I mentioned gaslighting to some friends today..they of course knew nothing about it but the response was how much plotting and time goes into this manipulation. They got it!
After 14 years of marriage to my soon-to-be-ex-narcissist husband, one of the hundreds of gas lighting tactics and/or phrases to push my buttons was that he continuously told me I was "bi-polar" and needed to see a "psychiatrist" because I was always asking him "badgering" questions. Of course, whenever he accused me of "badgering" him, we would start out with normal conversation, and when I would ask about anything, he would tell me to stop"badgering him." He also made me believe that my job was "no good" (which I regretfully left after 12 years of service)....painful story, but it is what it is. Another way he would make me feel invisible is the way he used to start a conversation about being invited to someone's house for a dinner party, wedding, etc., and he woudl begin with, "Oh, I was invited to so-and-so's house next weekend." I would say something like, "you mean "we" were invited?" Then, he would comment with, "Quit being so sensitive.....you know what I mean." He did this over and over again throughout our entire marriage. That was just a few out of literally hundreds of various gaslighting tactics.
I had the same thought about mental illness and ‘TIL death do us part’. The difference with this is they could help themselves. Instead they lie to get by moment by moment and wear you out.
X is still deeply infected to the core from his early childhood and all the way to his 56th year on this earth to this day. Even when he's wrong he's still "right"!!!!
OMG>>>>>>>>So TRUE. My narc calls it a "cocoon". She can't let go of her cocoon. Even though she sees the truth of all of it, she feels like she needs to be alone. Maybe there are male & female narc types. I honestly thought the same things about illness..because I took vows...better or worse, so I'm thinking this is worse. I've been through all the phases. Now I am at the total discard and it sucks! But to be truthful, I have been here before. The first time was worse in some ways. Then there was no internet and certainly not the funds for a therapist. Thanks Kim. I get it.
when it just started getting bad and silent treatment constantly and me screaming about the rejection even though i tried hard not to. in a fit i said "if im so bad leave, why me?" and he said "cuz you make me feel." i don't understand that, and when i told him i dont' understand he made me feel like an idiot for not understanding, on other occasions i would say if you are so miserable because of me why did you come back? why did you want me to be your girlfriend? and he said "cuz i want to be normal" yet he made me feel like such a freak, odd, dense, like i some how act rude and triggering and that i do this all while unaware of what im doing. and sometimes when i said i love you he would say "i don't feel the love" which made me feel like i was inept at being loving to someone. what keeps me stuck is all the riddles. can you help me with that?
My narc always said that I didn't love him too, so I would dump a mountain of "I love you with all my heart", "you mean the world to me"," how can I prove it" type of supply on him. Plus they do not understand the basic human concept of love. Honestly Joan, how can you not be completely confused when someone you trust is intentionally gaslighting you senseless. Victims become confused by design. You are not an idiot, you did nothing wrong, Your narc is mentally ill and you can't make sense of insanity. And yes...the rejection is real and very hurtful.
joan baczek.. your story sounds so familiar ...they really do "TRY" to make us crazy..... gaslighting is no joke.and only people who've experienced it would understand
Because they make you feel like if you can only show them that you are not going to leave them then you will get what you want out of them eventually. But if course that never happens. They will just constantly make you feel like you need to do more and then you will get what you want from them. But it will NEVER happen! They know that all they ever have to do is give you the smallest amount of hope to keep you believing that maybe one day you will get what you want out of this relationship. But nope. It's just a cycle of hell.
I see no reason in giving up on my values... Takes time but I have a goal... I am nothing nuts. This is who I am. I don't see myself with the Fi. Emm I love.thanks
the gaslighting got soo bad towards the End, l began to feel off balance, my head was spinning. was hard to see my way out of the relationship. it's a tactic to weaken you, thus gain more control.
Mine would come home a tell me his best friend and wife told him they wished they had a great relationship like we have.. everyone wished they had what we have.. Or When he was going missing and coming home later and later..he would walk in and say I love you baby I hurried right home, Or it is so nice to be home!! Then have a stiff drink eat dinner I had ready for him..then off to bed at 7:30 and get up at 4:00 to watch porn.. I finally started asking him how do they know about our relationship?? He hardly took me anywhere and then ignored me when we were with his friends. Unless he waited to say I just love my Baby!! Because I don't feel it...Making me feel unsettled with my intuition and feelings were't that we were the happy for years? so he would say I adore you love you can't wait to get home to you... I feel no love or happiness,caring passion support, I got real sick and tired just a empty waiting for the actions the fit the words. during that time I was isolated on farm 19 miles from town. Working from home and tried to save gas by only driving when needed. He was gas lighting everyone!!
A married man named John at my work was pleasant to me at first....he would also tell me his problems at work, he would often talk bad about some people.....I felt empathy for him.....little did I know he was saying things about me to his wife that was upsetting her..she came to my work unexpectedly and gave me chocolate and hugged me and then started telling me bad things that had happened to her....all the while John stood behind her with his body language suggesting he had done something bad....later he said to me.....you didn't expect that did you? His wife began telling him "you better not be getting hot and heavy with her." John would come to reception and start to talk to me, then he would get a call from his wife and he would turn the phone where I could see it and say. it's Joan my wife, I can't talk.....he did this frequently......he would repeatedly tell me that when you get married you have to stick it out with that person.....it seemed to me that he was pretending that we had a love relationship. which we did not have....he was trying to hurt his wife using me....one time I complained about some people at work and he said. really those people are nice, I had to remind him that he also complained about them...(gas lighting). I look back now and think he had his wife call him at a certain time and he would purposely come down to reception at that time to talk with me so he could get the call and then say "it's Joan, I can't talk.....luckily he was a temp and he was not hired, so he left.....he was trying desperately to do triangulation .......but did not work.....in his head it probably did, but I had no interest in him in a love kind of way....if I was a youngster .....I may have fallen for it...
The relationship that was pleasant with John turned very confusing to me....after looking at your videos I can see that he was trying to get two women to fight over him.....did not work tho....he wanted to hurt his wife and do whatever damage he could do to me....I have John's phone number and I sent him a link to one of James narcissist/gaslight videos.......wish I could see the look on John's face when he sees that I found out what he was doing and and I know what he is...
I never was abused physically, the triangulation, lying and deception were bad but gaslighting is plain evil. The state of confusion induced by that is so severe, one feels as if ones mind is completely spinning out of control, I nearly lost my grasp on reality, I had panic attacks, anxiety and a plethora of psychosomatic symptoms. For me the most frightening moment was when I realized that I was not even able anymore to speak up and simply did as I was told by means of explaining my own feelings an thoughts to me. You cannot even leave because you do not trust your own judgement anymore. Gruesome. It took me close to three months after inducing my discard in some 'enough is enough' moment and getting out of that hell before I was even able to state anything about that relationship without doubting myself for 20 minutes beforehand. IMHO Gaslighting is the worst those fuckers inflict on their victims, having been through it I honestly say I would have preferred beatings.....
Mine would move my belongings and tell me i was losing my mind that i was crazy. If i ever run into mine on the street i will ignore and move on. because im done hearing the lies. i will run if i have to because he is dangerous and i mean dangerous. His little plan didnt work though he didn't destroy me like he wanted to. Them days are over. he cant do those things to this chic anymore. i could only imagine what his new victim is going through omg. i hope she figures it out before its to late!
I love how all your videos have 3 or 4 thumbs down. Probably TrevorGnome and a couple of his flying monkeys. Lol Your videos are great and really helping me make some sense out of what I talked myself into believing I was crazy.
My narc was just in a bad car accident where his best friend died. Well I was in the hospital with him and thinking well maybe this will change his ways. Maybe this will make him realize that I'm here for him and I love him. Well that didn't happen. Since he got out of the hospital he has been worse! No kidding! He has been worse than ever. It's in a different way though because now he has people around caring for him and it's disgusting how he is acting. I actually had to leave him at a time like this and of course he is making everyone think I'm so horrible for leaving him at a time like this. These people are insane and nothing, absolutely nothing will change them. Not even the fact that he almost died in this car accident where his best friend was killed. He is actually using this as a way to use more gaslighting on me. He is triangulating me with these new people around also. And if it weren't for me watching your videos I wouldn't even know what the hell he is doing. He is actually loving the fact that he can triangulate me and gaslight me thinking I wouldn't leave him at a time like this. Well Kim I had to get the hell out of there. This tragedy has done nothing but make him worse!
Hi. They mess things up to the core. I just hope I can go on with my plans. Who knows what will happen next? I already told you that I got a new charger. Do you think we can still talk? There are so many great ppl here. I wish as I have spoken. Kim. IT was the only thing that I ever had. Mask or not...
They have been loved, and loved and loved, to their partners demise. They are not masking their desire to be loved, they are masking the evil and joy they feel when harming others
Not to mention loved INTENSELY by parents. I really believe that my NARC's mother loved her deeply. She has a "DETACHMENT DISORDER" and I think that is at the heart of the problem. Often we hear this about foster and adopted children, but there are people out there (obviously hundreds of thousands) that have a detachment disorder. They don't feel DEEP, ENDURING LOVE toward anyone. Here's the kicker, not EVEN THEMSELVES. Think about it. They leave loving, nurturing, hard working, decent people behind. In other words, they PUNISH THEMSELVES by lying, secretive, dishonest behavior. In the long run, they hurt themselves even more than the people who love them.
My connection is established on gas lighting. All of it. I wish m y own will n intimate unharm beauty rebuilt reversed. It's independent on time. Pls can you help me not to get sucked in again. I want to. Thanks.
I would... While simultaneously causing us to feel crazy and at fault for anything problematic in the relationship... When in reality, they orchestrate the chaos. The chaos they thrive on.
I mentioned gaslighting to some friends today..they of course knew nothing about it but the response was how much plotting and time goes into this manipulation.
They got it!
My narc went hard, full time. Every minute of everyday. So abusive and relentless in his need to humiliate me.
everything he says I counteract in my mind "that's future faking" "gaslighting me" "hoovering"
After 14 years of marriage to my soon-to-be-ex-narcissist husband, one of the hundreds of gas lighting tactics and/or phrases to push my buttons was that he continuously told me I was "bi-polar" and needed to see a "psychiatrist" because I was always asking him "badgering" questions. Of course, whenever he accused me of "badgering" him, we would start out with normal conversation, and when I would ask about anything, he would tell me to stop"badgering him." He also made me believe that my job was "no good" (which I regretfully left after 12 years of service)....painful story, but it is what it is. Another way he would make me feel invisible is the way he used to start a conversation about being invited to someone's house for a dinner party, wedding, etc., and he woudl begin with, "Oh, I was invited to so-and-so's house next weekend." I would say something like, "you mean "we" were invited?" Then, he would comment with, "Quit being so sensitive.....you know what I mean." He did this over and over again throughout our entire marriage. That was just a few out of literally hundreds of various gaslighting tactics.
Kim we don't need the music. You are great on your own. Your Awesome!
I feel horrible.I'm just not good enough.
You are plenty good enough
I had the same thought about mental illness and ‘TIL death do us part’. The difference with this is they could help themselves. Instead they lie to get by moment by moment and wear you out.
Thanks Kim. I feel so much better now.NC works.
You are awesome ☺👏👏👏🖒!
X is still deeply infected to the core from his early childhood and all the way to his 56th year on this earth to this day. Even when he's wrong he's still "right"!!!!
OMG>>>>>>>>So TRUE. My narc calls it a "cocoon". She can't let go of her cocoon. Even though she sees the truth of all of it, she feels like she needs to be alone. Maybe there are male & female narc types. I honestly thought the same things about illness..because I took vows...better or worse, so I'm thinking this is worse. I've been through all the phases. Now I am at the total discard and it sucks! But to be truthful, I have been here before. The first time was worse in some ways. Then there was no internet and certainly not the funds for a therapist. Thanks Kim. I get it.
My narcissist mom does gaslighting all the time at me i get so confused but i keep my comments to myself and walk away ..
when it just started getting bad and silent treatment constantly and me screaming about the rejection even though i tried hard not to. in a fit i said "if im so bad leave, why me?" and he said "cuz you make me feel." i don't understand that, and when i told him i dont' understand he made me feel like an idiot for not understanding, on other occasions i would say if you are so miserable because of me why did you come back? why did you want me to be your girlfriend? and he said "cuz i want to be normal" yet he made me feel like such a freak, odd, dense, like i some how act rude and triggering and that i do this all while unaware of what im doing. and sometimes when i said i love you he would say "i don't feel the love" which made me feel like i was inept at being loving to someone. what keeps me stuck is all the riddles. can you help me with that?
My narc always said that I didn't love him too, so I would dump a mountain of "I love you with all my heart", "you mean the world to me"," how can I prove it" type of supply on him. Plus they do not understand the basic human concept of love. Honestly Joan, how can you not be completely confused when someone you trust is intentionally gaslighting you senseless. Victims become confused by design. You are not an idiot, you did nothing wrong, Your narc is mentally ill and you can't make sense of insanity. And yes...the rejection is real and very hurtful.
joan baczek.. your story sounds so familiar ...they really do "TRY" to make us crazy..... gaslighting is no joke.and only people who've experienced it would understand
joan baczek ..... l felt the same way just riddled all day everyday!! What the hell did this mean or that mean....
I thought l was the crazy one!!!
Because they make you feel like if you can only show them that you are not going to leave them then you will get what you want out of them eventually. But if course that never happens. They will just constantly make you feel like you need to do more and then you will get what you want from them. But it will NEVER happen! They know that all they ever have to do is give you the smallest amount of hope to keep you believing that maybe one day you will get what you want out of this relationship. But nope. It's just a cycle of hell.
I see no reason in giving up on my values... Takes time but I have a goal... I am nothing nuts. This is who I am. I don't see myself with the Fi. Emm I love.thanks
the gaslighting got soo bad towards the End, l began to feel off balance, my head was spinning. was hard to see my way out of the relationship. it's a tactic to weaken you, thus gain more control.
Mine would come home a tell me his best friend and wife told him they wished they had a great relationship like we have.. everyone wished they had what we have.. Or When he was going missing and coming home later and later..he would walk in and say I love you baby I hurried right home, Or it is so nice to be home!! Then have a stiff drink eat dinner I had ready for him..then off to bed at 7:30 and get up at 4:00 to watch porn.. I finally started asking him how do they know about our relationship?? He hardly took me anywhere and then ignored me when we were with his friends. Unless he waited to say I just love my Baby!! Because I don't feel it...Making me feel unsettled with my intuition and feelings were't that we were the happy for years? so he would say I adore you love you can't wait to get home to you... I feel no love or happiness,caring passion support, I got real sick and tired just a empty waiting for the actions the fit the words. during that time I was isolated on farm 19 miles from town. Working from home and tried to save gas by only driving when needed. He was gas lighting everyone!!
Kim . I have nightmares.I wake not to dare to sleep again.I vomit.i wish home and operative reversal surgery help.i am a softie.thanks
A married man named John at my work was pleasant to me at first....he would also tell me his problems at work, he would often talk bad about some people.....I felt empathy for him.....little did I know he was saying things about me to his wife that was upsetting her..she came to my work unexpectedly and gave me chocolate and hugged me and then started telling me bad things that had happened to her....all the while John stood behind her with his body language suggesting he had done something bad....later he said to me.....you didn't expect that did you? His wife began telling him "you better not be getting hot and heavy with her." John would come to reception and start to talk to me, then he would get a call from his wife and he would turn the phone where I could see it and say. it's Joan my wife, I can't talk.....he did this frequently......he would repeatedly tell me that when you get married you have to stick it out with that person.....it seemed to me that he was pretending that we had a love relationship. which we did not have....he was trying to hurt his wife using me....one time I complained about some people at work and he said. really those people are nice, I had to remind him that he also complained about them...(gas lighting). I look back now and think he had his wife call him at a certain time and he would purposely come down to reception at that time to talk with me so he could get the call and then say "it's Joan, I can't talk.....luckily he was a temp and he was not hired, so he left.....he was trying desperately to do triangulation .......but did not work.....in his head it probably did, but I had no interest in him in a love kind of way....if I was a youngster .....I may have fallen for it...
The relationship that was pleasant with John turned very confusing to me....after looking at your videos I can see that he was trying to get two women to fight over him.....did not work tho....he wanted to hurt his wife and do whatever damage he could do to me....I have John's phone number and I sent him a link to one of James narcissist/gaslight videos.......wish I could see the look on John's face when he sees that I found out what he was doing and and I know what he is...
I never was abused physically, the triangulation, lying and deception were bad but gaslighting is plain evil. The state of confusion induced by that is so severe, one feels as if ones mind is completely spinning out of control, I nearly lost my grasp on reality, I had panic attacks, anxiety and a plethora of psychosomatic symptoms. For me the most frightening moment was when I realized that I was not even able anymore to speak up and simply did as I was told by means of explaining my own feelings an thoughts to me. You cannot even leave because you do not trust your own judgement anymore. Gruesome. It took me close to three months after inducing my discard in some 'enough is enough' moment and getting out of that hell before I was even able to state anything about that relationship without doubting myself for 20 minutes beforehand. IMHO Gaslighting is the worst those fuckers inflict on their victims, having been through it I honestly say I would have preferred beatings.....
BRAVO
Mine would move my belongings and tell me i was losing my mind that i was crazy. If i ever run into mine on the street i will ignore and move on. because im done hearing the lies. i will run if i have to because he is dangerous and i mean dangerous. His little plan didnt work though he didn't destroy me like he wanted to. Them days are over. he cant do those things to this chic anymore. i could only imagine what his new victim is going through omg. i hope she figures it out before its to late!
I love how all your videos have 3 or 4 thumbs down. Probably TrevorGnome and a couple of his flying monkeys. Lol
Your videos are great and really helping me make some sense out of what I talked myself into believing I was crazy.
My narc was just in a bad car accident where his best friend died. Well I was in the hospital with him and thinking well maybe this will change his ways. Maybe this will make him realize that I'm here for him and I love him. Well that didn't happen. Since he got out of the hospital he has been worse! No kidding! He has been worse than ever. It's in a different way though because now he has people around caring for him and it's disgusting how he is acting. I actually had to leave him at a time like this and of course he is making everyone think I'm so horrible for leaving him at a time like this. These people are insane and nothing, absolutely nothing will change them. Not even the fact that he almost died in this car accident where his best friend was killed. He is actually using this as a way to use more gaslighting on me. He is triangulating me with these new people around also. And if it weren't for me watching your videos I wouldn't even know what the hell he is doing. He is actually loving the fact that he can triangulate me and gaslight me thinking I wouldn't leave him at a time like this. Well Kim I had to get the hell out of there. This tragedy has done nothing but make him worse!
Hi. They mess things up to the core. I just hope I can go on with my plans. Who knows what will happen next? I already told you that I got a new charger. Do you think we can still talk? There are so many great ppl here. I wish as I have spoken. Kim. IT was the only thing that I ever had. Mask or not...
She said damaged goods that's an understatement
do I feel sorry for them that they don't wanna b exposed because they wanna be loved so bad ????:/
They have been loved, and loved and loved, to their partners demise. They are not masking their desire to be loved, they are masking the evil and joy they feel when harming others
Not to mention loved INTENSELY by parents. I really believe that my NARC's mother loved her deeply. She has a "DETACHMENT DISORDER" and I think that is at the heart of the problem. Often we hear this about foster and adopted children, but there are people out there (obviously hundreds of thousands) that have a detachment disorder. They don't feel DEEP, ENDURING LOVE toward anyone. Here's the kicker, not EVEN THEMSELVES. Think about it. They leave loving, nurturing, hard working, decent people behind. In other words, they PUNISH THEMSELVES by lying, secretive, dishonest behavior. In the long run, they hurt themselves even more than the people who love them.
My connection is established on gas lighting. All of it. I wish m y own will n intimate unharm beauty rebuilt reversed. It's independent on time. Pls can you help me not to get sucked in again. I want to. Thanks.
Hey Kim...would you consider gas-lighting as someone pulling the wool over someone else's eyes?
I would... While simultaneously causing us to feel crazy and at fault for anything problematic in the relationship... When in reality, they orchestrate the chaos. The chaos they thrive on.
is "you don't love me" the same as "you hate me don't you"?
yep. Sick.
Do you have a site at facebook? :)
Now yet, but I will soon. I'll add a link when I do. Cheers!
SATAN COMES AS A ANGEL OF LIGHT>>MY NARC WAS 63 BUT ACTED 3yrs
Miss Kim do you realise everytime you do his voice you make him sound like a ghoul or something. Lol anyway this is really helpful