sheer euphoria and nostalgia. Thank you to the uploader of this, for taking me back to the times before I was even in secondary school (11 years old). You made my week, if not my whole month. Edit: The game is not bloody mary, it is called she comes but bloody mary is what the game is centered around. The video is now 9 years old and is older than I was when I watched it for the first time Edit 2 (2nd July 2022): I just finished watching Serial Experiments Lain and wow what an amazing anime. Took me a while to understand but there are many hidden meanings behind it. As soon as this started playing in I believe episode 12, I realised the whole of the soundtrack for she comes is ripped from Serial Experiments Lain. The end of Serial Experiments Lain is very bitter sweet however, which I think really fits with the tone of the whole anime, although I wish there was more to Lain's story, I feel the last episode finishes conclusively. If you have not watched it already and you are reading this, do so, it is a very short anime. There is also a game based on the anime which came out about 2 months after the last episode on the PS1, I may watch a walkthrough on it, see if the soundtrack is like the anime's. Edit 3 (12th July 2023) Its been over a year since I first found this video, and because of that, the nostalgia that I get when I hear Loneliness 1a is slightly different. It reminds me of the summer, all the dreams I had of going to university, all of the people I was gonna meet. Thats all gone now, but not in a negative way. I have new goals that I want to achieve, but this part of the SEL soundtrack gives me the most nostalgia out of almost every soundtrack, ever.
@@uhoh7545 if you are on about she comes, the whole soundtrack is from Serial Experiments Lain (excluding opening and ending themes). Watch the anime rather than go find the soundtracks on youtube, the part where loneliness 1a plays is a pretty sad moment for Lain
It’s like the morning after a break up. Right after those few seconds where your mind is blank and then suddenly, images of that person completely flood it, then the void they left behind consumes you and whatever ribbons of energy you had left to begin the day without your chin buried in your chest. It hurts to think about them and it hurts to not think about them.
This song somehow manages to be absolutely beautiful, comforting, and unsettling all at the same time and I absolutely adore it perfectly portrays what loneliness feels like
This song just reminds me of growing up. Growing up I never really felt connected with anyone except for those that were several years older than me (me being 5 or 6 and said other person being 40 or 50). I’ve never been able to appropriately or fully relate to a 19 year old girl. I’m way beyond that. I’m not sure how to explain exactly how this feeling is but it’s so tiring. This song just washes that all away for me.
I deal with mental illness that makes connecting with others very hard. Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, Depression and some form of dissociative identity disorder. All of these things paired with my social anxiety have made life miserable. I am a hermit, and I am extremely lonely. Since getting out of school 3 years ago, I have not had any friends in real life. People I have met online have eventually drifted away from me since I am not particularly pleasant to deal with. I feel lonely all the time, and it is only getting worse. Sometimes, I can barely get out of bed for extended periods of time. I wake up with pressure sores because my hollow body just does not want to move. My family is not emotionally there for me either. They don't believe in mental illness. They just think I'm lazy. It hurts. Being transgender doesn't help, either. I cannot be who I am where I stay. I am utterly alone. I have online friends, but they barely speak to me. Reaching out is scary, because I always feel like a burden to people. I live in a place with poor internet, too. So, meeting people through online games is out of the question. I just wish I felt like people genuinely cared about me, or wanted to spend time with me. I am planning on therapy, but if it does not work, I might just take my life. The thought of dying scares me, but I do not know what else to do. I have thought about it so much recently. It feels like the only escape. I just want comfort from other people so badly. Thank you for reading this, if you did. I just need to let that out.
I empathize with your pain. I've not experienced something like that to the same degree, but I understand the feeling. I know its really fucking hard, but I think you should keep trying to find people who you can have good and healthy relationships with. Have you spoken with any of your friends about directly about feeling like a burden or wanting to interact more? That kind of transparency can be scary and difficult, but it can also be incredibly fruitful for developing your relationships. Whatever you decide to do, please don't harm yourself. It won't solve your problems or help you. If you can't live on for yourself at the moment, at least do it for others. I don't blame anyone who commits it for the pain caused by their end, but that pain still occurs and effects people. (Also sidenote, some online games are low maintenance enough that even poor wifi won't be too much of an issue. Something like online Chess or Checker may be an option.)
i've been listening to this through the years and it's one of the only things that gets to calm me down lately i've been having very hard panic attacks and an overall uneasy feeling, where i feel like i'm going to vomit of how dizzy i get and i can't breathe normally almost all day returning to this audio is helping me soothe a big part of the shakiness i feel, and i'm getting to tremble less EDIT: reading all the comments also makes me feel better, less alone and less desperate, i've never been fond to express how i feel, much less online, but so many lonely people supporting each other makes me want to open up a bit more
This music is wonderful. I guess I am lonely, but not forever. Everyone may hear this music as sad and lonely, but to those who hear serenity, its okay to be alone and on youre own adventures. Ive learned being alone isnt so bad. Have your own moments, your own story, YOUR own life. Then when the loneliness stops, tell your stories and adventures youve been through on your own accord.
I don't know why, but I never had the competence to make friends neither meet people. It has been 23 years of just 'me', most of the time looking at a screen in a dark room, not even with a 'cyber friend' to spend time. Some time ago it used to be really painful, but as time goes, you just accept it, realize that you are your best friend and start to pay attantion to more important things. What a great pleasure listen to this OST through the night, enjoying of my own company and thinking how I can be a better friend to myself.
Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. - Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver (1976)
I don't know where it comes from, but this track is so... calm... It was as if I had returned to 2008, but through a certain prism of memories, gray everyday life, the city, it may rain or it may be cloudless, but for some reason it's so calm and carefree. And melancholy... And all life was still ahead, and the world seemed different, and the future seemed different too. I don’t feel lonely, I have always been surrounded by people dear to me and I have always valued them, but because of what I don’t remember what happened in childhood, I became easier to relate to separation. I do not feel the need for someone, because I will always have me, and the whole world, full of beauty and harmony. And somehow I can just disappear, and not even grieve about parting, which can be forever. I regret and grieved only over a couple of things, and then there is no point in this.
I’ve been living an empty life for the past few years. I’m pressured by my parents to do well in high school, but I want to drop out. I don’t want to tell them because I’m afraid they’ll get mad at me. I don’t have any friends and don’t know how to start a conversation without embarrassing myself. Everyone at my school is way different than me, everyone is obsessed with tiktok and other social medias, while I’m more of an artistic kid. People who walk past me in the halls talk to their friends about how my face looks and laugh like I’m some kind of zoo animal. After school, I just sit in my bed and mindlessly browse UA-cam and sometimes play games on steam because I feel like there’s just nothing to do outside. I feel like I don’t belong in this world, there’s corrupt businesses, and I feel like modern life revolves around people working themselves to death while people mindlessly follow trends and idolize celebrities who just look good and nothing else. I have nobody to vent my feelings to without the fear of being judged. The only thing I enjoy anymore is my dreams. I’m just tired of it all. I’m tired of the endless pressure of school. Im tired of my loneliness. I’m tired of how society is obsessed with looks and celebrities. I’m tired of the neverending conflicts around the world.
Sounds like you're afraid of growing up and want to give up on everything. Life is hardship, but it's only awful if you allow it to be. Learn and grow from pain.
Yeah, I feel you man. I'm kinda in the same position. But fortunately for me, I know people with who I can laugh and share ideas with and just be myself. And yet. I feel, different from them all. As if I am the only one like myself. I would think, and I still do think that, they are not friends, just people to hangout with, which is truly horrible. That would be rejecting them in a sense, betraying their friendship. Sometimes I would hate myself for being such a mess, other times I would force myself to feel good, because I felt like it would be dangerous if I kept thinking like that. Yes, I really wanted to give up. But there was no way I would. There is a lot of things I want to do before I die. I want to publish a book. I want to do a world tour. I want to give smiles to kids who lost everything. I just want to make people, and myself happy. That's why I decided to still keep going to school, for the sake of those dreams. Even though I don't know of what's gonna happen in the future. Even though I really don't know what to do of my future. Hehe, isn't that funny? I do have dreams, but I don't know what I want to be. @PixelFlame01 Reading your story, I can't imagine what you must feel going through those hardships, after all I didn't experience all of that. I've been gifted with a face, a personality and tastes that wouldn't bring me all of the problems that you face. So I am not gonna pretend that I understand you, if I didn't go through all of that myself. But, there is only one think I can tell you. Even though you're tired of it all, please keep being yourself! Don't lose to this society, to this world. In this wicked era we are living in, staying yourself is more and more followed with loneliness. But, know that somewhere, there must be someone who accepts you as you are, and that you can accept too. We just have to keep looking, and so we must live on. Sorry for the lengthy text, I really didn't know where I was going with that but, I am sure that there is only one message I wanted to say. Courage! Don't give up, and be happy for your sake! You do have dreams to realize, right?
@@trisnm4116 yeah, I'm actually doing that. I have an Instagram where I post digital art, but I honestly think my art is kinda mid. Maybe it's the program I'm using? It's pretty limited.
Going through a lot of rough path right now. Lots of dreams lost, lots of anxiety, general meaninglessness of life. I'm constantly questioning why I'm even here, struggling so much against life when death would bring so much relief. This song gives me peace, a sort of cathersis, as if its vocalizing something I can't express.
It feels depressing being like this😞 I’ve been abandoned, forgotten, left. I think I just wasn’t good enough for her and everybody else. I didn’t matter enough to them…Im useless to them. I just exist and nobody sees me, everyone walks pasts me. Im just invisible to everyone. Im lonely, I don’t have anyone. It hurts💔
Yeah it does. Its worse when there's an empty crib at the foot of the bed. My family is gone... she left me and took my son. I understand why she did. But now the apartment feels hollow.
this comment section is gonna make me cry, thanks for all the words of wisdom. like all of you i live with that loneliness. but knowing im not alone in that fact keeps me going. I love everyone here. Keep going and keep your head up, we will make it thru.
Hello, my name is Toby. I have that same feeling of loneliness, for years now I've had crippling social anxiety, past trauma and abuse caused me to isolate myself away, I was born into poverty and had an emotionally abusive father. I was terrified to be around him, he was a very powerful man. Eventually my mother started acting that way, she would yell and throw things when she was angry and she would make me and my brother feel absolutely useless. I hated it both at home and at daycare, I was bullied nonstop and none of the other adults did anything about it. Even my friends around the neighborhood would bully me and treat me horribly. I was also sexually harassed by a teenager in my neighborhood when I was around 6 or 7 years old. Me and my brother were playing hide and seek, it was getting late so my brother decided to go back home, but we thought he was still playing. The teenager took me into a dark place to hide with him. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him. I was only a child, I wasn't sure what to say. My mom and grandparents went looking for me, I didn't tell them for years what had really happened because I thought my mother would be angry at me. I remember one night that I've never forgotten. My dad and my step mom had came over to my grandparents house where I was living, I went to the garage and found him sitting with my family. I went over to hug him and he asked me a question. "Mommy or daddy? Which side?" I couldn't decide so I stood in the middle of the garage. He went over to my mom to raise his arm like he was going to hit her and my uncle stepped in. They started beating each other up. My uncles and aunts gathered all the kids inside and we had no idea what was happening. We sat on the bed with my step mother. A fight broke out between them, my brother kept saying that my step mother didn't love us. I don't know why the fight broke out, but we were all crying in the end. I went to the garage to see if the situation had died down, from behind me I heard "Don't open the door!" But it was too late. I saw my dad laying on the floor covered in blood and my uncle with his hands raise to a bunch of police cars. I knew my uncle was just trying to protect us. I didn't get all what was going on until We moved away from Texas and tried to start a new life In North Carolina.this is when the social anxiety and depression kicked in. I didn't want to speak to another person because I couldn't bare the thought of being disliked or abused again, I would cry when people talked to me sternly or raised their voice at me. I didn't have anyone but 2 friends I stuck with until middle school. Over the years I just got quieter and quieter, Losing myself. I didn't have anyone who could tell me it was going to be okay. All I had was the internet to keep me company. My brother at one point had begun becoming abusive as well due to his trauma. He made me feel so stupid with ever little error I would make. I became even more upset. I desperately needed someone. I was becoming someone who desperately craved to be loved and throwing everything away just to feel that love, I tried everything. I allowed people to use me like a toy until I eventually became so worn out that I lost all motivation to do anything. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I had came out as trans a while ago as well, not much to my surprise nobody really accepted that as they wanted me to stay the same. I don't want to wake up anymore, I hate myself so much and my mind is a parasite. All I have left now is scraps and pieces, my body feels so hollow and cold. I thought staying quiet would stop people from abusing me but the abuse only got worse because I allowed it to get worse. All so I could gain back a sense of hope that was never really there. All those years of trying to receive attention from other people and I don't even feel like I have a soul anymore. I can't control my body or mind, my body is chained to a soul it doesn't belong to. I don't even feel human. And at this point I feel so far gone that there's nothing that can help. No amount of help from another person could help me. I've already spiraled so far down a hole of my own despair, at this point I'm already dead. My life had stopped long before I realized it, time and everything I know had already been paused. I still feel like a small child and everyone else has moved on. Now i'm only living for the fun of it, I'm just a corpse watching everyone else move on with their lives as I sit here and rot in my own pity. I practically don't even feel emotion anymore, I can't remember last when I felt an ounce of happiness. It's a constant loop, I've been waking up on the same day for years now. Nobody even knows I'm alive. I'm just spectating over people. They don't even notice me. Nothing. Nothing can help. I feel like if I killed myself I wouldn't even feel any pain because I'm not even here anymore. There's nothing left of me, it's all been taken.
It's been a month since you comment this... and this may not help either way... but I hope that whatever happens to you, I really really hope that one day you found the happiness that you deserved ❤
I feel isolated no matter how many people are around me, nobody shows any care when looking at me. It feels as if I’m invisible, the huge age gaps between me and my sisters means I will always be left out, nobody realizes how sad I am until it’s anger pouring through my soul. They will always have eachother but what about me what do I have WHO do I have. Absolutely nobody, yet in a way I enjoy this empty hollow feeling of having nobody and no care in the world. It’s calming yet saddening knowing I have nothing, the only reason I’m still here is because I don’t want to make my parents sad. I hope one day I’ll escape to somewhere where I have somebody to love, someone who’ll stay with me forever, somebody who appreciates and loves me for who I am. I want to cry my eyes out and forget everything that’s ever happened to me. All of this is so depressing and I feel as if it’s trapping me inside of an endless loop of where I feel nothing , I’ve cried so much I struggle to get a tear out of my eyes now days . My smiles are forced and so is my laugh, but if I were to tell anybody that I’d be called emo or stupid. Nobody understands me nobody loves me nobody cares for me. I try changing but I can’t. Not with this overwhelming control they have on me. I want to run away and leave all my worries away, I pray to god to set me free. I hate everything, I’m such a terrible person, I wish I could just disappear and forget everything, I don’t even have any real friends yet I try to be nice to them all. Everything’s always blamed on me. I wish I could be a new person, a better person, somebody who’s committed no sins, somebody who’s innocent and kind, someone who didn’t have early access to the internet as a kid. Somebody who was actually treated well as a child. But here I am, a person who’s committed countless sins, a horrible person, somebody who had early access as a kid, I truly am just a ugly person. I hope nobody else has to experience this.
I know how I got here and I'm glad I did. Ever feel a cold rush of wind and rain that makes you feel alive and happy instead of down? Ever since I was a kid I've loved the rain. I'm surprised more people don't feel the same. FYI running through a rainbow doesn't seem to do anything. Taking the opportunity to do so must be its own reward. 😶
this is why i like staying up late , it’s so quiet and no one is awake to judge you like most of these comments loneliness is a double sided blade on one hand you can revel in the tranquility and on the other you’re left with your negative thoughts that can really alter your mood. it’s tough when you have many people close to you , yet they’re miles away from ever reaching your heart. opening up to anyone is often out of the solution. overtime you’ll begin to bottle it all up until you can no longer contain it.
somewhere out there, somebody loves you and me!!! kinda out of topic but i listen to this when i wanna reminisce about rainy season 2021, i miss the bliss i felt at that time. and because of that, my interest in serial experiments lain is coming back
It’s a strange sort of peacefulness to be so alone. I’m not sad, I just feel empty. But then I guess everyone does sometimes. Good luck to any other lost souls who wandered here in the middle of the night.
When I saw this and read the comments sharing their story's I realized that I wasn't truly depressed or struggling with life, I just want to be alone. It is in my room, alone where i am most comfortable, completely dark, the only light and noise coming from my laptop and keyboard. It is the only place where I can be who I truly am, where no mask of any kind is required. Where doing something someone wouldn't like doesn't get you shamed because you didn't know. I don't nearly have it as bad as anyone in these melancholic comments. I have friends, I'm in high school, and my grades are(somewhat)ok. I have ambitions like being a paramedic, though I haven't fully set myself on that path yet. When I'm at school I don't interact with people much, but that's ok since I was never good at socializing to begin with. I haven't been in any gossip pretty much my whole life, I have my share of problems that wont go away too, though they never involve anyone directly. I don't see myself as lonely in general and I live a pretty normal life, for the world we live in currently. Though I've been listening to this song for hours so far. I listen to the intertwined mix of comfort and eeriness as I scroll the comments, reflecting their stories onto myself and comparing them to me, I see that not only do people have it much much worse than me, but it is not as bad as i see it as. But when I am lonely, it feels comforting, right. By all means I am not lonely, but I long to be. I can recognize the spiral this could lead down into, I have been reading the comments you know. They all detail loss, and having to deal with them being gone. I have experienced loss, on multiple occasions. But it never lasted long. I have traversed down said spiral, but always brought myself back up before I went deep enough. But what is enough to me? I see it as subjective. What many see as enough to me will not be. I want to go down the spiral, I want to experience everything it has to offer, I fear what will arrive but it is in my nature to be curious as to what the bottom looks like. I'm too human. Though that is apparently a good thing I wish I could not have these existential moments where I question my entire psyche. But I don't want to leave this moment, I feel safe. Secure. Nobody can reach me here. But it must end, eventually. If you've read this, forget it all. It is just the shots firing off in my head put into a transcript here. Do not take anything from it please. I just want to give you a look into what's going on inside my head. It's like I completely change myself when I discover something that hits home. I'll be alone in my room, but that's ok, I like it here. And be ok, just this night.
I did it guys, I went out of my comfortzone and met all kinds of people, went to parties, clubs, and other social gatherings. I now realise that I don't necessarily need to be around a big group of people to feel less alone, but instead be around people who also enjoy being alone, because now we can be alone together. Just something that I wanted to share
This music remembers me at some big and lonely rooms on VR chat. You go to thoses room just to be alone, runing nowhere to somewhere, or just stay at one point. Thank you.
Yesterday a family member died while holding my hand in the hospital. I found this video by complete accident. I got a slight flood emotions listening to it, knowing that I’ll never be able to talk to her anymore or tell each other we love each other, but I’m in peace knowing that she doesn’t have to fight anymore. I honestly don’t know how to react. The flood of all the memories of your life with that person just don’t stop pouring into the front of your mind and there’s nothing you can do about it.
The best thing you can do for her and for yourself is to love her-always love her-but don’t obsess over her or her passing. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. I hope that you can find your peace.
I suffer from ptsd since I started fighting against the Mexican cartels, I feel like I ruined my life I was a happy and cheerful man now I'm just cold and insensitive the things that people don't care or care about don't matter to me it's as if I don't I feel like a machine I used to laugh and enjoy everything from the breeze to the rain now it's just empty my father started crying in front of me when we were drunk telling me what a terrible father he was for letting me go to war "just look at your face you look the same age as me, and your dull and sad eyes let them fuck you" and As much as I wanted and wanted, I simply couldn't cry, I just looked without saying anything, I think this is my punishment for what I did, I only have faith in finding something or someone who will make my heart resume, I just want to feel once more this is hell
its ok to feel desensitized to the world. i used to be abused in the past and that kinda fucked me up and i felt empty everyday. It sucks when you feel empty. try to get some rest and do the things you enjoy, it might just help you. talk to people that you trust. goodluck
It won’t be long brother , you’ll prevail through this pain .. right now you’re just hurting and it hurts so much and so bad but I promise everything will be okay ❤️ you still have a soul clearly you still yearn for love … just what you went through .. it’s a lot to process … but it doesn’t mean you’ll Process it forever , I know you’ll find happiness soon ❤️
I don't know how much it means from some random young adult on the internet, but it's not anyone's fault. This world is fucked up I all imaginable ways. I'm sorry you had to see one of the worst sides of it and hope that special thing comes to you my friend♡
Isolation is the only comfort I get anymore, Sometimes I wish I didn't exist. I'm constantly paranoid and I haven't been able to stop being scared for The longest. Some days I just wish not a single person would notice me. I try so hard to escape the judgment from other people, I simply cant bare it. For some reason I feel like I have a reason to be here. Even when I have no Idea who I am or why I even try. I guess ill continue to blindly pursue a meaning behind my existence until I find it. If you read this... Thank you so much for being here and I hope you also pursue the meaning of your life, or maybe you've already found it.
I'm sorry... I went through a similar time in college. Even today I still feel that sense of fear and wanting to disappear, its really deep seated for me. Jesus saved me and gave me a purpose. He loved me when nobody else did. He showed up when everyone else had gone away. He will do the same for you. He loves you. Believe me... Jesus truly sees you and loves you. He wants to give you hope, comfort and a new home.
I was horribly depressed for probably 4 years. I was at my absolute end and was ready to end everything. I thought to myself, if you'll eventually die one day, why not enjoy your last moments as much as you can. After that day i started to just not care about anything, because I thought I'll die in a month. I spent all my money, listened to all my favorite songs, sneaked out at night to have fun by myself. I went to parties, took substances and I have never been happier before. This one month made me understand a lot about myself. It was like a countdown. I gave myself 30 days to overthink my decision of suicide. At that last day I was sitting in the forest, it was raining and this song was playing through my earphones. I thought about my whole life, what I want to do, what I wanted to do and what I couldn't do. My whole life was miserable. I've been through sa, physical and mental abuse, bullying and suidical intentions. But all that didn't define me at that moment. I was truly happy. I was all by myself and I was at peace. I chose to keep living. I worked hard in school, made new friends, met my boyfriend. It's been a while since I felt miserable and I hope I never have to feel like that again. I am happy now and I'm looking forward to keep going and live an even happier life together with my boyfriend. I'm wishing you all the best in your path. And remember, there will always be ups and downs. Life is fun, life is good and everyone should enjoy it. I know it's hard to believe that now but trust me, your moment will come. You just need to be patient. It will get better
I had a similiar outgoing, almost like urs. But it never changed for me. At this point its just the pure existing. How did all your mindset just flipped like this in 30 days? What was the key turn for you to just Switch to a happy person and a happy life?
@@Longerade i used to be a nihilist. I didn't care about anything or anyone, not even myself. But I was able to see that life can also be good. I started enjoying life like any other person. I started taking care of myself. The key was probably just to see what life can give you. I used to be very introverted and didn't really try out new things or went out with people. But once I tried it, I realized that everything can be fun. I realized how beautiful I am. Of course, that didn't change me nihilistic mindset on the spot but it really helped with my worldview. I also surrounded myself with people who are good for me and people who I love. It was hard at first and I still struggle sometimes but I am way better than I used to be. You can also do it, I believe in you
i’m so glad youtube recommended me this video… the song and comments made me feel a little bit better and more peaceful. i was feeling on the edge and i felt like no one would understand what i’m feeling, but this soothing song and the comments made me feel a little bit more understood. i just want to isolate myself from everything and stay here forever. thank you
When I was a kid, a few things happened that adult people often shrug off, in their own terms, but I wasn't even aware of that possibility. No child should be. You're not supposed to deal with that shit until the right moment comes, but, that's in our nature, in this lifestyle's nature; we rush through the early days, we suffer the halfway junkyard, then struggle to survive on the late ocean of memories and doubts. Supposedly things get better, and I'd be an ungrateful sunova dog if I didn't think so of my situation, but still, I know they could be different. As of today, my life could be resumed in a part time job, being at home enjoying my solitude, until mother arrives and we talk for a while. Then I think of stuff. Lots of stuff. I spend half of my conscious time thinking, the rest consuming information from any source available, which is most of the time, the internet. And then, I repeat. But I like to write. I constantly see characters, interacting with each other, reacting, living. Surviving. When I write, at least for a couple of minutes, it feels like hell, but sometimes, things just flow. And I get to write things which I feel are beautiful, that deserve someone else's reading, interpretation. But then, fuck, then I remember I barely talk to anyone. Spend most of my day listening to music, reading social bullshit from anywhere, expecting that "better" day to arrive while trying to improve myself. When I discovered my inner nature, the woman this shell had kept a secret for so long, I began losing what few people I had. Not that they know, but even so, they've lost me, because there's no ground for my story. Science this, logic that, all the while nobody questioned my low self esteem throughout my whole life. There was no place for me in there, and I was tired of having to fight for it, having to deal with the immune system of a world that didn't want me nearby. Not even mother would set aside her prejudices, or bullshit "what are they gonna say!" excuses; you may say you care about someone, but then, you alone can't change the fucking world, but she could've changed mine. She didn't. She just exists alongside my shell, this which I've kept so nobody else makes themselves drown in pointless questions about me, this which I kept because I developed an inner mirror through which I can see my true self. A mad lad, in general. But, of course, everything, and everyone, except for a couple of people, relate to this shell, this second skin made from my own flesh, bones, and blood; therefore, without it, I know I'll be physically alone too. Around my place there's no arrows to guide you into a safe haven for anything queer. Even less for transgender people. It doesn't matter, they say, there's more relevant problems, they say, and then proceed to ignore those too; consequences are this strange hyper reality where I, as myself, do not exist but through a social lens that can be completely avoided if so you desire, while my shell, it still attaches itself to a world from which we both know there's nothing worth the pain. My only way to explain it is through writing. This feeling of being torn in half, always bleeding, yet no one gets to see anything but a quiet person, my serene self. Life taught me not wrong things, but the necessary lessons for surviving in a shallow social environment, and now, this knowledge has become my cage too. I'm afraid of compromising with showing my writing to anyone, because I don't care if it's good or not, I care to deliver whatever feeling I pulled from my black oceans. I'm afraid of expecting care from anyone else, because I've been backstabbed more than a couple of times, therefore the risk is far from worth it. I'm hopeless in going a step further, because I know people are people, and my inner self an absolute idealist. And I'm lost whenever it comes to meeting people, because I don't really care about half the things they say, fed myself way too much info to feel interested in someone else's dog pics. Not even the sweet things feel so. And lately, I haven't felt any reason to write. I exist through fictional lenses more than I do in anyone else's eyes. If I look into the mirror, I know I'm more the blood running through these veins than the often quiet expression I live with. My vampire isn't unable to see her reflection, but only the machines that flow through her blood, her true self, as that body is just a borrowed property from someone else. She can't truly express how much she wants to be loved. But I managed to excuse her meeting with Jen, so in the end, she gets to feel. But am not sure if it's truly working, considering I myself don't know what it feels like. They always say better days are coming. What's better for you is different than for me. What I can be thankful for is the peace I have while writing this. Some people can't find any way to get it out, and the inner entropy ends up breaking them apart from within. For those people, I expect better days. Anything is better than bottling up your struggles, for you are human. Even acknowledging your lack of expression is a step forward. And solitude is, apart from a shrink, more often than not your best listener. Even when loneliness is someone else, through the lens. Through the glass. Have a good evening darlin'. Lain loves you.
This is what it must feel like to have my own saferoom. I dont feel melancholy listening to this instead somehow it comforts me from the constant feelings of panic
Don't lose yourself in the dark. You're so much stronger than you can imagine... Find solace in this loneliness. Somewhere, someone understands this exact feeling.
Some people prefer to live in maximum happiness, being arrogant and doing whatever makes them feel better, seeking approval with anything and fulfilling their pleasures without thinking twice. It may be immaturity, or idiocy, but this is the lack of human beings, the search to prove everything in life, the search for approval from others. Everyone has their own way of living, I would rather be like them than stay locked in my room every day.
Embrace solitude, its the Most healing Thing you can do for yourself. Someday it becomes the normal state even when you meet people but it doesnt hurt anymore. Dont share societies conscience, dont hate them either.
i'm typing this while sitting outside my old highschool and waiting for my bus to my trader school (i may return to my highschool but thats besides the point.) it's dark outside and almost 7 am. the only source of light is the lamp posts towering ahead, and the school is completely empty besides a few staff members waiting for the day to start. there's the forest nearby me and my ex who just cut me off a few days ago to focus on his career used to explore. im sitting here and reminiscing. i still feel like half of my soul is stuck in the forest, especially the times we would run away from his friends, almost being out of breath from laughing so much together. we would always visit the sewage tunnel sprayed with spraypaint in the forest. threw rocks into the water and watched it splash. Loneliness is such a weird thing. it can approach you so suddenly and creep up behind your back when you're least expecting it. one moment, you're in the comfort of someone's arms you love the most on a log and next you're sitting alone. but maybe that's what teaches us to appreciate the happiness of having someone. i love you all and have a good night/day based on where you are.
I've always felt loneliness was on odd thing. Whether it's in a crowd or in the solace of your own mind, loneliness effects everyone. While some people wish for the rain to stop, others wish they had rain, even if it's just a droplet. While it's easy to drown under the rain, it's easy to forget that rain is needed for growth.
Hace un par de semanas mi perro me dejo y dejo una gran vacio, me di cuenta de lo cruel que puede ser la soledad y como algo tan pequeño como una mascota puede hacer tanta diferencia. Esta cancion me hace recordar los buenos momentos que tuve con el y la soledad que dejo en mi. Solo espero ver algun dia a mi pequeño amigo :')
lamento tu pérdida. yo también tengo perros en casa que me hacen mucha compañía y a los que adoro incondicionalmente. sin embargo, siempre tengo en cuenta que el tiempo pasa más rápido que lento y que debo aprovecharlo al máximo antes de que se me haga tarde, así que intento sacar provecho a lo que me queda de tiempo con ellos antes de que nos separemos eventualmente. la depresión y ansiedad están jugando un papel importante en mi desarrollo personal, muchas cosas están cambiando en mí que a veces no me reconozco pero intento mantenerme fiel a la idea de mí que tengo presente. por suerte, mis perros ayudan en cierta medida a que eso sea posible. quisiera darles la mejor vida que pueda para que, cuando inevitablemente partan, puedan irse en paz. nuestras mascotas de verdad se merecen solo lo mejor de lo mejor.
Solía escuchar esta canción mientras estudiaba en los exámenes, pero por alguna razón me hacía sentir incómodo,lo admito, me da un poco de miedo esta melodía, pero no deja de ser muy hermosa
I feel like my loneliness is my own fault. I shut myself off from everyone and the next thing I knew I was all alone. I've been trying to make connections, but I always feel drained and overwhelmed from even the smallest of conversations. I can't even say hello to somebody irl or online without panicking. I can't seem to connect or get close to anyone, I feel so indifferent, always outcasted from the crowd especially with my coworkers who purposely ignore me... But there is this sense of comfort and ease that I feel now, I no longer have to put up a fake front of trying to be a "normal human" infront of others.
Yeah... ive been there too. When I was in college I completely gave up on life and happiness. I was just too weak. I wrote about that time in my life, maybe it will help give you some hope. The link is in my profile. You're not alone, trust me. God loves you.
@@sleepypups It shouldn't matter regardless of gender. Going to the gym or even just doing 5 or 10 mins of exercise a day is a great way to develop good habits. Something that I've come to realize is that a lot of the things we're used to are just formed out of habits. There are times when I feel truly apathetic and spending time with friends and family I care about just feels empty and leaves that feeling of not belonging. But I believe that one of the tools for overcoming these barriers is developing good habits and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Going to the gym is a great habit to develop because it entails actually going out to do something that you feel uncomfortable about. It's about overwriting your bodily response to things that cause you anxiety and just doing them in spite of it. Maybe take up writing, or doing some kind of craft. It will be tough at first because the mental exhaustion of doing something new and making it routine is difficult. But you'll find that eventually you can work up from 5 mins a day to 10 to 20 and so on. I hope things for you and everyone else around here turn out for the better.
A simple yet hauntingly beautiful song to reminisce to. I feel alone now, although not as alone as others may feel or truly are. The feeling still persists, and it's a strange one; hard to describe. I want to reach out to friends again that I haven't talked to in a long while, yet I feel I don't have anything valuable to say, or worry they would rather have nothing to do with me. Being stuck in this loop, it's somewhere I've been before. I know I can get out, but I feel lost regardless. Seeing how collectively affected so many people are by such a simple, nostalgic and melancholic song--it breaks my heart and warms my heart at the same time. It reminds me I'm never truly alone, but also shows me just how alone so many people feel. I wish I could help. To anyone reading this, I hope you know it can and will get better. I wish you find what it is that's truly important to you, and I urge you to work hard at achieving your goals, remembering to rest when you need. Lastly, I do want to help, and as to not deliver lip service, I would gladly talk to anyone who needs someone to talk to. Take care and much love.
I love solitude I love loneliness it’s the most genuine feeling We act on and react to one another but in all circumstances we are by ourselves, crucified alone ) every embodied spirit is doomed to enjoy and suffer solitude every experience is subjective based on perception you are one and nothing else
This truly represents both sides of loneliness.
The hollow feeling of emptiness with the addictive calmness of being completely alone.
wow thats deep bro
that’s such a good way to describe it wow
I found this randomly without searching for it. Is that a good thing?
shion pfp
@@Clay_enjoyer same but probably not
You can really feel the cold technological loneliness with a tinge of uncertainty
Very well put.
Feels like bladerunners emptyness
Song of the modern era of human isolation
Feels like a indie game soundtrack I love it
I still think about this comment a lot 2 years later, it always fits every story I write
To all the lost sheep who found this, i sincerely hope that one day you will escape this nevernding spiral of nothingness fueled by loneliness, and that u won’t end it, before u find that special something, that will help you break through. I wish I could say I love you, but I know it means nothing through the screen. You are alone on this road, but that doesn’t have to mean it’ll be like that forever. I wish all the best for you all.
:)
thanks, i wish you the best for you too
Likewise. I may not know you, but you've given me a little light in this darkness. Thank you.
Well said Brother, well said.
As Dark as life can be, and with tough challenges that you find yourself face to face with, I just say…….
“Never Give Up”
thank you!
Being alone is the hardest addiction to leave behind because you already left everything else.
Yeah, kinda make my mind with it , but sometimes it's all feels pretty grim. Hope you doing well, sry i'm a little drunk. New shit storm has begun, and i want to tell somebody, that i am alive.
@@omocat4944 any social media you use lol? You can tell me my drunk buddy
@@smolmidget724 Never had any social media, because i don't have anyone to chat with me. Now i don't have much time, working as a paramedic on ambulance. Thanks man, for your reply, i really appreciate it, makes me feel like i have friends. Maybe you'll meet me somewhere on UA-cam again. Have a nice life and healthy sleeping schedule.
@@smolmidget724 gotta take him to the digital stairwell lol
I don't have this video saved in a playlist. I don't have this video liked. I don't even have this video tucked away in my watch later. Yet whenever I need it it always comes to me. A melancholic melody to soothe my troubled mind.
Being isolated from pretty much everyone is such a double sided blade. On one hand, you have no one to spill your inner turmoil out to, years upon years of pain and sorrow. But on the other hand you don’t have to worry about the risk of anyone judging or hurting you. You can just be your self in peace.
The thing is, what is yourself really when there is not anyone else to see you be "You"?
I've just gotten out of high-school and I've never really had friends honestly, now it's really starting to kick in how lonely I am now and how much more lonely I'm gonna be when I move out. It's bittersweet though, on one hand I can do whatever I want for me, but on the other I won't get to do something for someone else.
Yeah, exactly. I miss somebody to just take all the nonsense I have to get out of myself but in the end it's just easier to live that way, where nobody will ever hurt me more that myself. Maybe I'm a coward not wanting to embrace new people, give them a chance and get out of my comfort zone but well... It's not great to be alone but it's better than with the last people I wanted to open to.
I've come to believe that it's better to be open to judgement than to isolate and not be able to experience the potential of mutual love and respect.
What's the fun of being yourself when ya got no one else to share the fun with?
@@haemmer who gives a fuck what anyone else sees, you see you. i see me. i care what I think. i care what I look like. the thing is, needing others for self validity is weakness.
be yourself, even if only you are left to appreciate it.
even after all of those years we are still connected
more than ever!
what? I d
@@themotionless1 ??
@@themotionless1 watch serial experiments lain lol
@@veryexciteddog963 we will be together forever, forever, forever [...]
I've always felt lonely and it's weird because I have so many people who live and care about me. I just feel so disconnected from everyone. I feel like I don't belong in this world. I even feel lonely on the internet which is even weirder because everyone i know has found a group or a friend they have on the internet, I haven't found someone yet or will. I've tried making friends, I've made one friends in my whole life I'm almost 20 and it makes me feel more disconnected in a world that is so connected by the internet. It's nice coming across this song it's so serene makes me feel at ease.
Kind of the same for me, there's people that care for me, i could go an act like i can be myself around them and be genuinelly happy, but no. I feel all the same, same place, diferent worlds. They just can't get me so i don't stay. Still, i know it's hard but not imposible.
Same for me too but i am 25 and still searching for the best friends
I think the amount of connections has led to oddballs to be even more alone, I'm not very good at socializing so trying to talk even online doesn't work anymore. It's really depressing to watch groups of friends on UA-cam or whatever having the time of their life and feeling somewhat "envious" I just hope I'll have something like that soon too yknow?
Wait, people actually consider the internet a place where friend groups thrive? I have no idea what deep web hideout they are hanging out at cause MAN the internet is the loneliest place besides an empty room! There are literally only two interactions with online people I’ve seen: 1. Being completely ignored, or 2. Silently being agreed with. Here’s hoping we can all find that special group we can connect and thrive in…
On the 'net nowadays, you have to put on a constant charade it feels like, and just constantly agree with whatever is hip. It's hard to be genuine and make friends. I lived most of my teen hood pretending to be friends with people just because they seemed nice and shared my hobbies and convincing myself that I was just bad at dealing with others which I why I felt like I was pushing myself, but in the end I felt more lonely then I ever did before.
Maybe there are good online interactions, but for me at least, it all feels so hollow, even with someone you can agree with.
This anthem is beautifully expressed, it feels like being back in 2010 on a rainy day.
Yes.
Oh god do i miss 2010
fuck, exactly
I would say a "foggy day"... 2010 was like that for me.
I was 15 and I'll never forget that time.
@@pedrofreitas9574 yeah, you're also right, i remember 2010-2012 for being foggy as fuck, almost every two weeks there was fog
I was often told "don't romanticize with the solitude" back in the day, but now i am just wondering how am i supposed not to when solitude is my only compagnon. It's interesting to me because the same people who told me this are not here anymore... I feel like people don't understand what it feels like to be lonely, it's painfull to see that nobody will ever remember you if you have to dissappear because in the end you are just like a little puddle of water in the side-walk, i am not scared of being forgotten i am way past that point, seeking validation and attention from people tired me. I have lost the energy to do that, creating a facade that people would accept and love was tiresome, trying to understand people was tiresome, making them accept me was tiresome. I do not wish to end it, in fact i am scared of death even if i have nothing to lose by doing so, i still find enjoyment from life... But i am unsure if mine is enjoyable, i do not know what i should seek or what i am seeking to achieve, i do not know where i am heading and what path i was choosing... I don't know myself because of the facade i put in front of the others i slowly forgot who i really was i don't know who i am and i can't remember how i was like, for now the only thing i know for sure is when i am not using this facade of myself become an empty shell waiting to play the role others want me to play... Eeh, i typed a lot i am happy to have freed my thoughts.
I feel you.
Never truer words spoken. Hope you're doing better everyday. Good luck
you did well. relax your mind. you can be better, you will. you're amazing
This was a good read
I found a part 2 to this video:
ua-cam.com/video/BRzPGc7wy-E/v-deo.html
It feels weirdly happy seeing all the sad people together and not alone, at least for a while.
❤
Songs like this and the comment section is like we all sitting in front of a campfire telling our stories and how we feel. Quite unique.
That's a nice way to look at it
Late night programming, alone in my living room with only my phone and laptop to accompany me, such a perfect song for an occasion like this.
Being alone gets rid of all the anxiety but brings depression and i hope one day i'll find someone who is exactly like me
öyledir tabi
@@valorkaizen ben böyle bisi yazdığımı unutmuşum amk
do they wanna engage..
Today marks the 3 years of my best friend, my soulmate's death. She was one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. We talked every day for hours, she'd call me, I'd call her and we'd talk for hours. She suddenly passed away. It's like if someone took a piece of my heart and shattered it to pieces. 3 years and it still hurts. I've never felt so alone. But I'm happy. I'm happy that I knew her, I'm happy that we made so many memories, studying from 9th grade and working 4 years together. Please, tell your loved ones how much you love them. I wish I would've told her that morning how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.
Debbie, I know you won't read this, but I loved you, I still love you, and will always love you. You were my best friend and my soulmate. I'll see you on the other side one of these days.
:(
❤
❤
Rip debbie ❤
I hope that she rest in peace 🙏🏻
the thing that most haunts me right now is that i can perfectly visualize the next 10 years of my future; just a rotten cardboard box of a routine that keeps on making me chug pills to forget my essence. even if it seems stupid, i really miss the uncertainty.
New internet checkpoint just dropped
I heard this song a month before I watched Serial Experiments Lain. I use it to help me fall asleep. Knowing when this song played, who the person is on this image, and seeing everyone's comments--it all makes sense now. The fact that people who were randomly recommended this video and probably don't know what a Lain is and still end up feeling what Lain does... the show and composers are incredible for that. The show, the song, the comments section--it's all about loneliness and emptiness, with a sliver of hope. "Let's all love Lain!"
So this is from some soundtrack? The uploader should credit the composer since the video gives no indication that the music is not his creation.
Been putting off watching Lain for years. Reading your comment finally gave me the push. Definitely didn't disappoint.
The moment that this song kicks in... Damn, right in the feels
@@DaveGrean it's the OST to Lain. Imean the video is a gif from the show, but you're right I thought I was in another indie YT rabbit hole
@@atlaslee8681 Wow, I'm glad to have been the cause of that. The show genuinely changed me as a person. It's also not for everyone, but I'm at least glad that there's so many that like it.
And yeah, that scene crushed me. It's one of my favorite scenes in the show though, so cold.
@@atlaslee8681 This gif is actually from the PS1 game, I was surprised to see it when I was playing it. It's.... interesting......
This song to me feels very nostalgic yet different at the same time.
It’s melancholic and eerie but soothing to listen to. It’s as if I have traveled back in time.
It’s hard to describe, like my body is here in the present yet, my mind drifts off to the past. And I am engulfed in comforted chills listening to this.
It’s something else
This song reminds me of the few calm moments of my childhood , the ones i can't remember . Unfortunately the traumas and screamings of my parents are the only part i vaguely remember . God i wish i could have a normal childhood .
I stumbled upon this at nearly 6 am in the morning. I don't like going to sleep at all because I feel like I'm wasting my time, and yet on the other side, I sleep too much because that way I can avoid and run away from the fact that I'm letting time pass me by and I have to see the people I know leave me behind.
I'm scared about everything. Scared about the future, scared that the people I love don't truly love me, and scared that I'll forever be a person who runs away from commitment and stays alone forever. That's why I wanted to end my own life, so I don't have to deal with and face living.
God, I'm crying as I'm listening to this. It makes me feel guilty to feel better that there are people just like me if not worse. But at the same time, I'm comforted that there are people like me. Suffering, alone. Suffering alone.
But we're not genuinely alone, are we? Not really.
Good night everyone, or good morning. It'll get better one day, and I hope it gets better one day personally for me, before I lose faith and disappear in the darkness.
9/10 a good existential crisis essay
Don't give up brother.
I'm just like you and everyone here it seems.
I found my self pretending to be a cool person and a responsible adult but in reality I just want to to lie down and disappear.
It's really exhausting to pretend everyday to be ok and in my country people tend to be very happy and excited about everything. I feel like an alien next to those people, like im killing their mood. But they really care about me! This destroys me inside and i feel guilty to sometimes tell what REALLY goes in my mind. Never had this conversation with anyone in my life. But after all those years what can i tell about my experience is... Never give up!
I know this sounds cliche but it's the absolute true. We are the resistance!
As you can tell, I'm not very good with words but i beg you. Please do not disappear in the darkness.
I relate too much about people leaving me behind as time moves on to move on with their lives. I’m already seeing my friends in real life drift apart and no longer chat a lot like we usually do. Being afraid of growing up isn’t helping when I see people online talking about how they miss the good old days with little responsibilities in their childhood which amplifies that fear.
Dude totally hello bro!!! Yooooo!!!
“I know the night just got darker, but it won’t last forever”
All these comments make me feel a lot less alone, seeing other people share their experiences make me realize it's not just me, what a beautiful track. Bringing people together, allowing people to share their stories. I struggle not to impulsively end my life everyday, but things like this soothe all my worries for just a little
No matter where you go, everyone's connected.
@Judas not cool dude
same but im on a mission
see u soon
It would all end anyhow. Which is why even though its lonely, I wander around and come across people even if its brief its an experience so I will wander until I can
@@karachi. mission?
I was lonely by the most part of my life, i've tried a lot to make realationships work but it never worked out. All girls that i met maked me feel even worse. Until this girl appear on my life, she was literally me, we became friends, expend a year building a relationship. The void almost feel like having a way out, i was happy, happier than ever. Until a day her only friends except of me, bullied the shit out of her, all along they were just using her. She was not feeling good, she doesn't have anyone except for me in the time, whe lived on different towns so i wasn't always there physically for her. One day, she dind't asnwer my calls or messages, i've tried to go to her city but couldn't find anyone who could take me there, on the next day my dad would take me there, but the most terryfying thing i could imagine happened. If you ever had someone who you love, do the best you can for them. Next month will make a year since she died, i'm alone again.
I'm so sorry man. Nothing can ever take the place of losing somebody from this physical world. I hope you have been taking the time for yourself to repair and focus on doing what you need to stay happy. Things won't be bad forever, and your existence is something that cannot be mimicked.
I'm really sorry to hear that, man. It must be a battle for you to get through every day. Do me a favour and treat yourself well, alright? I'm sure that's what she would've wanted aswell.
fucking horrible
i give u hug
There's a special place in hell for fake friends like that man, I'm sorry for everyone involved. Don't know how much it means, but I feel for you and really hope you get a new light in your life
I stumbled on this by accident, but what a beautiful and soothing song. I think I'll use this to sleep tonight, to let my brain wash its worries away.
if there is one thing you can trust on this modern internet, it is that nothing happens "by accident".
@@Junkyard_Shaman Pretty true. It was truly by accident for me though, seeing as it lined up with a video I was watching. Still, consider myself lucky.
Philippians 4:13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
At first I was unsettled and uncomfortable, but the more I listened
The more I can even sleep through this type of music. Really comforting in a melancholic way.
What genre is this?
@@cheemsdrip7478 sadfuckingcore
@@cheemsdrip7478 sounds like something out of Legen of Zelda Twilight Princess
I love music that tells feelings with out lyrics.
The empty sound of the music and the calming melody combine so well to recreate the feeling of loneliness.
I love songs like this for that exact reason.
I graduated this year. I cut all ties with everyone from high school. I'm incredible loney right now. I only socialize at work. My phone has no notifications, I have no one to talk to. Its peaceful, but im starting to get bored of it. I want to have good freinds. I want to go out and explore the life. Yet I am scared to go out. The fear of being judged gets to me. This is my first time truly being lonely and I dont know whether I like it or not.
I’m almost in the same boat, but what makes me go out is the idea of being alone. I can’t stand it. I love my friends, but I still feel lonely at times. It’s a scary thing, but just know there’s many just like you, and we can help
I wouldn't say you're alone
I hope things will go better with time... I'm in a similar situation for 2 years now. I don't even know how to describe this weird feeling i feel now for being alone that longer.
take care ♥
I've felt this way my entire life.
I was born to an abusive single mother and abusive siblings. I knew from as young as 3 that I was unwanted. But I could never properly express or identify those feelings at that age. All I knew is that my mother would frequently beat me with whatever she physically could at her disposal, burn and mark me with her cigarettes, and tell my siblings to abuse me the way she had been doing until I was about 4 years old. For no other reason than that she disliked me, if I had to guess, it is because she did not know who my real father was and had been stuck with me, whereas my siblings know both their parents. There is an uncountable list of abuses that woman inflicted on me that I could go on about that I would rather not speak of.
I remember when I was 4, the grandmother of my 'father' (fake dad who ended up signing the birth certificate with my mother as a favor I guess.) came to visit my mothers home. - I remember her standing in the hallway of my old home, then next thing I know, I remember being on a plane heading to a new home with my grandmother, who I called 'Mom' from that point onward.
She did what she could to provide for me and keep me safe, but even then 4 year old me still knew that I was just an 'outsider' in the family. I looked different than them, and never really felt connected to any of them. Anyone who wasn't my grandmother or her immediate children or grandchildren in the family seemingly ignored me, or did not want to be bothered.
Growing up and making friends, building social circles and skills was very difficult for me. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which did not help things. I had been made fun of in school, for the diagnosis, and because of my abusive background. I managed as best as I could during my younger years however, and managed to make a few childhood friends whom I've unfortunately long lost contact with.
My 'Mom' was a very strict woman the entire time I lived with them, I wasn't allowed to leave the house or do anything on my own. There were multiple moments growing up where I wished I could hang out with a friend, or be invited to some event or gathering, but couldn't because she would not let me. - To cope with the severe lack of socialization without knowing it, I ended up spending a lot of time on the internet. Gaming, roleplay forums, etc.
I lived like this until around 11 years ago when my 'Mom' became severely sick with cancer. I remember being with them at work and they told me they weren't feeling well. Day after day, I watched as they progressively grew more sick and eventually became bedridden and needing Hospice services. The entire family would come out to check on her often, and I remember them side-eyeing me like I was just a burden on the family. 'Who is this child and why are we wasting money on him when we can save more and get better treatment' for my 'Mom' is the vibe I consistently got from them. One of her sisters even screamed that they should just send me back to my original mother, in front of my grandmother. I was 13 or so at the time.
That would end up happening as my grandmothers daughter would ultimately end up convincing them to put me in the care of the state, leaving me under the care of CPS until a new home could be found for me. - During this time I would find out that my 'Father' (my grandmother's son) wasn't actually my Dad and things started to rapidly make a lot more sense. Being in the care of the state was horrible, the staff members disregarded me and my peers, had files on each of us and knew why and under what circumstances we were there, and would frequently tease and make fun of us for being in the situation we were in.
I ended up spending 8 months in that place before a home was found for me. I would end up with a typical 'in it for the money' foster parent who provided the bare minimum in exchange for paychecks from the state. They would frequently put me down, tell me I was never going to make it in life or do anything, and have on multiple occasions outright shown they do not love nor care for me. - Even worse, I was expected to do the opposite for them. They would never remember my birthdays, but would chastize and berate me if I did not mention theirs. I was supposed to give them cards and gifts on Mothers Day because I am her 'son' and that's what son's do for their mothers. Year after year, I would get nothing but the bare minimum until I aged out of the foster care system at 21 years old, that was 4 years ago.
But honestly, where does someone go after all of that? I had no immediate family, or friends (or really anyone I could truly trust) to turn to after aging out. My caseworker convinced my FP to allow me to rent one of their rooms as a tenant until I can afford to move out on my own, and that is where I have been for the last 4 years.
I am now 25 years old and in the same position I was in when I was 13. Up until now, I have largely left out my reactions to the above experiences. Throughout all of that time with my grandmother and foster parent I felt empty, unwanted, alone, disconnected from my peers and feeling as though I am more of a nuisance than anything. And despite feeling those things, I have repeatedly managed to pull myself up from uncountable bouts of depression and anxiety, attend prestigious technical programs, and do the very absolute best I can do to get a job as early as possible and save money so I can move out on my own and have a truly safe space for myself. I have chosen IT as a career path and have been working since I turned 19 after graduating from a technical program. I managed to work on myself and develop my social skills and make friends (mainly online). It is still lonely however, not having physical company to talk too. I am more or less isolated inside of my room once I get home otherwise I am berated by my FP or her son for no reason other than they wanted to take out their anger on me, or I made a minor mistake (like forgetting a water bottle of mine in the living room.)
I have been attempting to save 10k so I can afford to move to another state, rent an apartment, and find a job closer to where the majority of my online friends and some old family friends are and start life over and work on myself. But that is a goal I have been attempting to reach for 4 years now, and I have been set back multiple times along the way.
This comment isn't supposed to be hopeful or anything, I am honestly not sure what it is supposed to be really. Recently I came to the realization that my current living circumstances are unsustainable, and that sooner or later, my foster parent will force me out onto the streets in some way before I can reach my goal, leaving me truly alone and on my own.
Today, some time after I got home from work my former FP banged on my door and hurled insults at me for ....leaving a hallway light on that I had turned on 15 or so seconds earlier to find something in the dark before I could return to turn the light back off. I am normally a very quiet and patient person, but today I had enough and asked them: "What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated the way you're treating me now?"
Without missing a beat she goes: "You were born."
I thought I had been entirely desensitized to a sociopathic level to insults and the world around me. But that comment hurt me severely. I didn't let it show and played it off with humor and sarcasm. She tells me to do a favor for them, I do it because I'm a massive push over I guess, and go back to my room.
And I've never felt lower in my life than I do at this point, and at the same time I don't feel anything at all.
I have always kept myself going by telling myself that if I work really hard, things will work out for me. I have passed multiple technical certifications in preparation for my field and future career ahead of me in IT.
But honestly, I don't think I want to continue anymore. Feeling lonely is hard, and a completely valid feeling. Feeling lonely, and knowing you're completely alone except for a few intangible friends while receiving constant reminders of that loneliness, is even worse. Meanwhile, one small error or mistake sets me significantly while the world is seemingly getting worse around me. I can't afford to rent near me and get away from this trauma immediately as an example.
And what makes me even more sad, is that I have watched most of my friends live seemingly normal, fulfilling lives over the years. I know no one is perfect, and that everyone typically shows 'the best' version of themselves toward others, or only the 'good' parts that they want to be seen. So I do not feel like I am comparing myself to those moments. But I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never reach my goal, and all of the people I've connected with now over the past few gears will eventually move on with their lives, families, and current or found loved ones without me and forget about me.
And I hate that feeling the most. All I have ever wanted was to be normal and feel wanted and included. Loved and cherished. Valued and considered. At every moment I am denied these things, and putting my life in my own hands seems impossible at this point.
I feel like I am nearly finished here, what I mean by that needs no clarification if you have been reading this far. I feel like I need to get my affairs in order and apologize and leave a message explaining how I have always felt to the people I do feel connected to. So they can understand why. Even though that sounds like an extremely selfish and inconsiderate thing for me to do.
I'm not afraid. But I am terrified of missing out on a lot of cool things and potential experiences with my friends. I am afraid that I will miss out on seeing some really cool people I've met over the years continue to develop and be amazing people with amazing skills.
But I am even more terrified of being truly alone and forgotten. I feel completely numb. And I am unsure what to do.
Thank you all for reading.
thank u for share this things
Hey buddy, im glad you shared your story. When i was reading it, it almost felt like a book story about a tragedy. Probably because it is one. But do you ever thought about taking therapy? If its actually possible for you (i dont know where you live). especially since you addressed depression and anxiety yourself.
Would be cool to get an answer back, also a virtual hug from me, please dont give up 💙
@@Longerade Thank you for taking the time to read through all of it. I really appreciate it. - I've considered therapy, and have taken it a few times. Some sessions have helped me gain insight, others not so much.
If I ever find my way out of my situation, I will likely start going again to fully heal. I don't think it would help much now given that all of my current problems and anxiety mostly come from at home, paying for it would also make it take longer for me to save enough to move out.
As for me giving up, that will not happen. I was feeling pretty low when I wrote that comment after my FP told me I shouldn't have been born. It was a bit of a shock but I think I managed to recover from it, though I'll always remember it of course. You can hammer a nail into a fence, then use the other end of the hammer to remove the nail from the fence. You can even patch up the hole the nail made into the fence after removing the nail, however the 'scar' from the nail will always remain.
That being said, I think I'm going to make it just fine. I've made a lot of good progress this year alone, passing tests, losing a significant amount of weight after years struggling keeping a proper diet, and now I am actively learning how to use 3D software at home by myself. Which is what I originally wanted to do instead of my current job.
It takes an incredible amount of willpower each day to do what I know is the right thing, but I can see the effects of my positive progress everywhere I look around or stare at a mirror now too. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not deserve to feel this way, I have done nothing to deserve it. I think and feel and my thoughts and wellbeing are just as valid as any other human beings.
I think I'm going to remain consistent with my positive progress this time. I am going to make it and make things better for myself, because I've already put in so much positive effort into reaching that goal already. I simply /choose/ not to give up.
Thank you for replying and sharing your concerns, again, they are very much appreciated.
@@xeph5613 Honestly its so hard for me to know what to say. The way you've been treated in your life is so shameful. I'm really sorry to hear about it.
At least I want to point you in the direction of the hope I've found in my life, through times of loneliness and rejection. I know that Jesus loves you.
You mentioned that when you hammer a nail through a fence, it creates a permanent hole. Even after the nail is taken back out, it leaves a "nail scar" in the wood.
Jesus loved you so much that He chose to go to the cross for you. He wanted to bring you back home... to make you part of his family forever. God loves and wants you so much. He wants to make _you_ His adopted child.
The reason I know this is true is because of the nail scars. Not only in the wood, but in Jesus's hands and feet. Even today, Jesus still has those scars. They're eternal reminders of how much He loves you... and how far He was willing to go to save you.
I really hope that you will get to know Jesus and his incredible love for you. It can heal decades worth of scars.
This track makes me remember when my teacher forced me to sit in class by myself for two whole years not allowing me to talk to anyone. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t social back then but I only had two real friends at that time everyone else didn’t really notice me. I felt so alone because not even my parents supported me in that situation (I later found out it was their fault in the first place, long story short, they’ve angered my teacher once and she let it out on me then). But when I got in middle school I was so happy to get out of that place. But my grades weren’t exactly good and only got worse. The stress of socialising with a teacher in class, I couldn’t handle it after what happened with my previous one. I managed to get friends and they were truly great but….I didn’t manage to stay on that school. I withdrew myself from everyone. Didn’t speak or message anyone about anything, because nobody really asked I was often asked how are you and I would reply with normal. At my new school I found one friend (we are still good friends but don’t talk with each other for months, we are kinda the same though) however that school was really bad and that’s where my depression began. I didn’t wanna believe it, I told myself I was just sad I’ll be over it soon, I wasn’t, I never was, I turned to suicide multiple times, it failed each time maybe because I desperately cling to life in the end, I hate it. I recently finished middle school and got into high school, I found great friends,have good teachers and I’m doing somewhat okay with my grades. But sometimes… I still feel so alone, I was ready to kill myself again and end it at a happy note for me, but I wanted to see more, I wanted to know what other good things and sadly bad life might have to offer me. And here I am sitting by myself during summer vacation falling deeper and deeper into depression again, because I am all by myself since all my friends went somewhere or have other friends to hang out with. But I don’t blame them they send me snaps and everything but it kinda just makes me feel more lonely. For anyone who actually spent their time reading my little story, thank you. I’m sorry if I wasted your time, but I felt the need to let people know. Maybe someone can sympathise with it and feel a bit more at ease.
Also im sorry for making it so long. But I tried to leave out as much unnecessary info as I could.
don't worry. breathe. listen to the music. maybe go outside, or open a window for some fresh air. you'll be loved. this is a small part of your life. find what you love, meditate ten minutes a day, stay hydrated. the pain passes. all pain passes. since everything is temporary, except death. you can wait for eternal rest, make the most of life! you can learn to enjoy only your own company. on this journey you are alone, but that isn't a bad thing. take it slow. you have all the time in the world. Lain loves you
@@user-ev8xh3wk9s cried reading your comment man, thanks. it's so hard to cry for me now, but sometimes you just feel like you have to you know ?
even a single tear is good enough.
Don't have to apologise for anything man dw, just stay strong, it sucks, you can do it, you have come so far
I loved reading your story and I definitely related at parts. Like when you talk about your friends having other friends to hang out with and slipping farther into depression. Ouch yeah that hurts like a mother fucker. Anyways, I just wanted to say something because you made me feel seen and less lonely. I wanted to do the same for you. Thank you and hope things start to look up for you
I finished college to this song.
I am currently working mainly to this song.
I like to think that this song will follow me until the end.
I hope this never gets deleted for copyright.
This is such a precious video to me.
pode dizer se existe a musica original ? O nome ?
@@rairodrigues1250 it’s from the original soundtrack of the anime serial experiments lain, this track plays on the tenth episode
@@rairodrigues1250você é brasileiro? Que legal ter alguém do mesmo país!!
@@Vinicius0000 Sim , e se por acaso estiver procurando a músics original como eu tava procurando , saiba que ela faz parte de um anime chamado experiments lain. O nome é experiments lain - hitori bocchi 1. Tem o hitori bocchi 2 tbm , na mesma vibe dessa primeira
I will never forget 2007-2010, I’ll never forget the loneliness I felt and the people I cherished.
it's weird because it's the exact time i was under trauma inducing school harrasement, but all in all i do remember it as a "calmer" time. The world itself felt better. Pre 2008. even up to the beta of minecraft and it's old janky site.
Finding this feels so soothing. All my life I've felt so cut off from everyone; even when I'm with people, I can't shake some feeling that I am lesser, or that I am worthless. My anxiety controls everything I do and I can barely function; eating, sleeping, going outside, looking after myself, it all feels impossible.
I've tried really hard to get better, but I relapse constantly. It feels like I am cursed to always seek improvement, but fail along the way. I'm going through a bad time right now and this track is comforting.
@@vvstyy same... What the hell is wrong with us? Why do we have to be like that?
There is nothing wrong with you. The fact that we all experience this means we’re human; there’s nothing more human than empathy and being able to turn around and lift someone else out of a bad spot. We all fall at times. All of us. It’s not about who falls the hardest or who takes the longest to get back up. Not if someone is always waiting to help someone to their feet. I love you guys. Keep trying. I promise I’ll be rooting for you in my corner of the world.
i've been feeling the same way for a while, it's curious how it works, sometimes we are sorrounded by people but still feel lonely, my anxiety always gets the worst of me to the point that sometimes makes me paranoic or anything that people says or do affects me, i barely sleep 4 hours a day, no job, no fking future...i feel so desperated that im writing this on fking youtube comments...i really hope that your life gets better in any way bro/sis...we all deserve to be happy, i refuse to believe that we come to this world with just bad luck, shitty parents, brothers, bullies around us...it's not what life should be about. i dont know you, and i hope this words doesn't sound so cringy but...i love you and i appreciate you just the way you are, i bet you're awesome (sometimes we need to hear this) and...im proud of you. all my hugs and love goes to you and anyone who read this
i never knew such a song can represent loneliness. it's like a gut wrenching or even a heart wrenching song.
There was a UA-camr called yamimash I used to watch everyday when I was little from about 2011-2015. He played a game called bloody Mary, one of those old style JRPG type games you could find on what I believe was called RPG maker. Part of the soundtrack to bloody Mary was this but it wasn't this slow. I had gone back multiple times over the years to find his video and be united with this peaceful, lullaby sounding harmony. I listened to this for about 10 seconds before I was left in a state of paralysis when I came to the realisation at what I had stumbled upon. I have not cried in God knows how many years but today I shed a tear out of sheer euphoria and nostalgia. Thank you to the uploader of this, for taking me back to the times before I was even in secondary school (11 years old). You made my week, if not my whole month.
Edit: The game is not bloody mary, it is called she comes but bloody mary is what the game is centered around. The video is now 9 years old and is older than I was when I watched it for the first time
Edit 2 (2nd July 2022): I just finished watching Serial Experiments Lain and wow what an amazing anime. Took me a while to understand but there are many hidden meanings behind it. As soon as this started playing in I believe episode 12, I realised the whole of the soundtrack for she comes is ripped from Serial Experiments Lain. The end of Serial Experiments Lain is very bitter sweet however, which I think really fits with the tone of the whole anime, although I wish there was more to Lain's story, I feel the last episode finishes conclusively. If you have not watched it already and you are reading this, do so, it is a very short anime. There is also a game based on the anime which came out about 2 months after the last episode on the PS1, I may watch a walkthrough on it, see if the soundtrack is like the anime's.
Edit 3 (12th July 2023)
Its been over a year since I first found this video, and because of that, the nostalgia that I get when I hear Loneliness 1a is slightly different. It reminds me of the summer, all the dreams I had of going to university, all of the people I was gonna meet. Thats all gone now, but not in a negative way. I have new goals that I want to achieve, but this part of the SEL soundtrack gives me the most nostalgia out of almost every soundtrack, ever.
I knew I recognized the tune from somewhere. For some reason my mind thought it was DDLC 👀 but yeah that game was a part of my childhood too.
@@brandonlu6148 just went back and watched the video, it turned 9 years old in May. It is now older than I was when I first watched it
I genuinely cannot find the ost to this game.
@@uhoh7545 if you are on about she comes, the whole soundtrack is from Serial Experiments Lain (excluding opening and ending themes). Watch the anime rather than go find the soundtracks on youtube, the part where loneliness 1a plays is a pretty sad moment for Lain
Didn’t yami used to play with markiplier back then
It’s like the morning after a break up.
Right after those few seconds where your mind is blank and then suddenly, images of that person completely flood it, then the void they left behind consumes you and whatever ribbons of energy you had left to begin the day without your chin buried in your chest.
It hurts to think about them and it hurts to not think about them.
you described it perfectly, holy shit
cry bro, you can only grow after youre done grieving
Can't relate, never had a relationship in my entire life.
@@mynickisnick8270 Good, holy shit. I wish I was in your shoes man I don’t even remember who I used to be anymore.
@@stuntcox5731 Was it a bad relationship?
This song somehow manages to be absolutely beautiful, comforting, and unsettling all at the same time and I absolutely adore it perfectly portrays what loneliness feels like
This song just reminds me of growing up. Growing up I never really felt connected with anyone except for those that were several years older than me (me being 5 or 6 and said other person being 40 or 50). I’ve never been able to appropriately or fully relate to a 19 year old girl. I’m way beyond that. I’m not sure how to explain exactly how this feeling is but it’s so tiring. This song just washes that all away for me.
I understand you there completely. I am the same on that regard.
I deal with mental illness that makes connecting with others very hard. Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, Depression and some form of dissociative identity disorder. All of these things paired with my social anxiety have made life miserable. I am a hermit, and I am extremely lonely.
Since getting out of school 3 years ago, I have not had any friends in real life. People I have met online have eventually drifted away from me since I am not particularly pleasant to deal with. I feel lonely all the time, and it is only getting worse. Sometimes, I can barely get out of bed for extended periods of time. I wake up with pressure sores because my hollow body just does not want to move. My family is not emotionally there for me either. They don't believe in mental illness. They just think I'm lazy. It hurts. Being transgender doesn't help, either. I cannot be who I am where I stay. I am utterly alone.
I have online friends, but they barely speak to me. Reaching out is scary, because I always feel like a burden to people. I live in a place with poor internet, too. So, meeting people through online games is out of the question.
I just wish I felt like people genuinely cared about me, or wanted to spend time with me. I am planning on therapy, but if it does not work, I might just take my life. The thought of dying scares me, but I do not know what else to do. I have thought about it so much recently. It feels like the only escape. I just want comfort from other people so badly.
Thank you for reading this, if you did. I just need to let that out.
I empathize with your pain. I've not experienced something like that to the same degree, but I understand the feeling. I know its really fucking hard, but I think you should keep trying to find people who you can have good and healthy relationships with. Have you spoken with any of your friends about directly about feeling like a burden or wanting to interact more? That kind of transparency can be scary and difficult, but it can also be incredibly fruitful for developing your relationships.
Whatever you decide to do, please don't harm yourself. It won't solve your problems or help you. If you can't live on for yourself at the moment, at least do it for others. I don't blame anyone who commits it for the pain caused by their end, but that pain still occurs and effects people.
(Also sidenote, some online games are low maintenance enough that even poor wifi won't be too much of an issue. Something like online Chess or Checker may be an option.)
Autism is not a mental illness but I do understand. I'm autistic as well.
I often visit this to release my inner pain, thoughts and memorys. Thank goodness I have found my way here.
i've been listening to this through the years and it's one of the only things that gets to calm me down
lately i've been having very hard panic attacks and an overall uneasy feeling, where i feel like i'm going to vomit of how dizzy i get and i can't breathe normally almost all day
returning to this audio is helping me soothe a big part of the shakiness i feel, and i'm getting to tremble less
EDIT: reading all the comments also makes me feel better, less alone and less desperate, i've never been fond to express how i feel, much less online, but so many lonely people supporting each other makes me want to open up a bit more
same tbh 💔
In lonely times such as these, always remember that Lain loves you.
Who?
Let's all love Lain
@@scorpionhh23 who's that?
@@aut0mata I suggest that you watch the anime Serial Experiments Lain to find out.
@@scorpionhh23 I see
Thank you for letting me know
This music is wonderful. I guess I am lonely, but not forever. Everyone may hear this music as sad and lonely, but to those who hear serenity, its okay to be alone and on youre own adventures. Ive learned being alone isnt so bad. Have your own moments, your own story, YOUR own life. Then when the loneliness stops, tell your stories and adventures youve been through on your own accord.
Dude we are all alone and smoke in this universe! Just enjoy it
Sincerely
-a cool dude!!
no it is forever accept it
I don't know why, but I never had the competence to make friends neither meet people. It has been 23 years of just 'me', most of the time looking at a screen in a dark room, not even with a 'cyber friend' to spend time. Some time ago it used to be really painful, but as time goes, you just accept it, realize that you are your best friend and start to pay attantion to more important things. What a great pleasure listen to this OST through the night, enjoying of my own company and thinking how I can be a better friend to myself.
Man I love you guys I hope anyone that is reading this is doing great and will do great! :)
Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.
- Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver (1976)
When is this gonna hit 1 million already!?!?!
My favorite video on all of UA-cam fr
I just want to work and get some money for my family
amen
Amen
I don't know where it comes from, but this track is so... calm... It was as if I had returned to 2008, but through a certain prism of memories, gray everyday life, the city, it may rain or it may be cloudless, but for some reason it's so calm and carefree. And melancholy... And all life was still ahead, and the world seemed different, and the future seemed different too.
I don’t feel lonely, I have always been surrounded by people dear to me and I have always valued them, but because of what I don’t remember what happened in childhood, I became easier to relate to separation. I do not feel the need for someone, because I will always have me, and the whole world, full of beauty and harmony. And somehow I can just disappear, and not even grieve about parting, which can be forever. I regret and grieved only over a couple of things, and then there is no point in this.
I’ve been living an empty life for the past few years. I’m pressured by my parents to do well in high school, but I want to drop out. I don’t want to tell them because I’m afraid they’ll get mad at me. I don’t have any friends and don’t know how to start a conversation without embarrassing myself. Everyone at my school is way different than me, everyone is obsessed with tiktok and other social medias, while I’m more of an artistic kid. People who walk past me in the halls talk to their friends about how my face looks and laugh like I’m some kind of zoo animal. After school, I just sit in my bed and mindlessly browse UA-cam and sometimes play games on steam because I feel like there’s just nothing to do outside. I feel like I don’t belong in this world, there’s corrupt businesses, and I feel like modern life revolves around people working themselves to death while people mindlessly follow trends and idolize celebrities who just look good and nothing else. I have nobody to vent my feelings to without the fear of being judged. The only thing I enjoy anymore is my dreams. I’m just tired of it all. I’m tired of the endless pressure of school. Im tired of my loneliness. I’m tired of how society is obsessed with looks and celebrities. I’m tired of the neverending conflicts around the world.
Sounds like you're afraid of growing up and want to give up on everything.
Life is hardship, but it's only awful if you allow it to be.
Learn and grow from pain.
Yeah, I feel you man. I'm kinda in the same position. But fortunately for me, I know people with who I can laugh and share ideas with and just be myself. And yet.
I feel, different from them all. As if I am the only one like myself.
I would think, and I still do think that, they are not friends, just people to hangout with, which is truly horrible.
That would be rejecting them in a sense, betraying their friendship.
Sometimes I would hate myself for being such a mess, other times I would force myself to feel good, because I felt like it would be dangerous if I kept thinking like that.
Yes, I really wanted to give up. But there was no way I would.
There is a lot of things I want to do before I die.
I want to publish a book.
I want to do a world tour.
I want to give smiles to kids who lost everything.
I just want to make people, and myself happy.
That's why I decided to still keep going to school, for the sake of those dreams.
Even though I don't know of what's gonna happen in the future.
Even though I really don't know what to do of my future.
Hehe, isn't that funny? I do have dreams, but I don't know what I want to be.
@PixelFlame01
Reading your story, I can't imagine what you must feel going through those hardships, after all I didn't experience all of that.
I've been gifted with a face, a personality and tastes that wouldn't bring me all of the problems that you face.
So I am not gonna pretend that I understand you, if I didn't go through all of that myself.
But, there is only one think I can tell you. Even though you're tired of it all, please keep being yourself!
Don't lose to this society, to this world.
In this wicked era we are living in, staying yourself is more and more followed with loneliness.
But, know that somewhere, there must be someone who accepts you as you are, and that you can accept too.
We just have to keep looking, and so we must live on.
Sorry for the lengthy text, I really didn't know where I was going with that but, I am sure that there is only one message I wanted to say.
Courage! Don't give up, and be happy for your sake!
You do have dreams to realize, right?
mannn fuck the haters keep slaying. find ur people, they're out there somewhere
@@trisnm4116 yeah, I'm actually doing that. I have an Instagram where I post digital art, but I honestly think my art is kinda mid. Maybe it's the program I'm using? It's pretty limited.
Going through a lot of rough path right now. Lots of dreams lost, lots of anxiety, general meaninglessness of life. I'm constantly questioning why I'm even here, struggling so much against life when death would bring so much relief. This song gives me peace, a sort of cathersis, as if its vocalizing something I can't express.
It feels depressing being like this😞
I’ve been abandoned, forgotten, left. I think I just wasn’t good enough for her and everybody else. I didn’t matter enough to them…Im useless to them. I just exist and nobody sees me, everyone walks pasts me. Im just invisible to everyone. Im lonely, I don’t have anyone. It hurts💔
*I lost myself in this video, and i like it.*
Just entered my recommended after a long night of nothing. Living alone sucks.
Yeah it does. Its worse when there's an empty crib at the foot of the bed. My family is gone... she left me and took my son. I understand why she did. But now the apartment feels hollow.
This actually feels more powerful when you are sitting in this cold, dark room
ive been listening to this playlist a lot! i really like it :D but it hits a little different now since my friends forgot my birthday.. :')
Happy late birthday
Thank you! I really appreciate it ^^@@manfromearth4
If it's any consolation, I wholeheartedly wish you a very happy birthday. And I *do* mean it.
Happy very late birthday
this comment section is gonna make me cry, thanks for all the words of wisdom. like all of you i live with that loneliness. but knowing im not alone in that fact keeps me going. I love everyone here. Keep going and keep your head up, we will make it thru.
Hello, my name is Toby.
I have that same feeling of loneliness, for years now I've had crippling social anxiety, past trauma and abuse caused me to isolate myself away, I was born into poverty and had an emotionally abusive father. I was terrified to be around him, he was a very powerful man. Eventually my mother started acting that way, she would yell and throw things when she was angry and she would make me and my brother feel absolutely useless. I hated it both at home and at daycare, I was bullied nonstop and none of the other adults did anything about it. Even my friends around the neighborhood would bully me and treat me horribly. I was also sexually harassed by a teenager in my neighborhood when I was around 6 or 7 years old. Me and my brother were playing hide and seek, it was getting late so my brother decided to go back home, but we thought he was still playing. The teenager took me into a dark place to hide with him. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him. I was only a child, I wasn't sure what to say. My mom and grandparents went looking for me, I didn't tell them for years what had really happened because I thought my mother would be angry at me. I remember one night that I've never forgotten. My dad and my step mom had came over to my grandparents house where I was living, I went to the garage and found him sitting with my family. I went over to hug him and he asked me a question. "Mommy or daddy? Which side?" I couldn't decide so I stood in the middle of the garage. He went over to my mom to raise his arm like he was going to hit her and my uncle stepped in. They started beating each other up. My uncles and aunts gathered all the kids inside and we had no idea what was happening. We sat on the bed with my step mother. A fight broke out between them, my brother kept saying that my step mother didn't love us. I don't know why the fight broke out, but we were all crying in the end. I went to the garage to see if the situation had died down, from behind me I heard "Don't open the door!" But it was too late. I saw my dad laying on the floor covered in blood and my uncle with his hands raise to a bunch of police cars. I knew my uncle was just trying to protect us. I didn't get all what was going on until We moved away from Texas and tried to start a new life In North Carolina.this is when the social anxiety and depression kicked in. I didn't want to speak to another person because I couldn't bare the thought of being disliked or abused again, I would cry when people talked to me sternly or raised their voice at me. I didn't have anyone but 2 friends I stuck with until middle school. Over the years I just got quieter and quieter, Losing myself. I didn't have anyone who could tell me it was going to be okay. All I had was the internet to keep me company. My brother at one point had begun becoming abusive as well due to his trauma. He made me feel so stupid with ever little error I would make. I became even more upset. I desperately needed someone. I was becoming someone who desperately craved to be loved and throwing everything away just to feel that love, I tried everything. I allowed people to use me like a toy until I eventually became so worn out that I lost all motivation to do anything. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I had came out as trans a while ago as well, not much to my surprise nobody really accepted that as they wanted me to stay the same. I don't want to wake up anymore, I hate myself so much and my mind is a parasite. All I have left now is scraps and pieces, my body feels so hollow and cold. I thought staying quiet would stop people from abusing me but the abuse only got worse because I allowed it to get worse. All so I could gain back a sense of hope that was never really there.
All those years of trying to receive attention from other people and I don't even feel like I have a soul anymore. I can't control my body or mind, my body is chained to a soul it doesn't belong to. I don't even feel human. And at this point I feel so far gone that there's nothing that can help. No amount of help from another person could help me. I've already spiraled so far down a hole of my own despair, at this point I'm already dead.
My life had stopped long before I realized it, time and everything I know had already been paused. I still feel like a small child and everyone else has moved on. Now i'm only living for the fun of it, I'm just a corpse watching everyone else move on with their lives as I sit here and rot in my own pity. I practically don't even feel emotion anymore, I can't remember last when I felt an ounce of happiness. It's a constant loop, I've been waking up on the same day for years now. Nobody even knows I'm alive. I'm just spectating over people. They don't even notice me. Nothing. Nothing can help.
I feel like if I killed myself I wouldn't even feel any pain because I'm not even here anymore. There's nothing left of me, it's all been taken.
It's been a month since you comment this... and this may not help either way... but I hope that whatever happens to you, I really really hope that one day you found the happiness that you deserved ❤
Let's all love Lain!
Let's all love Lain!
Let's all love Lain!
Let’s all love Lain!
Let's all love Lain!
Let’s all love Lain!
the moment when people cares about you, but you don't care about them, you want someone else to care, someone who makes you feel something.
I feel isolated no matter how many people are around me, nobody shows any care when looking at me. It feels as if I’m invisible, the huge age gaps between me and my sisters means I will always be left out, nobody realizes how sad I am until it’s anger pouring through my soul. They will always have eachother but what about me what do I have WHO do I have. Absolutely nobody, yet in a way I enjoy this empty hollow feeling of having nobody and no care in the world. It’s calming yet saddening knowing I have nothing, the only reason I’m still here is because I don’t want to make my parents sad. I hope one day I’ll escape to somewhere where I have somebody to love, someone who’ll stay with me forever, somebody who appreciates and loves me for who I am. I want to cry my eyes out and forget everything that’s ever happened to me. All of this is so depressing and I feel as if it’s trapping me inside of an endless loop of where I feel nothing , I’ve cried so much I struggle to get a tear out of my eyes now days . My smiles are forced and so is my laugh, but if I were to tell anybody that I’d be called emo or stupid. Nobody understands me nobody loves me nobody cares for me. I try changing but I can’t. Not with this overwhelming control they have on me. I want to run away and leave all my worries away, I pray to god to set me free. I hate everything, I’m such a terrible person, I wish I could just disappear and forget everything, I don’t even have any real friends yet I try to be nice to them all. Everything’s always blamed on me. I wish I could be a new person, a better person, somebody who’s committed no sins, somebody who’s innocent and kind, someone who didn’t have early access to the internet as a kid. Somebody who was actually treated well as a child. But here I am, a person who’s committed countless sins, a horrible person, somebody who had early access as a kid, I truly am just a ugly person. I hope nobody else has to experience this.
I know how I got here and I'm glad I did.
Ever feel a cold rush of wind and rain that makes you feel alive and happy instead of down? Ever since I was a kid I've loved the rain. I'm surprised more people don't feel the same.
FYI running through a rainbow doesn't seem to do anything. Taking the opportunity to do so must be its own reward. 😶
this is why i like staying up late , it’s so quiet and no one is awake to judge you
like most of these comments loneliness is a double sided blade on one hand you can revel in the tranquility and on the other you’re left with your negative thoughts that can really alter your mood.
it’s tough when you have many people close to you , yet they’re miles away from ever reaching your heart.
opening up to anyone is often out of the solution. overtime you’ll begin to bottle it all up until you can no longer contain it.
night time is quite still
i enjoy drinking tea at the late hour and taking a warm relaxing shower
somewhere out there, somebody loves you and me!!!
kinda out of topic but i listen to this when i wanna reminisce about rainy season 2021, i miss the bliss i felt at that time. and because of that, my interest in serial experiments lain is coming back
After all the awful things are happening in the world, this is one of the most beautiful things I ever encountered in my boring life. Thank you.
i was lone jogging to some old restaurant and it was foggy early morning. and this song played from my head and i was feel different vibes
It’s a strange sort of peacefulness to be so alone. I’m not sad, I just feel empty. But then I guess everyone does sometimes. Good luck to any other lost souls who wandered here in the middle of the night.
When I saw this and read the comments sharing their story's I realized that I wasn't truly depressed or struggling with life, I just want to be alone. It is in my room, alone where i am most comfortable, completely dark, the only light and noise coming from my laptop and keyboard. It is the only place where I can be who I truly am, where no mask of any kind is required. Where doing something someone wouldn't like doesn't get you shamed because you didn't know. I don't nearly have it as bad as anyone in these melancholic comments. I have friends, I'm in high school, and my grades are(somewhat)ok. I have ambitions like being a paramedic, though I haven't fully set myself on that path yet. When I'm at school I don't interact with people much, but that's ok since I was never good at socializing to begin with. I haven't been in any gossip pretty much my whole life, I have my share of problems that wont go away too, though they never involve anyone directly. I don't see myself as lonely in general and I live a pretty normal life, for the world we live in currently. Though I've been listening to this song for hours so far. I listen to the intertwined mix of comfort and eeriness as I scroll the comments, reflecting their stories onto myself and comparing them to me, I see that not only do people have it much much worse than me, but it is not as bad as i see it as. But when I am lonely, it feels comforting, right. By all means I am not lonely, but I long to be. I can recognize the spiral this could lead down into, I have been reading the comments you know. They all detail loss, and having to deal with them being gone. I have experienced loss, on multiple occasions. But it never lasted long. I have traversed down said spiral, but always brought myself back up before I went deep enough. But what is enough to me? I see it as subjective. What many see as enough to me will not be. I want to go down the spiral, I want to experience everything it has to offer, I fear what will arrive but it is in my nature to be curious as to what the bottom looks like. I'm too human. Though that is apparently a good thing I wish I could not have these existential moments where I question my entire psyche. But I don't want to leave this moment, I feel safe. Secure. Nobody can reach me here. But it must end, eventually.
If you've read this, forget it all. It is just the shots firing off in my head put into a transcript here. Do not take anything from it please. I just want to give you a look into what's going on inside my head. It's like I completely change myself when I discover something that hits home. I'll be alone in my room, but that's ok, I like it here. And be ok, just this night.
Trataré de olvidarlo
I did it guys, I went out of my comfortzone and met all kinds of people, went to parties, clubs, and other social gatherings. I now realise that I don't necessarily need to be around a big group of people to feel less alone, but instead be around people who also enjoy being alone, because now we can be alone together.
Just something that I wanted to share
Ayyyy juul cat gang
how did you started?
A comment section of lost hopes and crushed dreams. It's a melancholic, yet soothing atmosphere.
This music remembers me at some big and lonely rooms on VR chat. You go to thoses room just to be alone, runing nowhere to somewhere, or just stay at one point. Thank you.
Yesterday a family member died while holding my hand in the hospital. I found this video by complete accident. I got a slight flood emotions listening to it, knowing that I’ll never be able to talk to her anymore or tell each other we love each other, but I’m in peace knowing that she doesn’t have to fight anymore. I honestly don’t know how to react. The flood of all the memories of your life with that person just don’t stop pouring into the front of your mind and there’s nothing you can do about it.
The best thing you can do for her and for yourself is to love her-always love her-but don’t obsess over her or her passing. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. I hope that you can find your peace.
L
Beautiful track. My last days were a shower of shit, but hearing this inspired me. Thanks.
I hope you guysin the comments are doing ok. Life is tough.
Rats(I’m doing good)
I suffer from ptsd since I started fighting against the Mexican cartels, I feel like I ruined my life I was a happy and cheerful man now I'm just cold and insensitive the things that people don't care or care about don't matter to me it's as if I don't I feel like a machine I used to laugh and enjoy everything from the breeze to the rain now it's just empty
my father started crying in front of me when we were drunk telling me what a terrible father he was for letting me go to war "just look at your face you look the same age as me, and your dull and sad eyes let them fuck you" and As much as I wanted and wanted, I simply couldn't cry, I just looked without saying anything, I think this is my punishment for what I did, I only have faith in finding something or someone who will make my heart resume, I just want to feel once more
this is hell
No suffering is forever, this will pass, as they will come back, don't stop fighting now.
its ok to feel desensitized to the world. i used to be abused in the past and that kinda fucked me up and i felt empty everyday. It sucks when you feel empty. try to get some rest and do the things you enjoy, it might just help you. talk to people that you trust. goodluck
It won’t be long brother , you’ll prevail through this pain .. right now you’re just hurting and it hurts so much and so bad but I promise everything will be okay ❤️ you still have a soul clearly you still yearn for love … just what you went through .. it’s a lot to process … but it doesn’t mean you’ll
Process it forever , I know you’ll find happiness soon ❤️
Bro we need more context
I don't know how much it means from some random young adult on the internet, but it's not anyone's fault. This world is fucked up I all imaginable ways. I'm sorry you had to see one of the worst sides of it and hope that special thing comes to you my friend♡
I am falling,i am fading
Isolation is the only comfort I get anymore, Sometimes I wish I didn't exist. I'm constantly paranoid and I haven't been able to stop being scared for The longest. Some days I just wish not a single person would notice me. I try so hard to escape the judgment from other people, I simply cant bare it. For some reason I feel like I have a reason to be here. Even when I have no Idea who I am or why I even try. I guess ill continue to blindly pursue a meaning behind my existence until I find it. If you read this... Thank you so much for being here and I hope you also pursue the meaning of your life, or maybe you've already found it.
I genuinely feel the same way ): I hope you find your purpose & simply accept what’s to come in your way. Safe travels.
I'm sorry... I went through a similar time in college. Even today I still feel that sense of fear and wanting to disappear, its really deep seated for me.
Jesus saved me and gave me a purpose. He loved me when nobody else did. He showed up when everyone else had gone away. He will do the same for you.
He loves you. Believe me... Jesus truly sees you and loves you. He wants to give you hope, comfort and a new home.
Why do I love being alone so much if it separates me from what I want? Even still, it’s such a comfort
I use this to fall asleep and always end up thinking about the past.
hugs for those who are lonely
Still coming back :)
I was horribly depressed for probably 4 years. I was at my absolute end and was ready to end everything. I thought to myself, if you'll eventually die one day, why not enjoy your last moments as much as you can. After that day i started to just not care about anything, because I thought I'll die in a month. I spent all my money, listened to all my favorite songs, sneaked out at night to have fun by myself. I went to parties, took substances and I have never been happier before. This one month made me understand a lot about myself. It was like a countdown. I gave myself 30 days to overthink my decision of suicide. At that last day I was sitting in the forest, it was raining and this song was playing through my earphones. I thought about my whole life, what I want to do, what I wanted to do and what I couldn't do. My whole life was miserable. I've been through sa, physical and mental abuse, bullying and suidical intentions. But all that didn't define me at that moment. I was truly happy. I was all by myself and I was at peace. I chose to keep living. I worked hard in school, made new friends, met my boyfriend. It's been a while since I felt miserable and I hope I never have to feel like that again. I am happy now and I'm looking forward to keep going and live an even happier life together with my boyfriend. I'm wishing you all the best in your path. And remember, there will always be ups and downs. Life is fun, life is good and everyone should enjoy it. I know it's hard to believe that now but trust me, your moment will come. You just need to be patient. It will get better
I had a similiar outgoing, almost like urs. But it never changed for me. At this point its just the pure existing. How did all your mindset just flipped like this in 30 days? What was the key turn for you to just Switch to a happy person and a happy life?
I was already about to tear up. This story was my breaking point
@@Longerade i used to be a nihilist. I didn't care about anything or anyone, not even myself. But I was able to see that life can also be good. I started enjoying life like any other person. I started taking care of myself. The key was probably just to see what life can give you. I used to be very introverted and didn't really try out new things or went out with people. But once I tried it, I realized that everything can be fun. I realized how beautiful I am. Of course, that didn't change me nihilistic mindset on the spot but it really helped with my worldview. I also surrounded myself with people who are good for me and people who I love. It was hard at first and I still struggle sometimes but I am way better than I used to be. You can also do it, I believe in you
@@anya1233 may i ask how old u were at this stage of life and how old are you now?
@@Longerade I was 16 when my depression started, and it went on for about 4 years. Now I'm 21 years old
Try to get some good rest tonight, OK?
Thank you man...
Tfw 3 am
thank you
I don't even know how I found this.
I guess it's the choice of the world.
Literally came back to this tab and it was just on this video randomly
It's fun to think how this lead me to watch Serial Experiments Lain.
@@NickPooleEPK I'm also rewatching rn
Man It just feels sad that modern anime doesn’t use this kind of melody anymore
i’m so glad youtube recommended me this video… the song and comments made me feel a little bit better and more peaceful. i was feeling on the edge and i felt like no one would understand what i’m feeling, but this soothing song and the comments made me feel a little bit more understood. i just want to isolate myself from everything and stay here forever. thank you
When I was a kid, a few things happened that adult people often shrug off, in their own terms, but I wasn't even aware of that possibility. No child should be. You're not supposed to deal with that shit until the right moment comes, but, that's in our nature, in this lifestyle's nature; we rush through the early days, we suffer the halfway junkyard, then struggle to survive on the late ocean of memories and doubts. Supposedly things get better, and I'd be an ungrateful sunova dog if I didn't think so of my situation, but still, I know they could be different.
As of today, my life could be resumed in a part time job, being at home enjoying my solitude, until mother arrives and we talk for a while. Then I think of stuff. Lots of stuff. I spend half of my conscious time thinking, the rest consuming information from any source available, which is most of the time, the internet. And then, I repeat.
But I like to write. I constantly see characters, interacting with each other, reacting, living. Surviving. When I write, at least for a couple of minutes, it feels like hell, but sometimes, things just flow. And I get to write things which I feel are beautiful, that deserve someone else's reading, interpretation. But then, fuck, then I remember I barely talk to anyone. Spend most of my day listening to music, reading social bullshit from anywhere, expecting that "better" day to arrive while trying to improve myself.
When I discovered my inner nature, the woman this shell had kept a secret for so long, I began losing what few people I had. Not that they know, but even so, they've lost me, because there's no ground for my story. Science this, logic that, all the while nobody questioned my low self esteem throughout my whole life. There was no place for me in there, and I was tired of having to fight for it, having to deal with the immune system of a world that didn't want me nearby. Not even mother would set aside her prejudices, or bullshit "what are they gonna say!" excuses; you may say you care about someone, but then, you alone can't change the fucking world, but she could've changed mine. She didn't. She just exists alongside my shell, this which I've kept so nobody else makes themselves drown in pointless questions about me, this which I kept because I developed an inner mirror through which I can see my true self. A mad lad, in general. But, of course, everything, and everyone, except for a couple of people, relate to this shell, this second skin made from my own flesh, bones, and blood; therefore, without it, I know I'll be physically alone too. Around my place there's no arrows to guide you into a safe haven for anything queer. Even less for transgender people. It doesn't matter, they say, there's more relevant problems, they say, and then proceed to ignore those too; consequences are this strange hyper reality where I, as myself, do not exist but through a social lens that can be completely avoided if so you desire, while my shell, it still attaches itself to a world from which we both know there's nothing worth the pain.
My only way to explain it is through writing. This feeling of being torn in half, always bleeding, yet no one gets to see anything but a quiet person, my serene self. Life taught me not wrong things, but the necessary lessons for surviving in a shallow social environment, and now, this knowledge has become my cage too. I'm afraid of compromising with showing my writing to anyone, because I don't care if it's good or not, I care to deliver whatever feeling I pulled from my black oceans. I'm afraid of expecting care from anyone else, because I've been backstabbed more than a couple of times, therefore the risk is far from worth it. I'm hopeless in going a step further, because I know people are people, and my inner self an absolute idealist. And I'm lost whenever it comes to meeting people, because I don't really care about half the things they say, fed myself way too much info to feel interested in someone else's dog pics. Not even the sweet things feel so. And lately, I haven't felt any reason to write.
I exist through fictional lenses more than I do in anyone else's eyes. If I look into the mirror, I know I'm more the blood running through these veins than the often quiet expression I live with. My vampire isn't unable to see her reflection, but only the machines that flow through her blood, her true self, as that body is just a borrowed property from someone else. She can't truly express how much she wants to be loved. But I managed to excuse her meeting with Jen, so in the end, she gets to feel. But am not sure if it's truly working, considering I myself don't know what it feels like.
They always say better days are coming. What's better for you is different than for me. What I can be thankful for is the peace I have while writing this. Some people can't find any way to get it out, and the inner entropy ends up breaking them apart from within. For those people, I expect better days. Anything is better than bottling up your struggles, for you are human. Even acknowledging your lack of expression is a step forward. And solitude is, apart from a shrink, more often than not your best listener.
Even when loneliness is someone else, through the lens. Through the glass. Have a good evening darlin'.
Lain loves you.
wow. take your meds
You will never be a woman
I hear you man, I may not understand, but I hear you.
Yeah i feel ya and i just wanted to say your writing is very beautiful
Yes. I know your phone notes are brimming with entries. Do you read back on them?
This is what it must feel like to have my own saferoom. I dont feel melancholy listening to this instead somehow it comforts me from the constant feelings of panic
maybe you like this one dark ambient mini-play list ::ua-cam.com/video/K125Dc5H-Zw/v-deo.html
Please never delete this video
Many people here seem to need a friend, I'm here if you guys need to talk to someone
❤🫂
Don't lose yourself in the dark. You're so much stronger than you can imagine...
Find solace in this loneliness. Somewhere, someone understands this exact feeling.
Why are people so disgusting to eachother? Why cant they show respect… why is life so hard.
Some people prefer to live in maximum happiness, being arrogant and doing whatever makes them feel better, seeking approval with anything and fulfilling their pleasures without thinking twice. It may be immaturity, or idiocy, but this is the lack of human beings, the search to prove everything in life, the search for approval from others. Everyone has their own way of living, I would rather be like them than stay locked in my room every day.
Embrace solitude, its the Most healing Thing you can do for yourself. Someday it becomes the normal state even when you meet people but it doesnt hurt anymore. Dont share societies conscience, dont hate them either.
i'm typing this while sitting outside my old highschool and waiting for my bus to my trader school (i may return to my highschool but thats besides the point.)
it's dark outside and almost 7 am. the only source of light is the lamp posts towering ahead, and the school is completely empty besides a few staff members waiting for the day to start. there's the forest nearby me and my ex who just cut me off a few days ago to focus on his career used to explore. im sitting here and reminiscing. i still feel like half of my soul is stuck in the forest, especially the times we would run away from his friends, almost being out of breath from laughing so much together.
we would always visit the sewage tunnel sprayed with spraypaint in the forest. threw rocks into the water and watched it splash.
Loneliness is such a weird thing. it can approach you so suddenly and creep up behind your back when you're least expecting it. one moment, you're in the comfort of someone's arms you love the most on a log and next you're sitting alone. but maybe that's what teaches us to appreciate the happiness of having someone. i love you all and have a good night/day based on where you are.
I've always felt loneliness was on odd thing. Whether it's in a crowd or in the solace of your own mind, loneliness effects everyone. While some people wish for the rain to stop, others wish they had rain, even if it's just a droplet. While it's easy to drown under the rain, it's easy to forget that rain is needed for growth.
every day is the same😔...
Hace un par de semanas mi perro me dejo y dejo una gran vacio, me di cuenta de lo cruel que puede ser la soledad y como algo tan pequeño como una mascota puede hacer tanta diferencia. Esta cancion me hace recordar los buenos momentos que tuve con el y la soledad que dejo en mi. Solo espero ver algun dia a mi pequeño amigo :')
❤️ I hope you find him!
lamento tu pérdida. yo también tengo perros en casa que me hacen mucha compañía y a los que adoro incondicionalmente. sin embargo, siempre tengo en cuenta que el tiempo pasa más rápido que lento y que debo aprovecharlo al máximo antes de que se me haga tarde, así que intento sacar provecho a lo que me queda de tiempo con ellos antes de que nos separemos eventualmente. la depresión y ansiedad están jugando un papel importante en mi desarrollo personal, muchas cosas están cambiando en mí que a veces no me reconozco pero intento mantenerme fiel a la idea de mí que tengo presente. por suerte, mis perros ayudan en cierta medida a que eso sea posible. quisiera darles la mejor vida que pueda para que, cuando inevitablemente partan, puedan irse en paz. nuestras mascotas de verdad se merecen solo lo mejor de lo mejor.
I’m high off the nic lemme smack dat shit yo!!!
Solía escuchar esta canción mientras estudiaba en los exámenes, pero por alguna razón me hacía sentir incómodo,lo admito, me da un poco de miedo esta melodía, pero no deja de ser muy hermosa
I feel like my loneliness is my own fault. I shut myself off from everyone and the next thing I knew I was all alone. I've been trying to make connections, but I always feel drained and overwhelmed from even the smallest of conversations. I can't even say hello to somebody irl or online without panicking. I can't seem to connect or get close to anyone, I feel so indifferent, always outcasted from the crowd especially with my coworkers who purposely ignore me... But there is this sense of comfort and ease that I feel now, I no longer have to put up a fake front of trying to be a "normal human" infront of others.
Hit the gym bro
Yeah... ive been there too. When I was in college I completely gave up on life and happiness. I was just too weak. I wrote about that time in my life, maybe it will help give you some hope. The link is in my profile. You're not alone, trust me. God loves you.
@@saintsocramnymaia5511 I mean I could but im some weak scrawny girl so i'm not sure how'd that help.
@@sleepypups It shouldn't matter regardless of gender. Going to the gym or even just doing 5 or 10 mins of exercise a day is a great way to develop good habits. Something that I've come to realize is that a lot of the things we're used to are just formed out of habits. There are times when I feel truly apathetic and spending time with friends and family I care about just feels empty and leaves that feeling of not belonging. But I believe that one of the tools for overcoming these barriers is developing good habits and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Going to the gym is a great habit to develop because it entails actually going out to do something that you feel uncomfortable about. It's about overwriting your bodily response to things that cause you anxiety and just doing them in spite of it. Maybe take up writing, or doing some kind of craft. It will be tough at first because the mental exhaustion of doing something new and making it routine is difficult. But you'll find that eventually you can work up from 5 mins a day to 10 to 20 and so on. I hope things for you and everyone else around here turn out for the better.
@@ItMeDog gym is not a magic cure all. If you're mentally defective it doesn't much. I used to be ripped but drugs ruined that for me
A simple yet hauntingly beautiful song to reminisce to. I feel alone now, although not as alone as others may feel or truly are. The feeling still persists, and it's a strange one; hard to describe. I want to reach out to friends again that I haven't talked to in a long while, yet I feel I don't have anything valuable to say, or worry they would rather have nothing to do with me. Being stuck in this loop, it's somewhere I've been before. I know I can get out, but I feel lost regardless. Seeing how collectively affected so many people are by such a simple, nostalgic and melancholic song--it breaks my heart and warms my heart at the same time. It reminds me I'm never truly alone, but also shows me just how alone so many people feel. I wish I could help.
To anyone reading this, I hope you know it can and will get better. I wish you find what it is that's truly important to you, and I urge you to work hard at achieving your goals, remembering to rest when you need. Lastly, I do want to help, and as to not deliver lip service, I would gladly talk to anyone who needs someone to talk to. Take care and much love.
I love solitude I love loneliness it’s the most genuine feeling We act on and react to one another but in all circumstances we are by ourselves, crucified alone ) every embodied spirit is doomed to enjoy and suffer solitude every experience is subjective based on perception you are one and nothing else