Yes. This definitely feels like a drug addiction. Even when I'm screaming inside my head. Trying to remind myself how bad it makes me feel. I still want to hear him be nice to me one more time fully knowing it won't last.
jenomi72 you’re not alone!!! I feel the exact same way! I’m on day 1 (for the thousandth time) 😣. I just want him to be nice, loving, and caring; but it’s not going to last and I have no idea how to show him I’m serious THIS time. I thought I was serious all the other times. I’m just going to do like she says, and when I want him to be nice to me, Im just going to do my damndest to be nice to me instead or phone a friend. I’m wishing all the strength and encouragement you need to stay away. BLESSINGS TO YOU 😘❤️
Spot on!!! Get out if you can ladies before he leaves you, it was like drug addiction for me too & i threatened many times to be over, but i just couldnt let go & he knew it!! I desperately clung to that one more beautiful moment, always hoping it would change that he would show me the love i gave him, it drove me literally crazy & in the end he ended it.........over the phone mind you, im still suffering over a year later!!!! Get out!!! You deserve the world not that shit!!!!❤ STANDARDS & BOUNDARIES, I lost them all & myself!!
@Viva los pepes Took me 39 years to understand. My gut feeling said Enough is Enough and I put it in ACTION. Divorce a PAINFUL process going into my 3rd year, But I'm receiving DAILY STRENGTH from My CREATOR. I'm TRUSTING His outcome for My LIFE. My Battle belongs to Him. My Abuser is is Creation too and He needs to Re-create him Spiritually so that he can Heal & Surrender his Abusive Traits.
This comment section is comical. Y’all took 30+ years to leave a man that beat the snot out of y’all while there are great men out there, waiting for the chance? Ridiculous man, smh. Women enabling the abuse is extremely underrated.
Sean Smith many reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship. Don’t judge someone who had took that long to move on. You don’t know who they are or what their specific obstacles and hurdles someone has to go through. Don’t judge anyone that is in this situation. It’s no different than slut shaming or how some parents blame their own child for being molested by their spouse. Responses like this isn’t helping anyone by judging anyone you really don’t know about.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
I hope people see this before they have spent as many years in it as I have. Now he is disabled, and any chance of me having a different life are gone. Please people, follow this advice while you are young enough to enjoy some happiness, and freedom in your life.
i would leave him disabled and go have fun...i know it sounds mean but shit he did it to himself...you are not his maid and you can find either peace or another man who is healthy
I’ve been doing this for 10 years I’m still trying to get out. I leave them I get sucked back in with backlash and promises of change how I can’t leave the family that my kids should be my main priority. Get out with the first reg flags don’t spend years ...he has isolated me so well that I do not know one person on this planet anymore. I don’t even talk to my family.
“You have to decide that you want to be happy.” Yes. It’s so hard at first when you leave. But once you leave, you’ll feel that weight lift off your shoulders.
Argh the worst is the relationships you lose because people got tired of you going back or making excuses for the person who is litterally breaking you apart. So even when you leave the relationship, you are often alone and tend to go back just to have someone.
Its hard to admit but shes right ...its hard to accept who the person really is your always looking for them to show you love and affection like they did at the beginning
@@roxanabarrezueta9784 Yes and to know that they really didn't love you. It was all just a manipulative con job to gain access and control over you and your entire life. I don't think we choose them. They have done research on us and then begin to seek us out. Then shower us woth goey compliments. Saying little charming romantic things. Then always there. Like a bad penny, you try to get rid of and its back. Everytime it returns it gets itself mixed deeper into the piggy bank and its harder to root this bad penny out of your life. They either manipulative you into getting married or even sometimes get you pregnant. It's all a game to them in gaining control of your life. So they can bring total chaos, while steeling your self esteem, and totally overtaking your entire being and life. Until you no longer know who you are anymore, and you are unrecognizable to yourself or your family and friends. They think the other person is wonderful and you're just a crazy person. Because you've been living in this alternate reality. This utopian spin zone, gaslighting, madness, living in a house of the twilight zone. You wake up one day realizing you never chose them, they chose you. So you've been trying to keep your vows to them and God. Not wanting to break up your family. And one day you realize you're not even a part of your own family. You're left home alone. While this stranger who you never really knew is enjoying spending time with your family and you don't even exist anymore. Them you are trying to make sense of it all and trying to get your family back. But they look at you like who are you? And this person who's taken over your life is so awesome and they're cold to you because they were told or given the impression you didn't care enough about them to participate in their lives. But the truth is this person pushed you out and gaslighted them, loved bombed them, and just like they entwined and took over your life...did it to your children, grandchildren, and family. They have been manipulated into devaluing you, and casting you aside. So hurt by you thinking you didn't care about them, but everyone was really manipulated, brainwashed into thinking you didn't want to be with them. If it hadn't happened to me I would never believe it myself if you told me.... Now it's trying to get out of the twilight zone ✔️
But the problem still lies in ourselves. If you feel empty and unlovable you will have this craving for love and affection. If you heal your childhood wounds, you don't have the same craving for affection. You like it when its there, but you don't need it in that way.
I'm 42 and have wanted to leave for several years... But this guy is a whole different level of narcissist. He has a God complex on top of a Great salesman (makes his love bombing believable) and comes across as someone who is so successful at everything you can think & most of it isn't a lie, but a lot is inflated. I am in the process of meeting with a lawyer.
They 💯 test you to see if you'll back up your boundaries. They try to press them at 1st, steamroll them later. It's not your fault. Some folks are cunning, sly, manipulative and tricky. They want you to feel guilty. Read about the F.O.G. of coercive abuse (fear, obligation, and guilt). It keeps you in the guilt / obligation cycle even if they get scary. It's not about blame - does it even matter who's fault it is? Assigning blame is not the same as finding a solution. Look, you are finding solutions. You are already taking responsibility for your future. You have and are making changes in the dynamic by learning and applying what you now know. That is amazing and that is where the real gold is, here. You are using your power for good! Thank you! You are learning so much and will be well armed now against these tricky people. So you'll see it earlier and be better able to manage around them. Some people lack the benefit of insight. They lack the ability to look inward or reflect on how their behavior effects others, as effects the world around them. So they lose the ability to change it for the better. Sometimes it's because they are terrified of the shame that may accompany that. Or they just can't take it. It can feel impenetrable strong in the moment, like a rubber & kevlar vest with the word "you" on it so anything they get accused of or criticized for or corrected about bounces back in blame form aimed at whoever lobbed it their way in the 1st place. But it's an illusion because, over time, this tactic alienates people and isolates us from them. The same people we need and depend on, rely on for whatever reason, for the roles we expect or need them to fill in our lives. Co-worker, teammate, boss, boyfriend, sister...whatever. We have a picture in our minds of what that should look like (in an ideal world, maybe, right?) And when reality hits us in the face with a different picture or image of who they are instead, we get to decide how to take it or put the camera down. Right? But when you can see that and realize, like you have - that oh - this may be an inappropriate choice. This person isn't cut out for this role at this time in their lives. Oops. My bad. One thing learning all this has taught me is to look at where I might be holding expectations of others - like a general expectation that everybody's definition of a decent person matches mine or a reasonable, sane human being matches my picture of what that looks like. Seems standard... But it can get complicated when others disagree. For instance - I've got kids. They're young. It doesn't seem appropriate to me to use swear words in front of them. But to somebody else, words may only have the power you give them, so they might drop F-bombs no matter who's sensitive ears may be in the room. Suddenly Johnny Kindergartener's coming home from the principal's office for trouble over bad language. Oops. It's a habit. It seems harmless at the time... But by the time little Johnny gets in trouble it's so ingrained that it's tough to stop swearing around the children... A go to coping mechanism for daily stresses. Even though it does us no good, even when it is clearly causing harm or damage. Like an addiction - the habit feels entrenched. It's destructive, but some people can't use the word "fudge" or "shniekies" instead. They don't think it's worth it. Or they're too shamed to make the effort so they make it like it's no bog deal... Slippery slope. Better to be strong enough, like you, to see that slope and recognize you're on it and don't want to be and jump off or go climb back towards the stairs by getting out. It took me a while to figure out that boundaries aren't for or against the offending person. They're not an ultimatum against them. You don't even have to verbalize a boundary to them (and I wouldn't recommend telling narcs your boundaries unless you're ready for that test). Even without leaving a relationship, you can tell yourself "I don't like it when X uses bad language around the children, so any time X does that, instead of arguing with him about how damaging that is, I'm going to leave the room, quietly. Or step out of the house for a minute with the kiddo. If X is s going to use bad language, we'll drop everything and simply walk into a separate room where we can't hear it." If you do that enough, the person either gets the hint and changes behavior when their audience disappears immediately and consistently any time they do the bad thing... Or you find yourself changing rooms so often that it gets too disruptive to accomplishing even the simplest goals and it just doesn't even make sense any more to keep pretending even to yourself (I've heard it called "taking hopium) that you and X share the value of raising children in a swesr-less home. That's 1 sort of innocent exemple, but when I realized I could walk out of the room quietly without making a stink or throwing a fit anytime X swore - without starting an argument about whether or not swearing in front of children is " right", "decent", or "acceptable" way to raise them, that could change or effect things for a different outcome. The boundary was for me. The boundary was about me for me - how could I handle things sanely that seem insane to me? It wasn't saying "If you swear again in front of the kids, I'm telling the therapist!" It wasn't a threat against them, which only makes people defensive anyway. If I don't appreciate a behavior, I have choices in how I respond to it, but I don't get to control other people's choices or behavior even by explaining all the valid research that swearing in front of children regularly sets them up for a particular trajectory in life that may not be as positive as we want for them. Because some people are more interested in absolving themselves of their own responsibility or abdicating it to others they can then blame later if things go wrong, so they don't have to do the work of changing. But you are becoming the butterfly, now. Your flower has bloomed. Your life is taking winged flight. You saw where things weren't working and you stopped blaming so you could focus on making change. That is creative and strengthening. You are creative, compassionate toward yourself and whoever you may have been blaming (the "X" person), and you are strengthening by these new choices. Good on you! And congratulations. You are doing the work and you're bound to reap the reward of a life closer to the one you want for your future than the one you are letting go of. Yes!!! 👍 🎉 Thank you for the inspiration! Keep up the great work!
Trauma Bond definition: Is a cycle of physical or emotional abuse that creates a strong attachment between an abused person and their abuser. It is reinforced by periods of love and affection, and then periods of devaluation and emotional abuse.
I just realised that i fell in love with someone that doesen't exist. I made an image of a man in my head and now seeing him how he truly is, scares me because i don't know that person. It just feels like i am talking with a different person.
@@shannarasnodgrass2922 If i may give you an advice, get out of that relationship as fast as you can. Go no contact and never look back. I once felt like i can’t leave him and now i know it was just the manipulation talking. He used to hurt me and say it was my fault and i belived him. He made me feel ugly, stupid and as soon as i went no contact i saw things more clearly. Now he can’t touch me. He is just a bad dream. I am happy and healthy now as i never been before. Sending you love❤
You wrote something so real... 5 years of my life I spent loving someone who wasn't even real... now seeing him for who he really is.. my heart's crushed like I'm mourning death of my partner... because I don't know this guy.. I have no idea who this man is... which scares me from going back to him even when he pretends to be like the man I loved...
I was confused. I had no clue why i was staying with my abuser. Verbal abuse kept me numb for years. Just about year and half ago, i watched this video. Since then i educate myself about Trauma bonding, covert narcissist, psychological abuse etc. I set my self free after 11years. I am now living a abuse free life. Whenever i get silence i listen to my past, i close my eyes and feel empathy for my self. I have no regret. I am not sad. But i am surely wounded. Life is beautiful. Live it. Dont drag it. Thanks to this channel and thanks to all.
People do not leave a bad situation, because they are afraid that when they are out, it will be even worse. Especially when somebody depends financially.
I didn’t even know narcissism or even trauma bonding existed. Everything I did to try and save my relationship had to do with my belief in God. “Faith, things hoped for evidence unseen”. I kept praying that God would deliver our relationship but I realized God still gives us free will. My desire to make it work was not her desire. After all the studying I have done both reading and videos……this is real. Now I pray that God delivers me from all this pain and hurt. 🥲🙏🏾
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. I'm 8 months out and still have trouble letting go of "the dream". Thank you for what you do. =)
A. N. I keep all the horrible text messages he sent & as a reminder of all the bad times. He called me some pretty shitty names & said the most hurtful things than anyone has ever said to me. Now it has gotten to the point that I forgotten all the good times & that’s what help me continue to stay away. I haven’t been in his presence in 5 months. 3 week ago he tried to Hoover me talking about all the good times we shared. To combat that I read all the nasty text messages he sent to him so I could prove that he was a shitty ass boyfriend. Then I BLOCKED his new number & felt like I’m getting power back. My confidence is definitely being renewed.
Almost40born78 I wish I had saved all the nasty msgs he sent me so I could look back when I'm having a moment of wanting to reach out. I deleted them straight away after every time, I guess I thought at the time if I can't see them I didn't have to face what he was.
cj bear thanks for message. I still struggle with cognitive dissonance. There are times where I remember when my ex was so sweet & kind, but then I remember he has at least 5 different personalities & only ONE of them is nice. So yeah I counteract the good memories by remembering the bad ones. And those text messages I saved are a big help....approximately 10,000 text messages of straight bullshit. The good news is that he is the only narc I’ve ever dealt with & when I think of my exes prior to him, I remember how normal & stress free they were. So I’m hopeful for future because I had better in the past. So the only thing I’m focusing on right now is catering to my own needs. I learned a lot from this relationship & I thank God I went through it. I realized I was too trusting & too empathetic but not anymore. Anyway, I hope that you a great journey in your healing process as well. You should keep a journal of all the bad things your ex has ever done to you & whenever you get weak & slip into cognitive dissonance read your journal out loud to yourself! You don’t need saved text messages to remind yourself of the abuse..trust me you don’t.
This is sooo powerful, the concept that breaking the trauma bond is as strong as withdrawal from addiction...Always feeling the need to go back for more. I’m still going through the codependent withdrawal today. Thank you so much for all the insightful video content. It has been invaluable in helping me grow the courage I’ve needed to break the cycle.
Feel that one man, went through most of my life without realizing how codependent I was/am then spent a few years trying to make it a good thing, now I'm drained and somehow still jonesing for that toxic mess.
@@Candy_Mountain I pray he figured it out if the person he's with is truly has NPD? Or if that person just needed counseling? I've known a few over my lifetime. Some even with counseling just figured out how to use the counseling to manipulate their spouce. The other barely escaped with their life and sanity. Only escaped The violent covert NPD spouse in their battle of cancer. It's truly heartbreaking. I've only just been enlightened about narcissim and the different Personality traits and disorders....that person doesn't even know yet that they were indeed not just in a bad relationship but in one with a sociopath. Even after death are experiencing all these trauma bonded victimization emotions not knowing how to just live and move on. Still alienating themselves from family not knowing how to enteract. Horrible dysfunction. My hope is to inform and help them through sending these ensightful videos to them.
Thank you for not being judgemental. I have been blamed before for not leaving earlier, years ago. I do not blame myself (anymore). His insanity has nothing to do with me.
Its not so much about blaming yourself but acknowledging the truth (which is similar to blaming oneself) and taking responsibility for what you did not do earlier. Once you own up to what you do you can start to UNdo the same behavior patterns. That's the key. Own up to it ! Stop saying I don't wanna blame myself. Thrn you will never admit its your own fault.
Brynel S. That’s exactly how I felt when I was in the process of getting ready for my wedding. I always felt something was off, but would think of the good times we’d had and the promises and words he said, so I pushed through and got married. Two years later, I’m planning my escape. Things just kept getting worse and now I realize that I’ve been getting emotionally and financially abused. Had I actually accepted things for what they were, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I hope you made the right decision for yourself.
@@brynels.9189 Red flag. Run! Take heed. Marriage is a Life long Commitment. Not easy to get out if. You might spend more on a Divorce than your wedding to end ABUSE. It was meant for you to listen to this video
@@alondramontez6982 I Empathise with you. You 2 years down the line. I was 30 years and 7 years separated. Battling a Divorce that's costing me so much MORE Financially than my wedding 🙈
I was done with crying and couldn't cry until I finally finished this video. Took me 10 mins and I cried, couldn't hold my tears. I feel like a failure for not taking this guy out of my mind. Deep down I knew he was not for me because he would always put me down, always angry at me and sometimes even belittles me. And then I would think about the fun things we did together and say to myself that probably it wasn't that bad. I really desperately wanted him to change, but he told me he will not. I'm in college, work, no kids, and feel like a failure for chasing after this guy when I know he is not good enough for me. Sending him text messages at night telling him how I feel. But like you said it's a drug addiction. It is hard to let go, but I'm going to make the effort to change and love myself first. I really hope it works.
Lily Lily I knew someone in this situation, give each other a month apart, no phone calls, no texts, no looking at photos of you two together, and no seeing each other, after a month and possibly a few more weeks, the fog of this obsession will dissipate and you’ll start to think more rationally about the situation which will help you make better decisions, in that month just busy yourself as much as possible, occupy your mind on other things and work on your self-esteem by taking care of yourself with exercise, healthy foods and so forth, just be selfish this time, I gave this advice to someone years ago and it worked for her
It took my ex-boyfried's brother on his Death Bed to ask me why I tolerate the abuse! It was his words that finally got me to leave. IT was after 2 years of a relationship, and 6 years in total a friendship. It took him 4 years to break me! The Covert Narc was something I never knew existed! OMG! It was like a drug AND Addicted! It was so bad especially as an Empath!
Covert narcs are the worst! My "mother" was one. As the "queen" she only barked orders and never listened. She was the Supreme ruler of her castle and thought she owned everything and used anyone to serve her needs. I was a slave to do her bidding. Any attempts to obtain employment and leave were secretly sabotaged to keep me controlled and dependent. Anyone looking from outside the home saw her as a "wonderful person" and I was always made to be the villian. REALLY EVIL PERSON AND HER EXTENDED FAMILY!!!!!😈😈😈😈😈
Just found this video. I'm currently in a severely mentally and emotionally and financially abusive relationship and I feel so alone. I can't deal with the names and the screaming and blaming me for everything. I want too leave but just don't know why I can't.
I was in the same situation for 32 years I have left and gone back, but this time I have left for good, it’s only been a week, I feel so much better, you need to change your situation only you can do this, otherwise it will NEVER change !
Out of all of the people I’ve been watching who describe narcissism and codependency and abuse, I feel as though you have been personally picked by the universe for people like me. I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom, empowerment, and guidance. I am in the healing stages of a 4 1/2 year relationship. The relationship ended a couple months ago, and the pain felt never ending. The breakup was so harsh and was the biggest betrayal I’ve ever experienced in my present life. It wasn’t until I started coming across educational videos and started that process of learning that I came across you. I believe the absolute best thing you can do after a seriously abusive breakup is educate yourself. I’m on the path to self love and healing and I’m never looking back. I stared doing things for myself that I never thought I was capable of. I’m reading books on codependency, I’m painting again, I’m working out, hanging with friends, etc. For anyone else going through the worst pain of your life, please know this: 1) it’s not forever 2) it’s not your fault 3) it gets better. Even though the relationship wasn’t real to the narcissist, it was real to me. I’m grieving the person I “believed” with every single ounce of my heart was this magical and amazing person. I’m grieving the hope I gave our future. And most importantly, I’m forgiving myself, for allowing myself to go through all of that. I’m a Scorpio, and my intuition is out of this world. I always knew it wasn’t my forever relationship, but trauma bonding is a b*tch. I truly feel like people like you who help educate the world and make it a better place are what I aspire to be. I’ve always wanted to help people. Maybe this will open the door for me to become a coach or counselor and help others in need. The point is, I’m focusing on the positive. So many lessons have been learned, and so many opportunities have been placed before me. My path is clear, my head is clear, and finally my heart is clear. I’m never looking back, only forward ❤️
I hope you continued to do well. I have healed and returned to who I was prior to the 50 year relationship. I meet my old self and take her forward to who I am now. And I also try hard to not look back. XXOO
I'm a few days out and it's very painful.. Your your words hit hard because I can smell my future,,I blame myself for loving such a person... She took my soul and she keep trying but I know if I go back I will die... So thanks you so for all the info..I know I will never go back to her..SHE IS A USER ,NARCISSIST,,MANIPULATOR, LEACH,PSYCHO,AND CRUEL, MOST DEFINITELY AN ABUSER😢😢😢😢🫶🏿🙏🏿❤️
Your videos are giving me the strength to end my marriage with my abusive husband. Thankfully we have no children and it is early on. Only been married for six months and it has been such a terrible rollercoaster. Verbal, mental, physical abuse. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting all these videos. I’m still trying to stay strong 💜
3 yrs in a emotionally abusive relationship, the last straw was him waking up yelling at me for 3 hours! That night I decided he would never change, he hated me and my kids and blamed me for all his failures. The next morning I packed his things while he was at work, when he got home my sons loaded his truck...of course there were words but I stood strong and was determined to end this so that I could have a peaceful life. When he backed out of the driveway I felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders, my son woke up the next morning and said "my mom has her life back and I have her back, I know it was hard but you made the right decision". It was sooo hard to get to that point, but once it was done my life is mine, it's peaceful and I can go anywhere, do anything, anytime without being accused of crazy things! I'm 55 and I still want to enjoy the rest of my life with or without someone by my side. I'm moving forward, I have gardening, crafts, and home projects to keep me busy, I'm learning new things everyday. Everyday I'm healing, everyday is a new adventure. God is so good, I'm praying, listening to sermons...feeling loved again ❤
10 years, being in this relationship, the only man I have ever loved more than anything, he's an alcoholic, he is emotionally and physically abusive at times. We just got our own place a few months ago, and I thought it would make things so much better, it would make him happy finally having a home, so I brought him a car, I got him a job through my father and I got us a house, and what do I get I get made to feel guilty for wanting to be a mom and having a family, I get emotionally abused and called names and I get metal objects thrown at my head, and I still want to go back. I just want to go home and be home, and gave him give me a hug and hold me, and kiss me and tell me I'm everything, and he loves me and his sorry. It's so messed up I feel this way, I left our house, took a bag of clothes and just left, it truly is an addiction, I always said he was my drug, I was addicted to him and I meant it it, I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love him, but I know it is possible, I know this, I just need to make it so, I need to leave for good, not 2 years like I have before, for good. I am 30 I want a child, I will never be a mum as long as I stay with him, I have to accept what he is taking from me, what he holding me back from💔🥺
I have been trying to heal from a trauma bond/narcissistic relationship for years now and all of my early 20s. I stumbled upon your videos one day when I was looking for some answers and I am so grateful I did. Your videos, message, and knowledge really speak to me and help. They make me feel like I am not alone, which in these situations is hard to find someone that understands. Thank you so much.
I m going thru the samsruggle, am trying to ❤️ myself it hasn't been a week since I broke it off,am 63 , years old so don't feel you,bad we are strong woman,I could do this,anyone can😇
What our heart sees vs what our gut/ head sees can be so different. You hit the nail on the head, we're wanting the person we fell in love with but is no longer there (or never was). 33 years here, many times I've left and have gone back..... I'm now done with the cycle, no more trauma bonding. No self guilt, just done. Being alone is no longer scary and living peaceful is far more important than anything else. I'm deserving of that!
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
Perfect!... I have compared my feeling for this abusive person EXACTLY to what an addict must feel for their drug of choice. You love AND hate the person, you KNOW in your heart that they are BAD for you, yet whenever you pull away you miss them like crazy and can't wait to be with them again. How crazy is that!!!???
I must be crazy. And I have a son and pregnant with a girl. For the sake of my children I need to think of them and get out of this relationship. I feel.the same as you feel. Its a love and hate thing. I know me and my kids deserve so much better. This man does not love or care about me. Yet he is like a drug and I know once I cut him off again...the withdrawal affects will hurt bad and I will feel depressed and broken.
@@thevegantitian I'm so sorry you are in this situation... but don't think you need to get out just for the sake of your kids! Yes, they also suffer and end up having a really bad image of marriage... but you should also think of yourself. Nobody deserves to be stuck in an abusive relationship.
Thank you so much for all your work. I’m 2.5 years from a discard from a nine year marriage and almost six months out of another toxic marriage. What you said is so very true. I wish I could have heard this years ago. I have went from the darkest depression to massive love bombing to dark depression. You can heal from this and be happy again. Love yourself like you would your own child. Be his or her champion.
Soccer Moon yes!! Happiness does exist after abuse and depression. Really learning how to love yourself.. learning how to heal from your internal wounds.. learning how to practice mindfulness and having positive and healthy self talk is the key towards your happiness!
I think my biggest fear is “will I ever find someone else and be truly happy? or will I find another toxic relationship? Am I the toxic person like he says I am?” I know it’s not all me, but then I still get stuck. Then I get angry and frustrated with myself, because I don’t deserve this! Thank you for sharing!!! Thank you Stephanie Lyn for helping me so very much with this!!!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! I’m on my thousandth day one of leaving, but it has to be for good this time. I’m pregnant with my first child, and I don’t want my child in this unhealthy environment. My fears don’t match what I know, but they’re so strong right now. I’m struggling to combat them. I’m going to do like you said, and take the time to love me!!! Thank you so much for this!!!
@ropey bird I’m well, thanks for asking. Loneliness is a problem sometimes but it could be worse...it has been worse. Lol. I’m still learning and growing and trying to figure it out. It’s like sitting at a poker game with a stack of chips. It gets shorter and shorter. All the effort I’ve spent on relationships is like that stack of chips. Keep playing and lose it all or cash out while I can. I’m taking my chips and spending them on me. 😂
He ruined my life. I met him in 2003 and it has been a roller coaster nightmare. I am leaving this devil man and I never want to go back again. I realize that he was an addiction. I will work hard to stay away from him. No man has the right to abuse a woman!
I have been married 53 years of emotional abuse. Now it’s getting worse. He has shook his fist at me and he got mad and shoved me. I’m 71y/o I worked as a nurse worked hard to paay my house off . Then lost my home of 34 years because of him! He was caught in a park with another man and caused me to have a breakdown always says he sorry and for me to forgive and forget and all these year just continues to tell me I’m stupid, I don’t know nothing. I had 2 breast cancer then colon cancer and he was not there for me. If I have to be in the hospital I get dropped off picked up on d/c and not helping me after I get home . He even ignored me when very I’ll never checked me or gave me water,food then took my iPad and phone after I called a friend for help😢everything is in both names living ssi Check to check. No money to get out on my own or I would have moved on. I’m stuck !
Wow!!!! OMG!!! I never realized I could be addicted to the pain. I always thought I was addicted to the “good times” but the truth is, when is good it’s not really that good. I think you nailed it. Thanks for being the only person who has ever said that!
ive left abusive marriage 30 years ago.I disagree you should sit down and tell him youre leaving.Bad idea!Just go when hes not home one day.Get on welfare if you have to like i did go to a shelter.I had no family or friends to go to
Thank you. I've been coasting through all of your videos all day and I've finally realized that I need to work on myself...not him. I chose him. I'm the problem. I can work this out on my own with myself, and it doesn't have to be with him. So powerful. He was my best friend, my lover... the man who kept asking me to marry him...then we're breaking up every couple of months. I couldn't accept him to begin with, but now I have. And I accept myself. Thank you.
It's 25 plus years .....am searching a way to do that .... breaking the trauma bond and move out ..... No self respect, no self love, no self worth ... NO BOUNDARIES.. It's TIME... I take responsibility for my life and live a life I am worthy of. At 50 plus , it's time to start Afresh !!!!! I DESERVE A GOOD LIFE!!!! Thanks Stephanie 💖💝
As I embark on this journey of leaving this relationship of 8 years... the last 5 as his “only” caregiver after a stroke...I will say it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am an empath, codependent, martyr. I know the areas I need to work on. Yet... .I am full of quilt and I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I know I HAVE to do this.. because I am dying under the criticism, the critiques and condemnation. Nothing I do has ever been enough or good enough. I walk on egg shells, waiting to upset him about the smallest thing. I have been watching these videos for about 3 months and slowly I am getting my life back. To tell you how sick I was... I did not eat until he was ready to eat, even if it was 10 at night. My first move was to go to bed when I was ready, to eat when I was hungry, to do things that make me happy without asking permission. Needless to say ... he is very unhappy and saying I am putting him through hell. I am currently looking for a home and I want a divorce. I have seen an attorney... why do I sometimes feel like I am the bad guy?
You are so strong You as an empath are awakened and are finding your individuality I love this comment You really are so tough Your aligning with your self You are your own person I woke up too He hates it
My mom has codenpendency with my Narcissitic Abusive Father. When I stopped being "best friends" with my narcissistic "best friend" of six years she said,"Will nobody is perfect if you cut off everybody who disrespects you. You won't have any friends and you'll be alone." That answer just showed me that she has such a low self-esteem that she rather get disrespected than be alone. And it explained so much to me why she's with ny father who yells at her, calls her names, cusses at her, throws her things, questions her decisions, talks badly about her ti her children,etc.
you not alone...I've learned so much about narcs on these channels since I discarded last year, I'm wiser, stronger, ..you cant really see yourself until you get out that situation...it wasnt love it was lust, addiction, emotional abuse, and trying to control n manipulate this is spiritual warfare...
I promise you’re not alone. I left my abusive relationship a month ago, but a few months before that, my boyfriend’s stepfather left his mom for the same reason…abuse. I watched how it destroyed him. It’s easy to think it only happens to women, but I watched how much his mother destroyed this man and I am so happy that he got himself away from her. I’m praying for you and I hope you are finding peace and safety….it really is exhausting.
Out of all your videos this one hit home the most... I never realized how over the past 25 years I changed me to try to make them Happy which was/is unattainable..
Stephanie - I am so grateful for you and your videos. I am 7 years out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I’m still healing. Thank you for validating what I am going through and providing so much insight. Bless you.
I wonder if ADHD people who grew up in codependency is just f**ked. We have trouble remembering things, not to mention lousy self confidence. We're not particularly known for consistency, ourselves. And it's even more difficult to put the picture together when something isn't right.
You can learn to manage ADHD, speaking from experience. It is easy to be controlled my ex narc controlled everything and I got help and stoped giving her narcissistic supply and she discarded me after 24 years. Left me with my 13 year old daughter. I now had to learn to do everything, hardest year of my life but I’m getting stronger everyday and now have joy and support not from a dating relationship. From healthy support groups, clubs, and church. You have to do the work. I literally cried for a year, 7 months everyday at one point went to the ER thought I was dying of cancer or something b/c of weight loss. ADHD medication was killing me got off it and use practical therapy and modalities. Meditation and exercise and lots of retraining my mind and practices.
Ive just been diagnosed at 51 with ADD, it has helped me see a my past & behaviours a little clearer but so difficult yes with codepencey also in a relationship, i didnt know what was going on with me & having an emotionally detatched partner did not help at all, yes natchnieniO i totally get what u r saying, it is so crippling, i was/am really bad for the memory also & when drinking sometimes blackouts with him & certainly isnt nice when they leave u instead of wanting to help & support u, its not there job to fix u i know but everything takes two EVERYTHING, there is a beginning & an ending & support is everything in a relationship especially when triggered by things they did!! And we are left blaming outselves literally feeling crazy!!!!!!! I am still suffering over a year later & cry also but have decided i must work on me like u bksusmc, i am trying to retrain my mind, watch my thoughts, meditate & exercise, i listen to LOTS of motivational videos on utube eg Trent Sheldon, Stephanie Lynn everyday, i put motivational affirmations everywhere, its really hard & knowing hes just off doing what ever without the suffering i am going through, but i will & am determined to come out the other side a much stronger, wiser, happier, awake women & i wish this for all, we are so much more, worth so much more, we just lost our way to others, reclaim your power as TRENT SHELTON hammers into u!!! Much love ❤
@@bksusmc great advice bksusmc, i also am doing/attempting meditation & trying to get out into nature, walking, beach etc, i hope things are getting better for you & your daughter, i dont like to judge but is really not very nice to dicard you both after 24 years no matter what wow!! I wish you all the best & much happiness, oh just curious what meditations you listen too?
Holy moly, this is me. I literally can’t remember half the stuff that he says to me but when I look back at my journal and see what I’ve wrote I’m like omg why am I still here? I remember the feelings but I forget the words yunno. I thought I was just crazy hahaha
This!! I have ADHD and I’m in an emotional abusive relationship for 2 years. I’m trying to get out of it and I tend to forget what I expected from him, what he did to me and how he did it. I tend to be unconsistent with my ideals the more I forgive, I can’t commit with what I truly want, it changes a lot. When I remember the stuff he did it hurts so bad but then again my moody self is randomly missing the good stuff and he is able to meet that radical change of energy. HELP
This video really shows the sadness behind the consequences of trauma bonds. But at the same time, enlightening. An opportunity to be positively smarter and wiser.
I’m so glad to watched this video this really explains why I’m having such a hard time leaving this emotional and narcissist and mind controlling relationship... Whenever I try leaving the relationship she tells me I’m trying to destroy her ... It’s only been a year and a half and we don’t have kinds.... It’s like my mind is fighting with my emotions.... Thank you 🙏🏽 Stephanie
This is a good one! I am currently staying in a domestic violence shelter in Tennessee, and I'm trying to share your videos with the other women.... Whether they listen or not--- I do! I sincerely appreciate these videos. I explained to my boyfriend what love is by reading him 1st Corinthians 13. ( His reply was "You can't just read some book and then take it as gospel truth." Yes. Those were his exact words lol) I told him that when you break it down line by line, everything that he does is actually opposite what love is! ( Love is patient -he is not. love is kind- he is not. love is long suffering- he is not. love keeps no record of wrongdoing- he does. etc) Then I looked up the definition of trauma bonded and and it is a perfect match!
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV
Wow. I need to listen to this video every single day until I I am free. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it randomly. It is very eye opening. Thank you, Stephanie.
Thank you for all your videos. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 married to a narc. I want you to know you give me hope. I start each day with one of your videos and what a difference they have made in my life, I now know I’m not alone ❤️
My ex told me after I would leave he would tell everyone I was pshyco when I left yesterday and he was spitting in my face and he was calling me a bitch and all this stuff. I packed up my stuff and left after 8 months.
From having a narcissistic mother, I married what I knew. He was better than the abuse and neglect I was getting at home.I really don't know anything different. Married 42 years. Most of them happy, but maybe it wasn't happy? Maybe I was asleep and now I'm trauma bonded. Most of the time I am unseen in my marriage unless I'm out of his sight. He has to know my every move . Having a tough time sorting all this out. Been listening to you a couple years now and my eyes have opened up. Thank you for all your help. Sincerely
This is yet another hit by Stephanie Lyn. Her words are so compelling. Thank you Ms. Lyn for taking all the time and energy to share your insights with the rest of us in these articulate, well-prepared and thought out presentations. I highly endorse everyone to review these before getting into relationships; it will help you steer to what makes you most happy.
Your videos make me realize how hard is to recover after an abusive relationship! Almost 2 years of marriage with a man that manipulated me and made me believe that I was the problem and that I wasn’t enough to him!
I can’t explain how much I needed to hear that. We aren’t taught enough about emotional abuse and so it’s hard to find help and someone who understands what I’m going through. I have never been more thankful for a video. My feelings feel validated and I feel a little bit less alone and stronger then yesterday and I have the validation to be strong another day and really start a life I’m actually happy to live. Thank you.
When I first met my husband my impression of him was that he was a nice guy therefore he was the type of guy to treat women right. Looking back I realize how stupid that mentality was. I didn’t even know him but I took him at face value. Of course he morphed into my soulmate, but then the mask came off slowly until the devaluing phase and discarding eventually took place. If anything I have learned not to take people at face value.
same here, except he is my fiance. It's so interesting how time unravels the truth. It's so scary. This really discourages me to go out there and look for someone.
Thank you for this. It is very clear. I have been trauma bonded for 57 years! Being with narcissists for so long leaves you totally empty, damaged, and unrecognisable. Trying to take even a step at a time becomes impossible. There is nothing left inside you to even take one step. I really do not think people can understand the freeze and demotivation and exhaustion that takes your body over when you have been harmed by a narcissist. Their toxicity is like a cancer, it eat away at your health, your reserves and life. Sometimes narcissists destroy you, and no matter how much you want to leave and change things, there is NOTHING left in you to do it. You are numb and empty and broken.. So where do you find the reserves from then, when you are destroyed to.take even one step?? knowing I deserve better doesn't automatically give me the strength or energy to take a step. My brain has been altered by narcissistic abuse, it changes.your brain, it harms you physiologically.. I am desperate to be happy and free, but how do I get there when there is nothing left of me. ?? Xxx
This is exactly what I needed right NOW! I just had my fiance start moving out of our house two days ago because hes emotionally and verbally abusive. My divorce of 7 years was easier than this break up of 9 months and I've been wondering why. But now I know why i feel like i cant let go even though i know i should.
after 2 years of being separated I finally have understood all this. just something as simple as saying you don't want to have any more contact is a big step.
What if your partner makes you feel like if you don’t meet their standards. Like if your the person ruining the marriage. It’s so hard I feel like I know I’m in a emotional abusive marriage but I feel crazy because sometimes I feel like it’s all my fault I ask him to leave but he doesn’t 😭
I believed the same until my psychologist informed me a relationship consists of 2 people, so it's not possible for only 1 of them to be responsible for all that goes wrong. Much Love🕊️🙏🏻
@AbiGail Agguire They need to communicate what their Standards or Boundaries are so You can see if it alligns with YOURS. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. EQUALLY sharing EVERYTHING. He won't leave coz Your Leaving Boundary is not firm ENOUGH. He knows YOUR behaviour and they manipulate you in falling back into their arms. They feel Good and thrives on your Co-Dependency. Only You Know what You EXPECT from him and ONLY You CAN Demand RESPECT. It works Both ways. Never 2nd guess What you put into your MARRIAGE. Go with Your gut FEELING. Stop the ABUSE by making him aware of Your needs too.
I tell my husband to leave and he won't/ he has filled all the bedrooms up with his stuff and took over our daughter's room, so all 3 kids are in my bedroom. He tells me I am an idiot and a moron. When we married I wanted to stay home with the children and he was all for this, so I always stayed home and not work, but now he resents paying the bills and makes it sound like he is giving me that money (but it is not going to me really-I am paying bills) tells me if I get a job he will quit his and stay home (and drink all day) and if I leave he will take away my house ( I inherited it from my Dad and this is my childhood home)...I am so stuck. I pray God delivers me.
I'm learning that's their game. It's cliche emotional abuse from people with this type of mental illness...varying in degrees of severity. (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). We get trapped because obviously we aren't 100% healthy. Thankfully we are here and want to heal. I have a new mantra that is helping me dismiss his abusive words... "He's mentally ill" No more trying to understand, change or reason with him.
I’ve been in an verbal & mental abusive relationship for about 3 years. I used to always make excuses bc I thought there was something wrong with me. So i made excuses and took it, until I became depressed and started having anxiety attacks and just straight up feeling like I was going insane. I’ve tried to leave many times, but I’m scared and ik he’s gonna show up to my house and still try to talk to me. Idk what to do bc I’m ready to get out. Someone please help.
This is such a strong message, I’m just starting to realize my husband has this trauma bond on me we’ve been married for a year now and everything has changed also i caught him still talking To his ex and it’s so disgusting the things he say to her . But I’m starting to realize my worth and trying to leave is the hardest
Very relatable Very hurtful Did you end up leaving? I was with him for 10 years and the pain of leaving was way too much I lasted 4 months then came back Not a a thing has changed.hows life for you now????
understanding how the trauma bond really works has been so freeing for me - I appreciate how well you explain things and are respectful to those of us who have had to swallow that tough pill and accept the hard fact that we need to leave if we want to be healthy and have a better life.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR WORK, I'M IN THE GARAGE RESORING AN OLD CHEVROLET IVE HAD SEEN 16 , I WILL BE 54 OCT 8 WOW!!! I'M LISTENING TO YOU TO TRY AND RESTORE ME!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
I wish I could leave but I literally have no where else to go. He made sure of that. I totally depend on him to survive because I’m not working and can’t work. I know I need to leave. I’m starting to become even more afraid of him every day. It’s escalating and he has threatened to kill me if I left him with our dog. I know I need to safely get out… I’m planning it now. Thank you for this message
Thank you so much for this video. The way you explain the addiction and the huge difficulty of breaking the trauma bond is awesome. It is like you take me by the hand and lovingly explain how this has happened and how I need to change it. It is done with the utmost kindness and understanding of the complexity and confusion of this experience. I needed to hear this and I am very thankful. You are doing amazing work and please keep doing it, it is helping people set themselves free from an epidemic of unhealthy relationships.
Thank you 😊 you described me in my 17 year relationship perfectly and the process of how I left it a year and a half ago. I wanted to be happy. I’m still working on this and loving myself and my boundaries,
I lost my spark and all my co-workers saw this. I minimized, tolerated him then began to avoid him. Slowly I started to live my own life and he hated it to the point that I then left. Leaving was sad because I missed the dreams and good times. I am having to keep loving myself and building a heathy relationship with myself. This is the best part, at last I am doing the work that I never knew how to do. Mostly this is inner work on my inner critic (guided meditation, affirmations, walking and running in nature, cooking healthy meals, being selfish with my time and friendships).
This was the most helpful video depicting my experience. I was addicted to the pain and it was so so so so scary to think about letting go and being by myself. It’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m still crying every day but I have hope that it will get better
Thank you you so much ❤. You just save me from a Toxic relationship. Blinded by 12yr of abuse, took only 1 video to bring me back to reality. On my way to healing, won't be fast but but I'll get there.
This is so confronting. Yesterday was the last day, the day we broke up, again, after 2 years of back and forth. I know all that you said, by reading small pieces here and there but you finally make the story whole. I recognize myself in every single word you say. I keep going back to find safety in the arms of the person who hurts me the most on earth. I even lie to my therapist and friends when I start seeing him again, but they actually know, because they see me changing, not for the best (isolation, anxiety, depression). I just know this is toxic to me, but I keep going back and each time I get emotionally neglected and punished. The last times I managed to leave, he always found a way back into my life when he saw me happy (or with someone else), with massive love bombing gestures and big words, big revelations and pulling exactly the right cords ("i know I want children with you now, a cat, let's live together, let's move to your home country") etc. Once he got and secured me back, the mask falls off again and the mistreatment restarts. And the love bombing was only lies, he never meant any of it. And I slowly go into depression again, trying to hold the pieces all together, always hoping the nice guy he was during love bombing would come back. But you are right. It won't. He is not this person. This is so hard to admit. But yes, he-is-not-this-person. This person does not exist. I know now, my inner child is wounded and I need to take care of her, on my own, be happy and fulfilled on my own. And treat this as an addiction indeed. In fact, it is. But I actually learn so much from this relationship. This is a pattern I have been repeating for a long time (on much lesser degree of toxicity though) out of my inner childhood wounds of abandonment and emotional neglect, and now this was the last drop. The final act. The universe dropping the worst case on me so that I finally see it, understand it, learn from it and change for the best. There is no way around it. It is the a very harsh blessing.
Hello Stephanie, I am a Russian female from Kazakhstan and have discovered yours videos recently on youtube. I am so facinated about your lectures, the issues you duscuss in your videos are so up-to-date for Kazakhstan as well. This is why I am searching youtube for American coaches because I feel that American coaches on youtube are somehow more advanced in these issues, namely how to go about psychopaths, narcissts, emitional abuse, but of all American channels I have discovered so far YOU seem to give and transmit exactly the required ideas and understanding on the above issues. I listen to all of your videos, which construct my self-love, I cant help wandering how you manage to choose the exact words and explain exactly what I need. Like I said, I am facinated about you and you are my favourite so far along with American therapist Dr Ramani who also explains a lot about narcissists on Medcircle channel
Wow. Exactly what I needed to hear. I cannot thank you enough. It IS like an addiction. It's just as hard as getting away from alcohol 😳. This video gives me so much hope.. Growing up with abusive parents really does give you high abuse tolerance, it's just crazy how "love" and "abuse" become tangled ☹️
Contact Fred, EAGLE SPY Hacker Via text , call or Whatsapp : +1 650 246 9893 to help you out OR via Email : eaglespy72@gmail.com I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years with 4 kids ,to be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Califonia, USA and was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in canada and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking for child support / divorce evidences for court hearing or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact Fred, EAGLE SPY Hacker Via text , call or Whatsapp : +1 650 246 9893 to help you too OR eaglespy72@gmail.com. ,,,,]'/
Because it’s feminine nature to love bad boys... boys you know are bad, emotionally unavailable, lying, deceitful. Yet you only go for him. You ignore the nice guy coz he is boring. Everything has a cost benefit ratio. Most women pick the bad boy and get butt hurt. And then come to the channels asking why. Asking to heal.
After 17 years of a very physically and emotionally abusive marriage I finally left for good. Honestly it took a good 2 or 3 years of being completely away from him to see the total dysfunction in myself. To see the trauma bond. I may remarry one day but you really need to make sure you don't fall into the same trap. You must be very self aware and whole. As the video describes, I kept seeing the good in him and excusing the bad. He briefly came back into my life for a few weeks a year ago and I absolutely saw this evil person. I saw the manipulation tactics from healthy eyes. The self-pity and fake tears. Instead of consoling him, I was sickened by him. I cannot believe how one can take so many years to realize this. But once you do - you can have the most peaceful existence with healthy boundaries. It was a lot of soul searching and videos like this that did the trick. 🙂🚷☮
You give great advice. You put into words what I'm going through like you can read my mind. I'm still in the midst of this emotionally abusive relationship. I have kids and a grandchild. I'm financially stuck with debt. We now after all these years can just coexist under the same roof but it is very lonely. And now my oldest son has started emotionally abusing me too. I'm in my late 40's and fight feeling like my life is over.
🙏🙏🙏 Absolutely On Point. This is so helpful, I’m in my first relationship in 23 years and boy did I get into a horrible trauma bond. I’ve been trying to escape for 8 months. Thank you for the tools ✨ I always believed it was a complete SIN to be selfish ….. perhaps remaining single is best.
I cut my best friend out one week today. I was addicted to him. He would stay at mine all the time and constantly mentally abuse me, constant silent treatments, gaslighting and invalidation. I was addicted and it started to destroy my 14 year relationship with my partner. This past week has been tormenting. He was attacking me as I was doing something without him so he created an issue and then as per when I challenged him back (which I never used too) he didn’t want to talk. I’d spent weeks writing a message I sent it and blocked him on everything. The next morning I woke up to an email from an email account I didn’t know he had. Such an invalidating message. He’s out of my life but he did become my drug. I’m so proud of myself for getting off that wheel. They don’t love you or care for you, block the devils!!
dr tuda was able to help me get back my ex and manifest my ex to make peace with me , I'm so happy my broken relationship has be restored , I believe he can also help you too ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💎💎🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Today's been a hard day for me. I feel lonely and for whatever reason I miss talking to my toxic friends/loved ones. I rarely share my feelings and difficulties anymore like I did before because they've use it against me in an argument, I have placed strong boundaries, while I grow in new relationships but I have to say the fact that I could tell them what was bothering me and they listened made me feel like they loved me. That little bit of attention made me feel seen.
Also to add onto what I was saying. I've never felt more alone in my entire life. I hate my life. And I hate who I've become. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. My depression is at it's worse. I'm constantly sick physically. And on the days he's sweet and caring to me I suddenly don't have headaches, stomach problems, nausea. Am I addicted to the pain? I just wanna not feel alone. I just want to leave so badly. I hate my body as well. I've never hated my body more than I have these past few years. I just want to be happy for once. Have a peaceful life.
Thank you Stephanie for sharing such great thoughts on UA-cam. You are helping me move forward one day at a time. I'm 8 months out and just saw my narc with his new supply who looks half his age. Kinda makes sense given his emotional level. I've decided to choose happiness and start living life from the inside out. Thank you again for keeping me motivated! 💓
Love this - so enlightening. I would like to say that I don't think one needs to lack self esteem or be codependent to have a trauma bond. Like you said, if we haven't learned how to establish boundaries...or trust our intuition...or if someone is lying/manipulating us...we can fall victim to this. I think we can just be inexperienced sometimes and fall for it. My ex would say some mean things...or just flip reality on me out of the blue....but she'd apologize for it the next day as I was contemplating the situation. I genuinely thought she was just working through problems, and was sorry....so I gave her another chance. Soon, the jealousy/abuse/nitpick grew more frequent, while the apologies were further and further apart. It takes a while to realize you're not happy. Once you recognize they aren't making you happy, you leave. Staying in these relationships for a long time...yah, that's a co-dependent thing. Sometimes you just don't know until it's too late...sometimes you want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Thank you for all your videos ❤️❤️ You’re truly opening my eyes to what I’ve been blind to. Giving me courage to take a stand and walk away. I jumped into a relationship after my divorce of 13 years and I truly feel I should have spent time learning to love myself. I’ve been in this relationship 2 years and watched the man I thought I was with change rapidly. We use to be able to talk but now he gives me the silent treatment or tells me I’m picking a fight if I disagree with him or want to discuss our issues. He tells me I can’t ask questions because he doesn’t owe me explanations for just random stuff. Then it’s starts a fight and he blames me, because I should just accept what he says and keep going. It’s an endless hamster wheel of promises to change and be better with no results. This last year of our relationship has taken a toll on me and at this point I just need to learn to let go. My kids deserve the best version of me, which is why I left my toxic ex, and even though the idea of being alone scares me I feel like I have to stand up for myself if I don’t want to live an unhappy life.
You can't unsee, what you have seen. You can't unhear, what you have heard. Don't ever let someone else take away your Independence. Codependent is unhealthy in any relationship. Respect yourself, your boundaries and except that you can't fix them 💜💚💙
Yes. This definitely feels like a drug addiction. Even when I'm screaming inside my head. Trying to remind myself how bad it makes me feel. I still want to hear him be nice to me one more time fully knowing it won't last.
jenomi72 you’re not alone!!! I feel the exact same way! I’m on day 1 (for the thousandth time) 😣. I just want him to be nice, loving, and caring; but it’s not going to last and I have no idea how to show him I’m serious THIS time. I thought I was serious all the other times. I’m just going to do like she says, and when I want him to be nice to me, Im just going to do my damndest to be nice to me instead or phone a friend. I’m wishing all the strength and encouragement you need to stay away. BLESSINGS TO YOU 😘❤️
Same here
Spot on!!! Get out if you can ladies before he leaves you, it was like drug addiction for me too & i threatened many times to be over, but i just couldnt let go & he knew it!! I desperately clung to that one more beautiful moment, always hoping it would change that he would show me the love i gave him, it drove me literally crazy & in the end he ended it.........over the phone mind you, im still suffering over a year later!!!! Get out!!! You deserve the world not that shit!!!!❤ STANDARDS & BOUNDARIES, I lost them all & myself!!
No more crumbs!!!!!!
@@k4obama day one every single day..and now im stack with the anger..im so mad all the time
Took me 34 years to understand. Unbelievable trust your gut it never lies to you
So true! This is very eye opening!
@Viva los pepes Took me 39 years to understand. My gut feeling said Enough is Enough and I put it in ACTION. Divorce a PAINFUL process going into my 3rd year, But I'm receiving DAILY STRENGTH from My CREATOR. I'm TRUSTING His outcome for My LIFE. My Battle belongs to Him. My Abuser is is Creation too and He needs to Re-create him Spiritually so that he can Heal & Surrender his Abusive Traits.
Wow!!!
This comment section is comical. Y’all took 30+ years to leave a man that beat the snot out of y’all while there are great men out there, waiting for the chance? Ridiculous man, smh. Women enabling the abuse is extremely underrated.
Sean Smith many reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship. Don’t judge someone who had took that long to move on. You don’t know who they are or what their specific obstacles and hurdles someone has to go through. Don’t judge anyone that is in this situation. It’s no different than slut shaming or how some parents blame their own child for being molested by their spouse. Responses like this isn’t helping anyone by judging anyone you really don’t know about.
“You built up a tolerance for abuse.” -😣 you explained exactly how I have felt for years but couldn’t explain and hid it.
It makes sense to me
Makes no sense
I just found this video and read your comment...this is exactly how I feel. I hope you're doing better now. I want to feel better!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing.
They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
I hope people see this before they have spent as many years in it as I have. Now he is disabled, and any chance of me having a different life are gone. Please people, follow this advice while you are young enough to enjoy some happiness, and freedom in your life.
Linda H. I needed this. Hopefully I can finally let go.
I'm trying every day
i would leave him disabled and go have fun...i know it sounds mean but shit he did it to himself...you are not his maid and you can find either peace or another man who is healthy
I too have a disabled bully I cannot leave, my heart goes out to you.
I’ve been doing this for 10 years I’m still trying to get out. I leave them I get sucked back in with backlash and promises of change how I can’t leave the family that my kids should be my main priority. Get out with the first reg flags don’t spend years ...he has isolated me so well that I do not know one person on this planet anymore. I don’t even talk to my family.
“You have to decide that you want to be happy.” Yes. It’s so hard at first when you leave. But once you leave, you’ll feel that weight lift off your shoulders.
This is not true for me
Leaving and not feeling the weight lifted but feeling like I’m dying 😢
😢😔
I am in this right now and don't know what to do you are a very strong person
@@candygirlintxI am right behind you dear don't know what to do 😢😢
That was the biggest statement she made for me as well ❤
Argh the worst is the relationships you lose because people got tired of you going back or making excuses for the person who is litterally breaking you apart. So even when you leave the relationship, you are often alone and tend to go back just to have someone.
Omgggg exactly
Better to be alone for a while. Work on healing yourself. God will then bring healthy balanced people in your life after working on yourself. 🙏✨🦋
Can we like all help each other. I’m nearly there because they keep you secluded
Ummm no
@@Tatycharmz give it to God, I had to , had a 25 yr addiction / entanglement this man wasnt even my friend !!
Its hard to admit but shes right ...its hard to accept who the person really is your always looking for them to show you love and affection like they did at the beginning
Hardest part it’s to accept who they really are.
@@roxanabarrezueta9784 Yes and to know that they really didn't love you. It was all just a manipulative con job to gain access and control over you and your entire life. I don't think we choose them. They have done research on us and then begin to seek us out. Then shower us woth goey compliments. Saying little charming romantic things. Then always there. Like a bad penny, you try to get rid of and its back. Everytime it returns it gets itself mixed deeper into the piggy bank and its harder to root this bad penny out of your life. They either manipulative you into getting married or even sometimes get you pregnant. It's all a game to them in gaining control of your life. So they can bring total chaos, while steeling your self esteem, and totally overtaking your entire being and life. Until you no longer know who you are anymore, and you are unrecognizable to yourself or your family and friends. They think the other person is wonderful and you're just a crazy person. Because you've been living in this alternate reality. This utopian spin zone, gaslighting, madness, living in a house of the twilight zone. You wake up one day realizing you never chose them, they chose you. So you've been trying to keep your vows to them and God. Not wanting to break up your family. And one day you realize you're not even a part of your own family. You're left home alone. While this stranger who you never really knew is enjoying spending time with your family and you don't even exist anymore. Them you are trying to make sense of it all and trying to get your family back. But they look at you like who are you? And this person who's taken over your life is so awesome and they're cold to you because they were told or given the impression you didn't care enough about them to participate in their lives. But the truth is this person pushed you out and gaslighted them, loved bombed them, and just like they entwined and took over your life...did it to your children, grandchildren, and family. They have been manipulated into devaluing you, and casting you aside. So hurt by you thinking you didn't care about them, but everyone was really manipulated, brainwashed into thinking you didn't want to be with them. If it hadn't happened to me I would never believe it myself if you told me....
Now it's trying to get out of the twilight zone ✔️
@@gracewins7318 wow so true I can relate OMG 😲
The person that loved you at first was a FRONT he put on
But the problem still lies in ourselves. If you feel empty and unlovable you will have this craving for love and affection. If you heal your childhood wounds, you don't have the same craving for affection. You like it when its there, but you don't need it in that way.
She’s like the cool aunt you want to call when you have boy problems.
I feel so stuck and scared I’m only 23
@@Tatycharmz same and I’m also 23 😭
I'm 23 but I guess it's time to leave
I'm 42 and have wanted to leave for several years... But this guy is a whole different level of narcissist. He has a God complex on top of a Great salesman (makes his love bombing believable) and comes across as someone who is so successful at everything you can think & most of it isn't a lie, but a lot is inflated. I am in the process of meeting with a lawyer.
@@angelamarie79 I'm in the same situation...how are you doing? I'm 43. from Little Rock, Arkansas.
Yes!
You CAN leave an abusive relationship.
I did it.
You can do it, too.
I believe in you.
He makes me feel guilty when I break up with him
I set boundaries with him when we first met, but I became weak and he walked all over them because I let him
Thats Exactly What We Do. Start Standing Up For Yourself Again.
They 💯 test you to see if you'll back up your boundaries.
They try to press them at 1st, steamroll them later.
It's not your fault.
Some folks are cunning, sly, manipulative and tricky. They want you to feel guilty.
Read about the F.O.G. of coercive abuse (fear, obligation, and guilt). It keeps you in the guilt / obligation cycle even if they get scary.
It's not about blame - does it even matter who's fault it is?
Assigning blame is not the same as finding a solution.
Look, you are finding solutions.
You are already taking responsibility for your future. You have and are making changes in the dynamic by learning and applying what you now know.
That is amazing and that is where the real gold is, here. You are using your power for good! Thank you!
You are learning so much and will be well armed now against these tricky people. So you'll see it earlier and be better able to manage around them.
Some people lack the benefit of insight. They lack the ability to look inward or reflect on how their behavior effects others, as effects the world around them. So they lose the ability to change it for the better.
Sometimes it's because they are terrified of the shame that may accompany that. Or they just can't take it.
It can feel impenetrable strong in the moment, like a rubber & kevlar vest with the word "you" on it so anything they get accused of or criticized for or corrected about bounces back in blame form aimed at whoever lobbed it their way in the 1st place.
But it's an illusion because, over time, this tactic alienates people and isolates us from them. The same people we need and depend on, rely on for whatever reason, for the roles we expect or need them to fill in our lives. Co-worker, teammate, boss, boyfriend, sister...whatever. We have a picture in our minds of what that should look like (in an ideal world, maybe, right?) And when reality hits us in the face with a different picture or image of who they are instead, we get to decide how to take it or put the camera down. Right?
But when you can see that and realize, like you have - that oh - this may be an inappropriate choice. This person isn't cut out for this role at this time in their lives. Oops. My bad.
One thing learning all this has taught me is to look at where I might be holding expectations of others - like a general expectation that everybody's definition of a decent person matches mine or a reasonable, sane human being matches my picture of what that looks like. Seems standard... But it can get complicated when others disagree.
For instance - I've got kids. They're young.
It doesn't seem appropriate to me to use swear words in front of them.
But to somebody else, words may only have the power you give them, so they might drop F-bombs no matter who's sensitive ears may be in the room.
Suddenly Johnny Kindergartener's coming home from the principal's office for trouble over bad language. Oops.
It's a habit. It seems harmless at the time... But by the time little Johnny gets in trouble it's so ingrained that it's tough to stop swearing around the children... A go to coping mechanism for daily stresses.
Even though it does us no good, even when it is clearly causing harm or damage.
Like an addiction - the habit feels entrenched. It's destructive, but some people can't use the word "fudge" or "shniekies" instead. They don't think it's worth it. Or they're too shamed to make the effort so they make it like it's no bog deal... Slippery slope.
Better to be strong enough, like you, to see that slope and recognize you're on it and don't want to be and jump off or go climb back towards the stairs by getting out.
It took me a while to figure out that boundaries aren't for or against the offending person.
They're not an ultimatum against them.
You don't even have to verbalize a boundary to them (and I wouldn't recommend telling narcs your boundaries unless you're ready for that test).
Even without leaving a relationship, you can tell yourself "I don't like it when X uses bad language around the children, so any time X does that, instead of arguing with him about how damaging that is, I'm going to leave the room, quietly. Or step out of the house for a minute with the kiddo. If X is s going to use bad language, we'll drop everything and simply walk into a separate room where we can't hear it."
If you do that enough, the person either gets the hint and changes behavior when their audience disappears immediately and consistently any time they do the bad thing... Or you find yourself changing rooms so often that it gets too disruptive to accomplishing even the simplest goals and it just doesn't even make sense any more to keep pretending even to yourself (I've heard it called "taking hopium) that you and X share the value of raising children in a swesr-less home.
That's 1 sort of innocent exemple, but when I realized I could walk out of the room quietly without making a stink or throwing a fit anytime X swore - without starting an argument about whether or not swearing in front of children is " right", "decent", or "acceptable" way to raise them, that could change or effect things for a different outcome.
The boundary was for me. The boundary was about me for me - how could I handle things sanely that seem insane to me?
It wasn't saying "If you swear again in front of the kids, I'm telling the therapist!" It wasn't a threat against them, which only makes people defensive anyway.
If I don't appreciate a behavior, I have choices in how I respond to it, but I don't get to control other people's choices or behavior even by explaining all the valid research that swearing in front of children regularly sets them up for a particular trajectory in life that may not be as positive as we want for them.
Because some people are more interested in absolving themselves of their own responsibility or abdicating it to others they can then blame later if things go wrong, so they don't have to do the work of changing.
But you are becoming the butterfly, now. Your flower has bloomed. Your life is taking winged flight.
You saw where things weren't working and you stopped blaming so you could focus on making change.
That is creative and strengthening. You are creative, compassionate toward yourself and whoever you may have been blaming (the "X" person), and you are strengthening by these new choices.
Good on you! And congratulations. You are doing the work and you're bound to reap the reward of a life closer to the one you want for your future than the one you are letting go of. Yes!!! 👍 🎉
Thank you for the inspiration!
Keep up the great work!
Trauma Bond definition:
Is a cycle of physical or emotional abuse that creates a strong attachment between an abused person and their abuser. It is reinforced by periods of love and affection, and then periods of devaluation and emotional abuse.
A little like Stockholm syndrome
I just realised that i fell in love with someone that doesen't exist. I made an image of a man in my head and now seeing him how he truly is, scares me because i don't know that person. It just feels like i am talking with a different person.
i feel exacty the same it sucks
@@shannarasnodgrass2922 If i may give you an advice, get out of that relationship as fast as you can. Go no contact and never look back. I once felt like i can’t leave him and now i know it was just the manipulation talking. He used to hurt me and say it was my fault and i belived him. He made me feel ugly, stupid and as soon as i went no contact i saw things more clearly. Now he can’t touch me. He is just a bad dream. I am happy and healthy now as i never been before. Sending you love❤
You wrote something so real... 5 years of my life I spent loving someone who wasn't even real... now seeing him for who he really is.. my heart's crushed like I'm mourning death of my partner... because I don't know this guy.. I have no idea who this man is... which scares me from going back to him even when he pretends to be like the man I loved...
I was confused. I had no clue why i was staying with my abuser. Verbal abuse kept me numb for years.
Just about year and half ago, i watched this video. Since then i educate myself about Trauma bonding, covert narcissist, psychological abuse etc.
I set my self free after 11years. I am now living a abuse free life. Whenever i get silence i listen to my past, i close my eyes and feel empathy for my self.
I have no regret. I am not sad. But i am surely wounded.
Life is beautiful. Live it. Dont drag it.
Thanks to this channel and thanks to all.
People do not leave a bad situation, because they are afraid that when they are out, it will be even worse. Especially when somebody depends financially.
yes
exactly
That’s what I have been through now 😢
I didn’t even know narcissism or even trauma bonding existed. Everything I did to try and save my relationship had to do with my belief in God. “Faith, things hoped for evidence unseen”. I kept praying that God would deliver our relationship but I realized God still gives us free will. My desire to make it work was not her desire. After all the studying I have done both reading and videos……this is real. Now I pray that God delivers me from all this pain and hurt. 🥲🙏🏾
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. I'm 8 months out and still have trouble letting go of "the dream". Thank you for what you do. =)
Absolutely!! The dream is fine to have and you can always still have it BUT loving yourself is being able to have it with the right person! 💜
A. N. I keep all the horrible text messages he sent & as a reminder of all the bad times. He called me some pretty shitty names & said the most hurtful things than anyone has ever said to me. Now it has gotten to the point that I forgotten all the good times & that’s what help me continue to stay away. I haven’t been in his presence in 5 months. 3 week ago he tried to Hoover me talking about all the good times we shared. To combat that I read all the nasty text messages he sent to him so I could prove that he was a shitty ass boyfriend. Then I BLOCKED his new number & felt like I’m getting power back. My confidence is definitely being renewed.
Almost40born78 I wish I had saved all the nasty msgs he sent me so I could look back when I'm having a moment of wanting to reach out. I deleted them straight away after every time, I guess I thought at the time if I can't see them I didn't have to face what he was.
Almost40born78 best wishes in your recovery. I'm 7 months out
cj bear thanks for message. I still struggle with cognitive dissonance. There are times where I remember when my ex was so sweet & kind, but then I remember he has at least 5 different personalities & only ONE of them is nice. So yeah I counteract the good memories by remembering the bad ones. And those text messages I saved are a big help....approximately 10,000 text messages of straight bullshit. The good news is that he is the only narc I’ve ever dealt with & when I think of my exes prior to him, I remember how normal & stress free they were. So I’m hopeful for future because I had better in the past. So the only thing I’m focusing on right now is catering to my own needs. I learned a lot from this relationship & I thank God I went through it. I realized I was too trusting & too empathetic but not anymore. Anyway, I hope that you a great journey in your healing process as well. You should keep a journal of all the bad things your ex has ever done to you & whenever you get weak & slip into cognitive dissonance read your journal out loud to yourself! You don’t need saved text messages to remind yourself of the abuse..trust me you don’t.
This is sooo powerful, the concept that breaking the trauma bond is as strong as withdrawal from addiction...Always feeling the need to go back for more. I’m still going through the codependent withdrawal today. Thank you so much for all the insightful video content. It has been invaluable in helping me grow the courage I’ve needed to break the cycle.
Feel that one man, went through most of my life without realizing how codependent I was/am then spent a few years trying to make it a good thing, now I'm drained and somehow still jonesing for that toxic mess.
why do I always go back? he's vicious, I can't believe I let him treat me this way and then I go back.
Daniel were you able to break free?
@@Candy_Mountain I pray he figured it out if the person he's with is truly has NPD?
Or if that person just needed counseling?
I've known a few over my lifetime. Some even with counseling just figured out how to use the counseling to manipulate their spouce.
The other barely escaped with their life and sanity. Only escaped The violent covert NPD spouse in their battle of cancer. It's truly heartbreaking. I've only just been enlightened about narcissim and the different Personality traits and disorders....that person doesn't even know yet that they were indeed not just in a bad relationship but in one with a sociopath. Even after death are experiencing all these trauma bonded victimization emotions not knowing how to just live and move on. Still alienating themselves from family not knowing how to enteract. Horrible dysfunction. My hope is to inform and help them through sending these ensightful videos to them.
I’m going through this now it’s like when I’m at work it’s not as bad because I stay busy but when I’m bored all I do is think of him.
Thank you for not being judgemental. I have been blamed before for not leaving earlier, years ago. I do not blame myself (anymore). His insanity has nothing to do with me.
youtube watcher absolutely!
Its not so much about blaming yourself but acknowledging the truth (which is similar to blaming oneself) and taking responsibility for what you did not do earlier. Once you own up to what you do you can start to UNdo the same behavior patterns. That's the key. Own up to it ! Stop saying I don't wanna blame myself. Thrn you will never admit its your own fault.
Brynel S. That’s exactly how I felt when I was in the process of getting ready for my wedding. I always felt something was off, but would think of the good times we’d had and the promises and words he said, so I pushed through and got married. Two years later, I’m planning my escape. Things just kept getting worse and now I realize that I’ve been getting emotionally and financially abused. Had I actually accepted things for what they were, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I hope you made the right decision for yourself.
@@brynels.9189 Red flag. Run! Take heed. Marriage is a Life long Commitment. Not easy to get out if. You might spend more on a Divorce than your wedding to end ABUSE. It was meant for you to listen to this video
@@alondramontez6982 I Empathise with you. You 2 years down the line. I was 30 years and 7 years separated. Battling a Divorce that's costing me so much MORE Financially than my wedding 🙈
I was done with crying and couldn't cry until I finally finished this video. Took me 10 mins and I cried, couldn't hold my tears. I feel like a failure for not taking this guy out of my mind. Deep down I knew he was not for me because he would always put me down, always angry at me and sometimes even belittles me. And then I would think about the fun things we did together and say to myself that probably it wasn't that bad. I really desperately wanted him to change, but he told me he will not. I'm in college, work, no kids, and feel like a failure for chasing after this guy when I know he is not good enough for me. Sending him text messages at night telling him how I feel. But like you said it's a drug addiction. It is hard to let go, but I'm going to make the effort to change and love myself first. I really hope it works.
Lily Lily I knew someone in this situation, give each other a month apart, no phone calls, no texts, no looking at photos of you two together, and no seeing each other, after a month and possibly a few more weeks, the fog of this obsession will dissipate and you’ll start to think more rationally about the situation which will help you make better decisions, in that month just busy yourself as much as possible, occupy your mind on other things and work on your self-esteem by taking care of yourself with exercise, healthy foods and so forth, just be selfish this time, I gave this advice to someone years ago and it worked for her
It’s called a toxic soultie. And needs to be broken.
@@hang-sangitch God/prayer...im doing that now
Blessed Beyond Belief,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
It took my ex-boyfried's brother on his Death Bed to ask me why I tolerate the abuse! It was his words that finally got me to leave. IT was after 2 years of a relationship, and 6 years in total a friendship. It took him 4 years to break me! The Covert Narc was something I never knew existed! OMG! It was like a drug AND Addicted! It was so bad especially as an Empath!
Covert narcs are the worst! My "mother" was one. As the "queen" she only barked orders and never listened. She was the Supreme ruler of her castle and thought she owned everything and used anyone to serve her needs. I was a slave to do her bidding. Any attempts to obtain employment and leave were secretly sabotaged to keep me controlled and dependent. Anyone looking from outside the home saw her as a "wonderful person" and I was always made to be the villian. REALLY EVIL PERSON AND HER EXTENDED FAMILY!!!!!😈😈😈😈😈
Just found this video. I'm currently in a severely mentally and emotionally and financially abusive relationship and I feel so alone. I can't deal with the names and the screaming and blaming me for everything. I want too leave but just don't know why I can't.
I was in the same situation for 32 years I have left and gone back, but this time I have left for good, it’s only been a week, I feel so much better, you need to change your situation only you can do this, otherwise it will NEVER change !
@@lesleyjarbath01 thanks for responding, it's been 8 years for me and since I wrote this comment he actually left me. So the trash took itself out.
I’m so pleased for you :)
God bless you!❤️
Just reading it now and hope you left. Could've been my own message. Thank you for your comment
Out of all of the people I’ve been watching who describe narcissism and codependency and abuse, I feel as though you have been personally picked by the universe for people like me. I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom, empowerment, and guidance. I am in the healing stages of a 4 1/2 year relationship. The relationship ended a couple months ago, and the pain felt never ending. The breakup was so harsh and was the biggest betrayal I’ve ever experienced in my present life. It wasn’t until I started coming across educational videos and started that process of learning that I came across you. I believe the absolute best thing you can do after a seriously abusive breakup is educate yourself. I’m on the path to self love and healing and I’m never looking back. I stared doing things for myself that I never thought I was capable of. I’m reading books on codependency, I’m painting again, I’m working out, hanging with friends, etc. For anyone else going through the worst pain of your life, please know this: 1) it’s not forever 2) it’s not your fault 3) it gets better. Even though the relationship wasn’t real to the narcissist, it was real to me. I’m grieving the person I “believed” with every single ounce of my heart was this magical and amazing person. I’m grieving the hope I gave our future. And most importantly, I’m forgiving myself, for allowing myself to go through all of that. I’m a Scorpio, and my intuition is out of this world. I always knew it wasn’t my forever relationship, but trauma bonding is a b*tch. I truly feel like people like you who help educate the world and make it a better place are what I aspire to be. I’ve always wanted to help people. Maybe this will open the door for me to become a coach or counselor and help others in need. The point is, I’m focusing on the positive. So many lessons have been learned, and so many opportunities have been placed before me. My path is clear, my head is clear, and finally my heart is clear. I’m never looking back, only forward ❤️
I hope you continued to do well. I have healed and returned to who I was prior to the 50 year relationship. I meet my old self and take her forward to who I am now. And I also try hard to not look back. XXOO
❤
I'm a few days out and it's very painful.. Your your words hit hard because I can smell my future,,I blame myself for loving such a person...
She took my soul and she keep trying but I know if I go back I will die... So thanks you so for all the info..I know I will never go back to her..SHE IS A USER ,NARCISSIST,,MANIPULATOR, LEACH,PSYCHO,AND CRUEL, MOST DEFINITELY AN ABUSER😢😢😢😢🫶🏿🙏🏿❤️
Your videos are giving me the strength to end my marriage with my abusive husband. Thankfully we have no children and it is early on. Only been married for six months and it has been such a terrible rollercoaster. Verbal, mental, physical abuse. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting all these videos. I’m still trying to stay strong 💜
I hope you've made it out by now ❤ and even if you haven't I hope you find the strength ❤
Did you end up leaving him? I am in the same situation and going through with a divorce. I hope you are doing okay!!
🫶🏿🙏🏿❤️
"A tolerance for abuse". A huge point to pay attention to. Thanks
3 yrs in a emotionally abusive relationship, the last straw was him waking up yelling at me for 3 hours! That night I decided he would never change, he hated me and my kids and blamed me for all his failures. The next morning I packed his things while he was at work, when he got home my sons loaded his truck...of course there were words but I stood strong and was determined to end this so that I could have a peaceful life. When he backed out of the driveway I felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders, my son woke up the next morning and said "my mom has her life back and I have her back, I know it was hard but you made the right decision". It was sooo hard to get to that point, but once it was done my life is mine, it's peaceful and I can go anywhere, do anything, anytime without being accused of crazy things! I'm 55 and I still want to enjoy the rest of my life with or without someone by my side. I'm moving forward, I have gardening, crafts, and home projects to keep me busy, I'm learning new things everyday. Everyday I'm healing, everyday is a new adventure. God is so good, I'm praying, listening to sermons...feeling loved again ❤
Angie Eernisse,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
@@christianpulisic7784 thank you.
@@ForGoodnesSake You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?
@@ForGoodnesSake Which country are you from?
10 years, being in this relationship, the only man I have ever loved more than anything, he's an alcoholic, he is emotionally and physically abusive at times. We just got our own place a few months ago, and I thought it would make things so much better, it would make him happy finally having a home, so I brought him a car, I got him a job through my father and I got us a house, and what do I get I get made to feel guilty for wanting to be a mom and having a family, I get emotionally abused and called names and I get metal objects thrown at my head, and I still want to go back. I just want to go home and be home, and gave him give me a hug and hold me, and kiss me and tell me I'm everything, and he loves me and his sorry. It's so messed up I feel this way, I left our house, took a bag of clothes and just left, it truly is an addiction, I always said he was my drug, I was addicted to him and I meant it it, I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love him, but I know it is possible, I know this, I just need to make it so, I need to leave for good, not 2 years like I have before, for good. I am 30 I want a child, I will never be a mum as long as I stay with him, I have to accept what he is taking from me, what he holding me back from💔🥺
I have been trying to heal from a trauma bond/narcissistic relationship for years now and all of my early 20s. I stumbled upon your videos one day when I was looking for some answers and I am so grateful I did. Your videos, message, and knowledge really speak to me and help. They make me feel like I am not alone, which in these situations is hard to find someone that understands. Thank you so much.
Keri DiGirolamo thank you so much for watching! If they are helping you throughout your journey I am so grateful! 🙌
I m going thru the samsruggle, am trying to ❤️ myself it hasn't been a week since I broke it off,am 63 , years old so don't feel you,bad we are strong woman,I could do this,anyone can😇
What our heart sees vs what our gut/ head sees can be so different. You hit the nail on the head, we're wanting the person we fell in love with but is no longer there (or never was). 33 years here, many times I've left and have gone back..... I'm now done with the cycle, no more trauma bonding. No self guilt, just done. Being alone is no longer scary and living peaceful is far more important than anything else. I'm deserving of that!
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
Perfect!... I have compared my feeling for this abusive person EXACTLY to what an addict must feel for their drug of choice. You love AND hate the person, you KNOW in your heart that they are BAD for you, yet whenever you pull away you miss them like crazy and can't wait to be with them again. How crazy is that!!!???
I must be crazy. And I have a son and pregnant with a girl. For the sake of my children I need to think of them and get out of this relationship. I feel.the same as you feel. Its a love and hate thing. I know me and my kids deserve so much better. This man does not love or care about me. Yet he is like a drug and I know once I cut him off again...the withdrawal affects will hurt bad and I will feel depressed and broken.
@@thevegantitian I'm so sorry you are in this situation... but don't think you need to get out just for the sake of your kids! Yes, they also suffer and end up having a really bad image of marriage... but you should also think of yourself. Nobody deserves to be stuck in an abusive relationship.
@dulcespinelli Yes that's true. I deserve better and to be in a healthy relationship.
@@thevegantitian you certainly do!!
Thank you so much for all your work. I’m 2.5 years from a discard from a nine year marriage and almost six months out of another toxic marriage. What you said is so very true. I wish I could have heard this years ago. I have went from the darkest depression to massive love bombing to dark depression. You can heal from this and be happy again. Love yourself like you would your own child. Be his or her champion.
Soccer Moon yes!! Happiness does exist after abuse and depression. Really learning how to love yourself.. learning how to heal from your internal wounds.. learning how to practice mindfulness and having positive and healthy self talk is the key towards your happiness!
Soccer Moon: Much love 💗 !!
I think my biggest fear is “will I ever find someone else and be truly happy? or will I find another toxic relationship? Am I the toxic person like he says I am?” I know it’s not all me, but then I still get stuck. Then I get angry and frustrated with myself, because I don’t deserve this! Thank you for sharing!!! Thank you Stephanie Lyn for helping me so very much with this!!!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! I’m on my thousandth day one of leaving, but it has to be for good this time. I’m pregnant with my first child, and I don’t want my child in this unhealthy environment. My fears don’t match what I know, but they’re so strong right now. I’m struggling to combat them. I’m going to do like you said, and take the time to love me!!! Thank you so much for this!!!
@ropey bird I’m well, thanks for asking. Loneliness is a problem sometimes but it could be worse...it has been worse. Lol. I’m still learning and growing and trying to figure it out. It’s like sitting at a poker game with a stack of chips. It gets shorter and shorter. All the effort I’ve spent on relationships is like that stack of chips. Keep playing and lose it all or cash out while I can. I’m taking my chips and spending them on me. 😂
He ruined my life. I met him in 2003 and it has been a roller coaster nightmare. I am leaving this devil man and I never want to go back again. I realize that he was an addiction. I will work hard to stay away from him. No man has the right to abuse a woman!
I have been married 53 years of emotional abuse. Now it’s getting worse. He has shook his fist at me and he got mad and shoved me. I’m 71y/o I worked as a nurse worked hard to paay my house off . Then lost my home of 34 years because of him! He was caught in a park with another man and caused me to have a breakdown always says he sorry and for me to forgive and forget and all these year just continues to tell me I’m stupid, I don’t know nothing. I had 2 breast cancer then colon cancer and he was not there for me. If I have to be in the hospital I get dropped off picked up on d/c and not helping me after I get home . He even ignored me when very I’ll never checked me or gave me water,food then took my iPad and phone after I called a friend for help😢everything is in both names living ssi Check to check. No money to get out on my own or I would have moved on. I’m stuck !
Wow!!!! OMG!!! I never realized I could be addicted to the pain. I always thought I was addicted to the “good times” but the truth is, when is good it’s not really that good. I think you nailed it. Thanks for being the only person who has ever said that!
ive left abusive marriage 30 years ago.I disagree you should sit down and tell him youre leaving.Bad idea!Just go when hes not home one day.Get on welfare if you have to like i did go to a shelter.I had no family or friends to go to
Thank you. I've been coasting through all of your videos all day and I've finally realized that I need to work on myself...not him. I chose him. I'm the problem. I can work this out on my own with myself, and it doesn't have to be with him. So powerful. He was my best friend, my lover... the man who kept asking me to marry him...then we're breaking up every couple of months. I couldn't accept him to begin with, but now I have. And I accept myself. Thank you.
I've never cried so much... thank you for helping me understand.
It's 25 plus years .....am searching a way to do that .... breaking the trauma bond and move out ..... No self respect, no self love, no self worth ... NO BOUNDARIES..
It's TIME... I take responsibility for my life and live a life I am worthy of.
At 50 plus , it's time to start Afresh !!!!!
I DESERVE A GOOD LIFE!!!!
Thanks Stephanie 💖💝
As I embark on this journey of leaving this relationship of 8 years... the last 5 as his “only” caregiver after a stroke...I will say it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am an empath, codependent, martyr. I know the areas I need to work on. Yet... .I am full of quilt and I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I know I HAVE to do this.. because I am dying under the criticism, the critiques and condemnation. Nothing I do has ever been enough or good enough. I walk on egg shells, waiting to upset him about the smallest thing. I have been watching these videos for about 3 months and slowly I am getting my life back. To tell you how sick I was... I did not eat until he was ready to eat, even if it was 10 at night. My first move was to go to bed when I was ready, to eat when I was hungry, to do things that make me happy without asking permission. Needless to say ... he is very unhappy and saying I am putting him through hell. I am currently looking for a home and I want a divorce. I have seen an attorney... why do I sometimes feel like I am the bad guy?
You are so strong
You as an empath are awakened and are finding your individuality
I love this comment
You really are so tough
Your aligning with your self
You are your own person
I woke up too
He hates it
You feel guilty because it is gaslighting.
You're not the bad guy. He probably told you you are. Also I don't care how disabled he is, get out!!!!
My mom has codenpendency with my Narcissitic Abusive Father. When I stopped being "best friends" with my narcissistic "best friend" of six years she said,"Will nobody is perfect if you cut off everybody who disrespects you. You won't have any friends and you'll be alone." That answer just showed me that she has such a low self-esteem that she rather get disrespected than be alone. And it explained so much to me why she's with ny father who yells at her, calls her names, cusses at her, throws her things, questions her decisions, talks badly about her ti her children,etc.
Omg!
She truly can't see it!
God have mercy
I am going to break this addiction
Being a man in an incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive relationship makes me feel super alone.
you not alone...I've learned so much about narcs on these channels since I discarded last year, I'm wiser, stronger, ..you cant really see yourself until you get out that situation...it wasnt love it was lust, addiction, emotional abuse, and trying to control n manipulate this is spiritual warfare...
I promise you’re not alone. I left my abusive relationship a month ago, but a few months before that, my boyfriend’s stepfather left his mom for the same reason…abuse. I watched how it destroyed him. It’s easy to think it only happens to women, but I watched how much his mother destroyed this man and I am so happy that he got himself away from her. I’m praying for you and I hope you are finding peace and safety….it really is exhausting.
@@carolynj6144 thank you so much for those kind and encouraging words. I sincerely appreciate it. You're right too... its inexplicably exhausting.
I completely understand it's difficult to be alone. I will pray for you.
Out of all your videos this one hit home the most... I never realized how over the past 25 years I changed me to try to make them Happy which was/is unattainable..
Stephanie - I am so grateful for you and your videos. I am 7 years out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I’m still healing. Thank you for validating what I am going through and providing so much insight. Bless you.
Geez how long was it
I wonder if ADHD people who grew up in codependency is just f**ked. We have trouble remembering things, not to mention lousy self confidence. We're not particularly known for consistency, ourselves. And it's even more difficult to put the picture together when something isn't right.
You can learn to manage ADHD, speaking from experience. It is easy to be controlled my ex narc controlled everything and I got help and stoped giving her narcissistic supply and she discarded me after 24 years. Left me with my 13 year old daughter. I now had to learn to do everything, hardest year of my life but I’m getting stronger everyday and now have joy and support not from a dating relationship. From healthy support groups, clubs, and church. You have to do the work. I literally cried for a year, 7 months everyday at one point went to the ER thought I was dying of cancer or something b/c of weight loss. ADHD medication was killing me got off it and use practical therapy and modalities. Meditation and exercise and lots of retraining my mind and practices.
Ive just been diagnosed at 51 with ADD, it has helped me see a my past & behaviours a little clearer but so difficult yes with codepencey also in a relationship, i didnt know what was going on with me & having an emotionally detatched partner did not help at all, yes natchnieniO i totally get what u r saying, it is so crippling, i was/am really bad for the memory also & when drinking sometimes blackouts with him & certainly isnt nice when they leave u instead of wanting to help & support u, its not there job to fix u i know but everything takes two EVERYTHING, there is a beginning & an ending & support is everything in a relationship especially when triggered by things they did!! And we are left blaming outselves literally feeling crazy!!!!!!! I am still suffering over a year later & cry also but have decided i must work on me like u bksusmc, i am trying to retrain my mind, watch my thoughts, meditate & exercise, i listen to LOTS of motivational videos on utube eg Trent Sheldon, Stephanie Lynn everyday, i put motivational affirmations everywhere, its really hard & knowing hes just off doing what ever without the suffering i am going through, but i will & am determined to come out the other side a much stronger, wiser, happier, awake women & i wish this for all, we are so much more, worth so much more, we just lost our way to others, reclaim your power as TRENT SHELTON hammers into u!!! Much love ❤
@@bksusmc great advice bksusmc, i also am doing/attempting meditation & trying to get out into nature, walking, beach etc, i hope things are getting better for you & your daughter, i dont like to judge but is really not very nice to dicard you both after 24 years no matter what wow!! I wish you all the best & much happiness, oh just curious what meditations you listen too?
Holy moly, this is me. I literally can’t remember half the stuff that he says to me but when I look back at my journal and see what I’ve wrote I’m like omg why am I still here? I remember the feelings but I forget the words yunno. I thought I was just crazy hahaha
This!! I have ADHD and I’m in an emotional abusive relationship for 2 years. I’m trying to get out of it and I tend to forget what I expected from him, what he did to me and how he did it. I tend to be unconsistent with my ideals the more I forgive, I can’t commit with what I truly want, it changes a lot. When I remember the stuff he did it hurts so bad but then again my moody self is randomly missing the good stuff and he is able to meet that radical change of energy. HELP
This video really shows the sadness behind the consequences of trauma bonds. But at the same time, enlightening. An opportunity to be positively smarter and wiser.
I’m so glad to watched this video this really explains why I’m having such a hard time leaving this emotional and narcissist and mind controlling relationship... Whenever I try leaving the relationship she tells me I’m trying to destroy her ... It’s only been a year and a half and we don’t have kinds.... It’s like my mind is fighting with my emotions.... Thank you 🙏🏽 Stephanie
Take notes, this video is truly a step-by-step tutorial for breaking up with your abusive partner and empowering yourself
This is a video every girl needs to see
Elicia Garcia everyONE
Elicia Garcia women can be just as bad trust me
I agree with you
Everyone includes every girl. Like was already said.
This is a good one! I am currently staying in a domestic violence shelter in Tennessee, and I'm trying to share your videos with the other women.... Whether they listen or not--- I do! I sincerely appreciate these videos.
I explained to my boyfriend what love is by reading him 1st Corinthians 13. ( His reply was "You can't just read some book and then take it as gospel truth." Yes. Those were his exact words lol)
I told him that when you break it down line by line, everything that he does is actually opposite what love is! ( Love is patient -he is not. love is kind- he is not. love is long suffering- he is not. love keeps no record of wrongdoing- he does. etc) Then I looked up the definition of trauma bonded and and it is a perfect match!
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV
Wow. I need to listen to this video every single day until I I am free. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it randomly. It is very eye opening. Thank you, Stephanie.
Thank you for all your videos. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 married to a narc. I want you to know you give me hope. I start each day with one of your videos and what a difference they have made in my life, I now know I’m not alone ❤️
Hugs, Momma. Keep up the good work.
My ex told me after I would leave he would tell everyone I was pshyco when I left yesterday and he was spitting in my face and he was calling me a bitch and all this stuff. I packed up my stuff and left after 8 months.
You did the right thing. He is the psychotic one for swearing at and spitting on a woman.
Proud of you and God is too!
Omg I have been hit and spit in my face also. I’m on my way out this weekend
I am proud of you for leaving. Don't go back.
Wow congrats to you
From having a narcissistic mother, I married what I knew. He was better than the abuse and neglect I was getting at home.I really don't know anything different. Married 42 years. Most of them happy, but maybe it wasn't happy? Maybe I was asleep and now I'm trauma bonded. Most of the time I am unseen in my marriage unless I'm out of his sight. He has to know my every move . Having a tough time sorting all this out. Been listening to you a couple years now and my eyes have opened up. Thank you for all your help. Sincerely
This is yet another hit by Stephanie Lyn. Her words are so compelling. Thank you Ms. Lyn for taking all the time and energy to share your insights with the rest of us in these articulate, well-prepared and thought out presentations. I highly endorse everyone to review these before getting into relationships; it will help you steer to what makes you most happy.
17:30 “What are the standards for someone being in my life? Do I even have any?”
good question, I feel like I have none.
I “thought” I did...🤷♀️
@@Gaypornmama 🤦🏽♀️ same here...
Your videos make me realize how hard is to recover after an abusive relationship! Almost 2 years of marriage with a man that manipulated me and made me believe that I was the problem and that I wasn’t enough to him!
I can’t explain how much I needed to hear that. We aren’t taught enough about emotional abuse and so it’s hard to find help and someone who understands what I’m going through. I have never been more thankful for a video. My feelings feel validated and I feel a little bit less alone and stronger then yesterday and I have the validation to be strong another day and really start a life I’m actually happy to live. Thank you.
When I first met my husband my impression of him was that he was a nice guy therefore he was the type of guy to treat women right. Looking back I realize how stupid that mentality was. I didn’t even know him but I took him at face value. Of course he morphed into my soulmate, but then the mask came off slowly until the devaluing phase and discarding eventually took place. If anything I have learned not to take people at face value.
I keep hearing the word face value google the meaning cant find it, what do ppl mean when they say face value ...?
Your awesome. Stay strong
same here, except he is my fiance. It's so interesting how time unravels the truth. It's so scary. This really discourages me to go out there and look for someone.
@@xlx077 Hey, I am currently in the same boat. Do you manage to break free and end the engagement?
Thank you for this. It is very clear.
I have been trauma bonded for 57 years! Being with narcissists for so long leaves you totally empty, damaged, and unrecognisable.
Trying to take even a step at a time becomes impossible. There is nothing left inside you to even take one step. I really do not think people can understand the freeze and demotivation and exhaustion that takes your body over when you have been harmed by a narcissist. Their toxicity is like a cancer, it eat away at your health, your reserves and life.
Sometimes narcissists destroy you, and no matter how much you want to leave and change things, there is NOTHING left in you to do it. You are numb and empty and broken..
So where do you find the reserves from then, when you are destroyed to.take even one step?? knowing I deserve better doesn't automatically give me the strength or energy to take a step. My brain has been altered by narcissistic abuse, it changes.your brain, it harms you physiologically.. I am desperate to be happy and free, but how do I get there when there is nothing left of me. ??
Xxx
It's never too late.. learn to be selfish and put the work in. You can be happy ❤
This is exactly what I needed right NOW! I just had my fiance start moving out of our house two days ago because hes emotionally and verbally abusive. My divorce of 7 years was easier than this break up of 9 months and I've been wondering why. But now I know why i feel like i cant let go even though i know i should.
@14:00 😢 yep. We believe they're a "good" person because we always want to see the best in others.
These videos saved my life from misery! Such life saver you are!
after 2 years of being separated I finally have understood all this. just something as simple as saying you don't want to have any more contact is a big step.
What if your partner makes you feel like if you don’t meet their standards. Like if your the person ruining the marriage. It’s so hard I feel like I know I’m in a emotional abusive marriage but I feel crazy because sometimes I feel like it’s all my fault I ask him to leave but he doesn’t 😭
I believed the same until my psychologist informed me a relationship consists of 2 people, so it's not possible for only 1 of them to be responsible for all that goes wrong.
Much Love🕊️🙏🏻
@AbiGail Agguire They need to communicate what their Standards or Boundaries are so You can see if it alligns with YOURS. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. EQUALLY sharing EVERYTHING. He won't leave coz Your Leaving Boundary is not firm ENOUGH. He knows YOUR behaviour and they manipulate you in falling back into their arms. They feel Good and thrives on your Co-Dependency. Only You Know what You EXPECT from him and ONLY You CAN Demand RESPECT. It works Both ways. Never 2nd guess What you put into your MARRIAGE. Go with Your gut FEELING. Stop the ABUSE by making him aware of Your needs too.
I tell my husband to leave and he won't/ he has filled all the bedrooms up with his stuff and took over our daughter's room, so all 3 kids are in my bedroom. He tells me I am an idiot and a moron. When we married I wanted to stay home with the children and he was all for this, so I always stayed home and not work, but now he resents paying the bills and makes it sound like he is giving me that money (but it is not going to me really-I am paying bills) tells me if I get a job he will quit his and stay home (and drink all day) and if I leave he will take away my house ( I inherited it from my Dad and this is my childhood home)...I am so stuck. I pray God delivers me.
Wow that’s me too. Which shows this is abuse. Get out
I'm learning that's their game. It's cliche emotional abuse from people with this type of mental illness...varying in degrees of severity. (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). We get trapped because obviously we aren't 100% healthy. Thankfully we are here and want to heal. I have a new mantra that is helping me dismiss his abusive words... "He's mentally ill" No more trying to understand, change or reason with him.
Hearing you say not to judge yourself for not knowing better and tolerating less than you deserve is what I needed to hear. Thank you ❤️
I’ve been in an verbal & mental abusive relationship for about 3 years. I used to always make excuses bc I thought there was something wrong with me. So i made excuses and took it, until I became depressed and started having anxiety attacks and just straight up feeling like I was going insane. I’ve tried to leave many times, but I’m scared and ik he’s gonna show up to my house and still try to talk to me. Idk what to do bc I’m ready to get out. Someone please help.
How are you doing now?
Well you need to take your medicine(me)
Self care, Yes! The first step, in every step.
Taking care of oneself is healing and liberating.
💯💯
This is such a strong message, I’m just starting to realize my husband has this trauma bond on me we’ve been married for a year now and everything has changed also i caught him still talking
To his ex and it’s so disgusting the things he say to her . But I’m starting to realize my worth and trying to leave is the hardest
Very relatable
Very hurtful
Did you end up leaving? I was with him for 10 years and the pain of leaving was way too much
I lasted 4 months then came back
Not a a thing has changed.hows life for you now????
understanding how the trauma bond really works has been so freeing for me - I appreciate how well you explain things and are respectful to those of us who have had to swallow that tough pill and accept the hard fact that we need to leave if we want to be healthy and have a better life.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR WORK, I'M IN THE GARAGE RESORING AN OLD CHEVROLET IVE HAD SEEN 16 , I WILL BE 54 OCT 8 WOW!!! I'M LISTENING TO YOU TO TRY AND RESTORE ME!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
I wish I could leave but I literally have no where else to go. He made sure of that. I totally depend on him to survive because I’m not working and can’t work. I know I need to leave. I’m starting to become even more afraid of him every day. It’s escalating and he has threatened to kill me if I left him with our dog. I know I need to safely get out… I’m planning it now. Thank you for this message
Thank you so much for this video. The way you explain the addiction and the huge difficulty of breaking the trauma bond is awesome. It is like you take me by the hand and lovingly explain how this has happened and how I need to change it. It is done with the utmost kindness and understanding of the complexity and confusion of this experience. I needed to hear this and I am very thankful. You are doing amazing work and please keep doing it, it is helping people set themselves free from an epidemic of unhealthy relationships.
Vicki Barker,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Even though this was 3 yrs ago, I just heard it for the first time tonight. I needed to hear this. I have been stuck for way too long. Thank you💗
Kate Parsons,You look gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Thank you 😊 you described me in my 17 year relationship perfectly and the process of how I left it a year and a half ago. I wanted to be happy. I’m still working on this and loving myself and my boundaries,
I lost my spark and all my co-workers saw this. I minimized, tolerated him then began to avoid him. Slowly I started to live my own life and he hated it to the point that I then left. Leaving was sad because I missed the dreams and good times. I am having to keep loving myself and building a heathy relationship with myself. This is the best part, at last I am doing the work that I never knew how to do. Mostly this is inner work on my inner critic (guided meditation, affirmations, walking and running in nature, cooking healthy meals, being selfish with my time and friendships).
This was the most helpful video depicting my experience. I was addicted to the pain and it was so so so so scary to think about letting go and being by myself. It’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m still crying every day but I have hope that it will get better
Thank you you so much ❤. You just save me from a Toxic relationship. Blinded by 12yr of abuse, took only 1 video to bring me back to reality. On my way to healing, won't be fast but but I'll get there.
This is so confronting. Yesterday was the last day, the day we broke up, again, after 2 years of back and forth. I know all that you said, by reading small pieces here and there but you finally make the story whole. I recognize myself in every single word you say. I keep going back to find safety in the arms of the person who hurts me the most on earth. I even lie to my therapist and friends when I start seeing him again, but they actually know, because they see me changing, not for the best (isolation, anxiety, depression). I just know this is toxic to me, but I keep going back and each time I get emotionally neglected and punished. The last times I managed to leave, he always found a way back into my life when he saw me happy (or with someone else), with massive love bombing gestures and big words, big revelations and pulling exactly the right cords ("i know I want children with you now, a cat, let's live together, let's move to your home country") etc. Once he got and secured me back, the mask falls off again and the mistreatment restarts. And the love bombing was only lies, he never meant any of it. And I slowly go into depression again, trying to hold the pieces all together, always hoping the nice guy he was during love bombing would come back. But you are right. It won't. He is not this person. This is so hard to admit. But yes, he-is-not-this-person. This person does not exist.
I know now, my inner child is wounded and I need to take care of her, on my own, be happy and fulfilled on my own. And treat this as an addiction indeed. In fact, it is. But I actually learn so much from this relationship. This is a pattern I have been repeating for a long time (on much lesser degree of toxicity though) out of my inner childhood wounds of abandonment and emotional neglect, and now this was the last drop. The final act. The universe dropping the worst case on me so that I finally see it, understand it, learn from it and change for the best. There is no way around it.
It is the a very harsh blessing.
PS. So comforting to read the comments and see I'm not the only one. Feels so hopeful.
Hello Stephanie, I am a Russian female from Kazakhstan and have discovered yours videos recently on youtube. I am so facinated about your lectures, the issues you duscuss in your videos are so up-to-date for Kazakhstan as well. This is why I am searching youtube for American coaches because I feel that American coaches on youtube are somehow more advanced in these issues, namely how to go about psychopaths, narcissts, emitional abuse, but of all American channels I have discovered so far YOU seem to give and transmit exactly the required ideas and understanding on the above issues. I listen to all of your videos, which construct my self-love, I cant help wandering how you manage to choose the exact words and explain exactly what I need. Like I said, I am facinated about you and you are my favourite so far along with American therapist Dr Ramani who also explains a lot about narcissists on Medcircle channel
Wow. Exactly what I needed to hear. I cannot thank you enough. It IS like an addiction. It's just as hard as getting away from alcohol 😳. This video gives me so much hope.. Growing up with abusive parents really does give you high abuse tolerance, it's just crazy how "love" and "abuse" become tangled ☹️
Hello Kimberly, I can recomend you to someone great and powerful who helped me get my ex back recently without stress and delay
Whtsapp for help
+1(816)3438307
+1(816)343-8307
Contact Fred, EAGLE SPY Hacker Via text , call or Whatsapp : +1 650 246
9893 to help you out OR via Email : eaglespy72@gmail.com
I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years
with 4 kids ,to be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I
believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience
was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help
of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his
Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS
location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social
media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without
touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his
lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Califonia, USA and
was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in
canada and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible
things they had planned . He also does hacking for child support /
divorce evidences for court hearing or any other type of hacking and
retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also
affordable. Contact Fred, EAGLE SPY Hacker Via text , call or Whatsapp :
+1 650 246 9893 to help you too OR eaglespy72@gmail.com. ,,,,]'/
We need to Love heal ourselves first ❤️
This was the BEST explanation I have heard from the simple question: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?
Because it’s feminine nature to love bad boys... boys you know are bad, emotionally unavailable, lying, deceitful. Yet you only go for him. You ignore the nice guy coz he is boring. Everything has a cost benefit ratio. Most women pick the bad boy and get butt hurt. And then come to the channels asking why. Asking to heal.
After 17 years of a very physically and emotionally abusive marriage I finally left for good. Honestly it took a good 2 or 3 years of being completely away from him to see the total dysfunction in myself. To see the trauma bond.
I may remarry one day but you really need to make sure you don't fall into the same trap. You must be very self aware and whole. As the video describes, I kept seeing the good in him and excusing the bad.
He briefly came back into my life for a few weeks a year ago and I absolutely saw this evil person. I saw the manipulation tactics from healthy eyes. The self-pity and fake tears. Instead of consoling him, I was sickened by him. I cannot believe how one can take so many years to realize this.
But once you do - you can have the most peaceful existence with healthy boundaries. It was a lot of soul searching and videos like this that did the trick.
🙂🚷☮
You give great advice. You put into words what I'm going through like you can read my mind. I'm still in the midst of this emotionally abusive relationship. I have kids and a grandchild. I'm financially stuck with debt. We now after all these years can just coexist under the same roof but it is very lonely. And now my oldest son has started emotionally abusing me too. I'm in my late 40's and fight feeling like my life is over.
What do you want out of your life? How do you want to feel?
One of my favorite quotes is do something today that your future self will thank you for
This is so insanely accurate. Gives me chills actually. Just gotta tell myself to keep staying strong and learn how to live again.
Katelynne Wenzoski,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
🙏🙏🙏 Absolutely On Point. This is so helpful, I’m in my first relationship in 23 years and boy did I get into a horrible trauma bond.
I’ve been trying to escape for 8 months.
Thank you for the tools ✨ I always believed it was a complete SIN to be selfish ….. perhaps remaining single is best.
I cut my best friend out one week today. I was addicted to him. He would stay at mine all the time and constantly mentally abuse me, constant silent treatments, gaslighting and invalidation. I was addicted and it started to destroy my 14 year relationship with my partner. This past week has been tormenting. He was attacking me as I was doing something without him so he created an issue and then as per when I challenged him back (which I never used too) he didn’t want to talk. I’d spent weeks writing a message I sent it and blocked him on everything. The next morning I woke up to an email from an email account I didn’t know he had. Such an invalidating message. He’s out of my life but he did become my drug. I’m so proud of myself for getting off that wheel. They don’t love you or care for you, block the devils!!
dr tuda was able to help me get back my ex and manifest my ex to make peace with me , I'm so happy my broken relationship has be restored , I believe he can also help you too ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💎💎🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Text on whtzapp ❤🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
+234,,,815,,689,,6436
❤🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💎💎💎❤
+234,,815,,,689,,6436
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back ,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I wish I would of seen this 45 years ago!!! But I'm a survivor !! Still working on it, like AA, one day at a time . Learn to love yourself
Today's been a hard day for me. I feel lonely and for whatever reason I miss talking to my toxic friends/loved ones. I rarely share my feelings and difficulties anymore like I did before because they've use it against me in an argument, I have placed strong boundaries, while I grow in new relationships but I have to say the fact that I could tell them what was bothering me and they listened made me feel like they loved me. That little bit of attention made me feel seen.
Also to add onto what I was saying. I've never felt more alone in my entire life. I hate my life. And I hate who I've become. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. My depression is at it's worse. I'm constantly sick physically. And on the days he's sweet and caring to me I suddenly don't have headaches, stomach problems, nausea. Am I addicted to the pain? I just wanna not feel alone. I just want to leave so badly. I hate my body as well. I've never hated my body more than I have these past few years. I just want to be happy for once. Have a peaceful life.
Thank you Stephanie for sharing such great thoughts on UA-cam. You are helping me move forward one day at a time. I'm 8 months out and just saw my narc with his new supply who looks half his age. Kinda makes sense given his emotional level. I've decided to choose happiness and start living life from the inside out. Thank you again for keeping me motivated! 💓
Yes trauma bond is very REAL I’m still stuck every time I try to move on I always find myself going back the minute he contacts me
Love this - so enlightening.
I would like to say that I don't think one needs to lack self esteem or be codependent to have a trauma bond.
Like you said, if we haven't learned how to establish boundaries...or trust our intuition...or if someone is lying/manipulating us...we can fall victim to this. I think we can just be inexperienced sometimes and fall for it. My ex would say some mean things...or just flip reality on me out of the blue....but she'd apologize for it the next day as I was contemplating the situation. I genuinely thought she was just working through problems, and was sorry....so I gave her another chance. Soon, the jealousy/abuse/nitpick grew more frequent, while the apologies were further and further apart. It takes a while to realize you're not happy.
Once you recognize they aren't making you happy, you leave. Staying in these relationships for a long time...yah, that's a co-dependent thing. Sometimes you just don't know until it's too late...sometimes you want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
You are the embodiment of compassionate tough love. Thank you
Thank you for all your videos ❤️❤️
You’re truly opening my eyes to what I’ve been blind to. Giving me courage to take a stand and walk away.
I jumped into a relationship after my divorce of 13 years and I truly feel I should have spent time learning to love myself. I’ve been in this relationship 2 years and watched the man I thought I was with change rapidly. We use to be able to talk but now he gives me the silent treatment or tells me I’m picking a fight if I disagree with him or want to discuss our issues. He tells me I can’t ask questions because he doesn’t owe me explanations for just random stuff. Then it’s starts a fight and he blames me, because I should just accept what he says and keep going. It’s an endless hamster wheel of promises to change and be better with no results. This last year of our relationship has taken a toll on me and at this point I just need to learn to let go. My kids deserve the best version of me, which is why I left my toxic ex, and even though the idea of being alone scares me I feel like I have to stand up for myself if I don’t want to live an unhappy life.
hey, I am in the same boat. I feel like I should have heal first instead of jumping into another. I own this to myself.
You can't unsee, what you have seen.
You can't unhear, what you have heard.
Don't ever let someone else take away your Independence. Codependent is unhealthy in any relationship.
Respect yourself, your boundaries and except that you can't fix them 💜💚💙
This video could not have been posted at a better time for me personally. Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate your work.
Lindsay Johnson thank you so much for watching!