The two paths: how people learn
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- Опубліковано 24 січ 2025
- Is it possible to attain wisdom without having to learn the hard way? In today's episode, I discuss how people learn by walking the two paths: the path of light and the path of pain. Most people learn most of their lessons on the path of pain, which is a kind of feedback that the models from which our behavior proceeds are not aligned with reality. Fortunately, we can all learn to walk on the path of light by learning from the pain of others. This is how experience leads to wisdom.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #wisdom #experience
Is it possible to attain wisdom without having to learn the hard way? In today's episode, I discuss how people learn by walking the two paths: the path of light and the path of pain. Most people learn most of their lessons on the path of pain, which is a kind of feedback that the models from which our behavior proceeds are not aligned with reality. Fortunately, we can all learn to walk on the path of light by learning from the pain of others.
Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co
Buy my book, "The Value of Others"
Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA
Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx
Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Social Media
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #wisdom #experience
I win, or i learn🏁
“Too much knowledge can be dangerous.” ~ Anonymous.
This episode reminds me of the universal laws of “Perpetual Transmutation of Energy” and the “Law of Relativity”. ☝🏿
❎ Manipulating is influencing someone for YOUR benefit WITHOUT their consent.
✅ Educating is influencing someone for THEIR benefit WITH their consent.
🙏 Thank you Dr. Orion Taraban for successfully educating me.
Dr. Orion Taraban : Does it fit with your own experience ?
Me : YES !
brilliance
Around 50 years ago I saw a sign on the customer side of the cash register( in a store) that said "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself".
Key takeaway: Learn it in an easy way before life teaches you in its own way which is hard most of the times
Pain is weakness leaving the Body☠️
So you either choose to learn, or life chooses to teach you the lesson
Nailed it!
Well said.
You can’t solve your biggest problems, you must outgrow them. Pain is the path to growth, embrace it.
I have changed my attitudes toward pain, failure, rejection and other "negative" emotions. I now view them as INFORMATION and FEEDBACK instead of confirmation of my inadequacies. I still have to respond to them in a productive and healthy way.
@@JaySmith-pv2mw Growth mindset.
They're just clouds passing by and nothing more. Most experience circumstances -> emotions -> actions, which is a cycle of non-fulfillment. Instead focus on awareness (who you truly are) -> identity (who you choose to be) -> assumptions (what you most genuinely desire). This is the real circle of life. You may find the work and podcast of Rupert Spira helpful.
This is very true, I do recommend Psycho-Cybernetics as a book that emphasis on this alot.
As a young 20s male your videos have had a massive impact on my life and relationships. You’re awesome
Thanks on his behalf, brother
It’s worth listening to your elders. 😉
fr i’m 21 and this channel is like a cheat code to the workings of life
Take it to heart, says this 60 yr old.
You’re very lucky to grow up with this info, otoh everyone has access to everything these days so not that much of an advantage
There is an adage in my country, Nigeria, loosely translated to English: “A child who does not learn by words, will learn by force.” I believe this mirrors life in general. Great video, as usual.
A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
Keep it up, Dr. Taraban.
I found this phrase so simple and truthful, and I can even relate with my own pain: "You experience pain when you act on mental models that are not aligned with reality"
But physical pain does align with reality
From the Cowboy Poet:
A few men learn by reading, some learn from observation, and the rest have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Apparently I don't know enough Cowboys ... that quote right there is truly sharable. Thanks.
Godam right 🤠
I don't know how he tops himself, but I think this has to be the best one yet.
It's because each of his previous talks forms a strong foundation for him to stand on. Dude is a true guru.
@@shadowwolf225 good
Just fantastic
Experience is the hardest teacher.
She gives the test, BEFORE the lesson has been taught👑
Experience
That's some realistic aspect of reality that cannot be avoided.
As a young man just starting to enter the early stages of adulthood, your content has massively contributed to my ‘path of light’ in various domains, as well as making sense of the world around me!
That's why parenting is much much more important than people think!
Worst part is when same parents give bad advice
It's the most important task a human has in live, and the only thing that remains of you on this planet when you are long gone. And hopefully (if you've done your job right), the one(s) that will be there for you when you are not anymore able to.
A parallel I never considered is that most accounts I’ve heard of near death experiences describe their pain going away. And almost invariably they see some form of light. Which tracks with this philosophy as once you’re about to die, there’s nothing left to learn. And all that’s left is light. What a metaphor
“If you aren’t smart, then make sure you’re tough. Because when you didn’t learn your lesson, it’s gonna hurt.”
I completely hit my rock bottom from my alcohol drinking 3 years ago. The pain was so bad of the circumstances and events that happened at the time that I never want to witness it again. Been on my journey of sobriety ever since. Pain is the gift that no one wants.
You are absolutly right! First you have to hit your bottom. Another recovering alcoholic.
100% the gift of desperation
Life is basically one large routing problem, where each pain point pushes us away from the less-optimal solution.
@@JakeSpadely what are we optimising for...is this defined by the individual?
@@Laughable000death of the ego and the subsequent rebirth and true enjoyment of life free from suffering. To be and not to be. To overcome the human experience by realizing and detaching from the inherent non-existence and existence. The most practical optimization in life is a spiritual one, and vice versa.
Thank you Dr.Taraban. Genuinely one of the best pieces of media I’ve ever consumed.
Pain, in the evolutionary environment of our ancestors, was that honest feedback you speak of. In modern times, everyone outside the light will lose their souls regardless of the presence of pain.
I Just liked without even watching. This man is a living legend!!!
3rd
Same
Fr
I agree. A lot of good ideas he gives if you pay attention and apply them.
Great point. I’d add that there’s a third path - the Path of Purpose. While light guides us with wisdom, and pain knocks us into alignment, purpose is the driving force that fuels the journey. It’s what transforms lessons into action, hardship into growth, and wisdom into strength. Purpose keeps us moving forward, especially when the road gets tough, giving us the strength to command both pain and light with clarity and conviction (whether it’s the desire to be the gold medal version of yourself, provide for your family, or leave the world better). Knowing our 'why's' powers every step.
So is it the force or the path? Let's leave the metaphors to the doctor.
Purpose is not path. It is the North Star.
Purpose is an illusion
@@zacklewis342 Purpose is both the path and the force because it’s not just what we follow, it’s also what drives us. It’s what fuels our journey and makes every lesson we learn, whether from pain or light, meaningful.
@@rayrwyr I love the North Star analogy, but purpose isn’t just something we look to from a distance-it’s what makes every step we take in learning valuable. It turns challenges into growth, and that’s how we learn.
Ohhhhhhh you’re good!!! Best I’ve ever heard speak of the current cognitive construct of reality. Gold star⭐️
As a youngster, I was always criticized for being shy. While it is true that I was shy, it gave me the time to develop my skills of observation. Being able to observe what others were doing that the results of their actions. I was still pretty young when I when I realized there were a LOT of things I wasn't going to do because I observed the suffering of other people caused by their bad decisions. I'm not a paragon of virtue, as I still have a mountain to climb, but I am positive I've dodged a lot of pain. :)
Totally fits my experience.
Judge people by what they are doing, not what they say. Yourself included.
Don’t try to change people that don’t plan to change.
For men - have men friends and learn how to be by yourself before starting any relationship with a woman.
I learned to be and live by myself at a very early age. Now there is nothing of value that I cannot provide for myself, by myself than a woman can provide. It's quite liberating and peaceful. Good thought
@
Knowing how to be by yourself doesn’t mean saying women have nothing to offer.
Dr. Orion transmutes his PAIN and shed it's LIGHT on us. Thank you.
This world definitely needs more light.
At one point 15 years ago, there are a few things I started practicing in my life - stopped labelling every events or emotions that came across as good or bad. Secondly, stopped complaining and blaming or victimized ourselves. We are capable of taking accountability for all things happening. And a choice of half full or half empty proposition makes a big difference in all things! We should be grateful just by able to physically walking to place every day!❤️
Imagine this: You are someone afraid of conflict, pain, discomfort, rejection, failure... But you also had the courage to face them all! Eventually, years down the line, you are now someone who misses the same feelings of discomfort, fear, pain, rejection, failure because they are overshadowed by your success.
I have replayed this video 3 times. This is surely the best episode so far, Orion. I will definitely come back to this video again.
I've been rabbit-holing hard down this dude's videos lately
It’s spot on i’m 42 years old and learned most things the hard way I keep telling myself I am the light progress is slow but sure but yeah, not aligned with reality not wise but working on it I guess that’s all we can do have good days in the bad
"Pain will never lie to you." Thank you for saying this... I don't think I've ever heard or recognised this.
Working on myself on recent years, a challenge I've had is honestly assessing where I'm at.
But looking at pain as a guiding rod toward the light (as south is to north)... rather than something to be suppressed or reframed out of existence...
That's a huge perspective shift for me, thank you.
Thanks for the knowladge Dr! Greetings from Bs As Argentina, have been watching your content for several months. Pretty enlightening
This brother has dropped some real bonafide heavy and sublime truths. It takes work to drop this stuff.
This is definitely one of my favorite videos you have posted. I like the distinction you make between the path of pain and the path of light-very insightful
I heard dr.orion saying that his videos on women has so much more views than his videos on life lessons and self improvement. 'put her to work' is on 200k+ views while 'the ten second conflict' hasn't crossed 100k, its crazy how people ignore life advice.
Getting off the path of pain and onto the path of light. That’s how I found you sir. And yes this fits into my experience.
This channel is definitely on the path of light!!!
I’ve been following you for a year now and this is by far the best video you’ve put out. I’ve been writing in my journal for God to give me the discipline to stop repeating the same mistakes. Born from pain.
good judgement comes from experience. experience often comes from bad judgement.
This is the best video for me so far. Very good definition on how to escape pain and how to process it properly. Thank you!
❤ That's why Enlightenment can come after Pain. ❤
Imo that's why empathy is a strength ,by being able to feel other people's pain you get the lesson for free
And my empathy was my main teacher in life no joke
This is one of my favorite episodes ever from this channel.
Agreed, I realized this decades ago, and practice it still....
Looking forward to you hitting 1M subs! You deserve it.
This is why felling into depression and overcoming it made me way more wiser and empathetic than what I could’ve imagined. I don’t wish it upon anyone but whoever is going through it rest assured that you will learn so much about yourself. It gets better.
"Pain will never lie to you." God's own truth.
Precise and insightful as always. Thank you, Orion, for sharing your wisdom. You are a true modern day philosopher.
Dr Orion stays dropping gems ! 🔥
One of the best video i have ever watched...
Dr. This is exactly what the Parable of the Prodigal Son is about. The son who left and learned his lessons through pain IS the one who received the prize.
I always thought the parable was guidance for the father, not the son.
Most people do because of religious entrainment over thousands of years. Most read the words with those filters on instead of what they ACTUALLY say.
I wouldn’t call being welcomed back at his father’s house a prize. Bear in mind he squandered his inheritance and was starving. However, he realized his mistake and went back. His father then received him and welcomed him back with a party. He learned his lesson but still has the consequence of no inheritance and he suffered. So he paid for his mistake.
The parable is also about for the other son. The one who does everything right but resents his father treating well the son who did everything wrong. It teaches that we should extend grace to others and not be quick to judge. Also, remember he still has his inheritance in the future and did not suffer unlike his brother so he has his own reward. Instead, he should’ve been happy that his brother found the light.
I can’t help but relate this video’s content to whether or not children are allowed to learn some lessons the hard way. Children have got to learn what pain is. Parents (and in my experience, more often mothers) typically make one of two mistakes repeatedly: 1.) they waste too much oxygen trying to reason with a young person who simply has to learn a lesson the hard way, or 2.) they shield or buy their children out of pain arising from their mistakes with resources. Children who’ve been allowed to learn the hard way are likely to be wiser adults.
You're out here changing lives Dr. Orion
Pain is a sensation, it is real, it is not subjective.
suffering is a feeling or an emotion, it is an illusion, it is subjective.
Suffering is the result of the conscious or uncounscious manipulation of a judgment that we have on things or persons with goal of making the reality fit our mental illusions.
🎯
🤝
And the main purpose of therapy is to avoid (or get rid of) that unnecessary suffering.
This man is just too much! Far beyond comprehension. We appreciate you dearly Dr.
"The more pain there is, the less light is there to be seen. The more light there is, the less pain there is to be felt".
Gawddamn that's a bar right there! This mf spittin
I'm happy i found your channel. It's really helping me through life
Thank you for you effort ❤🌹
Thank you for your truth, honesty, and kindness.
"I'm the Way, the Truth and the Life"
This is among the very best of your videos.
Yes - the two categories are very helpful in understanding reality.
It is more difficult for people who like to be in command or bossy . . . they don't understand the benefits of learning.
It is a challenge hanging onto our own learning (from knowledge or pain) vs other people whose views are mainly based on beliefs.
From pain or knowledge we do understand why we have a particular set of beliefs . . . others do love to challenge our *light*
ALSO be aware that experts decide what they will NOT tell you because of resourses or its inconvenient . . . this became obvious during the pandemic.
DOT dropping yet another gem!
Thanks again!
"Experience is a muffled lantern that throws light only on the bearer" - Louis Ferdinand Céline
I had to go through a lot of pain to get onto the path of light. I just had the painful experience happen a couple of days ago because I had fallen out of alignment. The rumble strip analogy is perfect.
Great observation and articulation about how anyone learns in life.
There's only two ways to learn, through your own experience or through others.
Through others is less painful.
Please ditch the integrated ads. Just segue it into an appropriate spot in your vid naturally in the one recording. And trust yourself. Rehearse. You don’t need the script. You know this stuff. Thanks for all your contributions. They are useful.
I get your point. Agreed that his ad could be placed elsewhere.
And yes, I'm sure Orion can speak freely, no script. But the looming status of a Guru could become an aggravation on his path, a trap. I like the plain, unpretentious Orion, the straight shooter!
Priceless Wisdom as Always 💙
Awesome.
This reminds me of a clip from one of your SWU interviews about how provocative some feelings are, including pain. We can get so lost in it that it's hard to find our way out of its labyrinth and learn the lessons we need. As you experience more and more pain and learn how to work your way through it, the lessons help mitigate the provocation of future painful events. Sometimes we do have to learn for ourselves, but I agree learning from others is always better. Also, loving that sweater--your wardrobe game is alway on point. :)
I enjoyed this video and agree with most of it: thriving in life means living in the present and tolerating pain without judgment. However, I’m unsure about one point. While knowledge can cause pain, and simple people who conform and ask fewer questions often seem happier, how can one live with integrity without exploring basic concepts or big questions? I can learn to let go and overthink less, but I don’t find such people wise-they simply fit the model and reflect their environment. I believe those questions will haunt them eventually.
Its a lot like empathy, you can't really truly understand someone's suffering unless you're gone through it yourself, or something similar. Yeah there are times you can learn from others mistakes, but sometimes things never truly click in priority or importance until you lose it, or experience it. The lesson is real, more profound, its not just words anymore.
brilliant production, thanks!
From a very young age, my mother would tell me, "you can learn by revelation or by fire." Meaning you can learn truths from those wiser than you by listening to their wisdom, or you can go through all the painful lessons it took them to learn what they did.
A wise man learns from the mistakes of others BUT ALSO NEVER FORGET HIS OWN.
Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
~Kahlil Gibran, On Pain
'' you show me the way of life and I will build your shrine "
a very valuable video today. i have learned lessons through pain and made me ever more wiser. sometimes i almost came close to learning a hard way to certain things. it's definitely good to adhere to what other people gone. this is why i always have the quote in my head "“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
― Otto von Bismarck one of my favorite quotes. often fools go through pain more because they haven't learned their lessons.
Thanks!
Usually, as a rule, you get more of what you reward and less of what you punish.
I just finished your latest interview on the Soft White Underbelly and "boom" the episode you mentioned is the next video in my feed. In conjunction w/my ongoing hardcore meditation program, your discussions on the path of light ring very true. The reduction of pain and the "calling" of happiness is powerful. I won't claim any wisdom, only higher levels of awareness. Like many, I appreciate your work.
I’m thinking about joining your membership, you have a way of explaining things I “already know” in a way that’s so clear, that makes these lessons stick
Finding your channel was one the things that went right for me last year thank you
Notifictation crew. 15 mins! Liked before watching.
Thank you O.T.
If you don't make choices in your life, life will make choices for you.
Light sounds good. Hard to achieve but worth seeking. Thank you, Dr. Tarraban.
I could have used this 30 some years ago when I was 30 and at a crossroads. At least I started to seek the light and see how I made bad situations worse with lasting consequences. Sure could have used Dr Orion to help see the light sooner.
You are the light.
❤❤❤❤
Thanks so much for this insight. Excellent analysis.
Outstanding once again
Great episode reminds me of Scott Pek's words " Life is difficult"
Absolutely brilliant 💯👌👍
your best so far.
Phenomenal message!
Yes, I realized just recently how important it is to take advice from happy people and how it is dangerous to enable unhappy people to drive societal changes
Technically we are the student and the teacher. Yes I do believe we suffer unnecessarily. Good advice transmute pain to light. Process your emotions and understand your emotions plus the lessons and experiences. Try not to take things personally in this world as well.
As I've gotten older and have felt my dose of pain I've become more gracious about it. Also a lot less arrogant, too. That has been the main takeaway pain has given me. When you're in pain it's difficult to remain righteous as sometimes said pain puts you in survival mode.
Now I try to take everything as a lesson or a potential lesson. And even then, I still feel I need to be more accepting of pain. Seeking truth is the antidote to pain as it preps you for it. Pain is inevitable in my opinion, but if you're always a student of life it may substantially lighten the blow.
Either way, having learned my lessons through pain has been a great experience in retrospect. It's difficult to see it that way at the very moment, but once you put some distance you realize this made you stronger, more resilient and more open to heed the wisdom on your path. In the end you can be a coward without having lived, and even then you still may encounter pain. So it's best to see it as an opportunity no matter how much it hurts.
Absolute truth...........
" Those who do not understand true pain can never understand true peace. "
- Nagato Uzumaki
You are gold brother. Thank you