I understand where you’re coming from. I’m totally blind, autistic, and I have complex PTSD. I no longer doubt myself, but I limit myself, restrict myself and mask. I’m a perfectionist too. I often mask my emotions to fit in with society’s norms. I’ve tried to stop myself from doing things that benefit my blindness and autism because society frowns upon those things. But I just find so much joy in them. I’m constantly hard on myself and beating myself up when I probably shouldn’t. I think that comes from the trauma and abuse and misstreatment I went through. I wasn’t allowed to make a mistake without being shamed or humiliated for it. I was even humiliated in front of others.
It takes alot of courage talking about these things and spreading awareness because we are neglecting our needs to make others feel good. That needs to change. Thank you so much for sharing!
I completely agree... I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION for years... after my autism recognition I no longer hid myself as much and low and behold the depression IS GONE!!! Along with a ton of drugs they had me on that didn't work anyway!!! It was the pressure to FIT in that CAUSED my depression... The MEDICAL MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM... has it BACKWARDS!!!
@@TheAutisticRebel yes. This is so true. I feel like I can learn to unmask, and not care what people think of me. I have come so far in my healing. I believe I am capable of doing this. I think this all stims from trauma. Having a caregiver try to stop you from showing emotions and them trying to stop me from doing things that benefit my blindness and autism just because it’s “different” from what “normal” people do. The words “different” and “normal” get miss-used and abused and it’s very damaging. But people just don’t seem to get that.
I don't even like "Neurodivergent"!!! It's a TERRIBLE WORD!!! It presupposes... "divergence"... "difference"... "NOT typical"... "NOT NORMAL"... "NOT GOOD"!!! Even say "NTs" seems to put them on a pedestal as if they are ABOVE us... and it's a REAL perceptage!!! None the less, I get it... it's a convenient and "socially shared" label. It's the vernacular. The Lexicon at the moment. I just hope one day it will change. 😊
YES, the filming and then thinking something was good only to rewatch and wonder what the heck I was thinking...and all the "ummmmm"s I didn't realize were coming out of my mouth constantly, OMG! I also find that I pronounce words differently on tape than I thought I sounded when I spoke; this happens when speaking but not singing, I know that those two things operate from different sections of the brain. ENERGY BREAKS should absolutely be a normal and ongoing thing in your videos (in my opinion). It looks like you enjoy music and sweets in the same intense way I do. But that was the most fun thing, and I recommend you do it as often as you are willing. You can also use it to introduce people to music you really like. Just a thought. Hope I'm not coming off as bossy. I like to suggest things to people and they often think I'm telling them what to do. I spent years feeling like I wasn't good enough on any level, like I was supposed to be something, or someone that I just couldn't be no matter how much effort I put into it. And yet on other levels I really loved aspects of myself, and loved things I made and created. I always felt like nobody wanted to get to know the real me, but if they did they would think I was...at least interesting. I keep myself busy, often with a whole lot of nothing to show for it, nothing to show to the public anyway, lol.
What a lovely comment! I think it’s important to emphasize our need for energy breaks and I will definitely have more in my videos! This was really good feedback! Thank you! ❤️
Regarding the beat making. Have you tried ableton and just going in the program and playing with it? (Or any other beat-making device?) Also. Are the beats in the video made by you? They're great!
No I haven’t tried that, I’ve only used Logic but now I want to try it! I didn’t make the beats in the video unfortunetly but it’s fun to choose music I like for my videos!
I am CONSTANTLY meta analyzing everything. I say something and I'll replay it in my head as the conversation continues... I'LL be thinking about what they thought about what I said... No wonder I can't do small talk... there is NO SMALL talk... there is ONLY HARD talk!!! Another thing, as I listen to video... sorry lol I always feel weird saying I'm autistic in real life... It just sounds weird like I am PURPOSEFULLY inserting autism in the conversation but it's because I'M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT... Lastly... years ago!!! I was sent to emergency because i was suicidal. I remember CLEAR AS DAY EXPLAINING... that I ALWAYS feel like I'm the lowest person in any group I'm in. I feel horrible for ruining everyone's life I'm in because I'M in it!!! I DON'T want to be the one NO ONE likes to be around... even though i was SUPER POPULAR!!!! I was ALWAYS center stage... larger than life... the FUN guy... because that was HOW I LEARNT TO MASK!!! BUT.. It's a double edge sword because the more popular you become... the MORE ALIENATED YOU FEEL!!! It just feels more FAKE as MORE people become attracted to hanging out with you!! It all feels SO fake! They only like my MASK... not ME! All I could tell the physician and psychologist is I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM and it's SO pervasive I don't WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!! That was CLUE #1 GUYS!!! Wow!!!
I’m so grateful for having you here writing to me and connecting in chats, I’ve definitely found some amazing people in the Neurodivergent community. It’s so interesting to hear about other peoples experiences and interests. Thank you so much for being in my life and talking about yourselves! I can’t explain how wonderful you are! I know what you mean!
@@isabellammusic You are doing a great service to this community!!! For me... IT'S LITERALLY the least I could do!!! Great stuff @Isabella... Great stuff!!!
I understand where you’re coming from. I’m totally blind, autistic, and I have complex PTSD. I no longer doubt myself, but I limit myself, restrict myself and mask. I’m a perfectionist too. I often mask my emotions to fit in with society’s norms. I’ve tried to stop myself from doing things that benefit my blindness and autism because society frowns upon those things. But I just find so much joy in them. I’m constantly hard on myself and beating myself up when I probably shouldn’t. I think that comes from the trauma and abuse and misstreatment I went through. I wasn’t allowed to make a mistake without being shamed or humiliated for it. I was even humiliated in front of others.
It takes alot of courage talking about these things and spreading awareness because we are neglecting our needs to make others feel good. That needs to change. Thank you so much for sharing!
I completely agree... I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION for years... after my autism recognition I no longer hid myself as much and low and behold the depression IS GONE!!!
Along with a ton of drugs they had me on that didn't work anyway!!!
It was the pressure to FIT in that CAUSED my depression...
The MEDICAL MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM... has it BACKWARDS!!!
@@isabellammusicI COULD NOT AGREE MORE!!!!!
@@TheAutisticRebel yes. This is so true. I feel like I can learn to unmask, and not care what people think of me. I have come so far in my healing. I believe I am capable of doing this. I think this all stims from trauma. Having a caregiver try to stop you from showing emotions and them trying to stop me from doing things that benefit my blindness and autism just because it’s “different” from what “normal” people do. The words “different” and “normal” get miss-used and abused and it’s very damaging. But people just don’t seem to get that.
I don't even like "Neurodivergent"!!! It's a TERRIBLE WORD!!!
It presupposes...
"divergence"...
"difference"...
"NOT typical"...
"NOT NORMAL"...
"NOT GOOD"!!!
Even say "NTs" seems to put them on a pedestal as if they are ABOVE us... and it's a REAL perceptage!!!
None the less, I get it... it's a convenient and "socially shared" label. It's the vernacular. The Lexicon at the moment.
I just hope one day it will change. 😊
Another great video.
I like the raw UNEDITED version... helps me follow your thought patterns 😊
YES, the filming and then thinking something was good only to rewatch and wonder what the heck I was thinking...and all the "ummmmm"s I didn't realize were coming out of my mouth constantly, OMG! I also find that I pronounce words differently on tape than I thought I sounded when I spoke; this happens when speaking but not singing, I know that those two things operate from different sections of the brain.
ENERGY BREAKS should absolutely be a normal and ongoing thing in your videos (in my opinion). It looks like you enjoy music and sweets in the same intense way I do. But that was the most fun thing, and I recommend you do it as often as you are willing. You can also use it to introduce people to music you really like. Just a thought. Hope I'm not coming off as bossy. I like to suggest things to people and they often think I'm telling them what to do.
I spent years feeling like I wasn't good enough on any level, like I was supposed to be something, or someone that I just couldn't be no matter how much effort I put into it. And yet on other levels I really loved aspects of myself, and loved things I made and created. I always felt like nobody wanted to get to know the real me, but if they did they would think I was...at least interesting. I keep myself busy, often with a whole lot of nothing to show for it, nothing to show to the public anyway, lol.
What a lovely comment! I think it’s important to emphasize our need for energy breaks and I will definitely have more in my videos! This was really good feedback! Thank you! ❤️
Oh YOUR good lol... the beginning!!! Hahahah
Your gonna be HUGE on UA-cam!!!
Your honesty is amazing!!!
It’s just me. I hope people like it! Thank you so much!
Regarding the beat making. Have you tried ableton and just going in the program and playing with it? (Or any other beat-making device?)
Also. Are the beats in the video made by you?
They're great!
No I haven’t tried that, I’ve only used Logic but now I want to try it! I didn’t make the beats in the video unfortunetly but it’s fun to choose music I like for my videos!
I am CONSTANTLY meta analyzing everything.
I say something and I'll replay it in my head as the conversation continues...
I'LL be thinking about what they thought about what I said...
No wonder I can't do small talk... there is NO SMALL talk... there is ONLY HARD talk!!!
Another thing, as I listen to video... sorry lol
I always feel weird saying I'm autistic in real life...
It just sounds weird like I am PURPOSEFULLY inserting autism in the conversation but it's because I'M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT...
Lastly... years ago!!! I was sent to emergency because i was suicidal.
I remember CLEAR AS DAY EXPLAINING... that I ALWAYS feel like I'm the lowest person in any group I'm in.
I feel horrible for ruining everyone's life I'm in because I'M in it!!!
I DON'T want to be the one NO ONE likes to be around... even though i was SUPER POPULAR!!!!
I was ALWAYS center stage... larger than life... the FUN guy... because that was HOW I LEARNT TO MASK!!!
BUT.. It's a double edge sword because the more popular you become... the MORE ALIENATED YOU FEEL!!!
It just feels more FAKE as MORE people become attracted to hanging out with you!!
It all feels SO fake! They only like my MASK... not ME!
All I could tell the physician and psychologist is I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM and it's SO pervasive I don't WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!!
That was CLUE #1 GUYS!!! Wow!!!
I’m so grateful for having you here writing to me and connecting in chats, I’ve definitely found some amazing people in the Neurodivergent community. It’s so interesting to hear about other peoples experiences and interests. Thank you so much for being in my life and talking about yourselves! I can’t explain how wonderful you are! I know what you mean!
@@isabellammusic You are doing a great service to this community!!!
For me... IT'S LITERALLY the least I could do!!!
Great stuff @Isabella... Great stuff!!!