I used to suffer from this it's really terrifying! I had my first bout when I was 13. My mom did understand it and she said I'm going to lock up the knives. It was so upsetting until we identified it. My cousin has this. It's probably a bit genetic. Except she has it with germs.
I hope you see this. I don't want advice, just want reassurance. Okay, so I guess I should describe my feelings in all truthiness here, as you are very well versed in this field. I have always been a very non-violent person, the weak in the group, and anger has been the rarest emotion in me. Used to be a very happy go, lucky person, until one day, my best friend recommended I watch a criminal case documentary Truly Criminal. I watched 2 to 3 cases and was fine with them, didnt think much of it. I watched the last right before going to bed and then lay down. As I was on the bed, a horrific, fearful thought came to my mind, that I might act as the criminal did in the documentary. That I might harm my parents, who were in the same room (i am very close to my parents, and love them a lot), and this thought skyrocketed my anxiety. I felt like I was 'losing my mind' and was so terrified that turned to my parents, and said "I don't feel so well," They were very alarmed and asked me what was wrong. I kept saying that I don't feel so well, as my anxiety continued to harass me, but I couldn't tell the contents of my thoughts to them. My mother held me all night, and I tried to sleep. I had a disturbed sleep that night, and I spent the next four days on the bed, couldn't get up, didnt even look in the mirror lol. The fear of going berserk kept me on the bed, unable to eat, sleep or move. I removed youtube from my sight, pushed the thought away, tried to replace it with positive thoughts. I need to mention that I used to be a psychology student in my high school, so I realised that this wasn't normal. These thoughts aren't normal, and I need to find out more about these violent thoughts. Prior knowledge of psychology saved my life. Another theme of my anxiety was, which shifted from harming others to harming myself. I was fixated (not really, I mean my intrusive thoughts were) on jumping off the balcony. The mental images scared the life out of me, for I knew in my heart that I do not want to harm myself, I have no reason to. My life was going perfect (other than the obsessive thoughts). I am a good student, studying what I love, a great family who loves me and I love them. And what messed my mind was, how before the first panic attack, I had and have acrophobia, a fear of heights. Then how could I fixate on jumping off? Through weeks of research, I found out about harm OCD, as the symptoms match. The compulsions too. I finally had a name for my enemy and could ask for help. I tried to talk to parents about this, but I am from India and in the Indian society mental health is not truly understood. My parents didny let me see a psychiatrist, and I understand that (that Indian parents don't understand mental health) even tho I don't agree with them. I wouldn't ask for help if I didnt need it. 🤷♀️ All of this started in July and now it's September. Maybe I will have to suffer much longer to get some help lol. And all of this just because they don't understand my condition lol. But I will fight this. Thanks for helping me with that. Hope you'll reply.
Hey hon don’t worry about it. We all go through some stuff especially when it comes to our anxiety. I feel the same way, I guess this came from a movie Called Saw and I ve realised this year that Is called Harm oCd. Talk to yourself advice yourself and think behind the thought. I think exactly the same so when this is coming back for example harm my mom ( who’s my fav person in the world and I make thoughts about stabbing etc) then I say to myself that I love her sooo much and I want to protect her so I create this harm thoughts bc they need to say something to me. To love her more and show this to her. Also pandemic and social media has a big impact to our obsessions (which is natural). We all listening to bad news , killing , going crazy. So if we want to have the control over everything , if we have empathy and if we are kind people , is kinda normal to analyse why those people became like this. We re learning more about hate than love. So what I think is , kind people , people who have a lot of love to give are the one who may suffer more bc they analyse a lot. Things don’t last forever. Pray !
i can tell you are indeed dealing with ocd here. Tell tale sign is you asking for reassurance, that is one of the most common compulsions. I'm 22 now, and always thought it was just bad anxiety. I remember having terrible fear spells as a child for no reason. Anyway, throughout my life, i have sought reassurance constantly. My ocd convinced me that i was having a stroke (i went to the ER for that one lol), losing my memory due to dementia, even having schizophrenia, AND now its attempting to convince me that i am a serial killer. My ocd seems to waver on for months, and off for months. My self image is so drastic from day to day. sometimes i see myself as so confident and attractive and intelligent and loving, etc. other days i can see myself becoming a serial killer. The extremes of this are so debilitating and exhaust me mentally. I am seeing a therapist, but also my family is very anti-medication. I've also picked up the habbit of reading and educating myself on OCD's elaborate mind tricks. Idk if you see this comment or not but if you do i would really like to share with you some books that helped me out a lot - in identifying this issue and they way our minds function from ocd. I wish you all the best, truly, from my heart. We will get through this together 😊
Thanks man this video is helping me man I’ve been struggling with this every since I started I having anxiety about years ago and still is ik I’m not crazy or have bipolar or anything like that
😣 there’s the word “mindfulness”… not a harm ocd’er just your average obsessive skin picker, grass picker , intrusive thoughts. Saw a Cptsd therapist for 12yrs.. decided going back every 2wks was actually doing more harm than good. Happy to come across your channel. Mindfulness person.. lol! My brain sees blk/white Good/bad I also split, disassociate & have many triggers back to childhood abuse. Going to listen now lol
You're video is quite insightful. I started experining symptoms of harm OCD about 4 weeks ago. I constantly havve thoughts about running into the kitchen grabbing a knife and stabbing someone. I also have visions of sawing peoples heads and chocking them. I even feel the urge to act on it when I don't want to. It's really scary,
Those are just thoughts the fact they scare you shows you that you aren’t crazy and won’t do them. Crazy criminals don’t get scared when thinking about harming someone
Fcuking love you for doing this. With the knife and the exposer. I keep getting this uncertainty feeling in my stomach. But I know now from your vid they is just thoughts..I can't form my comments right atm is because I try I'm drunk. But how do I get these uncertainty from my stomach off of me.
You've got a no BS attitude to this and i respect that. I'm currently dealing with the obsession I've killed at least one, if not several people since Christmas during drunken blackouts. Ignoring the compulsions is the worst part. I've quit hard substances with ease, but refusing to perform compulsions is unbeearable. "You killed your neighbour. His lights havent been on for days. Just check all his door handles nd if theyre all locked you can relax... until the next obsession". I've been caught tresspassing for this reason before and the whole neighbourhood thinks I'm a crazy weirdo, which i guess i am.
I am very scared to say this but im experienced this, but for me its not exactly killing.. its sexual and im terrfied. Like i dont want to be a fucking pedo man.
I'm able to push it away, then it comes back. I searched these vids up to help and tell my self that I'm not insane or a pedo. As of recent I have had mad anxiety bc of my b12 deficiency and taking drugs, big mistake for a 15 year old.
In my (educated) opinion AND from experience. “Harm ocd”..... is actually ptsd manifested.... like most ocd themes....... Most started from early childhood (ages 6-9).... during that cognitive development stage.... A child had witnessed something horrific (from a movie, etc)......and didn’t have the processing skills to understand what they saw and they then internalized what they saw...... and were horrified..... thus anxiety and probably panic took over.... all along the child had no idea that what they were experiencing was a natural response ( horror) to a unnatural witness. I also am lead to believe that the parent did not balance out the trauma so again... the child had no way of processing. Because the child ( now young adult/ adult) believes the thoughts are theirs now.... they never put two and two together as adults ( how could they?)..... Hey you reading this........You don’t have ocd.... you have ptsd....you were traumatized...... Knowing this is the first stage of recovery
I humbly disagree as do the majority of experts that most cases of any OCD theme are actually PTSD. Definitely could be the start for someone but what's always the most important part of understanding OCD is how to treat it.
@@ocdmindful618 You are correct in that learning how to treat it is priority. However, understanding where, when and what started it I would believe is far more beneficial than most believe. EVERY OCD sufferer I have ever spoken with started their anxiety “path” after a traumatic witness of sorts....... I would say that those who do not recognize this fact were to young to even make the connection between their anxiety and the external thing they witnessed. . I also would add that there is indeed a trend starting in the field that recognizes that ocd stems from trauma.... rather it be attachment insecurity, witnessing, etc...... I think you tube has a couple floating out there already Type “OCD is actually PTSD in many cases” for those who are interested “childhood origins of ocd” is another
I appreciate that and I'm aware that there's definitely a decent percentage of people who's tipping point was a traumatic event. Even the folks in that camp don't put a hard percentage on it and when you consider the subsets that are most prominent, that theory doesn't really hold up for a bunch of em. ROCD, HOCD, False memory, existential, scrupulosity. I've personally worked with several hundred OCD sufferers and stay very up to date on the latest theories and research and every one of them failed to be able to tie their OCD to anything other than the thought popped up one day and that was it. Very difficult to pin down level of trauma as well. I had a gay guy tell me he thought I was gay. I suppose that's traumatic but not really. All it took for me. That's not to say yours and plenty others were not set in motion through trauma. It makes perfect sense that the connection would be there. A treatment that involves accepting uncertainty and habituation doesn't benefit much from analyzing the past however or gaining a deeper understanding of why you have it. I'm in the camp of why, when, where you got it is actually preventing the how do we get freedom from it. Thanks for the comments tho Scott
@@persevere6326 If this is true it wouldnt be genetics that influence it but external factors mostly... My dad, me, and 3 of my for brothers and sisters have OCD. Even the OCD themes are similar. We didnt know it because whe didnt talk about it until I broke down because of my OCD and got help. We didnt have an easy life but nothing special or real trauma is experienced that are related to the ocd. PTSD can and often cause an anxiety disorder but saying most OCD is a trauma is a far stretched. From experience, I have a trauma because I saw a train suicide. It made my OCD a bit worse because the stress but never developed a theme about it. Also, figuring out where your theme comes from is most of the times a compulsion that only worsen it, because you can give it a meaning without it having one. I had a lot of 'therapists' that tried to figure out why this thought or anxiety and it made my OCD way worse.
@@jamesjohnstone1224 I’ve greatly improved from it ever since the first comment I posted on this video. Just through using what I learned from my therapy sessions on NOCD (an online therapy service for OCD) and just practicing self love. I’m still kind of struggling with 2 other themes I have, but the attitude I have towards improving from them are very positive although the thoughts still occur in my head. Meditation/Living more in the moment greatly improves it too but I do think it’s NOT a replacement for dealing with your OCD themes head on. I mean I could go on and on but the last thing I’m going to say is that I think it’s of the upmost importance to just learn how to truly love yourself in all of which you are, say and do. (reading and saying positive affirmations helped me a lot with this) PS this guys videos helped me too gotta give credit
Thanks a lot Brian ! 🧡💪🏻
I used to suffer from this it's really terrifying! I had my first bout when I was 13. My mom did understand it and she said I'm going to lock up the knives. It was so upsetting until we identified it. My cousin has this. It's probably a bit genetic. Except she has it with germs.
Not suffering from Harm OCD but definitely can relate a lot of what you said to my theme, thank you
Hey just wondering how you’re getting on with this cheers
I hope you see this. I don't want advice, just want reassurance. Okay, so I guess I should describe my feelings in all truthiness here, as you are very well versed in this field.
I have always been a very non-violent person, the weak in the group, and anger has been the rarest emotion in me. Used to be a very happy go, lucky person, until one day, my best friend recommended I watch a criminal case documentary Truly Criminal. I watched 2 to 3 cases and was fine with them, didnt think much of it. I watched the last right before going to bed and then lay down. As I was on the bed, a horrific, fearful thought came to my mind, that I might act as the criminal did in the documentary. That I might harm my parents, who were in the same room (i am very close to my parents, and love them a lot), and this thought skyrocketed my anxiety. I felt like I was 'losing my mind' and was so terrified that turned to my parents, and said "I don't feel so well,"
They were very alarmed and asked me what was wrong. I kept saying that I don't feel so well, as my anxiety continued to harass me, but I couldn't tell the contents of my thoughts to them. My mother held me all night, and I tried to sleep.
I had a disturbed sleep that night, and I spent the next four days on the bed, couldn't get up, didnt even look in the mirror lol. The fear of going berserk kept me on the bed, unable to eat, sleep or move. I removed youtube from my sight, pushed the thought away, tried to replace it with positive thoughts.
I need to mention that I used to be a psychology student in my high school, so I realised that this wasn't normal. These thoughts aren't normal, and I need to find out more about these violent thoughts. Prior knowledge of psychology saved my life.
Another theme of my anxiety was, which shifted from harming others to harming myself. I was fixated (not really, I mean my intrusive thoughts were) on jumping off the balcony. The mental images scared the life out of me, for I knew in my heart that I do not want to harm myself, I have no reason to. My life was going perfect (other than the obsessive thoughts). I am a good student, studying what I love, a great family who loves me and I love them. And what messed my mind was, how before the first panic attack, I had and have acrophobia, a fear of heights. Then how could I fixate on jumping off?
Through weeks of research, I found out about harm OCD, as the symptoms match. The compulsions too. I finally had a name for my enemy and could ask for help.
I tried to talk to parents about this, but I am from India and in the Indian society mental health is not truly understood. My parents didny let me see a psychiatrist, and I understand that (that Indian parents don't understand mental health) even tho I don't agree with them. I wouldn't ask for help if I didnt need it. 🤷♀️
All of this started in July and now it's September. Maybe I will have to suffer much longer to get some help lol. And all of this just because they don't understand my condition lol.
But I will fight this. Thanks for helping me with that.
Hope you'll reply.
Just adding this comment here to hopefully boost this, notify him and gain the help you're looking for. Best of luck to you and your health :)
@@pompeylado thankss
Hey hon don’t worry about it. We all go through some stuff especially when it comes to our anxiety. I feel the same way, I guess this came from a movie Called Saw and I ve realised this year that Is called Harm oCd. Talk to yourself advice yourself and think behind the thought. I think exactly the same so when this is coming back for example harm my mom ( who’s my fav person in the world and I make thoughts about stabbing etc) then I say to myself that I love her sooo much and I want to protect her so I create this harm thoughts bc they need to say something to me. To love her more and show this to her. Also pandemic and social media has a big impact to our obsessions (which is natural). We all listening to bad news , killing , going crazy. So if we want to have the control over everything , if we have empathy and if we are kind people , is kinda normal to analyse why those people became like this. We re learning more about hate than love. So what I think is , kind people , people who have a lot of love to give are the one who may suffer more bc they analyse a lot. Things don’t last forever. Pray !
i can tell you are indeed dealing with ocd here. Tell tale sign is you asking for reassurance, that is one of the most common compulsions. I'm 22 now, and always thought it was just bad anxiety. I remember having terrible fear spells as a child for no reason. Anyway, throughout my life, i have sought reassurance constantly. My ocd convinced me that i was having a stroke (i went to the ER for that one lol), losing my memory due to dementia, even having schizophrenia, AND now its attempting to convince me that i am a serial killer. My ocd seems to waver on for months, and off for months. My self image is so drastic from day to day. sometimes i see myself as so confident and attractive and intelligent and loving, etc. other days i can see myself becoming a serial killer. The extremes of this are so debilitating and exhaust me mentally. I am seeing a therapist, but also my family is very anti-medication. I've also picked up the habbit of reading and educating myself on OCD's elaborate mind tricks. Idk if you see this comment or not but if you do i would really like to share with you some books that helped me out a lot - in identifying this issue and they way our minds function from ocd. I wish you all the best, truly, from my heart. We will get through this together 😊
@@rosedcurt2865 thanks for sharing your views. Makes me feel not alone ❤
Thanks man this video is helping me man I’ve been struggling with this every since I started I having anxiety about years ago and still is ik I’m not crazy or have bipolar or anything like that
I mean 4 years ago
Hey just wondering how you’re getting on with this cheers
By the way 90 percent of the non OCD population has had intrusive violent thoughts.
Great video
😣 there’s the word “mindfulness”… not a harm ocd’er just your average obsessive skin picker, grass picker , intrusive thoughts. Saw a Cptsd therapist for 12yrs.. decided going back every 2wks was actually doing more harm than good.
Happy to come across your channel.
Mindfulness person.. lol!
My brain sees blk/white
Good/bad
I also split, disassociate & have many triggers back to childhood abuse.
Going to listen now lol
You're video is quite insightful. I started experining symptoms of harm OCD about 4 weeks ago. I constantly havve thoughts about running into the kitchen grabbing a knife and stabbing someone. I also have visions of sawing peoples heads and chocking them. I even feel the urge to act on it when I don't want to. It's really scary,
I feel you. The fact that it scares you, shows you that it isn't you
Those are just thoughts the fact they scare you shows you that you aren’t crazy and won’t do them. Crazy criminals don’t get scared when thinking about harming someone
Fcuking love you for doing this. With the knife and the exposer. I keep getting this uncertainty feeling in my stomach. But I know now from your vid they is just thoughts..I can't form my comments right atm is because I try I'm drunk. But how do I get these uncertainty from my stomach off of me.
I am mildly autistic man I had experience with intrusive throughs off and on about violence
Cool 😎 yoe ❤
Damn just checked back on n
The lack of comments show you the profound effect of this issue on individuals.
Chalk it up to shame
Is it more you don’t want to emotionally hurt someone ie: boundaries?
I learn on therapy to adress Anger on the People who did me worng, then also ocd become quiet ;)
You've got a no BS attitude to this and i respect that. I'm currently dealing with the obsession I've killed at least one, if not several people since Christmas during drunken blackouts. Ignoring the compulsions is the worst part. I've quit hard substances with ease, but refusing to perform compulsions is unbeearable. "You killed your neighbour. His lights havent been on for days. Just check all his door handles nd if theyre all locked you can relax... until the next obsession". I've been caught tresspassing for this reason before and the whole neighbourhood thinks I'm a crazy weirdo, which i guess i am.
What if you have a certainty that one day I will kill someone. How would that work. I fight my urges all the time. It's getting hard.
No one has that certainty.
@@ba560711 Cold
I am very scared to say this but im experienced this, but for me its not exactly killing.. its sexual and im terrfied. Like i dont want to be a fucking pedo man.
I'm able to push it away, then it comes back. I searched these vids up to help and tell my self that I'm not insane or a pedo. As of recent I have had mad anxiety bc of my b12 deficiency and taking drugs, big mistake for a 15 year old.
@@cheesey1805 unfortunately that's the recipe for making OCD worse.
@@ocdmindful618 yeah I know but I'm moving on and getting over it.
Glad to hear it.
did you get better?
In my (educated) opinion AND from experience.
“Harm ocd”..... is actually ptsd manifested.... like most ocd themes.......
Most started from early childhood (ages 6-9).... during that cognitive development stage....
A child had witnessed something horrific (from a movie, etc)......and didn’t have the processing skills to understand what they saw and they then internalized what they saw...... and were horrified..... thus anxiety and probably panic took over.... all along the child had no idea that what they were experiencing was a natural response ( horror) to a unnatural witness. I also am lead to believe that the parent did not balance out the trauma so again... the child had no way of processing.
Because the child ( now young adult/ adult) believes the thoughts are theirs now.... they never put two and two together as adults ( how could they?).....
Hey you reading this........You don’t have ocd.... you have ptsd....you were traumatized......
Knowing this is the first stage of recovery
I humbly disagree as do the majority of experts that most cases of any OCD theme are actually PTSD. Definitely could be the start for someone but what's always the most important part of understanding OCD is how to treat it.
@@ocdmindful618
You are correct in that learning how to treat it is priority.
However, understanding where, when and what started it I would believe is far more beneficial than most believe.
EVERY OCD sufferer I have ever spoken with started their anxiety “path” after a traumatic witness of sorts....... I would say that those who do not recognize this fact were to young to even make the connection between their anxiety and the external thing they witnessed. .
I also would add that there is indeed a trend starting in the field that recognizes that ocd stems from trauma.... rather it be attachment insecurity, witnessing, etc......
I think you tube has a couple floating out there already
Type “OCD is actually PTSD in many cases” for those who are interested
“childhood origins of ocd” is another
I appreciate that and I'm aware that there's definitely a decent percentage of people who's tipping point was a traumatic event. Even the folks in that camp don't put a hard percentage on it and when you consider the subsets that are most prominent, that theory doesn't really hold up for a bunch of em. ROCD, HOCD, False memory, existential, scrupulosity. I've personally worked with several hundred OCD sufferers and stay very up to date on the latest theories and research and every one of them failed to be able to tie their OCD to anything other than the thought popped up one day and that was it. Very difficult to pin down level of trauma as well. I had a gay guy tell me he thought I was gay. I suppose that's traumatic but not really. All it took for me. That's not to say yours and plenty others were not set in motion through trauma. It makes perfect sense that the connection would be there. A treatment that involves accepting uncertainty and habituation doesn't benefit much from analyzing the past however or gaining a deeper understanding of why you have it. I'm in the camp of why, when, where you got it is actually preventing the how do we get freedom from it. Thanks for the comments tho Scott
@@persevere6326 If this is true it wouldnt be genetics that influence it but external factors mostly... My dad, me, and 3 of my for brothers and sisters have OCD. Even the OCD themes are similar. We didnt know it because whe didnt talk about it until I broke down because of my OCD and got help. We didnt have an easy life but nothing special or real trauma is experienced that are related to the ocd. PTSD can and often cause an anxiety disorder but saying most OCD is a trauma is a far stretched. From experience, I have a trauma because I saw a train suicide. It made my OCD a bit worse because the stress but never developed a theme about it. Also, figuring out where your theme comes from is most of the times a compulsion that only worsen it, because you can give it a meaning without it having one. I had a lot of 'therapists' that tried to figure out why this thought or anxiety and it made my OCD way worse.
Any chance I could email you and ask a couple of questions I need help.
Hey just wondering how you’re getting on cheets
@@jamesjohnstone1224 getting on cheets? What do you mean?
@@yooiinkk sorry, just wondering how you’re getting in with your ocd ? Thank you
@@jamesjohnstone1224 I’ve greatly improved from it ever since the first comment I posted on this video. Just through using what I learned from my therapy sessions on NOCD (an online therapy service for OCD) and just practicing self love. I’m still kind of struggling with 2 other themes I have, but the attitude I have towards improving from them are very positive although the thoughts still occur in my head. Meditation/Living more in the moment greatly improves it too but I do think it’s NOT a replacement for dealing with your OCD themes head on. I mean I could go on and on but the last thing I’m going to say is that I think it’s of the upmost importance to just learn how to truly love yourself in all of which you are, say and do. (reading and saying positive affirmations helped me a lot with this) PS this guys videos helped me too gotta give credit
@@yooiinkk thanks so much for your reply, so would you say your 70% better from harm ocd then ? Thanks