I've often been wrongly accused of lying and/or exaggerating. Even by those who know me well. It drives me crazy because I do not/cannot lie and exaggerate. I think I've probably spent more time trying to prove what I say than I have actually saying it. Thanks for another great video.
I feel the same way. Sometimes people read intent where it doesn't exist, and some have even accused me of lacking empathy for arguing over fictional characters.
There's a difference between sincerely saying something that's untrue, as an honest mistake, vs lying which has intent to deceive. But different communication styles, and a lack of social awareness, might cause misunderstandings. There have been things I said or wrote as a teenager, that in hindsight might be considered "lies", but as a teenager I would have had trouble understanding why.
I loved my autistic partner and trusted him so much, thinking he was the most honest person on earth. Then I discovered he had been lying to me for years abs he made up some outrageous stories. It still feels so sad to be deceived by someone I so deeply trusted. 😢
It's something I learned how to do when I was little. I would make people doubt their reality. Or I could get people to "follow" me to try bad things because I don't know how to handle getting in trouble alone so I would use others to self regulate Once I realized that I could hurt people's feelings, it was only because the way they responded to me, hurt mine. 💔 And through that I learned great compassion for others But it's honestly not naturally there But learned is just as authentic and at times can run deeper. But only if the person can get out of their fantasy long enough to trust you completely. And that's a them problem, not a you problem. I'm sorry you went through that 🫂
Neurotypicals often discriminate against autistic people, accusing us of lying because they infer things about us that aren’t true. Many of us have been bullied out of jobs because of this.
I prefer to tell the truth, although I will tell a white lie if I care about the person sometimes. I am paranoid about communicating with everybody though, since I often don't give the "secret" signals that they are looking for. I worry that people think I'm lying or exaggerating and any interview is excruciating. It has damaged my confidence, although I am making small steps. I'm not certain if NTs and autistics CAN understand each other, much as I would wish that. It shouldn't be this difficult to be my true self. Thanks again for another excellent video.
Thanks for commenting Rowena. I think that autistic & NT cross communication is quite possible across the board, but it requires effort on both sides. Sadly there are far too many people who think all the effort should come from autistic people to fit in with NT expectations, so progress is nowhere near what it should be. There are numerous NT people I know who meet me halfway which allows for superb communication that both sides feel comfortable with, but they are far from the majority.
@@Autistamatic Sadly that has been my experience as well. I know I have issues with communication, and that I need to work on them. But I'll always have them, no matter what. I'm not asking the world to bend over backwards, but it would be nice if my co-workers at the very least remembered that communication is a two-way street, and that the problem isn't always in one end only.
It makes me angry and frustrated when someone says I'm lying. This makes sense as to why they would think it though. I've never thought of the lack of body language cues for why they may think I'm lying. I've even been called cold blooded when I was actually trying to help someone.
The guy I fell in love with, acted like he was interested , etc etc etc , when he learnt of my feelings , and I asked him could he ever feel the same , he said he’d think about it . A few weeks later , he told me he hadn’t thought about it and was was just being polite at the time . I’m gutted. It’s bullshit they don’t lie .
Sorry to hear of how you were treated. I've been hurt in similar ways too often in my own past. Being lied to hurts, whoever they are and for whatever reason.
AuDHDer here. This might be a bit specific, but when I was a kid, my mom used to wiggle her pinky and melodically say "little finger laugh a little" and said, if we smiled or laughed, then we had been lying. Problem was, that my little autistic brain just short-curcuited to immediately always laugh at her doing that because of how uncomfortable and nervous it'd make me feel.
This video is awesome. Thank you very much for putting into words what I see and feel every day. Great video the only thing is, I wish you could redo this video without the background music. It’s just as loud as your voices little irritating but besides that awesome you’re the best on UA-cam, I truly feel it way …
13:18 I can understand other autistic people like for instance my cousin who is autistic I can understand him very well. Meanwhile on the other hand with my mom and here sisters husband my oncle she did not Want to intrude on her apartment when she said we could spend the night and my aunt was not there.
Lying is physically uncomfortable for me. Im no good at poker because my tells are so obvious. Im so bad at lying i have to be honest almost by default
I've often been wrongly accused of lying and/or exaggerating. Even by those who know me well. It drives me crazy because I do not/cannot lie and exaggerate. I think I've probably spent more time trying to prove what I say than I have actually saying it. Thanks for another great video.
I feel the same way. Sometimes people read intent where it doesn't exist, and some have even accused me of lacking empathy for arguing over fictional characters.
There's a difference between sincerely saying something that's untrue, as an honest mistake, vs lying which has intent to deceive. But different communication styles, and a lack of social awareness, might cause misunderstandings. There have been things I said or wrote as a teenager, that in hindsight might be considered "lies", but as a teenager I would have had trouble understanding why.
I loved my autistic partner and trusted him so much, thinking he was the most honest person on earth. Then I discovered he had been lying to me for years abs he made up some outrageous stories. It still feels so sad to be deceived by someone I so deeply trusted. 😢
It truly makes me sad hearing this. People like that harms the rest of us too 😢
It's something I learned how to do when I was little. I would make people doubt their reality. Or I could get people to "follow" me to try bad things because I don't know how to handle getting in trouble alone so I would use others to self regulate
Once I realized that I could hurt people's feelings, it was only because the way they responded to me, hurt mine. 💔
And through that I learned great compassion for others
But it's honestly not naturally there
But learned is just as authentic and at times can run deeper. But only if the person can get out of their fantasy long enough to trust you completely. And that's a them problem, not a you problem.
I'm sorry you went through that 🫂
Neurotypicals often discriminate against autistic people, accusing us of lying because they infer things about us that aren’t true. Many of us have been bullied out of jobs because of this.
I prefer to tell the truth, although I will tell a white lie if I care about the person sometimes. I am paranoid about communicating with everybody though, since I often don't give the "secret" signals that they are looking for. I worry that people think I'm lying or exaggerating and any interview is excruciating. It has damaged my confidence, although I am making small steps. I'm not certain if NTs and autistics CAN understand each other, much as I would wish that. It shouldn't be this difficult to be my true self. Thanks again for another excellent video.
Thanks for commenting Rowena. I think that autistic & NT cross communication is quite possible across the board, but it requires effort on both sides. Sadly there are far too many people who think all the effort should come from autistic people to fit in with NT expectations, so progress is nowhere near what it should be. There are numerous NT people I know who meet me halfway which allows for superb communication that both sides feel comfortable with, but they are far from the majority.
@@Autistamatic Sadly that has been my experience as well. I know I have issues with communication, and that I need to work on them. But I'll always have them, no matter what. I'm not asking the world to bend over backwards, but it would be nice if my co-workers at the very least remembered that communication is a two-way street, and that the problem isn't always in one end only.
My ASD partner was a huge massive liar over years about really important things. 😢 I trusted him so much. It was so destructive
It makes me angry and frustrated when someone says I'm lying. This makes sense as to why they would think it though. I've never thought of the lack of body language cues for why they may think I'm lying. I've even been called cold blooded when I was actually trying to help someone.
All too familiar Nate. "cold" is something many of us have been called.
😢 half truths when i was scared of abandonment or as you say to spare someones feelings.
Fantastic my friend great videos thank you for all your hard work
The guy I fell in love with, acted like he was interested , etc etc etc , when he learnt of my feelings , and I asked him could he ever feel the same , he said he’d think about it . A few weeks later , he told me he hadn’t thought about it and was was just being polite at the time . I’m gutted. It’s bullshit they don’t lie .
Sorry to hear of how you were treated. I've been hurt in similar ways too often in my own past. Being lied to hurts, whoever they are and for whatever reason.
AuDHDer here.
This might be a bit specific, but when I was a kid, my mom used to wiggle her pinky and melodically say "little finger laugh a little" and said, if we smiled or laughed, then we had been lying. Problem was, that my little autistic brain just short-curcuited to immediately always laugh at her doing that because of how uncomfortable and nervous it'd make me feel.
This video is awesome. Thank you very much for putting into words what I see and feel every day. Great video the only thing is, I wish you could redo this video without the background music. It’s just as loud as your voices little irritating but besides that awesome you’re the best on UA-cam, I truly feel it way …
Yes
16:28 Neurotypicals think reading body language is seeing the person underneath 😢
They never read us correctly
What gets me is when it's over text and their assumptions run away with them, yet they have nothing to point to
13:18 I can understand other autistic people like for instance my cousin who is autistic I can understand him very well. Meanwhile on the other hand with my mom and here sisters husband my oncle she did not Want to intrude on her apartment when she said we could spend the night and my aunt was not there.
They do the same thing as everyone else, the thing is at least they can’t fake it, it shows on them like a child 👍
When l child knows anyone is lying, they have then added burdon of showing it on their face.
@@veronica_._._._ children lie with a straight face
If they say you're lying...they're probably honest.
Lying is physically uncomfortable for me. Im no good at poker because my tells are so obvious. Im so bad at lying i have to be honest almost by default
The music is too loud here, Quinn. X
I cant lie well why i cant lie it feels wrong but the truth hurts and now be happy living alone 😂
Yeah life is fun but Not that life
I feel like I need to soften the blow to be a Regina George when I am honest.
So it was Obiwan, not Trump, who invented alternative facts! 😮
"What I told you was true... From a certain point of view."
The whole world is a lie baby
Since I'm enraged about war, ecocide, racism and greed, this does not help me in any way.