the "all my friends left me" one. theres another, more valid reason for it i have seen a fair few times first hand. they are a victim of narcissistic abuse. people who are victims of narcissistic abuse sometimes have a hard time forming proper attachments, and feel like everyone is abandoning them.
I would also like to add that some people are just to lazy to hangout with some of their friends or they end up having to many and can't keep up, so they eventually stop seeing them. Its not always for selfish evil reasons, That's why I would give it a 6/10
As much as I love the fandom and how wonderful most of it is. It’s still important to remember that there are some really scary and dangerous people out there. Just like with every fandom it is important to be careful with who you hang out with.
Uhhh, I don't know about it being just another fandom. I don't think you're getting hit up by dog sexing, pushy gay dudes over in the Knitting Doilies fandom.
As someone who's on the autism spectrum, this video will hopefully come in handy. Social cues in general can be much more difficult to pick up on for me, and I would be likely to dismiss a red flag even if I think I pick up on it. So having a video like this where they're listed and explained can help to be more decisive when these situations come up.
Autist here, had to deal with relationships that combined a lot of these redflags, honestly the worst experiences I've had on the internet. At least I gained experience from it, and try to avoid these situations (and people) whenever it's possible, I've been feeling healthier than ever once I started avoiding those kind of people. Take care brother, and if you find yourself in a situation like that, be strong, don't let people use you to their benefit, good luck out there brother ^_^
One more thing that I’d like to add to your really well thought out list. When people turn everything into a competition. I have legitimately heard arguments over “who is more of a lesbian” and “who likes to build computers more.” You can never have a genuine conversation with this kind of person. They will always find a way to make you feel like you don’t actually like the same thing they do because they somehow have to like it more. It’s also a really good gateway for them to brag about everything that they’ve done, which isn’t always a red flag. It’s just part of narcissistic behavior that is often seen when people have to turn everything into a competition. 8/10 - sometimes it’s really fun to have cute banter with your friends, however, for someone who constantly has to make themselves feel better by making you feel like you’re not good enough is not cute.
I need power!!!! No, joking. For me i always mess arround with that but i don't actually care for power, i care to make people happy and just have the laugh and giggles, vrchat is there to have fun with friends
I do agree... I am that person... I always want more power and then someone else who has more I try to get close to them or get jealous... Maybe it's Time I start bettering my self 😅😅😅
Indeed. There's a gun tuber in Texas that has decided to run for Congress because he hates the representative in his district but only wants to do one term. We need politicians that don't want the job.
Honestly this is the internet in a nutshell. Not just furries. I have seen it all over because people generally have the same hangups regardless of identity, gender, or race.
@@mattwolf7698 predates history even, its just fact, mammals find attraction to other mammals and sometimes that jumps species, not just in humans mind. Its annoying that the subject has been so taboo since the past few centuries, so many interesting things could be learned about evolution and the psychology of both man and animal if studies could get the funding,. Science is so damn fascinating
I didn't hear any flags that I find weird or contradicting so 10/10 on those, and I appreciate that you add a "your mileage may vary" kind of disclaimer to it. The one thing I would do differently next time is involving mental diagnosis. You talk about a video you made on compassion - I'm probably going to check that one out after this one - and here you say that there is a certain irony in making this video after that one. I would disagree. Setting boundaries, and figuring out ways to tell which people might be more harmful then helpful is compassionate. Its just being compassionate towards yourself (and us as viewers) rather than the person showing the behavior. Compassion isn't unconditional acceptance of whatever behavior is being thrown your way - regardless of the impact it has on you. You can set boundaries and share signs that might point towards problematic behavior, and be compassionate to those who recognize themselves in your red flags. This isn't done by removing their accountability for their behavior, but by treating them as human beings, and avoid making assumptions and judgement. Calling someone a narcissist is a judgement, and - unless you are a qualified psychotherapist - a judgement I don't expect you are qualified to make. I understand the inclination (I've done it myself) but think about it - we typically use diagnosis as a way to justify our wish to not be involved with someone. But in reality, any reason you can think of is reason enough if you _feel like its reason enough_ . There is no objective bar you need to pass - you get to decide your own boundaries. So assigning certain flags to narcissism doesn't really add much for your video, while it does (potentially) stigmatize people who might have shown the behavior you mention here. As you said yourself: context and frequency matters. So why run the risk of making someone feel like they might be a narcissist because they displayed one of your red flag? And aren't narcissist people too? How compassionate is it to reduce them to their diagnosis? The concern I have with this is that I've seen diagnosis of all sorts be weaponized against people. Once labeled as , they are essentially shunned and other-ed to the extend where recovery / re-integration into social settings become extremely difficult, because their illness is all that people need to know about them to avoid them. And if communities start to diagnose others for them... Things get messy really fast. Again: content wise I think you are spot on. I just think it would be better to say something like "these flags can be a sign that someone will take considerable emotional effort and require strict maintenance of your personal boundaries in order to keep the relation healthy. Whether the relation is worth that energy is yours to decide". This is basically what you are already saying, minus the reference to a mental illness. Long reply, I know. Don't let it discourage you though - it's clear to me that you have the right intentions and are seeking to be a constructive voice on this platform, and don't let my criticism imply you are failing at achieving your goals. I think a lot of people will feel validated and seen regardless. Best of luck!
Great video, Vox. Really nails down the types of people others should avoid. I also have some additional red flags of my own that you might agree with: 1) Chatterboxes. I've come across lots of people in Discord & VRChat who filibuster (never stop talking) and thus don't allow for any break in the conversation. They might take this a step further by bloating their speech with "word salad", taking an eternity to reach a point, repeating themselves more than three times, never allowing the topic to change, or sometimes changing the topic too frequently. These people may also suddenly start talking about uncomfortable or "Thanks, Captain Obvious"-type topics without any logical context leading up to it. From what I understand, the most likely reasons people filibuster is because they feel like they HAVE to speak, they are not interested in other topics or anything else people have to say, or they just don't know how to socialize. Regardless, it's extremely annoying & it makes them difficult to have a conversation with. At least a 6/10. 2) Pathological sloths. Sloth is the state of inaction--the decision to not do something when you could, especially when doing something leads to a positive outcome. Slothful people are usually in a bad situation and aware of it, but they refuse to do anything to improve the situation, usually due to fear of change or inconveniences. They have no perseverance, convincing themselves that they are doomed to be in a bad state and that any attempts to improve it are futile, viewing challenge & responsibility as something to avoid instead of something to conquer. They never pull their head out of their ass long enough to realize that their failure to act is the reason their problems exist and/or worsen. They may also exaggerate the severity of inconveniences as something more serious because they're too pathetic & infantile to understand what real work is (i.e., like a spoiled brat thinking the daily task of moving heavy boxes at FedEx is "worker abuse"). Worst of all, sloths make excuses for everything; they never take ownership of their actions, will conjure every reason they can find to not do something, and use it as an excuse to not change, even if their sloth is negatively impacting others. Unfortunately, because sloths have this mentality of avoiding challenge/responsibility, when you call them out on their sloth, they won't budge and will instead attack you for having higher standards than them. Sloth usually cannot be cured without dragging their victims kicking & screaming, and even then sometimes that doesn't work because sloths are ultimately the only people that can change themselves--not you. At that point, entering the brink of natural consequences is the only potential eye-opener for them. Sloths are the worst kind of friend (and the worst kind of employee if you're a business owner) because they have no willingness to self-improve. They will not try anything, especially if it is different, and regardless if their inaction slowly kills them. They just give up. This is a 10/10 red flag for me. 3) Emotional time bombs. Ever had that one thin-skinned friend that overreacts to everything, has a short temper, suddenly becomes dramatic, or otherwise has no control over his/her emotions? That's this kind of person. If someone is not able to control their emotions, they cannot think logically nor control their impulses. These types of people are extremely unpredictable, borderline dangerous, may come off as "toxic", and really not comfortable to be around. Lack of emotional control is usually caused by immaturity or poor discipline, both of which carry with themselves other negative traits. Women are also more susceptible to this due to their natural body chemistry, neural structure, and the effects of menstruation. Regardless, these hyperemotional behaviors CAN be trained out, but the severity of the consequences makes this red flag a 9/10. 4) Sheldon Coopers. This type is named after Sheldon Cooper from the TV show "The Big Bang Theory". Much like the character, this person is very dense, humorless, and void of empathy. These people cannot easily understand anything said to them and may often get a completely wrong message, especially if the message contains sarcasm or figurative language. These people may also have difficulty with critical thinking and thus recognizing irony & hypocrisy. They may be "book-smart", but overall common sense skills are lacking, making them very hard to instruct. Autistics disproportionately start out as this type of person (I would know having an ASD I've since overcome), but anyone with a poor sense of humor, poor sense of etiquette, and slow learning ability can be a "Sheldon Cooper". This is not an easy pattern of behavior to get rid of, so it's an 7/10.
I really wished I found this video last year when I started coming out of my shell and getting to know people in this fandom. One of the worst times of my life because I was both dealing with a narcissist and someone who only saw me as a sex object (and used me as one). It was one of my first relationships and that was unfortunately the way it had to go ): Still healing, but IM stronger than ever. Stay safe out there ya'll.
I had a friend from a different platform who always labeled herself as the victim. It became very evident as it began to happen very frequently with different people 😅
I'm glad I watched this it kind of hurts to know that because of my mental disorder I tend to do some of these things subconsciously But it is good to know these things so I can pay attention to them myself and try to control it
With the name change thing, there is one exception: Themed names that keep the main name as part of them. For example: I once changed my name for one month from FerretChan to ChaboduoFerretChan - it was part of a bit I was doing in an online game, and merely to make my mates laugh. I also know a few gamers who change their suffix, like one who goes by (Character Name): Lord of the ____________ and changes the last word every month to something new and amusing, like Lord of the Cringe. He still keeps his main name, only slightly varying it, so we always know exactly who it is. Name changes like this are not meant to hide or deceive, so can be considered normal. But yeah, if it's a HUGE change that doesn't even associate? Absolute red flag there. Or if they hide previous names. That's another big clue. Previous names should all basically be consistent.
This is a very good compilation of things to look out for in social settings. Only thing i had a bit of an issue with is how it's very focused (not solely but you get the point i guess) on narcissism when that isn't the only thing making people toxic or having such behaviour. Often people are just shitty and bad people without being narcissists and i always think thats important to keep in mind instead of putting diagnoses onto people. Often people are just toxic without a diagnosis to explain their behaviour. Regardless of that i really enjoyed the video, i loved the many different characters featured lol. Hope you all have a nice time in the future
Wtf a bit unrelated but I've met the artist of your pfp on tower unite like 4-5 years ago. Was kinda shitty to them cuz I was in furdenial (lol) and I still regret it ;_;
Honestly need to be spread out more. Like I know its specifically leans to one side or another when being broad about certain groups, but by god it should be taken to consideration overall when online in a public space. -One, as many of you know, people with disabilities would do some of these red flags unintentionally and they cannot help it. As for me who generally just "plays nice" when interacting with someone in a public space (I know it sounds bad from how i am putting it), best to sometimes go along with the flow of things and adapt to it. If they are actually not that bad, cool! If not, oh well. -two, the super creeps should be outed, reported and blocked. Playing their game will just mess you over in the long run. -three, people who oversell themselves as being "super nice" in person and/or in their bio, are honestly aren't in most cases. People who oversell themselves as "Super edgy" in person and/or in their bio, have their personality revolve around it half the time. -four, those who do public degeneracy constantly thinking that its funny, as well as those who has a constant degenerate mindset and are not afraid to talk, joke, and do constantly in a public space need to be avoided. They make dull conversationalists most of the time. Take with a grain of salt. I Seen and heard some things in this game that make me question on how the hell some of these people function in their day to day life. Stay safe yall
Although I have done minimal research online about narcissism and the tendencies that come along with it, I know that I have some of these traits you've described. It's hard to break out of these tendencies when you've been doing them for so long, but I am still trying to leave that part of me behind. I don't think it's your responsibility to help me further than you already have, but if you have any advice to give about getting rid of narcissistic behavior, I'd be very grateful. Thank you VoxDraco
I recommend that you look into the concept of the shadow by carl jung. Its not about rejecting or burying these traits that you find undesirable, but incorporating them into who you are in a positive manner (not the same thing as embrassing your narvissistic tendencies)
Friend of mine does the cloutchasing thing. I don't think they're even aware that they're doing it, but they mention "Oh I'm friends with this big artist within this specific subcommunity" Yeah, You're friends with all of them apparently. And the steering the conversation to themselves, I think I do that and I do my damnest to notice it when I am and limit it. My reasoning is I want to be able to relate to the topic. But I'm also aware it's not exactly... good.
I'm discovering that what I saw on Discord and Telegram is the exact same on VRC (yeah, I don't go in public instant, mostly play alone in private instance)
Your critical thinking is impressive. We're not perfect, none of us are. All we can do is try our best. I have two best friends since childhood and we know each other's flaws and accept them. Humans can be great people. Hopefully you have good friends and family or soon to come. I'm not part of the Furry community but the inspiration for art and psychology is interesting. To see the same red flags is informative. Keep on trucking.
I dont tend to watch furry content because of the stigma around oh no furry content is all sunshine and rainbows with a ton of unnecessary drama but this vid has broken that stereotype for me thank you you just earned a well deserved sub
How does a new fur start mingling with others on VRchat within their same age group? Just got into the fandom and thinking about joining up on VR chat to make some friends.
there's really no easy way without putting in some legwork. There's plenty of public instances, with a huge age range in the population. Just vibe for long enough, and you're bound to find some people in your age group.
7:08 "I dont know" is definitely more concerning than "oh you know, we where just a click in middle school and so we drifted apart in high school, still on good terms with them, just dont hang with them as often as you" type thing.
the about helping ppl hits me hard, but i never claimed to be a good person or show off that i help everybody, i only try to offer some outside the problem view and advice, and rarely will actively help a person with something but only rarely will i bring up to someone, unless the person asks like "are you a good person" i always say "i just mind my business but some ppl say i am good person" i try as much as possible to not sound narcisistic
ngl- i still struggle with the whole 'steering the conversation' thing- ...i srsly have this bad habit of infodumping- when i get ideas on what to say i just have to say it right then and there- i am trying to work on it though, its just a bit tricky to force myself to just SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND XD
You are so on point with so much of this, it's so often you see people throwing around these terms and just talking out their butt and being totally wrong on it. I was coming into this video and thinking, "meh it'll be entertaining at least" but wow blown away, you've either studied this or you've had some real rough experiences you've had to learn from, with your epilogue it sounds like the latter. Hopefully this video will protect people from whatever you've been through in the past, so in some small way something positive will have come of your experiences.
the tittle and thumbnail made it sound like your just gonna take a shish on furries but nah its the opesit. rly helpfull. never realized that i need to watch out for red flags in vrchat. 1 question trough. you say to stay away from these that only hang out whit kids. isint that what they want to reach their goals they have whit them uninterupted? im confused
I do meet ups every Friday , sadly when iv had friends + I have seen some people who are fall into some of the red flags , most time myself and main group we won't engage with them or just move on another world and change I back to friends only. Great video Vox, I'm looking forward to what you make next :-)
another red flag i had problems with a few times is, you have Autism(or something else) and there is this one person who was going to school with a person with Autism or anything else and they think they are Trained professionals from now on. that might be good or okay at first because they dont judge you as fast as others but SOME of those people tend to ignore your decisions or opinions after a while
Just starting to get into the fandom and saw this video. Started watching to help figure out what to watch out for. Ended up realizing the that I have done some of these narcissistic traits myself a few times over the years. Might be something to bring up to the therapist later. Thank you!
I especially loved the closing thoughts. Thank you for making this video. I really like your wisdom about that, it is better to arm people with knowledge ad let them see for themselves.
Hey vox, great video you did well to release it! I agree with you on almost all the red flags, and I thank you for citing some that I didn't know ! i hope see you soon buddy.
Ayo! This was the first video the algorithm served up to me, Vox. Good work, slammin' that like and sub button ba-BOW! Anyway...As a married-fur in my mid-30s with too much time in VRChat, I prefer to argue VRC is a social platform more than a 'game' - but I've seen quite a many of these things. It's still worth the risk/trouble for some of the real friends you'll have years later. :P I'm glad you've made such a concise and well informed vid on this subject!
I will say the zeta symbol isn't only furry, non furries are also zoophile and it isn't a fandom specific issue, I would say most Greek symbols are a red flag and are often symbols for different immoral paraphilias, also anyone who says they're an omniphile stay away, it's in fact not a fun way of saying pansexual and is in fact a term that means that nothing is off the table including zoophilia and pedophilia. As well as anyone that has map in their bio, it's just a fancy word for pedophile, stay safe.
I was one of those annoying people who sought leadership positions just to be in power over others. Real loser stuff. I was an asshole. Finally got a position i thought i wanted with the power i wanted. Turns out i hate it. I hated being responsible for other people. I hated being a fireteam leader. So thought I wanted my own soldiers to command, and in the end i couldnt wait to get transferred where i was back to being a grenadier.
Funny enough. I only stumbled onto this video thinking it was something random to watch out for in Vrchat specific for furries. But it pointed out some nature's of Narcissistic behaviors That I do have. And I don't have Vr chat by any means. So it helped out for me to see more to where I have been steering wrong from past and probably still current behaviors. I DO thank you very much to pointing some things out. No one ever told me that What I say is in any means narcissist. I really wanna fix what ever fuck shit I had done.
I know that I am certainly off-topic and I apologize for that, but could we talk about fur who rejects those who speak not the same as eu, I can take as an example me who speaks French (Canadian ) and which makes me hugely ignored or rejected due to the fact that I speak English with great difficulty and I make an effort to try to make myself understood. yes some take the time to try to understand but others reject me and literally ban or exclude me from VR maps. It breaks my heart to see so much rejection just because of a different language that I speak... After a while I was certainly coming across only bad people too but hey that doesn't matter the rest of the off topic. I apologize again even if I doubt anyone will read my message. >-
I have never been able to play vrchat, but I will keep this in mind if I can play it on my PC, even so, I have met people like this in places like steam and discord, and I think that I could very well have the red flag at minute 17:55, When you don't leave your house much or have experienced everything that other people have experienced, do you try to compare something in your life with something about those people to try to fit in? or compare your personal problems with someone else and try to understand based on the only thing you have experience, that is, yourself, I am aware that it can be rude and even annoying sometimes, but it is difficult sometimes to realize and say to myself "you know, "I better keep quiet, I don't know what they're talking about, I better just listen."
Informative video. I might want some advice though. I’ve had conversations before where things get deep, and it does get to the point where not laying out my intention of being a shoulder to lean on and someone to help out when theres an issue, is hard. I don’t have popular opinions that other furries hold, and I’m always careful about approaching giving advice to someone I genuinely want to give constructively, but given too soon, too early, or without an honestly established relationship where there is without a doubt, no question of intent, its received as cold and non-affirmative. How does someone approach tough topics when the time is right, without either walking on eggshells, or saying things they don’t actually believe? Also, how do I receive advice along the lines of this, without feeling a little bit gaslit myself, or if there is genuine concern of *being* gaslit, how do I approach that? Because I would have to admit, *some* of these points do feel a bit like a gaslight when presented from the wrong hands, *especially* when someone receiving is the kind of Furry that doesn’t think like everybody else. The conclusion was important. Its risky to come into an environment wanting to improve by having to start out saying I’ve experienced being red-flagged. In this drama filled community, people looking for honesty and improvement are regularly disappointed, and it can lead to some real nihilism.
Approx. 10% of VRC , and the fandom are old furries . Most of those created the fandom that everyone else act as if it is just their .group . People should interact between all ages . All communities throughout history had social interactions with people young & old . Question those that would separate everyone .
4:25 i have an ex in vrc that is like this. I allowed them to friend me in vrc and i wanted to know how they would act like towards me. They acted exactly like this to me even tho i already i had a partner. it was so fuckin annoying.. later on in dms he called me a few racial slurs because he was a desperate loser and unfriended me lol i kept them unfriended because they arent worth my time. But i do get notifis from him ever once in awhile i just ignore them
Thank you you should also make sure not to join any group that supports illegal activities including child abuse and sexual abuse for views on UA-cam or other platforms and if you see illegal behavior leave and get away it's not worth your life
what about the kind of fur that constantly harass others making false accusations that others are zoophiles because they have a feral or taur vrchat avatar,i got called a dog f-er because of my nardotaur and he lied to the mods to kick me,then someone went to make false zoo accusations on ferzu and twitter soon after i got kicked,telling my username on ferzu.
That Stinks! I Absolutely HATE How those stupid, disgusting “Zoos” had to Ruin feral and taur fursonas! I think taurs look really cool, and feral characters are completely ok as long as you DON’T Draw NSFW stuff Of them. I recently discovered that Paw Print designs on fursonas are now considered a huge no, no. Because a LOT of furries have been wrongly accused of being “Zoos” because paw print markings on the body are now considered “Zoo” symbols. Witch SUCKS Because Paw Print designs are supposed to be innocent and cute! 😭
Have to say the zoophile one is the biggest thing i get slammed with despite not being a part of that. People seem to think furries are ALL zoophiles because of people like that and I've legit been told i should be shot like a wild animal. Common?
This is a fantastic video and I think it should be shown in high schools. Yes really. If this had come out in 2007 I'd have way less trauma, and I'd also have not done some shitty things
Not that I am a pedo or anything, but I don’t see the issue with someone 18+ hanging out with people who are 14+. They might of just been talking about 13- so if so just ignore this. I mean if they are hanging out in a group of 13-15 year olds frequently and they are 30, that is weird. But I do not see the issue with people 18-25 hanging out in friend groups of people 14-18. Although I am autistic, my entire life is built off of experiences. I used to think a lot of things were fine when they were weird, so this may just be one of them.
People would take what I said out of context and take offense to it and then I'll spread rumors about me and that's how I lose a majority of my friends they never bothered to go through me for clarification or tell me that something's bothering them they just make assumptions about me and spread rumors behind my back I wonder if I talk to him directly about it
Back when I could, I used to send money to people either when they needed it, it was a commission, or just because. And I'm not talking small amounts, something like $50-$200. I'm not entirely sure why I did that Is this a red flag?
i do this at 5:52, except im not trying to hide anything or deny its me sometimes its names from 10 years ago from when i was maybe 11 or 8, and i dont want people looking through child photos of me or stuff i done when i was younger but i do understand this, cause it can mean (for some people) they're hiding something or trying to avoid something
Holy shit, I have dealt with a good few of these. I've had to clarify my boundaries in my VRC bio cuz of weirdos trying to touch me weird just because I have a "submissive looking" furry avatar. I think my most recent case left me not playing nearly as much or in as many public worlds. He was sort of a combo of "age doesn't matter (tho I was 18, it was only recently and I stated such)" and a "Violation of Boundaries" person, because I told them multiple times that I don't really want them talking to me in this weird dominant manner. I was basically just intimidated and scared by their advances and I would tell them to stop and they would... for maybe a minute or so. I was unsure of how to get out of it because they were a nice person to me and I was in an emotionally vulnerable spot in my life. They just treated it all like I was a cute little squirmy sub to them when really I was, in a way, being taken advantage of for my willingness to hang around anyone who would give me any sort of attention in my moment of weakness, regardless of if they were making sexual comments about my avatar, voice, and how they wanted to strip me down, while touching my avatar all over in not super great ways. I was scared but I did eventually pull myself out of it and stop talking to them. Worst and most violating experience I've ever had. People who say "It's just VRC, what could even happen?" are an instant block from me, because it doesn't have to happen in person for you to be groomed, harassed, violated, or r*ped. Stay fucking safe and block em if you're uncomfortable!! Super serious. If you have any irl friends, maybe you can do a buddy system in vr or something, that's basically what I do now. I'm kind of terrified of going anywhere publicly in vrc anymore without at least being in call with somebody so that they can keep me grounded and safe. Also what's the avatar of the avatar of the "Controlling Perception" weirdo? I've seen it around but have never been able to ask anyone who might know.
Even the dark joke they used to broke up with me (Every time I meet someone the first time I say I don't understand any jokes) they still used a dark joke just to get ridoff me. they also changed theyr name and stuff about them mostly every 3 weeks sometimes monthly
not gonna lie, i do feel called out by some of that... yes im a supportive person... when the vibe fits and my friends have probs or anything i do help or at least talk a lot and just am there for them. im not just saying it now its just what i do. and its just a thing that makes me happy. but i dont want to be famous for being supportive or be something special for it. but does that mean i should just lie about it? like "i have no friends im just doing my own thing i got some people i vibe with nothing special"? one of my friends literally told me yesterday i might be one of the best persons ever cus she saw how i talked to someone. its not even me saying it. its not rlly fair to now see me called out like that for just admitting what they tell me. sure there are people that just want the reputation for being so supportive so wholesome for being a mental support floof. but not everyone talking about being supportive has to be one of these. that just hurts hearing. another thing i feel one of my friends called out rn: about age - ofc it sucks lying aboutt that. i met one person in my life that said its like 2 years away from my age when we met. we had an amazing vibe and we are just really close. at one point i found out that this person actually lied about their age and they are actually 4 years away from my age. they just were scared i would not like them anymore if they were 4 years seperated from me. thats absolutely not the case, i like the person for who they are and not for how old they are. not in a weird way. but in this given situation i totally understand why someone would lie about their age and the friend also planned on telling me about it soon enough, i just happened to find out earlier cus of some other unexpected events going on. as long as they can talk about it and its not too far away from what they said, i think its totally ok. from that point it just depends on the individual mind if they are still trustworthy for someone or not. and my friend here for sure is to me. that also felt a bit unfair to em. i totally get your point, but it feels like you are overall judging everything thats just getting close to these things, there can be some exceptions. not for all things ofc, adults talking to children in a weird way or something for example isnt ok thats for sure. "loving" animals same thing. but some of these feel unfair and way to generalized.
I have similar situation on 8:08 from someone on instragram. Long story short, I posted a story through group stories thing (don’t remember what it was but whatever) guy messaged me through it. Starting off casual then got mid weird when he mentioned about giving me money if I need it, wanting to be with me all the love bs. He tries to gaslighting me by saying I don’t care about him which I don’t know him at all! I blocked him, figured things will go weird to drama and I be the blame. So glad this video came across to me!
4:00 yes age matters but I mainly hang out with younger audiences because I like to teach them how games work and how to do things better and I’m called a red flag for that?
that red flag about friend groups leaving kind of hits home. I'm not a very social person, but I do crave interaction, and usually have ONE friend in a group that I just kind of tag along with, and slowly branch out from there in their friend groups, trying to make friends. Well, if something happens to that friend, the "Anchor", then as far as my busted brain is concerned, I no longer have any reasonable way to approach the other friends. This isn't a "Woop guess im not friends with these guys anymore" it's the overbearing social anxiety that I am now left alone with people that are still strangers to me, even if they are friendly they haven't become close enough for me to completely trust. This actually happened... semi-recently, as my best friend in VRC has just... disappeared. I managed to stay in contact with a handful of the people they introduced me too, unfortunately the only reason I was able to do so is that we were all trying to investigate and figure out what happened to That friend, but nobody has found anything in 10 months. This doesn't sound nice, however I hope they just.... did something dumb and got tossed in jail for a while, because the alternative thought has kept me from sleeping for 3-5 days at a time periodically. It has had such a profound impact on me that i've actually been afraid to get too close to people in VRC, because i'm afraid it might happen again (Which I know is silly, I'm just a bit insecure to put it.... very nicely)
I have a nasty habit of disappearing when not interacted with enough mostly due to how easily I can get distracted with any number of things, because of my lack of interaction with others (despite me enjoying it a lot) and my own mental disability I am not good with reading others, I often get stuck on a specific subject in a conversation even though everyone else has moved on, I repeat things that I have said over and over, etc... and I tend to think negative thoughts of what if I did something wrong it must be all my fault and they hate me. what really sucks about it all is that even though I know about it and tell myself that I'll do better, I often don't actually do what I said I'll do. so when I see a youtuber or content creator that I like I get the desire to become their friend and ultimately fail or realize that I can't since they are popular and probably have plenty of people trying that already. when I get a complement I can't get enough of it, I always want more and feel great when I do. Idk why since I'm not in a bad position in life (I'm even on the road to getting a job although a lil late at the age 22 ik its sad) my family care about me and treat me nicely but for some reason I just want more praise I don't understand. Maybe its my negative thoughts wearing me down or something and I need others to help me against it or something idk. Anyway I have been ranting on long enough I hope you all have a nice day.
@@davidmccall4024 I totally get that, and I feel like all I do is squirm my way around to getting compliments from people because I don't know how to navigate asking for them outright. I feel like I'm manipulating them, and it doesn't help that my status as both the gifted kid and the disabled/weird kid growing up has kinda made me only think of myself. I feel terrible about this, and sometimes it gets so bad that I get desperate to find some way to make a big sacrifice that helps someone else and hurts me. But stupid self-preservation won't let me :(
I had an entire friend groups disappear and been in that situation where it seems like I'm the victim. Turns out, I actually was an a-hole. I've tried to do my best to change.
I'm sorry...... I..... ummmm...... am...... uhhhh.... really.... really sorry... I..... don't know what to say....😢 I hope this is NOT the case but... ummm was that said friend umm... at any point of locations where tragic events took place recently... oh god I hope their alright
About the boundaries thing, I am uncomfortable with people I do not know being sexual towards me, or even around me. I keep that between myself, and the people I trust. Furries in VRC really seem to think it's just OK to go up to someone they just met, and say "Holly crap your avatar is hot, I'd do things to you". This isn't JUST a boundary thing, it's also just the assumption that everyone is OK with such behavior in this fandom. Another thing too, people need to be more willing to speak out when others may not be able to. More than once, I've frozen up when faced with a situation that bothers me, and people recognize that, but instead of speaking up, they just walk away. SPEAK OUT WHEN SOMEONE GOES TOO FAR DAMN IT. Edit: I also need to add that I am in the "makes conversations about themselves" category, unfortunately. It's often my way of attempting to understand others, by linking similar experiences with their own, and not malicious. I'm glad you did include it though, and were nice enough to mention that some people are just very awkward.
This is me to a T. I get very uncomfortable with people I don't know being sexual towards me no matter the context. I too struggle with being made to feel obviously uncomfortable in situation with multiple parties involved and everyone just sits back and lets it happen. This says a lot about those people though. There's a high possibility that all of these people involved think this behavior is ok. Not just that they won't speak up about it. I ALWAYS speak up about it. Asking if the person who I perceive to be the victim feel uncomfortable and silencing those who try to speak over them. Some people can be made to feel trapped. I understand completely to attempting to understand others and in hopes that me sharing my similar experiences help them to see that I can understand where they are coming from or correct me if I misunderstood. I feel it should just be part of normal conversation to connect with others but most people just see it as rude and attention hog behavior. I don't really like attention. Lots of attention makes me VERY uncomfortable. I'm pretty new to VR and just have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. It is just as difficult if not more difficult to navigate social interactions in the context of VR because many people treat it as a completely anonymous avenue for crappy behavior.
@@myrchantkobold8268 Sexual discussion has a time and place. And that time and place is not around me, period. If people can not respect my boundaries, they can go away. Myself and many others like me were subjects of abuse in the past, but I'm not going to go around telling everyone about my trauma. I am not asking for people to "act like they're in church" but you certainly wouldn't randomly talk about your dick getting sucked in a McDonald's, would you? I also don't need some random douchebag who can't take no sexualizing my avatar, which I use to help me feel comfortable in my body. Being an adult also means knowing the appropriate times for such things, and it's most certainly not appropriate around strangers.
That's because you shouldn't ever get sexual with someone if they don't reciprocate the willingness to talk about it. The very moment that you attempt to start a sexually charged conversation with someone and they don't reciprocate the energy, you stop immediately, even with an apology potentially, or it's completely inexcusable if you push any further. There's absolutely nothing that can make it right past that point. And that's just for talking about those things in general, not directing the sexualization toward that person, which is far worse. Unacceptable to do so unprompted and without building up to it organically, and that's after making clear that you aren't breaking any law. Never something that can be acceptable with a new acquaintance, let alone a stranger. That belongs specifically to places for one night stands and hook ups. And reciprocation is key. I've never understood furries's ease of dialing those things up to 11, 5 minutes after meeting you, and i'm pretty damn open minded. You just played a game with them, you add eachothers on Discord, then boom you get 50 NSFW images right off the bat. WTF? It's not gonna bother me personally, but i don't agree with it at all from a manner standpoint, under any context other than somewhere explicitely dedicated to that purpose, and even then you don't just jump into it, period.
The boundaries thing is a major issue in the furry community, especially when it comes to being openly sexual towards other people. Even outside of VRChat, furries are so commonly sending twitter dms or whatever and just opening up with immediate ERP and stuff. It's so prevalent that young kids getting involved with the fandom see older people behaving this way, and then think that this is how you act with other people, making it worse and repeating the cycle. The community needs to clean up this behavior, as it also makes it even easier for predators to exploit kids in the community, but I don't know where you'd even begin getting an entire group of people from all over the world to actively change like that.
Being friends with kids is fine, but you just have to realize that their kids You can’t treat them the same way as adults and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU BE ATTRACTED TO THEM
This. More than once too, have I stepped in and stopped people who were openly messing with kids in a very bad way. Often times too, people don't know ages of others, so they just ASSUME, and someone needs to be like "Hey uh... that person has their age in their bio, so stop that." A lot of people are just too willing to ignore that, or just don't notice such things, and then, because everyone avoids the younger people, they get hurt and exploited, rather than protected.
I think people forgot about adults and kids being friends in person too, so it’s just become “so you are friends with someone that young/old?!?! Gross!”
I see 18yr Olds being heavily against doing anything with someone even a year under them. Like being a nonce means any interaction with a minor makes you one. Which is weird because it's a game and VRC is pretty much the only game I've seen people be so adamant about not interacting with minors to the point I ask them if they have issues keeping their dick in their pants and are just protecting themselves. Because you ain't gonna play a single public game of murder or prison escape without a minor being in there.
All these red flags happen everywhere not just furry fandom or vrchat. Either way good video, arming people with info is always a good step as the harder it is to control people the less likely it will be (Just look at scams as an ensample)
Seriously, people who lie about their age are sad as hell, and especially the adults who pretend to be kids are the biggest creeps ever and probably up to something super illegal. DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THESE GUYS!!!!
We also can't forget the teens/kids that pretends to be adults... in my humble opinion its as/or even more destructive as adults pretending to be teens/kids.
kids are always going to pretend to be older than they really are for the perks that come with being older. That’s just how kids are. Adults should know better then to pretend and be a kid.
@@jasonkirbo4761 It's oftentimes easier to question them of their real age, when you hear their voice enough to tell it is not a voice of an adult. Of course however some people have convincing voice enough to assume they are adult. But then again, if unsure always ask to prove age or desist.
@@ZephyrDaCrow Who cares? You never pretend to be an adult to 'fit in' with adults, period. That can ruin an adult's life because the things you say around adults are VERY different than the things you say around kids.
i recently had my own issue with a person that was super narcissistic on NeosVR, isolating people, calling everyone a pedo just because they didnt hang with them and always playing the victim with so many victim stories. it was very hard for me to notice or break out of the situation because i am not so social and have extremely bad social anxiety and social cues but after my other friends being targeted it broke it wide open and blocked them and they also got perma banned from Neos thats how bad it got.. it was quite the social challenge for me. Ill share this video to who i can see possible isolating or controlling over them so they can also see the red flags. Thank you Vox for making this video
Was it a certain bunny fellow? Cause I recall seeing someone throwing out wild accusations like that in that echo chamber telegram server Karel had made for himself, and they even mentioned having gotten banned from Neos.
Sometimes I accidentally violate boundaries after spending too much time around people without those boundaries in my life, there's been a few instances that I've felt bad about.
I once lied about my age (I lied about being an adult) , wanting to feel included but in the end it was not worth it in any way, I ended up losing the friend I lied to just so I was included and a bunch of others. Never until then have I thought it was bad or anything, but now I regret ever doing it. Its not worth lying
my grandma, when i was a kid, once said to me: a lie is like a tiny snowball you left to rolldown a mountain, you think its insignificant at first, but down the line, it can and will cause a disaster to you and everybody involved.
Similar thing here. After being insulted for being "just some dumbass kid," I started lying about my age for a while to feel included and have equal respect. it led me to things I regret, but I still understand why younger me did it. It's overal tragic
I used to work at a summer camp, so whenever I'm in a group situation where there are multiple age groups, my first instinct is to make sure all the kids present are safe, feel included, and are having a good time. I never considered that it could come across as creepy
its harder these days to interact with children without it being potentially flagged as creepy - but there is a BIG difference between hanging out with kids being a creepy thing and being just... hanging out with some kids. You treat them AS children. You are an adult and you are taking a passive, minor but adult role in their playspace. You arent pretending to be a kid, you aren't trying to engage with them entirely on their child-like level as 'one of them' - you are more focused on keeping everyone safe and happy as they play their games, not manipulating their expectations into becoming their bestest ever friend. You are trying to make a small trust connection with them that they can tell you some things - like that another kid is being mean to them, or another adult is being a bit weird, and hopefully you are a mature enough adult to know the best way to help them in such situations. None of that is creepy. That's how ANY adult should act ANYWHERE there are children. If you walk past a playground you are, at some tiny level, directly involved with keeping all the kids there safe - by acting if something bad happens. A VRChat room is even more involved. You aren't their parents or their caregivers but as a bystander you still have some responsibility over their playspace being non-damaging to them. Skills from being a summer camp worker are perfect for such an environment. I don't think you should be considered creepy for that, so don't worry too much about it.
Exactly! I have a parent type of mindset due to my own issues growing up. I’ll do what I can to make sure that kids are safe from what I’ve experienced. Whenever parents throw a headset to a child at the age of 13 or below, I try and convince those who are under the age of TOS that it’s not safe to be on VRC, and those who are between 13-18 I try to do my best to raise them as a parental figure. Sadly though, people have tried to label me as a creep when I’m not.
summer camp isnt vrchat. you can see each other and you know who you are dealing with. and you are a caretaker, not some random person from the internet.
A person being overly supportive or caring isn't always them being narcissistic or being a narcissistic person sometimes it is the result of trauma from growing up with a narcissistic parent or legal guardian who taught them that their needs didn't matter and they only received affection when they did something to be useful and as a result grew up feeling like thier needs were secondary and that people would only like them if they proved useful as that was the only way they ever gained affection growing up, this would cause them to ignore thier own needs in order to focus on the needs of others, yes it is true that narcissistic people will act very caring and supportive in order to feed thier own egotistical natures, but usually the way you can tell the difference is by how forthcoming the person is about thier own needs and wants, the narcissistic person will gladly ask for stuff from you, while the person doing it as the result of trauma will go out of thier way to pretend like they don't have needs as they are afraid that they will be thrown away the moment they prove even the smallest inconvenience for others, a fear that is often reinforced by true narcissist who take advantage of people like that
Hey... Your compassion video reached deep down... it was touching... Before VR I had a Narcissistic friend who was my only friend for 2 years, he gas lit me a lot, made me feel sht... said the only way to improve was no ego, but to make yourself feel horrible to push yourself, make yourself seeing yourself as sht.... I confronted him about it and he just denied it, said I was lying... But.... My friends on vr helped me... it was traumatic... Coming to VR gave me a new mission... a new view on my life... I want to be a good person... I want to influence others to be better versions of themselves... I want whoever I hang with... to say "wow... that guy is trying to be someone who cares... someone who is trying to fix people... to see that they are amazing.... I want to be like him" That's what I want to give... I'm always worrying about my friends... about how I can be a better person... Little do I wish... people would do that for me.... Your compassion video made me want to help people more.... I want to have an effect on people that if one day we ever went our separate ways, they'd remember me for being one of a kind on vrchat... One day I want to make TikTok or UA-cam content like you... I want to be amazing... I want people to see that if they try... they can be good people.... Your amazing man... keep making content.... ❤ I WILL make content as good, if not better than you (I'm not trying to rub in, pls don't misunderstand) I just want to be inspirational... I want when people to see me... they will try harder... and see the furry community in a better light.... This community brought me out of the pits of my deep depression... My friend fcked me up badly.... Furries changed me... made me reimagine who I want to be... made me question my sexuality.... They fixed me in a way.... This I will never forget... This community means so much to me.... Especially when I'm from a home which has the stigma "if your gay, god says your going to hell" It scared the fck out of me.... trying to control my decisions and all... Vrchat changed my life for the better... I had no friends in High School and being Neurodivergent.... It liberated me knowing there are people like me.... people who care... people who are nice.... this fandom is amazing.... Ty for ur videos.... Hopefully you don't see me as a red flag 😢 Keep being you man... I just hope one day we can meet maybe..... You seem amazing to hang with.... ONE DAY I WILL BE AMAZING... ONE DAY I WILL IMPACT LIKE YOU DO
A lot of people are sad in the furry community. I wanted to help or cheer them up but I am shy. So I used a Rex avi and made it look as real as possible like a cute animal when people would pet or cuddle me. I developed head movements with phantom sense and it melts people and made them happy to see such a cute furry.
@@DDagove well down side. It’s addictive because of the very nice relaxing feeling I get when people pet me. It’s like a relaxing massage and I get dazed and put to sleep. It’s a gift and a curse. But I have something everyone wants in VRC. But can your body learn it? Some can’t.
Another ending to the “seeking power” situation is that person nuking the group by mass kicking, muting, or messaging, or even just deleting the group altogether.
This video helped out alot, I wish I found this video sooner, bc I found out I was in a relationship with a total narcissist, he was using me for both my compassion and sympathy, as well as for sexual gratification. It felt as if I was trapped, so I eventually found and opportunity to break up with him, furthermore, I feel like I'm hanging out with other narcissists, bc a majority of my friends don't really put the same amount of compassion and sympathy like I do for them, I feel like I'm being used everywhere I go, and it hurts... Thank u for shedding light into my terrible situation, and I hope the best for u.
i hope the best for you, maybe move to a more friendly environment with less bad people and more kind and helpful people who will care for you as you do for them
I highly recommend get into some counseling or therapy with a licensed professional to safely talk things over. Not only can they help you identify if those are the situations you may be dealing with, but also help you to figure out if you're inviting those relationships and tools/strategies to protect yourself from it happening again. A way to 'check up' on future relationships might be helpful, too, so you're not held back by doubts. You might be able to check with your work, school, or insurance to see if they cover sessions! Good luck, and either way, I hope things go well for you!
@@RaethFennec The therapists I get are kinda just glorified doctors, all they did was prescribe me meds for my ADHD, no inline mental therapy to help me alongside the medications. I also already know this is the case since I've never met someone who doesn't just care about themselves, all they want to talk about is stuff in "their group", and screw anyone else outside of it... It also hurts that I get treated like garbage when somebody has a "negative opinion" of me, and a long time friend of mine, who of which I won't name and have since befriended him, took that opinion as their own and aggressively took it upon themselves to "put me in my place"... So I'm gonna be the person to bully back, bc I'm tired of being the one that's bullied.
@@electrothecat Wait but if you bully back then people will be more inclined to believe them. I deal with the same crap. My family nickname Kiwi was turned into a sex joke so i could be everyone's entertainment. To the point where i was stalked by a group of girls saying things like, "Kiwi kitty~~ we just want you to be our kitty~ come on were just playing~! You should wear a shock collar maybe youd curse less~" it's awful. And I'm tired of being hyper sexualized. It like im they're fetish. But i don't do that to them because it would back fire. They'd probably say something like, "Yes Mommy/Daddy~~" ew. Just ew. Now i know thats not the same thing as your situation. So feel free to stay firm with yor boundaries and defend yourself. But keep in mind that some things could back fire!
Doing important work here, thank you. Really hate that zoophiles co-opted ζ, some of my early 'sonas had that symbol on them, just because I liked the aesthetics. Had to drop it to avoid association when that started to happen. Especially since that was during a time on my life when I couldn't pay as much attention as I used to, so I got blindsided by it.
7:20 People should always keep in mind, that sometimes groups just disassociate slowly, especially when the friend group consists of teens/Young adults that are slowly starting to go to college, get a job, etc and cannot find a time to keep friendships, Or Some people with ADHD may also drive people away without noticing as a result of multiple factors like not having the energy tp interact with them on a regular basis
Personally I'm slightly the "conversation is only about one" person, though not on purpose/maliciously, for me it's a natural habit I go to because my mind will instantly think _"hey, you did this too! you could tell about them, they will for sure be glad/happy/excited about the fact that you did something related to something they did/like!"_ but of course I don't say it every time some piece of information comes up Also, I met an adult that hangs out with kids. I honestly have no idea if I'm the only one - I severely hope so - but I was about 13-14, playing VRChat, and he was in his 30's. Sexual jokes appeared almost immediately, teasing by whispering in a deeper voice (with me getting nervous), though he ended up helping me get rid of another person I really shouldn't have been talking to. We were friends, though I knew something was wrong. At some point he stopped playing VRChat, but I still have him on both my Discord and VRC friend list, hoping he won't come online again. And all of this because I couldn't (and still can't) just say "no" or "don't do this". Yes, adults can talk with children online normally, but the jokes and conversation topics *HAVE* to be adjusted to the child's age. No, telling them they're mature (which I've been told) doesn't do the job of excusing sexual or NSFW in general topics.
The "Friends just stop talking to me" Part, happens too often to me. I know I can come off as needy, or in some cases either negative about myself or an attention whore. However, I did find some friend groups that tolerates me and even help me out of my own funk. Some times, these friends that stop talking to me or ghost me most times, claim they're too busy or whatever. I give them space and say hi every once in a while, but I know if they don't want to hang around me for whatever reason, I'll just leave myself. I am getting better at having self-confidence in myself, and loving myself, which also retained some friends that left me, so, I get it.
exactly, and let me add, if you ever run into someone who doesn't know why their friends ghosted them, don't drill into them for it, that's stupid and invasive, even if you ever get your answer, they probably won't wanna be your friend after that.
I mean it's important to also note that I had a bit of an issue with saying being unable to explain it is definitely the fault of the person who had their friends drift away or abandon them. I know I've been on the other end and can recall who and why, and often it was just me having my own issues I can't deal with at the time, and for them it would be wrong place, wrong time. But when it's fairly common in your life, where people are often not keeping in touch with you or making an effort on their end, it's not one thing. And that can be frustrating to explain to someone because you couldn't truly say why for all of them. I know I have personal issues, and not everyone will get along with me, but even if I know some of the instances of what my flaws could be, because people will give you different answers, including contradictory ones about why they stopped talking to you, it's understandable to not always know the answer. I guess if someone just straight up says they have no idea and won't elaborate, the red flag for me would be they don't reflect at all on their behaviour or past. Not that those other people didn't have their own issues, and didn't abandon them.
It’s scary how often I run into people like that on VRC. Often it’s popufurs who act like the most important person in the instance, and take advantage of their fans wanting to play with them to please their ego. I hate it so much. What’s scary is *not many* people notice the narcissism in them. (Not every content creator is like that of course)
The closing thoughts were really important. As an adult with not much free time I'm finding it difficult to find friends in VRchat because either they are all young with all the time in the world and because of the age difference (I'm 32) we have almost nothing in common... OR... I find that one unicorn but he/she has the same amount of free time like me which means we are almost never online at the same time and even when they are there are loads of other people that want to meet them so I just leave their instance after saying HI. Being an adult with responsibilities sucks sometimes. Maybe thats why I'm often a mute ... just hurts when you connect amazingly with people one day and then a week later they are gone(just like me when real life takes over)
Hanging out with kids is so true. I once attended an event and noticed a child joined in. They even stated in their bio that they're twelve years old. So I approached the host and told them a child who's too young to even play vrc joined and their response was "Yea he's our buddy we invited him" Mind you the host was about 30 years old and was constantly hanging around that kid.
The closing thoughts might be the best thing i heard this year. Figuring out how to hang out with other furries without getting pushed out cause i have like 3 friends i mostly hangout with online but are not furries so learning how to start solo is not easy. I just go with the flow figure out culture and go to events to up my odds to actually chat. Its how i meet sorin and CD.
My reason for losing all kinds of friends and friend groups is that I have ADHD, and I forget to get a hold of people and I get distracted easy so then I go months without talking to them, and they forget I exist 😂😢
Not a bad video but the use of the word “narcissistic” to describe bad people really bothers me. People with narcissistic personality disorder are not all bad people so we shouldn’t use narcissistic to describe bad people without any knowledge of who they actually are. It’s perpetuating a horrible stigma and I wish people would stop using terms like these without actually knowing what they mean.
Well narcissist just means someone with an inflated sense of self. Untreated narcissistic personality disorder usually leads to people putting themselves over others in the sense of being willing to make others feel bad to make themself feel better. You don't have to have anti social personality disorder to gaslight or abuse someone. There's currently two people in my life in relationships with diagnosed narcissists, not psychopaths, who have been gaslit and manipulated so harshly they think it's normal to fight every day and question if they're going crazy. While narcissists are still people, they have a predisposition to allow the suffering of others for their benefit. They may feel guilty afterwards, but usually can suppress the guilt so they can reap more benefits.
narcissist definition :a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. "narcissists who think the world revolves around them" being a narcissist and thinking you're perfect or always right and being prideful is not something to be excused just because it has something named after it. taking issue with it kinda gives away the fact that you think your own arrogance and self worship is well deserved and shouldn't be called out
3:25 i was kinda afraid to age because i thought since i'm very immature i'd still want to hang out with mostly teens, but i'm 20 now and i find 99% of people below 18 so god damn annoying it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that people my age and older willingly spend their days seeking them out, interacting with them and that they're somehow able to uphold a conversation i'm more of a grumpy old fuck than i ever thought i would be but i'm so glad i am
I agree with what you mean by people talking only about themselves but advice to anyone reading this, please try to find a middleground. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself, just make sure you also take an interest in others.
Humans are animals though. Reducing the problem of zoophilia to “it’s bad because they’re not human” is fundamentally flawed and detracts from the real reason zoophilia is gross behavior. Other than that little fumble, good video.
Age does not matter... unless your under 18, then run for the door. TBH, it would be nice for VRChat to have a flag that could be put on underage accounts and the ability to filter those to keep them from joining instances where you really should not be when your under age.
Then comes the problem of age verification. Idk how many users would be okay giving their personal information to VRChat (I don't mind uploading my passport, I really want that feature 😂)
The whole nice person part gave me the creeps because I knew someone like this, then they turned out to be a known creep in multiple fandoms that they were shunned from. Very much so, strings were always secretly attached to their “favors”. I can’t wait until they’re entirely shunned off of VRC, which is soon (hopefully).
The whole perception thing too! The most I do is explain my experiences, but I also tell people it’s their choice to stay friends with them if they wish to as long as I don’t get stuck between crap.
It's an entire damn archetype. The "nice guys/girls". Those who always finish last. Tend to be redpilled incels with "strong traditional values", a victim complex, and inferiority/superiority complexes.
on the one where they switch identity often (not tryna seem just annoying or rude), i reach out to the previous people, but just the ones who were nice, because i have to try to escape some people who have been harassing me for almost two years now, so every 8 months or so i gotta switch accounts, and they keep finding me, so it sucks tbh
@@merpmerp and i thought what im dealing with was bad, just wondering, did they try to find your home address over that? because them people harassing me did, and they found every hotel i go to as well, so they are out to kill me over a little roblox oopsie
the zoophile icon is used by one college as a frat house logo, but if a furry has it, I avoid them [I won't be replying to any zoophiles, MAPS, or anyone who'd get me arrested for supporting in the united kingdom]
the "all my friends left me" one. theres another, more valid reason for it i have seen a fair few times first hand. they are a victim of narcissistic abuse. people who are victims of narcissistic abuse sometimes have a hard time forming proper attachments, and feel like everyone is abandoning them.
Not to mention that abusers are very much capable of turning entire groups against a person.
I would also like to add that some people are just to lazy to hangout with some of their friends or they end up having to many and can't keep up, so they eventually stop seeing them. Its not always for selfish evil reasons, That's why I would give it a 6/10
As much as I love the fandom and how wonderful most of it is. It’s still important to remember that there are some really scary and dangerous people out there. Just like with every fandom it is important to be careful with who you hang out with.
Yeah, I had a couple stalkers on SL and they tried doxxing me but thankfully my aliases are all over the place. Also hello fellow jackalope!
what is SL?@@Zombuny
@@Zombuny Hello fellow Jackalope ^^
Stay safe out there 🙏
@@anomalousanimates Second Life, most likely
Uhhh, I don't know about it being just another fandom. I don't think you're getting hit up by dog sexing, pushy gay dudes over in the Knitting Doilies fandom.
As someone who's on the autism spectrum, this video will hopefully come in handy. Social cues in general can be much more difficult to pick up on for me, and I would be likely to dismiss a red flag even if I think I pick up on it. So having a video like this where they're listed and explained can help to be more decisive when these situations come up.
THIS!!! I have so much trauma from ignoring so many of these flags (and even doing a few minor ones because I thought they were normal)
Autist here, had to deal with relationships that combined a lot of these redflags, honestly the worst experiences I've had on the internet.
At least I gained experience from it, and try to avoid these situations (and people) whenever it's possible, I've been feeling healthier than ever once I started avoiding those kind of people.
Take care brother, and if you find yourself in a situation like that, be strong, don't let people use you to their benefit, good luck out there brother ^_^
Im not diagnosed but I took a test as a joke and I scored scaringly high (I have ADHD too and I suck at social cues lmao)
One more thing that I’d like to add to your really well thought out list. When people turn everything into a competition. I have legitimately heard arguments over “who is more of a lesbian” and “who likes to build computers more.” You can never have a genuine conversation with this kind of person. They will always find a way to make you feel like you don’t actually like the same thing they do because they somehow have to like it more. It’s also a really good gateway for them to brag about everything that they’ve done, which isn’t always a red flag. It’s just part of narcissistic behavior that is often seen when people have to turn everything into a competition. 8/10 - sometimes it’s really fun to have cute banter with your friends, however, for someone who constantly has to make themselves feel better by making you feel like you’re not good enough is not cute.
I agree people that want power tend to be the people who don't need it and us folks that don't want it tend to be the ones cleaning up their messes
I need power!!!! No, joking.
For me i always mess arround with that but i don't actually care for power, i care to make people happy and just have the laugh and giggles, vrchat is there to have fun with friends
I do agree... I am that person... I always want more power and then someone else who has more I try to get close to them or get jealous... Maybe it's Time I start bettering my self 😅😅😅
Welcome to Anarchism lolol
Indeed. There's a gun tuber in Texas that has decided to run for Congress because he hates the representative in his district but only wants to do one term. We need politicians that don't want the job.
I like to be controlled hahah
Honestly this is the internet in a nutshell. Not just furries. I have seen it all over because people generally have the same hangups regardless of identity, gender, or race.
Zoos can also be non furry
...wait ...
...nope.... nope nope nope- NO
@@myrchantkobold8268call em animal fuckers, can't be any more clear then that
@@keithsimonhYou realize those people predate the furry community right????
Hot take:
People that like " anatomically correct" genitalia in the pr0n are zoophiles.
@@mattwolf7698 predates history even, its just fact, mammals find attraction to other mammals and sometimes that jumps species, not just in humans mind. Its annoying that the subject has been so taboo since the past few centuries, so many interesting things could be learned about evolution and the psychology of both man and animal if studies could get the funding,. Science is so damn fascinating
I didn't hear any flags that I find weird or contradicting so 10/10 on those, and I appreciate that you add a "your mileage may vary" kind of disclaimer to it. The one thing I would do differently next time is involving mental diagnosis.
You talk about a video you made on compassion - I'm probably going to check that one out after this one - and here you say that there is a certain irony in making this video after that one. I would disagree. Setting boundaries, and figuring out ways to tell which people might be more harmful then helpful is compassionate. Its just being compassionate towards yourself (and us as viewers) rather than the person showing the behavior. Compassion isn't unconditional acceptance of whatever behavior is being thrown your way - regardless of the impact it has on you.
You can set boundaries and share signs that might point towards problematic behavior, and be compassionate to those who recognize themselves in your red flags. This isn't done by removing their accountability for their behavior, but by treating them as human beings, and avoid making assumptions and judgement.
Calling someone a narcissist is a judgement, and - unless you are a qualified psychotherapist - a judgement I don't expect you are qualified to make. I understand the inclination (I've done it myself) but think about it - we typically use diagnosis as a way to justify our wish to not be involved with someone. But in reality, any reason you can think of is reason enough if you _feel like its reason enough_ . There is no objective bar you need to pass - you get to decide your own boundaries.
So assigning certain flags to narcissism doesn't really add much for your video, while it does (potentially) stigmatize people who might have shown the behavior you mention here. As you said yourself: context and frequency matters. So why run the risk of making someone feel like they might be a narcissist because they displayed one of your red flag? And aren't narcissist people too? How compassionate is it to reduce them to their diagnosis?
The concern I have with this is that I've seen diagnosis of all sorts be weaponized against people. Once labeled as , they are essentially shunned and other-ed to the extend where recovery / re-integration into social settings become extremely difficult, because their illness is all that people need to know about them to avoid them. And if communities start to diagnose others for them... Things get messy really fast.
Again: content wise I think you are spot on. I just think it would be better to say something like "these flags can be a sign that someone will take considerable emotional effort and require strict maintenance of your personal boundaries in order to keep the relation healthy. Whether the relation is worth that energy is yours to decide". This is basically what you are already saying, minus the reference to a mental illness.
Long reply, I know. Don't let it discourage you though - it's clear to me that you have the right intentions and are seeking to be a constructive voice on this platform, and don't let my criticism imply you are failing at achieving your goals. I think a lot of people will feel validated and seen regardless. Best of luck!
Great video, Vox. Really nails down the types of people others should avoid. I also have some additional red flags of my own that you might agree with:
1) Chatterboxes.
I've come across lots of people in Discord & VRChat who filibuster (never stop talking) and thus don't allow for any break in the conversation. They might take this a step further by bloating their speech with "word salad", taking an eternity to reach a point, repeating themselves more than three times, never allowing the topic to change, or sometimes changing the topic too frequently. These people may also suddenly start talking about uncomfortable or "Thanks, Captain Obvious"-type topics without any logical context leading up to it.
From what I understand, the most likely reasons people filibuster is because they feel like they HAVE to speak, they are not interested in other topics or anything else people have to say, or they just don't know how to socialize. Regardless, it's extremely annoying & it makes them difficult to have a conversation with. At least a 6/10.
2) Pathological sloths.
Sloth is the state of inaction--the decision to not do something when you could, especially when doing something leads to a positive outcome. Slothful people are usually in a bad situation and aware of it, but they refuse to do anything to improve the situation, usually due to fear of change or inconveniences. They have no perseverance, convincing themselves that they are doomed to be in a bad state and that any attempts to improve it are futile, viewing challenge & responsibility as something to avoid instead of something to conquer. They never pull their head out of their ass long enough to realize that their failure to act is the reason their problems exist and/or worsen. They may also exaggerate the severity of inconveniences as something more serious because they're too pathetic & infantile to understand what real work is (i.e., like a spoiled brat thinking the daily task of moving heavy boxes at FedEx is "worker abuse"). Worst of all, sloths make excuses for everything; they never take ownership of their actions, will conjure every reason they can find to not do something, and use it as an excuse to not change, even if their sloth is negatively impacting others.
Unfortunately, because sloths have this mentality of avoiding challenge/responsibility, when you call them out on their sloth, they won't budge and will instead attack you for having higher standards than them. Sloth usually cannot be cured without dragging their victims kicking & screaming, and even then sometimes that doesn't work because sloths are ultimately the only people that can change themselves--not you. At that point, entering the brink of natural consequences is the only potential eye-opener for them.
Sloths are the worst kind of friend (and the worst kind of employee if you're a business owner) because they have no willingness to self-improve. They will not try anything, especially if it is different, and regardless if their inaction slowly kills them. They just give up. This is a 10/10 red flag for me.
3) Emotional time bombs.
Ever had that one thin-skinned friend that overreacts to everything, has a short temper, suddenly becomes dramatic, or otherwise has no control over his/her emotions? That's this kind of person. If someone is not able to control their emotions, they cannot think logically nor control their impulses. These types of people are extremely unpredictable, borderline dangerous, may come off as "toxic", and really not comfortable to be around.
Lack of emotional control is usually caused by immaturity or poor discipline, both of which carry with themselves other negative traits. Women are also more susceptible to this due to their natural body chemistry, neural structure, and the effects of menstruation. Regardless, these hyperemotional behaviors CAN be trained out, but the severity of the consequences makes this red flag a 9/10.
4) Sheldon Coopers.
This type is named after Sheldon Cooper from the TV show "The Big Bang Theory". Much like the character, this person is very dense, humorless, and void of empathy. These people cannot easily understand anything said to them and may often get a completely wrong message, especially if the message contains sarcasm or figurative language. These people may also have difficulty with critical thinking and thus recognizing irony & hypocrisy. They may be "book-smart", but overall common sense skills are lacking, making them very hard to instruct.
Autistics disproportionately start out as this type of person (I would know having an ASD I've since overcome), but anyone with a poor sense of humor, poor sense of etiquette, and slow learning ability can be a "Sheldon Cooper". This is not an easy pattern of behavior to get rid of, so it's an 7/10.
😂😂😂
@@Aster-v8jMy guy why are you laughing? This is some serious shit.
Well me being a pathological sloth, knowing what I am helps me motivate others to not be the way I am! 😅
I really wished I found this video last year when I started coming out of my shell and getting to know people in this fandom. One of the worst times of my life because I was both dealing with a narcissist and someone who only saw me as a sex object (and used me as one). It was one of my first relationships and that was unfortunately the way it had to go ): Still healing, but IM stronger than ever. Stay safe out there ya'll.
I had a friend from a different platform who always labeled herself as the victim. It became very evident as it began to happen very frequently with different people 😅
I'm glad I watched this it kind of hurts to know that because of my mental disorder I tend to do some of these things subconsciously
But it is good to know these things so I can pay attention to them myself and try to control it
With the name change thing, there is one exception: Themed names that keep the main name as part of them. For example: I once changed my name for one month from FerretChan to ChaboduoFerretChan - it was part of a bit I was doing in an online game, and merely to make my mates laugh. I also know a few gamers who change their suffix, like one who goes by (Character Name): Lord of the ____________ and changes the last word every month to something new and amusing, like Lord of the Cringe. He still keeps his main name, only slightly varying it, so we always know exactly who it is. Name changes like this are not meant to hide or deceive, so can be considered normal. But yeah, if it's a HUGE change that doesn't even associate? Absolute red flag there. Or if they hide previous names. That's another big clue. Previous names should all basically be consistent.
This is a very good compilation of things to look out for in social settings. Only thing i had a bit of an issue with is how it's very focused (not solely but you get the point i guess) on narcissism when that isn't the only thing making people toxic or having such behaviour. Often people are just shitty and bad people without being narcissists and i always think thats important to keep in mind instead of putting diagnoses onto people. Often people are just toxic without a diagnosis to explain their behaviour. Regardless of that i really enjoyed the video, i loved the many different characters featured lol. Hope you all have a nice time in the future
Wtf a bit unrelated but I've met the artist of your pfp on tower unite like 4-5 years ago. Was kinda shitty to them cuz I was in furdenial (lol) and I still regret it ;_;
Honestly need to be spread out more. Like I know its specifically leans to one side or another when being broad about certain groups, but by god it should be taken to consideration overall when online in a public space.
-One, as many of you know, people with disabilities would do some of these red flags unintentionally and they cannot help it. As for me who generally just "plays nice" when interacting with someone in a public space (I know it sounds bad from how i am putting it), best to sometimes go along with the flow of things and adapt to it. If they are actually not that bad, cool! If not, oh well.
-two, the super creeps should be outed, reported and blocked. Playing their game will just mess you over in the long run.
-three, people who oversell themselves as being "super nice" in person and/or in their bio, are honestly aren't in most cases. People who oversell themselves as "Super edgy" in person and/or in their bio, have their personality revolve around it half the time.
-four, those who do public degeneracy constantly thinking that its funny, as well as those who has a constant degenerate mindset and are not afraid to talk, joke, and do constantly in a public space need to be avoided. They make dull conversationalists most of the time.
Take with a grain of salt. I Seen and heard some things in this game that make me question on how the hell some of these people function in their day to day life. Stay safe yall
Although I have done minimal research online about narcissism and the tendencies that come along with it, I know that I have some of these traits you've described. It's hard to break out of these tendencies when you've been doing them for so long, but I am still trying to leave that part of me behind. I don't think it's your responsibility to help me further than you already have, but if you have any advice to give about getting rid of narcissistic behavior, I'd be very grateful. Thank you VoxDraco
I recommend that you look into the concept of the shadow by carl jung. Its not about rejecting or burying these traits that you find undesirable, but incorporating them into who you are in a positive manner (not the same thing as embrassing your narvissistic tendencies)
Friend of mine does the cloutchasing thing.
I don't think they're even aware that they're doing it, but they mention "Oh I'm friends with this big artist within this specific subcommunity"
Yeah, You're friends with all of them apparently.
And the steering the conversation to themselves, I think I do that and I do my damnest to notice it when I am and limit it.
My reasoning is I want to be able to relate to the topic. But I'm also aware it's not exactly... good.
I'm discovering that what I saw on Discord and Telegram is the exact same on VRC (yeah, I don't go in public instant, mostly play alone in private instance)
Your critical thinking is impressive.
We're not perfect, none of us are. All we can do is try our best. I have two best friends since childhood and we know each other's flaws and accept them. Humans can be great people. Hopefully you have good friends and family or soon to come.
I'm not part of the Furry community but the inspiration for art and psychology is interesting. To see the same red flags is informative.
Keep on trucking.
I dont tend to watch furry content because of the stigma around oh no furry content is all sunshine and rainbows with a ton of unnecessary drama but this vid has broken that stereotype for me thank you you just earned a well deserved sub
How does a new fur start mingling with others on VRchat within their same age group?
Just got into the fandom and thinking about joining up on VR chat to make some friends.
there's really no easy way without putting in some legwork. There's plenty of public instances, with a huge age range in the population. Just vibe for long enough, and you're bound to find some people in your age group.
7:08 "I dont know" is definitely more concerning than "oh you know, we where just a click in middle school and so we drifted apart in high school, still on good terms with them, just dont hang with them as often as you" type thing.
Everything thinks im lying about my age, but im not, its annoying trying to convince people that i am 18 because i sound 12.
the about helping ppl hits me hard, but i never claimed to be a good person or show off that i help everybody, i only try to offer some outside the problem view and advice, and rarely will actively help a person with something but only rarely will i bring up to someone, unless the person asks like "are you a good person" i always say "i just mind my business but some ppl say i am good person"
i try as much as possible to not sound narcisistic
ngl- i still struggle with the whole 'steering the conversation' thing- ...i srsly have this bad habit of infodumping- when i get ideas on what to say i just have to say it right then and there- i am trying to work on it though, its just a bit tricky to force myself to just SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND XD
You are so on point with so much of this, it's so often you see people throwing around these terms and just talking out their butt and being totally wrong on it.
I was coming into this video and thinking, "meh it'll be entertaining at least" but wow blown away, you've either studied this or you've had some real rough experiences you've had to learn from, with your epilogue it sounds like the latter.
Hopefully this video will protect people from whatever you've been through in the past, so in some small way something positive will have come of your experiences.
the tittle and thumbnail made it sound like your just gonna take a shish on furries but nah its the opesit. rly helpfull. never realized that i need to watch out for red flags in vrchat. 1 question trough. you say to stay away from these that only hang out whit kids. isint that what they want to reach their goals they have whit them uninterupted? im confused
I believe the "Those who seek the power, mostly have no interest to understand it."
It's always good to educate about social situations, very much appreciate this from you
I do meet ups every Friday , sadly when iv had friends + I have seen some people who are fall into some of the red flags , most time myself and main group we won't engage with them or just move on another world and change I back to friends only. Great video Vox, I'm looking forward to what you make next :-)
another red flag i had problems with a few times is, you have Autism(or something else) and there is this one person who was going to school with a person with Autism or anything else and they think they are Trained professionals from now on. that might be good or okay at first because they dont judge you as fast as others but SOME of those people tend to ignore your decisions or opinions after a while
Just starting to get into the fandom and saw this video. Started watching to help figure out what to watch out for. Ended up realizing the that I have done some of these narcissistic traits myself a few times over the years. Might be something to bring up to the therapist later. Thank you!
My main goal on VRC is to just be a good dog. I'm not going to like everyone or pretend to.
It's not that difficult to not be an awful person.
I especially loved the closing thoughts. Thank you for making this video. I really like your wisdom about that, it is better to arm people with knowledge ad let them see for themselves.
Hey vox, great video you did well to release it! I agree with you on almost all the red flags, and I thank you for citing some that I didn't know !
i hope see you soon buddy.
Thanks for sharing all of this. I haven't seen it in the wild, but I had no idea about the zeta icon.
I love the color effects on your avatar :0
Ayo! This was the first video the algorithm served up to me, Vox. Good work, slammin' that like and sub button ba-BOW!
Anyway...As a married-fur in my mid-30s with too much time in VRChat, I prefer to argue VRC is a social platform more than a 'game' - but I've seen quite a many of these things. It's still worth the risk/trouble for some of the real friends you'll have years later. :P I'm glad you've made such a concise and well informed vid on this subject!
I will say the zeta symbol isn't only furry, non furries are also zoophile and it isn't a fandom specific issue, I would say most Greek symbols are a red flag and are often symbols for different immoral paraphilias, also anyone who says they're an omniphile stay away, it's in fact not a fun way of saying pansexual and is in fact a term that means that nothing is off the table including zoophilia and pedophilia. As well as anyone that has map in their bio, it's just a fancy word for pedophile, stay safe.
I was one of those annoying people who sought leadership positions just to be in power over others. Real loser stuff. I was an asshole. Finally got a position i thought i wanted with the power i wanted. Turns out i hate it. I hated being responsible for other people. I hated being a fireteam leader. So thought I wanted my own soldiers to command, and in the end i couldnt wait to get transferred where i was back to being a grenadier.
Thank you for making this video. The ending is so true and gives so much to reflect on. Thank you again.
Funny enough. I only stumbled onto this video thinking it was something random to watch out for in Vrchat specific for furries.
But it pointed out some nature's of Narcissistic behaviors That I do have. And I don't have Vr chat by any means.
So it helped out for me to see more to where I have been steering wrong from past and probably still current behaviors.
I DO thank you very much to pointing some things out. No one ever told me that What I say is in any means narcissist.
I really wanna fix what ever fuck shit I had done.
I know that I am certainly off-topic and I apologize for that, but could we talk about fur who rejects those who speak not the same as eu, I can take as an example me who speaks French (Canadian ) and which makes me hugely ignored or rejected due to the fact that I speak English with great difficulty and I make an effort to try to make myself understood. yes some take the time to try to understand but others reject me and literally ban or exclude me from VR maps. It breaks my heart to see so much rejection just because of a different language that I speak... After a while I was certainly coming across only bad people too but hey that doesn't matter the rest of the off topic. I apologize again even if I doubt anyone will read my message. >-
I have never been able to play vrchat, but I will keep this in mind if I can play it on my PC, even so, I have met people like this in places like steam and discord, and I think that I could very well have the red flag at minute 17:55, When you don't leave your house much or have experienced everything that other people have experienced, do you try to compare something in your life with something about those people to try to fit in? or compare your personal problems with someone else and try to understand based on the only thing you have experience, that is, yourself, I am aware that it can be rude and even annoying sometimes, but it is difficult sometimes to realize and say to myself "you know, "I better keep quiet, I don't know what they're talking about, I better just listen."
Informative video. I might want some advice though. I’ve had conversations before where things get deep, and it does get to the point where not laying out my intention of being a shoulder to lean on and someone to help out when theres an issue, is hard. I don’t have popular opinions that other furries hold, and I’m always careful about approaching giving advice to someone I genuinely want to give constructively, but given too soon, too early, or without an honestly established relationship where there is without a doubt, no question of intent, its received as cold and non-affirmative. How does someone approach tough topics when the time is right, without either walking on eggshells, or saying things they don’t actually believe? Also, how do I receive advice along the lines of this, without feeling a little bit gaslit myself, or if there is genuine concern of *being* gaslit, how do I approach that? Because I would have to admit, *some* of these points do feel a bit like a gaslight when presented from the wrong hands, *especially* when someone receiving is the kind of Furry that doesn’t think like everybody else.
The conclusion was important. Its risky to come into an environment wanting to improve by having to start out saying I’ve experienced being red-flagged. In this drama filled community, people looking for honesty and improvement are regularly disappointed, and it can lead to some real nihilism.
Approx. 10% of VRC , and the fandom are old furries . Most of those created the fandom that everyone else act as if it is just their .group . People should interact between all ages . All communities throughout history had social interactions with people young & old . Question those that would separate everyone .
4:25
i have an ex in vrc that is like this. I allowed them to friend me in vrc and i wanted to know how they would act like towards me. They acted exactly like this to me even tho i already i had a partner. it was so fuckin annoying..
later on in dms he called me a few racial slurs because he was a desperate loser and unfriended me lol
i kept them unfriended because they arent worth my time. But i do get notifis from him ever once in awhile i just ignore them
Thank you you should also make sure not to join any group that supports illegal activities including child abuse and sexual abuse for views on UA-cam or other platforms and if you see illegal behavior leave and get away it's not worth your life
what about the kind of fur that constantly harass others making false accusations that others are zoophiles because they have a feral or taur vrchat avatar,i got called a dog f-er because of my nardotaur and he lied to the mods to kick me,then someone went to make false zoo accusations on ferzu and twitter soon after i got kicked,telling my username on ferzu.
That Stinks! I Absolutely HATE How those stupid, disgusting “Zoos” had to Ruin feral and taur fursonas! I think taurs look really cool, and feral characters are completely ok as long as you DON’T Draw NSFW stuff Of them.
I recently discovered that Paw Print designs on fursonas are now considered a huge no, no. Because a LOT of furries have been wrongly accused of being “Zoos” because paw print markings on the body are now considered “Zoo” symbols. Witch SUCKS Because Paw Print designs are supposed to be innocent and cute! 😭
Have to say the zoophile one is the biggest thing i get slammed with despite not being a part of that. People seem to think furries are ALL zoophiles because of people like that and I've legit been told i should be shot like a wild animal. Common?
I used to want power to stop others from useing it against me i did grow past it thankfully now i only seek power when want to help someone.
I felt the prowler meme kicking in on 3:27
This is a fantastic video and I think it should be shown in high schools. Yes really.
If this had come out in 2007 I'd have way less trauma, and I'd also have not done some shitty things
Not that I am a pedo or anything, but I don’t see the issue with someone 18+ hanging out with people who are 14+. They might of just been talking about 13- so if so just ignore this. I mean if they are hanging out in a group of 13-15 year olds frequently and they are 30, that is weird. But I do not see the issue with people 18-25 hanging out in friend groups of people 14-18.
Although I am autistic, my entire life is built off of experiences. I used to think a lot of things were fine when they were weird, so this may just be one of them.
People would take what I said out of context and take offense to it and then I'll spread rumors about me and that's how I lose a majority of my friends they never bothered to go through me for clarification or tell me that something's bothering them they just make assumptions about me and spread rumors behind my back I wonder if I talk to him directly about it
Back when I could, I used to send money to people either when they needed it, it was a commission, or just because. And I'm not talking small amounts, something like $50-$200. I'm not entirely sure why I did that
Is this a red flag?
i do this at 5:52, except im not trying to hide anything or deny its me
sometimes its names from 10 years ago from when i was maybe 11 or 8, and i dont want people looking through child photos of me or stuff i done when i was younger
but i do understand this, cause it can mean (for some people) they're hiding something or trying to avoid something
Holy shit, I have dealt with a good few of these.
I've had to clarify my boundaries in my VRC bio cuz of weirdos trying to touch me weird just because I have a "submissive looking" furry avatar. I think my most recent case left me not playing nearly as much or in as many public worlds. He was sort of a combo of "age doesn't matter (tho I was 18, it was only recently and I stated such)" and a "Violation of Boundaries" person, because I told them multiple times that I don't really want them talking to me in this weird dominant manner.
I was basically just intimidated and scared by their advances and I would tell them to stop and they would... for maybe a minute or so. I was unsure of how to get out of it because they were a nice person to me and I was in an emotionally vulnerable spot in my life. They just treated it all like I was a cute little squirmy sub to them when really I was, in a way, being taken advantage of for my willingness to hang around anyone who would give me any sort of attention in my moment of weakness, regardless of if they were making sexual comments about my avatar, voice, and how they wanted to strip me down, while touching my avatar all over in not super great ways.
I was scared but I did eventually pull myself out of it and stop talking to them. Worst and most violating experience I've ever had. People who say "It's just VRC, what could even happen?" are an instant block from me, because it doesn't have to happen in person for you to be groomed, harassed, violated, or r*ped. Stay fucking safe and block em if you're uncomfortable!! Super serious.
If you have any irl friends, maybe you can do a buddy system in vr or something, that's basically what I do now. I'm kind of terrified of going anywhere publicly in vrc anymore without at least being in call with somebody so that they can keep me grounded and safe.
Also what's the avatar of the avatar of the "Controlling Perception" weirdo? I've seen it around but have never been able to ask anyone who might know.
I agree with your final thoughts and it's mind opening I think ideal world doesn't really have sense in it
text at 1:34, does that include the fictional anthro animals that furries are known to like?
sadly u can only know them after u got attached
first flag is being on vrchat
Even the dark joke they used to broke up with me
(Every time I meet someone the first time I say I don't understand any jokes) they still used a dark joke just to get ridoff me. they also changed theyr name and stuff about them mostly every 3 weeks sometimes monthly
This video is so well done and really helpful, thanks for making it.
Ok but who made that model i fucking love it!
not gonna lie, i do feel called out by some of that... yes im a supportive person... when the vibe fits and my friends have probs or anything i do help or at least talk a lot and just am there for them. im not just saying it now its just what i do. and its just a thing that makes me happy. but i dont want to be famous for being supportive or be something special for it. but does that mean i should just lie about it? like "i have no friends im just doing my own thing i got some people i vibe with nothing special"? one of my friends literally told me yesterday i might be one of the best persons ever cus she saw how i talked to someone. its not even me saying it. its not rlly fair to now see me called out like that for just admitting what they tell me. sure there are people that just want the reputation for being so supportive so wholesome for being a mental support floof. but not everyone talking about being supportive has to be one of these. that just hurts hearing.
another thing i feel one of my friends called out rn:
about age - ofc it sucks lying aboutt that. i met one person in my life that said its like 2 years away from my age when we met. we had an amazing vibe and we are just really close. at one point i found out that this person actually lied about their age and they are actually 4 years away from my age. they just were scared i would not like them anymore if they were 4 years seperated from me. thats absolutely not the case, i like the person for who they are and not for how old they are. not in a weird way. but in this given situation i totally understand why someone would lie about their age and the friend also planned on telling me about it soon enough, i just happened to find out earlier cus of some other unexpected events going on. as long as they can talk about it and its not too far away from what they said, i think its totally ok. from that point it just depends on the individual mind if they are still trustworthy for someone or not. and my friend here for sure is to me. that also felt a bit unfair to em.
i totally get your point, but it feels like you are overall judging everything thats just getting close to these things, there can be some exceptions. not for all things ofc, adults talking to children in a weird way or something for example isnt ok thats for sure. "loving" animals same thing. but some of these feel unfair and way to generalized.
me - watching the vid to see if i have any red flags
I have similar situation on 8:08 from someone on instragram.
Long story short, I posted a story through group stories thing (don’t remember what it was but whatever) guy messaged me through it. Starting off casual then got mid weird when he mentioned about giving me money if I need it, wanting to be with me all the love bs. He tries to gaslighting me by saying I don’t care about him which I don’t know him at all! I blocked him, figured things will go weird to drama and I be the blame.
So glad this video came across to me!
4:00 yes age matters but I mainly hang out with younger audiences because I like to teach them how games work and how to do things better and I’m called a red flag for that?
that red flag about friend groups leaving kind of hits home. I'm not a very social person, but I do crave interaction, and usually have ONE friend in a group that I just kind of tag along with, and slowly branch out from there in their friend groups, trying to make friends. Well, if something happens to that friend, the "Anchor", then as far as my busted brain is concerned, I no longer have any reasonable way to approach the other friends. This isn't a "Woop guess im not friends with these guys anymore" it's the overbearing social anxiety that I am now left alone with people that are still strangers to me, even if they are friendly they haven't become close enough for me to completely trust.
This actually happened... semi-recently, as my best friend in VRC has just... disappeared. I managed to stay in contact with a handful of the people they introduced me too, unfortunately the only reason I was able to do so is that we were all trying to investigate and figure out what happened to That friend, but nobody has found anything in 10 months. This doesn't sound nice, however I hope they just.... did something dumb and got tossed in jail for a while, because the alternative thought has kept me from sleeping for 3-5 days at a time periodically. It has had such a profound impact on me that i've actually been afraid to get too close to people in VRC, because i'm afraid it might happen again (Which I know is silly, I'm just a bit insecure to put it.... very nicely)
I have a nasty habit of disappearing when not interacted with enough mostly due to how easily I can get distracted with any number of things, because of my lack of interaction with others (despite me enjoying it a lot) and my own mental disability I am not good with reading others, I often get stuck on a specific subject in a conversation even though everyone else has moved on, I repeat things that I have said over and over, etc... and I tend to think negative thoughts of what if I did something wrong it must be all my fault and they hate me. what really sucks about it all is that even though I know about it and tell myself that I'll do better, I often don't actually do what I said I'll do. so when I see a youtuber or content creator that I like I get the desire to become their friend and ultimately fail or realize that I can't since they are popular and probably have plenty of people trying that already. when I get a complement I can't get enough of it, I always want more and feel great when I do. Idk why since I'm not in a bad position in life (I'm even on the road to getting a job although a lil late at the age 22 ik its sad) my family care about me and treat me nicely but for some reason I just want more praise I don't understand. Maybe its my negative thoughts wearing me down or something and I need others to help me against it or something idk. Anyway I have been ranting on long enough I hope you all have a nice day.
@@davidmccall4024 I totally get that, and I feel like all I do is squirm my way around to getting compliments from people because I don't know how to navigate asking for them outright. I feel like I'm manipulating them, and it doesn't help that my status as both the gifted kid and the disabled/weird kid growing up has kinda made me only think of myself. I feel terrible about this, and sometimes it gets so bad that I get desperate to find some way to make a big sacrifice that helps someone else and hurts me. But stupid self-preservation won't let me :(
I had an entire friend groups disappear and been in that situation where it seems like I'm the victim. Turns out, I actually was an a-hole. I've tried to do my best to change.
one of the most understandable things i've read. mostly because i used to be like that.
I'm sorry...... I..... ummmm...... am...... uhhhh.... really.... really sorry... I..... don't know what to say....😢 I hope this is NOT the case but... ummm was that said friend umm... at any point of locations where tragic events took place recently... oh god I hope their alright
About the boundaries thing, I am uncomfortable with people I do not know being sexual towards me, or even around me. I keep that between myself, and the people I trust. Furries in VRC really seem to think it's just OK to go up to someone they just met, and say "Holly crap your avatar is hot, I'd do things to you". This isn't JUST a boundary thing, it's also just the assumption that everyone is OK with such behavior in this fandom.
Another thing too, people need to be more willing to speak out when others may not be able to. More than once, I've frozen up when faced with a situation that bothers me, and people recognize that, but instead of speaking up, they just walk away. SPEAK OUT WHEN SOMEONE GOES TOO FAR DAMN IT.
Edit: I also need to add that I am in the "makes conversations about themselves" category, unfortunately. It's often my way of attempting to understand others, by linking similar experiences with their own, and not malicious. I'm glad you did include it though, and were nice enough to mention that some people are just very awkward.
This is me to a T. I get very uncomfortable with people I don't know being sexual towards me no matter the context. I too struggle with being made to feel obviously uncomfortable in situation with multiple parties involved and everyone just sits back and lets it happen. This says a lot about those people though. There's a high possibility that all of these people involved think this behavior is ok. Not just that they won't speak up about it. I ALWAYS speak up about it. Asking if the person who I perceive to be the victim feel uncomfortable and silencing those who try to speak over them. Some people can be made to feel trapped.
I understand completely to attempting to understand others and in hopes that me sharing my similar experiences help them to see that I can understand where they are coming from or correct me if I misunderstood. I feel it should just be part of normal conversation to connect with others but most people just see it as rude and attention hog behavior. I don't really like attention. Lots of attention makes me VERY uncomfortable.
I'm pretty new to VR and just have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. It is just as difficult if not more difficult to navigate social interactions in the context of VR because many people treat it as a completely anonymous avenue for crappy behavior.
@@myrchantkobold8268 Sexual discussion has a time and place. And that time and place is not around me, period. If people can not respect my boundaries, they can go away. Myself and many others like me were subjects of abuse in the past, but I'm not going to go around telling everyone about my trauma.
I am not asking for people to "act like they're in church" but you certainly wouldn't randomly talk about your dick getting sucked in a McDonald's, would you?
I also don't need some random douchebag who can't take no sexualizing my avatar, which I use to help me feel comfortable in my body. Being an adult also means knowing the appropriate times for such things, and it's most certainly not appropriate around strangers.
That's because you shouldn't ever get sexual with someone if they don't reciprocate the willingness to talk about it. The very moment that you attempt to start a sexually charged conversation with someone and they don't reciprocate the energy, you stop immediately, even with an apology potentially, or it's completely inexcusable if you push any further. There's absolutely nothing that can make it right past that point.
And that's just for talking about those things in general, not directing the sexualization toward that person, which is far worse. Unacceptable to do so unprompted and without building up to it organically, and that's after making clear that you aren't breaking any law. Never something that can be acceptable with a new acquaintance, let alone a stranger. That belongs specifically to places for one night stands and hook ups. And reciprocation is key.
I've never understood furries's ease of dialing those things up to 11, 5 minutes after meeting you, and i'm pretty damn open minded. You just played a game with them, you add eachothers on Discord, then boom you get 50 NSFW images right off the bat. WTF? It's not gonna bother me personally, but i don't agree with it at all from a manner standpoint, under any context other than somewhere explicitely dedicated to that purpose, and even then you don't just jump into it, period.
The boundaries thing is a major issue in the furry community, especially when it comes to being openly sexual towards other people. Even outside of VRChat, furries are so commonly sending twitter dms or whatever and just opening up with immediate ERP and stuff. It's so prevalent that young kids getting involved with the fandom see older people behaving this way, and then think that this is how you act with other people, making it worse and repeating the cycle.
The community needs to clean up this behavior, as it also makes it even easier for predators to exploit kids in the community, but I don't know where you'd even begin getting an entire group of people from all over the world to actively change like that.
Being friends with kids is fine, but you just have to realize that their kids
You can’t treat them the same way as adults and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU BE ATTRACTED TO THEM
This. More than once too, have I stepped in and stopped people who were openly messing with kids in a very bad way. Often times too, people don't know ages of others, so they just ASSUME, and someone needs to be like "Hey uh... that person has their age in their bio, so stop that."
A lot of people are just too willing to ignore that, or just don't notice such things, and then, because everyone avoids the younger people, they get hurt and exploited, rather than protected.
I think people forgot about adults and kids being friends in person too, so it’s just become “so you are friends with someone that young/old?!?! Gross!”
Yeah, I kind of sucks
I’m a minor and I have some good friends that are adults (family friends but still)@@Sp3ctralI
I see 18yr Olds being heavily against doing anything with someone even a year under them.
Like being a nonce means any interaction with a minor makes you one.
Which is weird because it's a game and VRC is pretty much the only game I've seen people be so adamant about not interacting with minors to the point I ask them if they have issues keeping their dick in their pants and are just protecting themselves.
Because you ain't gonna play a single public game of murder or prison escape without a minor being in there.
@@0zymandias_666 nobody cares gramer nahzee
All these red flags happen everywhere not just furry fandom or vrchat.
Either way good video, arming people with info is always a good step as the harder it is to control people the less likely it will be (Just look at scams as an ensample)
Seriously, people who lie about their age are sad as hell, and especially the adults who pretend to be kids are the biggest creeps ever and probably up to something super illegal.
DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THESE GUYS!!!!
We also can't forget the teens/kids that pretends to be adults... in my humble opinion its as/or even more destructive as adults pretending to be teens/kids.
kids are always going to pretend to be older than they really are for the perks that come with being older. That’s just how kids are. Adults should know better then to pretend and be a kid.
@@jasonkirbo4761 It's oftentimes easier to question them of their real age, when you hear their voice enough to tell it is not a voice of an adult. Of course however some people have convincing voice enough to assume they are adult.
But then again, if unsure always ask to prove age or desist.
Some kids just don’t want to be viewed badly, especially after having experiences with people ridiculing them for being young. I have experience.
@@ZephyrDaCrow Who cares? You never pretend to be an adult to 'fit in' with adults, period. That can ruin an adult's life because the things you say around adults are VERY different than the things you say around kids.
i recently had my own issue with a person that was super narcissistic on NeosVR, isolating people, calling everyone a pedo just because they didnt hang with them and always playing the victim with so many victim stories. it was very hard for me to notice or break out of the situation because i am not so social and have extremely bad social anxiety and social cues but after my other friends being targeted it broke it wide open and blocked them and they also got perma banned from Neos thats how bad it got.. it was quite the social challenge for me.
Ill share this video to who i can see possible isolating or controlling over them so they can also see the red flags. Thank you Vox for making this video
Jeez thats bad and whats worse is it caused damage too! Glad they got rid of em cause those people are the worst
That’s horrible! 😔
hugs
Was it a certain bunny fellow?
Cause I recall seeing someone throwing out wild accusations like that in that echo chamber telegram server Karel had made for himself, and they even mentioned having gotten banned from Neos.
@@DarnHyena yes
Get this man on the home page
Its on mine
Appeared on mine too
Sometimes I accidentally violate boundaries after spending too much time around people without those boundaries in my life, there's been a few instances that I've felt bad about.
As long as you communicate that to other I think its fine
I once lied about my age (I lied about being an adult) , wanting to feel included but in the end it was not worth it in any way, I ended up losing the friend I lied to just so I was included and a bunch of others. Never until then have I thought it was bad or anything, but now I regret ever doing it. Its not worth lying
Some lessons just need to be learned through experience. :)
my grandma, when i was a kid, once said to me: a lie is like a tiny snowball you left to rolldown a mountain, you think its insignificant at first, but down the line, it can and will cause a disaster to you and everybody involved.
Similar thing here. After being insulted for being "just some dumbass kid," I started lying about my age for a while to feel included and have equal respect. it led me to things I regret, but I still understand why younger me did it. It's overal tragic
I used to work at a summer camp, so whenever I'm in a group situation where there are multiple age groups, my first instinct is to make sure all the kids present are safe, feel included, and are having a good time. I never considered that it could come across as creepy
its harder these days to interact with children without it being potentially flagged as creepy - but there is a BIG difference between hanging out with kids being a creepy thing and being just... hanging out with some kids.
You treat them AS children. You are an adult and you are taking a passive, minor but adult role in their playspace.
You arent pretending to be a kid, you aren't trying to engage with them entirely on their child-like level as 'one of them' - you are more focused on keeping everyone safe and happy as they play their games, not manipulating their expectations into becoming their bestest ever friend.
You are trying to make a small trust connection with them that they can tell you some things - like that another kid is being mean to them, or another adult is being a bit weird, and hopefully you are a mature enough adult to know the best way to help them in such situations.
None of that is creepy. That's how ANY adult should act ANYWHERE there are children. If you walk past a playground you are, at some tiny level, directly involved with keeping all the kids there safe - by acting if something bad happens.
A VRChat room is even more involved. You aren't their parents or their caregivers but as a bystander you still have some responsibility over their playspace being non-damaging to them.
Skills from being a summer camp worker are perfect for such an environment. I don't think you should be considered creepy for that, so don't worry too much about it.
Exactly! I have a parent type of mindset due to my own issues growing up. I’ll do what I can to make sure that kids are safe from what I’ve experienced. Whenever parents throw a headset to a child at the age of 13 or below, I try and convince those who are under the age of TOS that it’s not safe to be on VRC, and those who are between 13-18 I try to do my best to raise them as a parental figure. Sadly though, people have tried to label me as a creep when I’m not.
maybe state that it is instinct from your past job to make sure all the kids are safe
summer camp isnt vrchat. you can see each other and you know who you are dealing with. and you are a caretaker, not some random person from the internet.
A person being overly supportive or caring isn't always them being narcissistic or being a narcissistic person sometimes it is the result of trauma from growing up with a narcissistic parent or legal guardian who taught them that their needs didn't matter and they only received affection when they did something to be useful and as a result grew up feeling like thier needs were secondary and that people would only like them if they proved useful as that was the only way they ever gained affection growing up, this would cause them to ignore thier own needs in order to focus on the needs of others, yes it is true that narcissistic people will act very caring and supportive in order to feed thier own egotistical natures, but usually the way you can tell the difference is by how forthcoming the person is about thier own needs and wants, the narcissistic person will gladly ask for stuff from you, while the person doing it as the result of trauma will go out of thier way to pretend like they don't have needs as they are afraid that they will be thrown away the moment they prove even the smallest inconvenience for others, a fear that is often reinforced by true narcissist who take advantage of people like that
Hey... Your compassion video reached deep down... it was touching...
Before VR I had a Narcissistic friend who was my only friend for 2 years, he gas lit me a lot, made me feel sht... said the only way to improve was no ego, but to make yourself feel horrible to push yourself, make yourself seeing yourself as sht.... I confronted him about it and he just denied it, said I was lying...
But.... My friends on vr helped me... it was traumatic...
Coming to VR gave me a new mission... a new view on my life...
I want to be a good person... I want to influence others to be better versions of themselves... I want whoever I hang with... to say "wow... that guy is trying to be someone who cares... someone who is trying to fix people... to see that they are amazing.... I want to be like him"
That's what I want to give... I'm always worrying about my friends... about how I can be a better person...
Little do I wish... people would do that for me....
Your compassion video made me want to help people more....
I want to have an effect on people that if one day we ever went our separate ways, they'd remember me for being one of a kind on vrchat...
One day I want to make TikTok or UA-cam content like you... I want to be amazing... I want people to see that if they try... they can be good people....
Your amazing man... keep making content.... ❤ I WILL make content as good, if not better than you
(I'm not trying to rub in, pls don't misunderstand)
I just want to be inspirational... I want when people to see me... they will try harder... and see the furry community in a better light....
This community brought me out of the pits of my deep depression...
My friend fcked me up badly.... Furries changed me... made me reimagine who I want to be... made me question my sexuality.... They fixed me in a way....
This I will never forget...
This community means so much to me....
Especially when I'm from a home which has the stigma "if your gay, god says your going to hell"
It scared the fck out of me.... trying to control my decisions and all...
Vrchat changed my life for the better... I had no friends in High School and being Neurodivergent....
It liberated me knowing there are people like me.... people who care... people who are nice.... this fandom is amazing....
Ty for ur videos.... Hopefully you don't see me as a red flag 😢
Keep being you man... I just hope one day we can meet maybe..... You seem amazing to hang with....
ONE DAY I WILL BE AMAZING... ONE DAY I WILL IMPACT LIKE YOU DO
A lot of people are sad in the furry community. I wanted to help or cheer them up but I am shy. So I used a Rex avi and made it look as real as possible like a cute animal when people would pet or cuddle me. I developed head movements with phantom sense and it melts people and made them happy to see such a cute furry.
I hope I meet someone like you in VRChat or Rec Room or something.
@@wolfeprocterlikewise 😊
@@strawhatwolffy4701that's an interesting concept, lucky for phantom sense friend :)
Wonder what the avi is based off of
@@DDagove well down side. It’s addictive because of the very nice relaxing feeling I get when people pet me. It’s like a relaxing massage and I get dazed and put to sleep. It’s a gift and a curse. But I have something everyone wants in VRC. But can your body learn it? Some can’t.
Another ending to the “seeking power” situation is that person nuking the group by mass kicking, muting, or messaging, or even just deleting the group altogether.
Commenting to comment so my comment drives more comments as this bean deserves all the comments.
True
This video helped out alot, I wish I found this video sooner, bc I found out I was in a relationship with a total narcissist, he was using me for both my compassion and sympathy, as well as for sexual gratification. It felt as if I was trapped, so I eventually found and opportunity to break up with him, furthermore, I feel like I'm hanging out with other narcissists, bc a majority of my friends don't really put the same amount of compassion and sympathy like I do for them, I feel like I'm being used everywhere I go, and it hurts... Thank u for shedding light into my terrible situation, and I hope the best for u.
i hope the best for you, maybe move to a more friendly environment with less bad people and more kind and helpful people who will care for you as you do for them
I highly recommend get into some counseling or therapy with a licensed professional to safely talk things over. Not only can they help you identify if those are the situations you may be dealing with, but also help you to figure out if you're inviting those relationships and tools/strategies to protect yourself from it happening again. A way to 'check up' on future relationships might be helpful, too, so you're not held back by doubts. You might be able to check with your work, school, or insurance to see if they cover sessions! Good luck, and either way, I hope things go well for you!
@@RaethFennec The therapists I get are kinda just glorified doctors, all they did was prescribe me meds for my ADHD, no inline mental therapy to help me alongside the medications. I also already know this is the case since I've never met someone who doesn't just care about themselves, all they want to talk about is stuff in "their group", and screw anyone else outside of it... It also hurts that I get treated like garbage when somebody has a "negative opinion" of me, and a long time friend of mine, who of which I won't name and have since befriended him, took that opinion as their own and aggressively took it upon themselves to "put me in my place"... So I'm gonna be the person to bully back, bc I'm tired of being the one that's bullied.
@@electrothecat Wait but if you bully back then people will be more inclined to believe them. I deal with the same crap. My family nickname Kiwi was turned into a sex joke so i could be everyone's entertainment. To the point where i was stalked by a group of girls saying things like, "Kiwi kitty~~ we just want you to be our kitty~ come on were just playing~! You should wear a shock collar maybe youd curse less~" it's awful. And I'm tired of being hyper sexualized. It like im they're fetish. But i don't do that to them because it would back fire. They'd probably say something like, "Yes Mommy/Daddy~~" ew. Just ew. Now i know thats not the same thing as your situation. So feel free to stay firm with yor boundaries and defend yourself. But keep in mind that some things could back fire!
Doing important work here, thank you.
Really hate that zoophiles co-opted ζ, some of my early 'sonas had that symbol on them, just because I liked the aesthetics. Had to drop it to avoid association when that started to happen. Especially since that was during a time on my life when I couldn't pay as much attention as I used to, so I got blindsided by it.
7:20
People should always keep in mind, that sometimes groups just disassociate slowly, especially when the friend group consists of teens/Young adults that are slowly starting to go to college, get a job, etc and cannot find a time to keep friendships,
Or
Some people with ADHD may also drive people away without noticing as a result of multiple factors like not having the energy tp interact with them on a regular basis
Personally I'm slightly the "conversation is only about one" person, though not on purpose/maliciously, for me it's a natural habit I go to because my mind will instantly think _"hey, you did this too! you could tell about them, they will for sure be glad/happy/excited about the fact that you did something related to something they did/like!"_ but of course I don't say it every time some piece of information comes up
Also, I met an adult that hangs out with kids. I honestly have no idea if I'm the only one - I severely hope so - but I was about 13-14, playing VRChat, and he was in his 30's. Sexual jokes appeared almost immediately, teasing by whispering in a deeper voice (with me getting nervous), though he ended up helping me get rid of another person I really shouldn't have been talking to. We were friends, though I knew something was wrong. At some point he stopped playing VRChat, but I still have him on both my Discord and VRC friend list, hoping he won't come online again. And all of this because I couldn't (and still can't) just say "no" or "don't do this". Yes, adults can talk with children online normally, but the jokes and conversation topics *HAVE* to be adjusted to the child's age. No, telling them they're mature (which I've been told) doesn't do the job of excusing sexual or NSFW in general topics.
The "Friends just stop talking to me" Part, happens too often to me. I know I can come off as needy, or in some cases either negative about myself or an attention whore. However, I did find some friend groups that tolerates me and even help me out of my own funk. Some times, these friends that stop talking to me or ghost me most times, claim they're too busy or whatever. I give them space and say hi every once in a while, but I know if they don't want to hang around me for whatever reason, I'll just leave myself. I am getting better at having self-confidence in myself, and loving myself, which also retained some friends that left me, so, I get it.
exactly, and let me add, if you ever run into someone who doesn't know why their friends ghosted them, don't drill into them for it, that's stupid and invasive, even if you ever get your answer, they probably won't wanna be your friend after that.
I mean it's important to also note that I had a bit of an issue with saying being unable to explain it is definitely the fault of the person who had their friends drift away or abandon them. I know I've been on the other end and can recall who and why, and often it was just me having my own issues I can't deal with at the time, and for them it would be wrong place, wrong time. But when it's fairly common in your life, where people are often not keeping in touch with you or making an effort on their end, it's not one thing. And that can be frustrating to explain to someone because you couldn't truly say why for all of them. I know I have personal issues, and not everyone will get along with me, but even if I know some of the instances of what my flaws could be, because people will give you different answers, including contradictory ones about why they stopped talking to you, it's understandable to not always know the answer. I guess if someone just straight up says they have no idea and won't elaborate, the red flag for me would be they don't reflect at all on their behaviour or past. Not that those other people didn't have their own issues, and didn't abandon them.
It’s scary how often I run into people like that on VRC. Often it’s popufurs who act like the most important person in the instance, and take advantage of their fans wanting to play with them to please their ego. I hate it so much. What’s scary is *not many* people notice the narcissism in them. (Not every content creator is like that of course)
The closing thoughts were really important.
As an adult with not much free time I'm finding it difficult to find friends in VRchat because either they are all young with all the time in the world and because of the age difference (I'm 32) we have almost nothing in common... OR... I find that one unicorn but he/she has the same amount of free time like me which means we are almost never online at the same time and even when they are there are loads of other people that want to meet them so I just leave their instance after saying HI. Being an adult with responsibilities sucks sometimes. Maybe thats why I'm often a mute ... just hurts when you connect amazingly with people one day and then a week later they are gone(just like me when real life takes over)
Hanging out with kids is so true. I once attended an event and noticed a child joined in. They even stated in their bio that they're twelve years old. So I approached the host and told them a child who's too young to even play vrc joined and their response was "Yea he's our buddy we invited him" Mind you the host was about 30 years old and was constantly hanging around that kid.
The closing thoughts might be the best thing i heard this year. Figuring out how to hang out with other furries without getting pushed out cause i have like 3 friends i mostly hangout with online but are not furries so learning how to start solo is not easy.
I just go with the flow figure out culture and go to events to up my odds to actually chat. Its how i meet sorin and CD.
My reason for losing all kinds of friends and friend groups is that I have ADHD, and I forget to get a hold of people and I get distracted easy so then I go months without talking to them, and they forget I exist 😂😢
Not a bad video but the use of the word “narcissistic” to describe bad people really bothers me. People with narcissistic personality disorder are not all bad people so we shouldn’t use narcissistic to describe bad people without any knowledge of who they actually are. It’s perpetuating a horrible stigma and I wish people would stop using terms like these without actually knowing what they mean.
this a million times, im glad someone mentioned it
Sociopath and psychopath are probably better terms to use in these instances.
thank you, someone finally said it. It’s like how people use OCD to describe neat freaks that don’t have it
Well narcissist just means someone with an inflated sense of self. Untreated narcissistic personality disorder usually leads to people putting themselves over others in the sense of being willing to make others feel bad to make themself feel better. You don't have to have anti social personality disorder to gaslight or abuse someone. There's currently two people in my life in relationships with diagnosed narcissists, not psychopaths, who have been gaslit and manipulated so harshly they think it's normal to fight every day and question if they're going crazy. While narcissists are still people, they have a predisposition to allow the suffering of others for their benefit. They may feel guilty afterwards, but usually can suppress the guilt so they can reap more benefits.
narcissist definition :a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
"narcissists who think the world revolves around them"
being a narcissist and thinking you're perfect or always right and being prideful is not something to be excused just because it has something named after it.
taking issue with it kinda gives away the fact that you think your own arrogance and self worship is well deserved and shouldn't be called out
3:25 i was kinda afraid to age because i thought since i'm very immature i'd still want to hang out with mostly teens, but i'm 20 now and i find 99% of people below 18 so god damn annoying it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that people my age and older willingly spend their days seeking them out, interacting with them and that they're somehow able to uphold a conversation
i'm more of a grumpy old fuck than i ever thought i would be but i'm so glad i am
I agree with what you mean by people talking only about themselves but advice to anyone reading this, please try to find a middleground. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself, just make sure you also take an interest in others.
period!!! always share just as much as you listen
Humans are animals though. Reducing the problem of zoophilia to “it’s bad because they’re not human” is fundamentally flawed and detracts from the real reason zoophilia is gross behavior.
Other than that little fumble, good video.
Age does not matter... unless your under 18, then run for the door. TBH, it would be nice for VRChat to have a flag that could be put on underage accounts and the ability to filter those to keep them from joining instances where you really should not be when your under age.
Then comes the problem of age verification. Idk how many users would be okay giving their personal information to VRChat (I don't mind uploading my passport, I really want that feature 😂)
The whole nice person part gave me the creeps because I knew someone like this, then they turned out to be a known creep in multiple fandoms that they were shunned from. Very much so, strings were always secretly attached to their “favors”. I can’t wait until they’re entirely shunned off of VRC, which is soon (hopefully).
The whole perception thing too! The most I do is explain my experiences, but I also tell people it’s their choice to stay friends with them if they wish to as long as I don’t get stuck between crap.
It's an entire damn archetype. The "nice guys/girls". Those who always finish last. Tend to be redpilled incels with "strong traditional values", a victim complex, and inferiority/superiority complexes.
on the one where they switch identity often (not tryna seem just annoying or rude), i reach out to the previous people, but just the ones who were nice, because i have to try to escape some people who have been harassing me for almost two years now, so every 8 months or so i gotta switch accounts, and they keep finding me, so it sucks tbh
@@merpmerp and i thought what im dealing with was bad, just wondering, did they try to find your home address over that? because them people harassing me did, and they found every hotel i go to as well, so they are out to kill me over a little roblox oopsie
@@merpmerp yeah osu has a bad community
the zoophile icon is used by one college as a frat house logo, but if a furry has it, I avoid them
[I won't be replying to any zoophiles, MAPS, or anyone who'd get me arrested for supporting in the united kingdom]