Zero Dark Loxley - A Robin Hood Bad Movie Vlog
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- Опубліковано 20 лис 2018
- Robin of Loxley's Long Halftime Walk
The Hurt Loxley
Thin Red Loxley
Full Metal Loxley
Saving Private Loxley
There's so much to talk about I didn't even get around to mentioning the wall of fire that soldiers just push open like a door, the way characters will just stand and have Very Important Conversations at full volume in the middle of crowds of snooping nobles, Little John's iron arm stub that he makes so that they don't need to keep disguising Jamie Foxx's real hand, or how Friar Tuck is simultaneously the most entertaining and least meaningful character, largely present out of obligation.
If you want a better Robin Hood watch the Errol Flynn movie, and if you want more entertaining cheese watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
I will say this was more entertaining than the endless bore of the 2010 Ridley Scott film.
Written and performed by Dan Olson
Twitter: / foldablehuman - Розваги
Based on the fact that we never see the source of the second voice in this video, I am forced to assume that it is Amy the cat.
I second this.
This is the best comment ever.
It sounds like either Lindsay or Nella.
@@fermintenava5911 Lindsay as in Lindsay Ellis? I'm hoping you mean someone else because that sounds NOTHING like Lindsay Ellis.
This comment is on every rant video lol
"I know writers who use subtext, they're all cowards" lol
Everyone needs to see Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. One of the best comedy shows ever. Even here in the UK it's not well known
@@duffman18 That's such a shame, I had no idea it wasn't even known in the UK. I'm such a big fan of it, the sheer genius of it blew me away.
I loved it too. Hadn't been aware that it was better known elsewhere.
I randomly came across it on UA-cam a couple of years ago. Never would've found it otherwise.
Yup, my favorite line
"I am going to try and explain this movie to you."
Man, when a Robin Hood movie needs explaining, that's not a good sign.
or it is the best possible sign
@@murciadoxial8056 In this case, it's not. You know, I have known this is not going to end well since the first trailer dropped and I got almost traumatic flashbacks to that time Guy Ritchie made king Arthur movie.
Ssssshhhh that one was awesome
@@tereziamarkova2822 By best possible sign is that we have a book of henry/wish upon situation on our hands, a movie so completely fucked it is a blast, is this robin hood movie a blast or is it the frustrating bad type of thing?
@@murciadoxial8056 True that. Sorry, mate. And yeah, it seems like it might be the case... Or we could have The Mummy 2017 situation and the movie is more boring and soulless than WTF. Which, by the way Dan talks about it, seems unlikely.
Apocaloxley Now
Okay people, no more. ^^ is the winner
Don't be evil
This one is just fun to say
At least a child's ashes wasn't distributed on unwitting audiences.
What?!
@@whiteraven562 watch The Book of Henry vlog
@@krzychuka oh snap i forgot about that. HOnestly my entire viewing of The Book of Henry was very very different. Because I assumed nothing was what it seemed to be. yeah one could assume he meant to kill the neighbor but until she started climbing the treehouse I legitimately thought the plan was just to get rid of him by discrediting him or exposing him. Even the firing of the weapon could have been used to show he shoot at someone. I thought they were gonna plant the gun on him and when she started climbing I was super confused because it meant the movie wasn't leading up to anything it'd like finding out the super spy's cover story wasn't a cover story and they really are just a boring shoe salesmen.
I was told that movie was so bad that I had to see it to understand. I now know why Colin Trevorrow was fired from Star Wars.
That is actually a point against this robin hood movie, not in favor of it
Opening battle sequence: Da Vinci aerial screw sweeps over the battlefield dropping fire on the combatants. Robin: "I love the smell of Greek fire in the morning."
Never gonna see the movie but I desperately want the next line to be Friar Tuck screaming “Danger close! We’ve got friendlies down here!”
Skutch It doth smell like victory.
You had my curiosity... Now you have my attention
Over rams horn‘s, they play ride of the Valkyries... played on a lute.
ua-cam.com/video/DoJTRb0F0q4/v-deo.html
@@TehJaytius No joke there is an actual scene where they use a -flare- burning arrow to call in an -air strike- catapult barrage, and are forced to leave a wounded man behind before it all gets buried in rubble. No one actually says "danger close" but it really only just barely stops short of it.
"I know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards" is in the running for my favourite comedic line of all time. So perfectly encapsulates the hubris and misplaced self belief of Garth and it was timed and delivered perfectly.
+
Robin Hood is not a sexy cartoon fox, did they get anything right in this reboot?
I miss sexy fox butt u.u...
Please don't make me get the spray bottle...
I want him to hold me at night.
There's still a sexy Foxx involved at least.
Now THAT'S a Disney live action remake I want to see!!!!!!
YESSSS
yo dude, love your's and dan's work. keep up the awesomeness !!
Hey fucker
Go to bed
Soy father!
okay, Dan's LAPPED you now, Dad. you gotta upload something.
The Sheriff of Nottingham did the Crusades #Nottinghamdid1011
Nicholas Nace Jet fuel can’t melt steel plate.
@@johnhendricks2543
*greek fire can't melt steel plate, ftfy
@King Peppy Because it hurts more.
To comment on the draft letter bit. I was also imagining Rob looking it over for a long time then just quietly murmuring "I can't read."
I realize that, two years later, the only context I have for this movie is still this video. I've never seen pics or clips or anything from the actual thing, and sometimes I genuinely wonder if it actually exists and this wasn't just a prank
I'd watch a scathing review of a fake movie any day.
You've talked in a few videos about green screen compositing; it'd be really awesome to hear about like, what makes it good or bad, and how to do it well? Cause it's something that I don't have a great eye for when I'm watching movies and I'd like to learn more about it!
well if it looks like a carton background then it's not very good is it :)
You can tell it's fake if it lacks depth.
A lot of it comes down to making sure the lighting of the actors matches the lighting of the background. It seems to be especially hard to replicate natural outdoors lighting in a studio, which is why the green screen reshoots in films like Justice League and Thor: Ragnarok look so awful. JL has it even worse because there is actual on-location footage within the same film, and frequently within the same scene, making the difference even more glaring.
I would also like such a video
I realize this is an old-ish comment on an old-ish video, so I'm not sure of you're still interested in knowing, but here goes;
Compositing is essentially, when applied to digital effects, combining digital effects work with what is actually done by the actors on set. This can be very hard because the work of many different artists need to go into a coherent frame, and there's only so much that fog, lens flares, or spark effects can mask.
Bad compositing is actually kind of interesting because most bad VFX, bad green screen for example, can basically be done by any film or studio, but bad compositing is only an issue in films with large enough budgets to afford multiple VFX teams, who most likely have troubled productions.
The clearest examples in my mind of bad compositing come from recent DC comics movies. To take a scene from Batman v Superman, for instance, there is a scene where Superman is catching part of an exploding rocket, where the camera zooms in on Henry Cavill's face, and while the effectswork itself is undeniably gorgeous, it's incredibly jarring to see the real actor Henry Cavill contrasted against so many obviously fake parts. See also nearly all of Justice League. Because of that film's troubled production, very little time, if any, was given to compositing, and it really shows.
I always like seeing UA-camrs who I enjoy interacting in the comments but you might be the only one who seems like she's first and foremost a fan of the peer's content
Just got back from seeing the movie myself, so this was nice to see coming back.
A few things:
1) "The role of Ra's Al Ghul will be played by Little John" is the most accurate description of this movie a single sentence can contain.
2) the anachronistic production design is the one part of the movie i 110% like. In the climactic riot, a character literally wears a beanie. Like, one you could buy at Target.
3) the writing is so ham-handed that Robin actually says to the crowd of commoners, "perhaps you would like to redistribute the wealth.
Yeah I had a literal facepalm in the theater at 3)
I felt Jamie Foxx did much more of an Obi Wan. He never becomes the villain, and he makes a sacrifice play so the hero and the girl can escape. He's even doing it against the Vader. He doesn't even have any kind of philosophical difference from Robin, whereas Ra's and Bruce were constantly sparring over their beliefs from the moment Bruce says yes to the training.
I do wish they'd leaned into Robin's own convictions, which he clearly has, but never actually articulates. He clearly has a moral code, but aside from one or two moments of showing, he really just seems like a pawn in John's shadowchess match against the Cardinal. (Contrast with Batman Begins, where Bruce's beliefs inform virtually every plot point.)
I'm pretty sure the beanie is the least anachronistic thing about the movie, actually. However, I highly doubt the filmmakers knew or cared
@@Duiker36 Black man & Robin. Begins.
Dude, when I saw the beanie I almost did a spittake
The Longest Loxley
Band of Loxlies
Pearl Loxley
The Naked and the Loxley
Loxlies of Glory
All Quiet on the Western Loxley
Loxley Down
Generation Loxley
The Loxlies they Carried
The Red Loxley of Courage
Cold Loxley
Loxley 22
Escape to Loxley
A Loxley Too Far
Das Loxley
A Farewell to Loxley
The Loxley Fields
Loxley at the Gates
American Loxley
Aploxleylypse Now
Black Loxley Down
From Loxley to Eternity
Where Loxleys Dare
Thirty Loxleys Over Tokyo
The Loxley Below
Run Loxley, Run Deep
The Bridge on the River Loxley
Loxley! Loxley! Loxley!
Gallipoloxley
2 Robin 2 Loxley
The armor and SMG crossbows are begging to be reused like Firefly did with the Starship Troopers outfits.
"Friar Tuck is played by Tim Minchin"
Alright. I'm sold.
I know right? sold, gotta see this movie now. Love Tim Minchin so much.
I was sold when he said Garth Marenghi movie
Tim Minchin deserved better
@@bygon432 i literally said this out loud when Dan said his name
Friar Tuck (in the beginning) :
"My mind is clearer now /
At last, all too well..."
We need a Robin hood where its just, in the middle of his adventures. Open with Friar Tuck telling a story to little kids, smash cut to Robin Hood and his Merry Men robbing a fancy coach and it's not/as/ glamorous as Tuck had described but it's still fun. And that's kinda the tone of the story. Light actioney fun.
I mean, the disney version is pretty much that. Light action comedy, i mean.
@@carochalu8756 _exactly._ Maybe the next live action Disney remake can show them how it's done.
@@aria5614 wait are they planning on making that? Because that could legit work as a live-action remake!
@@carochalu8756 No idea but yeah it would be pretty awesome if they did.
BUT THAT WON'T WORK WITH THE GRITTY REALISM THAT THESE EXECS THINK WE WANT.
When are we going to have a Robin Hood where Little John is played by Lil Jon?
Rob In the hood
@@no-man_baugh Robbin' Hood
WHAT?
I've got a better idea,Little John,played by Dave Chapelle,doing his famous Lil Jon impersonation.
HUWUT!
EYEAH!
LOKAY!
The best Robin Hood movie is clearly the Disney one from the 70’s with the sexy fox
Sexy foxes... Yeah that's about right.
I don’t know if you mean sexy fox Robin Hood or sexy fox maid Marion, but yes to both!
The "here's your soft intro to furrydom" movie
Are you claiming the Mel Brooks masterpiece is somehow worse?!
This is a fact
I can't wait to see this continued in "Robin Hood v King Arthur: Dawn of Neverland".
that could actually be lit...
Words cannot express how much I actually want to see a story which pits Robin Hood, folk hero to the peasants, against King Arthur, the archetypical "good king".
Okay that sounds cool because King Arthur is just really the lesser of two evils. Apparently the royals during that time period didn't even know English. And then because Neverland would that mean Peter Pan shows up
I am so disappointed in Dan for not mentioning the poor magic super horses who can burst through walls and scaffolding leap between buildings and are insanely trusting of literally any rider every rider
That's fairly standard for Robin hood
Sounds great
oshit since when does adum watch dan
Dan for Sardonicast!
I didn’t hear about this movie til a pretty pathetic msnbc announcement/plug. Actually this review is the only other word i heard of it. Usually It kinda gives some indication of budget/ quality if the ads never reach me.
I guess Hollywood never got the illuminated manuscript letter that declared that every movie made after Robin Hood: Men in Tights is automatically a joke?
"Parliamentary democracy is the biggest anachronism"
When historical peasant politics is too radical for your film - ie kill all the lords, burn the tax records, and divide up the land equally.
jacobvardy I would murder for a movie about the levellers
I want one where Robin Hood becomes Wat Tyler,
@@tibbygaycat or about the Diggers.
Oh, I have watched this movie. Never laughed so hard in the cinema. My favourite moment has to be when they drive though the wall ... on a cart pulled by horses. THE HORSES BROKE A WALL WITH THEIR HEADS!!!
Loxley stockly and two smoking barrels
Do You Even Read, Bro? Gold!
*Ballistas
Loxley, Stocksly and two smoking Boxlies.
This sounds like the quintessence of modern Hollywood. A bazillion subplots and messages muddled together, an inconsequential critique of society, a complete and purposeless disregard for realism. A movie that learned everything from other movies, but nothing from real life.
*T33K3SS3LCH3N* , this is deep !
Color grading of the movie made me know it'd be bad
YoSeriousLee honestly that’s why i didn’t even bother. it’s just too ugly
I love these cameos by long running character Hat Dan, the Dan in a hat
Foreshadowing
"The Hood is the real you, Loxley is a disguise" (loose paraphrase) would be let another wannabe Batman moment too, since Rachel says something similar at the end of "Batman Begins."
I always love how jazzed Dan gets right after he sees some bafflingly terrible film
I remember when I saw the trailer for this in the theater. Like halfway into it I thought "This kindof seems like some kind of Robin Hood/Dark Knight crossover, but nobody would be dumb enough to make that," and then when the title popped up I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud.
Guy Ritchie once made a King Arthur movie with predictable results. Never underestimate people's stupidity.
@@tereziamarkova2822 the execs for this garbage must be all Shocked Pikachu.png right now
Hollywood needs to die already 😪
apologies for making this comment section gay but beanie dan is VERY cute when he's laughing and this goofy joyful vlog has warmed my heart and cured my depression
Do you happen to know who Dan is talking to?
I can not for the life of me put a name on that voice, but is quite familiar.
She's the one who ate the apple cider jello with a celery bottom dish with him(and his other abominable retro cookbook creations).
This is so valid
@@Blacklight.2025 I think it's his friend, Crystal.
Why apologize for a blessing?
So there's this Indian train wreck from 1996 called Rajkumar. It's essentially a rushed remake of Prince of Thieves, often scene-for-scene but with no budget. It stars Anil Kapoor (Indian George Michael) playing Indian Kevin Costner, Madhuri Dixit playing agency-less female lead #537 (but her musical numbers are the only really good thing in the film, so I forgive her) and Naseeruddin Shah simultaneously playing Indian Alan Rickman and Indian Alan Rickman's overtly gay stereotyped useless twin brother. The plot is nothing more than using scenes from Prince of Thieves to tie together the musical numbers. The stunt department were presumably on strike for most of the film (the recreation of the scene where Robin Hood swings on a burning rope is one of the most pathetic pieces of professional cinema I have ever seen) and the foley team must have been high because I swear they banged together PVC pipes to create sword clashes. The set seems to have been cobbled together from studio left-overs (did you know they had under-lit glass flooring in medieval India? According to this film they did), probably because all the set budget got spent on the final musical number which is in an actually impressive castle.
Until today I thought that was the worst Robin Hood movie ever made, but now it seems positively genius in comparison.
Can you describe every Indian movie to me, please? This is amazing.
Ssshhhh, you had me at Indian Alan Rickman.
@@emilypeterson2266 Not gonna lie, he's kind of a hot villain. Think Snape but with curly hair and gaudy capes.
@@onedamn8859 Imagine the Cannon Group had never gone out of business and had instead bought up Disney, Warner Bros and Universal. Think about just how much low-budget, semi-coherent crap they could produce every year. Compared to the firehose of content that is Bollywood that would be a mere dripping tap. You ask the impossible.
I watched a few scenes of Rajkumar here on UA-cam. You‘re so right about about the sounds, they‘re absolutely comical
At this point, I would rather watch another Batman origin story, than a Robin Hood movie.
I also like how you only review bad movies - makes us root for more of them.
I wonder who was the historical consultant for that movie. Richard Lionheart had 99 problems with the French and with the Italians and with the Germans, any of them could have worked as a plot device...
Dan's made a pretty serious deal of how the vapid, meaningless tripe of culture needs to be preserved and understood alongside the good stuff that survives the years. Helps keep it all in perspective.
I got 99 problems, but a semi-automatic ballista ain't one
Richard Coeur de Lion was himself French.
he was exiled in Austria too
The Sheriff of Nottingham and the Cardinal plotting with John Lackland and Philippe Auguste to keep Richard imprisoned longer would have worked better, since John and Philippe actually did that.
"You can't have your characters just sing how they feel. That makes me angry." -Robot Devil
I hate how all the recent Robin Hood adaptations have this conspiracy theory thing going on. In Prince of Thieves, the sheriff was trying to become king, in the 2010 Russel Crowe version, there was a conspiracy to divide England so France could invade and the 2000s TV series... i don't even remember but there was an evil conspiracy.
The best Robin Hood adaptations settle for more local stakes (especially the 70s Disney one, which is my favourite anyway). I think the story works better that way.
It's partly because the "Robin was the King's private guard in the Crusades" thing became the popular version. In the original stories, Robin wasn't even a noble - that's why he uses a bow instead of a sword; a bow was a peasant's weapon - and he pretty much fell into the whole "rob from rich, give to poor" thing by accident rather than it being some grand scheme. But of course that's not nearly as interesting/exciting as making him best buds with King Richard and literally somehow the only person who can stop someone taking over the throne...
Personally, I'd kind of like to see an adaptation closer to the original stories where Robin's more of a morally ambiguous mess whose saving grace is that he just happens to fundamentally be a good person. Seriously, Robin's a massive jerk in a lot of the early legends - call me crazy but I actually find that characterisation much more appealing and interesting than yet another generic "beloved-by-all hero" adaptation...
@@overlydramaticpanda that's very interesting. I agree the Robin Hood composite from all the original legends was more of an amoral antihero. And that's very interesting to me because that's probably the modern audience's favourite character archetype now. It would be so marketable. Smh a missed opportunity
@@stvltiloqvent Exactly. There's been so many variations of the "Robin=disgraced noble from the Crusades" thing that actually going back to the original version would be a breath of fresh air. As it is? Nope, we just get stuck with the same old boring thing. But then, I guarantee you if we *did* ever get a morally ambiguous antihero Robin Hood, you'd get people up in arms over it going "OMG ROBIN HOOD WAS A GOOD GUY WHY U MAKING HIM NOT A GOOD GUY?!?!" because they're so damn used to the action hero-style Robin. We're pretty much in a dead end situation...
The early 80s UK super low budget TV series is by far the best
So they wanted to do a critique of capitalism without upsetting their corporate overlords?
ain't it always the way
Truly amazing
SPILL THAT TEA
Probably had more to do with trying to avoid getting called out for "being political", which is something a lot of movies do and are always worse for it, because it leads them to avoid addressing any real societal questions. As if it were possible to make a good movie about stealing from the rich and giving to the poor without any politics at all.
Oxtocoatl13 well all films are political since as Dan said the attempt to remove politics is a priori political
13 Robins Why
Loxley Begins
Rob v Sheriff: Dawn of Loxley
A Loxley's Tale
Never thought I'd hear a Garth Marenghi darkplace reference, firstly outside the UK, and second to describe the least anticipated Robin Hood reboot. Should have seen it coming.
Magical Realism check Patrick (h) Willems video on darkplace. It’s quite awesome 😉
There's a lot of slow motion. The episodes were running UP TO 8 minutes under.
Please tell me Friar Tuck cuts in and says "Watch out, he's got a stick"
"Cool it Sanchez or you'll get a knuckle sandwich!"
"Arrows. Arrows. Arrows. Arrows were sticking out of her, turning Stephanie into a human hedgehog, or a really odd coathanger. Her crimson, red blood splattered all over the forest floor. She fell down and shit her gown. Arrows. And then a horse trampled her."
I listened to this whole thing waiting for the explanation on the broom handle and I GOT NONE
So, can we FINALLY get a Boudicca movie? She was not only way more badass, she was a real person who existed
I don't know anything about this movie. I've never seen a preview. So I'm imagining Russell Crowe, as he is today, in the role.
Picture Eggsy from Kingsman
@@Matrim42 I really wanted to thumb that down, only because I like the idea so little.
It stars Eggsy from Kingsman,as Oliver Queen eh... I mean Robin of Loxley,Jamie Foxx as Little John,who apparently,was a master archer,from tha Hood,Ben Mendelson plays Ben Mendelson,as the generic villain.
You got a medievil Gatlin gun/balista-thingy,that fires arrows(I'm not making this up!),medievil Anti-Fa,complete with molotov cocktails and black hoodies(seriously,they're wearing modern day hoodies!) who are been beaten down,by Stormtroopers/Knight hybrids .There's a medievil,Las Vegas style casino,where the rich decadent aristocrats are gambling on roulette and black jack tables and partying,while the pleb is starving oh and Marian looks,like she just dropped by,coming straight from the NY fashion week or a Vogue cover shooting or something.
This movie is so stupid,it's inconcivable!
It’s actually Taran Egerton but...close?
This doesn't even sound like a "so bad it's good" kinda movie. At least "Prince of Thieves" had Alan Rickman hamming it up to the nines.
BECAUSE A SPOON WOULD HURT MORE!
@@MrKyltpzyxm "THAT'S IT THEN!!! Cancel the Kitchen SCRAPS for Orphans and Lepers! No More MERCIFUL Beheadings! AND CALL OFF CHRISTMAS!!!!!!"
Prince of Thieves is a camp classic
The best shot by far is them using the riot shields to part the flames as if it was lasers from a side source instead of FIRE
"The Cardinal and the Sheriff" sounds like a bad Harlequin romance title, the kind you'd find in a bin for a dime-a-dozen price. A thrilling anachronistic tale about the forbidden love between a religious figurehead and Steampunk Cowboy hidden under the cover of darkness... and an improbable invasion by a joint-army of foreign ne'er-do-wells and evil local peasants looking to overthrow the status quo. Buy It Today! (Also available for download at your favorite discount-quality goods online retailer.)
Definitely heard that as "Fullmetal Loxlie" and not "Full Metal Loxlie"
Something something suit of armor, Necromancy, arm and a leg
Not gonna lie, I might watch Robin Hood 2082.
Arabist here, I tried looking up what Little John's Arabic name is but I can't find it online. Is it Yahya? That seems most likely but if someone can write it down I'll let you know. I'm not paying money to watch this crap though.
Yes, that was it, or something reasonably similar to that.
@@FoldingIdeas so Yahya al-Saghir or al-Sughayir? Here's the thing though, in Muslim and Arab cultures you don't really name your kid after you, John would have been named after his grandfather and he would have then taken his name and al-Saghir or Sughayir or some derivative which would be our equivalent of Junior.
@@FoldingIdeas Srsly John Yaya? Was John Bigboote in there too?
(Sorry to necro this thread. Love your stuff!)
Is it really too much to ask for a classic, light-hearted, swashbuckling adventure?
Yes, sadly.
Fun fact: there is some evidence that King John made an offer to the Emir of Morocco, where he would convert England to Islam if he assisted him against the Pope, and helped shore him up politically. The conspiracy involving Arab armies isn't that outrageous.
The Emir of Morocco turned him down. John had argued that, as his subjects were devout Catholics, they would be devout Muslims, and the Emir pointed out that that wasn't how that worked.
I read Arabic. Jamie Foxx's character is "Yahya." Yahya legitimately is the Arabic version of John.
Jesus that is a level of research I did not think the people involved in this movie would commit to.
I wonder if it was on accident. Like, maybe it was left in from some poor writer's attempt at rewriting some sense and coherency into the script, adding a clever gem here, a pun there, and only didn't get tossed out for the, uh, "amazing" quality content they actually used in the movie just by sheer chance.
Producer- "I think we should make a Robin Hood movie. What do we have?"
Assistant- "Well, we have this script from a modern FPS, I guess we could re-work."
Producer- "Sounds expensive and time consuming. Just use it as is. I'm brilliant!"
yes!! these casual vlogs are my absolute favourite
Wait, so Will Scarlett has a heel turn and basically turns into a MGTOW?
This movie has everything!
I always love just watching Dan sit and explain terrible movies lmao.
“I am the only person I know who’s written more books than he’s read.” - Garth Merenghi, “Good Writer”
How strange, that the best version of Robin Hood is still the Disney movie.
sexy fox butts make everything better
31:21 "Robin, I know the real you: you're the Hood. Loxley is the disguise"
I can picture the screenwriter(s) who wrote that giving themselves literal pats on the back for coming up with that line.
When you find out that this is basically the first feature film by all the writers (all 3!) and the director it starts making a bit more sense
Saw on a different video that they knew this movie was gonna be bad because of the "forced diversity." Like... My dude, you don't have to make up problems to hate this movie.
I think Dan mistook Captain Price for Soap. Price had the mustache, Soap had a Mohawk. Definitive proof that Dan is a fake CoD fan.
I mean the last part sarcastically, of course. Keep up the work, Dan.
I'm honestly kind of obsessed with this movie. Like, it's bad in the way that I can't stop thinking about. This one, and that King Arthur movie that came out a few years back.
Dude! I punched the air with the Garth Marenghi reference. Perfect analogy.
Maybe Robin and the Sheriff were... buddies.
I want to see a Robin Hood marathon of every surviving wide-release English language Robin Hood movie. It'd be so awful. Maybe play them in reverse chronological order so there's something to look forward to.
Black Hawk Loxley just left on the table...
Jason Quense Black Lox Down
Black Robin Down..?
I never thought I'd see the day where the Ridley Scott version of a film is the most historically accurate version...yet, here we are.
The real irony is that this video has convinced me to go watch this movie, because it sounds _fascinating_. The idea of an intentionally anachronistic iraq-war-camp take on robin hood as satirical batman honestly could have been really interesting.
i love how giddy you are in this vlog. it's a joy to watch
So I saw this vlog back when the movie was still in theatres. And honestly? I knew I HAD to go see it as soon as you said semi automatic ballista, and I do not regret it AT ALL. That opening scene was just one of the funnies things I've ever seen and I was VASTLY entertained the whole time. 10/10 would definitely go roast it again. In fact I haven't ruled out buying it so I can inflict it on people. It will take pride of place among my movies, right next to The Twelve Disasters of Christmas.
Edited a year later: reader, I bought it.
First of all, any reference to Mel Brooks will automatically earn you my undying love and affection.
Secondly, how has nobody suggested the title: "Batman and Robin Hood"?
You’re one of the only people that can make a thirty minute vlog interesting.
I love how he can't keep his laughter in 🤣
Describing 2018 Robin Hood as a real-life Garth Marenghi production is simultaneously hilarious and dead-on.
That's such a strange title, it's like the most epic typo of "50 shades freed" I've ever seen!
the actual titel is zero dark thirty, so yeah, almost :P
Fifty Shades of Loxley
So, I just wanted to let you know that you have officially started a tradition of going out to see bad movies. Every time you've done one of these, my friend and I have gone to see the movie. The first one we saw on your "reccomendation" was Book of Henry. We have never been disappointed. Keep these coming whenever you can!
Thank you, as a lover of wonderfully bad cinema.
Sounds like it takes place in the same weird cinematic universe as Guy Ritchie's King Arthur.
that one has magic though so, I'm not so sure
DAN YOU ARE A UA-cam TREASURE
I like how you managed to talk for 33 minutes straight but was still left speechless during the entire video. xD
You just made me want to see it by describing it as having a medievalpunk aesthetic.
I really think that just playing Robin Hood straight would be a much better movie. Like if you want it to be kind of stylized, you could do that but still essentially keep the plot and characters?
ApLoxleylipse Now
I spent way too long figuring out how one would pronounce this.
apocolox now
I love these reviews, it's like a friend who bursts into my house at random times and tells me about movies I wasn't brave enough to watch myself
Jarhood.
Saving Private Robin. You're welcome.
In Poland they translated the title to Robin Hood: Origins XD
Only seen the trailer myself. It doesn't sound like this movie would have been good under any circumstances, but maybe it would be a bit more palatable if they chose to set it in the steampunk fantasy universe that the costume and prop people look like they were desperate to design for, rather than trying to convince people that no really, this is England 1285 CE. That way you could have your medieval riot police and assault crossbows with underslung grenade launchers. And was that a steam tank I saw in the trailer?
This was super fun :D I like the balance of video essays and train of thought on your channel
yeahhhhhh I hate when bad movies get excellent designers. They don't D E S E R V E them lol
I remember seeing a commercial and my bf was super confused as well because is it medieval? is it modern?
and it just /sounded/ awful. Looked interesting, but sounded terrible as terrible could be.
It's taking a lot from the Game of Thrones school of design, where it's got period details but a very modern aesthetic(no hats, loose trousers, etc).
Reminds me of how they got the set designers from Blade Runner to make a cool cyberpunk dystopian city like Blade Runner's for the Super Mario Bros. Movie
So.... it's the awful version of A Knight's Tale?
Except A Knight's Tale added modern day elements to make the movie more accessible and not seem like a stuffy period piece. This Robing Hood movie just seems to be upset that it didn't get to be a twenty-first century war movie.
Yeah, so the awful version of a knights tale
@@whiteraven562 Oh HELL NO!
A Knight's Tale features a character with a beer helmet, same kind of nonsensically anachronistic costumes ans makeup as Robin Hood above, face-painting as fashionable makeup, a petite waif as a blacksmith whose greatest achievement in the movie is putting a NIKE product placement in - and a goddamn Chaucer the Entertainer.
It is the same kind of bad (only with more anachronistic and out of place music) as Robin Hood above.
Both movies even feature an Oscar winner in a central role.
Only positive side to it is its much more charismatic cast.
And there's no Sheriff is a secret Muslim subplot.
But A Knight's Tale IS the awful version of A Knight's Tale.
@@d3nza482 Fun fact, the female blacksmith is the most historically accurate part of the film. In the medieval period, it was common practice for widows to inherit their husbands' jobs. I will agree that she should probably have been more buff
@@whiteraven562 More buff. Older. Much, much more "weathered".
That was NOT anyone's medieval widow.
Hell, even today, the actress is WAY off of what a medieval blacksmith's widow might have looked like.
Maybe someone like Little John's wife from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves... I'd buy her in that role.
But I guess actresses like that aren't pretty enough even for such a character in that movie. hashtagnofatties I guess.
Oh man the Errol Flynn movie... I was obsessed with that movie as a kid. I used to watch it daily. Great movie.
I at least have some respect for the guy in the main role, he trained and actually learned how to make those arrow shots.
Just finally saw this.
A few things that pissed me off that you didn't touch on (minor things, and I agree with all the points you did make)
This movie wanted to have it's Anachronistic imagery, while introducing itself as the "true story" of Robin Hood in the intro exposition. It primes you to expect period accuracy (and an established period) but NO WE'RE IMMEDIATELY GOING INTO ANACHRONISM.
There's the scene where John is captured... and the Sheriff has the AGENT SMITH TALK WITH HIM. That conversation between them was Agent Sheriff and Jonfeus having the "human species are smelly rodents" conversation from the Matrix.
The joke with John's name... apparently his Arabic name is the name of 'the character of John' in the Quaran... but it's not that names translate as much that characters have different names in different languages.
All of the Antifa/Anarchy imagery in a big budget theatrical film! This movie was filled to the brim with Anarchistic imagery and plotpoints. The whole "ingratiating with the upper class to destabilize from within" isn't just a Batman plotpoint ripoff, it's also Anarchistic strategy; along with the hoods and bandanas, molotovs, jump kicking the riot shields, the crowd of masked rioters with molotovs marching towards the camera, the way Robin holds his offhand arrows in every shot he has a handful of them (There is a technique for holding arrows in your hand to fire them in rapid succession but it looks so awkward in this film because they had to evoke the 'three arrows' symbolism in every shot he's holding them.). The movie is just bursting at the seams with symbolism (but again... it claims at the beginning to be "the real story of Robin Hood").
This movie... For you it's the anachronistic Robin Hood war movie, for me it's the "Che Guevara Shirt Batman" movie.
Also... Robin of Locksley... the mythologically famed master Longbowman... a discipline that takes years to train and master... it just seems bizarre that he needs an entire "how to use a bow" training montage to switch from an English longbow to an Arabic recurve shortbow. I'm not saying that they both don't require different techniques to use but the framing of the training montage where one of the most skilled and well known archers in mythology needs to learn "how to really shoot a bow"... I don't know. It's like the movie was originally intended to have different characters but they pulled a Starship Troopers and changed all the names at the last minute to try to make it sell better?
Actually, I'd say there are strong parallels between Starship Troopers (Bughunt) and this film as far as how the supposed IP it's "based on" relates to the actual plot and message of the film, to the extent that it actually improves the film when you try to ignore the forced in character names.
And... all of Maid Marian's costumes, particularly in how they differed FROM EVERY OTHER FEMALE CHARACTER shown on screen only to show titillation was just... intrusive. Also we're going to conveniently ignore the "she moved on because you were dead and lets handle that in a healthy fashion" plot for the "nah, the guy she moved on to who comforted her in her time of loss was evil anyway so Robin can win her as a prize for being the good guy" ending.
Yaaaaaaaaaaas!!! Just in time for my work shift! Thank you so so so so much! Always brings me joy to see new FoldingIdeas
The most shocking part about this movie was, to me, the actually really good soundtrack. In all the action sequences I was like, wow, this is SO cool well except for what‘s happening on screen.
This sounds amazing. I need to watch this with my extended family.
The concept of you trying to explain bad movie to someone else, within the video, off the cuff, is inspired.
Man that felt like 15 minutes, gonna have to watch it again later. Not sure it beats Book of Henry but it's such a different crazy that it doesn't need to. I think the off screen conversational partner did a lot for this video, it's a good innovation.
"Sicario 1292"
I swear if that was the branding they went with I'd actually have watched the movie.