Loving my own company is addictive. I feel more in touch with who I am. I believe in Stoic philosophies, and have noticed the more I have withdrawn from "distractions" the clearer my listening to my intuition becomes. So now assessing people and situations and being real with myself - listening to my intuition has improved. The downside is seeing that there are A LOT of unhealed people in the world and I can't unsee it anymore, the red flags are too obvious. So I exit left and continue to do the things that bring me stability, peace and joy.
YES! I get hurt by watching others who suffers, especially in traumas and this hopeless feelings they are hiding. They tend to expose this type of emotions on me and they go back to other friends who they can have fun and mingle later rather than going deep with their hurtful emotions or pain. So I feel their pain and their cover-ups of lies to keep the social masks on, yet I feel left alone as I feel their pain and so on myself. Then I feel as if I am the only one who feels this way. However I have been on therapy so this doubts that this is only me who have been feeling in such ways have been healed well. Yet this emptiness and loneliness after the narc has gone, this hasn't completely healed so I am here listening to this videos. It has been great therapy so far. I feel way better expressing myself and tell how I feel. I am still dealing with those who expose their egoistic, narcsissistic traits just on me as they think that I can take such attitudes because I did before. However now I am rejecting those attitudes and any assumptions that I am ok with whatever pain or darkness they have / hide. They can't assume that any longer because I have decided that my own pain and sufferings have been in control so I won't let others to bring their problems on me. I will go ahead and express that right on their faces if anyone does expose those on me from now, no matter where it is, and right before the eyes of people who are watching!
What I mostly see are people who keep thinking about things that have happened before and the things that might never even happen making them depressed.
Yes, it was obvious something was wrong. But with no past experience, no education, no frame of reference for these odd behaviors, I couldn’t explain it. Between self-doubt and lust, I dismissed the weirdness, perhaps chastised myself for being overly critical, and dove right into the fantasy. But had I known…because the very second I learned the truth, I was done. Confusion gone, hope restored, sigh of relief, no more effort required. But it was a long decade spent utterly unable to make sense of my life. I wish this was taught in schools, or at least time spent on EQ.
You described all relevant points perfectly which lead to such an unaware (kind of chosen unawareness), desperate behavior. Same happend to me. I noticed those red flags. But to pay attention to it would have felt like losing something/someone that I have been looking for so long and the alternative would have been loneliness plus lost that time (double bad). So I decided for the short happy sprint (dopamine rushes) and the long painful marathon afterwards.
100%. I think it is essential to isolate to learn to regulate yourself. My ex went the exact opposite way after she made me leave the relationship from constant emotional abuse. After I broke up with her, she immediately found someone else, whom she is in full limerence with. Somehow it hurts, but on the other hand I am certain that karma will do what it does best.
@@andreagrazianodibenedetto1464 Definitely, you won't break the cycle but repeat it by choosing another partner through the same emotional state. I also see some experts pointing that being alone means suffering, as for me it's pure peace and calmness, productivity and hobbies.
This Is so true 😞 I Remember how I ignored red flags. He was treating everybody so bad but he was kind to me. How on earth I thought he wasn't going to do the same to me???😢
I am in a place seeking female companionship over dating and its honestly even MORE depressing!! I go to a women's meetup for a coffee and turns out as always the host is using the group to start her BUSINESS!! UGH!! 🤮 I don't need male validation or attention, I want a friend to just share life with. It's that horrible out there in social circles. Genuine companionship and compassion is hard to develop even as a grown woman.. im sure men have a similar problem but I don't want a date. I'm trying to cure my loneliness with healthy and safe social interactions but it's always some agenda it seems. Just to have a hiking buddy or something! I don't want to pay you for your time if you're acting like there's a friendship.. thats catfishing! Even female narcissistic in friend circles! But what you said at the end Sam was pure gold! I have always been single. Never married so im in that category, always traveling alone...lately been telling myself "Im all I've got in my life" and facing this realization has actually been liberating because ive always had my own back!
You haven't missed anything.... The importance of marriage and children is overstated. 50% of marriages end in divorce and in 40% the partners silently suffer together.... Maybe less than 10% of couples are really happy. I'm together 14 years with my husband. While I was content up until few years ago when cracks started to appear........... I don't care when he eyes up and chats up other women. But when he is angry (and little things can set him off) he becomes very aggressive and resort to name calling. I'm ashamed front of my neighbours because of his shouting. Now he doesn't even say me sorry. He thinks I should put up with his behaviour. If I would be in better financial position, probably I would have divorced him already.... But 100% I now planning going on solo holiday - I had enough footing the bill for him too for just him to blow up on me later for something insignificant.
It's hard when you're raised by monsters, you can't get that from others, only monsters will give it to you, how can you self love with a history of missopportunities to self actualize, i've being thinking lately, man i would face anything in life but a child or even infant, toddler being humiliated, shamed manipulated, man this is a LOT
Wow, So true Sam. I take fully responsibility for my choice in marrying my ex narcissistic abusive violent husband because I was lonely. I’m sooooo grateful for finding the strength to leave and to get reacquainted with me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on narcissistic behaviour, it’s been life changing in a positive manner. 🙌
This is the reality. Best get used to it and enjoy it instead of betraying and ultimately destroying ourselves out of loneliness. (Nice new format btw)
Before I met my narcissist, I didn't feel alone at all. In fact I was also in a long term relationship. He came like a hurricane and disturbed my quiet life. Fortunately I got rid of his presence. Now I live a lonely life, but I still don't feel lonely. I have friends, I have my cat and many interesting things to do. But above all, I have my valuable self. No, certainly you are not (just) handsome. In fact, the truth is, you are very handsome. And no, loneliness has not blinded me; Are you sure you are not too modest about yourself?😃 Dr. Sam Vaknin, thank U again for your very helpful videos. Precious.
He treats strangers like they are princesses and then will turn around and start loudly disrespecting me. I overlooked flaws in the beginning and now I’m MISERABLE. Absolutely. You are not a desiccated lizard .
The way someone treats me is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It’s got nothing to do with me. And if I love someone, I won’t hate the person because they struggle with themselves.
@@StStStS I feel there is a myth going around that has been implemented in humans by the society - that to be happy we must be in a romantic relationship. Lie. We must not. It is an option. In addition, to be happy is not ultimately the goal. The goal is to be ourselves. That is very hard to accomplish since everyone wants us to be what they want us to be. Let’s start with that.
People are not wired to respect other people’s relationships - and yet they expect loyalty - funny. You are in a relationship - they should respect that.
So true. Ted flags were everywhere when I look back. It’s easy to deny people’s behavior under the guise of “accepting people as they are” when in reality you realize later it was issues you didn’t face from your past. It’s like insult to injury to yourself.
This is the truth. I did this to myself (I didn’t listen to my gut and ignored some of the signs). I was discarded two months ago and I’m learning so much now. I just need to change my thinking about being alone and accept it.
Thank you, this is a much need video. I was not just lonely, I was battling with su*cidal depressions and a life-changing disability. He was not just somebody "from the street", he was a friend (or so I thought) I knew for over a year. He was there when nobody else cared. He was there for me when I was standing in the middle of a bridge, ready to jump. But it was all a lie. He just wanted to use me while I was so vulnerable (and he told me so). Did I see the red flags? Some but not many (I was brought up in a highly dysfunctional family, nobody ever taught me what normal relationships are like...and he was the first man in 35 years who actually wanted to be around me). I realised the truth about so many red flags years after being discarded by him ( 5 years later, I am still figuring things out, tbh).
Aren't you married professor? I thought so. You enjoy a partner and companionship. No one wants to live a lonely existence forever. This is the reason many of us make less than wise decisions sometimes.
Hi, kind soul. I think he knows that. I take it as a very passionate, loving, fatherly advice from him to the world. He knows the numbers are not in our favour at the moment. And that being alone is inevitable for many people. Inevitable, but not without meaning or purpose. We, singles, get the chance to realize love in ourselves in a much faster way. Much faster than when you're stuck in an unhealthy relationship. It's all about evolution. The one Love is never absent. Romantic love is just one reflection of that. And I am lonely too. :-) Much love from me.
I have a cousin that was willing to stay with her husband, even after finding out he was molesting their daughter for years. He even got her pregnant. He is the one that left her. She found out he was married to another woman in our country. He was also stealing her money, and transferring it to our country bank. Once he left she went back to our country met a guy, and did a huge wedding. She paid for everything, even the rings. He lives in Ghana, and she in the U.S. It's really scary that their are people like this in the world.
Every word you have spoken is absolutely and exactly true. However, before we had any idea what the word narcissist meant, before the internet was available, before we could educate ourselves, we thought their behaviour was typical of a male especially. They will change with time and so on and so forth. My generation and before endured the worst of it. The new generations will finally put an end to this insidious epidemic that has been happening for centuries. You, Prof. Sam are a life-saving pioneer, thank you!
This is true, they might be lonely, but I feel the real reason they find themselves attracted to you is your intellect and the words you say. The empathy you show. How you care about all us strangers out here and give us good, sage advice. Not your resemblance to Gollum....🤣
I'm so lonely! I've been lonely in a marriage for many a year! I know it's riskier making decisions right now... but I can't not tru & break my isolation... it's so incredibly tricky!
I believe internal self-connection (integrative fidelity of experience) is the most important thing there is as a guide and anchor of all meaning. But it requires secure, real connection (attachment) first!
My first date with him , he would get distracted by a small kid who kept talking to him and his face would turn childlike too. So I fell for his childlike face 😂 even if he merely talked to me. Didn't ask about me much
One of the problems is that everyone displays red flags. Its hard to know which ones you can work with and which ones you need to walk away from. Its easier to just be alone and work on your own red flags
That is SO true. In the past I have kept bad company because it was available and every time regretted it. I don’t do it anymore- lived and learned. And it’s less lonely this way!
Ouch... That has been the sharper side to the double edged sword of my recently ended 16 year (imaginary) relationship with a CNPD woman. My rationalizing, justifying, willfully and irrationally ignoring, appeasing, excusing and placating; accepting the self imposed cognizant dissonance between my perception and construct of reality vs the shared fantasy; financially, mentally, physically and emotionally, often sacrificially, enabling and supporting; sacrificially giving of my time and energy to gain breadcrumbs of emotional intimacy, common decency and a modicum of relationship normalcy, ... all of the newly learned, obvious, in my face red flags of this disorder. Couple this with my tolerance and implied acceptance of her constant onslaught of envy, anger, emotional detachment, general discontent, self indulgence, self aggrandizement, vindictiveness, maligning criticism, argumentative demeanor, ungratefulness, disrespectfulness, isolation, silent treatments, dismissiveness, reflection, deflection, projection, contentiousness, greed, pathological lying, never ending verbal, emotional and mental abuse; compulsive behavioral displays of alcoholism, pot smoking and shopping (designer purses, coats, shoes, coats, jackets, hats; furniture, lamps, paintings, food.) The end of our "relationship" culminated in her Narcissistic annihilation/mortification. So, to paraphrase you, a howling wind in a labyrinth of mirrors... I escaped just before her total assimilation of my entire persona vs her discard of me. I am coming to terms with my contribution and ultimate responsibility for this situation, and am humbly- to myself and to relevant others -- acknowledging and seeking knowledge about and professional help for my mental, psychological and emotional developmental inadequacies and deficiencies, and also my character flaws that initiated, contributed to, and perpetuated this nightmarish entanglement of two flawed and damaged souls. I have a lot of self care and self work ahead of me. Thank you for your services in my endeavor.
Yes, so true. I overlooked many things...luckily I'm now pulling out, after 4 months of curious pursuit. Funny I was blissed out before, geesh, why did I do this? Luckily didn't consumate..whew.
I provoke this "uncanny valley" sensation in people with my AvPD, even though I don't intend to cause anyone harm. But the funny thing is that when it comes to narcissists, people tend to overlook their behaviour much more even when the narcissist is being openly unpleasant. lol Go figure...
I don't agree with the Gollum part - come on now - but I concur with everything else, haha 🙂. Thank you so much for this important reminder, professor. Speaking of Gollum: I would go as far as saying that watching movies that provoke lots of fear and stress (or 'suspense') - movies that depict wars and other toxic behaviour - is, for an empath, a kind of mini-version of prostituting yourself into a toxic relationship. For one hour and a half, you willingly submerse yourself in a lower energy, just to not have to deal with yourself. To be in another world. A fantasy world. I say this because I am guilty of it. And I oftentimes regret it. It's an addiction.
Thank you Professor Vaknin. This is empowering, because this means that if we want to we will never have to be with a narcissist or psychopath again. My psychopath ex told me he wanted to marry me within 15 minutes of meeting me. My narcissist ex had a awkwardness and predatoriness to him and he was talking mainly about himself and how he wanted to revolutionize the plastic surgery industry and develop a new kind of breast implant when he was years from even starting med school and later approached me for sex when I was so high I could not speak and barely move. There were signs, very clear signs on the first date, and especially in the first week. My psychopath started talking about buying a house the first week and thought I needed to feed my dog different food and had a very heated discussion about how he thought my dog needed different food (my dog actually gets the best most expensive food I can afford). I mean seriously I saw it and could have prevented it all and that's actually better than painting myself as a pure victim. Only problem is, normal guys who I'm attracted to don't like me except for casual sex.. but I guess narcissists and psychopaths don't either they might idealize but they could care less about our wellbeing, and we know that's not love.
Loneliness is a horrible advisor until one has that epiphanic moment where one clearly sees for the first time, glasses down, delusion free, the depths of evil one allowed into one’s life because it was all normalized in a dysfunctional family. In that moment, loneliness shifts to aloneness and it’s possible to reclaim the person who was lost in all that extreme delusion. Aloneness is a profound healing gift.
The worst kind of loneliness is the one you feel even when you're surrounded by people.
UA-cam is the art of exploiting loneliness. There is no better way to create an introject of yourself in people's minds.
Watch out for BAD behavior, bad energy and individuals with bad character. Avoid them in your life. Peace ☮️
Alone but not lonely .
Prof. Sam Vaknin shares actual wisdom, amazing guy, helped me understand a lot.
Absolutely agree Sam! Loneliness is the absolutely worst Advisor. Desperation.
I am desperate, too...
Loving my own company is addictive. I feel more in touch with who I am. I believe in Stoic philosophies, and have noticed the more I have withdrawn from "distractions" the clearer my listening to my intuition becomes. So now assessing people and situations and being real with myself - listening to my intuition has improved. The downside is seeing that there are A LOT of unhealed people in the world and I can't unsee it anymore, the red flags are too obvious. So I exit left and continue to do the things that bring me stability, peace and joy.
This!
Well-said.
YES! I get hurt by watching others who suffers, especially in traumas and this hopeless feelings they are hiding. They tend to expose this type of emotions on me and they go back to other friends who they can have fun and mingle later rather than going deep with their hurtful emotions or pain. So I feel their pain and their cover-ups of lies to keep the social masks on, yet I feel left alone as I feel their pain and so on myself. Then I feel as if I am the only one who feels this way. However I have been on therapy so this doubts that this is only me who have been feeling in such ways have been healed well.
Yet this emptiness and loneliness after the narc has gone, this hasn't completely healed so I am here listening to this videos. It has been great therapy so far. I feel way better expressing myself and tell how I feel.
I am still dealing with those who expose their egoistic, narcsissistic traits just on me as they think that I can take such attitudes because I did before. However now I am rejecting those attitudes and any assumptions that I am ok with whatever pain or darkness they have / hide. They can't assume that any longer because I have decided that my own pain and sufferings have been in control so I won't let others to bring their problems on me. I will go ahead and express that right on their faces if anyone does expose those on me from now, no matter where it is, and right before the eyes of people who are watching!
What I mostly see are people who keep thinking about things that have happened before and the things that might never even happen making them depressed.
The signs were there, but I didn't pay attention to my gut. I won't make that mistake again.
Agreed.
Yes, it was obvious something was wrong. But with no past experience, no education, no frame of reference for these odd behaviors, I couldn’t explain it. Between self-doubt and lust, I dismissed the weirdness, perhaps chastised myself for being overly critical, and dove right into the fantasy. But had I known…because the very second I learned the truth, I was done. Confusion gone, hope restored, sigh of relief, no more effort required. But it was a long decade spent utterly unable to make sense of my life. I wish this was taught in schools, or at least time spent on EQ.
You described all relevant points perfectly which lead to such an unaware (kind of chosen unawareness), desperate behavior. Same happend to me. I noticed those red flags. But to pay attention to it would have felt like losing something/someone that I have been looking for so long and the alternative would have been loneliness plus lost that time (double bad). So I decided for the short happy sprint (dopamine rushes) and the long painful marathon afterwards.
This is exactly right
@@daniel-alanexactly this. I let the same thing happen.
Prof Vaknin speaks the truth.
Healing takes years, so the decision could be finding another predator on the market, or isolating while improving.I definitely prefer the latter.
100%. I think it is essential to isolate to learn to regulate yourself. My ex went the exact opposite way after she made me leave the relationship from constant emotional abuse. After I broke up with her, she immediately found someone else, whom she is in full limerence with. Somehow it hurts, but on the other hand I am certain that karma will do what it does best.
@@andreagrazianodibenedetto1464
Definitely, you won't break the cycle but repeat it by choosing another partner through the same emotional state.
I also see some experts pointing that being alone means suffering, as for me it's pure peace and calmness, productivity and hobbies.
None of us are alone. We have consciousness and the ability to connect with each other around the world.
This Is so true 😞
I Remember how I ignored red flags. He was treating everybody so bad but he was kind to me. How on earth I thought he wasn't going to do the same to me???😢
@TauruSeasonyou are mistaken yes I had empathy towards that people, we argued a lot because of that.
I am in a place seeking female companionship over dating and its honestly even MORE depressing!! I go to a women's meetup for a coffee and turns out as always the host is using the group to start her BUSINESS!! UGH!! 🤮 I don't need male validation or attention, I want a friend to just share life with. It's that horrible out there in social circles. Genuine companionship and compassion is hard to develop even as a grown woman.. im sure men have a similar problem but I don't want a date. I'm trying to cure my loneliness with healthy and safe social interactions but it's always some agenda it seems. Just to have a hiking buddy or something! I don't want to pay you for your time if you're acting like there's a friendship.. thats catfishing! Even female narcissistic in friend circles!
But what you said at the end Sam was pure gold! I have always been single. Never married so im in that category, always traveling alone...lately been telling myself "Im all I've got in my life" and facing this realization has actually been liberating because ive always had my own back!
Yes, me too, finally after accepting that I have only me, I am at peace.
You haven't missed anything.... The importance of marriage and children is overstated. 50% of marriages end in divorce and in 40% the partners silently suffer together.... Maybe less than 10% of couples are really happy. I'm together 14 years with my husband. While I was content up until few years ago when cracks started to appear........... I don't care when he eyes up and chats up other women. But when he is angry (and little things can set him off) he becomes very aggressive and resort to name calling. I'm ashamed front of my neighbours because of his shouting. Now he doesn't even say me sorry. He thinks I should put up with his behaviour. If I would be in better financial position, probably I would have divorced him already.... But 100% I now planning going on solo holiday - I had enough footing the bill for him too for just him to blow up on me later for something insignificant.
Hey Sam, this one is really powerful. You boiled down all the BS and the last 20 seconds contain the best advice ever.
It's hard when you're raised by monsters, you can't get that from others, only monsters will give it to you, how can you self love with a history of missopportunities to self actualize, i've being thinking lately, man i would face anything in life but a child or even infant, toddler being humiliated, shamed manipulated, man this is a LOT
Wow, So true Sam. I take fully responsibility for my choice in marrying my ex narcissistic abusive violent husband because I was lonely.
I’m sooooo grateful for finding the strength to leave and to get reacquainted with me.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge on narcissistic behaviour, it’s been life changing in a positive manner. 🙌
This is the reality. Best get used to it and enjoy it instead of betraying and ultimately destroying ourselves out of loneliness. (Nice new format btw)
Before I met my narcissist, I didn't feel alone at all. In fact I was also in a long term relationship. He came like a hurricane and disturbed my quiet life. Fortunately I got rid of his presence.
Now I live a lonely life, but I still don't feel lonely. I have friends, I have my cat and many interesting things to do.
But above all, I have my valuable self.
No, certainly you are not (just) handsome. In fact, the truth is, you are very handsome.
And no, loneliness has not blinded me; Are you sure you are not too modest about yourself?😃
Dr. Sam Vaknin, thank U again for your very helpful videos. Precious.
so true! thank you Prof. for your daily dose of reality, alot of us need it in these crazy times....
He treats strangers like they are princesses and then will turn around and start loudly disrespecting me. I overlooked flaws in the beginning and now I’m MISERABLE. Absolutely. You are not a desiccated lizard .
The way someone treats me is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It’s got nothing to do with me. And if I love someone, I won’t hate the person because they struggle with themselves.
@@givethankseveryday It’s not my job to take care of someone else change. It’s my job to take care of my own journey.
I like being single because I live as I want.
@@StStStS I feel there is a myth going around that has been implemented in humans by the society - that to be happy we must be in a romantic relationship. Lie. We must not. It is an option. In addition, to be happy is not ultimately the goal. The goal is to be ourselves. That is very hard to accomplish since everyone wants us to be what they want us to be. Let’s start with that.
People are not wired to respect other people’s relationships - and yet they expect loyalty - funny. You are in a relationship - they should respect that.
So true. Ted flags were everywhere when I look back. It’s easy to deny people’s behavior under the guise of “accepting people as they are” when in reality you realize later it was issues you didn’t face from your past. It’s like insult to injury to yourself.
This is the truth. I did this to myself (I didn’t listen to my gut and ignored some of the signs). I was discarded two months ago and I’m learning so much now. I just need to change my thinking about being alone and accept it.
More shorts like this please sir although I do watch all your long videos
Thank you, this is a much need video. I was not just lonely, I was battling with su*cidal depressions and a life-changing disability. He was not just somebody "from the street", he was a friend (or so I thought) I knew for over a year. He was there when nobody else cared. He was there for me when I was standing in the middle of a bridge, ready to jump. But it was all a lie. He just wanted to use me while I was so vulnerable (and he told me so). Did I see the red flags? Some but not many (I was brought up in a highly dysfunctional family, nobody ever taught me what normal relationships are like...and he was the first man in 35 years who actually wanted to be around me). I realised the truth about so many red flags years after being discarded by him ( 5 years later, I am still figuring things out, tbh).
I definitely made bad choices from the state of a lonely mind. After being in customer service for 15 years, that's seeing the lonely
Incoming truth bombs, I'll drink too that! Thanks for posting, Professor Sam Vaknin.
Thank you for the reality check.
Have found that I am attracted to someones mind. Your comment.
Going through a divorce, 3rd wife. Understand soooo much from your program. Thank you
Truth.
Aren't you married professor? I thought so. You enjoy a partner and companionship.
No one wants to live a lonely existence forever. This is the reason many of us make less than wise decisions sometimes.
Hi, kind soul. I think he knows that. I take it as a very passionate, loving, fatherly advice from him to the world. He knows the numbers are not in our favour at the moment. And that being alone is inevitable for many people. Inevitable, but not without meaning or purpose. We, singles, get the chance to realize love in ourselves in a much faster way. Much faster than when you're stuck in an unhealthy relationship. It's all about evolution. The one Love is never absent. Romantic love is just one reflection of that.
And I am lonely too. :-) Much love from me.
I excused him having sex while i was in an unintentional blackout so impaired I could hardly move- that should have been it- I minimized it
I have a cousin that was willing to stay with her husband, even after finding out he was molesting their daughter for years. He even got her pregnant. He is the one that left her. She found out he was married to another woman in our country. He was also stealing her money, and transferring it to our country bank. Once he left she went back to our country met a guy, and did a huge wedding. She paid for everything, even the rings. He lives in Ghana, and she in the U.S. It's really scary that their are people like this in the world.
You seem unusually happy, more cheerful than usual
Every word you have spoken is absolutely and exactly true. However, before we had any idea what the word narcissist meant, before the internet was available, before we could educate ourselves, we thought their behaviour was typical of a male especially. They will change with time and so on and so forth. My generation and before endured the worst of it. The new generations will finally put an end to this insidious epidemic that has been happening for centuries. You, Prof. Sam are a life-saving pioneer, thank you!
This is true, they might be lonely, but I feel the real reason they find themselves attracted to you is your intellect and the words you say. The empathy you show. How you care about all us strangers out here and give us good, sage advice. Not your resemblance to Gollum....🤣
Yup
I'm so lonely! I've been lonely in a marriage for many a year! I know it's riskier making decisions right now... but I can't not tru & break my isolation... it's so incredibly tricky!
I believe internal self-connection (integrative fidelity of experience) is the most important thing there is as a guide and anchor of all meaning. But it requires secure, real connection (attachment) first!
A healed person is able to accept their part in any deception whether self
deception Is at play .
Yes...
Yesss terrible. I am in that situation.
Thank you, Professor!
Thank you Prof Vaknin for sharing…most of the people are sleeping…on low frequency to get in touch with these information
Spot on advice ❤
Sir, thankyou for these UA-cam vedios they have helped me .
Thankyou 💜
My first date with him , he would get distracted by a small kid who kept talking to him and his face would turn childlike too. So I fell for his childlike face 😂 even if he merely talked to me. Didn't ask about me much
Really good point thank you 🙏
Thank you for your honesty....truth hurts...and yes, I was so lonely and I had my eyes shut willingly...
Sam, you explain tge situation, it's sick but true. Sad.
Sagacious Advice
Apart from this man’s genius on human behaviour his humour is hilarious.
One of the problems is that everyone displays red flags. Its hard to know which ones you can work with and which ones you need to walk away from.
Its easier to just be alone and work on your own red flags
I think the most important thing is self awareness, especially with a personality disorder
This is an excellent post!
Bravo!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
When someone is under false marriage alot things happen
How can you be lonely after narcissistic abuse? I just want to sleep im exausted!
That was me. Running through one red flag another. Got sucked in. One year. No contact. NO CONTACT. Thank you As always. Thank you
lol loved that professor ! greetings from south america, brazil.
You are so right doc
You are right Sam, it is a perception and sickness. Thank you for the video about self love and value.😊
Heartbreak Hotel...
There is nothing like the truth
Is it the way someone behaves why we should love someone??
So true, thanks for raising attention to this!
all true!
That is SO true. In the past I have kept bad company because it was available and every time regretted it. I don’t do it anymore- lived and learned. And it’s less lonely this way!
Ouch...
That has been the sharper side to the double edged sword of my recently ended 16 year (imaginary) relationship with a CNPD woman.
My rationalizing, justifying, willfully and irrationally ignoring, appeasing, excusing and placating;
accepting the self imposed cognizant dissonance between my perception and construct of reality vs the shared fantasy;
financially, mentally, physically and emotionally, often sacrificially, enabling and supporting;
sacrificially giving of my time and energy to gain breadcrumbs of emotional intimacy, common decency and a modicum of relationship normalcy, ... all of the
newly learned, obvious, in my face red flags of this disorder.
Couple this with my tolerance and implied acceptance of her constant onslaught of envy, anger, emotional detachment, general discontent, self indulgence, self aggrandizement,
vindictiveness, maligning criticism, argumentative demeanor, ungratefulness, disrespectfulness,
isolation, silent treatments, dismissiveness, reflection, deflection, projection, contentiousness, greed, pathological lying,
never ending verbal, emotional and mental abuse; compulsive behavioral displays of alcoholism, pot smoking and shopping (designer purses, coats, shoes, coats, jackets, hats; furniture, lamps, paintings, food.)
The end of our "relationship" culminated in her Narcissistic annihilation/mortification.
So, to paraphrase you, a howling wind in a labyrinth of mirrors...
I escaped just before her total assimilation of my entire persona vs her discard of me.
I am coming to terms with my contribution and ultimate responsibility for this situation, and am humbly- to myself and to relevant others -- acknowledging and seeking knowledge about and professional help for my mental, psychological and emotional developmental inadequacies and deficiencies, and also my character flaws that initiated, contributed to, and perpetuated this nightmarish entanglement of two flawed and damaged souls.
I have a lot of self care and self work ahead of me. Thank you for your services in my endeavor.
What a nice background ;-)
I give this ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Grand Master
Yes, so true. I overlooked many things...luckily I'm now pulling out, after 4 months of curious pursuit. Funny I was blissed out before, geesh, why did I do this? Luckily didn't consumate..whew.
Same here, pulled out after 4 months, saw red flags since begining, yet ignored, due to lonliness....Bravo, you saved yourself....
#SelfLove ❤
Very very true! I wanted excitement
Love you man! Bit not like those girls that write to offer themselves. Thanks for the advice. Greetings from Serbia. ❤️
Great👏
Love you Sam, keep teaching the world 🌎 This is your gift, and you graciously share it ❤ Keep on keeping!!!! Monique 😊✨💫
The book called 30 Days to Overcome Loneliness by Harper Daniels had some nice meditations I enjoyed.
I provoke this "uncanny valley" sensation in people with my AvPD, even though I don't intend to cause anyone harm. But the funny thing is that when it comes to narcissists, people tend to overlook their behaviour much more even when the narcissist is being openly unpleasant. lol Go figure...
Thank you for this message ❤
I don't agree with the Gollum part - come on now - but I concur with everything else, haha 🙂. Thank you so much for this important reminder, professor. Speaking of Gollum: I would go as far as saying that watching movies that provoke lots of fear and stress (or 'suspense') - movies that depict wars and other toxic behaviour - is, for an empath, a kind of mini-version of prostituting yourself into a toxic relationship. For one hour and a half, you willingly submerse yourself in a lower energy, just to not have to deal with yourself. To be in another world. A fantasy world. I say this because I am guilty of it. And I oftentimes regret it. It's an addiction.
Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin for the information ❤
Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin ❤
Thank you Professor Vaknin. This is empowering, because this means that if we want to we will never have to be with a narcissist or psychopath again. My psychopath ex told me he wanted to marry me within 15 minutes of meeting me. My narcissist ex had a awkwardness and predatoriness to him and he was talking mainly about himself and how he wanted to revolutionize the plastic surgery industry and develop a new kind of breast implant when he was years from even starting med school and later approached me for sex when I was so high I could not speak and barely move. There were signs, very clear signs on the first date, and especially in the first week. My psychopath started talking about buying a house the first week and thought I needed to feed my dog different food and had a very heated discussion about how he thought my dog needed different food (my dog actually gets the best most expensive food I can afford). I mean seriously I saw it and could have prevented it all and that's actually better than painting myself as a pure victim. Only problem is, normal guys who I'm attracted to don't like me except for casual sex.. but I guess narcissists and psychopaths don't either they might idealize but they could care less about our wellbeing, and we know that's not love.
Being lonely doesn’t mean one lacks standards. People am be desperate for any company.
On reels nice one
the truth is the truth
Loneliness is a horrible advisor until one has that epiphanic moment where one clearly sees for the first time, glasses down, delusion free, the depths of evil one allowed into one’s life because it was all normalized in a dysfunctional family. In that moment, loneliness shifts to aloneness and it’s possible to reclaim the person who was lost in all that extreme delusion. Aloneness is a profound healing gift.
Indeed! Like the boiling frog in beaker experiment,high school chemistry 🧑🔬
Yes, it was clear minute 5 of the conversation. But I don't want to be lonely
It applies to men too, sadly, more often. Here, at least.
How does a person know if she/he is lonely?
Something was wrong all the way
Thank you sooo much for stating this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
the antidote to narcissism is understanding 'anatta'... not self ☝️
He’s right lonely women can be a danger to themselves. They grovel over any kind of male because they want to be rescued. It’s true.
Yes i am drunk.
❤ u Dr. vaknin 😆🙏✨
When I met the one I married he was "different" for sure.