Social Anxiety in the Modern World | Dr. Fallon Goodman | TEDxUSF
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
- Social anxiety is a hefty burden not just on individuals, but society as a whole. Here’s the problem-the trendlines are all going in the wrong direction. Each year, more people experience frequent and intense social anxiety. Yet, we know surprisingly little about what social anxiety is and what we can do to address it. In this talk, Dr. Fallon Goodman offers three solutions. Dr. Fallon Goodman is an Assistant Professor at the University of South Florida and Director of the Emotion and Resilience Laboratory. Her lab conducts research on social anxiety, key ingredients for strong social relationships, optimal ways to cope with daily emotions and stressors, and strategies to foster happiness and well-being. Her research draws on her years as a clinician, including at community outpatient clinics, pediatric medical units, and her doctoral internship at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Goodman is passionate about disseminating science to the public. She has published numerous peer-reviewed articles and co-designed two books for National Geographic. In her first year as a professor, she won a new researcher award from the University of South Florida and an early career award from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Does anyone else feels like their social anxiety causes them to rush through small conversations? I catch myself doing this a lot and it's as if I'm running from people and their interaction even though I want to interact with them. It's like my mind and body is contradicting itself. Can anyone with social anxiety relate?
That same way I feel dear. Dying within...... 😢😢
Same.. Like I wanna talk to people slowly and enjoy the conversation and I always imagine that in my head but when someone actually started talking to me I will respond very quickly that I always feel bad because that person might not like the way I responded. It's like i am rushing and trying to end the conversation. Some times I stutter too. I hate when that happens because it clearly shows how nervous I am. Some people at my work place notice that and one day this one lady came up to me because she wanted to get some paper from me and she was standing beside while waiting and I guess she's worried if I will get nervous so she said to me "I'm sorry in advance if im making you nervous." and I just replied "no, it's okay." i'm just suprised that she suddenly blurted out that way and that made me realised that some people at my work place probably already aware of me being anxious. It somehow makes me grateful/thankful in a way.
@@bintehahashim196 much love and hugs to you ! Dw take care of yourself! ☃️💕❣️
@@akkir3268 thankyou so much! i appreciate this alot! 😄💕
@@janopgt5145 i feel the same way.🥺
Social anxiety needs to be more recognised in schools and the workplace. There is definitely a lack of education in today’s society
You're the most uncool kid in school if you lack communication skills . I've struggled with interiority complex almost whole of school days. I've had major anxiety attacks while presenting seminars in college.
@@Carl15O3 Rightly said. Even if I try to explain others that I'm not doing things on purpose they don't quite understand me. The thing that gives me courage is that I am in a position to help others through my profession & knowledge and that keep me going but I definitely have a tough time with my colleagues.
@@Carl15O3 more power to you 👍👍
yess they think its introvert
@@Peonie24 everyone treats social anxiety as though it’s a choice and therefore something your to be directly put at fault.
Anyone else feel like they don’t even know how to walk when by themselves in public? Like with another person I’m fine but when I go shopping alone or walk in the school hallway alone I feel like everyone’s judging me and I like over analyze my every movement? Like am I standing weird? Am I walking weird? What do I do to look natural? It’s so frustrating because I know logically no one cares but I feel so out of place
I can't get in between people because people will exclude me, I can't express myself and I have been bullied a lot.
I feel the same way
Omg yes I over analyze every move and how I stand. How I go to grab something off the shelve at a store. Every little move I have to think about. it’s sooooo annoying.
Wow definitely same
yes I get this too. some exercises can help like if you can try to slow down your mind and thinking. and one way that can help with this is to slow down your breathing. this makes a big difference for me
it’s so hard to live like this
It definitely is at least for me.
Extremely
Extremely I hate my life for it
Impossible !..not only hard 😔😔
I'd rather not live, than live like this.
Sleep is like a drug.
Social anxiety has literally had be ruined... I can't start a normal conversation with people, I get anxious even around students in class i know, I tend to say awkward stuff and rush conversations assuming nobody wants to talk.
being 17 and a girl, its really hard living with this especially when I I have such social and outgoing friends.
Edit: Things have gotten better for me... during the first month of college, my literature teacher noticed by anxiety. Later on she told me "to not show others your weakness." After that day, I've been working on myself, and I can confidentially say I'm doing much better. I don't fidget, I make eyecontact and I start conversations with those in my class.
Felt this!!
It ruined my education and don't know what to do next Btw I'm 18 years old
Search -'Sean Cooper social anxiety' that's the best one I found how as to overcome social anxiety
Me too
@@peuliti9704 do you walk normally in public with social anxiety or walk weird please reply me😭😭😭
For very long i had mistaken my social anxiety for being an introvert. I thought enjoying with others isnt my cup of tea because thats how introverts are, prefering to be lonely instead of being a part of social gatherings. But deep down i never wanted/want to be lonely, i want to talk with others enjoy parties be free about expressing myself. Then lately i thought about facing this thing and doing some research on what exactly it is thats going on with me. Then i found that i might not actually be an introvert. Its more about being socially anxious, always thinking about how to react so that others would consider me to be cool. Because of this i never could build good relationships with anyone, felt useless and that noone except my parents cared about me. I still suffer through this. It hampers my productivity and ability to be happy.
Same way I felt that way untill today
I feel like this as well, hope you’re doing well :)
Exactly the same for me to this day and I’m trying to get rid of it
I relate. I used to think I am an introvert who adores extrovert people and that used to make me question my personality type. Now I feel maybe I am just someone who likes socialising but has social anxiety!
You explained my situation perfectly
my parent highly misunderstood my social anxiety. they always said “oh she just don’t like people” “she’d rather be alone” i do enjoy the company of people. it’s just i could never get myself to talk to people. i always wanted to be that girl who had a lot of friends, who always had plans with others, who had someone who i can pick up the phone and call anytime. every time i see that girl who can easily start conversations with people i just think “i wish i can be like her”. but i hold no hope. i think that this is something that i’ll struggle with my entire life with no escape.
Omg i relate to you. Its not that i don't like the conpany of other people it's that its hard to talk to new people:( i want to be like the outgoing girls who make friends essily and can talk to strangers easily :(
You don't need to be outgoing like others. There's nothing wrong with being a quiet one and having few friends.
I would recommend a book called: Quiet. It changed my life and helped me with self-acceptance.
It's often the society/culture that puts pressure on us to fit in.
@@kierlak we know that but we want to. It’s called being extroverted with social anxiety. If you don’t like talk as much then you’re probably introverted, this also doesn’t mean you can’t be socially anxious.
I had to leave college because of social anxiety (and others), even when I love what I was studying back then. Now, I am having trouble with job interviews as I get scared of what people think of me. It is irrational and destructive. In fact, it is very destructive and it is very real. I hope more people would understand, thank you so much for this.
We have something in common.
I left college because of it too
Don’t let this ruin your life get some help if you haven’t !
I struggle with this too bro. Currently get a job & quit it immediately after because I get to overwhelmed/anxious. I know it’s irrational, but I just can’t get over it. It’s pushing my family & loved one away & I do understand. I just know it is real & I’m not sure how to overcome it. I try to get help but its not taken very seriously.
I haven’t gone to college because of it and I’m nearly 2 years out of high school already, it fuckin sucks and literally kills you inside.
Social anxiety makes me feel like I am cut off from the present moment. Anyone?
Yes, that's totally normal. Social anxiety can cause you to be so caught up in your own thoughts about how you're coming across that you're unable to engage in the present moment.
One effective strategy for treating social anxiety is called attention training, and it's all about helping people learn how to focus more externally vs internally.
Social anxiety has taken over my life.
I really enjoyed this presentation. I have social Anxiety as well and for me I enjoy social interaction like I crave it but I have the fear of being rejected so sometimes I hold back on how I feel or I change myself to fit the image of how I think other ppl will like me. And I really hate eye contact. Also any time I interact with someone I plan ahead of what I’m gon say cuz if I mess up or stutter or say the wrong thing I will think abt it forever & criticize myself for the mistake.
This comment made me feel like I’m not alone because I relate to every single thing about it. Thank you
Yes, I do the same. We are bot alone in this.
I feel the same
@@erikanthonyc so glad you found it helpful Erik. you are certainly not alone.
Literally speaking to me. Everything exactly. I love people and talking. When i finally overcome the anxiety and make a friend I can talk for hours.
I graduated high school last year. I am nearly 19 and I have never worked, I have no friends, no relationship. Social anxiety has robbed me of the life I could have had. I had social anxiety as long as I can remember. Social anxiety stopped me from trying new things, so I never developed any hobbies. I haven’t gone to university because it’s too much for my anxiety. I often wonder what I could’ve been like if someone had figured out what I was struggling with at a younger age.
It’s not too late to do any of those things. I feel the same way, I’m 19 too. I feel like everything is over already but I have to remind myself I’m still so young. You can still go to school and have friends and relationships I promise
It's crazy, we are the same age, we have exactly the same ploblem, but we live in different country, and have different culture... We really are not so alone as we think
I recently graduated from high school, and I've never worked either. Not long ago I lost a job opportunity... and I've been feeling regret and guilt. In fact, it's not the first one I've lost. One day I can be optimistic and feel motivated, and the next day I have already forgotten about my dreams. I think it's been like this since I was 13. When the pandemic came, I was glad I didn't have to go to school... I think I've been avoiding everyone and everything for too long, but now I must confront myself... and it's not easy.
Im currently 17 going on 18 and I feel the same. Had my friends not came up to me I would have no friends. I quit my temporary customer service job early, and grouo projects and presentations in university are making me have panic attacks.
@@scarscarscarwu it’s good to know we aren’t alone. I’m starting university in a week and I’m also terrified for group projects and all that. I think the best thing we can remind ourselves is that many others feel the same 🫶🏻
My social anxiety has gotten so bad to the point where I cry at school every day. I dont have any friends and if I do make friends then I push them away because I'm afraid they dont like me :/
I'm so sorry, I but you are a lonely person.
I also used to cry every day in school. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m still figuring out how to accept that my friends do actually like me and aren’t just spending time with me because they feel bad. It’s such an isolating feeling
i was the most popular kid in my school and today im in contact with just two friend from school.i found out also that the whole "cool gropu" of kids we were in school are not in contact anymore with eachother. life goes on buddy dont let school or the exprinces you go through right now define who you are.instead of thinking you are wrong all the time or weird try to start thinking postive about yourself.not only think start to take action strat doing sport or search something youll love some kind of art like playing an instrument or painting or singing.belive in yourself.i belive in you.i would love to know how you doin now my friend?
She highlights it well - I don’t desire to be alone bc I have s.a. But it’s the fear of rejection and being disliked which pushes me to being alone
I’ve had social anxiety ever since I was in the 6th grade. I moved to America and left all of my friends behind, only to get severely bullied for my appearance for the first two years. At first, I could handle social situations, now I dread it. I genuinely hate the man that I see in the mirror and I know other ppl judge the way I look subconsciously. I’m 20 years old now and all I want is just to feel normal. To not feel like I’m being judged
Thinking of saving up to get plastic surgery and fix the parts of my face that I despise because that’s truly the only way I think I can overcome this
@@val-zod1284 dont
I'm sorry you were bullied and developed social anxiety :( I hope you come to understand that your worth as a person isn't impacted by your looks or how people perceive you. You deserve to accept and love yourself, always ❤
When talking to yourself, it can help to imagine that you're talking to yourself as a child. You wouldn't berate and blame a child for their hardships or flaws, you'd accept and support them. So that's how you try to treat yourself, with compassion
Please don’t change your appearance. You are worthy just as you are. Please find a psychologist to talk to. I promise you, it helps.
@@val-zod1284 felt this deep In my heart :(( but pls don’t change your appearance for other people!
Whoever is reading it at this moment and suffering from social anxiety - I feel you! I've been suffering from something that turned out to be social anxiety since the age of 4 or 5. It means that it has been the scourge of my life for 15 years until I finally realised that I needed help.
Like some people in the comments pointed out social anxiety can be mistaken for introversion. I made the same mistake.
Even before getting help I already knew that the cause for what I'd been suffering from was an array of traumatic social situations that took place in my early childhood and teenage years. Little did I know that it would get in the way of absolutely everything in my life: starting from completing simple every day tasks and ending with building healthy and strong relationships with people.
And only at the age of 20, in August 2019, sitting at the edge of my bed I felt an urge to scream, every fiber of my body was aching, I wanted to scream from within because I could no longer take it. I knew that if I don't do anything know, it might become too late later on.
So I've been seeing my therapist since then. It's been almost 2 years since I started and I already see progress. Of course it's way too early to talk about full recovery; two years of therapy can't heal the 15 year old wounds. But it definitely sped it up. And I'll keep fighting however hard it is in the process. There's always a light at the end of any tunnel. You're gonna see yours, too. I just know it. I know it's hard for you right now. It's incredibly painful and unfair. I agree, it is! I know from firsthand experience how unbearable it is. But please don't hesitate to reach out for help. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life, you deserve to live your dream life. You really do! I believe in you 😍
Love you and send you my support. You're not alone ❤
❤
@Mustafa Hussein Hey! Based on what I've just read, your English is pretty good. So, I think you can reach out for help. I can assure you you'll be understood
God bless you , this was so sweet ❤
This hurts, because I was put in scrutiny by my teachers in highschool. My math teacher called me slow, when really I was just panicking when she called me out, another teacher gave me the cold shoulder and insulted me at the end of the year when she was nice to literally everyone else because I wasn't active in her class through the year, when really I was down in the dumps barely coping and to this day remembering it makes me feel sick to my stomach and teary eyed, to be shunned like that, completely pushed away and rejected from a big group. To be targeted when I can't defend myself.
Sorry you had to go through that. You’re really strong. 🤍
I can totally relate because I was called slow and lost in school too. I would always panic when a teacher asked me to do something thinking I would mess up. My teacher yelled at me and called me a dumbo in front of the whole class once. It really was a hard blow to my already crumbling self esteem.. Teachers humiliate students and forget but they don't realize how badly it can affect them
Bro my teacher wants me to be active but she gave up on it :skull:
I overthink everything, even around my family I feel like I'm being judged. I hate myself for not talking to someone when I have the chance, I spend so long thinking about it that the chance goes away. Almost everyone in my family has some sort of anxiety, so I thought that they would understand. But to them I am still just shy, and I will just grow out of it. I know that it probably won't go away it self, but I get scared that asking for help would make it worse since then I would probably be put in more situations to talk.
I feel the same. Expect most of my family are all extrovert they still don't understand me. I think I am shy. But I do think I have social anxiety and I am shy and introvert.
Or maybe my social anxiety made me became shy and introvert
This is the comment that describes me the most.
Thank u for sharing
Social anxiety tries to protect us from rejection. Literally teared me up completely
Do you feel it in the same away?Do you feel like struggling to go out facing the world? It seems like the world is standing against you and you are that only odd in this crowd. You are not a part of it. You feel like you are not included at the same time you don't want it also. You feel alone but being in that crowd makes you feel more alone. All you want is just go far away...far away and hide yourself at a place where no one can see you ...You don't want your existence in their mind .
You are not alone. There are many people like you who are being stopped to live and enjoy their life just because of this term called-"Social anxiety". This term is only for us who struggle with it every single day. But it can be normal. Don't let the world to make you feel not included. You are more than you think. You are more precious. All you need is to meet that someone like you. I am saying coz I am facing this too. And I hope I could tell this to those who face it in the same way. We are not alone. We are just in different places with different situations. ❤
Start with self belief
What? I AM CAPABLE
I AM VALUABLE AND CREATION OF GOD.
I AM CAPABLE OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE EFFECTIVELY.
Start self love
How? With self respect?
How?
Identify things you got, start with A B C then slowly move towards words then sentences. Express gratitude.
Exposure to social situatdions is very important. Exposure will increase experiences of socialising. Experiences will increase confidence.
Confidence help you deal with social situations with less friction (neuroplasticity).
Summary:
- Our fear of rejection gets in the way of being accepted. We are more connected today and yet we are seeing a decline in social connection. How to address social anxiety:
1. Identify it early. Social anxiety develops around the age of 14. It puts you at risk of developing other mental illnesses. Is your fear of rejection get in the way of things you want to do? Appropriate intervention.
2. Harness your platform. Talk about it in schools, workplaces, and homes. Talking about it reduces stigma.
3. Foster social courage. It’s not about avoiding rejection. Peruse experiences knowing your chances of rejection are high. Do it anyway. Know your worth. Find people who love and accept you. The opportunity for growth shines brighter than rejection.
( I suggest reading up on Cognitive Behavior Therapy, meditation, affirmations, etc. Keep fighting off that negative inner voice! )
thanks!
Thanks man🥺
Thanks!❤
Thanks buddy..
How many of you actually feel more anxious around certain family members compared to other people? I feel so alone with this because it always seems like people with social anxiety at least feel comfortable around their family and close friends. I guess I so desperately want a close relationship with these family members that I end up making myself feel really uncomfortable but when I'm talking with strangers I don't really care so I don't feel nervous if that makes sense.
100 %
I totally understand what you mean. You’re definitely not alone. It can feel quite frustrating and embarrassing to feel this way around family, especially immediate family when we’re supposed to have a certain unbreakable dynamic. Yet, I struggle to navigate how to do that in a way that isn’t forced or robotic. Sometimes I don’t know what to say so I isolate in order to avoid making them uncomfortable.
@@zixzizia1066 you hit the nail on the head 💯💯
I’ve always kind of been more comfy around strangers (for the most part) than acquaintances and friends. It’s the weirdest thing. I am so uncomfortable around my coworkers especially. I hate it. I don’t know what to do.
@@alexas34 same with me. I’d say it’s like having a fresh slate, they haven’t really defined who you are yet so you get to re invent yourself to an extent.
Most times persons with social anxiety are empaths. Controlling your thought about what other people think is very difficult. Rejection. We also can easily sense negativity. For me, once I feel this I cannot be at that particular place.
exactly!!!! I get you
I feel the same way, only very few people give me a good feeling when being around them, only when thy have a positive and authentic aura... i struggle very much to make new friends because of this and at the end of the day i often end up alone.
Exactly.. I am empathetic with social anxiety and I feel everything deeply
While dealing with people don't try to control what is not in your control. Learning this will reduce anxiety. I hope you found tgis helpful. If you found this unhelpful give me feedback❤
You cannot control
-what people talk to you. Prioritize relationships❤
Yes its a fear of rejection that keeps us alone. What she said about avoiding interaction so that people have less data points on which to reject you hit hard.
We're alone because we're scared of being alone .
my social anxiety is ruining my life in the sense that i’m scared of going to a shop as i don’t want to talk to the cashier, if i have a friend with me i make them pay for my things, my most recent relationship i was called frigid because i was so anxious all the time, and i’m struggling to get a job because i’m scared to ask for one
Same. I created a watchlists but I am scared to submit an application electronically. I had someone laughing at my face because I was doing laundry awkwardly, I can't even think right, and I was a mess. I don't want that to happen again if I decide to work closely with my co-workers in the work environment.
@@LongCOVIDAdvocator i’ve been applying for a few jobs around my town but i’m just waiting to hear a reply.. it’s not applying for the job i struggle with anymore, it’s the actually job and having to talk to my coworkers and the customers. i’m okay in school it’s just outside of school
@@LongCOVIDAdvocator whoever laughed in your face is awful. I hate how people treat us just because we have anxiety. Yes they may not know we have it, but if mocking us or assuming the worse is what they choose to do then that's not right in my book. That just makes me more closed off from people because they are so judgemental. That was one experience you had though I pray you find employment that has compassionate people you'll be surrounded by. That's also one of fears too.
@@miabarnes6102 have you ever heard of exposure therapy? The more you confront what makes you anxious is the less anxious you'll be. I know that but God knows, it's still nerve wrecking. I hope you find a good employment where the people are very nice to you and after a while I'm assuming you'll be feeling less anxious.
i struggle the same with all of you! i hope one day we can have growth :)
Thank you for sharing this. I've suffered from social anxiety since middle school and now I'm 26 and it has not gotten any better! Will definitely take and apply the tips mentioned on this video! thank you
Your meeeee
@@zoegyal1032 🧡
Same I just lost my job because of it :(
@Jessica J stop it please.
I'm 21 and totally relate the same with you. Time has not changed anything yet instead made it worse 😔
I have social anxiety because of I was bullied as a kid.
I absolutley hate it.
It has made me think that I am not valuable enough to make my dreams come true.
It makes me axious around groups of friends.
I am always protecting myself.
I want to be free from this prison.
I have been told time and time again that I am beautiful from countles amount of people and that I should consider modeling but because of my past I have judged myself so much through the years that I never even went on to try.
Widely misunderstood because we're _really_ good at not drawing attention.
I've had 37 years practice. 37 years of stagnation
I’ve never felt more I understood than I do listening to this..
I’m not sure how relatable this is. Very often, I have to plan my script of what I say, what I do, how I present myself. I cannot create conversations with others in recreational social situations without practicing for hours in the mirror. My life is hindered by the fact that I don’t know how to talk to people bc of my social anxiety being so prevalent
I hate my social anxiety with everything inside me. And ppl find me so odd. No how many times I tell them that I struggle with social anxiety. They say “well just stop being awkward” Geee never thought of that one!!!😳🙄 I always wish to be “normal” and want to stop being this way so bad 💔💔 I come home everyday extremely mad at myself and disappointed.
❤
Listening to this like an audiobook while working and it got so heavy. I believe my social anxiety started at age 9 and here I am almost 30 at work still trying to understand it. 😓 hang in there guys
9 is very young age and i believe my social anxiety started at age 7 when i was so confused about friendship goals and all of these childhood social interactions at 1nd class , the beginning of my school life or maybe i couldn't even discover myself enough. I am going to be 21 soon -which horrifies me because i feel so old myself already- and i guess i'll never change this brutal characteristic feature forever and i won't even learn how to hide it. Social anxiety is horrible. It makes you feel so alone, so isolated. I wish there is a way to fix this...i wish.
@@JudyyAbbott Aw me too. Don’t try to hide it, try to embrace it. I find trying to hide it makes it more noticeable 😣 sometimes I want to just shout to the world “I’m acting weird because I have social anxiety and every moment feels like I’m public speaking in front of an audience” but that also might give a weird reaction… point is, acknowledging the social anxiety can sometimes relive the pressure it causes
When rejection has become so frequent in my life recently I have started to take it as affirming my faithfulness to my true self regardless of this world. The world is harsh and rejection is inevitable if you want to establish yourself there. I might never stand a chance against the world, but I will never, ever withdraw or shield myself. So I overcame my social anxiety just to show myself not being a coward.
Im very happy to find people like me here, its really deficult to live with this, when you are by yourself you think that you can achieve alot of things but once you are among of people your brain starts to lose control, the same with your body, I was thinking that im a weak person so i made a decision to go to the army and try a hard experience, but after that hard experience here im i, what i came with is just to find out how to live with it and try to let go every bad moment. peace !!
So glad that I came across this video. My focus is on helping people with social anxiety, and even amongst other mental health professionals I find that social anxiety is misunderstood and not taken seriously enough. Thanks for bringing attention to this, Dr. Goodman.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Dr. Franks!
Anyone know about avpd
Some of the cause with social anxiety is there already being somebody being in there life pointing out and criticizing them making their fear of criticism in public worse!
i hope more people watch this because lots of people think this means being an introvert when those are two different things.
I have been bullied in the past and I developed social anxiety so I'm usually very quiet and avoid the spot light at all costs
Same.
My social anxiety was triggered when i was in 5th grade and and i heard somebody from our class told her seatmate (while laughing) "oh look, it's her who's reciting again" - referring to me. 9 year old me then started to think a lot first about my classmates' reaction whenever i recite in front of the class.
It started about that time for me too.
Brilliant talk! Very engaging and relatable. You’re a natural!!! I look forward to seeing more of your talks
Omg thank you so much for this talk. I am in tears when watching this. I suffer from severe social anxiety. People don’t understand how can I do a speech to a large audience comfortably but cannot foundation in a non-work related social situation.
Exactly! This was the reason I kept misunderstanding my social anxiety as introvertedness. I can give a speech pretty comfortably but become a nervous wreck while making a simple conversation with someone
What types of personalities or people makes you more anxious than normal
I’m 38 going on 39 years old and have had major social anxiety since I was born in 1983. I am on the autistic spectrum and prefer structure and organization in my job. I work in the accounting office at Wegmans and also a cashier and have been doing that all of my career. I hope to change this one day which I hope will be soon 🔜 since life is very short.
Same age as you. I got a degree from a state university on campus but I was never able to use it because I failed in networking to get a job. I now work in a factory on an assembly line. It sucks but I'm still trying to move my life situation forward. I feel that fighting my SAD is the only way I will survive. I'm still single without kids, so financially I have more options.
@@incubus_the_man do you get along well with your coworkers socially there?
@Mustafa Hussein I know exactly how you feel mustafa and really hope things improve for you. It isn’t easy or fun dealing with social anxiety.
I'm 37 and my whole life has been held back dramatically by social anxiety. I've had very minor successes at best.
Great speech. Thank you for sharing your knowledge of this subject with the world.
i started dealing with social anxiety 2 yrs ago and Im still struggling with it. just know you are not alone !!
Actually when we try to lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that we're just as confident as the other person. And we put ourselves in that situation it makes our heart beat so fast that we have trouble breathing and then the person looking at us calls us a scary cat or a chicken. Stressful situations make your heart race and make you short winded
How wonderful. Thank you for this beautiful session. I found your knowledge and explanations so sensitive and soft and warm. When there is a willingness to connect with others, anxiety can be explored, with awareness in order to reduce it's impact. Patience, showing up and being kind to ourselves when we fall is like retraining the amygdala in the present moment. With awareness, this becomes our super power to being with the anxiety that comes and managing it better. Waving to you with love, Marie-Louise from Cornwall, UK ❤
social anxiety is literally ruining my life…i try to explain to my mom about how i feel like i’m literally going to pass out whenever i even think about having to socialize with people i don’t know but she gets mad at me and tells me to get over it…i can’t even go into a business and ask if they’re hiring because i am so scared and i don’t even know why
Yesss! There's always been that doubt in me that I couldn't truly have social anxiety because I actually enjoy being in the spotlight. I may totally freak out if I have to do small talk/talk to people in general but I have no problem whatsoever with being on stage/singing karaoke. Those are 2 entirely different situations. It's great to know that apparently other people with social anxiety feel similar.
I'm 20..and I never knew I had social anxiety till now.. Back in school I used to think why do I act so indifferent while others are so normal and so charming.. Even in my home I always had this uneasiness....
Now I'm studying in college, I still care how people around me view and think...this lead me as an outcast... I never wanted to be one but I ended up everytime...
Recently I've been researching about myself and came in conclusion that the cause of my problem was this... Like dang! I do have social anxiety...
I hope one day I'll overcome this.. And hoping same for everyone who's facing somewhere alone and fighting within themselves....
We got this! 💪🤧Peps
You got this for sure.
Very informative take on this. From my experience growing up with social anxiety throughout my school years, there was no real effort put in to detect social difficulties for anyone, social anxiety-based or not. I guess the assumption schools went under is that “if you need help, you’ll reach out for it,” but the sad reality for people who react to S.A like me is that we’re often too afraid to even reach out for help due to fears of scrutiny and judgement. Still affects me to this day in college, I recently motivated myself to break the barrier and reach out for professional help, but not everyone will succeed with this and it’s a real problem
This speaker was well spoken, and provided pertinent and educational information.
Many TED talks are ok and meh at times, even about social anxiety. Now i see Dr.Goodman having this speech, entering my brain, hitting my soul and i don't see much appreciation in the comments. I think that was one of the best TEDs speechs i've seen, thank you dr.Goodman
I love that when she talked about doctors screening for SAD, she then said "she" for an example doctor. Made me really happy :). This was incredible and Dr. Goodman captured social anxiety very accurately for me, as well as reframed solutions in an understandable way.
Thank you for your work Dr. Goodman!
This lecture really hit home
This is exactly what I needed to hear I was just explaining to my mom the other day that I am shy and I don’t have a problem performing in front of groups of people but when I’m infinitely talking to somebody 101 I tend to overthink everything that they are judging me and I’ll pay for me to communicate with others I want to get over this part of my life because I want to be a entrepreneur in an order to be entrepreneur I have to face it head on and face the fear of talking to people one on one
Thank you great video thanks been struggling with social anxiety for years but it's people like you who help me get through so hard for me started when I was bullied at school but I'm a fighter stronger just suffer in the mind keep making these videos so I can overcome.
Thanks for your thoughtful note. You are a fighter indeed. And I will keep using any platform I have to crush the stigma of social anxiety and foster social courage.
@@fgoodman100 Thank you so much for understanding I will keep watching please keep posting one love ❤️
I have always struggled making friends . Everbody close to me labeled me as an shy introverted kid while some thought I was cold and arrogant. I used to feel so insecure and unwanted around my peers. My school days used to so lonely and boring as I had no friends. It killed my confidence and I developed social anxiety disorder. My entire life went thinking what other thinks about me and having no social life. It really sucks to Iive like this.
So well spoken. Exactly how it is
It's a really good speach, about an important subject. I love how calmly she is performing, just this fact makes me feel more comfortable in front of the screen:D Well done!
I’m getting anxious just thinking about someone else giving this great presentation.
Great talk!
It's ruined me , ruined my life , everything tbh , the social anxiety started when i was 16 , i was very scary talking to my friends that I known before or my family too , in college started miss classes because that group of friends that I known before too , tell begged my doctor in class i told him about my problem my anxiety ,
I would have failed in the article but he give me an C+
Thanks to him for understanding.
Amazing presentation. Extremely informative and very engaging! Can’t wait to see more TED talks from you.
It's interresting how I was not feeling at all this idea of not being noticed by others when I only feel secured when I hide from them. 🙃
This video helped me realize more of the emotional aspect of this illness I only get diagnosed recently, the decaded part she mentionned is not a joke, I wish this was more known worldwide.
We lack emotional and mental education everywhere.
This needs to change.
Dr. Goodman brought up the fear of rejection many times. In my case I do not fear rejection, I expect it. The fear is that they say yes, its an instant spotlight of having to prove your worth. The overthinking and self doubt that start immediately makes being accepted just as worse of an outcome than being rejected where you get to go back to the status quo. Which leads to simply avoiding to be the first to initiate in conversations all together.
I have social anxiety, and it takes away my joy and life.
This video was VERY helpful.
My fear with my social anxiety, is that if I tell anyone, they might judge me.
as an introvert im not afraid of rejection, im much rather aftaid of making life choices such as a career i know doesnt fit me, i do it for the sake of earning money but I know im not gonna enjoy it. Im actually a college student taking secondary education but i have a strong anxiety, my problem is i dont know what I want in life, and when it comes to jobs i dont want to make a mistake i will regret. My aim right now is to get a degree but after that i dont know what to do.. i still find it terrifying to teach and everytime I muster up courage and confidence to report and talk I ended up feeling so drained and stressed out at the end of the day. Its like a daily depression in a nutshell.
i’m in the exact same boat, it’s such a struggle :(
Introvert doesn’t equal social anxiety disorder
loved this. i really want to enjoy my 20s but going out and being social really scares me and i hate it. when i do muster the courage to go, i end up leaving the event like 30 mins in
Social anxiety ruined my career. I couldn't hold a job. I feel intense fear during meetings, presentations and speaking with clients. Once I even had physical symptoms. My heart beating so faster, my hands shewering, my voice shaking, I couldn't breath. It was so obvious. It took me years to understand what my problem is. I used to think that working in corporates is not my cup of tea but later understood that it's fear not hate. I like my job. But I'm afraid to talk to people. By the time I understood my problem it was too late. I already lost many opportunities.
I never really had social anxiety, it was when I started getting bullied in school from a young age by kids and classmates! I lost alot of confidence and it made me not trust people. As I got to High school it got worse, I had alot of fake "friends". They would be very two face, toxic and put me down. Now I'm just careful with who I talk to and I'm only comfortable around certain people, that I don't think will cause me any harm.
I have her as a professor, she is great!
She's very attractive and smart.
I agree that early detect help the people with mental illness
I have had SAD from 10 or younger, but no one around me thought i have illness although i couldn't go school
identified my illness when i was 23 years-old
this illness completely trashed my life
what we can do is knowing mental illness accurately, just doing this help people with it and yourself because there is a chance to have mental illness for everyone
it's late after you or someone close to you have
2:53 Felt like she was talking directly to me, with how accurate all of this part was.
I’ve had anxiety (particularly social) since I can remember. There were many signs when I was little, I found it so hard to make friends always worried about people not liking me
got tired of thinking that i wasn’t good enough for anyone got tired of sitting alone at lunch when i literally get complimented on my looks all the time but yet i still hide in the shadows like i’m an unwanted little alien but i never tell anyone this and have kept this to my self for a while it sucks but i’ll get over it eventually only you can stop your social anxiety
Watching this 2 and a half hours before my first college public speaking class my chest hurts so bad from anxiety
How did it go?
@@nitoginko2187 I presented my first speech and it actually went pretty good! It wasn't perfect but I wasn't as nervous actually being up there as I expected to be
@@cassie8903 Congratulations! I hope it continues going this well for you in the future
My favorite professor!
thank you!
Great video !!
man.. her conclusion spoke volumes to me… SEIZE THE DAY
I struggle from social anxiety and I hurts I don’t know how to overcome it
Please talk to a psychologist. It was scary for me at first, but it was the best choice I have ever made.
Hello my friends
hope we can get through this together god bless you all ! Keep loving yourself more
I am am exchange student in Italy and it feels awful since all my friends left and i have nobody. I have never been a person who can talk to strangers first, even though before the pandemic i felt confident and like l am an interesting person. The biggest problem is that i hardly speak Italian and most people here don't speak good Enlish.I feel so trapped because i dont know how to find this feeling again. Probably many people feel like me but I cannot live the life i deserve and i really hope whoever feels like me to overcome this❤
Thanks for using Ricky Williams as an example he is one of my favorite football players his story can inspire me im not alone I want to be free.
Reading through the comments I realised that I am older than many of you. Please get some help if you can, it will not go away on it's own. I am in my 50s now and my anxiety is as bad as it has ever been, maybe worse. Over the years it has cost me career advancement, study opportunities and friendships. My life is not bad but it could be so much richer.
This woman helped me more than years of therapy
wait, you took therapy and it didn’t work well?
I'm an introvert and socially anxious so that makes it harder for me to treat it because then i don't have to try and i always refer to the alternative which is isolation, therefore, it's more satisfying for me than being social. Then, i get back to being lonely. I kinda have "friends" but they're like more acquaintance, but the issue is that i always avoid because i want them to have less expectations of me and then they can't judge me but of course that doesn't work at all and i know it but i can't do anything about it.
I am SOOOO suffering right now! Can't find a therapist that GETS IT and willing to HELP!😭😭😭😭🤦♀️
My daughter who is 7 inherited my social anxiety. I pray that I can help her pass through it.
I work in a field full of presentations. I have crippling anxiety before these, even if its to 2 or 3 people. I will have my week ruined by a single showing of my work to a group of 5. I will stress and lose sleep, eat badly, obsess, lose weight, if i have a decent sized presentation (10 ppl). If I'm in a social situation, I'm in constant fear of being asked to show my work to a group, even if that's not possible. At weddings I visualize the DJ asking me to do a speech, even if I'm not in the grooms party or part of the wedding at all and it causes me to have a "looking over my shoulder" feeling 100% of the time. If I get a break from that feeling, I can breath again.
I do meditation, CBT, which has helped me organize my life a bit better but I'm still seriously struggling with everything else. Idk if I have social anxiety or not but I'm really have a hard time with this, biggest struggle of my life has been dealing with this for the last 3 years.
Also it's funny you mention "solo" stuff like computer time. Turns out I'm a software engineer. We are thrust into presentations every 2 weeks. It's brutal and after 13 yrs in this career, these last 3 have made me want to change careers into something EVEN MORE solo.. Maybe writing! Lol!
I have suffered from social anxiety since childhood. I feel most insecure when I have to speak. I make grammatical mistakes or get my words mixed up. That's why I don't speak much, because I make these mistakes regularly.
Here's my story goes, I thought I was a introvert but back then I saw a Facebook post on how not saying what you are willing to share isn't introvertness. I read some books andwatched some of the videos which totally related to me. I think I
can overcome this now.
It’s hard to cope with social anxiety, I have had it most of my life but I always thought one day I could grow out of it but unfortunately I’m struggling with it. It’s very painful
I didn’t go to my prom yesterday bc of social anxiety, it rlly does ruin the things you want to do, it’s so frustrating
What?! That’s crazy.
We feel so lonely suffering from social anxiety. People find us rude, that we are not respecting them. But nobody can understand that we are having anxiety and we don't know how to exactly react. This interrupts daily life and one feels that he/she is useless.
I hope everyone who had anxiety can manage it.
Just started college this week and I’m already debating dropping out because of my social anxiety. I can barely start conversations with others and I’ve yet to make even one friend. I’m tired of this continuous cycle of wanting to open up and talk to people but when I’m given the chance I hold back and fall victim to my fears.
I went through this exact same experience when I started college newly too. It was scary. I didn't have any friends, nobody talked to me because I wasn't talking to anyone. Some people told me it's because I frown all the time so I look like a rude person even when I knew that I wasn't (my face is just like that). I was drowning in despair. I really contemplated leaving and also battled with severe loneliness and dark thoughts. I won't say I'm free from anxiety now because I'm still battling with it..but I now have one friend. And to me, that's a lot. I just want you to hang in there. I can't say for sure if it'll ever get better, but hope is all we have. You're doing your best. You're surviving, no one knows the battles you're facing internally. So keep surviving. Sorry if this is too long.
@@nightingale7367It is ok. I’m an upcoming 12th grader. I’m an senior right now. We all have some socially anxious and awkward emotional moments with people we know and we don’t know.
But we all have to support each other and make sure we are okay as well entirely.