Love it's abstract nature it is as though I am peeping into someone's private dream. Gotta disagree with your opinion on the starting paragraph, that people might assume it to be poorly written. I don't think anyone's gonna asssume that. It rather seems like an artful blend of story fused with poetry. As you said a stream of conciousness. Just broken thoughts, sentences, mumbo-jumbo, that runs through your head, as soon as you wake up. Also as you said no one speaks that way in real life. But we don't always have to be ditto true to real life. Take Miyozaki's novel for instance, the descriptions of even the simplest things seem so surreal. But it works ! So I strongly believe we shouldn't sell ourself short, trying to hold up to this illusory standard that: 'People don't speak like that.' Rest of your commetary was pretty spot on and fair. I too love the cornbread with slugs part, it almost seems like intentional symbolism. Like Amaya having to have to eat that slug, is an indicative that she would 'have to' make a tough call or decision, regardless of how painful/unpleasant it is. Also the words: 'melted with bitter softness of a rotten cloud.' loved it ! I admit though, it is a bit tough to understand, but I think that adds to the charm. Overall good job ! 👏❤❤
i felt that the abstract nature of it was a great pull/compelling to keep reading and find out more of what was happening. really interesting!
Love it's abstract nature it is as though I am peeping into someone's private dream.
Gotta disagree with your opinion on the starting paragraph, that people might assume it to be poorly written. I don't think anyone's gonna asssume that. It rather seems like an artful blend of story fused with poetry. As you said a stream of conciousness. Just broken thoughts, sentences, mumbo-jumbo, that runs through your head, as soon as you wake up.
Also as you said no one speaks that way in real life. But we don't always have to be ditto true to real life. Take Miyozaki's novel for instance, the descriptions of even the simplest things seem so surreal. But it works ! So I strongly believe we shouldn't sell ourself short, trying to hold up to this illusory standard that: 'People don't speak like that.'
Rest of your commetary was pretty spot on and fair.
I too love the cornbread with slugs part, it almost seems like intentional symbolism. Like Amaya having to have to eat that slug, is an indicative that she would 'have to' make a tough call or decision, regardless of how painful/unpleasant it is.
Also the words: 'melted with bitter softness of a rotten cloud.' loved it !
I admit though, it is a bit tough to understand, but I think that adds to the charm.
Overall good job ! 👏❤❤