Video 2 - How to Get Over Being Scammed - Shame and Anger
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 лип 2022
- Please "like" this video, add a comment if you have thoughts you want to share, and subscribe to this channel to be notified when I add more videos or information.
This is the second video in a series that was created to help people who have been scammed, and who are having a hard time getting over it. Healing from being scammed is difficult and many people beat themselves up for a long time afterwards.
If you are telling yourself that you are stupid and feeling a lot of shame, you are NOT alone. These are the most common and most difficult parts of the psychological recovery after you have been scammed.
In these videos, which are based on my book (linked below), you will find coping strategies and ways to find healing for yourself.
This video is about shame and anger.
Here's a link to get the book on Amazon, "The Emotional Impact of Being Scammed and How to Recover": www.amazon.com/Emotional-Impa...
Also, check out the website I've created, that has other resources you may find helpful, including (soon) a video series for family and friends, another for advocates, and a third for mental health providers. Here is the link to the website: www.ScamSurvivorHealing.com.
You can reach me through that website above.
Thanks for listening, and I hope you find healing and feel better soon!
All my best,
Cathy Wilson, LPC
i just got scammed today and it was so shameful, it is not about the money, i can earn that and bounce back and work again, it is the thinking that i was fooled by someone, that i am a loser, it is really hard and this is my exam week, thank you for making this video because it helps a lot
I'm really glad it helped you. Please keep on reminding yourself that you are NOT a loser - this was a crime and unfortunately scammers are really good at stealing, lying, and using psychological tactics against us. All my best to you!
Please avoid people that comment here and claim to be able to get your money back - this is a common scam. It is one of the ways that scammers re-target people and try to scam them again. That's a service that, if it were legitimate, they would be inundated with business and wouldn't need to "advertise" in UA-cam videos comments. Scammers suck....
The worst thing is that when your own family and friends won't understand you but point fingers at you
Oh my goodness, you are SO right about that. Many people do not understand all the tactics that scammers use, and also, many people believe they can't be scammed. ANYONE can be scammed. I am so sad this is how your family and friends have reacted to what happened to you. If you haven't already, maybe ask them to view this series. There's also a course I created for family and friends and if they are willing to view those videos it may help them understand this more, too. I'll include a link at the end of this reply.
I am doing a few speaking engagements soon and I plan to talk about how anyone can be scammed and I'm hoping to post them here; you could subscribe to this channel, or email me at cathy@scamsurvivorhealing.com to request getting on my email list for updates, such as when any new videos go live.
Here's the link for your family and friends: lifepaths-school-7a8b.thinkific.com/courses/healing-from-being-scammed-family-friends
All my best to you!
Thank you Cathy watching your video really help me to pull back myself and get back to normal life it's very painful emotionally and no one can understand the pain the guilt and the shame that gone only those are in the same shoes will understand I was scammed nothing more than a friendship pretended to send me gifts and I have to pay for the parcel when it reached my country for custom I didn't know that i was trapped until more payment was asked then I realized went to the police and informed but they did nothing this is what Indian police are good at my husband accused and blame me for being stupid I was alone licking my wound. I wish someone could understand how painful it is and not judge the being scammed but help them to come out of it. These scammers are African and Indian team up together
@@blandinalamare9775 that is helpful to others for you to share all of that, so thank you. I am very glad the videos are helping and I hope you find ways to deepen the healing you have started.
I feel disempowered, shame that I was so dumb as I'm usually on the ball. I feel my vulnerability as a single mother. I don't know who to tell.
Hi, I also saw your comments on two of the other videos in this series. I am so sad to hear that this happened to you and I hope you are finding ways to feel better. Keep challenging those thoughts that are feeling so awful. Hopefully you've been able to see the video that has info in it about how anyone can be scammed. This doesn't happen because you are dumb, it happens because these are really skilled criminals. This is what they do all day every day. You also don't ever have to tell anyone; if you do decide to tell someone just be cautious to tell someone who is not likely to add to your shame by judging you. This frequently revictimizes people. I am hoping for the best for you, take care!
Thank you Cathy, I was recently scammed out of $5,000 and I can't help but feel so stupid and embarrassed but your video made me think differently.
I'm really glad the videos are helping you to see this situation differently. The more you get familiar with scammers' tactics, wow, you can really see how slick they are in taking advantage of the way our brains work and vulnerabilities we may have at the time. It is so important to avoid blaming crime victims!
Thank you so much for this series. I was scammed recently and I feel all this, and it breaks my heart to read everyone's experiences. These are great tools to heal from this
I got scammed recently, I felt so angry at myself for being stupid,sometimes I felt guilty because the money that was taken away from me could actually help someone I care about,since then I have been researching on how to avoid being scammed and to be aware of the new tricks these scammers are using, to my surprised I heard alot of stories about victims that got scammed and how it happened 💔😔. I really love the reframing part and I was also thankful that I wasn't physically harmed in the process. Thank you so much for this video, it helped alot.
I am so glad these videos have been helpful! To keep learning about scams...There's a pretty good subreddit on scams that has a lot of information from peoples' experiences with scammers. Staying aware of new scams or new tactics they use is our best defense against scammers. They are so tricky and insidious!!
thank you for this, im struggling finically i was hoping i would get more money and i ended up getting scammed of all the money i had on my account and i feel so bad for being desperate for money that i put myself in this situation and let someone trick me like that. Im really struggling about how iam feeling rn and this helped alot
Thanks for your comment. I'm sad to hear how bad this has been for you, but glad the videos helped. Do you also have a copy of the book I wrote about this? There is a whole chapter on ways you could use to work on healing. That chapter has quite a few more ideas than I was able to include in these videos. I wish you all the very best in getting past this.
Another warning, everyone. Please be cautious about anyone commenting here and claiming to be able to recover money for you. No one can do that except law enforcement, the courts, etc. Money recovery is a second attempt at scamming people who were already scammed once. There are a huge number of links that will pop up on Google for you and other pages too, and I've had a number of people add comments here and on the other videos. Please watch out for these disgusting criminals!! All my best to you all! Cathy
Just got scammed today, feel terrible. The fact that they abused my good will gets to me. Thanks for the advice.
Hello and thanks for commenting here. You make a great point by saying that they abused your good will. They did! Scammers are criminals and unfortunately way too good at what they do. A lot of ways they manipulate people is to use their good qualities against them, such as trust, wanting to do good in the world, honesty, and so many more. I hope you find ways to keep on getting past this, heal from it, and take care of yourself. All my best, Cathy
Thank you for this… just got scammed today and yes shame is the dominant feeling
Hi Andie, I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. It sounds like these videos were helpful though. It may also be helpful to get the book I wrote on this topic (it's on Amazon), or check out the resources I've listed on the website at ScamSurvivorHealing.com. I wish you all the very best in healing from this. Please remember that scammers are criminals and are very skilled at what they do. There are a lot of tactics they use. All my best to you!
Got scammed by my very 'loyal' assistant who worked for me for years and supported me in many projects, I treated her and her family very well financially and paid lots of things for them out of gratitude, treating her more like a sister. She hired carpenters to renovate my just bought property and they scammed me here in the Philippines. We have so many great pictures together, I held her close and trusted her for years. It feels unrealistic. I trust now no one anymore! Didn't trust many people before. She keeps saying she is innocent, what a horrible person. Now I look at those pictures and all the 'good times' she assisted and helped me. She is really really a sweet Angel face, everyone around me trusted her too.
I hope you have continued to watch the videos, and that they help. It is so difficult to deal with what you went through! It is a lot more than the money, isn't it? The way you write about it, it sounds like a huge betrayal. All my best to you, Cathy
@@createlifepaths Thank you for your sweet understanding Cathy! I already feel more stronger and wise because of what happened. Surely I should ALWAYS keep my eyes wide open in every situation. There are lots of good people, but also a lot of bad people around us. I looked at my people pleasing and poor boundary abilities. I used this situation to upgrade my Self-value and put me FIRST and SAY NO if it doesnt feel right to me. My right FIRST!!! And eyes open always!!! My ignorance is GONE! Will not just childish trust anyone anymore. Thanks for your great vids about it! It truly helps!
i got scammed today. worst feeling ever... and i don't know if i'm sad or mad or ashamed or feeling not well that my money went wasted. it's just a cloud of intense emotions in me. i needed these videos to go to sleep. reading these comments really makes me feel less lonely. thanks cathy. i'm not okay yet but i'm def working towards it.
You are so very welcome, and I am so glad the videos have helped! All my best to you!
Got scammed by someone I loved and just found out an hour ago Hurts so much thank you for posting this.
You are so welcome, I hope the other videos in the series help, too. :-) All my best to you!
You’re such a sweet soul. I just got scammed out of $3000 and I feel so ashamed and so stupid. I’ve let myself feel these emotions, and I’m slowly accepting that what happened, happened and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. This video has comforted me and is a reminder that it’s really going to be okay. A very VERY expensive lesson learned.
It IS going to be okay! And thank you for your kind words about the video, I am so glad it has been helpful to you. I hope you have listened to some of the other videos, I talk throughout these about how this does not mean you are stupid. ANYone can be scammed, if the situation is set up for it. Really, anyone. Keep on healing and taking care of yourself! All my best, Cathy
I feel shamed for falling for an at home job. They didn’t get money but personal info. The company is a real one but the HR people weren’t. I just feel anger, rage and stupid bc I should have known better but it’s like my son and my friend I shouldn’t because I honestly didn’t know and that I caught on before it got worse but I still can’t shake the feeling I feel
I totally get that you still can't shake that feeling - even if they didn't get any money, they got information and it still feels violating because of that! I hope the videos help you to heal from this and feel better. All my best to you, Cathy
this is so comforting :”) thank u for this.
i got scammed today. there were so many signs and my guts told me something wasn’t right but I chose to ignore those feelings and sent them the money. I feel so stupid and angry once I realized what they’ve done. what’s even worse is that, it was my dad’s money. it hurts because I know how he has to stay up late and wake up early to earn the money but half of it gets drained for nothing.
I am so glad that listening here has been helpful to you! I hope you have had a chance to listen to all the videos. There are at least a couple that describe the tactics scammers use; it can sometimes be helpful to know about these and how skilled these criminals are. You aren't stupid at all and I know it is so difficult to push back against this thought coming up for you. I hope that you've been able to talk with someone about this and start feeling better. All my best to you! Cathy
me, too. It's so bad that those money are our parents'. I'm experiencing this, too. But stay strong. Just tell yourself that you've learned a lot. That's what i do now. It helps a little.
Thanks for sharing this. I suspect a medical scam and my mind immediately wants to be cynical and say “all doctors are in it for the money” but most importantly, “how could someone who is supposed to help people hurt them instead...I have to put my guard up because now I have to live with this”
Feeling that way is completely understandable. I think for many people, this eventually settles into having your guard up enough, while still living your life in ways you enjoy. The more you learn about how scammers operate and the scams that are out there, the more trust you will have in yourself.
Thank you Cathy, I was recently scammed, too. It was a lot of money and it belongs to my parents. They trust me to keep the money, and i just wasted it. Watching your video and reading these comments really help me feeling less lonely. You are helping me to get through hard time. Thank you, i think all these bad things will become the past someday.
You are very welcome! And I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. They will fade into the past at some point, and one thing that can help is to remind yourself that this doesn't have to define who you are. You are much more than this event happening to you :-)
You have helped me get through things thank u ❤
You are very welcome!
I find your videos calming, I’m only on video 2 and very recently got scammed out of £2500. I have all the emotions above but I used to get really bad anxiety but have gotten over it in recent years and has now returned and I’m afraid of it getting a grip on me again. If anything I respect the scammer because everything lined up perfect and I never thought I’d be the one to get scammed. I was surprised to see that you reply to comments on videos years old, you must’ve of helped a lot of people are helping me so thank you. I’ll be watching more of this video series thanks again!
I am so glad these videos are helping, and are calming for you, that is so encouraging. I do try to reply to each of the comments here, plus I'm doing my best to keep up with deleting and reporting scammers who come here to try to steal from people again. So infuriating! (they are money recovery scammers usually).
You hit on an important point, scammers are VERY good at what they do. We should never underestimate this, and stay on guard. I emphasize this many times in talking with people that have been scammed, it helps a person challenge the things they are saying in their head about feeling stupid, and feeling shame.
Anxiety...as it turns out, I am doing a presentation today for survivors about anxiety and how to deal with the specifics that arise after being scammed. I'm expecting to be able to post the video here on my channel once they send the recording to me. If you subscribe to my channel you'll get notified when I upload it - if you prefer not to subscribe just check back later this week. :-). All my best to you! Cathy
My husband and I got scammed by a contractor for 8400$. The anger about how we were profiled and manipulated makes me more upset than the loss of the money. There were so many red flags but he had already worked for us twice and came highly recommended by a coworker.
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you! You're so right that they profile you. They also often will play a "long game" too, which you alluded to in that they worked for you twice, and then is when the scam came. There are so many tactics they use and frankly it is really disgusting to me. I hope you continue to watch the videos in this playlist and others on my channel, and that they are helpful to you. All my best, Cathy
Yes, you are correct. My husband is a generation older than I am so a lot of the manipulation was directed towards him. I knew the guy was scamming us weeks before I could convince my husband. The last straw was when the guy asked me for a large some of money to fix his car and he hasn’t even started the job yet. That’s when my husband finally caught on. I’ve been distraught that my 76 year old husband, a retired veteran who is generous with everyone was taken advantage of so badly. It really hurts my heart.
@@corinnecerminaro9753 that must have been so difficult and it sounds like it added so much more to the usual emotional effects. I hope you and your husband find some ways towards healing and taking care of yourselves. 🙂
I got scammed by 3 scammers 😭😭 i believed them i feel stupid and angry they took over 3k in total . Thank you for this series
You are very welcome. I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Scammers are awful! I hope the videos help you to know that you aren't stupid at all, they use so many psychological tricks and take advantage of vulnerabilities people have. Please go easy on yourself :-) Cathy
Thank you so much you're a sweetheart
You are very welcome, and thank you for commenting!
Thank you 😭😭😭but I'm still so hurt I just got scammed out 1500 dollars
UGH I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. Scammers are AWFUL. I hope you listen to the entire playlist and that it is helpful to you. And, I hope you find ways to take good care of yourself, too.
@@createlifepaths in the gym right now... keeping at my routine. I'm an entrepreneur and thought I met a wholesaler that had the product I move for cheaper and it was a scam.... anyways i talked to a shop in California and asked about these people and they said it's a scam.... some good came out of and I was put in contact with the direct distributor for the product. I guess you gotta lose to win sometime. 🏆
@@createlifepaths I should make up for the loss through my new contact because I'm now paying almost 20 dollars less per product
Wow, way to go with finding some positive in the situation!
I too just got scammed for $1500!! It def hurts and going thru all kinds of emotions ….
thank you for this video, i was scammed out of 400 pounds for concert tickets and i felt so stupid, i literally thought it was a scam but they still mananged to convince me, i always thought i was too knowledgable about stuff like this to be scammed but it happened anyway, this video helped me understand I'm not stupid and i shouldn't be so embarrassed
A lot of us feel like we could never be scammed, but unfortunately, scammers are always adapting and creating new ways to steal from people. It is sad to say, but we all need to be vigilant and learn as much as we can. You definitely are not stupid, the more I have studied this the more I realize there are SO many tactics they use that I firmly believe that anyone can be scammed if the circumstances are set up for it. Take care, Cathy
Thank you…
You are very welcome, and thank you for commenting!
I got scammed today and lost about 1100 dollars when I tried to buy tickets for a concert for me and some friends. I dont think I’ve ever been more ashamed in my life. I even noticed some of the signs as the process was going on, and when I expressed those concerns, they somehow convinced me to keep going. Once I figured out that I was never getting those tickets, and probably never seeing the money again (it was gonna be split in four so my friends would give me their cut, once they got the tickets), it was way too late.
I’m a student so this is a huge blow, and money that I’ve worked hard for.
Your video helped as I could relate to every feeling that you layed out. Its also somewhat comforting, although I am sad that this happend to all these people, to look at the comments and see that I am not alone. The tactics from those scammers are inhumane. When I was doubting the while thing, the scammer kept rushing me and saying that they had someone else ready who was gonna buy the tickets, and even send screenshots, so I was pushed to sent the money quickly. Looking back, it is so painfully obvious what was going on, yet I fell for it out of naivity, and then the fact that I really wanted those tickets. Its crazy that these kinds of people exsist. I hope karma hits like a train for them soon.
That sounds awful for you and yes I can imagine that is huge blow. Scammers are inhumane, cold-hearted, and so many more things I could say. I'm so glad you found these videos though and that they have helped you. Please keep on taking care of yourself, giving yourself some kindness in this and I hope you are continuing to feel better. All my best, Cathy
It happened to me today , man I feel shame and anger and hate , I fucking knew something was off but I kept going since I didn't work hard on that money but never again
I just got scammed 1500€. I feel so stupid and shameful. I am such an idiot. We need more people like you. I tend to be too trusting of people, it's true
Please tell yourself that you are not stupid, and not an idiot. Human beings are supposed to be able to trust each other, we depend on this for survival! I know this will change HOW you trust others, I just hope that you remember that is something we do because of how we are social beings. I hope the videos help you trust yourself again, soon!
Got scammed of almost 250 dollars and the worst part is i am a student and i can even tell this to my parents 😭
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you! And, I completely get it that you don't feel like you can tell your parents. Many people who were scammed get judged and/or shamed by people that care about them. There's a huge problem or misconception with people tending to blame the victim and they forget that this is a criminal act that has been perpetrated on you. I hope you have continued watching the other videos in this playlist and that they all help you to heal. All my best to you!
@@createlifepaths yes mam thanks a lot for these videos it really makes me feel a lot better.
I learned a lot, of course, lol and I'm better alone
I am glad to hear that, and I hope you watched the other videos here on my channel. Take care, Cathy
Of course I have been humiliated, disgraced and ashamed that I was scammed by the woman I choose to be forever on Facebook. It hurts so much. I try to get over it, it does not work.
It does hurt a lot, and I hope you find ways to have patience with yourself. It is possible to get over it. All my best to you, Cathy
I do feel angry and disappointed in myself and my friend has helped me a bit I still feel awful.
I am glad you have a friend to talk to, please keep doing that and don't isolate yourself. You can watch these videos again and again when you need to also. Healing does come with time and the pain of this happened gets less and less intense, and less and less frequent. All my best to you, Cathy
Was scammed by someone that did the long con. Got to know me and what triggers me. Lost a ton.
I am so sad for you that this happened! I noticed you put some comments on other videos on my channel, and I hope these have been helpful to you. It IS a long con when it is a romance or pig butchering scam. Scammers are awful people.
We get scammed in all kinds of areas. Business, Church and Family to be exact
We sure do!
@Alexander48391 yes
@agr108 please be careful this sounds like a secondary scam
Hi Cathy. I’m a current victim of a love scam and got approximately 100k taken from me. I’m so lost sad and feel stupid and embarrassed. I would love to talk to a therapist about all of this. It’s been so rough. I was pointed in your direction. Any info would be appreciated.
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you! Please email me about finding a therapist, I'm happy to help! I just want to keep that conversation private. Email is: cathy@scamsurvivorhealing.com.
im really sad that i disappointed my mother by wasting 400 dollars on a scam.. she works so hard and i really just did that.
Scammers are WAY more skilled than we give them credit for. The entire industry, yes "industry", puts a lot of money and time into being very good at this. They use psychological tricks, they use our brains against us. I hope the videos have been helpful for you to know this!
I tired selling my account for money and the scammer later cancelled the transfer and my sccount is gone too and i didn't get any money i feel so stupid now and i cried alot
Thank you for commenting, and I am so sorry this happened to you! Scams come in so many forms, and come with surprises exactly like you described. It's often like your stomach just drops when you realize what happened. I hope that you have continued to watch the videos in the playlist, and are starting to feel a bit better. All my very best to you! Cathy
This was helpful. But I can’t get rid of the scammer. He still texts me.
This is unfortunately a common thing - scammers will keep at it over and over and over, trying to get you to re-engage with them. I know they also change numbers and emails if they think you've blocked them. Blocking them all is one way that works, and some find it easier to just ignore. Either way the best thing is don't respond, because eventually the contact at least slows way down. Beware also of a different scammer contacting you too, scammers share contact information among them as a way to re-target people. They are the ones who should be feeling shame!
How do I find peace in me? Will I ever fall in love again in some other girl? Because I am still in love with my scammer. I am trying to kill the feelings, love for my scammer but they want go away. What to do? I am trying to get over it. But I can't.
When it is a romance scam, this is a complicating part of it when you still love the person you thought they were. Sometimes it helps to know that you are dealing with a lot of grief over losing the person you thought they were, and that this was a deep betrayal for you.
How do I get over that my scammer is laughing at me and insults me behind my back on social media? Beacuse I feel she is bettter than me. Younger than me and beautiful than me well I am not. I can't get her cause I don't know where she is. Lady is not easy is eating me inside. I can not stop thinking about it. Is this going to impact and hunt me for the rest of my life? It happend to me. I was always careful.
I have no doubt that you were careful - the thing is that scammers create fear and they prey on vulnerabilities a person has. It is so insidious the way they do this. I see other comments from you and it looks like you watched all the videos. I hope so, later in this playlist I talk about how there are so many tactics they use, and use a few examples to describe them. You are going to heal, it is a lot to process, which is why I said in another comment that I hope you can find patience for yourself. I hope you can find a way to give yourself a little grace and not be so hard on yourself, too.
@@createlifepaths I am trying to get over it, I wish I could track down my scammer. I don't know what then would I do. I would have asked her, why, why me? but she would have deny it probably escaped. UA-cam does not let me comments tough sometimes on videos. My boss told me the same as you told me. She said that I was lucky I did not lose more I could have lost my house. These scammers can convince you to sold your house so that they can get tyour money. Thank you so much for reply back and your kind words lady. I will do what you told me. I will try hard not to let this impact more. It is been three months and it still infects me. I hope I will get better and over it. Thank you for your videos they did help me.
I am so stupid and can't tell anyone I thought myself a clever wise person, I can't tell anyone just lost hundreds of euros all because I wanted to help my family 😢😢😢
It is such a difficult thing to go through, and I'm sorry to hear it happened. I hope you have been able to listen through several of the videos here on my channel. There are lots of reasons that this does not mean you are stupid, scammers use systematic and structured methods of manipulation. I hope you find ways to heal very soon. All my best to you!
I was scammed a few times. I find i was stupid and i will not fall for these again. No fast money no matter how they try to encourage you. Oh you have 14000 in our account. You gotta take it out
I hope that over time, you change your mind about feeling like you are stupid. You aren't - scammers are extremely good at what they do and trying to encourage you is only one part of what they do - they use psychological tactics, persuasion, threats, fear, and on and on. Really, ANYone can be scammed if the circumstances are set up for it, so this does not mean you are stupid. I hope that going through all the videos in this playlist will help you with that and other parts of the healing process, too!
someone scammed me out of 15 dollars and I feel very dumb
I am so sorry to hear that this happened - it is so difficult when you realize a scam happened. Please try to remember that this is a crime. People tend to blame the victim when it comes to being scammed and forget that it's a criminal act. I hope you watched all of the videos in this playlist and are finding some ways to heal from what happened. All my best to you!
same 😂😢
Scammers are so horrible! I hope you find your way through this soon, and put it in the past. Scams are crimes and we should all remember that the fault sits with THEM, not the person that was scammed.
15 million people lost their savings after investing in FTX, a bitcoin exchange that was a lie.
I'm not familiar with FTX but with cryptocurrency, scammers have developed a lot of schemes to use this to take advantage of people and with many people, at least in the US, there isn't a lot of familiarity with how it works. Each of us should get a basic understanding of not only how crypto works, but also how scammers use it. Thanks for commenting!
Please of it's there some group of Help i just been scam.i need help to recover. I just Discovered everuthyso. Please thanks for this video
It is hard to find a support group for this, isn't it? I facilitate one and unfortunately it is pretty limited right now - there's a wait list to join. If you are in the United States, you may want to reach out to AARP's Fraud Support Network. They have several groups that meet throughout each week, and you don't have to be a member of AARP or a certain age to join. I have heard good feedback from people who have attended, too. All my best to you! Cathy