I held the door open for the person following me down the corridor and was told, 'I don't need a man to hold the door open just because i'm a woman.' To which I replied, ' I was raised to be a gentleman and hold the door open for anyone following me and anyway, until you got really close I thought you were a bloke.' It did not go down well.
Ah fuck her bro,its the action that counts,I got off a train and ran to give back this lady her iPhone that she left behind and she taught I was trying to steel it,I was like love,I approach you to give back,she just it took it and never said thanks
Ive never done a wee wee in the bath... but years ago, as a teen, had a bath with my girlfriend and thought it would be funny to fart and rubble some sounds.... and that was the one and only time i shit myself...
Me and my brother in law went to see him in Stoke once, we were in the front row and my brother in law has a habit of falling sleep if we ever go somewhere. I looking at him and he was fast asleep. Al clocked him and came over, looked at him, shook his head and carried on. It was the funniest thing I've seen. The edge of the stage was quite close to the front row aswell.
Right? Go to his show and get front row seats only to be embarrassed? It's part of his gimmick, just play along and you get the gift of telling that story to all your mates and family
An elderly gentleman tipped his hat to me one morning with a smile and it was a moment that allowed me to feel divinely feminine🙏🏻😊 I nearly curtsied back I wasn't used to such consideration🤣
I once spent a few months working in South Korea. A young woman in the office told me that I was an Englishman, but not an English Gentleman! Why? Because I did not carry an umbrella! What social status is needed? she asked, to carry umbrella.
I could not answer that one. Just had to take the lower status . But I did get some respect. I noticed that whilst Koreans tended to ignore Americans, I was treated as a hero. They opened doors for me, asked me to pose for selfies with them. fetched coffee for me in the office. So why? “We all admire Mr Harry Potter” explained the boss.
I was called a gentleman because at an office Christmas Party I held back the long hair if a woman who was throwing up in a toilet after a surfeit of alcohol -I did not even know who she was so apparently that made me a gentlemen as far as all the other women were concerned !!!
Oh yes. A beautiful British pub landlord... You could almost feel the force of the 'P' of 'PATRONISED' and the impact of that face full of beery breath. (And I loved the dodgy groping 'hand gestures'.) Great stuff!
My mum told me "a gentleman supports at least half his weight on his elbows". She also told me "if you are not in bed by 11pm then give up & come home" Ah, the memories of a teenage dirtbag.
Personally I always walk on the outer side of a footpath. Especially when I’m with my daughter. If anyone’s going to get run over due to a car hoping a curb I’d rather it be me than her and hopefully have a chance to get her out of harms way. Call it what you like “gentleman” or not that’s just what I do.
That is actually a tradition dating back hundreds of years (in England at least) going back to when a passing horse and cart might splash a muddy puddle onto the nearby pedestrians before street tarmac and drains were invented.
Not many you can call 'ladies' nowadays, especially not where I live. Most of the females now are just like the men, pissed up and shouting all over the place . I'm sure there are still some nice ladies out there somewhere, let's hope I can find one when the time is right. I'll be doing the lottery that week too
Al has got to be the greatest comedian the UK has ever produced. Makes my day when I watch any of his act(s) and always leaves me in tears of laughter. Keep it up Al.
I wish I could find the clip of Al talking about equality and what young women did with it. He was saying how they could have used the new freedom to rise above men's standards but instead they ended up lying in the gutter with us (something like that anyway, it's been a while) The things he said were profound, true and very funny but I can't find that particular show anywhere. It was the mention of a cloak over the puddle that made me think of it because he used a similar line in that show. Maybe it was later in the show this clip was from. Anyone any idea?
I think it was when he was discussing the (then) popularity of the Spice Girls and the deeply regrettable advent of "Girl Power" and all of its disastrous effects.
The whole Pub Landlord character is such genius: Al walks a perfect tightrope between the dumb (but enjoyable) gags and the clever (but not preachy) social commentary. Every joke or routine is running on two simultaneous levels.
A wise man gave me 3 steps... that man was Terry. Step 1) complaint the hair, this is a sure fire way of pulling a bird. Step 2) if for some reason Step one should fail and you have to buy them dinner just say "I also like that" when ever they say anything. Step 3) should only be used in the most dire of emergency!!! And I do mean DIRE EMERGENCY!!!! You can say "i love you"
Great. I like to watch Time Gentlemen Please, every three years or so.. just long enough to forget it.... Bloody great comedy. COW! (might be on youtube).
As chopper read said As a man, when walking down the street, you always stand closest to the road *To stop cars splashing water on your misses* Except! In the deep city, where you always stand closest to the alleyways To defend against muggers ...If its raining and cars are driving by in the inner city, pick one
pantslizard with all the snowflakes today we couldn’t win even a skirmish, a world war would be a disaster, besides you can’t fight a war with a cell phone glued to your face.
@@SkepticCat-pz1zz - You just put them in front. We'll burn through that part of the population in seconds. Besides in a given unit only 20% of the men do 80% of the killing. It's time to cull the herd....again...
i was told "smell nice" and i think that and the ability to hit the funny bone at the right angle have done well for me. and poetry. "why did you keep taking me back, we broke up a dozen times" "you wrote me poetry" she said.
So lovely, the way u all thinks its normal for him to have been to a 30grand a year school, and the rest of u to have gone to rubbish state schools, and would most probably defend his right to be superior to most of you, the British we know our place,
I held the door open for the person following me down the corridor and was told, 'I don't need a man to hold the door open just because i'm a woman.' To which I replied, ' I was raised to be a gentleman and hold the door open for anyone following me and anyway, until you got really close I thought you were a bloke.' It did not go down well.
Lol, great reply......
Awsome reply you were just doing what anybody should do always hold the door regardless
and then everyone stood up and clapped
Plot twist: it was a bloke he just identifies as a woman ^^
Ah fuck her bro,its the action that counts,I got off a train and ran to give back this lady her iPhone that she left behind and she taught I was trying to steel it,I was like love,I approach you to give back,she just it took it and never said thanks
A true gentleman removes the dishes from the sink before he pisses in it.
Damn right
My brother always takes his hat off before hitting a lady.He keeps it on for plebs.
A real gentleman gets out of the bath to take a piss.
oh,
Setting the bar pretty high there
Only if she is in it also...
a real gentleman while in the bath, pisses in the sponge and squeezes it out in the sink
Ive never done a wee wee in the bath... but years ago, as a teen, had a bath with my girlfriend and thought it would be funny to fart and rubble some sounds.... and that was the one and only time i shit myself...
Great comedian, would hate to be in his audience though not gonna lie
Just don’t sit in the front two rows.
Have been at one of his gigs - he's really good with the audience.
The front two rows are a hazard zone as I once learned the hard way, since then I book seats on the first floor or a few rows back.
I like getting roasted I'd sit in the front just to laugh at myself
Me and my brother in law went to see him in Stoke once, we were in the front row and my brother in law has a habit of falling sleep if we ever go somewhere. I looking at him and he was fast asleep. Al clocked him and came over, looked at him, shook his head and carried on. It was the funniest thing I've seen. The edge of the stage was quite close to the front row aswell.
I’d like to see Al do more history documentaries as he’s better than most of the television history bods
Fun fact: Al Murray actually IS a historian IRL.
I'd like to see him do some, but AS the pub landlord character :P
Totally bro🤙
He does a great history podcast called We Have Ways Of Making You Talk
Beautiful British Audience
Pig looking audience.
@@mano6864 That's the fucking joke you twat
@@suburbia2050 r/whoosh mate 🤣
@@timesquare5473 yeah I even read it in his voice this time around!
That guy must’ve regretted not saying he’s a man 😂
Frederick Thoms I meant how the other guy got to get up on stage
Right? Go to his show and get front row seats only to be embarrassed? It's part of his gimmick, just play along and you get the gift of telling that story to all your mates and family
If anyone, anyone would ask me to come to the stage, I would die of heart attack. Rob has balls of steel. Respect my dude. 👍💪😎
An elderly gentleman tipped his hat to me one morning with a smile and it was a moment that allowed me to feel divinely feminine🙏🏻😊 I nearly curtsied back I wasn't used to such consideration🤣
So long as he didn't flash his wallet, he is a gent...
@@angrytedtalks He flashed nadda, he was😉
@@gillymac9363 Then I shall buy a hat. 😉
I'd probably get called a pervert if I did that unfortunately lol
@@phildann9225 not when you pass the big 80, i can get away with it now.
I once spent a few months working in South Korea. A young woman in the office told me that I was an Englishman, but not an English Gentleman! Why? Because I did not carry an umbrella! What social status is needed? she asked, to carry umbrella.
That's Hilarious. What was your answer?
I could not answer that one. Just had to take the lower status . But I did get some respect. I noticed that whilst Koreans tended to ignore Americans, I was treated as a hero. They opened doors for me, asked me to pose for selfies with them. fetched coffee for me in the office. So why? “We all admire Mr Harry Potter” explained the boss.
@@johnwilletts3984 - so you look like Harry Potter...???
@@pantslizard No Far east Asian countries have a fetish for white people
"A significant potential for rain" 😑
A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the accordion, but chooses not to.
There’s always a Matt in an Al Murray show
@FernyZames Beautiful British name.
@@Roadrun98 Meaning "floor covering"
Loves being walked all over by woman
Yeah, and Al wipes his feet on them!
I don’t hold the door open because she is a lady, I hold the door open because I am a gentleman.
If she’s not a lady I slam it and try to catch her fingers
Stealing this.
@robertstallard7836 Still single then ? 🤪
I was called a gentleman because at an office Christmas Party I held back the long hair if a woman who was throwing up in a toilet after a surfeit of alcohol -I did not even know who she was so apparently that made me a gentlemen as far as all the other women were concerned !!!
@Just Gofish definitely not -she really was spilling her guts -can't recall ever anyone throwing up so much for so.long !!!
As long as you don't go holding up the long shirt of a man who is throwing up in a toilet after a surfeit of alcohol.
Classy ladies deserve classy gentlemen 🤣
Pure class , is maintained by helping women keep vomit and shit out of their hair. Bravo !
What a lovely story !
A true gentleman holds his fart until he's out of the elevator
Pablo David Clavijo, lift
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
Without being PATRONISED
or treated like an object
🤣
Oh yes. A beautiful British pub landlord... You could almost feel the force of the 'P' of 'PATRONISED' and the impact of that face full of beery breath. (And I loved the dodgy groping 'hand gestures'.)
Great stuff!
My mum told me "a gentleman supports at least half his weight on his elbows". She also told me "if you are not in bed by 11pm then give up & come home" Ah, the memories of a teenage dirtbag.
Couldn't imagine my mum being so vulgar....
@@dodibenabba1378 she was with me cheers mate
That lads got something to talk about for the rest of his life.
Thought the puddle was about not letting her sleep in the wet spot
Apart from realising what a great mind Al has, the one thing that I have learned from his videos is never to sit in the first row of his shows.
Good lad for going up good lad able to laugh at yourself
And then... YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM!!!.. XD LOOOOL
Hahah probably the hardest thing a man can do for a women lol
I'm gonna train you up as a gentleman...lol
Three things
Personally I always walk on the outer side of a footpath. Especially when I’m with my daughter. If anyone’s going to get run over due to a car hoping a curb I’d rather it be me than her and hopefully have a chance to get her out of harms way. Call it what you like “gentleman” or not that’s just what I do.
I've done the same, for my sons as well as my daughter. I don't think it has anything to do with being a 'gentleman' .
That is actually a tradition dating back hundreds of years (in England at least) going back to when a passing horse and cart might splash a muddy puddle onto the nearby pedestrians before street tarmac and drains were invented.
I am exactly the same way my good sir.
But what about the muggers lurking 👀 in wait in the alleyways? 😮
Not many you can call 'ladies' nowadays, especially not where I live. Most of the females now are just like the men, pissed up and shouting all over the place . I'm sure there are still some nice ladies out there somewhere, let's hope I can find one when the time is right. I'll be doing the lottery that week too
Move..........
Political correctness got its nose bent waaaay out of shape and how we laughed!!!!
That's because we're not yanks, and we have a sense of humour.
Ah, someone else who doesn't realise that Pub Landlord is satire in the mould of 'Til Death Us Do Part.
Fk political correctness thats what i say lol
@@stgeorge4559 Missed the point, didn't you?
@@GCeara-mh5it I'm a Yank and that's offensive to me.
Lol
A true Gentleman takes his weight on his elbows.
Can you explain to me?
@@burnstick1380 I believe it’s something to do with press ups😉
@@burnstick1380 If you need it explained you're too young to have it explained.
@@agnostic47 or is your name Philip S
This man is bloody brilliant.
Al has got to be the greatest comedian the UK has ever produced. Makes my day when I watch any of his act(s) and always leaves me in tears of laughter. Keep it up Al.
That's not saying a lot about the U.K then.
So funny
Billy Connely !
@@Summer_Beneath_The_Trees suppose not .....if you’ve had a sense off humour bypass !
@@graemefarquharson465 Typical reply from a bitter Scot.
A gentleman is never rude unintentionally.
A gentleman thinks of others before himself.
That what got them killed
I wish I could find the clip of Al talking about equality and what young women did with it. He was saying how they could have used the new freedom to rise above men's standards but instead they ended up lying in the gutter with us (something like that anyway, it's been a while) The things he said were profound, true and very funny but I can't find that particular show anywhere. It was the mention of a cloak over the puddle that made me think of it because he used a similar line in that show. Maybe it was later in the show this clip was from. Anyone any idea?
I think it was when he was discussing the (then) popularity of the Spice Girls and the deeply regrettable advent of "Girl Power" and all of its disastrous effects.
“A true gentleman always rinses his mate’s toothbrush after using it to get dog poo off his shoe.”
-Professor Layton probably
The whole Pub Landlord character is such genius: Al walks a perfect tightrope between the dumb (but enjoyable) gags and the clever (but not preachy) social commentary. Every joke or routine is running on two simultaneous levels.
"A gentleman will walk but never run" according to Gordon.
A wise man gave me 3 steps... that man was Terry.
Step 1) complaint the hair, this is a sure fire way of pulling a bird.
Step 2) if for some reason Step one should fail and you have to buy them dinner just say "I also like that" when ever they say anything.
Step 3) should only be used in the most dire of emergency!!! And I do mean DIRE EMERGENCY!!!!
You can say "i love you"
He's right. Too many blurred lines, that's why there is so much misery in the world.
And you think the clear lines of the comunist regime would be better?
I could be in a restricted view seat behind a pillar and still get picked for piss take.....🙂
Maybe if females today acted like ladies you'd see more gentlemen around.
3:34 Was she walking forwards or backwards? Help me out.
John Pappan Forwards
Iam ashamed to say I laughed at your comment👴🇬🇧
Youd need a pretty big coat for some of the puddles in the north
is that a response to the comment above you?
@@michaelquinn8 No
And for some of the women.
Forgetting "walk on the outside of the pavement."
Of course, all Gentlemen beat their chest in anger!.....Hahahaha......
Clip finished too soon. Waiting for the killer ending and it cut short!
Pure gold
The dinner one is painfully accurate.
Uff!!! The pain of being in the audience
Absolutely brilliant comedy
A gentleman always let the lady come first
A gentleman always has a wank first so we can rump the lady senseless for hours on end.
Teaching through comedy. Genius.
Al Murray is an absolute gem!!!!!
Great. I like to watch Time Gentlemen Please, every three years or so.. just long enough to forget it.... Bloody great comedy. COW! (might be on youtube).
I will be happy with respect and honesty. Listening honestly to me would be the cherry on top.
Gentlemen walk ladies to their car.
I’m a gentleman 😎😎sometimes
gawd bless ya.
Whenever I see this cat all I can think is
“Where’s that Mormon’s bicycle?”
I thought the puddle tip was going to be "during foreplay, make her squirt enough to make a puddle...put her needs first.
You know squirt is just piss, right?
He,s one of the very few comedians to be called a legend
A true gentleman stands up when, a lady enters the room
Margaret Thatcher excepted of course..
@@willmoore7582 Why? Did she stop your milk too?
It's been 30 years, get over it.
@@stuart124 You're the trouble with this country today, no bloody manners!
@@N1611n Too soon? (!)
A true fuckin gentlemen right here
a true gentleman lifts the toilet seat up before taking a piss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then uses bog roll when he still misses and hits the seat
Rob has a pair
I love the way he said welcome as if victim😂😂😂
I like Al but he would of got a slap from me. lol
I wanna say I’m a man
That was awful.
No thumbs eh 👍
@@timesquare5473
I normally like his comedy but this sucked. A true fan calls out suckage.
I was the exact like n4000, once in a lifetime achievement waw
I love al
Sign me up
For the masterclass…need to do the skip skipping bit
Al an jimmy Conley are masters of audience participation and contact
Brilliant 🎉
Yes buy dinner but if your a really good chef then you don't have to pay
You go in the correct toilets.
The fuckin Larry the Cable Guy of the UK
A gentleman never introduces women to reality.
You can tell Matt is now giving TED talks about how to be a gentleman
That was practically a hypnotism routine.
You forgot pull the chair out for the lady and properly seat her!
Beautiful British Comedian
Just rub your thigh and gently use that Scottish accent
I would have said 'Just be born English' but we have too many 'foreigners' born in the UK currently.
With a comment like that you just disqualified yourself.
Then say can't tell your wearing them then offer a tenner
To be a gentleman you have to grab you woman and say your round
A real gentleman leaves a pound on side when sex is over
Love him.
Brill
Still can't hear half of what he says.
freakin hilarious, hahaha
I'd rather be a old baaastard
English one at that
How to simp 101
You've got something mixed up there
As chopper read said
As a man, when walking down the street, you always stand closest to the road
*To stop cars splashing water on your misses*
Except!
In the deep city, where you always stand closest to the alleyways
To defend against muggers
...If its raining and cars are driving by in the inner city, pick one
Brilliant!
Alcoholic
Pretty sad when a kid is scared to say out loud "I'M A MAN."
We need another world war... :>/
Edit: Conventional. Not nbc.
pantslizard with all the snowflakes today we couldn’t win even a skirmish, a world war would be a disaster, besides you can’t fight a war with a cell phone glued to your face.
Keep an eye out 👀
@@CrazyChrisYT - Don't tease me...
@@SkepticCat-pz1zz - You just put them in front. We'll burn through that part of the population in seconds. Besides in a given unit only 20% of the men do 80% of the killing. It's time to cull the herd....again...
@@pantslizard I'll fucking do it
❤️
Is not a genteel man a land owner?
No,you`re thinking of "the gentry"
Amazing!
So much joy and freedom. I fuckin love this man
i was told "smell nice" and i think that and the ability to hit the funny bone at the right angle have done well for me. and poetry. "why did you keep taking me back, we broke up a dozen times" "you wrote me poetry" she said.
So lovely, the way u all thinks its normal for him to have been to a 30grand a year school, and the rest of u to have gone to rubbish state schools, and would most probably defend his right to be superior to most of you, the British we know our place,
Only 30 grand per year? That was a cheap one lol
predictible .....