456animegirl I'm making an artwork dedicated to his memory... Hopefully that'll compensate for my lack of interest in his work? Really, though, his songs are really nice. But I can't say how I'd feel about them if I didn't know that he died. Would I dismiss the songs as a nice tune and forget about them? Or would I appreciate his own style he has within them, and feel the same way I do now? I'm not sure.
+NipahMotherfuckers I first heard Strobe light. I didn't knew that he was dead. But when i saw the lyrics it facinated me. I translated them from english to my native language to try to understand them. The sadness that growed in me was incredible. I somehow knew that he had choosen to end his life. I think, that in his sadness he produced amazing art, that came right from his hearth. I think you would valorate them as much as if he was alive. But that would be kinda of a paradox. Because i belive that he was able to do his art, because he suicided in the end
Looking over these lyrics....... It feels like his story.... His last thoughts on his life. The red pen represents the road he took, take a red pen and draw a line down a paper. That's his life. When the lyrics say I refill my ink. That means he wants to start over. I mix in sophism (meaning deceive) I can show you my skill sharper than this logic. Well logic is the idea of rationality, but being sharper than it means.... He thinks it's a lie. If you hear something logical, but say I know better, that means the idea (logic) is wrong. He thinks this world is a lie and try to overcome it with his vocaloid music. Music has been seen as a escape from reality. Especially artists that make songs make a story. Even if it's a lie. The worst feeling, the best feeling is parts of his life that he lived through. "If I mixed them with the muddler , that would be weird" means he doesn't understand why such events happens to him. A muddler is someone that makes mud puddles through disorganization of thinking or working. He stated before hand that this world is a lie to him. And his thoughts are scrambled on what is truly correct to him. "You were there" represents some one he looks up to meeting him. In the next line " If I could be like you" that is proof he looked up to someone. But it also means I would like to redraw my life to be like yours . With "here is the red pen" the last sentence I put down also reinforces wanting to redo my life. "No matter what... That would be nice" well, no matter what, also translate to me /even if I could die and redo it to be just like you\ "The body you existed in..... A red mark on a lie I spat that time" I would like to be you, but even I know it's a lie. "More reasonable than nonsense, more reasonable" it is stating /I reasoned that it would be a lie, it will still be a lie\ "A red mark on this uncertain everyday" /another lie on this unpredictable day just like any other\ do you know what will happen today? No? Well that is what this line states. And when he looks back in his past, he really did see everything as surprising. He would never have thought (it's just a made up example) that nobody would come to his birthday party, what a unpredictable surprise like every day. "Sharper than any drama" he only knows that the world is fake. He knows that it's fake, because in paragraph one "sharper" means /I know it's wrong\ so he looks at life as if a drama. But when you look at a stage or tv show you know that it's fake ( when have you watched a TV drama show and said that is in real life). "I'm hungry I'm full it doesn't matter to you that's cause the needle is pointed my way" (The "full part" is when I looked at the comments and the other word was suppose to be full) means / I was once wanting views on my vocaloid works, but it doesn't matter to you, because my life is coming to an end\ The needle is the tip of the pen. Back in paragraph 1. We draw a line from the top of a paper and all the way back down. The pen would be facing you and at the end of the paper. Meaning death. "Here is my red pen without noticing I'm getting far away" here he sees his end . His life is like the line drawn by the red pen. He sees it nearing the edge of the paper, but de didn't notice it. "Your coming, right .... Please come back" The person he looked up to have died. Many people have thought these same things when encountering a loved one gone. /Please let it be a lie and that he or she never died in the first place, please.\ "To the original place, to the original place until you reach my place" /I will wait where we used to hang out... Until you return right here\ imagine Shiina Moto is waiting for his friend at the spot. "Here is the red pen if I could be like you no matter what... I'd be happy right?" /if I could lie and be just like you.... Would that make me happy\ he is speaking to his friend that he looked up to, trying to be happy even after his death. "Here is the red pen "it's normal to make comparisons"" is it okay to be like his friend. Could he live up to his name with similar comparisons. "Why?... It's so sad" he knows what he is doing is sad and inexcusable in his own mind. "The more nonsense the more red marks" The more life or this world make up stupid events to make for Shiina the more he notices it being fake. "It's timeout isn't it" he is near his time. Timeout means (example) simply children having a time out from playing. He is the child that is taking a time out from life. "The first circle is the last circle" . The first is the last circle just means there is one circle. Just imagine drawing your first circle, that's it your done. You don't draw another one. That's why it's his first and last one to clarify. But his life is the circle. He starts drawing it out and ends it. HE ENDS IT. "If you look at the examination paper has, it's strange, 0 points" When you looked at an examination paper. That is it. An examination paper is a test, when graded ,it's finished. In school when your done you have to turn it in. That is his life an examination paper graded no value a zero. This song tells you why he committed suicide. ( how it's suicide official links would never say suicide and they never explicitly state how he died. If it was a heart failure, then they would have told us) So that is what this song mean. The title itself could be translated as /Please let me relive or redo my life\ And his friend he looked up to... Was probably a vocaloid-p. Shiina started at 14 meaning he got inspiration from vocaloid music. And he did eventually meet him, but the vocaloid-p has died. So he notices that every time he uploads a vocaloid song he would notices comparisons. I kept this part a secret till now so I didn't ruin the flow of paragraphs I had. I didn't know about his works. But with this song I respect him even in suicide or not. Just this one song has so much meaning that I wish I had listened to his music before. Maybe just maybe if a lot more people appreciated his work, this song would have been could blue pen.
I feel like people shouldn't be able to make this so other vocaloids to sing this now because it was his life like you said and hopefully people will understand the man ended it all and I just dont think its right for others to do that plz forgive my stupidity for this comment
I hope people actually realize the symbolism of this song. In Japanese culture it is considered a curse to write your make in red ink, as that's the colour they use to write the dead's names in. And by looking at the picture we can see a 'phantom' hand reaching from behind the girls shoulder, as if it was writing for her.
+Anaise ' v ' I'm not sure if that's a phantom hand but actually the girls hand? It might just be his art style, its hard to explain but some artists dont outline all the lines and make it seem as if a few objects are floating. I did not know about the first part but now I can understand the song a bit better
Senpai I know what you mean, but it somehow just doesn't feel that way. I mean if she was holding the hand up then surely it would show the folds in the fabric, but the body is the same on either side. The whole angle of the hand is reaching from behind her, so I'm not debunking what you say. Its just the whole idea of it being out of her control fits with this songs motifs anyway.
+Anaise ' v ' It could also simply mean let me write my name as I would write a dead person's name; with a red pen. 'Let me make the decision to end my life'
I stumbled across this video once again after 2 years and your comment just made me realize it wasn't Miku's hand. I have no idea why I didn't notice it before
Oh gosh I'm not even sure I can listen to this song again because of that spine shuddering, soul crushing piano chord. That chord seriously scares me. Like he finally lost control and couldn't fight anymore.
This song is cursed in the way that it makes me physically sick to listen to. Although it's not actually his last song (healthy end is officially his last song, uploaded by the person who made the video on his behalf), the fact that he committed suicide on the same day as uploading makes my stomach flip
same man , everytime i listen to this exact song , i feel something very strong in my guts its like i want to vomit im not trying to be rude or anything but ...its really makes me sick in a very nigative way and the problem is that i really love this song ... and ive never felt so awful because of a song in my whole life ive listened to such deppressed songs but it didnt gave me that feeling ... it never did
I thought I was the only one to feel this way! It just gives me this very wrong feeling in my stomach, going up to my neck- I kind of feel like I want to throw up because of this feeling. It just has something so wrong to it...
This song is definitely different than others. It is the only song of his which fills me with hope, nearly happiness. When you've decided to commit suicide, you feel relief the pain finally ends. I might be feeling it in this song. It makes me realize there's a way out of the pain, that it won't last forever. When I think about disappearing, my brain eventually rotting in the ground and every trace of my mental illness gone... Finally breaking free, that there is away to never feel like this again, it fills me with hope. At the same time, akapen brings me to tears. なんでさ なんでさ 悲しいな... It really is very sad, isn't it.
It could be her hand though, but I see what you mean. The shadow on her shirt is where her arm would be, they just didn't include the line to show that the arm was bent. The other arm is bent as well, but there is no shading to show it, just lines.
It's been 9 years since Shiina Mota's death, Today is his death anniversary, I wish he's doing good while him up there :) Edit: Thursday, November 7, 2024, When it turns July 23, 2025, we'll realize he already died a decade ago.
@triplejboys789 yeah, i have literally seen no credible source reporting his death. all ive seen is "he probably killed himself", which is not credible, nor a confirmation.
this is a hoax. there is no confirmed death, his loved ones have repeatedly said he is not dead, and many friends also noted that the creator simply didn’t want to make vocaloid anymore whilst battling his mental illness. he’s not dead, he’s very much alive and in much better mental spirits now that he is free from work constraints!
It's been two years and I still can't believe Powapowa-p is gone. This song was uploaded only Half an hour before his death and when you look at it it's clear that it's symbolizing the fact that wanted to write his own name down in red ink. In Japanese culture that is A cursed thing to do because red inked names usually symbolize the dead. This clearly resembles the reason for his cause of wanting to do this to himself. I will always miss you Powapowa-p :(
Listening now in 2019 is so strange and potent, all this time and my heart still hurts. I never spoke with him, but his music was what helped me through the hardest years of my life and I'll always come back to listen again.
As a Japanese, I would say the title is more like "Please give me a red pen to grade" or "Please grade me". In Japan, teachers use red pens to grade tests etc, hence the words "marks" and "circles." (ペケ translated as simply "marks" here are actually X's and circles actually mean correct answers in Japan). But reading the comments here, I gained a lot more insights on this song, like the red representing blood etc. I've been trying not to listen to this song because it's just too painful.... but I did today, and wow. May you rest in peace.
@@N3k0Y0m1 In Chinese culture it is also considered a curse or a bad omen to write your name in red ink, it's like saying you want to resign from life, which I believe is the same in Japanese too.
When I first discovered Shiina, he was already gone. But I didn’t know- when I first became a fan of vocaloid I never really looked into artists, I just added songs that spoke to me....but as my playlists started to fill up with his creator name I finally looked at the big picture.... Naturally I found out he passed and became sad for a short time, but no more than that. At first- while listening to this song, I couldn’t understand how this could be a goodbye. Then, going on as a vocaloid fan I continued to listen to his music. Looking into the meanings, listening to them on repeat and sometimes even crying while they played. “Please help yourself to seconds” triggering my feelings in a way I didn’t think possible in my numb state. After listening to more and more of his work over time I was heartbroken that someone with who I am so emotionally similar to had given up his life. I was in a terrible stage of my life and I was starting to get hopeless- songs like this one or even Healthy End made me frustrated and confused. So now that I’m more... myself- I’m revisiting this song and it means so much more to me then it ever did before. I wish I could’ve met-Shiia or even thanked him for the comfort he indirectly gave me through his art and music. I truly hope that he knows how much he mattered in life and in death....Rest easy, Ryo. We miss you.
I can't say that I ever followed his works too closely, but it's particularly sad that he's gone even though we were the same age, however he managed to create so much in such a short time. His talent and legacy will live on for as long as people play his music.
It took me all day to work up the courage to listen to this song, because I had to watch my niece and I didn't want to be sad while she was here. Now that I'm alone and I've heard this, I really can't believe it. I can't believe he was younger than me by a year. I never knew. When I was in high school, I used to listen to his song Astronauts very often; I had a lot of respect for him and that song. I'm very grateful for everything he shared with us all. .
+NausicaaRaine I got the exact same feeling except he was a month younger than me. He was like a person on the other side of the globe that I could relate to through his songs as they helped me with tough periods of my life. Astronauts was one of my favorites too but he had too many great songs: the strobe series, Q, my pallete is full of you, this one and many, many more. Rest in peace Ryo Mizoguchi. No, rest in peace PowaPowaP, as we all knew and loved him.
+NausicaaRaine he was a year older than me, and i can remember listening to his music, particularly sky fish and the strobe series, all the time in middle school. he helped me through so much with his songs and i wish i could have returned the favor somehow. i wish i could have spoken to him.
It's been a year after his death. It's becoming painful to listen to his songs now even though I love it so much. I should stop talking now, I can't see the screen properly, my eyes have gone a bit blurry.
I was shocked when hearing this announcement.. Thank you for sharing the lyrics with us, now more people get to know what his last thoughts have been... Rest in piece.
During the last forty seconds of the song, this knot builds up in my chest. It's like feeling Mizoguchi drawing closer to death as I sit here, unable to do anything to stop it. Rest in peace, dear PowaPowaP, and know that you were loved.
Ive listened to this song over and over but i finally just realized the meaning of the last lines of the song In japan, instead of a tick on tests they put circles. The singer has had red marks (wrong answers) all over their test, except for one (the first and last circle). Thats why they say its strange they got 0 points, their “right answer” didnt count for anything
@kuchikirukia2464 The first circle is the last circle, throughout the whole song he grades himself and his life. His last action in life was to kill himself
@@SleemSlsSo, The examination paper has a lot of marks (wrong answers) but the first and last circle is the zero (that means that all his life was for nothing and his death)
Holy shit-- I just learned of PowaPowaP's death due to all of these youtube's comments... I had no idea he was so young.. I am shocked and grieved... May he rest in piece.
Hello, I know its been almost a decade, this song is about how he feels about his life and why hes killing himself. It was uploded, thirty minutes before he died.
Listening to this song, I feel that Powapowa-P is saying that he wants to be a red pen, which is able to make corrections. But he wanted it to make corrections to his life. However, his examination paper is his life, and, receiving a zero on it means that he feels as though he has failed life, and it is time for him to end it. I never really listened to his music, but after looking into him some more, I realized what a talented producer he was. Looking at all the evidence, it appears that he actually committed suicide rather than having a stroke. Powapowa-P, I'm sorry for whatever you were going through. I wish you could have made it. It's truly the saddest thing when someone's life steeps an all-time low to the point where suicide is one of their only options. I've been in that situation before, too. I just wish Powapowa-P was alive and happy.
The song also has another meaning, I think- It goes off of the Japanese tradition in which, when someone dies, their name is written and crossed off in red ink in the town registry. For this same reason, you aren't supposed to write a living person's name down in red ink
I completely understand the feeling of working under depression, I couldn't even mix a fuckin song, so for Powa-P creating this as his last song, I respect him so much. Rest in Peace, Senpai. Your works will be forever in our hearts.
This is really saddening. I haven't really brought myself to listen to his songs until now, even though I heard about his said-to-be suicide months before. I have my deepest respects for him. I hope he rests in peace.
To me it sort of sounds like he planned his suicide. Typically, red pens are used to mark calendars. The lyrics talked about something coming closer and the first circle being the last. He may have marked his planned day on the calendar.
Thats a good idea but its more like someone he held close passed and he that was the final straw leading him to commit to join them, hence the lyrics saying "if i could be like you i'd be happy, right?" seeing as the japanese use a red pen to write the names of the dead it all falls into place...
Strangely enough, despite the background this song tends to fill me with hope. Maybe it's the relief Siinamota managed to convey, that the pain will eventually end, it won't last forever. That is a thing you can be sure of, so one might as well try to make the best out of the world you're living in. I don't know what I am living for anymore, severe depression and (since five years) fairly poor prognosis schizophrenia has destroyed my life, I can't feel anything else than a huge heavy rock in my chest, I don't remember anymore how happiness feels and due to my brain being destroyed I probably will never experience it again. I'm terribly tired from trying to disobey voices screaming into my ears to seriously hurt myself (leading to death) and degrading me, I often sit very suicidal wishing for a miracle to be healthy and imagining my life without mental illness, seeming completely unreal. If this brain illness gets worse and worse with time, then why should I keep going on? If I live, then it's for moments like going outside for a walk, sitting on a bench and just staring at the water surface and watching ducks. Nature makes me realise the world is huge and with endless possibiities, it's more than just my head. And Powa's sad reminder that the pain will eventually end and you will be at peace, it's slightly helping. On the other hand, I can't listen to Last Strobe nor Strobe Light, those make me feel genuinely very bad, deprived of hope and make my suicidal thoughts spiral deeper. It seems to be the opposite for many people, so it's funny how different you can feel about the same song.
The last note with the piano felt like a snapping moment its pretty scary almost like snapping back to reality I can’t imagine how he was feeling writing the lyrics..
The end of the song is what hits me like a truck... the lyrics are upsetting when you understand exactly what they mean, yes. But the the distorted piano always feels like being stabbed in the heart to me because it feels like an audible representation of his death. (I don't know if this made any sense, but I really wanted to point this part out)
At 1:38, isn't it supposed to be "I'm hungry, I'm full, but it doesn't matter to you", since おなかいっぱいだ means "I'm full"? Thank you for uploading this and share his work. I'm really discouraged that he's gone now, but I'm sure his music will still live on. Please rest in peace Mizoguchi Ryou.
Coming back here today (July 23rd 2021) to appreciate Siinamota’s works once again. All of his songs are still so beautiful, and I hope that many people will continue to find them and love them just as I, and so many others have. Thank you for everything, PowaPowa-P.
This song, called "Please Give Me A Red Pen" Was realeased from Shiinamota 30 Mins. before his death. R.I.P Shiinamota 03/09/1995 - 07/23/2015 His death was "believed" to be Suicide, because he realeased a song "Healthy End" which talked about suicide. We love you all, Shiinamota. 💞💞 Rest in peace in heaven. Japanese: この曲は「Please Give Me A Red Pen」という曲で、しいなもた 30 Mins からリリースされました。彼の死の前に。 安らかに椎名もた 03/09/1995 - 07/23/2015 彼は自殺について歌った曲「Healthy End」を発表したため、彼の死は自殺であると「信じられていた」。 椎名もたさん、皆さん大好きです。 💞💞 天国で安らかに眠ってください。
My favorite part is 2:19 because It's sounds like someone who had loss hope in their life and their memories got forgotten. the rhythm and melody of the violin is unbelievable tearing up. even though this song was long time, Siinamota's song never been vanished.
While the whole lyrics is build up depressing until the end, the last few seconds of the song gave me terrible chills of horror as the song ends abruptly with the keys banging. Thats when he gave up and took his life... Rest in Peace
It's the 17th of April, 2019, and I still can't even begin to try to sing this song without breaking down sobbing. RIP, Shiina Mota. Your songs always helped me through tough times. I still miss you dearly. I hope that, wherever you are, you're finally feeling happy.
@@Zen4204you dont get notification when people like ur comment, only reply, so just just say when people reply you will get reminded and also more comments more people will hear this song
@@iwillteachyoumath You do get like notifications, although they are very, very rare compared to reply notifications, which are themselves rarer than heart notifications which notify every time unlike some reply notifications. If I had to compare them I probably get something like 20 comment notifications before I get a like notification.
For anyone out there who feels like giving up, don't. Siinamota-san felt he had no reason to live, and now we're left in a world without his genius. Even almost 10 years later, peoplr are still moved by his music. There's always someone who cares about you, always. If you think there's no one, then I'll be the one. Stay strong, and help eachother.
it's like its lingering in the back of your head, you come back to these songs, cry and then decide to make it better. It's important to feel shit sometimes because otherwise we wouldn't improve ourselves.
Before I lose my train of thought...red pens are usually meant for notes and corrections on papers. Could it be that with the red pen, he hopes to mark and fix his mistakes and become happy? But in the end, you can't change what was written and only mark up what has been written with the red pen?
redpen is actually represent death. That's why you can't write people's name with red pen in Asian culture because it's the same like you pray for their death
It depends if you're looking at it from an western or Asian perspective. Within a western-cultured design, your theory could make quite a lot of sense.. However, not so much in Asian-culture. Throughout various areas of Asia, a "red pen", means something very different. A tale has it that writing a name in red marker is a sign of wishing them death - as the names on the markers of graves are often times red. It's widely frowned upon to do so, or at least, _was_ frowned upon. As the modernised world continues to advance, our belief in tales such as this and folk-laws have begun to vanish. Even in areas such as Asia where they take a large role in the history and culture. So, nowadays writing a name in red pen mightn't offend anyone.. But for the context of the song, I'm sure it's referring to how the act of using a red pen would've been seen when the tale still had significant value. It's far more likely a very dark and sinister song than one of will to fix mistakes. Regardless though, I like your theory. It's sweet.
In japan, a red pen is used to correct student's test papers and a check is for the wrong answer, a circle is for a right answer... I'm not the best at analysing songs, but i'm just putting this out there.
Shiina Mota, R.I.P, you will forever be in our hearts and your last song and deepest thoughts and feelings will not go unnoticed. Please have a good afterlife, we will miss you dearly.
Okay I think now it’s silly that I thought Powapowa-P didn’t commit suicide. However, hearing his songs, a common thread is just - how much he keeps comparing himself with someone? It’s especially noticeable in this song and in the Strobe series. I don’t know who exactly this person is or what their role in his life was, but even when his songs talked about how he was gonna make it, it seems he wouldn’t stop comparing his success with others’. A person over at the Strobe Light video found out that Powapowa-P made the song end in minor key, which usually conveys sadness or regret, something which doesn’t make sense if you were composing such a hope-filled song without doubting. The signs to his worsening mental state were there since the beginning and never truly left.
As far as I’m aware, the person he keeps comparing himself to was an old friend of his who died. It’s all speculation but I believe he held much regret and couldn’t get over loosing them. His songs oozes with melancholy and self loathing, though that’s just me.
I don't know why I'm crying. I didn't know of this artist until recently but the fact that we were born the same year makes my heart ache. If he really died of suicide, or it was a normal death he may Rest In Peace.
If anyone's wondering why the song is called "Please Give Me A Red Pen", it's simple. In Asia, it's a superstition that if you use a red pen, the person will die (since the red ink looks like blood). There's not much to say about it. It's a shame he passed, though. < / 3
@@reenaki_art Personnally I'm fine, my life is correct an I'm happy Glad to see that you're alive (because life can be cruel yk) and still on the platform
I'm sorry I'm a day late, but 3 years ago we lost such a spark. He was incredibly talented, and what I wouldn't give to have found his music sooner. I sincerely hope he's in a better place.
Rest in Peace Shiina Mota, you've done pretty well in the end, and always did a great job.. thank you for your hard work , may you rest in peace and may your songs be forever engraved in our hearts.
I've never listened to anything by powapowa-p in my life- I just saw his name in a comment and that he had passed. I looked up his name to listen to some of his music, and I went here first. i looked in the comments, and the stories here, knowing this was uploaded only thirty minutes before his suicide.... it brings me to tears. I haven't cried in ages, and yet I'm doing it for a vocaloid creator I had never heard of until a few minutes ago. It's just so strange- I've listened to more of wowaka's songs and adore them to hell and back, and I love samfree's songs as well, but something about this creator's death hurts me more than those do. (no disrespect intended, I'm still very saddened by both of their deaths) maybe it's because I understand. I understand wanting to give up, the hopelessness, the uploading of a final message of sorts before you leave, your last mark on the world showing a downwards, empty spiral. this world is so, so difficult. rest in peace. I have no memories towards you, but I empathize deeply with you. I hope you're doing everything you want to do without the burden of thoughts eating at your mind and draining you of your energy. edit: apparently I have listened to strobe last before, so correction there
today marks the 8th year since siinamota's death. I've only discovered him in 2019 and since then i have been listening to his songs. I really wish i could have been there to listen to his songs while he was still alive. I can't help but think about his song "There is someone I can't meet, even in a dream" when i listen to this song :( You will always be in my heart siinamota ♡
When I woke up one morning, I didn't know why this was playing in my head. I hope it isn't insensitive of me to say this, but this sounds strangely calming, and the fact that it is is scary.
i remember learning about powapowa-p's death soon after i first discovered his songs, many years ago. in all this time, i've been too afraid to listen to this song, so i never did. now that i am, i can only think one thing: that even though the rushed sound of the song matches the horror in my heart that these were his last words, the song is still a good song. the melody, the rhythm, the sound. it's rushed and pieced together but i can still tell he's there in this song. if one thing, i just wish he could know he was a good musician.
At 3:19 the lyrics “The first circle is the last circle”, knowing that ‘circle’ means “to be right”, you can interpret that the first and last thing he ‘got it right’ in his life was committing suicide and the lyrics at 3:27 “If you look at my exam, I have 0 points” means that, by his eyes, in his exam(life) he never got anything right, meaning that even suicide wasn’t the right thing to do.
When I was focusing in the lyrics I felt like Shiina was trying to speak to me with how he lived his life and what he's been through. ..and when that piano note hit at the end I felt shudders .. he's like saying "I can't take this anymore." ..and I cried.
this is my perspective on this tragic song, I'm going to delve into one of the main reasons why I believe Shiina Mota was depressed. possibly the main reason (the search for meaning: spoiler): [this is gonna be long, and deep.. so I would recommend you only read it if you have time and interest in Art.] in the first half of the song It seems he is admiring his own bizarrely progressive art.. and that is how many many of his songs feel to me; what I mean is I'm almost certain that a main theme of his work is the act of observing creation itself, and I'm just gonna put this out there: the process of creation, especially to someone depressed, can be extremely alluring but also strange and fucked. .let me elaborate there is an unavoidable distance that any artist will experience when viewing his completed artwork. I would liken it to looking at a picture of yourself a couple months ago, knowing that at the time the picture was taken you were experiencing things that are very distant from your current experience. sometimes it feels bizarre, sometimes nostalgic, but often.. you don't feel anything. it's like you are not the person in that picture.. Powa simply stands at the beginning and ending of this song, and it's all one big circle. I presume he felt like his life itself was one big circle, (one distant picture..) and viewed it as meaningless. as Zero. .. I'm finding it really hard to not relate, rather impossible really as I am an artist myself. I see the Red in his pen as his own blood. maybe I should call it Inspiration.. no one can be constantly inspired. all pens run out someday. (although they can be refilled) He comments writing with the Red Pen on top of this uncertain world, and that must mean that through his art he is giving some meaning to life and 'correcting' it.. But, he is ultimately not able to become his own art. Art might be like pure meaning, but humans are the artists and also survivors, bound to be unsatisfied so as to continue living and seeking meaning.. basically, time flows. things change. we can not always be pure beings, lost in the experience of life. we can not always be children. I really didn't like this song when I first heard it.. I was scared to see the meaning behind Powa's words he was a true expert at conveying a lot with only a few abstract words, and that's why the ending of this song felt dry and ugly to me. I read it as "Life is Meaningless.", when it probably meant, "My life was meaningless." and that's just sad as fuck ..:'( if there's something you can take away from this messy comment, it's 1. Powa was obviously intrigued by the process of creation, but 2. he felt a natural disassociation between himself and his creations, and it must have bothered him because 3. his songs were like red ink and using them he tried to correct the world and give meaning to it unfortunately at the very end of this song he seems to have failed, but maybe 'healthy end' paints a different picture..
I held off from listening to this song for months, even though I saw the upload of it right away, because I knew I'd be sad as hell when I did listen to it. Here I am, several months later, and sad as all hell. The song ends so suddenly, like it was forcibly cut off by someone. Maybe that's comparable to a life being cut off. I don't know, but I do know I'm going to be really solemn for the rest of the day. Thank you, Powapowa-P, for all you've done.
I know that you came to this song because it may sound catchy or depressed. Whatever the reason is, remember I am a stranger that believes in your dreams and abilities. For some, dying is for the weak, but for some it is a final display of their strength. However, if you chose to live, I hope you find your resolve. RIP siinamota
for people who doesnt understand the meaning of this song: in Japan it is a curse if you write someone's name in red they will "die" and the girl wants to suicide in this vid
This is such a surreal feeling, listening to a song where the creator knew they would die. The end is so jarring, similar to sudden suicide. Rest In Peace.
It's been 9 years and the truth is that your songs are a success and I like them a lot. I hope you are happy with the decision you made and greetings wherever you are.
I can't believe one of my favorite Vocaloid producers passed away... I remember the very first song I heard is "Astronauts". Every time I hear that song makes me want to cry.. I imagine him that he's the one singing... When I heard this last song he wrote, I can't help it but to cry. Thank you Powapowa-P for the beautiful songs you shared with us and I'm heartbroken that you're gone so early. May you rest in peace and your songs will live eternally. We love you.
He was comparing himself to someone. There is another persona on the lyrics. "I could become like you, no matter what, id be happy right?" And in the lyrics, he was pertaining on how his test paper (life) was full of red marks. See how his last lyrics ended? 0. He thought he was useless and eventually succumbed to depression
HALF AN HOUR BEFORE HIS DEATH?? *FUCKING HALF AN HOUR BEFORE HIS DEATH??* MAN I CAN'T *COMPREHEND* SOMEONE BEING A FAN OF POWAPOWA-P BACK THEN AND GOING LIKE "oh a new song, cool!" I- okay guys i'm legit crying
I got into vocaloid with this artist, it was shortly after their death. I was mentally in a bad place at the time and I could kinda relate to the songs so much. Coming back now after years and listening to this, it still triggers me in a way. But now I know that they could be in a better place today if they only had realized that they are NOT worthless 😞 I am sure Shiinamota could have become a great Vocaloid artist, just like PinocchioP and others.
Sorry for being 1-2 years later, but I want to say that the last sentence hurts more when you realize that PinocchioP was also friends with siinamota. Hell im pretty sure they even made several remixes of each others' songs. They really could have been great vocaloid artists together
Still hurts to listen to. RIP Siinamota, everyone is showing the respect you deserved on the young girl a upload from your record label. Wish I knew what you were going through when I found your music and gave you support. Rest easy
I discovered siinamota’s work along with the recent trend, and learned what happened from a reply you gave to someone in the young girl a track. Depressing stuff, but thank you for preserving his story for people like me nonetheless 🙏 . Very shameful that most people on tiktok couldn’t share the same respect.
Im so sad abt the notice i know siinamota from 1 year Im sorry for what he passed in his life and i leave this commenti for anitime ill come here to hear it another time Ty for all your work powapowa-P No one will forget u❤
i remember that i ve read somewhere that Powa said about the wonderful world after death. i hope he reached it, Rest in Peace Shiina-san, you were the best composer for me
fun fact: Everyone in the niconico comments of this song said "100%" in response to siinamota saying "0 points" song is so oddly calm until the ending where it sounds like someone made a mistake and gave up on it. That's sad now that I think about it
well i was too late. I remember years back, I actually did played one of his songs, Sky Fish but I didn't know he was the producer. I literally played it everyday, that's how much I loved it. Coming back now, I was so stunned, that I've actually heard his song, before he was gone.
Weird to think that the first song I hear from Shiina Mota is his last song.
+NipahMotherfuckers Yeah, me too. I kinda feel guilty actually... :(
456animegirl I'm making an artwork dedicated to his memory... Hopefully that'll compensate for my lack of interest in his work?
Really, though, his songs are really nice. But I can't say how I'd feel about them if I didn't know that he died. Would I dismiss the songs as a nice tune and forget about them? Or would I appreciate his own style he has within them, and feel the same way I do now? I'm not sure.
+NipahMotherfuckers I first heard Strobe light. I didn't knew that he was dead. But when i saw the lyrics it facinated me. I translated them from english to my native language to try to understand them. The sadness that growed in me was incredible. I somehow knew that he had choosen to end his life. I think, that in his sadness he produced amazing art, that came right from his hearth. I think you would valorate them as much as if he was alive. But that would be kinda of a paradox. Because i belive that he was able to do his art, because he suicided in the end
Actually "healthy end" is his truly last song
he made it and gave it to his friend.
Looking over these lyrics....... It feels like his story.... His last thoughts on his life. The red pen represents the road he took, take a red pen and draw a line down a paper. That's his life. When the lyrics say I refill my ink. That means he wants to start over. I mix in sophism (meaning deceive) I can show you my skill sharper than this logic. Well logic is the idea of rationality, but being sharper than it means.... He thinks it's a lie. If you hear something logical, but say I know better, that means the idea (logic) is wrong. He thinks this world is a lie and try to overcome it with his vocaloid music. Music has been seen as a escape from reality. Especially artists that make songs make a story. Even if it's a lie.
The worst feeling, the best feeling is parts of his life that he lived through. "If I mixed them with the muddler , that would be weird" means he doesn't understand why such events happens to him. A muddler is someone that makes mud puddles through disorganization of thinking or working.
He stated before hand that this world is a lie to him. And his thoughts are scrambled on what is truly correct to him.
"You were there" represents some one he looks up to meeting him. In the next line " If I could be like you" that is proof he looked up to someone. But it also means I would like to redraw my life to be like yours . With "here is the red pen" the last sentence I put down also reinforces wanting to redo my life. "No matter what... That would be nice" well, no matter what, also translate to me
/even if I could die and redo it to be just like you\
"The body you existed in..... A red mark on a lie I spat that time" I would like to be you, but even I know it's a lie. "More reasonable than nonsense, more reasonable" it is stating
/I reasoned that it would be a lie, it will still be a lie\
"A red mark on this uncertain everyday"
/another lie on this unpredictable day just like any other\ do you know what will happen today? No? Well that is what this line states. And when he looks back in his past, he really did see everything as surprising. He would never have thought (it's just a made up example) that nobody would come to his birthday party, what a unpredictable surprise like every day.
"Sharper than any drama" he only knows that the world is fake. He knows that it's fake, because in paragraph one "sharper" means /I know it's wrong\ so he looks at life as if a drama. But when you look at a stage or tv show you know that it's fake ( when have you watched a TV drama show and said that is in real life).
"I'm hungry I'm full it doesn't matter to you that's cause the needle is pointed my way"
(The "full part" is when I looked at the comments and the other word was suppose to be full) means / I was once wanting views on my vocaloid works, but it doesn't matter to you, because my life is coming to an end\
The needle is the tip of the pen. Back in paragraph 1. We draw a line from the top of a paper and all the way back down. The pen would be facing you and at the end of the paper. Meaning death.
"Here is my red pen without noticing I'm getting far away" here he sees his end . His life is like the line drawn by the red pen. He sees it nearing the edge of the paper, but de didn't notice it.
"Your coming, right .... Please come back"
The person he looked up to have died. Many people have thought these same things when encountering a loved one gone. /Please let it be a lie and that he or she never died in the first place, please.\
"To the original place, to the original place until you reach my place"
/I will wait where we used to hang out... Until you return right here\ imagine Shiina Moto is waiting for his friend at the spot.
"Here is the red pen if I could be like you no matter what... I'd be happy right?"
/if I could lie and be just like you.... Would that make me happy\ he is speaking to his friend that he looked up to, trying to be happy even after his death.
"Here is the red pen "it's normal to make comparisons"" is it okay to be like his friend. Could he live up to his name with similar comparisons.
"Why?... It's so sad" he knows what he is doing is sad and inexcusable in his own mind.
"The more nonsense the more red marks"
The more life or this world make up stupid events to make for Shiina the more he notices it being fake.
"It's timeout isn't it" he is near his time. Timeout means (example) simply children having a time out from playing. He is the child that is taking a time out from life.
"The first circle is the last circle" . The first is the last circle just means there is one circle. Just imagine drawing your first circle, that's it your done. You don't draw another one. That's why it's his first and last one to clarify.
But his life is the circle. He starts drawing it out and ends it. HE ENDS IT.
"If you look at the examination paper has, it's strange, 0 points"
When you looked at an examination paper. That is it. An examination paper is a test, when graded ,it's finished. In school when your done you have to turn it in. That is his life an examination paper graded no value a zero.
This song tells you why he committed suicide. ( how it's suicide official links would never say suicide and they never explicitly state how he died. If it was a heart failure, then they would have told us)
So that is what this song mean. The title itself could be translated as /Please let me relive or redo my life\
And his friend he looked up to... Was probably a vocaloid-p. Shiina started at 14 meaning he got inspiration from vocaloid music. And he did eventually meet him, but the vocaloid-p has died. So he notices that every time he uploads a vocaloid song he would notices comparisons. I kept this part a secret till now so I didn't ruin the flow of paragraphs I had.
I didn't know about his works. But with this song I respect him even in suicide or not. Just this one song has so much meaning that I wish I had listened to his music before.
Maybe just maybe if a lot more people appreciated his work, this song would have been could blue pen.
WELL I'M GOING TO LOCK MYSELF IN A ROOM AND FUCKING SOB FOR A FEW YEARS.
I feel like people shouldn't be able to make this so other vocaloids to sing this now because it was his life like you said and hopefully people will understand the man ended it all and I just dont think its right for others to do that plz forgive my stupidity for this comment
Oh my god...
+Usamaru Pyon I cri everytime
I'm crying even more now.
I hope people actually realize the symbolism of this song.
In Japanese culture it is considered a curse to write your make in red ink, as that's the colour they use to write the dead's names in.
And by looking at the picture we can see a 'phantom' hand reaching from behind the girls shoulder, as if it was writing for her.
+Anaise ' v ' I'm not sure if that's a phantom hand but actually the girls hand? It might just be his art style, its hard to explain but some artists dont outline all the lines and make it seem as if a few objects are floating. I did not know about the first part but now I can understand the song a bit better
Senpai I know what you mean, but it somehow just doesn't feel that way. I mean if she was holding the hand up then surely it would show the folds in the fabric, but the body is the same on either side. The whole angle of the hand is reaching from behind her, so I'm not debunking what you say. Its just the whole idea of it being out of her control fits with this songs motifs anyway.
+Anaise ' v '
It could also simply mean let me write my name as I would write a dead person's name; with a red pen.
'Let me make the decision to end my life'
oh shit, i thought it was her hand at first
I stumbled across this video once again after 2 years and your comment just made me realize it wasn't Miku's hand. I have no idea why I didn't notice it before
Oh gosh I'm not even sure I can listen to this song again because of that spine shuddering, soul crushing piano chord.
That chord seriously scares me. Like he finally lost control and couldn't fight anymore.
Josugay 😢
Yeah that is soul crushing. Caught me completely off guard.
Oof. Its like the G note all ober again Eh?
Which one? The one at the very end?
@@fujiwarachika2187 yee
This song is cursed in the way that it makes me physically sick to listen to. Although it's not actually his last song (healthy end is officially his last song, uploaded by the person who made the video on his behalf), the fact that he committed suicide on the same day as uploading makes my stomach flip
same man , everytime i listen to this exact song , i feel something very strong in my guts its like i want to vomit
im not trying to be rude or anything but ...its really makes me sick in a very nigative way
and the problem is that i really love this song ... and ive never felt so awful because of a song in my whole life ive listened to such deppressed songs but it didnt gave me that feeling ... it never did
I thought I was the only one to feel this way!
It just gives me this very wrong feeling in my stomach, going up to my neck-
I kind of feel like I want to throw up because of this feeling.
It just has something so wrong to it...
This song is definitely different than others. It is the only song of his which fills me with hope, nearly happiness. When you've decided to commit suicide, you feel relief the pain finally ends. I might be feeling it in this song. It makes me realize there's a way out of the pain, that it won't last forever. When I think about disappearing, my brain eventually rotting in the ground and every trace of my mental illness gone... Finally breaking free, that there is away to never feel like this again, it fills me with hope. At the same time, akapen brings me to tears. なんでさ なんでさ 悲しいな... It really is very sad, isn't it.
I know I'm late but I'm afraid this was his last song to upload. It's in the description :(
I'm so sorry for PowaPowa-P... 😔😔😥😥😔😔
Took me a while to realise that the hand in her shoulder isn't hers.
RIP Powapowa-p, though
I just realized it thanks to someone else's comment a moment ago. Very eerie...
It could be her hand though, but I see what you mean. The shadow on her shirt is where her arm would be, they just didn't include the line to show that the arm was bent. The other arm is bent as well, but there is no shading to show it, just lines.
@@N0RA_BX 4 years lat but yeah, the shading indicates the arm is there holding the pen
@@royalblanket hello
It's been 9 years since Shiina Mota's death, Today is his death anniversary, I wish he's doing good while him up there :)
Edit: Thursday, November 7, 2024, When it turns July 23, 2025, we'll realize he already died a decade ago.
I hope he has a good time with God :)
where was it confirmed he died?
@@red2coreblue584This was his last song before his death he died on the same day just 30 minutes after the video.
@triplejboys789 yeah, i have literally seen no credible source reporting his death. all ive seen is "he probably killed himself", which is not credible, nor a confirmation.
this is a hoax. there is no confirmed death, his loved ones have repeatedly said he is not dead, and many friends also noted that the creator simply didn’t want to make vocaloid anymore whilst battling his mental illness. he’s not dead, he’s very much alive and in much better mental spirits now that he is free from work constraints!
It's been two years and I still can't believe Powapowa-p is gone. This song was uploaded only Half an hour before his death and when you look at it it's clear that it's symbolizing the fact that wanted to write his own name down in red ink. In Japanese culture that is A cursed thing to do because red inked names usually symbolize the dead. This clearly resembles the reason for his cause of wanting to do this to himself. I will always miss you Powapowa-p :(
Listening now in 2019 is so strange and potent, all this time and my heart still hurts. I never spoke with him, but his music was what helped me through the hardest years of my life and I'll always come back to listen again.
@@MokohiChanhope your ok now
8 years ago since he died :(
If I had one wish it would be to turn back time and stop him from killing himself
Oh
As a Japanese, I would say the title is more like "Please give me a red pen to grade" or "Please grade me". In Japan, teachers use red pens to grade tests etc, hence the words "marks" and "circles." (ペケ translated as simply "marks" here are actually X's and circles actually mean correct answers in Japan). But reading the comments here, I gained a lot more insights on this song, like the red representing blood etc.
I've been trying not to listen to this song because it's just too painful.... but I did today, and wow. May you rest in peace.
Thanks for the insight!! I love Powa Powa so much, it's sad that he's gone now. But the songs he's left us with are beautiful
It is also said in Japanese legend that writing your name in red ink is a curse.
Thank you for the context. ありがとうございます！
I can't find powa powa channel
@@N3k0Y0m1 In Chinese culture it is also considered a curse or a bad omen to write your name in red ink, it's like saying you want to resign from life, which I believe is the same in Japanese too.
To anyone who feels like they've only made mistakes their whole lives, you managed to stay alive up till now. Don't give up.
Thank you
You stay alive too buddy!
Please, please don't do this please please please
@@user-dx7ej6cs5t ?
Thank you, you too bud!
When I first discovered Shiina, he was already gone. But I didn’t know- when I first became a fan of vocaloid I never really looked into artists, I just added songs that spoke to me....but as my playlists started to fill up with his creator name I finally looked at the big picture.... Naturally I found out he passed and became sad for a short time, but no more than that. At first- while listening to this song, I couldn’t understand how this could be a goodbye. Then, going on as a vocaloid fan I continued to listen to his music. Looking into the meanings, listening to them on repeat and sometimes even crying while they played. “Please help yourself to seconds” triggering my feelings in a way I didn’t think possible in my numb state. After listening to more and more of his work over time I was heartbroken that someone with who I am so emotionally similar to had given up his life. I was in a terrible stage of my life and I was starting to get hopeless- songs like this one or even Healthy End made me frustrated and confused. So now that I’m more... myself- I’m revisiting this song and it means so much more to me then it ever did before. I wish I could’ve met-Shiia or even thanked him for the comfort he indirectly gave me through his art and music. I truly hope that he knows how much he mattered in life and in death....Rest easy, Ryo. We miss you.
@lilith Same
Same
❤
I can't say that I ever followed his works too closely, but it's particularly sad that he's gone even though we were the same age, however he managed to create so much in such a short time. His talent and legacy will live on for as long as people play his music.
Ya it’s really nostalgic but it’s really well edited since I was born
Edit: It was 3 days before my 6 months birthday since I was born
today marks six years since siinamota’s death. i still miss him, but hopefully he’s in a better place now.
Same
I hope I were in this place too.
Does someone run his channel?
@@reesespiecesyes His friends posted his unreleased songs after his death
@@reesespiecesyes this channel makes english subtitles videos for vocaloid songs, this channel is not Siinamota
It took me all day to work up the courage to listen to this song, because I had to watch my niece and I didn't want to be sad while she was here. Now that I'm alone and I've heard this, I really can't believe it.
I can't believe he was younger than me by a year. I never knew. When I was in high school, I used to listen to his song Astronauts very often; I had a lot of respect for him and that song. I'm very grateful for everything he shared with us all. .
+NausicaaRaine I got the exact same feeling except he was a month younger than me. He was like a person on the other side of the globe that I could relate to through his songs as they helped me with tough periods of my life. Astronauts was one of my favorites too but he had too many great songs: the strobe series, Q, my pallete is full of you, this one and many, many more. Rest in peace Ryo Mizoguchi. No, rest in peace PowaPowaP, as we all knew and loved him.
+NausicaaRaine he was a year older than me, and i can remember listening to his music, particularly sky fish and the strobe series, all the time in middle school. he helped me through so much with his songs and i wish i could have returned the favor somehow. i wish i could have spoken to him.
+sans. How old was he when he died?
20 years old
Can I know his twitter username?
It's been a year after his death. It's becoming painful to listen to his songs now even though I love it so much. I should stop talking now, I can't see the screen properly, my eyes have gone a bit blurry.
He was my favorite vocaloid artist.(as in music) I cried when I found out he died.
***** Hey, I still cry when I accidentally click into his twitter page or when I listen to his last album
Yeah, I agree. I love his music, but it also makes me really sad to listen to :(
Yea, I'm a big fan of his music. Especially Strobe Light.
who's death?
I was shocked when hearing this announcement.. Thank you for sharing the lyrics with us, now more people get to know what his last thoughts have been... Rest in piece.
ghost It says THOUGHTS.
ghost this was uploaded 30 minutes before his death
Veronica Denef Garcia R actually an hour and thirty
Veronica Denef Garcia R Well, the time of death was never announced. To deduce he died minutes after his last Tweet, may be wrong.
Well, there's another one. Have you heard Healthy End?
During the last forty seconds of the song, this knot builds up in my chest. It's like feeling Mizoguchi drawing closer to death as I sit here, unable to do anything to stop it.
Rest in peace, dear PowaPowaP, and know that you were loved.
Ive listened to this song over and over but i finally just realized the meaning of the last lines of the song
In japan, instead of a tick on tests they put circles. The singer has had red marks (wrong answers) all over their test, except for one (the first and last circle). Thats why they say its strange they got 0 points, their “right answer” didnt count for anything
Then isn't the last circle not the correct mark but in fact the "0?" Cause that's a circle too.
Siinamotas last song, was a masterpiece soaked in blood...
@@lonrabbit7776 Or maybe the only thing he was successful at was being born. You don't get points for that in life.
@kuchikirukia2464 The first circle is the last circle, throughout the whole song he grades himself and his life. His last action in life was to kill himself
@@SleemSlsSo, The examination paper has a lot of marks (wrong answers) but the first and last circle is the zero (that means that all his life was for nothing and his death)
Holy shit-- I just learned of PowaPowaP's death due to all of these youtube's comments... I had no idea he was so young.. I am shocked and grieved... May he rest in piece.
Hello, I know its been almost a decade, this song is about how he feels about his life and why hes killing himself. It was uploded, thirty minutes before he died.
"the first circle is the last circle,
and if you look at the exam paper
ha, how strange. 0 points."
And,that was the hint.
'i've gone nowhere with my life, it's all been for nothing'
@@0123-y5i Wait,that's the meaning of it...
That's depressing
Sad
Listening to this song, I feel that Powapowa-P is saying that he wants to be a red pen, which is able to make corrections. But he wanted it to make corrections to his life. However, his examination paper is his life, and, receiving a zero on it means that he feels as though he has failed life, and it is time for him to end it.
I never really listened to his music, but after looking into him some more, I realized what a talented producer he was. Looking at all the evidence, it appears that he actually committed suicide rather than having a stroke. Powapowa-P, I'm sorry for whatever you were going through. I wish you could have made it. It's truly the saddest thing when someone's life steeps an all-time low to the point where suicide is one of their only options. I've been in that situation before, too.
I just wish Powapowa-P was alive and happy.
The song also has another meaning, I think- It goes off of the Japanese tradition in which, when someone dies, their name is written and crossed off in red ink in the town registry. For this same reason, you aren't supposed to write a living person's name down in red ink
i wish i were a pen...
Huh
I completely understand the feeling of working under depression, I couldn't even mix a fuckin song, so for Powa-P creating this as his last song, I respect him so much. Rest in Peace, Senpai. Your works will be forever in our hearts.
This is really saddening. I haven't really brought myself to listen to his songs until now, even though I heard about his said-to-be suicide months before.
I have my deepest respects for him. I hope he rests in peace.
To me it sort of sounds like he planned his suicide. Typically, red pens are used to mark calendars. The lyrics talked about something coming closer and the first circle being the last. He may have marked his planned day on the calendar.
Thats a good idea but its more like someone he held close passed and he that was the final straw leading him to commit to join them, hence the lyrics saying "if i could be like you i'd be happy, right?" seeing as the japanese use a red pen to write the names of the dead it all falls into place...
Strangely enough, despite the background this song tends to fill me with hope. Maybe it's the relief Siinamota managed to convey, that the pain will eventually end, it won't last forever. That is a thing you can be sure of, so one might as well try to make the best out of the world you're living in. I don't know what I am living for anymore, severe depression and (since five years) fairly poor prognosis schizophrenia has destroyed my life, I can't feel anything else than a huge heavy rock in my chest, I don't remember anymore how happiness feels and due to my brain being destroyed I probably will never experience it again. I'm terribly tired from trying to disobey voices screaming into my ears to seriously hurt myself (leading to death) and degrading me, I often sit very suicidal wishing for a miracle to be healthy and imagining my life without mental illness, seeming completely unreal. If this brain illness gets worse and worse with time, then why should I keep going on? If I live, then it's for moments like going outside for a walk, sitting on a bench and just staring at the water surface and watching ducks. Nature makes me realise the world is huge and with endless possibiities, it's more than just my head. And Powa's sad reminder that the pain will eventually end and you will be at peace, it's slightly helping. On the other hand, I can't listen to Last Strobe nor Strobe Light, those make me feel genuinely very bad, deprived of hope and make my suicidal thoughts spiral deeper. It seems to be the opposite for many people, so it's funny how different you can feel about the same song.
are you still alive today?
Hey,Just so know,even this late People are here for you. Hope everything is Okay.
The last note with the piano felt like a snapping moment its pretty scary almost like snapping back to reality I can’t imagine how he was feeling writing the lyrics..
R.I.P PowaPowaP.
This hit hard for me. Rest in peace.
yeah... really sad to see someone like that go...
I was born before her/his death
The end of the song is what hits me like a truck... the lyrics are upsetting when you understand exactly what they mean, yes. But the the distorted piano always feels like being stabbed in the heart to me because it feels like an audible representation of his death. (I don't know if this made any sense, but I really wanted to point this part out)
At 1:38, isn't it supposed to be "I'm hungry, I'm full, but it doesn't matter to you", since おなかいっぱいだ means "I'm full"?
Thank you for uploading this and share his work. I'm really discouraged that he's gone now, but I'm sure his music will still live on. Please rest in peace Mizoguchi Ryou.
Coming back here today (July 23rd 2021) to appreciate Siinamota’s works once again. All of his songs are still so beautiful, and I hope that many people will continue to find them and love them just as I, and so many others have.
Thank you for everything, PowaPowa-P.
This song, called "Please Give Me A Red Pen" Was realeased from Shiinamota 30 Mins. before his death.
R.I.P Shiinamota 03/09/1995 - 07/23/2015
His death was "believed" to be Suicide, because he realeased a song "Healthy End" which talked about suicide.
We love you all, Shiinamota. 💞💞
Rest in peace in heaven.
Japanese:
この曲は「Please Give Me A Red Pen」という曲で、しいなもた 30 Mins からリリースされました。彼の死の前に。
安らかに椎名もた 03/09/1995 - 07/23/2015
彼は自殺について歌った曲「Healthy End」を発表したため、彼の死は自殺であると「信じられていた」。
椎名もたさん、皆さん大好きです。 💞💞
天国で安らかに眠ってください。
I from malay but i i like shiina mota :) siinamota rest in peace
Healthy end was made by his friends.
Give me a red pen is still a dark song.
I knew that and felt so bad when I found out, thank you for telling everybody and RIP siinamota
@LimeLim3_ yes but the song was wroten by him
He died at a young age too😭
He was one of my favorite producers and still is , when i heard the news i was so sad. So young as well. Rest in peace.
I'm not much of a vocaloid fan anymore but to this day I can't listen to any of PowapowaP's songs without crying. I'm hurt. I miss him.
Still paying my respects to him 8 years later...Rest in peace buddy...your songs helped me grow up man
Agreed 100%
@@afellowgamer1800 😔😔rip
My favorite part is 2:19 because It's sounds like someone who had loss hope in their life and their memories got forgotten. the rhythm and melody of the violin is unbelievable tearing up. even though this song was long time, Siinamota's song never been vanished.
finally someone who talks about that part it's been a part that lives in my head rent free when I first heard it
While the whole lyrics is build up depressing until the end, the last few seconds of the song gave me terrible chills of horror as the song ends abruptly with the keys banging. Thats when he gave up and took his life...
Rest in Peace
It's the 17th of April, 2019, and I still can't even begin to try to sing this song without breaking down sobbing. RIP, Shiina Mota. Your songs always helped me through tough times. I still miss you dearly. I hope that, wherever you are, you're finally feeling happy.
Im leaving this comment here so i can be reminded of this song every time somebody likes it
Like baiter, pretty clever strategy tho
@@Flyki nah my intentions r pure this time
@@Zen4204there is no way you're gonna listen to it hundreds nor thousands of times
@@Zen4204you dont get notification when people like ur comment, only reply, so just just say when people reply you will get reminded and also more comments more people will hear this song
@@iwillteachyoumath You do get like notifications, although they are very, very rare compared to reply notifications, which are themselves rarer than heart notifications which notify every time unlike some reply notifications. If I had to compare them I probably get something like 20 comment notifications before I get a like notification.
For anyone out there who feels like giving up, don't.
Siinamota-san felt he had no reason to live, and now we're left in a world without his genius.
Even almost 10 years later, peoplr are still moved by his music.
There's always someone who cares about you, always. If you think there's no one, then I'll be the one. Stay strong, and help eachother.
i didnt even know brother existed til maybe a week ago n holy shit im already so invested in what he did, it sucks to see how things ended up
I can’t stop coming back, whenever I feel fucked up
Bro don't give up
Same
it's like its lingering in the back of your head, you come back to these songs, cry and then decide to make it better. It's important to feel shit sometimes because otherwise we wouldn't improve ourselves.
Before I lose my train of thought...red pens are usually meant for notes and corrections on papers. Could it be that with the red pen, he hopes to mark and fix his mistakes and become happy? But in the end, you can't change what was written and only mark up what has been written with the red pen?
redpen is actually represent death. That's why you can't write people's name with red pen in Asian culture because it's the same like you pray for their death
It depends if you're looking at it from an western or Asian perspective.
Within a western-cultured design, your theory could make quite a lot of sense.. However, not so much in Asian-culture. Throughout various areas of Asia, a "red pen", means something very different. A tale has it that writing a name in red marker is a sign of wishing them death - as the names on the markers of graves are often times red. It's widely frowned upon to do so, or at least, _was_ frowned upon.
As the modernised world continues to advance, our belief in tales such as this and folk-laws have begun to vanish. Even in areas such as Asia where they take a large role in the history and culture. So, nowadays writing a name in red pen mightn't offend anyone.. But for the context of the song, I'm sure it's referring to how the act of using a red pen would've been seen when the tale still had significant value.
It's far more likely a very dark and sinister song than one of will to fix mistakes. Regardless though, I like your theory. It's sweet.
In japan, a red pen is used to correct student's test papers and a check is for the wrong answer, a circle is for a right answer... I'm not the best at analysing songs, but i'm just putting this out there.
Actually, a circle is for the right answer, and a check is the wrong answer.
right, sorry I was thinking about English class
Rest in Peace powapowa
such an awesome composer passing away really is saddening
I swear if those hack heads over at TikTok decide to use these songs we're boycotting them
@@socksgoofybackup I know, I'm already starting the boycott
they used young girl a and turned it into some dumb remix named "paranoia" wtf
Paranoia good idk what you yapping abt😭🙏
@@Lacondria have some respect on siinamota's name.
@@Lacondria bro what making a remix about a song which relates a persons death is good? Have some respect man
Shiina Mota, R.I.P, you will forever be in our hearts and your last song and deepest thoughts and feelings will not go unnoticed. Please have a good afterlife, we will miss you dearly.
THE ENDING GAVE ME REAL BIG CHILLS, RIP PowaPowaP
Okay I think now it’s silly that I thought Powapowa-P didn’t commit suicide. However, hearing his songs, a common thread is just - how much he keeps comparing himself with someone?
It’s especially noticeable in this song and in the Strobe series. I don’t know who exactly this person is or what their role in his life was, but even when his songs talked about how he was gonna make it, it seems he wouldn’t stop comparing his success with others’.
A person over at the Strobe Light video found out that Powapowa-P made the song end in minor key, which usually conveys sadness or regret, something which doesn’t make sense if you were composing such a hope-filled song without doubting.
The signs to his worsening mental state were there since the beginning and never truly left.
As far as I’m aware, the person he keeps comparing himself to was an old friend of his who died. It’s all speculation but I believe he held much regret and couldn’t get over loosing them. His songs oozes with melancholy and self loathing, though that’s just me.
I don't know why I'm crying. I didn't know of this artist until recently but the fact that we were born the same year makes my heart ache. If he really died of suicide, or it was a normal death he may Rest In Peace.
If anyone's wondering why the song is called "Please Give Me A Red Pen", it's simple.
In Asia, it's a superstition that if you use a red pen, the person will die (since the red ink looks like blood).
There's not much to say about it. It's a shame he passed, though. < / 3
well that would mean all my teachers are due for meeting the devil....
@@reenaki_art yo it's been 8 years what's up bro
@@DGF308 oh shit it has been 8 years huh, doing good man, im almost out of college now, still hum this song from time to time. How are you doing?
@@reenaki_art Personnally I'm fine, my life is correct an I'm happy
Glad to see that you're alive (because life can be cruel yk) and still on the platform
I'm sorry I'm a day late, but 3 years ago we lost such a spark. He was incredibly talented, and what I wouldn't give to have found his music sooner. I sincerely hope he's in a better place.
"Aka pen o douzo."
_I got a zero, but now it's your turn. How did you do?_
I got zero...
He failed.
...
And...
Died.
NO I'M NOT CRYING
Accurate name is accurate... im sad now
I'd get zero,
But well,
I am still writing.
Rest in Peace Shiina Mota, you've done pretty well in the end, and always did a great job..
thank you for your hard work , may you rest in peace and may your songs be forever engraved in our hearts.
3 whole years.. i wish you could come back, your music helps me lately when i feel depressed, siinamota
This song still haunts me. Giving me shivers the more I listen. F**k my hearts. Rest in Peace Siinamota.
Same, this song literally haunting me, I can't even go to sleep
I've never listened to anything by powapowa-p in my life- I just saw his name in a comment and that he had passed. I looked up his name to listen to some of his music, and I went here first. i looked in the comments, and the stories here, knowing this was uploaded only thirty minutes before his suicide....
it brings me to tears. I haven't cried in ages, and yet I'm doing it for a vocaloid creator I had never heard of until a few minutes ago. It's just so strange- I've listened to more of wowaka's songs and adore them to hell and back, and I love samfree's songs as well, but something about this creator's death hurts me more than those do. (no disrespect intended, I'm still very saddened by both of their deaths)
maybe it's because I understand. I understand wanting to give up, the hopelessness, the uploading of a final message of sorts before you leave, your last mark on the world showing a downwards, empty spiral.
this world is so, so difficult.
rest in peace. I have no memories towards you, but I empathize deeply with you. I hope you're doing everything you want to do without the burden of thoughts eating at your mind and draining you of your energy.
edit: apparently I have listened to strobe last before, so correction there
I hope you're in a better place now mentally.
Can someone like my comment i dont want to forget the last song my fav artist made 😭
Don't worry I got you
Two years have passed already. Rest well, Powapowa-P.
today marks the 8th year since siinamota's death. I've only discovered him in 2019 and since then i have been listening to his songs. I really wish i could have been there to listen to his songs while he was still alive. I can't help but think about his song "There is someone I can't meet, even in a dream" when i listen to this song :( You will always be in my heart siinamota ♡
it got me 2 years to watch the whole video, those lyrics are so painful i can feel my heart shiver
It really hurts to hear this
Even until now, it still hurts listening to this entire song. You'll be missed dearly Siinamota
Here I am 5 years later. Never knew him personally, but his songs mean a lot to me. I hope he is at peace wherever he is.
Goosebumbs all ovee my body...ugh..everytime that I hear this song i cry so bad
When I woke up one morning, I didn't know why this was playing in my head. I hope it isn't insensitive of me to say this, but this sounds strangely calming, and the fact that it is is scary.
i remember learning about powapowa-p's death soon after i first discovered his songs, many years ago. in all this time, i've been too afraid to listen to this song, so i never did. now that i am, i can only think one thing: that even though the rushed sound of the song matches the horror in my heart that these were his last words, the song is still a good song. the melody, the rhythm, the sound. it's rushed and pieced together but i can still tell he's there in this song. if one thing, i just wish he could know he was a good musician.
Another year without you...
Wish you were still here.
I hope you're happy wherever you are now...
At 3:19 the lyrics “The first circle is the last circle”, knowing that ‘circle’ means “to be right”, you can interpret that the first and last thing he ‘got it right’ in his life was committing suicide and the lyrics at 3:27 “If you look at my exam, I have 0 points” means that, by his eyes, in his exam(life) he never got anything right, meaning that even suicide wasn’t the right thing to do.
When I was focusing in the lyrics I felt like Shiina was trying to speak to me with how he lived his life and what he's been through. ..and when that piano note hit at the end I felt shudders .. he's like saying "I can't take this anymore." ..and I cried.
TikTok好きな人たちがまだこの曲を見つけていないのが嬉しいです。
google translate ahh mf
Why u using google translate to Type in Japanese 😂😂😂 weird behaviour
happy birthday siinamota
we miss you
To this day the ending sends a shiver down my spine. Rest in peace. Probably one of the best producers I've heard.
came back to this song 4 years later. still reigns true.
this is my perspective on this tragic song,
I'm going to delve into one of the main reasons why I believe Shiina Mota was depressed. possibly the main reason
(the search for meaning: spoiler):
[this is gonna be long, and deep.. so I would recommend you only read it if you have time and interest in Art.]
in the first half of the song It seems he is admiring his own bizarrely progressive art..
and that is how many many of his songs feel to me; what I mean is I'm almost certain that a main theme of his work is the act of observing creation itself,
and I'm just gonna put this out there:
the process of creation, especially to someone depressed, can be extremely alluring but also strange and fucked. .let me elaborate
there is an unavoidable distance that any artist will experience when viewing his completed artwork.
I would liken it to looking at a picture of yourself a couple months ago,
knowing that at the time the picture was taken you were experiencing things that are very distant from your current experience.
sometimes it feels bizarre, sometimes nostalgic, but often.. you don't feel anything.
it's like you are not the person in that picture..
Powa simply stands at the beginning and ending of this song, and it's all one big circle.
I presume he felt like his life itself was one big circle, (one distant picture..) and viewed it as meaningless. as Zero.
..
I'm finding it really hard to not relate, rather impossible really as I am an artist myself. I see the Red in his pen as his own blood.
maybe I should call it Inspiration.. no one can be constantly inspired. all pens run out someday.
(although they can be refilled)
He comments writing with the Red Pen on top of this uncertain world,
and that must mean that through his art he is giving some meaning to life and 'correcting' it.. But, he is ultimately not able to become his own art.
Art might be like pure meaning, but humans are the artists and also survivors, bound to be unsatisfied so as to continue living and seeking meaning..
basically, time flows. things change. we can not always be pure beings, lost in the experience of life. we can not always be children.
I really didn't like this song when I first heard it.. I was scared to see the meaning behind Powa's words
he was a true expert at conveying a lot with only a few abstract words, and that's why the ending of this song felt dry and ugly to me.
I read it as "Life is Meaningless.", when it probably meant, "My life was meaningless." and that's just sad as fuck
..:'(
if there's something you can take away from this messy comment, it's
1. Powa was obviously intrigued by the process of creation, but
2. he felt a natural disassociation between himself and his creations, and it must have bothered him because
3. his songs were like red ink and using them he tried to correct the world and give meaning to it
unfortunately at the very end of this song he seems to have failed, but maybe 'healthy end' paints a different picture..
this is a kind of old comment, but really beautiful words, thanks for this
シイナモタさんの魂が安らかに眠り、思い出が永遠に記憶されますように
Remind me of this song please
Ok
Wake up brother, you better get onto this masterpiece soon.
I held off from listening to this song for months, even though I saw the upload of it right away, because I knew I'd be sad as hell when I did listen to it. Here I am, several months later, and sad as all hell. The song ends so suddenly, like it was forcibly cut off by someone. Maybe that's comparable to a life being cut off. I don't know, but I do know I'm going to be really solemn for the rest of the day. Thank you, Powapowa-P, for all you've done.
I know that you came to this song because it may sound catchy or depressed. Whatever the reason is, remember I am a stranger that believes in your dreams and abilities. For some, dying is for the weak, but for some it is a final display of their strength. However, if you chose to live, I hope you find your resolve. RIP siinamota
for people who doesnt understand the meaning of this song: in Japan it is a curse if you write someone's name in red they will "die" and the girl wants to suicide in this vid
It was powapowa last song before he died so it was him saying he didn’t want to live not the girl the girl is just a volacoid
the creator of this song presumably committed suicide- as his songs were all vents. The girl here (Hatsune mIku) is vocaloid.
This is such a surreal feeling, listening to a song where the creator knew they would die. The end is so jarring, similar to sudden suicide. Rest In Peace.
It's been 9 years and the truth is that your songs are a success and I like them a lot. I hope you are happy with the decision you made and greetings wherever you are.
I can't believe one of my favorite Vocaloid producers passed away... I remember the very first song I heard is "Astronauts". Every time I hear that song makes me want to cry.. I imagine him that he's the one singing... When I heard this last song he wrote, I can't help it but to cry. Thank you Powapowa-P for the beautiful songs you shared with us and I'm heartbroken that you're gone so early. May you rest in peace and your songs will live eternally. We love you.
Rip Powa. Thank you for all the music and memories you created in your short time on this planet. Rest easy.
PowapowaP succeded in life, HE BEAUTIFIED THE WORLD BY LEAVING THIS BEAUTY BEHIND (amongst many other)
LOVE YOU MIKU FOR GIVING HIM THE POSSIBILITY
Gandeloft He failed in life. He got zero. I'm sorry.
@@anangunggulbimantara742 that's what HE thinks.
@@UA-camIsBad962but he never fails to make us love his songs.
@@Fisher_Koi Exactly
He was comparing himself to someone. There is another persona on the lyrics. "I could become like you, no matter what, id be happy right?"
And in the lyrics, he was pertaining on how his test paper (life) was full of red marks.
See how his last lyrics ended? 0. He thought he was useless and eventually succumbed to depression
HALF AN HOUR BEFORE HIS DEATH??
*FUCKING
HALF AN HOUR BEFORE HIS DEATH??*
MAN I CAN'T *COMPREHEND* SOMEONE BEING A FAN OF POWAPOWA-P BACK THEN AND GOING LIKE
"oh a new song, cool!"
I-
okay guys i'm legit crying
ahaha that was me.. I'm still not over it
@@thorn6032 OH SHIT DUDE IM SO SORRY
Fr same....
but please give me a red pen not last song of siinamota ( healthy end ) is last song
@@FIREND728 healthy end was finished by HIS FRIENDS, they are referring to Siinamota's last song, not his friend's last song.
"the first circle is the last circle" the only circle is the 0 he got, he gave up without trying because he was too scared... I'll miss you, powa.
I'm adding a comment so I will be reminded about this song when somebody likes it
3:30 That's *deep* to be honest.😮
I got into vocaloid with this artist, it was shortly after their death. I was mentally in a bad place at the time and I could kinda relate to the songs so much. Coming back now after years and listening to this, it still triggers me in a way. But now I know that they could be in a better place today if they only had realized that they are NOT worthless 😞 I am sure Shiinamota could have become a great Vocaloid artist, just like PinocchioP and others.
Sorry for being 1-2 years later, but I want to say that the last sentence hurts more when you realize that PinocchioP was also friends with siinamota. Hell im pretty sure they even made several remixes of each others' songs. They really could have been great vocaloid artists together
He should be 25 now.
happy new year, siinamota
Rest in peace, his work was truly amazing.
May PowaPowap be at peace in a world he feels like he belongs. I'm deeply saddened. Thank you for the amazing music you'll never be forgotten x
Still hurts to listen to. RIP Siinamota, everyone is showing the respect you deserved on the young girl a upload from your record label. Wish I knew what you were going through when I found your music and gave you support. Rest easy
I discovered siinamota’s work along with the recent trend, and learned what happened from a reply you gave to someone in the young girl a track. Depressing stuff, but thank you for preserving his story for people like me nonetheless 🙏 . Very shameful that most people on tiktok couldn’t share the same respect.
@@cookiekillers3431 Thank you for understanding and reading my replies. It means a lot
Im so sad abt the notice i know siinamota from 1 year Im sorry for what he passed in his life and i leave this commenti for anitime ill come here to hear it another time
Ty for all your work powapowa-P
No one will forget u❤
I just learned they died on my birthday date it hurts even more now
i remember that i ve read somewhere that Powa said about the wonderful world after death. i hope he reached it, Rest in Peace Shiina-san, you were the best composer for me
In honour of suicide prevention month, im gonna listen to this masterpiece again. May his soul rest in peace
fun fact: Everyone in the niconico comments of this song said "100%" in response to siinamota saying "0 points"
song is so oddly calm until the ending where it sounds like someone made a mistake and gave up on it. That's sad now that I think about it
well i was too late. I remember years back, I actually did played one of his songs, Sky Fish but I didn't know he was the producer. I literally played it everyday, that's how much I loved it. Coming back now, I was so stunned, that I've actually heard his song, before he was gone.