How to Balance a New Relationship and your BJJ Training Schedule
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
- I received a question that really resonates with me. Which is how to balance BJJ training with a relationship.
And in particular, how do you balance a new relationship when you're trying to train hard.
Like in the case of the person asking the question. How do you balance a new relationship with BJJ training leading into a competition.
This is something I struggled with a lot as a younger guy. In fact I believe I ruined every relationship from the start by now maintaining my schedule and boundaries.
When I would date women I would often struggle to find any balance with a new relationship with training.
This was because I would often slack on my Brazilian Jiu-jitsu training during the newness phase of the relationship.
Eventually when I went back to my normal BJJ training schedule. A lot of friction was created with the woman.
And this was understandable to some degree. Because I didn't really give them a good idea of who I was initially.
In relationships I'm not good with balance. So the way I approach things is simply to do what I want. And then try and find someone who is ok with that.
My girlfriend now, is incredibly supportive and helpful with my training. And I've been lucky to have her. And I believe her relationship with me has directly benefitted my life.
And one tip I leave in there is that it may be beneficial to include your significant other into activities at the gym. This way they don't feel alienated or separated from the gym.
If you're having trouble balancing a relationship with your BJJ training. I hope this video is helpful!
-Chewy
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My girlfriend is a personal trainer/fitness instructor and Judo black belt, she started training BJJ and she's picking it up quicker than I did. In a few months she's going to be destroying me in the gym, I'VE CREATED A MONSTER!!
Lewis Barrett that's true. They get it pretty quickly. (Ex judokas)
Props to you !
Oh man a judo black belt is such a good head start in bjj. Better stand up than almost any BJJ black belt right out the gate
She told me the other week she sees bjj as extended newaza with less rules, she doesn't particularly like leg locks (due to a previous knee injury) so is going to compete in freestyle judo tournaments (like judo but with a longer time limit when the match hits the ground).
I agree with Chewy that the biggest thing is to not hide what you do and why you are so passionate about training from the very beginning. I started training in martial arts shortly after beginning to date my girlfriend (now wife) and I explained to her how I loved it and was passionate about training and wanted her to join me. She trained and even worked with me so when I went on one of my passionate rants, she knew exactly what I was talking about. Later when I started training BJJ after having kids and gaining weight, she was resentful because she felt like I was abandoning my family. After losing weight and becoming happier, I was more able and desiring to play with the kids and she noticed and stopped resenting the training. She then noticed my weight loss (lost ~35lbs) and slowly warmed up to the idea of training. She started training/working out with one of the female coaches and now she looks forward to training with me and my brother when we can get a babysitter and she is not suffering from depression nearly as much.
Being honest and open with them and involving them CAN help tremendously especially if you both communicate
How? Simple... BJJ is the only relationship!
my thoughts exactly!
Run brother! Run fast! Don’t look back! My wife is a gorgeous, brilliant woman who encourages me to train because she sees how it affects me. She shows up to watch. If a person can’t understand it, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
Thanks for the video. I’m in a new relationship for 6 months or so and only back in February I found my new love. ( bjj ) Training a good bit too and I’m getting a bit of resistance from her as well, but your right it is about balance and involvement as much as possible.
I’d love to hear you thoughts or see a video based on ( love jujitsu moves ) you know not for the mat but for the mattress... 😉
my gf knows it my friends know it..... TRAINING OVER EVERYTHING
Ιορδάνης Αρβανιτιδης Yuuussssss
this was a great video for more than just BJJ. Balance is key and you put it a great way!
Thanks for the comment!
Chewy, you the best man. Thanks for the videos. Keep it up!!!
Thanks Josh! Appreciate the love brother.
Dude i wish i lived in Louisville still! I just started BJJ this week and I’ve loved every second so far man! Hopefully I can keep the passion for years to come! Your videos are awesome and it’s obvious how much you care for other people and want people to get into the sport! Keep up the good work Chewy!!
Setting boundaries is fundamental. Make it clear where your priorities are. How serious you are about your training, your family, your siblings, your job. And if they don't understand, well then they should just walk away.
Great point brother, I realized what the problem was, but I never thought of it in a way you did, that is preparing your partner from the beginning about your schedule and interests, whether they are martial arts or whatever.
I've recently destroyed my 2-year relationship with such a great girl because of the sinilar reason. We gave each other our full attention in the first year, then after a while, university, jobs, music and training came in between.
Thanks for the tip, I'll make sure I don't repeat that mistake !
Love your channel even though I'm not a bjj practicioner myself, but soon I may be in the near future. You helped a bit in increasing my love for it so thanks for that too
Thanks for the comment brother. I'm glad the video was helpful to you in sharing a new viewpoint.
And I hope to hear about you training in the future. :)
And of course good luck to you with your future relationships.
Ty for the video. Gf gives me some grief about training so much. We Appreciate you!
I’ve been married to my husband for 21 years. I’ve been a martial artist since I was 18. I got into jiu jitsu last year and became a jiujitsu-holic. I do other martial arts in the academy too like Muay Thai and judo. I also dabbled in wrestling. When my husband heard about me doing wrestling he lost his cool. He said he didn’t want me wrestling with guys. It’s such a shame because wrestling would’ve upped my BJJ game. Anyway, I stopped doing wrestling and cut back on my training to once a day when he is at home off work. Our relationship is much better now that I have balanced my family life with my martial arts practice. He still gets jealous sometimes but I reassured him that I’m only interested in my martial arts improvement… NOT with other guys.
Man!!! I’m going through this exact same thing right now! Thanks for the video!
When she asks are you going to class tonight and you say I will not dignify that with a response!!!!
I just found your channel the other day. I always wanted to start with BJJ, but procastination took over. I'm starting in the military soon and want to combine my military life with BJJ. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you for inspiring me and keep up the good work brother 😁🔥
Hey Chewie, I have a question. So I'm fairly new to jiu-jitsu (about a month) and got into it partly because of your videos(so thanks!). I'm looking to compete in a few months and was wondering if I should cut weight for the competition. I'm like 165lbs and pretty slim, but I could probably drop a couple pounds. Thanks,
Cayman
If the weight cut is easy for you, compete lighter. If you're a lean 165 you'll be going against people who walk around at 180+ and cut to that weight. They'll be bigger than you and you'll be working harder to implement your game. Where as if you cut down to a smaller weight class you'll walk in at the top of the division
I’m 165 like you dude. I like competing at my normal weight and do well.
For your first, focus on agility training, flexibility, cardio, and drill drill drill drill drill the fuck out of the basics.
I feel like cutting weight is something you do later...and
Honestly for fun..I’ve never HAD to cut weight unless if it’s a one on one fight.
Bro's before Ho's! Don't let ANY woman try to control you and take you away from what makes you happy! Yes, set a boundary and expectations at the beginning of any relationship. If a woman doesn't want you training on the mats! Show her, politely to the door, and shut that damn door and grab your gi and go train and be happy!.........so Think and Choose wisely who you have by your side....here's a short story............................
Once upon a time a prince asked a beautiful princess “Will you marry me?” The princess said no. And the prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked cute skinny girls and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank beer, Jack Daniel´s and Captain Morgan and drank the milk from the box and never heared bitching and went to rock concerts and kept his appartment and his favourite jeans and never got cheated on while working and his family and his friends thought he was fucking cool as hell and had tons of money & left the toilet seat up. THE END.
This would be even more difficult if you found BJJ after being married. If you get hooked, how do you find that balance?
Do what Chewy says and bring her in for a class. Ask her to film a roll if she really doesn't want to train. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to spend every minute together. That woman should support your interests :)
Hope you have a great wife and train your ass off. If it doesnt work, dont worry about it. The divorce is worth it.
TheStr8nubbn While my goal is to have both work out. I did have a laugh at this.
Great goals. Let her know it.
I'm 35 and married for 13 yrs. I've been training for a year and a half and I'm up to training 6 days a week after work. At times my husband seems supportive but at times it doesn't. I recently asked him to film me rolling. At first he didn't seem interested but after a family friend started asking questions about BJJ and he seen how much I'm into it and how I talked about it ( I ❤️BJJ), he's willing to film me and help me get better. We have to do things that make us feel good too. If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. Jujitsu has been a great lifestyle change. I've lost weight, I'm more confident and less stressed. We can't solely live our lives for another person, we have to live for ourselves as well. Now I can miss a day here and there for us to have quality time but I'm not going to stop because he doesn't "get it or "like it". I love it and I'm rolling until my wheels fall off. Thanks Chewy. Love your videos
Love the vids Chewy i only started jui jitsu 7 weeks ago and i wanted to ask if in your jui jitsu experience have you ever hit a wall where you thought you weren't getting better. Not that others were beating you but a feeling that you yourself wasn't growing at all. and if so how did you overcome it?
I don’t understand why partners wouldn’t be supportive of someone having a hobby, something they’re passionate about and a place to meet people all in one.
Hi Chewy! I'm currently a judo white belt, age 13. Been training for around 3-4 months. At the gym I go to, we have 2 groups: the younger group and the older group. Immediately when I joined I was put in the older group. This was a bit jarring for me as I didn't expect to just get thrown into the action on day 1 and have to improv my way through all the techniques and stuff... I was one of only 2 white belts there (the second one didn't come to training very often). The first few days were quite embarrassing for me, and sometimes I still feel this way. There's nobody to really teach me the basics, since most of them are either training for tournaments or simply can't be bothered. I spend most of my sessions just repeating the few moves that I do know (I rarely touch the more advanced techniques). Belt promotions are happening in a month, and I really want to take part and get a yellow belt. So I just wanted your feedback - should I move to the younger group where someone can POTENTIALLY teach me the basics (preferably wouldn't want to go this route)? Maybe I should talk to my coach? Thanks in advance!
You should talk to your coach and let him know that you feel like you are being thrown into deep water. He will be better able to help you decide about potentially switching classes.
At the same time, don't set your expectations too high. It will take you a good long while to train the muscle memory to perform even a few basic throws. The good thing is that these fundamental movements / concepts of kazushi will allow you to progress to the more advanced throws as you become exposed to them.
I know that belts are important to many people, but don't lose focus on having fun, being part of a grappling family, and learning. If you set your goals on belts you may find yourself disappointed. Chewey has some great thoughts on this.
Since you are a newer player you will have a difficult time catching the more advanced students during randori. The best thing you can do is to work on grip fighting and then when grips become established, relax and feel how your partner is moving. When you tense up you translate / telegraph your intentions and you slow your own reaction. Try to use three fingers only with your grips (either the thumb and first two fingers or the middle, ring, and pinky fingers, depending on what grip you are able to get). Using three fingers lets you stay a little more loose and allows your wrist the ability to rotate and hinge during the kazushi stage. As you become better at feeling when an attack is imminent you can attempt to use your hips to begin to block the attacks and foot movement to avoid their ashiwaza. Try to go into each round with a plan. Focus on your basics and eventually you will begin to create reactions that you can exploit.
When new members join a gym / club there may be an initial welcoming, but it is shadowed or jaded by the fear that the new member will not stick things through. You are probably past that point now, so I would try to reach out to your partner during the time when you work on uchikomi (fit-ins) and ask them to slowly demonstrate whatever move you would like to see. Ask them to give you honest feedback when you perform the motion. Ask them if they feel like you kept them off balance (on their toes) during the entire motion or if their weight returned to the whole foot. You can always say something like, "Hey, I really like how you caught me with O Soto Gari (or whatever) last time, can you slow it down and show me how you like to hit / do that throw." Most people actually enjoy instructing others about something they love.
Possibly the most important words of advice from my own instructors:
1) bend your knees
2) turn your head (look in the direction of the throw)
Great relationship advice in general
women come and go bjj and your friends are forever
Zachary Golden 🙏🏼💕🥋
Zachary Golden nothing is forever
Tommy Gun New forever as my short life understands
Zachary Golden im deep thought right now😂
Tommy Gun New im deep into cups hahha
Hey Chewy I am a blue belt I have been training for a bout 4 Years I love your channel and your Twitter thanks for so much encouragement and if you are ever in Colorado Springs come train with us please my Question. I see all the Fancy Jiu Jit Su on UA-cam and all the counter to the counter and sweeps from every position and stuff witch I love but then when I go to a Tournament all the People I see winning in my opinion are using JIu Jit SU 101 basics and at most levels and they are winning like every match and you do not see the crazy inverted guards its mostly basis Jit JIt su that is Winning most of the time not always why is this ?
If she wants you to stop training just dump her...you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life! If you quit training she will leave you for a guy that is training like a savage! 😂 Keep on rollin brother!
This video helps alot.
I am 34 married with 2 kids. I manage to get to training 3-4 times a week. Even though I just found my love for bjj not that long ago she supported me in my many sports that i have done. It is like Chew said. Get her involved, make her feel a part of it. Once you do that she can understand.
Wise spoken, old man.
Haha. I am kind of Old aren't I?
Have these women never dated someone with a job/goes to school? They should understand the other person's life doesn't revolve around them
How do you prepare for an upcoming compition?
Hi Chewy my name is Jawad and I 14 years old and I’m having trouble with the other guys would just not do anything against me because I am young. My question is how do you make them stop that mindset even when so told them it’s ok to go hard on me?
Well its easier to justify if you are a gym business owner/getting paid because its just part of your job so you can't really compare to hobbyists.
Your teeth looks like a ongoing tetris game.
Lol. Love your videos bro
HAHAHAHA. Am I winning the tetris game?
Chewjitsu only if you close your mouth. Hahaha.
You're awesome bro. Keep up the video's.
Should you date someone you do jui jitsu with yay or nay?
I know you shouldn’t crap where you eat but several people at my gym are going out with each other and it seems fine.
Professor Peculiar hell no, you should not have distractions in your sanctuary
danyal majeed good point 🤔
I've seen it work out fine with many people.
Same
I’m in the same position as this guy...my boyfriend has no idea how important BJJ is to me.
Defcon Reality what the fuck are you on about man
Ciaran Humphreys he doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say
Defcon Reality sorry I was at training and didn’t have time to read the very first comment you made. It’s extremely rude of you to say that I’m not capable of putting myself in his spot...how could you even say that? Of course I know where he’s coming from. And the sport isn’t the issue. What the issue is, is my schedule and how much time it consumes and why I NEED to train. Know what I mean? He knows I’m his. And I know he’s mine. We don’t have that issue in our relationship. Time for each other is our problem.
I'm not sure what you're even talking about dude. I doubt she would have any trouble with him joining the mat with her.
And if her boyfriend is not willing to let her train because of there being lots of guys. Then he is super insecure and needs to check his own issue out.
We are not each other's possession in a relationship.
Chewjitsu Fuck yeah!! You said it perfect dude. That’s why he has no problem. As long as both people are secure in themselves and trust each other it’s smooth sailing 🙏🏼🥋
Make sure he or she or they train also! Covered all my pronouns.... 😀
SICK SONG, WHAT IT BE
M’y wife tells me I’m obsessed. I tell her to be happy I’m obsessed with something healthy. And I go to morning classes at 6am. Lets me be home in the evening with the kids and keeps the wife feeling paid attention to. Essentially, women are like children who need attention. You have to comprise in some way if you want to be in a relationship. If not, get married to Jiu jitsu.
Some advice for you young guns most relationships will either delay or completely stop the things you enjoy women are extremely needy and will nag you into submission lol if you don’t have a supportive girlfriend who encourages you get rid of the chick if you ever want to do anything that is significant or be prepared for lots of stress and headaches.
New show Dating Advice with Chewy
Terrible idea. . . 😂
14 years of marriage here. I am literally married to my job more than my wife or jujitsu.
3rd
I'm a female and it's 10x worse for us. Example: My date this guy with big big ego who's gorgeous, in the military, nice muscle build, but doesn't train jiujitsu. We're out on date, I like him he has all these great qualities, I want this guy to be the one and I don't turn my phone off, my 100+ training partners that are all guys are blowing up my phone about jitsu like deephalf and ball&chain technique and how much of catch wrestling is good for IBJJF you know dumb jitsu stuff. The guy I'm on a date with is Heated he thinks that I'm involved with everyone from my gym romantically, to the point of I can see his anxiety written on his face, overthinking probably has trust issues and it's not like that at all lol. Then I realized that I can't even date this guy because if he ever saw me rolling at my gym with my training partners he would think of it in some strange eroticism fetish and be jealous as fuck and not be okay with me training. I chose jiujitsu over the guy and it's too bad because I really would have liked to judo thrown him into mount rolled him and taken his back into RNC, but I guess not.
Jiu-Jitsu over everything period. Lol just kidding boys don’t get your gi in a bunch.
Chewy you were a "SERIAL" Dater?
yup
If she knows he really is into BJJ and he caves she'll lose respect for him. Trust me, I'm old.
Very true.
chicks make your knees weak, avoid.
Actually help to relax
Dump her, lad. Problem solved.