Adults told my brother he'd rot his brain watching all the tv he did, but they didn't say anything about the 3+ novels I'd plow through a week as a kid to avoid the chaotic and unstable environment we were both raised in.
This. When I was watching 101 Dalmatians on a loop (and destroying the vhs in the process) I was rotting my brain. When I was insisting on rereading my favourite book in the classroom at recess and they had to kick me outside? Well I was just a good little bookworm.
Reading IS different and engages your brain differently but I get what you're saying. I used to be *-OBSESSED-* with books as a child. I grew up without a television and lived in a relatively unstable environment, so I loved escaping into different worlds, especially sci-fi or history related.
..."what did she say about your husband?".... continue after the commercial break.... we will come back soon and in next episode you will see......"what did she say about your husband?"...... ."what did she say about your husband?"....continue after the second commercial break about the tv list program ....."."what did she say about your husband?"...I" dont know some nonsense."... click tv turned off. 😄
the american idol tv shows are so noisy..... the flash effects and the clips are yelling so much... people feel blind and deaf from these after effects...flashing the lights, 30 times in row , one time or two is enough for entertainment like epileptic seisure episode or something.
I hear this but I also think there's a conversation to be had about the norms being pushed by reality TV, especially in regards to alcohol. I can track the chronology of my parents' alcoholism based on what Ramona from The Real Housewives was drinking in which season. From what I've heard, producers on these shows will almost trick people into drinking (telling waiters to brink alcohol to someone who wanted water, for example) to create more drama. It just makes me really uncomfortable when shows treat heavy drinking and screaming fights as regular everyday occurrences, and it seems like reality shows rely pretty heavily on that.
Oh yeah for sure! Sometimes I forget y’all aren’t in my brain or present for every conversation I have about something so the distinction that reality tv isn’t inherently problematic to consume or enjoy AND that reality tv is problematic to produce got sort of lost tbf.
C-PTSD survivor here. I find nearly all reality TV to be so incredibly triggering that I can't watch it. I can barely handle watching people do overview YT videos about reality TV. I have no idea if I would like it if I didn't have the C-PTSD. I've only recently been able to watch any horror and that's only because I can tell myself it's not real. It's way harder to convince my brain I'm safe when I know that the humans I'm watching are playing themselves and not imaginary characters made up for an intentionally fictional movie. I totally agree about gossip. Anti gossip rules were used in my childhood IBLP church to shut down legitimate objects to the actual abuses we were experiencing.
Yes, I get overstimulated and sometimes have those "emotional flashbacks" in response to abusive/manipulative/or just mean behavior. I get actually angry because I'm making the connections between what's on screen and what I lived. So in the end it's better to be very selective with the media I watch. Legit usually end up in the family/kids category 🙃
I knew this one girl who would shame others for taking screenshots...I suspect because she would flirt with multiple men while she had a boyfriend. These people want their behaviour hidden so they don’t have to face consequences
I knew this one girl who would shame others for taking screenshots...I suspect because she would flirt with multiple men while she had a boyfriend. These people want their behaviour hidden so they don’t have to face consequences
I think there's a difference between substantive gossip (talking about things people have allegedly done or said which affected others), and the sort of gossip which is essentially insulting or belittling other people. As an autistic person, I've heard a lot of negative things said about people which basically boil down to "I don't like them they have a weird vibe." and it's rarely specified or interrogated. I know as non-cis men we want to go with our gut for safety reasons, but a lot of this sort of negative talk is rooted in some forms of subconscious discrimination. For example, a lot of my autistic traits are read as "creepy" and "off." To speak about someone who doesn't seem to conform in social situations with the same language as someone who has proven themselves to be abusive or unsafe is unfair. Trans and black people are often called creepy or intimidating as well There is also a lot of gossip which is basically bullying and I don't know. I think there can be a more nuanced discussion about the nature of gossip without labeling it as either important OR always harmful.
I big agree with this. I've seen so many untrue or harmful rumors spread for fun/drama cause real hurt that I have a very mixed opinion of gossip. This includes a few folks being outed. Even watching the way misinformation is spread in larger society, I think we need to exercise caution with who we believe gossip from and who we share gossip with.
Playing the Sims is kind of like reality tv. I watch my sims do mundane shit like laundry and I'm all for it where as I hate cleaning (I do it but I hate it). It's weird.
The only one I can stomach is the Great British Bake Off (or Great British Baking Show), especially the earlier seasons, because everyone helps each other out and are friendly
This is honestly why I like "Nailed It," too. At least for the seasons I watched, it was a lot friendlier because of that expectation that everybody would be horrible at the task. Plus, it felt less icky because I wasn't seeing things that made me feel like, "Uuuuh, this really seems like none of my business."
I rarely watch reality TV ( i won't say never) , but i definitely get those same effects (both positive and negative) from advice subreddits like AITA (or the UA-cam channels that read them. I found this video really informative and helpful
I think I like to sidecar reality tv through channels like yours because it is fun to discuss social issues/human interaction in a way that isn’t directly connected to my real life. Also to catch up on people I grew up watching. Definitely can’t watch it directly in most cases (cPTSD, too many unexpected elements and aggressive interactions) but there’s something satisfying about community gossip since I don’t like gossip in my personal life. It’s like watching horror, it’s a safe way to explore fears and anxiety.
Entirely this. I could never just sit down and watch Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, but doing it with Mickey’s chat and listening/reading the discourse is so interesting
I disagree with you on the gossip part. Gossip can be a form of bullying as well, not just informing people about dangerous men. In my opinion not all gossip is fair criticism, and many times it's used to ostracise people who are maybe a little bit weird, but didn't do anything wrong. Not to even mention that anything could be considered cringe or weird these days, even normal human things.
I think part of her argument is that some of those negative forms of gossip stem partly from the stigmatization of gossip and that if it was more normalized and less shamed there would be less (not none) abuse of it.
Completely agree with you, just defending gossip and not even mentioning this very big negative part of it seems disingenuous and even came off a bit gaslighty to me, me not liking gossip has nothing to do with what other people told me or my views of fellow women and everything to do with my lived experience.
i agree. and i think the theory that the dislike of gossip being rooted in misogyny holds some water, i won't discount it. but there are absolutely legitimate reasons to not like it. it's disrespectful to someone to talk about them and their business without them present to have a voice in the conversation. now, am i gonna say i never gossip? no, im not a perfect person. but im not gonna sit here and act like its a morally neutral thing to be doing.
Mickey, i would love to see you respond to the old reality tv show "World's Strictest Parents." If you haven't seen it, it might make your blood boil and also give you an opportunity to talk about parentification, child-adult relationships, attachment, etc.
When I was two years old, my favorite show was an anthropology documentary series shown on PBS as part of a correspondence college program. I would have full-on meltdowns if I missed it. So I have to be very careful with reality TV. It scratches that same bug, but encourages emotional attachment (which I have to fight in basically all situations anyway). I really like that on UA-cam, I can watch reaction videos to it, because that helps me put the additional distance that I need between me and the highly-edited emotional addictive substance that is reality TV.
I noticed that with reality tv people enjoy hate watching and crtiquing the people on those shows. Reality tv producers know this and play into villainizing people.
The older I get, the pickier I get about listening to media criticism. So much of it is “I hate this thing because it doesn’t center straight white men and instead of fucking off and doing my own thing, I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem”
There is a lot of better media critique and analysis, and a lot of it I skip bc it can be very bare bones or obnoxious and Im in a stage in life where I like to be critical of media (the thing I've always did) but also I just want to enjoy media even if its not that great. I can let it slide that it's bad or mid quality, when before anything that made me question it made me avoid it completely. So yea I tend to veer away from negative reviews unless I already know I don't like the thing or if it's bad bc of bigotry. A lot of stuff that women are stereotypically drawn to is also crapped on more, so it gets distracting I start to wonder if a thing really is that bad or if the person was never gonna like this thing bc of their biases.
It's entertainment, but any athlete is wholly more respectable than a reality TV icon... If an athlete is notable to show up on ESPN it means they are the top 1-2% of athletes and have worked their asses off to get there. There is every bit more merit to being an athletic than a reality TV personality...
Love you the most, Mickey, but I disagree with a lot of what you said here lol. You asked why gossip came to be considered immature and shady: I think the answer is 1) it's unreliable. (If it were reliable, it wouldn't be called gossip; it would be called evidence.) We've all played telephone and witnessed how quickly hearsay gets warped. 2) it fosters an environment where other people's opinions influence you. Which gives you a biased look on things that you haven't had a chance to judge for yourself. I think it's important for people to practice the skill of determining what THEY think about things, not what their parents or coworkers or youtubers think. I do agree gossip can be helpful to avoid harmful people. But I think it can also make someone's past stick to them like glue when they may have moved on to be a different person. I agree we shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly for gossiping. It's human. But you haven't convinced me that the benefits outweigh the harms lol. I also disagree that there's "nothing inherently wrong with" reality tv. You yourself have bemoaned the poor contestants because they don't have a therapist available to help them through all the emotional abuse they suffer because of these shows. Hasn't reality tv proven to exploit and objectify people? Producers of reality tv are selling a lie; it is not reality. It's prompted and edited and turns people into characters, villains and protagonists, with an arc. Only the audience is being sold that this person with their real name and real home town and real job is that character, and will be judged by their actions in the show. It's not the same as judging Hannibal Lecter for his exploits; the producers are not selling me that he is real. Not only that, but, as we've seen with LIB, since the premise of these shows don't change, they have to keep upping the ante and create more drama. They literally have to think of ways to milk people's emotions more and more and more. All for money. I see your point about how it can create community, and that studying it from a grand scale can be anthropology. But I just don't see how we can't get that same research and community through less exploitative, dehumanizing shows. Again, love you the most and I respect your opinion. Thanks for making this video!
"Reality TV" encompasses a BROAD spectrum so while yes there are some shows that invoke a lot of ick there are also some that are more wholesome. So yes, Reality TV is not inherently wrong. That doesn't remove the possibility for it to be used negatively. Water isn't inherently good or bad but depending on the environment the water is in, it can have positive or negative effects. Things that are generally good for you can be bad if they're overconsumed. But that doesn't make them inherently bad.
@@lizzybeary That's a good reminder that reality tv encompasses a broad spectrum. There's probably plenty of wholesome, informative, uplifting shows. I wonder which shows get the highest ratings, though. And, I guess I'm defaulting to the ones Mickey streams on Fridays, and the ones she mentioned in the video. (Survivor, Real World, Big Brother) I would put all of those under the 'ick' category lol. Your water analogy doesn't sway my opinion, however. Water won't be canceled if it's not popular enough. Water isn't manufactured. It doesn't do what it does towards any agenda. If you mean the concept of a reality tv show existing is morally neutral, I would agree. But tv shows are designed and sold as a product. And if its seller and designer is building the product on the idea of putting people through emotional distress to see what drama might play out, I would argue there is something morally questionable with that. And if the demand of the product is founded on the audience judging and objectifying the contestants (not for any athletic or vocational skill, but just for their [prompted and edited] human behavior), I would ask if that is a healthy practice for a society. Now, lots of products in a society are unhealthy. Our phones might be made through slave labor. Fast food might give you high cholesterol. But it's difficult to function in a society without a phone; if you have a busy schedule it's difficult to function without quick, easy food. We can function without the ick tv shows. I just wonder if we can't raise the bar a little bit higher and demand better quality in our reality tv shows. Again, its not a sin to watch the ick ones. But should we encourage it? Should we reward those producers with views? Idk. What do you think? Now, if Netflix hired Mickey and we saw her in the corner of all these shows, walking us through the human behavior, I WOULD be down for that.
@@snuffle-t-wuggins I feel this exact way. I do occasionally enjoy some of the more wholesome shows that focus on things like cooking/baking. e.g. I got into Chopped and Nailed It for a while, especially since they had a sense of humor about themselves and felt less exploitative than reality shows based on relationship drama and/or endurance tests that harm the contestants. But a lot of shows are outright nasty. (e.g. The few episodes of Survivor I watched with a friend ages ago: While I enjoyed having my friend talk me through what was going on, I ended up feeling even worse about the general concept of the show, especially when they revealed that the contestant who won had gotten some sort of parasitic infection(?) or something from the lack of clean water, etc while doing the show, which they tried to pass off as "isn't he brave?") And certainly, I've gotten sucked into one or two relationship-drama-based reality shows, and I totally get how easy it is to get hooked on the drama. But it never felt like a healthy version of "getting hooked on the drama" in those instances. Those shows very much feel like the dark side of gossip taken to a very manipulative/exploitative extreme for all the reasons you laid out. As you said, we can find escapism/community/etc in characters we know to be entirely fictional, played by professional actors, where we're not prying into the personal lives and emotions of real people (contrived or otherwise - heck, the contrivance sometimes makes it feel even more manipulative).
I think it is important to note that reality TV really took off right around 9/11. Of course we were all looking for some escapism. Another great discussion, Mickey and exactly why I have always loved watching these shows. Like people watching but from the comfort of my own couch!
I feel really called out for being "abnormal" here, that evidently I'm lying about not liking reality TV. I find that odd on this channel. I am, honestly, one of those people who has never (as far as I know) watched reality TV, with the very rare exception of watching something with my parents when I'm vising home. (Even then, their taste tends to be more on the "documentary" end of things.) I have never had an interest. I'm older than you and remember when shows like _Survivor_ and _Lost_ were big, and even then, I clearly recall being completely mystified at other people's fascination. I will say that I also dislike gossip pretty strongly, so I do think there's a correlation there. I'm not sure if that's because I'm probably autistic, or because I was bullied a lot as a kid, or both, but I wouldn't be surprised if reality TV is unpopular with the autistic community.
Yup, certainly have had a very strong dislike of the obvious, seemingly out of place, emotional manipulation background music & so much toxicity! Even a decade + before I was finally diagnosed with cPTSD & then AuDHD, it was like nails on chalkboard to be in the living room while my (VERY LATE diagnosed ADHD) mom would watch the Bachelor & those types. I even tried watching My Cat From Hell, but could not take the damn music & dramatic pauses! 😬😩😵
Yeeeeaaah I am AuDHD, but also poor and busy with kids. Streaming services are an easy thing for me to save money on by not using, and that includes not watching reality TV. I also just..... Don't care. Like, the social cues and contexts are both confusing and boring to me. I will say, owning a few complete series that I rewatch is my dopamine hit. It feels good to not feel anxious about how a situation is going to go, because I already know the ending.
I agree. I get what she's saying about gossip being culturally acceptable providing a safety network, but when it's inspired by malice and the dopamine hit of speaking ill of people behind their backs, that's only gonna malform your relationships with even the people you gossip with. This tendency is being validated, so you know they'll shit talk you too, and thats a real self-esteem hit. I've been there recently, and now I know the warning signs to avoid those with these tendancies because, frankly, I'm still dealing with the trauma of trying to befriend someone like this who blew up several of my decades-long relationships by making up stories for her entertainment, and Im still working to recover those. Be assertive about conflicts whenever safe, not underhanded. If it's not safe, it would be better to encourage people to seek professional assistance anyway. Mimicking reality tv will lead to immature interpersonal relationships that lack integrity.
Maybe it's just because of my specific trauma, I find most reality tv triggering. So much bullying and meanness. And it's so much worse when it feels like they are being manipulated to make the drama worse. I like the first couple sessions of Amazing race, but then they had some really mean people and I've never felt safe to try it again. And I've seen some great british bake off at my dentist. And that seems nice but for all I know that's session 1 dvds that get played on repeat because I don't have money to access that show or anything that's not free
Gonna speak up for someone who is "i don't really watch reality tv shows" (me). It is possible that people don't lie when they say that. Maybe whatever they watch they don't classify as reality tv show. Here is my example. I was trying to remember what was the last reality tv i watched and i couldn't remember anything besides Kardashians that i watched in 2016 or so. And 90 day fiance in 2018 or 2019. I am sure i probably watched smth else but i can't even remember. Instead i watch similar stuff when i get into rabit whole of drama tea channels or interviews with ex-cult followers (it is some form of reality, just not tv show format). And i watch a lot of that. For some reason tv formats annoy me, they are very reoetitive and i much prefer seeking similar thrill in UA-cam formats.
I don’t think I’ve watched ANY reality TV shows recently. Not since I was a little kid. I just read manga and watch anime like a nerd these days. I don’t even know half the drama that goes into between celebrities either. I don’t even know most of the celebrities’ names and who they are.
I found this all quite interesting. First the idea that cis-het white men tend to judge media they are not interested in as worthless or brain rotting is pretty true. The thing that caught my attention is that I should be neutral towards things like reality TV because it’s not my bag, I don’t get judgy about televised sports or soap operas so why should I be judgy toward reality TV? The unscripted reality format is supposedly cheaper to produce than scripted drama and the studios leaned into it during the writers strike some years back. Film students and others deep in the weeds of making all this content could have a robust debate of the merits of all these different forms of entertainment. But that’s not where my interest lies. Then there was popping the bubble around the idea of constant self improvement. That’s a huge thing I struggle with even though I know it can’t be done, but it’s something I’d enjoy you talking about. It’s at the root of so many pathological behavior patterns, so many places where people can beat upon themselves and it really needs to be dragged out and examined more carefully.
I think we need to be careful when discussing gossip because of how quickly it can become bullying. There's a huge difference between a whisper network to keep people safe and a bunch of your peers pushing you out of a space because they think you're weird. This is especially a problem in schools. I tend to err on the side of not talking about people behind their back unless they're somehow a threat.
I have very mixed feelings about gossip....So I'd love a video about it. I definately participate in it however, I always try to make sure that the information I am presenting has strong evidence supporting it. In my life, I have formed so many negative opinions of people just based off of what someone close to me has said about them. In actually getting to know them, I've realized that they are not as terrible as I've been told. I would have formed so many more close relationships if I hadn't been swayed by gossip. I am also neurodivergent, so maybe I'm missing something...But in my experience, gossip has done more harm to me & the people being gossiped about than good. I also only consume reality TV with little to no conflict in it.
i shame myself a lot for enjoying kpop, not just the music but the their variety and reality shows . i really appreciate the reminder than its okay to take the dopamine wherever tf you can get it lol
I was feeling so inadequate today for going straight home from work and doing nothing but watch tv and eat food and do dishes. I feel like I should be doing more to make my time worthwhile, a guilty creeping dread. So I appreciate the reminder that it's ok to not be improving always and its ok to escape
At work I got in trouble for "gossip". However that "gossip" opened up conversations for me and my co-workers to discuss issues regarding our wages, and exposed an unsafe work environment where several people realized they were facing the same issues. This resulted in several people exiting in the span of a few weeks.
I would absolutely LOVE to hear a longer video of your take on gossip. I'm a licensed commercial plumber, and the environment is male dominated, replete with all the problematic themes that environment comes with. One thing that really stands out to me is how MUCH these dudes talk $hit about everybody we work with. I'm so irritated that women have the bad rap for gossip when these dudes just keep talking, and doubly so when someone labels me (or another woman) as gossiping on a job site, when I'm one of many doing the same thing. We have a dangerous and dirty job where we could legit be severely injured or killed. We urgently need to know who we can trust and how. Not to mention there's a ton of fragile egos that have to be managed if we want to keep our job or get promoted. Love to hear more about gossip as a positive
Not me crying when you said people don’t have to be on a treadmill of constant self-improvement 😭 thank you, I needed that, my poor little brain is struggling rn and still feeling the urge to “improve” as I’m surviving.
I think the stigma around gossip is less the "Oooh, how dare you speak up about so-and-so behaving problematically" (though goodness knows, there's *also* stigma about that in many circles), and more around the kind of gossip that you see in _Mean Girls._ Namely, gossip has the connotation of less being about, "Watch out for Billy Bob, he's dangerous," and more about spreading rumors about people and/or sharing things that may be true, but that really *are* nobody else's business (or that are just harmless - like, "Oooh, did you see what Jane wore today?" or "Sarah's so weird!"). Like, for all the utility of saying "Watch out for this guy, s/he has X dangerous pattern," there is also a red line where you have to say, "Okay, now we're just plain invading other people's privacy or ragging on them for not conforming." And that's also where a lot of the stigma around reality tv comes in, cause it so often crosses that line in a forced and/or exploitative way. Doesn't mean that it's not understandable or that it's always/inevitably the worst thing ever (goodness knows, there are a couple of cooking competition shows I enjoy because they feel less exploitative), but the general trends in reality TV do mean that shows often cross that line.
(I think where the unfair stigma *really* comes in is in the soap opera genre, which is something I'm trying to unlearn myself. Like, in that case, such shows do get dumped on for being silly, despite being largely harmless/not having the exploitative problems that are so common in reality TV.)
There was a show that came out in the UK during the 2000s called That'll Teach 'Em. Where modern teenagers go to a 50s boarding school, for four weeks and then do a 50s final exam at the end. My wife found the entire premise triggering.
I'm a biological psychology student with a focus in research and development especially when it comes to technology and social media. I am a new viewer and i find your channel so informative, and it does shed a lot of light on social and cultural issues on our society. Thank you so much for delivering so many diverse topics. Its a breath of fresh air your approach to education.
This has absolutely been one of my favourite videos of yours ever! Such great insight (that also affirmed my own previously held beliefs lol) and useful advice for diversifying your dopamine. I definitely get overfixated on certain things as a way to deal with hardship. Also would LOVE to see a full video about gossip!!
I like reality shows with a challenge aspect. My current favorites are Survivor and Naked and Afraid, and Alone. Thanks for making this video and pointing out the underlying misogyny of hating on reality television and the example of men like reality television as well (sports) was spot on. I love YOU the most, Mickey Atkins, which is why I watch until the end!
@@kkimsey5866 Yes! Naked and Afraid is super cool! I like challenge cooking shows too. I love to see people think outside of the box and express their creativity.
I find it telling that, in the past, the church/ the Bible has painted gossips as sinful. Who would benefit from keeping “the people” from talking to each other? 🤔
As far the gossip, yes it may have it's place. The biggest issue I have with it is due to how many times I've seen it weaponized by abusive types. It's so easy for someone to spread lies about ppl simply because they felt triggered or slighted or didn't get whatever outcome they wanted. I very rarely see it used for good. Worse, ppl respond more strongly to negativity & more likely to believe the bad they hear rather than anything good they see.
I think my favourite reality TV show is Encore! on Disney+. Only one season of it has been produced so far. The premise is that the students who put on a production of a musical in high school reunite as adults to do a new production of the same show, with the involvement of professional music directors and choreographers. It could be a reunion 10, 15, 20+ years on. It's often really funny and good-natured, but there is also an inevitable amount of rehashing of stuff people went through in high school or relationships they might have had that they've seen moved on from. I think the overall tone is quite gentle and uplifting and I'm already interested in musical theatre, so I really love that show.
15:00 You know...this made me think about "cancel cutlure" and people's negative reaction to that. Through the lens of gossip being a tool for community safety, I feel like "cancel culture" (in hard quotes b/c I hate the term!) is the online version of that, keeping people safe. And the negative reaction is having a history on a modern society where you're usually pretty anonymous.
I used to watch a lot of reality TV, but stopped because I didn't like the way it played with my emotions due to editing and scripts. I hate the way producers will pit people against one another or vilify someone. I don't like shows where they starve people or berate people. That being said, I will sometimes watch bake off, because they all support one another, they give people a pass if they get sick, and overall it's not mean. They all want to win, but they're respectful, supportive, and it's not forcing them to go beyond their physical or mental limits to win. I like that.
For whatever reason, I've been really into Say Yes to the Dress lately. Also, I'd love to hear what you have to say in a video about gossip. Love your videos, and thanks for sharing!
A friend of a friend that knows somebody that heard something about somebody.... This is a good example of why gossip is unreliable and not something to rely on. Especially if it's concerning "safety" 🙄
My husband and I tend to like shows where there are elements of creativity, goodwill, and cooperation like Dancing with The Stars, Project Runway, Forged in Fire, or Blown Away. I have never seen an episode of Survivor and precious few of The Bachelor/Bachelorette (b/c I had a friend that loved that show). I prefer drama and conflict to be fictional, I guess?
For a really kind and interesting reality TV show I suggest School of Chocolate, the judge actually helps the contestants falling behind, and contestants will help each other
I don't have a TV/subs and not really into standard reality TV but I have been enjoying crochet/knit/sew and chat type of vlogs, which kinda fits that watching other people live their lives type of category. It also kinda works like body doubling in a way because I often work on my projects with them in the background. Oh someone else finished their project. I can do that too and have a similar journey.
i love this video! also when it comes to gossip, there’s a great video on tiktok about how “gossip” used to be the only form of journalism or communication before we had news sources and media. and i see a lot of comments about how ppl disagree bc they still don’t like reality tv or gossip. that’s fine. but there’s issues and downsides to every form of media consumption. action content and video games are full of violence. comedians and streamers and content creators are full of bias and bigotry of their own. Reality TV is simply neutral (morally) and it often creates a sense of community which isn’t a bad thing! i notice ppl tend to label EVERYTHING as “gossip” when it’s even just current events or things happening in our daily lives. can’t please em all. thanks for another wonderful video!❤️
Thank you so much for this- like, much more than i can say. My abusers pushed the idea hard into me that I'm immature and will always need looking after, and many of the things pointed to were the things that brought me joy. I love the idea of bimboism and centering "femme" perspectives on politics, for example. Also, I have been trying to think of how to create my own channel, and you just gave me a great idea. Thank you so much! 🎉❤❤❤❤❤
My fav by far is The Circle, it just usually ends up being quite wholesome despite all the wild stuff the producers introduce, plus it tends to have more queer people and people of color, AND FAT PEOPLE!! Like fat people actually get to exist on it, still not a lot of us, but there's usually like at least one each season which is way more than most reality shows in my experience xD
I personally think there's a real irony in a tv channel called "The Learning Channel" hosting the worst kinds of reality TV, under the guise of "educating" people about different lifestyles.
Thankyoooouuuu. My partner does not get it but as someone with PTSD from childhood, these shows are a safe way for me to explore conflict and toxic behaviour. Especially when I discuss it with safe communities (reality fans are by and large pretty awesome). Plus, it’s fun.
I would love a video about gossip! I agree it can be helpful, but I have also seen people weaponize gossip to hurt and manipulate people and am wrestling with the differences there.
I never really hugely got into Reality TV. I did watch a little bit of Rock of Love Bus and Daisy of Love back in 2009 because I was working in a residence home at night and one of my coworkers wanted to watch it, so I watched it with her. These days the only Reality TV I watch is stuff on TLC and that's only when my brother watches it. I did watch some Little People, Big World, but I stopped when I lost track of it and now I'm so out of the loop it's daunting to think of starting over at the beginning with it, hehe.
I had to stop watching Real Housewives in the evening because the fights would make me so agitated that I couldn't fall asleep lol. My body literally thinks it's happening to me
I mostly like watching people talking about/ showing aspects of their lives, teaching something, telling true stories - not having to do with a competition. I'm so bored and irritated with that model.
Cis-head male here. I love reality tv. I understand why you say it's misogyny. The same type of guys will say wwe is awesome but complain you like watching some girl live her dream
I watch a lot of baking shows, and my favorite is Great Canadian Bake Off. I also loved The Repair Shop on Netflix. I grew up in a toxic cult, and right now I’m trying to heal from some stuff and it’s been SO helpful to watch long-form interviews of other cult survivors and hear their stories first hand. I think I’m getting some similar benefits to what you talked about in this video. Now I’m curious what you think of the show Sex Education. It is not reality TV, it is scripted, but it is so centered on realistically messy interactions people have while they’re figuring out their identities and what they need in life. There are so many little story lines that are rare/unprecedented for scripted shows. The fourth and final season was my favorite, and one of the reasons is because it surfaced disability justice at the micro-social as well as political levels.
This does explain why watching Police body cam footage or courtroom footage is so fascinating. It's real reality TV, no script, real interactions, unedited ( for the most part). You get to see their interactions from start to finish with most of the videos. And it's so fascinating how differently people react to police or a judge/ authority figure.
And the steaks are real as well. No one's paying them to be there and the consequences are real 😂 you get to learn a little bit about the lives and with some people they have multiple videos of just absolutely ridiculous and usually abhorrent behavior.
You get to see how differently people react. Some of them are really struggling with real life issues and the stress just gets to them. Some of them are just rich and entitled. Love seeing a Karen in the wild. People acting hysterically. Some of the decisions that people make baffle me. Some people I can identify with and some I can't. Much better than some reality dating show or scripted show
Reality and dating shows are lying to you. They don't tell you that all the interactions are planned or which interactions were planned and which were staged. They're deceiving their audience because they never disclaim what is real or fabricated And what was a genuine in the moment thing. They always stage it as real to an extent but it's just manipulation.
Doesn't that feeling of connection and belonging via being a fan of reality TV kind of require suspension of disbelief? Or is that just me? Of late I'm more aware of how tenuous that connection can be, even with IRL interactions, so that might just be my cynical side talking a little louder than usual. I do agree that gossip or whisper network *can* be useful, if it's used as a way to inform others about people who are genuinely not safe to be around and places which they ought to avoid. It was probably the earliest form of journalism/PSA in human history. If the whisper network is full of nothing but vicious people who are more concerned about keeping up appearances or get joy out of causing suffering, though...
I never watched reality TV regularly, but sometimes would to know what friends were talking about. I've never lied about not watching reality, instead I spent a lot of time pretending to watch it more than I actually did to try to fit in with people who were fans. 😬 But I permanently stopped watching most reality tv (except for intentionally calm ones like, GBBO) when I got my first smart watch that measured heart rate and I could easily see for the first time the effect that shows that really hype up the drama (in addition to a lot of reality shows, this was also super angsty shows like This Is Us and Scandal) had on my health while watching them, as well as after. I never noticed the anxiety they caused in me until I started getting high heart rate notifications while watching them. Then I noticed that I would also feel dehydrated and drained after watching super intense episodes. I realized that my health was just not in a good enough place for shows like that to add additional anxiety and stress, and leaned further into comedy genres instead.
I need some kind of filter through which I can watch reality tv, for the most part, or at least relationship type reality shows. That's actually how I found this channel, I think, it was one of the earlier love is blind reactions, I think?? It's a great learning opportunity. my favourite reality shows, though, are food shows like the Great British Bake Off, or Nailed It
Tbh I didn’t like the energy of “if you say you don’t watch/like reality tv then you’re lying” I genuinely cannot stand reality tv, in any form that I’ve been exposed to. It makes me cringe so hard, it makes me anxious when they’re having huge arguments, I can’t imagine a form of media that I would dislike more. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the appeal it holds for some people, but I just CANT enjoy it. The extent of it that I’ve watched has been in secondhand videos using it as a vehicle to discuss greater issues (including your Sister Wives videos, Mickey!) Anyway, that part was really off putting to me. I always find it irritating when people try to position themselves as a greater authority on some else’s minds/hearts/likes/dislikes than the person themselves. Yknow, like the fundamentalists that are talked about pretty often on this channel.
I feel this. Reality TV is an umbrella term which can cover lots of different types of shows (like baking/cooking shows). But the shows people associate it with most often, I genuinely never watched. Stuff like dating shows or anything like Keeping Up or Jersey Shore. Not my thing at all. It's all too triggering, embarrassing, or boring. I get why other people like it and that's morally neutral but it's not my thing at all.
I never thought deeply about this particular topic and I must admit to having had this attitude that reality TV was vapid before. I always thought the same thing about sports TV by the way. Nevertheless I found that you made a compelling argument for reality TV. I don't watch it because I guess I'm one of those odd exceptions, and that also checks out considering how eccentric my palate can be at times. I don't watch TV AT ALL and I do not use my smartphone for recreative purposes. I can definitely see how patriarchal oppression cracks down on reality TV and "gossip" (discourse isn't it) over the same reasons. Basically discourse remains one of the biggest threats in systems of oppression. Manipulative and abusive types definitely don't want to share influence with others and to hell with that. Found your channel recently and I'm really enjoying your content. All the best,
I'm still waiting to hear an upside to any of this. You can form community about anything. There's a subreddit for people who put sharpies up their butt, and at least that's honest. There's nothing real about reality TV. We know that producers have the ultimate say in how people are framed and use that to create drama. They create caricatures of real life people who have to deal with the stigma after the show ends.The environments that they put these people in are highly manipulated. For example, the copious amounts of booze that is practically forced on contestants of dating shows, or big brother set ups. It's no wonder why we keep hearing about alcohol poisonings and assaults happening on these shows. Not to mention the pressure contestants are under to make sensitive, life altering choices in order to perform for the camera. I think it's gross how little dignity and nuance is afforded to these people. So no, I don't watch reality TV. I am old enough to remember when TLC wasn't flooded with it, so yeah, I've seen my fair share and have decided I don't like it.
A list of cons regarding reality tv could quickly be composed, so with that out of the way, I want to say, watching reality competition shows (Survivor, Top Chef, Alone) does create an immediate "tribe" when you meet someone else who also enjoys the same show. My young-adult son no longer lives with me, but every week, we watch Survivor, remotely, but at the same time, on the phone, making our commentary. It's fun. Plus, watching shows like !8 Kids (or however meany that turned out being) and Sisiter Wives has honestly helped me bring closure to some of my own PTSD regarding being raised in a cult and around toxic masculinity, etc. At first, I watched and didn't realize I was triggered. Then I stopped watching completely. Then, I started watching Sister Wives again and it was a giant light bulb that went off in my head. Kody Brown suddenly represented all these men! LOL! And watching his OG3 wives come to their own realizations regarding their marriages--it was validating and satisfying. Thanks for covering such an important and complicated topic. Looking forward to more.
The reality TV I enjoy is the kind of show where a camera crew follow a cop or other emergency services on their shifts, that give a snapshot of actual real life. The kind that puts a group of people into unrealistic situations (survivor style) just grate on me.
I genuinely don't watch reality TV, I find it somehow both tedious and anxiety-inducing at the same time. I don't understand why people find it entertaining to watch people being mean to each other. I hate conflict and can only watch it happening on screen when I know it's fake.
Curious what you think about Love on the Spectrum being considered a “documentary” - which means they don’t have to pay the cast members, as opposed to a reality tv show (where people do get paid). There has been a lot of debate amongst the autistic community about it. I would love to hear your opinions.
I also think the predecessor to reality TV, Talk Show TV, would make interesting, informative content, while linking it to modern-day, reality TV. Same dopamine hits to the brain, for example, but in a very different format. I watch some replays on UA-cam of like, Donahue, and the point-blank, intrusive questions these people blurt out. The live engagement between the audience and the guests. The scripted bits of it, to heighten views.
I feel like our culture has foregone gossip as a safe and green flag action due to the “toxic” family structure and how we commonly protect the most toxic member of our family. We have to love them how they are, they’re not going to change, and other colloquialisms lend to our acceptance of red flags and the demonization of gossip.
I don't really get the spiel about defending gossip, it doesn't seem to be in line with the philosophy of this channel at all. Especially when a core part of it is sharing information that is not confirmed to be true. The gossip that is looked down upon is not just discussing with someone your experience with another person, it's the bullying aspect of it, the practice of discussing other people's private business, speculating about it and often just trash talking someone you don't like, giving rise to false rumors which does actively harm the other person's reputation and social life when circulated around and exagerated in the silent phone game fashion. Many of us have been on the other end of it or watched people close to us go through it and that is why we dislike it, it has nothing to do with misogyny.
i dont think theres anything inherently unhealthy about consuming media that scratches a primal itch, but reality tv specifically is the type of thing that is. reality tv that doesn’t have some aspect of people competing and comparing themselves based on something arbitrary is virtually nonexistent, and i think that does infinitely more harm than whatever small good it can. “we like to see people’s personal lives” feels like a massive cope, especially saying that without acknowledging that its generally unrealistic and exploitative. the way that it’s goal is to make people angry and create a hive mind of undying love or vitriol for individual people makes it incomparable to something like p0rn or substances in moderation. just a generally bad take imo
I've never found reality TV shows interesting or even tolerable. It makes me uncomfortable to watch people often portrayed at their worst. I don't know, once we got away from game shows and more into interpersonal relationships I lost the plot. And I'm not saying that from a place of superiority. I often like the reality show break downs from psychologists or even just really entertaining people like Kennie JD, but I have no interest in watching myself.
I can watch stuff like cooking/baking shows or house renovation but I've never been able to watch stuff like Jersey Shore, Keeping Up, or dating shows like The Bachelor. It's all 2nd-hand embarrassment or triggering for me. I get that people get entertainment from watching people be cringe but it's just not for me. Part of me is curious about it so I do get enjoyment out of watching people disect shows like Mickey does. But anytime I've tried to actually sit down and watch one of these shows, I just can't get through it. It's either embarrassing, triggering, or boring to me. I know that there's producers and editing but I just prefer my escapism in actual works of fiction. I think the lines are too blurred for my taste in reality TV.
I actually don't watch reality TV whatsoever, but I don't judge people who do. I usually go home and play sims instead, so my coping is basically playing with dolls. I can't judge anyone 😂
I feel like gossip, similar to most things, is a neutral thing that can be used for good or evil. Gossip could include valuable information that helps the community (letting people know if someone is dangerous) or misinformation that hurts it (something taken out of context making someone look bad or spreading lies because of some interpersonal issues).
I don't love most reality TV, mostly because I can't stand people yelling at each other...my parents, talking heads on CNBC, or contestants on the Bachelor. However, I love advice columns and AITA for the same anthropolocical (or voyeuristic) reasons people like Real Housewives.
my favourite reality tv right now is Dr. Pimple Popper. Yes the pops are satisfying, but seeing the before and after of the patients is so heartwarming. :heart:
A thought about the people that don’t watch reality tv - I think there’s a generalization about what reality tv is and they have seen some snippets of things they don’t like and can make the assumption it’s all like that. But there are so many different types and honestly I think there’s something for everyone. Lego masters and amazing race are family friendly and more light hearted competition shows. Survivor is a strategy game with a survival element and can have some drama. Naked and afraid has that survivor element too and takes it to a different level. Alone is another survivor one that has a different flavor. Then there’s like Jersey Shore and the Kardashians. These are what I can quality garbage. There’s no real goal for the people involved. No game or competition to win. Just drama and lavish lifestyles. There’s cooking competitions like Beat Bobby Flay and Cutthroat Kitchen and Food Truck Race. There’s Hoarders and Intervention that show you the incredible depths humans can go to. There’s RuPauls Drag Race and Project Runway for the fashion lovers. Home renovation and home buying shows up the wazoo! Singing shows and love shows and decorating shows. There’s a show about special effects makeup. Now you even see “get ready with me” posts all over social media. The more modern flavor of reality media. There literally is something for everyone. It doesn’t all look the same or feel the same. Some of it is truly awful. I do think it’s interesting the way people will judge fans of reality tv especially when they say they never watch it. It’s like judging someone for liking a different kind of music. Which people also do. Why are we so judgey??? Ok that’s the end of my long comment 🙃
I would also call sports reality in that it's unscripted. Still, I don't really watch any of this though - there really are people who don't. I might spend like 1 weekend a year binging something like GBBO but not much more. I'm just a sitcom queen!
My mother, a 50 year old woman, is obsessed with reality TV. I’ve noticed she handles EVERY bigish thing that happens a lot like someone has a camera on her which she only started doing since the reality tv. This has no real importance just find it weird.
There are over 332 million people in the US, so saying that millions of people regularly watch reality tv can easily mean that less than 1% of people in the US watch it (that percentage is probably higher, but this is just to elucidate that people saying that they don’t watch reality tv likely aren’t lying or defying statistics; we have lots of people on this planet).
I definitely always felt like someone studying humans when I watch reality TV, but I've always been very drawn to folks who have completely different lived realities from my own (eg. the Duggars, the Little Couple, Sisterwives, series about people from very different cultures, etc.) Dating reality TV has been more boring to me, probably because it's so mundane in a way? Very interesting analysis!!
I like reality TV bc I see them as characters not as people (if I saw them as people Id probably think it was too gratuitous and icky to see them vulnerable and drunk all the time). Tho I know it's real people, but they live such unrealistic lives so it's a detail I hold in the back of my mind. The love is blind reunion of season 6 was pretty interesting bc it's like seeing the actors of the characters react to the fandom and bickering to each other and reacting to the footage and answering loaded or vulnerable questions about their real lives (which they see the other people in a light they didn't while filming). And even some of the actors of the current season being fans of the previous stars of older seasons. There are little tells within that shows it is real life, but still unreal. That one girl who has a daughter ripping into that dude, bc of how she defended him from social media mobs but then he did an interview kinda down playing his own actions and exaggerating her actions in their dates. Or how the principal and his ex were now close friends even tho did an uno-reverse maneuver and left her speechless and crying just bc she had valid questions. Or when the emotional girl (I'm sorry I don't remember their names) said "I forgot the cameras were even there," when she revealed privileged info on camera, which is a fantastical element that isn't going to be as relatable to average viewer but relatable to other "characters." (Famous people who become characters to the masses). More meta things, such as, each character seemed to be in tv/social media ready make up. Or how many "normal" interactions included the love is blind bottles of alcohol or cups like a weird product placement that just stamps the " "uncanny valley" for real life. Reality TV rather than real tv is a good name for the genre. I think the popularity of reality TV isn't exactly that we find it relatable but the opposite, we removed the humanity of the people. It's just that some of us probably still empathize with fictional people so we aren't feeling nothing. Characters make me feel things more than real strangers, unless I relate to them, but I don't relate to any reality TV star bc they are living and showing lives I don't experience. Real life isn't nearly that interesting or scripted. Most times people refrain from conflict and in fiction bad people are obviously bad and they get theirs, while good people make it in situations with higher stakes than ordinary lives. Or if someone's life had been scary and turbulent, then reality TV is a safer and potentially "well at least my problems aren't that bad," or "my problems are worse so this is funny/light." Its like an improv performance of a dramatized slice of life, a sitcom of privileged rich people who made it to the show bc they were wealthy enough to leave their normal jobs and families, but that element is another "unreal" factor that a lot of shows of low income or middle class families share. Many fiction shows don't explain how some characters seem to have access to power or money they wouldn't have if they were ordinary people. Just hammers the unreal in reality TV.
Adults told my brother he'd rot his brain watching all the tv he did, but they didn't say anything about the 3+ novels I'd plow through a week as a kid to avoid the chaotic and unstable environment we were both raised in.
This. When I was watching 101 Dalmatians on a loop (and destroying the vhs in the process) I was rotting my brain. When I was insisting on rereading my favourite book in the classroom at recess and they had to kick me outside? Well I was just a good little bookworm.
Reading IS different and engages your brain differently but I get what you're saying. I used to be *-OBSESSED-* with books as a child. I grew up without a television and lived in a relatively unstable environment, so I loved escaping into different worlds, especially sci-fi or history related.
It´s not a coincidence they give them alcohol on Bachelor parties, and they even said they deprive them from sleep, to look more nervous on tv etc.
..."what did she say about your husband?".... continue after the commercial break....
we will come back soon and in next episode you will see......"what did she say about your husband?"......
."what did she say about your husband?"....continue after the second commercial break about the tv list program
....."."what did she say about your husband?"...I" dont know some nonsense."...
click tv turned off. 😄
the american idol tv shows are so noisy.....
the flash effects and the clips are yelling so much...
people feel blind and deaf from these after effects...flashing the lights, 30 times in row , one time or two is enough for entertainment
like epileptic seisure episode or something.
I hear this but I also think there's a conversation to be had about the norms being pushed by reality TV, especially in regards to alcohol. I can track the chronology of my parents' alcoholism based on what Ramona from The Real Housewives was drinking in which season. From what I've heard, producers on these shows will almost trick people into drinking (telling waiters to brink alcohol to someone who wanted water, for example) to create more drama. It just makes me really uncomfortable when shows treat heavy drinking and screaming fights as regular everyday occurrences, and it seems like reality shows rely pretty heavily on that.
Oh yeah for sure! Sometimes I forget y’all aren’t in my brain or present for every conversation I have about something so the distinction that reality tv isn’t inherently problematic to consume or enjoy AND that reality tv is problematic to produce got sort of lost tbf.
C-PTSD survivor here. I find nearly all reality TV to be so incredibly triggering that I can't watch it. I can barely handle watching people do overview YT videos about reality TV. I have no idea if I would like it if I didn't have the C-PTSD. I've only recently been able to watch any horror and that's only because I can tell myself it's not real. It's way harder to convince my brain I'm safe when I know that the humans I'm watching are playing themselves and not imaginary characters made up for an intentionally fictional movie. I totally agree about gossip. Anti gossip rules were used in my childhood IBLP church to shut down legitimate objects to the actual abuses we were experiencing.
Yes, I get overstimulated and sometimes have those "emotional flashbacks" in response to abusive/manipulative/or just mean behavior. I get actually angry because I'm making the connections between what's on screen and what I lived. So in the end it's better to be very selective with the media I watch. Legit usually end up in the family/kids category 🙃
me when i watched dragula😮😮😮 the drag show. i get so triggered.
I knew this one girl who would shame others for taking screenshots...I suspect because she would flirt with multiple men while she had a boyfriend. These people want their behaviour hidden so they don’t have to face consequences
I knew this one girl who would shame others for taking screenshots...I suspect because she would flirt with multiple men while she had a boyfriend. These people want their behaviour hidden so they don’t have to face consequences
Ohmygoodness This is such a good caveat! I also have C-PTSD, and I find reality TV to be overwhelmingly triggering too.
Hey, Mickey! Please make a video on gossip, I would love to hear your thoughts on gossip!
Same
i second this!!
@9:40
Yesssss! And the nuances of distinguishing gossip vs rumor vs tea
Mickey and Aaron have talked about gossip on the podcast ☺️
I think there's a difference between substantive gossip (talking about things people have allegedly done or said which affected others), and the sort of gossip which is essentially insulting or belittling other people. As an autistic person, I've heard a lot of negative things said about people which basically boil down to "I don't like them they have a weird vibe." and it's rarely specified or interrogated. I know as non-cis men we want to go with our gut for safety reasons, but a lot of this sort of negative talk is rooted in some forms of subconscious discrimination.
For example, a lot of my autistic traits are read as "creepy" and "off." To speak about someone who doesn't seem to conform in social situations with the same language as someone who has proven themselves to be abusive or unsafe is unfair.
Trans and black people are often called creepy or intimidating as well
There is also a lot of gossip which is basically bullying and I don't know. I think there can be a more nuanced discussion about the nature of gossip without labeling it as either important OR always harmful.
100%. This nuance feels a bit lost in this video, which is odd because that's not usually what I feel when I come to this channel.
I big agree with this. I've seen so many untrue or harmful rumors spread for fun/drama cause real hurt that I have a very mixed opinion of gossip. This includes a few folks being outed. Even watching the way misinformation is spread in larger society, I think we need to exercise caution with who we believe gossip from and who we share gossip with.
Excellent points
Autistic queer person here and I agree
Yes. Gossip itself can be neutral but can be pushed in a positive or negative direction.
Playing the Sims is kind of like reality tv. I watch my sims do mundane shit like laundry and I'm all for it where as I hate cleaning (I do it but I hate it). It's weird.
I'm playing the sims rn lol (I got it two weeks ago and I'm addicted)
Wait for the first time ever??? @@flintfoster8010
The only one I can stomach is the Great British Bake Off (or Great British Baking Show), especially the earlier seasons, because everyone helps each other out and are friendly
This is honestly why I like "Nailed It," too. At least for the seasons I watched, it was a lot friendlier because of that expectation that everybody would be horrible at the task. Plus, it felt less icky because I wasn't seeing things that made me feel like, "Uuuuh, this really seems like none of my business."
We used to call those game shows.
I rarely watch reality TV ( i won't say never) , but i definitely get those same effects (both positive and negative) from advice subreddits like AITA (or the UA-cam channels that read them. I found this video really informative and helpful
I thought of AITA too when she said we're interested in other people's conflicts!!
I think I like to sidecar reality tv through channels like yours because it is fun to discuss social issues/human interaction in a way that isn’t directly connected to my real life. Also to catch up on people I grew up watching.
Definitely can’t watch it directly in most cases (cPTSD, too many unexpected elements and aggressive interactions) but there’s something satisfying about community gossip since I don’t like gossip in my personal life.
It’s like watching horror, it’s a safe way to explore fears and anxiety.
Entirely this. I could never just sit down and watch Love is Blind or Married at First Sight, but doing it with Mickey’s chat and listening/reading the discourse is so interesting
I disagree with you on the gossip part. Gossip can be a form of bullying as well, not just informing people about dangerous men. In my opinion not all gossip is fair criticism, and many times it's used to ostracise people who are maybe a little bit weird, but didn't do anything wrong. Not to even mention that anything could be considered cringe or weird these days, even normal human things.
I think part of her argument is that some of those negative forms of gossip stem partly from the stigmatization of gossip and that if it was more normalized and less shamed there would be less (not none) abuse of it.
Completely agree with you, just defending gossip and not even mentioning this very big negative part of it seems disingenuous and even came off a bit gaslighty to me, me not liking gossip has nothing to do with what other people told me or my views of fellow women and everything to do with my lived experience.
i agree. and i think the theory that the dislike of gossip being rooted in misogyny holds some water, i won't discount it. but there are absolutely legitimate reasons to not like it. it's disrespectful to someone to talk about them and their business without them present to have a voice in the conversation.
now, am i gonna say i never gossip? no, im not a perfect person. but im not gonna sit here and act like its a morally neutral thing to be doing.
Mickey, i would love to see you respond to the old reality tv show "World's Strictest Parents." If you haven't seen it, it might make your blood boil and also give you an opportunity to talk about parentification, child-adult relationships, attachment, etc.
Thisssss!! 🎉
When I was two years old, my favorite show was an anthropology documentary series shown on PBS as part of a correspondence college program. I would have full-on meltdowns if I missed it.
So I have to be very careful with reality TV. It scratches that same bug, but encourages emotional attachment (which I have to fight in basically all situations anyway). I really like that on UA-cam, I can watch reaction videos to it, because that helps me put the additional distance that I need between me and the highly-edited emotional addictive substance that is reality TV.
PBS had a state/local nature show for a few years that was an obsessive show for me.
I noticed that with reality tv people enjoy hate watching and crtiquing the people on those shows. Reality tv producers know this and play into villainizing people.
The older I get, the pickier I get about listening to media criticism. So much of it is “I hate this thing because it doesn’t center straight white men and instead of fucking off and doing my own thing, I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem”
There is a lot of better media critique and analysis, and a lot of it I skip bc it can be very bare bones or obnoxious and Im in a stage in life where I like to be critical of media (the thing I've always did) but also I just want to enjoy media even if its not that great. I can let it slide that it's bad or mid quality, when before anything that made me question it made me avoid it completely.
So yea I tend to veer away from negative reviews unless I already know I don't like the thing or if it's bad bc of bigotry.
A lot of stuff that women are stereotypically drawn to is also crapped on more, so it gets distracting I start to wonder if a thing really is that bad or if the person was never gonna like this thing bc of their biases.
Sports is reality TV. Change my mind.
It's entertainment, but any athlete is wholly more respectable than a reality TV icon... If an athlete is notable to show up on ESPN it means they are the top 1-2% of athletes and have worked their asses off to get there. There is every bit more merit to being an athletic than a reality TV personality...
Love you the most, Mickey, but I disagree with a lot of what you said here lol. You asked why gossip came to be considered immature and shady: I think the answer is 1) it's unreliable. (If it were reliable, it wouldn't be called gossip; it would be called evidence.) We've all played telephone and witnessed how quickly hearsay gets warped. 2) it fosters an environment where other people's opinions influence you. Which gives you a biased look on things that you haven't had a chance to judge for yourself. I think it's important for people to practice the skill of determining what THEY think about things, not what their parents or coworkers or youtubers think. I do agree gossip can be helpful to avoid harmful people. But I think it can also make someone's past stick to them like glue when they may have moved on to be a different person. I agree we shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly for gossiping. It's human. But you haven't convinced me that the benefits outweigh the harms lol.
I also disagree that there's "nothing inherently wrong with" reality tv. You yourself have bemoaned the poor contestants because they don't have a therapist available to help them through all the emotional abuse they suffer because of these shows. Hasn't reality tv proven to exploit and objectify people? Producers of reality tv are selling a lie; it is not reality. It's prompted and edited and turns people into characters, villains and protagonists, with an arc. Only the audience is being sold that this person with their real name and real home town and real job is that character, and will be judged by their actions in the show. It's not the same as judging Hannibal Lecter for his exploits; the producers are not selling me that he is real.
Not only that, but, as we've seen with LIB, since the premise of these shows don't change, they have to keep upping the ante and create more drama. They literally have to think of ways to milk people's emotions more and more and more. All for money. I see your point about how it can create community, and that studying it from a grand scale can be anthropology. But I just don't see how we can't get that same research and community through less exploitative, dehumanizing shows.
Again, love you the most and I respect your opinion. Thanks for making this video!
"Reality TV" encompasses a BROAD spectrum so while yes there are some shows that invoke a lot of ick there are also some that are more wholesome. So yes, Reality TV is not inherently wrong. That doesn't remove the possibility for it to be used negatively. Water isn't inherently good or bad but depending on the environment the water is in, it can have positive or negative effects. Things that are generally good for you can be bad if they're overconsumed. But that doesn't make them inherently bad.
@@lizzybeary That's a good reminder that reality tv encompasses a broad spectrum. There's probably plenty of wholesome, informative, uplifting shows. I wonder which shows get the highest ratings, though. And, I guess I'm defaulting to the ones Mickey streams on Fridays, and the ones she mentioned in the video. (Survivor, Real World, Big Brother) I would put all of those under the 'ick' category lol. Your water analogy doesn't sway my opinion, however. Water won't be canceled if it's not popular enough. Water isn't manufactured. It doesn't do what it does towards any agenda.
If you mean the concept of a reality tv show existing is morally neutral, I would agree. But tv shows are designed and sold as a product. And if its seller and designer is building the product on the idea of putting people through emotional distress to see what drama might play out, I would argue there is something morally questionable with that. And if the demand of the product is founded on the audience judging and objectifying the contestants (not for any athletic or vocational skill, but just for their [prompted and edited] human behavior), I would ask if that is a healthy practice for a society. Now, lots of products in a society are unhealthy. Our phones might be made through slave labor. Fast food might give you high cholesterol. But it's difficult to function in a society without a phone; if you have a busy schedule it's difficult to function without quick, easy food. We can function without the ick tv shows. I just wonder if we can't raise the bar a little bit higher and demand better quality in our reality tv shows. Again, its not a sin to watch the ick ones. But should we encourage it? Should we reward those producers with views? Idk. What do you think?
Now, if Netflix hired Mickey and we saw her in the corner of all these shows, walking us through the human behavior, I WOULD be down for that.
@@snuffle-t-wuggins I feel this exact way. I do occasionally enjoy some of the more wholesome shows that focus on things like cooking/baking. e.g. I got into Chopped and Nailed It for a while, especially since they had a sense of humor about themselves and felt less exploitative than reality shows based on relationship drama and/or endurance tests that harm the contestants. But a lot of shows are outright nasty. (e.g. The few episodes of Survivor I watched with a friend ages ago: While I enjoyed having my friend talk me through what was going on, I ended up feeling even worse about the general concept of the show, especially when they revealed that the contestant who won had gotten some sort of parasitic infection(?) or something from the lack of clean water, etc while doing the show, which they tried to pass off as "isn't he brave?")
And certainly, I've gotten sucked into one or two relationship-drama-based reality shows, and I totally get how easy it is to get hooked on the drama. But it never felt like a healthy version of "getting hooked on the drama" in those instances. Those shows very much feel like the dark side of gossip taken to a very manipulative/exploitative extreme for all the reasons you laid out. As you said, we can find escapism/community/etc in characters we know to be entirely fictional, played by professional actors, where we're not prying into the personal lives and emotions of real people (contrived or otherwise - heck, the contrivance sometimes makes it feel even more manipulative).
I think it is important to note that reality TV really took off right around 9/11. Of course we were all looking for some escapism. Another great discussion, Mickey and exactly why I have always loved watching these shows. Like people watching but from the comfort of my own couch!
It mainly became bigger bcuz of the writer's strike back in the 2000s
I need to use that term more.. vapid
Love & Hiphop is my fav, when I get in the mood
I feel really called out for being "abnormal" here, that evidently I'm lying about not liking reality TV. I find that odd on this channel.
I am, honestly, one of those people who has never (as far as I know) watched reality TV, with the very rare exception of watching something with my parents when I'm vising home. (Even then, their taste tends to be more on the "documentary" end of things.) I have never had an interest. I'm older than you and remember when shows like _Survivor_ and _Lost_ were big, and even then, I clearly recall being completely mystified at other people's fascination.
I will say that I also dislike gossip pretty strongly, so I do think there's a correlation there. I'm not sure if that's because I'm probably autistic, or because I was bullied a lot as a kid, or both, but I wouldn't be surprised if reality TV is unpopular with the autistic community.
Yup, certainly have had a very strong dislike of the obvious, seemingly out of place, emotional manipulation background music & so much toxicity! Even a decade + before I was finally diagnosed with cPTSD & then AuDHD, it was like nails on chalkboard to be in the living room while my (VERY LATE diagnosed ADHD) mom would watch the Bachelor & those types. I even tried watching My Cat From Hell, but could not take the damn music & dramatic pauses! 😬😩😵
Yeeeeaaah I am AuDHD, but also poor and busy with kids. Streaming services are an easy thing for me to save money on by not using, and that includes not watching reality TV. I also just..... Don't care. Like, the social cues and contexts are both confusing and boring to me.
I will say, owning a few complete series that I rewatch is my dopamine hit. It feels good to not feel anxious about how a situation is going to go, because I already know the ending.
I agree. I get what she's saying about gossip being culturally acceptable providing a safety network, but when it's inspired by malice and the dopamine hit of speaking ill of people behind their backs, that's only gonna malform your relationships with even the people you gossip with. This tendency is being validated, so you know they'll shit talk you too, and thats a real self-esteem hit. I've been there recently, and now I know the warning signs to avoid those with these tendancies because, frankly, I'm still dealing with the trauma of trying to befriend someone like this who blew up several of my decades-long relationships by making up stories for her entertainment, and Im still working to recover those. Be assertive about conflicts whenever safe, not underhanded. If it's not safe, it would be better to encourage people to seek professional assistance anyway. Mimicking reality tv will lead to immature interpersonal relationships that lack integrity.
Maybe it's just because of my specific trauma, I find most reality tv triggering. So much bullying and meanness. And it's so much worse when it feels like they are being manipulated to make the drama worse. I like the first couple sessions of Amazing race, but then they had some really mean people and I've never felt safe to try it again. And I've seen some great british bake off at my dentist. And that seems nice but for all I know that's session 1 dvds that get played on repeat because I don't have money to access that show or anything that's not free
The great British baking show is consistently nice! (I don’t know about the spin offs tho) I think sometimes they play it on PBS
Gonna speak up for someone who is "i don't really watch reality tv shows" (me). It is possible that people don't lie when they say that. Maybe whatever they watch they don't classify as reality tv show.
Here is my example.
I was trying to remember what was the last reality tv i watched and i couldn't remember anything besides Kardashians that i watched in 2016 or so. And 90 day fiance in 2018 or 2019. I am sure i probably watched smth else but i can't even remember.
Instead i watch similar stuff when i get into rabit whole of drama tea channels or interviews with ex-cult followers (it is some form of reality, just not tv show format). And i watch a lot of that. For some reason tv formats annoy me, they are very reoetitive and i much prefer seeking similar thrill in UA-cam formats.
I enjoy the documentary and interviews style of content too. It's something that gives genuine insight into real people's lives.
I don’t think I’ve watched ANY reality TV shows recently. Not since I was a little kid. I just read manga and watch anime like a nerd these days. I don’t even know half the drama that goes into between celebrities either. I don’t even know most of the celebrities’ names and who they are.
I found this all quite interesting. First the idea that cis-het white men tend to judge media they are not interested in as worthless or brain rotting is pretty true. The thing that caught my attention is that I should be neutral towards things like reality TV because it’s not my bag, I don’t get judgy about televised sports or soap operas so why should I be judgy toward reality TV? The unscripted reality format is supposedly cheaper to produce than scripted drama and the studios leaned into it during the writers strike some years back. Film students and others deep in the weeds of making all this content could have a robust debate of the merits of all these different forms of entertainment. But that’s not where my interest lies.
Then there was popping the bubble around the idea of constant self improvement. That’s a huge thing I struggle with even though I know it can’t be done, but it’s something I’d enjoy you talking about. It’s at the root of so many pathological behavior patterns, so many places where people can beat upon themselves and it really needs to be dragged out and examined more carefully.
I think we need to be careful when discussing gossip because of how quickly it can become bullying. There's a huge difference between a whisper network to keep people safe and a bunch of your peers pushing you out of a space because they think you're weird. This is especially a problem in schools. I tend to err on the side of not talking about people behind their back unless they're somehow a threat.
I have very mixed feelings about gossip....So I'd love a video about it. I definately participate in it however, I always try to make sure that the information I am presenting has strong evidence supporting it. In my life, I have formed so many negative opinions of people just based off of what someone close to me has said about them. In actually getting to know them, I've realized that they are not as terrible as I've been told. I would have formed so many more close relationships if I hadn't been swayed by gossip. I am also neurodivergent, so maybe I'm missing something...But in my experience, gossip has done more harm to me & the people being gossiped about than good. I also only consume reality TV with little to no conflict in it.
i shame myself a lot for enjoying kpop, not just the music but the their variety and reality shows . i really appreciate the reminder than its okay to take the dopamine wherever tf you can get it lol
No shame in your functionality 🥤🫶☕️
I was feeling so inadequate today for going straight home from work and doing nothing but watch tv and eat food and do dishes. I feel like I should be doing more to make my time worthwhile, a guilty creeping dread. So I appreciate the reminder that it's ok to not be improving always and its ok to escape
At work I got in trouble for "gossip". However that "gossip" opened up conversations for me and my co-workers to discuss issues regarding our wages, and exposed an unsafe work environment where several people realized they were facing the same issues. This resulted in several people exiting in the span of a few weeks.
That isnt gossip though, its a conversation.
I would absolutely LOVE to hear a longer video of your take on gossip. I'm a licensed commercial plumber, and the environment is male dominated, replete with all the problematic themes that environment comes with.
One thing that really stands out to me is how MUCH these dudes talk $hit about everybody we work with. I'm so irritated that women have the bad rap for gossip when these dudes just keep talking, and doubly so when someone labels me (or another woman) as gossiping on a job site, when I'm one of many doing the same thing. We have a dangerous and dirty job where we could legit be severely injured or killed. We urgently need to know who we can trust and how. Not to mention there's a ton of fragile egos that have to be managed if we want to keep our job or get promoted. Love to hear more about gossip as a positive
Not me crying when you said people don’t have to be on a treadmill of constant self-improvement 😭 thank you, I needed that, my poor little brain is struggling rn and still feeling the urge to “improve” as I’m surviving.
I think the stigma around gossip is less the "Oooh, how dare you speak up about so-and-so behaving problematically" (though goodness knows, there's *also* stigma about that in many circles), and more around the kind of gossip that you see in _Mean Girls._ Namely, gossip has the connotation of less being about, "Watch out for Billy Bob, he's dangerous," and more about spreading rumors about people and/or sharing things that may be true, but that really *are* nobody else's business (or that are just harmless - like, "Oooh, did you see what Jane wore today?" or "Sarah's so weird!"). Like, for all the utility of saying "Watch out for this guy, s/he has X dangerous pattern," there is also a red line where you have to say, "Okay, now we're just plain invading other people's privacy or ragging on them for not conforming." And that's also where a lot of the stigma around reality tv comes in, cause it so often crosses that line in a forced and/or exploitative way. Doesn't mean that it's not understandable or that it's always/inevitably the worst thing ever (goodness knows, there are a couple of cooking competition shows I enjoy because they feel less exploitative), but the general trends in reality TV do mean that shows often cross that line.
(I think where the unfair stigma *really* comes in is in the soap opera genre, which is something I'm trying to unlearn myself. Like, in that case, such shows do get dumped on for being silly, despite being largely harmless/not having the exploitative problems that are so common in reality TV.)
The anthropologist take is *exactly* why I'm hyperfixated on Traitors. It's so incredibly fascinating to me.
There was a show that came out in the UK during the 2000s called That'll Teach 'Em.
Where modern teenagers go to a 50s boarding school, for four weeks and then do a 50s final exam at the end.
My wife found the entire premise triggering.
I'm a biological psychology student with a focus in research and development especially when it comes to technology and social media. I am a new viewer and i find your channel so informative, and it does shed a lot of light on social and cultural issues on our society. Thank you so much for delivering so many diverse topics. Its a breath of fresh air your approach to education.
This has absolutely been one of my favourite videos of yours ever! Such great insight (that also affirmed my own previously held beliefs lol) and useful advice for diversifying your dopamine. I definitely get overfixated on certain things as a way to deal with hardship. Also would LOVE to see a full video about gossip!!
I love the way u explain things. U are on fire once again. Keep up with the videos❤🔥
I like reality shows with a challenge aspect. My current favorites are Survivor and Naked and Afraid, and Alone. Thanks for making this video and pointing out the underlying misogyny of hating on reality television and the example of men like reality television as well (sports) was spot on. I love YOU the most, Mickey Atkins, which is why I watch until the end!
Oooo, yes! Alone is SO good. I also like challenge/game aspect to my reality TV. So, I like Amazing Race too.
@@kkimsey5866 Yes! Naked and Afraid is super cool! I like challenge cooking shows too. I love to see people think outside of the box and express their creativity.
I find it telling that, in the past, the church/ the Bible has painted gossips as sinful. Who would benefit from keeping “the people” from talking to each other? 🤔
The Great British Bake Off is hands down my favorite reality TV omg
As far the gossip, yes it may have it's place. The biggest issue I have with it is due to how many times I've seen it weaponized by abusive types. It's so easy for someone to spread lies about ppl simply because they felt triggered or slighted or didn't get whatever outcome they wanted. I very rarely see it used for good. Worse, ppl respond more strongly to negativity & more likely to believe the bad they hear rather than anything good they see.
I think my favourite reality TV show is Encore! on Disney+. Only one season of it has been produced so far. The premise is that the students who put on a production of a musical in high school reunite as adults to do a new production of the same show, with the involvement of professional music directors and choreographers. It could be a reunion 10, 15, 20+ years on. It's often really funny and good-natured, but there is also an inevitable amount of rehashing of stuff people went through in high school or relationships they might have had that they've seen moved on from. I think the overall tone is quite gentle and uplifting and I'm already interested in musical theatre, so I really love that show.
Getting this notification while watching MAFS UK season 8....😅 MAFS is seriously my FAVORITE reality show, though
15:00 You know...this made me think about "cancel cutlure" and people's negative reaction to that. Through the lens of gossip being a tool for community safety, I feel like "cancel culture" (in hard quotes b/c I hate the term!) is the online version of that, keeping people safe. And the negative reaction is having a history on a modern society where you're usually pretty anonymous.
I used to watch a lot of reality TV, but stopped because I didn't like the way it played with my emotions due to editing and scripts. I hate the way producers will pit people against one another or vilify someone. I don't like shows where they starve people or berate people.
That being said, I will sometimes watch bake off, because they all support one another, they give people a pass if they get sick, and overall it's not mean. They all want to win, but they're respectful, supportive, and it's not forcing them to go beyond their physical or mental limits to win. I like that.
For whatever reason, I've been really into Say Yes to the Dress lately. Also, I'd love to hear what you have to say in a video about gossip. Love your videos, and thanks for sharing!
A friend of a friend that knows somebody that heard something about somebody.... This is a good example of why gossip is unreliable and not something to rely on. Especially if it's concerning "safety" 🙄
My husband and I tend to like shows where there are elements of creativity, goodwill, and cooperation like Dancing with The Stars, Project Runway, Forged in Fire, or Blown Away. I have never seen an episode of Survivor and precious few of The Bachelor/Bachelorette (b/c I had a friend that loved that show). I prefer drama and conflict to be fictional, I guess?
I haven't watched Forged in Fire in a minute! So fascinating!
For a really kind and interesting reality TV show I suggest School of Chocolate, the judge actually helps the contestants falling behind, and contestants will help each other
I don't have a TV/subs and not really into standard reality TV but I have been enjoying crochet/knit/sew and chat type of vlogs, which kinda fits that watching other people live their lives type of category. It also kinda works like body doubling in a way because I often work on my projects with them in the background. Oh someone else finished their project. I can do that too and have a similar journey.
I love your take, your pespective helps me a lot, thank you ❤
i love this video! also when it comes to gossip, there’s a great video on tiktok about how “gossip” used to be the only form of journalism or communication before we had news sources and media. and i see a lot of comments about how ppl disagree bc they still don’t like reality tv or gossip. that’s fine. but there’s issues and downsides to every form of media consumption. action content and video games are full of violence. comedians and streamers and content creators are full of bias and bigotry of their own. Reality TV is simply neutral (morally) and it often creates a sense of community which isn’t a bad thing! i notice ppl tend to label EVERYTHING as “gossip” when it’s even just current events or things happening in our daily lives. can’t please em all.
thanks for another wonderful video!❤️
Thank you so much for this- like, much more than i can say. My abusers pushed the idea hard into me that I'm immature and will always need looking after, and many of the things pointed to were the things that brought me joy. I love the idea of bimboism and centering "femme" perspectives on politics, for example. Also, I have been trying to think of how to create my own channel, and you just gave me a great idea. Thank you so much! 🎉❤❤❤❤❤
Oh i absolutely *can* stop watching reality TV. It's *boring*
My fav by far is The Circle, it just usually ends up being quite wholesome despite all the wild stuff the producers introduce, plus it tends to have more queer people and people of color, AND FAT PEOPLE!! Like fat people actually get to exist on it, still not a lot of us, but there's usually like at least one each season which is way more than most reality shows in my experience xD
I personally think there's a real irony in a tv channel called "The Learning Channel" hosting the worst kinds of reality TV, under the guise of "educating" people about different lifestyles.
Thankyoooouuuu. My partner does not get it but as someone with PTSD from childhood, these shows are a safe way for me to explore conflict and toxic behaviour. Especially when I discuss it with safe communities (reality fans are by and large pretty awesome). Plus, it’s fun.
I would love a video about gossip! I agree it can be helpful, but I have also seen people weaponize gossip to hurt and manipulate people and am wrestling with the differences there.
I never really hugely got into Reality TV. I did watch a little bit of Rock of Love Bus and Daisy of Love back in 2009 because I was working in a residence home at night and one of my coworkers wanted to watch it, so I watched it with her. These days the only Reality TV I watch is stuff on TLC and that's only when my brother watches it.
I did watch some Little People, Big World, but I stopped when I lost track of it and now I'm so out of the loop it's daunting to think of starting over at the beginning with it, hehe.
I really don't watch reality TV.... for real. I don't have tv things.
I had to stop watching Real Housewives in the evening because the fights would make me so agitated that I couldn't fall asleep lol. My body literally thinks it's happening to me
I mostly like watching people talking about/ showing aspects of their lives, teaching something, telling true stories - not having to do with a competition. I'm so bored and irritated with that model.
Yes. This.
26:38 {looks down at cross stitch, looks up a Mikey, looks down at cross stitch} Ummm...
😂
Support!🎉
Cis-head male here. I love reality tv. I understand why you say it's misogyny. The same type of guys will say wwe is awesome but complain you like watching some girl live her dream
Cis-head is a new one, thank you 🤣
My current fave 'reality' video are vet shows and Horses+ Humane Society on youtube! I love watching animals get helped and rescued.
ur content is my dopamine vacuum
I like horror and reality tv, possibly because reality tv is pretty horrific lol. It's kind of an escape I guess?
I watch a lot of baking shows, and my favorite is Great Canadian Bake Off. I also loved The Repair Shop on Netflix. I grew up in a toxic cult, and right now I’m trying to heal from some stuff and it’s been SO helpful to watch long-form interviews of other cult survivors and hear their stories first hand. I think I’m getting some similar benefits to what you talked about in this video. Now I’m curious what you think of the show Sex Education. It is not reality TV, it is scripted, but it is so centered on realistically messy interactions people have while they’re figuring out their identities and what they need in life. There are so many little story lines that are rare/unprecedented for scripted shows. The fourth and final season was my favorite, and one of the reasons is because it surfaced disability justice at the micro-social as well as political levels.
This does explain why watching Police body cam footage or courtroom footage is so fascinating. It's real reality TV, no script, real interactions, unedited ( for the most part). You get to see their interactions from start to finish with most of the videos. And it's so fascinating how differently people react to police or a judge/ authority figure.
And the steaks are real as well. No one's paying them to be there and the consequences are real 😂 you get to learn a little bit about the lives and with some people they have multiple videos of just absolutely ridiculous and usually abhorrent behavior.
You get to see how differently people react. Some of them are really struggling with real life issues and the stress just gets to them. Some of them are just rich and entitled. Love seeing a Karen in the wild. People acting hysterically. Some of the decisions that people make baffle me. Some people I can identify with and some I can't. Much better than some reality dating show or scripted show
Reality and dating shows are lying to you. They don't tell you that all the interactions are planned or which interactions were planned and which were staged. They're deceiving their audience because they never disclaim what is real or fabricated And what was a genuine in the moment thing. They always stage it as real to an extent but it's just manipulation.
I’m obsessed with all things Bravo. I thank all the housewives and cast of vpr for giving my a lil escape every week from my own life 💕
Doesn't that feeling of connection and belonging via being a fan of reality TV kind of require suspension of disbelief? Or is that just me? Of late I'm more aware of how tenuous that connection can be, even with IRL interactions, so that might just be my cynical side talking a little louder than usual.
I do agree that gossip or whisper network *can* be useful, if it's used as a way to inform others about people who are genuinely not safe to be around and places which they ought to avoid. It was probably the earliest form of journalism/PSA in human history. If the whisper network is full of nothing but vicious people who are more concerned about keeping up appearances or get joy out of causing suffering, though...
I never watched reality TV regularly, but sometimes would to know what friends were talking about. I've never lied about not watching reality, instead I spent a lot of time pretending to watch it more than I actually did to try to fit in with people who were fans. 😬
But I permanently stopped watching most reality tv (except for intentionally calm ones like, GBBO) when I got my first smart watch that measured heart rate and I could easily see for the first time the effect that shows that really hype up the drama (in addition to a lot of reality shows, this was also super angsty shows like This Is Us and Scandal) had on my health while watching them, as well as after. I never noticed the anxiety they caused in me until I started getting high heart rate notifications while watching them. Then I noticed that I would also feel dehydrated and drained after watching super intense episodes. I realized that my health was just not in a good enough place for shows like that to add additional anxiety and stress, and leaned further into comedy genres instead.
I do also think there are plenty of people that genuinely don't like or relate to reality tv as well tho?
I need some kind of filter through which I can watch reality tv, for the most part, or at least relationship type reality shows. That's actually how I found this channel, I think, it was one of the earlier love is blind reactions, I think?? It's a great learning opportunity.
my favourite reality shows, though, are food shows like the Great British Bake Off, or Nailed It
Tbh I didn’t like the energy of “if you say you don’t watch/like reality tv then you’re lying” I genuinely cannot stand reality tv, in any form that I’ve been exposed to. It makes me cringe so hard, it makes me anxious when they’re having huge arguments, I can’t imagine a form of media that I would dislike more. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the appeal it holds for some people, but I just CANT enjoy it. The extent of it that I’ve watched has been in secondhand videos using it as a vehicle to discuss greater issues (including your Sister Wives videos, Mickey!)
Anyway, that part was really off putting to me. I always find it irritating when people try to position themselves as a greater authority on some else’s minds/hearts/likes/dislikes than the person themselves. Yknow, like the fundamentalists that are talked about pretty often on this channel.
I feel this. Reality TV is an umbrella term which can cover lots of different types of shows (like baking/cooking shows). But the shows people associate it with most often, I genuinely never watched. Stuff like dating shows or anything like Keeping Up or Jersey Shore. Not my thing at all. It's all too triggering, embarrassing, or boring. I get why other people like it and that's morally neutral but it's not my thing at all.
I never thought deeply about this particular topic and I must admit to having had this attitude that reality TV was vapid before. I always thought the same thing about sports TV by the way. Nevertheless I found that you made a compelling argument for reality TV. I don't watch it because I guess I'm one of those odd exceptions, and that also checks out considering how eccentric my palate can be at times. I don't watch TV AT ALL and I do not use my smartphone for recreative purposes.
I can definitely see how patriarchal oppression cracks down on reality TV and "gossip" (discourse isn't it) over the same reasons. Basically discourse remains one of the biggest threats in systems of oppression. Manipulative and abusive types definitely don't want to share influence with others and to hell with that.
Found your channel recently and I'm really enjoying your content. All the best,
I mostly like competition shows, so Drag Race and Project Runway. I also really enjoyed What Would You Do?
I'm still waiting to hear an upside to any of this. You can form community about anything. There's a subreddit for people who put sharpies up their butt, and at least that's honest. There's nothing real about reality TV. We know that producers have the ultimate say in how people are framed and use that to create drama. They create caricatures of real life people who have to deal with the stigma after the show ends.The environments that they put these people in are highly manipulated. For example, the copious amounts of booze that is practically forced on contestants of dating shows, or big brother set ups. It's no wonder why we keep hearing about alcohol poisonings and assaults happening on these shows. Not to mention the pressure contestants are under to make sensitive, life altering choices in order to perform for the camera. I think it's gross how little dignity and nuance is afforded to these people. So no, I don't watch reality TV. I am old enough to remember when TLC wasn't flooded with it, so yeah, I've seen my fair share and have decided I don't like it.
The only positive I heard is being able to see how other people handle arguments and learning from it, which is fair enough I guess.
A list of cons regarding reality tv could quickly be composed, so with that out of the way, I want to say, watching reality competition shows (Survivor, Top Chef, Alone) does create an immediate "tribe" when you meet someone else who also enjoys the same show. My young-adult son no longer lives with me, but every week, we watch Survivor, remotely, but at the same time, on the phone, making our commentary. It's fun. Plus, watching shows like !8 Kids (or however meany that turned out being) and Sisiter Wives has honestly helped me bring closure to some of my own PTSD regarding being raised in a cult and around toxic masculinity, etc. At first, I watched and didn't realize I was triggered. Then I stopped watching completely. Then, I started watching Sister Wives again and it was a giant light bulb that went off in my head. Kody Brown suddenly represented all these men! LOL! And watching his OG3 wives come to their own realizations regarding their marriages--it was validating and satisfying.
Thanks for covering such an important and complicated topic. Looking forward to more.
The reality TV I enjoy is the kind of show where a camera crew follow a cop or other emergency services on their shifts, that give a snapshot of actual real life.
The kind that puts a group of people into unrealistic situations (survivor style) just grate on me.
I genuinely don't watch reality TV, I find it somehow both tedious and anxiety-inducing at the same time. I don't understand why people find it entertaining to watch people being mean to each other. I hate conflict and can only watch it happening on screen when I know it's fake.
Curious what you think about Love on the Spectrum being considered a “documentary” - which means they don’t have to pay the cast members, as opposed to a reality tv show (where people do get paid). There has been a lot of debate amongst the autistic community about it. I would love to hear your opinions.
My favorite is the circle and I also like love island uk
I also think the predecessor to reality TV, Talk Show TV, would make interesting, informative content, while linking it to modern-day, reality TV. Same dopamine hits to the brain, for example, but in a very different format. I watch some replays on UA-cam of like, Donahue, and the point-blank, intrusive questions these people blurt out. The live engagement between the audience and the guests. The scripted bits of it, to heighten views.
I feel like our culture has foregone gossip as a safe and green flag action due to the “toxic” family structure and how we commonly protect the most toxic member of our family. We have to love them how they are, they’re not going to change, and other colloquialisms lend to our acceptance of red flags and the demonization of gossip.
Love Survivor! I'm not huge on reality TV, unless you count cooking shows, in which case I used to be big into it.
I don't really get the spiel about defending gossip, it doesn't seem to be in line with the philosophy of this channel at all. Especially when a core part of it is sharing information that is not confirmed to be true. The gossip that is looked down upon is not just discussing with someone your experience with another person, it's the bullying aspect of it, the practice of discussing other people's private business, speculating about it and often just trash talking someone you don't like, giving rise to false rumors which does actively harm the other person's reputation and social life when circulated around and exagerated in the silent phone game fashion. Many of us have been on the other end of it or watched people close to us go through it and that is why we dislike it, it has nothing to do with misogyny.
i dont think theres anything inherently unhealthy about consuming media that scratches a primal itch, but reality tv specifically is the type of thing that is. reality tv that doesn’t have some aspect of people competing and comparing themselves based on something arbitrary is virtually nonexistent, and i think that does infinitely more harm than whatever small good it can. “we like to see people’s personal lives” feels like a massive cope, especially saying that without acknowledging that its generally unrealistic and exploitative. the way that it’s goal is to make people angry and create a hive mind of undying love or vitriol for individual people makes it incomparable to something like p0rn or substances in moderation. just a generally bad take imo
I've never found reality TV shows interesting or even tolerable. It makes me uncomfortable to watch people often portrayed at their worst. I don't know, once we got away from game shows and more into interpersonal relationships I lost the plot. And I'm not saying that from a place of superiority. I often like the reality show break downs from psychologists or even just really entertaining people like Kennie JD, but I have no interest in watching myself.
I can watch stuff like cooking/baking shows or house renovation but I've never been able to watch stuff like Jersey Shore, Keeping Up, or dating shows like The Bachelor. It's all 2nd-hand embarrassment or triggering for me. I get that people get entertainment from watching people be cringe but it's just not for me.
Part of me is curious about it so I do get enjoyment out of watching people disect shows like Mickey does. But anytime I've tried to actually sit down and watch one of these shows, I just can't get through it. It's either embarrassing, triggering, or boring to me.
I know that there's producers and editing but I just prefer my escapism in actual works of fiction. I think the lines are too blurred for my taste in reality TV.
I haven't felt as alive as I felt since watching MILF Manor when it came out 😂 I just haven't found one that feels like that since.
I actually don't watch reality TV whatsoever, but I don't judge people who do. I usually go home and play sims instead, so my coping is basically playing with dolls. I can't judge anyone 😂
I feel like gossip, similar to most things, is a neutral thing that can be used for good or evil. Gossip could include valuable information that helps the community (letting people know if someone is dangerous) or misinformation that hurts it (something taken out of context making someone look bad or spreading lies because of some interpersonal issues).
I don't love most reality TV, mostly because I can't stand people yelling at each other...my parents, talking heads on CNBC, or contestants on the Bachelor. However, I love advice columns and AITA for the same anthropolocical (or voyeuristic) reasons people like Real Housewives.
my favourite reality tv right now is Dr. Pimple Popper. Yes the pops are satisfying, but seeing the before and after of the patients is so heartwarming. :heart:
A thought about the people that don’t watch reality tv - I think there’s a generalization about what reality tv is and they have seen some snippets of things they don’t like and can make the assumption it’s all like that. But there are so many different types and honestly I think there’s something for everyone.
Lego masters and amazing race are family friendly and more light hearted competition shows.
Survivor is a strategy game with a survival element and can have some drama. Naked and afraid has that survivor element too and takes it to a different level. Alone is another survivor one that has a different flavor.
Then there’s like Jersey Shore and the Kardashians. These are what I can quality garbage. There’s no real goal for the people involved. No game or competition to win. Just drama and lavish lifestyles.
There’s cooking competitions like Beat Bobby Flay and Cutthroat Kitchen and Food Truck Race.
There’s Hoarders and Intervention that show you the incredible depths humans can go to.
There’s RuPauls Drag Race and Project Runway for the fashion lovers.
Home renovation and home buying shows up the wazoo!
Singing shows and love shows and decorating shows. There’s a show about special effects makeup.
Now you even see “get ready with me” posts all over social media. The more modern flavor of reality media.
There literally is something for everyone. It doesn’t all look the same or feel the same. Some of it is truly awful.
I do think it’s interesting the way people will judge fans of reality tv especially when they say they never watch it. It’s like judging someone for liking a different kind of music. Which people also do. Why are we so judgey??? Ok that’s the end of my long comment 🙃
I would also call sports reality in that it's unscripted. Still, I don't really watch any of this though - there really are people who don't. I might spend like 1 weekend a year binging something like GBBO but not much more. I'm just a sitcom queen!
My mother, a 50 year old woman, is obsessed with reality TV. I’ve noticed she handles EVERY bigish thing that happens a lot like someone has a camera on her which she only started doing since the reality tv.
This has no real importance just find it weird.
There are over 332 million people in the US, so saying that millions of people regularly watch reality tv can easily mean that less than 1% of people in the US watch it (that percentage is probably higher, but this is just to elucidate that people saying that they don’t watch reality tv likely aren’t lying or defying statistics; we have lots of people on this planet).
I'm sorry my brain cant keep up with your speed speaking.
I love her stuff, but she’s the only person i listen to at x75 speed😂😂❤
I definitely always felt like someone studying humans when I watch reality TV, but I've always been very drawn to folks who have completely different lived realities from my own (eg. the Duggars, the Little Couple, Sisterwives, series about people from very different cultures, etc.) Dating reality TV has been more boring to me, probably because it's so mundane in a way? Very interesting analysis!!
I like reality TV bc I see them as characters not as people (if I saw them as people Id probably think it was too gratuitous and icky to see them vulnerable and drunk all the time).
Tho I know it's real people, but they live such unrealistic lives so it's a detail I hold in the back of my mind.
The love is blind reunion of season 6 was pretty interesting bc it's like seeing the actors of the characters react to the fandom and bickering to each other and reacting to the footage and answering loaded or vulnerable questions about their real lives (which they see the other people in a light they didn't while filming). And even some of the actors of the current season being fans of the previous stars of older seasons.
There are little tells within that shows it is real life, but still unreal.
That one girl who has a daughter ripping into that dude, bc of how she defended him from social media mobs but then he did an interview kinda down playing his own actions and exaggerating her actions in their dates.
Or how the principal and his ex were now close friends even tho did an uno-reverse maneuver and left her speechless and crying just bc she had valid questions.
Or when the emotional girl (I'm sorry I don't remember their names) said "I forgot the cameras were even there," when she revealed privileged info on camera, which is a fantastical element that isn't going to be as relatable to average viewer but relatable to other "characters." (Famous people who become characters to the masses).
More meta things, such as, each character seemed to be in tv/social media ready make up. Or how many "normal" interactions included the love is blind bottles of alcohol or cups like a weird product placement that just stamps the " "uncanny valley" for real life. Reality TV rather than real tv is a good name for the genre.
I think the popularity of reality TV isn't exactly that we find it relatable but the opposite, we removed the humanity of the people. It's just that some of us probably still empathize with fictional people so we aren't feeling nothing. Characters make me feel things more than real strangers, unless I relate to them, but I don't relate to any reality TV star bc they are living and showing lives I don't experience.
Real life isn't nearly that interesting or scripted. Most times people refrain from conflict and in fiction bad people are obviously bad and they get theirs, while good people make it in situations with higher stakes than ordinary lives. Or if someone's life had been scary and turbulent, then reality TV is a safer and potentially "well at least my problems aren't that bad," or "my problems are worse so this is funny/light."
Its like an improv performance of a dramatized slice of life, a sitcom of privileged rich people who made it to the show bc they were wealthy enough to leave their normal jobs and families, but that element is another "unreal" factor that a lot of shows of low income or middle class families share. Many fiction shows don't explain how some characters seem to have access to power or money they wouldn't have if they were ordinary people. Just hammers the unreal in reality TV.