How To Build Trust and Improve Cooperative Care With Your Cat | BilliSpeaks
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- Опубліковано 17 гру 2023
- It’s not often I post a video without any button use by Billi, but I wanted to showcase a good example of how Billi and I build trust in our relationship!
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I work as a zoo relief veterinarian (think travel nurse, but for veterinarians) which means I travel for extended periods. Billi is a great little traveler, and is very comfortable in the car and new places! Dad will pop in to visit as he can, but we won’t be back home for a bit.
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Billi is a female domestic shorthair, she's 15 years old, her favorite word is mad.
Inspiration for learning to “speak” with buttons from Hunger4Words (check her out on IG).
Affiliate link for FluentPet buttons: flnt.pt/billispeaks
LinkTree for:
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Want to learn more about the research study Billi and many other animals are in? Check it out here:
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www.billispeaks.com/research
A Billi dictionary 📖
🔹Fan toy: a homemade toy with sewing elastic tied to a stuffed bunny or mouse
🔹Food water: a small amount of warm water over a handful of kibble
🔹Watermelon: a food puzzle that looks like a watermelon
🔹Catnip water: what Billi named my coffee - Домашні улюбленці та дикі тварини
Yeah it's so worth it to spend some extra time to build up that trust. Why would you not want your family member to trust you? It's a nice feeling.
Yeah and while you build trust you build your relationship too, it's so important of you would want grow your relationship and trust with your pet.
Momma trusts Billi... Billi trusts momma...
and I trust BOTH!
Also, I really appreciate the additional comments added to the video. I didn't know about all of Billi's health concerns. The bank analogy was great too!
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Well said! I love the comments and explanations. I appreciate the time you take to make sure we understand the reasons behind your actions and methods.
You are really great with Billy darling! Thanks to your example, my cat now takes his medicine without a hitch: I Trier just explaining. We are only starting with the buttons, but I have been using the same expressions for a long time with him. So now I show him his mexicine and the treats and tell him "first medicine, then treats". He eats it out of my hand without any further prompting . So again, thank you for modelling appropriate behaviour for cat parents ❤
Yay! Great job 💜
Wow! That's amazing!
I love hearing this!❤
@@BilliSpeaks ❤️
@@tortillachips3911 ❤️
Teaching Billi to use buttons, while teaching humans how trust and long-term relationships work.
YESSS!!!!
Thank you for showing everyone that with trust and love there is no need to force a situation.
Billie’s ALREADY uncomfortable; why scare her and possibly make her condition worse. You’re the best, Kendra.
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Because it's work with kids, why it shouldn't work with elders and everyone else, who can not fight back?
You should avoid mind and consciousness questions out of issue when you need to do something.
This is how medicine works.
_(it is sarcasm a bit less then completely)_
I am envisioning Kendra at work, sitting crossed-legged in the tiger habitat and saying "Medicine help tummy ouch, Sher Khan. Will you please come take it?" Kendra is the coolest.
Not far off 😹
When we are old and maybe not entirely sound anymore, we also would not want somebody to force us to do unpleasant things. We would all prefer to be persuaded to do the thing.
So, it is only natural that we treat cats the same.
There are so many people I know that either cannot or refuse to show this amount of kindness, patience and honesty to their human children, let alone a cat.
So true!
^^Word. Lots of humans could learn to be better to other humans by this example.
Your patience with Billi is praiseworthy. She is a very fortunate kitty. 😺
Thank you Kendra for showing such empathy, kindness and patience to Billi. It is a lesson for myself. I love your deep bond with Billi. Watching your videos/stories daily is so therapeutic and I believe makes me a better person and cat care taker.
I can relate to Billi.
I have inner ear issues and often get motion sickness and vertigo easily ...and sometimes I get nausea for no logical reason.
Observing Billi, I feel that she was in fact willing to take the medicine and understood it would quell the discomfort, but during the height of nausea is the hardest time to eat ANYTHING at all... especially a gross, smelly medication.
Im so proud of her for soldiering through and eating the medicine anyway.
Such a beautiful realationship Kendra and Billi have.
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Beautifully said. 😻👏
Oh, good girl. Still amazes me that you're able to negotiate this with a cat.
I just had to give my boys their monthly flea and tick application right before watching this. I used the trust-building method I learned from watching Billi and Kendra. Considering that my guys are street rescues, and it was only the 10th time for the 3 year old, and just the 5th for the 2 year old, I see their tolerance increase each month. They stay as still as they can, which might not be very long, but they try. And follow up with treats and a hunting session gives them something to look forward to. They don't forget the fun is coming, either.
Spending 10 minutes in this way is, imo, even more valuable than play or training. You are building your relationship with your furbaby Billi. And in the end isn't that why we interact with our furbabies?
Heck yes! I love that she somehow understands it's in her own best interest to take the medicine and (hopefully) can connect the medicine to her "ouch" going "all done"…
I think this video shows, unlike what some commenters say, you are attentive to all of Billi's bodily cues and don't expect to rely on the buttons. You saw she was unwell and usedher symptoms to come up with a solution as soon as possible. You are the best cat Mom.
Yes!! You are describing how I interacted with my kids when I was an aide in a special needs classroom, my teacher commented how the kids really trusted me and it was an honor to hear that! Little humans and fur babies deserve the respect of informed consent whenever possible, even for the little things! When I get cats I plan to follow your example! Thank you!!
Absolutely!
I think that Billi appreciates your understanding. Her tail shows curiousity, interest. She enjoys interactions with you, and likes to please you. ❤
I know you've mentioned Billi's conditions before, but thank you for explaining how you have such lovig respect for her as an equal life form! I completely agree that's the best way (trust bank, only forcing an issue in an actual emergency, etc.) it's truly awesome and likely how you've gotten such a great bond with her over the years. The whole speaking board certainly shows how there is a lot more to 'pets' than manny people realize.
Great explanation! I could have used that reminder a few months ago. My beautiful Calico, who lived to be 19, needed daily drops her last three years. As long as I held her like a baby, she didn't mind them. When my big ole male Maine Coon needed the same drops, I thought we'd settle into the same routine. Forgetting he hates to be held - he'll snuggle, just doesn't like to be picked up and held. Boy did I blow our trust with a few days of attempting that! Now he gladly takes the drops on treats and has forgiven me for my obnoxious behavior.
Cats are so kind to forgive us bumbling humans 😂
Dear parents, this is how you should treat your *children!* Be *patient!* That's so easy, yet so hard for many people.
I’m not owned by any animals at this point. I have trouble taking care of myself properly and I won’t take in an animal until I can give them the love and care they deserve; the love and care that you give to Billi. ❤
Right decision. Sad decision. May you leave those troubles behind, and make a companion animal so happy as it deserves. If that works, find a human companion.
not saying this will be the same for you, but as someone who suffers with chronic autoimmune issues, on and off with depression and unmanaged adhd... my cats often help me to look after myself. They need routine, so I establish routine which ends up helping me. They need cat food, so I have to buy cat food, and I buy myself groceries too. They cuddle up with me when I'm feeling bad with pain or fatigue. Having the cats forces me to look after myself better and I am in a way better mental state with them than I would be without.
That said, you know yourself best, not saying my experience would be the same for you.
If you think animal friendos will benefit your life but don't trust yourself to be their sole provider, it may help you to volunteer to help care for animals. Like another person said, animals (and their routines) can add health to our life by adding obligations (counter-intuitively).
Love all the support and caring points of view regarding this comment. Nice to see. 👏👏🤗🤗
Ignore those who don’t know what they’re doing. You do you and Billi!
I absolutely LOVE how you are patient with her! A lot of pet owners don't understand this, and hence why I call them owners and not parents. Poor, sweet girl. I am glad she has a mommy who cares for her with her conditions.
Abraham thanks you for introducing me to CHURU !
We got some for his 13th Gotcha Anniversary this week and he is delighted.
💛 Your love and respect and concern for Billi are all so apparent in this video. 💛
I wish Churru worked on our cats. After one sniff they had no interest whatsoever. It’s the same with basically anything other than their daily food.
Did you try Temptations dry treats with catnip? @@Sashazur
Poor billi :( All I want for Christmas is for Billi to get better.
I have found with my dog that praise goes sooooo much further that being stern. I always give her the opportunity to cooperate and, if she doesn't, I start telling her what a good girl she is and how she will make me so happy. 99.7% of the time it works. She doesn't have buttons, but I have figured it out on my own (which probably took longer😆). Billie obviously wants to cooperate, but the medicine is yucky and she has to convince herself it's worth it.
Praise works way better than fear for me too! I don’t want to be yelled at, but tell me I did something well and I’ll go out of my way to do it better next time.
That well timed gross was so accurate!! Poor Billi, i hope the medicine helps quickly❤
“just end my misery, mother😩” - a dramatic billi probably
you two are doing so great! billi is taking this medicine & health issue better than many human would
Yeah very good interaction. I know how Billi feels. When I’m not feeling good, it’s hard for me to get myself to do healthy things too.
I love the way you interact with Billi and the trust she has for you.
Thank you for explaining this in depth. I was trained as a veterinarian and while I did it long ago out of my love for animals, there is so much to be learned. Your channel helps me to empathize with animals' as individuals and understand the importance of respecting their boundaries at home in their families.
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@@BilliSpeaksI think you do more good than you know by broadcasting your life with Billi. Your knowledge, modeling the correct way to deal with health problems and do training, and the loving respectful relationship you have with her, as well as filling our hearts with love and joy. ❤
I wish every single animal in the world had a Kendra to take care of it. ❤
Thanks for that background on Billi’s health problems. This is the best one to Share! My vet and my fellow doctor friends have been forwarded.
She’s such a smart girl. I understand the trust building with her and using logic.
At first I balk at the idea of a trust bank, it feels so mathematical and so it reminds me of abusive people. But I realized that your math is inverted from theirs. They assume one kindness is worth hundreds and one cruelty is worth $1. You are the opposite and it's so true. Thanks for sharing your expertise with us.
(Leaving the following here because I wrote it and I don't hate it even though I found a more concise way to say it)
They assume that they can "make up" for all their past misdeeds (that they dont actually believe are misdeeds) by capitulating with your demands for a day, or maybe a few months. Then they expect ro be able to go babk to being awful and you're just supposed to be forever grateful that they pretended to try for a bit.
yeah that's the big difference. it takes like 5 little good things to make up for one little bad thing, ish. 5 is a kind of made up number one guy who's really into "the five to one ratio" will tell you about, but it seems vaguely right to me.
@@laurenpinschannels actually agree, I remember reading in research that bad memories are 5 times more powerful in terms of quickness of learning from them and the length of memory.
However, I think for someone who's experienced trauma their interactions with you might feel a lot more like 100 to 1 because someone else basically destroyed their trust bank. So that traumatized person needs a lot more than the usual ratio in triggering situations.
Trust is so important. Especially considering she has medication for the rest of her life. You can't fight with her constantly and not expect bad things to happen. Your way is much better for both of you. Besides, holding them down and putting it in their mouth doesn't work any better. Mine would hold the pill in her mouth, as soon as I let go, out comes the pill. Every single time. If they don't want to do it, they are not.going to.
I wish Kendra could help train me to do things I don’t like this way. 😂 Billi might hide behind a bike, trot away, and seek support from her fans (3:51 do we?!), but human avoidance takes way more nefarious forms. Kendra not panicking, simply reiterating the request and benefits is everything. Such a loving bond! 🥰
I train myself with chocolate chip rewards 😹 finished that email I didn’t want to? Chocolate chip. Had a salad instead of a burger? Chocolate chip. Went to bed on time? Chocolate chip lol
I had the same thought…build trust with myself so when I *have* to do something really, really unpleasant, there’s some reserve.
@@BilliSpeaksBrilliant! Now I just have to figure out a reward that I am willing to have only one of. 😁
Comment of the week!!!!!❤
I appreciate these demonstrations! It helps me work on ways to improve communication and training with my cat, even though we don't have the buttons. ♥
Many folks don’t get that the trust bank exists in human relationships too. Kudos to you for respecting Billi’s autonomy and thinking about later, later, later, later. 😊
That stubborn old lady needs to have things on her terms. and we love her for that. Feisty Billi
I had no idea Billi had so many medical issues, and seems to be doing very well given her age. Thank you for your explanation of how you deal with all this and Billi's medication. You have a great attitude, and this shows how much you love and care for Billi. 🙂😺
I used to work with horses and especially ones with trust and obedience issues. First things I did was get them accustomed to getting treats from me. My pockets were always full of carrots and apple chunks, and a product we call sweet feed, kind of an oats and barley mixed with sorghum syrup. Then graduate to treats for right behavior. And lots of verbal praise and encouragement. People don't realize how intelligent animals are. They most certainly do learn words and phrases! And the trust you build blesses both ways.
Billi: "Is that a trick with the reminder of the churro? Does someone stick a thermometer in my bum when I am distracted?"
No time is wasted when you do it for someone you love, be it human or a pet. Thanks for being a patient cat mom, Kendra!
Hahaha! We used the concept of a trust bank with our children when they were small. Doing things that built trust ( doing their chores, trying to resolve disputes with a sibling using calm words rather than fighting, etc) made deposits into a trust bank that equaled freedom for privileges they might want, like going to a friend’s house. Breaking house rules equaled making withdrawals from their bank which precluded privileges until they had built up enough trust again. It worked really well for them! It was fun seeing you use the same concept in explaining you relationship you have with Billi.
You are a good Mum. Billi's tail says it all. It's relaxed, waving gently, turned up at the end. She's happy, relaxed and confident in her world even though she feels poorly. I work on consistent trust building with my kitty as well. Like you, I save big moves for emergencies when I may have to move quickly with no time for negotiation. This way, my cat knows she is secure in her world and trusts me never to hurt her. When she went to the vet last week for her 2 yr old booster, the vet has a nurse come in to hold her. That way my hands were the ones that gave cuddles after instead of pain .
You are an amazing person Kendra and I love how you are training Billi as well as cat 'people' like me. You are also 100% correct about trust being easy to lose and harder to gain back.
Wish my parents used this tactic with me - I would’ve appreciated feeling like I had control & a choice in my life when I was a kid
Brilliant explanation of the “trust bank”. We are currently trying some trust banking with our new boy. 18months old rescue, hoarder who had no time for him as she had so many cats. Poor boy has not been socialised with people so he is scared stiff, the epitome of a scaredy-cat. Not attempting to touch him, letting him hide where he feels safe, giving plenty of food too as that was in short supply. 11 days in, he’s still running away but not quite so fast lol. Have also installed a Feliway diffuser today too in case that helps my poor boy. Billi is a little star, bless her heart. Stay safe x
It’s never a waste of time to build a bond with our 2 or 4 legged loved ones ❤️
Love the compassion you show Billi. And I love watching your training sessions, please consider keeping them at regular speed!
I’m never quite sure how long is too long 😂
Greta description of trust. Works the same with humans ❤
The world is so much better with you and Billi (and Dad) in it! Thank you for sharing your life in this way. With best wishes for your 2024 🥰🙏 😻
Thank you!
My cat Pucette wants to thank Billy for training you so well and for spreading the word on how a good human interacts with a cat 😂
Kendra, thanks for the clear and helpful explanation of how and why you build trust with Billi. It will help me think more deeply about how I interact with my two kitties. ❤
I love the respect you and Billie share.
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Aww, Billie. I don't feel like talking either when my tummy hurts ❤ 🐱
The trust is so important! As someone who has to medicate my fur kid each night I know. My little guy comes for his meds, I don't chase after him. Because of that it's more treat.
It's kind of you to explain yourself to unknowing souls. If they manage to retain and apply that wisdom and teach it, it will have helped countless animals and people for generations and that's an awesome deposit. ❤
I wish all animal family members could have such understanding humans in them. ❤
I like the trust bank analogy and your thought process on this in general.
Thank you so much for demonstrating how to give medicine to a cat without deceit or force. That was truly amazing. Would love to see more training and trust building videos with Billi. 🙏💖
There are a couple of videos from a few months ago when Billi had an infection and had to take daily medication. They show how Mom convinced her to take it willingly, followed by a meal. Might work to search the playlist for medicine/medication. Or someone else may post the link(s).
This is SO educational and fascinating. I learn so much from yours and Billi's interactions, and it's even something that is helpful to think about when interacting with ALL species, humans too. 🤗
Considering how much stress can worsen our specific ailments and overall health, it makes sense to me that if a pet feels “in control” of their treatment, they could have much better health outcomes as well. I know a few humans who have lifelong anxiety stemming from parents holding them down to force food, medication or compliance in their childhood. We are healthiest and thrive best when we don’t fear the people who are our caregivers.
I definitely understand this. It can be a long process, but I did the same with my past cats and although they didn’t like it all of them came when called for medicine. One just opened his mouth. The other would ask for it, because she liked the flavor and the third didn’t like it but wasn’t uncooperative when it was medicine time. Of course I have another at now and haven’t had to give medicine yet. I should probably start this process though in preparation for that one day.
I sure wish I had started earlier with Billi!
Making gross medicine taste better was good. Being patient and, telling her medicine makes tummy ouch feel better and, giving her churu builds trust. It helps her to understand that even though medicine doesn't taste good, it makes her feel better. She also gets rewarded with churu which taste good. I hope she feels better.
You are such a good catmom Kendra ! 🥰🐈
Love these informative videos. In the process of teaching my cat to show me how to know what he wants too
I knew Billi had health issues but not to what extent. Poor girl. I love seeing the interaction between the two of you. She loves you and trusts you immensely.
In the last two years of my dogs life he had arthritis in his shoulder and took asprin for it. He would take one table in the morning and one sometime in the pm. At first he took the tablet just to be a good boy but pretty soon he had realised that it made his shoulder feel better. So once I had realised that he had realised I let him choose when he took his pm tablet and he would tell me he wanted it by sitting next to the desk drawer I kept them in and tapping it.
It takes time but pets are way smarter than we give them credit for and they can understand that we sometimes have to give them gross tablets to make them feel better.
It works much better than forcing them. I'm so glad Billi has a mum who gives her that ability to choose for herself even if she doesn't make the 'right' choice
If I could give a gazillion thumbs up for this video, I would. You made it as clear as a bell with your intentions and supported with hardcore and realistic rationales that was superb. Love how you approach difficult times with calm, sticking to your guns with plans, instead of switching them in exasperation.
Oh poor Billi. Hope she feeling a little better now. She has the best mommy
Last thing you want is an _Overdraft Fee_ from the Billi Trust Bank! 😂😂
Two ladies among themselves
You are setting a great example and showing how it’s done in giving medication with no force. Great work. Thank you. May you all please take care and stay safe. Louisa. 👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️🤩🤩🤩
That's a good way of putting it. Our girl doesn't like being picked up, but loves snuggles. So we worked on picking her up o only for "good things", like snuggles, food, or showing her something she likes (usually the window). Now she's ok with it.
I’m so pleased you give Billie the choice and you are very patient with her as I’m sure it’s worrying when she has tummy ouch
Honestly, 10 minutes of effort to not traumatize my cats or myself with giving medicine would be amazing. Unfortunately, I somehow ended up with cats who are NOT food motivated and I'm not quite sure how to convince them.
It makes it SO much easier that Billi loves food, I’m very lucky
@@BilliSpeaks If I ever figure out how to motivate non-food-motivated cats, I'll pass along my discoveries. 💖
@@TiewazIs there some activity (eg brushing) that you don't always enough time to provide for as long as kitty would like. Something like that could be a reward. 🙂
That is an amazing demonstration of inter-special communication! Thank you for modeling. I hope Billi is feeling better.
My rabbit says Kendra is very brave to approach a cat that's licking her lips and salivating.
Feel better Billi girl!
I love what you said about trust. People give me crap for not just grabbing my cat and forcing things on her. All that does is traumatize her. I did not rescue her to torment her. She is her own being and I respect her.
Thank you for sharing this! This is pretty much how I got medicine into my kids when they were young, minus the Churu. I agree 100% with all that you said about trust! 😺
Your patience is inspiring.
Poor Billi did look a little miserable, but you could see her feeling better after taking her medicine. I think the short delay in getting her to take the medicine helps reinforce for her that she feels once she takes it. She truly believes that you will do everything you can to help her feel better, which shows the trust she has in you.
I tried to follow fairly gentle You-Tube videos for giving medication to my cat. She refused, but quite enthusiastically ate it up if I sprinkled it in plain sight on top of her food, while explaining (like you do) the positive effects.
You are an amazing, kind, caring and patient cat mom. ❤ from 🇨🇦
This is the best parenting channel on UA-cam.
This makes me feel so guilty for how my baby's life ended. I wish we could have communicated better and given her options. Billi is so lucky and so are other cat guardians who will learn from this. ❤ also, love the concept of a trust bank. Wish humans would use that too...
My cat, we found as a stray, had pkd. He had to have a lot of medicine the last 2 years of this life. Mostly shots because with a half flat face my hands were too small to give him pills... I would tell him it was time for medicine and he would hop up on the couch and get his injections. He was a good little patient. He also had diabetes which pkd and diabetes are working against each other diet wise. It was hard. And then giving him fluids... he wasn't the biggest fan, but he was good about it. I actually was better at it than the vet. The vet went through on more than one occasion and all the fluids came out.
He was a good boy. He was good about checking his blood sugar too.
I miss him. But watching Billi is nice.
Thanks for sharing. Your cat seemed to be such a sweet boy.
I raised my dog to have a voice. Now he is old and has some issues that means we have to cooperate a lot, I have been called all sorts of names but I think it is so cool to have a bond with an animal in this way🥰 Yes I can just force him to do as I say but why should I, life is so much more relaxed and fun when you cooperate with eachother instead of 1 enforcing all the rules.
And on those days that I just dont feel like it....he knows he will have a say the next time.
But in all cases he has a hard NO and so do I. And that line we both never cross.
For all those negative Nellies, just try it, communication is key for all good relationships, even the relationships we form with pets!
Absolutely wonderful.
Same feeling for my friends. Family. Clients. Patience.
Billi is so cute. I can relate Billi. I hate medicine too. You are an amazing cat Mom! Billi respects you and you respect her. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Amazing. My boy has significant HCM, thankfully at this moment in time I am only having to administer asprin every 48hours, and its such a small amount it is easily disguised in his fave - milk! I am beginning my training journey with him. The first time he used the buttons autonomously was to wake me up from a nap to tell me his food was "all done" lol. Primarily I started the buttons so i can train the "ouch" and for medication. I am hoping to be able to build this kind of trust for him as i know down the line there will probably need to be "bad" interventions I will have to try to work out. :( I have also learned so much from you when it comes to being able to give my cats autonomy of their own care - i have always treated them with as much kindness and care as possible but like most pet owners there have been moments where things have had to be forced. Hopefully I will be able to become a better pet owner for my experiences
Cats lack the enzyme needed for metabolizing salicylic acid properly, and aspirin can build up and be extremely toxic. Many vets do not recommend aspirin use in dogs anymore due to stomach ulcers and the possibility of bleedin
I need to build in the extra time after the medicine like that. I learn a lot about communicating better with my cat from this channel. Thanks!
So sweet to watch her willingly take her medicine of her own accord. People who do not understand what you are up to with Billi are the ones who will give you “advice” to force her. I watch you guys and really wish I had known cats could be “trained”. I would have spent more time building those skills with my fur babies when they were younger.
I love seing these interactions. Chronic illness diagnosis is sometimes unnecessarily seen as a reason to put a cat to sleep, but it can be manageable when you know your pet and have that relationship to know how to get them to help you help them. My cat had kidney failure, and we also had an anti-nausea med that she took. Luckily my vet trusted me to teach me how to inject it into the line when i was doing her subQ fluids as my cat was NOT one that handled pills or things being added to her food (and what good was an anti-nausea med if she refused to eat the food?! 🤣) However, she did like her subq fluids. I would warm them up a bit, and then she would settle in front of the fire and fall asleep while receiving them. She was a great little patient, and knowing her well enough to know what she would tolerate probably added to the time we were able to buy her with her daily treatments ... almost a year and a half of extra time!
You're so caring its incredible. She truly understands trust like humans do, its wild to see.
You and Billy are great teachers. :)